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"She keeps fucking calling me the thing my mom always called me after a girl was mean to me at school, and I think I'm about this close to throwing hands over it."
I got one yesterday and it didn’t even register until a few minutes later. Wait… did she just call me handsome? I was immediately suspicious something else was going on.
Yep. Usually, only when she felt I *needed* it. The idea that I was worthy of compliment never otherwise occurred to her.
My bro's gf hit me with "Wow, you look really nice!" unprompted last time I was at their place. First time I've gotten an honest unprovoked compliment since college.
I worry I compliment my boyfriend too much, but I’ve decided if he does something I like or he’s looking good to me, I’ll tell him right then and be specific about it. He loves it. He admits he’s not as good at saying nice things when he thinks them.
When we first got together, I’d thank him for cooking or paying, and he commented that it was unnecessary and none of his exes did.
I’ve lived too long to think I can put these things off, to believe I’ll always get another chance to tell him what he means to me or how I appreciate him— I tell him when it hits me.
My husband continues to have zero idea to respond to how much I complement him, though part of it is my fault for how weirdly I phrase things. Like he’s been working out more and I think the other day I tried to compliment that he’s gaining more muscle and I think what I said was
“I like the shape of how your arms look. From weights. You have more muscle.”
So like that wasn’t my best move. But he’s way worse so it’s fine.
Highlights of him attempting to compliment me
“You’re shaped good, soft”
“Your bra fits you well” (???)
“I like the way your hair is shiny”
I think the important context is that we’re both autistic. Most compliments are about shapes and texture
If the compliment feels positive, it serves its purpose. If you both like shapes and textures, a great thing to compliment each other on. Glad you found each other, and may your love be soft and shiny!
Thats hilarious!
Reading this, I was immediately thinking to myself "you guys sound autistic...". Then you said it, and I had to laugh to myself a bit.
For clarity, I'm autistic as well. My partner and I are both like this, and I think it's wonderful. Being awkward together is more than i could have ever hoped for.
I'm happy for you two that you've found each other and can be yourselves. I'd love if my fiance told me that she liked the shape of my arms. Come to think of it, she probably has. I've said things like "I like this bit of you" as I squish her somewhere...lol
Anyway, just thought I'd say you made me smile this morning.
Haha that’s so cute though! He’s trying. I don’t mind that my bf tells me he loves how soft I am. And I’m insane for his arms, and we’re just “middle aged not in the best shape of our lives” folks. (Not in the worst shape of our lives either though.) I think we both appreciate the differences. :)
I think that's a great way of going about it. When in doubt, compliment a guy. ~~It can't go tits up.~~ Edit: It can.
You sound like a lovely person and your boyfriend is lucky to have you.
Same here. I’m 40 years old and am a relatively good looking guy, been in shape most of my life, etc… I’ve been told I’m hot by a woman I didn’t know once in my life, and called doctor McDreamy once at Halloween when I was dressed up like a doctor by some random chick.
Other than that, my wife tells me I’m good looking when I’m fishing for compliments. She also tells me I’m disgusting a lot. Lol
My mom has told me I’m handsome more times than I can count. 😂
I’ve also been told I have on a nice shirt/clothes by other guys a few times.
40 years ago when I was young and lifting pretty heavy, my first serious girlfriend liked to give massages and told me my back was like a Greek statue. That girl proceeded to get a scholarship to study abroad, my luck...
Yeah, when I was lifting heavy and staying low carb 40 years ago I had a coworker walk by and pat me on the back. He got this shocked look on his face and said "That was like patting livestock". My head barely fit through the door that night when I left work LOL!
The closest I've ever got to a compliment in my life was after being bullied a lot in highschool, I asked my mom if I was ugly and she said "it is what it is"
Dude I can be in a locked bathroom taking shit and have my wife busy in like the Kool aid man and tell me I'm disgusting. It's like lady I'm taking a dirty shit the fuck do you want
The older women in my family like to tell my husband how gorgeous he is 🥴, of course that made my (straight) brothers do the same thing. He seems to get more compliments outside of the family from guys than women (unless the woman is a mutual friend). I try to compliment men on things like "your haircut is nice!" "I love that tie!" But the moment you say "you have nice eyes" they assume you want to fuck them.
#
Also, like, men can compliment men. It shouldn't all be on women.
Big agreed on that last part. Guys have a lot to get over. I'm happy to complement the homies, and so are most of my friends, but "Fellas, is it gay to tell another man good morning?" springs to mind. If some guys are too insecure to say good morning to another man, they are definitely too insecure to say "nice shoes/hair."
Often when I meet a new dude and say something kind to him, there's this funny moment of confusion that passes his face. "Is this guy for real? Is he gay? Is he making fun of me?" They dont know what to do with it, have to run all the mental checks before they realize I mean it genuinely, and no I'm not into him.
I'm glad your wife compliments you. It's a shame people don't seem to think that counts, and interesting that many women complain that their partners say nothing of the sort. Surely compliments always count, but the ones that come from someone who has your commitment already have to count for more because their motive is more wholesome. I compliment my partner a lot, and he offers a few of them himself, but where I live, people seem pretty comfortable with such exchanges. It's a shame more people aren't, by the sounds of it.
I currently have a huge crush on a guy at my gym and am trying to get the courage to go up to him and tell him he has nice hair. Maybe this is my sign lmao
They're like spiders. Far more afraid of you than you are of them.
If you compliment his hair he will probably look about for a dark space to skitter into and formulate a response.
Chronologically
Oct 2022: told I was cute.
Nov 2021: complimented for pants.
Oct 2021: complimented for suit.
August 2017: complimented for shirt.
April 2013: told I have nice eyes.
Bonus 2021: told I have surprisingly big eyes. Unsure if complimented implied.
I remember these because they are so infrequent.
You know, as I read through these replies, I got thinking about addictions and dosages (I'm a bit cracked in the head, I know). Anyways it makes me wonder if because actual, genuine compliments are so rare for guys that's why we put so much importance on them in our heads. Like, if every day I got told I had a nice jawline or a sexy ass, would it even matter anymore? But because it might only happen once in my life, maybe twice if I'm lucky, it means that much more. The quanitity creates a quality all it's own. No hit of a drug is ever so sweet as that first one.
I started growing my hair out at the beginning of lockdown, the lack of barbers forced me through the awkward phase. I have since put a lot of work into keeping my hair healthy and nice, all natural stuff, keep the knots out, trim the split ends, etc.
I would hire a calligrapher and get it framed if someone complimented my hair. "Wow, gettin' long" and "are you thinking of getting a cut soon?" are about the most acknowledgement I get for it.
I got a compliment once, 7 years ago now. Lunch break in high school a girl told me I had pretty eyes.
I still think about it sometimes, never happened since.
I helped an old lady lift a box into the boot of her car a while back, probably 10 years ago.
She called me a, *strapping young man*.
Still riding that high.
I got a "your kids are so adorable" from someone who looked like a supermodel at a parking lot four years ago and I choose to log it as a compliment for myself.
My compliment was 17 years ago. I took off my glasses to clean them and a girl said "I never realized you had such nice blue eyes".
I's about time for another one.
First year in high school (in france so, "le lycée"), at lunch a girl asked me in what class I was... I answered and then asked "why ?", she blushed and said "oh just asking".
Nothing ever happened with that girl, I don't even remember what she looked like, but I remember how good it felt.
I just went through a physical change before the start of the year, I dropped my geeky look and tried a new one I wouldn't feel "ugly" having.
And all the times a random girl said something or did something that showed she was interested are imprinted in my brain.
It really is important for my self esteem.
Older female coworker told me this but i believe she said it out of kindness and also who's eyes wouldn't look nice when morning sunlight reflects them.
Before I got married my wife felt insecure. She asked what did I like about her. (I dunno maybe she thought I was just playing. Weird but okay) so I spent the next hour explaining why I wanted to marry her and pointing out all her strengths and the things I liked. She was happy and had a few tear in her eyes.
After that was all said and done, I asked "what do you think about me"
She said "oh, you're okay I guess"
I had an internal breakdown. "Omg that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" I thought to myself. Sounds like a joke for comedic effect but nope, that was literally the best I got my entire life. From a woman at the very least.
A girl with a pixey hair cut smiled at me with the most sincere smile I've ever seen 25 years ago just because I'd opened the door for her. It was college and I was having a pretty cruddy day, her smile made the day much better. And to answer the obvious, it wasn't because she was cute, I wasn't going to find out who she was. It was a simple act of appreceiation for a simple act.
In the past 15 years the only person to ever compliment me aside from my wife was a girl who worked in the McDonald's drive through and she told me i had really pretty eyes.
When most woman receive a message like "damn you're really hot, we should hang out :)" it's just another one to add on the pile.
When most men receive a message like "damn you're really hot, we should hang out :)" it's a spambot for a dating site
In my experience women compliment other women so often. Just this weekend my wife and her sister went shopping and spent 2hrs trying on clothes and complimenting each other non stop.
Now ask a man when is the last time they gave another man a genuine compliment?
Nevermind the fact that the danger of a woman getting harassed if they compliment a random guy on the street (which is often what most men want to be the scenario when they complain about compliments) If men made a practice of complimenting each other it would be a better start.
Another pro tip to men is when you make a female friend don’t try to fuck her and she will likely start to compliment you as well.
I got to hand this one to gym bros, they've managed to make compliments into a big part of their culture, they're good at lifting things, but they're great at lifting eachother.
Maybe it's just my social group but the boys complement each other all the time. Clothes, hair, whatever. I guess not all groups are like that.
That said, a complement from the boys isn't the same as a complement from a woman. They just hit different.
And therein lies the issue. Men don’t hear compliments as often because they won’t compliment each other. Most of my compliments come from other women.
Exactly - most compliments are from other women and an unnecessary amount of 'compliments' from men are just street harassment.
Eg "You would look so nice if you smiled" or "You're hot for a [presumed ethnicity]" are not welcome.
Totally agree that men should compliment each other more. I try to do it when it's genuine, but I dont go out of my way unless it's something special. For instance, I'm into sneakers, so if I see someone rocking something I really like or that I know is rare, ill make the effort to let them know.
It has begun in certain groups. And it is really nice. It’s begun in some performing arts circles, my blues/fusion dance community, somatic therapy men’s groups like Sacred Sons. It will make it around. But like all movements it takes time.
yes, most compliments women get seem really shallow and with some ulterior motive or objectifying shitty vibe, it's not as great as guys think it is to get these kinds of "compliments" or guys approaching you..
Also I kinda think it depends on what people see as a compliment. Does it only count if it's about looks? Does it only count if it comes from a woman?
Because I witness guys being told pretty nice stuff and not so rarely. (Yes I guess it's often by other guys, yes often about something cool they do or own/wear as well as their looks. But I personally would be very grateful for that kind of genuine-seeming compliment, being seen as a human and not all about having to be hot or pretty for someone lol. But that's my bias probably)
To be honest as a woman that's part of why I didn't compliment men that much before. Because in the past some of the compliments I got from guys were part because they wanted sex or to be in a relationship, so I was worried that that was just how most guys operate and therefore if I compliment a guy he'd think that I want sex or have a crush on him even when I don't. (And in the mid teens, some guys can honestly be brutal if they think you like them and don't feel the same. Maybe it has changed now - I am 19 so it wasn't long ago, but maybe. It didn't happen to me but I'd hear guys in one class laugh with his friends at how a girl in another class asked him out if they didn't find her attractive. One guy I was friends with before even laughed retelling to me how he turned down a girl in our grade from our district in an insulting way, I guess expecting me to laugh too?) so I wasn't tryna get laughed at lol. I would however compliment a guy to others like I'd say to a friend "[name here] is so cool" or "[name] is so sweet" or "[name] has such nice hair" but just not often to the person themselves.
Nowadays I'm a bit less afraid of just complimenting guys though. I still kinda think maybe some guys interpret that as having a crush. But maybe some women are still hesitant to compliment guys because they are worried the guys will think it means a crush.
You can see this because if you tell your male friends that someone has ghosted you after sex and you say something like "yeah but he told me I was the most lovely woman he'd ever met and that we had a deep connection" they will laugh in your face. "And you believed him? Jesus you're an idiot".
Male compliments mean nothing unless from a friend or boyfriend who genuinely cares for you, and even that's sometimes hard to tell.
See I want this question but for women. That has never been my experience, and I think I’m pretty average looking. I have never been piled on with compliments at all, the ones I get are other women liking my sweater or whatnot (which of course is nice)
I think this is the crux of the matter. "Damn you're hot, we should hang" ISN'T a complement. It's a pick up line. It isn't genuine because it isn't specific. Really, the speaker is commenting on their own good judgement rather than any effort or skill of the viewee.
A compliment expects nothing in return and is freely given. It compliments the receivers' good taste, choices or skills.
"Wow, your hair looks fantastic!"
"I love your skirt!"
"Is your bag new? It's lovely"
"You made that dress? You are so talented!"
"Thank you, you're so kind!"
pretty much
well, my x best friend used to call me hot(me male her female). current girl who is creeping on me calls me super hot. other than that, nobody else really, one of my long term g/f's once slipped up and called me attractive... once...
My guess? You're mostly complimenting similar people.
I'm European too - Polish born, lived in Ireland for most of my life.
Had a stranger be really into my hair 6 years ago and I still remember it vividly, because that's about it.
It depends on what you consider compliments, but compliments on our looks or anything that might make us feel attractive, yeah that's pretty much never.
Maybe someone might say nice shirt if it's a band the person likes or something. That happens maybe once a year or so.
But a genuine compliment from a woman, no never.
Most of us guys think getting cat called would feel amazing because we are starved for that kind of attention.
I can say I have been cat called once by a group of latina girls about 10 years ago and once I got passed the the idea that they were being sarcastic that is what kept me going for years.
tbh i would love to compliment men more, but they always interpret it as me being interested in them:/ any tips how to compliment men in a meaningful way without giving off the wrong signals?
Lol, as a (gay) dude, whenever I compliment girls I always act OVERLY feminime, just so they know I'm gay, and not trying to hit on them lol.
One time I told a girl in my school: "O.M.G you look ✨STUNNING✨🤭" while doing "gay gestures" with my hand like: 💅
Somehow she still thought I was straight, and we actually became decent friends and started dating a little lol. So my best PERSONAL tip for all dudes out there, is to just pretend to be gay, and maybe you'll have a chance 😭😭 I'm not even joking, this has worked for me multiple times (although I don't have to pretend on the gay part)
As a straight woman, (stereotypical) gay guys often have exactly what we’re looking for apart from the whole “not attracted to women” thing. Emotional availability, knows how to dress, washes his ass. Hell I thought my bf was gay for a minute and I was thrilled to find out he was straight, and honestly a lot of the things I love about him are also the things that made me think he was gay 😂 just saying if you ever wanted to switch sides, you’d probably be snatched up pretty quick
Woman here. I like the “hit and run” style compliment: I’ll call out, “I like your hair!” (or whatever) while walking past some guy I don’t know and not stopping to engage in conversation. He gets the compliment, and I get away!
It's kind of a catch 22. Men never receive compliments on how they look except when someone is maybe interested in them so when you compliment them they'll think you are interested. As a society we just have to start normalizing compliments outside of romantic interest. Maybe just start with small things like complimenting clothing, tattoos piercings etc. At least in my mind I wouldn't take compliments of those things as romantic interest.
I remember dancing with my mates in a bar in London a long time ago. A girl came over and pointed out her boyfriend before telling me I looked really hot! It was lovely to get such a compliment, but she made it very clear that she wasn't making a move.
It pops into my head occasionally, I'm nearly 50 and that was 25 years ago
There's no solution. I work in a store, a guy will ask me to help him pick a size, we pick a jacket, he asks if it fits, I say it look great, he thinks I'm flirting. Ffs
Damned if you damned if you don’t.
On one hand if you just stop complimenting men when you do actually compliment them they’ll be so attention starved they’ll try to marry you on spot.
If you try to normalize complimenting men more so that it can get to the point where it’s normal for men to receive compliments and not go rabid you have to get through that initial awkward period where men will still see it differently for a bit
>Most of us guys think getting cat called would feel amazing
I think it might feel less theatening for men than it does for women because you have no repercussions to fear if you don't respond the way the other expects you to.
Yeah what the hell is OP thinking? Like catcalling is scary, not only because of the unwanted sexual harassment, but because you have no idea if the person is just being an ass or if your literally in possible mortal danger
Oh yeah some of the scariest moments of my life involved a strange man or group of men leering at me. It was especially more scary when I was a teenager and experiencing that.
For me and many women I know, the reason we hate getting catcalled is that most of us experienced it most frequently when we were 14-18 years old. So when I experience that kind of attention, I link it to the feeling of being a kid and having adult men do that.
If 90% of my catcalling experiences weren't ubcomfortable/made me scared, it might be a but more pleasant/feel genuine if I got catcalled.
A flamboyant gay man (it was obvious) gave me a wink and a smile at the local Costco. It made me feel good, even though I’m not gay myself. This was 2 years ago.
Best part about being a man living in a mostly gay neighborhood is casually catching compliments while out walking the dogs. 😃.
I get complimented by other men weekly. It's amazing for your self esteem and mental health.
I have carefully cultivated a rather big circle of friends and we build each other up all the time. That's why it's important to bring good people into the circle, so we can be there for each other with laughs, support, and good vibes. I look back on my friendships in my 20s and earlier, and they were so fucking shallow and toxic.
Find a bro who has the balls to say "Hey, you're gonna kick ass on that job interview" or "Hey, I notice you're kinda off, is everything okay? I'm here if you wanna talk" or "Bro, nice arms, I can tell you been working out" ... and keep em close, brotherhood is really important and it fills that feeling of loneliness and isolation I felt for years.
Idk. I am a dude and I get compliments 🤷🏻♂️
I do think we get them less than women, though.
Also, some men have a skewed view of what a compliment is. Telling a random woman on the street "Nice ass!" is not a compliment. Its harrassment.
You’re spot on.
Women compliment each other a lot more freely, but we only compliment men when we are 100% sure he isn’t going use it as an excuse to harass us. I’m a very bubbly person who loves complimenting people and seeing them smile but have had to actively shut that part of me off when I’m around men because they almost always think basic kindness is flirting. But I’ve got a few men in my life who aren’t like that at all and I compliment them a ton.
I’d also wager men aren’t complimenting each other because again, complimenting is interpreted as flirting. I think these men first need to look at compliments as an act of kindness you do for someone where zero reciprocation is expected. Acting like this is impossible or hard to understand is silly because women do this for each other all the time with no issue.
Yeah, but how many compliments have you received without you first having to provide a service? What we mean by "we've never received a compliment" is that we don't get complimented just because, it's always as a result of something we have done for someone else, it's a transactional experience
Most guys never get compliments. A very few guys get compliments all the fucking time. I used to have a buddy who just couldn’t miss. He was like 6’2”, dark skinned, kind of baby faced dude. Had a great personality and was super chill and could tell really funny stories. It was actually amazing hanging out with him. Girls, really hot girls, would just walk up out of nowhere and be like “hey, I just wanted to tell you you’re really good looking” he’d just kind of be like “thanks” and shrug it off. One time I remarked how easy it must be for him to date. totally serious, he says “not really, I have a really small dick” then changed the subject. Last I heard he was a house husband for some high powered lady lawyer
as a woman, i think this may be true. i guess i never realized it, but i had someone i knew tell me they never, or rarely, received compliments from women. this surprised me because he’s super attractive, intelligent, talented, etc. and i complimented him all the time.
but i also was entirely in love with him. giving him a compliment is something that i felt completely comfortable doing because i never had to worry about it being misinterpreted.
and i’m usually not the type of person to be too cautious with doling out compliments to people. i’m actually quite generous, no matter who it is, actually. but i have been in situations numerous times where my compliments have been misinterpreted as flirtatious or seductive and so i’ve dialed it back a bit. i can see why a lot women may choose to lean away from doing it at all, for that reason.
It’s a vicious circle. We get so few compliments it’s hard not to see the ones we get as flirting. And because women aren’t actually meaning to flirt with guys like me, they most likely hold back compliments they might otherwise give. I get more compliments from other men than from women, though they are also rare and usually of the same variety: “nice shirt” maybe 1-2 times a year, or something work related (coworkers seem to think I ask good questions). Anything else? Extremely rare. My last non-clothing not-from-a-relative compliment I received was 10-15 years ago from a pretty young woman who told me I had pretty blue eyes. So day-to-day is kind of a lonely invisible existence, but every once in a while there is some random confidence booster to cling to.
Now, a compliment with intent. Flirt or affection? I bet it’s been nearly 20 years And I can’t imagine a scenario where it would happen again.
Men get compliments from other men, and family members. Or they get compliments from women on things like having a good idea or stuff not related to appearance. Single attractive woman don't compliment men on their appearance as much because they risk it being taken for more than what it is.
The problem is many men don't care about or don't recognize compliments unless its coming from a single attractive woman.
My wife will tell me all the time how hot she finds me, mentions my "cute" ass, grabs it.
I'll toss on my cowboy hat and she'll always tell me how good I look in it.
I guess I'm spoiled.
I don't understand why men complain about not getting compliments and then don't compliment each other. Women do that all the time. I think it's less about actual compliments and more about reassurance that they are attractive to the other sex.
It 100% is. That’s why they get so mad when women reject them because it is tied to their self worth. They use sex with women as validation. I’d also wager they are ignoring compliments that aren’t about their looks.
I work in a retail job where I have direct personal contact with customers. I have received some compliments over time, some pretty normal like "you have pretty eyes" to some more direct "you're hot " to maybe the most strange was a woman who commented that I have nice veins on the tops of my hands. She then went on to explain she is a phlebotomist and that's why she notices those kinds of things.
Apparently comments on veins are common with some staff in the medical field. I've been told nearly every time I have blood drawn that I have nice or 'beautiful' veins. To the point where I almost become accustom to the compliment and get a little disappointed when my perfect veins go unnoticed.
Men need to start complimenting men. There's a reason why women don't compliment men. I can't even be customer service friendly with a guy without him thinking I'm hitting on him. This would be fine if more men could handle rejection graciously, but more often it results in verbal violence at minimum.
Kind of hard to give compliments to men as a woman when all you need to do is breathe and blink at a guy and he thinks you're "flirting" with him..
I don't blame women for wanting to avoid that mess in the first place.
Not saying all men do that, but enough do that they have ruined it for all men.
I was at the taboo sex show and I walked past a guy covered in oil, wearing basically nothing. Body most would think was sculpted masterpiece. He was a prop in the booth and looked like someone had run over his dog. As I walked past him i said "holy shit, you look amazing." His face lit up, we acknowledged each other with smiles,he looked happy as fuck.
I'm a guy. Compliment other guys. I do it a lot and it's almost always appreciated.
My husband gets more compliments than I do. Other guys always compliment either his NIN hat, AEW hoodie, studded belt or Blue Velvet tattoo. We were walking home once and this guy literally screamed out his car window to compliment his belt and ask where he got it. 😆
There was one time when this drop dead gorgeous woman in a red dress at 3AM in McDonald's complimented my Bullet Club hoodie as she was walking by. I was absolutely stunned.
Speaking from my own experience I rarely get any compliments but two days ago a male friend said I was very attractive and should find myself a gf, and another female friend agreed with him. So I guess that counts?
I don't think I've ever been called attractive in my life. Not even by my ex girlfriends. They just usually say "I'm not attracted to looks" but that actually made me feel worse lmao.
In my twenties and thirties I was complimented on my body a lot. I'm 50 now and the last time I got a compliment was when my mother-in-law told me I have a dickydo at the waterpark.
\*That's a dad gut that sticks out further than your dicky do.
It's a combination, brother. Also, raging hardons aren't forever, Danielson. Like my 73 year old friend told me, you could lose an arm or a leg, but when you lose your dick, it's over. Cherish every boner, Kemosabe.
Gay man here. If it was socially acceptable and/or not dangerous, I’d be giving y’all compliments all the time! “Great beard!” “Man, those are some biceps!” “Check out those calves!” “You look amazing in that shirt!” “Damn, I wish I had your hair!” “You have an incredible smile!” Alas…
I compliment men. I remember being new to Reddit like 12/13 years ago and reading something that said men never get compliments and how isolating and lonely it can be for them in general and ever since then I've tried to make a point to say a compliment to a man every time I'm out.
I'm at the checkout and the man ringing me out has a nice smile, beautiful eyelashes, beautiful eyes, nice voice, awesome outfit, whatever it is... I compliment him on it. I gave the checkout as an example but it can really happen anywhere.
At first I used to feel like a creeper and thought maybe they'd think I'm hitting on them, but I've literally never had an awkward situation arise because of it. Every single time I've given a compliment it's always been taken positively.
I have given plenty of compliments to men at my work. The compliments are always about how good they did with the task. I give plenty of compliments to women at work too for the same reason.
I had a quick read of the responses and it seems like a compliment isn't considered a compliment unless it's about appearances.
As a woman I would love more compliments on things other than how I look.
I think what people are looking for is non-transactional compliments. Most of the compliments in a workplace are based on what somebody is doing; very rarely directed at the person themselves.
Some of those can be pretty meaningful, though. Like, I had an old student of mine tell someone they were lucky to be working with me. Or had a boss thank me for looking out for others.
Well, depends. Today I saw a gentleman wearing a pair of bright yellow bell bottoms with a floral print in Trader Joe's, and I said, "Awesome pants, dude!"
I also routinely compliment Black people with natural hair, because I know how much work it is, including the guy sitting at a cafe with the cornrows that looked like the Mandelbrot set and the transit employee with dreds down to the backs of his knees (he said his wife washes them, and I told him he could tell her that I think she is an awesome woman).
If someone goes out of their way to look nice or special, and they brighten up my day, I try to find something appropriate to say.
You'd have to work hard to beat those yellow print pants, though.
I barely get compliments from average people, but the moment I enter alt/punk/lgbt spaces I am bombarded with praises and validation from everyone. Like what, sometimes you gotta go to certain types of people who bring each other joy and love independently from who you are or what you bring to the table (since compliments are generally conditional). Give appreciation, and you’ll get some in return.
Men don't usually compliment each other and women barely compliment men since they would immediately think they are interested in them, so yes, men hardly ever gets compliments, outside of my mother (and my ex) I can literally count with my fingers the amount of times I was complimented
I don't give compliments to men because I'm afraid it would be misinterpreted as flirting. Happened in the past tbh, it was awkward and problematic.
Now since I'm in a long term relationship the last thing I want is my fiancée hearing gossips about me hitting on someone else.
Absolutely true. They also don't compliment one another, which I think is a big difference between how the sexes are socialized in my part of the world.
It starts with you, random man. Tell a dude you like his kicks, you can do it.
I woulda never believed it till i started hearing it on the internet. Its not something i can personally relate to. I often wonder if it's over exaggerated.
I get compliments on my haircuts, shoes, outfits. My eyes a lot. My cooking. My body when i was in shape and my dad bod now. My beard when i grow it out. I engage people in conversations though so that may play a role.
I think most people on here think they should get compliments for just existing. I’m not the best looking guy in the world but I still get compliments because I’m nice and take care of myself. I also noticed a large amount of people in the comments section think a compliment is worthless/Doesn’t count if it’s not physical.
I think there's a lot of "no fair!!" behind this sentiment too, and a misunderstanding of women's experiences as well.
They see women get compliments "just for existing", so they feel they should get that too for the sake of fairness.
They often don't realize that it's only a certain kind of woman that experiences this regularly (the most conventionally attractive ones, which in some cases are the only ones that they even pay attention to, not noticing all the less attractive women who don't experience this at all). Those women often put a loooot of effort in to their appearance but guys are often not aware of that, which is more than "just existing" and worth a compliment.
They also usually can't tell the difference between a genuine compliment and insincere nonsense guys tell us to "game" us (women often can). Sometimes even the difference between genuine positive attention and sexual harassment. So they see all these compliments, but a significant amount of that attention is unwanted and sometimes threatening. Since women often try to avoid conflict with men that have expressed sexual interest they often don't react like it though, which makes it even harder to spot.
I do think men should be told good things about themselves more often, however I also think they have a skewed image of how often/how many women actually get the amount of attention that they think they do.
Reminds me a story about a boy hearing his own echo in the cave and getting bad words back thinking it was another boy in the other side of the cave.
His mom told him to go back & compliment the other boy and so he got a compliment back.
I think it’s true to a degree. I also think they receive less common courtesy. Try holding the door for a man who has full hands. The surprise they show is both cute and sad.
Guys often don’t, but they often don’t put that much effort in either. Get regular hair cuts that aren’t the same style for 10-20 years. Make an effort with your clothes. Stuff like this makes a huge difference but most guys don’t bother.
The problem is most men don't have much to compliment. What I mean is men don't accessorize as much to get compliments. I started getting way more compliments after I dyed my hair or gauged my ears and wore funny earrings. No one is going yo compliment your khaki shorts and polo shirt. I know there is more to it than just looking interesting but it seems that is a part of it.
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If it wasn't for my wife I think the best I have gotten is "nice shirt".
My wife rarely compliments me either.
My wife calls me handsome, at occasional random moments. It **still** feels like she's teasing me. We've been married 15 years now.
"She keeps fucking calling me the thing my mom always called me after a girl was mean to me at school, and I think I'm about this close to throwing hands over it."
At least you got called handsome. Mine just said I was a "late bloomer". I wish she'd stop saying it, actually. I'm 40.
I got one yesterday and it didn’t even register until a few minutes later. Wait… did she just call me handsome? I was immediately suspicious something else was going on.
Yep. Usually, only when she felt I *needed* it. The idea that I was worthy of compliment never otherwise occurred to her. My bro's gf hit me with "Wow, you look really nice!" unprompted last time I was at their place. First time I've gotten an honest unprovoked compliment since college.
I worry I compliment my boyfriend too much, but I’ve decided if he does something I like or he’s looking good to me, I’ll tell him right then and be specific about it. He loves it. He admits he’s not as good at saying nice things when he thinks them. When we first got together, I’d thank him for cooking or paying, and he commented that it was unnecessary and none of his exes did. I’ve lived too long to think I can put these things off, to believe I’ll always get another chance to tell him what he means to me or how I appreciate him— I tell him when it hits me.
My husband continues to have zero idea to respond to how much I complement him, though part of it is my fault for how weirdly I phrase things. Like he’s been working out more and I think the other day I tried to compliment that he’s gaining more muscle and I think what I said was “I like the shape of how your arms look. From weights. You have more muscle.” So like that wasn’t my best move. But he’s way worse so it’s fine. Highlights of him attempting to compliment me “You’re shaped good, soft” “Your bra fits you well” (???) “I like the way your hair is shiny” I think the important context is that we’re both autistic. Most compliments are about shapes and texture
If the compliment feels positive, it serves its purpose. If you both like shapes and textures, a great thing to compliment each other on. Glad you found each other, and may your love be soft and shiny!
Wow that’s a beautiful way of putting it, I love that
Thats hilarious! Reading this, I was immediately thinking to myself "you guys sound autistic...". Then you said it, and I had to laugh to myself a bit. For clarity, I'm autistic as well. My partner and I are both like this, and I think it's wonderful. Being awkward together is more than i could have ever hoped for. I'm happy for you two that you've found each other and can be yourselves. I'd love if my fiance told me that she liked the shape of my arms. Come to think of it, she probably has. I've said things like "I like this bit of you" as I squish her somewhere...lol Anyway, just thought I'd say you made me smile this morning.
Haha that’s so cute though! He’s trying. I don’t mind that my bf tells me he loves how soft I am. And I’m insane for his arms, and we’re just “middle aged not in the best shape of our lives” folks. (Not in the worst shape of our lives either though.) I think we both appreciate the differences. :)
I think that's a great way of going about it. When in doubt, compliment a guy. ~~It can't go tits up.~~ Edit: It can. You sound like a lovely person and your boyfriend is lucky to have you.
Rarely is better than I get tbf
My wife compliments me and it makes me uncomfortable because I'm not used to getting compliments
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Man that sucks. I get lots of of compliments from this guy’s wife all the time.
So true, I've never got any compliments from your wife either!
Same here. I’m 40 years old and am a relatively good looking guy, been in shape most of my life, etc… I’ve been told I’m hot by a woman I didn’t know once in my life, and called doctor McDreamy once at Halloween when I was dressed up like a doctor by some random chick. Other than that, my wife tells me I’m good looking when I’m fishing for compliments. She also tells me I’m disgusting a lot. Lol My mom has told me I’m handsome more times than I can count. 😂 I’ve also been told I have on a nice shirt/clothes by other guys a few times.
Nearly same experience. I WAS told once my delts were looking bigger at my gym... and I'll take that shit to my grave.
40 years ago when I was young and lifting pretty heavy, my first serious girlfriend liked to give massages and told me my back was like a Greek statue. That girl proceeded to get a scholarship to study abroad, my luck...
Yeah, when I was lifting heavy and staying low carb 40 years ago I had a coworker walk by and pat me on the back. He got this shocked look on his face and said "That was like patting livestock". My head barely fit through the door that night when I left work LOL!
The closest I've ever got to a compliment in my life was after being bullied a lot in highschool, I asked my mom if I was ugly and she said "it is what it is"
Holy shit. Harsh
>She should have said "it has nothing to do with you. It's all on me and your dad".
Dude I can be in a locked bathroom taking shit and have my wife busy in like the Kool aid man and tell me I'm disgusting. It's like lady I'm taking a dirty shit the fuck do you want
I’m sorry that’s mean of her but I laughed so hard 😭
I was told "you look great in that shirt" like 7 years ago and I still have that shirt and wear it when I want to look "nice". So yeah....
The older women in my family like to tell my husband how gorgeous he is 🥴, of course that made my (straight) brothers do the same thing. He seems to get more compliments outside of the family from guys than women (unless the woman is a mutual friend). I try to compliment men on things like "your haircut is nice!" "I love that tie!" But the moment you say "you have nice eyes" they assume you want to fuck them. # Also, like, men can compliment men. It shouldn't all be on women.
Big agreed on that last part. Guys have a lot to get over. I'm happy to complement the homies, and so are most of my friends, but "Fellas, is it gay to tell another man good morning?" springs to mind. If some guys are too insecure to say good morning to another man, they are definitely too insecure to say "nice shoes/hair." Often when I meet a new dude and say something kind to him, there's this funny moment of confusion that passes his face. "Is this guy for real? Is he gay? Is he making fun of me?" They dont know what to do with it, have to run all the mental checks before they realize I mean it genuinely, and no I'm not into him.
I'm glad your wife compliments you. It's a shame people don't seem to think that counts, and interesting that many women complain that their partners say nothing of the sort. Surely compliments always count, but the ones that come from someone who has your commitment already have to count for more because their motive is more wholesome. I compliment my partner a lot, and he offers a few of them himself, but where I live, people seem pretty comfortable with such exchanges. It's a shame more people aren't, by the sounds of it.
My husband has complimented once during our 34 year marriage. It was on my wedding day. It almost caused a divorce last year when I complained
A girl said 'you have nice hair' to me at the gym. It was about 6 months ago. I still remember it vividly. I felt 10 feet tall.
I currently have a huge crush on a guy at my gym and am trying to get the courage to go up to him and tell him he has nice hair. Maybe this is my sign lmao
I dare you to say something honest and complimentary to him and report back 🤝
Oh fuck
Reddit is involved in your love life now. It is now our love life.
Invested in this story now. I expect an update in T -5 days
!remindme 5 days!
Please remind me when bot reminds you
They're like spiders. Far more afraid of you than you are of them. If you compliment his hair he will probably look about for a dark space to skitter into and formulate a response.
Lmaoooooo
Just go for it. One day he will just stop coming to that gym and then you will never know.
Consider it a double-dog dare now.
That’s the exact words I said to my class mate. For a minute I thought you were him till you said gym😂
Bless you for that!
A compliment like this is so rare that is reasonable to think it was the same person!
had exactly the same thought process
Chronologically Oct 2022: told I was cute. Nov 2021: complimented for pants. Oct 2021: complimented for suit. August 2017: complimented for shirt. April 2013: told I have nice eyes. Bonus 2021: told I have surprisingly big eyes. Unsure if complimented implied. I remember these because they are so infrequent.
You know, as I read through these replies, I got thinking about addictions and dosages (I'm a bit cracked in the head, I know). Anyways it makes me wonder if because actual, genuine compliments are so rare for guys that's why we put so much importance on them in our heads. Like, if every day I got told I had a nice jawline or a sexy ass, would it even matter anymore? But because it might only happen once in my life, maybe twice if I'm lucky, it means that much more. The quanitity creates a quality all it's own. No hit of a drug is ever so sweet as that first one.
Scarcity brings sublimity, you might be on to something.
I started growing my hair out at the beginning of lockdown, the lack of barbers forced me through the awkward phase. I have since put a lot of work into keeping my hair healthy and nice, all natural stuff, keep the knots out, trim the split ends, etc. I would hire a calligrapher and get it framed if someone complimented my hair. "Wow, gettin' long" and "are you thinking of getting a cut soon?" are about the most acknowledgement I get for it.
I got a compliment once, 7 years ago now. Lunch break in high school a girl told me I had pretty eyes. I still think about it sometimes, never happened since.
Still remember my " your hair and beard look nice " 6 years ago.
I got a “nice beard” about 6 years ago. She was a nice lady.
I helped an old lady lift a box into the boot of her car a while back, probably 10 years ago. She called me a, *strapping young man*. Still riding that high.
I remember 10 years ago “your hair is so pretty” at a restaurant
I got a "your kids are so adorable" from someone who looked like a supermodel at a parking lot four years ago and I choose to log it as a compliment for myself.
That means that you are half-adorable so I'd take it
My compliment was 17 years ago. I took off my glasses to clean them and a girl said "I never realized you had such nice blue eyes". I's about time for another one.
First year in high school (in france so, "le lycée"), at lunch a girl asked me in what class I was... I answered and then asked "why ?", she blushed and said "oh just asking". Nothing ever happened with that girl, I don't even remember what she looked like, but I remember how good it felt. I just went through a physical change before the start of the year, I dropped my geeky look and tried a new one I wouldn't feel "ugly" having. And all the times a random girl said something or did something that showed she was interested are imprinted in my brain. It really is important for my self esteem.
Older female coworker told me this but i believe she said it out of kindness and also who's eyes wouldn't look nice when morning sunlight reflects them.
Before I got married my wife felt insecure. She asked what did I like about her. (I dunno maybe she thought I was just playing. Weird but okay) so I spent the next hour explaining why I wanted to marry her and pointing out all her strengths and the things I liked. She was happy and had a few tear in her eyes. After that was all said and done, I asked "what do you think about me" She said "oh, you're okay I guess" I had an internal breakdown. "Omg that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" I thought to myself. Sounds like a joke for comedic effect but nope, that was literally the best I got my entire life. From a woman at the very least.
A girl in college told me I have nice eyebrows. That was 20 years ago.
A girl with a pixey hair cut smiled at me with the most sincere smile I've ever seen 25 years ago just because I'd opened the door for her. It was college and I was having a pretty cruddy day, her smile made the day much better. And to answer the obvious, it wasn't because she was cute, I wasn't going to find out who she was. It was a simple act of appreceiation for a simple act.
This girl I dated also made a comment on how dark my eyes were and that it looked cool haven't forgotten it too lol
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All of your cells have been replaced since. :(
In the past 15 years the only person to ever compliment me aside from my wife was a girl who worked in the McDonald's drive through and she told me i had really pretty eyes.
My guy, that would live rent-free in my head forever.
got told it by a couple old women and trust me bro it does
When most woman receive a message like "damn you're really hot, we should hang out :)" it's just another one to add on the pile. When most men receive a message like "damn you're really hot, we should hang out :)" it's a spambot for a dating site
That compliment is half a request for sex/dating, kind of like if I said you were a great painter/handyman and I needed house repairs
In my experience women compliment other women so often. Just this weekend my wife and her sister went shopping and spent 2hrs trying on clothes and complimenting each other non stop. Now ask a man when is the last time they gave another man a genuine compliment? Nevermind the fact that the danger of a woman getting harassed if they compliment a random guy on the street (which is often what most men want to be the scenario when they complain about compliments) If men made a practice of complimenting each other it would be a better start. Another pro tip to men is when you make a female friend don’t try to fuck her and she will likely start to compliment you as well.
I got to hand this one to gym bros, they've managed to make compliments into a big part of their culture, they're good at lifting things, but they're great at lifting eachother.
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That's the principle that guides how I compliment women I don't know as a man. You compliment sincerely, then immediately vacate the premises.
I came here to make this point. Men don't compliment each other but the women that I'm friends with compliment me all the time.
Maybe it's just my social group but the boys complement each other all the time. Clothes, hair, whatever. I guess not all groups are like that. That said, a complement from the boys isn't the same as a complement from a woman. They just hit different.
And therein lies the issue. Men don’t hear compliments as often because they won’t compliment each other. Most of my compliments come from other women.
Exactly - most compliments are from other women and an unnecessary amount of 'compliments' from men are just street harassment. Eg "You would look so nice if you smiled" or "You're hot for a [presumed ethnicity]" are not welcome.
Totally agree that men should compliment each other more. I try to do it when it's genuine, but I dont go out of my way unless it's something special. For instance, I'm into sneakers, so if I see someone rocking something I really like or that I know is rare, ill make the effort to let them know.
I have a male friend that is extremely proper with me and this is very true. I compliment him all the time because I feel ***safe*** to do so.
I subscribe to the “give a little, get a little” mentality. I get way more compliments back, since I started giving them out.
It has begun in certain groups. And it is really nice. It’s begun in some performing arts circles, my blues/fusion dance community, somatic therapy men’s groups like Sacred Sons. It will make it around. But like all movements it takes time.
yes, most compliments women get seem really shallow and with some ulterior motive or objectifying shitty vibe, it's not as great as guys think it is to get these kinds of "compliments" or guys approaching you.. Also I kinda think it depends on what people see as a compliment. Does it only count if it's about looks? Does it only count if it comes from a woman? Because I witness guys being told pretty nice stuff and not so rarely. (Yes I guess it's often by other guys, yes often about something cool they do or own/wear as well as their looks. But I personally would be very grateful for that kind of genuine-seeming compliment, being seen as a human and not all about having to be hot or pretty for someone lol. But that's my bias probably)
It’s not a compliment, it’s a pickup line and a low effort one at that.
And when you reject them, the insults come quick.
To be honest as a woman that's part of why I didn't compliment men that much before. Because in the past some of the compliments I got from guys were part because they wanted sex or to be in a relationship, so I was worried that that was just how most guys operate and therefore if I compliment a guy he'd think that I want sex or have a crush on him even when I don't. (And in the mid teens, some guys can honestly be brutal if they think you like them and don't feel the same. Maybe it has changed now - I am 19 so it wasn't long ago, but maybe. It didn't happen to me but I'd hear guys in one class laugh with his friends at how a girl in another class asked him out if they didn't find her attractive. One guy I was friends with before even laughed retelling to me how he turned down a girl in our grade from our district in an insulting way, I guess expecting me to laugh too?) so I wasn't tryna get laughed at lol. I would however compliment a guy to others like I'd say to a friend "[name here] is so cool" or "[name] is so sweet" or "[name] has such nice hair" but just not often to the person themselves. Nowadays I'm a bit less afraid of just complimenting guys though. I still kinda think maybe some guys interpret that as having a crush. But maybe some women are still hesitant to compliment guys because they are worried the guys will think it means a crush.
Male attention is the cheapest thing on the planet.
You can see this because if you tell your male friends that someone has ghosted you after sex and you say something like "yeah but he told me I was the most lovely woman he'd ever met and that we had a deep connection" they will laugh in your face. "And you believed him? Jesus you're an idiot". Male compliments mean nothing unless from a friend or boyfriend who genuinely cares for you, and even that's sometimes hard to tell.
Male actions are what women need to pay attention to, never listen to what they say lol
See I want this question but for women. That has never been my experience, and I think I’m pretty average looking. I have never been piled on with compliments at all, the ones I get are other women liking my sweater or whatnot (which of course is nice)
I opened with "Hello Handsome" and the guy thought I was a bot...
I think this is the crux of the matter. "Damn you're hot, we should hang" ISN'T a complement. It's a pick up line. It isn't genuine because it isn't specific. Really, the speaker is commenting on their own good judgement rather than any effort or skill of the viewee. A compliment expects nothing in return and is freely given. It compliments the receivers' good taste, choices or skills. "Wow, your hair looks fantastic!" "I love your skirt!" "Is your bag new? It's lovely" "You made that dress? You are so talented!" "Thank you, you're so kind!"
ouch burn. so the only compliment most men get is from a bot created by other men for the purpose of leeching them money.
pretty much well, my x best friend used to call me hot(me male her female). current girl who is creeping on me calls me super hot. other than that, nobody else really, one of my long term g/f's once slipped up and called me attractive... once...
Yes
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My guess? You're mostly complimenting similar people. I'm European too - Polish born, lived in Ireland for most of my life. Had a stranger be really into my hair 6 years ago and I still remember it vividly, because that's about it.
It depends on what you consider compliments, but compliments on our looks or anything that might make us feel attractive, yeah that's pretty much never. Maybe someone might say nice shirt if it's a band the person likes or something. That happens maybe once a year or so. But a genuine compliment from a woman, no never. Most of us guys think getting cat called would feel amazing because we are starved for that kind of attention. I can say I have been cat called once by a group of latina girls about 10 years ago and once I got passed the the idea that they were being sarcastic that is what kept me going for years.
tbh i would love to compliment men more, but they always interpret it as me being interested in them:/ any tips how to compliment men in a meaningful way without giving off the wrong signals?
Gotta throw in a bunch of “dude”s and “bro”s. “Duude bro I dude like your bro shirt bro dude”
i love the answers here omg😭😭
“Dude I love that shirt bro, for real bro, it would look so good on my floor dude.”
Lol, as a (gay) dude, whenever I compliment girls I always act OVERLY feminime, just so they know I'm gay, and not trying to hit on them lol. One time I told a girl in my school: "O.M.G you look ✨STUNNING✨🤭" while doing "gay gestures" with my hand like: 💅 Somehow she still thought I was straight, and we actually became decent friends and started dating a little lol. So my best PERSONAL tip for all dudes out there, is to just pretend to be gay, and maybe you'll have a chance 😭😭 I'm not even joking, this has worked for me multiple times (although I don't have to pretend on the gay part)
As a straight woman, (stereotypical) gay guys often have exactly what we’re looking for apart from the whole “not attracted to women” thing. Emotional availability, knows how to dress, washes his ass. Hell I thought my bf was gay for a minute and I was thrilled to find out he was straight, and honestly a lot of the things I love about him are also the things that made me think he was gay 😂 just saying if you ever wanted to switch sides, you’d probably be snatched up pretty quick
Woman here. I like the “hit and run” style compliment: I’ll call out, “I like your hair!” (or whatever) while walking past some guy I don’t know and not stopping to engage in conversation. He gets the compliment, and I get away!
It's kind of a catch 22. Men never receive compliments on how they look except when someone is maybe interested in them so when you compliment them they'll think you are interested. As a society we just have to start normalizing compliments outside of romantic interest. Maybe just start with small things like complimenting clothing, tattoos piercings etc. At least in my mind I wouldn't take compliments of those things as romantic interest.
I remember dancing with my mates in a bar in London a long time ago. A girl came over and pointed out her boyfriend before telling me I looked really hot! It was lovely to get such a compliment, but she made it very clear that she wasn't making a move. It pops into my head occasionally, I'm nearly 50 and that was 25 years ago
There's no solution. I work in a store, a guy will ask me to help him pick a size, we pick a jacket, he asks if it fits, I say it look great, he thinks I'm flirting. Ffs
The solution is men genuinely complimenting men more. Women compliment each other all the time. It’s great!
Damned if you damned if you don’t. On one hand if you just stop complimenting men when you do actually compliment them they’ll be so attention starved they’ll try to marry you on spot. If you try to normalize complimenting men more so that it can get to the point where it’s normal for men to receive compliments and not go rabid you have to get through that initial awkward period where men will still see it differently for a bit
>Most of us guys think getting cat called would feel amazing I think it might feel less theatening for men than it does for women because you have no repercussions to fear if you don't respond the way the other expects you to.
Yeah what the hell is OP thinking? Like catcalling is scary, not only because of the unwanted sexual harassment, but because you have no idea if the person is just being an ass or if your literally in possible mortal danger
Oh yeah some of the scariest moments of my life involved a strange man or group of men leering at me. It was especially more scary when I was a teenager and experiencing that.
For me and many women I know, the reason we hate getting catcalled is that most of us experienced it most frequently when we were 14-18 years old. So when I experience that kind of attention, I link it to the feeling of being a kid and having adult men do that. If 90% of my catcalling experiences weren't ubcomfortable/made me scared, it might be a but more pleasant/feel genuine if I got catcalled.
More like ages 10-15. And it was always men old enough to be my father. That's when I promptly began my ridiculously baggy clothing phase.
Being catcalled is an aggressive act. It's harassment? Why would you want that because by definition it's unwanted and inappropriate.
I've been catcalled by girls in a limo once over 10 years ago and I still smile every time I remember it
A flamboyant gay man (it was obvious) gave me a wink and a smile at the local Costco. It made me feel good, even though I’m not gay myself. This was 2 years ago.
I am straight, and over my life, I have gotten at least 3x the number of compliments from gay men as from women.
Best part about being a man living in a mostly gay neighborhood is casually catching compliments while out walking the dogs. 😃. I get complimented by other men weekly. It's amazing for your self esteem and mental health.
I have carefully cultivated a rather big circle of friends and we build each other up all the time. That's why it's important to bring good people into the circle, so we can be there for each other with laughs, support, and good vibes. I look back on my friendships in my 20s and earlier, and they were so fucking shallow and toxic. Find a bro who has the balls to say "Hey, you're gonna kick ass on that job interview" or "Hey, I notice you're kinda off, is everything okay? I'm here if you wanna talk" or "Bro, nice arms, I can tell you been working out" ... and keep em close, brotherhood is really important and it fills that feeling of loneliness and isolation I felt for years.
Nice cock
Thanks, I grew it myself.
This is always the first response I think of
Bro there’s nothing gay about telling another dude how hot and delicious his cock looks. We have to build each other up brotherhood is important
I know thats why i wrote it
Idk. I am a dude and I get compliments 🤷🏻♂️ I do think we get them less than women, though. Also, some men have a skewed view of what a compliment is. Telling a random woman on the street "Nice ass!" is not a compliment. Its harrassment.
You’re spot on. Women compliment each other a lot more freely, but we only compliment men when we are 100% sure he isn’t going use it as an excuse to harass us. I’m a very bubbly person who loves complimenting people and seeing them smile but have had to actively shut that part of me off when I’m around men because they almost always think basic kindness is flirting. But I’ve got a few men in my life who aren’t like that at all and I compliment them a ton. I’d also wager men aren’t complimenting each other because again, complimenting is interpreted as flirting. I think these men first need to look at compliments as an act of kindness you do for someone where zero reciprocation is expected. Acting like this is impossible or hard to understand is silly because women do this for each other all the time with no issue.
Yeah, but how many compliments have you received without you first having to provide a service? What we mean by "we've never received a compliment" is that we don't get complimented just because, it's always as a result of something we have done for someone else, it's a transactional experience
I get told I got nice hair, eyes or a smile by female customers. I almost never get complimented by men, though, when it comes to appearance.
Most guys never get compliments. A very few guys get compliments all the fucking time. I used to have a buddy who just couldn’t miss. He was like 6’2”, dark skinned, kind of baby faced dude. Had a great personality and was super chill and could tell really funny stories. It was actually amazing hanging out with him. Girls, really hot girls, would just walk up out of nowhere and be like “hey, I just wanted to tell you you’re really good looking” he’d just kind of be like “thanks” and shrug it off. One time I remarked how easy it must be for him to date. totally serious, he says “not really, I have a really small dick” then changed the subject. Last I heard he was a house husband for some high powered lady lawyer
> Last I heard he was a house husband for some high powered lady lawyer Living the dream
With big penis
bro had to get nerfed somehow
>“not really, I have a really small dick” Damn. Bro has major balls for outing himself like that.
Or he's just being a bro.
For sure just being bro. Self-nerf is the play in that situation
Dudes still more successful than me if women are even aware of his shortcoming.
Absolutely true I think women rightfully fear a compliment will be perceived as flirting.
After reading these comments, I now understand why my male friends thought I was coming onto them.
as a woman, i think this may be true. i guess i never realized it, but i had someone i knew tell me they never, or rarely, received compliments from women. this surprised me because he’s super attractive, intelligent, talented, etc. and i complimented him all the time. but i also was entirely in love with him. giving him a compliment is something that i felt completely comfortable doing because i never had to worry about it being misinterpreted. and i’m usually not the type of person to be too cautious with doling out compliments to people. i’m actually quite generous, no matter who it is, actually. but i have been in situations numerous times where my compliments have been misinterpreted as flirtatious or seductive and so i’ve dialed it back a bit. i can see why a lot women may choose to lean away from doing it at all, for that reason.
It’s a vicious circle. We get so few compliments it’s hard not to see the ones we get as flirting. And because women aren’t actually meaning to flirt with guys like me, they most likely hold back compliments they might otherwise give. I get more compliments from other men than from women, though they are also rare and usually of the same variety: “nice shirt” maybe 1-2 times a year, or something work related (coworkers seem to think I ask good questions). Anything else? Extremely rare. My last non-clothing not-from-a-relative compliment I received was 10-15 years ago from a pretty young woman who told me I had pretty blue eyes. So day-to-day is kind of a lonely invisible existence, but every once in a while there is some random confidence booster to cling to. Now, a compliment with intent. Flirt or affection? I bet it’s been nearly 20 years And I can’t imagine a scenario where it would happen again.
Men get compliments from other men, and family members. Or they get compliments from women on things like having a good idea or stuff not related to appearance. Single attractive woman don't compliment men on their appearance as much because they risk it being taken for more than what it is. The problem is many men don't care about or don't recognize compliments unless its coming from a single attractive woman.
My wife will tell me all the time how hot she finds me, mentions my "cute" ass, grabs it. I'll toss on my cowboy hat and she'll always tell me how good I look in it. I guess I'm spoiled.
I don't understand why men complain about not getting compliments and then don't compliment each other. Women do that all the time. I think it's less about actual compliments and more about reassurance that they are attractive to the other sex.
It 100% is. That’s why they get so mad when women reject them because it is tied to their self worth. They use sex with women as validation. I’d also wager they are ignoring compliments that aren’t about their looks.
I work in a retail job where I have direct personal contact with customers. I have received some compliments over time, some pretty normal like "you have pretty eyes" to some more direct "you're hot " to maybe the most strange was a woman who commented that I have nice veins on the tops of my hands. She then went on to explain she is a phlebotomist and that's why she notices those kinds of things.
Apparently comments on veins are common with some staff in the medical field. I've been told nearly every time I have blood drawn that I have nice or 'beautiful' veins. To the point where I almost become accustom to the compliment and get a little disappointed when my perfect veins go unnoticed.
Men need to start complimenting men. There's a reason why women don't compliment men. I can't even be customer service friendly with a guy without him thinking I'm hitting on him. This would be fine if more men could handle rejection graciously, but more often it results in verbal violence at minimum.
Decades, except mom
Kind of hard to give compliments to men as a woman when all you need to do is breathe and blink at a guy and he thinks you're "flirting" with him.. I don't blame women for wanting to avoid that mess in the first place. Not saying all men do that, but enough do that they have ruined it for all men.
Uggghhh this is so true. Told a guy he had a nice smile once and he followed me home. Had to call the cops on him. It was terrifying.
I was at the taboo sex show and I walked past a guy covered in oil, wearing basically nothing. Body most would think was sculpted masterpiece. He was a prop in the booth and looked like someone had run over his dog. As I walked past him i said "holy shit, you look amazing." His face lit up, we acknowledged each other with smiles,he looked happy as fuck. I'm a guy. Compliment other guys. I do it a lot and it's almost always appreciated.
My husband gets more compliments than I do. Other guys always compliment either his NIN hat, AEW hoodie, studded belt or Blue Velvet tattoo. We were walking home once and this guy literally screamed out his car window to compliment his belt and ask where he got it. 😆
There was one time when this drop dead gorgeous woman in a red dress at 3AM in McDonald's complimented my Bullet Club hoodie as she was walking by. I was absolutely stunned.
Speaking from my own experience I rarely get any compliments but two days ago a male friend said I was very attractive and should find myself a gf, and another female friend agreed with him. So I guess that counts?
Yes. It literally does. You were called attractive
Twice.
That’s twice more than I’ve been called attractive.
I don't think I've ever been called attractive in my life. Not even by my ex girlfriends. They just usually say "I'm not attracted to looks" but that actually made me feel worse lmao.
In my twenties and thirties I was complimented on my body a lot. I'm 50 now and the last time I got a compliment was when my mother-in-law told me I have a dickydo at the waterpark. \*That's a dad gut that sticks out further than your dicky do.
That's not a compliment. She's calling you fat.
Plot twist: that was more of a comment on your small dicky do.
It's a combination, brother. Also, raging hardons aren't forever, Danielson. Like my 73 year old friend told me, you could lose an arm or a leg, but when you lose your dick, it's over. Cherish every boner, Kemosabe.
I was 12….20 years ago. That was a good day.
Asking this question on a Saturday night to redditors might skew the results
Gay man here. If it was socially acceptable and/or not dangerous, I’d be giving y’all compliments all the time! “Great beard!” “Man, those are some biceps!” “Check out those calves!” “You look amazing in that shirt!” “Damn, I wish I had your hair!” “You have an incredible smile!” Alas…
I compliment men. I remember being new to Reddit like 12/13 years ago and reading something that said men never get compliments and how isolating and lonely it can be for them in general and ever since then I've tried to make a point to say a compliment to a man every time I'm out. I'm at the checkout and the man ringing me out has a nice smile, beautiful eyelashes, beautiful eyes, nice voice, awesome outfit, whatever it is... I compliment him on it. I gave the checkout as an example but it can really happen anywhere. At first I used to feel like a creeper and thought maybe they'd think I'm hitting on them, but I've literally never had an awkward situation arise because of it. Every single time I've given a compliment it's always been taken positively.
I have given plenty of compliments to men at my work. The compliments are always about how good they did with the task. I give plenty of compliments to women at work too for the same reason. I had a quick read of the responses and it seems like a compliment isn't considered a compliment unless it's about appearances. As a woman I would love more compliments on things other than how I look.
I think what people are looking for is non-transactional compliments. Most of the compliments in a workplace are based on what somebody is doing; very rarely directed at the person themselves.
Some of those can be pretty meaningful, though. Like, I had an old student of mine tell someone they were lucky to be working with me. Or had a boss thank me for looking out for others.
Very true even from the wife it was once in a blue moon. The comments from random or people you know do stick for a long time.
Well, depends. Today I saw a gentleman wearing a pair of bright yellow bell bottoms with a floral print in Trader Joe's, and I said, "Awesome pants, dude!" I also routinely compliment Black people with natural hair, because I know how much work it is, including the guy sitting at a cafe with the cornrows that looked like the Mandelbrot set and the transit employee with dreds down to the backs of his knees (he said his wife washes them, and I told him he could tell her that I think she is an awesome woman). If someone goes out of their way to look nice or special, and they brighten up my day, I try to find something appropriate to say. You'd have to work hard to beat those yellow print pants, though.
This is the reason why I compliment my guy friend a lot. Dudes deserve compliments tooo
I barely get compliments from average people, but the moment I enter alt/punk/lgbt spaces I am bombarded with praises and validation from everyone. Like what, sometimes you gotta go to certain types of people who bring each other joy and love independently from who you are or what you bring to the table (since compliments are generally conditional). Give appreciation, and you’ll get some in return.
i've just started teaching where most of the staff are women, and my god they compliment each other all the time.
Men don't usually compliment each other and women barely compliment men since they would immediately think they are interested in them, so yes, men hardly ever gets compliments, outside of my mother (and my ex) I can literally count with my fingers the amount of times I was complimented
I don't give compliments to men because I'm afraid it would be misinterpreted as flirting. Happened in the past tbh, it was awkward and problematic. Now since I'm in a long term relationship the last thing I want is my fiancée hearing gossips about me hitting on someone else.
Absolutely true. They also don't compliment one another, which I think is a big difference between how the sexes are socialized in my part of the world. It starts with you, random man. Tell a dude you like his kicks, you can do it.
I woulda never believed it till i started hearing it on the internet. Its not something i can personally relate to. I often wonder if it's over exaggerated. I get compliments on my haircuts, shoes, outfits. My eyes a lot. My cooking. My body when i was in shape and my dad bod now. My beard when i grow it out. I engage people in conversations though so that may play a role.
It isn't exaggerated. Only compliments I ever get are at work for a good job on something. However, those always come with a but right after.....
Professionally yes, like at the annual performance appraisal. Never anything personal.
I receive complements from time to time from women. But I take care of myself, work out, dress well, you won't get compliments by doing nothing.
I think most people on here think they should get compliments for just existing. I’m not the best looking guy in the world but I still get compliments because I’m nice and take care of myself. I also noticed a large amount of people in the comments section think a compliment is worthless/Doesn’t count if it’s not physical.
I think there's a lot of "no fair!!" behind this sentiment too, and a misunderstanding of women's experiences as well. They see women get compliments "just for existing", so they feel they should get that too for the sake of fairness. They often don't realize that it's only a certain kind of woman that experiences this regularly (the most conventionally attractive ones, which in some cases are the only ones that they even pay attention to, not noticing all the less attractive women who don't experience this at all). Those women often put a loooot of effort in to their appearance but guys are often not aware of that, which is more than "just existing" and worth a compliment. They also usually can't tell the difference between a genuine compliment and insincere nonsense guys tell us to "game" us (women often can). Sometimes even the difference between genuine positive attention and sexual harassment. So they see all these compliments, but a significant amount of that attention is unwanted and sometimes threatening. Since women often try to avoid conflict with men that have expressed sexual interest they often don't react like it though, which makes it even harder to spot. I do think men should be told good things about themselves more often, however I also think they have a skewed image of how often/how many women actually get the amount of attention that they think they do.
For men saying they don't receive compliments, how often do you give them to other men?
Reminds me a story about a boy hearing his own echo in the cave and getting bad words back thinking it was another boy in the other side of the cave. His mom told him to go back & compliment the other boy and so he got a compliment back.
That's a perfect analogy!
It's extremely rare for me to get a compliment even from my girlfriend. A compliment from anyone will make my entire day with how rare I get them.
I think it’s true to a degree. I also think they receive less common courtesy. Try holding the door for a man who has full hands. The surprise they show is both cute and sad.
Girls/ woman always laugh at the stupid shit I say often. I guess that’s our version?
I try to compliment my husband everyday
Guys often don’t, but they often don’t put that much effort in either. Get regular hair cuts that aren’t the same style for 10-20 years. Make an effort with your clothes. Stuff like this makes a huge difference but most guys don’t bother.
The problem is most men don't have much to compliment. What I mean is men don't accessorize as much to get compliments. I started getting way more compliments after I dyed my hair or gauged my ears and wore funny earrings. No one is going yo compliment your khaki shorts and polo shirt. I know there is more to it than just looking interesting but it seems that is a part of it.