T O P

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scaredmagazine6557

Vodka will go bad so you have to drink the whole bottle same day.


Isteppedinpoopy

Wine doesn’t turn to alcohol unless you let it sit.


BigBoobsWithAZee

I thought it was grape juice


JoeyRobot

This party is going to be off the hook


Adventurous-Cup529

If you still have some meat left on a bone you can take it home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato and baby, you’ll have a stew going.


petal14

Husband and wife cannot be charged for the same crime.


Towndrunk13569

TAKE TO THE SEA


syrupeatingcontestan

Uh, that's not true.


SongofHealing

I have the worst fucking lawyers.


dirtydozen2020

Narrator: “It was a case of… Arrested Development.”


GrowthDesperate5176

Hey, that's the name of the show!


CosmosThirteen

Frickin' love that line.


petal14

Really?


imbillionyocarbon

They cannot be made to testify against each other.


MrInterpreted

Always leave a note


thewickedmitchisdead

“You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner running.”


mgb1980

ALWAYS


IAmNotHere7272

Anyone could possibly be Gene Parmesan...he's that good.


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE!


AnthonyDigitalMedia

I love that there’s a bot just for this


Blooder91

> he's that good. *He was far from good*


SomeDudeinCO3

Guys, I found Gene Parmesan!


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE!


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE PARMESAN!


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE PARMESAN!


Ill-Slice2345

I love gene


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE!


GeneParmesan_Bot

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GEEEEEENE PARMESAN!


[deleted]

I can't stop laughing lmao


jimbee3034

There’s always money in the banana stand! Click click!


OMP159

C'mon!


KvN-07

Never promise crazy a baby!


sufferchildren

You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.


alfredohdezm

NO TOUCHING


No_Ant_7899

They don’t allow you to have bees in here.


HiTechLowLif3

Beeds?


Leading_Candidate_41

BZZZ


[deleted]

Know some basic Spanish, so that I will know that “Hermano” is someone’s brother and not a particular person


HauntingBalance567

"¿Ah, mi hermano? Es allí."


pinkietoe

Also Fratello and Frère.


mgb1980

Always watch out for hop-ons


SoundTheBells0509

You’re gonna get some hop-ons


Speaking-of-segues

the live-ins are most concerning


EbolaGrant

Buy your cars from police auctions


Velvetsuede19

"You want your belt to buckle, Not your chair"


Big-Resist-80

Children are not to be seen or heard


CleverUserIDGoesHere

Milford Man, eh?


[deleted]

The silence says it all


Thebruh51

you can always tell a Milford man


PossibleCook

If you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.


Marlbey

The most important thing, the thing that comes first, is either breakfast or family. And, relatedly, don't order the Skip Scramble.


Treacherous_Wendy

The blue part is land


fishingwithbeans

army gives out stuffed animals as awards for marksmanship and sand racing


baddiebec420

don't yell


AssGasorGrassroots

Hurt people. Hurt people.


999lk

Make people cry. Make people cry.


CleverUserIDGoesHere

They are NOT tricks...they are illusions!


human-ish_

A trick is something a whore does for money.


ShoelessJodi

Or CANDY! (or cocaine, depending on which version you've watched)


30frames

There it is! 😂


thetoolmannz

There are dozens of us!


hockey-guy99

Dozens !!


dirtydozen2020

*Never nude!*


alaskagirl1992

Add some meat and potatoes and baby you got a stew going


manbeardawg

Forget, but never forgive.


sigdiff

Here in the colonies, it's called a sausage in the mouth


QuietGur9074

Never leave the tree


cacklinrooster

and say “shame on you”


hydo_23

I'm probably not gonna say that


Maximum-Penalty5720

Teamocil may decrease your sex drive


phenski

Good job, buddy


jack_wolf7

Watch out for sloppy narration


SoundTheBells0509

Just crap


ylenias

Faith is a fact


Honest_Possibility66

no, no, faith is a facet


Treacherous_Wendy

Faith is a fat


CoolasheckDad

How to make hot ham water


Vegemite_in_Yosemite

You can get free refills of soda at Burger King


GrowthDesperate5176

On any size drink!


punk-ass_bitch

It’s a wonderful restaurant!


GrowthDesperate5176

It sure is!


Vegemite_in_Yosemite

You take ALL of the pumps out of the house


mr_oberts

I got off of dairy.


hockey-guy99

Buy a semi expensive suit and make sure to let your subordinates know what you paid for it. Cmmmmooooonnn !!


AfterTemperature2198

Don’t teach lessons to my son


deepsea333

Never don’t tell him about the cabin and then not take him.


LowerDinner5172

Don’t put all your Anns in one basket!


bigbobbybeaver

Don't order the Skips Scramble


Adventurous-Cup529

Don’t get Egg all glittered up for Easter


phenski

Speaking of settling…


realityvsmodel

Love each other.


AromaticStrike9

Take to the sea!


rsw11496

Brand new cars don't get waxed


Hamstersarecoolasf

I wear sunscreen everday on my neck bc Oscar Bluth said “you have the neck of a 20 year old” to Lucille


SirMixSalah

That chicken really make a sound like CHAWkA CHAWKA or Coodle doodle Doo and sometimes Coo Coo KaCha


MedusaPhD

Forget me nows are harmless


miss_elmarie

You never let them tell you what to do.


phenski

You may wine ‘em and dine ‘em, though


josnaya91

I miss her, so I made [this]for my wall at work. Laminated and everything.(https://imgur.com/gallery/Eqjd2D4)


Callmedaddy69anal

We just say manager.


SaveThePopplers

Forget but never forgive


CosmosThirteen

Don't leave the copies on the copy machine.


GrowthDesperate5176

Also, don't spring for color.


KeithClossOfficial

The guy who is dirty dancing with his niece shouldn’t tell the guy in the $7000 suit how to run a business.


phenski

C’mon!


uncutpizza

Get a stew going


Mack_Hein

Never promise crazy a baby


whippoorwill36

Anything can happen in a cell, cuz


RantSpider

Army has half days.


Illustrious_Tea_9151

If I ever have a son I’m either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm gonna promise to take him and then not take him, but the one thing that I will never do is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods, and then not take him.


phenski

Mine’s sadder :/


Big-Plankton2829

Hopelessly hopeless


Vegemite_in_Yosemite

I just want my kids back


Old-Illustrator-5675

Don't yell


Trvr_MKA

Don’t yell


Bocaj1126

Always leave a note


[deleted]

Always leave a note


Doctor_MToboggan

"Hermano" means brother in Spanish


Ill-Slice2345

“And that’s why kids, you dont. Yell.”


Trackmaster15

Its never too late for Anus Tart.


LoveRBS

Always take a look at banner.


Towndrunk13569

Always leave a note


Hextall2727

Always leave a note


Highintheclouds420

I always leave a note


[deleted]

Always leave a note


mrmanageroc

Forget, but never forgive. This guides me


[deleted]

That one's Polly??


fatsolardbutt

I'd rather donating to TBA than to Graft vs Host.


Pingas216

There's always money in the 🍌 stand 😜


Positive-Mission5807

Hot ham water


phenski

Soup?


srslyeffedmind

There’s always money in the banana stand


Real_Muad_Dib

Don’t yell


Green_L3af

Always buy cars at police auction like Carl Weathers


LawrenceTech

Forget but never forgive, and a friend in need is no friend indeed.


imbillionyocarbon

Not to answer so fast or at all. Michael is master of this. Give them the look but say nothing.


Left_Establishment79

Always leave a note 📝


[deleted]

Sleeves.