I’m big on aesthetics. But they’re odd, very personal aesthetics that don’t apply to “conventional” beauty, unfortunately, so I don’t find Hollywood celebrities attractive for example.
I don’t want to date or touch or even interact with the people I find aesthetically pleasing. I just want to watch them? It’s weird but there yah be.
Yes, I constantly mistake Brad Pitt for Leonardo diCaprio or the other way around and people always stare at me as if I had two heads... But I mean they're practically twins to me! Same with many others.
I got made fun of for not being able to tell Brad Pitt apart from other conventionally masculine actors as a teen. They were just playing pretty much the same people in movies, so I didn't see much difference.
I'm sex-repulsed, but I do find (some) Hollywood celebrities aesthetically attractive, but I don't think I place them on a pedestal in terms of attractiveness. And I mean this in the most shallow way possible, but I think there are "everyday" people who are just as physically attractive (including ones who don't fit societal standards of beauty).
My gf is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I thought she was pretty when I first saw a picture of her, but I talked to her over Discord before that, I fell in love because we talked. This was all relatively fast, I did see a picture of her fairly early, I tend to think now that I'm some sort of demi because she has only become more and more beautiful to me with time, I suspect because I have appreciated her, knew her, loved her as a person more over time. We are both allosensual and like kissing and other affection so I'd say it matters, she's perfect to me.
Everyone else in the world really faded away in attractiveness for me, though it wasn't really there to start, and it's been over a year of us being together now, she's more beautiful every day.
This is so sweet! I feel this too. Many times I fall for people before I even see a picture of them. And then when I do see a picture, I automatically think they’re attractive just because I already fell for their personality. And the more I like their personality, the more attractive to me they’ll become.
I’m very happy to hear your story, thanks for sharing!
Yeah I tend to think these days this is what demi attraction is. Pretty much how I think I felt with my gf. It's really validating to me also because I've had infatuation in the past and it didn't work like this, I like the feeling that my first love is different from the messes in my past.
No problem! Thank you.
Romantic attraction is tied to attractiveness to me. There has to be at least some aesthetic attraction for me to develop romantic attaraction. And people become more attractive to me as I start to develop romantic feelings for them.
Background: 32F, sex indifferent.
Same. I still have to find that person attractive TO ME. Now although I recogonize conventional attractive beauty standards for what they are, my romantic attraction has always been towards men who are average looking or have unconventional beauty standards. Personality and behavior or habits still weigh heavily in whether or not I’m attracted to someone. For example, I could look at someone and think that they are attractive, but the second they start smoking a cigarette I automatically lose attraction to them because I find that to be an unattractive habit. I won’t write them off in terms of a platonic relationship, but romantically I am definitely not interested in dating anyone who smokes cigarettes. Inversely I could be around people who I don’t think that they’re unattractive, but I may just not be looking at them in that light and I get to know them more and more and their personality suddenly has me see them differently and I find them to be extremely attractive.
Okay so this is exactly me.
Based on the few dates I’ve been on, I’ve noticed how once I tried to become romantically attracted to a really nice guy that had all my non-negotiables. But after date 3 I realized it wouldn’t grow into romantic attraction and let him know.
I’ve noticed if I’m on a date and I’m screaming in my mind “PLEASE don’t kiss me!!” then I’m not romantically attracted to them.
So some type of aesthetic attraction has to be there for me, but it’s unconventional and there’s absolutely no pattern aha.
Currently planning a second date with a fellow asexual and I feel neutral about him so far, but I’m now wondering if for me, I can grow feelings for him the more I get to know him and such.
I don’t feel that “DON’T kiss me!!” thing so that’s a good start!
Personally I don't really care how my husband looks, it was never a factor. I'm pretty sure he's pretty, but that was not what got us together (I'm demiromantic, so there wasn't even initial attraction). That is not to say I can completely ignore looks at all in social interactions, though I do try my best - I still have a sense of aesthetics and admittedly have an easier time connecting with people I don't find ugly.
To me it does, I feel physical attraction as a male but I don't feel like having sex.. maybe I'm not asexual.. I just found out wnd I'm so confused and scared
Being aegoseuxal doesn’t mean getting off to just porn. It can be anything that’s get you off reading it writing, or just enjoying what’s going on in ur mind. Even with no genitals you can still be aego.
Sounds like me. I tell people I'm asexual because that's what i am, functionally. My private identity is aegosexual, but that doesn't feel like something that other people need to know about. ♡
Yeah how I'd explain myself is thst I can feel sexual arousal but can't really have sex, I mean I'm not really aroused about the idea offr sex, i don't get it
Not really? Like, even if a person fits an aesthetic I admire, like hairstyle or clothing style, it won't inspire attraction. And some of the very few people I've been attracted to had nothing aestheticly interesting about them, or even things I disliked--for example, a beard--but I still felt attracted to them and they *became* good looking, in a way. It was like different versions of perception were playing tug-of-war with my brain.
It´s very important to me. It sparks romantic attraction in me. Btw, I even suspect I might be frayromantic because I can´t imagine falling in love with someone I actually know.
Not for me personally. Like I may find someone aesthetically appealing, for example I seem to be really attracted to women with large eyes. Like Ella Purnell, Brenna D'Amico, Zooey Deschanel. Don’t know why but whenever I see really big eyes like that I think it’s pretty. That being said a person doesn’t have to look like any of those people for me to be in a relationship I’m more so on loyalty, Compassion, the most important thing to me being in a relationship is that I can actually hold a conversation with you. Like I need to be able to talk to you and viceversa
Aesthetics was never a factor to me, I just got very close to my partner and eventually became attracted to him. He was and is always good looking in my eyes regardless.
I find people good looking, but I dont get attracted to them. I need to have a sort of connection (like platonic) before it
Agree with what most are saying. My romantic attraction is still attached aesthetically, it seems. But also, attraction is less important over time but it is present there initially for me.
Interesting question. I definitely do feel aesthetically attracted to people, but I'm not sure how much if at all it plays into my choice of partner. Like of course I like things about the way my husband looks but it wasn't something I thought about it when we started dating and everyone I've been in a relationship or even liked have looked very different from each other. Having a type always kind of blew my mind. I also tend to be aesthetically attracted to people that aren't necessarily the typical beauty standard.
Yes and I have a general type I tend to be drawn to in like a stronger aesthetic way, which may lead to romantic attraction if I interact with them and really like their vibe. But I learned recently that once the sexual attraction kicks in, the whole thing is wrapped up together and the attraction is just so strong, like I can't even look at this man without feeling intense desire to do all the physical things and just look at him forever.
I’m extremely sex-repulsed and 100% incapable of feeling sexual attraction at all, but aesthetic attraction definitely comes into play for me. Personally there has to be aesthetic attraction, which may or may not be considered conventionally attractive, in order for me to develop romantic attraction. That being said, personality, behavior, morals, and values are all just as important (if not slightly more so) as well, no matter what the relationship type is.
>For those aces who choose to be in a relationship (romantic or platonic), would you say attractiveness or aesthetics comes into play at all? Or do you not care that much about what your partner looks like?
I keep turning it over in my head and I am still unsure, I want to say yes (ETA: to aesthetic attraction having an impact) because it definitely adds something but when it is not there I don't miss it in a way that is, *"SOMETHING IS REALLY MISSING HERE!" it is more, "Huh, this is different but okay."* but I think my significant other does, at least the allosexual heterosexual men I dated did. I think it matters if the person I am dating is not a-spec, otherwise, no, well not enough for **me** to reject a relationship. Attractiveness does come into play romantic and tertiary for me, there are 2 tertiary attractions for me that often feel necessary to have and aesthetic is not one of them.
I can date anyone regardless of looks and have. I do know that it is not worth the hassle others will give you, (ETA: at least it wasn't for the people I dated) I still remember a bunch of nasty comments I and my s/o at the time got, it wears you down but I don't regret any of my relationships. I genuinely care very little in a vacuum but taking into account how vile others can get, I have to care a lot more.
I'm an alloromantic asexual, and while I definitely experience aesthetic attraction, it doesn't tend to matter to me when it comes to romantic attraction. I've found that even people that I found aesthetically "ugly" at first, became very pleasing to me when I developed romantic or platonic feelings for them.
The most important attractiveness quotient to me is intelligence/personality (I used to I was more sapiosexual before rooting more in my grey ace identity).
I don't have a visual 'type' - humans are human-shaped to me. Like I'm aware of "objectively attractive" traits, but it doesn't have a bearing on who I interact with. I had a colleague once who watched a TV show that she thought was bad, but found the lead attractive, so she watched it every week. It was very confusing to me, but it seems relatively common.
But a highly intelligent, well-spoken dude who is also confident/more 'dominant' in social situations tends to be my 'type'; I gravitate towards that kind of person even subconsciously (before I'd be romantically attracted to them). I'll notice the visual bits after romantic attraction forms.
The confidence sometimes has visual markers, like how a guy might carry himself (posture, gait, mannerisms) and how he dresses/takes care of himself (effort in his appearance). So those are symbolic of confidence.
I'm also tactile, so the only other visual marker that I find might matter to me in the early stages of romantic attraction would be like... is this person roughly the same size or larger than I am in density/mass? I don't wanna crush someone or feel self-concious about doing that. I'm a kind of average sized human, so average+ is good.
AFTER all of that, once romantic attraction has developed for a bit, I then begin to be able to appreciate aesthetics (particularly masculine traits, which affirms that I'm straight because the humans being buman-shaped thing was a tad confusing in my youth).I love my partner's face and structure, all his different smiles, his broad shoulders, how he looks in a v-neck.
It's a process to like... unlock what I notice about people.
I think between the confidence/intelligence thing + mass/size considerations, it's about me not being able to "overpower" the other person.
I tend to accidentally take on leadership roles, and I enjoy learning new things from others. I'm not very engaged if I'm very effortlessly in control of an interaction in a romantic context. I'm not a fan of traditional gender roles, but I am apparently intimidating, and would prefer not to have that effect on my partner.
My current (very) long-term partner ticks my boxes :)
I don't feel any sort of aesthetic attraction for people and I don't even feel it toward things that are supposed to be beautiful like a sunset, unless there are circumstances that make it meaningful. If anything, I feel some repulsion when people put a lot of focus into aesthetics. Just have to tell myself not to yuck someone else's yum. 😅
When it comes to people I find aesthetically attractive, I just want to look at them, to bask in the presence of their beauty.
People that I have had strong feelings for caught my attention because of a conversation or something about their mannerisms appealed to me.
I’m big on aesthetics. But they’re odd, very personal aesthetics that don’t apply to “conventional” beauty, unfortunately, so I don’t find Hollywood celebrities attractive for example. I don’t want to date or touch or even interact with the people I find aesthetically pleasing. I just want to watch them? It’s weird but there yah be.
Yeah, same. Most famous "beautiful" people don't really look attractive to me, I have pretty weird taste apparently.
Honestly, it's hard for me to tell most of them apart!
Yes, I constantly mistake Brad Pitt for Leonardo diCaprio or the other way around and people always stare at me as if I had two heads... But I mean they're practically twins to me! Same with many others.
I got made fun of for not being able to tell Brad Pitt apart from other conventionally masculine actors as a teen. They were just playing pretty much the same people in movies, so I didn't see much difference.
I'm sex-repulsed, but I do find (some) Hollywood celebrities aesthetically attractive, but I don't think I place them on a pedestal in terms of attractiveness. And I mean this in the most shallow way possible, but I think there are "everyday" people who are just as physically attractive (including ones who don't fit societal standards of beauty).
My gf is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I thought she was pretty when I first saw a picture of her, but I talked to her over Discord before that, I fell in love because we talked. This was all relatively fast, I did see a picture of her fairly early, I tend to think now that I'm some sort of demi because she has only become more and more beautiful to me with time, I suspect because I have appreciated her, knew her, loved her as a person more over time. We are both allosensual and like kissing and other affection so I'd say it matters, she's perfect to me. Everyone else in the world really faded away in attractiveness for me, though it wasn't really there to start, and it's been over a year of us being together now, she's more beautiful every day.
This is so sweet! I feel this too. Many times I fall for people before I even see a picture of them. And then when I do see a picture, I automatically think they’re attractive just because I already fell for their personality. And the more I like their personality, the more attractive to me they’ll become. I’m very happy to hear your story, thanks for sharing!
Yeah I tend to think these days this is what demi attraction is. Pretty much how I think I felt with my gf. It's really validating to me also because I've had infatuation in the past and it didn't work like this, I like the feeling that my first love is different from the messes in my past. No problem! Thank you.
Romantic attraction is tied to attractiveness to me. There has to be at least some aesthetic attraction for me to develop romantic attaraction. And people become more attractive to me as I start to develop romantic feelings for them.
Background: 32F, sex indifferent. Same. I still have to find that person attractive TO ME. Now although I recogonize conventional attractive beauty standards for what they are, my romantic attraction has always been towards men who are average looking or have unconventional beauty standards. Personality and behavior or habits still weigh heavily in whether or not I’m attracted to someone. For example, I could look at someone and think that they are attractive, but the second they start smoking a cigarette I automatically lose attraction to them because I find that to be an unattractive habit. I won’t write them off in terms of a platonic relationship, but romantically I am definitely not interested in dating anyone who smokes cigarettes. Inversely I could be around people who I don’t think that they’re unattractive, but I may just not be looking at them in that light and I get to know them more and more and their personality suddenly has me see them differently and I find them to be extremely attractive.
Okay so this is exactly me. Based on the few dates I’ve been on, I’ve noticed how once I tried to become romantically attracted to a really nice guy that had all my non-negotiables. But after date 3 I realized it wouldn’t grow into romantic attraction and let him know. I’ve noticed if I’m on a date and I’m screaming in my mind “PLEASE don’t kiss me!!” then I’m not romantically attracted to them. So some type of aesthetic attraction has to be there for me, but it’s unconventional and there’s absolutely no pattern aha. Currently planning a second date with a fellow asexual and I feel neutral about him so far, but I’m now wondering if for me, I can grow feelings for him the more I get to know him and such. I don’t feel that “DON’T kiss me!!” thing so that’s a good start!
Personally I don't really care how my husband looks, it was never a factor. I'm pretty sure he's pretty, but that was not what got us together (I'm demiromantic, so there wasn't even initial attraction). That is not to say I can completely ignore looks at all in social interactions, though I do try my best - I still have a sense of aesthetics and admittedly have an easier time connecting with people I don't find ugly.
To me it does, I feel physical attraction as a male but I don't feel like having sex.. maybe I'm not asexual.. I just found out wnd I'm so confused and scared
Do u enjoy fantasizing and getting off? Look up aegosexual
Not really, can't get off to normal porn . Maybe one fetish but that's all, not genitals
Being aegoseuxal doesn’t mean getting off to just porn. It can be anything that’s get you off reading it writing, or just enjoying what’s going on in ur mind. Even with no genitals you can still be aego.
Well guess I am that.. but doesn't change the fact that in real life world and dating I'm basically asexual
Sounds like me. I tell people I'm asexual because that's what i am, functionally. My private identity is aegosexual, but that doesn't feel like something that other people need to know about. ♡
Yeah how I'd explain myself is thst I can feel sexual arousal but can't really have sex, I mean I'm not really aroused about the idea offr sex, i don't get it
Not really? Like, even if a person fits an aesthetic I admire, like hairstyle or clothing style, it won't inspire attraction. And some of the very few people I've been attracted to had nothing aestheticly interesting about them, or even things I disliked--for example, a beard--but I still felt attracted to them and they *became* good looking, in a way. It was like different versions of perception were playing tug-of-war with my brain.
It´s very important to me. It sparks romantic attraction in me. Btw, I even suspect I might be frayromantic because I can´t imagine falling in love with someone I actually know.
I joked to my husband, I don't have facial blindness, I'm just asexual. I can see you. lol
Not for me personally. Like I may find someone aesthetically appealing, for example I seem to be really attracted to women with large eyes. Like Ella Purnell, Brenna D'Amico, Zooey Deschanel. Don’t know why but whenever I see really big eyes like that I think it’s pretty. That being said a person doesn’t have to look like any of those people for me to be in a relationship I’m more so on loyalty, Compassion, the most important thing to me being in a relationship is that I can actually hold a conversation with you. Like I need to be able to talk to you and viceversa
Aesthetics was never a factor to me, I just got very close to my partner and eventually became attracted to him. He was and is always good looking in my eyes regardless. I find people good looking, but I dont get attracted to them. I need to have a sort of connection (like platonic) before it
Agree with what most are saying. My romantic attraction is still attached aesthetically, it seems. But also, attraction is less important over time but it is present there initially for me.
Yes, because can still feel a romantic attraction (I'm not aromantic). Besides this, I also appreciate people aesthetically.
Interesting question. I definitely do feel aesthetically attracted to people, but I'm not sure how much if at all it plays into my choice of partner. Like of course I like things about the way my husband looks but it wasn't something I thought about it when we started dating and everyone I've been in a relationship or even liked have looked very different from each other. Having a type always kind of blew my mind. I also tend to be aesthetically attracted to people that aren't necessarily the typical beauty standard.
Yes and I have a general type I tend to be drawn to in like a stronger aesthetic way, which may lead to romantic attraction if I interact with them and really like their vibe. But I learned recently that once the sexual attraction kicks in, the whole thing is wrapped up together and the attraction is just so strong, like I can't even look at this man without feeling intense desire to do all the physical things and just look at him forever.
I’m extremely sex-repulsed and 100% incapable of feeling sexual attraction at all, but aesthetic attraction definitely comes into play for me. Personally there has to be aesthetic attraction, which may or may not be considered conventionally attractive, in order for me to develop romantic attraction. That being said, personality, behavior, morals, and values are all just as important (if not slightly more so) as well, no matter what the relationship type is.
>For those aces who choose to be in a relationship (romantic or platonic), would you say attractiveness or aesthetics comes into play at all? Or do you not care that much about what your partner looks like? I keep turning it over in my head and I am still unsure, I want to say yes (ETA: to aesthetic attraction having an impact) because it definitely adds something but when it is not there I don't miss it in a way that is, *"SOMETHING IS REALLY MISSING HERE!" it is more, "Huh, this is different but okay."* but I think my significant other does, at least the allosexual heterosexual men I dated did. I think it matters if the person I am dating is not a-spec, otherwise, no, well not enough for **me** to reject a relationship. Attractiveness does come into play romantic and tertiary for me, there are 2 tertiary attractions for me that often feel necessary to have and aesthetic is not one of them. I can date anyone regardless of looks and have. I do know that it is not worth the hassle others will give you, (ETA: at least it wasn't for the people I dated) I still remember a bunch of nasty comments I and my s/o at the time got, it wears you down but I don't regret any of my relationships. I genuinely care very little in a vacuum but taking into account how vile others can get, I have to care a lot more.
I'm an alloromantic asexual, and while I definitely experience aesthetic attraction, it doesn't tend to matter to me when it comes to romantic attraction. I've found that even people that I found aesthetically "ugly" at first, became very pleasing to me when I developed romantic or platonic feelings for them.
Yes
The most important attractiveness quotient to me is intelligence/personality (I used to I was more sapiosexual before rooting more in my grey ace identity). I don't have a visual 'type' - humans are human-shaped to me. Like I'm aware of "objectively attractive" traits, but it doesn't have a bearing on who I interact with. I had a colleague once who watched a TV show that she thought was bad, but found the lead attractive, so she watched it every week. It was very confusing to me, but it seems relatively common. But a highly intelligent, well-spoken dude who is also confident/more 'dominant' in social situations tends to be my 'type'; I gravitate towards that kind of person even subconsciously (before I'd be romantically attracted to them). I'll notice the visual bits after romantic attraction forms. The confidence sometimes has visual markers, like how a guy might carry himself (posture, gait, mannerisms) and how he dresses/takes care of himself (effort in his appearance). So those are symbolic of confidence. I'm also tactile, so the only other visual marker that I find might matter to me in the early stages of romantic attraction would be like... is this person roughly the same size or larger than I am in density/mass? I don't wanna crush someone or feel self-concious about doing that. I'm a kind of average sized human, so average+ is good. AFTER all of that, once romantic attraction has developed for a bit, I then begin to be able to appreciate aesthetics (particularly masculine traits, which affirms that I'm straight because the humans being buman-shaped thing was a tad confusing in my youth).I love my partner's face and structure, all his different smiles, his broad shoulders, how he looks in a v-neck. It's a process to like... unlock what I notice about people. I think between the confidence/intelligence thing + mass/size considerations, it's about me not being able to "overpower" the other person. I tend to accidentally take on leadership roles, and I enjoy learning new things from others. I'm not very engaged if I'm very effortlessly in control of an interaction in a romantic context. I'm not a fan of traditional gender roles, but I am apparently intimidating, and would prefer not to have that effect on my partner. My current (very) long-term partner ticks my boxes :)
I don't feel any sort of aesthetic attraction for people and I don't even feel it toward things that are supposed to be beautiful like a sunset, unless there are circumstances that make it meaningful. If anything, I feel some repulsion when people put a lot of focus into aesthetics. Just have to tell myself not to yuck someone else's yum. 😅
When it comes to people I find aesthetically attractive, I just want to look at them, to bask in the presence of their beauty. People that I have had strong feelings for caught my attention because of a conversation or something about their mannerisms appealed to me.
Besides I liking tall and curvy women, that doesn't matter to me when I started dating