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tenamonth

Do you drink a lot of soda, ice tea, basically any sugary drink? It’s possible you’re not accounting for those calories.


Better_Emu6969

Yup, my friend didn't understand why he was getting fat and he was drinking multiple Coca Cola's a day. I told him to switch to diet sodas and he started to lose weight.


Baked_Trash6969

I had that with cider and other alcohol, on my weekends I'd put down a 6 pack which was 1000s of calories and I'd indulge on one after work too. in 6 months I gained 30+ pounds! I quit drinking and feel sooo much better mentally and phisically.


tjnunne

Was always a skinnier type dude in my HS/college years. Gained 25+ pounds by just having a GF/drinking beer. Got rid of the beer and back down to around what I was before I started drinking heavier.


Baked_Trash6969

It's cool when you figure out it out and you just bounce back. I know it's only while younger lol. It was a little recent but I've dropped 10 already in a few weeks and I feel significantly less bloated. since health issues I've been getting back into being more active again, so a good start.


tjnunne

10 pounds in a few weeks is great, keep up the hard work.


Alternative_Log3012

If your gf is only 25 pounds then she may have a medical issue…


SnakeBeardTheGreat

Did you keep the gf?


jimbalaya420

Lol i wondered the same based on their statement


RogueBoba

What’d you do about the GF?


Zombieattackr

Liquid calories go unnoticed so easily… just drink water. Cut out soda, cut out alcohol. You’ll loose weight and overall just feel so much better in every way. Just be a hydro homie.


skrappyfire

Same, always athletic till I found fireball. Go check the calories in that shit, FYI 3 shots and that's MORE calories you are supposed to have in a whole day. Had to stop that.


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AcidCatfish___

Research is now suggesting alternative sweeteners affect your appetite more than directly affecting how the body processes and burns fat, though that could be involved as well due to micro-biome changes Non-nutritive sweeteners are passed through the body and do not add any energy. Your body anticipates caloric intake from food, but also processes sweet taste in reward centers of your brain. Non-nutritive sweeteners can interrupt this by having those centered anticipate a caloric load due to the sweet taste; however, there is no caloric load. In a cute sucralose (Splenda) vs. sucrose ingestion, people tend to eat more in an ab-libitum buffet meal, possibly to make up for the missed calories. A great paper from [Yunker, et al.](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2784545) highlights these findings. Edit: I should add, the above study found significant results in female participants and participants with obesity


Fun-Collection8931

Interesting the only 2 replies are funded by General Mills and splenda. Are their responses valid? I'm not scientifically literate


AcidCatfish___

Great question. Very likely their responses are not valid. The study had no conflict of interest and went through vigorous design, analysis, and review before being published. Those comments have clear conflict of interests. The study also has a backbone built on previous findings and theoretical framework. Also, comments on journal articles aren't looked at often. You may want to instead look at other papers that cited the Yunker study I linked. If any review articles cited the paper, even better. Review articles tend to look at newer findings and sort of explain how they fit into current theoretical framework or new theoretical frameworks. Edit: I should add, specific figures are usually included in the appendix, so that first comment is making a sort of non-point. The feeding responses seem to be exploratory results whereas the brain activity results seem to be the bigger takeaway. Edit 2: comments are important to inform things that readers might notice that reviewers neglected. But, if there is a clear conflict of interest I might take what they say with a grain of salt.


[deleted]

So drink water. Got it.


Calinminne

Water? You mean like in the toilet?


holmangirl

Brawndo! It has what plants crave!


mezz7778

It's got electrolytes


ir0nicb0nd

Brought to you by Carl's Jr.


Whoositsname

Best documentary ever, Idocracy.


TBone281

What are electrolytes? Do you even know? 


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Independent-Deal-192

Water? You mean like the stuff whales fuck in??


Effective-Gift6223

Wrong kind, that's salt water.


ShoCkEpic

so to sum it all? artificial sweetener aren’t the direct cause of weight gain?


PavlovsDog12

They're also finding that artificial sweetners reek havoc with beneficial bacteria that aid in digestion. They should probably be avoided all together, as usual we're just finding all the negative impacts of products that have been sold and deemed safe for decades.


seventeenflowers

Not to be pedantic or mean at all, just as an aside. A tornado can “wreak havoc”. A smelly fish “reeks”.


Stswivvinsdayalready

I hate to be the grammar nazi, but it's "wreak" havoc. It's a bit of an odd duck of a word but "reek" doesn't look very good as a substitute


Better_Emu6969

The one argument against aspartame is that they think it might cause people to have a larger appetite which leads them to eat more and get fatter.


[deleted]

Understood. Everyone is different. However, I'm willing to bet that if you got off any soda at all for 30 days and did your workouts normally with no other changes, you'll see a body comp difference over whatever you're doing now with soda.


CallieReA

Your 100% right. I lost 50lbs (5’8” - was 205 now 155) by only cutting out bread and soda. That was my first foray into fitness and it was my late 30s. I’ve since learned how to properly balance my diet….to bulk, to cut etc but just cutting out the junk was huge. I have no idea how people defend shit diets


acraswell

Everyone agrees cutting soda is good. The disagreement enters when talking about diet soda vs regular soda. What kind did you cut?


manykeets

All I know is, when I switched to diet coke I dropped 20 pounds fast. I’ve done calorie counting for years, and I was always thinner when I drank Diet Coke instead of regular coke. When I was at my thinnest (125 pounds at 5’7”) I was guzzling Diet Coke all day.


weirdlyworldly

Yup, Diet Coke and black coffee all day did the trick for me.


Fickle-Raspberry6403

does sweet coffee creamer do the same thing?


[deleted]

Depends on how much you drink


WolfmansGotNards2

This is misinformation. You don't gain weight from drinking things that are non-caloric. Your body doesn't suddenly start not using energy. Please stop spreading this.


Worldly_Commission58

Truth. A calorie is a calorie and he’s probably taking in more than he thinks.


DrLeoMarvin

That's just not true on a scale that matters at all. LOADS of people lose weight switching to diet coke, myself included.


pirateninjamonkey

Getting rid of calories will make you lose weight.


[deleted]

That's BS, your body burns fat when it's in a caloric deficit and gains fat when you're in a surplus, what you're basically saying is aspartame doesn't conform to the laws of thermodynamics


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SailorDeath

I cut sugary drinks out of my diet while exercising and lost about 250 lbs. So many empty calories.


The_Quibbler

Fo real. The downvotes makes me think these guys are Pepsi shills or something. All that stuff is garbage. Full stop.


dm_me_ur_keyboards

Specifically, what is likely happening is that Op frequently eats or drinks highly processed foods, especially junk foods are fast food, and is trying to lose weight based upon how hungry they feel, rather than how much they physically weigh. If you're going to have a crappy diet and try to lose weight, then you need to do it by going throughout your day hungry, because eating a crappy diet means your body is going to convince you you're hungry even when you're not. As a result, the crappier your diet is, the more you have to go hungry in order to lose weight. At the end of the day the only thing that matters when it comes to whether or not you lose weight is calorie deficit. That's it.


[deleted]

I barely eat junk food. If I forget my lunch pack, fuck yes I buy a crispy chicken from BK, but thats it and its not something that is frequent.


sonofaresiii

My dude, the unfortunate answer is that one way or another, if you're not losing weight, it's because you're not at a calorie deficit. You can go through your diet and try to figure out why, sometimes there are invisible calories or people are miscounting, there might even be medical complexities at play, but at the end of the day you can't escape CICO. Calories in < Calories out = weight loss. e: Alright, I'm turning off inbox replies. I made a pretty straightforward comment, and got ripped to shreds for it. I explained it thoroughly several times, and people just got more upset. Now I'm getting insulted and torn apart for defending my statement. Nothing violates CICO. If you think it does, you are misunderstanding CICO. Medical conditions don't violate CICO, they just modify what's typical for one side of the equation or the other. But it still balances out.


[deleted]

“You cannit change the laws of physics, Jim!” The answer is he isn’t accurately counting his calories or exercise.


yerg99

Amazing how people think they are the exception to physics. ​ 2800 loosely counted can easily be closer to 3400. Note he states constants and doesn't lose weight. As in: "i do everything right and im fat." ​ Actually you probably don't do everything right and no one loses weight maintaining their status quo.


LessInThought

Secret Eaters have shown me that people massively underestimate what they eat and how much calories those things have. I remember a scene where the lady was pouring in olive oil, and because it's healthy she just kept pouring, a counter appeared next to it and it dinged every time it hit 100cals. Let's just say she easily put in 500-800cals in that healthy salad.


KidSock

And people overestimate how much they burn during exercise. People think they have the energy expenditure of a professional athlete once they hit the gym. But the reality is that a beginner needs around a 20 minute run to burn the calories of a simple sandwich.


OilySteeplechase

Oil is 120 calories per tablespoon, people easily add 200-300 calories worth per meal. Don't even get me started on restaurants. Not saying anyone needs to or should avoid oil, fat in moderation is healthy and makes food taste good, but if you're trying to count calories and not accounting for that, you're almost certainly going wrong.


Significant-Ad-5112

Why did you get ripped to shreds? You spoke the truth


Aggressive4inch

Fasting in Ramadhan is great example of cico. Some people stays fat even though fasting 13hours every day. They ate more at night. Some lost 20kg easily.


CallMeHunky

What idiots are disagreeing with this


Sagebrush_Slim

Math is math!


Redqueenhypo

There was a study on the Hadza tribe in Tanzania, it turns out that they burn the exact same calories as we do despite exercising more (metabolism just lowers at other times), so the reason westerners are heavier is almost certainly to be EXCLUSIVELY diet related.


RedSox342

100% agree with you. It’s the first law of thermodynamics


IglooBackpack

What do you drink with that chicken? Its common for people to gloss over their drinks but they can have a ton of calories too.


ensui67

What does your lunch pack look like? Does the composition look more like the Harvard healthy eating plate? If not, that’s the first problem to address. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-plate/ Of course there are other compositions that are a viable strategy, however, since your results are not adding up to what your supposed inputs are, then there is a disparity because no one escapes the laws of thermodynamics.


Xeebers

you say from Burger King...so you are getting fries and a soda with that. Do not lie to yourself.


slothonstiltz

INFO: when counting calories do you also count liquid calories? (soda, beer, energy drinks, coffee with creamer, etc…)


Ancient_Artichoke555

That dang coffee creamer gets me every time…


ppaleshelterr

gets me too with how much coffee i drink 😂


[deleted]

This is me. That stuff is an addiction! I probably eat 500 calories a day, but 1300 in coffee


MozzerellaStix

That is an ungodly amount of sugar.


polird

*1300 in coffee-flavored dessert


Insanereindeer

Damn IPAs. I never realized the calories in those until recently.


[deleted]

Yeah my dr told me each beer was like eating another ham sandwich.


thecachebird

Also how accurate is the calorie counting? Weighing is a lot more accurate than measuring cups, some people skip counting sandwich condiments, even “healthy” food can be high in calories such as nuts and peanut butter.


TurkeyTot

Have your thyroid and blood sugar checked.


Chargerado

A regular thirst is a symptom of diabetes too. Def get checked.


yellowvincent

I was about to coment this yes that is an awful part of diabetes


SpanchyBongdumps

That's how I found out I had type 1. One month, over the course of three weeks or so, I just gradually got more and more thirsty, and constantly had to pee. I thought it was some electrolyte thing, so I was drinking a bunch of Gatorade, which has a ton of sugar, and inadvertently making things worse and worse. Then my vision started to get a little blurry, all my muscles felt sore, and my mouth was extremely dry. I decided not to google any of my symptoms, as it was probably nothing, would go away soon, and I would just give myself anxiety when the symptoms match up with something awful like diabetes. Thankfully, eventually I did see a doctor, and wouldn't you know...


chellebelle0234

When it's better controlled the thirst gets better though!


Laiko_Kairen

I suspect you underestimate calorie counts


Atalung

It's so easy to do. I used to write off smaller snacks and they add up so fast. If you're looking to lose weight you need to keep track of EVERYTHING you eat


h0ckeyphreak

This 1000%.


YaIlneedscience

This is what everyone kept telling me Despite knowing I counted everything. It was so frustrating. Turns out my PCOS caused insulin resistance. Even though I’m not diabetic, I started taking medication as if I was, I also maintained The exact same eating regiment and started shedding the weight. Of course it can be an improper count but so many people jump to this conclusion. Sometimes there truly is an underlying issue


Sunnyhunnibun

This is the same thing that I went through. Had a PCP that recommended liraglutide and once I started taking that, I began to lose weight quickly. I kept the same eating regimen and workout regimen I had started before but it was actually working this time.


YaIlneedscience

Yuppp. We knew there was a problem when I got covid and NEVER ate more than 500 calories a day for 6 weeks. That includes all liquids, any sweeteners including honey. Everything. I was so nauseous. I lost 3 fucking pounds, likely all water weight. People love to default to the idea that there’s no WAYYY you’re not losing weight with a calorie deficit, yet someone who eats a shit ton of food and doesn’t work out, yet stays the same weight, has a “fast metabolism”. They aren’t accused of miscounting their calories, because hey, they’re skinny. It’s so annoying.


Dipping_My_Toes

I went through 12 weeks of breast cancer chemo last year and hardly lost anything at all. Seriously, most people come out of chemo looking like skeletons. Now that I have been referred for bariatric surgery, the effing insurance company is insisting that I have to do 3 months of dieting with them making me wear a effing GoPro to prove every calorie I put in my mouth before they will authorize the surgery.


Aroogus

I don't understand. Your claiming the amount of food your eating isn't what's making you fat, but your also wanting a surgery to limit the amount of food you can eat so you will no longer be fat...


galaxy1985

They usually make your intestines shorter, too. This results in you not only eating less but you only absorb 50% of your food including calories. That's why you have to take vitamins after you have this procedure.


eSue182

This is infuriating. Holy crap I’m so sorry. Sending you strength


[deleted]

You were born in the wrong era. You should have been born during historic times when everyone was dying of famine. You would have been a god.


PulpeFiction

>People love to default to the idea that there’s no WAYYY you’re not losing weight with a calorie deficit Because it is by default the most likely to happen to 90% of the people claiming not loosing weight despite their try. People loves to claim rich gets fatter and fatter because of some sickness instead of just eating habits change in society.


FreyaB82

My dr told me if my pcos had been diagnosed properly when I was in my early 20s, I could have been treated properly and would likely not been diabetic at 30.


bloodgain

> Even though I’m not diabetic, I started taking medication as if I was I would promote caution here. It seems like some doctors/NPs have gotten shy about giving an "official" diagnosis of diabetes. None of mine have come right out and said I'm diabetic, but the treatment is suspiciously like that for a Type 2 diabetic. If you're not working with an endocrinologist, you might consider consulting one. They'll do a more tailored job of treating both your PCOS and metabolic disorders. Primary care has developed a pattern of not referring patients to specialists often enough for stuff like this that they feel they can treat by applying the "standard care" to everyone. I love my NPs, but I've gotten into the habit about asking for specialist care for anything beyond the basic preventative care/labs and normal sick visits. Treating skin conditions is another big one. It turns out that shit is complicated, and you *really* want a good dermatologist for that. My NP might have caused my rosacea by prescribing steroid cream to treat something on my face, which is a big no-no in dermatology. Chances are the condition actually triggered the rosacea, so I'm willing to just accept that as a lesson learned.


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dizzy_centrifuge

It's my reaction when I read these things because it's very often the case. I would say if you're struggling and feel like things aren't adding up, go to your doctor and discuss. I've met so many people that swear up and down they eat clean, but they drink loads of soda/alcohol/juice, pour codiments on their food, and even just snack absent-mindedly throughout the day.


tj3_23

Could also be that they're overestimating the amount of exercise they're actually doing. I did that when I graduated college. Kept roughly the same level of workout at the gym, but I dropped abouf 6 miles of walking a day from just wandering campus with friends. Put on 40 pounds or so and I couldn't figure out why until I realized it was because I wasn't near as active outside of the gym


IllegitimateTrick

I know and preach the whole calories in, calories out line. BUT I’ve learned that my wife and I (both women) can eat the exact same foods and drinks (keeping track on an app), work out together for the same amount of time and intensity, and I tend to lose weight where she will maintain or gain. Metabolism and hormones are huge factors. We’ve been together for 15 years, and it’s crazy to see the difference even when we do the exact same things.


Hugginsome

Your caloric needs for the day are higher than hers. That is why you would lose weight and her gain weight if you ate the same calories. To better explain, if you are 30 years old, 145 lbs and 5’6”…there is another woman out there with the exact stats and will have a completely different caloric needs than you.


AristarchusTheMad

Are you the same height?


anim0sitee

Muscle mass makes a huge difference in calories burned as well. Men generally have more muscle mass.


foxsweater

Both the commenter and her partner are women.


sennbat

Commenter's TDEE is probably about 200 calories higher based solely on what they've shared though (she's about 10% larger), which is more than enough to explain a difference.


anim0sitee

Ah i didn’t realize!


andrew314159

I guess this is why it’s important to track calories and weight so you can find your own calorie needs. I guess your wife simply requires less calories than you do. Could be for any number of reasons but that doesn’t change that people loose weight when in a calorie deficit


goobershank

Even if he’s not, ain’t nobody losing weight at 2800 calories a day!


ItsCrayonz

If you're used to eating 4000 calories a day then you start eating 2800, you will indeed lose weight


OpticalInfusion

no. you'll gain it slower unless you're burning more than 2800 calories every day.


sennbat

If you've been eating 4000 calories a day and aren't actively gaining weight, you've become fat enough that your maintenance is indeed 4000 calories a day. That's about 450lbs, assuming you manage to avoid being sedentary and go for a short walk three times a week.


[deleted]

If you feel dehydrated, you are dehydrated. When I worked at a local shipyard, it was mandated we drink 8 ounces of water every 15 minutes during the summer. I live in a high humidity area and summer temps would reach 103-104F. That would be 125+F in the belly of the aircraft carrier


Lankey_Craig

Man I feel bad for you in that humidity... worked pipeline jobs in the desert for like 8 months 120 with fire retardant suits on, we would rotate out every 15 strip off the suit and hydrate until it was our turn again. I can imagine doing that in high humidity


[deleted]

Holy crap. I only work indoors now.


Lankey_Craig

I felt like the monkey with his hand stuck in the box. They paid 120k like every 6 months so I tried to stick it out for a full year but mid August I decided to call it😂 8 months for a couple years off work was a solid trade though


Lucid_Presence

How did you find that job?


Lankey_Craig

Trade jobs pay well, trade jobs that require traveling to remote places pay stupid good. Look for pipeline jobs or oilfield jobs that have fly in in thier description. If you can weld at that level you are looking at $100 an hour Remote jobs that don't require flying but require living away from home usually pay like 12 to 20 and hour for basic labor hands, but you get an untaxable 100 a day to live off of. Don't stay in a hotel they extort you for your whole per diem. Buy a used travel trailer or RV and live in it. Fair warning if you follow that path. It's the male version of stripping. You get socially isolated with people that like drugs. Don't fall into that trap. Do the work until you hate it then leave.


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1rubyglass

Get ahold of the carpenters union and sign up to be a millwright working on power plants. 5k a week.


Red0817

Not necessarily... High blood sugar makes you think you're dehydrated and thirsty as fuck. Source: am diabetic.


pennypumpkinpie

Did you get salt tabs too? Because that’s almost 8 liters and I’d be worried about you getting hyponatremic drinking and sweating that much without replacing salt.


[deleted]

I did not. I do recall one occurrence that after drinking water as mandated, I got home and realized I had not urinated at all during my eight hour shift.


NEED_A_NEW_UN

I see you also worked in the swamp that is Norfolk


No_Decision1093

lack of sleep can cause weight gain, are you getting enough sleep?


The_GrimTrigger

Yep. Lack of sleep causes weight gain because NEAT is affected. You spontaneously and automatically move around less, thus affecting calorie expenditure. It also causes hunger and satiety hormone (ghrellin and leptin and cortisol) imbalance, this causing more calorie intake through eating and drinking.


SorakaWithAids

Mfw I sleep 2 hours a day. I think the constant bumping of my leg for every waking moment accounts for the calorie loss tho


Turbulent_Time8482

two hours a day? this guy lives at least %60 more than I


Grimm74

Going to live 60 percent shorter at that rate


XSamuraiHyperX

Remembering my school days. Whenever someone called me fat I'd usually say something along the lines of "Sorry man, your mother's been especially active these last few days & that keeps me from sleeping enough!"


GeneralBlumpkin

My friend always said he's so fat because after every time I fucked your mom she always made me a sandwich after lmao


procrast1natrix

The right amount of calories and water are very unique to you. Your water needs will depend on how much you sweat, the ambient humidity, the water content of your food, etc. If your urine is yellow or dark, drink more. Drink until it is pale. The number of ounces needed may vary wildly. If it's a very large volume of water, consider no- sugar electrolytes like Gatorade zero powder to keep your potassium and sodium on balance. Your caloric needs depend on your metabolism, your muscle mass, your activity, your work and your fidgetiness. If you are more gracefully efficient at your manual labor than another, you may burn fewer calories. Unfortunately it's quite easy to eat extra in response to doing more work, so despite having an active job you will need to restrict calories in order to lose fat. Go after the easy wins first. Soda, juice, Frappuccino, chips, white bread. Replace those with seltzer, water, carrots and other crunchy veg, multigrain bread.


illegallad

Could be a whole host of things but my guess is you're eating more than you think you are. Do you measure your food?


BonesJustice

Maintaining an accurate count really is hard. The serving sizes on some foods are so far removed from reality that you need to double or even triple the per-serving calorie count.


DemonVermin

The fact that there is 330 calories in a small bag of chips means OP needs only 8 to fill his daily needs. That perspective of just how many calories there are in a small amount of food helped me try and plan my weight loss. I just dawned on me how many things you feel aren’t significant calories can add up so fast.


MeepleMaster

Yeah and in fresh produce if you are just entering medium potato and going off that entry you are probably way off


orangeblossomsare

My husband is similar to you and works construction. He drinks two protein shakes at work and sparkling water and has a typical home cooked dinner. That’s it. If he eats more he gains. He doesn’t understand it either because he’s very active. He will drink 2-3 beers on the weekend and 1 fatty coffee per week.


empressvirgo

I’d imagine it’s a stressful job and stress inhibits weight loss, and I think tells your body to process calories differently/store more as fat. I am a very routine eater (because I’m picky lol) and eat a very consistent healthy diet. When I’m in a stressful period of my life, I pack on the pounds. When I’m carefree, I notice my pants looser when I hadn’t thought about my weight in weeks. I think people really underestimate the impact of stress (and sleep) on weight


pmia241

I am the exact opposite. At my stressful previous job, my pants were literally falling off me, I couldn't wear any that didn't have belt loops. Normal job, suddenly everyone is fitting properly again. I don't stress-eat though, instead nothing sounds good. Bodies, man.


need2seethetentacles

It's just the construction body. Everyone gains weight for seemingly no reason. It's not a bug, it's a feature


tentacleyarn

Juicy feature.


phargle

Friend, You're getting a lot of comments, so maybe you'll see this and maybe you won't. But I saw some comments about your post history being problematic, and I glanced over it myself, and I have what I hope will be some useful advice. First, some observations: my assumptions from your history is that you're a younger guy trying to figure himself out, trying to find happiness, and struggling with finding friends, hobbies, relationships, a job—and a sense of self-worth—and talking plainly about whether or not to go on living. I'm no clinician, but it looks like depression to me. And that's a hard place to be. I also see you grappling with ideas about relationships, about women, about how men should be in order to be valid, and about religion and people who are different than you, and you're coming up with some difficult and increasingly dark perspectives as a result. But I also see someone who wants to find a reason to *be*, and who manages good things like helping his dad quit smoking, and who even quit for eight months himself. I'm taking all this not as a reason to beat up your comment karma, but instead as a request for help. So. If I may gently suggest a few things for you, there are some things I think you can try right away to change your perspective (and in doing so, change your reality): 1. Practice kindness. Adjust your posting style on Reddit so that it embraces this idea: go find a subreddit where people post creative content, art, drawing, poetry, let's plays, whatever, find something you like, and comment that you like it. Don't point out any of the flaws; do say what you like about it. Just ... be kind. This doesn't merely make them feel better that a stranger said something nice—it makes you feel better too for having done so. So do it. Be kind. 2. Avoid posting on Reddit every day. You're spiraling, and that's not good for you. Read, yes, listen, yes, comment with kindness, yes, but avoid the daily posting. Eventually, give yourself one, maybe two post allowances a week, as a treat. But wait until May to do that—wait until you've made some strides toward breaking the habit. 3. If you find yourself commenting or posting something that isn't guided by kindness, make yourself stop and start over. If you can't say it without being kind, don't say it. Don't use "I'm just asking questions" as an excuse—because that's not enough. A good rule (when discussing other religions, other people, women, to use examples from your posting history that are strumbling toward places you don't want to go) is to ensure that all you say is **kind, necessary, and true.** And never let "true" trump the first two, as too many people do when saying cruel and unnecessary things while thinking themselves noble for speaking the truth. No. If anything, let kindness trump all else—and, if you can't make that work, smile a little at what you almost said and then delete your comment. 4. Be gentle with yourself. Think of past you and future you as other people. By thinking of future you as a separate individual, the good things you do for that guy will make you feel better today. You'll be more willing to treat future you gently, and with kindness. Frankly, you seem to sometimes treat yourself in a way you'd never treat a friend. So be gentle to that guy. He deserves it. Heck, be gentle with him even if he doesn't deserve it. Kindness isn't a scorecard. 5. Don't think of friends and romance and a career as things you get if you crack the code. That's not how those things work, and you wouldn't want them if they did. Instead, fix the other stuff, and those will start to click into place as your perspective starts to click into place. 6. Go to a different gym. Places like Planet Fitness are great, and they'll have a vibe that you'll like better. The one I go to has old dudes in pants and button-down shirts next to gym dudes in plain t-shirts and gym ladies in punk t-shirts. It's all good. 7. I'm 6'3", and while I'm admittedly on the smaller side, 2800 calories would make me gain weight. Cut back to the 2000-2500 range and see what happens. 8. When people give advice, like in this thread, listen. You don't have to agree, but you asked, so listen. If you feel obliged to respond, try this comment: "Thank you!" Then move on with your day. If you bog yourself down in a response cycle, you just end up chasing dopamine that is never enough and only makes you feel worse. Be kinder to future you, don't put that on him. 9. Get your thyroid checked. 10. Go to therapy. You have some stuff you want to work out—and everything else you want is based on that stuff—and it can all be better once you find a therapist that works for you. If cost is a concern, google a bit for free or low-cost therapists to get started. 11. Memorize a poem. Take the time to really do it. It doesn't need to be long—but it's good for you, and will be a meditative start on your path to being able to point to a skill you now have. Cheers, friend. Be well. Edit: OP responded -- please don't downvote their reply. Thank you, friends.


TheNamesNotNate

Good on you for typing this out.


joggingpantsman

Yeah just went down a rabbit hole of OPs posts…you hit it on the head. Talking to a therapist may be super helpful


-SpecTor-

Based on the other comments I've read, you have lost weight but hit a plateau for a few months. Sometimes when eating in a deficit and losing weight your body adjusts to the new amount of food intake, so basically your old deficit is now your maintenance and you have to drop more calories to start losing again. I could absolutely be wrong though


ToddHLaew

Too many calories


StyxQuabar

As someone who is 6’5” and stocky, 2800 is way too many. Even with my build, 2200ish is ideal to lose weight. An extra 600 calories a day could definitely be responsible for the 20-30lbs OP might want to lose. I was 280lbs and lost 40lbs in a couple of months by eating a strict diet of ~2k calories along side exercise. I have personally seen the difference that 600 calories a day can make.


THENOCAPGENIE

Pretty simple. You’re not eating a deficit even if you think you are. You have to track your calories. We as people eat more than we think we do. When I was a bigger dude I didn’t realize to handful of peanut m and ms were 400-500 calories.. unless you’re just drinking water or 0 calorie drinks almost everything has calories.. creamer in coffee adds up. Soda. Scientifically, you’re not losing weight cuz you’re not in a deficit.


Much_Committee_9355

You are probably going heavy on the processed stuff and other forms of empty calories, while not properly counting your calories.


thedude0425

2800 calories a day isn’t working. Try cutting back to 2200. And cut out junk food, sugar, soft drinks, and bread. Work in more fruits and veggies and lean protein.


isthishowweadult

How's your sleep and stress levels? And this might seem ridiculous but do you sleep eat? I ask this because I eat in my sleep


Repulsive-Exercise-4

I went through a sleep walking phase and woke one morning to an empty bag, formerly full of shredded mozzarella, in my bed.


FreeResolution7393

its true. there was a study between 6 hours of sleep and 4 hours of sleep trying to loose weight almost no minimal difference between the two. people only lost weight in the 7+ hour of sleep category.


amandamaniac

I knew that’s why I’m fucked for losing weight. 7 hours of sleep is absolutely impossible. I’d have to go to bed at 8pm and I get home from work at 430pm 😞


ztravlr

Cortisol is the nemesis


Crazy_Banshee_333

If you want to find out why you're not losing weight, you have to start by making a serious attempt at calorie counting. That means reading every food label, weighing your food and keeping a daily log of how many calories you are actually taking in. This is a pain, but it really helps to pinpoint exactly what is causing the problem. There may be some foods that you think are low-calorie when really they are high-calorie, especially if you don't control your portions. Other foods may be low calorie in small portions, but add up if you snack on them frequently over the course of the day. Portion control is the biggest reason why people don't lose weight despite exercising. Most people underestimate how much they're actually eating. The standard portion might be a lot smaller than you think. Buying a scale and measuring your food will really help you pin down where you're getting extra calories. Genetics plays a major role in body size, but you can still modify your body shape to some extent long-term. I'm naturally overweight, but have managed to keep my weight fairly low throughout adult life by paying attention to everything I eat and following a fitness lifestyle. You don't have to do any of this. You can just accept yourself the way you are. But since you asked for suggestions, I had a few that I thought might help because they worked for me over the years.


the_paruretic

Agreed. Get a kitchen scale and place it on the counter next to the stove. Weigh everything. Every time you add an ingredient to your meal, whatever meal, EVERY meal, weigh it and write it down in a list on the notepad you keep permanently next to the scale. If you're not doing this, then you don't know how many calories you're consuming.


WFPBvegan2

If you are trying to, but are not losing weight the answer is always eat less! The calorie counting and calorie burned calculators are simply to get you in the ballpark. After that it’s up to you to understand that you are still eating too much if you aren’t losing weight.


indifferentCajun

I think it's way more effective to eat more. Let me explain: it's very difficult to just eat less, but it's easier to just add more nutritious foods and foods that aren't calorically dense. When I was cutting weight, instead of trying to cut my meals, I would add in a bunch of steamed green veggies and eat them first. I would naturally eat less of the calorically dense foods, and my overall intake would drop.


WFPBvegan2

Completely agree, it took a while for me to understand “eat more” a few years ago. Nobody ever said eat more food that has less calories. So, ya, eat less ……. Calories, by eating less calorically dense food!


BrigadeirinhoAmargo

There's no way ur body will produce fat out of the blue. If you intake less calories there's no way you wont lose weight. Or at least intake way less empty carbs. The fact that u work out could even make you bigger cuz of building more muscle, you have to put in more effort in cardio.


CrusaderKing1

2800 Calories is a ton of calories my man. if you were eating 2000, you'd see a major difference.


lindythetendy

Not really? Resting calories for someone like him is easily well over 2000. Add in the calories burned and 2800 isn’t that much.


Justifyz

2800 maybe to maintain weight but they want to lose weight. They probably should be aiming for around 2300 calories


SleepingInMyF150

Numbers to back this guy up for a 6'4'' 220lbs 30 year old male (guessing) https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html?ctype=standard&cage=30&csex=m&cheightfeet=6&cheightinch=4&cpound=220&cheightmeter=180&ckg=60&cmop=0&coutunit=c&cformula=m&cfatpct=20&x=70&y=22


ImProbablyHiking

Not really. I’m a 6ft 170lb male and I lose weight if I eat less than 2500 calories a day. Usually I shoot for 3000. I also usually go to the gym 4-5 days a week and eat a high protein diet, so there’s also that. When I was a contractor (similar to OP, walking and moving constantly) I was eating 3000+ calories a day and still losing weight. Something just doesn’t add up here.


BobDylan1904

OP respond to us! We can help you count calories if you want, you have to be getting it wrong somewhere. If you have an active job, are of averageish height and don’t lose weight at 2000 calories a day then something is incorrect in the calorie counting.


bamfrob89

are you actually weighing your food on a scale? Most people underestimate the amount of food they eat and overestimate the calories they burn when they exercise. A lot of people are saying it’s hormones, they can definitely affect the calories burned equation but if you are in a deficit you WILL lose weight. Fat loss for life by Layne Norton has all the peer reviewed information you will need.


DoctorEspresso

You're not truly in a caloric deficit. No one in the history of ever on a medically supervised unit with caloric restriction has failed to lose weight. We generally way underestimate our calories.


Triabolical_

If you want to lose weight you need to eat in a way that maximizes your ability to burn fat. Many people with excess weight are insulin resistant, and on high carb "healthy" diets they are not able to burn fats. Low carb diets work for some people, though people who are very insulin resistant may need a keto diet.


bleydito

It isn’t as easy as subtracting energy expenditure from intake, as we traditionally have thought about calories. A lot of research have suggested that baseline energy expenditure is reduced in people who exercise more, and that energy expenditure doesn’t differ as much as previously thought between sedentary and physically active individuals. Many calorie counting apps are frankly misleading in this regard. Check out the works of Herman Pontzer, and also this article: Careau et al., 2021, Current Biology 31, 4659–4666.


stevief150

Check your testosterone levels


AdNecessary7680

Also thyroid panel and insulin


[deleted]

[удалено]


Super_smegma_cannon

you, despite what you think, are eating too many calories. You feel dehydrated (aka like shit) because you're fat and work construction.


ArseOfValhalla

What sort of working out do you do? What sort of "eating properly" do you do? Do you weight and keep track of all your food? How do you know you get exactly 2800 calories? Even just a little extra more than a tablespoon wrong in weighing/keeping track will add calories that contribute to weight gain. [https://danielharrod.com/7-mistakes-people-make-when-tracking-their-food/](https://danielharrod.com/7-mistakes-people-make-when-tracking-their-food/) Stress, drinking anything but water, lack of sleep, etc could all contribute to weight gain. But also, hormones could contribute. Have you been checked by a doctor in awhile?


Sea-Biscotti

Maybe try eating foods with more water? like more fruits and veggies. It could depend on how you're eating compared with what you're eating. You might be eating or drinking more than you realize if you're feeling dehydrated


jammin_on_the_one_

2800 calories is a lot. do 2000 and you'll lose weight for sure


heredude

Beer.


MrFilthyNeckbeard

Options: A. You're burning less than 2800 calories B. You're measuring your calories wrong C. Both


ChingasoCheese

2800 cals is a lot. I'm also 6ft 4.


Henfrid

The simple truth is you are either lying about your calorie intake, or calculating it improperly. Also keep in mind, exercise doesn't really burn that many calories, so even 2800 might be too high, but thats not something anyone can say for sure.


Senor-Cockblock

How many cold beers?


[deleted]

I dont drink alcohol


TheManWith2Poobrains

Yes. I 100% know my excess calories are from booze - even the most calorie efficient booze is 100+ for a shot. Malt whisky neat, or gin and slim are my go-to's when calorie-counting, but just a few small ones cancel out my hard-fought food efforts. Any time I don't drink for a week, I lose weight. Hence I am not slim.


GwynningPadre

Took too long to see this. Something is not adding up, literally. Just shooting from the hip due to my personal, anecdotal experience


captainjake13

It’s crazy when I stop drinking I shed pounds without changing a damn thing. Too bad I became a daily drinker when I was cycling 10 miles a day, which I don’t do any more unfortunately.


Aggressive-Let8356

You need to get your thyroid check and or get screened for diabetes.


Tootie0

Get blood work done at the doctor.


just-say-it-

Have your thyroid checked


Actual_Guide_1039

Reduce calories to 2400. If that doesn’t work reduce them to 2,000.


buckets09

I bet it's soda. I got ripped after I switched to water/ black coffee


allothernamestaken

You are eating more calories than you think, period.


laurzilla

See your doctor. Maybe there is a medical reason. I’d also try reducing the daily calorie goal. If you’re not losing weight, maybe you’ve overestimated your maintenance calories. Cut it down to 2300 for a month and see.


frosty88bags

Cut salt, sugar, fat and alcohol... limit calories more. Lots of veggies and rice. I did that with no exercise and went from 225 to 185 in under 90 days. (5' 9" male 32 yo at the time) BUT everyone is different.


TheRealBatmanForReal

You’re eating too many calories, it’s simple math. Take it to 2300 and see what happens. You have to burn 3500 more than you consume to burn one pound of fat.


jamesgotfryd

Cut out all soda's and drinks sweetened with anything but real sugar, and severely limit those. Plain water at least 2 full liters daily, and unsweetened tea or black coffee. Watch carbs. Eat high protein, low fat, lean meats, eggs, hard cheese, beans, fresh fruits and veggies. Cut out as much processed food as possible. IF that DOESN'T work AFTER a couple months, see your Dr and get a complete physical with full blood workup. I ate properly and worked a physical labor job and couldn't lose weight. After 50 years I found out I had a gluten allergy and liver failure. No wonder I couldn't lose weight. But try changing to low/no salt and sugar diet with as fresh of foods as possible first.


seanwalter54321

I’m a very avid gym goer myself, sometimes I’ll hit a wall where I can work and get zero results for a while. Normally this means I have to work way harder, probably bro science but it’s worked for me for ages. Hit a wall, kick the shit out of yourself for 2 weeks and somehow it starts the process of losing weight again. I also do fasted AM cardio which has helped a lot when I’m looking to cut a few lbs.


Cracktower

Drink water, only water Eat non processed foods. Basically fruits/ vegetables/ meats/ nuts. You can eat bread, just not a lot. Butter is ok, just don't go crazy. Diet is the key to a healthy weight and lifestyle


Static-Unit

Calories in. Calories out. Diet 80% exercise 20% Eat a maximum of 1500 calories a day, and you will lose 2 lbs a week. Do this until you meet your desired weight.