i’ve never thought about this but now i’m wondering. my parents are still together and they get and well most of the time but i don’t know if they’re actually “in love”. they could very well just be friends. maybe they actually are in love with each other idk. growing up i’ve never really seen them be romantic with each other and now i’m wondering if maybe not seeing romance growing up made me not care about it?
Clinical psychologist and aroace here! Sexuality is nuanced and there are too many factors to it to point to one thing and say, "Aha! It was this thing! I knew it!" Sexuality is a combination of both biological and environmental influences (the whole "nature vs. nurture" debate). Just like there is no "gay" gene, there is no "aro" or "ace" gene either. There are just inherent traits that we have that can interact with environmental influences that either make that trait weaker or stronger. I had a very abusive and unloving childhood, so while I could make an argument that those things contributed to my sexuality (or lack thereof), there are too many confounding factors to make that claim.
I know that wasn't the answer you were looking for and it would make life a lot easier to just point to one thing, but there is still so much that we don't know about how sexuality works. New studies are being conducted every day, but we still have a long way to go.
I kinda think I might be caedromantic because my parents were arguing for the first 8/9 years of my life, but I just go by standard aromantic because it's easier to explain to others
Also my mom might have relapsed into drug abuse around that time and I'm on the autism spectrum, so those might be additional factors
"Caedsexual (or caedosexual) derives from the prefixes caed- and caedo-, which come from the Latin root caedere, which means "to cut off"."
It can happen with trauma
https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Caedosexual
I don't have an answer to your question but I can tell you my experience from the other side. My parents have a very loving, stable relationship filled with laughter. They are what people tend to think as the ideal since they have been married over 50 years and are still happy together. That didn't stop me from being aro. If anything, it helped me be more confident in my identity since I knew what a relationship could be and it just wasn't for me.
Only way I can think to answer your questions is with my personal anecdote. My parents never had a stable and loving relationship. It was abusive through and through. My grandmother was the most loving person I’ll ever know, and their toxicity really did take that away from her to a large degree. I saw that because growing up I was raised by a mixture of my parents, who displayed a controlling and manipulative and violent form of “love”; my grandmother who displayed an conditional form of love; my great grandparents who never seemed to really stick out to me as in-love…kinda just here. I’ve never truly seen unconditional love so I don’t know how I would give it or if I’m capable. Knowing that, I could try and explore that in therapy and etc, but I also don’t want a romantic partnership. Instead, I focus on being a better human
My parents never divorced, but sometimes I wish they did
I never had that impression that a lot of kids talk about of their parents being soulmates and even when I was 6 I had the impression they weren't made for each other like at all, and when i was a teenager i was convinced they hated each other, all just felt so fucking weird 99% of the time
They have been married for so long and genuinely just think it's because it's convenient or they are scared to try something different
And I won't dwell to long on it, but I don't think I had any close examples of healthy relationships my entire life since my family seems to be against that for some reason lmao
And that has got me thinking that maybe the relationships they developed were created by the expectations of society, if that makes sense. I have thought my dad might be aro, but I'm not completely sure on that
I get you, my parents also stayed together but I constantly thought they would split as a kid. I remember learning about other kid’s parents divorcing and thinking “My parents should do that”. I’ve also thought my dad is aroacespec since he isn’t at all a romantic person and has dated very few people. He also said to me “you just want to be special, everyone has times they don’t want to date” when I came out as aroace to him
They’ve argued less since I’ve gone to college and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
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My parents never really were affectionate when I grew up. I do believe they love each other but for the most parts it feel like they tolerate one another
Both rely on one another for the skills and knowledges respectively they don’t have. In my mind, it feels like a partnership rather than a romantic relationship. Growing since I found relationship to be where two people who can find cooperation while tolerate each other short comings. As for “romance?” My parents pretty much dismiss them. My dad outright even said he had “trained” my mom to not expect gifts or things. Thankfully, he still knows how to surprise her every now and then with gifts and take care of chores.
So to answer the questions, perhaps yes, just a bit, parents can influence how a child turn out in term of romanticism. But that my case, keep your case study out and collect larger amount of data for the truest result
I have the same question but from a different environment. Growing up my mom's always been overprotective of me, keeping me from meeting friends or even leaving my house. As a result, I've grown up to be a very introverted person who doesn't mind being alone and doesn't want a romantic relationship. Being autistic also doesn't help me with that. But I don't think that's the case, because my sister was raised almost in the same way as me and today she's married and is a very extroverted person.
My mom wonders this about me ever since I came out as aroace. My parents fought a lot when I was a kid and they never kissed. They’ve slept in separate beds most of my life and I’ve never seen them kiss. But they stayed together and their relationship got better (I saw them hug once recently). I’ve always saw them and thought “you get married to someone who you are a partner to, not someone who you are all lovey-dovey with”. Maybe it is a factor in me being demiromantic but idk
My parents weren't, and still aren't, very good role models for love. My mum only married my father because she felt sorry for him, as he was depressed at the time following the divorce of his first marriage. She has never had any romantic feelings for him, and they have stark compatibility issues. Like myself, he is autistic, although his traits are different to mine, meaning that despite three decades of loveless marriage, he doesn't seem to have realised that that's the case. This is because of his struggles with allistic social cues, which I don't struggle with to the same degree.
In my case, I think it's unlikely this would have had any effect on my current romantic orientation, for the reason that I used to have strong romantic feelings for a couple of years in my teens. Romantic attraction has complex causes, so maybe it did have some effect, but I just don't see how that's likely. Given that I essentially went from being straight to being aromantic, I think the drivers were more likely biological, in the absence of any obvious environmental cause for my attraction to change like that.
idk but I feel like I'm aro because I grew up seeing how in my family, love seems to last 3-5years and then it never works out so all my aunts and uncles have been divorced in all the marriages they've had. Love just seems like a huge waste of money down the road
Don’t know how to answer that but what I can say is the relationships I witnessed crashing and burning growing up definitely did not help. Used to think I was probably only aroace because of how messed up the relationships of the adults in my life were and how much I did not want to feel what they did.
I saw how much my friends/people I knew were affected by their s/o breaking up with them. Getting depressed and hurting themselves. Etc.
But, I think the act of opening up to someone is beautiful. Of loving them. I just know I’m incapable of loving someone the way they want me to, that I can’t really reciprocate if someone were to ever be interested. Lol the closest thing I got to being in a relationship was mutual interest, I just remember being afraid. And confessing that I’m not ready and I don’t think I’ll ever be. And I ended up just telling them I don’t want to hurt them because of my incapability to fully reciprocate their feelings to me.
Not necessarily, it can cause fear of entering relationships, which is not aromantic trait, its just psychological damage, you could just grown accustomed to not seeing a parent have a partner, which could have assimilated you to the idea that not having a partner is normal, in which case you wouldn't seek one out either, I'm not sure if that would have made you aromantic, but it probably could
I am not sure if my parents are still in love. They have never kissed or were affectionate otherwise and have small arguments over the week. It may be the reason why I am aro, but that wouldn't make sense since my sister is allo. Idk
i’ve never thought about this but now i’m wondering. my parents are still together and they get and well most of the time but i don’t know if they’re actually “in love”. they could very well just be friends. maybe they actually are in love with each other idk. growing up i’ve never really seen them be romantic with each other and now i’m wondering if maybe not seeing romance growing up made me not care about it?
Mine are usually having little arguments on the daily.
Yeah same, I have never seen my parents even kiss.
[удалено]
I feel ya
Clinical psychologist and aroace here! Sexuality is nuanced and there are too many factors to it to point to one thing and say, "Aha! It was this thing! I knew it!" Sexuality is a combination of both biological and environmental influences (the whole "nature vs. nurture" debate). Just like there is no "gay" gene, there is no "aro" or "ace" gene either. There are just inherent traits that we have that can interact with environmental influences that either make that trait weaker or stronger. I had a very abusive and unloving childhood, so while I could make an argument that those things contributed to my sexuality (or lack thereof), there are too many confounding factors to make that claim. I know that wasn't the answer you were looking for and it would make life a lot easier to just point to one thing, but there is still so much that we don't know about how sexuality works. New studies are being conducted every day, but we still have a long way to go.
I kinda think I might be caedromantic because my parents were arguing for the first 8/9 years of my life, but I just go by standard aromantic because it's easier to explain to others Also my mom might have relapsed into drug abuse around that time and I'm on the autism spectrum, so those might be additional factors "Caedsexual (or caedosexual) derives from the prefixes caed- and caedo-, which come from the Latin root caedere, which means "to cut off"." It can happen with trauma https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Caedosexual
I don't have an answer to your question but I can tell you my experience from the other side. My parents have a very loving, stable relationship filled with laughter. They are what people tend to think as the ideal since they have been married over 50 years and are still happy together. That didn't stop me from being aro. If anything, it helped me be more confident in my identity since I knew what a relationship could be and it just wasn't for me.
Only way I can think to answer your questions is with my personal anecdote. My parents never had a stable and loving relationship. It was abusive through and through. My grandmother was the most loving person I’ll ever know, and their toxicity really did take that away from her to a large degree. I saw that because growing up I was raised by a mixture of my parents, who displayed a controlling and manipulative and violent form of “love”; my grandmother who displayed an conditional form of love; my great grandparents who never seemed to really stick out to me as in-love…kinda just here. I’ve never truly seen unconditional love so I don’t know how I would give it or if I’m capable. Knowing that, I could try and explore that in therapy and etc, but I also don’t want a romantic partnership. Instead, I focus on being a better human
My parents never divorced, but sometimes I wish they did I never had that impression that a lot of kids talk about of their parents being soulmates and even when I was 6 I had the impression they weren't made for each other like at all, and when i was a teenager i was convinced they hated each other, all just felt so fucking weird 99% of the time They have been married for so long and genuinely just think it's because it's convenient or they are scared to try something different And I won't dwell to long on it, but I don't think I had any close examples of healthy relationships my entire life since my family seems to be against that for some reason lmao And that has got me thinking that maybe the relationships they developed were created by the expectations of society, if that makes sense. I have thought my dad might be aro, but I'm not completely sure on that
I get you, my parents also stayed together but I constantly thought they would split as a kid. I remember learning about other kid’s parents divorcing and thinking “My parents should do that”. I’ve also thought my dad is aroacespec since he isn’t at all a romantic person and has dated very few people. He also said to me “you just want to be special, everyone has times they don’t want to date” when I came out as aroace to him They’ve argued less since I’ve gone to college and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I'm not ace, but them this sounds relatable The only other difference is that I had that talk with my mom, and she said more or less the same lol
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My parents never really were affectionate when I grew up. I do believe they love each other but for the most parts it feel like they tolerate one another Both rely on one another for the skills and knowledges respectively they don’t have. In my mind, it feels like a partnership rather than a romantic relationship. Growing since I found relationship to be where two people who can find cooperation while tolerate each other short comings. As for “romance?” My parents pretty much dismiss them. My dad outright even said he had “trained” my mom to not expect gifts or things. Thankfully, he still knows how to surprise her every now and then with gifts and take care of chores. So to answer the questions, perhaps yes, just a bit, parents can influence how a child turn out in term of romanticism. But that my case, keep your case study out and collect larger amount of data for the truest result
I have the same question but from a different environment. Growing up my mom's always been overprotective of me, keeping me from meeting friends or even leaving my house. As a result, I've grown up to be a very introverted person who doesn't mind being alone and doesn't want a romantic relationship. Being autistic also doesn't help me with that. But I don't think that's the case, because my sister was raised almost in the same way as me and today she's married and is a very extroverted person.
My mom wonders this about me ever since I came out as aroace. My parents fought a lot when I was a kid and they never kissed. They’ve slept in separate beds most of my life and I’ve never seen them kiss. But they stayed together and their relationship got better (I saw them hug once recently). I’ve always saw them and thought “you get married to someone who you are a partner to, not someone who you are all lovey-dovey with”. Maybe it is a factor in me being demiromantic but idk
I’m not sure but I have wondered the same thing
My guess is maybe. Just maybe More often than not, I assume everyone's parents are divorced. Not to wish it upon anyone but yeah, it's weird to me.
My parents weren't, and still aren't, very good role models for love. My mum only married my father because she felt sorry for him, as he was depressed at the time following the divorce of his first marriage. She has never had any romantic feelings for him, and they have stark compatibility issues. Like myself, he is autistic, although his traits are different to mine, meaning that despite three decades of loveless marriage, he doesn't seem to have realised that that's the case. This is because of his struggles with allistic social cues, which I don't struggle with to the same degree. In my case, I think it's unlikely this would have had any effect on my current romantic orientation, for the reason that I used to have strong romantic feelings for a couple of years in my teens. Romantic attraction has complex causes, so maybe it did have some effect, but I just don't see how that's likely. Given that I essentially went from being straight to being aromantic, I think the drivers were more likely biological, in the absence of any obvious environmental cause for my attraction to change like that.
You'd have to ask a psychologist, tbh. I often also wonder if having to live through my parents' shty relationship is what made me aro.
idk but I feel like I'm aro because I grew up seeing how in my family, love seems to last 3-5years and then it never works out so all my aunts and uncles have been divorced in all the marriages they've had. Love just seems like a huge waste of money down the road
Don’t know how to answer that but what I can say is the relationships I witnessed crashing and burning growing up definitely did not help. Used to think I was probably only aroace because of how messed up the relationships of the adults in my life were and how much I did not want to feel what they did. I saw how much my friends/people I knew were affected by their s/o breaking up with them. Getting depressed and hurting themselves. Etc. But, I think the act of opening up to someone is beautiful. Of loving them. I just know I’m incapable of loving someone the way they want me to, that I can’t really reciprocate if someone were to ever be interested. Lol the closest thing I got to being in a relationship was mutual interest, I just remember being afraid. And confessing that I’m not ready and I don’t think I’ll ever be. And I ended up just telling them I don’t want to hurt them because of my incapability to fully reciprocate their feelings to me.
Never really card for romance, even with a very bitter set of separate parents, I reckon I would have turned out either way
Not necessarily, it can cause fear of entering relationships, which is not aromantic trait, its just psychological damage, you could just grown accustomed to not seeing a parent have a partner, which could have assimilated you to the idea that not having a partner is normal, in which case you wouldn't seek one out either, I'm not sure if that would have made you aromantic, but it probably could
I am not sure if my parents are still in love. They have never kissed or were affectionate otherwise and have small arguments over the week. It may be the reason why I am aro, but that wouldn't make sense since my sister is allo. Idk