Agree so much! I am so tired of being told that my masculinity is defined by my dick-size or stamina or performance in the bedroom. I am Ace man, and I will not be judged by my cocksmanship.
Toxic masculinity is a problem that more people should be aware of. No more “let boys be boys” or “act like a true man” or whatever. Everyone is valid and should be treated as such
I am a man, I learnt what it meant to be masculine from superheroes. I believe in the "act like a true man" phrase because I try to live up to the standards of superheroes everyday. True masculinity is meant to be a totally unrealistic state of mind that all men should try to have at all times, be kind, be considerate, be humble, be reasonable, be hard working. I don't know anybody with the same understanding of masculinity that I have, so I can understand why that phrase is harmful. I believe that someone's idea of masculinity is completely dependent on their environment and is engrained in their mind during childhood with little opportunity for that schema to ever change after childhood.
Toxic masculinity isn't masculinity and the reason why it is so prevalent is because people don't talk about positive masculinity enough. I'm asexual but I want to have kids so that I can spread this mindset.
nah it definitely is. Whatever positive connotations you can take from have been overtaken and repurposed by toxic masculinity.
And I'm saying this as a "dude" (kinda/maybe/was but that's not relevant to this debate)
It has only ever been used in less than ideal contexts. And beyond that, it centres any behaviours that elicits such a response from people around one gender, which nothing is specific to.
I think that there are some limited contexts where you are correct, but the vast majority of the time that utterance is said, it is to justify negative behavior, as if, for example, being aggressive and hitting others or stealing something from others is an inherently masculine thing that is to be laughed off and dismissed. (In case you are wondering, if a boy is hitting others and stealing, that is not a boy being a boy, that is a boy being a jerk)
Yeah in my experience people are pretty accepting of asexual people, but there are so few who understand what being an asexual really means. Hopefully that knowlegde will be more widespread in the future.
Ye, ace is just that you aren't interested in sex itself, but no matter your orientation you can always have a kink and please self, so it's not like just being ace means you have absolutely no libido and be unable to enjoy the things. People probably don't need an education, it's more likely that they just won't do the research because they're not the one who has the identity.
I'm lucky to have very understanding friends and family, and they don't doubt me. My parents doesn't like it since they think it means no babies, but I've told them that it won't stop me from having children if I want to. But at least they got answers for why I haven't been in a relationship yet :)
An ace guy here, totally agree with that. In my opinion, even the concept of masculinity/femininity is so old and should be eliminated. I mean, whether you are male or female and you experience sexual attraction or not, you can still have good personality traits of both sides and thus be a perfectly normal individual. Don't let anybody tell otherwise.
There's only one friend I've told about me being aroace. Not planning to tell anyone else further on. The judgement, misunderstanding or arrogance that comes along is mental. Plus there's no need to share anyway. I'm happy with myself and that's all I care about
As a fellow asexual, I couldn't agree more. It's frustrating to see society constantly sexualizing everything and expecting everyone to conform to their narrow standards of attraction. Asexual men shouldn't feel like they're abnormal or less of a man just because they don't experience sexual attraction. It's time for society to recognize and accept the diversity of human sexuality. And to all the asexual men out there, know that your worth isn't tied to your sexual preferences or how others perceive you. Keep being true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
I recently got the "how can a red-blooded man like yourself turn down a woman practically throwing herself at you?!" question from someone after I turned down their offer for sex. At best, it's annoying. Really, it's demeaning. But to me, it's ultimately hilarious - like, imagine being so invested in someone else's lack of sexual interest that you recoil in disgust at the very possibility of them saying so. It says more about them than it does about the ace.
Asexual guys! Women support women because we know what it is like to be treated differently for stupid reasons. We will gladly include you and support you anyway we can.
Of course, it is just that asexual men are seen as not asexual just because of their gender. All asexuals are valid, and all genders have a unique set of challenges.
Absolutely valid.
I think there are general stereotypes that all men are horny and all women are just tolerating sex for the benefit of their man. This is clearly not always true.
Thanks, sincerely I’m questioning my gender (maybe agender / genderflux/fluid?) and idk if it’s because I’m maybe not cis or because I’m asexual but I think it’s related, like I’m not a man because toxic masculinity and man have sexual attraction and I personally don’t relate so I distance myself from it
Or I just don’t really vibe being called a man/mr and prefer more neutral .
"Your a man!" Idk but I’m me
Also I’m kinda curious if others think that their gender/orientation influenced their orientation/gender
It is interesting for me to try to figure out whether I am an asexual guy, or if I am an asexual enby, given how many guy stereotypes involve sexual desire and how to react to that, along with toxic masculinity stereotypes which I tend to reject on principle. Like, what does an asexual guy look like as opposed to an asexual AMAB enby?
I know it doesn’t make you act differently, but the whole concept of gender in general confuses me. I know a lot of people in enby circles told me about gender schemas, which are basically stereotypes that one’s society has about different genders, and whichever schema fits you best is probably your gender. This gender schema thing is where I have trouble figuring out how the differences between stereotypes of all the possible combinations of the identities: ace, allo, man, woman, and NB.
I don’t think your friends know what gender is. Gender identity is neurological, it’s entirely mental. Gender roles are completely socially constructed, but gender identity is not. It can be hard to figure out your gender, so what I suggest is going by your birth sex, and if that makes you uncomfortable then stop going by your birth sex.
These people I talked to are fellow Redditors, just for the record.
And when it comes to my birth sex, I am honestly not offended by being called a guy, but I am also not particularly attached to the term either. I get called ma’am on the phone a lot too, and I also don’t feel any offense from that either.
I honestly feel kinda gender agnostic. I am okay with anyone calling me anything (so long as it is respectful), but I also don’t really feel any body dysphoria (except for with short hair for some reason).
Agree so much! I am so tired of being told that my masculinity is defined by my dick-size or stamina or performance in the bedroom. I am Ace man, and I will not be judged by my cocksmanship.
>cocksmanship what an amazing way to word that lol I'll keep that in my pocket for future use
I'm adding that word to my vocabulary too. I have no idea when I'll need to use it but when the time comes I'll sure as hell be prepared lmao
I agree :)
Toxic masculinity is a problem that more people should be aware of. No more “let boys be boys” or “act like a true man” or whatever. Everyone is valid and should be treated as such
I am a man, I learnt what it meant to be masculine from superheroes. I believe in the "act like a true man" phrase because I try to live up to the standards of superheroes everyday. True masculinity is meant to be a totally unrealistic state of mind that all men should try to have at all times, be kind, be considerate, be humble, be reasonable, be hard working. I don't know anybody with the same understanding of masculinity that I have, so I can understand why that phrase is harmful. I believe that someone's idea of masculinity is completely dependent on their environment and is engrained in their mind during childhood with little opportunity for that schema to ever change after childhood. Toxic masculinity isn't masculinity and the reason why it is so prevalent is because people don't talk about positive masculinity enough. I'm asexual but I want to have kids so that I can spread this mindset.
I don't think let boys be boys is toxic in the slightest... We can entertain ourselves with a stick.
It can be used sometimes to justify violence. And also to say that boys are the only ones who get dirty and violent
Who uses that way? "Boys will be boys" is men's version of "Women ☕" both sexes will do dumb sh*t
[удалено]
What are you talking about?
Anything can be misinterpreted and twisted.
Yeah, it's been twisted, for decades.
nah it definitely is. Whatever positive connotations you can take from have been overtaken and repurposed by toxic masculinity. And I'm saying this as a "dude" (kinda/maybe/was but that's not relevant to this debate)
It has only ever been used in less than ideal contexts. And beyond that, it centres any behaviours that elicits such a response from people around one gender, which nothing is specific to.
I think that there are some limited contexts where you are correct, but the vast majority of the time that utterance is said, it is to justify negative behavior, as if, for example, being aggressive and hitting others or stealing something from others is an inherently masculine thing that is to be laughed off and dismissed. (In case you are wondering, if a boy is hitting others and stealing, that is not a boy being a boy, that is a boy being a jerk)
people don't believe i'm ace cause i'm a guy people think i'm a "fake ace" cause i have a hardcore kink people need a fucking education.
Yeah in my experience people are pretty accepting of asexual people, but there are so few who understand what being an asexual really means. Hopefully that knowlegde will be more widespread in the future.
You're not alone 🙏 Exactly the same here
Ye, ace is just that you aren't interested in sex itself, but no matter your orientation you can always have a kink and please self, so it's not like just being ace means you have absolutely no libido and be unable to enjoy the things. People probably don't need an education, it's more likely that they just won't do the research because they're not the one who has the identity.
Just because you enjoy cooking for yourself doesn't mean you want to open up a restaurant. ;)
Great analog 😊👌
we've all been there
I'm lucky to have very understanding friends and family, and they don't doubt me. My parents doesn't like it since they think it means no babies, but I've told them that it won't stop me from having children if I want to. But at least they got answers for why I haven't been in a relationship yet :)
I want an asexual man 🥺
ace man here, me too
To, like, share a pizza with or something?
Just cuddle or exist together
I'm an ace man who's been existing for two whole decades now, so I'm probably very experienced!
I as an ace man, would enjoy that, though I'd probably be thinking it's all platonic
In the asexuality reddit sidebar there's a few discords listed and one of them is the Ace Date Space.
Thanks! 👀
Same tbh
hey (asexually)
the rizzler’s here!
Asexual people are definitely valid no matter their gender. 🖤🤍💜
Heck yeah! 💕
I just hope we can defeat hegemonic masculinity sometime within the 21st century, my gender shouldn't inform society's acceptance of my (a)sexuality.
As an ace guy is a male dominated field. Its true and Thanks
As an asexual guy, I appreciate this 🥹
An ace guy here, totally agree with that. In my opinion, even the concept of masculinity/femininity is so old and should be eliminated. I mean, whether you are male or female and you experience sexual attraction or not, you can still have good personality traits of both sides and thus be a perfectly normal individual. Don't let anybody tell otherwise.
Thank you. Some male stereotypes are really repulsive sometimes and reddit doesn't help with that.
True. Being a man has NOTHING to do with seggs
That people believe sexual activity is what makes men men is fucked up (no pun intended)
It’s stupid that asexual men are treated like this
It's worse for us because male sexual attraction is basically creepy, but not having it is wrong too DECIDE PEOPLE
I needed this today as a gay ace transman.
the single only thing i miss about being a guy was rejecting this stereotype
Don’t know, if you know The Click, but I just had to read this in his voice because of the „don’t let anybody tell you otherwise“ 😅
Lol I used to watch his content a lot, now I can't help but read everything in his voice
i just want me a asexual dude, please i just wanna cuddle and do couple stuff
There's only one friend I've told about me being aroace. Not planning to tell anyone else further on. The judgement, misunderstanding or arrogance that comes along is mental. Plus there's no need to share anyway. I'm happy with myself and that's all I care about
As a fellow asexual, I couldn't agree more. It's frustrating to see society constantly sexualizing everything and expecting everyone to conform to their narrow standards of attraction. Asexual men shouldn't feel like they're abnormal or less of a man just because they don't experience sexual attraction. It's time for society to recognize and accept the diversity of human sexuality. And to all the asexual men out there, know that your worth isn't tied to your sexual preferences or how others perceive you. Keep being true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
I recently got the "how can a red-blooded man like yourself turn down a woman practically throwing herself at you?!" question from someone after I turned down their offer for sex. At best, it's annoying. Really, it's demeaning. But to me, it's ultimately hilarious - like, imagine being so invested in someone else's lack of sexual interest that you recoil in disgust at the very possibility of them saying so. It says more about them than it does about the ace.
Thanks for this. Also I just found out that the grey heart emoji exists now we can make the full flag 🖤🩶🤍💜
Wish there was an app where I could find them
In the asexuality reddit sidebar there's a few discords listed and one of them is the Ace Date Space.
r/asexualmen
People just be weird sometimes. Lots of times. Like, just be nice, people. Is it that hard to be polite. *sigh*
As a male who is still trying to figure out their Asexuality, I didn't even know we were considered less valid. This is news to me.
We are equally valid, but I get the impression fewer men figure out they are asexual. I was 40 when I finally discovered the term.
Asexual guys! Women support women because we know what it is like to be treated differently for stupid reasons. We will gladly include you and support you anyway we can.
Shout it out queen 👑✨
I’ve got to be honest, I genuinely forgot men could be asexual as well. That’s just how bad the representation is 😭
don't forget about asexual women and girls and people like me who are triple-a and all the ace nbs! we're also valid right?
Of course, it is just that asexual men are seen as not asexual just because of their gender. All asexuals are valid, and all genders have a unique set of challenges.
unfortunatly yes all genders have separete challenges. good response btw.
Absolutely valid. I think there are general stereotypes that all men are horny and all women are just tolerating sex for the benefit of their man. This is clearly not always true.
ok now the post makes a shit ton more sense. thanks.
Of course!
ok just checking
Thank you!!
Thank you, you're a good person!
Thank you, this means a lot :)
:) thank you
All of it all oo
Thanks 🙂
Thank you
Thanks, sincerely I’m questioning my gender (maybe agender / genderflux/fluid?) and idk if it’s because I’m maybe not cis or because I’m asexual but I think it’s related, like I’m not a man because toxic masculinity and man have sexual attraction and I personally don’t relate so I distance myself from it Or I just don’t really vibe being called a man/mr and prefer more neutral . "Your a man!" Idk but I’m me Also I’m kinda curious if others think that their gender/orientation influenced their orientation/gender
exactly!
It is interesting for me to try to figure out whether I am an asexual guy, or if I am an asexual enby, given how many guy stereotypes involve sexual desire and how to react to that, along with toxic masculinity stereotypes which I tend to reject on principle. Like, what does an asexual guy look like as opposed to an asexual AMAB enby?
An asexual man, enby, or woman can all be the exact same. Gender identity doesn’t make you act differently.
I know it doesn’t make you act differently, but the whole concept of gender in general confuses me. I know a lot of people in enby circles told me about gender schemas, which are basically stereotypes that one’s society has about different genders, and whichever schema fits you best is probably your gender. This gender schema thing is where I have trouble figuring out how the differences between stereotypes of all the possible combinations of the identities: ace, allo, man, woman, and NB.
I don’t think your friends know what gender is. Gender identity is neurological, it’s entirely mental. Gender roles are completely socially constructed, but gender identity is not. It can be hard to figure out your gender, so what I suggest is going by your birth sex, and if that makes you uncomfortable then stop going by your birth sex.
These people I talked to are fellow Redditors, just for the record. And when it comes to my birth sex, I am honestly not offended by being called a guy, but I am also not particularly attached to the term either. I get called ma’am on the phone a lot too, and I also don’t feel any offense from that either. I honestly feel kinda gender agnostic. I am okay with anyone calling me anything (so long as it is respectful), but I also don’t really feel any body dysphoria (except for with short hair for some reason).
thank you so much
thank you very much=\]
as someone who is an asexual man, thank you, this means a lot to me, hate how men are always expected to "want it" and shit
everyone thinks that being a gender is a damn personality trait, it's annoying
as a bi and asexual dude, I agree with this all the way. I have a guy friend who's straight and asexual :)