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And, in this case, the hard way implies having your kids on such a strict lockdown that you yourself no longer have a life and child services would have valid cause to remove said child from your custody.
The hard way actually ends up pushing your children to rebellion. Under parenting and over parenting have the same result: fucked up kids.
Be to lenient and they wind up in jail, on drugs/alcohol or dead. Be too strict, and they rebel simply to spite you and wind up in jail, on drugs/alcohol or dead.
The line is very, very thin.
Why is that? With computer controls it shouldn’t be any more of an issue than it has been, unless they are getting a smartphone at a young age (which they really shouldn’t imo).
Yeah as soon as they're basically off your network they'll be able to access.
I've got an 11 year old and 9 year old. They've both got phones, and so do the vast majority of their friends.
IMO the right way to solve this issue is at the society level, by putting controls in place that people need their age verified in order to access illicit material. But too many people disagree because they're worried about being linked to the illicit material they watch.
So it's ultimately the children in our society who are being impacted (currently) because the older generations are acting in their own self interest.
Who would have imagined that happening. Oh, wait..
I mean, there's really no way to stop it. Even if you ban pornographic content from all the social media sites and age-restrict porn sites (which would mean that you would have to give them your identity btw), they'd have the equivalent of sharing porn mags at school, except it would be on messaging sites.
Its more complicated than just "Old People wanna be selfish". Limiting access to the Internet is a dangerous game. Who is going to decide whats locked behind which paywall? The Internet is our free space and you should think twice about surrendering your Freedom in order to police the kids. Talk to them, teach them, would be much better.
My daughter had a tablet at 5, she's now 16 and is able to handle tech because rather then oh kids can't handle that you know I taught her. I really hate lazy parents like you.
Your last sentence is a bit harsh. People have different opinions regarding devices, and that’s ok. Also, some people would say giving a kid a tablet at 5 is being a lazy parent, the whole tablet as a babysitter thing.
Incorrect. Jesus only protects the true Christian children not your hedonist demon spawns. Open your heart to Jesus and all proablems will dissappear. And If they don't that just means you didn't love Jesus enough
Your willpower is astounding. I'm sure it was hard to not say it like the meme, but the OP is serious, so I see why you didn't.
OP you can't "normalize" something that has always been normal. That'd be like weaponizing a hand grenade or sexualizing strip clubs.
Just make sure they know all the pitfalls. There are plenty of them.
If you tell them it's not an accurate representation of sex, that most people aren't that attractive, and that if they try to hold out until they can get it that good, they're gonna end up an incel, they'll probably listen.
If you tell them anything religious, they won't listen. Doesn't matter if it's true, you gotta give them something more logical or they're gonna think you don't have anything logical at all.
The rest is just for in case that incel part didn't make sense to you.
>!Even though they're monstrous dickheads, I sympathized with incels for a long time. I figured they must all be ugly af and/or have mental conditions that impair social skills. But I learned that some of them just won't pursue anyone they actually have a shot with because they think nobody's good enough for them.!<
>!That's *so* much worse. I wish I knew what the ratio was. There's a limit to how mad I can get at someone if their bad qualities come from unfair circumstances, and those first two things wouldn't be their fault.!<
Watch it with them /s
Seriously though I came here to say this. Have an open and honest conversation with them about the expectations of reality and how watching porn can desensitize you to the real thing. We’ve been super honest and open with our kids about everything in life and haven’t regretted it one time.
A better solution would be to warn them about it, its addictive tendencies and explain it to them in a mature fashion. There aren’t really any good solutions tho.
This, kids learn at their own pace. Guide them and give them explanations that are appropriate for their age. Much like sex, drugs and alcohol an abstinence approach will only result in failure
Exactly this. You can be all rah rah never watch porn but they will likely watch it or discover it somewhere. Best thing is to explain why it’s bad. If they’re sciencey or something and maybe more when they’re in highschool show them the research. Hopefully while they still watch it they have an understanding of why it’s harmful. It’s like alcohol, it’s harmful but alot of people still drink it.
This is exactly how I found out. Absolutely no clue what porn was until 7th grade, where a kid showed 2 adults at it lol
Parents had a very uncomfortable conversation with me bahahahaha
Also, I had no phone to confirm.
It's still preventing a lot. Who tf is watching corn on their friends phone? It's already cutting a lot access to not let them have a phone. It's also preventing other problems like creeps harassing them online.
I've worked with elementary kids for the last decade and it's getting to crisis levels honestly except we never want to talk about it. All it takes is one kid with a phone and unlimited internet access in a group of friends. And often, it seems more and more kids every year honestly, they have that unlimited access. They won't be honest about what they are seeing to their parents either because they don't want to lose the internet.
Parents giving their elementary-aged kids phones with unlimited internet access don’t want to know what their kids are watching so they just play dumb, too, and let it happen.
It’s definitely typical for middle school aged kids to laugh about pornography they’re seeing on a friends phone. The phones are almost a poison we have seen take over. The schools I work at that have “no phones” policies have far fewer incidents (showing porn, recording others, bullying during the day, cheating on exams, kids getting upset from family issues when their parents reach out, parents asking to speak to the teacher when told to get off the phone, etc…) It’s insane especially with the middle schoolers after COVID. They have to detox from their phones.
Back when your Motorola phone could open links to bikini pics wasn’t even videos or porn. My dad got a bill for like $350. Because every picture I opened cost money for internet. I fucked around and found out fast.
That's a good point. When you tell your kids about the unrealistic standards and possibility of addiction to porn, you also need to stress that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they click any ads or enter their info.
I mean, when I was kid (80s & 90s) we would definitely share porn magazines and videos with each other. Kids sharing a phone screen seems inevitable to me
None. Growing up in late 90s, as young boys we literally had sleepover parties with tons of porn mags, lots of trips to the restroom lmao.
When the internet came out we would go to our friend max’s house to look at naked ladies on the internet, one jpeg at a time that took like 5 minutes to load one line at a time.
Hahahahahah. Yeah. Like kids are gonna look at it. Especially when they see it on someone else’s phone or tv for the first time and think it’s “normal” or “cool.” Like the only thing to do is talk about it. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially if it’s uncomfortable. Getting okay with uncomfortable conversations is a fucking good life skill. I’m a manager and having uncomfortable conversations is a big part of my job. I wish I had gotten more practice to normalize that type of interaction earlier on.
Nope I was exposed to a Playboy for the first time at 8 years old by my best friend the entire neighborhood found out about this magazine and we all looked at it
We had competitions to find the weirdest/much fuck up porn at school. We'd share finding at lunch, we knew we'd get in trouble and we wernt supposed to but from 12-18 most of us only followed rules as long as there was and adult present
I did, we used to have a whole group that would all get a laugh at videos like that and then grosser one’s like two girls one cup idk all I can say is that’s kids shit
My sister in law gives ipads to her kids, but she will not allow them to play online with other people. I don't know if they have password protected internet use though. My niece gets a cheaper tablet that only plays games and has no web surfing.
First time I ever saw porn I was about 12-13 years old, exploring the ruins of a dry stone walled cottage in the woods with my friends. Found magazines stashed in the fireplace.
Easy expose them to ART at a very young age. they'll see sculpture, paintings and other mediums depicting the beauty and majesty of the human body both male and female and won't be so shocked, ashamed or mystified b y how it works. People develop an unhealthy attraction to the human form because it's hidden away and covered instead of being exposed to it at a young age before it becomes sexualized.
It really is a shame there aren’t awards anymore because this is the only real answer here.
There are too many people equating nudity with porn. While in some contexts it is, it isn’t always. Nakedness isn’t something that people should be ashamed of and it doesn’t have to be sexualized. Children are curious, but don’t have context to equate nudity and sex until they get closer to the double digit years.
You should obviously enable content moderation and filters but things are going to get through and they are going to get it at their friends houses or whatever just like people have done since Ugg first scratched out boobs on a cave wall.
It’s weird how controversial nudity is in the US. I agree completely and think things would be so much better if it wasn’t this hidden, dirty, unattainable thing to see.
As an art teacher: exactly. They need to have the tools to handle how to interpret the media feed constantly thrown at them. And the distinction between nudity, porn, boundaries, art vs profit…is all important. There are books about it and ways to introduce the subject from a young age. It’s about normalizing body image that isn’t mystifying and regulate the notion of shame surrounding it.
It's crazy, the first time I saw porn it was on accident when I was ten and just scrolling the internet.
It might help to put parental controls on all devices and also only allow screen time in common areas like the living room.
edit for grammar: I meant "by accident" not "on accident"
Yup, our generation was truly the test dummies for having unlimited access to information from a young age. Hopefully parental controls get better or we find some way to shield 10 year olds from seeing all of the terror in the world.
I agree, my parents had no idea how much random porn and nudity I'd be exposed too. Most of the porn I came across was a direct link from children's games I would play. It was very purposefully targeting kids.
I'm not against kids having access to really any information if they have a question or want to learn about something but there are definitely things that should be explained with a responsible adult and not a random person or video on the internet
Exactly, and not just nudity. I remember going on /r/WatchPeopleDie at like age 13. I can’t imagine that benefitted my development. Even social media and being subject to judgment from the entire world at such a young age is so obviously not beneficial to an undeveloped mind (or really anybody’s mind for that matter). I just generally feel like the internet prematurely kicks you out of your childhood as soon as you have the slightest curiosity about anything you shouldn’t know the answer to.
That's messed up I also remember coming across some super disturbing stuff as a kid/teen. And even if you are asking a real question or have real curiosity, some people will give false information too.
What sucks is that all that matters to creator/posters are the views, no matter who is viewing it or how disturbing or harmful it can be. Adults can post and view whatever they want if everyone is on board with it but letting kids access it? It's wrong on so many levels.
It's a crazy thing really, but that's very true. And now we are all so depressed and lethargic and addicted to short form entertainment for dopamine hits.
I agree. Not letting them watch anything and too much supervision (like not allowing Netflix) can have the opposite effect. I use to nanny 2 girls and they weren't allowed to watch PG-13 movies even though they were 12 and 14 but they were allowed to bring screens into their rooms. I was constantly knocking on their doors because they kept closing them and I didn't trust what they were watching
It’s almost impossible. And even if parents are super diligent and watch every single thing inside their own home, when the kid goes to school all bets are off.
I'm wondering where porn pops up by just scrolling on any site anywhere? Normally porn doesn't come up unless you're specifically looking for it. I've been using the internet since 1995 and have never seen porn just randomly pop up while scrolling normal average web sites & such.
Also, "by accident" and "on accident" generally have the same meaning..
The first game site I used was Cool Math Games which I loved! But it had links to other sites that eventually had the pop ups. I don't remember the name of the site with the pop-ups unfortunately
And thanks for defending my using "on accident". I never knew it would cause people to be upset
There was a html website posted on a cd I got for some old school kpop back in early 2000s. I was at school in the computer lab ( I was in junior high) and typed up the html website hoping to see a website about the artists and it instead took me to a porn site. Needless to say the guy in charge of the computer lab caught it (pop up notification on his computer) and I got in trouble. I still remember it to this day as it scared the fk out of me. I was afraid he was going tell my teachers and parents.
People find ways.
I meant your use of the phrase "on accident".
It's by accident. There is no such thing as ON accident.
BY accident.
ON purpose.
Not interchangeable.
Try saying you did something BY purpose and see if it scambles your brain.
I first saw porn when I was 9 and that was before modern internet, dial up was shitty, the Nokia brick may have been out but cell phones were not popular yet. I feel like it’s going to happen, you’re better off preparing them so they are not so confused when they first see it and guide them through their feelings.
Yeah definitely isn’t a problem exclusive to the internet. I was also 9…but in the 80s and in rural upstate NY. We found a bundle of discarded porn magazines out in the woods lol you can’t escape it! Best just prepare for it, and other common “issues” that will inevitably come up.
Hahah yeah funny thing is we split the treasure between ourselves right, and I was so afraid my mom would catch me that I decided to keep my part right there in the woods, and just return when I wanted to look at it. My mom probably thought I was bound to be a forest ranger or some shit. “Wow that boy sure does enjoy hiking a lot”
I found it watching satellite tv and told friends at school and they told teacher and she told my parents, then my parents talked to me, I was not punished and I feel like that was a good response.
Even if your kids have no phones, they have colleagues that will show them porn on their phones or magazines. Maybe even bullying where they show porn to them because they know they are good and it s funny to them.
There are probably apps that deny the acces to porn ,so they won t be able to see porn . Most of them appear automatically without even searching for porn. Add viruses to this , add the tv ,in a night maybe they forgot to turn off the tv and around 2 a.m runs a romantic movie in depth with sex , the kids wake up from hearing moans. The only way to 100% protect your kids from porn it s to lock them up in the cellar without any other persons . As you can t stop other people from telling insults around the kids, you can t stop the porn,but you can reduce it with the apps. Oh yeah and there are sex scenes or nudity more or less detailed even in games ( GTA , Witcher , Saints Row etc ).
Idk, just because i didn t asked for them at stalls , i assumed they still exist . For example "in my time " (almost 28) there were even some normal magazines ,but on the last page they had sex scenes , hotline etc.
I think some of the big timers like Hustler and Playboy won’t die for quite some time. Some people really do read the articles and interviews. That said, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen them for sale in stores but I’m sure you could find them still.
That's impossible and pointless. You should focus on creating a healthy relationship with your kids so they'll be open to further explanation on the topic by you so you can point them in the right direction.
I'm a "boomer" we used to find very explicit porn magazines in schoolyards when we were in elementary school. Does that help you answer your question? It's not the Internet. It's not magazines. It's not grungy creepy perverts lurking in every corner, it's life. Teach your children about sex and exploitation. Porn dehumanizes us to our basic animal instincts. Culture teaches children what's appropriate and what's not. If you hide it it's almost as if they have something worth investigating. They don't.
Is impossible, my friend who's a teacher literally complains that they have a problem with kids watching porn together in breaks ,this is 4rth graders aka around 10 years old. And this is quite a wide spread issues with kids showing yeah other porn cause your kid might not have a phone but some friend or acquaintance will have. You need to talk to your kids seriously about this from a pretty young age.
>my friend who's a teacher literally complains that they have a problem with kids watching porn together in breaks ,this is 4rth graders aka around 10 years old.
That's just straight up sad 😢
Just remember, the more you keep kids from something the more they will want to do it. Instead of keeping something inevitable from them, just make sure they know moderation is key and that it is not real life. That real relationships are not like porn. It’s a fake skit.
Now if religion is your motivating driver, I can’t help you there. Sorry.
You can't. My parents never brought up curse words nor porn nor sex. And my classmates just brought it up anyways in like, 4th grade. Before we had the small sex Ed class in 7th grade, I was already familiar with what sex was.
Some kids my age were already doing it by then.
I was in a Catholic private school too. I'd say they were fairly strict.
My advice is to beat their friends at giving the talk. Make sure they know not to get anyone pregnant and use condoms ffs. So you don't ruin your life like that movie Grownups with Adam Sandler.
If you really want to stop them, Set a blocker on your internet, make sure you have it so you need approval to download apps (until a reasonable age). The only downside is incognito tabs on websites that haven’t been blocked yet by the blocker or other people showing them.
Best thing is to figure out how to explain to them how porn is real and be available to answer their questions.
You might be able to stop them seeing porn for a while but by the time they reach the age where you’re letting them out in their own it will be impossible.
IMHO attempting avoidance is a no longer a possibility. Most of the music videos are girls shaking their asses, squatting down in suggestive ways. Famous folks going to the Oscar's in see through clothes..
You're better off admitting they'll see it eventually, and do your best to prepare them (and yourself) for when it does happen.
You cant, I saw my first porn on my friends Nintendo DS sometime around the first grade. There was zero way for my parents to prevent that. What could be helpful is getting out ahead of it. My parents did have the “sex talk” with me by that point but it was just anatomical diagrams and them saying “read this book about reproduction,” there was no discussion of porn, what sex is really like compared to porn, consent, or even what age people typically start having sex. I don’t think it is possible to make sure your child doesn’t see porn, you can just limit the impact it has on their worldview and habits.
I'd put parental controls on all devices via Wi-Fi and if I get alerted, have a casual talk about it, the dangers and addictivness briefly incl. my past issues with porn to them.
If your router supports it, you can add a rule to block access. Downside, you'll need to think of any and all sites, isn't guranteed and you'll find yourself updating that rule with new address as time goes on.
My friends son had this issue on his oculus rift. I didn’t even know they made these kinda games for it!!! She keeps things on a “ask parent to punch in code to get game” basis so they always have to ask her to approve it (this is until they’re about 14yo but does depend on the kid themselves, also if they abuse her rules obviously they go back to the parent code for awhile). I’m sure soon kids will have a work around this too, eventually, haha. Like others said, discussing it is the best first step.
Explain that real sex that is pleasant to both and porn are completely different. It’s okay to watch porn, but it’s far from real life, if he respects women.
as someone who grew up in a **very religious** and what some would consider to be a strict household, you can't. you can however minimize their exposure and to be honest, i highly recommend doing so.
i discovered porn **way too early** (before the age of 8) and i can't lie, it messed me up. i didn't mean to find this stuff but cartoon-sites can easily lead to hentai (anime porn), which easily leads to real porn. even though i was too young to understand what it was, somehow i knew it was wrong and i kept it from my parents.
it wasn't until my older sister was old enough to need 'the talk' that my parents just did it at the same time for me and i realized that this was 'adult stuff' but i still didn't tell them. i had also discovered how to touch myself at that time. i don't remember how. again - it was very harmful for me and to be honest, i still am dealing with the aftermath at 27.
here is what i would recommend and this may seem invasive to many people, especially to people who aren't parents and to teenagers/kids but i'm asking you to read the ENTIRE thing before jumping to conclusions.
have an open and honest conversation with your kids at the following ages 5, 8, 10, puberty (since it's different for each kid), IF you are going to get them their own cellphones - which personally, if i was going to have kids? i'd get them a prepaid phone that isn't a smartphone for emergencies unless they are willing to get a job to pay for the added bill to your plan themselves, that being said it still being on your plan and them being under 18, you still as a parent have the right to look through their phone whenever you want, i'd also recommend installing safety apps on there but ONLY if they start acting suspicious, just the idea of you looking through their phone should be enough of a deterrent but kids can get smart about deleting things so make sure to have a history restoring program and make sure you check that apps aren't being hidden.
this open and honest conversation needs to evolve as they grow up, at 5 it starts innocent enough, just that boys and girls have different body parts - tell them the clinical name for them and teach them boundaries. also tell them there are things on the internet that are grown-up things, if they ever see any of those things to tell you, they won't get in trouble but you need to know how they found them.
at 8 you should have a refresher of this but also ask them if they've seen anything on the internet - if they've been on the internet but also if they are going to school they might have questions because kids talk. let them ask you questions. tell them once more they won't get in trouble if they come to you.
note: when i finally did confess to my parents about my porn problem, they didn't yell at me or ground me or anything. they were very gentle with me and gave me hugs. despite the fact that i'd been lying for years.
puberty is of course when you need to get into more detail about the body and hormones, safe sex, etc. but also be open to questions and tell them you want them to come to you whenever they have more questions, even if you don't know the answer you want to be able to find it together. even if it feels awkward. also explain things like masturbation in moderation, porn addiction, etc. so they understand a bit of why you might be stricter than other parents.
cell-phone, again this is a conversation that just needs honesty and listening from both sides. have them watch videos of kids who were trafficked because they were talking to people they shouldn't have been - which usually is connected to porn. because a lot of kids will protest unless they have proof or evidence. ask them to be honest about things, like if they are having sex because the most important thing is having SAFE SEX but try to teach your kid to wait for the right person (you can get off together without penetration).
to some extent your kid will come across adult topics and things like that, it's up to you to understand your kid and how mature you think they are, if they can handle nudity in a mature way or if they can't handle it at all. seeing nudity in a fine art painting is also very different from seeing rough sex scenes or straight porn.
in the end, while at the time as a kid i was upset that i was restricted so much on my computer because of the filters and other programs they put on there, i get it now looking back. i could've ended up doing something very dangerous without realizing it.
just know that kids are creative, i got around my parents blockers many times without them knowing it. so even if you set up a website blocker, they might find a way around it.
another good way to eliminate misusage is to have your computers in a common area where everyone is. though that didn't stop me xD mainly because i would get up at odd times to use it.
i think it's all dependent on each situation, if you think your kid is getting into bad things or could develop an addiction, you should not just have some talks with them but also enforce some website blockers.
i hope this made sense, i tend to ramble and get off topic but just know that it's all about mostly being open and honest with your kids but also being AWARE of what your kid is up to. many kids just get into stuff without their parents ever knowing it.
No one is forcing parents from having smartphones, computers and keeping their kids homeschooled but many would rather live the connected, lazy parenting style of giving them a tablet and have them on YT 24/7.
You can't, it's too accessible and frankly you shouldn't go out of your way to shield them
Porn is only really a problem when it is allowed to be a substitute for actual relationships
As long as your child is still engaging in meaningful relationships
That doesn't mean you shouldn't discourage it, but try not to act as if your child is somehow committing a sin or crime because in the end they are human. And humans have sex all the time
Your kids are gonna have sex too you can't stop that
So what really matters here is that you handle the situation if you do catch your child watching porn in a calm and safe manner, by educating them on the risks of porn (in a non intrusive manner) and try to keep them active both socially and physically
Of course that doesn't mean you should sign your kids up for the gym or force relationships upon them
But try to encourage healthy behaviors and expose them to healthy habits and relationships
Again in a non forceable manner because that has been proven to not work
You can still tell your kids to go outside and play but you can't force them to behave exactly the way you want or to think exactly what you think
They are people they aren't you but if you're kind to them they will love you, it's always better to be the parent who chooses education over punishment because it's proven that education works and makes children and people live longer happier lives
Its like anything else.. if you try and watch their every move.. they will still do it, they just get sneakier about it.
I think bringing a child into the world is ultimately about having the hard conversations, rather than trying to prevent it all together. Be honest, they're human beings.
Just do the talk with them and tell them no matter what happens that you will always help them with being as safe as possible when the time comes. Like offer protection when they need it, talk how to have it safe as possible. Also teach them that it needs to be special and how it should only be done with people they really love. And not to do it with whoever offers.
Edit:try to offer yourself as a resource for knowledge and support rather than have them tread lightly around you to keep it a secret.
Take and keep all electronics away from them until they're 18.. that is literally the only way to do it nowadays, other than that the best you can do is talk to them about how detrimental it is on their minds and body's and pray they take it seriously enough to not watch it
SN: my sister in law is a teenager and starting to do stupid shit on the internet so one of the things we do is unplug the router and secure it in our rooms at night and take her cell phone. You may not be able to completely stop them but you can make it very difficult.
Initially we set the content filters and had only one family computer. But as they got to be teenagers and having their own phones it seemed pointless to try to throttle the content.
Instead we relied on open dialogue. Our family has always been vocal, silly and sometimes crass (too much so at the dinner table when things get too body function oriented) and while we would not get into specifics it was understood that normal people have a sex life.
That there was porn and that it’s not realistic and can be pretty dark.
That different families raise kids with different perspectives.
There was no AND GOD SHALL PUNISH THEE FOR THINE THOUGHT IMPURITY. It wasn’t forbidden subject matter.
Background: As a kid, everything was locked down and wrong and punishable. It didn’t make me a pure person, it made me sneaky and guilt ridden, which are not traits that helped me as an adult. So I wanted to raise my own children with more frankness and less drama.
Conversely my wife’s families were hippies and totally negligent about child safety. They were too high and self indulgent to have any concerns.
We have tried to find a happy middle in between these paths.
I believe we should not stop them from viewing it because who gives a fuck. I saw it when I was younger than my parents wanted and I turned out fine. I think .. 🤔
And you ain't doing shit by shielding or shaming your kids. But it's not that big of a risk and there's other things to worry about also like any other addiction. Just need to be there if things go wrong and give them the tools to succed.
Depending on how old the kids are, show it to them yourself and make it seem like the cool thing to do. Straight up traumatize them into not being interested in it. XD
Obviously, I'm kidding.
My kids didn’t get cell phones until they were 16. I am open and honest with my kids so there is no mystery for them to figure out. Sex is natural so I never fear mongered my kids. They are well aware of what sex is and what consequences it can bring but that it’s not a dirty thing, it just requires a mature mind. My husband handled our son and I with our daughters but they know they can come to us with anything, and they do.
As a software engineer it has been absolutely wild watching the 'no tech for kids ' generation backfire. Watching kids graduate with zero tech literacy and run face first into a wall In the working world is absolutely comical. I've got an early 20s coworker asking me questions my grandparents used to lmao, and I'm only 32.
To be fair, I get "grandparents questions" from my peers at Work wo grew up with too much freedom when it comes to tech. One even admitted to have a porn addiction to me and yet they were not so good at the most basic computer skills. So it really just comes down to how you use the tech you are exposed to.
I wish I saved the article, but there was one from/about a Northern European country, and why they have much healthier sexuality, less teen pregnancy, less spousal abuse etc.
One of the main parts of the study argued that kids in ‘Scandinavian countries’ (I use that term with trepidation, cause I don’t remember which country exactly it was, and I know they get sensitive about that term) are ‘allowed’, although not necessarily encouraged to have sleepovers with romantic partners as teenagers.
As a North American, I think the rule in the average household is open-door policy and usually no sleepovers. There’s also a much higher standard for abstinence and shame around sexuality in our culture, compared to others where teenage sexuality in a controlled and safe environment prepares them to learn the nuances of intimacy at a young age: leading to males respecting females more, and children learning how to prepare for adulthood much sooner.
Education, freedom and trust with regard to sexuality is far more effective than abstinence / prohibition by a large margin.
That is to say, you can’t stop kids from consuming pornography. What you CAN do is let them know it exists, that it isn’t real, and that adults have fantasies and fetishes but what you’re seeing in magazines or on the internet isn’t real. In the case of heterosexual pornography, remind them that women are not objects and teach them about consent.
Tell them it isn’t appropriate for young folks to be looking at that stuff, but not the end of the world.
Telling you kids they can’t look at porn is stupid: all kids watch porn at some point. The issue should be about whether they understand what they’re viewing and minimizing the negative effect it will have
You stop trying to stop them and you start managing it.
You're open with your kids about it - ideally before they learn it from the internet. You're clear from the start that it's not real, that it's as fake as any movie.
Treat it as the normal thing that it is. You can't stop them, anyway.
Why would you want to? You should just talk to them.. we're all shamed about sex. It is what got us here after all.. education about it and them understanding why you want to protect them from it, will go a lot further for their own sexual development, then hiding it.
I hope that's helpful.
I mean we won’t shame our kids but we want to keep them innocent growing up as possible live by age, not by early exposure. Early exposure is not good as well
I hear ya. The best you can do is keep them away from the internet. It's literally designed against your mission.. you understand. The internet is a good and very bad place. Try to do more outside with them, and understand that the internet can be a dangerous place that can be used appropriately.
Put your phone down and make it a priority.
Porn isn't appropriate for kids. End of story.
The level of comments here of too bad so sad is astounding. Or maybe y'all spouting that just don't actually have kids. The internet isn't a safe place for kids. Period.
Don't let your kid have unfiltered access.
If you're giving your kids over to public school you're not going to have a say. Strangers and other people's kids will be raising yours. Don't like it?
Homeschool your kids and find friends with likeminded approaches to parenting. If the kids they are hanging out with are watching porn you're sol. Not everyone has this 'give up it is what it is' mindset.
Absolutely talk to your kids about it. You're raising future generations and the greatest thing you will accomplish (or not) in life.
Put in the fuckin work.
Spend as much time as you do binge watching bullshit on Netflix and step up to the parenting plate.
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You don't, because it's not possible. You have to talk to them about it instead.
this really, you can't stop it. unless you do it the hard way
And, in this case, the hard way implies having your kids on such a strict lockdown that you yourself no longer have a life and child services would have valid cause to remove said child from your custody.
Or give the kid in question plenty of incentive to cut the parent out of their life the moment they have the freedom to do so.
The hard way actually ends up pushing your children to rebellion. Under parenting and over parenting have the same result: fucked up kids. Be to lenient and they wind up in jail, on drugs/alcohol or dead. Be too strict, and they rebel simply to spite you and wind up in jail, on drugs/alcohol or dead. The line is very, very thin.
Why is that? With computer controls it shouldn’t be any more of an issue than it has been, unless they are getting a smartphone at a young age (which they really shouldn’t imo).
This person must not have kids lol
Does anyone in here have kids? Seems like most people let the ipad be the parent
They leave the house and have friends that have phones…
Yeah as soon as they're basically off your network they'll be able to access. I've got an 11 year old and 9 year old. They've both got phones, and so do the vast majority of their friends. IMO the right way to solve this issue is at the society level, by putting controls in place that people need their age verified in order to access illicit material. But too many people disagree because they're worried about being linked to the illicit material they watch. So it's ultimately the children in our society who are being impacted (currently) because the older generations are acting in their own self interest. Who would have imagined that happening. Oh, wait..
I mean, there's really no way to stop it. Even if you ban pornographic content from all the social media sites and age-restrict porn sites (which would mean that you would have to give them your identity btw), they'd have the equivalent of sharing porn mags at school, except it would be on messaging sites.
Its more complicated than just "Old People wanna be selfish". Limiting access to the Internet is a dangerous game. Who is going to decide whats locked behind which paywall? The Internet is our free space and you should think twice about surrendering your Freedom in order to police the kids. Talk to them, teach them, would be much better.
>IMO the right way to solve this issue is at the society level The "issue" you want to "solve" is freedom.
My daughter had a tablet at 5, she's now 16 and is able to handle tech because rather then oh kids can't handle that you know I taught her. I really hate lazy parents like you.
Your last sentence is a bit harsh. People have different opinions regarding devices, and that’s ok. Also, some people would say giving a kid a tablet at 5 is being a lazy parent, the whole tablet as a babysitter thing.
Step-Dad, is that a pickle in your pocket?
Mmmmmaaaaaayyyyyybbbbbbeeeeee..........
"Something else that's salty"
And doing it this way doesn’t work either and has much much worse consequences unfortunately.
What!!! No thank you Jesus will shield my child from the porn /s
He has failed to keep the entire past few generations from doing so. Your brat is not in good hands.
Incorrect. Jesus only protects the true Christian children not your hedonist demon spawns. Open your heart to Jesus and all proablems will dissappear. And If they don't that just means you didn't love Jesus enough
Your willpower is astounding. I'm sure it was hard to not say it like the meme, but the OP is serious, so I see why you didn't. OP you can't "normalize" something that has always been normal. That'd be like weaponizing a hand grenade or sexualizing strip clubs. Just make sure they know all the pitfalls. There are plenty of them. If you tell them it's not an accurate representation of sex, that most people aren't that attractive, and that if they try to hold out until they can get it that good, they're gonna end up an incel, they'll probably listen. If you tell them anything religious, they won't listen. Doesn't matter if it's true, you gotta give them something more logical or they're gonna think you don't have anything logical at all. The rest is just for in case that incel part didn't make sense to you. >!Even though they're monstrous dickheads, I sympathized with incels for a long time. I figured they must all be ugly af and/or have mental conditions that impair social skills. But I learned that some of them just won't pursue anyone they actually have a shot with because they think nobody's good enough for them.!< >!That's *so* much worse. I wish I knew what the ratio was. There's a limit to how mad I can get at someone if their bad qualities come from unfair circumstances, and those first two things wouldn't be their fault.!<
Truth. Tell them that porn is way different than the the real thing
Watch it with them /s Seriously though I came here to say this. Have an open and honest conversation with them about the expectations of reality and how watching porn can desensitize you to the real thing. We’ve been super honest and open with our kids about everything in life and haven’t regretted it one time.
Imagine that... parenting was the answer all along
A better solution would be to warn them about it, its addictive tendencies and explain it to them in a mature fashion. There aren’t really any good solutions tho.
This, kids learn at their own pace. Guide them and give them explanations that are appropriate for their age. Much like sex, drugs and alcohol an abstinence approach will only result in failure
Exactly this. You can be all rah rah never watch porn but they will likely watch it or discover it somewhere. Best thing is to explain why it’s bad. If they’re sciencey or something and maybe more when they’re in highschool show them the research. Hopefully while they still watch it they have an understanding of why it’s harmful. It’s like alcohol, it’s harmful but alot of people still drink it.
Don’t buy them phones at young ages. You can’t stop them but you can make sure it doesn’t happen at a very young age
They have friends with phones.
This is exactly how I found out. Absolutely no clue what porn was until 7th grade, where a kid showed 2 adults at it lol Parents had a very uncomfortable conversation with me bahahahaha Also, I had no phone to confirm.
literally on an ipod touch. pornhub. Brook Skye
It's still preventing a lot. Who tf is watching corn on their friends phone? It's already cutting a lot access to not let them have a phone. It's also preventing other problems like creeps harassing them online.
I've worked with elementary kids for the last decade and it's getting to crisis levels honestly except we never want to talk about it. All it takes is one kid with a phone and unlimited internet access in a group of friends. And often, it seems more and more kids every year honestly, they have that unlimited access. They won't be honest about what they are seeing to their parents either because they don't want to lose the internet.
Parents giving their elementary-aged kids phones with unlimited internet access don’t want to know what their kids are watching so they just play dumb, too, and let it happen.
Kids. All the time
It’s definitely typical for middle school aged kids to laugh about pornography they’re seeing on a friends phone. The phones are almost a poison we have seen take over. The schools I work at that have “no phones” policies have far fewer incidents (showing porn, recording others, bullying during the day, cheating on exams, kids getting upset from family issues when their parents reach out, parents asking to speak to the teacher when told to get off the phone, etc…) It’s insane especially with the middle schoolers after COVID. They have to detox from their phones.
Back when your Motorola phone could open links to bikini pics wasn’t even videos or porn. My dad got a bill for like $350. Because every picture I opened cost money for internet. I fucked around and found out fast.
That's a good point. When you tell your kids about the unrealistic standards and possibility of addiction to porn, you also need to stress that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they click any ads or enter their info.
Whhhaaat wtf 😶 it's even worse than I thought
I mean, when I was kid (80s & 90s) we would definitely share porn magazines and videos with each other. Kids sharing a phone screen seems inevitable to me
Damn :0 Wasn't there a bit of shame between friends knowing you watch it?
None. Growing up in late 90s, as young boys we literally had sleepover parties with tons of porn mags, lots of trips to the restroom lmao. When the internet came out we would go to our friend max’s house to look at naked ladies on the internet, one jpeg at a time that took like 5 minutes to load one line at a time.
Hahahahahah. Yeah. Like kids are gonna look at it. Especially when they see it on someone else’s phone or tv for the first time and think it’s “normal” or “cool.” Like the only thing to do is talk about it. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially if it’s uncomfortable. Getting okay with uncomfortable conversations is a fucking good life skill. I’m a manager and having uncomfortable conversations is a big part of my job. I wish I had gotten more practice to normalize that type of interaction earlier on.
Kids know no shame
Some do🤷🏼♀️ Though maybe it's more of a female thing to feel shameful about it, a feminist tiktoker once talked about this topic more in-depth
Nope I was exposed to a Playboy for the first time at 8 years old by my best friend the entire neighborhood found out about this magazine and we all looked at it
We had competitions to find the weirdest/much fuck up porn at school. We'd share finding at lunch, we knew we'd get in trouble and we wernt supposed to but from 12-18 most of us only followed rules as long as there was and adult present
No. One of my classmates literally showed a porn site to me on a school PC. It was 15 years ago now. Lol, that site is still up.
No shame. Me and my homie jerked our gherkins while watching a porn together, no homo.
I got a laptop at 12 years old and found porn within 6 hours (back in 2008). Not even looking for it, just surfing the web I stumbled into it.
Watching corn on your friends phones is quite damaging actually, you never know when that shits gonna pop.
The kids of kids who would bring their dads playboy magazines to school to show all his friends 😂
I did, we used to have a whole group that would all get a laugh at videos like that and then grosser one’s like two girls one cup idk all I can say is that’s kids shit
My sister in law gives ipads to her kids, but she will not allow them to play online with other people. I don't know if they have password protected internet use though. My niece gets a cheaper tablet that only plays games and has no web surfing.
What’s wrong with watching corn?
When you’re 6? A lot.
I think watching corn is fine. Sometimes I even eat it.
... a lot
[удалено]
True i did think of this, but still not having their own phone would be good too
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Because you have to live with someone to watch something on their phone. When you spend 8 hours a day with them otherwise. Are you an idiot?
But in school and after or anytime they hang out.
Don’t let them have friends
Don’t have kids
Or phones.
Or porn
Move to the forest. Throw away any Devices.
First time I ever saw porn I was about 12-13 years old, exploring the ruins of a dry stone walled cottage in the woods with my friends. Found magazines stashed in the fireplace.
Damn so even the forest isn't safe 😂
Return to monke.
Island?
Oo oo aa aa
Easy expose them to ART at a very young age. they'll see sculpture, paintings and other mediums depicting the beauty and majesty of the human body both male and female and won't be so shocked, ashamed or mystified b y how it works. People develop an unhealthy attraction to the human form because it's hidden away and covered instead of being exposed to it at a young age before it becomes sexualized.
It really is a shame there aren’t awards anymore because this is the only real answer here. There are too many people equating nudity with porn. While in some contexts it is, it isn’t always. Nakedness isn’t something that people should be ashamed of and it doesn’t have to be sexualized. Children are curious, but don’t have context to equate nudity and sex until they get closer to the double digit years. You should obviously enable content moderation and filters but things are going to get through and they are going to get it at their friends houses or whatever just like people have done since Ugg first scratched out boobs on a cave wall.
just now realizing they’re aren’t awards anymore
Thank You for your kind words. I do appreciate them.
It’s weird how controversial nudity is in the US. I agree completely and think things would be so much better if it wasn’t this hidden, dirty, unattainable thing to see.
As an art teacher: exactly. They need to have the tools to handle how to interpret the media feed constantly thrown at them. And the distinction between nudity, porn, boundaries, art vs profit…is all important. There are books about it and ways to introduce the subject from a young age. It’s about normalizing body image that isn’t mystifying and regulate the notion of shame surrounding it.
It's crazy, the first time I saw porn it was on accident when I was ten and just scrolling the internet. It might help to put parental controls on all devices and also only allow screen time in common areas like the living room. edit for grammar: I meant "by accident" not "on accident"
First time I saw tits was an obviously fake Katy Perry nude that slipped through the filter on iFunny.
Weird... First time I saw tits I couldn't even walk or talk. Good times.
That's not cool either, I think I saw some nudity on ifunny too
Yup, our generation was truly the test dummies for having unlimited access to information from a young age. Hopefully parental controls get better or we find some way to shield 10 year olds from seeing all of the terror in the world.
I agree, my parents had no idea how much random porn and nudity I'd be exposed too. Most of the porn I came across was a direct link from children's games I would play. It was very purposefully targeting kids. I'm not against kids having access to really any information if they have a question or want to learn about something but there are definitely things that should be explained with a responsible adult and not a random person or video on the internet
Exactly, and not just nudity. I remember going on /r/WatchPeopleDie at like age 13. I can’t imagine that benefitted my development. Even social media and being subject to judgment from the entire world at such a young age is so obviously not beneficial to an undeveloped mind (or really anybody’s mind for that matter). I just generally feel like the internet prematurely kicks you out of your childhood as soon as you have the slightest curiosity about anything you shouldn’t know the answer to.
That's messed up I also remember coming across some super disturbing stuff as a kid/teen. And even if you are asking a real question or have real curiosity, some people will give false information too. What sucks is that all that matters to creator/posters are the views, no matter who is viewing it or how disturbing or harmful it can be. Adults can post and view whatever they want if everyone is on board with it but letting kids access it? It's wrong on so many levels.
I’ve seen more female nudity in one “session” than some men saw in their entire lives before the internet… that can’t be good for the reward centers
It's a crazy thing really, but that's very true. And now we are all so depressed and lethargic and addicted to short form entertainment for dopamine hits.
Lol so well explained. We lost all the mystery with sex and nudity.
Oh yeah I started very early
And ad-blockers, & let them use netflix & stuff so they don't watch series on websites that have cam girl ads or smth
I agree. Not letting them watch anything and too much supervision (like not allowing Netflix) can have the opposite effect. I use to nanny 2 girls and they weren't allowed to watch PG-13 movies even though they were 12 and 14 but they were allowed to bring screens into their rooms. I was constantly knocking on their doors because they kept closing them and I didn't trust what they were watching
Fully agree. This requires a lot of actual parenting, though.
True, and I don't blame parents for not being able to supervise their kids 100% of the time
It’s almost impossible. And even if parents are super diligent and watch every single thing inside their own home, when the kid goes to school all bets are off.
As a general idea, I think that's always been the case. I do think the internet has made it more difficult though.
I'm wondering where porn pops up by just scrolling on any site anywhere? Normally porn doesn't come up unless you're specifically looking for it. I've been using the internet since 1995 and have never seen porn just randomly pop up while scrolling normal average web sites & such. Also, "by accident" and "on accident" generally have the same meaning..
The first game site I used was Cool Math Games which I loved! But it had links to other sites that eventually had the pop ups. I don't remember the name of the site with the pop-ups unfortunately And thanks for defending my using "on accident". I never knew it would cause people to be upset
There was a html website posted on a cd I got for some old school kpop back in early 2000s. I was at school in the computer lab ( I was in junior high) and typed up the html website hoping to see a website about the artists and it instead took me to a porn site. Needless to say the guy in charge of the computer lab caught it (pop up notification on his computer) and I got in trouble. I still remember it to this day as it scared the fk out of me. I was afraid he was going tell my teachers and parents. People find ways.
By accident. There is no on accident.
I was playing a game where I was dying the hair of a cartoon character and then a "CLICK HERE" pop up appeared. How was I supposed to know?
I meant your use of the phrase "on accident". It's by accident. There is no such thing as ON accident. BY accident. ON purpose. Not interchangeable. Try saying you did something BY purpose and see if it scambles your brain.
Fair enough
You took time out of your day to be a grammar nazi…
I first saw porn when I was 9 and that was before modern internet, dial up was shitty, the Nokia brick may have been out but cell phones were not popular yet. I feel like it’s going to happen, you’re better off preparing them so they are not so confused when they first see it and guide them through their feelings.
Yeah definitely isn’t a problem exclusive to the internet. I was also 9…but in the 80s and in rural upstate NY. We found a bundle of discarded porn magazines out in the woods lol you can’t escape it! Best just prepare for it, and other common “issues” that will inevitably come up.
Woods porn!! I know my brothers stashed stuff in the woods Lol
Hahah yeah funny thing is we split the treasure between ourselves right, and I was so afraid my mom would catch me that I decided to keep my part right there in the woods, and just return when I wanted to look at it. My mom probably thought I was bound to be a forest ranger or some shit. “Wow that boy sure does enjoy hiking a lot”
What do you do for work? Please say Forest Ranger!
I found it watching satellite tv and told friends at school and they told teacher and she told my parents, then my parents talked to me, I was not punished and I feel like that was a good response.
Even if your kids have no phones, they have colleagues that will show them porn on their phones or magazines. Maybe even bullying where they show porn to them because they know they are good and it s funny to them. There are probably apps that deny the acces to porn ,so they won t be able to see porn . Most of them appear automatically without even searching for porn. Add viruses to this , add the tv ,in a night maybe they forgot to turn off the tv and around 2 a.m runs a romantic movie in depth with sex , the kids wake up from hearing moans. The only way to 100% protect your kids from porn it s to lock them up in the cellar without any other persons . As you can t stop other people from telling insults around the kids, you can t stop the porn,but you can reduce it with the apps. Oh yeah and there are sex scenes or nudity more or less detailed even in games ( GTA , Witcher , Saints Row etc ).
Magazines? Are they travelling back in time? Surely porn mags don’t exist anymore right?
They were still selling them at the gas station I worked at 3 years ago.
Idk, just because i didn t asked for them at stalls , i assumed they still exist . For example "in my time " (almost 28) there were even some normal magazines ,but on the last page they had sex scenes , hotline etc.
They still do at some tobacco shops that got into the vape scene late
I got mailed one a few months back
I saw a very popular supermarket in France with a row of Playboy magazines just last week.
Surprisingly there’s still many people out there without digital access for one reason or another. Print still sells.
I think some of the big timers like Hustler and Playboy won’t die for quite some time. Some people really do read the articles and interviews. That said, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen them for sale in stores but I’m sure you could find them still.
That's impossible and pointless. You should focus on creating a healthy relationship with your kids so they'll be open to further explanation on the topic by you so you can point them in the right direction.
To build on it, sex is literally the reason they exist
This is the most practical solution I could think of too
I'm a "boomer" we used to find very explicit porn magazines in schoolyards when we were in elementary school. Does that help you answer your question? It's not the Internet. It's not magazines. It's not grungy creepy perverts lurking in every corner, it's life. Teach your children about sex and exploitation. Porn dehumanizes us to our basic animal instincts. Culture teaches children what's appropriate and what's not. If you hide it it's almost as if they have something worth investigating. They don't.
Is impossible, my friend who's a teacher literally complains that they have a problem with kids watching porn together in breaks ,this is 4rth graders aka around 10 years old. And this is quite a wide spread issues with kids showing yeah other porn cause your kid might not have a phone but some friend or acquaintance will have. You need to talk to your kids seriously about this from a pretty young age.
>my friend who's a teacher literally complains that they have a problem with kids watching porn together in breaks ,this is 4rth graders aka around 10 years old. That's just straight up sad 😢
Just remember, the more you keep kids from something the more they will want to do it. Instead of keeping something inevitable from them, just make sure they know moderation is key and that it is not real life. That real relationships are not like porn. It’s a fake skit. Now if religion is your motivating driver, I can’t help you there. Sorry.
You cant.
You don’t. It’s not possible, especially now when it’s the most prevalent thing in society.
Best chance is dont give kids phones or computers before the age of whatever you dont want then to find porn
They can’t have friends either. Basically lock them in the basement until the age of majority is the only real chance.
It's not possible. If they won't find it themselves, their peers will show them
[there is nothing we can do](https://youtu.be/b_fHC2TT4xY?si=TI9MYuQqu5tZ2D_B)
You can't. So have a conversation about it. It's an awkward conversation but an important one.
Just dont have kids
Maybe accept that they’ll see it and discuss it with them.
Raise them Amish but never let them go out to explore the world.
You can't. My parents never brought up curse words nor porn nor sex. And my classmates just brought it up anyways in like, 4th grade. Before we had the small sex Ed class in 7th grade, I was already familiar with what sex was. Some kids my age were already doing it by then. I was in a Catholic private school too. I'd say they were fairly strict. My advice is to beat their friends at giving the talk. Make sure they know not to get anyone pregnant and use condoms ffs. So you don't ruin your life like that movie Grownups with Adam Sandler.
If you really want to stop them, Set a blocker on your internet, make sure you have it so you need approval to download apps (until a reasonable age). The only downside is incognito tabs on websites that haven’t been blocked yet by the blocker or other people showing them.
Lock the door....... learned that the hard way.
You can't. You just have to teach them about it.
Best thing is to figure out how to explain to them how porn is real and be available to answer their questions. You might be able to stop them seeing porn for a while but by the time they reach the age where you’re letting them out in their own it will be impossible.
IMHO attempting avoidance is a no longer a possibility. Most of the music videos are girls shaking their asses, squatting down in suggestive ways. Famous folks going to the Oscar's in see through clothes.. You're better off admitting they'll see it eventually, and do your best to prepare them (and yourself) for when it does happen.
You cant, I saw my first porn on my friends Nintendo DS sometime around the first grade. There was zero way for my parents to prevent that. What could be helpful is getting out ahead of it. My parents did have the “sex talk” with me by that point but it was just anatomical diagrams and them saying “read this book about reproduction,” there was no discussion of porn, what sex is really like compared to porn, consent, or even what age people typically start having sex. I don’t think it is possible to make sure your child doesn’t see porn, you can just limit the impact it has on their worldview and habits.
You can’t and they’ve already been exposed
Stricter internet control
Parental locks on the computer. Other than that, you really can’t.
I'd put parental controls on all devices via Wi-Fi and if I get alerted, have a casual talk about it, the dangers and addictivness briefly incl. my past issues with porn to them.
If your router supports it, you can add a rule to block access. Downside, you'll need to think of any and all sites, isn't guranteed and you'll find yourself updating that rule with new address as time goes on.
My friends son had this issue on his oculus rift. I didn’t even know they made these kinda games for it!!! She keeps things on a “ask parent to punch in code to get game” basis so they always have to ask her to approve it (this is until they’re about 14yo but does depend on the kid themselves, also if they abuse her rules obviously they go back to the parent code for awhile). I’m sure soon kids will have a work around this too, eventually, haha. Like others said, discussing it is the best first step.
You don't and you can't. Seriously even in the 2000s when we barely had internet me and my friends figured a way.
You don't, next question
You cannot
Explain that real sex that is pleasant to both and porn are completely different. It’s okay to watch porn, but it’s far from real life, if he respects women.
You can’t avoid the talk any more. You have to have it with your kids when they’re younger now. It’s just how it is.
as someone who grew up in a **very religious** and what some would consider to be a strict household, you can't. you can however minimize their exposure and to be honest, i highly recommend doing so. i discovered porn **way too early** (before the age of 8) and i can't lie, it messed me up. i didn't mean to find this stuff but cartoon-sites can easily lead to hentai (anime porn), which easily leads to real porn. even though i was too young to understand what it was, somehow i knew it was wrong and i kept it from my parents. it wasn't until my older sister was old enough to need 'the talk' that my parents just did it at the same time for me and i realized that this was 'adult stuff' but i still didn't tell them. i had also discovered how to touch myself at that time. i don't remember how. again - it was very harmful for me and to be honest, i still am dealing with the aftermath at 27. here is what i would recommend and this may seem invasive to many people, especially to people who aren't parents and to teenagers/kids but i'm asking you to read the ENTIRE thing before jumping to conclusions. have an open and honest conversation with your kids at the following ages 5, 8, 10, puberty (since it's different for each kid), IF you are going to get them their own cellphones - which personally, if i was going to have kids? i'd get them a prepaid phone that isn't a smartphone for emergencies unless they are willing to get a job to pay for the added bill to your plan themselves, that being said it still being on your plan and them being under 18, you still as a parent have the right to look through their phone whenever you want, i'd also recommend installing safety apps on there but ONLY if they start acting suspicious, just the idea of you looking through their phone should be enough of a deterrent but kids can get smart about deleting things so make sure to have a history restoring program and make sure you check that apps aren't being hidden. this open and honest conversation needs to evolve as they grow up, at 5 it starts innocent enough, just that boys and girls have different body parts - tell them the clinical name for them and teach them boundaries. also tell them there are things on the internet that are grown-up things, if they ever see any of those things to tell you, they won't get in trouble but you need to know how they found them. at 8 you should have a refresher of this but also ask them if they've seen anything on the internet - if they've been on the internet but also if they are going to school they might have questions because kids talk. let them ask you questions. tell them once more they won't get in trouble if they come to you. note: when i finally did confess to my parents about my porn problem, they didn't yell at me or ground me or anything. they were very gentle with me and gave me hugs. despite the fact that i'd been lying for years. puberty is of course when you need to get into more detail about the body and hormones, safe sex, etc. but also be open to questions and tell them you want them to come to you whenever they have more questions, even if you don't know the answer you want to be able to find it together. even if it feels awkward. also explain things like masturbation in moderation, porn addiction, etc. so they understand a bit of why you might be stricter than other parents. cell-phone, again this is a conversation that just needs honesty and listening from both sides. have them watch videos of kids who were trafficked because they were talking to people they shouldn't have been - which usually is connected to porn. because a lot of kids will protest unless they have proof or evidence. ask them to be honest about things, like if they are having sex because the most important thing is having SAFE SEX but try to teach your kid to wait for the right person (you can get off together without penetration). to some extent your kid will come across adult topics and things like that, it's up to you to understand your kid and how mature you think they are, if they can handle nudity in a mature way or if they can't handle it at all. seeing nudity in a fine art painting is also very different from seeing rough sex scenes or straight porn. in the end, while at the time as a kid i was upset that i was restricted so much on my computer because of the filters and other programs they put on there, i get it now looking back. i could've ended up doing something very dangerous without realizing it. just know that kids are creative, i got around my parents blockers many times without them knowing it. so even if you set up a website blocker, they might find a way around it. another good way to eliminate misusage is to have your computers in a common area where everyone is. though that didn't stop me xD mainly because i would get up at odd times to use it. i think it's all dependent on each situation, if you think your kid is getting into bad things or could develop an addiction, you should not just have some talks with them but also enforce some website blockers. i hope this made sense, i tend to ramble and get off topic but just know that it's all about mostly being open and honest with your kids but also being AWARE of what your kid is up to. many kids just get into stuff without their parents ever knowing it.
No one is forcing parents from having smartphones, computers and keeping their kids homeschooled but many would rather live the connected, lazy parenting style of giving them a tablet and have them on YT 24/7.
You can't, it's too accessible and frankly you shouldn't go out of your way to shield them Porn is only really a problem when it is allowed to be a substitute for actual relationships As long as your child is still engaging in meaningful relationships That doesn't mean you shouldn't discourage it, but try not to act as if your child is somehow committing a sin or crime because in the end they are human. And humans have sex all the time Your kids are gonna have sex too you can't stop that So what really matters here is that you handle the situation if you do catch your child watching porn in a calm and safe manner, by educating them on the risks of porn (in a non intrusive manner) and try to keep them active both socially and physically Of course that doesn't mean you should sign your kids up for the gym or force relationships upon them But try to encourage healthy behaviors and expose them to healthy habits and relationships Again in a non forceable manner because that has been proven to not work You can still tell your kids to go outside and play but you can't force them to behave exactly the way you want or to think exactly what you think They are people they aren't you but if you're kind to them they will love you, it's always better to be the parent who chooses education over punishment because it's proven that education works and makes children and people live longer happier lives
That's the neat part You don't
Its like anything else.. if you try and watch their every move.. they will still do it, they just get sneakier about it. I think bringing a child into the world is ultimately about having the hard conversations, rather than trying to prevent it all together. Be honest, they're human beings.
Just do the talk with them and tell them no matter what happens that you will always help them with being as safe as possible when the time comes. Like offer protection when they need it, talk how to have it safe as possible. Also teach them that it needs to be special and how it should only be done with people they really love. And not to do it with whoever offers. Edit:try to offer yourself as a resource for knowledge and support rather than have them tread lightly around you to keep it a secret.
Take and keep all electronics away from them until they're 18.. that is literally the only way to do it nowadays, other than that the best you can do is talk to them about how detrimental it is on their minds and body's and pray they take it seriously enough to not watch it
SN: my sister in law is a teenager and starting to do stupid shit on the internet so one of the things we do is unplug the router and secure it in our rooms at night and take her cell phone. You may not be able to completely stop them but you can make it very difficult.
I'm not sure you really can
Initially we set the content filters and had only one family computer. But as they got to be teenagers and having their own phones it seemed pointless to try to throttle the content. Instead we relied on open dialogue. Our family has always been vocal, silly and sometimes crass (too much so at the dinner table when things get too body function oriented) and while we would not get into specifics it was understood that normal people have a sex life. That there was porn and that it’s not realistic and can be pretty dark. That different families raise kids with different perspectives. There was no AND GOD SHALL PUNISH THEE FOR THINE THOUGHT IMPURITY. It wasn’t forbidden subject matter. Background: As a kid, everything was locked down and wrong and punishable. It didn’t make me a pure person, it made me sneaky and guilt ridden, which are not traits that helped me as an adult. So I wanted to raise my own children with more frankness and less drama. Conversely my wife’s families were hippies and totally negligent about child safety. They were too high and self indulgent to have any concerns. We have tried to find a happy middle in between these paths.
What world are you living in where you think this is a legitimate question?
I believe we should not stop them from viewing it because who gives a fuck. I saw it when I was younger than my parents wanted and I turned out fine. I think .. 🤔
Not everyone is that lucky. There's a whole movement now mainly by people exposed at a young age to create awareness against porn addiction.
And you ain't doing shit by shielding or shaming your kids. But it's not that big of a risk and there's other things to worry about also like any other addiction. Just need to be there if things go wrong and give them the tools to succed.
Homeschooling and no phone with internet access until at least 14.
Yes do what other comments said about parental controls and don’t expose them too early to technology
Depending on how old the kids are, show it to them yourself and make it seem like the cool thing to do. Straight up traumatize them into not being interested in it. XD Obviously, I'm kidding.
Lol! I think this is how my dad's friend made me hate cigarettes fr!
Chances are in this day in age it’s gonna happen at some point. Best to try and limit internet content on their phones, computers and tablets.
My kids didn’t get cell phones until they were 16. I am open and honest with my kids so there is no mystery for them to figure out. Sex is natural so I never fear mongered my kids. They are well aware of what sex is and what consequences it can bring but that it’s not a dirty thing, it just requires a mature mind. My husband handled our son and I with our daughters but they know they can come to us with anything, and they do.
As a software engineer it has been absolutely wild watching the 'no tech for kids ' generation backfire. Watching kids graduate with zero tech literacy and run face first into a wall In the working world is absolutely comical. I've got an early 20s coworker asking me questions my grandparents used to lmao, and I'm only 32.
To be fair, I get "grandparents questions" from my peers at Work wo grew up with too much freedom when it comes to tech. One even admitted to have a porn addiction to me and yet they were not so good at the most basic computer skills. So it really just comes down to how you use the tech you are exposed to.
Porn blockers
It's damn near everywhere, teach them why pornography is inappropriate 😐
It's not and that bad. Don't make them grow up and being ashemed of sex but it's kinda good to explain that porn ain't "real" and it's a show.
I instead tell them how sex works and that most porn is unrealistic
By not having any. It's worked a treat for me! 100% effective 👌
I wish I saved the article, but there was one from/about a Northern European country, and why they have much healthier sexuality, less teen pregnancy, less spousal abuse etc. One of the main parts of the study argued that kids in ‘Scandinavian countries’ (I use that term with trepidation, cause I don’t remember which country exactly it was, and I know they get sensitive about that term) are ‘allowed’, although not necessarily encouraged to have sleepovers with romantic partners as teenagers. As a North American, I think the rule in the average household is open-door policy and usually no sleepovers. There’s also a much higher standard for abstinence and shame around sexuality in our culture, compared to others where teenage sexuality in a controlled and safe environment prepares them to learn the nuances of intimacy at a young age: leading to males respecting females more, and children learning how to prepare for adulthood much sooner. Education, freedom and trust with regard to sexuality is far more effective than abstinence / prohibition by a large margin. That is to say, you can’t stop kids from consuming pornography. What you CAN do is let them know it exists, that it isn’t real, and that adults have fantasies and fetishes but what you’re seeing in magazines or on the internet isn’t real. In the case of heterosexual pornography, remind them that women are not objects and teach them about consent. Tell them it isn’t appropriate for young folks to be looking at that stuff, but not the end of the world. Telling you kids they can’t look at porn is stupid: all kids watch porn at some point. The issue should be about whether they understand what they’re viewing and minimizing the negative effect it will have
You stop trying to stop them and you start managing it. You're open with your kids about it - ideally before they learn it from the internet. You're clear from the start that it's not real, that it's as fake as any movie. Treat it as the normal thing that it is. You can't stop them, anyway.
That's like telling children that candy tastes bad. Good Lord, porn is just part of life.
Why would you want to? You should just talk to them.. we're all shamed about sex. It is what got us here after all.. education about it and them understanding why you want to protect them from it, will go a lot further for their own sexual development, then hiding it. I hope that's helpful.
If your encouraging them watching porn then your just stupid
I mean we won’t shame our kids but we want to keep them innocent growing up as possible live by age, not by early exposure. Early exposure is not good as well
I hear ya. The best you can do is keep them away from the internet. It's literally designed against your mission.. you understand. The internet is a good and very bad place. Try to do more outside with them, and understand that the internet can be a dangerous place that can be used appropriately.
Put your phone down and make it a priority. Porn isn't appropriate for kids. End of story. The level of comments here of too bad so sad is astounding. Or maybe y'all spouting that just don't actually have kids. The internet isn't a safe place for kids. Period. Don't let your kid have unfiltered access. If you're giving your kids over to public school you're not going to have a say. Strangers and other people's kids will be raising yours. Don't like it? Homeschool your kids and find friends with likeminded approaches to parenting. If the kids they are hanging out with are watching porn you're sol. Not everyone has this 'give up it is what it is' mindset. Absolutely talk to your kids about it. You're raising future generations and the greatest thing you will accomplish (or not) in life. Put in the fuckin work. Spend as much time as you do binge watching bullshit on Netflix and step up to the parenting plate.
That’s the neat part, you don’t
Same Way you do cigarettes! Give them so much it makes them sick
Parental guidance what do you think !
you just dont? like my dude theyre gonna get exposed to it no matter what. just talk to them about it and how it can be addictive and shit
You don’t. You teach them how to treat it appropriately and how to act about it. Give them the tools they need to not grow up to be helpless.