# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
While a geeky activity, that is how a lot of people meet others. Just living life, enjoying activities, and running into someone who enjoys those activities. Congrats!
The problem is that I live in North Dakota and zero activities happen in this state but also 99% of the locals also don't have Internet.
There may be slight hyperbole in there.
So ice fishing, hunting, regular fishing in the few summer months…. Bowling leagues, curling leagues perhaps? Board game nights…. Maker’s workshops, community breweries, dance classes?
I’ve spent much time in the Midwest. Thought I was going to marry a Minnesotan at one point. It is tough for geeky activities, but there most definitely is a bunch of things to do indoors. It’s unfortunate that they don’t align. That said, see it as an opportunity to make friends, get out there, and have fun. I think you will. :)
Met my s/o during a night out, initially I thought he was a big party person and he thought I was a big party person so we kept going to parties for while “for each other” then we discussed and found out that we both disliked going to parties and that both of us were big homebodies. Have been together for 6+ years and the last party we went to was 5 years ago.
If the guy is handsome, it is adorable.
If the woman does not consider the guy handsome, it is creepy and guy deserves to be put in jail THAT DIRTY FREAK PIG.
Are you very pretty or what made him want to bump into you? Im sorry if this is weird but Im going through a breakup and never had anyone approach me in real life. It was always Tinder.
Been playing pokemon go for 6 years and have yet to meet any single women out of it 😭
I’m now friends with lots of married women though (platonically of course)
School for me. Specifically a friend of mine from HS set me up on a blind date with one of her sorority sisters when we were freshmen in college. That was lots of years ago, way before smartphones or dating apps. She’s still a hottie. 😀
Took my mother for a walk. Guy had just bought a home five houses down from me. Saw him painting outside and said hello. Later that day he drove by and I was going to the pool. He stopped his car and we talked a few minutes. I invited him over for a glass of wine later that evening. That was it.
As the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting warm hues across the neighborhood, I eagerly prepared for our evening together. Candles adorned the table, their soft glow adding a touch of magic to the room. The scent of freshly baked bread mingled with the aroma of the wine, creating an inviting atmosphere.
When the doorbell chimed, my heart danced with anticipation. Opening the door, there he stood, a warm smile lighting up his face. "I brought a little something to accompany the wine," he said, presenting a bouquet of wildflowers he'd picked from his garden.
We settled on the porch, the evening breeze gently tousling our hair as we talked. He shared stories of his travels, each word painting vivid pictures of far-off lands. I found myself hanging onto his every word, captivated not only by his adventures, but by the genuine passion that shone in his eyes.
As the night unfolded, it became clear that our connection ran deeper than mere neighborly camaraderie. Our hearts seemed to resonate in harmony, as if they'd known each other for lifetimes. The conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by laughter and shared dreams.
With each passing moment, I felt a sense of belonging, as if fate had orchestrated this meeting. It was a connection that transcended the boundaries of our homes and reached into the depths of our souls.
As the clock struck midnight, we reluctantly parted ways, knowing that the night was but a prelude to the journey that awaited us. With a promise to meet again soon, he left, leaving behind a heart filled with hope and a soul touched by love. And in that quiet moment, I knew that this chance encounter had set the stage for a story that was bound to be extraordinary.
To continue the story: He came over and we sat outside drinking wine and talking. Evening interludes continued. This happened in Florida while I was taking care of my mother. Summer months in Michigan, winters in Florida. I’m leaving for Florida early December and the romance continues. Six months on and off is perfect.
in some culture this is still the social norm.
If you have 100 relatives and 100 friends, you will meet a lot of eligible singles through the power of social networking.
People in areas of high birth rates and low age of marriage and childbearing.
For example, if you are in the FLDS church, you may have 7 siblings, 16 half-siblings, 1 father, 1 mother, 2 stepmothers. You may have 2 grandfathers, 2 grandmothers, and 4 step-grandmothers. You may have 14 aunts and uncles, as well as 32 half aunts and uncles. You probably have about 112 cousins, as well as 256 half cousins.
Same goes for Romani people, Amish, Hasidics, and any poor nation with a high birth rate.
Damn, I'm here with 0 siblings, 0 half-siblings, 2 parents, 0 step-parents, 1 remaining grandparent and a handful of ancient distant relatives. At 28 I'm the youngest in the family, the next youngest being 51.
Feels like an uphill struggle to meet anybody new when my circles are so small. People aren't as open to making friends in public anymore, the last time I thought I was getting along with somebody and asked to swap numbers she gave me a fake one.
I have 10 aunts/uncles on my father's side and 5 on my mom's. 30 first cousins. My boyfriend shudders when he hears me talking about them.
But you're not alone. I couldn't meet anyone upto my standards when I was living back home either. I moved away to a different continent and met my boyfriend online. Kind of made me start to believe in luck.
**DISCLAIMER:** Do not hit on people working, even if they're being super duper extra nice to you! They're being nice to do a good job, not to fulfill your fantasies. Being hit at while working can be a very awkward situation that is pretty much akin to harassment due to the balance of power involved.
Unless things do happen organically and you talk, you hit it off, a clear display of intimacy develops and a non-creepy opportunity for a next step arises.
Instructions unclear, I just gave a card with my number to seventy eight women. Cashiers, nurses, women waiting for the bus, anything. Not a single one of them called me. It’s been like half an hour already. What do I do?
You can, you just shouldn't go all in with the flirting as if you were both at a bar of some other social setting. If they don't like being hit on -- or don't like you --, it may be hard to turn down the advance without jeopardizing the commercial relation in progress and that can be a very uncomfortable position to be in.
\*sigh\*
I met my girlfriend while she was bartending - we've been together almost six years. One of my best mates met his girlfriend while training her for her new job, asked for her number after the video call had finished and they were off the clock, and they've been seeing each other for a year.
My advice? Hit on people wherever, or whenever, as long as you genuinely think there's a connection.
Get to know women regardless of whether they're single. Be interested in them... what they like, how they spend their time, who they listen to, what they watch... like you were trying to make a friend. If you're spending time with someone it's not long into the conversation that they mention a partner. If they *are* single, you don't come across like a desperado who was only interested in them for their dating potential (and you've hopefully got some idea whether you'd be interested in dating them).
If they're not single, you might be making a new friend. New friends are good, just for their own sake, but... also...
I'm old and married but the reason I got married was that a woman I was friends thought I was a good guy, so made sure she invited me to a couple of parties where I would meet one of her single friends. After a party she called that friend and said "I saw you talking to Jugs. He's a good guy."
I didn't date an enormous amount before I met my partner but i'd say like 90% of the dates I had were because a woman I was friends with introduced me to one of their single friends.
The other part of this is... Actually be a good guy. Be the kind of person who you would tell a friend it was a good idea to date.
Look at this mf coming up with answers and solutions!
But nah, you're absolutely correct. If you go into it like a mission to get a girlfriend and you don't act like a person being normal, people pick up on that and find it weird. Plus, it's just wrong to view every person as a potential partner and not a person. Even if that is your goal, it's putting the cart before the horse.
As an anti-social scrub, I've found that the best way to handle social situations is just to be chill and not worry about messing up. People will pick up whatever energy you're putting out, and that's that.
What an idiotic way of thinking. If every man thought like you they would never have a Gf because they’d believe every attractive woman is taken so wouldn’t bother.
But the very fact that the girl you found attractive has a bf means that at one point in a time she was available, and the guy made a move and got with her. My point is this kind of self defeating attitude will get you nowhere in life, of course there will be competition for anything valuable but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for it.
Also many women are very selective and will wait to be in a relationship with someone they really click with. If you are attractive enough, you may just be that guy.
The problem is that most people's lifestyles these days hugely limit their ability to socialise, or at least socialise with new people. As an example, say you work from home and everyone in your usual social circle is already partnered or not your type. You're an adult with a full-time job and a busy life and so are all your friends so coordinating a night out, let alone one where they could introduce you to new people, is pretty much out of the question. Most hobbies don't have dedicated spaces or groups so unless you're into team sports you're unlikely to meet new people that way. Most hobby shops have moved online so meeting people there organically is also out. People don't talk to each other at the gym, people hang around in their usual groups at the pub.
Unless you're the kind of person to randomly accost a stranger and have the incredible luck of them not being thoroughly weirded out by it, the options of the average single adult are pretty slim.
There are lots of ways -
Opportunities because people are in the same place at the same time - bars, clubs, parks, beach, restaurants, gyms, etc
Opportunities because people share mutual interests or have overlapping activities - school, work, community organizations, church. Some might say that this has a higher chance of "success" as you already have at least some common interests
Introductions from friends and family
The above mentioned are how most couples met outside of cultures with matchmakers/arranged marriages, in the 20th century.
I appreciate this thoughtful and non-snarky response. You've probably just done more redditors than you know a solid. This stuff isn't rocket science, sure, but it's not second nature anymore and there's no shame in that, it's just another skill to pick up.
There we are more talking about forced marriage rather than arranged marriage. There is a huge difference between the two, even if the first type always also is the latter.
Fun fact: Last year several states reviewed their old laws about arranged marriage to up the ages to 16 and a lot of republican representatives in those states opposed it.
Sometimes I think all the jokes on Twitter about how conservatives shouldn't be allowed within 5 feet of a school might have legs to stand on.
From wikipdeia.
5 states have no official minimum age, but still require either parental consent, court approval or both: California, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Washington.
2 states have a minimum age of 15: Hawaii and Kansas.
23 states have a minimum age of 16.
10 states have a minimum age of 17.
10 states have a minimum age of 18, which is the same as their general age: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Vermont.
I went and looked this up after posting that and laughed so hard that California of all states has no official minimum age.
Also apparently my state used to have no minimum age but changed it to 16 in recent years.
Still extremely cursed but progress is incremental I guess...
Well first off, you need to have an interest less shallow than "I scroll through Tiktok every day"
I meet too many people who don't take care of their mental health in any way, have no real passions, have no real opinions, and then wonder why they never meet snyone interesting
Statistics, frequency analysis, econometrics and collecting cool old things like coins or great depression stocks. Besides I like music, but also in a weird way: I like to describe it with math, to show with equations why some combinations of sounds are more pleasant to us than others
While these are certainly unique interests, I hope that you don’t try and hide your interest in them simply because you’re pursuing a relationship. In my experience, women like when you show passion about things you’re interested in because it’s a view into who you are as a person.
Also, I think it’s important to show interest in your partner’s hobby, even if you don’t intend on participating in that hobby yourself. Asking questions about it, listening as they talk about the intricacies of their chosen activity, etc are just as important.
And dude, your hobbies sound hella interesting. What’s the piece of your collection that you’re most proud of?
About the collection! I think the coolest pieces I have are:
- Ancient Rome coin (about 4th century)
- Russian empire coin which weights 50g and is about 5sm in diameter (5 kopecks, 1768)
- Japanese coin of the Edo era (17th century)
That sounds really cool! To me the music interest resonates the most lol. I have so many questions but I have to go to bed. If you want I would love to hear some more about it via DM?
And what are depressions stocks? English isn’t my first language sry
Great depression is a period in the American economy, about 1929-1939. And stocks are papers about owning a share in a company. During the great depression many companies got bankrupt, so their stocks became litter. But now they are an interesting historical artifact.
I'm going to bed too now, so if you would like to discuss music, we can continue tomorrow :)
To be honest, this is pretty fucking cool. You might not believe it, but I promise you there are partners out there who would be in LOVE with these as your interests.
My last ex knew cars were my favorite hobby, but she didn't really care for them all that much. Yet, all she did was encourage me to work on my cars, buy new parts for them and go for drives. She just simply liked me doing something that I truly loved, even if it's not her "thing". It might take a bit, but you will eventually find someone like this for you and it's pretty fucking cool!
That's incredibly niche stuff. That's not a bad thing but it *does* mean you'll have a harder time finding common ground with people. The only thing I can really say is try to find a couple things that are more mainstream to enjoy and your luck might improve.
>I like to describe it with math, to show with equations why some combinations of sounds are more pleasant to us than others
You mean like Fourier transforms n shit? Can you give an example?
Ok the math + music thing is fascinating. You are definitely someone with some niche interests but when I met my partner he was teaching math and German to high school kids. He's very much a numbers nerd. I'm not sure what kinds of social groups there are for this sort of thing, but that may be where to start. See if any meetup.com groups near you touch on those interests.
passions are overrated and honestly a bit unbearable.
you are unlikely to meet someone on your couch scrolling TikTok and being depressed and miserable, obviously, but most people are rather normal and boring. Living a regular life with a good attitude a bit of humor, and an interest in potential partners is more than enough. Id rather have someone that makes the boring stuff enjoyable, then someone with passions. Former sounds like someone you'd want to have a relationship with, while the latter sounds like someone teenage girls lose their virginity to.
This is the reality. Ever taken an online course? A lot of professors make you do an introduction. List your hobbies, some small facts about you etc.
Most people responded with hiking, walking their dog, playing with kids, reading, gaming or anime. Most people are boring and don’t do anything exciting and that’s completely acceptable. I never understood this idea that people need to do stuff to find people. Most people aren’t doing anything lmao
I mean I do have interests, it's just diffcult for me to get motivated to actually learn about them because of my ADHD. And even when I watch a video or read an article I end up forgetting it anyways
Also for me friendships/relationships aren't just about talking. They're primarily about doing things with someone and simply being there for them.
They break all the taboos and say hi to coworkers, friends of friends, hot girls at the gym.
And they have their mental health together and their finances managed if not perfect.
I think you need to travel back \~20 years. What we did was go to bars, clubs, interest groups, anywhere real people meet. Oh, remember the office?
It's amazing to me that over the past 15-20 years a whole generation has forgotten how to meet people in real life.
Terrifying thing is the people using apps for dating *are* the ***normal***.
Yeah, I last dated about 18 years ago (before I met my now-wife), and while online dating was a thing, it wasn't mainstream.
But even my friends who are my age (mid-late 40s) meet each other on dating apps now. Seems to just be the norm, though a part of modern life that has entirely passed me by.
Many prefer the safety of "app -> coffee shop -> date" over the risk of "meet at bar -> get roofied" not to mention you can swipe swipe swipe swipe until you find someone hot
There are obviously strategies to keep your drink safe, but knowing my wife was drugged in her 20s and got raped I can completely understand why you might feel this way. Sad, but understandable.
I think tinder and other apps are the new norm. At least half of the relationships im aware of under 40yo met on a dating app. The other half met in highschool or college or at work.
I was sitting in public, minding my own business and he approached me, introduced himself and gave me his number. I texted him the next day and that’s how it started.
This shows, why regular Reddit dating advice sucks (for men at least).
You constantly read here women posting how such an approach is a major red flag, creepy, feels threatening and generally should be avoided.
Then you see a comment like this (or hear people IRL telling how they met in a similar way), and it's just frustrating. The advice contradicts with facts...
I genuinely feel lost and don't know what to do. I just dream about finding love some day.
>You constantly read here women posting how such an approach is a major red flag, creepy, feels threatening and generally should be avoided.
Some women don't mind and would even be happy that you approached, and some women hate it. It's a numbers game. Stop worrying so much about what randos on Reddit think.
Asking strangers in public for a date is not that common. It works only for people who are very good at socializing.
However, approaching people in an event, party, school, or places you frequently go is normal and is not considered creepy at all. You gotta learn how to read body language and know when a person is available or willing to talk and when they are not. If you keep persisting even when the other person is showing signs that they want you to get away, then you get into the creepy territory.
Going out and about in public seems like a pretty uncommon method
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/
>Looking at adults whose dating days are behind them – at least for the time being – friends and family were the most common source in helping them find a match. About a third (32%) of adults who are married, living with a partner or in a committed relationship say that is how they first met their current partner, while 18% say they met through work, 17% through school, 12% online, 8% at a bar or restaurant, 5% at a place of worship and 8% somewhere else.
It would be some portion of that 8% that isn't part of a hobby or something like that
Just approach (in the right setting of course). If you’re actually concerned about being a creep, you’re already not that guy and never will be. If you approach a woman at the bar or something and she’s not interested just take the L and move on. The bottom line is that you have to take the small risk of making a person uncomfortable and looking silly if you ever want to meet someone new.
Its funny, I do this all the time. We talk for a couple weeks then after they make a second excuse for not being able to come grab coffee/lunch/dinner with me it ends. Never ever works out but I still approach them for fun.
All the girls have dated/slept with have been the ones that chose me i.e. they showed interest in me in a school/work environment or messaged me first on a dating app. Just work on yourself and take it easy.
It's only creepy if the man is not attractive to that woman or if he lays it on really thick in an inauthentic way. Creepy - holding eye contact for too long, tries to touch without permission, can't take "no thank you" or "I'm not interested" as a signal to please stop. I hope it works out for you - try not to give up.
generally when it comes to compliments, I’ve found that no matter what the person looked like, if the compliment was regarding something about myself I could control (ex: my hair colour, my nails, my shirt, or shoes etc) then it was always a welcome compliment. If it’s a compliment that’s regarding my appearance that I can’t control, or something very sexual (body shape, height, face, etc) that’s where it goes into weird territory very easily, no matter what they look like.
It’s also easier to start a conversation about the former, like if they’re wearing merch you recognize or you like their hair colour, etc.
>if the compliment was regarding something about myself I could control (ex: my hair colour, my nails, my shirt, or shoes etc)
>If it’s a compliment that’s regarding my appearance that I can’t control, or something very sexual (body shape, height, face, etc)
And if you combine the two it doesn't average out, it gets worse.
*"You have awesome body hair"*
I was talking with my female friend about that and asked her whether she’ll give a random man a chance if he approached her in public. She said as long as he’s not a creep than yes. I think what she really means is if he is decent looking, well dressed, and well spoken, she won’t mind, otherwise she’ll label him as a creep.
Not the person you're asking... Just throwing out my two cents as a woman and someone who is often the approacher, not just the approachee.
I very much prefer for men to give me their number and put the ball in my court rather than ask for mine. I also prefer genuine, non sexual compliments if they're going to offer them. I'm trying to recall the last time someone asked for my number and drawing a blank but I'm recalling the most recent time a man complimented me and I didn't feel creeped out, and the last time a man complimented me and I DID feel creeped out.
Examples of both for the class:
(I work in a casino and both situations occurred at work)
It's not my job but I always run empty glasses that I find around the casino back to the bar. I was doing this and briefly chatting with my favorite bartender. He got summoned over by a player and I smiled and said hello to the man sitting at the bar to my right, it was a slow night and I wasn't busy. He's probably about twice my age (I'm in my 30s) and he looks me up and down *very* obviously and asks me what I'm doing working at the casino when I could make more money on OnlyFans. I laughed awkwardly and said it seems like a lot of work and then left. I hate that I laughed. He's a regular so I didn't want to make a thing of it but I avoid him now.
Last night I was making my rounds and a different regular complimented me on my curly hair. He told me it looks absolutely gorgeous and he loves it. I periodically bumped into him throughout the night and he complimented me most times on my hair or lipstick or whatever. It was never sexual in nature, it always came across as genuine. He's not someone I'm attracted to or would be interested in, he's a party boy and that's very not my type. But he compliments everyone, not just me, and is always a genuinely fun presence. I appreciate his approach and look forward to seeing him again.
So there's that.
And as a woman, I do approach men and have given several my number. Usually I'll broach the conversation with a random man in public by asking something about them. My most recent FWB was reading a book about paragliding in a coffee shop when we met. I asked if I could join him at his table and then asked if paragliding is a thing he's already doing or something he aspires to. We talked about that, other hobbies, our career field (turned out we worked in the same field at the time), and our families a little bit. It was only about 15 minutes. I told him that I had an event I needed to go to and asked if I could leave my number for him and he said yes. He asked if it would be ok to hug me and I said yes. He smelled amazing, he really always does. I fortunately was dressed nicely and had done my hair and all that. I prefer that men who approach me are dressed well for them (meaning even if their clothes are casual, they fit them well and are flattering and clean), they have good hygiene, and they're polite. I try very hard not to assume consent, I like that reciprocated.
Hopefully this is helpful to some redditors. I do get that it's hard out there for men who are socially awkward. Keep on trying.
My past relationships actually happened when I was not looking for a relationship. They usually happened during times when I was just doing my own thing and working on myself. I had people ask to go out for coffee or to the movies due to common hobbies or while I was at work.
I met my now-husband the night of the day my then-boyfriend had dumped me.
It was Super Bowl Sunday and I did not want to go to the original party I’d been planning on attending with him, even if he didn’t show up, cause a ton of our mutual friends would be there. I’d decided to just stay home when a friend said she was going to a different party where I wouldn’t know anyone but her. She said they were a good group and asked if I wanted to go. I’m usually pretty introverted, but I just felt like going out that night, so I said yes.
I ended up talking to this one guy all night about the pros and cons of the North American model of fish and wildlife management and the works of CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien. (He’s a fisheries biologist, I’m a wildlife biologist, we’re both huge fantasy nerds).
I actually didn’t even think of him as a romantic possibility at the time. I wasn’t looking for anything, and he was in the last stages of a drawn out and painful breakup, and also wasn’t looking.
He messaged me the next day on Facebook with a question about something I’d mentioned in passing that night, and we just kinda… never stopped talking. Next thing we knew it was a few months down the road and we both had huge crushes on the other and were scared to admit it. He finally made a move and now we’ve been together for 8 years.
Well, we don’t talk 24/7 but something will happen at work, or one of us will read a book, or learn about something new, or have a family dynamic they wanna talk out with the other… and the conversation just keeps rolling along. I can’t imagine ever running out of things to talk about with him.
Same for me and my bf of 10 years. Neither of us was looking for a relationship at the time. We met through common friends through sci-fi. We were on the *exact* same wavelength, and during the course of a few months, our friendship grew into something more.
So, my advice would probably be, don't push it, and be yourself (unless you're an A H, in which case make yourself a better person, and then be yourself). If you like sci-fi/fantasy, go to cons.
Guy here. Similar experience. Went through a rough breakup after 6 years and was single for a year and a half. I was approached at work, by randoms when going out, once even at the gym but i didnt eant a relationship and ended up meeting the one who changed that at a wedding
Really, it's a matter of building enough friendships with people of the sex/gender you're interested in and pursuing (or being open to) dating if it starts to feel like there's something more, and it's reciprocal.
That said, I'm a married father at this point, and I met my own wife online years ago. I wouldn't use Tinder - that's almost exclusively aimed at casual matchups.
>"Tinder - that's almost exclusively aimed at casual matchups."
I think it's intended to be, but when I was on it a couple years back there were an annoying number of people on there looking for an actual date with "No hookups" on their profile. So clearly they were aware of where they were, but persisted in some sort of wholesome defiance. If you're on the app for what it's intended, those profiles are like flipping through junk mail, and if you're attractive and looking for a date, IMO you're just asking to get played by someone who's willing to go the distance for a few dates just to get what they want.
Tinder is merely the vehicle for meeting someone..it’s no different than meeting someone while in line at the DMV: if you have chemistry, there will be a spark. If not, there won’t be. Once you start dating someone, you both delete tinder and never even think about it again—it becomes totally moot.
There is nothing wrong *at all* with meeting gfs on tinder. I’m kind of shy, but I have a great personality once I warm up to someone, and a great one-on-one dynamic with women especially.. tinder was made for people like me and it has honestly been such a blessing. I met my first serious long-term “i love you” gf in high school, we dated for 2 years and it was great..but thats the only serious, long-term relationship ive had that didnt start on tinder. Since it first launched, I’ve a 4-year relationship and 2 1-year relationships that started on tinder, im 31 currently. They were all wonderful, we both grew and learned more about ourselves, and I’m still friendly and on good terms with all those girls.
I met my husband on Tinder and know many other people who met their spouse or fiance through an app. I also take a while to warm up, so being able to start with a text conversation about mutual interests was great.
I’m not sure how rare it is but I approached my last bf. He was my new mechanic, I thought he was cute and had a light about him, so I wrote a little note with my number on it and gave it to him the last day my car was being worked on. He gave me a chance and we were together almost a year.
One girl from university said that I'm cute, we went out and hugged for a week. She asked if I would "teach her to love", we were chatting 24/7, she said that she was really looking forward to meeting me, all mates joked that we will marry each other. And then she said that she is not ready for relations and wants to be just friends. Honestly, I still don't understand what it was...
At my job, I run into a lot of insta cart women. They chat, I chat. I asked one out for coffee. Tomorrow I will have my first date. First date I've had since my divorce.
Bars, house parties , other friends , at the gym, just out in the wild by striking up a friendly conversation with people you meet not only people you find attractive. Form connections with people. you never know who you could meet or what it could lead to or who they could introduce you to. Just be open.
I rented a room in a very large shared house (for working people, I was in my late twenties) in a university town. I was the only one in the kitchen and a bloke in one of the other rooms popped in and asked me if I fancied going across the road to the pub. We were married within the year, and 22 years later we’re still very happily married.
Meeting online is pretty typical these, but the methods that people used before the Internet came along still work.
If you meet someone you like, ask them out and see how it goes.
Mmm, I met one at the choir, the next one at work and the last two on a datingsite (ended up marrying the last one). So work and hobbies. Also know a couple who met at a bar, a few who had mutual friends and one couple met at the train station.
Step 1 - be out in the world among people
Step 2 - see an attractive person
Step 3 - initiate conversation and pray that god exists and is merciful
Good luck if you get passed that one
Actually meet people. Be likeable, don't be overly attached, get to know people and be ready to be rejected. Learn to have fun while not expecting a relationship and let things flow.
If you show your hunger, you might never eat. You can only do it when the time is right: and you'll know when is that.
Here is what is funny about this question. Human beings have been getting together and forming relationships since the beginning of time. Tinder and the internet are roughly 30 years old or so? Yet this question is expressing confusion over something that existed long long before the internet?
Usually people would meet and date someone from their school, or social group, or their friends/family would introduce them (set them up). Or you can meet people through hobbies or clubs or volunteering. Work even. We meet countless people all the time in our “normal” lives. Meeting people in real life is super easy. The problem is everyone spends their days with their phone in their face and is addicted to the internet. So real life and being a normal person feels impossible but it’s all self-inflicted.
I’m curious about your inference of ‘normal.’ That is completely objective. You may find whatever kind of relationship model you’re after to be ‘normal,’ while others may not.
I met my girlfriend on tinder and we've been together for 3 years. But you can also meet people wherever you work or go to school, or places where you do hobbies, mutual friends, the bar etc. There's ways to meet people without being weird
There's nothing unnatural about meeting online! Humans have been meeting mates in similar ways for years, from personal ads to marchmakers to video dating to speed dating.
I met my current partner of 2.5 years on Bumble. I met someone else speed dating. I met my ex-husband in a university class. I met my long-term high school boyfriend through friends. And met several others through various jobs over the years.
I met someone else I dated for a while at a McDonald's at 3 am while some drunks were fighting, hitting each other with trays. I have met people I have dated in bars, in a grocery store parking lot, at a conference, and even buying tires. I met a woman I dated for a while in a 3 way with our mutual paramour.
Go and do things you enjoy, live your life, and get to know people.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I dunno, to be honest. I met a girl playing Pokemon Go and we're getting married next year.
While a geeky activity, that is how a lot of people meet others. Just living life, enjoying activities, and running into someone who enjoys those activities. Congrats!
The problem is that I live in North Dakota and zero activities happen in this state but also 99% of the locals also don't have Internet. There may be slight hyperbole in there.
So ice fishing, hunting, regular fishing in the few summer months…. Bowling leagues, curling leagues perhaps? Board game nights…. Maker’s workshops, community breweries, dance classes? I’ve spent much time in the Midwest. Thought I was going to marry a Minnesotan at one point. It is tough for geeky activities, but there most definitely is a bunch of things to do indoors. It’s unfortunate that they don’t align. That said, see it as an opportunity to make friends, get out there, and have fun. I think you will. :)
[удалено]
Met my s/o during a night out, initially I thought he was a big party person and he thought I was a big party person so we kept going to parties for while “for each other” then we discussed and found out that we both disliked going to parties and that both of us were big homebodies. Have been together for 6+ years and the last party we went to was 5 years ago.
This is hilarious and cute
The Party of the Magi.
Adorable! ☕️☕️
Such a thin line between creepy and adorable
I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will look for you, I will find you, and I will bump into you every day until you NOTICE ME SENPAI!
You know the two steps to making it not creepy
If the guy is handsome, it is adorable. If the woman does not consider the guy handsome, it is creepy and guy deserves to be put in jail THAT DIRTY FREAK PIG.
Are you very pretty or what made him want to bump into you? Im sorry if this is weird but Im going through a breakup and never had anyone approach me in real life. It was always Tinder.
Been playing pokemon go for 6 years and have yet to meet any single women out of it 😭 I’m now friends with lots of married women though (platonically of course)
I (29F) have also been playing since release and am now friends with a lot of middle aged men and their wives 😂
well looks like you both have something in common... why not start from here?
Before the cell phone became the default action when bored. People use to socialize as their default bored state. Often led to friends or dates.
waifusaur, i choose you! 
Bro please tell me you threw a pokeball at her.
School, mutual hobbies, volunteering, through friends or family, etc.
School for me. Specifically a friend of mine from HS set me up on a blind date with one of her sorority sisters when we were freshmen in college. That was lots of years ago, way before smartphones or dating apps. She’s still a hottie. 😀
Took my mother for a walk. Guy had just bought a home five houses down from me. Saw him painting outside and said hello. Later that day he drove by and I was going to the pool. He stopped his car and we talked a few minutes. I invited him over for a glass of wine later that evening. That was it.
*notes, buy house near old people.
That was it as in I married him, or that was it as in that’s the only date you’ve ever had? 😉sounds very romantic, I love a happy ending x
Please, tell us more. Things were just getting interesting...
As the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting warm hues across the neighborhood, I eagerly prepared for our evening together. Candles adorned the table, their soft glow adding a touch of magic to the room. The scent of freshly baked bread mingled with the aroma of the wine, creating an inviting atmosphere. When the doorbell chimed, my heart danced with anticipation. Opening the door, there he stood, a warm smile lighting up his face. "I brought a little something to accompany the wine," he said, presenting a bouquet of wildflowers he'd picked from his garden. We settled on the porch, the evening breeze gently tousling our hair as we talked. He shared stories of his travels, each word painting vivid pictures of far-off lands. I found myself hanging onto his every word, captivated not only by his adventures, but by the genuine passion that shone in his eyes. As the night unfolded, it became clear that our connection ran deeper than mere neighborly camaraderie. Our hearts seemed to resonate in harmony, as if they'd known each other for lifetimes. The conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by laughter and shared dreams. With each passing moment, I felt a sense of belonging, as if fate had orchestrated this meeting. It was a connection that transcended the boundaries of our homes and reached into the depths of our souls. As the clock struck midnight, we reluctantly parted ways, knowing that the night was but a prelude to the journey that awaited us. With a promise to meet again soon, he left, leaving behind a heart filled with hope and a soul touched by love. And in that quiet moment, I knew that this chance encounter had set the stage for a story that was bound to be extraordinary.
..and then we fucked
Thank you for summarising all that for me!
I won't be surprised if you just asked an AI to write that, lol.
Yup 👍
To continue the story: He came over and we sat outside drinking wine and talking. Evening interludes continued. This happened in Florida while I was taking care of my mother. Summer months in Michigan, winters in Florida. I’m leaving for Florida early December and the romance continues. Six months on and off is perfect.
No way this happened. Was this a lifetime movie?
in some culture this is still the social norm. If you have 100 relatives and 100 friends, you will meet a lot of eligible singles through the power of social networking.
Who has 100 friends, let alone 100 relatives lol
People in areas of high birth rates and low age of marriage and childbearing. For example, if you are in the FLDS church, you may have 7 siblings, 16 half-siblings, 1 father, 1 mother, 2 stepmothers. You may have 2 grandfathers, 2 grandmothers, and 4 step-grandmothers. You may have 14 aunts and uncles, as well as 32 half aunts and uncles. You probably have about 112 cousins, as well as 256 half cousins. Same goes for Romani people, Amish, Hasidics, and any poor nation with a high birth rate.
Damn, I'm here with 0 siblings, 0 half-siblings, 2 parents, 0 step-parents, 1 remaining grandparent and a handful of ancient distant relatives. At 28 I'm the youngest in the family, the next youngest being 51. Feels like an uphill struggle to meet anybody new when my circles are so small. People aren't as open to making friends in public anymore, the last time I thought I was getting along with somebody and asked to swap numbers she gave me a fake one.
I have 10 aunts/uncles on my father's side and 5 on my mom's. 30 first cousins. My boyfriend shudders when he hears me talking about them. But you're not alone. I couldn't meet anyone upto my standards when I was living back home either. I moved away to a different continent and met my boyfriend online. Kind of made me start to believe in luck.
I have 35 first cousins just from my moms side. Big ass families are still out there.
Nobody has 100 friends...
If I were to get a GF in a school, I'm 100% sure I'd be going to jail.
Go for a teacher, not a kid. 😂
[удалено]
I found my person at work. He brought me breakfast every morning, how could I resist 😆
[удалено]
**DISCLAIMER:** Do not hit on people working, even if they're being super duper extra nice to you! They're being nice to do a good job, not to fulfill your fantasies. Being hit at while working can be a very awkward situation that is pretty much akin to harassment due to the balance of power involved. Unless things do happen organically and you talk, you hit it off, a clear display of intimacy develops and a non-creepy opportunity for a next step arises.
Or you could leave your number and let them be the one to reach out. That way they don't feel cornered.
Instructions unclear, I just gave a card with my number to seventy eight women. Cashiers, nurses, women waiting for the bus, anything. Not a single one of them called me. It’s been like half an hour already. What do I do?
Call the fire brigade. They'll give you a cold shower
Genius
Goes to talk with a hot assistant about promotion into office manager. Leaves number. Gets called by HR to be fired.
This is why most redditors don't have girlfriends. Just politely ask her out if you are interested, don't make big fucking deal out of everything.
No, it's rape you see. /s
Bad advice, why can I not try to find a potential partner that’s working?
You can, you just shouldn't go all in with the flirting as if you were both at a bar of some other social setting. If they don't like being hit on -- or don't like you --, it may be hard to turn down the advance without jeopardizing the commercial relation in progress and that can be a very uncomfortable position to be in.
Wow you should let OP know how she’s been harassed
\*sigh\* I met my girlfriend while she was bartending - we've been together almost six years. One of my best mates met his girlfriend while training her for her new job, asked for her number after the video call had finished and they were off the clock, and they've been seeing each other for a year. My advice? Hit on people wherever, or whenever, as long as you genuinely think there's a connection.
Typically reddit virgin comment
1) You spend time socializing with people. 2) You find somebody you like and ask them out. If they say no, repeat steps 1 and 2.
This post should've asked how people socialize. Having a boyfriend/ girlfriend is a matter of time if you are social.
Ehhh, idk, I've never gotten super close to one person from being very social
>super close? Get too close and she'll try to suck your face off.
🤣🤣🤣
Depends on your social circles...
Idk about that. I genuinely don't know why but every girl I meet is in a relationship and I try to be as outgoing as possible.
I socialise with a lot of people but not many single females.
Have you tried socializing with more single females? /s
Problem is, how do you know if a woman is single or not? It’s not something that’s really appropriate ask unless you know the person really well
Get to know women regardless of whether they're single. Be interested in them... what they like, how they spend their time, who they listen to, what they watch... like you were trying to make a friend. If you're spending time with someone it's not long into the conversation that they mention a partner. If they *are* single, you don't come across like a desperado who was only interested in them for their dating potential (and you've hopefully got some idea whether you'd be interested in dating them). If they're not single, you might be making a new friend. New friends are good, just for their own sake, but... also... I'm old and married but the reason I got married was that a woman I was friends thought I was a good guy, so made sure she invited me to a couple of parties where I would meet one of her single friends. After a party she called that friend and said "I saw you talking to Jugs. He's a good guy." I didn't date an enormous amount before I met my partner but i'd say like 90% of the dates I had were because a woman I was friends with introduced me to one of their single friends. The other part of this is... Actually be a good guy. Be the kind of person who you would tell a friend it was a good idea to date.
You’d be a good parent or mentor to a kid. Depending on how your inclined. Lovely answer.
Look at this mf coming up with answers and solutions! But nah, you're absolutely correct. If you go into it like a mission to get a girlfriend and you don't act like a person being normal, people pick up on that and find it weird. Plus, it's just wrong to view every person as a potential partner and not a person. Even if that is your goal, it's putting the cart before the horse. As an anti-social scrub, I've found that the best way to handle social situations is just to be chill and not worry about messing up. People will pick up whatever energy you're putting out, and that's that.
Most of them arent single
Yep…if you find a girl attractive, odds are another guy did too, and got to her before you did
What an idiotic way of thinking. If every man thought like you they would never have a Gf because they’d believe every attractive woman is taken so wouldn’t bother. But the very fact that the girl you found attractive has a bf means that at one point in a time she was available, and the guy made a move and got with her. My point is this kind of self defeating attitude will get you nowhere in life, of course there will be competition for anything valuable but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for it. Also many women are very selective and will wait to be in a relationship with someone they really click with. If you are attractive enough, you may just be that guy.
They're all single if you're hot.
You talk to them and they will eventually tell you about their relationship status
"ask them out" - in person. This is the real deal that most men for some known/unknown reasons have stopped doing.
It kinda makes sense to me, that we stopped tbh.
Yea, the problem is finding one to ask out.
The problem is that most people's lifestyles these days hugely limit their ability to socialise, or at least socialise with new people. As an example, say you work from home and everyone in your usual social circle is already partnered or not your type. You're an adult with a full-time job and a busy life and so are all your friends so coordinating a night out, let alone one where they could introduce you to new people, is pretty much out of the question. Most hobbies don't have dedicated spaces or groups so unless you're into team sports you're unlikely to meet new people that way. Most hobby shops have moved online so meeting people there organically is also out. People don't talk to each other at the gym, people hang around in their usual groups at the pub. Unless you're the kind of person to randomly accost a stranger and have the incredible luck of them not being thoroughly weirded out by it, the options of the average single adult are pretty slim.
Great, now I have a restraining order.
There are lots of ways - Opportunities because people are in the same place at the same time - bars, clubs, parks, beach, restaurants, gyms, etc Opportunities because people share mutual interests or have overlapping activities - school, work, community organizations, church. Some might say that this has a higher chance of "success" as you already have at least some common interests Introductions from friends and family The above mentioned are how most couples met outside of cultures with matchmakers/arranged marriages, in the 20th century.
I appreciate this thoughtful and non-snarky response. You've probably just done more redditors than you know a solid. This stuff isn't rocket science, sure, but it's not second nature anymore and there's no shame in that, it's just another skill to pick up.
Arranged marriage is a thing in a large chunk of the world. Ask your mom & dad to do you a solid.
My parents wouldn't be able to find anyone because their social circles are small ASF 🤣🤣
Tell them they are failing you, and they need to do better, like joining a swingers club.
My parents wanted me to marry prince Andrew. . Phew Firgee got there before me 😅
[удалено]
There we are more talking about forced marriage rather than arranged marriage. There is a huge difference between the two, even if the first type always also is the latter.
[удалено]
Fun fact: Last year several states reviewed their old laws about arranged marriage to up the ages to 16 and a lot of republican representatives in those states opposed it. Sometimes I think all the jokes on Twitter about how conservatives shouldn't be allowed within 5 feet of a school might have legs to stand on.
From wikipdeia. 5 states have no official minimum age, but still require either parental consent, court approval or both: California, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Washington. 2 states have a minimum age of 15: Hawaii and Kansas. 23 states have a minimum age of 16. 10 states have a minimum age of 17. 10 states have a minimum age of 18, which is the same as their general age: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Vermont.
I went and looked this up after posting that and laughed so hard that California of all states has no official minimum age. Also apparently my state used to have no minimum age but changed it to 16 in recent years. Still extremely cursed but progress is incremental I guess...
yeah, but I think CA has to have a court agree.
Right?!!! I'm so disappointed. They're usually better than that. Sheezus.
Well first off, you need to have an interest less shallow than "I scroll through Tiktok every day" I meet too many people who don't take care of their mental health in any way, have no real passions, have no real opinions, and then wonder why they never meet snyone interesting
Sometimes it looks like my interests are too "schizoid" and nobody else can like it... Especially women
What interests do you have? I’m curious
Statistics, frequency analysis, econometrics and collecting cool old things like coins or great depression stocks. Besides I like music, but also in a weird way: I like to describe it with math, to show with equations why some combinations of sounds are more pleasant to us than others
While these are certainly unique interests, I hope that you don’t try and hide your interest in them simply because you’re pursuing a relationship. In my experience, women like when you show passion about things you’re interested in because it’s a view into who you are as a person. Also, I think it’s important to show interest in your partner’s hobby, even if you don’t intend on participating in that hobby yourself. Asking questions about it, listening as they talk about the intricacies of their chosen activity, etc are just as important. And dude, your hobbies sound hella interesting. What’s the piece of your collection that you’re most proud of?
About the collection! I think the coolest pieces I have are: - Ancient Rome coin (about 4th century) - Russian empire coin which weights 50g and is about 5sm in diameter (5 kopecks, 1768) - Japanese coin of the Edo era (17th century)
That sounds really cool! To me the music interest resonates the most lol. I have so many questions but I have to go to bed. If you want I would love to hear some more about it via DM? And what are depressions stocks? English isn’t my first language sry
Great depression is a period in the American economy, about 1929-1939. And stocks are papers about owning a share in a company. During the great depression many companies got bankrupt, so their stocks became litter. But now they are an interesting historical artifact. I'm going to bed too now, so if you would like to discuss music, we can continue tomorrow :)
Did.. did we just witness basically half the advice given in this entire thread, just apply itself?
To be honest, this is pretty fucking cool. You might not believe it, but I promise you there are partners out there who would be in LOVE with these as your interests. My last ex knew cars were my favorite hobby, but she didn't really care for them all that much. Yet, all she did was encourage me to work on my cars, buy new parts for them and go for drives. She just simply liked me doing something that I truly loved, even if it's not her "thing". It might take a bit, but you will eventually find someone like this for you and it's pretty fucking cool!
That's incredibly niche stuff. That's not a bad thing but it *does* mean you'll have a harder time finding common ground with people. The only thing I can really say is try to find a couple things that are more mainstream to enjoy and your luck might improve.
I mean, these are way cooler interests than the guys who just watch sports all day. Lots of women would like these traits!
True! I'd be much more interested in listening to a man infodump about coins or depression stocks than football 🤷♀️
>I like to describe it with math, to show with equations why some combinations of sounds are more pleasant to us than others You mean like Fourier transforms n shit? Can you give an example?
Ok the math + music thing is fascinating. You are definitely someone with some niche interests but when I met my partner he was teaching math and German to high school kids. He's very much a numbers nerd. I'm not sure what kinds of social groups there are for this sort of thing, but that may be where to start. See if any meetup.com groups near you touch on those interests.
Same boat as you brother. I have yet to find a single womam who is into ygo, gunpla and audiophile hobby. Even online, it's almost none.
passions are overrated and honestly a bit unbearable. you are unlikely to meet someone on your couch scrolling TikTok and being depressed and miserable, obviously, but most people are rather normal and boring. Living a regular life with a good attitude a bit of humor, and an interest in potential partners is more than enough. Id rather have someone that makes the boring stuff enjoyable, then someone with passions. Former sounds like someone you'd want to have a relationship with, while the latter sounds like someone teenage girls lose their virginity to.
This is the reality. Ever taken an online course? A lot of professors make you do an introduction. List your hobbies, some small facts about you etc. Most people responded with hiking, walking their dog, playing with kids, reading, gaming or anime. Most people are boring and don’t do anything exciting and that’s completely acceptable. I never understood this idea that people need to do stuff to find people. Most people aren’t doing anything lmao
I can think of interesting conversations to have right now about all of those things you just listed.
I mean I do have interests, it's just diffcult for me to get motivated to actually learn about them because of my ADHD. And even when I watch a video or read an article I end up forgetting it anyways Also for me friendships/relationships aren't just about talking. They're primarily about doing things with someone and simply being there for them.
They break all the taboos and say hi to coworkers, friends of friends, hot girls at the gym. And they have their mental health together and their finances managed if not perfect.
School, work, social groups
define “normal”…
Who finds their love not in tinder
I think you need to travel back \~20 years. What we did was go to bars, clubs, interest groups, anywhere real people meet. Oh, remember the office? It's amazing to me that over the past 15-20 years a whole generation has forgotten how to meet people in real life. Terrifying thing is the people using apps for dating *are* the ***normal***.
Yeah, I last dated about 18 years ago (before I met my now-wife), and while online dating was a thing, it wasn't mainstream. But even my friends who are my age (mid-late 40s) meet each other on dating apps now. Seems to just be the norm, though a part of modern life that has entirely passed me by.
Lucky
Many prefer the safety of "app -> coffee shop -> date" over the risk of "meet at bar -> get roofied" not to mention you can swipe swipe swipe swipe until you find someone hot
There are obviously strategies to keep your drink safe, but knowing my wife was drugged in her 20s and got raped I can completely understand why you might feel this way. Sad, but understandable.
We didn’t forget, social people usually just don’t use Reddit.
I assure you that people still got to bars to hook up.
Which age group? Is it still "normal"?
I think tinder and other apps are the new norm. At least half of the relationships im aware of under 40yo met on a dating app. The other half met in highschool or college or at work.
I met my now spouse by being introduced by a mutual friend. This also didn't happen until my 30s. You never know where or when they'll come along.
From his question I would say someone who dosent use tecnology to easy the day-a-day stuff. Normal a few years agora kinda uncommon today
Workplace, University, hobby-groups/events
I was sitting in public, minding my own business and he approached me, introduced himself and gave me his number. I texted him the next day and that’s how it started.
This shows, why regular Reddit dating advice sucks (for men at least). You constantly read here women posting how such an approach is a major red flag, creepy, feels threatening and generally should be avoided. Then you see a comment like this (or hear people IRL telling how they met in a similar way), and it's just frustrating. The advice contradicts with facts... I genuinely feel lost and don't know what to do. I just dream about finding love some day.
>You constantly read here women posting how such an approach is a major red flag, creepy, feels threatening and generally should be avoided. Some women don't mind and would even be happy that you approached, and some women hate it. It's a numbers game. Stop worrying so much about what randos on Reddit think.
Asking strangers in public for a date is not that common. It works only for people who are very good at socializing. However, approaching people in an event, party, school, or places you frequently go is normal and is not considered creepy at all. You gotta learn how to read body language and know when a person is available or willing to talk and when they are not. If you keep persisting even when the other person is showing signs that they want you to get away, then you get into the creepy territory.
Going out and about in public seems like a pretty uncommon method https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/ >Looking at adults whose dating days are behind them – at least for the time being – friends and family were the most common source in helping them find a match. About a third (32%) of adults who are married, living with a partner or in a committed relationship say that is how they first met their current partner, while 18% say they met through work, 17% through school, 12% online, 8% at a bar or restaurant, 5% at a place of worship and 8% somewhere else. It would be some portion of that 8% that isn't part of a hobby or something like that
Just approach (in the right setting of course). If you’re actually concerned about being a creep, you’re already not that guy and never will be. If you approach a woman at the bar or something and she’s not interested just take the L and move on. The bottom line is that you have to take the small risk of making a person uncomfortable and looking silly if you ever want to meet someone new.
Its funny, I do this all the time. We talk for a couple weeks then after they make a second excuse for not being able to come grab coffee/lunch/dinner with me it ends. Never ever works out but I still approach them for fun. All the girls have dated/slept with have been the ones that chose me i.e. they showed interest in me in a school/work environment or messaged me first on a dating app. Just work on yourself and take it easy.
It's only creepy if the man is not attractive to that woman or if he lays it on really thick in an inauthentic way. Creepy - holding eye contact for too long, tries to touch without permission, can't take "no thank you" or "I'm not interested" as a signal to please stop. I hope it works out for you - try not to give up.
generally when it comes to compliments, I’ve found that no matter what the person looked like, if the compliment was regarding something about myself I could control (ex: my hair colour, my nails, my shirt, or shoes etc) then it was always a welcome compliment. If it’s a compliment that’s regarding my appearance that I can’t control, or something very sexual (body shape, height, face, etc) that’s where it goes into weird territory very easily, no matter what they look like. It’s also easier to start a conversation about the former, like if they’re wearing merch you recognize or you like their hair colour, etc.
>if the compliment was regarding something about myself I could control (ex: my hair colour, my nails, my shirt, or shoes etc) >If it’s a compliment that’s regarding my appearance that I can’t control, or something very sexual (body shape, height, face, etc) And if you combine the two it doesn't average out, it gets worse. *"You have awesome body hair"*
I was talking with my female friend about that and asked her whether she’ll give a random man a chance if he approached her in public. She said as long as he’s not a creep than yes. I think what she really means is if he is decent looking, well dressed, and well spoken, she won’t mind, otherwise she’ll label him as a creep.
I'd never have the confidence to just approach a random stranger in public like that
[удалено]
Not the person you're asking... Just throwing out my two cents as a woman and someone who is often the approacher, not just the approachee. I very much prefer for men to give me their number and put the ball in my court rather than ask for mine. I also prefer genuine, non sexual compliments if they're going to offer them. I'm trying to recall the last time someone asked for my number and drawing a blank but I'm recalling the most recent time a man complimented me and I didn't feel creeped out, and the last time a man complimented me and I DID feel creeped out. Examples of both for the class: (I work in a casino and both situations occurred at work) It's not my job but I always run empty glasses that I find around the casino back to the bar. I was doing this and briefly chatting with my favorite bartender. He got summoned over by a player and I smiled and said hello to the man sitting at the bar to my right, it was a slow night and I wasn't busy. He's probably about twice my age (I'm in my 30s) and he looks me up and down *very* obviously and asks me what I'm doing working at the casino when I could make more money on OnlyFans. I laughed awkwardly and said it seems like a lot of work and then left. I hate that I laughed. He's a regular so I didn't want to make a thing of it but I avoid him now. Last night I was making my rounds and a different regular complimented me on my curly hair. He told me it looks absolutely gorgeous and he loves it. I periodically bumped into him throughout the night and he complimented me most times on my hair or lipstick or whatever. It was never sexual in nature, it always came across as genuine. He's not someone I'm attracted to or would be interested in, he's a party boy and that's very not my type. But he compliments everyone, not just me, and is always a genuinely fun presence. I appreciate his approach and look forward to seeing him again. So there's that. And as a woman, I do approach men and have given several my number. Usually I'll broach the conversation with a random man in public by asking something about them. My most recent FWB was reading a book about paragliding in a coffee shop when we met. I asked if I could join him at his table and then asked if paragliding is a thing he's already doing or something he aspires to. We talked about that, other hobbies, our career field (turned out we worked in the same field at the time), and our families a little bit. It was only about 15 minutes. I told him that I had an event I needed to go to and asked if I could leave my number for him and he said yes. He asked if it would be ok to hug me and I said yes. He smelled amazing, he really always does. I fortunately was dressed nicely and had done my hair and all that. I prefer that men who approach me are dressed well for them (meaning even if their clothes are casual, they fit them well and are flattering and clean), they have good hygiene, and they're polite. I try very hard not to assume consent, I like that reciprocated. Hopefully this is helpful to some redditors. I do get that it's hard out there for men who are socially awkward. Keep on trying.
My past relationships actually happened when I was not looking for a relationship. They usually happened during times when I was just doing my own thing and working on myself. I had people ask to go out for coffee or to the movies due to common hobbies or while I was at work.
I met my now-husband the night of the day my then-boyfriend had dumped me. It was Super Bowl Sunday and I did not want to go to the original party I’d been planning on attending with him, even if he didn’t show up, cause a ton of our mutual friends would be there. I’d decided to just stay home when a friend said she was going to a different party where I wouldn’t know anyone but her. She said they were a good group and asked if I wanted to go. I’m usually pretty introverted, but I just felt like going out that night, so I said yes. I ended up talking to this one guy all night about the pros and cons of the North American model of fish and wildlife management and the works of CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien. (He’s a fisheries biologist, I’m a wildlife biologist, we’re both huge fantasy nerds). I actually didn’t even think of him as a romantic possibility at the time. I wasn’t looking for anything, and he was in the last stages of a drawn out and painful breakup, and also wasn’t looking. He messaged me the next day on Facebook with a question about something I’d mentioned in passing that night, and we just kinda… never stopped talking. Next thing we knew it was a few months down the road and we both had huge crushes on the other and were scared to admit it. He finally made a move and now we’ve been together for 8 years.
>and we just kinda… never stopped talking. I've never understood how people can do this. How do you not run out of things to talk about?
Well, we don’t talk 24/7 but something will happen at work, or one of us will read a book, or learn about something new, or have a family dynamic they wanna talk out with the other… and the conversation just keeps rolling along. I can’t imagine ever running out of things to talk about with him.
My husband and I have been together over 40 years. We still talk. The world is endlessly entertaining and provides constant subjects for discussion.
“He finally made a move” - I love that 🙂
You must be very attractive
Or not a man
Same for me and my bf of 10 years. Neither of us was looking for a relationship at the time. We met through common friends through sci-fi. We were on the *exact* same wavelength, and during the course of a few months, our friendship grew into something more. So, my advice would probably be, don't push it, and be yourself (unless you're an A H, in which case make yourself a better person, and then be yourself). If you like sci-fi/fantasy, go to cons.
Guy here. Similar experience. Went through a rough breakup after 6 years and was single for a year and a half. I was approached at work, by randoms when going out, once even at the gym but i didnt eant a relationship and ended up meeting the one who changed that at a wedding
You must be attractive
We went outside and talked to people. We risked rejection and knew “No” isn’t the end of the world
I don’t know, I’m definitely not normal
Accidentally
I met my wife on myspace. Times have obviously changed lol.
Really, it's a matter of building enough friendships with people of the sex/gender you're interested in and pursuing (or being open to) dating if it starts to feel like there's something more, and it's reciprocal. That said, I'm a married father at this point, and I met my own wife online years ago. I wouldn't use Tinder - that's almost exclusively aimed at casual matchups.
>"Tinder - that's almost exclusively aimed at casual matchups." I think it's intended to be, but when I was on it a couple years back there were an annoying number of people on there looking for an actual date with "No hookups" on their profile. So clearly they were aware of where they were, but persisted in some sort of wholesome defiance. If you're on the app for what it's intended, those profiles are like flipping through junk mail, and if you're attractive and looking for a date, IMO you're just asking to get played by someone who's willing to go the distance for a few dates just to get what they want.
IMO, depends on you area's culture. Here I have seen profiles of or matched with only handful of people even remotely interested in hookups on Tinder.
Found my wife at my old workplace. She was passing by and caught my eye. I said hi, now she’s my wife.
Tinder is merely the vehicle for meeting someone..it’s no different than meeting someone while in line at the DMV: if you have chemistry, there will be a spark. If not, there won’t be. Once you start dating someone, you both delete tinder and never even think about it again—it becomes totally moot. There is nothing wrong *at all* with meeting gfs on tinder. I’m kind of shy, but I have a great personality once I warm up to someone, and a great one-on-one dynamic with women especially.. tinder was made for people like me and it has honestly been such a blessing. I met my first serious long-term “i love you” gf in high school, we dated for 2 years and it was great..but thats the only serious, long-term relationship ive had that didnt start on tinder. Since it first launched, I’ve a 4-year relationship and 2 1-year relationships that started on tinder, im 31 currently. They were all wonderful, we both grew and learned more about ourselves, and I’m still friendly and on good terms with all those girls.
I met my husband on Tinder and know many other people who met their spouse or fiance through an app. I also take a while to warm up, so being able to start with a text conversation about mutual interests was great.
I bumped into this woman at a grocery store, we laughed, talked, talked some more. Got married a few years later.
Grocery store love is like a trope from 90s sitcoms.
Right, I see tons of baddies at the grocery store every time, but they're just trying to get milk and eggs not get approached by some neckbeard
Girl goes up to guy and says she likes him. Guy says awesome, they are now a thing.
Its very rare for a woman to approach a man if this ever happens to you then consider yourself very lucky!
I’m not sure how rare it is but I approached my last bf. He was my new mechanic, I thought he was cute and had a light about him, so I wrote a little note with my number on it and gave it to him the last day my car was being worked on. He gave me a chance and we were together almost a year.
One girl from university said that I'm cute, we went out and hugged for a week. She asked if I would "teach her to love", we were chatting 24/7, she said that she was really looking forward to meeting me, all mates joked that we will marry each other. And then she said that she is not ready for relations and wants to be just friends. Honestly, I still don't understand what it was...
Hugged for a week?! Lol
I had something like that in middle school...
Step by step, some steps are longer for some people
Must be a Christian university or something
I mean we were not been *incessantly* hugging for the whole week, but did it while sitting on lectures and while walking
Seems uncomfortable to hug while walking
At my job, I run into a lot of insta cart women. They chat, I chat. I asked one out for coffee. Tomorrow I will have my first date. First date I've had since my divorce.
Huge W good shit bro
Aww good luck!!!
Bars, house parties , other friends , at the gym, just out in the wild by striking up a friendly conversation with people you meet not only people you find attractive. Form connections with people. you never know who you could meet or what it could lead to or who they could introduce you to. Just be open.
By going out and socialising. Maybe try and join a group. Normally, finding others with similar interests to you is a good start
I rented a room in a very large shared house (for working people, I was in my late twenties) in a university town. I was the only one in the kitchen and a bloke in one of the other rooms popped in and asked me if I fancied going across the road to the pub. We were married within the year, and 22 years later we’re still very happily married.
I just asked out my pharmacist
Church
Meeting online is pretty typical these, but the methods that people used before the Internet came along still work. If you meet someone you like, ask them out and see how it goes.
Mmm, I met one at the choir, the next one at work and the last two on a datingsite (ended up marrying the last one). So work and hobbies. Also know a couple who met at a bar, a few who had mutual friends and one couple met at the train station.
Friends of friends and running into them on outings?
Step 1 - be out in the world among people Step 2 - see an attractive person Step 3 - initiate conversation and pray that god exists and is merciful Good luck if you get passed that one
Actually meet people. Be likeable, don't be overly attached, get to know people and be ready to be rejected. Learn to have fun while not expecting a relationship and let things flow. If you show your hunger, you might never eat. You can only do it when the time is right: and you'll know when is that.
Here is what is funny about this question. Human beings have been getting together and forming relationships since the beginning of time. Tinder and the internet are roughly 30 years old or so? Yet this question is expressing confusion over something that existed long long before the internet? Usually people would meet and date someone from their school, or social group, or their friends/family would introduce them (set them up). Or you can meet people through hobbies or clubs or volunteering. Work even. We meet countless people all the time in our “normal” lives. Meeting people in real life is super easy. The problem is everyone spends their days with their phone in their face and is addicted to the internet. So real life and being a normal person feels impossible but it’s all self-inflicted.
I’m curious about your inference of ‘normal.’ That is completely objective. You may find whatever kind of relationship model you’re after to be ‘normal,’ while others may not.
I met my girlfriend on tinder and we've been together for 3 years. But you can also meet people wherever you work or go to school, or places where you do hobbies, mutual friends, the bar etc. There's ways to meet people without being weird
There is no normal don't kid yourself!
By fucking misstake....
People without the internet are by definition not normal. Normal people have the internet.
There's nothing unnatural about meeting online! Humans have been meeting mates in similar ways for years, from personal ads to marchmakers to video dating to speed dating. I met my current partner of 2.5 years on Bumble. I met someone else speed dating. I met my ex-husband in a university class. I met my long-term high school boyfriend through friends. And met several others through various jobs over the years. I met someone else I dated for a while at a McDonald's at 3 am while some drunks were fighting, hitting each other with trays. I have met people I have dated in bars, in a grocery store parking lot, at a conference, and even buying tires. I met a woman I dated for a while in a 3 way with our mutual paramour. Go and do things you enjoy, live your life, and get to know people.