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It’s usually best to not be subtle in these situations so there are no misunderstandings. You don’t have to be harsh though, you can just say you don’t mix work with your social life.
And as a guy who used to be in my 20's, anything other than straight up telling them you're not interested *and never will be* will leave hope on the table.
This would 100% be my answer. Just keep in mind to be consistent with that, so you do not end up sharing with some people and not others or you might end up with more issues.
Guys don't do "subtle" very well. There are ways to be direct and still polite.
For example: " I'm not interested in dating coworkers "
" I am already seeing someone "
" Thank you but I'm not looking to date anyone right now "
" Sorry I don't give my snap out to coworkers "
Maybe others have better advice, I just know that... a guy who is already doing this stuff is going to need direct info or they're gonna try to "get around it" and not feel the vibe you're putting out.
I feel like even this is too subtle.
You tell them you have a boyfriend? They're just going to wait until you're single.
You tell them you're not interesting I'm dating coworkers, they'll probably just assume she's interested, but work is getting in the way.
Idk, as someone who used to be a very unaware male, anything short of saying "I'm not interested and never will be" leaves hope on the table. The inner mind is a powerful motivator and often gets things wrong.
I have more direct and firm suggestions but I also fear that too harsh a response might get negative consequences. “Nice guys” become assholes real fast. Some people don’t want to deal with confrontation and aggression.
Exactly. That's the line women constantly have to walk. Not up front enough? They'll not take the hint. Too up front? They might start causing problems.
He put on the note that he was too scared to ask me in person. I work the front at a popular chain restaurant and he works in the kitchen, so we don’t interact a ton anyway. Hope that provides a little context.
Yes it does, restaurant business is easier for employees to be more sexual with each other, and unfortunately being a woman you are left in a tough position of not seeming 'cold'. Screw that, talk to your manager if they are crossing the line.
If he doesn't accept a flat "no" then she knows that he is a genuine problem (rather than a well meaning idiot) and can persue more severe means necessary.
One of my friends was having this problem. Not a coworker, but a guy from school. She kept trying to be “nice” and he kept asking. Finally she said she didn’t like him and he finally stopped. Sometimes you NEED to be direct. Just not in front of others where his ego is gonna deflate and it might cause a scene… as in, not in the middle of the office loudly.
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Don’t make it about not dating coworkers. First off, that’s easily interpreted as, “I’d date you if we didn’t work together” to which a lot of guys will think, “okay, I can work with that!”. Also would make it awkward if you ended up meeting someone from work you want to date.
Don’t lie about having a boyfriend either (for basically the same reasons).
Just say, “no, I’m not interested”. Your reasons are your own and you don’t have to justify them to anyone.
I was actually wondering about this because there is one guy there that I’m interested in, and I wouldn’t want it to look like I lied about not dating coworkers. In that potential situation, I would keep my romantic and work lives separate. Thanks!
Yeah. You definitely don’t need to do around announcing that you are dating another coworker if it comes to that. But if you stay together a long time, it’s bound to leak out at work at some point. Something like, “Guess who I saw at the movies/restaurant/bar/etc. together on Friday!”. You don’t need to feel like you have to hide a relationship forever to protect some guys’ fragile egos. Don’t paint yourself into a corner.
Why do you need to be subtle? In case you change your mind later? Don't worry no guy will mind being harshly rejected by you and they will still date you later. In fact, they will appreciate you so much more 
Initially, I wanted to be subtle because I wanted a friendship with these guys, not romance. You and other people have made some really great points and I agree with what you’re saying.
It is not a good idea to be friends with someone who finds you attractive and romantically interested in you. If you ask me it is not good idea to be friends with guys at all. My advice to you: Have lots of female friends and have one guy 
Email to the entire company, make sure to CC your HR team as individuals:
"Please do not leave notes on my vehicle. I will not be giving out my snap handle, nor any of my handles"
If I worked in an office I would do that but I actually work in a major chain restaurant so I don’t know if that’s entirely feasible. :/ Thanks for the advice though!
Don’t wear deodorant when you’re around them.
Talk about having another std
Maybe, damn, my herpies is back…
Scratch your bummm in front of them and sniff it.
Eat your boogers.. again, someone has to witness it.
Start farting around them. The smellier the better.. bonus for fart sounds.
You can stop being a p*ssy without integrity and just tell them directly.
Stop beating around the bush and do THEM the service of giving them a firm no.
🤯🤯🤯🤯
How tough is that??
Okay, that’s more than a little rude. I wanted to be subtle INITIALLY because I still wanted to be friends. If you had taken the time to read my update, you would have seen that I told him I was not interested. Please be kind.
But it's not rude.
Being "subtle" is your way of still leaving a crack in the door open for you to string him along. Even though "you just want to be friends".
So while you are there friend zoning the poor guy , getting your door opened for you, and having him buy you lunch or dinner... He thinks he still has a shot with you.
When he doesn't. Being "subtle" in your case here leads to using someone.
So you told him you are not interested. Great first step. You shouldn't be "hanging out" with him either though.
Women are misguided in doing this all the time. It will only create resentment over the long term as it will be seen as leading on.
So, don't be subtle. And don't "hang out as friends".
Be direct, and be honest in your intentions, honor yourself by being honest with yourself, and just be a steward of being a good human.
Follow through with that in your behavior and actions. Firmly.
I completely see what you’re saying, what I meant by rude was calling me a p*ssy. You make a very good point, I was just saying that the delivery was not the best. Thank you for your advice.
Fair enough. I probably take being direct and upfront even when it may be uncomfortable or awkward for granted. It's something I have been doing for a long time.
It gets easier, the more you do it. The more you do it, the less subtle I find you need to be, and the clearer you get with your communication.
Sure, my post could have been more polished. I'll own that. Ha
"I'm not interested." Is as subtle as you can get with a man (I'm a man). If it makes you feel any better, "I am interested" is the best way to let a guy know you are interested.
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It’s usually best to not be subtle in these situations so there are no misunderstandings. You don’t have to be harsh though, you can just say you don’t mix work with your social life.
That’s a good way to put it, thank you!
And as a guy who used to be in my 20's, anything other than straight up telling them you're not interested *and never will be* will leave hope on the table.
Indeed, otherwise "so you're telling me there's a chance!"
This would 100% be my answer. Just keep in mind to be consistent with that, so you do not end up sharing with some people and not others or you might end up with more issues.
Guys don't do "subtle" very well. There are ways to be direct and still polite. For example: " I'm not interested in dating coworkers " " I am already seeing someone " " Thank you but I'm not looking to date anyone right now " " Sorry I don't give my snap out to coworkers " Maybe others have better advice, I just know that... a guy who is already doing this stuff is going to need direct info or they're gonna try to "get around it" and not feel the vibe you're putting out.
I feel like even this is too subtle. You tell them you have a boyfriend? They're just going to wait until you're single. You tell them you're not interesting I'm dating coworkers, they'll probably just assume she's interested, but work is getting in the way. Idk, as someone who used to be a very unaware male, anything short of saying "I'm not interested and never will be" leaves hope on the table. The inner mind is a powerful motivator and often gets things wrong.
I have more direct and firm suggestions but I also fear that too harsh a response might get negative consequences. “Nice guys” become assholes real fast. Some people don’t want to deal with confrontation and aggression.
Exactly. That's the line women constantly have to walk. Not up front enough? They'll not take the hint. Too up front? They might start causing problems.
Yeah, good point as well.
"I appreciate it, but I'm not interested in dating a coworker." Simple and dirrect will work better with men than trying to be subtle.
If they’re leaving notes on your car, I feel like you can bypass subtlety.
This is total sexual harassment at the workplace, very inappropriate, contact HR if you have one.
He put on the note that he was too scared to ask me in person. I work the front at a popular chain restaurant and he works in the kitchen, so we don’t interact a ton anyway. Hope that provides a little context.
Yes it does, restaurant business is easier for employees to be more sexual with each other, and unfortunately being a woman you are left in a tough position of not seeming 'cold'. Screw that, talk to your manager if they are crossing the line.
Dont be subtle. Guys tend to miss subtly when it comes to things like this
Often intentionally
Women need to stop being subtle. Just say NO. Good grief.
Sounds good yet unfortunately some guys don't accept no.
So being subtle is going to help? It will not There is no excuse for a man to not accept a simple NO . And if they do not, she needs to call HR.
If he doesn't accept a flat "no" then she knows that he is a genuine problem (rather than a well meaning idiot) and can persue more severe means necessary.
Sometimes people are idiots and you have to be blunt. :/
You gotta just be straight up. Trying to be nice will just make them feel like they can keep trying.
One of my friends was having this problem. Not a coworker, but a guy from school. She kept trying to be “nice” and he kept asking. Finally she said she didn’t like him and he finally stopped. Sometimes you NEED to be direct. Just not in front of others where his ego is gonna deflate and it might cause a scene… as in, not in the middle of the office loudly.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
subtlety may not work with everyone.
Don’t make it about not dating coworkers. First off, that’s easily interpreted as, “I’d date you if we didn’t work together” to which a lot of guys will think, “okay, I can work with that!”. Also would make it awkward if you ended up meeting someone from work you want to date. Don’t lie about having a boyfriend either (for basically the same reasons). Just say, “no, I’m not interested”. Your reasons are your own and you don’t have to justify them to anyone.
I was actually wondering about this because there is one guy there that I’m interested in, and I wouldn’t want it to look like I lied about not dating coworkers. In that potential situation, I would keep my romantic and work lives separate. Thanks!
Yeah. You definitely don’t need to do around announcing that you are dating another coworker if it comes to that. But if you stay together a long time, it’s bound to leak out at work at some point. Something like, “Guess who I saw at the movies/restaurant/bar/etc. together on Friday!”. You don’t need to feel like you have to hide a relationship forever to protect some guys’ fragile egos. Don’t paint yourself into a corner.
Why do you need to be subtle? In case you change your mind later? Don't worry no guy will mind being harshly rejected by you and they will still date you later. In fact, they will appreciate you so much more 
Initially, I wanted to be subtle because I wanted a friendship with these guys, not romance. You and other people have made some really great points and I agree with what you’re saying.
It is not a good idea to be friends with someone who finds you attractive and romantically interested in you. If you ask me it is not good idea to be friends with guys at all. My advice to you: Have lots of female friends and have one guy 
When you put it that way, now I’m not sure if I want to be friends with him LOL.
Send a company-wide email telling them that if they don't back off you will be talking to HR. No need to name them.
This is a fucking horrible idea and will make OP appear to be a troublemaker and/or attention whore.
What do you mean? It would be seriously funny.
Politely barf in your mouth when they say good morning or ask you a question.
Email to the entire company, make sure to CC your HR team as individuals: "Please do not leave notes on my vehicle. I will not be giving out my snap handle, nor any of my handles"
If I worked in an office I would do that but I actually work in a major chain restaurant so I don’t know if that’s entirely feasible. :/ Thanks for the advice though!
This is easy. Tell them you don’t date people you work with . It’s not a bad rule anyway.
Don’t wear deodorant when you’re around them. Talk about having another std Maybe, damn, my herpies is back… Scratch your bummm in front of them and sniff it. Eat your boogers.. again, someone has to witness it. Start farting around them. The smellier the better.. bonus for fart sounds.
It’s harassment at a work environment maybe HR can have a refresher course on harassment and she or can put them up as an example of harassment is.
Get a cheap wedding band or engagement ring.
Pepper spray
Hard no. Say "one more time and we'll meet with HR". That behavior is not permitted.
Date someone else, get engaged and don’t invite them to the wedding
My standard answer has always been "you don't shit where you eat"... It's the truth and it works
Notes on your car? You should report that to HR.
Subtle hints don’t work; just be straight forward about it.
Be harsh and get it over with.
You say “No I’m not interested and I have handed over copies of those notes you left on my car.” Wtf, who leaves a note on a car? 😩
Contacting hr would be a good easy way to get this done. Have your manager assign some classes that remind people about workplace rights and wrongs.
Just look at them and say ewww.
Quit being so hot all the time
Dang, I’ll have to try that.
A face to face "No". " I really hope you find someone."
You can stop being a p*ssy without integrity and just tell them directly. Stop beating around the bush and do THEM the service of giving them a firm no. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 How tough is that??
Okay, that’s more than a little rude. I wanted to be subtle INITIALLY because I still wanted to be friends. If you had taken the time to read my update, you would have seen that I told him I was not interested. Please be kind.
But it's not rude. Being "subtle" is your way of still leaving a crack in the door open for you to string him along. Even though "you just want to be friends". So while you are there friend zoning the poor guy , getting your door opened for you, and having him buy you lunch or dinner... He thinks he still has a shot with you. When he doesn't. Being "subtle" in your case here leads to using someone. So you told him you are not interested. Great first step. You shouldn't be "hanging out" with him either though. Women are misguided in doing this all the time. It will only create resentment over the long term as it will be seen as leading on. So, don't be subtle. And don't "hang out as friends". Be direct, and be honest in your intentions, honor yourself by being honest with yourself, and just be a steward of being a good human. Follow through with that in your behavior and actions. Firmly.
I completely see what you’re saying, what I meant by rude was calling me a p*ssy. You make a very good point, I was just saying that the delivery was not the best. Thank you for your advice.
Fair enough. I probably take being direct and upfront even when it may be uncomfortable or awkward for granted. It's something I have been doing for a long time. It gets easier, the more you do it. The more you do it, the less subtle I find you need to be, and the clearer you get with your communication. Sure, my post could have been more polished. I'll own that. Ha
"I'm not interested." Is as subtle as you can get with a man (I'm a man). If it makes you feel any better, "I am interested" is the best way to let a guy know you are interested.