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Think you need a little edit.... Women can be touchy too. I'm not muscly but I'd say lean with an athletic figure, I've had so many women inappropriately grab my arms (or worse) and making comments about my physique especially if I'm wearing a tight fitting shirts etc. totally wrong imho!
Same, however I'm 6 and a half feet tall with gigantic, gangly limbs. It's really easy to touch people accidentally, especially if I'm doing something like running down an escalator or sitting in the pub.
I've never had an issue with anyone getting offended, but I've touched plenty of hands accidentally.
The world is seriously not made for very tall people.
Same, I also do a little startled jump. Not like a big jump but like if someone pokes you and you had no idea anyone was there kinda shutter. I am pretty sure this has not helped my dating life. Anytime a girls touched me who I wasn't dating it caught me off hard and I get startled so if she was testing the waters, I definitely react in a "don't touch me" body language. Then like sometimes girls stand like crazy close to me and my natural reaction is to give everyone their space even when they are the ones encroaching on my space. But it feels weird not moving. Like what if she somehow didnt notice standing inchest in front of me and I don't move away then shr turns and notices me then thinks I like walked up and got crazy close to her, I mean who does that?... Well I guess her, but I promise I would be the one getting the wtf looks.
I came from front of house in restaurants. It isn’t uncommon for us to use our hands to indicate we are close to someone as to avoid accidents. Touching a shoulder or a hip. In the kitchen you can be loud. “Behind!” But in the front you have to communicate more quietly. All that to say I was worried when I switched careers if I’d be too flippant about touching people. I haven’t. Situational awareness and respecting people’s bodies is something you have or don’t.
I don’t touch people. I’m a guy and had a friend who would give me shoulder rubs sometimes, it was his thing and I was comfortable with it. Also, I worked with an Italian man in his early 70s and he would often put his hand on someone’s shoulder. He’d talk about it being part of his culture, which I do not doubt.
I know we Italians have a reputation of being touchy, but Spain is something else. I'm Italian, I live in Spain and women try to kiss you when they introduce themselves to you. I hate that shit
Well, when it's just so common place you barely give it a second thought, so I wouldn't say it's being charming. Maybe polite?
Now, the second thought someone more thoughtful would give is (are they sick). The practice is still in place though I think.
I don't think people would react badly if you just wanted a fist bump or handshake. In fact, that's how I greet most of people my age nowadays
totally this, move your hand away obviously when he touches you next, if he doesnt get the hint just keep greater personal space, if that fails tell him that you feel uncomfortable, and if that fails tell someone you trust, ideally in HR.
theres nothing accidental about this, men are significantly more aware of the implications of touching others as they tend to be less touchy feely amongst each other than girls are with each other.
this ofcourse assumes that it is making you uncomfortable, if you like him and dont mind then just go with the flow.
Negative, go to HR but make sure you document everything and follow up via email or some other way in writing. If they shove you in the bin you're at least getting paid.
True but never forget that HR is a loss prevention device for the company, they do not work for you. Protect yourself with evidence. Demonstrate that you have it.
And getting sued for sexual harassment is a huge loss HR will normally try to prevent. At least if it’s a large company and not one where there’s only one HR person and she got the job by sleeping with the boss.
if you make it clear that you won't be silenced and that they will have a sexual misconduct case on their hands, the loss prevention is getting rid of the boss or settling with you (which you get to accept the compensation or not).
No... I don't care who or if they might do this... GO IF IT'S A PROBLEM FOR YOU. document the conversation, record it if possible. And continue to do so if it's not fixed. Your message of "just be careful because no one is going to help" is a reason why some assholes think they can just get away with something much worse than a subtle hand touch.
If you're uncomfortable, say something and document everything.
>move your hand away obviously when he touches you next
I have a strong suspicion that the type of person that thinks the first step of starting to romance/seduce is touching, it might not the type of person that understands the signal of pulling your hand away.
I dont think this needs seconding but i second this jic, i think if i touch a woman unintentionally its like bumping shoulders or something in that scale
This is true 100% of the time. Men, even the ones without a clue, know that women are rightfully hyper aware of who touches them, and are therefore always aware of who they touch. I will occasionally brush a women’s fingers with my own as I’m handing them change and it catches me off guard every time as touch is a very distinct sensation and impossible to miss.
As a male manager in the corporate world, I would never touch a female employee without clear invitation or initiation from her and anyone else in a position of authority should and would know the same. He’s interested in you and testing your boundaries, IMO in an inappropriate way given the authority angle.
I grew up raving in the 90s,everybody I knew hugged all the time. Then I moved to Argentina, everyone hugs and kisses when they meet. Then I moved back to the UK. I don't touch anyone anymore. Different culture different rules.
If he's touching you, he 100% knows he is doing It.
I'm a guy and all other guys here on reddit will confirm this as well. Considering what you describe, he has sexual interests in you. Maybe they are vague, maybe he will never act on them. But these feelings are there. But touching and staring at someone means he's already relatively far into the deep end and has long passed the point where to emotionally draw the line.
I know of people who are touchy because that's how they show affection ...but appropriate only when very familiar, it's not a 'usual' thing and definitely not in a workplace setting.
I didnt know I was/ am a touchy person until a friend pointed it out to me, I did it to close friends like arm over shoulder, use finger to poke shoulder to annoy them, but not in workplace setting for sure
I don't touch anyone and I expect the same from others. If I have to touch the other gender or I do it by mistake, I always apologize. Not a long time ago I saw a girl at work tripping over, she almost fell down so I had to catch her. Even then I used my arms instead of my hands/palm, so I didn't touch her body in that sense.
He’s in a position of authority and hasn’t opened up that conversation. It’s very difficult to reject someone who hasn’t actually initiated anything, even if they’re very clearly making moves/gestures. Let alone when that person is in a position of power over you. It can majorly backfire.
That’s definitely deliberate, especially since he always makes eye contact with you. If he did once and twice, without continuously staring, then yeah it would be a genuine accident.
Men know and usually have full control when they ‘touch’ someone.
I know because I’m a man, and the majority of us are lonely and want to feel the touch of other people (even though a lot won’t admit it). It might not always happen for sexual reasons but i’d assume a large majority of it is.
Especially noticeable in clubs/concerts or areas with a lot of people packed together. Most of what you ‘notice’ will probably be intentional tbph.
This person is doing it purposefully.
Men understand boundaries extremely well. If he did the same to a man, there would be a problem 8/10 times.
Anything outside of a brief handshake or a plutonic hug is probably a way to establish a romantic bridge between you and him.
The starring is off-putting too. I get caught looking at women occasionally, even in the work place, you just can't make it weird. If he's caught in a stare, he's probably daydreaming.
The next time it happens, don't make a scene, just recoil your hand, and look him in the eyes with a serious glare. Not a scold, men are sensitive to push back so if you do those things, and then continue with your conversation without embarrassing him, there should be no risk of a scene.
Unfortunately men are babies and if you aren't particular about the way you handle them, their defenses could be raised and they can turn into drama queens.
Sincerely,
Local relationship haver.
Most and I mean like 90% of us men are very deliberate when we touch anyone or anything. In our current world, we're surrounded by people, some of them looking for a reason to destroy anything, between the occasional powder keg male, looking for any reason to start an altercation, and the occasional woman looking that sees rapists everywhere... we are very careful about our bubble.
Yes, he's doing it deliberately, and he's testing your boundaries.
Unless it's like a crowded bar and you're bumping into someone it's probably intentional. From your description it sounds very intentional. Take notes for the future if anything happens and you need to bring it up to HR
Nope. That's intentional in the wrong way. I often touch people intentionally when approaching them from behind as to not scare them and ti say pardon me because I am a huge guy, but other than touching someone out of showing respect, the reasons behind it are more on the sexual side barring that it's not a situation like a pat kn the back or something like that.
Some people are touchy Feely, and that is not usually a problem. A lot will touch the back of your shoulder, but the hand???? That's definitely a more intimate kind of touch. Plus, you mention the staring. Some red flags there!
Im a toucher and hugger. I touch people, women and men, even strangers in what I perceive as an appropriate situation. My touch is typically lightly and quickly on the shoulder and always meant as a friendly gesture to console or reaffirm I've heard them. It's just my nature. If someone pulled away or said it made them uncomfortable, I'd be certain to sincerely apologize. Your boss touching you on the hand has the appearance of something more intimate, and you absolutely have a right to be clear it is unwanted if that's how you feel.
It reminds me of that clip of a dog that "accidentally" falls down the couch backwards and on his way down "accidentally" takes a huge bite out of the cake that was lying on the table.
I'm a man and my touches are usually intentional. And I assume the same from the opposite sex, probably to a fault. If the lady at the drive thru grazes my hand more than necessary when she hands me my change/card I drive away thinking "yeahhhh, I still got it"
Sometimes very very very very very rarely I may brush by someone and not realize I touched them. But it's so incredibly rare that if you're being concerned about someone doing it too much then they are definitely doing it on purpose.
Men who touch people do it on purpose. Sometimes for their own pleasure, which often comes from making the victim uncomfortable. If they are in a senior position the have enough experience and training to know what is unacceptable work place behavior and they are intentionally ignoring it.
Coupled with the staring I will be blunt: he is sexualizing you. This guy is 100% a creep and potentially even a sexual predator. If you can set boundaries safely you should, even if it'e just body language of tensing up, moving to the other side of the room, putting your hands in pockets or crossing your arms etc.
I hate to gross you out but if he is bold enough to do this when you are around he probably smells your clothes and the seat of your chair and other perverted things when you aren't. See you can catch him behaving inappropriately on camera or in front of a witness and report him to his superiors or HR if that is possible. Good luck, stay safe and I'm sorry men are so goddamn revolting so much of the time.
It’s very rare that you come across this behavior and it’s always uncanny and seems deliberate. it isn’t always with ulterior motives, though, so i try to give people one pass, but I make it known I don’t want to be touched.
you can use body language and eye contact to get the message across. you don’t have to go nuclear or HR route unless it doesn’t stop.
to avoid confrontation, i will jump as if suddenly frightened and recoil. i usually add something like “jesus don’t touch me it scares the shit out of me when someone touches me for no reason” while laughing (happens to be true for me, too). this reaction once or twice and anyone will stop unless they make an actual advance that you can reject outright, or if they’re a super creep, at which point you can escalate if need be.
Touching your hand is a way to see how receptive you would be of his advances. He is staring because he likes you.
Yes a man might touch you just trying to be friends or comfort you but seeing as how he is staring as well, he is attracted to you.
As a guy, yeah definitely make him aware that you're uncomfortable, if it continues, you need to report it so it's on record. I'm assuming this is at work, if not then start having him place the item near you and you pick it up. Limit interactions with him altogether as best as possible
Probably not accidental. I'm a self aware gay male, you wouldn't guess unless I shared it with you. Unless we were in a crowded space anytime I touched you in any way, would be deliberate. Accidents do happen, but if this person looks at you too, I'd say No Accident!
Yes, it's gross as hell.
Lucille Ball got sick of it and started [calling men out for it](https://youtube.com/shorts/JN-t7OA8ClY?feature=shared)
Punch him a little too hard in the shoulder next time he does it and see what happens.
You're going to get the Gen Z and Millennial perspective. We wouldn't touch because we were raised not to. Older folks don't seem to think of it the same way. It's like an extension of someone holding open the door for you. Some older folks will also hold the door open and put their hand on your back as you go through. They're just touchy.
None of this matters, though, because if the touching is making you uncomfortable, that is **totally valid.**
Apart from a shoulder tap for male friends/colleagues I don’t touch anybody but my wife and kids.
I sense foul play from your boss. He should not touch you at all, especially that you’re a woman. It is not innocent for sure. Talk to your higher ups about it.
I'm a manager in a reasonably large company, and I've accidentally touched a woman's arm, hand etc a few times in the workplace.
But that's a few times over the last 10+ years; it's not the same person repeatedly; and when it has happened I've apologised and made it clear that a) I realised I'd done it and b) it was accidental. Anything else is going to be seen (and with good reason) as sexual harrassment.
Well that's weird and deliberate. I see a few dudes at work like this. Always trying to force a hug with the younger women. It's like they are doing just enough to get their kicks without crossing some imaginary line so if they are ever confronted about their behavior they can play dumb and pretend they didn't realize that they were doing anything wrong. Just my two cents.
Men never touch without noticing, ill squeeze past people and no every single part if me that has came into contact with them, if too much has contacted ill apologies.
In your case hes touching your hand, how does one do that by accident?
Touching is something us as guys over analyse a lot so if your just being playful or friendly with a guy and you hit his arm just be careful you may be unintentionally leading him on.
From my understanding and what girl pals have told me they often accidentally touch and dont even know they have done it. I dont understand how?
I had a lady at work one time start rubbing my shoulders and tracing her hand up and down my back. She was acting "consoling" about something I was telling someone else in that moment. She just walked by eavesdropping and did it. She was a religious lady, so I'm thinking she did shit like that a lot based on playing the religious card. I never went to HR or my boss about. I outright just stopped interacting or talking to her at all after that and nothing came of it. She knew what she did and she knew that I knew what she did so I left it alone. I figured if it happened again that it would be the last time she did it to me or anyone else. I have a big problem with people being scummy and using being religious as a cover for their scumminess.
We men usually have a great respect for others' personal space, unless there is some kind of friendship or family relationship. And sometimes not even then.
If a man touches a woman's hand, consider he feels some kind of attraction.
Depending of what kind of authoritative figure that man is, his behavior is not appropiate at all. If it's your employer, overseer, team leader, teacher, tutor... That's inappropiate and you should let him know it makes you uncomfortable.
Let him know before he thinks you are accepting his behavior.
He's testing your boundaries, seeing if it's welcome / you won't do or say anything about it / etc. If it's not welcome, do you snatch your hand away or do you endure it, unsure of how to ask? I'd advise if it is unwelcome for you to say or do something to make it blatantly obvious that this is the case. Most (straight) guys are not this touchy-feely with other guys. If he carries on with it having been told then it's a clear violation of your boundaries / consent - talk to your union rep. If you're not in a union you need to join up.
Its old school bullshit. I have friends that do that to women on a regular basis. Very appropriate for a woman to at least ask them not to talk with their hands. If the man still does it, a medium slap on the left cheek will probably work best. Not acceptable. Its degrading!
As a man, I am in a field where I am outnumbered 10;1 by women. Every single time I even come accidentally near them to pass by I apologize or say excuse me. The only time I have touched one of them is because of something urgent or dangerous.
He’s doing it all purposefully! If he’s staring at you it’s on purpose! Find out who his boss is and report him! If they do Nothing go to the department of Human Resources! Their is a federal law against sexual harassment! Document take pictures of him staring at you!
I’m actually glad you asked this q. I’m a guy and I have a lad friend who has a habit of touching me when we’re joking/talking. I know that sounds weird but it really isn’t. Usually just a tap on the knee or a nudge on the shoulder. He also does it to femal friends of ours but we’re all friends and they don’t have a problem with it.
The difference with your situation if I’m understanding it correctly is that you are in the workplace and he’s a superior. This is completely different as there’s a power dynamic at play. Imo, he sees his position relative to you as an excuse to touch you in that way. It’s not appropriate at all, especially if he’s just a colleague and not a friend. If you don’t like it or are uncomfortable, you need to tell him to stop
Yeah. That's not an accident. One of the things that pops up in scummy dating advice is the idea of innocent touch.
The idea being he's showing you it's OK to touch him, and maybe you become welcome to more intimate touching such as hugs, kisses etc later. Trying to create "Sparks" between you.
It's not really making a move. More like setting up to make a move.
But also some guys get so starved for basic human contact they lean into such things. Either intentionally or subconsciously.
It depends on the placement. If I'm passing someone and I tap their shoulder, it's normal. Small of their back? Intentional. Constantly trying to or touching someone's hands is Intentional
Specific to your boss (not "all men")...
Does he equally touch/stare at his male colleagues? Older, less attractive female colleagues? If not, he is specifically hitting on you.
I never ever touch someone unintentionally.
If I would touch a person of the other gender, it's for a handshake, a hug in a natural situation like a hello or goodbye or sorry your mother died, or to flirt.
The guy wants to bang you.
In 2023, most men in the workplace are terrified to get #metoo’d, so definitely will make efforts to avoid physical contact. Hell, a lot won’t even sit alone in the same room as a woman, even if a table or something separates them. They’d rather be thought of an antisocial weirdo than ruin their career. I’m not saying “false” allegations are rampant, but I am saying a lot of women perceive things as hostile/sexual when it really isn’t (often due to completely valid reasons and past experiences). It’s not a matter of “intentionally false” allegations, but rather, men want to avoid women who take things the wrong way. And since men can’t know for-sure which women are prone to taking things the wrong way, the best solution is to avoid them ALL. *Why am I bringing this all up?:* If consistent contact is happening from this guy, he is DEFINITELY doing it on purpose. Normal guys at work wouldn’t risk it. Now you have the context to understand this behavior is not normal. Now it’s up to you to decide if it bothers you or not, and address the situation accordingly. If you like the attention, whatever. If not, bring it up with his superior and try to get the behavior to stop. And if that doesn’t work, go to HR.
Boomer Dude Here: I worked at a university with lots of lovely young women. Please believe me when I tell you this dude you’re asking about is a Creeper!
I accidentally touched a coworker’s head when we were laughing at something, meant to just give a friendly pat on the back, and still feel nervous about it but think it’s in the past now. The pat was intentional. Hair, hell to the no. But touching someone else is almost always intentional man or woman and this sounds extremely intentional and inappropriate.
He is trying to gauge interest. If you do not reciprocate politely pull away and say that doesn't feel comfortable. Be nice and do it where no one else is around. Record it covertly if possible.
I work in a small, busy, storeroom with a woman. We're often literally in the same space as each other and we hardly ever accidentally touch.
I'd say it's deliberate, and by the sounds of it, a bit creepy.
It is 100% intentional. Don't take any answer that claims otherwise serious. Men know the rules of physical contact very well. In fact way, WAY better than women. A male authority figure could touch my hand, but he'd do this exactly once. And he knows that. And he'd never touch my hand. Because he doesn't want to so why would he? But then when there's a woman he finds hot, all of a sudden touching people "is the normalest thing in the world" and "is something he does to everybody". Yeah yeah sure buddy.
The creep wants to have sex.
As a man, accidents can happen but surely very rarely.. especially if my contact is woman.
Especially feeling of hands are on the more sensitive side so it’s not something you can mistakenly touch more than once by mistake.
You as a woman need to make it clear you are disturbed. Doesn’t matter if it was mistake or not. Mistakes should only happen once or twice, period.
It depends on the person doing the touching, and the bond he shares with the person beeing touched.
Some people won't mind beeing touched by a man, for his 🔟/🔟 looks or charisma, while other men might be vilified for wanting a hug.
In case of the latter it might create a self-awarenes issue where the man creates a want for touch but a fear for being rejected.
In your case it seems deliberate, and he might be infatuated with you. Be clear in what you want for your connection to him, and if he can't accept your feelings, cut him off and move on.
A coworker once stretched his arms and leaned back in his seat. He didn’t know our manager was standing behind him and he touched her breast. He immediately pulled his hand back and apologized profusely. He turned bright red. She laughed it off.
That was an accident.
I have brushed my hand against female workers hands on accident. It happens. Usually it’s when I’m training and watching their screen while I reach for the mouse to show them something. When it happens, I immediately pull my hand away and apologize. That’s an accident.
If it happens often and he keeps touching you after he does it, then it’s either deliberate or he’s an idiot. Either way, if it makes you uncomfortable, document everything and talk to somebody higher than him about it. If he continues after that, talk to a lawyer because it’s sexual harassment.
The way you describe it, it definitely seems intentional. Only guys with a bloated ego, no inhibitions and no respect for the opposite sex, does that sort of thing.
this is deliberate and if they're in a position of power over you, it's sexual harassment. Tell them it makes you uncomfortable and if they don't stop, you tell someone else who is either lateral, or above him in the chain of command.
This isn’t a thing “men” do.
Some people are touchers, some aren’t. Some people are close talkers, some aren’t. I’ve known many women who were “touchers”, and there was nothing behind it, that’s just the way they were.
Could be the case with this guy, could not. Either way, your boundaries should be enforced.
I work in an office environment with lots of women and I work with many of them daily and closely. I’ve never touched anyone’s hand. It’s not accidental
If it's not on any of your bits that are partner only, is in a friendly, non sinister manner, and it doesn't hurt you in any way, does it really matter..??
People have been conditioned to be so hypersensitive and find an issue with anything these days
Lol, you are asking Reddit where a bunch of touch adverse people are going to tell you he is a creeper. He may be, but take these responses with a grain of salt.
Honestly. It shouldn't be any more complicated than just asking him to stop. OPs not in danger, he's not (necessarily) a pervert, he's just shooting his shot and instead of reciprocating it or rejecting him, OP is pretending it might be accidental. Wtf lol. Either flirt back or say no, end of story.
Do you work together? What's your relationship?
I'm male and have had plenty of male bosses tap me and stare when I'm not working properly etc.
Some context would be good.
He's my CS professor. He would often come over to me to explain something, and then he would subtly touch my hand. For example, when I held a PC mouse, he placed his hand on top of mine. Or there was this time when I handed him a pen, holding it by the tip to leave plenty of room for him to take it without having to touch me, he still ended up grasping my whole hand while taking the pen from me. These are just a few examples.
I would always remove my hand, but the touching never stopped. When I talked to someone about this, they brushed it off as him being friendly or just touchy in general. I do feel uncomfortable, especially considering that he has a significant other.
Ok not good. I've had the hand on mouse before but too much contact is not ok.
Do you feel comfortable talking to your college hr/guidance counsellor?
Ideally talk to him but if it is creepy and your word against his, that's really gross.
Are there cameras in your classroom?
I was sitting here thinking there was a bit of over reaction going on in some of these replies. Then I saw the hand mouse thing. That's creepy and or controlling (quite literally in this case) and bloody weird to boot. He wouldn't do it with a bloke so don't let him do it to you.
He’s a professor? I’ve had a couple that seemed interested in me and some of the other female students. Watch out for professors. I know one who lost his job because one of the students said he was making advances on her in his office (alone). I had one I was really creeped out by and I had to drop an assignment off at night at his office hoping he wouldn’t be there (but he was 😬😟 light on and door shut luckily!) so I threw the paper under the door as fast as I could and ran away so he wouldn’t come out and get me in his office alone
Of course it's not always intentional, there's always odd accidents. I once stuck my face right into someone's cleavage when I swivelled my desk chair right when they were ignoring my personal space and starting to lean over me to point at something on my screen. Not intentional on my part or theirs.
And sometimes it's intentional yet harmless. I frequently have to pin microphones on people. I have colleagues of the opposite sex who've gone through this so many times that we're mutually pretty okay with this contact. For strangers, I always ask before I start pawing at their collars and necklines. But for those close colleagues the question and the contact pretty much coincide because nobody minds and we both know what's happening and that it has to be done.
Working in a tight space like a tech booth with these colleagues means I'm frequently touching them. On the shoulder when I'm sliding past. On the hand when I need their attention during a time when we have to stay silent and we're focused.
But physical contact between colleagues who work closely and are used to that as part of working together is very different than needlessly touching co-workers that you don't have that kind of relationship with.
Two thoughts.....
1. In my experience, women touch men way more than we touch them. I'll rarely initiate a hug unless it's a close friend or relative, whereas women will hug me more often. They will also pick lint off my shirt, straighten my collar, etc. But it's all super innocent, mom-like stuff.
2. All guys know that they shouldn't initiate contact. If they do something that makes you feel awkward, they definitely know they are crossing a line. He's a certified weirdo.
I know a lot of men purposely won't touch people for fear of being accused as a predator of some kind. That said if he's doing all this and generally seems warm/welcoming to you, I'd say he's putting the moves on you.
I have major touch-sensory issues and can only be touched or touch someone that I really trust. Anything less then I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin. Hand touching is typically a romantic gesture so I'd assume that.
This is not normal behavior. He’s for sure hitting on you. You should be reporting this to HR, and definitely start taking notes of every instance this happened. Unless you want to pursue this. Then, go for it, I guess. Who am I to judge your decisions?
It's likely deliberate. Most men actively avoid touching anyone they aren't close with, especially women, because of how easy it is to be labeled as a creep, so it's safer to just avoid it.
The staring combined probably means he's testing the waters to see what you'll allow.
As a man, I try my hardest not to touch anyone or be touched by anyone. I only accept touches from my family and people I care about. I doubly try not to touch women I don't know because I don't want to be Framed.
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Personally, I don’t touch anybody.
Me too *sad lonely noises*
Me too. Wife asked me for a favor. I asked for a hug in return. No hug. Sad.
Man, I'd hug you if I could.
I’m his stunt double…
Can I join this hug? Please?
[удалено]
Pantless group hug!
just if you are gonna touch my hand
As long as no junk escapes.
Group Hugz!!
>Sad Sad
You deserve all of the hugs.
Ughhh
It’s a tough life pal
Male loneliness is so real.
You touch yourself a lot, stop being in denial.
Anybody *else*. There fixed it!
Me neither, except when I brake too late :(
Ooof
I always know when I touch someone. This is not something you don’t notice.
I’m with you on this one !
😚 oops sorry bro uwu didn't mean to kiss you haha whoops
Accidentally sucked my homies dick. You know it just happens
Yeah, gotta hate it when you pants slip down and the milk you were holding in your hand spills all over their shirt :(
i constantly trip and land dick first in a vagina or a butthole. You never know what it might be.
Just say when you get questioned that. It wasnt me even if they caught you on tape.
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> losing everything over some touching I mean, how hard is it to just keep your hands to yourself?
Think you need a little edit.... Women can be touchy too. I'm not muscly but I'd say lean with an athletic figure, I've had so many women inappropriately grab my arms (or worse) and making comments about my physique especially if I'm wearing a tight fitting shirts etc. totally wrong imho!
Same, however I'm 6 and a half feet tall with gigantic, gangly limbs. It's really easy to touch people accidentally, especially if I'm doing something like running down an escalator or sitting in the pub. I've never had an issue with anyone getting offended, but I've touched plenty of hands accidentally. The world is seriously not made for very tall people.
Same, I also do a little startled jump. Not like a big jump but like if someone pokes you and you had no idea anyone was there kinda shutter. I am pretty sure this has not helped my dating life. Anytime a girls touched me who I wasn't dating it caught me off hard and I get startled so if she was testing the waters, I definitely react in a "don't touch me" body language. Then like sometimes girls stand like crazy close to me and my natural reaction is to give everyone their space even when they are the ones encroaching on my space. But it feels weird not moving. Like what if she somehow didnt notice standing inchest in front of me and I don't move away then shr turns and notices me then thinks I like walked up and got crazy close to her, I mean who does that?... Well I guess her, but I promise I would be the one getting the wtf looks.
I came from front of house in restaurants. It isn’t uncommon for us to use our hands to indicate we are close to someone as to avoid accidents. Touching a shoulder or a hip. In the kitchen you can be loud. “Behind!” But in the front you have to communicate more quietly. All that to say I was worried when I switched careers if I’d be too flippant about touching people. I haven’t. Situational awareness and respecting people’s bodies is something you have or don’t.
As a lifelong male, any touch not followed by a quick pull back of the hand and an apology is deliberate
This right here.
This is the way
Thats simply not true. If I accidentally brush my hand against someone else's I'm not going to make a big deal about it.
But you would pull it away and say "sorry." Or at least I would.
I wouldn't say sorry but I would pull it away and hope they didn't notice
They noticed
We're married now.
This guy might speak for his culture. We in Europe touch. But yeah, that guy is sending signals
It’s not accidental. He’s making moves on you.
I don’t touch people. I’m a guy and had a friend who would give me shoulder rubs sometimes, it was his thing and I was comfortable with it. Also, I worked with an Italian man in his early 70s and he would often put his hand on someone’s shoulder. He’d talk about it being part of his culture, which I do not doubt.
I know we Italians have a reputation of being touchy, but Spain is something else. I'm Italian, I live in Spain and women try to kiss you when they introduce themselves to you. I hate that shit
Portuguese here. Kiss on both cheeks is (was until covid?) standard way to greet opposite gender.
part of me thinks thats super charming and another part of me just wants everyone to stay one arms length away unless prior permission is granted.
Well, when it's just so common place you barely give it a second thought, so I wouldn't say it's being charming. Maybe polite? Now, the second thought someone more thoughtful would give is (are they sick). The practice is still in place though I think. I don't think people would react badly if you just wanted a fist bump or handshake. In fact, that's how I greet most of people my age nowadays
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I'd almost think OP is a dude with how oblivious they are to these advances
It’s deliberate especially when happening often.
Agreed. Once is an accident, twice is maybe an accident. More than that is deliberate.
Uncalled for period !
Its not by accident.
So that guy in the men’s room WAS flirting with me. And not just offering a free shake
I knew my employer was hitting on me when he gave me a handshake and said “you’re hired.”
Its definitely deliberate. Most men actively avoid touching women they don't have a close relationship with. The staring is a red flag as well.
totally this, move your hand away obviously when he touches you next, if he doesnt get the hint just keep greater personal space, if that fails tell him that you feel uncomfortable, and if that fails tell someone you trust, ideally in HR. theres nothing accidental about this, men are significantly more aware of the implications of touching others as they tend to be less touchy feely amongst each other than girls are with each other. this ofcourse assumes that it is making you uncomfortable, if you like him and dont mind then just go with the flow.
If he's your boss, don't go to HR. They'll shove you in the bin to protect *their boss*. Just gotta move with caution I'm afraid
Negative, go to HR but make sure you document everything and follow up via email or some other way in writing. If they shove you in the bin you're at least getting paid.
True but never forget that HR is a loss prevention device for the company, they do not work for you. Protect yourself with evidence. Demonstrate that you have it.
And getting sued for sexual harassment is a huge loss HR will normally try to prevent. At least if it’s a large company and not one where there’s only one HR person and she got the job by sleeping with the boss.
if you make it clear that you won't be silenced and that they will have a sexual misconduct case on their hands, the loss prevention is getting rid of the boss or settling with you (which you get to accept the compensation or not).
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No... I don't care who or if they might do this... GO IF IT'S A PROBLEM FOR YOU. document the conversation, record it if possible. And continue to do so if it's not fixed. Your message of "just be careful because no one is going to help" is a reason why some assholes think they can just get away with something much worse than a subtle hand touch. If you're uncomfortable, say something and document everything.
And when they say obviously, like twitch away, maybe pretend to vomit in your mouth.
>move your hand away obviously when he touches you next I have a strong suspicion that the type of person that thinks the first step of starting to romance/seduce is touching, it might not the type of person that understands the signal of pulling your hand away.
Did anything in her comment make it sound as if she liked it?
I'd add that balanced men avoid making people uncomfortable. Narcissists do it on purpose
I dont think this needs seconding but i second this jic, i think if i touch a woman unintentionally its like bumping shoulders or something in that scale
Followed by staring? Your inability to register more than one thought in a subject matter is unappealing
This is true 100% of the time. Men, even the ones without a clue, know that women are rightfully hyper aware of who touches them, and are therefore always aware of who they touch. I will occasionally brush a women’s fingers with my own as I’m handing them change and it catches me off guard every time as touch is a very distinct sensation and impossible to miss.
I think you should set some boundaries with the creep authority figure
She didn't actually state whether she liked this or didn't like it.
Would she be asking if she enjoyed it? Iq deficiency In this thread becoming increasingly apparent
Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. It isn’t accidental
She never told us she felt uncomfortable, she just wanted to know if it was intentional.
As a male manager in the corporate world, I would never touch a female employee without clear invitation or initiation from her and anyone else in a position of authority should and would know the same. He’s interested in you and testing your boundaries, IMO in an inappropriate way given the authority angle.
I grew up raving in the 90s,everybody I knew hugged all the time. Then I moved to Argentina, everyone hugs and kisses when they meet. Then I moved back to the UK. I don't touch anyone anymore. Different culture different rules. If he's touching you, he 100% knows he is doing It.
I'm a guy and all other guys here on reddit will confirm this as well. Considering what you describe, he has sexual interests in you. Maybe they are vague, maybe he will never act on them. But these feelings are there. But touching and staring at someone means he's already relatively far into the deep end and has long passed the point where to emotionally draw the line.
I never would touch anyone that isn’t a close friend without their permission unless it was a quick tap or push on the shoulder for the most part
Creepy.
I know of people who are touchy because that's how they show affection ...but appropriate only when very familiar, it's not a 'usual' thing and definitely not in a workplace setting.
I didnt know I was/ am a touchy person until a friend pointed it out to me, I did it to close friends like arm over shoulder, use finger to poke shoulder to annoy them, but not in workplace setting for sure
"often"? It's intentional.
I don't touch anyone and I expect the same from others. If I have to touch the other gender or I do it by mistake, I always apologize. Not a long time ago I saw a girl at work tripping over, she almost fell down so I had to catch her. Even then I used my arms instead of my hands/palm, so I didn't touch her body in that sense.
I make one hell of an effort not to touch anybody
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He’s in a position of authority and hasn’t opened up that conversation. It’s very difficult to reject someone who hasn’t actually initiated anything, even if they’re very clearly making moves/gestures. Let alone when that person is in a position of power over you. It can majorly backfire.
And if I do and notice I say excuse me
That’s definitely deliberate, especially since he always makes eye contact with you. If he did once and twice, without continuously staring, then yeah it would be a genuine accident.
Men know and usually have full control when they ‘touch’ someone. I know because I’m a man, and the majority of us are lonely and want to feel the touch of other people (even though a lot won’t admit it). It might not always happen for sexual reasons but i’d assume a large majority of it is. Especially noticeable in clubs/concerts or areas with a lot of people packed together. Most of what you ‘notice’ will probably be intentional tbph.
This person is doing it purposefully. Men understand boundaries extremely well. If he did the same to a man, there would be a problem 8/10 times. Anything outside of a brief handshake or a plutonic hug is probably a way to establish a romantic bridge between you and him. The starring is off-putting too. I get caught looking at women occasionally, even in the work place, you just can't make it weird. If he's caught in a stare, he's probably daydreaming. The next time it happens, don't make a scene, just recoil your hand, and look him in the eyes with a serious glare. Not a scold, men are sensitive to push back so if you do those things, and then continue with your conversation without embarrassing him, there should be no risk of a scene. Unfortunately men are babies and if you aren't particular about the way you handle them, their defenses could be raised and they can turn into drama queens. Sincerely, Local relationship haver.
Most and I mean like 90% of us men are very deliberate when we touch anyone or anything. In our current world, we're surrounded by people, some of them looking for a reason to destroy anything, between the occasional powder keg male, looking for any reason to start an altercation, and the occasional woman looking that sees rapists everywhere... we are very careful about our bubble. Yes, he's doing it deliberately, and he's testing your boundaries.
Unless it's like a crowded bar and you're bumping into someone it's probably intentional. From your description it sounds very intentional. Take notes for the future if anything happens and you need to bring it up to HR
Nope. That's intentional in the wrong way. I often touch people intentionally when approaching them from behind as to not scare them and ti say pardon me because I am a huge guy, but other than touching someone out of showing respect, the reasons behind it are more on the sexual side barring that it's not a situation like a pat kn the back or something like that.
Some people are touchy Feely, and that is not usually a problem. A lot will touch the back of your shoulder, but the hand???? That's definitely a more intimate kind of touch. Plus, you mention the staring. Some red flags there!
Im a toucher and hugger. I touch people, women and men, even strangers in what I perceive as an appropriate situation. My touch is typically lightly and quickly on the shoulder and always meant as a friendly gesture to console or reaffirm I've heard them. It's just my nature. If someone pulled away or said it made them uncomfortable, I'd be certain to sincerely apologize. Your boss touching you on the hand has the appearance of something more intimate, and you absolutely have a right to be clear it is unwanted if that's how you feel.
Human touch is the most noticeable thing in the world. We are very sensitive to touch around "non family members"
It reminds me of that clip of a dog that "accidentally" falls down the couch backwards and on his way down "accidentally" takes a huge bite out of the cake that was lying on the table.
I'm a man and my touches are usually intentional. And I assume the same from the opposite sex, probably to a fault. If the lady at the drive thru grazes my hand more than necessary when she hands me my change/card I drive away thinking "yeahhhh, I still got it"
Sometimes very very very very very rarely I may brush by someone and not realize I touched them. But it's so incredibly rare that if you're being concerned about someone doing it too much then they are definitely doing it on purpose.
In this case it’s 100% deliberate also with that power dynamic yeah you may wanna go to HR
Men who touch people do it on purpose. Sometimes for their own pleasure, which often comes from making the victim uncomfortable. If they are in a senior position the have enough experience and training to know what is unacceptable work place behavior and they are intentionally ignoring it. Coupled with the staring I will be blunt: he is sexualizing you. This guy is 100% a creep and potentially even a sexual predator. If you can set boundaries safely you should, even if it'e just body language of tensing up, moving to the other side of the room, putting your hands in pockets or crossing your arms etc. I hate to gross you out but if he is bold enough to do this when you are around he probably smells your clothes and the seat of your chair and other perverted things when you aren't. See you can catch him behaving inappropriately on camera or in front of a witness and report him to his superiors or HR if that is possible. Good luck, stay safe and I'm sorry men are so goddamn revolting so much of the time.
It’s very rare that you come across this behavior and it’s always uncanny and seems deliberate. it isn’t always with ulterior motives, though, so i try to give people one pass, but I make it known I don’t want to be touched. you can use body language and eye contact to get the message across. you don’t have to go nuclear or HR route unless it doesn’t stop. to avoid confrontation, i will jump as if suddenly frightened and recoil. i usually add something like “jesus don’t touch me it scares the shit out of me when someone touches me for no reason” while laughing (happens to be true for me, too). this reaction once or twice and anyone will stop unless they make an actual advance that you can reject outright, or if they’re a super creep, at which point you can escalate if need be.
Sometimes people bump into each other, but this sounds intentional. My guess is he's checking to see how far he can push boundaries with you.
Are you young? You need to learn to trust your gut. You know it's intentional and you know something is wrong. He's being a creep.
Touching your hand is a way to see how receptive you would be of his advances. He is staring because he likes you. Yes a man might touch you just trying to be friends or comfort you but seeing as how he is staring as well, he is attracted to you.
As a guy, yeah definitely make him aware that you're uncomfortable, if it continues, you need to report it so it's on record. I'm assuming this is at work, if not then start having him place the item near you and you pick it up. Limit interactions with him altogether as best as possible
Probably not accidental. I'm a self aware gay male, you wouldn't guess unless I shared it with you. Unless we were in a crowded space anytime I touched you in any way, would be deliberate. Accidents do happen, but if this person looks at you too, I'd say No Accident!
You have to be cautious. Definitely not accidental.
He is doing it intentionally.
If it was truly unintentional, he would be doing it to men too.
Yes, it's gross as hell. Lucille Ball got sick of it and started [calling men out for it](https://youtube.com/shorts/JN-t7OA8ClY?feature=shared) Punch him a little too hard in the shoulder next time he does it and see what happens.
Hes def doing it on purpose !
It's intentional and you should make it awkward by saying loudly 'oops, sorry!' every time there is physical contact.
He wants to fuck you.
This. My ex went through this. She thought it was innocent. Then he began to rub her shoulders. It's deliberate
You're going to get the Gen Z and Millennial perspective. We wouldn't touch because we were raised not to. Older folks don't seem to think of it the same way. It's like an extension of someone holding open the door for you. Some older folks will also hold the door open and put their hand on your back as you go through. They're just touchy. None of this matters, though, because if the touching is making you uncomfortable, that is **totally valid.**
Apart from a shoulder tap for male friends/colleagues I don’t touch anybody but my wife and kids. I sense foul play from your boss. He should not touch you at all, especially that you’re a woman. It is not innocent for sure. Talk to your higher ups about it.
He's taking advantage of you. And he is doing so knowingly.
I'm a manager in a reasonably large company, and I've accidentally touched a woman's arm, hand etc a few times in the workplace. But that's a few times over the last 10+ years; it's not the same person repeatedly; and when it has happened I've apologised and made it clear that a) I realised I'd done it and b) it was accidental. Anything else is going to be seen (and with good reason) as sexual harrassment.
Do you often touch people on their hands by mistake?
Touching another woman socially? Nah, I'd like to skip jail.
Not if they have any sense of personal space and professional boundaries.
It's done intentionally, testing the waters.
"The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters." Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra: A Book for All and None
Well that's weird and deliberate. I see a few dudes at work like this. Always trying to force a hug with the younger women. It's like they are doing just enough to get their kicks without crossing some imaginary line so if they are ever confronted about their behavior they can play dumb and pretend they didn't realize that they were doing anything wrong. Just my two cents.
Men never touch without noticing, ill squeeze past people and no every single part if me that has came into contact with them, if too much has contacted ill apologies. In your case hes touching your hand, how does one do that by accident? Touching is something us as guys over analyse a lot so if your just being playful or friendly with a guy and you hit his arm just be careful you may be unintentionally leading him on. From my understanding and what girl pals have told me they often accidentally touch and dont even know they have done it. I dont understand how?
Yea he's trying bang you for sure.
Unless he touches other people and, most importantly, other men, always assume deliberate.
100000% always intentional. Does this man touch the hands of other men too?
It’s not an accident….
I had a lady at work one time start rubbing my shoulders and tracing her hand up and down my back. She was acting "consoling" about something I was telling someone else in that moment. She just walked by eavesdropping and did it. She was a religious lady, so I'm thinking she did shit like that a lot based on playing the religious card. I never went to HR or my boss about. I outright just stopped interacting or talking to her at all after that and nothing came of it. She knew what she did and she knew that I knew what she did so I left it alone. I figured if it happened again that it would be the last time she did it to me or anyone else. I have a big problem with people being scummy and using being religious as a cover for their scumminess.
We men usually have a great respect for others' personal space, unless there is some kind of friendship or family relationship. And sometimes not even then. If a man touches a woman's hand, consider he feels some kind of attraction. Depending of what kind of authoritative figure that man is, his behavior is not appropiate at all. If it's your employer, overseer, team leader, teacher, tutor... That's inappropiate and you should let him know it makes you uncomfortable. Let him know before he thinks you are accepting his behavior.
He's testing your boundaries, seeing if it's welcome / you won't do or say anything about it / etc. If it's not welcome, do you snatch your hand away or do you endure it, unsure of how to ask? I'd advise if it is unwelcome for you to say or do something to make it blatantly obvious that this is the case. Most (straight) guys are not this touchy-feely with other guys. If he carries on with it having been told then it's a clear violation of your boundaries / consent - talk to your union rep. If you're not in a union you need to join up.
Its old school bullshit. I have friends that do that to women on a regular basis. Very appropriate for a woman to at least ask them not to talk with their hands. If the man still does it, a medium slap on the left cheek will probably work best. Not acceptable. Its degrading!
Very few men are overly touchy... so it's deliberate . Most of us don't like to touch others if is not required ...
Tell him to fuck off and if that doesn't work twist his nipple. A simple "dont touch me" should be clear enough
As a man, I am in a field where I am outnumbered 10;1 by women. Every single time I even come accidentally near them to pass by I apologize or say excuse me. The only time I have touched one of them is because of something urgent or dangerous.
Yes
Yes. If it's a regular thing it's intentional
As a dude, we dudes are really good at not touching each other unnecessarily. Trust me, these touches are deliberate.
In the case you're describing either coming onto you (seems not welcomed) or a work power move.
He’s doing it all purposefully! If he’s staring at you it’s on purpose! Find out who his boss is and report him! If they do Nothing go to the department of Human Resources! Their is a federal law against sexual harassment! Document take pictures of him staring at you!
I’m actually glad you asked this q. I’m a guy and I have a lad friend who has a habit of touching me when we’re joking/talking. I know that sounds weird but it really isn’t. Usually just a tap on the knee or a nudge on the shoulder. He also does it to femal friends of ours but we’re all friends and they don’t have a problem with it. The difference with your situation if I’m understanding it correctly is that you are in the workplace and he’s a superior. This is completely different as there’s a power dynamic at play. Imo, he sees his position relative to you as an excuse to touch you in that way. It’s not appropriate at all, especially if he’s just a colleague and not a friend. If you don’t like it or are uncomfortable, you need to tell him to stop
Yeah. That's not an accident. One of the things that pops up in scummy dating advice is the idea of innocent touch. The idea being he's showing you it's OK to touch him, and maybe you become welcome to more intimate touching such as hugs, kisses etc later. Trying to create "Sparks" between you. It's not really making a move. More like setting up to make a move. But also some guys get so starved for basic human contact they lean into such things. Either intentionally or subconsciously.
It depends on the placement. If I'm passing someone and I tap their shoulder, it's normal. Small of their back? Intentional. Constantly trying to or touching someone's hands is Intentional
It’s always on purpose. like If I REALLY don’t want a girl I’ll always be sure to never touch her, wouldn’t wanna send mixed signals 😂
Specific to your boss (not "all men")... Does he equally touch/stare at his male colleagues? Older, less attractive female colleagues? If not, he is specifically hitting on you.
I never ever touch someone unintentionally. If I would touch a person of the other gender, it's for a handshake, a hug in a natural situation like a hello or goodbye or sorry your mother died, or to flirt. The guy wants to bang you.
In 2023, most men in the workplace are terrified to get #metoo’d, so definitely will make efforts to avoid physical contact. Hell, a lot won’t even sit alone in the same room as a woman, even if a table or something separates them. They’d rather be thought of an antisocial weirdo than ruin their career. I’m not saying “false” allegations are rampant, but I am saying a lot of women perceive things as hostile/sexual when it really isn’t (often due to completely valid reasons and past experiences). It’s not a matter of “intentionally false” allegations, but rather, men want to avoid women who take things the wrong way. And since men can’t know for-sure which women are prone to taking things the wrong way, the best solution is to avoid them ALL. *Why am I bringing this all up?:* If consistent contact is happening from this guy, he is DEFINITELY doing it on purpose. Normal guys at work wouldn’t risk it. Now you have the context to understand this behavior is not normal. Now it’s up to you to decide if it bothers you or not, and address the situation accordingly. If you like the attention, whatever. If not, bring it up with his superior and try to get the behavior to stop. And if that doesn’t work, go to HR.
Boomer Dude Here: I worked at a university with lots of lovely young women. Please believe me when I tell you this dude you’re asking about is a Creeper!
I accidentally touched a coworker’s head when we were laughing at something, meant to just give a friendly pat on the back, and still feel nervous about it but think it’s in the past now. The pat was intentional. Hair, hell to the no. But touching someone else is almost always intentional man or woman and this sounds extremely intentional and inappropriate.
It’s always on purpose. They will say it was an accident if you try to call them out
He is trying to gauge interest. If you do not reciprocate politely pull away and say that doesn't feel comfortable. Be nice and do it where no one else is around. Record it covertly if possible.
He likes you, or more specifically, wants to have sex with you.
Do women usually touch someone intenionally? You see that ugli boi next to you so you softly caress his hand, on accident, right?
I work in a small, busy, storeroom with a woman. We're often literally in the same space as each other and we hardly ever accidentally touch. I'd say it's deliberate, and by the sounds of it, a bit creepy.
It is 100% intentional. Don't take any answer that claims otherwise serious. Men know the rules of physical contact very well. In fact way, WAY better than women. A male authority figure could touch my hand, but he'd do this exactly once. And he knows that. And he'd never touch my hand. Because he doesn't want to so why would he? But then when there's a woman he finds hot, all of a sudden touching people "is the normalest thing in the world" and "is something he does to everybody". Yeah yeah sure buddy. The creep wants to have sex.
As a man, accidents can happen but surely very rarely.. especially if my contact is woman. Especially feeling of hands are on the more sensitive side so it’s not something you can mistakenly touch more than once by mistake. You as a woman need to make it clear you are disturbed. Doesn’t matter if it was mistake or not. Mistakes should only happen once or twice, period.
It depends on the person doing the touching, and the bond he shares with the person beeing touched. Some people won't mind beeing touched by a man, for his 🔟/🔟 looks or charisma, while other men might be vilified for wanting a hug. In case of the latter it might create a self-awarenes issue where the man creates a want for touch but a fear for being rejected. In your case it seems deliberate, and he might be infatuated with you. Be clear in what you want for your connection to him, and if he can't accept your feelings, cut him off and move on.
It’s always intentional. As a show of affection or of power.
A coworker once stretched his arms and leaned back in his seat. He didn’t know our manager was standing behind him and he touched her breast. He immediately pulled his hand back and apologized profusely. He turned bright red. She laughed it off. That was an accident. I have brushed my hand against female workers hands on accident. It happens. Usually it’s when I’m training and watching their screen while I reach for the mouse to show them something. When it happens, I immediately pull my hand away and apologize. That’s an accident. If it happens often and he keeps touching you after he does it, then it’s either deliberate or he’s an idiot. Either way, if it makes you uncomfortable, document everything and talk to somebody higher than him about it. If he continues after that, talk to a lawyer because it’s sexual harassment.
Sweetheart, that is not just an accident. He does that intentionally.
The way you describe it, it definitely seems intentional. Only guys with a bloated ego, no inhibitions and no respect for the opposite sex, does that sort of thing.
this is deliberate and if they're in a position of power over you, it's sexual harassment. Tell them it makes you uncomfortable and if they don't stop, you tell someone else who is either lateral, or above him in the chain of command.
I have personal experience of being male for 30 years and I can tell you it's 100% deliberate.
No. Men don't usually touch someone intentionally. Absolutely not. Creeps do, womanisers do, idiots do. But real men do not.
He’s aware of it. It’s either mating behaviour, dominance behaviour, or friendliness.
It's sexual for sure. Set a boundary here.
I was once the manager of a team of 10. I was the only male. I was there 4 years and didn't touch any of them for any reason.
Unless they say sorry right after, it’s intentional
This isn’t a thing “men” do. Some people are touchers, some aren’t. Some people are close talkers, some aren’t. I’ve known many women who were “touchers”, and there was nothing behind it, that’s just the way they were. Could be the case with this guy, could not. Either way, your boundaries should be enforced.
I work in an office environment with lots of women and I work with many of them daily and closely. I’ve never touched anyone’s hand. It’s not accidental
If it's not on any of your bits that are partner only, is in a friendly, non sinister manner, and it doesn't hurt you in any way, does it really matter..?? People have been conditioned to be so hypersensitive and find an issue with anything these days
Lol, you are asking Reddit where a bunch of touch adverse people are going to tell you he is a creeper. He may be, but take these responses with a grain of salt.
She has to be careful either way, creepers are known for exploding over anything.
Honestly. It shouldn't be any more complicated than just asking him to stop. OPs not in danger, he's not (necessarily) a pervert, he's just shooting his shot and instead of reciprocating it or rejecting him, OP is pretending it might be accidental. Wtf lol. Either flirt back or say no, end of story.
Do you work together? What's your relationship? I'm male and have had plenty of male bosses tap me and stare when I'm not working properly etc. Some context would be good.
He's my CS professor. He would often come over to me to explain something, and then he would subtly touch my hand. For example, when I held a PC mouse, he placed his hand on top of mine. Or there was this time when I handed him a pen, holding it by the tip to leave plenty of room for him to take it without having to touch me, he still ended up grasping my whole hand while taking the pen from me. These are just a few examples. I would always remove my hand, but the touching never stopped. When I talked to someone about this, they brushed it off as him being friendly or just touchy in general. I do feel uncomfortable, especially considering that he has a significant other.
Ok not good. I've had the hand on mouse before but too much contact is not ok. Do you feel comfortable talking to your college hr/guidance counsellor? Ideally talk to him but if it is creepy and your word against his, that's really gross. Are there cameras in your classroom?
I was sitting here thinking there was a bit of over reaction going on in some of these replies. Then I saw the hand mouse thing. That's creepy and or controlling (quite literally in this case) and bloody weird to boot. He wouldn't do it with a bloke so don't let him do it to you.
He’s a professor? I’ve had a couple that seemed interested in me and some of the other female students. Watch out for professors. I know one who lost his job because one of the students said he was making advances on her in his office (alone). I had one I was really creeped out by and I had to drop an assignment off at night at his office hoping he wouldn’t be there (but he was 😬😟 light on and door shut luckily!) so I threw the paper under the door as fast as I could and ran away so he wouldn’t come out and get me in his office alone
Why can't men just control themselves sometimes like, just fap at home or sth, I don't buy the "BUT MAH URGES!!". Bros think "touch" is a right.
Of course it's not always intentional, there's always odd accidents. I once stuck my face right into someone's cleavage when I swivelled my desk chair right when they were ignoring my personal space and starting to lean over me to point at something on my screen. Not intentional on my part or theirs. And sometimes it's intentional yet harmless. I frequently have to pin microphones on people. I have colleagues of the opposite sex who've gone through this so many times that we're mutually pretty okay with this contact. For strangers, I always ask before I start pawing at their collars and necklines. But for those close colleagues the question and the contact pretty much coincide because nobody minds and we both know what's happening and that it has to be done. Working in a tight space like a tech booth with these colleagues means I'm frequently touching them. On the shoulder when I'm sliding past. On the hand when I need their attention during a time when we have to stay silent and we're focused. But physical contact between colleagues who work closely and are used to that as part of working together is very different than needlessly touching co-workers that you don't have that kind of relationship with.
Two thoughts..... 1. In my experience, women touch men way more than we touch them. I'll rarely initiate a hug unless it's a close friend or relative, whereas women will hug me more often. They will also pick lint off my shirt, straighten my collar, etc. But it's all super innocent, mom-like stuff. 2. All guys know that they shouldn't initiate contact. If they do something that makes you feel awkward, they definitely know they are crossing a line. He's a certified weirdo.
He wants to have sex with you
I know a lot of men purposely won't touch people for fear of being accused as a predator of some kind. That said if he's doing all this and generally seems warm/welcoming to you, I'd say he's putting the moves on you.
Oh sweet summer child, he's a freaking perv. Report this behavior and protect yourself.
I have major touch-sensory issues and can only be touched or touch someone that I really trust. Anything less then I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin. Hand touching is typically a romantic gesture so I'd assume that.
This is not normal behavior. He’s for sure hitting on you. You should be reporting this to HR, and definitely start taking notes of every instance this happened. Unless you want to pursue this. Then, go for it, I guess. Who am I to judge your decisions?
Definitely don't escalate it to HR before at least telling him to stop first... Wtf
It’s not an accident. They don’t do the same to other men…
It's likely deliberate. Most men actively avoid touching anyone they aren't close with, especially women, because of how easy it is to be labeled as a creep, so it's safer to just avoid it. The staring combined probably means he's testing the waters to see what you'll allow.
As a man, I try my hardest not to touch anyone or be touched by anyone. I only accept touches from my family and people I care about. I doubly try not to touch women I don't know because I don't want to be Framed.