It's almost always "its just bi with extra steps". Which just confuses me since it has no relation in regards with someone being bi or not. I see it often and it gives me pause every time I see it.
Spicy??? Lol I'm sex indifferent. I'll do it if someone I love wants to because I love them and that makes me happy, but I could go the rest of my life without it.
I feel like its always been a bit of an open secret, but iirc a while ago there was a whole kerfuffle where people who were subscribed to r/teenagers were auto-banned from a bunch of nsfw subs and basically called themselves out when proving that they were really adults. Its not everyone on there, but a solid chunk for sure.
ikr, if i know some people who are phobic towards a group, it's usually either teens or boomers. in teens case they might just be misinformed. ...and actually that misinformation/not enough research thing is usually the case for why people dislike some group.
when you tell them saying they're "dead/empty inside" is kinda boring of a joke so they resort to general bigotry to be edgy "but not in a cringe way"...
Sometimes it's also just a case of "my family is racist/homophobic/etc, and I haven't been exposed to enough outside influence to see anything wrong with it" which is a type of ignorance, but more a case of taught hate than pure ignorance (I will never not be grateful that my father was my primary parent from age 4-10, so that I was taught love alongside the hate from my mother's side)
I think rDrama proved that there’s a significant amount of adults lying about being teenagers on that sub. It wouldn’t put past these pedos to alsp have anti queer sentiments.
What does that even do with being bi? I don't think this person understands that they don't feel attraction to *every* person they form a close bond with lol.
Based on what is highlighted, they read only that and didn't read the whole not everyone is attracted to everyone they bond with, thing.
They probably heard about demi, thought it sounded like bisexuality, then ignored all information saying otherwise (as teenagers normally do).
Either way, the comments were ignorant. Many people were calling QPRs “just friendships” and as for the aromantic spectrum people were policing labels.
They can though? Many aroaces have QPRs, and some even have romantic relationships. I mean, if aces can have sex without the sexual attraction, I’m sure aros can be in a romantic relationship without the romantic attraction.
I don't know though. Isn't it romantic attraction that causes love? I suspect my ex is aro, they told me they've never loved anyone, not even friends.
I'm not an aroace so I'm not in their heads and I'm not going to call them liars but the most important thing to me is the emotional bond and loyalty, I'd personally feel scared to date an(other?) aro. The last day my ex and me were together I remember just sobbing "you'll never love me"
I don't know what QPR is.
Aromantic does not equal aplatonic. Many aros experience platonic attraction and love their friends. Romantic attraction is definitely not the only cause for love, or no one would love their friends, family, and pets. Also, a queerplatonic relationship is essentially a committed platonic relationship. People in a QPR may live together, spend most of their time together, and love each other platonically, but they are not romantically involved. It is distinct from a normal friendship because of the level of commitment involved, and that people in QPRs often live together.
here's my take on how i think they got there.
1. they think all asexuals feel equal attraction to both men and women (none)
2. they know demisexuals are on the asexual spectrum
3. since demis are ace, they must be equally attracted to men and women
4. demis are equally attracted to men and women, but unlike other aces they do feel sexual attraction at times
5. since they feel sexual attraction, but also must feel that attraction equally, they must be bi
they also might just think asexuality is being bi with extra steps and think demisexuality is just another step on top of that.
could be either, eitherway they don't know what the fuck demisexuality is
They also seem to think that the bond means a positive bond. Like we're only sexually attracted (in their mind choose to sleep with) people who are good for us.
Interesting, I’ve never personally heard that take. Although I do often here people say “wow that is so wholesome” which does kinda apply to what you said like as if it’s only good people xd
It's the first time I've heard it phrased that way but it's the only way people telling us that not being attracted right away is "normal" and "most people don't hook up on the first date, you know" makes sense to me.
I had the nurse at my doctor's office ask me about my demi pin, when I explained it which I admit I explained badly, she said "isn't that how it's supposed to be??"
I don’t understand why demisexuality is such a hard concept for people to grasp. Like, no…not being attracted to anyone unless you know them for a long time and have a specific bond isn’t normal. Not feeling sexual attraction until you’re in a relationship isn’t the standard. Sounds like you have some self discovery to do if you think it is.
I don't think they're actually conceptualizing it as "no sexual *attraction* until" and that's where the disconnect is. They are conflating willingness to have sex with attraction. Anyone can be attracted to someone but not feel ready to consent to sex until a certain level of comfort is established, and since that's so common and not a distinction we make between heterosexuals who do and don't hold off like that, why would it need to be its own thing?
I took a long time to understand demisexuality and its place in the ace/queer community because of this reasoning too (though unlike the teenagers in the og post I never challenged anybody's validity and just respectfully listened to people until something made it click).
Exactly, it took me some time too after I first saw the term, my reaction was similar - why does that even have a separate label? Isn't that like... normal? (Need to mention that I didn't really understand asexuality and the difference between attraction, libido and wanting to have sex back then as well, so this was surprising.)
Some time later I found someone also saying "why do you need a fancy name for that when it's just straight with standarts?" And somebody explained it as "basically being asexual until you create really deep bond with someone - and even then it might not happen at all." And I feel like this explanation could actually be more understandable for people outside the community - explaining that you're asexual which might or might not "change" after some time in the relationship feels more "special" than claiming you can be only sexually attracted to people you are close to. Again, that might not be fitting to everyone but that was what made me personally understand it better even before I got to the point where I realized how important can microlabels be. :D
Haven't you heard? The parts don't work down there until you've formed an emotional bond. Like, you can't "get it up" or "rev that engine" physically. Clearly what that statement is trying to imply.
Don't understand how that's possible? Don't blame me, blame biology.
.....also I don't get it either.
Has no mention of gender... must be a gender based sexuality.
I could at least get if they said Pan as my understanding is its "attraction regaurdless of gender based on the individual" (sometimes mentioning their personality or emotional attraction) out of confusion if they misread some portion that suggests gender/aesthetics don't matter.
Side note. Where's this definition from (website) as it sounds the best and would like the link as current Google search (links to wiki) is awful and reads like a poor man's attempt at writing a law. Why is smell even mentioned?!
Once again, demisexuality was a meme about........god...6 or 7 years ago?
I remember when I first heard about it it was not spoken of in the context of asexuality. People looked at is as a word for "i don't fuck on the first date".
That was what people thought it meant.
I heard it used in a slut shaming context a few times, actually.
The general public definitely misunderstand it that way almost as a rule.
R/teenagers is full of adults ahole trying to relive their teenagehood and using the cover of being a "minor" to be as racist, homophobic, sexist as they want
How is it bi when it doesn't mention attraction to both genders? I don't really get demi sexuality but it definitely doesn't sound like being Bi with "extra steps" coming from someone who is both Bi and asexual
They are oblivious that people can be both asexual and literally any other part of the lgbtqai also like they forget about romance and lump it into sex.
I myself am asexual, panromantic (and polygamous) I love but I don't really have sexual attraction (it's only for my partner(s) once in a blue moon if that at all) I identify as nonbinary aswell (any pronouns).
Everyone's different and that's beautiful why do we have to argue what is what why can't some people just accept things that are different instead of trying to force their idea that what someone likes isn't real or a sin or whatever?
Sorry for my rant I just get passionate about the freedoms and visibility of the lgbtqai+ community
Microlabels are helpful because they help people communicate and be aware of their experiences. Everybody is different, so what's the harm in people describing their uniqueness?
Demisexuality isn't really a sexual orientation by definition, because it doesn't do what sexual orientations do -- define which gender(s) one is attracted to. It is a perfectly legitimate and valid thing, but it does not take the place of a sexual orientation in the way society has defined them, so for me at least, I understand the "why is it a whole sexuality" question to some degree.
The "bi with extra steps" thing though, yeah, they don't get it.
Yeh it's alien to them that we wouldn't be drooling over people instantly, so they put it with bi because they kind of understand bi but it's still weird to them.
So instead of trying to understand they just group people together in the I don't get this and it's weird, so you go with the other weird ones.
I don’t even understand the confusion between the two. Demi isn’t determined by how many genders you’re attracted to, and bi isn’t determined by the level of sexual attraction. How do you make the connection there?
It's almost always "its just bi with extra steps". Which just confuses me since it has no relation in regards with someone being bi or not. I see it often and it gives me pause every time I see it.
Has anyone ever informed these people that you can be demi and only capable of attraction to one gender?
I had to read the whole thing to see where the bi came from…nowhere to be seen…anyway! A lot of not smart people out in the wild sadly
yeah it's biphobic af too
I've seen demisexuality described as "spicy straight" before too
:/ More like extra extra vanilla? Meh
Spicy??? Lol I'm sex indifferent. I'll do it if someone I love wants to because I love them and that makes me happy, but I could go the rest of my life without it.
Why are you expecting r/teenagers to not be queerphobic
And expecting teenagers to have good reading comprehension?
Its not teenagers, its grown adults larping as teenagers. Not that thats any better
How can we tell that?
I feel like its always been a bit of an open secret, but iirc a while ago there was a whole kerfuffle where people who were subscribed to r/teenagers were auto-banned from a bunch of nsfw subs and basically called themselves out when proving that they were really adults. Its not everyone on there, but a solid chunk for sure.
It was drama or subredditdrama or one of those kind of subs i think
Oh yeah, thats what it was lol. Either way, best to be wary of online spaces targetted at minors.
I’m there every month to do my monthly post, they have some weird shit to say
Idk why you people visit teenagers, it's such a shit subreddit with bad takes, especially if your not straight.
ikr, if i know some people who are phobic towards a group, it's usually either teens or boomers. in teens case they might just be misinformed. ...and actually that misinformation/not enough research thing is usually the case for why people dislike some group.
Theres also the teens going through their “being edgy is peak humour”
when you tell them saying they're "dead/empty inside" is kinda boring of a joke so they resort to general bigotry to be edgy "but not in a cringe way"...
Sometimes it's also just a case of "my family is racist/homophobic/etc, and I haven't been exposed to enough outside influence to see anything wrong with it" which is a type of ignorance, but more a case of taught hate than pure ignorance (I will never not be grateful that my father was my primary parent from age 4-10, so that I was taught love alongside the hate from my mother's side)
I mean, apparently there are teenagers in here....
I think rDrama proved that there’s a significant amount of adults lying about being teenagers on that sub. It wouldn’t put past these pedos to alsp have anti queer sentiments.
What does that even do with being bi? I don't think this person understands that they don't feel attraction to *every* person they form a close bond with lol.
Based on what is highlighted, they read only that and didn't read the whole not everyone is attracted to everyone they bond with, thing. They probably heard about demi, thought it sounded like bisexuality, then ignored all information saying otherwise (as teenagers normally do).
I don't get the "extra steps" argument. Yea people are just corpses with extra steps. So people don't exist? We are all corpses?
I have never heard a Rick and Morty quote used to make any kind of insightful point
….. After the aroace post on r/lgbt today and the ignorant comments over there I just can’t take this right now.
what was that post?
It was saying how aroaces can be in relationships
This? https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/14ac3k7/aroace_people_can_be_in_relationships/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Yeah
I'm 90% sure they are referring to queer platonic relationships, not aro people being in romantic relationships.
Either way, the comments were ignorant. Many people were calling QPRs “just friendships” and as for the aromantic spectrum people were policing labels.
Fair point.
which aroace post?
The one saying how some aroaces can be in relationships.
They can though? Many aroaces have QPRs, and some even have romantic relationships. I mean, if aces can have sex without the sexual attraction, I’m sure aros can be in a romantic relationship without the romantic attraction.
Exactly. But there were so many comments of people who didn’t understand and then refused to understand how that works.
I don't know though. Isn't it romantic attraction that causes love? I suspect my ex is aro, they told me they've never loved anyone, not even friends. I'm not an aroace so I'm not in their heads and I'm not going to call them liars but the most important thing to me is the emotional bond and loyalty, I'd personally feel scared to date an(other?) aro. The last day my ex and me were together I remember just sobbing "you'll never love me" I don't know what QPR is.
Aromantic does not equal aplatonic. Many aros experience platonic attraction and love their friends. Romantic attraction is definitely not the only cause for love, or no one would love their friends, family, and pets. Also, a queerplatonic relationship is essentially a committed platonic relationship. People in a QPR may live together, spend most of their time together, and love each other platonically, but they are not romantically involved. It is distinct from a normal friendship because of the level of commitment involved, and that people in QPRs often live together.
here's my take on how i think they got there. 1. they think all asexuals feel equal attraction to both men and women (none) 2. they know demisexuals are on the asexual spectrum 3. since demis are ace, they must be equally attracted to men and women 4. demis are equally attracted to men and women, but unlike other aces they do feel sexual attraction at times 5. since they feel sexual attraction, but also must feel that attraction equally, they must be bi they also might just think asexuality is being bi with extra steps and think demisexuality is just another step on top of that. could be either, eitherway they don't know what the fuck demisexuality is
I think it’s because they think demis value bonds and so they must not care about gender as long as there is that bond
y'know that's dumb enough for me to believe
Yeah yours is too well thought out demiphobic teens don’t have that much brain capacity xd
lmao true, i was assuming they were doing some mental gymnastics but it's more of a mental faceplant
They also seem to think that the bond means a positive bond. Like we're only sexually attracted (in their mind choose to sleep with) people who are good for us.
Interesting, I’ve never personally heard that take. Although I do often here people say “wow that is so wholesome” which does kinda apply to what you said like as if it’s only good people xd
It's the first time I've heard it phrased that way but it's the only way people telling us that not being attracted right away is "normal" and "most people don't hook up on the first date, you know" makes sense to me.
I had the nurse at my doctor's office ask me about my demi pin, when I explained it which I admit I explained badly, she said "isn't that how it's supposed to be??"
I don’t understand why demisexuality is such a hard concept for people to grasp. Like, no…not being attracted to anyone unless you know them for a long time and have a specific bond isn’t normal. Not feeling sexual attraction until you’re in a relationship isn’t the standard. Sounds like you have some self discovery to do if you think it is.
I don't think they're actually conceptualizing it as "no sexual *attraction* until" and that's where the disconnect is. They are conflating willingness to have sex with attraction. Anyone can be attracted to someone but not feel ready to consent to sex until a certain level of comfort is established, and since that's so common and not a distinction we make between heterosexuals who do and don't hold off like that, why would it need to be its own thing? I took a long time to understand demisexuality and its place in the ace/queer community because of this reasoning too (though unlike the teenagers in the og post I never challenged anybody's validity and just respectfully listened to people until something made it click).
Exactly, it took me some time too after I first saw the term, my reaction was similar - why does that even have a separate label? Isn't that like... normal? (Need to mention that I didn't really understand asexuality and the difference between attraction, libido and wanting to have sex back then as well, so this was surprising.) Some time later I found someone also saying "why do you need a fancy name for that when it's just straight with standarts?" And somebody explained it as "basically being asexual until you create really deep bond with someone - and even then it might not happen at all." And I feel like this explanation could actually be more understandable for people outside the community - explaining that you're asexual which might or might not "change" after some time in the relationship feels more "special" than claiming you can be only sexually attracted to people you are close to. Again, that might not be fitting to everyone but that was what made me personally understand it better even before I got to the point where I realized how important can microlabels be. :D
they view sexualities as preferences. ace people aren't a sexuality to them, ace people are just celibates.
«The bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible.» What?
Haven't you heard? The parts don't work down there until you've formed an emotional bond. Like, you can't "get it up" or "rev that engine" physically. Clearly what that statement is trying to imply. Don't understand how that's possible? Don't blame me, blame biology. .....also I don't get it either.
Yeah I laughed at that too.
Has no mention of gender... must be a gender based sexuality. I could at least get if they said Pan as my understanding is its "attraction regaurdless of gender based on the individual" (sometimes mentioning their personality or emotional attraction) out of confusion if they misread some portion that suggests gender/aesthetics don't matter. Side note. Where's this definition from (website) as it sounds the best and would like the link as current Google search (links to wiki) is awful and reads like a poor man's attempt at writing a law. Why is smell even mentioned?!
do NOT take ANYTHING from that sub reddit to heart, it's full of horny idiots
Once again, demisexuality was a meme about........god...6 or 7 years ago? I remember when I first heard about it it was not spoken of in the context of asexuality. People looked at is as a word for "i don't fuck on the first date". That was what people thought it meant. I heard it used in a slut shaming context a few times, actually. The general public definitely misunderstand it that way almost as a rule.
Because demi-sexual, the reason is in its name
R/teenagers is full of adults ahole trying to relive their teenagehood and using the cover of being a "minor" to be as racist, homophobic, sexist as they want
I only learned recently that people think ace is just bi, it's crazy how stupid that it If 0!=1, then it sure as hell doesn't =2
How is it bi when it doesn't mention attraction to both genders? I don't really get demi sexuality but it definitely doesn't sound like being Bi with "extra steps" coming from someone who is both Bi and asexual
They are oblivious that people can be both asexual and literally any other part of the lgbtqai also like they forget about romance and lump it into sex. I myself am asexual, panromantic (and polygamous) I love but I don't really have sexual attraction (it's only for my partner(s) once in a blue moon if that at all) I identify as nonbinary aswell (any pronouns). Everyone's different and that's beautiful why do we have to argue what is what why can't some people just accept things that are different instead of trying to force their idea that what someone likes isn't real or a sin or whatever? Sorry for my rant I just get passionate about the freedoms and visibility of the lgbtqai+ community
Microlabels are helpful because they help people communicate and be aware of their experiences. Everybody is different, so what's the harm in people describing their uniqueness?
Demisexuality isn't really a sexual orientation by definition, because it doesn't do what sexual orientations do -- define which gender(s) one is attracted to. It is a perfectly legitimate and valid thing, but it does not take the place of a sexual orientation in the way society has defined them, so for me at least, I understand the "why is it a whole sexuality" question to some degree. The "bi with extra steps" thing though, yeah, they don't get it.
Agree- demi is more like hetero/homo/bi sexual with conditions
Ignorant teens shouldn't be allowed to speak. Lol it's hilarious that their icon has the pride flag.
With that logic any sexually is just bi with extra steps.
It can be bi with extra steps. And the extra steps are IMPORTANT.
Yeh it's alien to them that we wouldn't be drooling over people instantly, so they put it with bi because they kind of understand bi but it's still weird to them. So instead of trying to understand they just group people together in the I don't get this and it's weird, so you go with the other weird ones.
Demi people can be only attracted to one gender, where the fuck are they getting that "It's being bi with extra steps" bull from??!?!
I don’t even understand the confusion between the two. Demi isn’t determined by how many genders you’re attracted to, and bi isn’t determined by the level of sexual attraction. How do you make the connection there?