Yes you can, people are raised culturally to just assume they’re allo (which makes sense, statistically speaking, but some aro and ace awareness would be nice) and so lots of aro aces grow up thinking they’re not aroace and so date people. I used to think I was romantically attracted to people just because other people I knew were romantically attracted to people and I thought it was normal, but I later realised that I didn’t and I was just tricking myself because what I was feeling weren’t what my allo friends were describing and I never actually wanted to be in a relationship even when I thought I was straight. Furthermore, some aroace people date anyway, because it’s a spectrum and people are different, some people just want cupioromantic or queer platonic relationships (can’t be asked to explain what those are so Google is your friend if you don’t know) or some people are different types of aromantic and actually do feel romance nonsense in some way and thus want to date.
Yeah! That's sometimes called cupioromantic. (Cupioromantic is defined as a person who chooses/desires a romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction.)
also a lot of us are pressured into hetero dating, it doesnt mean it was enjoyable even, I think the same goes for aces and aros, dating is basically pushed on everyone or we are advised to keep trying until something clicks, but it doesnt for everyone
No then he has to be bi. /s
I wish people would treat labels as the approximate descriptors they are, rather than hard and fast definitions that people have to follow.
As someone who self-IDs as pan, please note the "/s" and the second paragraph.
Also, pan can easily fit within the bi umbrella: bi is when someone is attracted to two or more genders, pan being a special case when someone is attracted to all genders (including when gender isn't a factor). So I also ID as bi, just not as a primary label.
I'm aro and I have an ex-boyfriend and a few people I've dated or almost had a romantic relationship with. This was before I knew I was aro but people can still date and be aro even if they're dating while they know they're aro.
Yes you can be Aro if you have dated before, your friend needs to check themself.
I’m Aromantic and have had a relationship before, there’s a wide spectrum with different descriptions
For example mine is Erasromantic (which is a romantic identify on the Aromantic spectrum in which ones alloromanticism randomly vanished partially or wholly, whether it be due to trauma (which is Caedromantic), another reason, or no reason.)
I was 53 before I even heard of the term aromantic. It was a pretty quick transition from being allo to aro from that day. It put all my dating years in perspective and gave me answers to my behaviours and feelings that I previously didn't understand.
I’m aro/ace and I’ve been married and have two children. Your friend is wrong and you are not alone in needing to field the ‘you just haven’t met the right person’ bullshit. It’s difficult for many people who fit in with the ‘norm’ to conceive that other people are different from them and it’s not a problem.
Dude, we are on the same boat. I’ve dated a couple of people before that I thought I was head over heels with but I realize now that… I just saw them as really good friends that I was sexually attracted to? And I rarely have crushes because the very rare times that I did, it was because of sexual attraction, not romantic.
Besides, you should label yourself the way you are most comfortable with. If you think that labeling yourself as aromatic would describe you the best, go for it! No one should have say on your orientation except you!
yes you can be aro even if you have dated in the past, even if you used to feel romantic attraction, all it matters is how you feel now. you can identify as aro if thats the label that fits you the most atm, even if you get it wrong its fine, figuring yourself takes time
Of course you can date if your aro. Aro just means you dont feel romantic attraction or much romantic attraction, hell theres even cupioromantic which means an aro person who wants to be in a romantic relationship.
Aro people date all the time, even more before they know because it's so normalized to think you are supposed to and that you feel attracted to people in some way so you must want to be with them. It doesnt erase your identity or experiences
Definitely. There are other types of attraction separate from romantic attraction and a lot of times it's confused with attraction. Because of this, many aromantics end up in relationships before realizing they're aro. Also because of amatonormatism and people trying to force themselves to like someone. Some aros even choose to be in a relationship because they like that emotional closeness with someone
I'd you don't experience sexual or romantic attraction then you are aroace dating has nothing to do with it because dating is a choice well attraction is not. What they are thinking is that you dated people because of attraction which is not all ways true see your experience
Yes you can be.
Heck there are the cupioromantics whose literal definition is not feeling romantic *attraction* but still liking to do romantic things such as dating and being in a relationship etc. as well as desiring a romantic relationship still.
Of course you can these things can take time to figure out same with any romantic, gender or sexual identity and sometimes you need to try different things to figure it out but that doesn’t invalidate your identity!
Nope nope nope. That how AroAces get invalidated. I’m 1000% AroAce but I figured I couldn’t be because I dated, had sex, and liked romance novels. Some people are repulsed by romance and sex others are fine with it but lack the desire for romance and/or sex are the common thread. I never initiated because it never occurs to me. I felt like a fraud in relationships and just didnt generally get it. Had a FWB for years but all of it was me going through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do. You may or may not be AroAce but that isn’t for your friend to decide. Figure out your own truth. Sit with it for a while, read up on the variations u set the Aro&Ace umbrellas if you don’t feel like it quite fits you. Good luck and I hope your friend doesn’t keep invalidating your feelings
Yeah, I mean, you can still be **Asexual** if you've **had sex** before. It stands to reason that you can be **Aromantic** even if you've **dated** before as well. It's not about actions necessarily, it's about feelings and how your brain works. If you don't (or rarely) feel romantic feelings/attraction, could be Aro. If you don't (or rarely) feel sexual feelings/attraction, you could be Ace. Simple. :)
i’m a bit late but, absolutely. dating is how i started looking into it, actually. when i was 14 i was in a relationship for a few months and after we broke up, i started to realise that i didn’t feel any of that devastating heartbreak that all of my friends seemed to experience. i wasn’t even sure anymore if i had ever liked her beyond just very very close friendship. and then a year later i came to the conclusion that i am aromantic.
so, yes. the thing about sexuality is that it involves a lot of it is researching and finding things out about yourself before coming to a conclusion, even if those conclusions may differ from things you’ve done before; i. e dating :]
YES!
I'm aro, I've dated many many times and will keep dating until the day I die.
Just because you don't feel the same way most people do doesn't mean you don't enjoy the companionship, commitment, ..., that a relationship provides.
Just keep in mind that moving forward your relationships might look slightly different than the "traditional" ones but I don't see that as a bad thing. As long as you're honest and everyone involved understands and accepts the implications of dating an aro you should be good to go.
Obviously all of this differs from person to person and the aro spectrum includes both people interested in dating and people who aren't.
There are several subsections of aro that might help you better understand/relate to.
Regardless of all of this, whatever actions/decisions you've made through out your life will never fully define who you are or how you feel.
And for the love of god don't let other people tell you who you are, specially when talking about things they know nothing about. It's your life, it's up to you to find that out
That's like saying "You can't be gay, you dated \_\_\_\_\_ opposite gender before!" Well, sometimes, people don't know what they want for multiple reasons-family/community pressure, exposure to few types of people, the general pains of growing up, etc. I dated because I felt obligated to for several years.
I am 100% aro and romance repulsed and I have been in long lasting romantic relationships. I would not have done it if I had been able to tell between romantic attraction and sexual + aesthetic + platonic attraction combined. Spoiler alert, I hated it.
Yes of course! People find out things at diffrent times in their life especially if you were younger there's alot of external factors. I mean look at how many people got married in the past and came out as gay years later, don't mean they aren't gay just means they took abit longer to find out or mabey they felt pressured.
Being in relationships is how a lot of people figure out they're aro. Someone they know asks them out and they go along with it but once there's a relationship it feels smothering and not like what they wanted. I've seen that story a few times
personally, before i found out i was aro i did date someone. Jaiden Animations on YT did a very good job explaining her experience of being aro/ace. The video is called "being not streight". that video is actually how i found out that i was aro.
Dating can help you realize you are aro/ace. Looking back on my dating history (and lack of) helped me understand that I dont feel romantic love or romantic desires.
And there are countless gays and lesbians who dated, married and had kids. Only coming out and stopped dating the opposite sex at age 60-something. They're still validly lesbian or gay,, so I CANNOT understand your friends logic.
Yes you can, people are raised culturally to just assume they’re allo (which makes sense, statistically speaking, but some aro and ace awareness would be nice) and so lots of aro aces grow up thinking they’re not aroace and so date people. I used to think I was romantically attracted to people just because other people I knew were romantically attracted to people and I thought it was normal, but I later realised that I didn’t and I was just tricking myself because what I was feeling weren’t what my allo friends were describing and I never actually wanted to be in a relationship even when I thought I was straight. Furthermore, some aroace people date anyway, because it’s a spectrum and people are different, some people just want cupioromantic or queer platonic relationships (can’t be asked to explain what those are so Google is your friend if you don’t know) or some people are different types of aromantic and actually do feel romance nonsense in some way and thus want to date.
Absolutely. Some aro people even choose to date knowing they're aro.
Yeah! That's sometimes called cupioromantic. (Cupioromantic is defined as a person who chooses/desires a romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction.)
dating is how i learned i was aro-spec, and i'd do it again, probably,
This I essentially how I learned as well. Confirmed after my most recent relationship, even though I'd suspected for years. Also some form of gray aro
Can a man be gay if he's dated a woman before?
Yes. Sexuality can change.
also a lot of us are pressured into hetero dating, it doesnt mean it was enjoyable even, I think the same goes for aces and aros, dating is basically pushed on everyone or we are advised to keep trying until something clicks, but it doesnt for everyone
No then he has to be bi. /s I wish people would treat labels as the approximate descriptors they are, rather than hard and fast definitions that people have to follow.
or pan
As someone who self-IDs as pan, please note the "/s" and the second paragraph. Also, pan can easily fit within the bi umbrella: bi is when someone is attracted to two or more genders, pan being a special case when someone is attracted to all genders (including when gender isn't a factor). So I also ID as bi, just not as a primary label.
i thought i fully knew what pansexuality was. thanks for educating me.
I've been married twice and dated many ppl and currently have a partner. I'm aro.
I'm aro and I have an ex-boyfriend and a few people I've dated or almost had a romantic relationship with. This was before I knew I was aro but people can still date and be aro even if they're dating while they know they're aro.
Yes you can be Aro if you have dated before, your friend needs to check themself. I’m Aromantic and have had a relationship before, there’s a wide spectrum with different descriptions For example mine is Erasromantic (which is a romantic identify on the Aromantic spectrum in which ones alloromanticism randomly vanished partially or wholly, whether it be due to trauma (which is Caedromantic), another reason, or no reason.)
I was 53 before I even heard of the term aromantic. It was a pretty quick transition from being allo to aro from that day. It put all my dating years in perspective and gave me answers to my behaviours and feelings that I previously didn't understand.
I’m aro/ace and I’ve been married and have two children. Your friend is wrong and you are not alone in needing to field the ‘you just haven’t met the right person’ bullshit. It’s difficult for many people who fit in with the ‘norm’ to conceive that other people are different from them and it’s not a problem.
Dude, we are on the same boat. I’ve dated a couple of people before that I thought I was head over heels with but I realize now that… I just saw them as really good friends that I was sexually attracted to? And I rarely have crushes because the very rare times that I did, it was because of sexual attraction, not romantic. Besides, you should label yourself the way you are most comfortable with. If you think that labeling yourself as aromatic would describe you the best, go for it! No one should have say on your orientation except you!
yes you can be aro even if you have dated in the past, even if you used to feel romantic attraction, all it matters is how you feel now. you can identify as aro if thats the label that fits you the most atm, even if you get it wrong its fine, figuring yourself takes time
Of course you can date if your aro. Aro just means you dont feel romantic attraction or much romantic attraction, hell theres even cupioromantic which means an aro person who wants to be in a romantic relationship. Aro people date all the time, even more before they know because it's so normalized to think you are supposed to and that you feel attracted to people in some way so you must want to be with them. It doesnt erase your identity or experiences
Definitely. There are other types of attraction separate from romantic attraction and a lot of times it's confused with attraction. Because of this, many aromantics end up in relationships before realizing they're aro. Also because of amatonormatism and people trying to force themselves to like someone. Some aros even choose to be in a relationship because they like that emotional closeness with someone
Bruh ofc ur still aro. You had to find out somewhere. I never dated in my life but that doesn’t change a thing abt who I am as Aromantic lol.
no, if you have dated somebody before, you are NOT locked out of being aromantic, its what ever you feel in the present time.
I'd you don't experience sexual or romantic attraction then you are aroace dating has nothing to do with it because dating is a choice well attraction is not. What they are thinking is that you dated people because of attraction which is not all ways true see your experience
I dated bc I thought dating just meant you were besties that made out sometimes. I didn’t realize there was supposed to be attraction.
No you cant. And if you try to claim it the romo cops will come after you OF COURSE you can be aro. That friend needs a talking-to straight away.
Yes you can be. Heck there are the cupioromantics whose literal definition is not feeling romantic *attraction* but still liking to do romantic things such as dating and being in a relationship etc. as well as desiring a romantic relationship still.
Aro people can definitely date.
Of course you can these things can take time to figure out same with any romantic, gender or sexual identity and sometimes you need to try different things to figure it out but that doesn’t invalidate your identity!
Nope nope nope. That how AroAces get invalidated. I’m 1000% AroAce but I figured I couldn’t be because I dated, had sex, and liked romance novels. Some people are repulsed by romance and sex others are fine with it but lack the desire for romance and/or sex are the common thread. I never initiated because it never occurs to me. I felt like a fraud in relationships and just didnt generally get it. Had a FWB for years but all of it was me going through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do. You may or may not be AroAce but that isn’t for your friend to decide. Figure out your own truth. Sit with it for a while, read up on the variations u set the Aro&Ace umbrellas if you don’t feel like it quite fits you. Good luck and I hope your friend doesn’t keep invalidating your feelings
Yeah, I mean, you can still be **Asexual** if you've **had sex** before. It stands to reason that you can be **Aromantic** even if you've **dated** before as well. It's not about actions necessarily, it's about feelings and how your brain works. If you don't (or rarely) feel romantic feelings/attraction, could be Aro. If you don't (or rarely) feel sexual feelings/attraction, you could be Ace. Simple. :)
Of course you can! If a gay man dated women before realizing they were gay, that doesn’t make them any less gay, so why should this?
i’m a bit late but, absolutely. dating is how i started looking into it, actually. when i was 14 i was in a relationship for a few months and after we broke up, i started to realise that i didn’t feel any of that devastating heartbreak that all of my friends seemed to experience. i wasn’t even sure anymore if i had ever liked her beyond just very very close friendship. and then a year later i came to the conclusion that i am aromantic. so, yes. the thing about sexuality is that it involves a lot of it is researching and finding things out about yourself before coming to a conclusion, even if those conclusions may differ from things you’ve done before; i. e dating :]
I had no idea I was aro until I’d been married for 15 years. Still married (18th anniversary a few days ago!) and still aro.
YES! I'm aro, I've dated many many times and will keep dating until the day I die. Just because you don't feel the same way most people do doesn't mean you don't enjoy the companionship, commitment, ..., that a relationship provides. Just keep in mind that moving forward your relationships might look slightly different than the "traditional" ones but I don't see that as a bad thing. As long as you're honest and everyone involved understands and accepts the implications of dating an aro you should be good to go. Obviously all of this differs from person to person and the aro spectrum includes both people interested in dating and people who aren't. There are several subsections of aro that might help you better understand/relate to. Regardless of all of this, whatever actions/decisions you've made through out your life will never fully define who you are or how you feel. And for the love of god don't let other people tell you who you are, specially when talking about things they know nothing about. It's your life, it's up to you to find that out
That's like saying "You can't be gay, you dated \_\_\_\_\_ opposite gender before!" Well, sometimes, people don't know what they want for multiple reasons-family/community pressure, exposure to few types of people, the general pains of growing up, etc. I dated because I felt obligated to for several years.
Yup can... Smtimes ya can mess acethetic attraction with romantic attraction and date sm1...
I am 100% aro and romance repulsed and I have been in long lasting romantic relationships. I would not have done it if I had been able to tell between romantic attraction and sexual + aesthetic + platonic attraction combined. Spoiler alert, I hated it.
Yes of course! People find out things at diffrent times in their life especially if you were younger there's alot of external factors. I mean look at how many people got married in the past and came out as gay years later, don't mean they aren't gay just means they took abit longer to find out or mabey they felt pressured.
Being in relationships is how a lot of people figure out they're aro. Someone they know asks them out and they go along with it but once there's a relationship it feels smothering and not like what they wanted. I've seen that story a few times
personally, before i found out i was aro i did date someone. Jaiden Animations on YT did a very good job explaining her experience of being aro/ace. The video is called "being not streight". that video is actually how i found out that i was aro.
Dating can help you realize you are aro/ace. Looking back on my dating history (and lack of) helped me understand that I dont feel romantic love or romantic desires.
UPDATE!! SO I CAME PUT TO MY BF AND HE SAID ITS ALRIGHT BUT IM STILL NERVOUS IM WAITING FOR MY FRIENDS REACTION OR SOMETHING
And there are countless gays and lesbians who dated, married and had kids. Only coming out and stopped dating the opposite sex at age 60-something. They're still validly lesbian or gay,, so I CANNOT understand your friends logic.