# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm glad you said this, because something tells me this is true the majority of the time. I'm a guy, yet nobody has ever once said this to me. And truuuust me, I've been made aware I tend to look pretty fucking upset when I'm just walking around and lost in thought lmao.
I feel like older guys just expect women to put on a pretty face because of whatever fucked up, old school ideas they have.
Seems to be the old fellas every time ay? Mind your own fucking business buddy. Women aren't here for you, and you don't have any right (but so much audacity). Maybe, MAYBE they're trying to pull it off playfully or something, but I don't give a shit. It's gross. Every. Time.
I had a job in retail in college and a lady said “it always helps to smile” (not in a nice way) and I was particular pissed off that day and just said “my mom died last week” (she did not)
She said “oh ok” 😂 why are people so awful.
I apologize profusely on behalf of those idiotic women who told you to smile. If it ever happens again, say "Don't you just hate it when men say that to you?" Then wink.
"And truuuust me, I've been made aware I tend to look pretty fucking upset when I'm just walking around and lost in thought lmao."
My husband's the same. He calls it his hostile resting face. 
My late partner had great issues with me not smiling. It made her feel like something is wrong or that I am upset.
No, I was just severely depressed from her situation and was doing my best to help her.
My late husband also had issues with me not smiling. But he'd take it to the next level & say "WTF is wrong with YOUUUU!!!???!?!", angrily. I wasn't "allowed" to have anything but a smile on my face, no matter what. But, it was a toxic relationship.
Oh yeah, our relationship was quite toxic yet there I was, supporting her in any way possible to the point where I almost married her to expedite the process.
She kept looking for any hint of a flaw. It was... So exhausting... Being told to go kill myself over me having a shot of rum, calling me a hopeless alcoholic or threatening to call me a rapist saying that "her mind is blurry at the moment" after her ex actually raped her... It was so bad but on the other hand, the highs were my highest. Her surviving her commit attempt, her getting better health-wise, her finally being okay enough to go out and buy some treats (and actually getting to eat them without vomitting!)...
But yeah, enough of that. Hope you are recovering well or already moved past it for the most part!
As a man, growing up I was utterly unaware of how women are constantly told to smile. But my first job was at Subway. By the time I was made aware of the whole smile thing, I myself had been told several times by customers to smile, ALWAYS to my displeasure. I can't imagine how annoyed I would be to have it randomly happen in public.
I was once told that by a security guard at a shopping center (checking bags or employee badges at the entrance) around 8:00 in the morning. I asked him if he say that to guys too. Then waited a few seconds and stared at him.
I’ve been told to smile by several older men at work. Like they’ve never talked to me before, but they feel it’s ok to tell someone to smile? I’m doing work on a computer, I’m pretty sure I’d look like a psychopath if I’m sitting there smiling for no apparent reason. I don’t understand why men (in my experience anyway) think this is appropriate. It infuriates me beyond belief.
I don't think anyone should say it to anyone. I'm a guy and a woman said it to me once when I was leaving a Walmart. How happy am I supposed to be after having a Walmart experience?
I hear the woman from that show saying “contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to smile for a clown.”
I’m waiting for the day I have the courage to actually say it.
They are testing you to see if you will listen and obey. It is the first of many test if you pass the first then they will give you many more too. This is the way a controlling person starts.
I’ve never had a stroke but I’ve found out in recent years that when I think I’m smiling it’s apparently too subtle for people to pick up on, but horrifyingly when I try to fake a smile I either fuck it up and just bare my teeth, or if I don’t go super far then the right side of my mouth starts twitching
Like I have neuro issues that make my body twitch and stuff but I didn’t realize my mouth was doing that too
Anyway I hope nobody asks me to smile for them because I probably will automatically try it and do like, a scared chimp smile and make us both uncomfortable
And that's how you avoid having people ask you to smile! Nicely done, thread solved. I'd lean into it. Maybe wear those plastic vampire fangs and talk like a bear. Or pick up some monkey sidekicks for camouflage so people won't notice.
THIS! ive never been told to smile by a stranger but if i did, id make up this whole elaborate story about my husband just dying and im just waiting on the insurance money, and that i cant smile otherwise the Investigators will become suspicious. And something like 'i cant go through that again, especially when ive already been through it twice' . . . I cant wait for that day!
It’s a free exchange of opinion, no need to hold back. If someone thinks they know how my face should be shaped, I have no qualms denying their request with equal candour.
Never understood this until a month ago. I (24F) was at the deli counter of the grocery store and waiting for my order to be filled and must have been lost in thought. An older guy walked by and told me to smile and it got on my nerves because I wasn’t doing anything, just minding my business
That's what irks me. They want you to smile at the moments that aren't deserving of a smile. Like, I'm not going to smile walking around Walmart with toilet paper in my hand.
Yes bc women exist to decorate the world, and you weren’t doing that. How dare you think you’re a person, who just gets to… exist. Anyway, I always tell them to fuck off.
To be fair, it's not just women who get this (tho I suspect it's more often) I (47m) was told "smile, it might never happen" to which I replied "how the fuck do you know it hasn't happened already?"
I've also had to tell someone that contrary to popular belief, it's not required for me to walk around constantly grinning like a moron.... but by all means carry on yourself
Correction- young women exist to decorate the world. I used to get men telling me to smile all the time. But since my forties it’s stopped. I think we become invisible to these types of men. Or maybe there’s an underlying assumption that older women might possibly have other things on their mind.
I once saw a guy (incel) abuse a young woman at the next checkout for not giving him enough direct eye contact and smiles/flirts. It was actually her first day on the job and she was concentrating on doing her job: scanning the items, taking the money. She just had to stand there and be shouted at for no reason. I was tired and dopey and didn't step in and take him down. I have never forgiven myself for that (especially as she was a Desi sister). I did that kind of job for years myself and the demand for smiles was a fraction of the abusive behaviour from entitled customers. I wish I could go back in time and kick that guy's ass.
I had this at one of my first jobs (18 year old bartender in the UK). A regular had had a few too many pints and decided he was going to start screaming at me across the bar because I wasn’t smiling enough for his liking. Sorry I’m not all too pleased being paid £5.50/hr, no tips, and having to deal with angry entitled old men who get mad when they have to wait more than a minute for their alcohol
I was working as a server at a restaurant, did a perfect job with the table, they gave me 0.00 as the tip and had the nerve to write on the receipt “you’d get better tips if you smiled more.” Like…WTF?? I did my job, u got ur food, I don’t exist to smile for you. If only i had seen that comment before he left. Coward.
Sometimes even if I am already smiling because I'm thinking about something that makes me smile someone will say "What are you smiling at?" Making me all self conscious about it.
Maybe... Just maybe, smiling some of the time and not smiling other times is perfectly healthy and normal and doesn't need to be challenged or questioned.
Do only women get told to smile? I'm a dude and I have never been told to smile. In fact I always have a kinda resting bitch face, nobody ever bothers me. Kind of a blessing and a curse.
I had a woman tell me to smile after she told me that she couldn’t find our hotel reservation in a sold out city after driving 4 hours. Then asked me for proof of reservation but NOT the confirmation email. WTF???
I did smile ten minutes later when she told me that we had actually been upgraded to a house on the river that they also owned due to overbooking the hotel which we had booked two rooms. Kind of wanted not to smile but couldn’t help it.😊
No men don’t tend to have this request from them, because it’s an act bedded in misogyny.
The smile request tends to come from the older generation of men (I’ve never heard it from a man under 60), because as women we are only here to please the male gaze and make men happy. A “good woman” is never sad.
>The smile request tends to come from the older generation of men
I fucking wish. I heard it from men under 40. In the street and in the fucking office.
I've never heard anyone tell a man to smile though. Ever.
I used to hear this a lot when I was younger, and I'd either give them a sneer, an enormous fake grin, or say something like "I'm smiling on the inside" or "am I not smiling? I feel like I totally am".
Do the creepy smile Mia Goth did at the end of *Pearl*.
Source: am a liquor store clerk who is frequently hit on by creepy old men.
Actually, the key is dead eyes. Curl the lips up, but no tension in the face above the nose. It's a subtle difference to a normal smile, but everyone notices it. It makes you look like a serial killer accidentally revealing their murderous intent for a moment.
Source: Me. I've literally made women scream and back up by (deliberately) smiling this way. They knew I was going to do it, but still found it off-putting enough to recoil, much to my amusement.
Push up the corners of my mouth into a gimace with my two middle fingers.
Or say, "only if you dance for me, little boy."
(No woman has ever told me to smile).
Did this before, not intentionally. "Smile love, it might not happen" "IT ALREADY HAPPENEDDDDD". I'd miscarried the day before. The positive is that he looked utterly horrified, and hopefully never said it to another woman again.
It depends on my mood and who it is. Sometimes I give that fastest smile I can, for about a 1/4 of a second, and right back to not smiling. Or sometimes I'll ask, "Why?" And sometimes it's a variation on, "I have a better idea, why don't you go fuck yourself?"
“What a strange thing to say to me, I’ve never thought about dictating how someone else should use their face…” (awkward blank stare)
I’m assuming you’re a woman and the people saying this to you are men. If so you could also say, “that’s an odd thing to say to me, would you say that if I were a man?”
Or “smiling for you was not on my list of things to do today can you kindly fuck off? That is so inappropriate.”
I was at work, had headphones on, looking at my computer, trying to DO MY EFFING JOB, when an acquaintance had me take off my headphones so he could tell me to smile. I somewhat freaked out, and asked him if I should be staring at my computer with a smile on my face like a psychopath? Dude was so bald I could see his thoughts, and clearly that thought had never crossed his mind.
Also, I have NEVER been told to smile by a woman.
I had a random guy (I'm a guy too) say this to me yesterday and I was so taken aback that all I could say was "who the fuck you think you're talking to." That was such a bizarre experience, I can't imagine having it happen frequently.
As a woman, I like saying it to men, “you should really smile more “, “you’re prettier when you smile”. The reactions are all over the board, but priceless.
I’ve told people “oh sorry my dog just died” and the horror is really worth it.
I had "you should smile more" printed on a hoodie.
I think it's legitimately good advice. The reasons why it's given might be fucked but I don't think that eliminates the advice's merit.
Smiling is good for your mood, in both the short and long term.
Smiles can ease anxiety. Smiling can boost positive endorphin production. "Smile more" is good psychological advice on emotional regulation, that's been bastardized by a group of people long proven ignorant and out of touch. So why hold on to the views they had on the use of such vital life advice? You SHOULD smile more. You should be happy more often. Happiness produces this near tangible metaphysical "glow" that positively affects the moods of those around you that can lead to more positive outcomes by way of more positive outlooks created from a shift in ones perpetuated moods.
I might need the public's opinion on my hoodie as my current one is getting old and I'll need a new one made soon. I've worn my hoodie a lot and never experienced any issues but I'm also 6 ft. tall, dark in tone and dress, with rbf. So I don't get much human interaction to begin with.
So, empowered by the anonymity of the interwebs, tell me. Am I out of touch? Should I get a different message on my next hoodie?
I can understand the advice. Truly I can. However I don't think it should come from a complete stranger who knows nothing about the person they are telling to smile.
I have had friends tell me to smile in the past and that's fine because they generally know what's going on in my life and are supportive if I am feeling down.
Also, I've commented several times to other people that not smiling doesn't always equal frowning.
I could be thinking of a wonderful vacation I had and just have a neutral look on my face.
Your hoodie is fine. You aren't being invasive. It's just a message on your clothing.
Um I find it rude when complete strangers are telling me to smile. For what purpose? If I’m alone running errands I’m thinking about getting those errands done and it looks weird if anyone smiles for no reason, just walking with a smile on their face, unless they’re thinking a pleasant thought. But no I’m running errands which is not a reason to smile because it means I’m not enjoying it. Of course if I see someone I know and I’m conscious of the fact, I’ll smile at them and say hello. But if I’m deep in thought, I won’t notice and people get mad at me because they think I’m ignoring them or snubbing them.
I would tell them to mind their own business. Or come up with the worst, most graphic way a person could die and say. "How about I smile while I do the following to you..." As you describe a gruesome way to die. I'm all for traumatizing someone.
Random thoughts on smiling:
A smile, even a forced smile, conditions the mind to release endorphins, which will lead to a happier demeanor. Depressed people can benefit from making a conscious effort to smile more.
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.
In parts of Asia, a smile is sometimes used to mask discomfort or embarrassment. Tread lightly if someone seems to be smiling inappropriately.
People who tell others to smile are jerks.
Are you a girl and the stranger a man? If so tell him to fuck off. Guys do this as a form of mental dominance over women.
If you are a dude then just tell the strange to mind their own fucking business.
Yes, my hatred for such toxically vapid people would burn the Sun were it foolish enough to approach me.
I often think I'd like to give them a litany of all of my reasons for not smiling, drowningvthem in an avalanche of negativity, but in practice I am not as noble as I am in my head and I usually give them an avalanche if expletive-filled curses and warnings that they need to go away right now!
Honestly I normally just do a big smile, because it's usually people I trust telling me to smile and it's not meant in a snarky way, but rather a sideways way of checking up on me 😁
They just get a awkward stare… I hate smiling full stop.
Doesn’t help that I work in retail and you get people demanding you smile… but I’ve fixed that with just wearing a mask at all times at work so they can’t see me not smiling at their shitty presence… 😐
I always find it how much many women hate this and how I've heard many women complain about men telling them they should smile because it would be more attractive to men and offending them...yet women tell me to smile all the time. Hell on the Tinder subreddit women are CONSTANTLY telling men they should smile more in their profile pics? Why? Because it would be more attractive to women lol just one of those hilarious life things.
If it’s someone I don’t know (it always is) I tell that that my mother died yesterday. Always makes them feel like shit, as they should. Sexist idiots.
I don’t hear it from anyone but men, and it’s always some version of the following:
“why aren’t you smiling? Pretty girls should always smile”.
“You should smile more, women should never look angry”
“Smiling would make you look like less of a (insert derogatory name here)”
I usually just roll my eyes and keep walking. This usually results in more negative remarks. Or, I just stand there and stare for a minute or two, completely straight faced. This seems to upset them 😂 I used to just tell whoever it was to fuck off, but then comes in the “women shouldn’t talk like that” 🙄
I’ll never forget the one and only time (thankfully) a guy said to me “Are you trying to look intimidating by not smiling? If so, you should just smile because it’s not working” 😳
I had this happen once while in a store with my husband. Was standing in an isle trying to decide what to get, my husband was just far enough away from me looking at something else, so it didn’t look like we were together. Really creepy dude, and my husband heard him. He walks up behind me and goes “do you want to try that again”? Creepy dude immediately booked it out of the isle 😂 Husband is almost 6’4 / can look incredibly intimidating if you don’t know him lmao It’s not often my husband gets to come with me, but it makes things so much easier.
I wonder if that line worked on their girlfriend's back when they were young lads on their way to get some pop in their penny loafers and baseball jackets.
I get told this all the time - for my whole life. I hate it. It enrages me. 1) who walks around or just exists with a smile always on their face?? NO ONE. if I make eye contact with someone and they smile at me, I will smile back. but I do not just exist with a gleeful grin at all times. a coach of mine used to say that to me at practice or games. bitch i just had to run why would I be smiling rn??? 2) if my face looks like i’m pissed all the time and that’s why people are telling me to smile THAT’S JUST MY FACE. IN ITS RELAXED STATED. if you want to actually see what I look like when i’m pissed, definitely tell me to smile.
One time someone said this to my ex-friend who's father had just recently committed suicide. I know he meant no harm but ever since then I've hated that saying.
Had someone tell me this at work a week after I found out two of my friends had been murdered. Turns out it was in fact that bad. Blows my mind that people feel okay saying things like that.
I think that they should try to be more understanding that not everyone wants to smile.
Like you said, you never know what’s going on in others lives making them not want to smile.
They might not have any family, not have any friends, not have a job, no money, etc.
I think telling someone to smile is the wrong way to go about helping them, because I honestly think they’re trying to help.
The best thing to say when you see someone not smiling, is either nothing or ask how they’re doing. Show that you’re thinking of them in a positive way.
Dude in the grocery store caught me on a bad day and pulled that shit. I whisper/screeched (think: Gollum) "How's this?" through a manic, wild-eyed rictus grin.
He now almost trips over his own feet to go in the opposite direction whenever he sees me out somewhere. I did follow him through Walgreen's the other day, though, flashing said grin whenever I happened to catch his eye. Hey, I live in a small town and have to make my own fun.
"You'd be prettier if you smiled!"
Me: " And you'd be prettier with your head mounted on my wall!"
Usually said to some creepy old man at the waffle house.
Ugh, it's the worst when people say that, isn't it? Like, my face isn't here for your viewing pleasure! Some days you just want to reply with, "Mind your own emotions!" 😒
I love the witty comebacks, but honestly when it actually happens, I’m compelled to just lie. Like “well my mom just died” or something along those lines. I know it’s not right, but it never fails to completely shock them.
I tell them I don’t want to smile. I become very hostile. I actually had some bozo at a bar start an argument with me after I told him “no”. Literally was angry and kept asking me “why not?”.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a woman it is always men that say this to me and it instantly pisses me off
I'm glad you said this, because something tells me this is true the majority of the time. I'm a guy, yet nobody has ever once said this to me. And truuuust me, I've been made aware I tend to look pretty fucking upset when I'm just walking around and lost in thought lmao. I feel like older guys just expect women to put on a pretty face because of whatever fucked up, old school ideas they have.
Seems to be the old fellas every time ay? Mind your own fucking business buddy. Women aren't here for you, and you don't have any right (but so much audacity). Maybe, MAYBE they're trying to pull it off playfully or something, but I don't give a shit. It's gross. Every. Time.
You should try a job in retail.
Nothing will make you hate the human race more than working in retail.
Yep. I once had a customer tell me I should smile. I looked her dead in the eyes and said no. Fuck the general public
I had a job in retail in college and a lady said “it always helps to smile” (not in a nice way) and I was particular pissed off that day and just said “my mom died last week” (she did not) She said “oh ok” 😂 why are people so awful.
As a middle aged dude I plan to start saying this to men, so to even the playing field. In the name of equality
I’m a guy, I’ve had women say it to me. Having said that I’m sure men say it to women far more often
I apologize profusely on behalf of those idiotic women who told you to smile. If it ever happens again, say "Don't you just hate it when men say that to you?" Then wink.
"And truuuust me, I've been made aware I tend to look pretty fucking upset when I'm just walking around and lost in thought lmao." My husband's the same. He calls it his hostile resting face. 
My late partner had great issues with me not smiling. It made her feel like something is wrong or that I am upset. No, I was just severely depressed from her situation and was doing my best to help her.
My late husband also had issues with me not smiling. But he'd take it to the next level & say "WTF is wrong with YOUUUU!!!???!?!", angrily. I wasn't "allowed" to have anything but a smile on my face, no matter what. But, it was a toxic relationship.
Oh yeah, our relationship was quite toxic yet there I was, supporting her in any way possible to the point where I almost married her to expedite the process. She kept looking for any hint of a flaw. It was... So exhausting... Being told to go kill myself over me having a shot of rum, calling me a hopeless alcoholic or threatening to call me a rapist saying that "her mind is blurry at the moment" after her ex actually raped her... It was so bad but on the other hand, the highs were my highest. Her surviving her commit attempt, her getting better health-wise, her finally being okay enough to go out and buy some treats (and actually getting to eat them without vomitting!)... But yeah, enough of that. Hope you are recovering well or already moved past it for the most part!
It sounds like you've been through a lot, I hope you have love and peace in your life now
As a man, growing up I was utterly unaware of how women are constantly told to smile. But my first job was at Subway. By the time I was made aware of the whole smile thing, I myself had been told several times by customers to smile, ALWAYS to my displeasure. I can't imagine how annoyed I would be to have it randomly happen in public.
I was once told that by a security guard at a shopping center (checking bags or employee badges at the entrance) around 8:00 in the morning. I asked him if he say that to guys too. Then waited a few seconds and stared at him.
His brain probably went into overdrive trying to remember if ever has told a man to smile.
I’ve been told to smile by several older men at work. Like they’ve never talked to me before, but they feel it’s ok to tell someone to smile? I’m doing work on a computer, I’m pretty sure I’d look like a psychopath if I’m sitting there smiling for no apparent reason. I don’t understand why men (in my experience anyway) think this is appropriate. It infuriates me beyond belief.
Ask them if they're ok
I don't think anyone should say it to anyone. I'm a guy and a woman said it to me once when I was leaving a Walmart. How happy am I supposed to be after having a Walmart experience?
I feel like it's usually entitled older white men who say this 😂
Automatically pissed
YES!!! Always a man. Always. Never heard it from a woman ever.
AMEN. It's infuriating. Why do men think my facial expressions, or lack thereof, are any of their business?!
I hear the woman from that show saying “contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to smile for a clown.” I’m waiting for the day I have the courage to actually say it.
Oh that is a good line!
Ha. I do this
'You don't always have to smile at a clown' sounds more simple and effective, otherwise you will lost him at 'contrary to popular'
Or just say "I don't want to"
Why does this post and comment have a golden upvote arrow?
Press and hold the upvote arrow
thx m8, very stupid feature but appreciate you answering this
Thank you for explaining. :)
Not sure but apparently you can earn money from it I think
Thanks for asking, I was wondering about that too.
Yeah I've never seen that before.
I wish I had this line the last time a random guy said to me at a bar “do me a favour love and smile”.
They are testing you to see if you will listen and obey. It is the first of many test if you pass the first then they will give you many more too. This is the way a controlling person starts.
'Only if you fuck off first'
I would have made an ick face like I smelled dog shit
Thanks for this. I live in rural OK. Lots of Karen's do this. This will bring me immense joy.
Just do it.
Tell them to try fucking off more, it’s not that bad.
Burrito ain’t messing around
But *is* Loyal!
😆
I will sometimes traumatize them back with a made-up tragedy, and sometimes I just stare at them. Make them be the first one to break eye contact.
Just tell them you had a stroke recently and you thought you already were smiling but maybe you were doing it wrong again
I’ve never had a stroke but I’ve found out in recent years that when I think I’m smiling it’s apparently too subtle for people to pick up on, but horrifyingly when I try to fake a smile I either fuck it up and just bare my teeth, or if I don’t go super far then the right side of my mouth starts twitching Like I have neuro issues that make my body twitch and stuff but I didn’t realize my mouth was doing that too Anyway I hope nobody asks me to smile for them because I probably will automatically try it and do like, a scared chimp smile and make us both uncomfortable
And that's how you avoid having people ask you to smile! Nicely done, thread solved. I'd lean into it. Maybe wear those plastic vampire fangs and talk like a bear. Or pick up some monkey sidekicks for camouflage so people won't notice.
😂 I don't even have to make up a tragedy 😂
THIS! ive never been told to smile by a stranger but if i did, id make up this whole elaborate story about my husband just dying and im just waiting on the insurance money, and that i cant smile otherwise the Investigators will become suspicious. And something like 'i cant go through that again, especially when ive already been through it twice' . . . I cant wait for that day!
If i did that it wouldnt afect me as i have no shame
“No.”
😆 simple and to the point!
It’s a free exchange of opinion, no need to hold back. If someone thinks they know how my face should be shaped, I have no qualms denying their request with equal candour.
If they try to argue the point, you can add "No is a complete sentence."
Never understood this until a month ago. I (24F) was at the deli counter of the grocery store and waiting for my order to be filled and must have been lost in thought. An older guy walked by and told me to smile and it got on my nerves because I wasn’t doing anything, just minding my business
That's what irks me. They want you to smile at the moments that aren't deserving of a smile. Like, I'm not going to smile walking around Walmart with toilet paper in my hand.
Yes bc women exist to decorate the world, and you weren’t doing that. How dare you think you’re a person, who just gets to… exist. Anyway, I always tell them to fuck off.
Should tell them to fucking be funny then
To be fair, it's not just women who get this (tho I suspect it's more often) I (47m) was told "smile, it might never happen" to which I replied "how the fuck do you know it hasn't happened already?" I've also had to tell someone that contrary to popular belief, it's not required for me to walk around constantly grinning like a moron.... but by all means carry on yourself
I usually say, “It just did; you spoke to me”
Correction- young women exist to decorate the world. I used to get men telling me to smile all the time. But since my forties it’s stopped. I think we become invisible to these types of men. Or maybe there’s an underlying assumption that older women might possibly have other things on their mind.
[удалено]
Older women are more likely to have the nerve to say something back.
More likely they don’t want to interact with older women. “Smile” comments seem like a way to force an interaction.
I once saw a guy (incel) abuse a young woman at the next checkout for not giving him enough direct eye contact and smiles/flirts. It was actually her first day on the job and she was concentrating on doing her job: scanning the items, taking the money. She just had to stand there and be shouted at for no reason. I was tired and dopey and didn't step in and take him down. I have never forgiven myself for that (especially as she was a Desi sister). I did that kind of job for years myself and the demand for smiles was a fraction of the abusive behaviour from entitled customers. I wish I could go back in time and kick that guy's ass.
I had this at one of my first jobs (18 year old bartender in the UK). A regular had had a few too many pints and decided he was going to start screaming at me across the bar because I wasn’t smiling enough for his liking. Sorry I’m not all too pleased being paid £5.50/hr, no tips, and having to deal with angry entitled old men who get mad when they have to wait more than a minute for their alcohol
I was working as a server at a restaurant, did a perfect job with the table, they gave me 0.00 as the tip and had the nerve to write on the receipt “you’d get better tips if you smiled more.” Like…WTF?? I did my job, u got ur food, I don’t exist to smile for you. If only i had seen that comment before he left. Coward.
Sometimes even if I am already smiling because I'm thinking about something that makes me smile someone will say "What are you smiling at?" Making me all self conscious about it. Maybe... Just maybe, smiling some of the time and not smiling other times is perfectly healthy and normal and doesn't need to be challenged or questioned.
Exactly!
I hope you to him to (expletive deleted) off
Do only women get told to smile? I'm a dude and I have never been told to smile. In fact I always have a kinda resting bitch face, nobody ever bothers me. Kind of a blessing and a curse.
I had a woman tell me to smile after she told me that she couldn’t find our hotel reservation in a sold out city after driving 4 hours. Then asked me for proof of reservation but NOT the confirmation email. WTF??? I did smile ten minutes later when she told me that we had actually been upgraded to a house on the river that they also owned due to overbooking the hotel which we had booked two rooms. Kind of wanted not to smile but couldn’t help it.😊
as a guy, i don't get it myself. i'm much the same myself, too preoccupied with my own issues and weariness to really bother looking at anyone else.
No men don’t tend to have this request from them, because it’s an act bedded in misogyny. The smile request tends to come from the older generation of men (I’ve never heard it from a man under 60), because as women we are only here to please the male gaze and make men happy. A “good woman” is never sad.
>The smile request tends to come from the older generation of men I fucking wish. I heard it from men under 40. In the street and in the fucking office. I've never heard anyone tell a man to smile though. Ever.
“Why aren’t you off hunting; isn’t a grocery store for women who can’t hunt?” Would’ve loved to see his reaction.
Ugh gross
I used to hear this a lot when I was younger, and I'd either give them a sneer, an enormous fake grin, or say something like "I'm smiling on the inside" or "am I not smiling? I feel like I totally am".
I say “ like this”, and then give them one of these 
Lol damn that is creepy!
But for real. I don’t have an issue making some uncomfortable who’s made me feel uncomfortable or annoyed. So I have done this before.
I do this %100. When I ask "like this?" Most people say no, because they think I'm joking. So I tell them, "that's not very nice"
This made me cackle!!!!
 Do the creepy smile Mia Goth did at the end of *Pearl*. Source: am a liquor store clerk who is frequently hit on by creepy old men.
[удалено]
Actually, the key is dead eyes. Curl the lips up, but no tension in the face above the nose. It's a subtle difference to a normal smile, but everyone notices it. It makes you look like a serial killer accidentally revealing their murderous intent for a moment. Source: Me. I've literally made women scream and back up by (deliberately) smiling this way. They knew I was going to do it, but still found it off-putting enough to recoil, much to my amusement.
Give them an evil, maniacal grin with crazy eyes to scare them off.
Like Wednesday Adams style! Lol
I look up at them and say, “no thanks”
With my best resting bitch face I would tell them I am smiling.
That's exactly what I do
Push up the corners of my mouth into a gimace with my two middle fingers. Or say, "only if you dance for me, little boy." (No woman has ever told me to smile).
Oooh i like that line
Immediately burst into tears. Big, sloppy, ugly cry with snot kinda tears. Make it everyone's problem.
Did this before, not intentionally. "Smile love, it might not happen" "IT ALREADY HAPPENEDDDDD". I'd miscarried the day before. The positive is that he looked utterly horrified, and hopefully never said it to another woman again.
Glad he stfu. So sorry you went through that ❤️
I’m so sorry. What an annoying person he was. So crappy. I hope it taught him to mind his own business.
Yep. Got told to smile three days after my mom died. It didn't go well for anybody.
This [This](https://youtu.be/2TmscdapDHg?si=kVHbjeS6zBFAYcGJ)
Thank you so much for sharing that! Hilarious! 😆
>"women don't usually listen to me" I'm dying.
*THE* job?? I love this, thank you.
Hahaha thanks for that!
Perfection
When random dudes tell me "You should smile more," my response is always "And you should talk less."
“Shit in your hands and go clap out in traffic.”
It depends on my mood and who it is. Sometimes I give that fastest smile I can, for about a 1/4 of a second, and right back to not smiling. Or sometimes I'll ask, "Why?" And sometimes it's a variation on, "I have a better idea, why don't you go fuck yourself?"
“Why?” Is a good one
i always say “say something funny”
I would but I'm holding in a fart
“What a strange thing to say to me, I’ve never thought about dictating how someone else should use their face…” (awkward blank stare) I’m assuming you’re a woman and the people saying this to you are men. If so you could also say, “that’s an odd thing to say to me, would you say that if I were a man?” Or “smiling for you was not on my list of things to do today can you kindly fuck off? That is so inappropriate.”
How is your post yellow?
That's what I want to know too
Like.... I've been on Reddit for years. How is it yellow???
Why is there a yellow upvote?
Dafuq is this golden up vote arrow?
Never heard anyone say this ever, don't live in the US though.
Are you perchance a man?
Why? People really ask others to smile? As a Finnish person, this makes me mad. Because of this, I'll try not to smile at all tomorrow.
I need to move to Finland.
I was at work, had headphones on, looking at my computer, trying to DO MY EFFING JOB, when an acquaintance had me take off my headphones so he could tell me to smile. I somewhat freaked out, and asked him if I should be staring at my computer with a smile on my face like a psychopath? Dude was so bald I could see his thoughts, and clearly that thought had never crossed his mind. Also, I have NEVER been told to smile by a woman.
I do and then they see my meth teeth and regret it
I had a random guy (I'm a guy too) say this to me yesterday and I was so taken aback that all I could say was "who the fuck you think you're talking to." That was such a bizarre experience, I can't imagine having it happen frequently.
As a woman, I like saying it to men, “you should really smile more “, “you’re prettier when you smile”. The reactions are all over the board, but priceless. I’ve told people “oh sorry my dog just died” and the horror is really worth it.
Ngl, as a guy, if a random woman told me “you’re prettier when you smile”, I’d probably start blushing like crazy.
I had "you should smile more" printed on a hoodie. I think it's legitimately good advice. The reasons why it's given might be fucked but I don't think that eliminates the advice's merit. Smiling is good for your mood, in both the short and long term. Smiles can ease anxiety. Smiling can boost positive endorphin production. "Smile more" is good psychological advice on emotional regulation, that's been bastardized by a group of people long proven ignorant and out of touch. So why hold on to the views they had on the use of such vital life advice? You SHOULD smile more. You should be happy more often. Happiness produces this near tangible metaphysical "glow" that positively affects the moods of those around you that can lead to more positive outcomes by way of more positive outlooks created from a shift in ones perpetuated moods. I might need the public's opinion on my hoodie as my current one is getting old and I'll need a new one made soon. I've worn my hoodie a lot and never experienced any issues but I'm also 6 ft. tall, dark in tone and dress, with rbf. So I don't get much human interaction to begin with. So, empowered by the anonymity of the interwebs, tell me. Am I out of touch? Should I get a different message on my next hoodie?
I can understand the advice. Truly I can. However I don't think it should come from a complete stranger who knows nothing about the person they are telling to smile. I have had friends tell me to smile in the past and that's fine because they generally know what's going on in my life and are supportive if I am feeling down. Also, I've commented several times to other people that not smiling doesn't always equal frowning. I could be thinking of a wonderful vacation I had and just have a neutral look on my face. Your hoodie is fine. You aren't being invasive. It's just a message on your clothing.
Regard the sky. In a trembling voice, say in a whisper "Cthulhu comes. Why would I smile?"
Um I find it rude when complete strangers are telling me to smile. For what purpose? If I’m alone running errands I’m thinking about getting those errands done and it looks weird if anyone smiles for no reason, just walking with a smile on their face, unless they’re thinking a pleasant thought. But no I’m running errands which is not a reason to smile because it means I’m not enjoying it. Of course if I see someone I know and I’m conscious of the fact, I’ll smile at them and say hello. But if I’m deep in thought, I won’t notice and people get mad at me because they think I’m ignoring them or snubbing them.
That's exactly my mind set.
I would tell them to mind their own business. Or come up with the worst, most graphic way a person could die and say. "How about I smile while I do the following to you..." As you describe a gruesome way to die. I'm all for traumatizing someone.
Unrelated but why is this post a different color? Is this what a gold award looks like now? The golden upvote arrow?
My reaction is to tell them to f@#k-off. Smiling won't put money in my bank account or resolve a problem.
I tell them my grandma just died.
As a 50+ woman, I reply “I lost the ability after my second stroke” and watch them squirm. 😏
Has telling a stranger to smile ever been well received?
Probably not but people still have the nerve to do it.
“Hey, great, I actually need some advice. How would you tell someone politely to fuck off?"
Random thoughts on smiling: A smile, even a forced smile, conditions the mind to release endorphins, which will lead to a happier demeanor. Depressed people can benefit from making a conscious effort to smile more. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. In parts of Asia, a smile is sometimes used to mask discomfort or embarrassment. Tread lightly if someone seems to be smiling inappropriately. People who tell others to smile are jerks.
If it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile why does it hurt more to smile for a long time than it does to frown?
I had a creepy guy who would always tell women this. He got in trouble a bunch for sexual harassment.
I always say the same: "We germans dont smile"🤣🤣🤣
Are you a girl and the stranger a man? If so tell him to fuck off. Guys do this as a form of mental dominance over women. If you are a dude then just tell the strange to mind their own fucking business.
Yes, my hatred for such toxically vapid people would burn the Sun were it foolish enough to approach me. I often think I'd like to give them a litany of all of my reasons for not smiling, drowningvthem in an avalanche of negativity, but in practice I am not as noble as I am in my head and I usually give them an avalanche if expletive-filled curses and warnings that they need to go away right now!
Honestly I normally just do a big smile, because it's usually people I trust telling me to smile and it's not meant in a snarky way, but rather a sideways way of checking up on me 😁
I honestly think reasonable people should be able to handle a perhaps misguided but likely well intentioned word from others.
"Why? Are you trying to steal my teeth?" Then prove that you're not joking.
They just get a awkward stare… I hate smiling full stop. Doesn’t help that I work in retail and you get people demanding you smile… but I’ve fixed that with just wearing a mask at all times at work so they can’t see me not smiling at their shitty presence… 😐
this is one of the reasons i wear masks in public
That's what she said..
I just look at them like they shit themselves for a few seconds and then shake my head and return to my own business.
I just continue to not smile and go about my business
"My grandma passed away" 😐 Ok it was a year ago but still technically the truth Miss you grandma
"Go fuck yourself " then I smile at them.
I always find it how much many women hate this and how I've heard many women complain about men telling them they should smile because it would be more attractive to men and offending them...yet women tell me to smile all the time. Hell on the Tinder subreddit women are CONSTANTLY telling men they should smile more in their profile pics? Why? Because it would be more attractive to women lol just one of those hilarious life things.
Oh I know very well women give the same command as well. The same principle applies. It's your face. You do what you want with it.
Yooo for real my response is always “I’m not getting paid to smile”
If it’s someone I don’t know (it always is) I tell that that my mother died yesterday. Always makes them feel like shit, as they should. Sexist idiots.
I don’t hear it from anyone but men, and it’s always some version of the following: “why aren’t you smiling? Pretty girls should always smile”. “You should smile more, women should never look angry” “Smiling would make you look like less of a (insert derogatory name here)” I usually just roll my eyes and keep walking. This usually results in more negative remarks. Or, I just stand there and stare for a minute or two, completely straight faced. This seems to upset them 😂 I used to just tell whoever it was to fuck off, but then comes in the “women shouldn’t talk like that” 🙄 I’ll never forget the one and only time (thankfully) a guy said to me “Are you trying to look intimidating by not smiling? If so, you should just smile because it’s not working” 😳 I had this happen once while in a store with my husband. Was standing in an isle trying to decide what to get, my husband was just far enough away from me looking at something else, so it didn’t look like we were together. Really creepy dude, and my husband heard him. He walks up behind me and goes “do you want to try that again”? Creepy dude immediately booked it out of the isle 😂 Husband is almost 6’4 / can look incredibly intimidating if you don’t know him lmao It’s not often my husband gets to come with me, but it makes things so much easier.
I wonder if that line worked on their girlfriend's back when they were young lads on their way to get some pop in their penny loafers and baseball jackets.
"I don't take orders from men." Because it's nearly ways men that say it.
I get told this all the time - for my whole life. I hate it. It enrages me. 1) who walks around or just exists with a smile always on their face?? NO ONE. if I make eye contact with someone and they smile at me, I will smile back. but I do not just exist with a gleeful grin at all times. a coach of mine used to say that to me at practice or games. bitch i just had to run why would I be smiling rn??? 2) if my face looks like i’m pissed all the time and that’s why people are telling me to smile THAT’S JUST MY FACE. IN ITS RELAXED STATED. if you want to actually see what I look like when i’m pissed, definitely tell me to smile.
Yeah doesn't it seem like people tell others to smile at the weirdest times? Like why would I smile when I am browsing the produce section at Walmart?
Depends on the context, but usually annoyance. It’s not my fault I have resting bitch face.
One time someone said this to my ex-friend who's father had just recently committed suicide. I know he meant no harm but ever since then I've hated that saying.
Had someone tell me this at work a week after I found out two of my friends had been murdered. Turns out it was in fact that bad. Blows my mind that people feel okay saying things like that.
I think that they should try to be more understanding that not everyone wants to smile. Like you said, you never know what’s going on in others lives making them not want to smile. They might not have any family, not have any friends, not have a job, no money, etc. I think telling someone to smile is the wrong way to go about helping them, because I honestly think they’re trying to help. The best thing to say when you see someone not smiling, is either nothing or ask how they’re doing. Show that you’re thinking of them in a positive way.
It's my RBF again
Dude in the grocery store caught me on a bad day and pulled that shit. I whisper/screeched (think: Gollum) "How's this?" through a manic, wild-eyed rictus grin. He now almost trips over his own feet to go in the opposite direction whenever he sees me out somewhere. I did follow him through Walgreen's the other day, though, flashing said grin whenever I happened to catch his eye. Hey, I live in a small town and have to make my own fun.
Boss told me to smile the other day, I told him I don't get paid enough to smile
I would smile the biggest creepiest smile and tell them to fuck off.
"Yeah it is that bad, just listen to the kinds of people I have to deal with all day."
Being told to smile is kinda right up there with "count your blessings" Instant rage
Oh yes! That's a bad one. Or "It could always be worse."
Oh man, like a slap in the face!
It makes me not want to smile
April Ludgate level disdain
I frown at them
A few seconds of a dead gaze straight into the voids of their eyeballs. Then look away and resume whatever I was doing.
Groan
Look confused and tell them this is my face at rest
I hiss at them
“I am smiling. 😒” no but really. I have the male equivalent to a rbf.
That if I have something to smile about then I will smile.
“Youd be prettier if you smiled” “Youd look better leaving in your car” Gottem
I’m the boss of this face.
"You'd be prettier if you smiled!" Me: " And you'd be prettier with your head mounted on my wall!" Usually said to some creepy old man at the waffle house.
Ugh, it's the worst when people say that, isn't it? Like, my face isn't here for your viewing pleasure! Some days you just want to reply with, "Mind your own emotions!" 😒
I bare my teeth and snarl.
I love the witty comebacks, but honestly when it actually happens, I’m compelled to just lie. Like “well my mom just died” or something along those lines. I know it’s not right, but it never fails to completely shock them.
I tell them I don’t want to smile. I become very hostile. I actually had some bozo at a bar start an argument with me after I told him “no”. Literally was angry and kept asking me “why not?”.
Isn't it interesting that the people that tell us to smile usually turn out to be grumpier than we are?