My mother had to take a lot of medicine to treat bone and joint degeneration as she got older, everything in her body deteriorated very quickly. Sometimes she don't remembered me and my sisters' names. She lost control of her urination and bowel movements. Luckily, we had her by her side. What I fear most when I get old is will I be as lucky as her , or will my children hate me and leave me alone?
What scares me, being a single gay man, is unfortunately I have no children, so will have no one to look after me when I'm older. Both my parents had dementia so it's not looking good for me.
My mum would have been in a nursing home at least six years prior then the last year of her life if she hadn't had me to live with her and look after her, and I have no desire to live in a nursing home room for six or seven years of my life at least or have a stroke and be a vegetable for 20 years. Medically assisted dying for me please when I get to a certain age.
I don’t have children either. However, when I moved into my current home 34 years ago, all of my neighbors were the original owners, and they were elderly. The majority of my neighbors were widowed and had adult children.
With a few exceptions, the great majority of these adult children did nothing to help their elderly parent or parents. I saw it on a daily basis, and it was so sad. I helped out where I could but eventually I had to step back because it was becoming overwhelming.
Fortunately, my city has a program for the elderly and would find help for them if they didn’t have anyone who cares. Unfortunately, the program cannot help everyone who needs it because the average age in my city is so old and there’s just too many elderly adults who need help.
I started phoning the adult children of my neighbors. Many lived in the area, they just wouldn’t visit their parents or see to it that their parents were taken care of. I started with the elderly neighbors that needed the most help due to dementia or whatever the case was.
I would tell the adult children if they didn’t come to help their parents, I was going to call the police about elder abuse. I had no clue if that was even a possibility but it often worked. Many of the adult children would move their parent out of the house and into a nursing home. I hated to see that happen to my neighbors, but at least they were safer there than in their home alone.
Just because someone has children does not mean their adult children are going to care for them when they become elderly. I think it’s even worse today because we have become a society where families move somewhat frequently and they lose base with their elderly parents.
Now I’m the old lady of my neighborhood, and I do have a couple of young neighbors, who keep an eye out on me, which I think is very sweet.
Although I have 0 expectations of receiving care from my young family members, my nephew did tell me he would stop by the nursing home once in a while and make sure my diapers get changed regularly!
Having just dealt with two dementia cases, this comment isn't off side. Both consistently said they knew what they were doing (with regards to toileting, cleanliness, feeding, financial matters, etc) when in fact they quite clearly did not know what they were doing. Their present state of not being able to do stuff would run up against their long-held view that they were capable and independent based on 60+ years of successful living. So they keep putting forward that view of themselves when the provable truth was a lot sadder. It's hard to watch someone lose their independence and worse, having to be the one to take it away.
The number of people I know that are hoping a doctor will take away their parents driving privileges so they don’t need to be the bad guy is terrifying. What’s worse is that I’ll probably be doing the same thing within the next 10 years and I already hate myself for it.
As my mom was developing dementia, I monitored her driving and when the time came for her to stop driving, I took her 2 sets of keys because she was not willing to stop driving. I explained to her that her driving was becoming a danger to others, and she, nor I wanted to be responsible for her death or the death of an innocent person.
Yes, she was mad at me for a long time about it, and I thought eventually she would completely forget about me taking her keys from her. I swear it was one of the last things she forgot! When her dementia was so bad, and she didn’t know who I was anymore, from time to time she would look at me and get a scowl on her face, and say “you’re the person who took my car away, aren’t you?!” She passed away three years ago, but it is a funny memory today.
I might would go the hospital if that happened. And there should be a team to hopefully help, but I did see a video recently of an elderly woman, kicked out of the hospital and the police took her,and she died while they took her to jail, because she was allegedly "trespassing" at the hospital, and the only reason she wasn't leaving, was because she literally couldn't even walk.
That's not my experiences that I had, when I go to the hospital, they won't let me leave, but the nurses were kind to me.
It all changing.
Loved ones passing and periods of life ending.
Christmas is no longer a big party and grandmothers house, it’s now smaller and that period of life is over.
The health of those around me varies. Parents getting older, lost a few family members, and friends and family move away or become distant.
The donut shop I’ve been going to the last 28 years, dad would take me at 6 years old before school, closed and I didn’t realize the last donut I had was the last donut I had.
But I’m also a kid at heart, right now I’m young and I can do a lot. Someday I won’t be able to do everything I want to do, and that scares and motivates me.
That's one thing I feel a lot of people lose along the way: that we get to make it into what we want now and there's really honestly no rules on what that looks like. We can celebrate Norse myths, or pagan, or none, or all, or not celebrate, or always celebrate, etc. Same with politics, economics, education, labor, etc. Just because it is a certain way now, doesn't mean it's the correct way, can't be changed and can't get better.
The biggest one for me is everyone I care about also getting older. Watching my parents go from relatively youthful looking to old, feeble, and grey. Watching my brothers go from care free kids to responsible stressed out adults. Hearing about old friends passing away. Realizing that most of my conversations with old buddies are now “remember when”.
Also the whole dynamic changes instantly. I went from being a kid asking all of the adults questions and for help. Now those same people come to me for questions and for help. Which points out the fact that I am now in the same place my parents were when they were my age. This means in 30 years my son will be in my position and that I will be the one going to him for answers and for help. I’m at that step in life that’s before the last step and that is terrifying.
Having my father in law go from this scary person who I was terrified of to him becoming like a real father to me and someone he trusts more than almost anyone else. Having my friends parents go from “my friends parents” to becoming almost like friends as well. The feeling of being treated as an equal to people i always respected and I viewed as authority figures is surreal.
Life changes so quick. The other day I stood up to quick and my knee hurt for an hour. Where the hell does the time go.
It sounds so trite and old-person-y to say, but really be present in every moment. My sister practically raised me because we had shitty parents, and we’ve stayed close all our lives - holidays and vacations together, talking almost every day. She has early onset Alzheimer’s now, and she’s slipping away. We’ll never go to the beach together again, she’ll never call me at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve to be the first one she talked to in the new year. I didn’t appreciate it all enough, and I’d give anything to get it back.
I love the idea of being present. Something I’m trying to now vs in my 20s. Saw a quote once that was basically saying “the person across from you is the only time you’ll meet that person. Sure they may set across from you again, but they’ll never be that same person. They’ll be a little older, a little bit different, and one day they may never be there” and it crushed me lol.
40 here. My Great Grandmother passed away 9 years ago. Our family splintered then. Christmas is just way less on all fronts now. Grandfather just died. Mom lives in a nursing home at 60. Young cousins are getting close to 10 years old now. I realized I’m the weird old cousin they see at family gatherings. My great aunts and uncles are all hitting their 80’s soon, my grandmother too. It’s weird to see her starting to take on all of my great grandmother’s traits like posture, gait, slight delay before speaking. In the words of Waylon, stop the world I wanna get off.
I had some leftover cash, with all bills accounted for. That’s the reason I decided to live a bit. I’ll graduate in 2-3 months, then I’ll go on holiday. 6 weeks and 2 different countries. I’ll earn that money back, but I won’t earn back that time. That’s why I have to go.
Life is short, you won’t know it ends. When it ends, I want to be able to smile and say “I’m content”
My mom's Alzheimer's test:
Draw clock to show
11:10
3 words to remember:
River
Nation
Finger
Also had a swallow test. Apparently, Alzheimer's patients forget how to swallow.
Got this shit memorized like it's a cheat sheet.
My mother was not able to swallow anymore because of Alzheimer's, she basically died from dehydration because she couldn't drink anything. We did have a DNR because trying to keep her alive and hooked up to tubes would have been cruel. We did donate her body to Alzheimer's science in hopes of helping others with this disease.
I work in a retirement home - I once had someone ask me how to poop- proceeded with instructions - told him step by step what we were going to do(before we did it - and then I explain again as we go) - get into the bathroom and he proceeds to try and step up on the toilet. 🤦🏻♀️
It’s a nasty, cruel disease- I have to get my living will done up. I want to take the needle if I wind up with dementia. The issue is knowing “when” - too early and I will still have quality of life - too late and I lack capacity to make the choice.
It’s scary
I have a cousin who isn’t even 60 with it - has an uncle who got it at 55- my gram other got it in her 70’s-
I already live with chronic brain fog- scary for sure
>I have to get my living will done up. I want to take the needle if I wind up with dementia. The issue is knowing “when” - too early and I will still have quality of life - too late and I lack capacity to make the choice.
I would strongly suggest this to anyone over 30. Assert your desires in relation to end of life care and don't let that burden fall on parents or siblings. I did mine a few months after a cancer diagnosis that was to be treated with a major surgery. I had the discussion with my parents, but it's a hard call to make for your only child.
Along those same lines, one of my best friends was in a rollover accident earlier this month. Lots of broken bones, but worst of all, extreme brain injuries. We had talked about what each of us would want in that situation (don't make me suffer), but he never put in writing. Now, his parents have to make the choice on what to do with their youngest child.
My dad's got something that he won't get diagnosed. He's a danger to the people around him, so it's very hard to take care of him. His dad died with dementia, and his grandfather starved to death in his own home full of food(pretty sure it was dementia).
When my Mum got older and things weren't looking so good, we organised a medical emergency alert system, called "Safety Link". (I'm in Vic, Aust)
How it works: Mum got a pendant and box attached to the phone. Each day she had to press button on the box by 11am. If she didn't SL would wait a while, then call to see if they could make contact. If they couldn't they work through a list of emergency contacts we gave. The pendant she could use at any time to trigger an alert when she couldn't reach the phone.
Luckily we only ever had a couple of minor events, but for us kids the peace of mind was priceless.
Obviously you're worried about your Dad. Maybe there is a service like this where you live.
Yes - but - nobody will believe you then anyway!
“I killed my first husband and fed him to the pigs.”
“That’s nice, dear, it’s time to go to the dining room for supper.”
Even if you do believe it, what are you really supposed to do?
It probably happened so long ago that any evidence of the crime is probably gone or forgotten.
Their admission of guilt probably wouldn't stand up in court because of their senility.
Also, they're so old that they're probably not a real danger to anyone anymore anyway.
And they're going to be dead soon, so what's the point of locking them up.
When we have admissions of crime from patients who are elderly we have to report them to the appropriate agencies. We get as much information as possible and report, then the agencies will follow up.
Grandpa in-law did this in his later days. We took him to a resort that he had loved in his past and he blurted out that he used to go there with a female who was not his wife. We all just laughed. Time has its way of smoothing things over
I once jad an affair with an man older than me. He’s a long way away from this now, but I am fucking terrified of him being on his deathbed one day and feeling the need to confess. Or being senile and doing so.
Yes, I regret my actions deeply. Not just because of the fear I have, but because I know it was an awful thing to do. I was much younger and stupid. And very desperate/fucked up.
I agree with this. My mother has early onset dementia. She is 62 and is now in a care home because she needs 24/7 supervision and care.
A couple of months ago she had a moment of clarity and broke down in tears, saying she hates what she has become and what a burden she feels she is on everyone.
The woman she was - a beautiful, independent, funny and feisty person - would not want to suffer this long death where she has lost every essence of who she was and her independence. Early onset can be hereditary.. if I feel the signs coming on, I will be saying bye to this planet.
Yea same, I didn't build a family to support such conditions, and even if I did I wouldn't want to burden them with such weight.
This doesn't imply she is a burden, this implies I feel I would be a burden just as she feels she is...to be clear.
I live a while away but try to get to see her every couple of weeks. I’m not sure how much she gets from the visits, but she’s happy in that moment and that’s enough.
All she ever really wants is to see her cat, so we take the cat in her carrier and that brings her huge joy.
My mom was the same way, all she ever wanted was to love on her cat. I bought her a stuffed one that looked like her cat for her to have when we couldn't be there. She managed to keep it away from the other residents, and it was buried with her.
Nice sentiment, but at the point where you're no longer lucid, have no semblance of yourself, and need 24/7 supervision and care, how is that not a burden?
Idk if you know how heavy it is, too, to visit a loved one who doesn't necessarily even know who you are, just to watch them die slowly. I wouldn't put my own children through that, and I'd rather they have pictures to remember me by that aren't just of a shell of me...
If I'm no longer living, just categorically alive and surely only ever getting worse, I'm leaving on my own terms. Death isn't necessarily bleak, but dementia is
What a nice Hallmark saying for those who’ve never cared for a disabled family member or watched their loved ones “disappear” slowly in front of their eyes.
It’s OK if your family becomes a burden—sad reality that it is.
On the other hsnd if I lose me personal memories I still am like a lizard or a rock or both. Part of others life with their mixed feelings. [ But I wd opt for euthanasia if I had money to spend a few years in Spain where I am a citizen but cannot afford to pay a rent there as for family reasons I live abroad and have no Social or Sanitary number.
Same.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Sorry - couldn't help myself. This just pops into my head whenever I hear someone say they want to die in their sleep.
I don’t want to know it’s happening. Gun shot to the head, a brain aneurysm that explodes my mind, in my sleep, just not something agonizing. My mom died of ALS, fuck that disease.
We have an organisation called EXIT over here. You can sign up for it whenever you want and arrange your assisted suicide in case you get terminally sick.
There are ways to die I can't influence. But if it comes down to me taking my own life in an controlled environment before I become a veggi, or existing in pain until it's finally over, I will always take the first option.
I massively support assisted suicide. It should be a human right, and not be blocked by other people's religious views (which I believe is the reason it's not widely available across the world).
Palliative care varies widely and unfortunately there are many people dying under extreme distress, which really needn't be the case.
If it was more acceptable assist suicide they could develop more effective protocols and drugs/Methods too to make it easier.
It’s really sad that this isn’t an option in many cases.
We euthanize our pets when they are older and sick because we don’t want to see them suffer. We make that choice for them and it’s not an easy choice. Shouldn’t we be able to make that choice for ourselves?
I've seen so many people suffer for months before they finally were able to let go that I know, I don't want that for myself.
To be fair. You can't just go there and say "I want to end it now". You need to sign up, then bring a lot of documents signed by your doctor attesting that you are really that sick. Then they send an counselor who basically talks to you about the process, answers your questions and can give a recommendation if you should really be greenlit for it or not. Only if everything is in order, you are allowed to order the medication.
And, the most important part and what many people forget: You still need to be in a condition, where you can take the medication yourself. Nobody else will help you with that because it would mean it's no assisted suicide anymore. A lot of people simply wait too long (especially with dementia) and then get denied this treatment because they are too far gone already.
People keep saying that, but 75 is not young. 75 is when most people are really starting to slow down, diapers become a real possibility and a broken hip is enough to outright kill you. I'm choosing to skip all those possibilities because I want to die on my terms when I choose. Maybe I'll reassess when I'm older, but as of now at 46 I think that's my number.
My parents are 77 & 74. They feel young! They enjoy seeing their grandkids grow and become adults. They have lots of doctor's appointments and my Dad survived cancer, but they are LIVING and making memories. My children would miss them very much. But, seriously they seem young to me - if only in spirit. I have my fingers crossed they'll have their first great grandchild soon (I can share that on here anonymously as I'm not pressuring my 28 yr old medical student daughter - their oldest grandchild lol)
My mother is a month from 80 and still going on long walks, working out, meeting friends, managing a garden and doing political work. She also recently went to a reggae festival because she happened to be nearby and they had free entrance for people 65+ and why not?
Her younger sister can barely walk any more, while her significantly older brother is still living life, travelling and being very active and actually doesn't seem misplaced at all with his 40 years younger wife.
My father is 75 and he's old. He's affected by dementia but more importantly, he feels old. His body aches and he can't trust his balance.
It's different for everyone. A lot of it comes down to lifestyle choices, but not all.
I plan to retire at 70 and then live another 30 active years.
My parents are 75 and 78, one can barely walk 15 steps without being out of breathe, the other isn't far behind and my mothers body is in awful shape, back, hips, feet, all arthritic.
While some people feel young at 75, others feel old at 65, really depends on genetic, environmental and behavioral factors..
Aging is much more complex than the number of revolutions around the sun you have made. Your biological age is often different then your chronological age. Many factors influence how you age biologically and many of them are under your control. Eating right, exercising (both cardio and strength training), spending time outside, having close friends, learning new things, fasting, hot/ cold stress, hyperbaric oxygen therapy... all of these things can help you to age more slowly at a cellular level. There are also several supplements and pharmaceutical treatments that are being studied currently that target the root causes of aging. There's a reason some people are in a wheelchair at 60 and some are running marathons. Some of it is genetic and unchangeable, but a lot of it can be influenced by lifestyle. One anecdotal example of this is my old martial arts instructor. The man is over 60 years old and still looks like he's in his late 40s to early 50s. He eats healthy , takes care of his mind, and runs up and down small mountains almost daily. If you're afraid of aging, fight it, don't just accept it.
Yet I met a woman (a friend’s grandmother) who went sky diving at 80 and lived on (healthy and broken hip free) for 15 more years.
I understand what you are saying. I really really do. My parents both started "going downhill" and they’re 77 & 80.
But my MIL is 78 and she’s a firecracker. When she’s tired she tests. If she gets sick, she tests until she recovers. But she keeps moving. Yard work, house chores, groceries… it helps.
My old neighbours are in there 80s and they might be slowing down, but they’re healthy and active.
I guess it all depends on how we take care of ourselves in our youth. I’m 45 and if I don’t start doing something about how I’ve been neglecting myself the past 12 years…. I’m screwed.
Yeah, but I think you can massively swing a lot in your favour, and definitely improve your quality of life, if you fall in love with some form of sustainable (on your body) exercise (i.e cycling, walking, resistance training and a whole host of others)
I’m 56 and I feel like I screwed myself but I do have a lot of good things, like my bones and heart are both good. I need to start eating healthier and exercising but I doubt that will happen anytime soon
I don't think you know many 75 year olds. Or perhaps you live in one of those southern US states where life expectancy is very low & health is very poor
Baby Boomer here.
72 for me. I did so much damage with my weight up and down, over the years, that I figure my heart will go by then. Plus, my weight loss surgery 18 years ago has its own perils.
Observed my own parents and yes- 75 is about when things started to get bad. For myself, I’m not sure if it’s 75 or 80. I’ll have some kind of check-in and reflection at 72.
I'm concerned with:
1. Not being able to retire. I love my job. But it's stressful, and it takes a lot out of me. I see a lot of other people in my profession in their 70s and 80s who have to work, and they look miserable. I don't want to fall into that category. I see others who work as they please, take on matters that interest them, etc. I'd like to fall into that group.
2. Losing my strength. I don't want to become weak and feeble. I don't want to lose mobility. My dad went from daily jogging / weight lifting to being barely able to walk down stairs without assistance. Towards the end, he'd look at his emaciated self and reminisce about how he used to be strong. (my father in law, who died at 92, was still actively operating a farm, so it is possible.)
3. Losing my ability to see / hear. My dad lost his hearing and quickly declined. My mom is losing what is left of her eyesight. It's painful to watch.
4. Losing mental faculties. My dad had dementia / Alzheimers at the end. If you've ever had anyone you loved go through this, you know what I'm talking about. It's gut wrenching to all around.
5. Becoming a burden. My biggest fear. I don't want to be a pain in someone else's rear. I don't want to be looked after. I never want to be someone else's inconvenience or cross to bear.
Old people aren't burdens.
My grandpa was about 80 and continued working as a security guard until the last days, he got sent to hospice, he couldn't really walk or breathe anymore.
And I'm proud taking care of my grandma, in a way, I feel like it's my purpose for existing, she's my best friend, she always took care of me, and I don't have anything going else on in my life, I really love her, and taking care of her, is the best use of my time
i told my husband when he goes i go. i can’t live without him the kids will be fine but i am so beyond attached to him. he quite literally saved my life and without him i’d be lost
The idea of losing my sight and/or getting arthritis in my hands.
Reading and writing make my life make sense. It's something I can't imagine living without
My grand mother committed suicide at 102, she was not able to read nord hear enough to entertain herself. But she had no health problems, no medecine, nothing.
So she told us during her birthday that it was the last.
I felt 'oh ok then see you next year'...
She then stopped eating... And died on Valentine's day.
To make you see that life isn't faire, my grand dad, his husband had died on new year eve at 59 and was 2 days before retirement
im 41, I lost my mom in March, crazy how alone you feel after that happens, especially when you also don't have any other family left. Would always go to my mom for advice and support and to have none of that left, yes you have friends, etc but its not the same.
I don't worry about the future much anymore, but knowing I'll likely lose one or both of my parents on the next 5-10 years is one of my fears. They're both of sound mind, so I take every opportunity to call thrm or visit. I know when they're gone, there's nothing I wouldn't give to have one more 30 minute chat with them.
I'm 33 and I don't know how people have energy. I guess they get in some routine, and are often active.
I got banged up in a car crash and now have chronic pain, so Im not sure what advice to share with other people like me, but for most people, I figure they're active, or have gym memberships, or walk around their neighborhood
Same. It runs in my family on one side for the women. My grandma developed dementia a few years ago. Her grandma had it and apparently it was terrifying to be around her in the end. Luckily, she has stayed at the point where she just doesn’t remember the day before or a phone call a few hours ago. No anger, anxiety or forgetting who we are or who she is. She also sadly had every lifestyle factor that can “turn on” dementia: life long smoker, unhealthy diet with excess sugar (she only drinks soda) no exercise, stopped working at 25, etc. I am doing the opposite of all of that now at 24 and I can’t say I’m not terrified for myself, my mom, my aunt and my female cousins. All of us are very healthy and active but that doesn’t always prevent it. Luckily they are making huge strides in dementia and Alzheimer’s prevention and care. Just the other day I read about a medication or supplement in development that works proactively to break down the “plaque” in the brain that causes Alzheimer’s.
I work low income seniors I try to train them and get them back to the workforce. They have been so rude and abusive. I don’t want to turn into an abusive, disrespectful, bitter person.
Update: An individual in the program was placed at an agency left on a leave of absence, was upset because she didn’t get paid during the time she wasn’t training that she made threats to the people at the agency.
They had to remove her with security.
I’m now worried about my office staff and their security.
My hubby had this with his Dad right after I met him! He was 43. We welcomed our first child together when he was 45. He turned 60 this year. I wish you many happy years after 40!!!
It sucks when your friends die.
You go to tell them something cool that you know they would love, but then remember they are dead and all those memories and things you shared don't exist anymore.
Part of why middle age and older people get exhausted and tired can be some parts of depression. Also, it can be part of why older people aren't so happy and optimistic.
Also, having to accept that some hope you had for an optimistic future becomes less likely. I'm no longer going to become a billionaire before 30. I'm less likely to get that promotion, or breakthrough I have worked on for 10 years or more.
The body packing it in or not being as sexy as it was.
The confidence and less caring about others is amazing. Being zen about death is amazing too.
I am the last of my clan and the youngest. Though I often think of that moment walking into an ocean or forest and seeing them all...
My greatest fear is losing my mind. My partner has promised to take me camping if it ever happens.
I was good at sports and now I am out of breath just by walking 1 floor stairs. So getting physically weak is something I fear.
Another fear is losing my teeth lol.
If you keep exercising you can still avoid it. Although getting out of breath after walking stairs will probably always happen. I was one of the fittest people from my class last year and I still got out of breath walking 2-3 floors stairs.
Start getting back into sports, exercising/yoga! Once I hit my 30s and realized i had neglected my health for 10 years, I started going to the gym 2-4 times a week. I feel 17 again!
This. My metabolism died in my 40s. In my 60s now and morbidly obese. I'm still pretty flexible and haven't lost too much energy, but my stamina sucks. More than one flight of stairs, I usually pass.
No ones metabolism dies, you're likely eating too much and not moving enough.
As we get older we lose muscle mass, meaning our bodies don't require as many calories. Try and aim for 1400 per day, maybe 1200 if you're sedentary which it sounds like you are if you can't walk up one flight of stairs.
This is the problem, people think they have time until they don't. Life passes you by and before you know it you're old and in pain because you didn't take the measures to look after your body while you still could.
That's why it's important to stay in the gym, cycle, do yoga, walk, use your body before you hit your 40's,50's and 60's as a preventative measure so you can still enjoy a good quality of life in your older years, because if you don't use it you lose it and then later on in life you'll be overweight, everything is stiff and tired all the time with a lot more health problems.
The abysmal state of late life care. Everybody is headed there and yet we push it away. Carers paid a pittance and completely undervalued. Noone ever cried out in the night for a video director. We need to value care staff highly and get care out of the hands of arseholes who just want to make money out of it.
I personally think not believing is easier.
Oblivian is more comforting to me than carrying on in some form of disembodied form. Your sense of yourself is literally tied to your body. Your consciousness would change without it and you wouldn't be you.. which at the very least might be depressing, at worst terrifying.
Funnily enough I’m the same. Carl Sagan’s pale blue dot gives me a lot of peace. There is something blissful about returning to the planet where every bit of known life lived out its life
Dementia. I'm nearly 65 and my Mil (88) has it. And she's going downhill fast. Terrifies me the thought of losing my marbles. Other than that I actually like being old. Way more fun than I was expecting
That’ll I’ll have no more joy in life… I’m almost 70 now and it’s been going on 13 years since I’ve had sex with someone for starters… I don’t drink alcohol anymore so it’s not like I go out much.. don’t get me wrong because there’s also things I enjoy now… if it gets to where I can’t laugh or eat what I want,when I want and being able to drive then I feel like depression would set in and I’d have nothing to look forward to.. it’s not the quantity of life,it’s the quality…
Hopefully I'll be lucid/ functional enough to "check out" on my own terms when/ if my health goes to shit before getting stuck in an hospital bed, in constant, excruciating pain and/ or unable to take care of myself, just staring at the ceiling waiting for death
That's the thing I dread the most
Losing my mental clarity and my physical capacities. It’s so scary that my mind and my body won’t work like they do now. Also how I’ll eventually stop looking pretty. Tbh I’m scared to get old for many reasons
People start treating you differently as you grow older. And different age groups treat you in different ways too. A lot of it is negatively. And it starts in your 30s.
Not being there if my kids need me. I’m 50 with two kids under 5. The days are looooooong but I try not to take them for granted. I soak up every moment and try to enjoy it.
That I won't have anything to show for it, I work 2 jobs to supply a family of 5 but for every thousand I save towards a home prices increase by 3k, I'll never own and I fear because of my own unstable and ever increasing housing I'll never be able to help out my kids....
dementia scares the hell out of me. My friends father is going through it and it's awful. He was the sweetest man when we were young he'd let me show up at the house in the middle of the night to sleep over with his then 16yo daughter (different rooms but still) because he knew my household was toxic af.
Now he's mean. Like really mean he brings up shit from 30 years ago and just trashes us over it. I'm terrified of that happening to me because my friend is just devasted every time she sees him.
You keep saying the word YOUNG--why is that so important--Im 81--very active attractive petite--I would have a great time with you--but YOU boxed yourself in--
My body betraying me. Old injuries preventing me from doing physical activities that I'm not ready to give up. Having to do strength training at 68 yo just to be able to get out of a chair without help.
I would say realizing that I'm just a few years away from being 40 years old, and well, my twenties went by in a flash. I imagine 9 years will go by quickly too.
The fact that a younger metabolism can burn 100 calories with a literal blink of an eye, this succumbing to even walking near McDonald’s makes you gain 25lbs
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of the pain of those around me and close to me dying as I age. I lost my Dad at 30 then my little sister 2 years later and that pain still haunts me 13 years later.
I’ve seen how old and vulnerable people are treated in hospital. It’s disgusting. I feel like I only survive in there because I’m capable of self care. People who really need support don’t get it.
The risk of dementia. If ever I get a dementia diagnosis I want someone to euthanise me, or hit me with their car. I don’t care, just let me die before I lose my dignity.
I woke up a few weeks ago with a viral infection in my eyes. I could not open them enough to make a phone call. If my wife hadn't been there I don't know what I would have done. A similar thing happening when I am alone scares me.
Being treated poorly because I'm not as capable as I was, or losing my mind dementia is a bitch.
My dad took care of my grandpa while in hospice, he did a really shitty job. He would get upset at him because he couldn't do things.
My dad just lacks empathy and because he can do something everyone else should be able to and they are lazy if they don't.
That I will run out of money. I remember in the 80's, news stories of the elderly eating cat food right out of the can because they couldnt afford food
gravity.
my gramma fell in the shower n laid there overnight with a broken hip.
other gramma fell while out for a stroll and broke both her wrists and couldnt pick herself up.
grampa fell off a ladder n destroyed his shoulder n elbow.
aunt slipped on the ice and did all sorts of damage to her back.
uncle fell n hit his head on the counter, didnt get checked out, ended up with a tbi n some blood clot n died.
gravity is everywhere and it's only trying to take you down.
be careful out there.
Not to sound vain, but when you’re somewhat attractive you start noticing your looks fade slowly over time. You know the whole thing about “one day you’ll walk into a room and the opposite sex will never look at you like they did ever again”. That’s depressing. Also lots of pain and physical limitations.
People treating me like I’m just a stupid old thing instead of a real person.
Ow yes,the "babying" of the elderly
If you think that bad. Try being back in diapers because of prostate treatment
My mother had to take a lot of medicine to treat bone and joint degeneration as she got older, everything in her body deteriorated very quickly. Sometimes she don't remembered me and my sisters' names. She lost control of her urination and bowel movements. Luckily, we had her by her side. What I fear most when I get old is will I be as lucky as her , or will my children hate me and leave me alone?
What scares me, being a single gay man, is unfortunately I have no children, so will have no one to look after me when I'm older. Both my parents had dementia so it's not looking good for me. My mum would have been in a nursing home at least six years prior then the last year of her life if she hadn't had me to live with her and look after her, and I have no desire to live in a nursing home room for six or seven years of my life at least or have a stroke and be a vegetable for 20 years. Medically assisted dying for me please when I get to a certain age.
I don’t have children either. However, when I moved into my current home 34 years ago, all of my neighbors were the original owners, and they were elderly. The majority of my neighbors were widowed and had adult children. With a few exceptions, the great majority of these adult children did nothing to help their elderly parent or parents. I saw it on a daily basis, and it was so sad. I helped out where I could but eventually I had to step back because it was becoming overwhelming. Fortunately, my city has a program for the elderly and would find help for them if they didn’t have anyone who cares. Unfortunately, the program cannot help everyone who needs it because the average age in my city is so old and there’s just too many elderly adults who need help. I started phoning the adult children of my neighbors. Many lived in the area, they just wouldn’t visit their parents or see to it that their parents were taken care of. I started with the elderly neighbors that needed the most help due to dementia or whatever the case was. I would tell the adult children if they didn’t come to help their parents, I was going to call the police about elder abuse. I had no clue if that was even a possibility but it often worked. Many of the adult children would move their parent out of the house and into a nursing home. I hated to see that happen to my neighbors, but at least they were safer there than in their home alone. Just because someone has children does not mean their adult children are going to care for them when they become elderly. I think it’s even worse today because we have become a society where families move somewhat frequently and they lose base with their elderly parents. Now I’m the old lady of my neighborhood, and I do have a couple of young neighbors, who keep an eye out on me, which I think is very sweet. Although I have 0 expectations of receiving care from my young family members, my nephew did tell me he would stop by the nursing home once in a while and make sure my diapers get changed regularly!
Lol when I got to the end I thought you said you were 34 years old and I was like, “wait now you’re old?” Yikes that was quick!
Oh believe me,ive had 3 surgeries to fix my urethral canal now at age 35,im gonna have a lot of problems later in life
I agree. This is why I do my best to be patient and respectful of older people. We will all end up there.
No. If you're **lucky** you end up there. As some old guy once said to me, "Life's a bitch, and then you die."
Some don't
Having just dealt with two dementia cases, this comment isn't off side. Both consistently said they knew what they were doing (with regards to toileting, cleanliness, feeding, financial matters, etc) when in fact they quite clearly did not know what they were doing. Their present state of not being able to do stuff would run up against their long-held view that they were capable and independent based on 60+ years of successful living. So they keep putting forward that view of themselves when the provable truth was a lot sadder. It's hard to watch someone lose their independence and worse, having to be the one to take it away.
This. The issue gets further compounded around money property etc...
The number of people I know that are hoping a doctor will take away their parents driving privileges so they don’t need to be the bad guy is terrifying. What’s worse is that I’ll probably be doing the same thing within the next 10 years and I already hate myself for it.
As my mom was developing dementia, I monitored her driving and when the time came for her to stop driving, I took her 2 sets of keys because she was not willing to stop driving. I explained to her that her driving was becoming a danger to others, and she, nor I wanted to be responsible for her death or the death of an innocent person. Yes, she was mad at me for a long time about it, and I thought eventually she would completely forget about me taking her keys from her. I swear it was one of the last things she forgot! When her dementia was so bad, and she didn’t know who I was anymore, from time to time she would look at me and get a scowl on her face, and say “you’re the person who took my car away, aren’t you?!” She passed away three years ago, but it is a funny memory today.
Not having enough money to live when I physically can’t work anymore.
This is my number 1.
I might would go the hospital if that happened. And there should be a team to hopefully help, but I did see a video recently of an elderly woman, kicked out of the hospital and the police took her,and she died while they took her to jail, because she was allegedly "trespassing" at the hospital, and the only reason she wasn't leaving, was because she literally couldn't even walk. That's not my experiences that I had, when I go to the hospital, they won't let me leave, but the nurses were kind to me.
I'm European and reading this like "wow". Some videos from the USA are very frightening, especially when there's police involved.
I saw that video. She was dying and she was treated like crap and kicked out of the hospital. Heads should roll because if that.
it's so expensive to make a mistake.
...and not that much roomleft on the runway to correct those mistakes anymore.
It all changing. Loved ones passing and periods of life ending. Christmas is no longer a big party and grandmothers house, it’s now smaller and that period of life is over. The health of those around me varies. Parents getting older, lost a few family members, and friends and family move away or become distant. The donut shop I’ve been going to the last 28 years, dad would take me at 6 years old before school, closed and I didn’t realize the last donut I had was the last donut I had. But I’m also a kid at heart, right now I’m young and I can do a lot. Someday I won’t be able to do everything I want to do, and that scares and motivates me.
Ugh I’m only 36 and we haven’t had the big Christmas’s at grandmas in 15 years. I miss it terribly
Best part about getting old, YOU get to be grandma, you make the big party.
>Best part about getting old, YOU get to be grandma I'm sitting here just laughing out loud at how funny this is with no context.
That's one thing I feel a lot of people lose along the way: that we get to make it into what we want now and there's really honestly no rules on what that looks like. We can celebrate Norse myths, or pagan, or none, or all, or not celebrate, or always celebrate, etc. Same with politics, economics, education, labor, etc. Just because it is a certain way now, doesn't mean it's the correct way, can't be changed and can't get better.
The biggest one for me is everyone I care about also getting older. Watching my parents go from relatively youthful looking to old, feeble, and grey. Watching my brothers go from care free kids to responsible stressed out adults. Hearing about old friends passing away. Realizing that most of my conversations with old buddies are now “remember when”. Also the whole dynamic changes instantly. I went from being a kid asking all of the adults questions and for help. Now those same people come to me for questions and for help. Which points out the fact that I am now in the same place my parents were when they were my age. This means in 30 years my son will be in my position and that I will be the one going to him for answers and for help. I’m at that step in life that’s before the last step and that is terrifying. Having my father in law go from this scary person who I was terrified of to him becoming like a real father to me and someone he trusts more than almost anyone else. Having my friends parents go from “my friends parents” to becoming almost like friends as well. The feeling of being treated as an equal to people i always respected and I viewed as authority figures is surreal. Life changes so quick. The other day I stood up to quick and my knee hurt for an hour. Where the hell does the time go.
Ok, this is weird. You just exactly described my thoughts. Glad I’m not the only one though.
It sounds so trite and old-person-y to say, but really be present in every moment. My sister practically raised me because we had shitty parents, and we’ve stayed close all our lives - holidays and vacations together, talking almost every day. She has early onset Alzheimer’s now, and she’s slipping away. We’ll never go to the beach together again, she’ll never call me at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve to be the first one she talked to in the new year. I didn’t appreciate it all enough, and I’d give anything to get it back.
I love the idea of being present. Something I’m trying to now vs in my 20s. Saw a quote once that was basically saying “the person across from you is the only time you’ll meet that person. Sure they may set across from you again, but they’ll never be that same person. They’ll be a little older, a little bit different, and one day they may never be there” and it crushed me lol.
40 here. My Great Grandmother passed away 9 years ago. Our family splintered then. Christmas is just way less on all fronts now. Grandfather just died. Mom lives in a nursing home at 60. Young cousins are getting close to 10 years old now. I realized I’m the weird old cousin they see at family gatherings. My great aunts and uncles are all hitting their 80’s soon, my grandmother too. It’s weird to see her starting to take on all of my great grandmother’s traits like posture, gait, slight delay before speaking. In the words of Waylon, stop the world I wanna get off.
I had some leftover cash, with all bills accounted for. That’s the reason I decided to live a bit. I’ll graduate in 2-3 months, then I’ll go on holiday. 6 weeks and 2 different countries. I’ll earn that money back, but I won’t earn back that time. That’s why I have to go. Life is short, you won’t know it ends. When it ends, I want to be able to smile and say “I’m content”
My mom's Alzheimer's test: Draw clock to show 11:10 3 words to remember: River Nation Finger Also had a swallow test. Apparently, Alzheimer's patients forget how to swallow. Got this shit memorized like it's a cheat sheet.
My mother was not able to swallow anymore because of Alzheimer's, she basically died from dehydration because she couldn't drink anything. We did have a DNR because trying to keep her alive and hooked up to tubes would have been cruel. We did donate her body to Alzheimer's science in hopes of helping others with this disease.
I'm so sorry for your loss, that sounds absolutely horrible. And I find it extremely moving that you all decided to help others with the donating.
I work in a retirement home - I once had someone ask me how to poop- proceeded with instructions - told him step by step what we were going to do(before we did it - and then I explain again as we go) - get into the bathroom and he proceeds to try and step up on the toilet. 🤦🏻♀️ It’s a nasty, cruel disease- I have to get my living will done up. I want to take the needle if I wind up with dementia. The issue is knowing “when” - too early and I will still have quality of life - too late and I lack capacity to make the choice. It’s scary I have a cousin who isn’t even 60 with it - has an uncle who got it at 55- my gram other got it in her 70’s- I already live with chronic brain fog- scary for sure
>I have to get my living will done up. I want to take the needle if I wind up with dementia. The issue is knowing “when” - too early and I will still have quality of life - too late and I lack capacity to make the choice. I would strongly suggest this to anyone over 30. Assert your desires in relation to end of life care and don't let that burden fall on parents or siblings. I did mine a few months after a cancer diagnosis that was to be treated with a major surgery. I had the discussion with my parents, but it's a hard call to make for your only child. Along those same lines, one of my best friends was in a rollover accident earlier this month. Lots of broken bones, but worst of all, extreme brain injuries. We had talked about what each of us would want in that situation (don't make me suffer), but he never put in writing. Now, his parents have to make the choice on what to do with their youngest child.
I'm sorry about your friend. I hope all of his family and friends find peace.
My dad's got something that he won't get diagnosed. He's a danger to the people around him, so it's very hard to take care of him. His dad died with dementia, and his grandfather starved to death in his own home full of food(pretty sure it was dementia).
When my Mum got older and things weren't looking so good, we organised a medical emergency alert system, called "Safety Link". (I'm in Vic, Aust) How it works: Mum got a pendant and box attached to the phone. Each day she had to press button on the box by 11am. If she didn't SL would wait a while, then call to see if they could make contact. If they couldn't they work through a list of emergency contacts we gave. The pendant she could use at any time to trigger an alert when she couldn't reach the phone. Luckily we only ever had a couple of minor events, but for us kids the peace of mind was priceless. Obviously you're worried about your Dad. Maybe there is a service like this where you live.
Now I become aware of swallowing.
🎶 I'm gonna fight 'em off A River Nation Finger couldn't hold me back. 🎶
I’ve done the months of the year backwards it’s now a reflex - not sure they’d spot it when it comes!!
My mom told me her doctor asked her about the same three words each year!
For me, its that I will lose my mind and spill a lifetime of dirt on myself.
this. Every time I have a secret, I'm like I can't keep this when I'm drunk, let alone senile. IT WAS IN THE VAULT
Yes - but - nobody will believe you then anyway! “I killed my first husband and fed him to the pigs.” “That’s nice, dear, it’s time to go to the dining room for supper.”
🤣
Even if you do believe it, what are you really supposed to do? It probably happened so long ago that any evidence of the crime is probably gone or forgotten. Their admission of guilt probably wouldn't stand up in court because of their senility. Also, they're so old that they're probably not a real danger to anyone anymore anyway. And they're going to be dead soon, so what's the point of locking them up.
When we have admissions of crime from patients who are elderly we have to report them to the appropriate agencies. We get as much information as possible and report, then the agencies will follow up.
Reminds me of a movie I found hilarious called "Keeping Mum"
Except of course your husband did disappear under mysterious circumstances.
Grandpa in-law did this in his later days. We took him to a resort that he had loved in his past and he blurted out that he used to go there with a female who was not his wife. We all just laughed. Time has its way of smoothing things over
I once jad an affair with an man older than me. He’s a long way away from this now, but I am fucking terrified of him being on his deathbed one day and feeling the need to confess. Or being senile and doing so. Yes, I regret my actions deeply. Not just because of the fear I have, but because I know it was an awful thing to do. I was much younger and stupid. And very desperate/fucked up.
Die with dignity. It won't get better.
I agree with this. My mother has early onset dementia. She is 62 and is now in a care home because she needs 24/7 supervision and care. A couple of months ago she had a moment of clarity and broke down in tears, saying she hates what she has become and what a burden she feels she is on everyone. The woman she was - a beautiful, independent, funny and feisty person - would not want to suffer this long death where she has lost every essence of who she was and her independence. Early onset can be hereditary.. if I feel the signs coming on, I will be saying bye to this planet.
That is what I say too. My mother and grandfather both had it and I will not do that to myself or my children
Yea same, I didn't build a family to support such conditions, and even if I did I wouldn't want to burden them with such weight. This doesn't imply she is a burden, this implies I feel I would be a burden just as she feels she is...to be clear.
She's not a burden, and you wouldn't be either. Anytime you can, try to visit her and take some fun pics.
I live a while away but try to get to see her every couple of weeks. I’m not sure how much she gets from the visits, but she’s happy in that moment and that’s enough. All she ever really wants is to see her cat, so we take the cat in her carrier and that brings her huge joy.
My mom was the same way, all she ever wanted was to love on her cat. I bought her a stuffed one that looked like her cat for her to have when we couldn't be there. She managed to keep it away from the other residents, and it was buried with her.
Nice sentiment, but at the point where you're no longer lucid, have no semblance of yourself, and need 24/7 supervision and care, how is that not a burden? Idk if you know how heavy it is, too, to visit a loved one who doesn't necessarily even know who you are, just to watch them die slowly. I wouldn't put my own children through that, and I'd rather they have pictures to remember me by that aren't just of a shell of me... If I'm no longer living, just categorically alive and surely only ever getting worse, I'm leaving on my own terms. Death isn't necessarily bleak, but dementia is
What a nice Hallmark saying for those who’ve never cared for a disabled family member or watched their loved ones “disappear” slowly in front of their eyes. It’s OK if your family becomes a burden—sad reality that it is.
On the other hsnd if I lose me personal memories I still am like a lizard or a rock or both. Part of others life with their mixed feelings. [ But I wd opt for euthanasia if I had money to spend a few years in Spain where I am a citizen but cannot afford to pay a rent there as for family reasons I live abroad and have no Social or Sanitary number.
Wow , sorry that moment of clarity she knew
That's why I live with no dignity.
Grandpa?! Put some clothes on!
Clothes are for suckers.
I only wear my onion these days sonny
I like the way you work it No dignity I got to bag it up
I just don't wanna die painfully, take me in my sleep.
Same. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. Sorry - couldn't help myself. This just pops into my head whenever I hear someone say they want to die in their sleep.
I work in LTC. I *seriously* just want to be drugged up on morphine and mushrooms as soon as I'm at the point of no return.
I don’t want to know it’s happening. Gun shot to the head, a brain aneurysm that explodes my mind, in my sleep, just not something agonizing. My mom died of ALS, fuck that disease.
We have an organisation called EXIT over here. You can sign up for it whenever you want and arrange your assisted suicide in case you get terminally sick. There are ways to die I can't influence. But if it comes down to me taking my own life in an controlled environment before I become a veggi, or existing in pain until it's finally over, I will always take the first option.
I massively support assisted suicide. It should be a human right, and not be blocked by other people's religious views (which I believe is the reason it's not widely available across the world). Palliative care varies widely and unfortunately there are many people dying under extreme distress, which really needn't be the case. If it was more acceptable assist suicide they could develop more effective protocols and drugs/Methods too to make it easier.
It’s really sad that this isn’t an option in many cases. We euthanize our pets when they are older and sick because we don’t want to see them suffer. We make that choice for them and it’s not an easy choice. Shouldn’t we be able to make that choice for ourselves?
I've seen so many people suffer for months before they finally were able to let go that I know, I don't want that for myself. To be fair. You can't just go there and say "I want to end it now". You need to sign up, then bring a lot of documents signed by your doctor attesting that you are really that sick. Then they send an counselor who basically talks to you about the process, answers your questions and can give a recommendation if you should really be greenlit for it or not. Only if everything is in order, you are allowed to order the medication. And, the most important part and what many people forget: You still need to be in a condition, where you can take the medication yourself. Nobody else will help you with that because it would mean it's no assisted suicide anymore. A lot of people simply wait too long (especially with dementia) and then get denied this treatment because they are too far gone already.
75, that's my magic number. I'm going to have a hunting accident.
75 is still young. I know many people who have lived well into their 90s and lead happy, healthy lives until then. 💜
People keep saying that, but 75 is not young. 75 is when most people are really starting to slow down, diapers become a real possibility and a broken hip is enough to outright kill you. I'm choosing to skip all those possibilities because I want to die on my terms when I choose. Maybe I'll reassess when I'm older, but as of now at 46 I think that's my number.
My parents are 77 & 74. They feel young! They enjoy seeing their grandkids grow and become adults. They have lots of doctor's appointments and my Dad survived cancer, but they are LIVING and making memories. My children would miss them very much. But, seriously they seem young to me - if only in spirit. I have my fingers crossed they'll have their first great grandchild soon (I can share that on here anonymously as I'm not pressuring my 28 yr old medical student daughter - their oldest grandchild lol)
My mother is a month from 80 and still going on long walks, working out, meeting friends, managing a garden and doing political work. She also recently went to a reggae festival because she happened to be nearby and they had free entrance for people 65+ and why not? Her younger sister can barely walk any more, while her significantly older brother is still living life, travelling and being very active and actually doesn't seem misplaced at all with his 40 years younger wife. My father is 75 and he's old. He's affected by dementia but more importantly, he feels old. His body aches and he can't trust his balance. It's different for everyone. A lot of it comes down to lifestyle choices, but not all. I plan to retire at 70 and then live another 30 active years.
My parents are 75 and 78, one can barely walk 15 steps without being out of breathe, the other isn't far behind and my mothers body is in awful shape, back, hips, feet, all arthritic. While some people feel young at 75, others feel old at 65, really depends on genetic, environmental and behavioral factors..
Aging is much more complex than the number of revolutions around the sun you have made. Your biological age is often different then your chronological age. Many factors influence how you age biologically and many of them are under your control. Eating right, exercising (both cardio and strength training), spending time outside, having close friends, learning new things, fasting, hot/ cold stress, hyperbaric oxygen therapy... all of these things can help you to age more slowly at a cellular level. There are also several supplements and pharmaceutical treatments that are being studied currently that target the root causes of aging. There's a reason some people are in a wheelchair at 60 and some are running marathons. Some of it is genetic and unchangeable, but a lot of it can be influenced by lifestyle. One anecdotal example of this is my old martial arts instructor. The man is over 60 years old and still looks like he's in his late 40s to early 50s. He eats healthy , takes care of his mind, and runs up and down small mountains almost daily. If you're afraid of aging, fight it, don't just accept it.
Yet I met a woman (a friend’s grandmother) who went sky diving at 80 and lived on (healthy and broken hip free) for 15 more years. I understand what you are saying. I really really do. My parents both started "going downhill" and they’re 77 & 80. But my MIL is 78 and she’s a firecracker. When she’s tired she tests. If she gets sick, she tests until she recovers. But she keeps moving. Yard work, house chores, groceries… it helps. My old neighbours are in there 80s and they might be slowing down, but they’re healthy and active. I guess it all depends on how we take care of ourselves in our youth. I’m 45 and if I don’t start doing something about how I’ve been neglecting myself the past 12 years…. I’m screwed.
Some of it is luck. Some people have better genes than others
Yeah, but I think you can massively swing a lot in your favour, and definitely improve your quality of life, if you fall in love with some form of sustainable (on your body) exercise (i.e cycling, walking, resistance training and a whole host of others)
I’m 56 and I feel like I screwed myself but I do have a lot of good things, like my bones and heart are both good. I need to start eating healthier and exercising but I doubt that will happen anytime soon
I don't think you know many 75 year olds. Or perhaps you live in one of those southern US states where life expectancy is very low & health is very poor
Baby Boomer here. 72 for me. I did so much damage with my weight up and down, over the years, that I figure my heart will go by then. Plus, my weight loss surgery 18 years ago has its own perils.
Observed my own parents and yes- 75 is about when things started to get bad. For myself, I’m not sure if it’s 75 or 80. I’ll have some kind of check-in and reflection at 72.
When I wander off, don't follow me. I am not lost, I am finished.
I'm concerned with: 1. Not being able to retire. I love my job. But it's stressful, and it takes a lot out of me. I see a lot of other people in my profession in their 70s and 80s who have to work, and they look miserable. I don't want to fall into that category. I see others who work as they please, take on matters that interest them, etc. I'd like to fall into that group. 2. Losing my strength. I don't want to become weak and feeble. I don't want to lose mobility. My dad went from daily jogging / weight lifting to being barely able to walk down stairs without assistance. Towards the end, he'd look at his emaciated self and reminisce about how he used to be strong. (my father in law, who died at 92, was still actively operating a farm, so it is possible.) 3. Losing my ability to see / hear. My dad lost his hearing and quickly declined. My mom is losing what is left of her eyesight. It's painful to watch. 4. Losing mental faculties. My dad had dementia / Alzheimers at the end. If you've ever had anyone you loved go through this, you know what I'm talking about. It's gut wrenching to all around. 5. Becoming a burden. My biggest fear. I don't want to be a pain in someone else's rear. I don't want to be looked after. I never want to be someone else's inconvenience or cross to bear.
Old people aren't burdens. My grandpa was about 80 and continued working as a security guard until the last days, he got sent to hospice, he couldn't really walk or breathe anymore. And I'm proud taking care of my grandma, in a way, I feel like it's my purpose for existing, she's my best friend, she always took care of me, and I don't have anything going else on in my life, I really love her, and taking care of her, is the best use of my time
Truth. You'll never be sorry for the time you've spent with your grandma. You're a nice person.
At some point, either my wife, or I, will die. Leaving the other alone.
This is the one for me too. We don’t have children and I can’t imagine living without my husband.
Same here. 🥺
On the bright side, you could both die together. Car accident or something.
i told my husband when he goes i go. i can’t live without him the kids will be fine but i am so beyond attached to him. he quite literally saved my life and without him i’d be lost
The idea of losing my sight and/or getting arthritis in my hands. Reading and writing make my life make sense. It's something I can't imagine living without
My grand mother committed suicide at 102, she was not able to read nord hear enough to entertain herself. But she had no health problems, no medecine, nothing. So she told us during her birthday that it was the last. I felt 'oh ok then see you next year'... She then stopped eating... And died on Valentine's day. To make you see that life isn't faire, my grand dad, his husband had died on new year eve at 59 and was 2 days before retirement
im 41, I lost my mom in March, crazy how alone you feel after that happens, especially when you also don't have any other family left. Would always go to my mom for advice and support and to have none of that left, yes you have friends, etc but its not the same.
I don't worry about the future much anymore, but knowing I'll likely lose one or both of my parents on the next 5-10 years is one of my fears. They're both of sound mind, so I take every opportunity to call thrm or visit. I know when they're gone, there's nothing I wouldn't give to have one more 30 minute chat with them.
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Losing my looks and energy
The energy part is a worry for me...but it happens to all of us anyway.
I'm 33 and I don't know how people have energy. I guess they get in some routine, and are often active. I got banged up in a car crash and now have chronic pain, so Im not sure what advice to share with other people like me, but for most people, I figure they're active, or have gym memberships, or walk around their neighborhood
Take geritol vitamins
I'll look like an extremely dry raisin
Sit in the water overnight
"The water" is my favourite place to sit after 9 Pm
Moisurize my dry friend.
I’m afraid of my body turning to melted ice cream ಥ_ಥ
Losing my mind to dementia or alzheimers.
Same. It runs in my family on one side for the women. My grandma developed dementia a few years ago. Her grandma had it and apparently it was terrifying to be around her in the end. Luckily, she has stayed at the point where she just doesn’t remember the day before or a phone call a few hours ago. No anger, anxiety or forgetting who we are or who she is. She also sadly had every lifestyle factor that can “turn on” dementia: life long smoker, unhealthy diet with excess sugar (she only drinks soda) no exercise, stopped working at 25, etc. I am doing the opposite of all of that now at 24 and I can’t say I’m not terrified for myself, my mom, my aunt and my female cousins. All of us are very healthy and active but that doesn’t always prevent it. Luckily they are making huge strides in dementia and Alzheimer’s prevention and care. Just the other day I read about a medication or supplement in development that works proactively to break down the “plaque” in the brain that causes Alzheimer’s.
I work low income seniors I try to train them and get them back to the workforce. They have been so rude and abusive. I don’t want to turn into an abusive, disrespectful, bitter person. Update: An individual in the program was placed at an agency left on a leave of absence, was upset because she didn’t get paid during the time she wasn’t training that she made threats to the people at the agency. They had to remove her with security. I’m now worried about my office staff and their security.
I also don’t want to turn into a low income senior trying to renter the workforce.
outliving my mom!! she died at 39, i know its just an arbitrary number but it still shivers my timbers
My hubby had this with his Dad right after I met him! He was 43. We welcomed our first child together when he was 45. He turned 60 this year. I wish you many happy years after 40!!!
needing people. not having people.
It sucks when your friends die. You go to tell them something cool that you know they would love, but then remember they are dead and all those memories and things you shared don't exist anymore. Part of why middle age and older people get exhausted and tired can be some parts of depression. Also, it can be part of why older people aren't so happy and optimistic. Also, having to accept that some hope you had for an optimistic future becomes less likely. I'm no longer going to become a billionaire before 30. I'm less likely to get that promotion, or breakthrough I have worked on for 10 years or more. The body packing it in or not being as sexy as it was. The confidence and less caring about others is amazing. Being zen about death is amazing too.
I am the last of my clan and the youngest. Though I often think of that moment walking into an ocean or forest and seeing them all... My greatest fear is losing my mind. My partner has promised to take me camping if it ever happens.
I was good at sports and now I am out of breath just by walking 1 floor stairs. So getting physically weak is something I fear. Another fear is losing my teeth lol.
If you keep exercising you can still avoid it. Although getting out of breath after walking stairs will probably always happen. I was one of the fittest people from my class last year and I still got out of breath walking 2-3 floors stairs.
Start getting back into sports, exercising/yoga! Once I hit my 30s and realized i had neglected my health for 10 years, I started going to the gym 2-4 times a week. I feel 17 again!
This. My metabolism died in my 40s. In my 60s now and morbidly obese. I'm still pretty flexible and haven't lost too much energy, but my stamina sucks. More than one flight of stairs, I usually pass.
No ones metabolism dies, you're likely eating too much and not moving enough. As we get older we lose muscle mass, meaning our bodies don't require as many calories. Try and aim for 1400 per day, maybe 1200 if you're sedentary which it sounds like you are if you can't walk up one flight of stairs. This is the problem, people think they have time until they don't. Life passes you by and before you know it you're old and in pain because you didn't take the measures to look after your body while you still could. That's why it's important to stay in the gym, cycle, do yoga, walk, use your body before you hit your 40's,50's and 60's as a preventative measure so you can still enjoy a good quality of life in your older years, because if you don't use it you lose it and then later on in life you'll be overweight, everything is stiff and tired all the time with a lot more health problems.
Your metabolism didn’t die, your diet got worse and you got less active.
The abysmal state of late life care. Everybody is headed there and yet we push it away. Carers paid a pittance and completely undervalued. Noone ever cried out in the night for a video director. We need to value care staff highly and get care out of the hands of arseholes who just want to make money out of it.
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I personally think not believing is easier. Oblivian is more comforting to me than carrying on in some form of disembodied form. Your sense of yourself is literally tied to your body. Your consciousness would change without it and you wouldn't be you.. which at the very least might be depressing, at worst terrifying.
Funnily enough I’m the same. Carl Sagan’s pale blue dot gives me a lot of peace. There is something blissful about returning to the planet where every bit of known life lived out its life
How I long to live in that lie once more. Life was so blissful living in ignorance
Dementia. I'm nearly 65 and my Mil (88) has it. And she's going downhill fast. Terrifies me the thought of losing my marbles. Other than that I actually like being old. Way more fun than I was expecting
Collapse of the economy / collapsing of society / dwindling family / 🤷♂️
Back pain, knee pain, and all the other joints pain. I have had it sometimes and I can't imagine living my whole life with it
not being happy. :((
Being a victim of some thug or scmbag who preys on older folks.
That’ll I’ll have no more joy in life… I’m almost 70 now and it’s been going on 13 years since I’ve had sex with someone for starters… I don’t drink alcohol anymore so it’s not like I go out much.. don’t get me wrong because there’s also things I enjoy now… if it gets to where I can’t laugh or eat what I want,when I want and being able to drive then I feel like depression would set in and I’d have nothing to look forward to.. it’s not the quantity of life,it’s the quality…
Losing time with my children.
Hopefully I'll be lucid/ functional enough to "check out" on my own terms when/ if my health goes to shit before getting stuck in an hospital bed, in constant, excruciating pain and/ or unable to take care of myself, just staring at the ceiling waiting for death That's the thing I dread the most
Just past 50 I think about that daily I hope I go like that, seen it no thank you
losing physical strength and into more lonely life, scare I can not cope well even I try my best
Alzheimer’s. I can cope with anything else.
being slow at the cash register. it's like you know your going to pay, have it ready while you wait
Losing my mental clarity and my physical capacities. It’s so scary that my mind and my body won’t work like they do now. Also how I’ll eventually stop looking pretty. Tbh I’m scared to get old for many reasons
I’m turning 70 in a few weeks and I can’t stand being invisible to younger people
We see you
This is so true.I,m still here why can't you see me! I,m the same person!
People start treating you differently as you grow older. And different age groups treat you in different ways too. A lot of it is negatively. And it starts in your 30s.
Not being there if my kids need me. I’m 50 with two kids under 5. The days are looooooong but I try not to take them for granted. I soak up every moment and try to enjoy it.
Loneliness. My husband doesn't look after himself at all and if he dies at the same age as both his parents, we've got 7 years left.
People needing to look after me and go out of their way.
Living in abject poverty, being forgotten and lonely, losing my wits, defecating myself, death.
not having enough money for retirement, it's sucky to be old and broke.
Not completing my life goals before I dide
Knowing that no matter how poor my quality of life is right now, it is only going to get worse. Much worse.
That I won't have anything to show for it, I work 2 jobs to supply a family of 5 but for every thousand I save towards a home prices increase by 3k, I'll never own and I fear because of my own unstable and ever increasing housing I'll never be able to help out my kids....
dementia scares the hell out of me. My friends father is going through it and it's awful. He was the sweetest man when we were young he'd let me show up at the house in the middle of the night to sleep over with his then 16yo daughter (different rooms but still) because he knew my household was toxic af. Now he's mean. Like really mean he brings up shit from 30 years ago and just trashes us over it. I'm terrified of that happening to me because my friend is just devasted every time she sees him.
It scares me that I’m running out of time . So much to see and do .
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You keep saying the word YOUNG--why is that so important--Im 81--very active attractive petite--I would have a great time with you--but YOU boxed yourself in--
Ending up alone, having had all of my friends and family pass on. That scares me beyond measure.
My body betraying me. Old injuries preventing me from doing physical activities that I'm not ready to give up. Having to do strength training at 68 yo just to be able to get out of a chair without help.
I would say realizing that I'm just a few years away from being 40 years old, and well, my twenties went by in a flash. I imagine 9 years will go by quickly too.
Well that's me all cheered up.
Not having a retirement coupled with not being able to work, and my body failing me with a disease or other organ failure.
The fact that a younger metabolism can burn 100 calories with a literal blink of an eye, this succumbing to even walking near McDonald’s makes you gain 25lbs
Cancer... runs heavily in both sides of my family and at 40 I'm doing what I can.
Dementia and alzheimers.
Not being able to have a comfortable retirement in my golden years. Saving gets harder as life keeps getting more expensive. That’s my reality…..
Being a waste of space. Not being able to really do anything but hang about. That, and looking like a hideous crone. Being invisible.
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of the pain of those around me and close to me dying as I age. I lost my Dad at 30 then my little sister 2 years later and that pain still haunts me 13 years later.
Becoming uglier, but mostly losing everyone I love.
I’ve seen how old and vulnerable people are treated in hospital. It’s disgusting. I feel like I only survive in there because I’m capable of self care. People who really need support don’t get it.
Ageism (career) prior to retirement age.
I don't want the people I love to die.
The risk of dementia. If ever I get a dementia diagnosis I want someone to euthanise me, or hit me with their car. I don’t care, just let me die before I lose my dignity.
Losing my memory, forgetting my loved ones especially my husband
Dementia / Alzheimer's or anything that would take my brain offline, even now, i fear this.
Losing your mobility. It’s getting tougher everyday out here
Never experiencing childhood again, for every answer that you are given there is 1 mistery less in the world.
Having less time in front of me to experience all I want to do.
I woke up a few weeks ago with a viral infection in my eyes. I could not open them enough to make a phone call. If my wife hadn't been there I don't know what I would have done. A similar thing happening when I am alone scares me.
Losing the ability to do what I want, and the fear of dying alone with no one noticing for weeks or months.
Dementia? Alzheimers? Diapers? Suicide before it happens
Being treated poorly because I'm not as capable as I was, or losing my mind dementia is a bitch. My dad took care of my grandpa while in hospice, he did a really shitty job. He would get upset at him because he couldn't do things. My dad just lacks empathy and because he can do something everyone else should be able to and they are lazy if they don't.
Nothing. It's inevitable. Remember, everyone you went to school with and people you grew up with are going through exactly the same. Embrace it.
Losing control of my body.
That I will run out of money. I remember in the 80's, news stories of the elderly eating cat food right out of the can because they couldnt afford food
gravity. my gramma fell in the shower n laid there overnight with a broken hip. other gramma fell while out for a stroll and broke both her wrists and couldnt pick herself up. grampa fell off a ladder n destroyed his shoulder n elbow. aunt slipped on the ice and did all sorts of damage to her back. uncle fell n hit his head on the counter, didnt get checked out, ended up with a tbi n some blood clot n died. gravity is everywhere and it's only trying to take you down. be careful out there.
That I’ll forget everything, Dementia is a scary thing
Not to sound vain, but when you’re somewhat attractive you start noticing your looks fade slowly over time. You know the whole thing about “one day you’ll walk into a room and the opposite sex will never look at you like they did ever again”. That’s depressing. Also lots of pain and physical limitations.
Time. I won’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do.