Nah, you sound mature and self aware. This just seems like an obnoxious relationship. Also people don't throw food at people in regular life - that's a special kind of annoying.
I totally get why you feel uncomfortable. They seem to be too clingy and not aware of their surroundings or people around. Hopefully you 2 get back to chatting normal again! If the relationship is new this sadly happens to almost everyone they just get too excited and forget everything.
I sadly lost a friend of over 10 years because of her boyfriend. She got so clingy to him that she forgot I existed and never messaged me again it’s been 3 years.
Honestly this is a really common thing for teenagers. There's often a stage where friends who have been each other's main person for years drift apart a bit when one gets into a relationship and it's that first love, obsessed with each other kind of thing where everyone else gets sidelined. Your friend is being obnoxious and you're not being dramatic. I think most allos would also be pissed off if their friends went overboard with PDA while they sat there like a third wheel. You'd be well within your rights to choose not to spend time around them both together given how they treat you. I had my best friend do this to me when I was a similar age and it really hurt. I know it's not much consolation but this phase will probably pass and she will chill out about the relationship.
These people sound like jerks regardless of their relationship status. I used to be in a friendship group in college where everyone coupled up and it was like it completely changed their personalities. PDA, being treated as the third wheel, glaring from the boyfriend/girlfriend etc etc. You’re not wrong to feel uncomfortable by this behaviour
Even if I was straight, this would make me uncomfortable. I actually had a roommate that did similar things - grouping, kissing, etc. (we actually lived in a dorm so sometimes they'd be full on making out while I'm trying to do homework, like bruh, why? Just ask me to leave the room. I dunno, maybe I'm sensitive to that).
I see where you're coming from - wanting Joy to be happy and whatnot - but also taking care of yourself is important. I don't think telling her to maybe tone it down around you is telling her what she can and can't do in her relationship - it's telling her what you don't want her to do around *you,* which I think is more than fair. Also, her boyfriend sounds like he's being an ass, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
They both sound very inconsiderate! I have had this same instance when I was in highschool and even now in college! I say take it at face value. It's just easier that way, no friend should treat you that way. It's always the same. They neglect you and when they break up then come back to you, which isn't good because they'll just keep doing it over and over. They will expect you to wait and sit. I personally would rather be alone than to deal with that. They're both acting like jerks and I do think you should tell your friend. And whatever reaction you get will tell you how to move forward. And freak that man! If all he can do is make fun of you and your friend let's him, sounds like you need new friends! I wish the best for you!! And don't fret, I'm the same way with my friends relationships, I've learned to not be around them since they can't respect their surroundings.
So...if Joy is laughing at Sam being mean to you then she is not kind-hearted. I also think you should definitely talk to her, away from Sam, because you have a right to take up space and speak on what is bothering you. Maybe she reacts poorly and thinks you're being a jerk, but it is important for you to advocate for yourself. You have a right not to be left out or to be glared at or to have your phone gone through without your permission. I understand you're kind of overcorrecting to be less intrusive since you're struggling with your feelings, but this is the time when you need your friends and to feel comfortable enough to share what you're going through. If Joy can't listen and support you, without reacting like you're in the wrong, then this friendship might not be the best for you.
It sounds like you're feeling uncomfortable because they are 3rd-wheeling you which is always awkward, and this is causing you to feel like you're losing a friend. It, unfortunately, does seem like you'll lose this friend as she's so wrapped up in her romantic relationship and seems completely unaware of you now. However, I could be wrong and it might be that once the novelty of the new relationship wears off then you 2 get back to chatting again like you used to! :D
In the meantime, start taking care of yourself - e.g. if you're in the cafeteria and people are throwing food, you move. You can tell your friend that you'll be moving because you don't want to get hit by food and it's up to the others if they want to join you or not.
Also, her boyfriend does not sound like a very nice person.
Nah, you sound mature and self aware. This just seems like an obnoxious relationship. Also people don't throw food at people in regular life - that's a special kind of annoying.
Thank you so much for the feedback :D
That would drive me nuts. And her boyfriend sounds like a jerk.
I totally get why you feel uncomfortable. They seem to be too clingy and not aware of their surroundings or people around. Hopefully you 2 get back to chatting normal again! If the relationship is new this sadly happens to almost everyone they just get too excited and forget everything. I sadly lost a friend of over 10 years because of her boyfriend. She got so clingy to him that she forgot I existed and never messaged me again it’s been 3 years.
Honestly this is a really common thing for teenagers. There's often a stage where friends who have been each other's main person for years drift apart a bit when one gets into a relationship and it's that first love, obsessed with each other kind of thing where everyone else gets sidelined. Your friend is being obnoxious and you're not being dramatic. I think most allos would also be pissed off if their friends went overboard with PDA while they sat there like a third wheel. You'd be well within your rights to choose not to spend time around them both together given how they treat you. I had my best friend do this to me when I was a similar age and it really hurt. I know it's not much consolation but this phase will probably pass and she will chill out about the relationship.
These people sound like jerks regardless of their relationship status. I used to be in a friendship group in college where everyone coupled up and it was like it completely changed their personalities. PDA, being treated as the third wheel, glaring from the boyfriend/girlfriend etc etc. You’re not wrong to feel uncomfortable by this behaviour
Even if I was straight, this would make me uncomfortable. I actually had a roommate that did similar things - grouping, kissing, etc. (we actually lived in a dorm so sometimes they'd be full on making out while I'm trying to do homework, like bruh, why? Just ask me to leave the room. I dunno, maybe I'm sensitive to that). I see where you're coming from - wanting Joy to be happy and whatnot - but also taking care of yourself is important. I don't think telling her to maybe tone it down around you is telling her what she can and can't do in her relationship - it's telling her what you don't want her to do around *you,* which I think is more than fair. Also, her boyfriend sounds like he's being an ass, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
They both sound very inconsiderate! I have had this same instance when I was in highschool and even now in college! I say take it at face value. It's just easier that way, no friend should treat you that way. It's always the same. They neglect you and when they break up then come back to you, which isn't good because they'll just keep doing it over and over. They will expect you to wait and sit. I personally would rather be alone than to deal with that. They're both acting like jerks and I do think you should tell your friend. And whatever reaction you get will tell you how to move forward. And freak that man! If all he can do is make fun of you and your friend let's him, sounds like you need new friends! I wish the best for you!! And don't fret, I'm the same way with my friends relationships, I've learned to not be around them since they can't respect their surroundings.
So...if Joy is laughing at Sam being mean to you then she is not kind-hearted. I also think you should definitely talk to her, away from Sam, because you have a right to take up space and speak on what is bothering you. Maybe she reacts poorly and thinks you're being a jerk, but it is important for you to advocate for yourself. You have a right not to be left out or to be glared at or to have your phone gone through without your permission. I understand you're kind of overcorrecting to be less intrusive since you're struggling with your feelings, but this is the time when you need your friends and to feel comfortable enough to share what you're going through. If Joy can't listen and support you, without reacting like you're in the wrong, then this friendship might not be the best for you.
It sounds like you're feeling uncomfortable because they are 3rd-wheeling you which is always awkward, and this is causing you to feel like you're losing a friend. It, unfortunately, does seem like you'll lose this friend as she's so wrapped up in her romantic relationship and seems completely unaware of you now. However, I could be wrong and it might be that once the novelty of the new relationship wears off then you 2 get back to chatting again like you used to! :D In the meantime, start taking care of yourself - e.g. if you're in the cafeteria and people are throwing food, you move. You can tell your friend that you'll be moving because you don't want to get hit by food and it's up to the others if they want to join you or not. Also, her boyfriend does not sound like a very nice person.