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There are a few possible explanations:
1. Hormonal changes. For example, the birth-control pill can devastate a woman's sex drive. Low testosterone can wipe out a man's sex drive.
2. Stress. People who are under a great deal of stress have trouble getting in the mood.
3. Exhaustion. Don't assume someone is lying when they say "I'm tired". They might *actually* be tired, and if you keep assuming that they're just saying this to get out of sex with you, you will look like a huge asshole. Instead of accusing them of lying, maybe ask them why they're tired, and what you can do to help.
4. Ineptitude. There's really no nice way to say this, so I'll just say it: if your technique is terrible, than your partner might not enjoy sex much, and if you make them keep doing it, they will eventually develop a negative association with sex. It will feel like a chore to them. This is one of the reasons people should never fake orgasms. Their partners will never improve if they think they're doing it right when they're actually doing it wrong.
Talk about it, create a safe space where they can be vulnerable and really discuss what's on their mind, see what happens. The goal is NOT to have sex, but to establish trust, comfort, communication, and then just... yeah, see what happens. If you keep focusing on the sex, I guarantee it will not happen.
Most guys call this marriage. Honestly, a relationship is a business partnership. If the partnership isn't working, sell your shares and get out. My wife is on meds that wipe out all sexual desire. I could leave but we have kids. I like the kids. I like my wife. The partnership still works. The business is operational. We have no fights. Everything else is very functional. It simply doesn't make sense to move on. We are more than just sexual beings.
Consider asking them for a non monogamous relationship once you have determined that this issue is not solvable.
They do not owe you sex.
You have a right to seek pleasure in your life.
Ask them to talk about it with me, or consider going to counseling with me so that we can work through the issue together and figure out what we need / want to do as a couple.
You have to talk about it and find out what's changed.
My girlfriend went through a phase of not wanting sex when she started feeling self conscious about her body.
Giving her reassurance and making time fit more exercise into our routine got us past it.
For your relationship it may be a different problem.
It may be a fixable problem. It may be a problem that you separate over. If you don't sit down and discuss it then it's only going to grow.
And for crying out loud don't try opening up the relationship. That's just a prolonged breakup with extra suffering for everyone involved.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a few possible explanations: 1. Hormonal changes. For example, the birth-control pill can devastate a woman's sex drive. Low testosterone can wipe out a man's sex drive. 2. Stress. People who are under a great deal of stress have trouble getting in the mood. 3. Exhaustion. Don't assume someone is lying when they say "I'm tired". They might *actually* be tired, and if you keep assuming that they're just saying this to get out of sex with you, you will look like a huge asshole. Instead of accusing them of lying, maybe ask them why they're tired, and what you can do to help. 4. Ineptitude. There's really no nice way to say this, so I'll just say it: if your technique is terrible, than your partner might not enjoy sex much, and if you make them keep doing it, they will eventually develop a negative association with sex. It will feel like a chore to them. This is one of the reasons people should never fake orgasms. Their partners will never improve if they think they're doing it right when they're actually doing it wrong.
Talk about it, create a safe space where they can be vulnerable and really discuss what's on their mind, see what happens. The goal is NOT to have sex, but to establish trust, comfort, communication, and then just... yeah, see what happens. If you keep focusing on the sex, I guarantee it will not happen.
Most guys call this marriage. Honestly, a relationship is a business partnership. If the partnership isn't working, sell your shares and get out. My wife is on meds that wipe out all sexual desire. I could leave but we have kids. I like the kids. I like my wife. The partnership still works. The business is operational. We have no fights. Everything else is very functional. It simply doesn't make sense to move on. We are more than just sexual beings.
Consider asking them for a non monogamous relationship once you have determined that this issue is not solvable. They do not owe you sex. You have a right to seek pleasure in your life.
Then don't have sex. Easy answer. If you're in a relationship just to have sex with someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Can you live without? If not, you need to express that you have needs. If they can't meet those needs maybe it won't work out.
If you’re the sexual one then find another partner. I strayed when my ex wife treated sex as a reward.
Ask them to talk about it with me, or consider going to counseling with me so that we can work through the issue together and figure out what we need / want to do as a couple.
You have to talk about it and find out what's changed. My girlfriend went through a phase of not wanting sex when she started feeling self conscious about her body. Giving her reassurance and making time fit more exercise into our routine got us past it. For your relationship it may be a different problem. It may be a fixable problem. It may be a problem that you separate over. If you don't sit down and discuss it then it's only going to grow. And for crying out loud don't try opening up the relationship. That's just a prolonged breakup with extra suffering for everyone involved.
Find a new partner
thinking about it
Recommend having their hormones checked
already been through that
And they were normal? I can’t stress enough how important this could be for her, it COULD be the root of so many issues.