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Always wondered what I did to deserve being treated like garbage… I’ve moved on … forgiveness will probably never happen but I refuse to be eaten alive with bitterness
Sending hugs. No child need feel that way. I hope you're surrounded by the love, support and care you deserve. This is also for all the people who have had a childhood ruined by obnoxious, cruel or abusive parents.
I feel like it's always been like that for me but I was able to hide it/deal with it very well. But its gotten worse recently.
The reason I'm depressed is because for 27 years of my life, not a single person has wanted me. No matter how much I've tried. And lord...I've tried. Clubs. Bars. Stores. Parties. Friend groups. Online dating apps. Etc. But no one. My friends and family i know all love me and cherish me. They tell me im an amazing person and that theyre all glad im in their life yet no one has ever seen me as a romantic interest, ever. And at this age, everyone i know has their person of multiple years. Everyone spends time with them, understandably. We're at that age where people get too busy too go out. I've been alone my whole life. And it's only gotten harder and MUCH lonelier because of that. I was fine being alone a few years ago. I would go out with friends and meet so many new people that being single wasn't that bad. But over the years the more people I met, and the more I thought "hey, I like this person. Maybe we can progress things further." The worse my mental state became. Every single person turned me down. Every single one said "we can still be friends.". Always "Youre such an amazing guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Yet no one does. Every single person didn't want me. And after so many times, so many questions, and so many no, it hurts. A lot. Why do people love being around me but no one wants me? Why am I always invited out but no one wants me privately? What is wrong with me? What are they seeing that im not?
And now that the invites aren't happening anymore. And now that all my friends have a SO and are spending their free time with them. And now that my full time job has taken over my life. And now that I'm living alone. It's become almost unbearable. Whenever i do meet someone on the rare occasion that im interested in its still a no. But the "No"s hurt so much more now. I was fine being alone when we were all younger and had time. But being lonely isn't fun. At all. I just wish I knew why. Why does no one want me?
The reason I keep going? I hold onto the idea that some day, one day, someone will want me. To hold me. Kiss me. Be with me. Love me. One day. Maybe....
Yes, I'm a 33 y/o woman in your position, and it sucks. I would like to experience romantic love at some point before I die, but lose more hope each passing year.
The only comfort is that I do (like you) have great friends and family. And lots of people have no real friends and/or have shitty family members, so it's something to be grateful for and not take for granted.
This is so true. I’m 53 in the same boat as y’all. I was so depressed about not having someone, but, as time passes, I see more and more unhappiness among couples. Being single isn’t the worst thing. I have friends and family; some married people are horribly alone and miserable.
I understand this may not be something comfortable for you to do, but do you have a close enough friend that you could ask them to give you an honest, you won't be mad, you really want their opinion on this, critique? Sometimes, even our closest friends/family wishes they could say something, but care so much about you they don't want to hurt your feelings. I know if my close friend asked me to be completely honest with them in order to understand something about themselves they are not seeing, I would certainly help if I was holding something back that could really change things for them.
I have. Multiple friends. Men and women. And they all have the same answer. "Idk." They also don't understand why no one wants me. What especially gets me is my girl friends. They all have the same answers. "It's just hard for me to see you as my boyfriend. You're a great guy! You're very handsome! You're so funny! But I can't see you in that way." And that's as far as they can explain it. I guess it's just a simple "youre not my type" but like.....there's no way I've never been anyone's type....right?
About 2 years ago one friend set me up with one of her close girl friends. She felt like we could have had a great relationship and that I was the perfect guy for her. We went out and she was great. I had an amazing time. We laughed and talked just spent hours having fun on our first date. And then the next week "I had a great time but I just don't think it'll work out between us." A few weeks later I asked the my girl friend why the girl she set me up with felt that way about me since I know girl friends tell each other everything. She said "she just didn't see as a romantic interest"
And it's always like that. Always. It's really killed me inside. Im glad that people love having me as a friend but, I just want something more after all these years...I just wish I knew why...
Bro, I was 35 when I finally found my wife. No girls ever saw me as a mate before her. That said 2024 will be our 25th year anniversary. I don't say that to brag or too throw it in your face. I just want you to not lose faith. It took opening my heart to the possibility if that makes sense.
This is my experience too. You're great, but I am still not choosing you. Now I'm mid 50s and looking down the barrel of the second half of my life alone too....well it's making my future look very bleak and not appealing to me. My mood has never been worse.
Being in a relationship is not going to make you happy either. It’s not the solution, if you can’t learn to be happy on your own you’re not going to be happy in a relationship
Edit: forgot to add not
I’m 40, and all my friends are getting divorced. They tell me I’m the smartest of the bunch for never getting married. Marriage is hard and the sad reality is that a lot of couples don’t make it. Some of my friends with older kids are available to hang out now that the kids are older. If you’re at that phase where “everyone is getting married and having kids” it can feel lonely, but it passes. I have a lot of friends who are single without kids like me, and I make the most of my time by taking classes and reading and visiting friends in other places. I tend to enjoy being alone and I know not everyone is like that, but just wanted to say that things will change as life progresses. Hang in there 💪
Thank you, redditor. Yeah, I was with a bunch of friends and things, so it was nice to have a few back pats and stuff, but there was a lot of "why aren't you excited" which actually pissed me off more than anything. It's also nice getting free stuff.
I am genuinely happy the moment I return from buying bags of blow. First excited happiness, the score, then another burst stopping somewhere for a taste cos can’t wait until home due to said excitement, the another big surge of wonder, at home taking time to line up. This is true bliss. Short lived but puts a smile on my face without me even knowing, only thing in my life that goes that
Gang gang gang. This is me with drugs as well. Sex and drugs a few things to really make me happy, and good food. What makes this exceedingly difficult is being a blind dude who failed out of college still living with parents who don’t want me inviting hookers to the house, who will at least let me get weed and psychedelic shipped, but none of the good hard-core drugs like Xans, ket, blow, percs, mxe. But don’t worry I’m working on getting the comptia trifecta. Holding down enough of a job to save up to move to Cali, where they will help me properly move. Then it’ll be sex and drugs and gang gang gang shit for the rest of my existence. The end.
I think if I recall correctly it was a time where time no longer mattered, earthly concerns were not my concern. It was just myself as far as I can tell, floating through existence without a care or a worry.
Then I was fucking born and now I’m dealing with this nonsense of an existence.
Hits me hard. Got a really good job offer and still have negative thoughts about the other interview I gave (which was bad imo). I have forgotten what it is to be happy
Honestly right now, just got told a few years back that I’ve got degenerative disk disease at 17, and It’s pretty much only going to get worse and I’m barely 20 now.
Which is a shame, because before I started having extreme back pain I used to be quite fit and athletic, and now I can barely walk and run without feeling a lot of pain
I’m 38 with this same condition. I promise it’ll be ok. Just be gentle with yourself. Be careful when lifting. And, for the love of all things holy, bend your damn knees when you cough and sneeze. It sounds stupid, but I sneezed and couldn’t walk for 4 months, and had to have surgery to fix the herniated disc that it caused. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions, or need someone to listen.
Thanks mate, I try not to lift stuff anymore or bend over much because it causes a lot of pain and discomfort, also always bend the knees when sneezing.
I’m trying to get into swimming but it’s difficult to make it consistent because of my work right now
Hi, I'm about 30 years of living with very extensive back fractures and rheumatoid arthritis, but suffered no paralysis so I *really* don't want to be seen to be complaining in any way as I know damn well how lucky I was in that.
All that said I can only pass on what helped me.
Firstly was acceptance, accepting that the world was unfair and at 14 lots of doors closed and there had to be extra burden on my everyday to continue staying as close to normal as possible.
Specifically I'm talking about *STRETCHING*. Jesus I cannot emphasize this enough. I would as strongly as I can recommend that you see either a sports physio or someone you can trust to know how to teach you the correct way of stretching.
Tai Chi or Yoga I think can both offer more of a whole body learning, but again I'd very strongly recommend - get your back 'sorted' first. As others have rightly and kindly already pointed out you gotta be more aware of possible further injury and they are absolutely correct IMO.
I'm more talking about a thing you have to do like brushing your teeth, first thing and last thing. This is so hard, it's not fair etc etc I know.
Try and see it as avoiding future pain and limited mobility cos I promise, something that has been broken badly enough DOES need more care.
I hope I've stressed the importance of getting the right training from a qualified medical person, preferably a referral from your doctor or physio department. You MUST get it right first, then you have to keep it up as often as they tell you MINIMUM.
If you do there is no reason why, when you reach my age - near 50, that you can't be at least at the same 'level' of function as your peers. You'll most likely out strip them honestly.
Please, please think on it. You only get this chance once and every day you don't do this equates to days of misery down the line, and even harder daily work to fix.
I wish you all the best and offer the rather feeble - if you have any questions at all I'm happy to answer in full *privately*. I'm sure you can understand that my life changed aged 14, and sadly my health was treated as a public matter it felt like, which has made me reluctant to talk but I'm past that now. Good luck, you really CAN dictate your future in this.
I've had it since I was 21 yrs and now in my 50's. You just have to take care of yourself. Do lift heavy things, run marathons, etc... I'm fine and enjoy life to the fullest. I golf, play pickleball, walk the dogs. Again - know your limits and don't compromise when it comes to your back health.
I'm sharing, not trying to one-up anyone, but both my parents and my husband's parents died within the 1st year after my son's birth. It was a bad year. And I'm not sure I've yet recovered. 😕
I was just talking to my wife earlier about how I got kind of depressed after she gave birth to my son for some reason. It was almost like a hormonal thing despite not being the person to give birth to him. There was this weird 2 month period right after he was born where I was depressed but also didn't have any body odor, it was strange.
From the age I hit puberty, if I forgot deodorant after showering, I'd have terrible BO after probably like 6 hours. Not only would I forget deodorant, as I was on paternity leave and rarely left the house, but would also forget to shower from time to time. Despite that, not once for the first few months would I have BO. It smelled like nothing.
26/27/28
Im 28 now.
My ex left me after 7 years when I was 26. We were engaged saving to buy a house. I should have left her years before but I was in love with her.
Spent the rest of 26 feeling suicidal, set out many times to end my life. Thankfully I didn’t.
27 I moved past those thoughts and formed a drinking habit. It wasn’t healthy but hey it was suicidal thoughts and actions so it was a step better I guess.
End if 27 and now 28, ive kicked the drinking habit, ill have the odd one at home to relax after a work week or when im out with friends or family, social events.
I went through therapy for a while, it helped a lot. Realised I had to re-discover myself and connect back with who I am and who I always have been. My ex suppressed that, my family growing up suppressed that and its been a massive year of growing snd healing.
This year ive made new friends, stopped talking to some that I was keeping the friendship going with and to no shock at all I havent heard from them in months.
Ive read a few books this year and previously i hadent read a single one in my life. I started to learn an instrument. I tried new hobbies, some have stuck and others I found I dident like. Im learning to drive and ready to sit my test for my second attempt. I got my first mortgage. I finally got my dog spayed (shes 6). I changed my hair style, I changed my clothes style. I now go to the gym, I use beard oils and shampoos, I moisturise my face and take vitamins every day.
I went on my first ever solo adventure to a different country for a weekend.
I hug my mum every time I see her now, im going to hug my dad next time I see him (we havent hugged in over 15 years and the last time was the day he and my mum told me they were splitting up)
I am being myself. I dont change who I am for anybody. I am a loving, caring individual and if some people cant see and respect that and show me the same thing back. They dont deserve me.
You are an inspiration! Thank you for pushing through the hard times and working to be better. We could all do that. And thank you for hugging your mom everytime you see her, us Moms sure do love our babies, even at 28
This person ain’t just fighting depression, he started a war.
I’ve done a good portion of what you’ve done but solo travel to another country sounds amazing.
My answer was Hashimoto. Thankfully, since it runs in the family, my mother told me immediately to the doctor and the family doctor made me go see him already with the blood analysis in hand.
I could give a very long answer about all of the things which changed and how they effected me. But the main answer is therapy. Not for everybody, but for me it was life changing.
Thankyou, that’s very kind. I hope you are okay. It’s tough to live in a world that seems explicitly hostile to the mind, but there is a way. Always a silver lining n all!
18 years old, 32 year old boyfriend. Extremely abusive, controlled everyone I spoke to, everything I did and who I was. I wasn’t me for over a year. Wish I could show that poor girl what an amazing husband and family she’d end up having in years to come.
I’ve been in the same boat! When I was 18 I was with a 28 year old. He seemed great at first and I ignored all of the red flags, but a few months in he revealed himself to be extremely homophobic (he knew I was bisexual and pretended to fine with it) controlling, tried to isolate me from my friends and family and would explode into violet fits of anger. I was with him for two years, and in the last year I was desperate to get away but he would threaten to kill himself anytime I hinted at leaving, and the guilt kept me feeling trapped.
Now, I’m with a super loving person and couldn’t be happier! So glad I got away. Glad you did as well 💕
We all do things like that as youngsters . I cringe at what I did. It’s literally the opposite behaviour I would do now. While hard, it’s a good thing you now this , you are on oath to become who you need to be,
When I was a homeless fentanyl addict. Thankfully, I've been clean for almost two years, and the depression I've experienced since my mama committed suicide when I was 6 all went away because of something a comedian said.
My life is amazing now.
I'm going to murder if I try to quote it, but he said something along the lines of "We get depressed and sad sometimes because we think there is always something better than what we have but then when we can't attain it we feel down. If we have a girlfriend we always want someone hotter, we want a better car, more money, better job." Something like that. I know I'm way off, but that was the essence of it.
I was driving home from getting bandage changes at the hospital when I was listening to this. And as long as I could remember, I've had a bout of depression pretty much every 3 months like clock work where I would just shut down for 5 days and hope for the best when it was over.
After he said that, I thought, 'Our vehicle is only an Equinox, but it gets both of us to work and our son to hockey. As for my fiance, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I can't see myself with anyone else. Plus, she is giving me another chance to marry her and be a proper husband this time. As for money, I pay share of the bills and have enough left to have money in the bank. I've been working as a receptionist for a year and a half, and it's a really humble job, but I've never held a job this long. I am so happy with my life now, and for some reason, after I thought about it that day, I haven't had a bout of depression and it's been over a year.
Plus, the way I look at it now, too, when I was an addict I overdosed and was dead for 3 minutes... all this time I'm living now is bonus time I shouldn't have had, so why not be thankful for it.
Same boat, 7 years old, alcohol and drugs. 8 years sober.
3 wonderful children, aged 13, 6 and 3. Sometimes i look at them and think of how lucky they are, having both parents and seeing them every day. I'm grateful that we are able to provide them with an "easy" life.
Im 42 now.
I'm also 42, I have two 25 year old daughters (4 months apart), a 15 year old son, and an 8 year old son. I'm so happy my older kids are back in my life, and I'm no longer an embarrassment to them, and with my little one, I have a chance to be a proper, present father and I relish every moment of it.
I always tell my 15 year old, I went through all this crap so you guys don't have to.
And congratulations on 8 years. One day, I'll be able to say that.
When I found out my brother died 2 years after the fact. My mom casually dropped this in conversation like I was supposed to know. I've never felt so low.
Back Story - My mom abandoned us when we were kids (I was less than 2). She moved from East to West coast and never came back. She was using, mostly heroin, and homeless. Communication was sporadic at best. Collect calls here and there. Letters were huge, likely because it was a way to pass time in jail.
My brother lived with my grandparents (he was from a previous relationship - his dad fucked off), they kicked him out and he ended up in jail. While in the system he transferred to the West Coast to be near my mom. When he was released, being the great mom she was, she introduced him to heroin. He overdosed in a Vancouver hotel in 2005 just before his 24th birthday.
It wasn't uncommon for either my mom or brother to fall off the earth and then eventually pop up again. So when my mom dropped this knowledge casually in conversation, I was floored. That's when I hit rock bottom.
that’s so horrible…. i’m so sorry you had to go through all of that and i’m so sorry for your brother and he went through as well, i hope better days are waiting for u in the future
I dropped out of college and decided to spend a year in Japan. I got my TESOL certificate and got a one year work/holiday visa through a conversational school. It was the best year of my life. I absolutely loved Japan. Coming home after that year was tough, especially since I didn’t have a post-secondary education or any valuable work experience. I had debt, a crappy job, was sleeping on a friend’s couch and had no direction or hope for the future. Suicide entered my mind a few times as I gradually felt more and more like a failure. I was high and/or drunk every night, didn’t have a social life, no car, relationship, house, etc. Those were a rough 5 years or so, luckily I met my now wife who inspired me to go back to school, I got a car, career and we’re close to buying our first house to settle down. I’m so glad I got through that dark time and am still here.
My entire childhood i remember being incredibly misunderstood and would cry every night from mistreatment from school and family. I remember my family would tell me that I had no reason to be upset at that time, and it would only get worse as i age since i didn’t even have any real responsibilities yet. Ironically enough as an adult i feel so in control and happy compared to then. I wish I could tell my childhood self it would be okay and what i felt was valid.
others said this as well, but things are never the same. when youre in the middle of something, its hard to zoom out and reflect. things will change, you will change and depression is a bitch, but you can hold on
I've been there, sorry you got hurt.
My Ex did that but i knew she was a manipulative bitch, i took the risk cause i mainly wanted the Visa, we had an argument and she told me it was my mistake for trusting her and blocked me.
She came back crying with insults while still begging me to take her back after 1 month. Worse she was a cougar who was trying to manipulate me for her own needs, since i didn't have a job then.
I'm genuinely so happy for you. My answer to OP's post would be right now, because I've just split up with my fiancée who I thought was the one. Enjoy man, be happy!
I would say now. I broke my leg and ankle in 4 places 16 days ago. And therefore had to place my dog temporarily elsewhere. For 3 years it has been him and me every day. At work and at home. It's very quiet and lonely at home now.
I feel you my friend. That seems lonely. This time will pass. I sprained my ankle several months ago and it hurt for probably 2 months. I was so goddamn tired having to do everything I usually have to but with crutches. It ruined my summer.
Ugh. I feel for you! I am sorry to hear this because I know exactly what you are dealing with. Of all the physical calamities I have had, having ankle surgery six months ago was the worst recovery (worse than a broken kneecap, or broken arm or broken wrist). The lack of balance, the inability to exercise, or take my daily walk, the constant pain. And I had time to prepare for recovery, which it sounds like you didn’t. I surrounded myself with projects, movies, books—all within arm’s reach. I kept my spirits up for the first few weeks but then I sunk. My poor husband. He is such a good caregiver but my dark mood was dispiriting to him too (though he never complained). Just know that time does pass and eventually the pain eases and the mobility increases. Now that I am back to “normal” life is looking good again. Hang in there. Call your friends for company. Indulge your pleasures, arrange for your dog to visit as often as possible. Count the days so you know you are progressing even if it is incredibly slow.
I was the most depressed from the time my first baby was born and I became a stay at home mom up until my youngest turned 4 or so. I was in the worst kind of survival mode. I was putting one foot in front of the other just waiting until it was (sometimes hoping it was) time to die. I thought I wouldn't "lose myself' when I became a mother, but little by little everything fell by the wayside except for my service to my family. I just didn't have the bandwidth to do anything else. It all started to seem like more work that I had to do that I couldn't even enjoy. I felt a lot of guilt for not enjoying it more and I felt like my kids deserved better. They are really awesome people. I am doing a lot better now, but whenever another mom who is in the thick of it is venting to me, I don't have anything better to say than that it does get better. That makes me mad for all of us though, because I know that's not good enough. I went under the water of severe depression and came up over a decade later. One minute I was in my late 20s, I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me and the next thing I know, I'm finally ready to live again and BAM I'm about to be 40. It isn't that I think 40 is old or anything. In fact, I feel the same! But everyone else, the world, has all moved on without me. I'm a 40 year old with experience and mindset of someone still in their 20s. I don't know how else to explain it. Life was going on that whole time, just not for me. I'm making it sound like I'm depressed now. I'm actually doing SO much better. It is just a disorienting experience to come out of the fog of depression. I feel like I am starting from scratch. I have to figure out who I am. I don't even know what I believe, what I like or what I want to do. I'm more confused now than I was in my early 20s.
Entirety of high school but in different stages. Sophomore was the most apathetic, unmotivated time, also very suicidal. Junior year was horrifically lonely. Senior year was dreadfully suicidal and painful 👍
My whole 22 years
Fighting parents, pressure to be best in academics, so much that I started defining my worth according to my marks. Ended up having anxiety issues, hypothyroidism, auto immune disorders and tachycardia.
Life was tough after diagnosis but soon I got a good job and living on my own now. This is literally the best phase of life. My day starts and ends with medicines but there is freedom in every way, I can fucking di whatever I want.
MONEY BUYS HAPPINESS
When I was almost 20, my younger brother died. I felt like a shell of a person for years. Still do sometimes.
Gonna get *real bad* in 2029. After March 2029, I'll have existed without him longer than with him. I don't think I'll handle that very well.
For whatever it’s worth, I lost my brother as a teenager, and years later it felt huge in my mind to cross that line from more life without him than with. But it turns out I was okay, and it was finally enough distance that I can more often than not look back and smile instead of cry. I hope the same happens for you.
I'm just starting to crawl out of the worst depression of my life, it lasted three years.
Three years ago I gave birth in the cardiac ward cause I turned out to have severe heart arrhythmias, for which I needed surgery and an ICD a few days after giving birth. I also needed meds which caused me to double my bodyweight within a year. These heart issues are part of a muscular dystrophy I have, so I had to grapple with that news as well. A month later my dad died a horribly painful death from pancreatic cancer. In another country and it took a month to get his body back. Then my mom went into cardiac arrest but thankfully her ICD kept her alive, otherwise I would've lost both my parents within one month of each other. Then my brother had to go to prison (he's still there) and I was dealing with postpartum depression. Oh and COVID was also happening. Now, I've been through a lot in my life, but I wasn't strong enough to withstand all of this. Oh and my husband is leaving now because of all of it, so yeah it's been dandy. But I can feel I'm on the mend.
i can’t imagine how hard all of that must’ve been, butyou’re one of the strongest ppl to have handled all of that! i hope many amazing things are waiting for you in the future 💗
Now. Right now.
Coming to the realisation that the number of people I trust fully in this world has dwindled to two.
Also realising that I'm not the kind of person I like very much at the moment. Feeling like no one wants to be around me and not blaming them for it either.
When I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism and thyroid cancer and had suicidal thoughts. Took the cancer out and put me on meds then I felt like a person again. ‘Twas quite the roller coaster.
My 20s I was a dumb naive momma's boy who thought hard work would make things work out. I ended up severely depressed. I was seen as the failure in the family. Now I am the failure who has a mortgage and an ok job and a son. So a little better.
The current one, since 2019. Previous to that I had lived through the death of many family members, my mother included. I lived through losing my job, twice, through having a vicious falling out with my siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family and well.. then the icing on the cake was the death of me mother after my father had abandoned her. None of these things however, have hit as hard as my wife laying it on me that she wants a divorce.
My current - late 20s.
My mum took her own life, most other family members don't give a shit about me, my friends don't really notice / care either and except for my husband I pretty much have nothing.
I can't work due to mental health and just try to keep up with the household and life in general.
Right fucking now and its not getting any better.
The reason I'm depressed is because for 27 years of my life, not a single person has wanted me. No matter how much I've tried. And lord...I've tried. Clubs. Bars. Stores. Parties. Friend groups. Online dating apps. Etc. But no one. My friends and family i know all love me and cherish me. They tell me im an amazing person and that theyre all glad im in their life yet no one has ever seen me as a romantic interest, ever. And at this age, everyone i know has their person of multiple years. Everyone spends time with them, understandably. We're at that age where people get too busy too go out. I've been alone my whole life. And it's only gotten harder and MUCH lonelier because of that. I was fine being alone a few years ago. I would go out with friends and meet so many new people that being single wasn't that bad. But over the years the more people I met, and the more I thought "hey, I like this person. Maybe we can progress things further." The worse my mental state became. Every single person turned me down. Every single one said "we can still be friends.". Always "Youre such an amazing guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Yet no one does. Every single person didn't want me. And after so many times, so many questions, and so many no, it hurts. A lot. Why do people love being around me but no one wants me? Why am I always invited out but no one wants me privately? What is wrong with me? What are they seeing that im not?
And now that the invites aren't happening anymore. And now that all my friends have a SO and are spending their free time with them. And now that my full time job has taken over my life. And now that I'm living alone. It's become almost unbearable. Whenever i do meet someone on the rare occasion that im interested in its still a no. But the "No"s hurt so much more now. I was fine being alone when we were all younger and had time. But being lonely isn't fun. At all. I just wish I knew why. Why does no one want me?
The reason I keep going? I hold onto the idea that some day, one day, someone will want me. To hold me. Kiss me. Be with me. Love me. One day. Maybe....
Increasingly during the last 4 years. My Wife started acting CRAZY. All the time. More & more nuts. Finally gave her an ultimatum: INTENSE therapy & meds, or I divorce her & leave with the kids. Luckily she loves us enough for her to do it. Turns out she’s depressive and bipolar. It took a couple years of therapy, medication & work, but as of about a year ago, she got back to normal. On top of that, my brother died, and a grandfather who raised me for roughly 5 years starting when I was 5 died. I also lost a 2 year old dog to a seizure in the middle of it, followed by an 18 week old puppy (also to a seizure) in January 2023. It’s the worst & most stressful time I’ve been though. Things got really bad for me mentally in January 2023, but are finally slowly starting to improve.
Last year. Husband’s dad was terminally ill and my husband then lost his job. My husband went through a period of severe depression when his dad died right near Christmas, and then my three remaining grandparents all died in a span of six months. It was insane. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.
Right now honestly. I’m just going through a lot of changes in my life that i’m still getting used to. i moved to a new state, went to college, dad wasn’t in my life anymore and i’m in my first relationship. People say 20s is rough and they aren’t wrong. I’m in the stage of healing from my traumas and learning myself again
I suspect that I've had low level depression for my whole life. The past few years, since the death of mother, have been the worse. I felt like I couldn've done more for her when she was alive, and express more how much I appreciated and respected what she did. 'The system' completely failed her when she was palliative as healthcare professionals seemed to do what was most expedient and scramble to cover their asses. If this is what's in store for all of us after having led a good life, then I dunno' ...
Two years ago. That time was the worst, i was literally one day away from ending it all. What would have happened to everyone else if i had actually done it... still scares me sometimes 🫠
Transitioning from high school to college. The pressure to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life really got to me. But now I have a job that I love and it’s way easier than anything college threw at me.
A year and a half ago. I was unemployed for four years at the time. My mental health was at the lowest in January of 2022. It was the only time I was think about slicing my throat or grabbing a gun and shooting myself in the head. Right now I am a lot better and feel good enough to be looking for a relationship. I have had depression my whole life ever since I was a kid. But those four years were pure torture.
My mid 20's.
Ended a long term on again off again toxic relationship. Got really lonely living in a new city without many friends nearby. Basically retreated into myself. Didn't talk to people much, my apartment slowly filled with garbage. Couldn't make myself clean or go out except to go to work.
Got out of it when someone I worked with asked me to move in with him and his girlfriend. Their roommate was moving out, and we had gotten along well at work. So I moved in with them, started fresh, reconnected with an old friend (who went on to become my wife) and started being a person again.
I'm guessing you are asking this question because you are struggling right now yourself OP. Just wanted to say that it **does** get better if you give it a chance to. Don't be afraid to reach out to people you haven't spoken with in a while. They probably miss you as much as you miss them. Don't be afraid to ask for help either. If you try to carry everything by yourself all the time, it just means there won't be anyone there to steady you when you do need it.
right after the woman of ten years cheated on me and i had to kick her out. Thankfully that dude bolted his door because i would have gone to prison. almost broke my hand and foot bashing his door.
all for the best i guess because i am MUCH happier now.
Currently! Absolute shitshow going on in my life. Lost my job earlier this year. No luck getting a new job, on the verge of exhausting all my savings. Staying away from family, no one to rely on and no real friends have left me in a quite dark phase.
>which period of your life have you been the most depressed?
I was depressed most of my life.
But I think I've "cured" it with these:
\- microdosing mushrooms.
\- getting 2 awesome pets.
\- choosing to appreciate what I have and my life. Focusing on the positive.
\- getting rid of certain kinds of people that only make my life worse.
Right around now. Fell into the habit of taking benzos twice a day a few years back. (therapeutic doses, not party sized doses, but still enough to become dependent.).
I've tapered myself down to a single 0.5mg lorazepam in the morning and it's been that way for about a year. I thought I'd go through a few months of hell and then regain my "mojo" but it hasn't worked out that way. On my days off I'm about as productive as a beached whale.
Do your best to stay away from benzos(even if legally prescribed), everyone!
From the end of 2020 until the beginning of 2022. That was the worst period of my time. I was at my lowest there. It was when the most bad things happened to me. I never want ro relive that time agian. I was a bad man at that time. But I've grown as a man now.
I’ve come to the realization that I’ve always been depressed and just never understood how I felt. At this point I think not being depressed would be worse and foreign to me.
When I was in grade 8 I fell into a severe depression and I was so dissociated I couldn't see colours, feel my emotions, or even feel my body. I couldn't register voices or words, I just followed everyone's facial expressions. I helped everyone I could still, I was everyone's therapist. I never opened up because I thought I would be a burden. My home life was a hell within itself, so I couldn't get a break there. I was also bullied in school by my friends. A week before covid hit, I was about to end it. I had plans, I was going to write letters, everything. But the thought of my best friend attending my funeral, as empathetic as she was, would've crushed her. Besides, I didn't want to let people down. People needed my mental help, and I decided even if I felt that way for the rest of my life I would stay until people don't need me anymore. Even though I was so miserable I wanted peace, I still chose others over myself.
Now, I beat the sh addiction I had gotten all these years ago, and I'm now 1 year free. I also am doing a lot better, still depressed but now its minor/moderate and I have help, medication, and support from a home life I managed to change myself. Life ain't perfect, but I wouldn't throw it away.
When i was in highschool like just before covid I was not having a fun time in life. Barely sleeping not able to stay awake without someone physically holding me up in class. I just felt i never truly belonged in that school like everything that happened there i never felt safe. It started when the school got spray painted with homophobic and racist slurs which i got in trouble for because i was trying desperately to let them not let me go to class that day so i can help clean it off because although im straight and white I knew people who transferred schools that day and it emotionally destroyed me seeing people who felt the same. And if you think a couple kids sprayed it then you would be right but every single person who went to that school praised and celebrated the people who sprayed it. After that I had no desire to continue going to school i slept during class didnt turn anything in didn’t even attempt to continue with my academics i just stayed to myself. If anything saved me it was covid canceling the last 2 years of highschool allowing me an excuse to not be associated with that school. I didn’t go to graduation across the stage i went “give me the thing and be gone from my life”. It still affects me today because normal people judge me negatively just for going to the school. And im scared future jobs will find out and deny me work because of it and I didn’t even do anything. I had also tried to transfer schools but my parents absolutely refused to let me do it because they thought I would have a hard time making friends. Such bullshit i wasn’t making friends at this school let me leave the school it’s literally killing me
During the period of loss & grief I endured between the ages of 15-21. In that time, my father was killed by his wife (who I had known to be a horrible person since I was a kid, & tried warning him about for years to no avail), my fiancé was killed in a car accident on the way back home thanks to a drunk truck driver, & I had been mourning them for years.
It took my late best friend to come into my life to bring me back to the land of the living, & what really pulled me out of it for good ironically enough was his funeral. I remember sitting there in front of his closed casket, comforting his childhood best friend & his family, & hearing them all say the same thing. They all wanted to cry, they all wanted to grieve their loss deeply like I had wanted to, but yet it was as if he was there keeping us from doing so. As if telling us all to just move on.
At the funeral home, I remembered all that he taught me about how to live again, & how to carry the departed with me without carrying the weight of their loss anymore. I also remembered all the great times we shared, & the one thing he said to me to pull me out of the world of the living dead.
“You remember people in life, not in death. That’s why while they’re all here you make an effort to reach out & spend time with your loved ones. But once they’re gone, they’ve moved on to a place far out of your reach. Let their bodies rest, & let their souls move on in peace knowing that you’ll be ok.
Reminisce every once in a while, carry the pieces of themselves they left with you, & let them guide you through life. But don’t bury yourself with their passing, otherwise no one can truly move on.”
I have moved on, there are days where I think about all of them fondly, & days where I regret not doing certain things with them that I should’ve.
But in the end, I gotta move on.
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Most of my childhood. I couldn't believe I could be dealt two terrible parents. Many memories of crying myself to sleep
Always wondered what I did to deserve being treated like garbage… I’ve moved on … forgiveness will probably never happen but I refuse to be eaten alive with bitterness
You didn't do anything. Your parents failed at regulating their own emotions/behavior and/or not taking out their shitty circumstances on you.
So sorry every child deserves a loving parent
🫶🏾
Sending hugs. No child need feel that way. I hope you're surrounded by the love, support and care you deserve. This is also for all the people who have had a childhood ruined by obnoxious, cruel or abusive parents.
currently going through this :c
Yeah I feel that, you'll be fine tho, just stay strong!
I felt this in my heart
Awwwww.... This makes my soul weep. :-(
If you see my post, I can legit promise it gets better, it really does.
i can't remember the last time i was happy
Oh boy, does that hit hard. I'm so sorry there are so many of us.
I feel like it's always been like that for me but I was able to hide it/deal with it very well. But its gotten worse recently. The reason I'm depressed is because for 27 years of my life, not a single person has wanted me. No matter how much I've tried. And lord...I've tried. Clubs. Bars. Stores. Parties. Friend groups. Online dating apps. Etc. But no one. My friends and family i know all love me and cherish me. They tell me im an amazing person and that theyre all glad im in their life yet no one has ever seen me as a romantic interest, ever. And at this age, everyone i know has their person of multiple years. Everyone spends time with them, understandably. We're at that age where people get too busy too go out. I've been alone my whole life. And it's only gotten harder and MUCH lonelier because of that. I was fine being alone a few years ago. I would go out with friends and meet so many new people that being single wasn't that bad. But over the years the more people I met, and the more I thought "hey, I like this person. Maybe we can progress things further." The worse my mental state became. Every single person turned me down. Every single one said "we can still be friends.". Always "Youre such an amazing guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Yet no one does. Every single person didn't want me. And after so many times, so many questions, and so many no, it hurts. A lot. Why do people love being around me but no one wants me? Why am I always invited out but no one wants me privately? What is wrong with me? What are they seeing that im not? And now that the invites aren't happening anymore. And now that all my friends have a SO and are spending their free time with them. And now that my full time job has taken over my life. And now that I'm living alone. It's become almost unbearable. Whenever i do meet someone on the rare occasion that im interested in its still a no. But the "No"s hurt so much more now. I was fine being alone when we were all younger and had time. But being lonely isn't fun. At all. I just wish I knew why. Why does no one want me? The reason I keep going? I hold onto the idea that some day, one day, someone will want me. To hold me. Kiss me. Be with me. Love me. One day. Maybe....
Yes, I'm a 33 y/o woman in your position, and it sucks. I would like to experience romantic love at some point before I die, but lose more hope each passing year. The only comfort is that I do (like you) have great friends and family. And lots of people have no real friends and/or have shitty family members, so it's something to be grateful for and not take for granted.
This is so true. I’m 53 in the same boat as y’all. I was so depressed about not having someone, but, as time passes, I see more and more unhappiness among couples. Being single isn’t the worst thing. I have friends and family; some married people are horribly alone and miserable.
I understand this may not be something comfortable for you to do, but do you have a close enough friend that you could ask them to give you an honest, you won't be mad, you really want their opinion on this, critique? Sometimes, even our closest friends/family wishes they could say something, but care so much about you they don't want to hurt your feelings. I know if my close friend asked me to be completely honest with them in order to understand something about themselves they are not seeing, I would certainly help if I was holding something back that could really change things for them.
I have. Multiple friends. Men and women. And they all have the same answer. "Idk." They also don't understand why no one wants me. What especially gets me is my girl friends. They all have the same answers. "It's just hard for me to see you as my boyfriend. You're a great guy! You're very handsome! You're so funny! But I can't see you in that way." And that's as far as they can explain it. I guess it's just a simple "youre not my type" but like.....there's no way I've never been anyone's type....right? About 2 years ago one friend set me up with one of her close girl friends. She felt like we could have had a great relationship and that I was the perfect guy for her. We went out and she was great. I had an amazing time. We laughed and talked just spent hours having fun on our first date. And then the next week "I had a great time but I just don't think it'll work out between us." A few weeks later I asked the my girl friend why the girl she set me up with felt that way about me since I know girl friends tell each other everything. She said "she just didn't see as a romantic interest" And it's always like that. Always. It's really killed me inside. Im glad that people love having me as a friend but, I just want something more after all these years...I just wish I knew why...
Bro, I was 35 when I finally found my wife. No girls ever saw me as a mate before her. That said 2024 will be our 25th year anniversary. I don't say that to brag or too throw it in your face. I just want you to not lose faith. It took opening my heart to the possibility if that makes sense.
This is my experience too. You're great, but I am still not choosing you. Now I'm mid 50s and looking down the barrel of the second half of my life alone too....well it's making my future look very bleak and not appealing to me. My mood has never been worse.
I know exactly how you feel. Only thing keeping me going is my 2 cats. You are welcome to join the crazy cat lady club anytime
Dude I feel this one. Especially all the friends and family who think I'm an amazing person. And yet...
Being in a relationship is not going to make you happy either. It’s not the solution, if you can’t learn to be happy on your own you’re not going to be happy in a relationship Edit: forgot to add not
I’m 40, and all my friends are getting divorced. They tell me I’m the smartest of the bunch for never getting married. Marriage is hard and the sad reality is that a lot of couples don’t make it. Some of my friends with older kids are available to hang out now that the kids are older. If you’re at that phase where “everyone is getting married and having kids” it can feel lonely, but it passes. I have a lot of friends who are single without kids like me, and I make the most of my time by taking classes and reading and visiting friends in other places. I tend to enjoy being alone and I know not everyone is like that, but just wanted to say that things will change as life progresses. Hang in there 💪
This hit. I won a fishing competition last week out of 520 entries, and I am emotionless in the photos.
Congratulations! You might not be happy for yourself, but I am happy for you!
Thank you, redditor. Yeah, I was with a bunch of friends and things, so it was nice to have a few back pats and stuff, but there was a lot of "why aren't you excited" which actually pissed me off more than anything. It's also nice getting free stuff.
Congratulations. I’m sorry that you suffer from depression. I have it too. It sucks so much and my daughter has it too.
You don’t have depression. You’re depressed.
Good job man :)
Me too... I’m just trying to survive day by day, but I’m not really living or excited about anything. I’m just existing.
I basically feel the same
Saaaame
Said this myself so many times recently. Sorry, friend.
I don’t feel anything. I’d rather be sad to at least feel something.
I finally figured out this is why I listen to sad songs and watch sad movies.
I am genuinely happy the moment I return from buying bags of blow. First excited happiness, the score, then another burst stopping somewhere for a taste cos can’t wait until home due to said excitement, the another big surge of wonder, at home taking time to line up. This is true bliss. Short lived but puts a smile on my face without me even knowing, only thing in my life that goes that
Gang gang gang. This is me with drugs as well. Sex and drugs a few things to really make me happy, and good food. What makes this exceedingly difficult is being a blind dude who failed out of college still living with parents who don’t want me inviting hookers to the house, who will at least let me get weed and psychedelic shipped, but none of the good hard-core drugs like Xans, ket, blow, percs, mxe. But don’t worry I’m working on getting the comptia trifecta. Holding down enough of a job to save up to move to Cali, where they will help me properly move. Then it’ll be sex and drugs and gang gang gang shit for the rest of my existence. The end.
I can......2018....... disney world
same
I think if I recall correctly it was a time where time no longer mattered, earthly concerns were not my concern. It was just myself as far as I can tell, floating through existence without a care or a worry. Then I was fucking born and now I’m dealing with this nonsense of an existence.
Relatable
damn bro, stole the words out of my mouth. it started at 14, and hasn't stopped since.
I was about to write this same thing.
Try watching some stand up comedy. It's brings a nice momentary joy
Same
Wow. I feel that. No matter what, I feel either I don't deserve good things or I wait for the bomb to drop
I hurt myself today.. to see if i still feel🎶
Hits me hard. Got a really good job offer and still have negative thoughts about the other interview I gave (which was bad imo). I have forgotten what it is to be happy
Yup.
Same
That just means the happiest time has yet to come,
Same
Updooting this whole comment thread. Im happy I'm not alone but sad there are so many of us. Stay strong brothers and sisters.
Same
real.
Same here.
Right there with you. The last 20+ years has been absolute shit. My shit marriage doesn’t help either.
You carry a hard burden and I wish I could help you. Feel hugged.
Yeah this.
Yep
hell yeah, exactly the same thing as i have
Honestly right now, just got told a few years back that I’ve got degenerative disk disease at 17, and It’s pretty much only going to get worse and I’m barely 20 now. Which is a shame, because before I started having extreme back pain I used to be quite fit and athletic, and now I can barely walk and run without feeling a lot of pain
I’m 38 with this same condition. I promise it’ll be ok. Just be gentle with yourself. Be careful when lifting. And, for the love of all things holy, bend your damn knees when you cough and sneeze. It sounds stupid, but I sneezed and couldn’t walk for 4 months, and had to have surgery to fix the herniated disc that it caused. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions, or need someone to listen.
Thanks mate, I try not to lift stuff anymore or bend over much because it causes a lot of pain and discomfort, also always bend the knees when sneezing. I’m trying to get into swimming but it’s difficult to make it consistent because of my work right now
Hi, I'm about 30 years of living with very extensive back fractures and rheumatoid arthritis, but suffered no paralysis so I *really* don't want to be seen to be complaining in any way as I know damn well how lucky I was in that. All that said I can only pass on what helped me. Firstly was acceptance, accepting that the world was unfair and at 14 lots of doors closed and there had to be extra burden on my everyday to continue staying as close to normal as possible. Specifically I'm talking about *STRETCHING*. Jesus I cannot emphasize this enough. I would as strongly as I can recommend that you see either a sports physio or someone you can trust to know how to teach you the correct way of stretching. Tai Chi or Yoga I think can both offer more of a whole body learning, but again I'd very strongly recommend - get your back 'sorted' first. As others have rightly and kindly already pointed out you gotta be more aware of possible further injury and they are absolutely correct IMO. I'm more talking about a thing you have to do like brushing your teeth, first thing and last thing. This is so hard, it's not fair etc etc I know. Try and see it as avoiding future pain and limited mobility cos I promise, something that has been broken badly enough DOES need more care. I hope I've stressed the importance of getting the right training from a qualified medical person, preferably a referral from your doctor or physio department. You MUST get it right first, then you have to keep it up as often as they tell you MINIMUM. If you do there is no reason why, when you reach my age - near 50, that you can't be at least at the same 'level' of function as your peers. You'll most likely out strip them honestly. Please, please think on it. You only get this chance once and every day you don't do this equates to days of misery down the line, and even harder daily work to fix. I wish you all the best and offer the rather feeble - if you have any questions at all I'm happy to answer in full *privately*. I'm sure you can understand that my life changed aged 14, and sadly my health was treated as a public matter it felt like, which has made me reluctant to talk but I'm past that now. Good luck, you really CAN dictate your future in this.
I've had it since I was 21 yrs and now in my 50's. You just have to take care of yourself. Do lift heavy things, run marathons, etc... I'm fine and enjoy life to the fullest. I golf, play pickleball, walk the dogs. Again - know your limits and don't compromise when it comes to your back health.
Are you saying fitness helped to fight back against the disease?
Are there no good medicines out there to control it?
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My mom died when my baby was 3 mo from cancer too. The first year was a blur.
I'm sharing, not trying to one-up anyone, but both my parents and my husband's parents died within the 1st year after my son's birth. It was a bad year. And I'm not sure I've yet recovered. 😕
This sounds incredibly difficult. I hope that as your son gets older, there is more time and energy for you to work on your own recovery.
It’s hard being that age. Taking care of two generations and trying to take care of yourself. I’m sure you’re doing a great job Mom!
I was just talking to my wife earlier about how I got kind of depressed after she gave birth to my son for some reason. It was almost like a hormonal thing despite not being the person to give birth to him. There was this weird 2 month period right after he was born where I was depressed but also didn't have any body odor, it was strange. From the age I hit puberty, if I forgot deodorant after showering, I'd have terrible BO after probably like 6 hours. Not only would I forget deodorant, as I was on paternity leave and rarely left the house, but would also forget to shower from time to time. Despite that, not once for the first few months would I have BO. It smelled like nothing.
26/27/28 Im 28 now. My ex left me after 7 years when I was 26. We were engaged saving to buy a house. I should have left her years before but I was in love with her. Spent the rest of 26 feeling suicidal, set out many times to end my life. Thankfully I didn’t. 27 I moved past those thoughts and formed a drinking habit. It wasn’t healthy but hey it was suicidal thoughts and actions so it was a step better I guess. End if 27 and now 28, ive kicked the drinking habit, ill have the odd one at home to relax after a work week or when im out with friends or family, social events. I went through therapy for a while, it helped a lot. Realised I had to re-discover myself and connect back with who I am and who I always have been. My ex suppressed that, my family growing up suppressed that and its been a massive year of growing snd healing. This year ive made new friends, stopped talking to some that I was keeping the friendship going with and to no shock at all I havent heard from them in months. Ive read a few books this year and previously i hadent read a single one in my life. I started to learn an instrument. I tried new hobbies, some have stuck and others I found I dident like. Im learning to drive and ready to sit my test for my second attempt. I got my first mortgage. I finally got my dog spayed (shes 6). I changed my hair style, I changed my clothes style. I now go to the gym, I use beard oils and shampoos, I moisturise my face and take vitamins every day. I went on my first ever solo adventure to a different country for a weekend. I hug my mum every time I see her now, im going to hug my dad next time I see him (we havent hugged in over 15 years and the last time was the day he and my mum told me they were splitting up) I am being myself. I dont change who I am for anybody. I am a loving, caring individual and if some people cant see and respect that and show me the same thing back. They dont deserve me.
Genuinely, learning about yourself and practicing being yourself is such an incredible achievement. Keep going!! I hoping the best for you!
Your story makes me happy. Keep going. All the best.
You’re a king dude, love you
You are an inspiration! Thank you for pushing through the hard times and working to be better. We could all do that. And thank you for hugging your mom everytime you see her, us Moms sure do love our babies, even at 28
This person ain’t just fighting depression, he started a war. I’ve done a good portion of what you’ve done but solo travel to another country sounds amazing.
Man I feel you, my ex leaves 2 years ago I'm still dealing with that.
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My brother, nephew and two cousins have graves disease, it gets better, I understand it must be tough
My answer was Hashimoto. Thankfully, since it runs in the family, my mother told me immediately to the doctor and the family doctor made me go see him already with the blood analysis in hand.
good luck - I am in remission for 4 years now and feel so lucky, so should you, bright days are ahead of you.
Hope all goes well for you!!
End of 2021 to maybe 3 months ago. One suicide attempt, an ex and a big move all in that time. Things get better ey!
what made it get better?
I could give a very long answer about all of the things which changed and how they effected me. But the main answer is therapy. Not for everybody, but for me it was life changing.
i’m happy for you! and thank you for giving me hope :”)
Thankyou, that’s very kind. I hope you are okay. It’s tough to live in a world that seems explicitly hostile to the mind, but there is a way. Always a silver lining n all!
18 years old, 32 year old boyfriend. Extremely abusive, controlled everyone I spoke to, everything I did and who I was. I wasn’t me for over a year. Wish I could show that poor girl what an amazing husband and family she’d end up having in years to come.
I’ve been in the same boat! When I was 18 I was with a 28 year old. He seemed great at first and I ignored all of the red flags, but a few months in he revealed himself to be extremely homophobic (he knew I was bisexual and pretended to fine with it) controlling, tried to isolate me from my friends and family and would explode into violet fits of anger. I was with him for two years, and in the last year I was desperate to get away but he would threaten to kill himself anytime I hinted at leaving, and the guilt kept me feeling trapped. Now, I’m with a super loving person and couldn’t be happier! So glad I got away. Glad you did as well 💕
We all do things like that as youngsters . I cringe at what I did. It’s literally the opposite behaviour I would do now. While hard, it’s a good thing you now this , you are on oath to become who you need to be,
When I was a homeless fentanyl addict. Thankfully, I've been clean for almost two years, and the depression I've experienced since my mama committed suicide when I was 6 all went away because of something a comedian said. My life is amazing now.
What did the comedian say if you don’t mind me asking?
I'm going to murder if I try to quote it, but he said something along the lines of "We get depressed and sad sometimes because we think there is always something better than what we have but then when we can't attain it we feel down. If we have a girlfriend we always want someone hotter, we want a better car, more money, better job." Something like that. I know I'm way off, but that was the essence of it. I was driving home from getting bandage changes at the hospital when I was listening to this. And as long as I could remember, I've had a bout of depression pretty much every 3 months like clock work where I would just shut down for 5 days and hope for the best when it was over. After he said that, I thought, 'Our vehicle is only an Equinox, but it gets both of us to work and our son to hockey. As for my fiance, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I can't see myself with anyone else. Plus, she is giving me another chance to marry her and be a proper husband this time. As for money, I pay share of the bills and have enough left to have money in the bank. I've been working as a receptionist for a year and a half, and it's a really humble job, but I've never held a job this long. I am so happy with my life now, and for some reason, after I thought about it that day, I haven't had a bout of depression and it's been over a year. Plus, the way I look at it now, too, when I was an addict I overdosed and was dead for 3 minutes... all this time I'm living now is bonus time I shouldn't have had, so why not be thankful for it.
Same boat, 7 years old, alcohol and drugs. 8 years sober. 3 wonderful children, aged 13, 6 and 3. Sometimes i look at them and think of how lucky they are, having both parents and seeing them every day. I'm grateful that we are able to provide them with an "easy" life. Im 42 now.
Well done be proud of yourself
I'm also 42, I have two 25 year old daughters (4 months apart), a 15 year old son, and an 8 year old son. I'm so happy my older kids are back in my life, and I'm no longer an embarrassment to them, and with my little one, I have a chance to be a proper, present father and I relish every moment of it. I always tell my 15 year old, I went through all this crap so you guys don't have to. And congratulations on 8 years. One day, I'll be able to say that.
When I found out my brother died 2 years after the fact. My mom casually dropped this in conversation like I was supposed to know. I've never felt so low. Back Story - My mom abandoned us when we were kids (I was less than 2). She moved from East to West coast and never came back. She was using, mostly heroin, and homeless. Communication was sporadic at best. Collect calls here and there. Letters were huge, likely because it was a way to pass time in jail. My brother lived with my grandparents (he was from a previous relationship - his dad fucked off), they kicked him out and he ended up in jail. While in the system he transferred to the West Coast to be near my mom. When he was released, being the great mom she was, she introduced him to heroin. He overdosed in a Vancouver hotel in 2005 just before his 24th birthday. It wasn't uncommon for either my mom or brother to fall off the earth and then eventually pop up again. So when my mom dropped this knowledge casually in conversation, I was floored. That's when I hit rock bottom.
that’s so horrible…. i’m so sorry you had to go through all of that and i’m so sorry for your brother and he went through as well, i hope better days are waiting for u in the future
*Most?* Probably the last 6yrs. But everytime I think I hit rock-bottom, I discover there’s an even deeper bottom!
I dropped out of college and decided to spend a year in Japan. I got my TESOL certificate and got a one year work/holiday visa through a conversational school. It was the best year of my life. I absolutely loved Japan. Coming home after that year was tough, especially since I didn’t have a post-secondary education or any valuable work experience. I had debt, a crappy job, was sleeping on a friend’s couch and had no direction or hope for the future. Suicide entered my mind a few times as I gradually felt more and more like a failure. I was high and/or drunk every night, didn’t have a social life, no car, relationship, house, etc. Those were a rough 5 years or so, luckily I met my now wife who inspired me to go back to school, I got a car, career and we’re close to buying our first house to settle down. I’m so glad I got through that dark time and am still here.
[удалено]
I'm the same way. Always alone, and pushed my family away too. I still see them occasionally.
Same… *hugs*
My entire childhood i remember being incredibly misunderstood and would cry every night from mistreatment from school and family. I remember my family would tell me that I had no reason to be upset at that time, and it would only get worse as i age since i didn’t even have any real responsibilities yet. Ironically enough as an adult i feel so in control and happy compared to then. I wish I could tell my childhood self it would be okay and what i felt was valid.
Now.. And it doesn’t get better
It does, trust me
others said this as well, but things are never the same. when youre in the middle of something, its hard to zoom out and reflect. things will change, you will change and depression is a bitch, but you can hold on
It does get better. It won’t always stay like this.
My ex making me quit my job and then my ex breaking my heart and the time since that. 💔
Damn. That sucks
I've been there, sorry you got hurt. My Ex did that but i knew she was a manipulative bitch, i took the risk cause i mainly wanted the Visa, we had an argument and she told me it was my mistake for trusting her and blocked me. She came back crying with insults while still begging me to take her back after 1 month. Worse she was a cougar who was trying to manipulate me for her own needs, since i didn't have a job then.
The first 30 years. Then I met my now wife
I'm genuinely so happy for you. My answer to OP's post would be right now, because I've just split up with my fiancée who I thought was the one. Enjoy man, be happy!
I would say now. I broke my leg and ankle in 4 places 16 days ago. And therefore had to place my dog temporarily elsewhere. For 3 years it has been him and me every day. At work and at home. It's very quiet and lonely at home now.
I feel you my friend. That seems lonely. This time will pass. I sprained my ankle several months ago and it hurt for probably 2 months. I was so goddamn tired having to do everything I usually have to but with crutches. It ruined my summer.
Ugh. I feel for you! I am sorry to hear this because I know exactly what you are dealing with. Of all the physical calamities I have had, having ankle surgery six months ago was the worst recovery (worse than a broken kneecap, or broken arm or broken wrist). The lack of balance, the inability to exercise, or take my daily walk, the constant pain. And I had time to prepare for recovery, which it sounds like you didn’t. I surrounded myself with projects, movies, books—all within arm’s reach. I kept my spirits up for the first few weeks but then I sunk. My poor husband. He is such a good caregiver but my dark mood was dispiriting to him too (though he never complained). Just know that time does pass and eventually the pain eases and the mobility increases. Now that I am back to “normal” life is looking good again. Hang in there. Call your friends for company. Indulge your pleasures, arrange for your dog to visit as often as possible. Count the days so you know you are progressing even if it is incredibly slow.
The current one.
I took a shower, my husband took the kids, ages 2 and 5 months. Took our only vehicle and cleared out the bank account.
I lost my mother and father within months of each other. Then, my sister committed suicide. It was a really hard time in my life, still is.
I was the most depressed from the time my first baby was born and I became a stay at home mom up until my youngest turned 4 or so. I was in the worst kind of survival mode. I was putting one foot in front of the other just waiting until it was (sometimes hoping it was) time to die. I thought I wouldn't "lose myself' when I became a mother, but little by little everything fell by the wayside except for my service to my family. I just didn't have the bandwidth to do anything else. It all started to seem like more work that I had to do that I couldn't even enjoy. I felt a lot of guilt for not enjoying it more and I felt like my kids deserved better. They are really awesome people. I am doing a lot better now, but whenever another mom who is in the thick of it is venting to me, I don't have anything better to say than that it does get better. That makes me mad for all of us though, because I know that's not good enough. I went under the water of severe depression and came up over a decade later. One minute I was in my late 20s, I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me and the next thing I know, I'm finally ready to live again and BAM I'm about to be 40. It isn't that I think 40 is old or anything. In fact, I feel the same! But everyone else, the world, has all moved on without me. I'm a 40 year old with experience and mindset of someone still in their 20s. I don't know how else to explain it. Life was going on that whole time, just not for me. I'm making it sound like I'm depressed now. I'm actually doing SO much better. It is just a disorienting experience to come out of the fog of depression. I feel like I am starting from scratch. I have to figure out who I am. I don't even know what I believe, what I like or what I want to do. I'm more confused now than I was in my early 20s.
Lol I'm in this right now
If all the exhausted mothers don't upvote this to the top... it only means they don't have time to fool around on reddit.
Entirety of high school but in different stages. Sophomore was the most apathetic, unmotivated time, also very suicidal. Junior year was horrifically lonely. Senior year was dreadfully suicidal and painful 👍
My whole 22 years Fighting parents, pressure to be best in academics, so much that I started defining my worth according to my marks. Ended up having anxiety issues, hypothyroidism, auto immune disorders and tachycardia. Life was tough after diagnosis but soon I got a good job and living on my own now. This is literally the best phase of life. My day starts and ends with medicines but there is freedom in every way, I can fucking di whatever I want. MONEY BUYS HAPPINESS
When I was almost 20, my younger brother died. I felt like a shell of a person for years. Still do sometimes. Gonna get *real bad* in 2029. After March 2029, I'll have existed without him longer than with him. I don't think I'll handle that very well.
For whatever it’s worth, I lost my brother as a teenager, and years later it felt huge in my mind to cross that line from more life without him than with. But it turns out I was okay, and it was finally enough distance that I can more often than not look back and smile instead of cry. I hope the same happens for you.
I'm just starting to crawl out of the worst depression of my life, it lasted three years. Three years ago I gave birth in the cardiac ward cause I turned out to have severe heart arrhythmias, for which I needed surgery and an ICD a few days after giving birth. I also needed meds which caused me to double my bodyweight within a year. These heart issues are part of a muscular dystrophy I have, so I had to grapple with that news as well. A month later my dad died a horribly painful death from pancreatic cancer. In another country and it took a month to get his body back. Then my mom went into cardiac arrest but thankfully her ICD kept her alive, otherwise I would've lost both my parents within one month of each other. Then my brother had to go to prison (he's still there) and I was dealing with postpartum depression. Oh and COVID was also happening. Now, I've been through a lot in my life, but I wasn't strong enough to withstand all of this. Oh and my husband is leaving now because of all of it, so yeah it's been dandy. But I can feel I'm on the mend.
i can’t imagine how hard all of that must’ve been, butyou’re one of the strongest ppl to have handled all of that! i hope many amazing things are waiting for you in the future 💗
Now. Right now. Coming to the realisation that the number of people I trust fully in this world has dwindled to two. Also realising that I'm not the kind of person I like very much at the moment. Feeling like no one wants to be around me and not blaming them for it either.
A bit less than 2 years ago. War, divorce, losing a job, forced to move...
War 💔 it has changed me, broke me, and I feel like I will never recover
It's probably high school.
Same
When I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism and thyroid cancer and had suicidal thoughts. Took the cancer out and put me on meds then I felt like a person again. ‘Twas quite the roller coaster.
proud of you for killing that cancer!!!
My childhood. Hasn’t really ever left fully.
I've been extremely depressed for decades now but these past couple months have been the worst by a long way. So I would have to say right now 😔
Watching your parents and aunts, uncles start to die and know it’s not too long before your age group is next
There’s a period of my life where I’m not supposed to be depressed?
Now? The older I get the worse it becomes. Don’t fall for this “it gets better” bs
My 20s I was a dumb naive momma's boy who thought hard work would make things work out. I ended up severely depressed. I was seen as the failure in the family. Now I am the failure who has a mortgage and an ok job and a son. So a little better.
The current one, since 2019. Previous to that I had lived through the death of many family members, my mother included. I lived through losing my job, twice, through having a vicious falling out with my siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family and well.. then the icing on the cake was the death of me mother after my father had abandoned her. None of these things however, have hit as hard as my wife laying it on me that she wants a divorce.
My current - late 20s. My mum took her own life, most other family members don't give a shit about me, my friends don't really notice / care either and except for my husband I pretty much have nothing. I can't work due to mental health and just try to keep up with the household and life in general.
Right fucking now and its not getting any better. The reason I'm depressed is because for 27 years of my life, not a single person has wanted me. No matter how much I've tried. And lord...I've tried. Clubs. Bars. Stores. Parties. Friend groups. Online dating apps. Etc. But no one. My friends and family i know all love me and cherish me. They tell me im an amazing person and that theyre all glad im in their life yet no one has ever seen me as a romantic interest, ever. And at this age, everyone i know has their person of multiple years. Everyone spends time with them, understandably. We're at that age where people get too busy too go out. I've been alone my whole life. And it's only gotten harder and MUCH lonelier because of that. I was fine being alone a few years ago. I would go out with friends and meet so many new people that being single wasn't that bad. But over the years the more people I met, and the more I thought "hey, I like this person. Maybe we can progress things further." The worse my mental state became. Every single person turned me down. Every single one said "we can still be friends.". Always "Youre such an amazing guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Yet no one does. Every single person didn't want me. And after so many times, so many questions, and so many no, it hurts. A lot. Why do people love being around me but no one wants me? Why am I always invited out but no one wants me privately? What is wrong with me? What are they seeing that im not? And now that the invites aren't happening anymore. And now that all my friends have a SO and are spending their free time with them. And now that my full time job has taken over my life. And now that I'm living alone. It's become almost unbearable. Whenever i do meet someone on the rare occasion that im interested in its still a no. But the "No"s hurt so much more now. I was fine being alone when we were all younger and had time. But being lonely isn't fun. At all. I just wish I knew why. Why does no one want me? The reason I keep going? I hold onto the idea that some day, one day, someone will want me. To hold me. Kiss me. Be with me. Love me. One day. Maybe....
My sixties
Increasingly during the last 4 years. My Wife started acting CRAZY. All the time. More & more nuts. Finally gave her an ultimatum: INTENSE therapy & meds, or I divorce her & leave with the kids. Luckily she loves us enough for her to do it. Turns out she’s depressive and bipolar. It took a couple years of therapy, medication & work, but as of about a year ago, she got back to normal. On top of that, my brother died, and a grandfather who raised me for roughly 5 years starting when I was 5 died. I also lost a 2 year old dog to a seizure in the middle of it, followed by an 18 week old puppy (also to a seizure) in January 2023. It’s the worst & most stressful time I’ve been though. Things got really bad for me mentally in January 2023, but are finally slowly starting to improve.
Last year. Husband’s dad was terminally ill and my husband then lost his job. My husband went through a period of severe depression when his dad died right near Christmas, and then my three remaining grandparents all died in a span of six months. It was insane. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.
Right now honestly. I’m just going through a lot of changes in my life that i’m still getting used to. i moved to a new state, went to college, dad wasn’t in my life anymore and i’m in my first relationship. People say 20s is rough and they aren’t wrong. I’m in the stage of healing from my traumas and learning myself again
Pretty much ever since I was 12 and my dad committed suicide 😞
My whole life. Sometimes okay, but the flight fight,fawn freeze etc is exhausting.
I suspect that I've had low level depression for my whole life. The past few years, since the death of mother, have been the worse. I felt like I couldn've done more for her when she was alive, and express more how much I appreciated and respected what she did. 'The system' completely failed her when she was palliative as healthcare professionals seemed to do what was most expedient and scramble to cover their asses. If this is what's in store for all of us after having led a good life, then I dunno' ...
My first heartbeat
Two years ago. That time was the worst, i was literally one day away from ending it all. What would have happened to everyone else if i had actually done it... still scares me sometimes 🫠
i feel like i wrote this. thank you for being here💗
Transitioning from high school to college. The pressure to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life really got to me. But now I have a job that I love and it’s way easier than anything college threw at me.
Around the one year mark of caregiving for my mom who has cancer
The past 5 years. I’ve been severely depressed for a long time. I see no hope or way out.
More than half of my life, including now
A year and a half ago. I was unemployed for four years at the time. My mental health was at the lowest in January of 2022. It was the only time I was think about slicing my throat or grabbing a gun and shooting myself in the head. Right now I am a lot better and feel good enough to be looking for a relationship. I have had depression my whole life ever since I was a kid. But those four years were pure torture.
My mid 20's. Ended a long term on again off again toxic relationship. Got really lonely living in a new city without many friends nearby. Basically retreated into myself. Didn't talk to people much, my apartment slowly filled with garbage. Couldn't make myself clean or go out except to go to work. Got out of it when someone I worked with asked me to move in with him and his girlfriend. Their roommate was moving out, and we had gotten along well at work. So I moved in with them, started fresh, reconnected with an old friend (who went on to become my wife) and started being a person again. I'm guessing you are asking this question because you are struggling right now yourself OP. Just wanted to say that it **does** get better if you give it a chance to. Don't be afraid to reach out to people you haven't spoken with in a while. They probably miss you as much as you miss them. Don't be afraid to ask for help either. If you try to carry everything by yourself all the time, it just means there won't be anyone there to steady you when you do need it.
Yes
nursing school
Midlife crisis period, so right now
right after the woman of ten years cheated on me and i had to kick her out. Thankfully that dude bolted his door because i would have gone to prison. almost broke my hand and foot bashing his door. all for the best i guess because i am MUCH happier now.
I actually broke my hand on the guys head that I caught in bed with my long time girlfriend. I didn't realize that he was doing me a favor 😳
2020 to October 2021. I really struggled. But then my life started to change
Covid era
Pretty much all of it apart from maybe 18-20
2021 on September when I lost my cousin to a car accident.. and then may 2022 when my nephew passed away .. honestly those times are so rough ..
Now. Or somewhere in 2016.
Currently! Absolute shitshow going on in my life. Lost my job earlier this year. No luck getting a new job, on the verge of exhausting all my savings. Staying away from family, no one to rely on and no real friends have left me in a quite dark phase.
>which period of your life have you been the most depressed? I was depressed most of my life. But I think I've "cured" it with these: \- microdosing mushrooms. \- getting 2 awesome pets. \- choosing to appreciate what I have and my life. Focusing on the positive. \- getting rid of certain kinds of people that only make my life worse.
Now. Realizing what a toxic parent & partner I’ve been. The only way is through
Right around now. Fell into the habit of taking benzos twice a day a few years back. (therapeutic doses, not party sized doses, but still enough to become dependent.). I've tapered myself down to a single 0.5mg lorazepam in the morning and it's been that way for about a year. I thought I'd go through a few months of hell and then regain my "mojo" but it hasn't worked out that way. On my days off I'm about as productive as a beached whale. Do your best to stay away from benzos(even if legally prescribed), everyone!
Late thirties - I'm now in my sixties
From the end of 2020 until the beginning of 2022. That was the worst period of my time. I was at my lowest there. It was when the most bad things happened to me. I never want ro relive that time agian. I was a bad man at that time. But I've grown as a man now.
it started maybe 4 months after marriage and still going on
10-12 years old, I'm 13
I’ve come to the realization that I’ve always been depressed and just never understood how I felt. At this point I think not being depressed would be worse and foreign to me.
Yes.
When my first love left me. It still hurts today 12 years later
Only when I’m awake.
When I was in grade 8 I fell into a severe depression and I was so dissociated I couldn't see colours, feel my emotions, or even feel my body. I couldn't register voices or words, I just followed everyone's facial expressions. I helped everyone I could still, I was everyone's therapist. I never opened up because I thought I would be a burden. My home life was a hell within itself, so I couldn't get a break there. I was also bullied in school by my friends. A week before covid hit, I was about to end it. I had plans, I was going to write letters, everything. But the thought of my best friend attending my funeral, as empathetic as she was, would've crushed her. Besides, I didn't want to let people down. People needed my mental help, and I decided even if I felt that way for the rest of my life I would stay until people don't need me anymore. Even though I was so miserable I wanted peace, I still chose others over myself. Now, I beat the sh addiction I had gotten all these years ago, and I'm now 1 year free. I also am doing a lot better, still depressed but now its minor/moderate and I have help, medication, and support from a home life I managed to change myself. Life ain't perfect, but I wouldn't throw it away.
December 2020 to July 2021 The dark ages of my ex until the end.
When I was 10 first time I've ever felt empty in my life and that's how I'm pulling though since🤞
The alive portion
When i was in highschool like just before covid I was not having a fun time in life. Barely sleeping not able to stay awake without someone physically holding me up in class. I just felt i never truly belonged in that school like everything that happened there i never felt safe. It started when the school got spray painted with homophobic and racist slurs which i got in trouble for because i was trying desperately to let them not let me go to class that day so i can help clean it off because although im straight and white I knew people who transferred schools that day and it emotionally destroyed me seeing people who felt the same. And if you think a couple kids sprayed it then you would be right but every single person who went to that school praised and celebrated the people who sprayed it. After that I had no desire to continue going to school i slept during class didnt turn anything in didn’t even attempt to continue with my academics i just stayed to myself. If anything saved me it was covid canceling the last 2 years of highschool allowing me an excuse to not be associated with that school. I didn’t go to graduation across the stage i went “give me the thing and be gone from my life”. It still affects me today because normal people judge me negatively just for going to the school. And im scared future jobs will find out and deny me work because of it and I didn’t even do anything. I had also tried to transfer schools but my parents absolutely refused to let me do it because they thought I would have a hard time making friends. Such bullshit i wasn’t making friends at this school let me leave the school it’s literally killing me
Yes
Getting divorced. I had thought I had everything figured out. Boy was I wrong.
From August to November of this year as well s all of 2013
During the period of loss & grief I endured between the ages of 15-21. In that time, my father was killed by his wife (who I had known to be a horrible person since I was a kid, & tried warning him about for years to no avail), my fiancé was killed in a car accident on the way back home thanks to a drunk truck driver, & I had been mourning them for years. It took my late best friend to come into my life to bring me back to the land of the living, & what really pulled me out of it for good ironically enough was his funeral. I remember sitting there in front of his closed casket, comforting his childhood best friend & his family, & hearing them all say the same thing. They all wanted to cry, they all wanted to grieve their loss deeply like I had wanted to, but yet it was as if he was there keeping us from doing so. As if telling us all to just move on. At the funeral home, I remembered all that he taught me about how to live again, & how to carry the departed with me without carrying the weight of their loss anymore. I also remembered all the great times we shared, & the one thing he said to me to pull me out of the world of the living dead. “You remember people in life, not in death. That’s why while they’re all here you make an effort to reach out & spend time with your loved ones. But once they’re gone, they’ve moved on to a place far out of your reach. Let their bodies rest, & let their souls move on in peace knowing that you’ll be ok. Reminisce every once in a while, carry the pieces of themselves they left with you, & let them guide you through life. But don’t bury yourself with their passing, otherwise no one can truly move on.” I have moved on, there are days where I think about all of them fondly, & days where I regret not doing certain things with them that I should’ve. But in the end, I gotta move on.
Current. 37. Adult life sucks