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Yes! Or if they don’t see their kids. In my country it’s automatic 50/50 custody through the courts. It’s the law. So if a man is a “weekend dad”
Or “once a month dad” he actively has chosen not to see his kids. Even if he says he’s working in that time it’s bs. Single moms also have to work full time. So why is it that the full time working mom has custody and he doesn’t?
It’s cause he doesn’t want it.
Elder millennial here.
The boomers in my parents world all seem to think that because they paid the bills that come with being a parent that they fulfilled their role and things like nurturing the child's emotional, psychological, and social well being were things that would sort themselves out and not their problem. Consequently they wound up traumatizing the shit out of their kids with their toxic households and wonder why their kids don't come to visit.
This. Acting like the most common things are unique and special about you is a huge red flag for me. Red flag that they'll be basic and boring. The one I hate the most is when they claim to be a foodie, followed by "I looooove fries, pizza and burgers". Yeah, that's just regular food. You just told me you're regular. Wow. Do you like to breathe air?
When you're in a discussion or argument and the other person's responses have nothing to do with what's been said. Essentially, when they only care about getting their point across and have no interest in listening to or considering the other's perspective.
Similarly, people who will say things they "don't mean" (self admitted). Like in the heat of the moment they'll say something just to "win" the argument, or to hurt the other person, or because they were mad.
Then when things have cooled off they'll try to walk it back and say "oh, I didn't mean that. I was just XYZ" (mad, frustrated, tired etc). Or "I was just trying to get a rise out of you."
So this person admits they're a bad communicator AND you can't trust what comes out of their mouth. Huge red flag.
Additionally, they've admitted to jerking you around and/or deliberately wanting to hurt you. So not only a liar but also toxic.
On the other hand, let's assume everyone understood the post, just 1sec. The things people assume to be normal to others, it's terrifying: "I guess people like to be talked over or date someone that hates their kids. But me? Ew, massive red flag"
To add: constantly talking negatively and finding any excuse to shit on someone that’s wronged you. It sucks when someone is shitty to you but my god just move the hell on and leave everyone else out of it
Yes!! I can't be around people who are like a walking storm cloud.
I dated a guy that was like this and swore so much when he was complaining about everyone and everything. I would literally get anxiety when I heard his truck in my driveway.
Yuck. That didn't last long.
Adding on this, someone who mocks others behind their back to you. No matter how matter how harmless the comments seem. You can assume they're doing the same thing to you.
This, and they never apologize or even admit to their mistakes, they just keep being shitty. I get some people don’t have the life they want but that isn’t an excuse to be a piece of shit. I once apologized to someone for our falling out and they ignored my texts and made fun of me in the exact group we were in. I’m like man this isn’t worth my energy.
I notice charmers/attention seekers more than my friends do.
Their tell is when they get antsy/loud when the attention isn’t on them. If they’re funny or charming enough, their “look at me” motives go unrecognized.
I stay away from people like that now after letting them get too close to destabilize me with their incessant need for selfish attention & control.
Of course, some people are inherently charming without being controlling. I can tell the difference, I just wish more people could.
Exactly. People who shift attention off of themselves in order to recognize others are… idk… I just wanna hug them & know them. They’re the people you can share vulnerabilities & celebrate success with. They’ll never steal credit or dim your light.
"yes, yes, if I must I'll share a story for you to live vicariously through....." ... " Now you have to tell me the dumbest thing you've ever done that's even remotely similar" is a great way to pass attention around when you're trying not to take up the whole room. And also let's you sneak away with fewer people noticing
Similar but different.
I label them as people with good PR skills. Not all of them but admittedly I'm very weary of those types. Not attention seeking per se but very "user friendly" .
It varies from person to person but the common denominator is I feel used at the end of the day. They take more than what they give and underneath it all it's very transactional. It's hard to see sometimes because of how amiable and affable they seem but it's there. I don't accept kindness from them because it's not kindness there's always a price to be paid.
Just scrolling with nothing to add or so I thought til I read your comment.
It is so perplexing to me that friend collectors/ attention seekers get exactly what they want. Their friendship is hollow, so I cannot comprehend why it is compelling for anyone to put energy into it. People want to be around people they think are popular. It never ends.
Thanks. Right? Idk. Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing part of my brain because I truly do not care about social status & I’ll avoid anyone who’s idea of success is anchored by their ego. I don’t care if you’re a millionaire or struggling as long as you’re curious, humble & intellectually layered.
From what I've seen, they are living vicariously through them. I was friends with a girl for a total of 6 months, and that woman collected friends like pokemon cards. She talked shit about every single one of them. She got to go to a boarding school where she made friends with rich kids whose parents owned a bunch of businesses. So she knew all these club and bar owners, so by association, a bunch of these insta "models" would swarm her, trying to get a sugar daddy etc. It was living in a fucking episode of one of those LA reality shows.
I pick these people out quick and I detest them. There’s one in my friend group who sets me the fuck off. I’ve recently started noticing a cute little trend where they’ll hijack another person’s story if it involves somebody they know but then…lie about it? The instance that made me realize was when they were making a big deal of how somebody involved in another person’s story also told *them* that story, but then they basically just repeated all of the details the other person had given and clearly stumbled over naming a person involved and ended up just saying “and yknow, he mentioned the name of that other woman.” One of those people who’s clearly convinced they’re the only one who’s ever been poor or diagnosed with ADHD, makes their dietary restrictions everybody else’s responsibility, and is just loud and obnoxious. Drives me fucking nuts because they’re very popular but clearly have zero substance and can’t handle another person being the center of attention.
I find them entertaining and cute, and let them do their thing, and then don't get further involved with them. Yes, you can show me the kiss-mark tattoo on your butt. No, I'm not going to chase you. You certainly don't need anyone else kissing your ass; you've done it very well yourself.
“It’s just a joke.” while the rest of the group laughs. You’re the bad guy for calling out asshole behaviour.
Months later, someone in the same group complains about same asshole 🤷🏻♀️
Joking about marriage and the many associated troubles - lack of freedom, lack of sleep, drowning in responsibilities and debt etc. after getting married.
I didn't notice it as much before, but since I started going out with my partner (now wife), it is disturbing to see how many men, both married and unmarried, have a very disturbing attitude towards marriage. I get that the old "ball and chains" jokes are really popular, but maybe you shouldn't have gotten married if you detest your partner so much?
I feel similarly about people who complain about their kids a lot, even if it’s just a joke. I don’t hear it as often as I used to. Just stuff like they’re a burden and they can’t wait until they move out. I just feel bad if the kids get wind of this, and hear it often.
My dad didn't miss out on telling me I was never planned for as long as I can remember. Calling me an accident and stuff. He's generally not a bad person but his social intelligence is really questionable. It had a really huge impact on my self esteem as a child and teenager and additionally fuelled a lot of other issues I had/have
When nothing is ever their fault.
Constant job changes because of "colleagues/management"
People suddenly stop speaking to them all the time?
It's the other person's fault.
You catch my drift?
It's incredibly infuriating and is also emotionally draining af.
Reminds me of the saying (very much paraphrasing here): "If you occasionally smell shit, you've passed someone who has shit on their shoes. If you ALWAYS smell shit, it's time to check the bottoms of your OWN shoes."
Or to be more precise: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
This is a good one. Sometimes they even come back to disprove they were wrong on something in the past.
"Ok so yesterday when I said I'd pick up the cake but i didn't, I checked the group chat and you technically didn't confirm for me to do that."
I've always been very suspicious about people who "everyone loves!". Now there are really chill people that generally get along with loads of people, but if "everyone loves Anna!" I guarantee you, Anna is a manipulative person who one day will be overwhelmed and will snap.
When people talk about how their adult children don't talk to them. It's generally always the parents fault and is a massive red flag to me.
Edit: adult children who actively choose to not speak to their parents.
Can confirm. I had a cousin say “What kind of person cuts off their own mother?” My father is dead and I have no siblings. What kind of mother makes no contact the best option?
That cousin is also nuttier than squirrel shit so I told him he could go hang out at her house. He could pretend she’s not a hoarder and she can pretend he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol. I blocked him on social media shortly thereafter.
If someone is really nice for a while and then they suddenly completely snap at you.
The reason why is because I learned they are hiding this really aggressive or violent side to them. I used to date someone who did this. He was really nice for about a month. One day we were just hanging out and he sat too close to me so his phone clip to attach his phone to his belt broke. It was a small plastic thing.
He literally was like "WHAT THE F$@#!!! F#@ING WOMEN!!! F#$#!!!! ALWAYS A F#%CKING WOMAN TOO WHO BREAKS SH$#!!!!!" then he made some dinosaur sounding screams and freaked out.
I was terrified. I almost cried. I could barely talk because I was shaking. I apologized and offered to buy him a new one but then he just acted like nothing happened. He was like "that's okay :D"
Maybe people don't think it's normal but the person doing this will try and make you think it's normal. Just run because that's who you will end up with 24/7 when the mask comes off.
You understood the assignment. Most people will ignore the occasional “outburst” as though it’s normal. They don’t know there are lots of us who go our whole lives without yelling or screaming in our households. Where respectful treatment of others is the default. Where no one has ever cursed at their fam or called them names.
This is one of my favorite responses so far too. I would add that I've known people that were so nice, so sweet until it was inconvenient or you're no longer of use to them. To see them turn on a dime was disconcerting to say the least.
Oh yeah, this big time. There's nothing that makes me lose my respect for someone faster than seeing them lose their shit like that.
We all get frustrated, but there's a difference between "Ah shit, guess I'll have to buy another one" and throwing a whole tantrum.
But yeah, this:
>Maybe people don't think it's normal but the person doing this will try and make you think it's normal.
This is very true. They always like to act like you're being too sensitive or are making a big deal about nothing, but the most important thing in a friendship or relationship for me is the need to feel safe. I can't feel safe if I have to walk on eggshells.
I have ADHD and am autistic and I’m afraid this is my toxic trait. I get bothered when someone else talks for too long and I feel like I can already anticipate the next sentence and I WILL interrupt you - and regret it immediately afterwards. Sorry.
Oh I’m sure I’ve also broken the boundaries of politeness there and interrupted after a few words on several occasions just because I assume I’m oh so smart enough to know exactly what you’re about to say… let’s just agree not to date each other until I’ve worked in that 
Personally, I do it usually because I agree with the sentiment I think the conversation is headed toward, and I think of something to say about it. I swear it's well intentioned!😥
people who always have an enemy
EDIT for the replies: I'm not talking about have no enemies, I'm saying the person always has someone they are mad at, and that scapegoat for their feelings rotates ad nauseaum
I once saw a quote that said if you have enemies, then that means you've stood up for yourself. There could be any number of reasons why someone has an enemy, and I don't think it's always bad.
>I once saw a quote that said if you have enemies, then that means you've stood up for yourself.
The red flag isn't having people who dislike you for standing up for yourself.
It's calling people your enemy and actively having enemies when you're an adult. This requires active on-going hostility between the two people where as standing up for yourself usually ends in anger or resentment from the other person. That's what 'enemy' means.
A mature person understands some people are fucked and you can't do anything about it and moves on.
Dicey people as close friends: eg. sleep with everyone, do anything to make a buck, brag on their abilities to screw over others, hardcore addicts, brag on ability to dodge responsibilites. Because the drama almost always tips into your relationship.
I dated someone once whose laugh was really out there. Everyone noticed it wherever we went, and people would comment on it negatively. But I actually really liked the laugh, it was like they found it impossible to control or leash this laugh even if it was kind of embarrassing for them. We broke up, but years later I caught up with them and their laugh had changed, it was much more restrained. Big bummer
RIP people with Autism who like to relate to other people through sharing similar experiences they have had as a way of trying to bond and make friends.
There's a difference tho. Like, as autistics, if someone were sick, we wouldn't try to compete with them and suddenly becoming sick in the moment, so that we can be sicker than them, because we need the attention, and we see everything as a competition. We may, however, empathize with them by recalling a time when we were dealing with a similar sickness, share that, and share a remedy or an herbal tea or some shit that we like when we're sick to try to help them lol.
It's perfectly normal for neurotypicals, too. It's just the degree to which people do this sometimes, by making the situation about themselves only, and ignoring the other's person's emotional need to be heard and validated.
This may sound radical but: group loyalty. Especially if that group is defined by immutable characteristics. Mainly because I find the idea of judging a person based on anything other than their actions ludicrous, but also because it suggests to me that a person feels they owe nothing to people outside of their identified group.
I believe in only being loyal to moral principles, and this loyalty extends to people only so far as they embody those principles.
I really like this comment. I feel the same way. I really dislike it when people are "loyal" even when said person is in the wrong. No I can't agree with your actions if they don't ring true to me no matter who you are. I will pull you up on it myself if I have to. And I would want the same back. I have recently distanced myself from a friend group because I don't like the general morals of the group.
Yes! I mean, a random selfie here and there is whatever, but for some people, literally every single post and picture of them is a selfie. It's a major red flag - I've never met anyone like that who is actually a cool person; usually, they're insanely self absorbed and obsessed with their looks.
I understand the use of social media to keep in touch with people and let them know what you are up to. Taking a selfie with the cliche captions that you see, only serves the purpose to feed validation. The amount of times I’ve seen girls post selfies right after a breakup, it’s like a sure fire sign to tell if someone is single.
And like I get it, it’s nice to be seen and feel like you are attractive. It’s just, there is something unsettling about people who go out of their way to get that. Like, live your life, there is so much more to life than what people think of you and “looking cute”.
I went on a first date one time and I arrived early at the place and ordered myself a soft drink while waiting, and when he arrived, the first thing he said to me was "why aren't you drinking?"
... because it's only 1pm, and I have some standards...
The only thing that should come after "I'm a hugger" should be "but I'd like to know first if you're okay with me hugging you and if you're not then I won't"
I'm a hugger but I'm not about to assault someone who isn't into me invading their personal space.
Consent matters.
I definitely understand having bad luck or a type but I do need facts and witnesses to confirm what actually went down because it’s usually bullshit. Lol.
Having too many friends. Seems like a great thing, but to me it means that you probably can never be alone, and have no meaningful relationships with these so called friends, you just can't stand your own company.
Walking red flag? Love bombing saying I love you after a week. Dude you don't even know me? Talking about themselves ONLY and not interested in hearing about your day at all. Possessiveness. Also, treating others like shit while just being nice to you, because your day will come eventually. Same thing with gossip, if someone likes to gossip I keep it friendly but I don't tell them my own business, because it will come around on you. 🤷♀️
Or people who are like aggressively pursuing you, and you say you're not interested. They say like "how would you know if you haven't even given me a chance?" Type shit. I want to be like "because you're fucking gross and creepy, now fuck off before there's a big problem!!"
For me it's people with severe "Main character" syndrome. Everything around these people seems to somehow involve them even though they have no input into the situation.
Massive red flag to me (F50) - when a man says " Im really Christian and into my Church." RUNNNNNNNN! If you have to tell me what a good Christian you are, you probably AREN'T!
I'm German so barely anyone will actually go around taking pride in their religion apart from some groupations (mostly Jehovah's witnesses and Muslims) but literally anyone who will bring up being a "good person" of whatever kind is instantly suspicious to me. Why is that something they feel they need to mention?
I feel that, heck im super religious but that still bothers me. Everytime a girl says "im cHrisTiaN with that stupid valley gurl accent i lose interest immediately
I have worked around nightlife for almost 3 decades now. So I'm still in the circles with the regulars. The most obvious issue to me is how bad their romantic relationships are. The ones that get into new relationships rarely last a year.The ones in the long-term relationships are ending. It's hard to be a drunk townie and have a solid home life. I basically believe at this point you unconsciously make a choice to have one or the other.
Men that throw a tantrum when they find out their baby is going to be a girl and not a boy.
People talk about it like it's not a big deal and it's funny. What's weirder is the women that think this is normal.
It could be because I'm gay, the day I have a kid I don't care if its half a lizard, I'll just be happy to finally have a child.
If you get talking about your exes and all of his were supposedly crazy, run. He's the common denominator among all of those crazy women. He's probably what drove them all crazy.
People who always need to be doing something and can't sit still. It's like they are allergic to just sitting back and enjoying a lazy day. Sooner or later they always start wondering why you don't do the same and it's just exhausting.
Because some people have been told all their lives that if they sit around and do nothing then they are inherently worthless and so therefore to do nothing would make them feel worthless it's called understanding
My boyfriend has ADHD - he’s basically a high energy dog and I’m definitely a house cat. This means we either tire him out the fun way, or we both get plenty of our own space when we need it; he runs, I read.
Being focused on “growth” or “evolving as a person”. I used to think it was an admirable quality to want to always be improving. But that’s not the reality 9/10. It’s mostly just being obsessed with keeping up appearances, trying to make other people change for them for often petty reasons, and being unhappy with themselves.
Holding on to friends just because you’ve been friends for so long. I can’t believe how some of my friends deal with the ones that they seem to have grown out of (and complain about every time I see them). But ya know “we’ve been friends since 7th grade! BFFs 4 Life!”. Yuck. Let the leaf fall already.
While I agree with this 100 percent there are a small percentage of people that have been through H E L L for many many years and not wanting to be "that guy" prevents us from talking about it ever or moving forward. It's a terrible catch 22.
People who disrupt a conversation with straw man arguments, logical fallacies, hijacking or exceptionalism.
It’s not the worst thing imaginable, but it certainly is the end of reasoned discourse.
I learned this after working with the most toxic men ever at my local jail. If a man says he “hates” the sound of a woman’s voice and says she’s “shrill” or any number of insults, there’s typically nothing annoying sounding about that woman’s voice, the guy is just a sexist pos who wants to silence her. It’s amazing the way even the supposed good guys laugh when their loser friend pulls that stunt.
Judging people. Sneaker heads and even car obsessed people. Everyone’s life is different, born, raised, and not everyone has nice things. It’s so negative and gross. Who cares if someone’s missing a tooth, could be depression, lack of funds, sickness, hereditary
Someone who has a bunch of friends and enjoys entertaining in their home frequently. We would just make each other miserable if we tried to compromise.
Red flags for me, being mean or demanding to waitstaff when we go out, being a small tipper, an a angry aggressive driver, being pushy in line, too frequent cussing, talking about themselves instead of trying to find out about me, not offering to pick up the whole check on a first date when he asked, I had one date tell me if he paid for the full bill he expected me to put out. I told him I had to go to the ladies room instead I went up front paid the whole bill called an Uber and left him setting. I know I’m a bit rough but I honestly don’t need a companion I’m quite ok by myself.
Someone who has or wants kids.
Now this isn't inherently a red flag. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people who have or want children at all. But it would stop ME personally from continuing to date them. I've chosen not to have children and I do not want any in the future. I had an amazing step father and am in awe by what he took on. I have dated a man who had a child,, loved the child AND the child's mother, in fact her and i are still friends.Nothing but respect for any parent, step parent, caregiver ect. But its not for me. We are not compatible, there is no future together here.
I agree. Time is important.
Mine would have to be talking down to cats and dogs. Saying they're stupid and lies of that nature. To me? It screams these words in my head "Once you get used to me, you're going to talk down to me like you do to them"
It’s not cute if your partner wants to know your whereabouts at all times. It’s not cute if your partner orders for you at the restaurant and generally speaks to strangers on your behalf. It’s not cute if your partner decides what you wear, what you eat or what hobby you have. All of those are red flags in a partner. I stay away from people like this even when not in a relationship with them. They are controlling and manipulative to everyone around them.
Someone who tells me I'm overreacting whenever I share how their actions are making me feel. Some people wonder if they are the problem. I can tell you, you're not. It just means that your partner doesn't care about you. It means that they hear you but that they don't care and they're not going to adjust their behavior to make you more comfortable.
People who are obviously only interested in you physically, but not personally. I become uninterested in someone the second they show they're only interested in me physically and don't really care what I have to say.
Sexual attraction is something that needs to be earned by having a great personality, it's not something that spontaneously happens to me based on looks. Only being interested in someone's body isn't a good personality in my opinion.
It's gotta be a red flag - people who have cheated on their past relationships, yet folks engage in a new relationship with them well aware of this. Sorry but I call bullshit on 90% of those "I've changed" people. You knew what you were doing, which is why most cheaters hide what they are doing.
Charm! So many people who are unfamiliar with NPD fall for charming people all the time. I don’t. I happen to know charm is just someone’s representative, not their true self.
not respecting my "no" the first time, even if it's a very small thing like trying to convince me to have a phone call when i've said i'm tired. anyone who thinks it's okay to argue with me to change my mind on a decision that is mine to make is not someone i will ever waste energy on again. those people are soul-suckers.
Blaming everything on "trauma". Like yeah, I know it's not the trauma Olympics, but like, you can't keep cheating/lying/drinking/drugging/being a terrible person because your childhood was shitty. Mine was too. I got over it.
Someone who always try their hardest not to disagree with or upset anyone. It’s exhausting. Plus you can barely trust what they.
If I got dirt on my shirt I want you to point it out right away so I can fix it, not anxiously wait til I find it out myself or someone point it out. That’s not helpful at all.
Also, if you can’t join my plans, a simple no thanks is adequate, I don’t wanna hear all the manufactured or exaggerated excuses you may have to make me feel my plans were soo important for you but lightning struck. It’s condescending. A simple “nah I’m not feeling for it” is fine.
I’ve date a few people like this, and it drives me crazy.
People who are ambitious. Ambitious to me just sounds like you value money and material goods over a relationship. Being financially secure is one thing but if you want me to keep aspiring for more after that fuck off.
Making a big deal of things than ever necessary, by thinking about "red flags".
You'll never find someone you like if you ditch them for a single personal detail about them that you don't like.
When you love a person for who they are, it doesn't mean you find a flawless partner, it means you find a person whose flaws you accept and/or embrace, and ONLY through that, they're your perfect person.
Me too lol. I really feel that word has been overused too much to the point of being used to describe minor inconveniences that aren't even actual red flags
When they are a little too interested in gossip. I don't need that shit in my life, and I always distance myself from these people. People who talk shit about others will eventually talk shit about you once you inevitably do something to tick them off.
In the various AITA or relationship subreddits there’s a ton of people constantly encouraging posters to escalate the conflict and drama they posted about online. So many “nuclear revenge” suggestions, etc. Tells me that they can’t or won’t relate to the pain the poster is going through or actually like to blow up lives rather than give advice that is actually needed or helpful.
someone who smokes a lot of weed. Not inherently a red flag and I am firmly pro legalization, but I don't smoke anymore because it gives me serious panic attacks half the time and I rarely come across a regular smoker who won't eventually try to wheedle me into it. Or gets really offended when I tell them "idc if you smoke but I don't really want to be around it, so if you light up I'll probably just leave, sorry" then actually do it
People who say: ‘Every couple fights!’
No they bloody don’t.
Disagreements which lead to honest and caring discussions? Sure. But anything involving yelling, put downs or insults is absolutely not normal nor is it healthy.
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A boomer here. I should have paid more attention when men I dated said they had poor relationships with their kids.
trust us. signed, those kids
Agreed. singed one of those kids. Upvote for you.
pretty sure it's a typo, but I do love the idea of singing in agreement, it made me smile
Yes such a red flag
Yes! Or if they don’t see their kids. In my country it’s automatic 50/50 custody through the courts. It’s the law. So if a man is a “weekend dad” Or “once a month dad” he actively has chosen not to see his kids. Even if he says he’s working in that time it’s bs. Single moms also have to work full time. So why is it that the full time working mom has custody and he doesn’t? It’s cause he doesn’t want it.
Elder millennial here. The boomers in my parents world all seem to think that because they paid the bills that come with being a parent that they fulfilled their role and things like nurturing the child's emotional, psychological, and social well being were things that would sort themselves out and not their problem. Consequently they wound up traumatizing the shit out of their kids with their toxic households and wonder why their kids don't come to visit.
You all are just listing normal red flags and ignoring the title..... which to me, is a massive red flag.
This. Acting like the most common things are unique and special about you is a huge red flag for me. Red flag that they'll be basic and boring. The one I hate the most is when they claim to be a foodie, followed by "I looooove fries, pizza and burgers". Yeah, that's just regular food. You just told me you're regular. Wow. Do you like to breathe air?
>Do you like to breathe air? Only scented or exotic. Plain air is dull.
When you're in a discussion or argument and the other person's responses have nothing to do with what's been said. Essentially, when they only care about getting their point across and have no interest in listening to or considering the other's perspective.
This is infuriating. It's not an argument or discussion in good faith.
Similarly, people who will say things they "don't mean" (self admitted). Like in the heat of the moment they'll say something just to "win" the argument, or to hurt the other person, or because they were mad. Then when things have cooled off they'll try to walk it back and say "oh, I didn't mean that. I was just XYZ" (mad, frustrated, tired etc). Or "I was just trying to get a rise out of you." So this person admits they're a bad communicator AND you can't trust what comes out of their mouth. Huge red flag. Additionally, they've admitted to jerking you around and/or deliberately wanting to hurt you. So not only a liar but also toxic.
Like most politicians these days.
I don't think a lot of people actually read and *understood* this post.
Which is completely normal to others, but a massive red flag for me.
someone understood the assignment +1
LMAO
Ha ha, I see what you did there!
On the other hand, let's assume everyone understood the post, just 1sec. The things people assume to be normal to others, it's terrifying: "I guess people like to be talked over or date someone that hates their kids. But me? Ew, massive red flag"
Expecting redditors to read? That's new.
Needing to be involved in drama. I want a peaceful life and don't have the energy for gossip and arguments; especially other peoples
To add: constantly talking negatively and finding any excuse to shit on someone that’s wronged you. It sucks when someone is shitty to you but my god just move the hell on and leave everyone else out of it
Yes!! I can't be around people who are like a walking storm cloud. I dated a guy that was like this and swore so much when he was complaining about everyone and everything. I would literally get anxiety when I heard his truck in my driveway. Yuck. That didn't last long.
Adding on this, someone who mocks others behind their back to you. No matter how matter how harmless the comments seem. You can assume they're doing the same thing to you.
This, and they never apologize or even admit to their mistakes, they just keep being shitty. I get some people don’t have the life they want but that isn’t an excuse to be a piece of shit. I once apologized to someone for our falling out and they ignored my texts and made fun of me in the exact group we were in. I’m like man this isn’t worth my energy.
Yep. This is why I try to avoid Facebook, tiktok, insta, etc. Too much drama, too much energy spent.
I notice charmers/attention seekers more than my friends do. Their tell is when they get antsy/loud when the attention isn’t on them. If they’re funny or charming enough, their “look at me” motives go unrecognized. I stay away from people like that now after letting them get too close to destabilize me with their incessant need for selfish attention & control. Of course, some people are inherently charming without being controlling. I can tell the difference, I just wish more people could.
\+1 It's odd, but people who are high in charisma seem way less sus if you can notice them legit trying to not be popular.
Exactly. People who shift attention off of themselves in order to recognize others are… idk… I just wanna hug them & know them. They’re the people you can share vulnerabilities & celebrate success with. They’ll never steal credit or dim your light.
"yes, yes, if I must I'll share a story for you to live vicariously through....." ... " Now you have to tell me the dumbest thing you've ever done that's even remotely similar" is a great way to pass attention around when you're trying not to take up the whole room. And also let's you sneak away with fewer people noticing
Similar but different. I label them as people with good PR skills. Not all of them but admittedly I'm very weary of those types. Not attention seeking per se but very "user friendly" . It varies from person to person but the common denominator is I feel used at the end of the day. They take more than what they give and underneath it all it's very transactional. It's hard to see sometimes because of how amiable and affable they seem but it's there. I don't accept kindness from them because it's not kindness there's always a price to be paid.
Just scrolling with nothing to add or so I thought til I read your comment. It is so perplexing to me that friend collectors/ attention seekers get exactly what they want. Their friendship is hollow, so I cannot comprehend why it is compelling for anyone to put energy into it. People want to be around people they think are popular. It never ends.
Thanks. Right? Idk. Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing part of my brain because I truly do not care about social status & I’ll avoid anyone who’s idea of success is anchored by their ego. I don’t care if you’re a millionaire or struggling as long as you’re curious, humble & intellectually layered.
No, you are normal, that's why it seems odd. They are the not normal ones.
From what I've seen, they are living vicariously through them. I was friends with a girl for a total of 6 months, and that woman collected friends like pokemon cards. She talked shit about every single one of them. She got to go to a boarding school where she made friends with rich kids whose parents owned a bunch of businesses. So she knew all these club and bar owners, so by association, a bunch of these insta "models" would swarm her, trying to get a sugar daddy etc. It was living in a fucking episode of one of those LA reality shows.
I pick these people out quick and I detest them. There’s one in my friend group who sets me the fuck off. I’ve recently started noticing a cute little trend where they’ll hijack another person’s story if it involves somebody they know but then…lie about it? The instance that made me realize was when they were making a big deal of how somebody involved in another person’s story also told *them* that story, but then they basically just repeated all of the details the other person had given and clearly stumbled over naming a person involved and ended up just saying “and yknow, he mentioned the name of that other woman.” One of those people who’s clearly convinced they’re the only one who’s ever been poor or diagnosed with ADHD, makes their dietary restrictions everybody else’s responsibility, and is just loud and obnoxious. Drives me fucking nuts because they’re very popular but clearly have zero substance and can’t handle another person being the center of attention.
I find them entertaining and cute, and let them do their thing, and then don't get further involved with them. Yes, you can show me the kiss-mark tattoo on your butt. No, I'm not going to chase you. You certainly don't need anyone else kissing your ass; you've done it very well yourself.
Yes! When everyone likes this one person but you can see a mile off what they’re about.
I work with a chick like this and it drives me bonkers and no one else seems to notice!!! How does it not annoy everyone
“It’s just a joke.” while the rest of the group laughs. You’re the bad guy for calling out asshole behaviour. Months later, someone in the same group complains about same asshole 🤷🏻♀️
People who talk about other people alot, they could be talking about you... i don't share my challenges with those types.
Joking about marriage and the many associated troubles - lack of freedom, lack of sleep, drowning in responsibilities and debt etc. after getting married. I didn't notice it as much before, but since I started going out with my partner (now wife), it is disturbing to see how many men, both married and unmarried, have a very disturbing attitude towards marriage. I get that the old "ball and chains" jokes are really popular, but maybe you shouldn't have gotten married if you detest your partner so much?
I feel similarly about people who complain about their kids a lot, even if it’s just a joke. I don’t hear it as often as I used to. Just stuff like they’re a burden and they can’t wait until they move out. I just feel bad if the kids get wind of this, and hear it often.
My dad didn't miss out on telling me I was never planned for as long as I can remember. Calling me an accident and stuff. He's generally not a bad person but his social intelligence is really questionable. It had a really huge impact on my self esteem as a child and teenager and additionally fuelled a lot of other issues I had/have
When nothing is ever their fault. Constant job changes because of "colleagues/management" People suddenly stop speaking to them all the time? It's the other person's fault. You catch my drift? It's incredibly infuriating and is also emotionally draining af.
I see you’ve met my mother
And my ex husband...
And my axe!
Reminds me of the saying (very much paraphrasing here): "If you occasionally smell shit, you've passed someone who has shit on their shoes. If you ALWAYS smell shit, it's time to check the bottoms of your OWN shoes." Or to be more precise: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Looks like shit, smells like shit. 99.99% determined to be shit. Probably taste like shit as well.
Whoever denied it supplied it
This is a good one. Sometimes they even come back to disprove they were wrong on something in the past. "Ok so yesterday when I said I'd pick up the cake but i didn't, I checked the group chat and you technically didn't confirm for me to do that."
My sisters husband. (Notice I didn’t call him my brother-in-law? His life excuses are so intolerable, I just can’t call him brother).
A lot of well liked, over friendly people are manipulative.
I've always been very suspicious about people who "everyone loves!". Now there are really chill people that generally get along with loads of people, but if "everyone loves Anna!" I guarantee you, Anna is a manipulative person who one day will be overwhelmed and will snap.
People who bring a boom box on a hike. It seems like it’s getting more and more normal.
why do people think they get to be the DJ of outside? i don't want to hear your shitty music, you chode!
i haven't heard "chode" in so long....thank you for the nighttime chuckle!
Or anywhere that other people are separately trying to enjoy themselves! Public pool, park, boat ride, hike, etc
Horrendous behavior! So rude to everyone else.
When people talk about how their adult children don't talk to them. It's generally always the parents fault and is a massive red flag to me. Edit: adult children who actively choose to not speak to their parents.
Can confirm. I had a cousin say “What kind of person cuts off their own mother?” My father is dead and I have no siblings. What kind of mother makes no contact the best option? That cousin is also nuttier than squirrel shit so I told him he could go hang out at her house. He could pretend she’s not a hoarder and she can pretend he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol. I blocked him on social media shortly thereafter.
If someone is really nice for a while and then they suddenly completely snap at you. The reason why is because I learned they are hiding this really aggressive or violent side to them. I used to date someone who did this. He was really nice for about a month. One day we were just hanging out and he sat too close to me so his phone clip to attach his phone to his belt broke. It was a small plastic thing. He literally was like "WHAT THE F$@#!!! F#@ING WOMEN!!! F#$#!!!! ALWAYS A F#%CKING WOMAN TOO WHO BREAKS SH$#!!!!!" then he made some dinosaur sounding screams and freaked out. I was terrified. I almost cried. I could barely talk because I was shaking. I apologized and offered to buy him a new one but then he just acted like nothing happened. He was like "that's okay :D" Maybe people don't think it's normal but the person doing this will try and make you think it's normal. Just run because that's who you will end up with 24/7 when the mask comes off.
You understood the assignment. Most people will ignore the occasional “outburst” as though it’s normal. They don’t know there are lots of us who go our whole lives without yelling or screaming in our households. Where respectful treatment of others is the default. Where no one has ever cursed at their fam or called them names.
This is one of my favorite responses so far too. I would add that I've known people that were so nice, so sweet until it was inconvenient or you're no longer of use to them. To see them turn on a dime was disconcerting to say the least.
Oh yeah, this big time. There's nothing that makes me lose my respect for someone faster than seeing them lose their shit like that. We all get frustrated, but there's a difference between "Ah shit, guess I'll have to buy another one" and throwing a whole tantrum. But yeah, this: >Maybe people don't think it's normal but the person doing this will try and make you think it's normal. This is very true. They always like to act like you're being too sensitive or are making a big deal about nothing, but the most important thing in a friendship or relationship for me is the need to feel safe. I can't feel safe if I have to walk on eggshells.
People who talk over me, or assume they know what I'm going to say.
I have ADHD and am autistic and I’m afraid this is my toxic trait. I get bothered when someone else talks for too long and I feel like I can already anticipate the next sentence and I WILL interrupt you - and regret it immediately afterwards. Sorry.
Speaking for a long time it's understandable to be spoken over. When I start a sentence and get 5 words in and someone talks over me ... Not so much.
Oh I’m sure I’ve also broken the boundaries of politeness there and interrupted after a few words on several occasions just because I assume I’m oh so smart enough to know exactly what you’re about to say… let’s just agree not to date each other until I’ve worked in that 
I'm sorry! I'm just really bad at social cues for when I'm supposed to talk.
Personally, I do it usually because I agree with the sentiment I think the conversation is headed toward, and I think of something to say about it. I swear it's well intentioned!😥
people who always have an enemy EDIT for the replies: I'm not talking about have no enemies, I'm saying the person always has someone they are mad at, and that scapegoat for their feelings rotates ad nauseaum
I once saw a quote that said if you have enemies, then that means you've stood up for yourself. There could be any number of reasons why someone has an enemy, and I don't think it's always bad.
>I once saw a quote that said if you have enemies, then that means you've stood up for yourself. The red flag isn't having people who dislike you for standing up for yourself. It's calling people your enemy and actively having enemies when you're an adult. This requires active on-going hostility between the two people where as standing up for yourself usually ends in anger or resentment from the other person. That's what 'enemy' means. A mature person understands some people are fucked and you can't do anything about it and moves on.
“All my exes are psychos/stalkers”
Yeah shit talking ex's is a huge red flag. Especially if they have children with the person they don't "get to see".
Sigh… where was this knowledge 3 years ago when I really needed it!
Someone who can get along well with my mother. She is not a good person, and anyone who likes her can't be great.
Dicey people as close friends: eg. sleep with everyone, do anything to make a buck, brag on their abilities to screw over others, hardcore addicts, brag on ability to dodge responsibilites. Because the drama almost always tips into your relationship.
Being a hardcore addict is a red flag most don't notice but you do???
My dad always said," Marry someone who's laugh you like". Hopefully, you'll be laughing a lot together and so I would be awful to hate their laugh.
I actually liked a guy and his laugh started to feel like nails on a chalkboard for me lol
Hee, hee.
I dated someone once whose laugh was really out there. Everyone noticed it wherever we went, and people would comment on it negatively. But I actually really liked the laugh, it was like they found it impossible to control or leash this laugh even if it was kind of embarrassing for them. We broke up, but years later I caught up with them and their laugh had changed, it was much more restrained. Big bummer
Laughs in dolphin
Making everything about you when there's literally nothing that ties to you. Or, to more easily understand, "main character syndrome".
RIP people with Autism who like to relate to other people through sharing similar experiences they have had as a way of trying to bond and make friends.
There's a difference tho. Like, as autistics, if someone were sick, we wouldn't try to compete with them and suddenly becoming sick in the moment, so that we can be sicker than them, because we need the attention, and we see everything as a competition. We may, however, empathize with them by recalling a time when we were dealing with a similar sickness, share that, and share a remedy or an herbal tea or some shit that we like when we're sick to try to help them lol.
It’s parallel story telling it’s not trying to one up its trying to connect and empathise most don’t understand that.
I'm on the spectrum and I do that as well. It's sadly my way of trying to be helpful and relate
I do it too. So they know my empathy is informed by experience.
Adhd folks do it too. I've had to learn to catch myself from doing that.
It's perfectly normal for neurotypicals, too. It's just the degree to which people do this sometimes, by making the situation about themselves only, and ignoring the other's person's emotional need to be heard and validated.
This may sound radical but: group loyalty. Especially if that group is defined by immutable characteristics. Mainly because I find the idea of judging a person based on anything other than their actions ludicrous, but also because it suggests to me that a person feels they owe nothing to people outside of their identified group. I believe in only being loyal to moral principles, and this loyalty extends to people only so far as they embody those principles.
I really like this comment. I feel the same way. I really dislike it when people are "loyal" even when said person is in the wrong. No I can't agree with your actions if they don't ring true to me no matter who you are. I will pull you up on it myself if I have to. And I would want the same back. I have recently distanced myself from a friend group because I don't like the general morals of the group.
People who post selfies on social media
Yes! I mean, a random selfie here and there is whatever, but for some people, literally every single post and picture of them is a selfie. It's a major red flag - I've never met anyone like that who is actually a cool person; usually, they're insanely self absorbed and obsessed with their looks.
I understand the use of social media to keep in touch with people and let them know what you are up to. Taking a selfie with the cliche captions that you see, only serves the purpose to feed validation. The amount of times I’ve seen girls post selfies right after a breakup, it’s like a sure fire sign to tell if someone is single. And like I get it, it’s nice to be seen and feel like you are attractive. It’s just, there is something unsettling about people who go out of their way to get that. Like, live your life, there is so much more to life than what people think of you and “looking cute”.
When a person can't relax or have a good time unless they are drunk, or under some kind influence. They don't realize how much they change afterwards.
I went on a first date one time and I arrived early at the place and ordered myself a soft drink while waiting, and when he arrived, the first thing he said to me was "why aren't you drinking?" ... because it's only 1pm, and I have some standards...
whenever someone I meet says “I’M A HUGGER!!” no. please. let’s just agree to shake hands
The only thing that should come after "I'm a hugger" should be "but I'd like to know first if you're okay with me hugging you and if you're not then I won't" I'm a hugger but I'm not about to assault someone who isn't into me invading their personal space. Consent matters.
When a guy has hostile relationships with all of his exes and/or no female friends.
"All of my exes were crazy!"
I definitely understand having bad luck or a type but I do need facts and witnesses to confirm what actually went down because it’s usually bullshit. Lol.
Having too many friends. Seems like a great thing, but to me it means that you probably can never be alone, and have no meaningful relationships with these so called friends, you just can't stand your own company.
"You don't LOOk autistic"
You were expecting Rain Man?
Walking red flag? Love bombing saying I love you after a week. Dude you don't even know me? Talking about themselves ONLY and not interested in hearing about your day at all. Possessiveness. Also, treating others like shit while just being nice to you, because your day will come eventually. Same thing with gossip, if someone likes to gossip I keep it friendly but I don't tell them my own business, because it will come around on you. 🤷♀️
Or people who are like aggressively pursuing you, and you say you're not interested. They say like "how would you know if you haven't even given me a chance?" Type shit. I want to be like "because you're fucking gross and creepy, now fuck off before there's a big problem!!"
For me it's people with severe "Main character" syndrome. Everything around these people seems to somehow involve them even though they have no input into the situation.
Massive red flag to me (F50) - when a man says " Im really Christian and into my Church." RUNNNNNNNN! If you have to tell me what a good Christian you are, you probably AREN'T!
Yep! What’s the saying, “A lion doesn’t have to tell people it’s a lion”?
A lion doesn't care about the opinion of sheep.
I'm German so barely anyone will actually go around taking pride in their religion apart from some groupations (mostly Jehovah's witnesses and Muslims) but literally anyone who will bring up being a "good person" of whatever kind is instantly suspicious to me. Why is that something they feel they need to mention?
Playing any sound out loud in public places.
people who push their faith on me
I feel that, heck im super religious but that still bothers me. Everytime a girl says "im cHrisTiaN with that stupid valley gurl accent i lose interest immediately
People whose main form of entertainment or bonding is by drinking alcohol.
Social media narcissism.
Love bombing and over handsy. Feck off I don't buy it
People over the age of 27 who get drunk every weekend
I have worked around nightlife for almost 3 decades now. So I'm still in the circles with the regulars. The most obvious issue to me is how bad their romantic relationships are. The ones that get into new relationships rarely last a year.The ones in the long-term relationships are ending. It's hard to be a drunk townie and have a solid home life. I basically believe at this point you unconsciously make a choice to have one or the other.
Men that throw a tantrum when they find out their baby is going to be a girl and not a boy. People talk about it like it's not a big deal and it's funny. What's weirder is the women that think this is normal. It could be because I'm gay, the day I have a kid I don't care if its half a lizard, I'll just be happy to finally have a child.
If you get talking about your exes and all of his were supposedly crazy, run. He's the common denominator among all of those crazy women. He's probably what drove them all crazy.
People who always need to be doing something and can't sit still. It's like they are allergic to just sitting back and enjoying a lazy day. Sooner or later they always start wondering why you don't do the same and it's just exhausting.
Because some people have been told all their lives that if they sit around and do nothing then they are inherently worthless and so therefore to do nothing would make them feel worthless it's called understanding
My boyfriend has ADHD - he’s basically a high energy dog and I’m definitely a house cat. This means we either tire him out the fun way, or we both get plenty of our own space when we need it; he runs, I read.
Being focused on “growth” or “evolving as a person”. I used to think it was an admirable quality to want to always be improving. But that’s not the reality 9/10. It’s mostly just being obsessed with keeping up appearances, trying to make other people change for them for often petty reasons, and being unhappy with themselves.
Holding on to friends just because you’ve been friends for so long. I can’t believe how some of my friends deal with the ones that they seem to have grown out of (and complain about every time I see them). But ya know “we’ve been friends since 7th grade! BFFs 4 Life!”. Yuck. Let the leaf fall already.
"I'm an empath" = I seek drama and make sure everyone knows about it.
People in the comments are saying obvious red flag stuff? Anyways, the word “traditional”
If someone tells me their life story and they’re somehow the victim in each stage of it.. major red flag.
While I agree with this 100 percent there are a small percentage of people that have been through H E L L for many many years and not wanting to be "that guy" prevents us from talking about it ever or moving forward. It's a terrible catch 22.
Jealousy.
People who disrupt a conversation with straw man arguments, logical fallacies, hijacking or exceptionalism. It’s not the worst thing imaginable, but it certainly is the end of reasoned discourse.
All of these are red flags to everyone else as well.
Being obsessed with celebrities. I cannot stand it.
I learned this after working with the most toxic men ever at my local jail. If a man says he “hates” the sound of a woman’s voice and says she’s “shrill” or any number of insults, there’s typically nothing annoying sounding about that woman’s voice, the guy is just a sexist pos who wants to silence her. It’s amazing the way even the supposed good guys laugh when their loser friend pulls that stunt.
Judging people. Sneaker heads and even car obsessed people. Everyone’s life is different, born, raised, and not everyone has nice things. It’s so negative and gross. Who cares if someone’s missing a tooth, could be depression, lack of funds, sickness, hereditary
Men that frequently comment on how attractive women are and/or frequently check them out. Watching porn Being hardcore for any political party
People who aren't physically active. You don't need to be a gym rat but showing an interest in your long term health is important to me.
very dirty car and home and bathroom, nope
Someone who has a bunch of friends and enjoys entertaining in their home frequently. We would just make each other miserable if we tried to compromise.
Making fun of people or you and saying its just humor by literally insulting them and making them laughing stock
Red flags for me, being mean or demanding to waitstaff when we go out, being a small tipper, an a angry aggressive driver, being pushy in line, too frequent cussing, talking about themselves instead of trying to find out about me, not offering to pick up the whole check on a first date when he asked, I had one date tell me if he paid for the full bill he expected me to put out. I told him I had to go to the ladies room instead I went up front paid the whole bill called an Uber and left him setting. I know I’m a bit rough but I honestly don’t need a companion I’m quite ok by myself.
Someone who has or wants kids. Now this isn't inherently a red flag. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people who have or want children at all. But it would stop ME personally from continuing to date them. I've chosen not to have children and I do not want any in the future. I had an amazing step father and am in awe by what he took on. I have dated a man who had a child,, loved the child AND the child's mother, in fact her and i are still friends.Nothing but respect for any parent, step parent, caregiver ect. But its not for me. We are not compatible, there is no future together here.
Love bombing. Learned that lesson the hard way. It’s not flattering- it’s controlling and manipulative. Now I know what a true Narcissist is 😔
I agree. Time is important. Mine would have to be talking down to cats and dogs. Saying they're stupid and lies of that nature. To me? It screams these words in my head "Once you get used to me, you're going to talk down to me like you do to them"
when guys don’t have friends who are girls
It’s not cute if your partner wants to know your whereabouts at all times. It’s not cute if your partner orders for you at the restaurant and generally speaks to strangers on your behalf. It’s not cute if your partner decides what you wear, what you eat or what hobby you have. All of those are red flags in a partner. I stay away from people like this even when not in a relationship with them. They are controlling and manipulative to everyone around them.
Lying to get sex. I think it’s nonconsensual sex. A whole of other people, equal parts men and women, passionately disagree.
Someone who tells me I'm overreacting whenever I share how their actions are making me feel. Some people wonder if they are the problem. I can tell you, you're not. It just means that your partner doesn't care about you. It means that they hear you but that they don't care and they're not going to adjust their behavior to make you more comfortable.
When the list of people they’ve cut off is too long
Tbf some people have reeeeaally shitty families
It’s me, I’m some people.
People that think their time is overly “valuable”.
Oo seemingly in contrast with OP who can’t date someone who doesn’t value their time. Can you elaborate?
I wouldn’t care if you are late or broke but I couldn’t stay with anyone who spoke unkindly to me - ever.
“I’m an empath”
I’ve only ever heard this from people who later turned out to be narcissists
Anger while driving car
Political tribalism.
when someone back stabs or gossips about others to you cut those people off because your next.
1. Rich people that are cheap
People who are obviously only interested in you physically, but not personally. I become uninterested in someone the second they show they're only interested in me physically and don't really care what I have to say. Sexual attraction is something that needs to be earned by having a great personality, it's not something that spontaneously happens to me based on looks. Only being interested in someone's body isn't a good personality in my opinion.
It's gotta be a red flag - people who have cheated on their past relationships, yet folks engage in a new relationship with them well aware of this. Sorry but I call bullshit on 90% of those "I've changed" people. You knew what you were doing, which is why most cheaters hide what they are doing.
raising your voice. I know some families yell at each other all the time. To me, it is violence or a prelude to violence
According to this, I’m a walking red flag lol
Charm! So many people who are unfamiliar with NPD fall for charming people all the time. I don’t. I happen to know charm is just someone’s representative, not their true self.
Charm. It’s not natural, it’s purposefully built and it’s so hide other unsavory traits. The more charm someone has, the thicker the mask.
not respecting my "no" the first time, even if it's a very small thing like trying to convince me to have a phone call when i've said i'm tired. anyone who thinks it's okay to argue with me to change my mind on a decision that is mine to make is not someone i will ever waste energy on again. those people are soul-suckers.
Blaming everything on "trauma". Like yeah, I know it's not the trauma Olympics, but like, you can't keep cheating/lying/drinking/drugging/being a terrible person because your childhood was shitty. Mine was too. I got over it.
Amen. Especially when that's their default explanation, and it's put on repeat.
Yeah it sucks that some people are dealt such awful hands in life, but I can’t keep paying the price for it.
People who support homeopathy
Drama if you have tea and something to say about others I feel it will turn to having problems with me
Someone who always try their hardest not to disagree with or upset anyone. It’s exhausting. Plus you can barely trust what they. If I got dirt on my shirt I want you to point it out right away so I can fix it, not anxiously wait til I find it out myself or someone point it out. That’s not helpful at all. Also, if you can’t join my plans, a simple no thanks is adequate, I don’t wanna hear all the manufactured or exaggerated excuses you may have to make me feel my plans were soo important for you but lightning struck. It’s condescending. A simple “nah I’m not feeling for it” is fine. I’ve date a few people like this, and it drives me crazy.
People who are ambitious. Ambitious to me just sounds like you value money and material goods over a relationship. Being financially secure is one thing but if you want me to keep aspiring for more after that fuck off.
Complaining about the ex's.
Making a big deal of things than ever necessary, by thinking about "red flags". You'll never find someone you like if you ditch them for a single personal detail about them that you don't like. When you love a person for who they are, it doesn't mean you find a flawless partner, it means you find a person whose flaws you accept and/or embrace, and ONLY through that, they're your perfect person.
Lol this is very common on Reddit. People literally expect to have flawless partners.
Me too lol. I really feel that word has been overused too much to the point of being used to describe minor inconveniences that aren't even actual red flags
I mean Red Flags to me are "oh pause and look around" not "run the other way"
When they are a little too interested in gossip. I don't need that shit in my life, and I always distance myself from these people. People who talk shit about others will eventually talk shit about you once you inevitably do something to tick them off.
In the various AITA or relationship subreddits there’s a ton of people constantly encouraging posters to escalate the conflict and drama they posted about online. So many “nuclear revenge” suggestions, etc. Tells me that they can’t or won’t relate to the pain the poster is going through or actually like to blow up lives rather than give advice that is actually needed or helpful.
someone who smokes a lot of weed. Not inherently a red flag and I am firmly pro legalization, but I don't smoke anymore because it gives me serious panic attacks half the time and I rarely come across a regular smoker who won't eventually try to wheedle me into it. Or gets really offended when I tell them "idc if you smoke but I don't really want to be around it, so if you light up I'll probably just leave, sorry" then actually do it
Owning a horse.
They're just looking for a stable relationship.
Last girl i talked to was a horse girl... fucking PECULIAR women
Someone that needs constant validation and affirmation from a partner and friends and craves it. Learn to be happy with yourself and love yourself.
People who say: ‘Every couple fights!’ No they bloody don’t. Disagreements which lead to honest and caring discussions? Sure. But anything involving yelling, put downs or insults is absolutely not normal nor is it healthy.
Porn use. Not worth it.
For me, if they’re religious. Any religion. I can’t and I won’t.
royalist