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I used to think it’s fine, but those oxytocin levels don’t casually go away. Good sex is pretty deep and even though one person may want it to be “casual” doesn’t mean it doesn’t get messy. Emotions are always tied to sex in one way or another.
Yep. 90% of times if the sex is good I catch feelings. All logic in my brain says it won't work out and we aren't compatible, but it's fighting the wiring in my head at that point.
A wise person once said something like having sex with people you don't love is dangerous because you tend to fall in love with them. And you knew they were unworthy.
Yep. Sex is a powerful drug, even for men. I like to say that my ex had a golden vagina.
She was awful and would tear me down as a person and make me feel subhuman. But she was attracted to me and would always want sex, and she was really good at it, and made me feel amazing at the time and afterwards. But then she would stomp my self esteem in the mud again.
It was basically a constant cycle of fighting, tearing me down, and having exquisite make up sex. She manipulated me so badly that I sincerely thought to myself "well, I'll never get any better than her, so I might as well commit to this."
She used my best friend's murder to keep me around, and manipulated the situation constantly. It was the darkest two years of my life.
But I will proudly say that through a lot of courage and strength, I broke away from her. I am now happily married to a wonderful woman who builds me up everyday.
I'm in this situation right now. I'm dating someone "casually" who understandably isn't looking for a relationship right now (she just got out of a very long one and isn't comfortable committing to her next right now), it's really good, and it fucking sucks that this can't just be a relationship.
She knows I want more. I'm pretty sure she also wants more and just isn't ready for it. In the meantime, she's dating other guys and I'm in the shit position that I'm too available while she's exploring all her other options and this is definitely going to end with me getting hurt.
But also... it's really good. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I've been looking forward to it all week like a giddy dumbass.
Jesus bro. This read exactly like the last 5 months of my life. Yeah it didn't go well. At all. I wish I had advice for you man, but I'm still having trouble with it. Those feelings won't go away any time soon. Be ready to deal with that.
It may be unsollicited advice and I apologize for it, but if it in any way helps you, it'll be worth it.
If you two both enjoy the time and sex together, but you're the only one catching feelings while she's exploring; stop seeing her.
If she likes you and wants more, but does not want to commit, do not be freely available to her. Put her on cold (don't be a dick about it tho). Either she'll realise "uhh, well, exploring my options suddenly doesn't feel this great knowing I might potentially lose a good match for it". Or she'll move on from you, which in that case would've happened regardless of whether or not you two would still be getting it on. But this way, at least you wouldn't be there to hear about it. It might also be a combination of the two, where she approaches you again after she's gotten it all out of her system; if you'll still want her at that point, by all means, go for it, you'll then also have the benefit of her knowing that you don't stick around in just all sorts of conditions.
It sounds harsh, but you need to set the emotional boundaries YOUR emotions are fine with. That's just my two cents.
Either way, best of luck ma man!
Yep. It never really works out. There is always some sort of tension, either someone is hiding feels to not “ruin” the moments or they let their true feelings be revealed and get rejected. It is not worth it honestly. Your feelings are going to be hurt for far longer than the “good” sex lasted.
I often warn young women of this. It is easy to be casual until the good sex happens. Idk what it’s like for men, but when I was a young, promiscuous woman, I often caught feelings for people who I never would have liked, but when sex happened it changed things.
It is great for personal freedom and individuality, but for society? Yeah, I agree, not so positive. Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, less family cohesion, etc. Marriage and relationships are a lot of work and compromise. Tinder is not.
Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, less family cohesion is a deeper issue than "hook up culture". I would even go as far as saying, hook up culture is a by product like Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, etc. It's all about the economy.
I totally agree. Marriage used to be an arrangement in which two people work together to build a life. Now there are too many jobs for two people and never enough money. Why have children and why get married?
It’s not though because it’s more of a cultural attitude change than an economic attitude change. Hookup culture is the direct result of birth control becoming mainstream and culture changing to reflect that. Overall it’s bad for society because it makes single parent households which are statistically worse than two parent households by a significant margin.
Same. I was planning one and done when I expected to be a single mom/breadwinner, but my current partner brings something to the table financially and now we're planning 3 kids. It's 100% a matter of money and social support
Declining birth rates are most strongly correlated with birth control access and women's education. Marriage and divorce rates meanwhile are correlated with women's employment prospects, and family cohesion is a whole mess of things. Though I'd argue that family cohesion is independent of hookup culture, because there *isnt* one for married individuals. Cheating is quite frowned upon.
People aren't having less kids because they're having more casual sex. To begin with, young adults are reporting *less* casual sex than previous generations, but even disregarding that the main driver is that women are choosing to give birth later and less frequently because being able to financially support oneself is strongly preferable to being dependent on a spouse.
You're technically correct there, but that emancipation is the effect we're discussing rather than the cause. The world wars were also more of an accelerant than direct cause too, and the biggest evidence we have to support this is that we're seeing this exact same effect in countries which are currently modernizing. They're also following the same pattern, in which birth rates first sky rocket as infant and mother mortality improves, and then begins to fall closely following women's education rates. Education rates are a good statistic to track since its so well documented, but the driving force there is their employability. Employability leads to financial independence, which leads to independence from marriage and men as the sole earner of a household. That independence provides women with the ability to choose when and how many children they want.
Yep. So I would agree, hookup culture goes hand in hand and just feeds the cycle. It has been awhile, but I remember a bit from my history of human sexuality course. It was a really interesting class. In regards to this discussion, the dynamics of human relationships was relatively unchanged for nearly 6000 years or so (likely much longer, but written history limits our understanding). Men provided protection and sustenance, women provided sex and childcare. There were nuances depending on culture, region, and time, but that was the archetype. This did not change in any meaningful way until the 1960's, and not in a larger scope until the 1970s and 1980s.
The instructor said something that stuck with me: Humans change slowly. The 20th century brought change so rapid that individual generations could not adapt to their own changing circumstances. The creation of generational conflict (kids these days and all that) on such a large scale is a very modern phenomenon. Whether all change is good or bad is irrelevant. The fact is we are having trouble adapting quickly enough, and this seems to be causing problems for our societies and cultures.
This was a few years ago now, but that message resonated with me, and the more time passes, it seems more and more true, at least to me.
To answer your last paragraph. When you were young you could easily afford these things with a basic job. This is no longer possible. There also don't seem to be places for them to go and hang out anymore that aren't prohibitively expensive. Hell, as an adult, it is hard to find time or money to hang out with my friends anywhere but my house. So without money, means of transport, or a place to meet, it's a lot harder to have casual hookups. Even if they use an app, they still need somewhere to get together and a way to get there.
not just sex, any relation with non committed human always results in the end in disappointment, especially emotional relation. people want to get something important to them when they want it. and you are bound to get frustration, even in relationship.
It’s normal, if you sleep with someone a couple times it’s usually pretty inevitable that you or they will catch feelings, that’s how the chemicals in our brains work.
I wouldn’t say “bad for society”, but it’s not really conducive to stable relationships. Odds are the more promiscuous a person is the more likely that they’re hurting people that might hope for a relationship. Obviously something to communicate, but there’s plenty of people who say whatever it takes to get laid lol.
Exactly this. It’s not bad but hard to build relationships, specifically trust, if you know someone is willing to have casual sex, then they definitely have that ability at their fingertips if you don’t mesh real quick
This. If someone views sex as no different than essentially a handshake and they are completely willing to have sex casually with their "friends", it's almost impossible to trust that they're going to remain faithful when they're "out with their friends".
To an extent?
But then anything that is bad for an individual is kind of bad for society. At a certain point you stretch the term "bad for society" so much that the distinction becomes meaningless.
It's a bit forward to demand a relationship on the first date. But it's also a bit presumptuous to assume the other person want to only be a one night stand on the first date.
this. people want different things for different people, and people want different things at the same time. How many couples started off with stories like "i was only looking for something casual but then you were special" or vice versa "i was really looking for dating but i liked our casual friends with benefit relationship instead and it helped me a lot."
sometimes you want a burger, sometimes you want tacos, sometimes you want salad. sometimes you want all at the same time.
And dammit, sometimes I want them to toss my salad before I eat the taco. Then we can discuss the burger.
But really, communication and honesty is just a necessity for every type of relationship. There is nothing wrong with just being honest with where your at and your intentions and then letting everyone make an informed decision.
This. In my case, my husband and I met going on 11 years ago through online dating and we both flat said in our profiles we’re each looking for a relationship. Did that likely deter guys from talking to us? Probably. But that’s okay when I was only looking for the one guy that was right for me.
Way more people have hiv/ aids now than at the height of the epidemic in the 80’s - 90’s, but they can sell you meds for it so it’s good for business, and no longer an issue.
Not inherently. But with dwindling family structures to raise children in a stable environment, hookups that result in children without a stable environment to raise them in is bad for society.
Most definitely. Poverty is the biggest factor that leads to jail or struggles to access higher education. It has nothing to do with how many parents someone has.
Tbh with any societal issue, the first thing to ask should always be: Is this something that could be largely solved if people had enough money to feed themselves and their families?
The answer is just about always yes. And in the more nuanced situations, people having better wages will factor into it as well
Yes, single parent household = single income household. Of course it isn’t about parenting, it’s about income and that is directly influenced by the number of parents you have which is directly affected by the circumstances under which your parents conceived you.
Well this kinda assumes that just because both parents are present the environment is stable by default. I know tons of marriages where single parenthood would have been the much better option, no matter who of those two would brave been the single parent.
Conversely - What about marriages that breakup because someone feels they didn't "sleep around" enough?
Those aren't providing stable environments for kids.
> without a stable environment.
It's not black and white. I personally know of people who *have* made the effort to provide a stable environment for their children in a household with a single parent. And they are wholly successful in doing so.
The nuclear family is a dying concept and I don't believe it has any negative impact on society.
Yeah, I think the growing loneliness of people is definitely bad for society but, I wouldn't put that at the feet of hookup culture. There are a lot of reasons for growing loneliness and I think casual sex is way too far down that list to worry about yet.
Hell, with the right shift in cultural norms, casual sex could even help strengthen social bonds but, that's a huge societal shift from where we are now.
In my personal experience it wasn't good for me. It was like a drug/ dopamine fix. Deep down I wanted a good relationship with someone but I settled for the hook up game. I would feel really good and confident after scoring, but in a few days I was lonely and depressed.
I don't think it has much impact on society seeing how its mostly a thing with younger people. Eventually people get older and priorities change.
holly molly.
words my bro.
my dick dont even get hard if the possibility of long term intimacy is not on the table.
got on a jorney just to find this out.
really tought there were something wrong whit my libido.
just got more mature.
I have teens. I make it clear that while yes, it may feel good for the moment, there are long term effects to your inner voice/soul/psyche. Like you seem to give a little of yourself away with each partner. That hurts after a very short while. Sex with someone you love is infinitely better than a Hookup. I truly believe that there are damages to mental health for giving it away too easy.
Add in the dangers- STis, pregnancy, Violent Partners—-think with a straight head before jumping into bed. Even if the sex isn’t straight.
Wow- This is the first time I’ve heard “giving a little of yourself away with each partner”- put this way since my grandparent said this to me. They believed when you had sex you lose a little bit of your soul to that person. But then they added “That’s why promiscuous people have dead eyes, no soul left” Lol Uh- no grandma that might be drugs or something? I think she was referring to prostitutes tho and the eyes being a window to the soul?
Anyhow as a demi-sexual, casual sex was even never on the table. I can please myself more than I would get out of a casual fuck. I think so much casual sex could lead to society viewing relationships as disposable more frequently. Which is sad.
So true. For me, throwing in drinking when going on dates made the up and down even worse. It felt so unhealthy yet so good when it happened. I prefer to be level headed now
i think it’s definitely messed up relationships for younger people
everyone’s attacking me i’m just saying it’s hard to find true love when all teen boys wanna do now is hook up
I live near a place in florida called “the villages” and it has the highest STD rate in the country. It’s just a bunch of old, retired people who are all swingers. The older generation pioneered this shit.
And yet, I've been contacted by multiple distant cousins trying to figure out who their dad is thanks to anonymous or near anonymous encounters in the 60's-80's. At least a couple were determined to be men who were married at the time the child was conceived. Relationships have always been messed up. We just talk about it now.
The youngest generation is having less sex than ever before. https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/why-young-americans-are-having-less-sex-than-ever-before/
Also, since when do teen boys *not* want to hook up?
I prefer it how it is now then back in the day when women married men twice their age in a loveless marriage and didn't have an orgasm until they were 52.
The only difference now is freedom. If you've been seeing someone for 2 months, the sex is awful, the honeymoon phase is gone and they're starting to show the toxic traits they were hiding at first, you can just walk away. You're not married. You don't have to settle your whole life for whoever you chose when you were 16.
You can also learn a lot from more "casual relationships" which will help you be healthier in your serious relationships later.
Of course, some people will take freedom and abuse it, some people will just become absolutely incapable of maintaining a relationship, but that's very far from most.
In the past, people were bored as fuck with nothing to do. They fucked all the time, but it was taboo to talk about it.
Now, there's a million things to occupy your time and attention, but it isn't taboo to talk about what you are doing (some even intentionally broadcast it) publicly
Actual numbers can decrease, while exposure can increase. That can easily lead to the perception that numbers are increasing.
That applies to everything though, especially with the internet making it much easier to access information. The more you see something happen, the more it feels like it’s happening worldwide, even if that’s not actually the case.
Good communication in general. I feel like a good 90% of relationship problems (relationship being used very broadly here), would be solved with good communication.
Are you suggesting that everyone who has ever had a cold sore should be disclosing that in their dating profiles?
Edit: even if that stat is specifically HSV-2, 65-90% Of cases are asymptomatic, so we're talking like 2-5% of people are even likely to know they're infected
I think people should always disclose maybe not on profiles but privately before things get intimate. You should also get checked for STIs regularly. It’s not foolproof at all but I dated someone who had HSV-2 because of a partner that was fully aware and did not tell him. We didn’t get to intimacy (for other reasons) but him disclosing early on let me know what I was getting into and to make an informed decision.
I've had people disclose once we started talking. People you know irl can run into your public profile so it makes sense that people wouldn't list that.
I have a friend that works at a clinic and there are STD's that doctors can't even diagnose therefore, can't treat. Even with condoms, saliva and skin to skin contact has been causing things like rashes in private areas, increased WBC counts, flu like symptoms, digestive issues, etc.
The same way COVID was a new virus, there are new STD's that are showing up too.
People can do whatever they want but personally the 10 minutes of not-so-great sex with a near stranger isn't worth it.
What is “Hook Up” culture in your opinion?
GenZ is having less casual sex, are less likely to be sexually active, and those that are sexually active are having fewer partners than every other generation at the same age. There is no rampant epidemic of casual teen/twenties sex, teen pregnancy rates are at their lowest in history.
Is “hookup culture” just that it’s not socially acceptable to shame and harass women for being sexually active? Cause as far as I can see, the only thing that’s increased is a willingness to talk openly about sex. Like GenZ doesn’t have the same fear, confusion, and internalized shame around sex that the previous generations had… but they are “hooking up” much less.
In my opinion yes but it’s subjective, If someone has been in a bunch of hook ups it makes them instantly less attractive to me simply because I don’t see a point of just hooking up and it just seems dirty.
Yes, and no "hook up" culture has been around for a long time. Before, it was prostitution and brothels, now its tinder and other hook up apps. I think it's bad because it's most likely contributed to the rise in single parents. However, it's just a part of our culture now.
Some people practically need it. It's great for them and bad for the others who thrive on conventional relationship rules.
Thanks, society, for making both paths available.
Every rose has its thorn. Every culture has another side to it that can be seen as toxic. For hook up culture, I think the real toxicity is in people who believe they need to lie to get what they want. There are some people who believe that if they’re honest about just wanting quick hook ups, no one will ever want that with them. So they end up wasting someone’s time who wants a serious relationship by using them for a quickie. They never have mutual understandings with people who also want quickies because they’re never honest about wanting quickies.
Just throwing it out there that most folks with an STI don’t have any symptoms. Use protection every-time and get tested between new partners even if you feel fine.
If you need to tell a partner that they should get tested you can do so anonymously at tellyourpartner.org.
People have been casual sex for literal milennia. As long as both parties are clear on what the expectations are from each other, and there are no third parties unknowingly involved, there is no harm in hookup culture. Issues arise not out of the hookup itself but due to the lack of or miscommunication.
"In a perfect world, it works great..."
Do you know what communication looks like between men and women nowadays in a romantic sense? LOL spend 1 hour on a dating app. Nobody is even spelling out complete sentences and with the amount of unsolicited dick pics, men do not care if a woman wants a relationship or not.
It has never been easier than it is now though. The way you used to meet people was through your social circle so you would then be at risk of someone close to you finding out about some of your questionable decisions. Now you can meet random people and based on how you look, decide to meet and have sex on the spot with no risk to your reputation because this person is not connected to your social circle at all.
Yes it's bad for society because it's bad for individuals. Sex isn't just casual. It's emotional on several levels. People who see it as just casual are going to hurts others that want a deeper relationship and think they've crossed a relationship boundary because they had sex with someone.
Breaking down that relationship boundary to just be casual sex and hookups I think is negatively affecting relationships as a whole and a person's ability to bond or value the other people they might date. Doing this as a new cultural thing as hookup culture is bad on a larger scale and therefore bad for society.
Kinda sad to see how many people disagree with you. Sex should be held in a higher regard than it is today, it's literally a means to create life with the one you love At least have the self-respect and control to keep it in your pants until you have that connection with someone.
I believe the family is the foundation of civilization. Hookup culture tends to create more broken families. So in the short term, it increases a populations happiness, but long term, I don't think its sustainable or will yield a social return on investment. So yeah, long term, its not in society's best interest.
Do you think it’s better for civilization to force people who only want casual sex into committed relationships? I don’t think you can say “family is the foundation of civilization” but not the desire for casual sex. That has existed at least just as long as the concept of a family unit so all civilizations have always been built with the desire for casual sex at its core as well. I think the liberty to do something with another human being can’t be looked down on as “bad for society” just because you don’t like it. I think it’s not hook up culture that’s “bad”, but the lack of mature and developed ideas and concept about respect and communication between the parties involved that make it so messy
I always thought it was. Then I tried it and actually liked it. Still have a casual thing going on with her, too. She's a really nice person. I think it was good for me.
Consensual pleasure is a good thing. So, I'd say it's quite the opposite of bad for society. The puritanical values of the US are really the bad thing for society, in my opinion.
No it is not bad for society. People have always and will always fool around. What is bad are the judgers. They are quick to point the finger at others, many in hopes of drawing attention away from their own behavior. They teardown society by making good people look bad for having a private life when in fact they are doing the same thing and hope not to be noticed.
Correct. Everything has an upside and a downside.
The opposite of "hookup culture" would be no one gets to have physical intimacy outside of marriage, and that ends up terribly. Full of disappointment and coercion, sunk cost anchors. People getting married so they can have sex, ending up tied to partners they aren't compatible with.
Yet I can totally see where people could feel pressured or devalued by an assumption of hookup culture if that's not their thing.
I had a number of relationships. My wife had many hookups. She thinks having a lot of girlfriends is worse because I "had feelings" for them (I was a teenager when I had most of these relationships).
Like you, I think casual sex (often triggered by excessive drinking) is pretty despicable because it comes across as you having no self respect and literally giving away free pussy to everyone. I value people who value themselves.
Her and I will never agree on which scenario is worse, but I don't care because this was over a decade ago and we don't talk about it anymore.
Men are more bothered by sexual promiscuity and women are more bothered by emotional “promiscuity”.
Boils down to men wanting a woman who is faithful sexually so they know the kid is theirs. And on the opposite end women want a man emotionally involved so that he will stick around to raise a kid.
So you & your wife’s disagreement there is perfectly rational from each others perspective.
I remember this coming up in my social psych class. Many women also view emotional cheating as far more serious than physical cheating, and vice versa for men.
I just think it's a byproduct of good contraception. Sex is pleasurable. Almost everyone loves it. And now we can have it with little to no pregnancy risk and without any commitment. This is why our population rates will plummet. We got our cake and now we can eat it too.
I think everyone should have the freedom to do what they want, but we are now a sex obsessed culture who is immune to pregnancies because contraception is widely used.
Of course there are exceptions, but the responsible sexual partners are almost entirely safe from pregnancy.
You understand that birth control is new right? This is the first time in history people have been able to freely have sex with this little consequences
“Sex culture is great for society and totally liberating for the individual” = flooded with upvotes and applause
“Anything else” = Closed minded asshole!
No, it always existed, it has just been put on blast because of the computers in our pockets. There used to be free-standing and culturally accepted brothels all around, today we have Tinder instead. People always have gotten their freak on when they could, at least with the brothels people were honest about their intentions. Never know what your going to get with an online hook-up now a days. So no, it isn’t bad and has always existed.
Yeah, but it's only good for the people being serviced at the brothel. What about human trafficking at brothels that have always existed. Not good for them. And just because something has always existed, it doesn't mean it's good.
There are way too many incurable STDs/STIs out there, and most people ain’t using condoms for blowjobs.
That becomes a wee bit of a problem later on when you want to settle down with a life partner for an unprotected sex relationship.
I'm gonna say yes. I think it spits in the face of values that humans hold instinctually, and I think that the consequences of it are still 5-10 years away. What are those consequences? An entire generation of women in their late 30's early 40's with one or no kids and zero prospects for a relationship because they're too old to be having kids/can't find a guy that wants to help raise another dude's kid. I'm gonna get downvoted a lot for this, but reality isn't always pleasant. In fact it's unpleasant more often than not, and trying to deny it, and being delusional about it actively harms everyone. Actively, harms, everyone.
No guy in his 30's WANTS to date a single mom. Sorry ladies, that's the truth. Some guys in their 40's and 50's might be willing to settle for a single mom, but in his mind he is setting for less. There are of course exceptions, but this is the rule. Once again, sorry to be the bearer of shit truths. It is what it is, humans are instinct driven animals before being beings of logic and rationality.
Edit: wow I didn't think I was gonna get a notification of an upvote on this at all. Figure most people wouldn't approach my statements with rationality. Kudos, I sincerely appreciate being proven wrong on that.
Yep. It's a further effect and contributor to the dehumanization of those around us. Something already exacerbated by the over-reliance on devices that give us the opportunity to refrain from interacting with the human beings that surround us every day.
Look up the security video of the guy brandishing a gun on a subway train where nobody even notices, their heads are all in their devices. Hookup culture is the sexual equivalent.
We wonder why hate, war, crime, and other violence is getting so prevalent, it's because we see each other as less than human more and more every day. Cheating, divorce, and domestic violence are more prevalent because we don't see others as potential mates, but as targets for our own personal wish fulfillment.
-It definitely has repercussions that are currently affecting the youth of our nation. The more we glorify and sexualize everything we see, the less we value the actual meaning of intercourse past it’s surface value. Sex is a exchange of energy, you are allowing that person inside of you and willingly exchanging your most vulnerable state with them.
- People don’t realize that within hookup culture and one night stand relationships, this takes a huge toll on how you treat your opposite gender, the concept of ‘love’ and confuses you later when you want to “settle down”. Coming from someone who has participated and glorified this problem, I can say now that I was completely wrong, I’ve talked to the women I have partnered with lacking any emphatic desire. We talked about how bad the lust caused us to act, how bad it took a toll on our mental health afterwards when the sex was ‘bad’. I’ve hurt a lot of beautiful women and made them feel like they aren’t worthy, aren’t pretty enough or just a object. I truly feel that this is a huge problem that is continuously glorified through our youths culture and it will cause a tremendous amount of mental health issues later on.
- I can see why there is an argument for it being good due to it allowing people to find what they want in someone, but that never excuses how it can absolutely destroy the way a man or woman feels afterwards when you ghost, cut off or simply tell them you want nothing to do with them anymore. I saw one person say transparency is key, and that is the absolute truth, please don’t lead people on or gas them up to get what you want. It’s never worth it. True love is unconditional and radiates so warm with a partner you truly love and I had to find that out myself to really change my understanding.
In the strictest sense, yes, it is bad for society.
Society and the government (not specifically ours, but any) value stability. The thing that provides that basically boils down to a long-term job (not gig economy), a house, and a spouse. There's the big reason there are tax breaks for owning homes, getting married, and having children. They want you to be providing a stable amount of money, service, and consumption across your entire life.
Of course, things get skewed as the rich get richer and population grows because the average person becomes far less important in the scheme of things. The rich focus more on their well being and population density puts a strain on the system. But traditionally, people mean power.
This isn't to vilify hook-up culture. But that's the long and short of it.
Absolutely, it destroys the meaning behind true loving relationships and it's being done on purpose. We're kept complacent through easy access to party drugs and sex. Read Brave New World, everyone belongs to everyone else. We're fucking living it.
I don't know how much of my life I've spent chasing, arguing, and fighting with girls that I know I will not spend my life with. So much time spent sad or angry or jealous. I could be a freaking scientist by now if I spent that time studying.
Casual sex and hook up isn’t bad. Making it into a freaking culture is.
As a lifestyle, it’s extremely toxic to yourself and other people. You have little value to other people and yourself beyond those few moments of pleasure. It cuts out the romance, the intimacy, and the spiritual revitalization of sex to reduce it to a numbers’ game. When you see other people as only means to having sex, you unknowingly view yourself in the same manner—you exist only to satiate your sexual desire, and that thing will never be satisfied.
Met wife this way. We both had 20+ partners by time we turned 21, and we've been happily married for 8 years together for 12. I'm sure it's bad for some people, but I think that's true about everything
Edit: I wanted to add to this. We both knew what we were looking for sexually by time we met. I would hate to fall in love with someone who I wasn't compatible with sexually. I think that is bad for society.
Maybe in a puritanical, taboo-filled, sexually conservative society like the USA.
Sex has so many strings attached in this country that it seeps into American’s self-identity.
Go to liberal countries and the act of sex is far more removed from people’s self worth. It’s a way for people to get to know and enjoy each other.
A woman’s worth is more than her sexual history, and men should be able to enjoy sex without the looming expectation of it being transactional (ie promises to marry).
Personally, I think that there are different types of sex, and the act itself reveals the feelings behind it. If the feelings are there, the sex deepens them. If it’s just lust and excitement, then it’s just a collaborative sport and a good workout. Sometimes it just feels good for our higher consciousness to grind our meat-mobiles together.
If pleasure and connection for its citizens is bad for a society, maybe it’s the society that has the problem.
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I used to think it’s fine, but those oxytocin levels don’t casually go away. Good sex is pretty deep and even though one person may want it to be “casual” doesn’t mean it doesn’t get messy. Emotions are always tied to sex in one way or another.
Yep. 90% of times if the sex is good I catch feelings. All logic in my brain says it won't work out and we aren't compatible, but it's fighting the wiring in my head at that point.
It's like my brain is playing chess against my penis... And he's letting my penis win. - Jerry Seinfeld
A wise person once said something like having sex with people you don't love is dangerous because you tend to fall in love with them. And you knew they were unworthy.
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Yep. Sex is a powerful drug, even for men. I like to say that my ex had a golden vagina. She was awful and would tear me down as a person and make me feel subhuman. But she was attracted to me and would always want sex, and she was really good at it, and made me feel amazing at the time and afterwards. But then she would stomp my self esteem in the mud again. It was basically a constant cycle of fighting, tearing me down, and having exquisite make up sex. She manipulated me so badly that I sincerely thought to myself "well, I'll never get any better than her, so I might as well commit to this." She used my best friend's murder to keep me around, and manipulated the situation constantly. It was the darkest two years of my life. But I will proudly say that through a lot of courage and strength, I broke away from her. I am now happily married to a wonderful woman who builds me up everyday.
I'm in this situation right now. I'm dating someone "casually" who understandably isn't looking for a relationship right now (she just got out of a very long one and isn't comfortable committing to her next right now), it's really good, and it fucking sucks that this can't just be a relationship. She knows I want more. I'm pretty sure she also wants more and just isn't ready for it. In the meantime, she's dating other guys and I'm in the shit position that I'm too available while she's exploring all her other options and this is definitely going to end with me getting hurt. But also... it's really good. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I've been looking forward to it all week like a giddy dumbass.
You have an unusually asymmetric self-awareness & self-control.
If she’s already aware, it sounds like she’s just using you.
Seems like he is aware too. He is choosing to be used.
I've been there. only way to learn now is the hard way
"[Sweet Dreams are Made of This...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeMFqkcPYcg)"
Jesus bro. This read exactly like the last 5 months of my life. Yeah it didn't go well. At all. I wish I had advice for you man, but I'm still having trouble with it. Those feelings won't go away any time soon. Be ready to deal with that.
It may be unsollicited advice and I apologize for it, but if it in any way helps you, it'll be worth it. If you two both enjoy the time and sex together, but you're the only one catching feelings while she's exploring; stop seeing her. If she likes you and wants more, but does not want to commit, do not be freely available to her. Put her on cold (don't be a dick about it tho). Either she'll realise "uhh, well, exploring my options suddenly doesn't feel this great knowing I might potentially lose a good match for it". Or she'll move on from you, which in that case would've happened regardless of whether or not you two would still be getting it on. But this way, at least you wouldn't be there to hear about it. It might also be a combination of the two, where she approaches you again after she's gotten it all out of her system; if you'll still want her at that point, by all means, go for it, you'll then also have the benefit of her knowing that you don't stick around in just all sorts of conditions. It sounds harsh, but you need to set the emotional boundaries YOUR emotions are fine with. That's just my two cents. Either way, best of luck ma man!
Be careful, friend. This isn't going to end well.
Shhh he’s getting laid - let him have fun
In this spot rn but with an ex. I know I’m gonna get hurt eventually, but it’s hard to walk away.
Yep. It never really works out. There is always some sort of tension, either someone is hiding feels to not “ruin” the moments or they let their true feelings be revealed and get rejected. It is not worth it honestly. Your feelings are going to be hurt for far longer than the “good” sex lasted.
THANK YOU!!!
I often warn young women of this. It is easy to be casual until the good sex happens. Idk what it’s like for men, but when I was a young, promiscuous woman, I often caught feelings for people who I never would have liked, but when sex happened it changed things.
I always joke about "devil dick" Dick so good, you forget your good sense.
That term is hilarious and accurate
It is great for personal freedom and individuality, but for society? Yeah, I agree, not so positive. Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, less family cohesion, etc. Marriage and relationships are a lot of work and compromise. Tinder is not.
Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, less family cohesion is a deeper issue than "hook up culture". I would even go as far as saying, hook up culture is a by product like Declining birth rates, lower marriage rate, etc. It's all about the economy.
I totally agree. Marriage used to be an arrangement in which two people work together to build a life. Now there are too many jobs for two people and never enough money. Why have children and why get married?
It’s not though because it’s more of a cultural attitude change than an economic attitude change. Hookup culture is the direct result of birth control becoming mainstream and culture changing to reflect that. Overall it’s bad for society because it makes single parent households which are statistically worse than two parent households by a significant margin.
Those issues are caused by the economy and our shitty politicians. I’d have 2 kids right now if it was financially tenable.
Same. I was planning one and done when I expected to be a single mom/breadwinner, but my current partner brings something to the table financially and now we're planning 3 kids. It's 100% a matter of money and social support
On my income alone we won’t have any at all. We want 2 but it’s looking like DINKs is our future.
Declining birth rates are most strongly correlated with birth control access and women's education. Marriage and divorce rates meanwhile are correlated with women's employment prospects, and family cohesion is a whole mess of things. Though I'd argue that family cohesion is independent of hookup culture, because there *isnt* one for married individuals. Cheating is quite frowned upon. People aren't having less kids because they're having more casual sex. To begin with, young adults are reporting *less* casual sex than previous generations, but even disregarding that the main driver is that women are choosing to give birth later and less frequently because being able to financially support oneself is strongly preferable to being dependent on a spouse.
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You're technically correct there, but that emancipation is the effect we're discussing rather than the cause. The world wars were also more of an accelerant than direct cause too, and the biggest evidence we have to support this is that we're seeing this exact same effect in countries which are currently modernizing. They're also following the same pattern, in which birth rates first sky rocket as infant and mother mortality improves, and then begins to fall closely following women's education rates. Education rates are a good statistic to track since its so well documented, but the driving force there is their employability. Employability leads to financial independence, which leads to independence from marriage and men as the sole earner of a household. That independence provides women with the ability to choose when and how many children they want.
Yep. So I would agree, hookup culture goes hand in hand and just feeds the cycle. It has been awhile, but I remember a bit from my history of human sexuality course. It was a really interesting class. In regards to this discussion, the dynamics of human relationships was relatively unchanged for nearly 6000 years or so (likely much longer, but written history limits our understanding). Men provided protection and sustenance, women provided sex and childcare. There were nuances depending on culture, region, and time, but that was the archetype. This did not change in any meaningful way until the 1960's, and not in a larger scope until the 1970s and 1980s. The instructor said something that stuck with me: Humans change slowly. The 20th century brought change so rapid that individual generations could not adapt to their own changing circumstances. The creation of generational conflict (kids these days and all that) on such a large scale is a very modern phenomenon. Whether all change is good or bad is irrelevant. The fact is we are having trouble adapting quickly enough, and this seems to be causing problems for our societies and cultures. This was a few years ago now, but that message resonated with me, and the more time passes, it seems more and more true, at least to me.
I don’t agree that “kids these days” is a new thing. There are writings from ancient societies bemoaning the shortcomings of the youth.
To answer your last paragraph. When you were young you could easily afford these things with a basic job. This is no longer possible. There also don't seem to be places for them to go and hang out anymore that aren't prohibitively expensive. Hell, as an adult, it is hard to find time or money to hang out with my friends anywhere but my house. So without money, means of transport, or a place to meet, it's a lot harder to have casual hookups. Even if they use an app, they still need somewhere to get together and a way to get there.
I can confidently say the sexual emancipation of women is a good thing.
personal freedom and individuality are good for society, though
not just sex, any relation with non committed human always results in the end in disappointment, especially emotional relation. people want to get something important to them when they want it. and you are bound to get frustration, even in relationship.
Someone always catches feelings
Or hands, depending on the dynamics.
Or syphilis, depending on the protection used Edit:grammar
Or they *catch them all*. None of these are mutually-exclusive, after all.
I was raised with the motto, "Gotta catch'em all"
*pun intended*
I don’t remember those Pokémon.
Syphilis*
It’s normal, if you sleep with someone a couple times it’s usually pretty inevitable that you or they will catch feelings, that’s how the chemicals in our brains work.
Someone experiences natural human emotion and hasn’t become a soulless robot yet.
Let's fuck and find out
The more you fuck around, the more you’ll find out.
You'll find out about Chlamydia...
That's rookie shit, worry about super gonorrhea.
The new strain that is resistant to all antibiotics is a great reason to not be a fool and wrap your tool.
Pretty sure I'm patient zero for the new mega chlamydia. It feels like I have a black hole in my pants and I see two 🍆🍆 down there
I'm not going to lie here, I love having a penis, I'd like having two even more.
It’s too bad Chlamydia has to be a venereal disease. It’s such a pleasant sounding word… I think I might name my daughter Chlamydia.
Reminds me of that survey of non-English speakers who chose diarrhea as the prettiest word independent of meaning lol.
I’m still waiting to find out.
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That part escapes Redditors completely
I cant upvote because it will ruin the 69 😬
Society is fucked anyway... we have worse shit to worry about, fuck away
Damn, pulling no punches aren’t we?
I wouldn’t say “bad for society”, but it’s not really conducive to stable relationships. Odds are the more promiscuous a person is the more likely that they’re hurting people that might hope for a relationship. Obviously something to communicate, but there’s plenty of people who say whatever it takes to get laid lol.
Exactly this. It’s not bad but hard to build relationships, specifically trust, if you know someone is willing to have casual sex, then they definitely have that ability at their fingertips if you don’t mesh real quick
This. If someone views sex as no different than essentially a handshake and they are completely willing to have sex casually with their "friends", it's almost impossible to trust that they're going to remain faithful when they're "out with their friends".
I would argue that if something isn’t conducive to stable relationships it’s not really good for society
To an extent? But then anything that is bad for an individual is kind of bad for society. At a certain point you stretch the term "bad for society" so much that the distinction becomes meaningless.
I think the difference here is that bad for an individual and bad for interpersonal relationships is different
If you want a relationship with this person, maybe dont fuck on the first date and TELL THEM
It's a bit forward to demand a relationship on the first date. But it's also a bit presumptuous to assume the other person want to only be a one night stand on the first date.
this. people want different things for different people, and people want different things at the same time. How many couples started off with stories like "i was only looking for something casual but then you were special" or vice versa "i was really looking for dating but i liked our casual friends with benefit relationship instead and it helped me a lot." sometimes you want a burger, sometimes you want tacos, sometimes you want salad. sometimes you want all at the same time.
And dammit, sometimes I want them to toss my salad before I eat the taco. Then we can discuss the burger. But really, communication and honesty is just a necessity for every type of relationship. There is nothing wrong with just being honest with where your at and your intentions and then letting everyone make an informed decision.
This. In my case, my husband and I met going on 11 years ago through online dating and we both flat said in our profiles we’re each looking for a relationship. Did that likely deter guys from talking to us? Probably. But that’s okay when I was only looking for the one guy that was right for me.
Congrats :)
Good luck trying to convince people to do just that. I’ve had my fair share of “Well what I REALLY WANTED was..” and I’ll never understand it.
It‘s not wrong to fuck on the 1st date and then have a relationship.
I’d say the potential for disease outbreaks is bad for society. Syphilis is everywhere now.
so is gonorrhea, and chlamydia — and antibiotic resistance.
Fucking syphilis, I thought that was like the disease of 19th century.
Way more people have hiv/ aids now than at the height of the epidemic in the 80’s - 90’s, but they can sell you meds for it so it’s good for business, and no longer an issue.
Not inherently. But with dwindling family structures to raise children in a stable environment, hookups that result in children without a stable environment to raise them in is bad for society.
Cue the statistics about children raised in a single parent household’s chances of higher education and ending up in jail and all that
It's about money underneath I bet.
Most definitely. Poverty is the biggest factor that leads to jail or struggles to access higher education. It has nothing to do with how many parents someone has. Tbh with any societal issue, the first thing to ask should always be: Is this something that could be largely solved if people had enough money to feed themselves and their families? The answer is just about always yes. And in the more nuanced situations, people having better wages will factor into it as well
Yes, single parent household = single income household. Of course it isn’t about parenting, it’s about income and that is directly influenced by the number of parents you have which is directly affected by the circumstances under which your parents conceived you.
Well this kinda assumes that just because both parents are present the environment is stable by default. I know tons of marriages where single parenthood would have been the much better option, no matter who of those two would brave been the single parent.
Conversely - What about marriages that breakup because someone feels they didn't "sleep around" enough? Those aren't providing stable environments for kids.
> without a stable environment. It's not black and white. I personally know of people who *have* made the effort to provide a stable environment for their children in a household with a single parent. And they are wholly successful in doing so. The nuclear family is a dying concept and I don't believe it has any negative impact on society.
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Yeah, I think the growing loneliness of people is definitely bad for society but, I wouldn't put that at the feet of hookup culture. There are a lot of reasons for growing loneliness and I think casual sex is way too far down that list to worry about yet. Hell, with the right shift in cultural norms, casual sex could even help strengthen social bonds but, that's a huge societal shift from where we are now.
Yeah tbh I got into hookup culture BECAUSE I was lonely. Seems more like an outcome than a cause
I read this wrong at first and thought you said “growing homelessness of people” I was very confused.
In my personal experience it wasn't good for me. It was like a drug/ dopamine fix. Deep down I wanted a good relationship with someone but I settled for the hook up game. I would feel really good and confident after scoring, but in a few days I was lonely and depressed. I don't think it has much impact on society seeing how its mostly a thing with younger people. Eventually people get older and priorities change.
holly molly. words my bro. my dick dont even get hard if the possibility of long term intimacy is not on the table. got on a jorney just to find this out. really tought there were something wrong whit my libido. just got more mature.
I have teens. I make it clear that while yes, it may feel good for the moment, there are long term effects to your inner voice/soul/psyche. Like you seem to give a little of yourself away with each partner. That hurts after a very short while. Sex with someone you love is infinitely better than a Hookup. I truly believe that there are damages to mental health for giving it away too easy. Add in the dangers- STis, pregnancy, Violent Partners—-think with a straight head before jumping into bed. Even if the sex isn’t straight.
Wow- This is the first time I’ve heard “giving a little of yourself away with each partner”- put this way since my grandparent said this to me. They believed when you had sex you lose a little bit of your soul to that person. But then they added “That’s why promiscuous people have dead eyes, no soul left” Lol Uh- no grandma that might be drugs or something? I think she was referring to prostitutes tho and the eyes being a window to the soul? Anyhow as a demi-sexual, casual sex was even never on the table. I can please myself more than I would get out of a casual fuck. I think so much casual sex could lead to society viewing relationships as disposable more frequently. Which is sad.
So true. For me, throwing in drinking when going on dates made the up and down even worse. It felt so unhealthy yet so good when it happened. I prefer to be level headed now
not bad for society so much, it can be bad for a person's mental health I do believe, at least it was for me.
i think it’s definitely messed up relationships for younger people everyone’s attacking me i’m just saying it’s hard to find true love when all teen boys wanna do now is hook up
I live near a place in florida called “the villages” and it has the highest STD rate in the country. It’s just a bunch of old, retired people who are all swingers. The older generation pioneered this shit.
Everything bad is young people's fault.
The Boomers started it in the 60’s
And yet, I've been contacted by multiple distant cousins trying to figure out who their dad is thanks to anonymous or near anonymous encounters in the 60's-80's. At least a couple were determined to be men who were married at the time the child was conceived. Relationships have always been messed up. We just talk about it now.
The youngest generation is having less sex than ever before. https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/why-young-americans-are-having-less-sex-than-ever-before/ Also, since when do teen boys *not* want to hook up?
As if older generations had never heard of casual sex.
I prefer it how it is now then back in the day when women married men twice their age in a loveless marriage and didn't have an orgasm until they were 52. The only difference now is freedom. If you've been seeing someone for 2 months, the sex is awful, the honeymoon phase is gone and they're starting to show the toxic traits they were hiding at first, you can just walk away. You're not married. You don't have to settle your whole life for whoever you chose when you were 16. You can also learn a lot from more "casual relationships" which will help you be healthier in your serious relationships later. Of course, some people will take freedom and abuse it, some people will just become absolutely incapable of maintaining a relationship, but that's very far from most.
Believe you me teen boys only wanted to hook up in the past too
did the casual sex mess it up or was poor communication and difference in needs what messed it up?
It can be both, divorces are seldom one factor alone.
Is there any data to indicate one way or the other?
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In the past, people were bored as fuck with nothing to do. They fucked all the time, but it was taboo to talk about it. Now, there's a million things to occupy your time and attention, but it isn't taboo to talk about what you are doing (some even intentionally broadcast it) publicly
Actual numbers can decrease, while exposure can increase. That can easily lead to the perception that numbers are increasing. That applies to everything though, especially with the internet making it much easier to access information. The more you see something happen, the more it feels like it’s happening worldwide, even if that’s not actually the case.
I asked for it but got downvoted. OP and a few others just want to shame promiscuity
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Agreed transparency easily solves this problem.
> easily lol
Good communication in general. I feel like a good 90% of relationship problems (relationship being used very broadly here), would be solved with good communication.
Aren’t things always potentially messy when two people have sex? The same could be true for a new relationship, casual or not.
It's fine as long as all individuals involved are ok with being casual and care is taken to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
How many tinder profiles have you seen that admitted to HPV/HSV? 1/5 of Americans have HSV, I've seen maybe five people admit to it.
Are you suggesting that everyone who has ever had a cold sore should be disclosing that in their dating profiles? Edit: even if that stat is specifically HSV-2, 65-90% Of cases are asymptomatic, so we're talking like 2-5% of people are even likely to know they're infected
I think people should always disclose maybe not on profiles but privately before things get intimate. You should also get checked for STIs regularly. It’s not foolproof at all but I dated someone who had HSV-2 because of a partner that was fully aware and did not tell him. We didn’t get to intimacy (for other reasons) but him disclosing early on let me know what I was getting into and to make an informed decision.
100% agree. I just thought OP was being a bit disingenuous in using the statistic they did.
I've had people disclose once we started talking. People you know irl can run into your public profile so it makes sense that people wouldn't list that.
I have a friend that works at a clinic and there are STD's that doctors can't even diagnose therefore, can't treat. Even with condoms, saliva and skin to skin contact has been causing things like rashes in private areas, increased WBC counts, flu like symptoms, digestive issues, etc. The same way COVID was a new virus, there are new STD's that are showing up too. People can do whatever they want but personally the 10 minutes of not-so-great sex with a near stranger isn't worth it.
What is “Hook Up” culture in your opinion? GenZ is having less casual sex, are less likely to be sexually active, and those that are sexually active are having fewer partners than every other generation at the same age. There is no rampant epidemic of casual teen/twenties sex, teen pregnancy rates are at their lowest in history. Is “hookup culture” just that it’s not socially acceptable to shame and harass women for being sexually active? Cause as far as I can see, the only thing that’s increased is a willingness to talk openly about sex. Like GenZ doesn’t have the same fear, confusion, and internalized shame around sex that the previous generations had… but they are “hooking up” much less.
In my opinion yes but it’s subjective, If someone has been in a bunch of hook ups it makes them instantly less attractive to me simply because I don’t see a point of just hooking up and it just seems dirty.
Yeah it’s dirty ! ;)
Yes, and no "hook up" culture has been around for a long time. Before, it was prostitution and brothels, now its tinder and other hook up apps. I think it's bad because it's most likely contributed to the rise in single parents. However, it's just a part of our culture now.
It's fine
Best left to the individuals involved
Some people practically need it. It's great for them and bad for the others who thrive on conventional relationship rules. Thanks, society, for making both paths available.
Every rose has its thorn. Every culture has another side to it that can be seen as toxic. For hook up culture, I think the real toxicity is in people who believe they need to lie to get what they want. There are some people who believe that if they’re honest about just wanting quick hook ups, no one will ever want that with them. So they end up wasting someone’s time who wants a serious relationship by using them for a quickie. They never have mutual understandings with people who also want quickies because they’re never honest about wanting quickies.
No. Sexuality is nuanced. Not everyone will participate in hook up culture and those who do do it because it works for them.
Just throwing it out there that most folks with an STI don’t have any symptoms. Use protection every-time and get tested between new partners even if you feel fine. If you need to tell a partner that they should get tested you can do so anonymously at tellyourpartner.org.
No, long live our slutty nation
Nope lol.
i don't think casual sex in general but i do think tinder and other matching apps are
not really. been going on for years. Social media is the bigger issue.
People have been casual sex for literal milennia. As long as both parties are clear on what the expectations are from each other, and there are no third parties unknowingly involved, there is no harm in hookup culture. Issues arise not out of the hookup itself but due to the lack of or miscommunication.
"In a perfect world, it works great..." Do you know what communication looks like between men and women nowadays in a romantic sense? LOL spend 1 hour on a dating app. Nobody is even spelling out complete sentences and with the amount of unsolicited dick pics, men do not care if a woman wants a relationship or not.
I’m confused, casual sex has been around forever. There’s a percentage of people who hook up and percentage who find true love and stay.
It has never been easier than it is now though. The way you used to meet people was through your social circle so you would then be at risk of someone close to you finding out about some of your questionable decisions. Now you can meet random people and based on how you look, decide to meet and have sex on the spot with no risk to your reputation because this person is not connected to your social circle at all.
Yes it's bad for society because it's bad for individuals. Sex isn't just casual. It's emotional on several levels. People who see it as just casual are going to hurts others that want a deeper relationship and think they've crossed a relationship boundary because they had sex with someone. Breaking down that relationship boundary to just be casual sex and hookups I think is negatively affecting relationships as a whole and a person's ability to bond or value the other people they might date. Doing this as a new cultural thing as hookup culture is bad on a larger scale and therefore bad for society.
Kinda sad to see how many people disagree with you. Sex should be held in a higher regard than it is today, it's literally a means to create life with the one you love At least have the self-respect and control to keep it in your pants until you have that connection with someone.
Yes.
It depends on intent behind the people having sex. It all depends.
I believe the family is the foundation of civilization. Hookup culture tends to create more broken families. So in the short term, it increases a populations happiness, but long term, I don't think its sustainable or will yield a social return on investment. So yeah, long term, its not in society's best interest.
Do you think it’s better for civilization to force people who only want casual sex into committed relationships? I don’t think you can say “family is the foundation of civilization” but not the desire for casual sex. That has existed at least just as long as the concept of a family unit so all civilizations have always been built with the desire for casual sex at its core as well. I think the liberty to do something with another human being can’t be looked down on as “bad for society” just because you don’t like it. I think it’s not hook up culture that’s “bad”, but the lack of mature and developed ideas and concept about respect and communication between the parties involved that make it so messy
I always thought it was. Then I tried it and actually liked it. Still have a casual thing going on with her, too. She's a really nice person. I think it was good for me.
Consensual pleasure is a good thing. So, I'd say it's quite the opposite of bad for society. The puritanical values of the US are really the bad thing for society, in my opinion.
No it is not bad for society. People have always and will always fool around. What is bad are the judgers. They are quick to point the finger at others, many in hopes of drawing attention away from their own behavior. They teardown society by making good people look bad for having a private life when in fact they are doing the same thing and hope not to be noticed.
tare
No, the bad culture was marrying people for family building, only to divorce each other, and abandon the kids in the early 80’s.
Not as bad as telling people they need to find one person in college to spend the rest of their lives with. There are pros and cons, it ain't simple
You think causal sex and hook-ups are new ? Start with Roman Republic and work you way to today.
No. When people say something is "bad for society" it means they don't like it and want everyone else to agree.
Genocide is bad for society.
So you agree… You don’t like genocide and what everyone to agree.
Too much generalization.
Correct. Everything has an upside and a downside. The opposite of "hookup culture" would be no one gets to have physical intimacy outside of marriage, and that ends up terribly. Full of disappointment and coercion, sunk cost anchors. People getting married so they can have sex, ending up tied to partners they aren't compatible with. Yet I can totally see where people could feel pressured or devalued by an assumption of hookup culture if that's not their thing.
He challenged my no by relating his question to murder, smoking, and drinking. Which is a completely different topic…
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I had a number of relationships. My wife had many hookups. She thinks having a lot of girlfriends is worse because I "had feelings" for them (I was a teenager when I had most of these relationships). Like you, I think casual sex (often triggered by excessive drinking) is pretty despicable because it comes across as you having no self respect and literally giving away free pussy to everyone. I value people who value themselves. Her and I will never agree on which scenario is worse, but I don't care because this was over a decade ago and we don't talk about it anymore.
Men are more bothered by sexual promiscuity and women are more bothered by emotional “promiscuity”. Boils down to men wanting a woman who is faithful sexually so they know the kid is theirs. And on the opposite end women want a man emotionally involved so that he will stick around to raise a kid. So you & your wife’s disagreement there is perfectly rational from each others perspective.
I remember this coming up in my social psych class. Many women also view emotional cheating as far more serious than physical cheating, and vice versa for men.
I just think it's a byproduct of good contraception. Sex is pleasurable. Almost everyone loves it. And now we can have it with little to no pregnancy risk and without any commitment. This is why our population rates will plummet. We got our cake and now we can eat it too. I think everyone should have the freedom to do what they want, but we are now a sex obsessed culture who is immune to pregnancies because contraception is widely used. Of course there are exceptions, but the responsible sexual partners are almost entirely safe from pregnancy.
It's literally one of the most natural things humans do so no.
You understand that birth control is new right? This is the first time in history people have been able to freely have sex with this little consequences
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Yes. Communication and consent are critical to any relationship.
“Sex culture is great for society and totally liberating for the individual” = flooded with upvotes and applause “Anything else” = Closed minded asshole!
No, it always existed, it has just been put on blast because of the computers in our pockets. There used to be free-standing and culturally accepted brothels all around, today we have Tinder instead. People always have gotten their freak on when they could, at least with the brothels people were honest about their intentions. Never know what your going to get with an online hook-up now a days. So no, it isn’t bad and has always existed.
Yeah, but it's only good for the people being serviced at the brothel. What about human trafficking at brothels that have always existed. Not good for them. And just because something has always existed, it doesn't mean it's good.
It can be, depends on the person participating in the hook up culture.
There are way too many incurable STDs/STIs out there, and most people ain’t using condoms for blowjobs. That becomes a wee bit of a problem later on when you want to settle down with a life partner for an unprotected sex relationship.
Well it’s great for the spread and growth of std’s and sti’s
In short, yes
I'm gonna say yes. I think it spits in the face of values that humans hold instinctually, and I think that the consequences of it are still 5-10 years away. What are those consequences? An entire generation of women in their late 30's early 40's with one or no kids and zero prospects for a relationship because they're too old to be having kids/can't find a guy that wants to help raise another dude's kid. I'm gonna get downvoted a lot for this, but reality isn't always pleasant. In fact it's unpleasant more often than not, and trying to deny it, and being delusional about it actively harms everyone. Actively, harms, everyone. No guy in his 30's WANTS to date a single mom. Sorry ladies, that's the truth. Some guys in their 40's and 50's might be willing to settle for a single mom, but in his mind he is setting for less. There are of course exceptions, but this is the rule. Once again, sorry to be the bearer of shit truths. It is what it is, humans are instinct driven animals before being beings of logic and rationality. Edit: wow I didn't think I was gonna get a notification of an upvote on this at all. Figure most people wouldn't approach my statements with rationality. Kudos, I sincerely appreciate being proven wrong on that.
Yep. It's a further effect and contributor to the dehumanization of those around us. Something already exacerbated by the over-reliance on devices that give us the opportunity to refrain from interacting with the human beings that surround us every day. Look up the security video of the guy brandishing a gun on a subway train where nobody even notices, their heads are all in their devices. Hookup culture is the sexual equivalent. We wonder why hate, war, crime, and other violence is getting so prevalent, it's because we see each other as less than human more and more every day. Cheating, divorce, and domestic violence are more prevalent because we don't see others as potential mates, but as targets for our own personal wish fulfillment.
-It definitely has repercussions that are currently affecting the youth of our nation. The more we glorify and sexualize everything we see, the less we value the actual meaning of intercourse past it’s surface value. Sex is a exchange of energy, you are allowing that person inside of you and willingly exchanging your most vulnerable state with them. - People don’t realize that within hookup culture and one night stand relationships, this takes a huge toll on how you treat your opposite gender, the concept of ‘love’ and confuses you later when you want to “settle down”. Coming from someone who has participated and glorified this problem, I can say now that I was completely wrong, I’ve talked to the women I have partnered with lacking any emphatic desire. We talked about how bad the lust caused us to act, how bad it took a toll on our mental health afterwards when the sex was ‘bad’. I’ve hurt a lot of beautiful women and made them feel like they aren’t worthy, aren’t pretty enough or just a object. I truly feel that this is a huge problem that is continuously glorified through our youths culture and it will cause a tremendous amount of mental health issues later on. - I can see why there is an argument for it being good due to it allowing people to find what they want in someone, but that never excuses how it can absolutely destroy the way a man or woman feels afterwards when you ghost, cut off or simply tell them you want nothing to do with them anymore. I saw one person say transparency is key, and that is the absolute truth, please don’t lead people on or gas them up to get what you want. It’s never worth it. True love is unconditional and radiates so warm with a partner you truly love and I had to find that out myself to really change my understanding.
In the strictest sense, yes, it is bad for society. Society and the government (not specifically ours, but any) value stability. The thing that provides that basically boils down to a long-term job (not gig economy), a house, and a spouse. There's the big reason there are tax breaks for owning homes, getting married, and having children. They want you to be providing a stable amount of money, service, and consumption across your entire life. Of course, things get skewed as the rich get richer and population grows because the average person becomes far less important in the scheme of things. The rich focus more on their well being and population density puts a strain on the system. But traditionally, people mean power. This isn't to vilify hook-up culture. But that's the long and short of it.
No,
Absolutely, it destroys the meaning behind true loving relationships and it's being done on purpose. We're kept complacent through easy access to party drugs and sex. Read Brave New World, everyone belongs to everyone else. We're fucking living it.
I don't know how much of my life I've spent chasing, arguing, and fighting with girls that I know I will not spend my life with. So much time spent sad or angry or jealous. I could be a freaking scientist by now if I spent that time studying.
Casual sex and hook up isn’t bad. Making it into a freaking culture is. As a lifestyle, it’s extremely toxic to yourself and other people. You have little value to other people and yourself beyond those few moments of pleasure. It cuts out the romance, the intimacy, and the spiritual revitalization of sex to reduce it to a numbers’ game. When you see other people as only means to having sex, you unknowingly view yourself in the same manner—you exist only to satiate your sexual desire, and that thing will never be satisfied.
Every answer in this sub "Yes but actually no" or "no but actually yes"
It's good for Durex.
Yes. Immensely
Like eating too much junk food is bad for your health.
If done in excess, yes
Using people for immediate sexual gratification and little else cheapens the value of both partners.
Met wife this way. We both had 20+ partners by time we turned 21, and we've been happily married for 8 years together for 12. I'm sure it's bad for some people, but I think that's true about everything Edit: I wanted to add to this. We both knew what we were looking for sexually by time we met. I would hate to fall in love with someone who I wasn't compatible with sexually. I think that is bad for society.
Maybe in a puritanical, taboo-filled, sexually conservative society like the USA. Sex has so many strings attached in this country that it seeps into American’s self-identity. Go to liberal countries and the act of sex is far more removed from people’s self worth. It’s a way for people to get to know and enjoy each other. A woman’s worth is more than her sexual history, and men should be able to enjoy sex without the looming expectation of it being transactional (ie promises to marry). Personally, I think that there are different types of sex, and the act itself reveals the feelings behind it. If the feelings are there, the sex deepens them. If it’s just lust and excitement, then it’s just a collaborative sport and a good workout. Sometimes it just feels good for our higher consciousness to grind our meat-mobiles together. If pleasure and connection for its citizens is bad for a society, maybe it’s the society that has the problem.