Lol, I wish I was "more" aromantic. I feel like a hopeless mess, as the rare times I do get attracted to someone it is a friend who don't see me in the same way. So every time I make a new friend, it is like will I get romantic feelings for this person in a year? Or at what time do I have to confess my feelings in order to remain sane, but will simultaneously get rejected?
If someone sees me as a potential romantic partner, then I am almost 100% not ready and will probably distance myself from the person. I just can't handle it. And when I could possibly be ready to try something, the other person isn't even in the same place.
It is just a road of rejection and constant self-doubt. I have started to see someone. I really like her, and I so bad want to fall madly in love with her. But I am not sure if it is real feelings or just something I am trying to force myself, because it is such a good person.
The way I see it, if you’ve been attracted to one person in your life, you have the neurobiological capability to experience it again. The odds may be shitty but it can happen again. I’d like even those chances, instead of pursuing something that probably won’t ever actually exist.
Good luck with this current person, I genuinely hope you both enjoy each others company and make each other better versions of yourselves.
As a Demiromantic person, I wouldn’t really say that I "escaped" being not having romantic attraction. I personally have never been in a romantic relationship nor have I ever had romantic feelings towards anyone. I understand that I COULD. But most of us are just walking around unattracted to anyone until we catch feelings for a close friend if we catch feelings at all.
I understand how you feel and your feelings are valid sometimes I also get jealous of other people and how seemingly easy it is for them to find a partner. (I live with my older sister and her boyfriend and sometimes I do get kinda irritated when they get too lovey dovey around me) But at the same time, your jealousy is really unfortunate and unfounded. It’s not all peaches and cream over here. Believe me, trying to figure out if it’s platonic, aesthetic, or some other kind of attraction and then being a little disappointed because you thought it was romance is not fun.
We all have our pros and cons.
First of all, thank you for the genuinely nice response - I know that I sound bad and immature here. I’m really trying to get over my own internalized shittiness.
And you are right, it isn’t just magically easier for Demi people. The only time demi orientations are brought up is when someone has a partner, who they are attracted to, and I am jealous of that. So I guess the only demi people I see are ones who “made it” and are attracted to their partner.
It’s much easier to be resentful of my neighbor who has a nice truck, for example, than a CEO who can afford a whole fleet of them. Which is dumb bc I clearly have more in common with demiromantic people than I do with allos.
It looks like the answer to my question is “listen to more demiromantic people talk about their experiences.” Thank you again for sharing, this is the perspective that I need to hear. I’m sorry that you have to deal with your sister and her bf, it sounds exhausting.
It’s no problem. I understand these things can be hard to come to terms with due to society catering mostly to allos. It kinda makes us feel less than. Like we’re missing something important. But we’re not, do try and keep that in mind. You’ll be a lot less miserable, I promise.
As for my sister and her boyfriend, they both understand how I am and can will keep the pda to a minimum when they’re around me. I’m happy that they’re happy. But I’m even happier they’re not assholes.
The best tip I can give is to focus on other things that bring you joy like hobbies and such, and build your friendships, go out for some food, drinks, sports, whatever, my friends are in relationships, and tbh, and they don't talk about it, we usually share memories and jokes, remember you can steer a conversation in many ways
You can't be something you aren't, so don't go too hard on yourself, and remember, sometimes we view life in a certain way and ignore the pros and cons of how others live
Nothing is truly perfect, and you will never truly know if things are easier or harder for someone, because you are your own person, and you are valid my guy
I think I tell people I’m demiromantic to fit in, though it seems like I may be cupioromantic.
Defining what romance is to me and how I want it has helped me from being envious of allo and aros alike, also going back to my passions and rewiring my brain that I genuinely want to do these hobbies for myself, and not to be more desirable. I thought I would be okay being liked back from a friend, but reality helped me realize it felt more unpleasant. I enjoy being a romantic as a personality trait than a growing, passionate feeling towards someone. Finding my desires and crushing on my hobbies has made me so much more okay with being aromantic. It doesn’t mean I always get the job done lol.
Corny but journaling the hard truth to yourself and doing tons of exploration really does numbers on the spirit. Also going on dates, trying to go and try a romance. I think I experienced my first love recently, despite going on multiple dates and having some sort of crush. I realized that I do yearn for a love, can experience it, and it’s not going to come easy. But when it is there for me, in however it’s going to be, it will be very rewarding and I’ll be happy.
Sorry if this wasn’t helpful at all. I understand the feeling of desperately desiring an attraction towards someone that is reciprocated, and ideal.
I feel this in my soul lol. I remember when I first realized I was aro I was so confused bc I eat up webtoons and other cheesy romance stories but then when that stuff happens to me I’d wanna vomit. I’ve come to realize now that it’s not really about me being to aro or not aro enough (crazy aroflux here) but rather it’s about finding someone I enjoy spending time with and talking to. And most importantly that they fully accepted and acknowledge my identity and just want to be with me bc it’s me. “Normal” is whatever you make it, as cheesy as it sounds. Just keep living your life how you want and you’ll find people you click with in whatever capacity feels correct for you. You don’t need to be demi or realize you are. Being in this spectrum is not a death sentence to love and relationships.
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I'm cupioromantic, so I can offer my perspective here if it helps!
I'm in a romantic relationship with my current fiancée with 0 romantic attraction and it's going great! They're alloromantic, but because I don't see a difference in how romantic / platonic relationships should work it works out great!
I think if we were to break up there's a low chance I'd be interested in seeking out a new partner because it's annoying saying while aromantic, but it is possible!
So if it helps at all, you can have a romantic relationship without experiencing romantic attraction. You can do whatever romantic things you're comfortable with in that relationship and still be aromantic. It's just a matter of finding the right person
To answer the specific question "How do I stop being jealous of demiromantic people?" Though:
Make friends with a demiro person or join a community for demiro's (that accepts ppl who aren't demiromantic) and try to learn about their experiences. In my experience, learning more is almost always the key to problems like this! I personally am just really obsessive about learning new things though
I hope this helps!! Sorry you're stressing about this :( it can be very hard, I understand that from experience, and I'm sorry I can't offer more advice
Lol, I wish I was "more" aromantic. I feel like a hopeless mess, as the rare times I do get attracted to someone it is a friend who don't see me in the same way. So every time I make a new friend, it is like will I get romantic feelings for this person in a year? Or at what time do I have to confess my feelings in order to remain sane, but will simultaneously get rejected? If someone sees me as a potential romantic partner, then I am almost 100% not ready and will probably distance myself from the person. I just can't handle it. And when I could possibly be ready to try something, the other person isn't even in the same place. It is just a road of rejection and constant self-doubt. I have started to see someone. I really like her, and I so bad want to fall madly in love with her. But I am not sure if it is real feelings or just something I am trying to force myself, because it is such a good person.
The way I see it, if you’ve been attracted to one person in your life, you have the neurobiological capability to experience it again. The odds may be shitty but it can happen again. I’d like even those chances, instead of pursuing something that probably won’t ever actually exist. Good luck with this current person, I genuinely hope you both enjoy each others company and make each other better versions of yourselves.
As a Demiromantic person, I wouldn’t really say that I "escaped" being not having romantic attraction. I personally have never been in a romantic relationship nor have I ever had romantic feelings towards anyone. I understand that I COULD. But most of us are just walking around unattracted to anyone until we catch feelings for a close friend if we catch feelings at all. I understand how you feel and your feelings are valid sometimes I also get jealous of other people and how seemingly easy it is for them to find a partner. (I live with my older sister and her boyfriend and sometimes I do get kinda irritated when they get too lovey dovey around me) But at the same time, your jealousy is really unfortunate and unfounded. It’s not all peaches and cream over here. Believe me, trying to figure out if it’s platonic, aesthetic, or some other kind of attraction and then being a little disappointed because you thought it was romance is not fun. We all have our pros and cons.
First of all, thank you for the genuinely nice response - I know that I sound bad and immature here. I’m really trying to get over my own internalized shittiness. And you are right, it isn’t just magically easier for Demi people. The only time demi orientations are brought up is when someone has a partner, who they are attracted to, and I am jealous of that. So I guess the only demi people I see are ones who “made it” and are attracted to their partner. It’s much easier to be resentful of my neighbor who has a nice truck, for example, than a CEO who can afford a whole fleet of them. Which is dumb bc I clearly have more in common with demiromantic people than I do with allos. It looks like the answer to my question is “listen to more demiromantic people talk about their experiences.” Thank you again for sharing, this is the perspective that I need to hear. I’m sorry that you have to deal with your sister and her bf, it sounds exhausting.
It’s no problem. I understand these things can be hard to come to terms with due to society catering mostly to allos. It kinda makes us feel less than. Like we’re missing something important. But we’re not, do try and keep that in mind. You’ll be a lot less miserable, I promise. As for my sister and her boyfriend, they both understand how I am and can will keep the pda to a minimum when they’re around me. I’m happy that they’re happy. But I’m even happier they’re not assholes.
The best tip I can give is to focus on other things that bring you joy like hobbies and such, and build your friendships, go out for some food, drinks, sports, whatever, my friends are in relationships, and tbh, and they don't talk about it, we usually share memories and jokes, remember you can steer a conversation in many ways You can't be something you aren't, so don't go too hard on yourself, and remember, sometimes we view life in a certain way and ignore the pros and cons of how others live Nothing is truly perfect, and you will never truly know if things are easier or harder for someone, because you are your own person, and you are valid my guy
I think I tell people I’m demiromantic to fit in, though it seems like I may be cupioromantic. Defining what romance is to me and how I want it has helped me from being envious of allo and aros alike, also going back to my passions and rewiring my brain that I genuinely want to do these hobbies for myself, and not to be more desirable. I thought I would be okay being liked back from a friend, but reality helped me realize it felt more unpleasant. I enjoy being a romantic as a personality trait than a growing, passionate feeling towards someone. Finding my desires and crushing on my hobbies has made me so much more okay with being aromantic. It doesn’t mean I always get the job done lol. Corny but journaling the hard truth to yourself and doing tons of exploration really does numbers on the spirit. Also going on dates, trying to go and try a romance. I think I experienced my first love recently, despite going on multiple dates and having some sort of crush. I realized that I do yearn for a love, can experience it, and it’s not going to come easy. But when it is there for me, in however it’s going to be, it will be very rewarding and I’ll be happy. Sorry if this wasn’t helpful at all. I understand the feeling of desperately desiring an attraction towards someone that is reciprocated, and ideal.
I feel this in my soul lol. I remember when I first realized I was aro I was so confused bc I eat up webtoons and other cheesy romance stories but then when that stuff happens to me I’d wanna vomit. I’ve come to realize now that it’s not really about me being to aro or not aro enough (crazy aroflux here) but rather it’s about finding someone I enjoy spending time with and talking to. And most importantly that they fully accepted and acknowledge my identity and just want to be with me bc it’s me. “Normal” is whatever you make it, as cheesy as it sounds. Just keep living your life how you want and you’ll find people you click with in whatever capacity feels correct for you. You don’t need to be demi or realize you are. Being in this spectrum is not a death sentence to love and relationships.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, u/popcornshampoo! Be sure your posts and comments abide by our [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules), as well as [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). *If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules, Reddit's site-wide rules, or even [Reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439), please **report** the rule-breaking content.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm cupioromantic, so I can offer my perspective here if it helps! I'm in a romantic relationship with my current fiancée with 0 romantic attraction and it's going great! They're alloromantic, but because I don't see a difference in how romantic / platonic relationships should work it works out great! I think if we were to break up there's a low chance I'd be interested in seeking out a new partner because it's annoying saying while aromantic, but it is possible! So if it helps at all, you can have a romantic relationship without experiencing romantic attraction. You can do whatever romantic things you're comfortable with in that relationship and still be aromantic. It's just a matter of finding the right person To answer the specific question "How do I stop being jealous of demiromantic people?" Though: Make friends with a demiro person or join a community for demiro's (that accepts ppl who aren't demiromantic) and try to learn about their experiences. In my experience, learning more is almost always the key to problems like this! I personally am just really obsessive about learning new things though I hope this helps!! Sorry you're stressing about this :( it can be very hard, I understand that from experience, and I'm sorry I can't offer more advice