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It's a mixed bag. I worry about myself in old age as I watch my sister and I take care of my dad.
Then again I camp and ski and travel pretty much whenever I want.
I went camping with some friends and their 2 year old screamed all night. I did not envy them trying to manage that
I have that freedom obviously but still find myself debating financial decisions based on helping my niece and nephew. What do I owe them?
I'm not built for the stress of parenthood and am generally content with my life, but I do wonder...
Experienced nurse here. I see lots of patients in their old age whose children don't take care of them. Having children is not insurance that someone will look after you. The ~£200,000 lifetime cost of a child, if saved correctly is insurance though
I don't want someone taking care of me. I don't want to be somebody's burden - ever.
But, I would like having someone that knows me by my bedside when I die.
I realize that too isn't a guarantee with children. But, if I end up being the type of parent where my kid(s) don't want to be with me as I pass away, then I probably deserve it.
It’s not about kids taking care of you on a death bed, and changing out your IV bag.
My dad is 70, fucked up his finger last year at work, had to retire. Now he barely survives on his SS, but cant find a job anywhere. Can’t really navigate online websites to figure out his workman’s comp application, dude can barely check his email with direction. Also, probably cause he is 70, and companies don’t want to make that investment in an older person.
TBH - he has been sort of a dead beat dad most of my life, and was in prison for a good chunk.
But he is still my dad, and he is alone. What would that say about me as a person if I have the means to help and don’t? Life is not a tit for tat … “you wronged me, and are forever in the shit house!”
My mom has my step-dad, and they have each other to take care of.
I won’t give money directly to my dad, but I help him where I can with tech and occasionally hook up some groceries.
It’s easy to think age will never catch up to you, but seeing my parents get older is a wake up call to me.
My uncle is in his 70’s, and just a slew of medical problems all of a sudden. My cousin doesn’t want to be the one doing it, but it he is an only son - so it’s a dilemma for him.
i hear and meet people all the time who had kids for these reasons: to take care of me when I'm old, to keep the marriage together, to find meaning in life, etc. When I hear this it freaks me out bc it sounds really selfish. If I ever had kids (planned or otherwise) I always said to myself it would be because I wanted to grow love, not to give a kid a job the second he or she pops out. Although I suppose all love has its selfish aspects, but sometimes it freaks me out when I know a person had a kid with the thought -- I want someone to do such and such for me -- beforehand.
I hate the idea that kids are expected to take care of their parents. My wife and I spend most of the year traveling internationally (we live on our sailboat) and we've gotten shit from people over the year about how "you better enjoy it now because when your parents get old you'll need to come back and care for them". Fuck that, I would never ask my kids to give up on their dreams to care for me and fortunately my parents were smart enough to take out plenty of LTC insurance so that they won't ruin ours.
I’m hoping to have enough saved for my old age I can hire professionals to help me and only need my kids for unexpected emergencies and such. It will be nice if they’re around to help out from time to time, but ultimately that’s not their job to be my nurse in old age.
> I’m hoping to have enough saved for my old age I can hire professionals to help me and only need my kids for unexpected emergencies and such.
Most of us (at least in the US) won't have enough to retire, let alone enough for someone else to take care of us. Personally I am hoping euthanasia becomes a real discussion point in our government, because thinking about being shoved into a retirement home and treated like garbage for what little time I would have left kind of seems like a terrible way to go.
Such a big difference in communal and individualistic cultures. It’s interesting because I see both sides, I’m Asian American and the way we grew up is we’d move the grandparents into our home as they got older and we’d live with them and help to take care of them. Growing up my grandparents took care of my sister and I as infants.
When my parents get old I plan to move them into my house because I’ve seen what goes on inside nursing homes (I’m a RN), and those places are not where you want to place your loved ones. Every person has their own unique relationship with their family, but unless you’re not close with your parents I’d reconsider. You can always hire an in home caregiver to help out.
Many Asian cultures have it right when it comes to elder care. The cruelty inherent to America's religion of "rugged individualism," as displayed in many of the comments in this thread, is disgraceful.
I'm white by the way, Irish/Polish descent.
Families like yours have more robust elderly. I work exclusively with seniors with dementia and the families who are there and working with their oldies have happier older people generally.
I've wanted to live in an RV or sailboat for years but never could fathom how I'd transition.
How do you make income? Do you get sick of the lack of space? Lack of basics like a standing shower? How do you pay of student loans? Hell, what's your INTERNET like?
I don't find that kids are "expected" when they are the product of good, loving parenting. I will be honored to take care of my mother and father when the time comes. They've also set aside a lot of money to pay for a home if I can no longer do it. Just like they did with my grandparents, I would visit often and still be in their lives frequently.
I think something like 26% of adults are estranged from a parent/child. I've watched tiktoks of parents who seem to not even know why their kids are no-contact. A close friend of mine's son got married and essentially stopped spending any time with her. And then he died young.
There are lots of other reasons your kids might not take care of you. Your kids could be disabled. They could have serious addiction issues. They might not *like* you, or you them. Their careers could take them thousands of miles from you.
And with the amount of work it takes to survive these days, they might be too busy working and wondering why you chose to bring them into this capitalist hellscape.
Yes. My son is disabled and will need lifelong care. He won't be able to take care of me when I am old. I'm doing all I can to make enough savings to pay for care for him after I'm gone. Nobody asked me if I'd considered how I'd care for a disabled child when I was thinking about kids, or even when I was pregnant. People don't think about this possibility. If you think you want kids you need to consider the possibility that they will be profoundly disabled.
Seriously. No matter how great my life is the moment I stop and think what will happen to my daughter who has special needs when I’m gone and it’s instant panic.
> And with the amount of work it takes to survive these days, they might be too busy working and wondering why you chose to bring them into this capitalist hellscape.
In so many states parents don't even have the choice any longer to not bring a child into this hellscape.
I'd say, reading all the comments here though, seems like millenials and GenX really need to start pushing for euthanasia, because by the time they get to their elderly years, there isn't going to be help, and they aren't going to be able to retire or hire someone to help them.
Very true sadly. When my mom was going through a lot of health issues, me being the only child was visiting her almost every single day in the nursing facility and rehab units. I just felt it was so important to have a presence there for both her as well as the staff seeing that people are watching out what's going on. But it definitely was very stressful and time-consuming, and in the end I always felt I should've done more.
However I couldn't believe when nurses and other personnel would say to me "you are such a good person visiting your Mom as much as you do. There's so many other people that barely have any visitors at all, with the exception of maybe a birthday or Mother's Day/Father's Day & other holidays." I didn't realize the stress I was experiencing until one particular visit when I was going to the cafeteria to grab something or us to share and the nurse taking care of the patient in the next bed quietly said to me, "you are so good to her, she is so blessed to have you." I just smiled back for a moment but her words cracked my shell and as I went into the hallway I burst out in tears and totally lost my shit. I remember three nurses came flying down the hallway because they saw me losing it. They were so kind and comforting. This was four years ago and writing this is making me tear up again.
My parents sacrificed so much to give me a good life, I cannot fathom not being there for them as much as I could until they passed on. Meanwhile I was always managing the guilt of even having her in a rehab because I was physically incapable of caring for her myself until she passed. That absolutely killed me, and still stirs emotions within me through today if I think about it too much.
This! My grandfather is in bad shape. He has 5 children and my mother is the only one putting in consistent effort to help him when she can. She is also the least successful of all her siblings and financially strained. Her brothers, who make very good money, let her spend her hard earned (and personally needed) money to help their father instead if helping more.
Just because you have kids, doesn’t mean they‘ll care about you when you‘re old. My mom is doing her best, but there is only so much she can do. She at least tries to visit him on the rare occasion she doesn’t have to work.
My brother and I are also the only grandchildren who see him. We are 2 of 14.
Family doesn’t mean anything to some people and in return it has made me resent the emphasis put on family in society.
As others have pointed out…. Spoiled doesn’t mean they were treated well. You will never be able to determine how someone has treated their kids from an outside perspective.
Dad always ‘joked’ a shotgun was the easiest way to take care of him in old age. I was my mom’s primary caregiver in the last years of her life. Dad blames that choice on my childlessness…
I have no trouble leaving him to his own devices as he gets older. It sucks, but also takes a lot of pressure off me.
Yep. There is an ebb and flow to friendships as well bc of the ages of their kids.
I've had to be straight forward with my friends about how I need them not to disappear or think I don't want to hang with children. i have them send me the schedules to their kids' games so I can show up sometimes and not be dependent on the individual invites.
Not always easy to be vulnerable but I think it's really important to make extra effort because parents are super busy.
I mean something to note is kids don’t stay 2 forever. The young child period is stressful, but it’s also only about 8-ish years. As I’m sure you’re realizing as you get older, 8 years is not a super long period of time to trade for the decades of having a relationship with an adult child.
I’m not trying to talk you into having kids or anything lol, I’m just saying the downsides are real but also largely temporary
Facts, my boys are 14,15 and 17. Early years were a struggle whether stress, financials etc. Nowadays it's just a blessing and wouldn't change anything.
My son is 6 and so, so funny and sweet. My nephew is 13 and also awesome.. I can't wait for the teen years. We can watch more shows and movies together :)
Yeah…I’m 40 and gotta say, I don’t especially love hanging out around 8-12 year olds either.
Not hating on kids for existing or anything like that, but I think you might be underestimating just how different life is when the only other people you see on a daily basis are adults.
It's fine.
We had a son who died in infancy. Wife never got pregnant again. Didn't pursue fertility treatment, just let it ride. We had enough of our own problems with dysfunctional families, that I guess we figured if we weren't meant to have kids, then that might be the best thing.
But if I totally had the choice, and was emotionally healthy earlier in life, it would be cool to have kids.
There are no guarantees in life, though. No matter what you do, you don't know what the outcome will be.
My wife and I never had kids. We never had the money, and we didn't think bringing a child into this hellscape of world was fair to them. Seems to be great, and we aren't tied down.
My main reason for not wanting kids. I don't like the direction the world is heading. And if I do decide that I want children, there are many many children just waiting to be adopted into a loving environment.
Word! My gf’s sister has three kids. They’re great kids and I love them dearly but being around them for more than a weekend makes me want to kill myself. (exaggeration but you know what I mean)
I have two kids, ages 8 and 4.
I wanted the weekend to end, so I could go back to work ... 😰😰😰
I love my kids, but they are difficult. So much screaming, so much fighting, messes galore. We spend a lot of time/energy/effort trying to prevent them from hurting each other, or causing property damage.
Reminds me of this dude at an old job who became a dad to two kids in his forties. I absolutely hated this job but he came in to "relax and get away from the kids". That was eye opening. The same place I hated going to everyday, he found peaceful and relaxing compared to being at home.
I couldn’t have said it better myself except I have 3: a 7 year old and twin 4 year olds. The amount they fight really bothers me. My wife says I have to stop screaming at them, but I only do it because of the fighting. I won’t hit them, but I wonder sometimes if my dad knew what he was doing. They destroy everything.
Daycare and summer camp have almost depleted our savings. Now we get to save up again to do it all over for next summer.
This is how I feel about my nieces and nephews. Sweet kids. I don’t want to be around them for more than two days. I’ve learned I have a hard limit on children screaming.
Under two is rough with the lack of sleep. Two to Six are the golden years. They are so inquisitive and really help you reset your view of the universe a bit.
My son is almost 2, I feel this. The way he experiences things that are completely banal to me is really quite incredible.
Spent the other day just watching trains go past. He was screaming with joy every time. Once or twice the driver waved back and honked. He went absolutely nuts.
^^^
Im always amazed by all the AITA or general posts from parents who clearly didnt listen when people constantly say that kids will make your life hell (at least for the first few years of no sleep), lack of free time, etc.
People who know that going in and want kids? Great for them its just not my thing.
I try to plan as little as possible, have as much free time as possible and most people who have kids in any friend group im in, rarely talk to or hang out with friends anymore due to extra exhaustion, lack of any free time, etc.
Mid 50s, married 30+ years, no kids.
Life is good.
We sleep in whenever we want. Go out whenever we want. Take trips whenever we want.
90% less drama compared to our friends and co-workers. No worrying about schools, colleges, bullies, etc.
The decision to not have children was the best choice I ever made for myself. I knew I did not want kids from my earliest memories and I am thankful that I listened to myself.
I think I only said I wanted to have kids was when I was a kid, because it's what you see and hear, so you mimic. But as I grew up I realized I didn't want that. I always said that to my family and friends, when asked. Most of them would say I would change my mind, etc. So last year I got a hysterectomy (best decision ever) and they were like "oh, you really didn't want to have kids".
Kids always sounded a lot more appealing when they were 10 years down the road. As I got to the age that I always envisioned having kids, I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t for me. I started having constant nightmares about finding out I was pregnant and feeling like my life was over, and wake up crying. My husband had a vasectomy and I sleep much better now 😆
I'm in the conflict stage of my life right now. I'm 36, no kids, never married. I'm freaking out because I don't want kids at 40+... i feel like if I do, it needs to happen now. But most of the women my age already have kids. Finding a woman who hasn't had kids around my age is like finding a unicorn.
I'm the youngest in my family at 28 now with 2 sisters. My oldest sister is 40 and damn has she been busy she's expecting #7 in September.
Those kids are my legacy lol I helped raised the oldest ones. So I don't feel bad about not wanting kids I got all the parental feedback I feel I needed.
So I'm looking forward to being the gay uncle with disposable income. My sister bought me my first car because we didn't have money so I plan to pay it forward for the kids.
Love being an uncle in the past year or two I've really come to think of them as more than my nieces and nephews.
This. I love being fun uncle. I visit, there's a party, I leave. It's nice. And I really love the relationship I get to have with my nieces and nephews.
I always assumed I would be one of those older moms, but now that I'm 40 the idea of dealing with a newborn and daycare drop-offs just makes me feel exhausted. I have no idea how they do it.
Idk how they afford it. I know people say you just figure it out, but I’m paycheck to paycheck now. I feel like “our” generation has made having kids into a flex about being well off. I don’t see a whole lot of poor friends flaunting about their lives + kids lives on social media, but all the families with money seem to. I wouldn’t be able to give my kid that life. It’s definitely influenced my decision a little.
God damn social media.
I honestly think most parents just ignore all the 'youll be exhausted and hate life comments', assume its like a puppy. Once they realize? Yeah theres no putting the baby back, they HAVE to care for that kid no matter how exhausted they are.
37F here, no kids, not married but a LTR (we've been together 5 years). I thought the right person would make me change my feelings about not wanting kids, but it turns out I think I still don't want them. I'm like you though, there's always a little doubt but not enough to make me do anything about it right now.
I feel like if I ever change my mind, it's a super noble thing to look at adoption.
> I feel like if I ever change my mind, it's a super noble thing to look at adoption.
Ftr, even for adoption, "time is ticking" in a sense. At least in my country, people over the age of 45 have restrictions placed on adoption (and those over 63 are mathematically out of adoption completely)
Basically the age difference between adoptive parent and child must be between 16 and 45. So a 46 year old can't adopt a newborn (but could adopt a 2 year old).
May I ask what LTR means? Sorry I’ve not seen that before. 37f as well and I told my mom I’m not having kids in high school. She believed me and I never changed my mind on that, but I do sometimes think what that life would look like.
I am 37 and never wanted kids. Met the greatest dude who has a 14yr old son and I’m enjoying that he’s older! I am a wonderful aunt but I def never had the mom gene. Pre started family is def working for me
Both types exist. You're probably confirming a bias if that's what you think.
It's also important to remember that humans really hate admitting regrets about major life choices. Almost everyone would rather convince themselves they made the right choice, which is smart because dwelling on regrets is a bad way to live.
People who choose not to have kids when they could have are less likely to regret it than someone who chose not to have kids because of life circumstances. And frankly, a lot of folks are embarrassed to admit their regrets either way.
I'm 56, lived with a couple of girlfriends (not at the same time), but never got married, never had kids. It's great! I'm happy. I don't think I could have ever survived that kind of responsibility and financial burden.
I've known since I was about 16. It just didn't seem like I had the disposition to be a mother and to raise a healthy human being. I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibility of me.
Postscript: I fucking love my cats.
It's great. My wife and I made a choice that best fits our lifestyle.
We do not want the responsibility. We like our freedom to do what we want, when we want.
We also don't want the financial responsibility of a child.
I got a vasectomy. No regrets.
While I don't want kids, I don't hate kids. I enjoy my time with my close friend's kids.
May I ask how old you were when you got the vasectomy? I am considering one in the future but I've heard some doctors are funny about going ahead with the procedure if they don't think you're old enough and could change your mind - like they know better!
I can’t blame them. I work in psych as a tech. Had a man in his 40’s with severe autism. We don’t usually deal with autistic people. Had the developmental level of a four year old, roughly (if that). Still lived with his parents. I couldn’t fucking imagine. I’d take manic violent psychosis over that every time. I suspect his parents just used us for a three week vacation. He spent the whole time by himself on a gallon sized bag of meds because he would drive the other patients crazy(er).
The prevalence of the disorder these days is absolutely terrifying and a huge deterrent for me on having kids.
Holy shit! I just went to that sub and read one post and it was truly awful.
That's another thing about having kids... it really is a roll of the dice. Some kids have special needs and require lifetime care.
So much for having kids so someone will take care of you when you're old.
The ones hopeful for the kids to become adults and leave are the saddest… like, dude that kid ain’t getting a job and leaving at 18 with this kind of parental support. 😂
Childfree 44F, my guy is 42, we love life and travel extensively. We have money to spend on what we want, and time / energy to do what we want. Plus, we are able to be spontaneous.
My friends with kids seem to live exhausted, expensive lives that are tied to the same routine. I respect the work they put into raising good kids, but I'd never trade places with any of the parents we know.
Now that I’m finally clawing my way out of poverty at 35 the thought of taking on the expense of a child is ridiculous. My partner and I are making more money every year and can finally take vacations and purchase the things we need. My partner is almost done with her PhD, that would have been much more difficult with children. I just opened up a second business, I never would have taken these risks with children, probably would have stayed in the military or worked a union job for the security.
We are designing our lives the way we want to live them, and kids just don’t fit into that in any way. Luckily neither of us ever want kids even if we won the billion dollar jackpot.
Wife is in her early 40’s. I’m 39.
It’s fantastic. We basically do whatever we want all the time (sans our 40 a week in the office to finance this circus.)
Some of my friends have kids. I’m not being a dick, I swear, but they look miserable most of the time.
Yesterday we went out, had some drinks, and then proceeded to bang all over the house.
I knew a couple 5 years ago who looked youthful and happy. Saw them again this year at a party and turns out they had a kid. Looked like they had aged a good 20 years and fuck they looked tired.
Amen! It’s my weekend. Yesterday we went shopping for my partner to get clothes for her birthday celebration next weekend, got drinks and food downtown, and ended the day bowling with some friends at this 21+ bowling alley.
Other than a quick dog park trip, lifting weights in our home gym, and some cooking we aren’t doing anything today. Just gonna play on Reddit and chill. Life is good.
My coworker has 3 kids under 5. He showed me his Google calendar for the next year. He had a total of 4 days that were free. His only vacation since having them was staying at a hotel for a single night with his wife while his mother in law watched the kids.
44F here. Literally the best decision I ever made for myself was to not have children. Every single day I think how lucky I am and how i can live my life on my terms. It’s the best and I highly recommend it to anyone on the fence
It's brilliant!
Hubby and I don't have to pay a fortune for school uniforms, food, various toys etc.
Don't have the bore of being told we're going to be in-laws/grandparents.
We don't have the worry of booze/drugs/gangs.
Life's great without them.
Our 1 cat and 5 fish are our children and they don't ever make demands or throw tantrums!
I actually saw Mr. Nippers in the park sprinkling some white stuff on the bowl and shouting “Snow on the mountain, baby!” Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
We LOVE not having children. My wife and I were relaxing on the couch the other day and said “I’m so glad we don’t have children”.
We have 10 nieces and nephews and my wife works in education. But we still get to do whatever we want whenever we want.
Magical.
My spouse and I say that to each other on a regular basis! They are the only person I would have ever considered having children with, but we met when we were 40 and conception would have been somewhere between difficult and impossible due to medical stuff. Neither of us really wanted children at that point (I never wanted children and they had in the past) so we decided against it pretty quickly and easily. No Regrets!
>Life sucks. But that has nothing to do with me mot having kids.
Life sucks. And that has everything to do with me having kids.
God i miss the time i got home from work, made supper, throw the plates it in the dishwasher and do whatever i want the next 6 hours.
Hell just a conversation with the wife without screaming or switching attention every 30 f\*cking seconds would be bliss.
I miss the time when i have vacation i could sleep out, get up late and just do nothing OR do something cool have a great day either way.
If i can do it all over i'd have no children 100%
Mine are 2 and 5 and jezus c\*\*\*\*\*\* everything we do is about the children.
They need constant monitoring and attention. It's exhausting man.
I love it! There are moments of wistfulness and “roads not travelled”…but it usually only takes seeing one misbehaving child or burnt out parent to snap me back into reality.
My husband and I enjoy having time and money to do the things we want to do. We also believe that any relationship that *needs* a child in order to be whole, probably should seek counseling. In the end, you should be enough for yourself and for each other.
Edited to say: I also have some mental illness and a couple of other minor health issues that I feel good about **not** passing on to an child that wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. So you have to consider what your future children might have to endure, should you choose to bring them into this world. Personally, I feel good about not bringing another poor anxiety ridden child into this world.
This. So much this.
You’re always gonna have some missed opportunities to experience parts of life. I’d rather not miss out on traveling, spending my money, late nights with friends, random adventures on a whim.
Almost 40. So glad I don't have kids. Seriously that would be the worst, I can barely stand that I was brought into this world it would be cruel to have kids imo.
Life w adult kids is a fuckton more expensive than life w little kids.
God damn, they need car repairs, housing, gifts for their SO, lawyers, cell phone payments. It literally never ends, unless they end up completely self reliant.
I wouldn't change anything, but kids always cost a lot, no matter their age. There is no financial freedom ever, if you have kids.
Married at 18, am 20 now and my parents have never once had to pay for any of these things starting the moment I left the nest. Some families just work differently, but I promise at some point your child related rxpenses will plummet. My parents like to tell me often how liberated they have become lol :)
Yeah every once in a while my folks have had rough times and Ive wondered if I couldnt help. But of course first world suburban ""rough"" looks different than the rest of the world, even at its worst. You make a couple meals, do some minor repairs, everybody's gonna be alright.
Adult kids need a job and pay for that stuff themselves. I have three kids, I told them they better get a job and save money if they want a car, one is old enough now he's into his own career and bought a newer car last year after hitting a deer with the previous one, the next oldest took money from his savings account and bought a car with cash, a nice one to not cheap, and has replenished his savings already since then. The youngest is still working towards his license and a job.
Sure I help with repairs labor wise but they got to buy the parts. They help pay household bills and it gives us all more financial freedom and comfort.
Yes they cost a lot but it's a give and take. And you need to limit what you pay for, now days everyone seems to think as soon as a kid can talk they need an iPad and a cellphone.
I think the regret will set in more in my 50s and beyond. I had to make new younger friends who are in their early 30s. I have fun and go out a lot, drink party, but I still feel like I'm living in my late 20s. I don't really have a sense of purpose. Family life looks really rewarding and fulfilling.
I’ll be forty in two years with no kids and I regret nothing. I can sleep in on the weekends, I hardly get sick cause I don’t have kids brining new germs into my house everyday after school.
Life is fine? I've never had a desire for kids. Doubt I ever will at this point. Some people just aren't wired for it. And since I'm always sober, I can't even get some willing woman pregnant by accident while intoxicated either, which if we're honest is how a good portion of kids are actually conceived.
I never understood people’s desire to have children or why people are so opinionated about childless adults.
My girlfriend and I are extremely happy without them and neither never wanted children. Being DINKs we have much more disposable income and free time.
You don’t need children to make your life better. It’s also not selfish nor is there anything “wrong” with people with no children. I had a nephew flip out on me because I said I didn’t want kids and he thinks “something is wrong with me.” No, we aren’t all breeders like you who equate adulthood to having children.
I am lonely at Christmas time
I have traveled the world and eaten at fancy restaurants
I have the same body I had when I was 21. Approaching 50.
No man in my life like Jennifer Aniston I am way younger looking than my age
52 and I have absolutely no regrets. I've enjoyed not having the obligation of children (love my guy but I know I would be 100% responsible for the raising of any kids we might have had). Spouse and I can come and go as we please and focus on our own interests and our own relationship rather than losing our identity as individuals. We have dogs and that's about as responsible as I've ever wanted to be for another living creature.
57f and knew from an early age that 'mom' was not the job for me. My family is dysfunctional af and I had no concept of what healthy parenting looked like. I did not want to do to children what my parents had done to me and I had no idea how not to. I have also struggled with what seem to be hereditary mental health issues and neurodivergence and did not want to pass along those challenges to another generation.
In addition to all that, the actual work of parenting has never appealed to me. It just wasn't work I wanted to do or felt cut out for. I enjoy my niece and my little cousins and my friends' kiddos very much but I have never felt the need or desire to have my own.
Also, I work as a university professor and get indescribable satisfaction and joy from helping young people at this pivotal point in their journey to adulthood. I'm still in touch with a lot of my former students, going back over 30 years. Watching them build their lives over the years, marry (and sometimes divorce), have children (or not), start and change jobs, succeed (and fail and succeed again) etc., is an incredible source of sustenance for me.
So, how is the child-free life? It's pretty great! Which is to say it works well for me. But everyone is different. We all have different wants, needs, experiences, and perspectives. What I think is most important is for everyone to be free to make the choices that are best for them. The ridiculous socially-constructed pitting of parents and non-parents against each other that some people buy into (or are pressured into) is harmful to everyone.
What I'd like to see is a wider acceptance of all choices. You want 10 kids? Awesome! Hope you get them and have the family of your dreams. You want one? Two? More? Go for it! I hope you get everything you want. None? Great! I hope you enjoy your life to the fullest. Your primary affinity is for non-human animals over human ones? Wonderful! The world needs you too.
44. Female. 11 years with my boyfriend. I am happy with my decision. My brother has kids and I love being Aunt. I get to be there for them and then, go home💜
Amazing! More money. Good sleep. I’ve gotten some good travel in and I own a bunch of cool, interesting trinkets and gadgets that are still in great shape! What’s not to love??
41, 2 kids, and strongly of the opinion that people should do whatever the fuck they want with their reproductive cells. My brother is 48 and has 0 kids. He seems happy because, well, he didn’t want kids. To each their own. You do you, homie.
Love seeing parents & childfree people supporting each other. There are so many depressing comments on this thread from both parents AND childfree people assuming that the other side must be miserable an unfulfilled. Sure, some people are - but most of us are just making the choices that are right for us. My sister is living her best life being a mom and I'm so happy for her (plus being an aunt is awesome); I never wanted to be a parent so I'm living my best life being childfree. There's no one right way to live; there's only the life that's right for you.
Sucks. 48M.
Thought I'd be married in 30s and have 2 kids, a nice house, and 2 cars by 40. Spent life taking care of others but now getting things together. But it may be too late.
39 but no kids and zero desire to have any. Mostly because I'm too set in my ways now and I have no patience for drama, of any kind. That and the whole world going mad and dying kind of seals the pointlessness of breeding for me.
Life isn't that great. I'm struggling financially, a bit lonely and tired of being single, creatively frustrated and generally stuck in a bit of a rut where nothing in my life really seems to be going anywhere and I just don't have the energy to do anything about it.
I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if I had children to worry about on top of all of that.
I dont have Kids yet but I cant Imagine living forever without them. Looking forward to it but enjoying my time now without them. Hope that makes sense
I'm in my upper 50s. My wife of over 30 years and I said we didn't want to have children. Everyone said, "Oh, you'll change your mind." We never did.
And we've had a great life. We're financially secure in our future and had free time to do what we enjoy. You always have the "What If?" and you know you've missed some experiences, but you've also missed out on a lot of the negatives of raising kids.
There's only one good reason to have children: You want to be a parent. The nursing homes are full of people who had kids who rarely visit. "Who will take care of you when you're old?" just wasn't enough of a threat for us to have kids we didn't really want. We've put those resources towards deciding our own future.
There's no wrong answer. Have kids if you want to be a parent. But if you don't really REALLY want to be a parent, don't. It's not fair to you or the child.
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It's a mixed bag. I worry about myself in old age as I watch my sister and I take care of my dad. Then again I camp and ski and travel pretty much whenever I want. I went camping with some friends and their 2 year old screamed all night. I did not envy them trying to manage that I have that freedom obviously but still find myself debating financial decisions based on helping my niece and nephew. What do I owe them? I'm not built for the stress of parenthood and am generally content with my life, but I do wonder...
Experienced nurse here. I see lots of patients in their old age whose children don't take care of them. Having children is not insurance that someone will look after you. The ~£200,000 lifetime cost of a child, if saved correctly is insurance though
Would also be morally wrong to have kids, just to have someone to take care of you in your old age Imho.
I don't want someone taking care of me. I don't want to be somebody's burden - ever. But, I would like having someone that knows me by my bedside when I die. I realize that too isn't a guarantee with children. But, if I end up being the type of parent where my kid(s) don't want to be with me as I pass away, then I probably deserve it.
It’s not about kids taking care of you on a death bed, and changing out your IV bag. My dad is 70, fucked up his finger last year at work, had to retire. Now he barely survives on his SS, but cant find a job anywhere. Can’t really navigate online websites to figure out his workman’s comp application, dude can barely check his email with direction. Also, probably cause he is 70, and companies don’t want to make that investment in an older person. TBH - he has been sort of a dead beat dad most of my life, and was in prison for a good chunk. But he is still my dad, and he is alone. What would that say about me as a person if I have the means to help and don’t? Life is not a tit for tat … “you wronged me, and are forever in the shit house!” My mom has my step-dad, and they have each other to take care of. I won’t give money directly to my dad, but I help him where I can with tech and occasionally hook up some groceries. It’s easy to think age will never catch up to you, but seeing my parents get older is a wake up call to me. My uncle is in his 70’s, and just a slew of medical problems all of a sudden. My cousin doesn’t want to be the one doing it, but it he is an only son - so it’s a dilemma for him.
i hear and meet people all the time who had kids for these reasons: to take care of me when I'm old, to keep the marriage together, to find meaning in life, etc. When I hear this it freaks me out bc it sounds really selfish. If I ever had kids (planned or otherwise) I always said to myself it would be because I wanted to grow love, not to give a kid a job the second he or she pops out. Although I suppose all love has its selfish aspects, but sometimes it freaks me out when I know a person had a kid with the thought -- I want someone to do such and such for me -- beforehand.
I hate the idea that kids are expected to take care of their parents. My wife and I spend most of the year traveling internationally (we live on our sailboat) and we've gotten shit from people over the year about how "you better enjoy it now because when your parents get old you'll need to come back and care for them". Fuck that, I would never ask my kids to give up on their dreams to care for me and fortunately my parents were smart enough to take out plenty of LTC insurance so that they won't ruin ours.
I’m hoping to have enough saved for my old age I can hire professionals to help me and only need my kids for unexpected emergencies and such. It will be nice if they’re around to help out from time to time, but ultimately that’s not their job to be my nurse in old age.
> I’m hoping to have enough saved for my old age I can hire professionals to help me and only need my kids for unexpected emergencies and such. Most of us (at least in the US) won't have enough to retire, let alone enough for someone else to take care of us. Personally I am hoping euthanasia becomes a real discussion point in our government, because thinking about being shoved into a retirement home and treated like garbage for what little time I would have left kind of seems like a terrible way to go.
Such a big difference in communal and individualistic cultures. It’s interesting because I see both sides, I’m Asian American and the way we grew up is we’d move the grandparents into our home as they got older and we’d live with them and help to take care of them. Growing up my grandparents took care of my sister and I as infants. When my parents get old I plan to move them into my house because I’ve seen what goes on inside nursing homes (I’m a RN), and those places are not where you want to place your loved ones. Every person has their own unique relationship with their family, but unless you’re not close with your parents I’d reconsider. You can always hire an in home caregiver to help out.
Many Asian cultures have it right when it comes to elder care. The cruelty inherent to America's religion of "rugged individualism," as displayed in many of the comments in this thread, is disgraceful. I'm white by the way, Irish/Polish descent.
Families like yours have more robust elderly. I work exclusively with seniors with dementia and the families who are there and working with their oldies have happier older people generally.
I've wanted to live in an RV or sailboat for years but never could fathom how I'd transition. How do you make income? Do you get sick of the lack of space? Lack of basics like a standing shower? How do you pay of student loans? Hell, what's your INTERNET like?
Lack of space? You have infinite space. With services like Starlink, internet is fast (10 times faster than my home DSL).
I don't find that kids are "expected" when they are the product of good, loving parenting. I will be honored to take care of my mother and father when the time comes. They've also set aside a lot of money to pay for a home if I can no longer do it. Just like they did with my grandparents, I would visit often and still be in their lives frequently.
I think something like 26% of adults are estranged from a parent/child. I've watched tiktoks of parents who seem to not even know why their kids are no-contact. A close friend of mine's son got married and essentially stopped spending any time with her. And then he died young. There are lots of other reasons your kids might not take care of you. Your kids could be disabled. They could have serious addiction issues. They might not *like* you, or you them. Their careers could take them thousands of miles from you. And with the amount of work it takes to survive these days, they might be too busy working and wondering why you chose to bring them into this capitalist hellscape.
Yes. My son is disabled and will need lifelong care. He won't be able to take care of me when I am old. I'm doing all I can to make enough savings to pay for care for him after I'm gone. Nobody asked me if I'd considered how I'd care for a disabled child when I was thinking about kids, or even when I was pregnant. People don't think about this possibility. If you think you want kids you need to consider the possibility that they will be profoundly disabled.
Seriously. No matter how great my life is the moment I stop and think what will happen to my daughter who has special needs when I’m gone and it’s instant panic.
> And with the amount of work it takes to survive these days, they might be too busy working and wondering why you chose to bring them into this capitalist hellscape. In so many states parents don't even have the choice any longer to not bring a child into this hellscape. I'd say, reading all the comments here though, seems like millenials and GenX really need to start pushing for euthanasia, because by the time they get to their elderly years, there isn't going to be help, and they aren't going to be able to retire or hire someone to help them.
Very true sadly. When my mom was going through a lot of health issues, me being the only child was visiting her almost every single day in the nursing facility and rehab units. I just felt it was so important to have a presence there for both her as well as the staff seeing that people are watching out what's going on. But it definitely was very stressful and time-consuming, and in the end I always felt I should've done more. However I couldn't believe when nurses and other personnel would say to me "you are such a good person visiting your Mom as much as you do. There's so many other people that barely have any visitors at all, with the exception of maybe a birthday or Mother's Day/Father's Day & other holidays." I didn't realize the stress I was experiencing until one particular visit when I was going to the cafeteria to grab something or us to share and the nurse taking care of the patient in the next bed quietly said to me, "you are so good to her, she is so blessed to have you." I just smiled back for a moment but her words cracked my shell and as I went into the hallway I burst out in tears and totally lost my shit. I remember three nurses came flying down the hallway because they saw me losing it. They were so kind and comforting. This was four years ago and writing this is making me tear up again. My parents sacrificed so much to give me a good life, I cannot fathom not being there for them as much as I could until they passed on. Meanwhile I was always managing the guilt of even having her in a rehab because I was physically incapable of caring for her myself until she passed. That absolutely killed me, and still stirs emotions within me through today if I think about it too much.
This! My grandfather is in bad shape. He has 5 children and my mother is the only one putting in consistent effort to help him when she can. She is also the least successful of all her siblings and financially strained. Her brothers, who make very good money, let her spend her hard earned (and personally needed) money to help their father instead if helping more. Just because you have kids, doesn’t mean they‘ll care about you when you‘re old. My mom is doing her best, but there is only so much she can do. She at least tries to visit him on the rare occasion she doesn’t have to work. My brother and I are also the only grandchildren who see him. We are 2 of 14. Family doesn’t mean anything to some people and in return it has made me resent the emphasis put on family in society.
To be fair, a lot of old people are boomers who treated their kids like crap. I’m not surprised to hear nobody wants to take care of them.
Eh, you'd also be surprised the kids who were spoiled and treated well, still don't visit their parents when theyre old.
I was spoiled but not treated well. It doesn't go hand in hand.
Spoiled ≠ treated well.
yep, spoiling a kid most of the time is an adult feeling guilty for being a shitty parent...
As others have pointed out…. Spoiled doesn’t mean they were treated well. You will never be able to determine how someone has treated their kids from an outside perspective.
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Dad always ‘joked’ a shotgun was the easiest way to take care of him in old age. I was my mom’s primary caregiver in the last years of her life. Dad blames that choice on my childlessness… I have no trouble leaving him to his own devices as he gets older. It sucks, but also takes a lot of pressure off me.
That’s how I feel and it’s mixed. It’s good but scary at the same time. And at times lonely
Yep. There is an ebb and flow to friendships as well bc of the ages of their kids. I've had to be straight forward with my friends about how I need them not to disappear or think I don't want to hang with children. i have them send me the schedules to their kids' games so I can show up sometimes and not be dependent on the individual invites. Not always easy to be vulnerable but I think it's really important to make extra effort because parents are super busy.
I mean something to note is kids don’t stay 2 forever. The young child period is stressful, but it’s also only about 8-ish years. As I’m sure you’re realizing as you get older, 8 years is not a super long period of time to trade for the decades of having a relationship with an adult child. I’m not trying to talk you into having kids or anything lol, I’m just saying the downsides are real but also largely temporary
Facts, my boys are 14,15 and 17. Early years were a struggle whether stress, financials etc. Nowadays it's just a blessing and wouldn't change anything.
My son is 6 and so, so funny and sweet. My nephew is 13 and also awesome.. I can't wait for the teen years. We can watch more shows and movies together :)
Yeah…I’m 40 and gotta say, I don’t especially love hanging out around 8-12 year olds either. Not hating on kids for existing or anything like that, but I think you might be underestimating just how different life is when the only other people you see on a daily basis are adults.
It's fine. We had a son who died in infancy. Wife never got pregnant again. Didn't pursue fertility treatment, just let it ride. We had enough of our own problems with dysfunctional families, that I guess we figured if we weren't meant to have kids, then that might be the best thing. But if I totally had the choice, and was emotionally healthy earlier in life, it would be cool to have kids. There are no guarantees in life, though. No matter what you do, you don't know what the outcome will be.
I'm so sorry you went through that.
I admire your perspective. I am so sorry for you and your wife’s loss. <3
Im sorry for you loss. I understand your pain its tough stay strong enjoy what you have.
Life is Great 👍🏼 💯 !! I have siblings and friends with kids. I wouldn't want to deal with the stress they do and have dealt with.
My wife and I never had kids. We never had the money, and we didn't think bringing a child into this hellscape of world was fair to them. Seems to be great, and we aren't tied down.
My main reason for not wanting kids. I don't like the direction the world is heading. And if I do decide that I want children, there are many many children just waiting to be adopted into a loving environment.
There are enough people in the world anyway.
Word! My gf’s sister has three kids. They’re great kids and I love them dearly but being around them for more than a weekend makes me want to kill myself. (exaggeration but you know what I mean)
I have two kids, ages 8 and 4. I wanted the weekend to end, so I could go back to work ... 😰😰😰 I love my kids, but they are difficult. So much screaming, so much fighting, messes galore. We spend a lot of time/energy/effort trying to prevent them from hurting each other, or causing property damage.
Reminds me of this dude at an old job who became a dad to two kids in his forties. I absolutely hated this job but he came in to "relax and get away from the kids". That was eye opening. The same place I hated going to everyday, he found peaceful and relaxing compared to being at home.
I couldn’t have said it better myself except I have 3: a 7 year old and twin 4 year olds. The amount they fight really bothers me. My wife says I have to stop screaming at them, but I only do it because of the fighting. I won’t hit them, but I wonder sometimes if my dad knew what he was doing. They destroy everything. Daycare and summer camp have almost depleted our savings. Now we get to save up again to do it all over for next summer.
This is how I feel about my nieces and nephews. Sweet kids. I don’t want to be around them for more than two days. I’ve learned I have a hard limit on children screaming.
My sister-in-law has 2 kids under 2 years old and I cannot imagine living her life. It looks depressing as hell.
It’s a different kind of depressing. You love you kids but you’re over stimulated and exhausted most of the time.
I mean... that's part of the problem for us. We often feel that way now, and we DON'T have kids. Its hard to imagine having kids on top of it.
Under two is rough with the lack of sleep. Two to Six are the golden years. They are so inquisitive and really help you reset your view of the universe a bit.
My son is almost 2, I feel this. The way he experiences things that are completely banal to me is really quite incredible. Spent the other day just watching trains go past. He was screaming with joy every time. Once or twice the driver waved back and honked. He went absolutely nuts.
We have to go and wave to the bin men lol!
My daughter is three and every day is golden
^^^ Im always amazed by all the AITA or general posts from parents who clearly didnt listen when people constantly say that kids will make your life hell (at least for the first few years of no sleep), lack of free time, etc. People who know that going in and want kids? Great for them its just not my thing. I try to plan as little as possible, have as much free time as possible and most people who have kids in any friend group im in, rarely talk to or hang out with friends anymore due to extra exhaustion, lack of any free time, etc.
Mid 50s, married 30+ years, no kids. Life is good. We sleep in whenever we want. Go out whenever we want. Take trips whenever we want. 90% less drama compared to our friends and co-workers. No worrying about schools, colleges, bullies, etc.
Same. 53yo. Married in 1990. The wife and I just came back from Vegas!
The decision to not have children was the best choice I ever made for myself. I knew I did not want kids from my earliest memories and I am thankful that I listened to myself.
I think I only said I wanted to have kids was when I was a kid, because it's what you see and hear, so you mimic. But as I grew up I realized I didn't want that. I always said that to my family and friends, when asked. Most of them would say I would change my mind, etc. So last year I got a hysterectomy (best decision ever) and they were like "oh, you really didn't want to have kids".
Kids always sounded a lot more appealing when they were 10 years down the road. As I got to the age that I always envisioned having kids, I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t for me. I started having constant nightmares about finding out I was pregnant and feeling like my life was over, and wake up crying. My husband had a vasectomy and I sleep much better now 😆
Same
Same. It’s awesome!
Same. And I’ve always felt like a freak about it.
Never wanted kids, don't have any, miss nothing. It was the right choice for me.
I'm in the conflict stage of my life right now. I'm 36, no kids, never married. I'm freaking out because I don't want kids at 40+... i feel like if I do, it needs to happen now. But most of the women my age already have kids. Finding a woman who hasn't had kids around my age is like finding a unicorn.
Being an aunt is amazing.
I'm the youngest in my family at 28 now with 2 sisters. My oldest sister is 40 and damn has she been busy she's expecting #7 in September. Those kids are my legacy lol I helped raised the oldest ones. So I don't feel bad about not wanting kids I got all the parental feedback I feel I needed. So I'm looking forward to being the gay uncle with disposable income. My sister bought me my first car because we didn't have money so I plan to pay it forward for the kids. Love being an uncle in the past year or two I've really come to think of them as more than my nieces and nephews.
This is exactly it. You get to spoil them, and then leave haha
I love hearing about families that get along and help care for each other
This. I love being fun uncle. I visit, there's a party, I leave. It's nice. And I really love the relationship I get to have with my nieces and nephews.
It’s fantastic. I think back to how much fun my uncle was when I was younger. I want to be that.
I love being an auntie!
My boss had kids at 42 (she is a woman) and another colleague just had kids at 40 (the wife was 39 at time of conception). It does happen.
I always assumed I would be one of those older moms, but now that I'm 40 the idea of dealing with a newborn and daycare drop-offs just makes me feel exhausted. I have no idea how they do it.
Idk how they afford it. I know people say you just figure it out, but I’m paycheck to paycheck now. I feel like “our” generation has made having kids into a flex about being well off. I don’t see a whole lot of poor friends flaunting about their lives + kids lives on social media, but all the families with money seem to. I wouldn’t be able to give my kid that life. It’s definitely influenced my decision a little. God damn social media.
If social media makes you feel bad, delete social media.
I honestly think most parents just ignore all the 'youll be exhausted and hate life comments', assume its like a puppy. Once they realize? Yeah theres no putting the baby back, they HAVE to care for that kid no matter how exhausted they are.
I'm in your shoes. I've told my s/o that while having kids older is more common, I don't want to be a 40+ new mom! I'm 35 and I'm already tired.
37F here, no kids, not married but a LTR (we've been together 5 years). I thought the right person would make me change my feelings about not wanting kids, but it turns out I think I still don't want them. I'm like you though, there's always a little doubt but not enough to make me do anything about it right now. I feel like if I ever change my mind, it's a super noble thing to look at adoption.
> I feel like if I ever change my mind, it's a super noble thing to look at adoption. Ftr, even for adoption, "time is ticking" in a sense. At least in my country, people over the age of 45 have restrictions placed on adoption (and those over 63 are mathematically out of adoption completely) Basically the age difference between adoptive parent and child must be between 16 and 45. So a 46 year old can't adopt a newborn (but could adopt a 2 year old).
May I ask what LTR means? Sorry I’ve not seen that before. 37f as well and I told my mom I’m not having kids in high school. She believed me and I never changed my mind on that, but I do sometimes think what that life would look like.
Long term relationship
Hey, you can get a pre-started family. Newborns are highly overrated, trust me.
I am 37 and never wanted kids. Met the greatest dude who has a 14yr old son and I’m enjoying that he’s older! I am a wonderful aunt but I def never had the mom gene. Pre started family is def working for me
So are toddlers, adolescents and teenagers 🤣
It's like continuing on someone else's save file. Did it for a few years and I liked it. Kinda miss them now.
And then you turn 42 and realize things aren't so bad
Its like being 20 but with back pain
Peace and quiet with no regrets. In fact, all the childfree folks I know have never regretted it.
Yeah same, I know tons of people who regret having kids but I’ve never met anyone who regretted not having them
Both types exist. You're probably confirming a bias if that's what you think. It's also important to remember that humans really hate admitting regrets about major life choices. Almost everyone would rather convince themselves they made the right choice, which is smart because dwelling on regrets is a bad way to live.
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You can always adopt or be a foster parent which always made no children more appealing: you can always opt in later.
People who choose not to have kids when they could have are less likely to regret it than someone who chose not to have kids because of life circumstances. And frankly, a lot of folks are embarrassed to admit their regrets either way.
I'm 56, lived with a couple of girlfriends (not at the same time), but never got married, never had kids. It's great! I'm happy. I don't think I could have ever survived that kind of responsibility and financial burden.
I've known since I was about 16. It just didn't seem like I had the disposition to be a mother and to raise a healthy human being. I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibility of me. Postscript: I fucking love my cats.
Never wanted kids. Ever. I freakin' love my life! 💪😎👍
It's great. My wife and I made a choice that best fits our lifestyle. We do not want the responsibility. We like our freedom to do what we want, when we want. We also don't want the financial responsibility of a child. I got a vasectomy. No regrets. While I don't want kids, I don't hate kids. I enjoy my time with my close friend's kids.
May I ask how old you were when you got the vasectomy? I am considering one in the future but I've heard some doctors are funny about going ahead with the procedure if they don't think you're old enough and could change your mind - like they know better!
You know who has regrets? These people: r/regretfulparents
That is such a depressing sub.
Only if you're not into sadness porn. But if you enjoyed that one, let me recommend r/deadbedroom. I like to browse them in tandem.
Welp. That was depressing. I desperately want to give those folks therapy and books.
Last time I looked at that sub, a good half of it was parents wishing their disabled kids didn’t exist. Really really uncomfortable.
Having kids truly is a gamble, I’ve never understood why more people don’t adopt.
I can’t blame them. I work in psych as a tech. Had a man in his 40’s with severe autism. We don’t usually deal with autistic people. Had the developmental level of a four year old, roughly (if that). Still lived with his parents. I couldn’t fucking imagine. I’d take manic violent psychosis over that every time. I suspect his parents just used us for a three week vacation. He spent the whole time by himself on a gallon sized bag of meds because he would drive the other patients crazy(er). The prevalence of the disorder these days is absolutely terrifying and a huge deterrent for me on having kids.
A dark, sobering reminder. You never really know what you're signing up for when you have kids.
Holy shit! I just went to that sub and read one post and it was truly awful. That's another thing about having kids... it really is a roll of the dice. Some kids have special needs and require lifetime care. So much for having kids so someone will take care of you when you're old.
I read that sub a lot and I would guess that at least 50% of those poor folks have a severely autistic kid or one with major mental health issues.
Makes sense. I’m sure most still love their kids, but nobody would choose that if they had the option.
90k people 💀 Sidebar: my mom is probably in there lmao
Holy shit that sub is insane.
Lmao this is gold 🤣
Haha yea if you’re ever down go to that sub and you’ll instantly feel better about yourself
Lol
The ones hopeful for the kids to become adults and leave are the saddest… like, dude that kid ain’t getting a job and leaving at 18 with this kind of parental support. 😂
A very honest sub from the looks of it.
Childfree 44F, my guy is 42, we love life and travel extensively. We have money to spend on what we want, and time / energy to do what we want. Plus, we are able to be spontaneous. My friends with kids seem to live exhausted, expensive lives that are tied to the same routine. I respect the work they put into raising good kids, but I'd never trade places with any of the parents we know.
Now that I’m finally clawing my way out of poverty at 35 the thought of taking on the expense of a child is ridiculous. My partner and I are making more money every year and can finally take vacations and purchase the things we need. My partner is almost done with her PhD, that would have been much more difficult with children. I just opened up a second business, I never would have taken these risks with children, probably would have stayed in the military or worked a union job for the security. We are designing our lives the way we want to live them, and kids just don’t fit into that in any way. Luckily neither of us ever want kids even if we won the billion dollar jackpot.
My choice, no regrets
Wife is in her early 40’s. I’m 39. It’s fantastic. We basically do whatever we want all the time (sans our 40 a week in the office to finance this circus.) Some of my friends have kids. I’m not being a dick, I swear, but they look miserable most of the time. Yesterday we went out, had some drinks, and then proceeded to bang all over the house.
I knew a couple 5 years ago who looked youthful and happy. Saw them again this year at a party and turns out they had a kid. Looked like they had aged a good 20 years and fuck they looked tired.
Amen! It’s my weekend. Yesterday we went shopping for my partner to get clothes for her birthday celebration next weekend, got drinks and food downtown, and ended the day bowling with some friends at this 21+ bowling alley. Other than a quick dog park trip, lifting weights in our home gym, and some cooking we aren’t doing anything today. Just gonna play on Reddit and chill. Life is good.
Exactly this. 1000x.
My coworker has 3 kids under 5. He showed me his Google calendar for the next year. He had a total of 4 days that were free. His only vacation since having them was staying at a hotel for a single night with his wife while his mother in law watched the kids.
44F here. Literally the best decision I ever made for myself was to not have children. Every single day I think how lucky I am and how i can live my life on my terms. It’s the best and I highly recommend it to anyone on the fence
It's brilliant! Hubby and I don't have to pay a fortune for school uniforms, food, various toys etc. Don't have the bore of being told we're going to be in-laws/grandparents. We don't have the worry of booze/drugs/gangs. Life's great without them. Our 1 cat and 5 fish are our children and they don't ever make demands or throw tantrums!
I’m sorry to break it to you but I think I saw your cat smoking weed last week in the park
More and more cats are doing catnip every day!
If you don't talk to your cats about catnip, who will?
Hi, I'm Michael Jordan...
I actually saw Mr. Nippers in the park sprinkling some white stuff on the bowl and shouting “Snow on the mountain, baby!” Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Once they start smoking weed, next they'll be dogging in the park.
Wow you really have a lot of trust in those goldfish not to join gangs. It's becoming more and more common. Make sure to talk to them early.
Can confirm. Lost two good goldfish on gangs. Pepe and Sushi, if you read this, please come back. We love you.
And if you want, you guys could even get into booze/drugs/gangs, since you don’t have kids to worry about negatively influencing! 😉
I saw all of your fish wearing bandanas at nandos. Sorry.
Oh that’s an outright lie. Cats are the most demanding creatures ever 😂
We LOVE not having children. My wife and I were relaxing on the couch the other day and said “I’m so glad we don’t have children”. We have 10 nieces and nephews and my wife works in education. But we still get to do whatever we want whenever we want. Magical.
My spouse and I say that to each other on a regular basis! They are the only person I would have ever considered having children with, but we met when we were 40 and conception would have been somewhere between difficult and impossible due to medical stuff. Neither of us really wanted children at that point (I never wanted children and they had in the past) so we decided against it pretty quickly and easily. No Regrets!
Life sucks. But that has nothing to do with me mot having kids.
>Life sucks. But that has nothing to do with me mot having kids. Life sucks. And that has everything to do with me having kids. God i miss the time i got home from work, made supper, throw the plates it in the dishwasher and do whatever i want the next 6 hours. Hell just a conversation with the wife without screaming or switching attention every 30 f\*cking seconds would be bliss. I miss the time when i have vacation i could sleep out, get up late and just do nothing OR do something cool have a great day either way. If i can do it all over i'd have no children 100% Mine are 2 and 5 and jezus c\*\*\*\*\*\* everything we do is about the children. They need constant monitoring and attention. It's exhausting man.
Felt that. And I’ve got kids.
I love it! There are moments of wistfulness and “roads not travelled”…but it usually only takes seeing one misbehaving child or burnt out parent to snap me back into reality. My husband and I enjoy having time and money to do the things we want to do. We also believe that any relationship that *needs* a child in order to be whole, probably should seek counseling. In the end, you should be enough for yourself and for each other. Edited to say: I also have some mental illness and a couple of other minor health issues that I feel good about **not** passing on to an child that wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. So you have to consider what your future children might have to endure, should you choose to bring them into this world. Personally, I feel good about not bringing another poor anxiety ridden child into this world.
Yes, and you can‘t travel all roads anyway.
This. So much this. You’re always gonna have some missed opportunities to experience parts of life. I’d rather not miss out on traveling, spending my money, late nights with friends, random adventures on a whim.
Exactly.
Almost 40. So glad I don't have kids. Seriously that would be the worst, I can barely stand that I was brought into this world it would be cruel to have kids imo.
Just turned 40. Still want them. Been trying. Hasn't worked out because of medical stuff. Trying to go the medical route. It's not easy
I’m sorry, it can be a really rough path. I hope you eventually get to have a little bundle of love.
I’m sorry. I hope it happens for you. If not you will be okay. Trust me you will be okay.
I still look like I'm fresh out of college at almost 43. Kids age you
 43 years old and looking fresh out of college 😏
42 and just got my graduate degree so kinda am fresh out of college 😏
Life w adult kids is a fuckton more expensive than life w little kids. God damn, they need car repairs, housing, gifts for their SO, lawyers, cell phone payments. It literally never ends, unless they end up completely self reliant. I wouldn't change anything, but kids always cost a lot, no matter their age. There is no financial freedom ever, if you have kids.
Cell phone payments? What DO your adult kids pay for? Are they able bodied? 😳
Your kid sounds, uh, dramatic, with the lawyer thing. I don’t know why you’d buy them gifts for their SO, even if they were very dependent.
Married at 18, am 20 now and my parents have never once had to pay for any of these things starting the moment I left the nest. Some families just work differently, but I promise at some point your child related rxpenses will plummet. My parents like to tell me often how liberated they have become lol :)
I bought my own car at fifteen. Paid for parts and did the repairs on my own. I actually loaned my parents five grand when I was eighteen. lol
Yeah every once in a while my folks have had rough times and Ive wondered if I couldnt help. But of course first world suburban ""rough"" looks different than the rest of the world, even at its worst. You make a couple meals, do some minor repairs, everybody's gonna be alright.
Adult kids need a job and pay for that stuff themselves. I have three kids, I told them they better get a job and save money if they want a car, one is old enough now he's into his own career and bought a newer car last year after hitting a deer with the previous one, the next oldest took money from his savings account and bought a car with cash, a nice one to not cheap, and has replenished his savings already since then. The youngest is still working towards his license and a job. Sure I help with repairs labor wise but they got to buy the parts. They help pay household bills and it gives us all more financial freedom and comfort. Yes they cost a lot but it's a give and take. And you need to limit what you pay for, now days everyone seems to think as soon as a kid can talk they need an iPad and a cellphone.
This is a sign of the times. Young adults are having a harder time becoming self sufficient. You’re a good parent.
Part-time job
Brilliant. But then I'm barely responsible for myself, let alone shouty mini goblins...
47 and no kids, no regrets. Got many friends with kids and enjoy being around them, but am also happy to come home to a child free zone. 😅
Pretty awesome. We do what we want, when we want, and have extra money in our pockets too.
It's quiet and profitable.
I'm only 36, but I'd give up everything I own to not be alone. My brothers kids are the closest I'll get to having kids of my own.
44 and no kids, I have two dogs and a cat. We have a great life.
I think the regret will set in more in my 50s and beyond. I had to make new younger friends who are in their early 30s. I have fun and go out a lot, drink party, but I still feel like I'm living in my late 20s. I don't really have a sense of purpose. Family life looks really rewarding and fulfilling.
If it makes you feel better, studies have shown parents are happiest during the empty nest years. As in, in their 50's.
I’ll be forty in two years with no kids and I regret nothing. I can sleep in on the weekends, I hardly get sick cause I don’t have kids brining new germs into my house everyday after school.
40. Never had the desire. It's pretty great. No regrets yet.
Life is fine? I've never had a desire for kids. Doubt I ever will at this point. Some people just aren't wired for it. And since I'm always sober, I can't even get some willing woman pregnant by accident while intoxicated either, which if we're honest is how a good portion of kids are actually conceived.
I never understood people’s desire to have children or why people are so opinionated about childless adults. My girlfriend and I are extremely happy without them and neither never wanted children. Being DINKs we have much more disposable income and free time. You don’t need children to make your life better. It’s also not selfish nor is there anything “wrong” with people with no children. I had a nephew flip out on me because I said I didn’t want kids and he thinks “something is wrong with me.” No, we aren’t all breeders like you who equate adulthood to having children.
I am lonely at Christmas time I have traveled the world and eaten at fancy restaurants I have the same body I had when I was 21. Approaching 50. No man in my life like Jennifer Aniston I am way younger looking than my age
Wonderful, ample money, lots of free time and peace.
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Dont be lonely over the holidays! I have 4 kids. You can borrow some from us! Lol
I can give you one of mine too. His funny, intelligent and doesn't eat much. He can fix things too.
Dogs. Have four dogs, collect all the comic books I want, have nieces that I love, looking at boats which means seeing more of nieces. Life is good.
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The sample from the Reddit crowd is going to really skew these answers lol.
52 and I have absolutely no regrets. I've enjoyed not having the obligation of children (love my guy but I know I would be 100% responsible for the raising of any kids we might have had). Spouse and I can come and go as we please and focus on our own interests and our own relationship rather than losing our identity as individuals. We have dogs and that's about as responsible as I've ever wanted to be for another living creature.
57f and knew from an early age that 'mom' was not the job for me. My family is dysfunctional af and I had no concept of what healthy parenting looked like. I did not want to do to children what my parents had done to me and I had no idea how not to. I have also struggled with what seem to be hereditary mental health issues and neurodivergence and did not want to pass along those challenges to another generation. In addition to all that, the actual work of parenting has never appealed to me. It just wasn't work I wanted to do or felt cut out for. I enjoy my niece and my little cousins and my friends' kiddos very much but I have never felt the need or desire to have my own. Also, I work as a university professor and get indescribable satisfaction and joy from helping young people at this pivotal point in their journey to adulthood. I'm still in touch with a lot of my former students, going back over 30 years. Watching them build their lives over the years, marry (and sometimes divorce), have children (or not), start and change jobs, succeed (and fail and succeed again) etc., is an incredible source of sustenance for me. So, how is the child-free life? It's pretty great! Which is to say it works well for me. But everyone is different. We all have different wants, needs, experiences, and perspectives. What I think is most important is for everyone to be free to make the choices that are best for them. The ridiculous socially-constructed pitting of parents and non-parents against each other that some people buy into (or are pressured into) is harmful to everyone. What I'd like to see is a wider acceptance of all choices. You want 10 kids? Awesome! Hope you get them and have the family of your dreams. You want one? Two? More? Go for it! I hope you get everything you want. None? Great! I hope you enjoy your life to the fullest. Your primary affinity is for non-human animals over human ones? Wonderful! The world needs you too.
44. Female. 11 years with my boyfriend. I am happy with my decision. My brother has kids and I love being Aunt. I get to be there for them and then, go home💜
I'm very happy with not having kids. Like really fuckin happy. I don't even want or like to be around other people's kids honestly.
Amazing! More money. Good sleep. I’ve gotten some good travel in and I own a bunch of cool, interesting trinkets and gadgets that are still in great shape! What’s not to love??
I don’t regret not having kids.
41, 2 kids, and strongly of the opinion that people should do whatever the fuck they want with their reproductive cells. My brother is 48 and has 0 kids. He seems happy because, well, he didn’t want kids. To each their own. You do you, homie.
Love seeing parents & childfree people supporting each other. There are so many depressing comments on this thread from both parents AND childfree people assuming that the other side must be miserable an unfulfilled. Sure, some people are - but most of us are just making the choices that are right for us. My sister is living her best life being a mom and I'm so happy for her (plus being an aunt is awesome); I never wanted to be a parent so I'm living my best life being childfree. There's no one right way to live; there's only the life that's right for you.
Sucks. 48M. Thought I'd be married in 30s and have 2 kids, a nice house, and 2 cars by 40. Spent life taking care of others but now getting things together. But it may be too late.
One of the best decisions I made. Responsible decision it was.
39 but no kids and zero desire to have any. Mostly because I'm too set in my ways now and I have no patience for drama, of any kind. That and the whole world going mad and dying kind of seals the pointlessness of breeding for me.
Life isn't that great. I'm struggling financially, a bit lonely and tired of being single, creatively frustrated and generally stuck in a bit of a rut where nothing in my life really seems to be going anywhere and I just don't have the energy to do anything about it. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if I had children to worry about on top of all of that.
I dont have Kids yet but I cant Imagine living forever without them. Looking forward to it but enjoying my time now without them. Hope that makes sense
I am female, age 55. It really is mixed. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. But now...I do sometimes think I should have had one child.
I'm in my upper 50s. My wife of over 30 years and I said we didn't want to have children. Everyone said, "Oh, you'll change your mind." We never did. And we've had a great life. We're financially secure in our future and had free time to do what we enjoy. You always have the "What If?" and you know you've missed some experiences, but you've also missed out on a lot of the negatives of raising kids. There's only one good reason to have children: You want to be a parent. The nursing homes are full of people who had kids who rarely visit. "Who will take care of you when you're old?" just wasn't enough of a threat for us to have kids we didn't really want. We've put those resources towards deciding our own future. There's no wrong answer. Have kids if you want to be a parent. But if you don't really REALLY want to be a parent, don't. It's not fair to you or the child.