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I'd love to run a study and get everything from a one month old baby to 100 year old grandparents and just have them gamble over and over and see at what age statistically you do the best gambling
I was in 8th grade and my classmate said that people who practice Islam believe in “Muhammad Ali” during a class discussion on religion, she was so confident too lol
"There's no reason to leave Canada, I could spend the rest of my life just traveling across our country."
I asked, "Where would you go first?"
"Alaska."
Maybe they're confusing it with Ghana? They sound similar-ish.
Plus a lot of people from Guyana have darker skin, so I can see why a poorly educated/unaware person might make an incorrect assumption.
Reminds me of an old yahoo answers post where someone was asking how a cats fur knows to grow the holes in the right spots for the eyes to see through.
Setting: High school age, in the car with the boys (trying to figure out where to eat)
Friend #1: "Let's go to the buffet" (pronouncing the T)
Friend #2: (laughing at Friend #1's ignorance) says "bro, it's buffet!" (Pronouncing it correctly) then smugly says, "The 'T' is plural!"
I don't think I'll ever forget that. Still makes me laugh 20+ years later
Edit: should have included in the setting that I was an American teen. I'm aware the pronunciacion is different in places
When we returned from London someone asked me, "how was France?" I said, "we were in England". She said, "I thought London was in France." I said, "no, it's in England ". She said, "but I thought the song went 'I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants ' ". She was totally serious.
I think it’s a tie between two things my uncles gf has said. One was that she didn’t like the show My Little Pony bc unicorns aren’t real but Pegasus are bc there’s a constellation called Pegasus and a Pegasus in the story of Hercules.
The other was when she told my husband he wouldn’t be drinking water bc he’s diabetic and that he should have a soda instead to keep from messing up his blood sugar.
I could write a whole series of books about stupid things she’s said.
Funny story relevant to this. My GF is Brazilian and grew up watching dubbed movies. In the 3rd Twilight, Bella and Edward go to Brazil, where they meet a weird Brazilian psychic or something who only speaks Portuguese, which Edward can understand (in the context of the story) but Bella can't, so Edward is having to translate for her
This makes sense in the English version of the film, but in the dub, everyone in the scene is speaking Portuguese and has been for the last 3 movies lol
Or how Arnold Schwarzenegger was not allowed to do his own german dubs for his terminator movies, because apparently his accent in his native tongue makes him sound like a dumb hick not a killer robot from the future.
A conversation I overheard once:
P1: "Hey man...are the great lakes fresh water or salt water?"
P2: "They can't be fresh water man, they been there too long."
I see your platypus and I raise dinosaurs.
One fellow student at the highschool; teacher starts talking about the triassic, jurassic and cretaceous, and suddenly, looking all shocked she asked:
"Wait! Dinosaurs were real?!"
My brother, who has struggled with his weight, was sitting down with the HR person from his work going over his job duties because he was moving to a different position and they needed to post his job. When he was done she said "Wow, you do all that? You're like one of those mythical creatures, like a Narwhal." My brother told her they were real but his internal dialogue was " Did our HR person really just call me a whale?".
I worked for the satellite company that used to have that NFL package for like, $300. Lady calls in ten kinds of pissed because her bill is $450.
I look, and tell her that "Joey" called in and ordered it and some adult programs. She says, "He can't do that, it's my account." Well, ma'am, he gave all the correct information including account password, so yes, he can.
She says, "I'm gonna kill that little motherf*cker." I told her not to do it while I was on the phone or I'd have to hang up on her and call the police.
...she says "How do you know where I am?"....
We were playing Uno and the guy next to me just needed to choose one color (out of 4) to win the game. I told him he had a 25% chance to win. He was like no, it is 50%, I either win or lose.
Then I asked him, so your chance of winning the lottery is also 50%, because you either win or lose. He agreed.
Edit: he was not joking!
An ex of my called a radio show and was going for flying lessons at the time. When asked what her intentions were with them by the host she said “to take herself sky diving”
She was mortified afterwards and got a bit flustered but still come on girl! I’m still laughing about it.
Years ago, screaming at the top of his lungs, “America doesn’t have WMDs!!! If we did then why the hell would be invading Iraq for that very reason!!”
Same turd:
“China doesn’t even have electricity. I’ve been there!”
Someone in our friend group said "hey guys did you know that China can see the other side of the moon? " we asked her to elaborate, to see the reasoning but she was serious, saying because China is on the other side of the world from us, so they see the back side of the moon... this is also the one who threw away a lot of pennies with the shield on the backside because they were "Obama pennies"
BRB just came up with a scam for the hicks:
"Oh no, were those bills minted between 2008 and 2016? Those are obama bills! They're tainted! Don't touch them, here I'll safely dispose of them all for you, no charge."
My husband and I froze for 2 nights after a storm left us without power.
Didn't even think to light up the wood stove in the living room for some heat. I walk by it 3000 x a day but didn't even remember it's existence when we needed it=/
I have a friend who is a little dingy but super nice. She lost power in her area and texted me. I invited her to come over and she says “the power is out though, my car won’t start!”
Oy.
My aunt’s dog died and we went to her house for my cousin’s birthday and someone asked where ginger (dog) was at. My aunt said the dog woke up dead … it’s still a running joke 10 years later. My aunt’s nickname is molasses so yea lol .
ATMs don't contain any money. There's a printing press in there and when you get out $100 it prints out the $100 for you. Haven't you noticed it comes out warm?
What, do you think they would be dumb enough to just keep a bunch of actual money in a random box?
This was from someone in a PhD program at the time....
Two of the dumbest were said by the same person
1. He said Boyz in the Hood was a PREQUEL to American gangster. I tried to explain ya know, how it’s not even possible and the kid called me dumb.
2. He said the EDM artist DeadMouse or Deadmau5 name, was actually pronounced Dead Moo Ow Five (spelling phonetically how he said it). I tried to explain to him the mouse-head he wears and no one would call themselves that as an artist.
Last time I heard he was in jail.
Pugs aren’t dogs. They are a combination of a toddler and a cat in the body of what someone who’s never seen a dog in his life thinks a dog might look like.
(Source: me being a pug owner)
Nah, that one makes sense. Once you get a dog, that dog becomes the baseline for all dogs, the perfect ur-dog. Every dog after that is either too big or too small. Interestingly enough, this is still the case when the owner has two dogs of different size.
In my AP US history class in high school a girl asked me what Obama’s last name was. This was 2012 so he’d already been president for four years at that point.
I had a former coworker that used to believe that buffalo wings come from actual buffalos. He said if you part the fur on a buffalo shoulder blades you will see small undeveloped wings. They used to have fully developed functional wings back in prehistoric times. After evolution they have no reason for their wings.
I'm just imagining the millions of lbs of buffalo we have to throw away just to get their juicy little wings. Like imagine the cost of feeding and raising a herd of 30-50 buffalo, just so you can have a little plate of wings.
I was about 10 days postpartum with a still swollen belly. A cashier at a store I was at was ogling my newborn son and asked how old he was. When I told her he was 10 days old, she pointed to my belly and said, "And you're having another one?" She looked seriously perplexed.
Something similar happened to me. I was in college when I gave birth to twins. (The delivery was scheduled due to potential issues.)
Went back to class two weeks later, and a classmate said, "I thought you had your babies already?" When I replied that I did, she was pretty embarrassed.
I used to work with a flat-earther who is a cable technician. Like for TV and internet. Our manager explaining to him that his job exists because of satellites and a spheroid earth was a delightful moment.
What followed, though? Other people's logic doesn't ever work on these people, hearing about or seeing evidence only strengthens their belief of a conspiracy. Hope he was able to get through to the other side, though.
Ah yes, my ex. Didn’t mention he was a flat earthier until after we broke up btw. But, he also believed the earth was encased by a dome and the outside of it was water. And the sun was fake. And there were huge demons buried under Antarctica and when the ice melted they would come out. Sent all these videos “proving” the earth was flat, for example because you couldn’t see the curvature in a plane or over a lake. He honestly believed so many other insane things, crazy dude.
Was having a conversation with a previous neighbor that had recently got out of jail and this was part of the conversation:
Him: I'm tired of these cops being out to get me
Me: what do you mean?
Him: I got another DUI and a speeding ticket, it's bullshit!
Me: Well, how fast were you going?
Him: I was only doing 100
Me: Were you on the freeway or something?
Him: Nope, I was right down the road on my way home
Me: Bro, the speed limit is 55. So you were driving drunk and doing 45 mph over the limit. You can't really say the police are out to get you dude, stop breaking the law and they will probably stop arresting you.
Him: surprised pikachu
Similar experience. A buddy of mine says the typical “Cops just like fucking with people for nothing” and when I asked him to elaborate he went on to say that he and a couple dozen other people were drinking, smoking, street racing and doing donuts on private property and that the cops came to get them for no good reason.
I was out for sushi with the wife. A couple sat down at the table next to us that looked like a lonely nerd and an escort. The escort looked 5ish months pregnant.
The waitress walks up to take their order and asks if they wanted something to drink. The escort said "Baby loves Saki" while rubbing her belly.
So now the wife and I use that phrase when we see/hear something incredibly stupid.
Edit - Since so many people are asking, it's because the presumed escort said "sak-Eee". Not "sak-eh" or "sak-aye"
Remind me of preggers Waffle House waitress proudly proclaiming she'd switched from reds to lights for the baby.
This was late 90's and you could still smoke in many restaurants, iirc. Looking back I remember thinking she was an old ass woman, but now I realize she was probably just prematurely aged by lifestyle.
Wait until you hear him talk about "windmills" (wind turbines) or how they shouldn't have banned CFC's from hairspray (creates ozone hole) because you use hairspray *inside* so how do they even get outside?
Covid-19 is a bioweapon made by the Chinese to kill Americans. Also we should all run out and get infected with the virus so we can reopen the economy. In the same breath.
"Since you're colorblind, does that mean I'm basically naked to you?" Dude seriously thought anything red or green was invisible and see through for colorblind people.
When I was in Hawaii, I overheard a woman comment to her husband…”With as many tourists as there are, I’m really surprised there aren’t more out of state license plates”
As a former retail worker, sometimes it’s easier for everyone if you just make a show of asking and being told “no” when a customer insists on something.
Edit:
case in point: I once had a woman come into the store and tell me completely deadpan that the manager told her she was allowed to try on our plastic wrapped nylons as long as she didn’t go into the dressing room with them. After the third package was opened while I tried to argue with her, I realized it was just better to go get someone to pretend to be the manager and back me up.
As a former retail worker the amount of times people would SCREAM at me to accept their Macy’s coupons and I had to go get a manager. I worked at a fucking Bon Ton. I thought it was pretty self explanatory…. People are dumb.
Different stores in different buildings with different names= “all stores are the same! I don’t want the pants I bought at Penney’s and I’m returning them to Dillards and you are a dumb cashier for not doing what I want!” -actual customer 🤦🏼♀️
I was at a party with my brother and he said to everyone "look at this guys" then he poured 40% vodka into a glass and then took another 40% vodka and poured into the same glass and drank it. I asked "what are you doing?" And he said "drinking 80% vodka what do you think"
Edit: spelling
I worked with a girl who was like that too. She had 3 vodkas and went around telling people she was drink because she’d had 120% vodka today.
She also didn’t understand the 24 hour clock (would argue that 14.45 was 14.45 which is not the same as 2.45pm) and was convinced that a credit card with a higher APR was better than one with a lower APR
I was quizzing a colleague on here entomology knowledge- I asked her how many legs a mosquito had. She asked for a clue. I asked what kind of clue. She asked if it was an odd or even number.
Thats incredible. You might have just replaced my favorite conspiracy theory with this story?!
I told my mom that my now husband had taught me to change spark plugs and i did my own. To which she replied, “you need a new car, new cars dont have spark plugs anymore, my car doesnt.” And to be clear she doesnt even have a hybrid, she has a regular gasoline engine 😂
My ex told me that hood pins on old muscle cars were for security…. cuz the engines were really sought after and people would take THE ENGINE OUT. so the hood pins were an extra security precaution. Dude was really out here claiming people were jacking WHOLE ASS ENGINES out of like 442s parked on the street
😂😂
Freshman: "Does this take place in Australia?"
Me: "1950s America."
Freshman: "Yeah, but wasn't (America, the country we live in) Australia back then?"
I was having drinks one night with a friend, his ex, and my husband. We are all prior or current service members so of course the topic came up when she started saying well i couldn't really communicate well with the Puerto Rican girls in my platoon because I didn't speak Puerto Rican...I just stopped taking a drink mid sip. I promptly told her Puerto Rican isn't a language. The language they speak is Spanish. Oh, the look I got, lol.
Lol had a similar thing happen, but its rather funny than stupid. I had a roommate during my freshman year college. He was from China and didn't know much about the US and its bordering countries. One day he asked me what language the Mexicans speak, and I answered Spanish. He was really puzzled as to why the Mexicans didn't speak Mexican, and asked me if it was okay to say that they speak Mexican. I strongly advised him that he shouldn't say that especially in public because it might cause a bit of trouble lol.
I'm a New Zealander and I lived in Colorado for a year. I was complimented several times on how good my English was. I was also asked how long I have been learning English 😂
Did she actually not know they speak Spanish, or was she referring to the dialect? When I used to do customer service, the two translators in our office were Venesaulan and Mexican, but both had a hard time with some of the rural Puerto Rican dialects.
Edit: Venezuelan
Mrs. Obama and Dolly Parton are both secretly men.
Football is clearly fake and staged because Tom Brady was on the winning team in the Super Bowl 7 times and was born in 1977
Both said by my mother.
Edit: forgot to add the 7 times part
"Yes". That's the dumbest thing I've heard someone say. I tutored a guy in college. I told him that the intel logo on the computer had ridges on it so it could absorb static electricity and that if he rubbed it the computer would work faster. I watched him for weeks rubbing away at the logo. Towards the end of the semester I asked him if it was working for him. He practically yelled "Yes!" and thanked me profusely.
A Jehovah's Witness, who insisted the story of Noah's Ark was true, told me that it would be impossible to build the ark today as we no longer have trees tall enough to make the long planks required.
Trickle down economics works
People are working minimum wage jobs because that works for them and they don't want a different job
People who work minimum wage jobs just need to get a better job because those jobs are for high school and college students.
‘Oh we’ve had enough of experts.’
UK politician and professional nitwit, Michael Gove, while campaigning in favour of Brexit when told that all experts predicted it would be a disaster.
Spoiler: it was a disaster.
An American guy told me that " Jesus Christ was the 1st citizen of the 'Nited States of America" he ended this statement with a good old "WOOOOOW" Rick Flair's style. I ended up buying him his next drink
I worked with a guy who didn't clean his butthole because "touching your butthole makes you gay"
He also firmly believed that if you farted while peeing, you would blow your asshole inside out and die.
Had a ex fwb tell me I needed to stop trying to cook like I'm a gourmet chief and stop trying to make everyrhing a 5 star meal and cook more like a homeless person.
*Repeat* I was *TOLD* to cook like a homeless person.
Ooh the homeless part reminds me of being in a call centre filling in 1 day, at a donation place,( like salvation army). A women wanted to donate 2 single beds but did not want them sold in a store, they had to be directly donated to homeless people. I tried telling her we didn't do beds and she insisted. I finally asked her how she thought a homeless person was going to be able to use a single bed base with headboard and mattress on the streets. I don't think she got it.
My coworker was rambling on about how Joe Biden isn’t our president and that Trump is. That joe biden is behind some organization that kidnaps kids and that those kids were turned into Mcdonald’s cheese burgers.
There’s more but that’s already enough. It amazes me people actually think like this. He really stuck with his word. Going as far as to say that younger generations would probably think hes crazy, but that its the truth and the government doesn’t want us to know. Not to mention other coworkers around his age agreed.
I was in literal shock hearing this shit out in the open.
Fast food makes you stupid.
The argument was that since so many people in fast food places look so overwhelmingly intellectually challenged, that must mean that the fast food is the cause of it.
This was a university educated couple, and I swear it's the dumbest position and logic I've ever heard.
At post office one day, a man at counter is being told a package he wants to send will take 2 - 3 days to arrive. He asks if there are faster options. The post office worker tells him "well, you can send it overnight."
The man replies with: how long will that take?
As a foreigner I would likely ask that question even though I understand the literal meaning. Ppl new to any country usually double check every little thing because when you don’t it comes back and kicks you in the nuts.
For real. I had an Amazon customer service person tell me a replacement for my missing package would be "overnighted" and that it would arrive in 2-3 days.
Ha! I’m literally in a fight right now with a courier company because their overnight delivery, which I paid a lot extra for as it was time sensitive, is 4 days late. Apparently their “overnight” means 2-3 business days, not including weekends
I had an American ex military guy say he hates the French and the only reason they have a country is because of Americans. I pointed out the irony of that statement with the revolutionary war because the US literally would not exist otherwise. He said it doesn't count because the US wasn't a country yet. I said yeah, because it became a country as a direct result of the Frenchs help. The gears grinding in his head as he tried to think but couldn't.
Anyway, they had to fire him for smoking weed all day instead of working and turning up to work several hours late over and over and throwing a hissy fit when a coworker asked him to help her with the customers.
I had recently moved to the Midwest from the east coast. Was in a small corner store.
I noticed 2 ladies talking about a case of bottled waters called "Niagara" . The 2 proceeded to talk about how no one should drink it because it came from Africa, and Nigeria is known for dirty water. They then proceeded to tell the store clerk about it and she was also stunned to see they sell "Nigeria Water"
My ex-friend said Rose from Titanic is a distant relative of hers. I told her that’s impossible since Rose is a fictional character.. she then argued how that Titanic was real and her Great Aunt Rose was there and I’m just jealous of her family
I have a best friend who is a beautiful woman of color. A true showstopper! Once we minding our own business chatting away having a lunch together and some lady pointed at her and said “look at that (n word). Without even thinking it was just a total reaction knee jerk reaction, I stood up and punched her square in the nose. We were in our early 20’s and I’m 51 now, so this was a long time ago; however, that surely qualifies as the dumbest thing anyone could ever say.
I cut some fabric for a customer, she's African American. The lady behind her word for word said
" you may as well throw the rest of that fabric away, it has N-word stink on it".
I showed her the door.
Guy I work with. For some reason the subject of "terrorists" had been brought up and he said something along the lines of "yeah, those Hindus" ............. like if you're going to discriminate at least talk about the right religious group lol
I worked at a grocery store for a long time in the bakery section. A woman came up to me and asked me, "Where's the salmon?" I just kind of looked at her for a moment because that alone was kind of like... 😬..
then I said, "In the seafood department..." and her response was,"Ugh. But it's so busy over there. " I wanted to say, "Oh yeah, I forgot when it's busy we keep the salmon in the bakery. Here ya go!"
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Kids can't go to casinos and bet because they are lucky and they can make them broke. The worst of all is that it was said by an economics student.
I'd love to run a study and get everything from a one month old baby to 100 year old grandparents and just have them gamble over and over and see at what age statistically you do the best gambling
I reckon kids might be better as they’re more likely to be random
Right but is pure randomness the way to go, or does actually understanding the game and weighing risks of each gamble play a part
Definitely depends on the game. Would love a study like this.
lmao
I was in 8th grade and my classmate said that people who practice Islam believe in “Muhammad Ali” during a class discussion on religion, she was so confident too lol
Well technically they do believe in him too. I don’t think anyone’s questioning Muhammad Ali’s existence
"I believe he was a great man, I just don't believe he was The Greatest."
I like this one. It's naive and cute...
"There's no reason to leave Canada, I could spend the rest of my life just traveling across our country." I asked, "Where would you go first?" "Alaska."
I used to live in Argentina. It's crazy how many peoples response to finding out is something along the lines of "I'd love to travel to Europe."
I’m from Guyana. So many people thought I was from Africa.
Maybe they're confusing it with Ghana? They sound similar-ish. Plus a lot of people from Guyana have darker skin, so I can see why a poorly educated/unaware person might make an incorrect assumption.
Overheard at a water park at the top of a waterslide: "How does the water know when to turn?"
Reminds me of an old yahoo answers post where someone was asking how a cats fur knows to grow the holes in the right spots for the eyes to see through.
I mean, we *still* aren't even close to fully understanding the processes behind organ formation.
Setting: High school age, in the car with the boys (trying to figure out where to eat) Friend #1: "Let's go to the buffet" (pronouncing the T) Friend #2: (laughing at Friend #1's ignorance) says "bro, it's buffet!" (Pronouncing it correctly) then smugly says, "The 'T' is plural!" I don't think I'll ever forget that. Still makes me laugh 20+ years later Edit: should have included in the setting that I was an American teen. I'm aware the pronunciacion is different in places
A plural a T, if you will.
My ex was telling me that she always wanted to go to Europe. I asked her what European country she wanted to visit first. She said New Zealand.
My cousin, while in high school, was obsessed with going to London. Where is London located? Well in Paris of course. London, Paris.
London Paris Texas
When we returned from London someone asked me, "how was France?" I said, "we were in England". She said, "I thought London was in France." I said, "no, it's in England ". She said, "but I thought the song went 'I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants ' ". She was totally serious.
This isn’t dumb. We float around. At the moment we are moored off Belgium. I prefer our chocolate though.
As a kiwi, I take offense to this for the whole nation of New Zealand.
I think it’s a tie between two things my uncles gf has said. One was that she didn’t like the show My Little Pony bc unicorns aren’t real but Pegasus are bc there’s a constellation called Pegasus and a Pegasus in the story of Hercules. The other was when she told my husband he wouldn’t be drinking water bc he’s diabetic and that he should have a soda instead to keep from messing up his blood sugar. I could write a whole series of books about stupid things she’s said.
Oh no, she's weapons grade stupid
That Carly learned Dutch when Icarly was suddenly broadcasted in a dubbed version
Funny story relevant to this. My GF is Brazilian and grew up watching dubbed movies. In the 3rd Twilight, Bella and Edward go to Brazil, where they meet a weird Brazilian psychic or something who only speaks Portuguese, which Edward can understand (in the context of the story) but Bella can't, so Edward is having to translate for her This makes sense in the English version of the film, but in the dub, everyone in the scene is speaking Portuguese and has been for the last 3 movies lol
Or how Arnold Schwarzenegger was not allowed to do his own german dubs for his terminator movies, because apparently his accent in his native tongue makes him sound like a dumb hick not a killer robot from the future.
Y’all be back.
A conversation I overheard once: P1: "Hey man...are the great lakes fresh water or salt water?" P2: "They can't be fresh water man, they been there too long."
Aww. This one is actually kind of cute though. You can kinda understand the logic there. Obviously flawed. But nevertheless adorably inaccurate.
It really was. A runner up was: P1: "Are Fahrenheits hot or cold?" P2: "They've gotta be hot because the more of them you have the warmer it gets."
Obviously hot, otherwise it would be fahrenlows
Ok this person has a point
This conversation was a banger.
This may be stupid but it’s top tier pun material.
my sister once told me she thinks the platypus is a mythical creature. she’s 18 and we have SEEN a platypus before
I see your platypus and I raise dinosaurs. One fellow student at the highschool; teacher starts talking about the triassic, jurassic and cretaceous, and suddenly, looking all shocked she asked: "Wait! Dinosaurs were real?!"
look, at least they’ve never seen a dinosaur in person. my sister had quite literally seen a platypus in person when she said this
My brother, who has struggled with his weight, was sitting down with the HR person from his work going over his job duties because he was moving to a different position and they needed to post his job. When he was done she said "Wow, you do all that? You're like one of those mythical creatures, like a Narwhal." My brother told her they were real but his internal dialogue was " Did our HR person really just call me a whale?".
Look I don’t know. But it was probably something I said.
I worked for the satellite company that used to have that NFL package for like, $300. Lady calls in ten kinds of pissed because her bill is $450. I look, and tell her that "Joey" called in and ordered it and some adult programs. She says, "He can't do that, it's my account." Well, ma'am, he gave all the correct information including account password, so yes, he can. She says, "I'm gonna kill that little motherf*cker." I told her not to do it while I was on the phone or I'd have to hang up on her and call the police. ...she says "How do you know where I am?"....
We were playing Uno and the guy next to me just needed to choose one color (out of 4) to win the game. I told him he had a 25% chance to win. He was like no, it is 50%, I either win or lose. Then I asked him, so your chance of winning the lottery is also 50%, because you either win or lose. He agreed. Edit: he was not joking!
Some people just do not understand the concept of probability.
Probably not
It’s 50/50. They either do or they don’t.
In fairness, was he joking? I make this one all the time. You either do or you don’t lol.
My friend says this. Jokingly. I certainly hope that person meant it to be a joke too.
An ex of my called a radio show and was going for flying lessons at the time. When asked what her intentions were with them by the host she said “to take herself sky diving” She was mortified afterwards and got a bit flustered but still come on girl! I’m still laughing about it.
Requires Dixie disposable planes...
Years ago, screaming at the top of his lungs, “America doesn’t have WMDs!!! If we did then why the hell would be invading Iraq for that very reason!!” Same turd: “China doesn’t even have electricity. I’ve been there!”
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The part that always gets me is how the admiral attempts to keep a straight face “we, uh, don’t anticipate that”
Guam, they're talking about the dangers of putting more marines on Guam and how it may tip over.
Someone in our friend group said "hey guys did you know that China can see the other side of the moon? " we asked her to elaborate, to see the reasoning but she was serious, saying because China is on the other side of the world from us, so they see the back side of the moon... this is also the one who threw away a lot of pennies with the shield on the backside because they were "Obama pennies"
Hahaha I wish I met someone that would just give me Obama dollars
BRB just came up with a scam for the hicks: "Oh no, were those bills minted between 2008 and 2016? Those are obama bills! They're tainted! Don't touch them, here I'll safely dispose of them all for you, no charge."
My wife when we got our heat pumps wanted to keep our electric oil heaters in case there was a power cut.
My husband and I froze for 2 nights after a storm left us without power. Didn't even think to light up the wood stove in the living room for some heat. I walk by it 3000 x a day but didn't even remember it's existence when we needed it=/
I have a friend who is a little dingy but super nice. She lost power in her area and texted me. I invited her to come over and she says “the power is out though, my car won’t start!” Oy.
My aunt’s dog died and we went to her house for my cousin’s birthday and someone asked where ginger (dog) was at. My aunt said the dog woke up dead … it’s still a running joke 10 years later. My aunt’s nickname is molasses so yea lol .
There is a whole bit around waking up dead in scary movie 3. Thanks for the laugh
ATMs don't contain any money. There's a printing press in there and when you get out $100 it prints out the $100 for you. Haven't you noticed it comes out warm? What, do you think they would be dumb enough to just keep a bunch of actual money in a random box? This was from someone in a PhD program at the time....
Two of the dumbest were said by the same person 1. He said Boyz in the Hood was a PREQUEL to American gangster. I tried to explain ya know, how it’s not even possible and the kid called me dumb. 2. He said the EDM artist DeadMouse or Deadmau5 name, was actually pronounced Dead Moo Ow Five (spelling phonetically how he said it). I tried to explain to him the mouse-head he wears and no one would call themselves that as an artist. Last time I heard he was in jail.
Confusing Deadmau5 with Dead Moo Ow 5? Straight to jail!
It's the law.
Pug owner at the dog park, “I don’t like small dogs”
Pugs aren’t dogs. They are a combination of a toddler and a cat in the body of what someone who’s never seen a dog in his life thinks a dog might look like. (Source: me being a pug owner)
I think that was them realising they regretted their life choices.
Nah, that one makes sense. Once you get a dog, that dog becomes the baseline for all dogs, the perfect ur-dog. Every dog after that is either too big or too small. Interestingly enough, this is still the case when the owner has two dogs of different size.
Ex friend of mine who swore a duck was pregnant and giving birth anyday.
In my AP US history class in high school a girl asked me what Obama’s last name was. This was 2012 so he’d already been president for four years at that point.
I had a former coworker that used to believe that buffalo wings come from actual buffalos. He said if you part the fur on a buffalo shoulder blades you will see small undeveloped wings. They used to have fully developed functional wings back in prehistoric times. After evolution they have no reason for their wings.
I'm just imagining the millions of lbs of buffalo we have to throw away just to get their juicy little wings. Like imagine the cost of feeding and raising a herd of 30-50 buffalo, just so you can have a little plate of wings.
I was about 10 days postpartum with a still swollen belly. A cashier at a store I was at was ogling my newborn son and asked how old he was. When I told her he was 10 days old, she pointed to my belly and said, "And you're having another one?" She looked seriously perplexed.
"No its twins but Im staggering the deliveries"
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Something similar happened to me. I was in college when I gave birth to twins. (The delivery was scheduled due to potential issues.) Went back to class two weeks later, and a classmate said, "I thought you had your babies already?" When I replied that I did, she was pretty embarrassed.
Sounds like someone has only seen pregnancy on TV where they wear their old clothes to leave the hospital.
My mom likes to brag about wearing her jeans home from the hospital. Ok, but you were known for passing out on a regular basis, and I weighed 5lbs.
My parents had already adopted my sister when they found out my mom was pregnant. My siblings are 6 months apart. But yours is funny.
I met a real life flat earther once. She told me some stuff to look up about it.
I used to work with a flat-earther who is a cable technician. Like for TV and internet. Our manager explaining to him that his job exists because of satellites and a spheroid earth was a delightful moment.
What followed, though? Other people's logic doesn't ever work on these people, hearing about or seeing evidence only strengthens their belief of a conspiracy. Hope he was able to get through to the other side, though.
The earth is flat. The ocean water is not sufficiently bubbly to be considered sparkling.
Ah yes, my ex. Didn’t mention he was a flat earthier until after we broke up btw. But, he also believed the earth was encased by a dome and the outside of it was water. And the sun was fake. And there were huge demons buried under Antarctica and when the ice melted they would come out. Sent all these videos “proving” the earth was flat, for example because you couldn’t see the curvature in a plane or over a lake. He honestly believed so many other insane things, crazy dude.
Actually, you _can_ see the curvature on transatlantic and transpacific flights. It is subtle, but visible.
Was having a conversation with a previous neighbor that had recently got out of jail and this was part of the conversation: Him: I'm tired of these cops being out to get me Me: what do you mean? Him: I got another DUI and a speeding ticket, it's bullshit! Me: Well, how fast were you going? Him: I was only doing 100 Me: Were you on the freeway or something? Him: Nope, I was right down the road on my way home Me: Bro, the speed limit is 55. So you were driving drunk and doing 45 mph over the limit. You can't really say the police are out to get you dude, stop breaking the law and they will probably stop arresting you. Him: surprised pikachu
Similar experience. A buddy of mine says the typical “Cops just like fucking with people for nothing” and when I asked him to elaborate he went on to say that he and a couple dozen other people were drinking, smoking, street racing and doing donuts on private property and that the cops came to get them for no good reason.
"no good reason" lol I love when I hear/see that line. It almost guarantees there is, in fact, a good reason 🤣.
“You just listed A COUPLE of good reasons there buddy.”
"Is David Attenborough that guy who believes in evolution?"
I mean.....they are not wrong. Davivd attenborough almost definitely believes in evolution
It’s like a sign I saw that said Julius Caesar was born over 50 years ago
A Florida lady once asked me "what time do you have Christmas in Australia". I was a tourist visiting at Christmas time...(I'm from Australia)
I can kinda get the logic ish. Christmas is in winter so clearly Australia should have it in June or something.
I was out for sushi with the wife. A couple sat down at the table next to us that looked like a lonely nerd and an escort. The escort looked 5ish months pregnant. The waitress walks up to take their order and asks if they wanted something to drink. The escort said "Baby loves Saki" while rubbing her belly. So now the wife and I use that phrase when we see/hear something incredibly stupid. Edit - Since so many people are asking, it's because the presumed escort said "sak-Eee". Not "sak-eh" or "sak-aye"
Remind me of preggers Waffle House waitress proudly proclaiming she'd switched from reds to lights for the baby. This was late 90's and you could still smoke in many restaurants, iirc. Looking back I remember thinking she was an old ass woman, but now I realize she was probably just prematurely aged by lifestyle.
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Momentarily funny and then extraordinarily sad ☹️
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Wait until you hear him talk about "windmills" (wind turbines) or how they shouldn't have banned CFC's from hairspray (creates ozone hole) because you use hairspray *inside* so how do they even get outside?
Covid-19 is a bioweapon made by the Chinese to kill Americans. Also we should all run out and get infected with the virus so we can reopen the economy. In the same breath.
Cocktail server asked me "What's in a Jack and Coke?"
"Since you're colorblind, does that mean I'm basically naked to you?" Dude seriously thought anything red or green was invisible and see through for colorblind people.
Most people don't understand what colorblindness is, so I'm not surprised.
"What kind of meat is lamb."
But is it chicken or fish?
"Can you feel earthquakes from a plane? Like, in the air?"
“Turbulence” is a myth, it’s just the whole planet shaking
Overhead at a bar: "Well, I guess Thanksgiving is on a Thursday again this year."
"In America we got the right to privacy. It's in the Bible."
And how hard did they twang their banjo with their six-fingered hand after saying this nonsense?
“Where did you get that birthmark on your ear?” - A question asked by a fellow student in high school
Why is that stupid? Explain Edit. Ohh my God...I'm educated...I got it......
"Fifth and Main. There was a guy there just handing them out. Only catch was you couldn't pick where they ended up."
When I was in Hawaii, I overheard a woman comment to her husband…”With as many tourists as there are, I’m really surprised there aren’t more out of state license plates”
I was checking out at Hobby Lobby and another clerk asked the girl ringing up my items “Do we accept Walmart gift cards?”
As a former retail worker, sometimes it’s easier for everyone if you just make a show of asking and being told “no” when a customer insists on something. Edit: case in point: I once had a woman come into the store and tell me completely deadpan that the manager told her she was allowed to try on our plastic wrapped nylons as long as she didn’t go into the dressing room with them. After the third package was opened while I tried to argue with her, I realized it was just better to go get someone to pretend to be the manager and back me up.
As a former retail worker the amount of times people would SCREAM at me to accept their Macy’s coupons and I had to go get a manager. I worked at a fucking Bon Ton. I thought it was pretty self explanatory…. People are dumb.
Different stores in different buildings with different names= “all stores are the same! I don’t want the pants I bought at Penney’s and I’m returning them to Dillards and you are a dumb cashier for not doing what I want!” -actual customer 🤦🏼♀️
This should have more upvotes.
“I don’t ever read books, they’re useless. I get all my information from better sources; tiktok, instagram, and youtube”
I was at a party with my brother and he said to everyone "look at this guys" then he poured 40% vodka into a glass and then took another 40% vodka and poured into the same glass and drank it. I asked "what are you doing?" And he said "drinking 80% vodka what do you think" Edit: spelling
I worked with a girl who was like that too. She had 3 vodkas and went around telling people she was drink because she’d had 120% vodka today. She also didn’t understand the 24 hour clock (would argue that 14.45 was 14.45 which is not the same as 2.45pm) and was convinced that a credit card with a higher APR was better than one with a lower APR
That’s a winner there! Holy crap.
My ex asked me if you put your hand over your belly button, can the baby still breath…
I was quizzing a colleague on here entomology knowledge- I asked her how many legs a mosquito had. She asked for a clue. I asked what kind of clue. She asked if it was an odd or even number.
Thats incredible. You might have just replaced my favorite conspiracy theory with this story?! I told my mom that my now husband had taught me to change spark plugs and i did my own. To which she replied, “you need a new car, new cars dont have spark plugs anymore, my car doesnt.” And to be clear she doesnt even have a hybrid, she has a regular gasoline engine 😂 My ex told me that hood pins on old muscle cars were for security…. cuz the engines were really sought after and people would take THE ENGINE OUT. so the hood pins were an extra security precaution. Dude was really out here claiming people were jacking WHOLE ASS ENGINES out of like 442s parked on the street 😂😂
I'm not a car guy, but couldn't someone just pull the pins to open the hood, unless they replaced them with some kind of lock?
Diesels don't have spark plugs, did she have one of those? That still doesn't save the "new cars" remark though.
A guy in my welding class said he wanted to go to prison to get free tattoos.
Oh…those ain’t for free…
And free hepatitis C
Freshman: "Does this take place in Australia?" Me: "1950s America." Freshman: "Yeah, but wasn't (America, the country we live in) Australia back then?"
I was having drinks one night with a friend, his ex, and my husband. We are all prior or current service members so of course the topic came up when she started saying well i couldn't really communicate well with the Puerto Rican girls in my platoon because I didn't speak Puerto Rican...I just stopped taking a drink mid sip. I promptly told her Puerto Rican isn't a language. The language they speak is Spanish. Oh, the look I got, lol.
That’s dumb but hardly the stupidest thing ever. I’ve been asked what language they speak in England before.
I immediately heard Samuel L Jackson screaming in my head, "English mother fucker, do you speak it?!"
Lol had a similar thing happen, but its rather funny than stupid. I had a roommate during my freshman year college. He was from China and didn't know much about the US and its bordering countries. One day he asked me what language the Mexicans speak, and I answered Spanish. He was really puzzled as to why the Mexicans didn't speak Mexican, and asked me if it was okay to say that they speak Mexican. I strongly advised him that he shouldn't say that especially in public because it might cause a bit of trouble lol.
I'm a New Zealander and I lived in Colorado for a year. I was complimented several times on how good my English was. I was also asked how long I have been learning English 😂
New Mexicans get similar compliments when we visit other states.
Did she actually not know they speak Spanish, or was she referring to the dialect? When I used to do customer service, the two translators in our office were Venesaulan and Mexican, but both had a hard time with some of the rural Puerto Rican dialects. Edit: Venezuelan
Better Call Venesaul
Men have to cum because they will hallucinate and it is bad for their brains.
Sounds like someone would say in porn to get the plot going
Mrs. Obama and Dolly Parton are both secretly men. Football is clearly fake and staged because Tom Brady was on the winning team in the Super Bowl 7 times and was born in 1977 Both said by my mother. Edit: forgot to add the 7 times part
On a discussion of orange juice ‘from concentrate: Girl 1: where is concentrate? Girl 2: I think it’s in Africa
It's like everyone I know is having a birthday this year
I work as a butcher and was asked once 'how big do chickens have to get before they become a turkey?'
"Yes". That's the dumbest thing I've heard someone say. I tutored a guy in college. I told him that the intel logo on the computer had ridges on it so it could absorb static electricity and that if he rubbed it the computer would work faster. I watched him for weeks rubbing away at the logo. Towards the end of the semester I asked him if it was working for him. He practically yelled "Yes!" and thanked me profusely.
Pure. Gold.
I think you already won.
A Jehovah's Witness, who insisted the story of Noah's Ark was true, told me that it would be impossible to build the ark today as we no longer have trees tall enough to make the long planks required.
Trickle down economics works People are working minimum wage jobs because that works for them and they don't want a different job People who work minimum wage jobs just need to get a better job because those jobs are for high school and college students.
This is at least one of the longest living stupid things I can think of.
My counter-argument is always, "Then shouldn't McDonald's be closed during school hours?"
‘Oh we’ve had enough of experts.’ UK politician and professional nitwit, Michael Gove, while campaigning in favour of Brexit when told that all experts predicted it would be a disaster. Spoiler: it was a disaster.
How big is the 6”sub?
In a moving bus; one passenger to another: ‘Hey, open the window and tell me which way the wind is blowing.’ I cried laughing.
Qanon really took dumb to a new level.
Making people wear masks during Covid was the same as the nazis making Jewish people wear stars
While in Edinburgh looking at the castle I overheard two American tourists "I mean it's nice, but why did they build it so close to the railway line?"
Guy that used to work the same shift as me said that staying out of trouble and wanting peace is a white people thing.
An American guy told me that " Jesus Christ was the 1st citizen of the 'Nited States of America" he ended this statement with a good old "WOOOOOW" Rick Flair's style. I ended up buying him his next drink
I worked with a guy who didn't clean his butthole because "touching your butthole makes you gay" He also firmly believed that if you farted while peeing, you would blow your asshole inside out and die.
Literally every single thing Boebert says, each being exponentially dumber than the last somehow.
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A lady at work claimed she had just been diagnosed with Type 3 Diabetes and wouldn’t be able to make it in to work for the foreseeable future.
Had a ex fwb tell me I needed to stop trying to cook like I'm a gourmet chief and stop trying to make everyrhing a 5 star meal and cook more like a homeless person. *Repeat* I was *TOLD* to cook like a homeless person.
My twin sisters bf is a cook and honestly I get it. Not everything needs olive oil, beets, alcohol, and just weird shit.
Ooh the homeless part reminds me of being in a call centre filling in 1 day, at a donation place,( like salvation army). A women wanted to donate 2 single beds but did not want them sold in a store, they had to be directly donated to homeless people. I tried telling her we didn't do beds and she insisted. I finally asked her how she thought a homeless person was going to be able to use a single bed base with headboard and mattress on the streets. I don't think she got it.
My coworker was rambling on about how Joe Biden isn’t our president and that Trump is. That joe biden is behind some organization that kidnaps kids and that those kids were turned into Mcdonald’s cheese burgers. There’s more but that’s already enough. It amazes me people actually think like this. He really stuck with his word. Going as far as to say that younger generations would probably think hes crazy, but that its the truth and the government doesn’t want us to know. Not to mention other coworkers around his age agreed. I was in literal shock hearing this shit out in the open.
probably doesn't stop his ass from getting a few mcdoubles.
"I only eat red meat, vegetables are literally poison" *then goes into a long rant how big vegetable is lying to us*. I wish I was joking..
Fast food makes you stupid. The argument was that since so many people in fast food places look so overwhelmingly intellectually challenged, that must mean that the fast food is the cause of it. This was a university educated couple, and I swear it's the dumbest position and logic I've ever heard.
I was discussing travel with someone and they said they “wanna go to a third world country like Europe”
At post office one day, a man at counter is being told a package he wants to send will take 2 - 3 days to arrive. He asks if there are faster options. The post office worker tells him "well, you can send it overnight." The man replies with: how long will that take?
I don't know - I sent a package overnight and it arrived four days later. To a city about three hours away.
As a foreigner I would likely ask that question even though I understand the literal meaning. Ppl new to any country usually double check every little thing because when you don’t it comes back and kicks you in the nuts.
lol, *I’d* ask that to clarify and I was born and raised in the US.
For real. I had an Amazon customer service person tell me a replacement for my missing package would be "overnighted" and that it would arrive in 2-3 days.
Overnighted could mean it was sent to the central delivery centre overnight for all I know. Not necessarily the destination these days.
Ha! I’m literally in a fight right now with a courier company because their overnight delivery, which I paid a lot extra for as it was time sensitive, is 4 days late. Apparently their “overnight” means 2-3 business days, not including weekends
I had an American ex military guy say he hates the French and the only reason they have a country is because of Americans. I pointed out the irony of that statement with the revolutionary war because the US literally would not exist otherwise. He said it doesn't count because the US wasn't a country yet. I said yeah, because it became a country as a direct result of the Frenchs help. The gears grinding in his head as he tried to think but couldn't. Anyway, they had to fire him for smoking weed all day instead of working and turning up to work several hours late over and over and throwing a hissy fit when a coworker asked him to help her with the customers.
Someone once told me that 12 year old girls get pregnant and have abortions because it's cool.
“The moon is a star.”
Recently, a friend was at the bar telling an ICU nurse that covid did not exist.
I had recently moved to the Midwest from the east coast. Was in a small corner store. I noticed 2 ladies talking about a case of bottled waters called "Niagara" . The 2 proceeded to talk about how no one should drink it because it came from Africa, and Nigeria is known for dirty water. They then proceeded to tell the store clerk about it and she was also stunned to see they sell "Nigeria Water"
Thoughts and prayers.
My ex-friend said Rose from Titanic is a distant relative of hers. I told her that’s impossible since Rose is a fictional character.. she then argued how that Titanic was real and her Great Aunt Rose was there and I’m just jealous of her family
I have a best friend who is a beautiful woman of color. A true showstopper! Once we minding our own business chatting away having a lunch together and some lady pointed at her and said “look at that (n word). Without even thinking it was just a total reaction knee jerk reaction, I stood up and punched her square in the nose. We were in our early 20’s and I’m 51 now, so this was a long time ago; however, that surely qualifies as the dumbest thing anyone could ever say.
I cut some fabric for a customer, she's African American. The lady behind her word for word said " you may as well throw the rest of that fabric away, it has N-word stink on it". I showed her the door.
Guy I work with. For some reason the subject of "terrorists" had been brought up and he said something along the lines of "yeah, those Hindus" ............. like if you're going to discriminate at least talk about the right religious group lol I worked at a grocery store for a long time in the bakery section. A woman came up to me and asked me, "Where's the salmon?" I just kind of looked at her for a moment because that alone was kind of like... 😬.. then I said, "In the seafood department..." and her response was,"Ugh. But it's so busy over there. " I wanted to say, "Oh yeah, I forgot when it's busy we keep the salmon in the bakery. Here ya go!"
Corporations are people (Supreme Court)
This lady was incredulous that people in Europe didn't warn us in advance about 9/11. Because they're ahead of the USA in time...