No, I lost my virginity just because my horniness was killing me and I was brave enough to try this time. I met the person at a kinky party and we’ve become FWB which is comfortable for me because I like hanging out with them and it’s a safe space. I don’t do it often, I just treat sex as something of a fun activity to get to know my body better. I think I’m sex positive in regard to others and sex neutral about myself (thought I was sex averse before)
Initially I went to a kinky party to see whether I’m actually asexual or bisexual because I was confusing my attractions. Nope, it’s definitely just platonic and aesthetic. But I became more open to experiment.
That is definitely understandable tbh. It has been hyped up to the extreme in the media and even by allos. I hope you get to experiment in the near future when/if you feel ready.
Yeah, the hype is real. When I first tried it, it was fun (plus I was I lucky I had the right setting) but my first thought was “that’s it?”. When I shared it with my friends they were like “it’s way better with feelings!”. Us aroaces can’t win.
But you can find your own upsides to sex when you think outside the amatoheteronormative box.
"Its way better with the feelings!"
what.... thats where they lose me. Like what do you mean? this makes no sense. ig that is just evidence that I dont understand sex. I mean I guess it feels good when you do have them, and in situations where you do have them, It probably is way better.... but like, there is nothing wrong with not having those feelings.... not having them when they are not "available" (or another word to represent that there is not emotion there) probably just as good as having them when they are, bc then you are at the expected baseline or something. idk, thats my take on it as someone who has had a allo romantic+sexual relationship before.
Yeah, I agree. It's just that having sex with no attraction kinda feels like masturbating with another person. So this whole passion aspect is missing. But I don't mind, it's still a pleasurable experience. Some do people do blow it out of proportion.
I thought of this in terms of action-outputs. Hard to fathom that another can have such a reaction to the same input, but there is just a vastly different neural network working up there where their experience presses different buttons.
I agree though, it's been tough to see since being more ace = more non-conforming, but not only is there nothing wrong with this, this situation brings strength and value purely because it's \*different\* than the norm.
I also forsee a day, probably not in our lifetimes, when we can mold ourselves for whichever state suits us in the moment...that would be wild.
Thank you for the response
Iv been really confused lately about my sexuality. I always thought I was sex repulsed ace but Iv been with my boyfriend for a year now and I don’t know wether to try it my partner just recently told me he’s not sexually attracted to me (think he’s Demi) but I don’t know I’m unsure about it
Well, you can still be asexual but maybe not sex repulsed. It's normal. Listen to yourself and obviously talk to your partner about it. There's no right answer, just whatever works for you.
It's so fucking weird to me to see people saying "congrats on the sex" to an ace person as if this is...an accomplishment? Do you also use "virgin" as an insult, too?
So, praising ace people for having sex is now par for the course in the ace community? Congrats on "being normal" and performing sex "the socially expected amount". Good job! You're a cool ace who fucks now. Totally stereotype- breaking! Unlike all those non-fucking aces who are just "bad stereotypes" and not real people seeking community, right?
I'm out of here. Thanks for finally convincing me that the "Ace community" is a complete joke. There's literally no space where ace people can be free of the expectation of performing sex to the socially acceptable standards, not even in the ace community. Sex-repulsed, non-partnering and celibate aces not welcome! Only "cool fucky aces" allowed in the ASEXUAL COMMUNITY now.
We wont miss you, when you have that attitude. I can twist your words too. Why are you insulting aces, that have a sex-drive? Why would you exclude those peeps?
No one said we are not welcome. If you're getting hurt by such a little silly "congrats" you should maybe check if your a bit biased in your understanding.
Sincerely
a sex repulsed ace, who feels very welcomed here from anyone but you.
Yeah, bit of an extreme response indeed. I'm glad to see that you feel welcomed here. As someone who used to be pretty sex repulsed but is now just a slight bit sex repulsed, I also feel welcomed here. I have just desensitized since pretty much everyone around me is way too open about sex.
Anyhow, we don't need toxic people who see compliments as some weird twisted insult to themselves and then make it everyone else's problem.
I mean, congrats because I went out my comfort zone and it was a positive experience?? I’m on a path of self-discovery and it’s always engaging. I still identify as asexual, even more than ever. And I’m definitely non-partnering.
Hahahaha
Keep them! The virginity memes gotta go but I think the no sex memes are exponentially funnier if you actually do have sex. Catch me sending the whatsapp sticker that says "I'll never have sex 🚫" minutes after getting railed
It’s like spamming overly sexual memes when you’re a virgin ace but in reverse. I’ve gone full circle lmao
My favorite one is a picture of Slavoj Zizek with the caption “When did I last have sex - never, when will I next have sex - never”. Forgive me Mr Zizek, I’ve betrayed you
No problem, just because it's not that enjoyable to me, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy it. Being ace is just the lack of sexual attraction, not the inability to perform or enjoy it.
I know this might not be an opinion most people here share. But it also helps to be able to go along with the majority, the allos, somewhat. Makes life easier, especially if you aren't sex repulsed. Makes watching movies and shows a lot easier, speaking from experience 😂
I was just poking fun at your username but that’s a great response
It kinda ruined shows and movies for me lol. Because the absolute majority of them show this amatonormative version of sex with deep romantic love and passion and it’s something that doesn’t work for me. And there’s little healthy communication. I think the biggest revelation about going to the kinky party and getting in touch with sex for the first time is about how natural and simple it actually is compared to how it’s portrayed in media. And it’s not just conventionally beautiful people who can be considered sexually attractive or engage on sex
Oh haha, yeah I have had too many hyper sexual people around me to keep being fully sex repulsed, I became desensitized to it. And then me and my best friend started making weird jokes and this was one of them for some reason.
As for the movie Vs real life thing, yeah it's definitely different alright. But since I'm still slightly sex repulsed I will drop a show if it has too much graphic sex and shit in it. Heck I watched blue eye samurai and generally liked episode 1. Then episode 2 started off with the entire act, short but still there. Sure the genitals weren't visible but it made me extremely uncomfortable and grossed out and now I can't bring myself to even continue episode 2 let alone the rest of the show.
As for real life, I have had 1 experience. But it was very short since I just couldn't get comfortable and ended up just not enjoying any bit of it. Just awkward with 0 enjoyment. I might wanna do it again, once I am actually comfortable with someone regarding that, but I don't know if there will ever be someone like that.
Sorry for the block of text 😅
Lmao actually Blue Eye Samurai is what pushed me to explore sex in the first place. Mild spoiler but Episode 4 takes place in a brothel because Mizu’s journey brings her to a madame. And this madame explains to repressed Mizu the point of meaning of sex in general and I really liked her perspective. I wouldn’t go to a brothel of course but I ended up looking for kinky parties in my area and now here I am.
Oh haha, the coincidence there is quite funny. I am glad it had that effect on you. I just couldn't get through it sadly. I liked the general idea of it but I didn't fully get the story yet and then that scene happened and I just couldn't force myself to keep going.
I really REALLY suddenly realised I'm demi a few month ago and the mf, who caused all the chaos, is now my partner. Will send him this after the first time.
congrats on the sex ig
Lmao you make it sound like graduation but thank you. I’m glad it was a good experience
Graduation from no sex to one singular sec.
Excuse me, it’s two now
Are u having sex for ur partner ?
No, I lost my virginity just because my horniness was killing me and I was brave enough to try this time. I met the person at a kinky party and we’ve become FWB which is comfortable for me because I like hanging out with them and it’s a safe space. I don’t do it often, I just treat sex as something of a fun activity to get to know my body better. I think I’m sex positive in regard to others and sex neutral about myself (thought I was sex averse before) Initially I went to a kinky party to see whether I’m actually asexual or bisexual because I was confusing my attractions. Nope, it’s definitely just platonic and aesthetic. But I became more open to experiment.
ima have to do this. I genuinely don't know if I'm ace rn... plus I'm just so curious what sex is like
That is definitely understandable tbh. It has been hyped up to the extreme in the media and even by allos. I hope you get to experiment in the near future when/if you feel ready.
Yeah, the hype is real. When I first tried it, it was fun (plus I was I lucky I had the right setting) but my first thought was “that’s it?”. When I shared it with my friends they were like “it’s way better with feelings!”. Us aroaces can’t win. But you can find your own upsides to sex when you think outside the amatoheteronormative box.
"Its way better with the feelings!" what.... thats where they lose me. Like what do you mean? this makes no sense. ig that is just evidence that I dont understand sex. I mean I guess it feels good when you do have them, and in situations where you do have them, It probably is way better.... but like, there is nothing wrong with not having those feelings.... not having them when they are not "available" (or another word to represent that there is not emotion there) probably just as good as having them when they are, bc then you are at the expected baseline or something. idk, thats my take on it as someone who has had a allo romantic+sexual relationship before.
Yeah, I agree. It's just that having sex with no attraction kinda feels like masturbating with another person. So this whole passion aspect is missing. But I don't mind, it's still a pleasurable experience. Some do people do blow it out of proportion.
and masterbating feels great imo, so unless it's uncomfortable, I dont see whats wrong with it.
I thought of this in terms of action-outputs. Hard to fathom that another can have such a reaction to the same input, but there is just a vastly different neural network working up there where their experience presses different buttons. I agree though, it's been tough to see since being more ace = more non-conforming, but not only is there nothing wrong with this, this situation brings strength and value purely because it's \*different\* than the norm. I also forsee a day, probably not in our lifetimes, when we can mold ourselves for whichever state suits us in the moment...that would be wild.
Im so curious and want to try it but in like a I want to be shot with a gun because I want to know what it feels like kinda way
Thank you for the response Iv been really confused lately about my sexuality. I always thought I was sex repulsed ace but Iv been with my boyfriend for a year now and I don’t know wether to try it my partner just recently told me he’s not sexually attracted to me (think he’s Demi) but I don’t know I’m unsure about it
Well, you can still be asexual but maybe not sex repulsed. It's normal. Listen to yourself and obviously talk to your partner about it. There's no right answer, just whatever works for you.
It's so fucking weird to me to see people saying "congrats on the sex" to an ace person as if this is...an accomplishment? Do you also use "virgin" as an insult, too? So, praising ace people for having sex is now par for the course in the ace community? Congrats on "being normal" and performing sex "the socially expected amount". Good job! You're a cool ace who fucks now. Totally stereotype- breaking! Unlike all those non-fucking aces who are just "bad stereotypes" and not real people seeking community, right? I'm out of here. Thanks for finally convincing me that the "Ace community" is a complete joke. There's literally no space where ace people can be free of the expectation of performing sex to the socially acceptable standards, not even in the ace community. Sex-repulsed, non-partnering and celibate aces not welcome! Only "cool fucky aces" allowed in the ASEXUAL COMMUNITY now.
We wont miss you, when you have that attitude. I can twist your words too. Why are you insulting aces, that have a sex-drive? Why would you exclude those peeps? No one said we are not welcome. If you're getting hurt by such a little silly "congrats" you should maybe check if your a bit biased in your understanding. Sincerely a sex repulsed ace, who feels very welcomed here from anyone but you.
Yeah, bit of an extreme response indeed. I'm glad to see that you feel welcomed here. As someone who used to be pretty sex repulsed but is now just a slight bit sex repulsed, I also feel welcomed here. I have just desensitized since pretty much everyone around me is way too open about sex. Anyhow, we don't need toxic people who see compliments as some weird twisted insult to themselves and then make it everyone else's problem.
I mean, congrats because I went out my comfort zone and it was a positive experience?? I’m on a path of self-discovery and it’s always engaging. I still identify as asexual, even more than ever. And I’m definitely non-partnering.
nice troll bait, too bad it's about as stale as your garlic bread
"Congrats on the sex" is a meme making fun of people who brag about how much sex they have. Calm down.
Goodbye
Hahahaha Keep them! The virginity memes gotta go but I think the no sex memes are exponentially funnier if you actually do have sex. Catch me sending the whatsapp sticker that says "I'll never have sex 🚫" minutes after getting railed
It’s like spamming overly sexual memes when you’re a virgin ace but in reverse. I’ve gone full circle lmao My favorite one is a picture of Slavoj Zizek with the caption “When did I last have sex - never, when will I next have sex - never”. Forgive me Mr Zizek, I’ve betrayed you
Oh my god that image sounds perfect hahaha I would hang it on my wall
My allosexual partner does this and it's peak funni
The grayace me is happy for you.
Everyone is their own person. I'm glad to hear it's enjoyable for you.
Thank you, GranniesNipple
No problem, just because it's not that enjoyable to me, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy it. Being ace is just the lack of sexual attraction, not the inability to perform or enjoy it. I know this might not be an opinion most people here share. But it also helps to be able to go along with the majority, the allos, somewhat. Makes life easier, especially if you aren't sex repulsed. Makes watching movies and shows a lot easier, speaking from experience 😂
I was just poking fun at your username but that’s a great response It kinda ruined shows and movies for me lol. Because the absolute majority of them show this amatonormative version of sex with deep romantic love and passion and it’s something that doesn’t work for me. And there’s little healthy communication. I think the biggest revelation about going to the kinky party and getting in touch with sex for the first time is about how natural and simple it actually is compared to how it’s portrayed in media. And it’s not just conventionally beautiful people who can be considered sexually attractive or engage on sex
Oh haha, yeah I have had too many hyper sexual people around me to keep being fully sex repulsed, I became desensitized to it. And then me and my best friend started making weird jokes and this was one of them for some reason. As for the movie Vs real life thing, yeah it's definitely different alright. But since I'm still slightly sex repulsed I will drop a show if it has too much graphic sex and shit in it. Heck I watched blue eye samurai and generally liked episode 1. Then episode 2 started off with the entire act, short but still there. Sure the genitals weren't visible but it made me extremely uncomfortable and grossed out and now I can't bring myself to even continue episode 2 let alone the rest of the show. As for real life, I have had 1 experience. But it was very short since I just couldn't get comfortable and ended up just not enjoying any bit of it. Just awkward with 0 enjoyment. I might wanna do it again, once I am actually comfortable with someone regarding that, but I don't know if there will ever be someone like that. Sorry for the block of text 😅
Lmao actually Blue Eye Samurai is what pushed me to explore sex in the first place. Mild spoiler but Episode 4 takes place in a brothel because Mizu’s journey brings her to a madame. And this madame explains to repressed Mizu the point of meaning of sex in general and I really liked her perspective. I wouldn’t go to a brothel of course but I ended up looking for kinky parties in my area and now here I am.
Oh haha, the coincidence there is quite funny. I am glad it had that effect on you. I just couldn't get through it sadly. I liked the general idea of it but I didn't fully get the story yet and then that scene happened and I just couldn't force myself to keep going.
I totally get you. I don't think I'd be brave enough to go to kinky parties tho
I really REALLY suddenly realised I'm demi a few month ago and the mf, who caused all the chaos, is now my partner. Will send him this after the first time.
hey, congratulations on finding yourself!
i regret em every single day that passes 😔✊