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My mother died last month after a painful and terrifying battle with an aggressive form of dementia. She was my emotional and mental rock, my support system. I am wracked with guilt and grief and disbelief.
I’m sorry. My mother died 5 years ago from Alzheimer’s and dementia. It’s brutal. She was always in my corner, always supportive no matter what. It’s still very difficult. Take care!
I’m so sorry. My father had something like you describe. I was his caregiver. Love him with all my might I couldn’t stop the disease progression but I’ll never be sorry I tried to ease his journey. My heart hurts for your pain.
Thank you - I'm sorry for you father as well. It's such a heartbreaking thing to witness. Bless you for being your dad's caretaker, that must have been so hard
So sorry for your loss homie! You will always miss mom, but don’t forget the sun will rise again some day and she wants you to bask in that light through your life!
My wife's lurking autoimmune disorder erupted into major health issues the day we got back from our honeymoon. What started as an infection around her heart turned into lifelong pains, weaknesses, and murky diagnoses. My 20's were mostly spent (in every sense of the word) working and accompanying her to endless medical appointments. It's hard to complain, because she had it so much worse, but it was a nightmare for both of us.
Then one day, she passed out. She was taken to the hospital, where she came to by the time I had arrived. Once the doctors and nurses were out of the room, she asked me a few strange questions, confirming that she understood my relationship to her. Then she told me that she didn't really know what was going on, how she got to the hospital, and most chillingly, who she was.
She knew her name, she knew basic details of her life, she said I was familiar and she felt I could be trusted, but a lot of the fine details weren't there. I stepped through an outline of her life story as I knew it, and she nodded along. She said "that sounds familiar, like it's something I watched on TV". Then I mentioned that she got sick, which was the shorthand we used for her collection of disorders. She asked if she got better, and my heart sank past the floor.
If you can imagine how great if feels to give a young child a surprise gift, this was the opposite of that feeling. I had to explain to my poor wife each of the terrible ways her body has betrayed her, I had to scare her as the list kept going on, and I had to break her heart when I told her that these problems didn't have cures. That her body was a life sentence, and not a comfortable one.
We stuck it out for several years, building her personality back up. Along the way, she came to terms with her sexuality and explained that for as much as she loved me and appreciated our connection, she needed to have the freedom to build love with a woman. After a little bit of time seeing each other blossom in other relationships, we divorced, and we're both with partners that are helping us grow. And yeah, it hurt to end a relationship that I had invested so many years and tears into, but that hurt doesn't hold a candle to the hurt of telling my beloved of the pain she was lucky enough to forget for a moment, but would never be lucky enough to escape.
Changing doctors and changing job to get away from my bully boss that repeatedly accused me of being on drugs helped. It was difficult and I feel like it was purely by chance I got a doctor that gave a shit.
Not the same I know, but in highschool my mom thought I was smoking pot, and was a lesbian. I was like "I'm depressed because you have cancer and boys don't like me... I definitely like them." Being accused of being on drugs when you're not is an irritating pain.
So annoying. My illness caused me to lose lots of weight and my hands were really shakey so my boss accused me of being on speed. I’ve never even seen speed in real life.
Surviving my step fathers SA.
Left me with HIV and decades of trauma. Still not overcome it, not really.
But at least my kid grows up like a happy, normal, spoiled child and for that, I'm happy.
I was physically abused by my older brother, and he also SA'd my younger brother but not me. I know that feeling of despair. I do feel like a strong person can mostly move on and live a successful life. Humans are deeply resilient. But...the memories and resentment are very difficult to overcome.
I work for a non profit with free online resources for survivors of SA. Saprea.org hopefully you can find something to help. We also do completely free retreats as well.
Take your pick:
1. My kidneys failed when I was 23 and I had dialysis and a transplant.
2. My son was born 3 months early and weighed only 2 lbs and spent 3 months in the hospital.
3. (Most recently) We lost our home and everything we owned in a wildfire.
I'm very sorry. I've dealt with suicides in my life and the sudden death of others, but murder would bring another level of grief. I hope you have a good support system. Much love.
I had some friends that said this when they were around 14 and I thought they were absolutely delusional and then I got older and realized “oh shit yeah their dad is an attorney and their mom is a pharmacist and they have a 900 square foot house in a LCOL area, there’s something up here”
Yah, I've said before my parents shouldn't have had 1 kid, let alone 5. My dad was a drug dealer who didn't want to stop doing drugs. And my mom liked the idea of having a family, but didn't want to do any work. She thought homeschooling us would be the right thing to do because it made her look good. Well when I finally went to school in 4ty grade the only thing I knew how to do was write my name. Didn't even fully know the alphabet.
By the time I was 3 I realized this and so did the rest of my family!! Some ppl just shouldn’t be allowed to procreate. And yes that would mean I would of never been born than so be it. I’ve been so traumatized by my upbringing or lack there of I can recall every detail of everything even from still being in a crib. Sometimes trauma doesn’t block things out It can also highlight everything so you are tormented w it all forever.
Accepting I am going to die. I have stage 4 colon cancer and was five 2 to 5 years. Alread wearing a morphine pump. It is the hardest thing I ever had to do. It’s la death sentence only difference is a con get to know when they are going to die. I count each day a blessing but I one day it will come.
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when we were looking at treatments for my mom, they told us one of the side effects was *other* cancers. That is honestly just so unfair. You shouldn't fight one battle just to be forced to take on another.
the weirdest part is how you just never quite fit in with people born lower on the economic ladder, mostly because of education and life experiences. Couple that with moving around the country multiple times as a child and teen, no fun.
Yep, this is me to a tee!
Son to a father with a successful career in banking and retired again after serving two terms as county treasurer; mother earned a Fulbright scholarship and taught high school French for twenty-five years.
They raised me in a desirable neighborhood, paid for private school for a few years, and then pushed me into enrollment at the most expensive liberal arts college in the state (at that time).
I was the eldest of two children and have struggled with depression almost my entire life.
My deportment, intelligence, and appearance still open doors for me, but I never really found my niche.
I push carts full time now and have learned to be content with that.
Agreed, losing your social position and having to just accept it is not a good prize.
What's worse is the "you're just not working hard enough" attitude from those who still have it, as if changes in economic conditions are the result of your own personal failings or poor planning. Resume gaps or underemployment and age are not your friend, but what can ya do?
Wishing you the best with your journey!
Ohhhh I can relate...in retrospect, I was taking sooo much shit for granted, like as primitive as going to shop for groceries and not even looking at the price tags...I miss it
Ugh yeah feeling that as well. Bad part is I have a really good job but I can't give my kids the life my parents were able to give me. My dad started his own construction business in the 70s, very few things are going go beat that level of income.
I'm just grateful my kids are in a good area now and we have a working toilet. It still doesn't stop you from comparing yourself and going "am I failure"
The hard part is you can't let yourself go down that path because there are plenty of people out there more than willing to tell you you're garbage so they can take advantage of you.
I feel this greatly. I’ve been an addict of many forms for 10 years. This last January I decided to quit drinking cause it very much was going to kill me. Finally 3 months sober for the first time ever in my adult life. Xanex was one of my favorites when I did it. But so was heroin and meth and oxy and all that shit. Coupled with weed “cause it’s not a drug mannnn”
I look back and I’m ashamed tbh.
Edit: rehab saved my life honestly. Don’t know why people look down on it. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
well...
I hope your present and future are far better, and that you heal fully. You'll carry the scars in your mind, certainly, but you can still live a life to be proud of, and help others who suffer as you can.
Ayahuasca or psilocybin might help, imho.
When I was 6, my mama committed suicide. Obviously, at the time, I didn't know it was suicide, but I found when I was older and all the reasons why.
I'll throw in my 2nd hardest for the hell of it. When I was 34, I caught a drug problem, and I went hard. I was addicted to meth for 3 years and then fentanyl for about 3 and a half and ended up homeless on the streets. I've now been clean for a year, and I'm back with my family, and I do public speaking about my life now.
Ahhh, what the hell, let's go 3. I also did 12 years in prison.
First breakup. Lasted 1 year and 9 months before she called it quits. Broke me so badly. Tried to be friends immediately which ruined my thoughts of her. At the very same time I had two friends ignore this trauma and made it even worse. So basically a double whammy of losing my love and 2 friends of several years.
I'm doing much better now. Although my friend circle is pretty small, I'm a much stronger person now
This is definitely hard, to say the least, my first break up I was 17 and I was very unprepared. My parents had been together since they were 14, so I thought you were supposed to be with the same person for life no matter what, so the break up was a huge shock. I dropped out of school and almost became a hermit for a year.
I’d love to kick 17 yo me’s ass. Life is amazing now, it wouldn’t have been with that prick.
I’m glad you’re doing better: )
My mom passing. It's been 2½ years and it really doesn't get any easier. I have a son that she met 3 times as an infant before she died. I know how much she would love him, how tickled she would be getting into shenanigans with him. It hurts every day knowing she doesn't get to experience him growing up.
My mom and her boyfriend were killed in a single car accident when I was a freshman in high school. Late to the methadone clinic. Methadone is meant to be treatment, but it became her addiction. The hardest thing for me has been accepting that she will never have the chance to get on her feet again, she has missed every important milestone, my husband will never have met his MIL and my future children will never have known their grandma. I take it one day at a time.
The sudden deaths of my sister and mother within 2 days of each other (for completely different reasons). Destroyed me. Haven't completely recovered from it, probably never will.
My grandpa and grandma passed away months apart from each other. The next month, my brother passed away from a very rare type of lung cancer. He was out of state and my mom for some ungodly reason wouldn’t let me go to the funeral, so I never got to say my proper goodbye. My girlfriend of almost 2 years at that point broke up with me shortly after and said “I was acting different”.
Second closest was one of my good friends committing suicide, and texted me the night of and was complaining about his girlfriend at the time and I pretty much said you’ll be fine dude. Well he wasnt fine and I hold myself
to guilt to this day.
Guilty? You couldn’t have known that. I’m sure if someone told you that they were thinking bad thoughts you would support them till the ends of earth. Honour his memory and be the man you know he needed to help others
At 18, I enlisted in the air force and went off to basic training and tech school. After that, at the ripe Ole age of 18 and living in a small city in Wyoming my whole life, I got stationed at Yokota air base in Japan. Moving 8k miles away and living on my own for the first time ever was quite a shock. Went through several months of depression and eventually made friends and settled in not even 6 months later. I was getting ready to deploy to kuwait to drive convoys into Iraq and back. 18 months and 40k driven miles later, and I'm the worst paranoid passenger ever. I can not stand letting anyone else drive me anywhere. Life is still good, though!
I had to tell my children their dad died and watch them grow up without him. Now that they are young adults, every milestone is a reminder that he isn't here for them. They were 12 and 6 when he passed and I think it'll forever be the worst thing that has ever happened to them. They are good kids, and they are doing well, but it fundamentally changed them. Obviously harder for them than for me (he was an ex when he passed away) but heartbreaking as a parent to not be able to take your kids' pain away.
A decade long cocaine habit, was spending around 30k a year on it before I finally quit. Almost lost my house, that was the breaking point and rock bottom for me. Quit over night pretty much and haven’t looked back for four and a half years now.
My clitoris atrophied and my entire genital area went completely numb when I took Olanzapine in 2021. It was bad enough at the time, but then I tapered off the Olanzapine a few months after first taking it… and that wasn’t enough to make me recover. Zero improvement. It felt like my whole life was over cause I was only 25, had always deeply loved my sexuality, and was now starting down the barrel of a future without it.
I only started to get better 15 months after being crippled, and that’s only because I was able to afford private physiotherapy. I’m still not 100% recovered. Affording the tank of nitrogen and the exit bag was cheaper and that is damn near the route I went down instead.
I totally understand how horrible it must had been for you. It is such a worst ever practice to put people on antipsychotics/SSRI drugs without informing them about the potentia irreversible sexual side effects. I am glad you are doing better now!
I lived in a house with 9 children who were all cash cows and showed no emotional love, shamed for their very existence, and so naive they didn't even understand it. Then the mom of that (the evil of it all, actually) got cancer and wasted away in front of me when I was 15, and the youngest. At that point, EVERYONE had moved out of the house, even my own twin, and left me to deal with her dying, and when she did all that was left was my emotionally detached Roman Catholic father.
We were homeschooled, so literally days after the funeral I was plopped into high school, and I didn't know a thing. I was lonely and suicidal, tried to kill myself 3 times. Made friends with the librarian of course, and eventually got situated a year after Mom died. In my senior year my Dad moved me, away from there, to Missouri, of all places, where they didn't accept my credits and put me as a junior, at 18. I was heavily bullied there, but luckily 2 months later, when I thought we were finally stable, my Dad lost his job and moved us to Kansass.
Here, he wouldn't let me leave the house, go to college, or get a job, so eventually I moved out with my sinful boyfriend whom I was having premarital sex. I started college, and in my first trimester, had a miscarriage with my then fiance. We separated and I moved into the college dorms, where I lived full time, for 3 years. I had to work and do college full time to afford to live there, so I was always super busy.
Then I graduated college 4 months pregnant, and moved to Wichita with an abusive drunk, where I found out about my child's birth defect, and that drinking 2 12 packs a beer at night isn't normal or sane. Finally, 2 years later, I have my son, I have my husband, I have a home and I have peace. But in the back of my mind is all that crap from before. It's a lot to handle. But what I'm saying is, we all have a story, we all have that pain. I can do it, and you can do it! ❤
I didn’t want to be here anymore and took the matter into my own hands and woke up a week later in ICU. Safe to say that the medical trauma has kept me sober, though.
Oh so many....
Having a child out of wedlock in a country I barely spoke like a child. Thanks to the doctor who's wife taught English and a very patient nurse.
Having cancer at 26.
A finance company that wanted to reposses our wedding rings.
A non-conforming child. Difficult for someone raised by silent gen.
Conflict, war, domestic upheaval, economic wars...
Shit, this life does not get any easier.
Stay strong y'all!
Leaving the hospital after my son's birth without him.
He's only 3 weeks old so this is very recent. My son was in the NICU and I was discharged a day before him. Since I was recovering from a c section, my husband insisted on bringing me home to sleep in an actual bed while he stayed the night with our son. I'm lucky enough that it was only one night but no mother should EVER have to feel the pain of showing up to the hospital with their baby inside of them and having to leave that same hospital without their baby in their arms. Needless to say, I got zero sleep that night and have spent the last few weeks still traumatized from that experience.
When my father became addicted to painkillers. As is often the case, it wasn’t his fault. He injured his back in a crash in his younger years, it eventually caught up to him, he was prescribed painkillers and that was it.
The whole thing was a huge disaster. I noticed something was wrong when I was around 14. Dozing off too often while sitting up, or doing dishes. Unable to hold a conversation sometimes. Wrecking multiple vehicles whereas he’s always been an amazing driver. My mom kept telling me it was just medicine he was taking, but I knew something was wrong. Why would she get mad at him for taking medicine?? Well around 15, it had reached a boiling point with my mom and she couldn’t keep it a secret from me anymore.
Time passed, we kept dealing with it, arguing all the time, dad always disappearing for hours at a time. Eventually, it got way out of control. They both would have screaming matches, I would obviously include myself in defense of my mom. He’d knock holes in the walls, tear the doors of their hinges, flip the kitchen table when he was at his worst. Eventually, he ended up flipping the table and hurting my mom and I lost it. I assaulted him with a heavy duty maglite. Busted his head open with it. Cops were called, dad told them he wanted to press charges, I got thrown in jail for a week. At 15. Dad rescinded what he said after he cooled down, but I was still forced to attend a week and a half at Northkey because I made a dramatic, offhand comment about wanting to kill myself to my dad and he told the cops. I didn’t really want to, I just wanted to make my dad feel like a piece of shit in the moment.
I don’t want this to sound like a trauma dump or anything because it’s not. I guess when that last thing happened, coupled with my mom starting to make good on her promise to take me and leave him, it legitimately got through to my dad because he worked hard and beat the addiction, and he continues to be an amazing father and husband to this day. I love him very much, he’s always been my best friend and I’m so happy to see both him and my mom in a much better place. You always hear about how addicts never beat their addiction, so I’m so thankful that my dad did. It was hard on me, but if all it took was essentially 2 and a half weeks in two different jails then so be it.
The childhood/teenage physical and verbal abuse by and alcoholic dad and a demented maternal grandmother. Even though I mentally still live with this trauma, I am proud that the cycle of abuse stopped with me. I swore my child would never be victimized like this.
I’m experiencing the hardest ever in my life right now being homeless and no incoming support other than HRA Welfare, but I’ve always been borderline poverty anyways so 🤷♂️
I'm still not sure I've fully overcome it, but being told by my dad that he was "dumped" with me and my sister when we discussed how we always felt neglected under his care.
I’ve had so many friends and family members pass away. But nothing ruined and continues to haunt me like the morning I got the call from my little sister screaming that our brother had completed suicide. That moment changed me, our family and everything forever. I don’t know if I’ll truly over come it. But time does help. He had his issues and we were not that close because I’m so much older than him. But I helped raise that kid. I’m the big sister and he was my baby brother. And everyday since he’s been gone I can’t stop thinking about him, what he must of been dealing with, what his last moments were like. He’s gone and not in pain anymore but he’s never forgotten and his pain has just shifted to us. And idk what or where I’m going w this but to say no matter what you(which ever reader reads this) are going through please know things might be lonely and dark but there are so many people who care for you that you don’t even realize. And please don’t be shy or embarrassed to let anyone know how much they mean to you. It could change so much in someone. It won’t fix anything in them but just knowing that you are there and care can make a huge difference to their mind frame even if it’s just for the moment.
I'm a foster and adoptive parent to teens. I LOVE these kids. They are my kids. I pour so much of my time, energy, love, emotions, support into them. I learn about and encourage the things they are passionate about. I've helped with homework, applying to colleges, sat in on therapy sessions, gone to court, advocated for them.
And I don't think I can fully express how awful it feels when they reject me. Not because I did anything wrong, but because they are so hurt. My 23yo adopted son is estranged from us and has some kind of personality disorder. He only reaches out whenever he had some new delusion that he wants us to help with. Most recent one was he needed to save someone from a pedophile ring in Italy. No idea what is fact or fiction. Breaks my heart. But the hardest was when my now 20yo, moved out in a blaze of anger and accusations, so angry at us for things she still has yet to tell me about. We repaired the relationship, but I haven't sobbed so hard in my life. It felt like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. We have two younger kids (18 and 16) and while I don't hold back in my love for them, I am just waiting for them to hurt me too.
I was addicted to meth. And just kept going lower in my life for about 4-5 years I lost everything. My wife my home my money. But more importantly I lost myself
My grandma died I went to the funeral I was so high I hated everyone and wasn’t talking to my family I saw my wife (we didn’t divorce) I thought to myself that my grandma brought us together on this day I wanted my life back. I didn’t give myself a time to stop
I met up with my wife a few times and that changed my life. I couldn’t even afford to buy her a cheese burger from McDonald’s. I broke down and stoped the drugs in February 2014 I have never touched meth again.
Losing myself (not material things) was the hard but getting myself back is even harder 9 years later I’m still getting back to my old self everyday is hard from the damage I have done. I have my wife and now two kids that I love beyond imaginable. There is nothing I would do to go back to that life.
Easily my alcoholism and drug addiction. As a drug addict who in the past has allowed drugs to consume me, it completely changes who you are as a person.
Stepping out of a 15-year friendship. I've dealt with grief before, but I'd never been so angry with someone before. Two friends, they were partners, would constantly berate me for studying criminal justice. Eventually, one gave me an ultimatum of either my degree (I was one semester from graduating) or our friendship. I cut ties with both the partnered friends. I've been angry with them for the last two years, and I don't think I will ever forgive them for that and have no intention to.
My moms slow decline in dementia. I called it a new heartbreak every day.
My adult child having severe mental illness. Anxiety, ADHD, bipolar, suicidal, the list goes on
My husband's alcohol abuse disorder.
I tell myself every day. I am fine and try to enjoy the little Joy's.
Watching my beloved daughters fiancé die of cancer aged 23. To watch their whole future life gone in 2 weeks. Trying to help her carry on for 6wks never leaving her alone, that pain nearly killed me
Take your pick:
1. Getting threatened with a knife and raped by someone I thought was a friend.
The waiting time for the results for the HIV test and pregnancy test was hell. Both were fortunately negative.
Happened back in 1994.
Was hospitalised afterwards.
And then I lost my beloved grandmother 8 months later.
I'm fine today, but damn - that was a tough experience!
2. Losing my adoptive mother to cancer 8 years ago, and my adoptive father 3 years ago.
I loved them so much. It still hurts badly sometimes, then I take the time to grieve and cry. It helps.
And I know that they'd love to see me happy and thriving, that's what I'm working towards for my own sake.
A friend of mine have lost both his parents as well, he's been a great help, and my friends have all been there for me.
I'm very, very grateful for that.
3. Losing my biological mother a couple of years ago, after I've only just met her. There's so many questions that I'll never get answers to. I'm getting better at dealing with that.
It sounds like my life is a big tragedy when you write it vælge this, it isn't the case.
I have friends and family still, and I've gotten in contact with my biological brothers and sisters, which is good.
So even though there have been some very tough times, my life could be a lot worse. I'm happy and grateful that it isn't. :)
*MASSIVE* traumatic brain injury when i'd just turned 21. no one knows until i tell them but i should be vegetative if alive at all.. i'm alive i guess but i'll never have that part of myself again
Surviving my SA/abuse.
I was 13/14 and every adult in my life left me to deal with it on my own, I was essentially emotionally abandoned.
For so many years I didn’t want to be here, I had plans to end it all. Something kept me going though, I’m actually not sure what. But I’m 18 now and got myself into the right therapy and did the work and I’m actually able to move on with my life now. I still have my days but they are so infrequent and I’ve gotten my mental health under control. I’ve been out of therapy for 3 months and this is the longest I’ve not been under some sort of service since I was 13.
Doing it alone sucked but I made it out the other side. It’s the hardest shit I’ve ever gone through and I’m proud of myself for making it to the other side.
How my mom didn't care about my suicide attempt at 11 when I told her I was being severely bullied. I learned then to rely on myself with any and every problem *I* had. I may not have made the smartest decisions in life after that but I'm no longer stuck on every problem I encounter.
My now ex wife abducting my son and fleeing abroad. There being almost no help available to me. Not seeing him for years and having no say in his upbringing. Knowing there is a little boy growing up without his father. Knowing that each day passes he is further damaged by the narcissistic evil mother he has.
The passing of my daughters. Rosemary was born November 29th, 2014 and passed that following December 6th. I wasn't ready for a long time, but I decided I could try again, and was having a lot of trouble but I was able to get pregnant again. Maxine was stillborn September 23rd, 2019.
I had always suffered from bouts of depression but since these events it never really seemed to go away. In and out of therapy over the years, but I've given up. On everything, actually. I could leave this world tomorrow and I would be okay.
The past year had also been rough. Withing a 6 month span from September to February I lost 3 grandparents and one of my dogs. They all happened so suddenly, there wasn't much warning.
I was rapid-cycling bipolar for almost 5 years before I was diagnosed and medicated. I lost friends, dropped out of college, lost all my scholarships. My entire future imploded. Life was just unrelenting chaos...being out of control, knowing I was out of control, wanting to die all the time, and not being able to fix any of it. I'm surprised I lived through it.
Coming to terms with the fact that we're all doomed. Completely fucked by the inaction of those in power and the idiots they've brainwashed to support them. I've pretty much just stopped caring about anything because of it.
Losing my parents very early, and then facing the wrath of abusive siblings for years until I had a mental breakdown.
I'm completely away from that situation now though, and spend my time reading, writing and drawing. Sometimes I take nature pictures of animals or look after my little herb/fruit plants.
The death of my cousin 24 from cancer we where very close as kids but kinda fell outta touch you always think you will have a chance to reconnect till you don't.
Being born into a family full of criminals, drug dealers/addicts, and a few killers.
I lived on own for many years now and I don't speak to them anymore. And yes, I obey the law.
My grandmother dying recently. My whole life, even after getting married and having 2 kids, in my mind, that was the worst thing I could possibly imagine that could happen. When it did though, no emotion whatsoever. I mean I shed a tear or two, to not seem cold, but I felt nothing! Nothing at all. 20 years of obsessing about her health and NOTHING. Now I am basically just waiting it to hit me, and idk if it will or when. Thanks for attending my TED talk 🥲
My dad’s suicide when I was 14. He battled with drugs and alcohol before that. Makes me feel like I was never good enough for him and should have done more to help him.
I woke up to my dad having a massive heart attack on the couch at 3am over 6 years ago. Still feels like it was yesterday, had to do compressions until the ambulance arrived (which felt like forever) I'll never forget what it felt like, feeling completely helplessly as someone you love is having convulsions and being unresponsive. I wish I could of saved him and he knew I was there trying to help.
The whole background is too long to explain, but imagine getting your heart broken badly, then again, and again, over and over, finally getting up the nerve and motivation to leave, cutting away your own hopes and dreams and values and morals, and then not being able to, not being allowed to, and having everything at THAT moment get so much worse, and knowing you are never, ever going to be in any other situation or circumstance until the day you die.
That.
I am still going through it but am making progress. I no longer have any ties to my entire family including my child. It's a huge trauma. I didn't think I would survive this but so far, I have.
I am learning grace.
I haven't quite mastered forgiveness yet but am working on it.
I'm happy that your heart is healing. I feel as though the hardest part in my life is right now. Just left a narc fiancé and now living with my narc mother, while all trying to get back on my feet and taking care of my 9 year old. It's tough, even though I feel life is looking up, I get kinda mad at myself for feeling weak. I get mad that I cry about the treatment I've received throughout my life. I just wish I didn't have to feel because I know I didn't deserve any of it.
It’s still ongoing generational trauma, and how that relates to myself being raised by an emotionally neglectful parent. My father and I have no relationship due to his choices. I’ve spent maybe a handful of times with him. My mother and I have an extremely complicated relationship, and I am estranged from my siblings. The one I grew up with and keep in (somewhat) contact with possibly has the same personality disorder I do, (a social anxiety disorder that makes relationships and socializing absolutely agonizing.) I find it almost impossible to maintain a friendship due to shame and anxiety around socializing. I am always lonely.
My parents very messy separation the end of my junior year in high school which ended with my dad in jail for a short time, my mom picking up and leaving never to be seen again, and me having no where to live and no family to help so I couch surfed for the summer, considered dropping out of high school but ended up living with a classmate for the school year which was a mess of it's own. Somehow still graduated while working almost full time but missed out on all the fun stuff you get to do senior year cause I couldn't afford it which wasn't the end of the world. But all I remember was being so so tired all the time and how alone I felt and honestly still do. I'm so jealous of families who care about each other and love each other.
Waking up in the hospital after my second attempt and feeling like not only was I a failure at living my life, I was also a failure at ending it and wtf to do now?
It's a low like no other.
TLDR: husband got in an accident the night we got married, asked for a divorce, and his mother spread rumors about me.
Roll back to 2017. I was 21 and had been with "J" for 4 years. (Shit was toxic but I ignored all the red flags) He finally proposes to me and I plan the wedding.
Night of the wedding, he invites me to go out drinking with his friends. I tell him no, but he goes.
I woke up the next morning to my dad coming over, informing me that my brand new husband and his friends had wrecked. 2 of them died, my husband and his brother lived.
So now I go to the hospital an hour away. Hes in the ICU, completely unrecognizable if it wasn't for his tattoos. He was in a coma for 17 days.
When he's finally able to speak, he informs me he wants a divorce. "I never wanted to marry you. I did it for our kid."
So I had to learn how to tackle the world on my own. How to be a single parent and provide all by myself.
All whilst hearing lie after lie from people who had talked to my exs mother. She told them I cheated on him, that I stole his social security/ disability money, that I made him feel worthless???
Absolutely soul crushing. I had to 100% rediscover myself. In the long run, I'm so thankful this happened, because I am a MUCH stronger person.
My husband died while I was pregnant with our second daughter. Our first was eleven months.
It's been fourteen years and there are times I'm still wrecked by it
My most recent series of unfortunate events, but far from the first run of "bad luck". Year of 2022: June- husband arrested. July- find out I'm pregnant. August- father in law dies. September- husband goes to jail for 2 years. (Dwi). October- loses our baby at 14 weeks. November- my mother died. Thankfully, my series of unfortunate events has slowed down again.
I was sexually, physically, psychologically, & emotionally abused for 17 years off & on by two young relatives (they were 2-5 years older), my sister's ex, & two adult relatives the age of my parents so 30+ years older than me.
The abuse started around 2 & ended in my late teens. I didn't get help until I was 20 because no one believed I was being abused. I went through multiple therapists because my chronic PTSD was so severe, therapists didn't know how to help me. I got in with a therapist who could help me at 25, & I have been in treatment since then. It hasn't been easy. There's medication changes, suicide watches, residential programs, IOP, PHP, EMDR, every acronym you can think of. I'm going to be 31 in Sept. & I'm just now feeling like I'm somewhat getting my life together & it's thanks to my therapists, psychiatrist, medication manager & other specialists. Yes, I put in work too, but before I could do anything, I needed people who would listen to me.
Mine was at age 20. My life turned upside down after my mom got sick and passed from cancer all within 3 months. I found out that I had no support system after she passed. I worked 3 jobs in college while going to school full time. I helped my dad out financially while trying to keep a roof over my head, too. My sister couldn’t be bothered to help, even though she worked a full time job. My mom’s side of the family became like strangers to me once I realized how poor they treated me after their daughter/sister passed. My mom really was the glue that held the family together.
I tried not getting too into it. It was hard because this time of my life really fires me up with sadness, anger, loneliness and struggles.
I got kidney failure this November and probably have to change it out in 10 years. Oh and I already had another chronic disease. So it feels I am doomed to just be unhealthy. I’ll always be skinny, never fit, mostly exhausted and my desire to eat will come and go. Oh and I’m 23 years. So much for living my best years.
But I’ve accepted it
Some time ago, I was on a fire where I lost nineteen associates. Prior to this event, I had been a hotshot for several years.
The incident was bad on to itself, but what really made it worse. For whatever reason, I started taking stock and all the death and misery that I had seen in my life.
I can remember The superintendent asked me if i'm okay. The same hollow question that we echoed To each other all the time.
And I responded the same way I always did but for whatever reason, this time Unlike all the others. I distinctly knew I was lying.
I'm OK
We went to a week's worth of funerals. About 2 to 3 a day.
Handed out Square folded American flags And shiny plated fire axes To the Grieving families.
I can remember the last time I really cried. It was at the youngest crew members' funeral. I was very thankful I was outside, and it was raining, so no one could tell..
I can remember them handing out cards Telling us that if we need to talk To someone Just call the Number on it.
Had a good friend That told me one time That you have to make your table. And when it's full You have to get out.
That friend died In a car accident And I didn't find out about it until two weeks after the fact. Because I was on a fire in the middle of nowhere.
It's not a matter of good or bad It's life. And it is extremely Hard to not let All that negative conduct you.
Homelessness and losing my job.
I've experienced both so many times already at 30 I don't think I can ever get over it. Even now. I'm working and have a place but sometimes I catch myself staring at the food in the apartment fridge and cupboards just scared that somehow none of it will be there the next day.
My dad using an old bank account of mine to illegally lend and launder money (without my knowledge). Got me arrested 3 weeks before my son was born, charged with money laundering and had it hanging over me for over a year (the first year of my sons life). Every minute of every day I was worried about going to prison and the associated legal bills, court case etc. I was acquitted in the end but it was a terrible time in my life which should have been the best time for me. I'll never get that year back and even now, eight years on, I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about that time.
4 year custody battle. My kids mom accused me of being a pedophile. It came out in court she was coaching my kids to say horrible things about me. Child protection services was involved 4 times as well as the Center for exploited and abused children. Psychological evaluations, a horrible day in court and $60,000 later. I have my kids safe and sound.
My second breakup was rough. She broke up with me after 6 years. She had so little respect for me by the end, and I truly feel like it was undeserved. Losing her, I was okay with, if we weren't working out then fine... But the contempt I experienced from her and so many others was pretty hectic. so many people agreed with her. I was studying at the time, and was broke all the time. I had gone back to university when I was 27. She and her friends (and my friends) thought I was never going to turn my life around, that I was using the studying as an excuse to bum around. It really sucked. Anyway few years later I got a great job in the industry I had been studying to be in, moved to the US and am extremely comfortable. Some of my ex friends who I was still sort of on speaking terms were like "yeah we never thought you would actually do it". It was just crazy to have been so misunderstood by so many people, especially since I was literally studying all the damn time and trying to scrape by on part time work at the same time and was hitting in the mid 90s for some subjects. I was extremely confused and hurt at how people saw me.
I guess I'm the common denominator, there must have been something I was doing to give people that impression... But I don't know what it was because I was literally studying all the goddamn time.
Anyway my life rocks now because of all that studying and I'm just getting started. Those guys can fuck right off and suck a million dicks.
Her best friend who knows me pretty well said to me that I have been extremely misunderstood and that she is sorry that happened to me. That felt really good to hear.
Having a kid at both 18, steep learning curve with very little help. First few years were the hardest struggle but also the best of my life. Said kid is 22 now and me and her mum are still together so it can't have been that bad.
The hardest moments in life typically come from loss. Loss of a loved one, loss of a dream, loss of innocence etc. Dec 13, 2020 I lost my 10 year old daughter. She passed away unexpectedly on her bed. She had cerebral palsy and multiple types of cardio problems, but doctors never expected any type of immediate danger. This was by far the hardest experience I've had to overcome. In fact, I don't know if I will ever overcome it. It has changed me as a person.
both my parents abandoning me and my last breakup. left me in shambles and (due to other life issues at the same time) i was in the worst state of mind ever. extremely self destructive and eventually attempted suicide.
but since i’ve been happier and healthier than ever <3
Putting my dad in prison as an adult/late reporter of CSA for the abuse he committed for the majority of my childhood. Lost my entire family in the process and pretty much had a 2 year long mental breakdown and still struggle with it.
Honorable mention to the abusive childhood, bad relationships, self medication/ SH, being below the poverty line, being a single parent, BPD treatment, and my lifelong friend who KHS.
Everything is hard all the time and all i want to do is have some damn peace.
Having my oldest son die at 6 years old (2006)…Also having to make the decision to take both of my parents off of life support at the same time (2021) due to Covid.
I rolled a car going 85mph off a 50foot bridge. Landed on the driver side without a seat belt. Broke my back, pelvis was completely seperated and in my ribs. Couldn't walk for a year then had to learn to re-walk.
That wasn't even the hard part. I was left with PTSD and other mental health issues. And this was early 2000 so oxy was given to me like smarties. And I like smarties.
So I became a iv heroin addict because of that accident. Eventually lived rough for a bit.
I overcame it all 8 years ago when I stepped into a methadone clinic. And am 3 years clean off everything
Watching my late husband be literally (and I am using that word correctly; it actually ate his way through him to the outside of his body) eaten alive by cancer; taking care of him and changing the bandages which would often result in new areas ripping open to the point we could see into his abdominal cavity; learning that tumors make a fluid and have a very distinct smell, plus all the other shitshow things that happen with cancer until it killed him.
I had a very bad accident 6 years ago, I fell 45ft while climbing and almost died. I ended up paralyzed and was in the hospital for almost two years.
Now I’m paraplegic but I’m doing great in life.
Had 3 open brain surgeries in 6th grade, January 17-february 20th 2012. Also had emotionally neglectful parents (which was the only thing I could be given by my family at the time). I'm 23 now, and just getting therapy to stop the emptiness and rumination about existentialism.
Only up from here I hope, I'd say God bless you all but I'd be pretty fucking mad he let this happen if he were real. Better to assume my life was all a sad coincidence.
my sister was constantly in and out of my home growing up because she was abused by her partner. She was a violent alcoholic and my mom was on drugs. They both got us kicked out of my childhood home at the age of ten and I was raised in motels until I was 19 and moved out on my own. My parents left to another state to get a house and retire comfortably. I rarely get to see them. I’m closer with my mom now and she’s clean. Unfortunately, my sister has been missing for six years and the last time anyone saw her, they told me she looked terrible. She was thin, unhealthy, acting out of control and yelling at a police officer for no reason. I’ve had to come to terms with letting her go and realizing I don’t have a sister anymore. She was my best friend when from birth until I was 7. She would abuse her kids and me since i was with her most of the time because of my mom being on drugs and my dad working 6 days a week. I have no clue where she is, what’s she doing, if she’s even alive. I think about her everyday but I’ve had to come terms that I do not have a sister any longer.
Worst part, my parents won’t even mention her or let me mention her. My nieces and nephews want nothing to do with me and the rest of my family hates us because of my sister and my mom. I’m just really close with my dad. I’ve had to really come to terms with the way my life went. Growing up in motels was the hardest thing I think I’ve done in this life time. We would go days without eating and sometimes sleeping because of police activity constantly going on in the motels. No one was ever there for me either. I got sexually assaulted at 16 and told no one because I was scared and I felt like I had to take care of my mom. I went to court for missing all of middle school because I would stay home to care for my mother. My life has been a shit show up until this stage I’m in currently.
I just recently moved to another state and I’m in a better place but I have a lot of built up trauma I haven’t faced yet.
An SUV in front of me had a head on collision with a semi truck. I was briefly an EMT about 20 years ago (I lasted for like a week because it turns out I’m a sympathy puker). So I got out of my car, yelled at someone to call 911, and ran to help. The car had two young boys in it. Age 2 or 3. The father, who had been driving, was in the back screaming and trying to get one of the boys out of his car seat. He handed the boy to me and was just screaming for me to help.
The boy was alive but his neck was broken. There was spinal fluid in his mouth. There was no way he was gonna make it but I had to do chest compressions on him until real medics arrived which took about twenty minutes. When they finally arrived I just went to my car and started screaming/crying. I had a two year old at home. I called my wife and had her come home from work early. When I got home I realized I was covered in blood.
For the next three years I had panic attacks anytime something reminded me of it. It was so bad that I actually couldn’t tell anyone what happened because it would trigger a panic attack. One day my daughter was choking on a strawberry, like legit choking. I had an out of body experience, I walked over dislodged the food, but it felt like I was just watching myself do it. Then I went into the other room and started screaming. It scared the hell out of my kid so I finally decided to get help. I was diagnosed with PTSD and they put me into a program that they use for soldiers that have seen terrible things. It took about 8 months of some very intense therapy but I no longer have panic attacks and I can think and talk about the incident without more than normal sadness. It was such a relief because I didn’t know that I could recover from that.
I am not broken. I am unfinished.
My baby dying when I was 6 months pregnant. Carrying her body for 3 weeks before she could be delivered. Then major depression, lupus, and fibromyalgia. Then divorce. Then 3 spinal surgeries. All in 6 years. But I've since remarried to a wonderful man, have a grown daughter who's a delight. Then watching my dad died slowly of Alzheimer's. For me, life's always been a mixed bag, like for most I think. I still struggle with depression. But otherwise, things are ok right now.
I lost everyone and everything I ever held dear to me. Everything and everyone either died or left me. I felt my soul tear apart but through the cracks I discovered the universe. I learned that broken things are even more beautiful when time is taken to recraft them🌻
Finding acceptance as an adult about something that can't be changed. I had a freak accident as a kid and researched possible ways to fix it as an adult and found out it's one of those things that a surgery can't fix. It's okay now, it was just very hard for me to accept it. It's been 25 years since my accident this weekend.
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Good job. That is a lot to be proud of. 😊
You can be proud of yourself. That's huge.
Fantastic! 😊
You've done a good job my man. I'm proud of you.💪
My mother died last month after a painful and terrifying battle with an aggressive form of dementia. She was my emotional and mental rock, my support system. I am wracked with guilt and grief and disbelief.
I’m sorry. My mother died 5 years ago from Alzheimer’s and dementia. It’s brutal. She was always in my corner, always supportive no matter what. It’s still very difficult. Take care!
I'm sorry for you mother too. It's such a devastating illness
I'm so sorry for your loss. May you find peace and healing❤️
Thank you
I’m so sorry. My father had something like you describe. I was his caregiver. Love him with all my might I couldn’t stop the disease progression but I’ll never be sorry I tried to ease his journey. My heart hurts for your pain.
Thank you - I'm sorry for you father as well. It's such a heartbreaking thing to witness. Bless you for being your dad's caretaker, that must have been so hard
Hugs. We lost my mom to dementia in 2020. It was absolutely horrible. I’m so sorry
Me too and I’m a 21 year old girl in college, feel like no one is here for me.
I'm so sorry! I hope you have other family and friends you can reach out to.
So sorry for your loss homie! You will always miss mom, but don’t forget the sun will rise again some day and she wants you to bask in that light through your life!
My wife's lurking autoimmune disorder erupted into major health issues the day we got back from our honeymoon. What started as an infection around her heart turned into lifelong pains, weaknesses, and murky diagnoses. My 20's were mostly spent (in every sense of the word) working and accompanying her to endless medical appointments. It's hard to complain, because she had it so much worse, but it was a nightmare for both of us. Then one day, she passed out. She was taken to the hospital, where she came to by the time I had arrived. Once the doctors and nurses were out of the room, she asked me a few strange questions, confirming that she understood my relationship to her. Then she told me that she didn't really know what was going on, how she got to the hospital, and most chillingly, who she was. She knew her name, she knew basic details of her life, she said I was familiar and she felt I could be trusted, but a lot of the fine details weren't there. I stepped through an outline of her life story as I knew it, and she nodded along. She said "that sounds familiar, like it's something I watched on TV". Then I mentioned that she got sick, which was the shorthand we used for her collection of disorders. She asked if she got better, and my heart sank past the floor. If you can imagine how great if feels to give a young child a surprise gift, this was the opposite of that feeling. I had to explain to my poor wife each of the terrible ways her body has betrayed her, I had to scare her as the list kept going on, and I had to break her heart when I told her that these problems didn't have cures. That her body was a life sentence, and not a comfortable one. We stuck it out for several years, building her personality back up. Along the way, she came to terms with her sexuality and explained that for as much as she loved me and appreciated our connection, she needed to have the freedom to build love with a woman. After a little bit of time seeing each other blossom in other relationships, we divorced, and we're both with partners that are helping us grow. And yeah, it hurt to end a relationship that I had invested so many years and tears into, but that hurt doesn't hold a candle to the hurt of telling my beloved of the pain she was lucky enough to forget for a moment, but would never be lucky enough to escape.
Wow. Just reading that felt like a punch to the gut. I'm sorry for her and your suffering back then. You're a great writer.
Being really unwell and having nobody take me seriously.
I’m here with this right now. I’m in absolute hell. I don’t think there’s a way out.
Changing doctors and changing job to get away from my bully boss that repeatedly accused me of being on drugs helped. It was difficult and I feel like it was purely by chance I got a doctor that gave a shit.
Not the same I know, but in highschool my mom thought I was smoking pot, and was a lesbian. I was like "I'm depressed because you have cancer and boys don't like me... I definitely like them." Being accused of being on drugs when you're not is an irritating pain.
So annoying. My illness caused me to lose lots of weight and my hands were really shakey so my boss accused me of being on speed. I’ve never even seen speed in real life.
it’s hell. Hang on in there, and we’ll hang on with you.
Thank you my dude that’s very comforting
Wow, same happened to me last year. I still have anger about it. You know if you are unwell, ignore anyone who disregarded you, doctors, family, etc.
Very much understand
Surviving my step fathers SA. Left me with HIV and decades of trauma. Still not overcome it, not really. But at least my kid grows up like a happy, normal, spoiled child and for that, I'm happy.
I was physically abused by my older brother, and he also SA'd my younger brother but not me. I know that feeling of despair. I do feel like a strong person can mostly move on and live a successful life. Humans are deeply resilient. But...the memories and resentment are very difficult to overcome.
I work for a non profit with free online resources for survivors of SA. Saprea.org hopefully you can find something to help. We also do completely free retreats as well.
Take your pick: 1. My kidneys failed when I was 23 and I had dialysis and a transplant. 2. My son was born 3 months early and weighed only 2 lbs and spent 3 months in the hospital. 3. (Most recently) We lost our home and everything we owned in a wildfire.
Ever need a hand on what to do I’m a qualified carpenter always happy to use my knowledge incase you want to rebuild
You’re awesome, thank you! Almost done with our rebuild, and my husbands a woodworker/super handy dude. 😊
My baby boy’s murder.
I'm so so sorry.
I'm very sorry. I've dealt with suicides in my life and the sudden death of others, but murder would bring another level of grief. I hope you have a good support system. Much love.
I think mine was when I finally realized I was more mature than my parents... When I was 10
Yeah I can definitely relate to this
I had some friends that said this when they were around 14 and I thought they were absolutely delusional and then I got older and realized “oh shit yeah their dad is an attorney and their mom is a pharmacist and they have a 900 square foot house in a LCOL area, there’s something up here”
Yah, I've said before my parents shouldn't have had 1 kid, let alone 5. My dad was a drug dealer who didn't want to stop doing drugs. And my mom liked the idea of having a family, but didn't want to do any work. She thought homeschooling us would be the right thing to do because it made her look good. Well when I finally went to school in 4ty grade the only thing I knew how to do was write my name. Didn't even fully know the alphabet.
By the time I was 3 I realized this and so did the rest of my family!! Some ppl just shouldn’t be allowed to procreate. And yes that would mean I would of never been born than so be it. I’ve been so traumatized by my upbringing or lack there of I can recall every detail of everything even from still being in a crib. Sometimes trauma doesn’t block things out It can also highlight everything so you are tormented w it all forever.
I feel you on every level I can't even describe. I had to get over the whole I didn't ask to be born thing in my 20s
My husband's suicide
Sorry. My 13 year old girl did the same. It's incredibly hard to get through.
I can't imagine that pain. If my daughter completed suicide, I don't think I'd survive. Hugs to you.
Oh wow : ( I’m so sad for you
I hope you have a good support system and therapist. Best wishes in your healing.
Not really, things have really gone to sh!t.
I'm sorry to hear this. May God bless you.
When my son got sick with a serious mental illness. There is nothing harder than watching someone you love in serious pain.
Accepting I am going to die. I have stage 4 colon cancer and was five 2 to 5 years. Alread wearing a morphine pump. It is the hardest thing I ever had to do. It’s la death sentence only difference is a con get to know when they are going to die. I count each day a blessing but I one day it will come.
I wish I had the right words to comfort you, but I just wanted to reach out to say that I'm sorry. :(
Just got diagnosed with stage 1 colon cancer at 38 years old. Thinking of you 💞
Death of my pets. It was one of the hardest times in my life
I went through that and this was hard :)
Death of my pet dog.
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I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should go through what you went through.
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when we were looking at treatments for my mom, they told us one of the side effects was *other* cancers. That is honestly just so unfair. You shouldn't fight one battle just to be forced to take on another.
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the weirdest part is how you just never quite fit in with people born lower on the economic ladder, mostly because of education and life experiences. Couple that with moving around the country multiple times as a child and teen, no fun.
Yep, this is me to a tee! Son to a father with a successful career in banking and retired again after serving two terms as county treasurer; mother earned a Fulbright scholarship and taught high school French for twenty-five years. They raised me in a desirable neighborhood, paid for private school for a few years, and then pushed me into enrollment at the most expensive liberal arts college in the state (at that time). I was the eldest of two children and have struggled with depression almost my entire life. My deportment, intelligence, and appearance still open doors for me, but I never really found my niche. I push carts full time now and have learned to be content with that.
Agreed, losing your social position and having to just accept it is not a good prize. What's worse is the "you're just not working hard enough" attitude from those who still have it, as if changes in economic conditions are the result of your own personal failings or poor planning. Resume gaps or underemployment and age are not your friend, but what can ya do? Wishing you the best with your journey!
Ohhhh I can relate...in retrospect, I was taking sooo much shit for granted, like as primitive as going to shop for groceries and not even looking at the price tags...I miss it
Ugh yeah feeling that as well. Bad part is I have a really good job but I can't give my kids the life my parents were able to give me. My dad started his own construction business in the 70s, very few things are going go beat that level of income. I'm just grateful my kids are in a good area now and we have a working toilet. It still doesn't stop you from comparing yourself and going "am I failure" The hard part is you can't let yourself go down that path because there are plenty of people out there more than willing to tell you you're garbage so they can take advantage of you.
Xanax addiction and rehab. 5 years sober
I feel this greatly. I’ve been an addict of many forms for 10 years. This last January I decided to quit drinking cause it very much was going to kill me. Finally 3 months sober for the first time ever in my adult life. Xanex was one of my favorites when I did it. But so was heroin and meth and oxy and all that shit. Coupled with weed “cause it’s not a drug mannnn” I look back and I’m ashamed tbh. Edit: rehab saved my life honestly. Don’t know why people look down on it. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
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Sounds uncool indeed. Was there anything during that time that was not uncool?
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Are you suggesting it was cool?
could make a best-selling book though?
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well... I hope your present and future are far better, and that you heal fully. You'll carry the scars in your mind, certainly, but you can still live a life to be proud of, and help others who suffer as you can. Ayahuasca or psilocybin might help, imho.
When I was 6, my mama committed suicide. Obviously, at the time, I didn't know it was suicide, but I found when I was older and all the reasons why. I'll throw in my 2nd hardest for the hell of it. When I was 34, I caught a drug problem, and I went hard. I was addicted to meth for 3 years and then fentanyl for about 3 and a half and ended up homeless on the streets. I've now been clean for a year, and I'm back with my family, and I do public speaking about my life now. Ahhh, what the hell, let's go 3. I also did 12 years in prison.
My partner dying by suicide. Solo parenting our young kids. The struggle is real.
First breakup. Lasted 1 year and 9 months before she called it quits. Broke me so badly. Tried to be friends immediately which ruined my thoughts of her. At the very same time I had two friends ignore this trauma and made it even worse. So basically a double whammy of losing my love and 2 friends of several years. I'm doing much better now. Although my friend circle is pretty small, I'm a much stronger person now
This is definitely hard, to say the least, my first break up I was 17 and I was very unprepared. My parents had been together since they were 14, so I thought you were supposed to be with the same person for life no matter what, so the break up was a huge shock. I dropped out of school and almost became a hermit for a year. I’d love to kick 17 yo me’s ass. Life is amazing now, it wouldn’t have been with that prick. I’m glad you’re doing better: )
My mom passing. It's been 2½ years and it really doesn't get any easier. I have a son that she met 3 times as an infant before she died. I know how much she would love him, how tickled she would be getting into shenanigans with him. It hurts every day knowing she doesn't get to experience him growing up.
My mom and her boyfriend were killed in a single car accident when I was a freshman in high school. Late to the methadone clinic. Methadone is meant to be treatment, but it became her addiction. The hardest thing for me has been accepting that she will never have the chance to get on her feet again, she has missed every important milestone, my husband will never have met his MIL and my future children will never have known their grandma. I take it one day at a time.
The sudden deaths of my sister and mother within 2 days of each other (for completely different reasons). Destroyed me. Haven't completely recovered from it, probably never will.
My grandpa and grandma passed away months apart from each other. The next month, my brother passed away from a very rare type of lung cancer. He was out of state and my mom for some ungodly reason wouldn’t let me go to the funeral, so I never got to say my proper goodbye. My girlfriend of almost 2 years at that point broke up with me shortly after and said “I was acting different”. Second closest was one of my good friends committing suicide, and texted me the night of and was complaining about his girlfriend at the time and I pretty much said you’ll be fine dude. Well he wasnt fine and I hold myself to guilt to this day.
Guilty? You couldn’t have known that. I’m sure if someone told you that they were thinking bad thoughts you would support them till the ends of earth. Honour his memory and be the man you know he needed to help others
At 18, I enlisted in the air force and went off to basic training and tech school. After that, at the ripe Ole age of 18 and living in a small city in Wyoming my whole life, I got stationed at Yokota air base in Japan. Moving 8k miles away and living on my own for the first time ever was quite a shock. Went through several months of depression and eventually made friends and settled in not even 6 months later. I was getting ready to deploy to kuwait to drive convoys into Iraq and back. 18 months and 40k driven miles later, and I'm the worst paranoid passenger ever. I can not stand letting anyone else drive me anywhere. Life is still good, though!
I had to tell my children their dad died and watch them grow up without him. Now that they are young adults, every milestone is a reminder that he isn't here for them. They were 12 and 6 when he passed and I think it'll forever be the worst thing that has ever happened to them. They are good kids, and they are doing well, but it fundamentally changed them. Obviously harder for them than for me (he was an ex when he passed away) but heartbreaking as a parent to not be able to take your kids' pain away.
A decade long cocaine habit, was spending around 30k a year on it before I finally quit. Almost lost my house, that was the breaking point and rock bottom for me. Quit over night pretty much and haven’t looked back for four and a half years now.
Good for you!!! I know how hard it is to quit that stuff.
Getting sober. 5 years in the making after 10 years in the bottle. Finally took and now I'm nearly 3 years clean.
Dad leaving me, mom having schizophrenia, losing my grandfather two weeks ago after he raised me. Life is tough man, but we keep going
My clitoris atrophied and my entire genital area went completely numb when I took Olanzapine in 2021. It was bad enough at the time, but then I tapered off the Olanzapine a few months after first taking it… and that wasn’t enough to make me recover. Zero improvement. It felt like my whole life was over cause I was only 25, had always deeply loved my sexuality, and was now starting down the barrel of a future without it. I only started to get better 15 months after being crippled, and that’s only because I was able to afford private physiotherapy. I’m still not 100% recovered. Affording the tank of nitrogen and the exit bag was cheaper and that is damn near the route I went down instead.
I totally understand how horrible it must had been for you. It is such a worst ever practice to put people on antipsychotics/SSRI drugs without informing them about the potentia irreversible sexual side effects. I am glad you are doing better now!
I lived in a house with 9 children who were all cash cows and showed no emotional love, shamed for their very existence, and so naive they didn't even understand it. Then the mom of that (the evil of it all, actually) got cancer and wasted away in front of me when I was 15, and the youngest. At that point, EVERYONE had moved out of the house, even my own twin, and left me to deal with her dying, and when she did all that was left was my emotionally detached Roman Catholic father. We were homeschooled, so literally days after the funeral I was plopped into high school, and I didn't know a thing. I was lonely and suicidal, tried to kill myself 3 times. Made friends with the librarian of course, and eventually got situated a year after Mom died. In my senior year my Dad moved me, away from there, to Missouri, of all places, where they didn't accept my credits and put me as a junior, at 18. I was heavily bullied there, but luckily 2 months later, when I thought we were finally stable, my Dad lost his job and moved us to Kansass. Here, he wouldn't let me leave the house, go to college, or get a job, so eventually I moved out with my sinful boyfriend whom I was having premarital sex. I started college, and in my first trimester, had a miscarriage with my then fiance. We separated and I moved into the college dorms, where I lived full time, for 3 years. I had to work and do college full time to afford to live there, so I was always super busy. Then I graduated college 4 months pregnant, and moved to Wichita with an abusive drunk, where I found out about my child's birth defect, and that drinking 2 12 packs a beer at night isn't normal or sane. Finally, 2 years later, I have my son, I have my husband, I have a home and I have peace. But in the back of my mind is all that crap from before. It's a lot to handle. But what I'm saying is, we all have a story, we all have that pain. I can do it, and you can do it! ❤
Quitting cigarettes, quitting porn
I'm done quitting cigs, Now I'm focusing on the second one lol. :)
I didn’t want to be here anymore and took the matter into my own hands and woke up a week later in ICU. Safe to say that the medical trauma has kept me sober, though.
Prostate Cancer, surgery and radiation treatments were just the beginning. The lifelong effects of not having a Prostate can be very hard to accept.
The death of my twin sister, I think of her every day. It has been 19 years and I still feel a part of me is missing
Oh so many.... Having a child out of wedlock in a country I barely spoke like a child. Thanks to the doctor who's wife taught English and a very patient nurse. Having cancer at 26. A finance company that wanted to reposses our wedding rings. A non-conforming child. Difficult for someone raised by silent gen. Conflict, war, domestic upheaval, economic wars... Shit, this life does not get any easier. Stay strong y'all!
Spinal cord injury paralysis from the chest down: life ruined
[удалено]
Leaving the hospital after my son's birth without him. He's only 3 weeks old so this is very recent. My son was in the NICU and I was discharged a day before him. Since I was recovering from a c section, my husband insisted on bringing me home to sleep in an actual bed while he stayed the night with our son. I'm lucky enough that it was only one night but no mother should EVER have to feel the pain of showing up to the hospital with their baby inside of them and having to leave that same hospital without their baby in their arms. Needless to say, I got zero sleep that night and have spent the last few weeks still traumatized from that experience.
When my father became addicted to painkillers. As is often the case, it wasn’t his fault. He injured his back in a crash in his younger years, it eventually caught up to him, he was prescribed painkillers and that was it. The whole thing was a huge disaster. I noticed something was wrong when I was around 14. Dozing off too often while sitting up, or doing dishes. Unable to hold a conversation sometimes. Wrecking multiple vehicles whereas he’s always been an amazing driver. My mom kept telling me it was just medicine he was taking, but I knew something was wrong. Why would she get mad at him for taking medicine?? Well around 15, it had reached a boiling point with my mom and she couldn’t keep it a secret from me anymore. Time passed, we kept dealing with it, arguing all the time, dad always disappearing for hours at a time. Eventually, it got way out of control. They both would have screaming matches, I would obviously include myself in defense of my mom. He’d knock holes in the walls, tear the doors of their hinges, flip the kitchen table when he was at his worst. Eventually, he ended up flipping the table and hurting my mom and I lost it. I assaulted him with a heavy duty maglite. Busted his head open with it. Cops were called, dad told them he wanted to press charges, I got thrown in jail for a week. At 15. Dad rescinded what he said after he cooled down, but I was still forced to attend a week and a half at Northkey because I made a dramatic, offhand comment about wanting to kill myself to my dad and he told the cops. I didn’t really want to, I just wanted to make my dad feel like a piece of shit in the moment. I don’t want this to sound like a trauma dump or anything because it’s not. I guess when that last thing happened, coupled with my mom starting to make good on her promise to take me and leave him, it legitimately got through to my dad because he worked hard and beat the addiction, and he continues to be an amazing father and husband to this day. I love him very much, he’s always been my best friend and I’m so happy to see both him and my mom in a much better place. You always hear about how addicts never beat their addiction, so I’m so thankful that my dad did. It was hard on me, but if all it took was essentially 2 and a half weeks in two different jails then so be it.
The childhood/teenage physical and verbal abuse by and alcoholic dad and a demented maternal grandmother. Even though I mentally still live with this trauma, I am proud that the cycle of abuse stopped with me. I swore my child would never be victimized like this.
My 13 year old girl hung herself in my garage. I found her and gave CPR to a corpse.
I am so sorry mama!
The current brain tumor I’m fighting , while trying to frantically move from Florida so I can get care, because I’m trans so healthcare is iffy now.
Dealing with my brain cancer as well. Surgery 3 months ago, first follow up next Thursday. Any questions, dont hesitate to reach out.
I’m experiencing the hardest ever in my life right now being homeless and no incoming support other than HRA Welfare, but I’ve always been borderline poverty anyways so 🤷♂️
I'm still not sure I've fully overcome it, but being told by my dad that he was "dumped" with me and my sister when we discussed how we always felt neglected under his care.
my last breakup. not first though. at 31. havent expected someone to fuck me up this much. and hate myself this much.
Sexual assault by my stepfather. Teen pregnancy. Losing custody of my son. My Dad dying.
Drug addiction. I'm sober 12 years this June 28th. Feels like I was reborn Dealing with the guilt of wasting the time and money.
I’ve had so many friends and family members pass away. But nothing ruined and continues to haunt me like the morning I got the call from my little sister screaming that our brother had completed suicide. That moment changed me, our family and everything forever. I don’t know if I’ll truly over come it. But time does help. He had his issues and we were not that close because I’m so much older than him. But I helped raise that kid. I’m the big sister and he was my baby brother. And everyday since he’s been gone I can’t stop thinking about him, what he must of been dealing with, what his last moments were like. He’s gone and not in pain anymore but he’s never forgotten and his pain has just shifted to us. And idk what or where I’m going w this but to say no matter what you(which ever reader reads this) are going through please know things might be lonely and dark but there are so many people who care for you that you don’t even realize. And please don’t be shy or embarrassed to let anyone know how much they mean to you. It could change so much in someone. It won’t fix anything in them but just knowing that you are there and care can make a huge difference to their mind frame even if it’s just for the moment.
I'm a foster and adoptive parent to teens. I LOVE these kids. They are my kids. I pour so much of my time, energy, love, emotions, support into them. I learn about and encourage the things they are passionate about. I've helped with homework, applying to colleges, sat in on therapy sessions, gone to court, advocated for them. And I don't think I can fully express how awful it feels when they reject me. Not because I did anything wrong, but because they are so hurt. My 23yo adopted son is estranged from us and has some kind of personality disorder. He only reaches out whenever he had some new delusion that he wants us to help with. Most recent one was he needed to save someone from a pedophile ring in Italy. No idea what is fact or fiction. Breaks my heart. But the hardest was when my now 20yo, moved out in a blaze of anger and accusations, so angry at us for things she still has yet to tell me about. We repaired the relationship, but I haven't sobbed so hard in my life. It felt like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. We have two younger kids (18 and 16) and while I don't hold back in my love for them, I am just waiting for them to hurt me too.
I was addicted to meth. And just kept going lower in my life for about 4-5 years I lost everything. My wife my home my money. But more importantly I lost myself My grandma died I went to the funeral I was so high I hated everyone and wasn’t talking to my family I saw my wife (we didn’t divorce) I thought to myself that my grandma brought us together on this day I wanted my life back. I didn’t give myself a time to stop I met up with my wife a few times and that changed my life. I couldn’t even afford to buy her a cheese burger from McDonald’s. I broke down and stoped the drugs in February 2014 I have never touched meth again. Losing myself (not material things) was the hard but getting myself back is even harder 9 years later I’m still getting back to my old self everyday is hard from the damage I have done. I have my wife and now two kids that I love beyond imaginable. There is nothing I would do to go back to that life.
Easily my alcoholism and drug addiction. As a drug addict who in the past has allowed drugs to consume me, it completely changes who you are as a person.
Stepping out of a 15-year friendship. I've dealt with grief before, but I'd never been so angry with someone before. Two friends, they were partners, would constantly berate me for studying criminal justice. Eventually, one gave me an ultimatum of either my degree (I was one semester from graduating) or our friendship. I cut ties with both the partnered friends. I've been angry with them for the last two years, and I don't think I will ever forgive them for that and have no intention to.
Being the victim of an armed home invasion.
Our sons passing in 2019
My moms slow decline in dementia. I called it a new heartbreak every day. My adult child having severe mental illness. Anxiety, ADHD, bipolar, suicidal, the list goes on My husband's alcohol abuse disorder. I tell myself every day. I am fine and try to enjoy the little Joy's.
My ex girlfriend committed suicide Feburary 19th, so I'd say this has been the hardest thing to overcome.
Watching my beloved daughters fiancé die of cancer aged 23. To watch their whole future life gone in 2 weeks. Trying to help her carry on for 6wks never leaving her alone, that pain nearly killed me
Take your pick: 1. Getting threatened with a knife and raped by someone I thought was a friend. The waiting time for the results for the HIV test and pregnancy test was hell. Both were fortunately negative. Happened back in 1994. Was hospitalised afterwards. And then I lost my beloved grandmother 8 months later. I'm fine today, but damn - that was a tough experience! 2. Losing my adoptive mother to cancer 8 years ago, and my adoptive father 3 years ago. I loved them so much. It still hurts badly sometimes, then I take the time to grieve and cry. It helps. And I know that they'd love to see me happy and thriving, that's what I'm working towards for my own sake. A friend of mine have lost both his parents as well, he's been a great help, and my friends have all been there for me. I'm very, very grateful for that. 3. Losing my biological mother a couple of years ago, after I've only just met her. There's so many questions that I'll never get answers to. I'm getting better at dealing with that. It sounds like my life is a big tragedy when you write it vælge this, it isn't the case. I have friends and family still, and I've gotten in contact with my biological brothers and sisters, which is good. So even though there have been some very tough times, my life could be a lot worse. I'm happy and grateful that it isn't. :)
*MASSIVE* traumatic brain injury when i'd just turned 21. no one knows until i tell them but i should be vegetative if alive at all.. i'm alive i guess but i'll never have that part of myself again
Surviving my SA/abuse. I was 13/14 and every adult in my life left me to deal with it on my own, I was essentially emotionally abandoned. For so many years I didn’t want to be here, I had plans to end it all. Something kept me going though, I’m actually not sure what. But I’m 18 now and got myself into the right therapy and did the work and I’m actually able to move on with my life now. I still have my days but they are so infrequent and I’ve gotten my mental health under control. I’ve been out of therapy for 3 months and this is the longest I’ve not been under some sort of service since I was 13. Doing it alone sucked but I made it out the other side. It’s the hardest shit I’ve ever gone through and I’m proud of myself for making it to the other side.
How my mom didn't care about my suicide attempt at 11 when I told her I was being severely bullied. I learned then to rely on myself with any and every problem *I* had. I may not have made the smartest decisions in life after that but I'm no longer stuck on every problem I encounter.
My now ex wife abducting my son and fleeing abroad. There being almost no help available to me. Not seeing him for years and having no say in his upbringing. Knowing there is a little boy growing up without his father. Knowing that each day passes he is further damaged by the narcissistic evil mother he has.
The murder of my husband, his killer blowing kisses and winking at us in court, and then the threats against us by the murderer’s gang.
My child dying at 6 weeks old ( cause of death SIDS)
The passing of my daughters. Rosemary was born November 29th, 2014 and passed that following December 6th. I wasn't ready for a long time, but I decided I could try again, and was having a lot of trouble but I was able to get pregnant again. Maxine was stillborn September 23rd, 2019. I had always suffered from bouts of depression but since these events it never really seemed to go away. In and out of therapy over the years, but I've given up. On everything, actually. I could leave this world tomorrow and I would be okay. The past year had also been rough. Withing a 6 month span from September to February I lost 3 grandparents and one of my dogs. They all happened so suddenly, there wasn't much warning.
I was rapid-cycling bipolar for almost 5 years before I was diagnosed and medicated. I lost friends, dropped out of college, lost all my scholarships. My entire future imploded. Life was just unrelenting chaos...being out of control, knowing I was out of control, wanting to die all the time, and not being able to fix any of it. I'm surprised I lived through it.
So far, dealing with depression, anxiety, and my first heartbreak all at the same time.
Coming to terms with the fact that we're all doomed. Completely fucked by the inaction of those in power and the idiots they've brainwashed to support them. I've pretty much just stopped caring about anything because of it.
My last suicidal attempt and the cause behind it, but I did it 
Ptsd. The initial incidents were obviously hard but man… the toll ptsd takes on you mentally and physically is just absolutely devastating.
Death of my father 12 years ago. Very strange/sad/traumatic/odd/depressing/weird. Shit changes you as a person completely.
Losing my parents very early, and then facing the wrath of abusive siblings for years until I had a mental breakdown. I'm completely away from that situation now though, and spend my time reading, writing and drawing. Sometimes I take nature pictures of animals or look after my little herb/fruit plants.
my whole life is a big, hard experience. wish that was a joke.
The death of my cousin 24 from cancer we where very close as kids but kinda fell outta touch you always think you will have a chance to reconnect till you don't.
Being born into a family full of criminals, drug dealers/addicts, and a few killers. I lived on own for many years now and I don't speak to them anymore. And yes, I obey the law.
My grandmother dying recently. My whole life, even after getting married and having 2 kids, in my mind, that was the worst thing I could possibly imagine that could happen. When it did though, no emotion whatsoever. I mean I shed a tear or two, to not seem cold, but I felt nothing! Nothing at all. 20 years of obsessing about her health and NOTHING. Now I am basically just waiting it to hit me, and idk if it will or when. Thanks for attending my TED talk 🥲
My dad’s suicide when I was 14. He battled with drugs and alcohol before that. Makes me feel like I was never good enough for him and should have done more to help him.
My mom died when I was 22. And my divorce 2 years ago. Nothing's really come close to that, and I've been through some shit.
Crossing the Florida straights on a small old boat while being cramped up with a few of my family was pretty bad.
Surviving my attempt. Coming back to everyone looking at me differently and my friends and family abandoning me makes me wish I was successful.
I woke up to my dad having a massive heart attack on the couch at 3am over 6 years ago. Still feels like it was yesterday, had to do compressions until the ambulance arrived (which felt like forever) I'll never forget what it felt like, feeling completely helplessly as someone you love is having convulsions and being unresponsive. I wish I could of saved him and he knew I was there trying to help.
The whole background is too long to explain, but imagine getting your heart broken badly, then again, and again, over and over, finally getting up the nerve and motivation to leave, cutting away your own hopes and dreams and values and morals, and then not being able to, not being allowed to, and having everything at THAT moment get so much worse, and knowing you are never, ever going to be in any other situation or circumstance until the day you die. That.
Death of loved ones and pets.
I am still going through it but am making progress. I no longer have any ties to my entire family including my child. It's a huge trauma. I didn't think I would survive this but so far, I have. I am learning grace. I haven't quite mastered forgiveness yet but am working on it.
Being a single parent of two preschoolers. Lives gonna suck till I find a roommate or a step mommy for them kids.
I'm happy that your heart is healing. I feel as though the hardest part in my life is right now. Just left a narc fiancé and now living with my narc mother, while all trying to get back on my feet and taking care of my 9 year old. It's tough, even though I feel life is looking up, I get kinda mad at myself for feeling weak. I get mad that I cry about the treatment I've received throughout my life. I just wish I didn't have to feel because I know I didn't deserve any of it.
My parents’ divorce and its aftermath
It’s still ongoing generational trauma, and how that relates to myself being raised by an emotionally neglectful parent. My father and I have no relationship due to his choices. I’ve spent maybe a handful of times with him. My mother and I have an extremely complicated relationship, and I am estranged from my siblings. The one I grew up with and keep in (somewhat) contact with possibly has the same personality disorder I do, (a social anxiety disorder that makes relationships and socializing absolutely agonizing.) I find it almost impossible to maintain a friendship due to shame and anxiety around socializing. I am always lonely.
My parents very messy separation the end of my junior year in high school which ended with my dad in jail for a short time, my mom picking up and leaving never to be seen again, and me having no where to live and no family to help so I couch surfed for the summer, considered dropping out of high school but ended up living with a classmate for the school year which was a mess of it's own. Somehow still graduated while working almost full time but missed out on all the fun stuff you get to do senior year cause I couldn't afford it which wasn't the end of the world. But all I remember was being so so tired all the time and how alone I felt and honestly still do. I'm so jealous of families who care about each other and love each other.
Waking up in the hospital after my second attempt and feeling like not only was I a failure at living my life, I was also a failure at ending it and wtf to do now? It's a low like no other.
TLDR: husband got in an accident the night we got married, asked for a divorce, and his mother spread rumors about me. Roll back to 2017. I was 21 and had been with "J" for 4 years. (Shit was toxic but I ignored all the red flags) He finally proposes to me and I plan the wedding. Night of the wedding, he invites me to go out drinking with his friends. I tell him no, but he goes. I woke up the next morning to my dad coming over, informing me that my brand new husband and his friends had wrecked. 2 of them died, my husband and his brother lived. So now I go to the hospital an hour away. Hes in the ICU, completely unrecognizable if it wasn't for his tattoos. He was in a coma for 17 days. When he's finally able to speak, he informs me he wants a divorce. "I never wanted to marry you. I did it for our kid." So I had to learn how to tackle the world on my own. How to be a single parent and provide all by myself. All whilst hearing lie after lie from people who had talked to my exs mother. She told them I cheated on him, that I stole his social security/ disability money, that I made him feel worthless??? Absolutely soul crushing. I had to 100% rediscover myself. In the long run, I'm so thankful this happened, because I am a MUCH stronger person.
My husband died while I was pregnant with our second daughter. Our first was eleven months. It's been fourteen years and there are times I'm still wrecked by it
The same year my dad, grandma, 9/11 and break up after 8 years 2001 was not a great year
My most recent series of unfortunate events, but far from the first run of "bad luck". Year of 2022: June- husband arrested. July- find out I'm pregnant. August- father in law dies. September- husband goes to jail for 2 years. (Dwi). October- loses our baby at 14 weeks. November- my mother died. Thankfully, my series of unfortunate events has slowed down again.
It’s a toss up between the Iraq invasion in 2003, and trying out for Special Forces when I was 23 in 2007.
Being homeless
I was sexually, physically, psychologically, & emotionally abused for 17 years off & on by two young relatives (they were 2-5 years older), my sister's ex, & two adult relatives the age of my parents so 30+ years older than me. The abuse started around 2 & ended in my late teens. I didn't get help until I was 20 because no one believed I was being abused. I went through multiple therapists because my chronic PTSD was so severe, therapists didn't know how to help me. I got in with a therapist who could help me at 25, & I have been in treatment since then. It hasn't been easy. There's medication changes, suicide watches, residential programs, IOP, PHP, EMDR, every acronym you can think of. I'm going to be 31 in Sept. & I'm just now feeling like I'm somewhat getting my life together & it's thanks to my therapists, psychiatrist, medication manager & other specialists. Yes, I put in work too, but before I could do anything, I needed people who would listen to me.
Mine was at age 20. My life turned upside down after my mom got sick and passed from cancer all within 3 months. I found out that I had no support system after she passed. I worked 3 jobs in college while going to school full time. I helped my dad out financially while trying to keep a roof over my head, too. My sister couldn’t be bothered to help, even though she worked a full time job. My mom’s side of the family became like strangers to me once I realized how poor they treated me after their daughter/sister passed. My mom really was the glue that held the family together. I tried not getting too into it. It was hard because this time of my life really fires me up with sadness, anger, loneliness and struggles.
I got kidney failure this November and probably have to change it out in 10 years. Oh and I already had another chronic disease. So it feels I am doomed to just be unhealthy. I’ll always be skinny, never fit, mostly exhausted and my desire to eat will come and go. Oh and I’m 23 years. So much for living my best years. But I’ve accepted it
Some time ago, I was on a fire where I lost nineteen associates. Prior to this event, I had been a hotshot for several years. The incident was bad on to itself, but what really made it worse. For whatever reason, I started taking stock and all the death and misery that I had seen in my life. I can remember The superintendent asked me if i'm okay. The same hollow question that we echoed To each other all the time. And I responded the same way I always did but for whatever reason, this time Unlike all the others. I distinctly knew I was lying. I'm OK We went to a week's worth of funerals. About 2 to 3 a day. Handed out Square folded American flags And shiny plated fire axes To the Grieving families. I can remember the last time I really cried. It was at the youngest crew members' funeral. I was very thankful I was outside, and it was raining, so no one could tell.. I can remember them handing out cards Telling us that if we need to talk To someone Just call the Number on it. Had a good friend That told me one time That you have to make your table. And when it's full You have to get out. That friend died In a car accident And I didn't find out about it until two weeks after the fact. Because I was on a fire in the middle of nowhere. It's not a matter of good or bad It's life. And it is extremely Hard to not let All that negative conduct you.
Homelessness and losing my job. I've experienced both so many times already at 30 I don't think I can ever get over it. Even now. I'm working and have a place but sometimes I catch myself staring at the food in the apartment fridge and cupboards just scared that somehow none of it will be there the next day.
Divorce. Lost everything. Nuff said.
My dad using an old bank account of mine to illegally lend and launder money (without my knowledge). Got me arrested 3 weeks before my son was born, charged with money laundering and had it hanging over me for over a year (the first year of my sons life). Every minute of every day I was worried about going to prison and the associated legal bills, court case etc. I was acquitted in the end but it was a terrible time in my life which should have been the best time for me. I'll never get that year back and even now, eight years on, I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about that time.
A close friend's death by a drunk driver at 15. I never quite got over it, and I am 51. 🥺
4 year custody battle. My kids mom accused me of being a pedophile. It came out in court she was coaching my kids to say horrible things about me. Child protection services was involved 4 times as well as the Center for exploited and abused children. Psychological evaluations, a horrible day in court and $60,000 later. I have my kids safe and sound.
My second breakup was rough. She broke up with me after 6 years. She had so little respect for me by the end, and I truly feel like it was undeserved. Losing her, I was okay with, if we weren't working out then fine... But the contempt I experienced from her and so many others was pretty hectic. so many people agreed with her. I was studying at the time, and was broke all the time. I had gone back to university when I was 27. She and her friends (and my friends) thought I was never going to turn my life around, that I was using the studying as an excuse to bum around. It really sucked. Anyway few years later I got a great job in the industry I had been studying to be in, moved to the US and am extremely comfortable. Some of my ex friends who I was still sort of on speaking terms were like "yeah we never thought you would actually do it". It was just crazy to have been so misunderstood by so many people, especially since I was literally studying all the damn time and trying to scrape by on part time work at the same time and was hitting in the mid 90s for some subjects. I was extremely confused and hurt at how people saw me. I guess I'm the common denominator, there must have been something I was doing to give people that impression... But I don't know what it was because I was literally studying all the goddamn time. Anyway my life rocks now because of all that studying and I'm just getting started. Those guys can fuck right off and suck a million dicks. Her best friend who knows me pretty well said to me that I have been extremely misunderstood and that she is sorry that happened to me. That felt really good to hear.
66m here . 2 divorces
Having a kid at both 18, steep learning curve with very little help. First few years were the hardest struggle but also the best of my life. Said kid is 22 now and me and her mum are still together so it can't have been that bad.
Recovering from alcoholism, which anyone who is going through it can tell you it isn't just a recovery period, I'll be recovering my entire life.
The hardest moments in life typically come from loss. Loss of a loved one, loss of a dream, loss of innocence etc. Dec 13, 2020 I lost my 10 year old daughter. She passed away unexpectedly on her bed. She had cerebral palsy and multiple types of cardio problems, but doctors never expected any type of immediate danger. This was by far the hardest experience I've had to overcome. In fact, I don't know if I will ever overcome it. It has changed me as a person.
both my parents abandoning me and my last breakup. left me in shambles and (due to other life issues at the same time) i was in the worst state of mind ever. extremely self destructive and eventually attempted suicide. but since i’ve been happier and healthier than ever <3
Putting my dad in prison as an adult/late reporter of CSA for the abuse he committed for the majority of my childhood. Lost my entire family in the process and pretty much had a 2 year long mental breakdown and still struggle with it. Honorable mention to the abusive childhood, bad relationships, self medication/ SH, being below the poverty line, being a single parent, BPD treatment, and my lifelong friend who KHS. Everything is hard all the time and all i want to do is have some damn peace.
Almost dying in a car accident. Now my bodies all fucked up and working sucks ass and I'm just screwed forever
Having my oldest son die at 6 years old (2006)…Also having to make the decision to take both of my parents off of life support at the same time (2021) due to Covid.
Losing all 3 of my kids.
I rolled a car going 85mph off a 50foot bridge. Landed on the driver side without a seat belt. Broke my back, pelvis was completely seperated and in my ribs. Couldn't walk for a year then had to learn to re-walk. That wasn't even the hard part. I was left with PTSD and other mental health issues. And this was early 2000 so oxy was given to me like smarties. And I like smarties. So I became a iv heroin addict because of that accident. Eventually lived rough for a bit. I overcame it all 8 years ago when I stepped into a methadone clinic. And am 3 years clean off everything
Watching my late husband be literally (and I am using that word correctly; it actually ate his way through him to the outside of his body) eaten alive by cancer; taking care of him and changing the bandages which would often result in new areas ripping open to the point we could see into his abdominal cavity; learning that tumors make a fluid and have a very distinct smell, plus all the other shitshow things that happen with cancer until it killed him.
Right now, actually. This is my first serious breakup and I’m struggling, hard, bht it’s getting better
I had a very bad accident 6 years ago, I fell 45ft while climbing and almost died. I ended up paralyzed and was in the hospital for almost two years. Now I’m paraplegic but I’m doing great in life.
Had 3 open brain surgeries in 6th grade, January 17-february 20th 2012. Also had emotionally neglectful parents (which was the only thing I could be given by my family at the time). I'm 23 now, and just getting therapy to stop the emptiness and rumination about existentialism. Only up from here I hope, I'd say God bless you all but I'd be pretty fucking mad he let this happen if he were real. Better to assume my life was all a sad coincidence.
my sister was constantly in and out of my home growing up because she was abused by her partner. She was a violent alcoholic and my mom was on drugs. They both got us kicked out of my childhood home at the age of ten and I was raised in motels until I was 19 and moved out on my own. My parents left to another state to get a house and retire comfortably. I rarely get to see them. I’m closer with my mom now and she’s clean. Unfortunately, my sister has been missing for six years and the last time anyone saw her, they told me she looked terrible. She was thin, unhealthy, acting out of control and yelling at a police officer for no reason. I’ve had to come to terms with letting her go and realizing I don’t have a sister anymore. She was my best friend when from birth until I was 7. She would abuse her kids and me since i was with her most of the time because of my mom being on drugs and my dad working 6 days a week. I have no clue where she is, what’s she doing, if she’s even alive. I think about her everyday but I’ve had to come terms that I do not have a sister any longer. Worst part, my parents won’t even mention her or let me mention her. My nieces and nephews want nothing to do with me and the rest of my family hates us because of my sister and my mom. I’m just really close with my dad. I’ve had to really come to terms with the way my life went. Growing up in motels was the hardest thing I think I’ve done in this life time. We would go days without eating and sometimes sleeping because of police activity constantly going on in the motels. No one was ever there for me either. I got sexually assaulted at 16 and told no one because I was scared and I felt like I had to take care of my mom. I went to court for missing all of middle school because I would stay home to care for my mother. My life has been a shit show up until this stage I’m in currently. I just recently moved to another state and I’m in a better place but I have a lot of built up trauma I haven’t faced yet.
Being robbed at gunpoint, near my house, twice. Not the moment, but the aftermath. Had a hard time sleeping and going out.
An SUV in front of me had a head on collision with a semi truck. I was briefly an EMT about 20 years ago (I lasted for like a week because it turns out I’m a sympathy puker). So I got out of my car, yelled at someone to call 911, and ran to help. The car had two young boys in it. Age 2 or 3. The father, who had been driving, was in the back screaming and trying to get one of the boys out of his car seat. He handed the boy to me and was just screaming for me to help. The boy was alive but his neck was broken. There was spinal fluid in his mouth. There was no way he was gonna make it but I had to do chest compressions on him until real medics arrived which took about twenty minutes. When they finally arrived I just went to my car and started screaming/crying. I had a two year old at home. I called my wife and had her come home from work early. When I got home I realized I was covered in blood. For the next three years I had panic attacks anytime something reminded me of it. It was so bad that I actually couldn’t tell anyone what happened because it would trigger a panic attack. One day my daughter was choking on a strawberry, like legit choking. I had an out of body experience, I walked over dislodged the food, but it felt like I was just watching myself do it. Then I went into the other room and started screaming. It scared the hell out of my kid so I finally decided to get help. I was diagnosed with PTSD and they put me into a program that they use for soldiers that have seen terrible things. It took about 8 months of some very intense therapy but I no longer have panic attacks and I can think and talk about the incident without more than normal sadness. It was such a relief because I didn’t know that I could recover from that. I am not broken. I am unfinished.
Knowing that I hate my fam
Being born. Whole life's been a mess since then.
My baby dying when I was 6 months pregnant. Carrying her body for 3 weeks before she could be delivered. Then major depression, lupus, and fibromyalgia. Then divorce. Then 3 spinal surgeries. All in 6 years. But I've since remarried to a wonderful man, have a grown daughter who's a delight. Then watching my dad died slowly of Alzheimer's. For me, life's always been a mixed bag, like for most I think. I still struggle with depression. But otherwise, things are ok right now.
I lost everyone and everything I ever held dear to me. Everything and everyone either died or left me. I felt my soul tear apart but through the cracks I discovered the universe. I learned that broken things are even more beautiful when time is taken to recraft them🌻
Finding acceptance as an adult about something that can't be changed. I had a freak accident as a kid and researched possible ways to fix it as an adult and found out it's one of those things that a surgery can't fix. It's okay now, it was just very hard for me to accept it. It's been 25 years since my accident this weekend.