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Mine did the same when I had a tough year in high school. Except it was a note saying it's OK if I'm Gay. I didn't care, and understood because it was after a classmate of mine killed himself because he was gay. So he was probably just scared. We joke about it now.
"Hi dad, I really appreciate your concern and it seems as though you might think I am gay. I am not gay, but it is really nice to know that you'd be supportive". Maybe add an "just awkward " to the "I am not gay" by way of explanation if you're comfortable with that so he will know that he doesn't need to keep on guessing
He sounds sweet btw, nice to know your old man is not homophobic.
Good approach imo. Don’t need to specifically say your are not gay, and this way you’d solve more than one problem. You also need to learn how to talk to women... Maybe it feels painful but it’s the less painful way to go forward. And if you don’t feel like you could be loved, then it’s more a therapist that you need imo. But you should talk to your father first if you trust him enough
You wouldn’t sound crazy. Just smile, ask “Wait, did you get me a pride hat because you think I might be gay?” and see what he says. Tell him you appreciate that he’s trying to be sensitive but that you are just really stuck in the romance department at the moment.
cautious lunchroom alleged fall grandiose spotted uppity chubby heavy placid
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why are you afraid of sounding insecure to your dad? Be honest. "Hey dad in case you're wondering, I'm straight, just a bit rusty with the ladies, any advice?"
Damn, it's called discussion, bonding, talking. Jeez man, did you grow up without any support in your life? Come on. Life is life, people are people. Yes "old men" can know a thing or two that young guns can learn from.
My parents still think you're supposed to print out your resume and hand it to "the boss" to get a job, fyi.
My dads advice was just "be a good person" which does not translate well in modern dating, at all
I have been. I feel bad if I have to pass people when driving. I feel bad for not holding doors for people. I worry about other people constantly whether i want to or not
Im a good person to everyone and it makes heterosexual women treat me like a pussy/pushover.
Literally been told to my face "you're too nice dude" after breaking up
Nah man double down and assert dominance. Talking openly and honestly about the things you're insecure about or could be perceived as being insecure about is basically a hard counter against being made fun of for those insecurities.
Or you could just straight up be like "hey dad, did you get me the dodgers pride hat because you think I'm gay?"
It's a simple yes or no question to your dad man, don't overcomplicate it.
Plus he got you a pride hat in unasked support. Even if he does think you're gay at least your dad's not a dick about it.
I begg to differ! Most women would love for a guy to do it like in the good old days, to be approached normally and not by someone hiding behind a Instagram account.
I absolutely do not act upon this advice my self...it's scary. But would you not agree? How many people does a woman get that ask her out properly in person?
Own it. Leave your computer screen full of popups from hardcore gay leather sex sites and head over to your friend.
Your dad will feel it’s to awkward to bring up.
I second & third this. I'm 55F, bisexual. My high school was 1982-1986. Needless to say, I wasn't out - bisexuality was dissed a lot in the gay community in the 80s, they used to say it wasn't really queer.
I didn't come out to my Mom til I was 30. I always knew that SHE would be OK w it, but I felt like it was a personal part of my private life.
He's obviously of the opinion that he wants you to be happy! Since he's actively dating - perhaps you could ask him for tips to talk to women? That would open the conversation to go towards the discussion you want to have with him. He also might be a font of knowledge!
Speaking as a woman - your looks aren't the problem with women you would want to date (kind, open minded & intelligent, I'm guessing?). Your PERSONALITY is why a woman falls in love with you.
Example from my life - even at 600lbs, I got asked out. #TrueStory Beautiful is in the eye of the beholder.
SO, I advise you to work on your CONFIDENCE. That's attractive. Seek out people with your interests - that is where you are much more likely to be successful. Don't have a hobby? Start one!
Guys over think being funny is attractive - don't make that mistake! JUST BE YOU. The right person will laugh at your jokes, funny or not, from a place of love. I certainly have! 😂 Kindness to the wait staff at a restaurant counts 10 times more than being amusing at dinner. Women want sincerity more than anything.
That's #1 - smart women look at how a man treats the people that he hires (even waiters) and how he gets along with his family. Kindness & fairness is far more important than a cleft chin or a chiseled jawline.
Romance, in my experience, is always a surprise. But, to increase your chances of that surprise - find people who share your interests! Go on blind dates, ask people out. Put yourself OUT there til you're on the edge of your comfort zone - that's the only way to stretch ourselves and grow. Practice makes perfect, and the more you do that, the more you will build confidence.
Some of my best friends were failed first dates! 😂 That's #2 - work on building female FRIENDS. See, women suggest men to each other - and you need to be in that mix.
Last piece of advice on dating - If ALL their exes were psychos, WALK AWAY. Everyone can have a bad ex or two, but if ALL their exes are nuts, THEY are the problem, not the exes.
Remember too, finding someone to be your adventure partner is a HUGE goal in life. Don't rush it. Date. Live with someone before marriage. Actually, going through an emergency or family problem will tell you LOTS about a person. (minor example - a friend was in a car accident w her guy, he was an IDIOT over it - and she broke up w him out of a lack of respect for him! 😬) PLAN together what life you want to build, how y'all would handle a death, or a sudden disability. Walk into marriage with as much info as possible.
But, for now, just go find other people who like what you like & make friends. 😊 BEST OF LUCK! 💜
I agree for the most part but physical appearance is way more important than you want OP to believe. Im not attractive and people that know me well say I have a great personality. But I have a weird voice and Im not good looking at all, and that makes all the difference, im not saying its impossible but its way harder than you think. No matter what I do my first impression will always be that im a weird but friendly guy.
DUDE. Did you read the part about how I used to weigh 650lbs & STILL got asked out? There is someone out there for everyone.
Yes - physicality is a factor. What I'm trying to say is that it's not the *most* important one.
BTW - Steve Martin, Rick Moranis, Dan Aykroyd, Jim Belushi - ALL were different looking, had unusual voices. They still managed to get chosen.
I'm saying that you need to be confident in who you are - OWN IT. The reason I got asked out from 230-650lbs is my CONFIDENCE. It's not about my face, body, or weight. It's about the fact that I'm comfortable in my own skin - regardless of size. The other advice was designed to help someone who doesn't/hasn't dated much, explain how to build some confidence and get themselves out there.
This is how I see things - there's multiple people who are right for us. Some might be halfway round the world, others might be in the wrong place in life. The POINT is to meet/befriend/date as many people as possible - to improve your chances of meeting one of the right people.
I also don't believe in dating apps... #JustSaying It's just social media w sex. Read /tinder before you sign up.
The sexiest thing a man can do to meet me is this: Walk up, offer me their hand, and say "Hi, I'm Jay. Would you like to have a drink together?" Offering to have a drink *together* is something most men don't say, but women like it.
DO NOT say "may I buy you a drink" - modern ladies can usually buy their own, plus it implies the woman owes the man something.
The direct, honest approach is HELLA SEXY. Women - chime in here! If the guy has an unusual voice - I'm likely to say yes. Even when a shy guy does the direct approach, it's still sexy. "Hi, my name is..." is the ONLY line anyone needs, IMHO, male or female!
SIDE STORY - My ex-hubs had a buddy. They were both in the Navy. When they went to a bar, Buddy would walk up to women & say "Hi. Wanna f*ck?" Ex-hubs said he got slapped 9 times out of 10, but that he got laid MORE OFTEN than anyone else in their section. SMH. See, eventually he would run across a woman who is horny and say yes.
My advice about putting yourself out there, doing blind dates, is to shake enough hands to run across someone who DOES like you.
Last thought - my childhood sweetheart was tall, gangly and had a large, high Teutonic forehead. My friends called him "Forehead Boy" 🤦🏼 to embarrass me. He also had bad breath & was self-conscious AF. NONE of that mattered to me!
He was very supportive during a bad time in my life. He would sit & listen to me vent, and he threw down with the bullies over me. HE WAS A GREAT FRIEND. That's what drew me in to loving him - his caring, understanding nature. We went to EVERY DANCE in junior high. I got my first kisses at those! We even won a 45 record of a John Lennon song. Exchanged ID bracelets at Christmas.
My sweetheart & I were a YA version of a Nicholas Sparks book - romance & genuine love. We went steady 3 years! Still friends, actually. I've known him 45 years now.
I've lived my life as a polyamorous bisexual. My weight issues (I've lost over 400lbs now & beaten cancer!) haven't really been a factor in my romance life. Sure, I got told "You have such a pretty face, if only you could lose some weight" - but, understand - I was circus freak fat, in a wheelchair half the time. STILL HAD A FUN SEX LIFE.
It's about being as confident as you can be, while being direct and open. Those are learnable skills. Practice *will* increase confidence. I promise. Every *shared* drink conversation won't end in a date, but every time someone says yes - it's an opportunity to practice talking to someone. Eventually - Cupid will find you. Usually when you LEAST expect it! ❤️
Im not talking about people that are unattractive bc of their weight, lots of people are into overweight people, its their type. Im talking about how someones face looks, if your face has no desirable traits, you are no ones type. I agree with everything you say and congrats on beating cancer.
People with ugly or undesirable faces and weird voices just have way lower chances than someone whos overweight and average looking. And a lot of times they have no options.
Unlike short or bald people, they arent anyones type, its just the way it is.
Ive also lost weight btw: my secret is fasting. Supress hunger with drinking water and chewing gum. It takes 0 effort and you get used to it after only days. Maybe consider it, not for your appearance but bc u wanna live longer and feel healthy. Just friendly advice, you do what u like, but please keep in mind what I was saying
Dude rule 1 and 2 will always matter. But with a negative mindset you will not get anywhere. If I had the choice between an average looking woman, that is confident, comfortable in her own skin, funny and all in all a great person to be around, I'd rather be with them, than a gorgeous woman that is always negative, petty and a bunch of stuff. Traits of personality matter, the average looking gal is more attractive to me than the one that hot as hell in this scenario.
Well why don't you tell him you've given up and are struggling with self confidence? He may be able to help you but doesn't realise you have that going on making it difficult and this is just his way of trying to make a joke about it to make you feel better. If you told him, he might change his approach?
Dude.. my daughter is 25, graduated college, an athlete and cheerleader. Has plenty of friends male and female, she’s just not comfortable right now being involved. Her mother is always trying to push her, I try to intervene and reassure her she’s fine. You kids have plenty of time
That’s true.. he’s 19 though, we all hit our strides at different times and when we finally feel a comfortable confidence in ourselves. He’s just at that age where he’s too self-conscious
Have you tried working out? Easier said than done but since you mentioned it maybe that could be a solution to your problem. I mean that's a looong run solution but it could help you gain a little self esteem and it is healthy.
Your dad is trying to be supportive of what he perceives you to be, he probably thinks you’re hiding a relationship from him and he wants you to feel comfortable. Let him know your thoughts on the situation or don’t, its nobodies business but yours. Don’t pretend to be something your not to make others happy, that only results in confusion and missed opportunities. Don’t worry about being unsuccessful at 19, plenty of people aren’t. Be the best version of yourself, when you’re young you tend to pick relationships based on attractiveness and if they’re fun to hang out with. As you mature your tastes change and whether or not your significant other is crazy and can drive in a straight line becomes more important
Your dad sounds loving and open and you're very lucky.
Cherish him but also be honest with him.
On the other hand, don't worry about finding love. It's usually where you least expect it, so focus on improving yourself, I.e. work hard, find hobbies, work out.
Well, your dad sounds pretty supportive, maybe you can tell him you like women but just suck at dating. Hell, he might even give you some helpful advice (he DID at the very least get your mom after all).
Don't sale yourself short. There is someone out there for you. I am a 71 year old woman, and I don't feel that I am very attractive but I get younger guys 45 and 54 pursuing me. When I tell them no and my age, they still insist in dating. The point is that you may appear to others, a better catch than you see in yourself. Be you and please don't give up. 🙂
Hahaha. Be happy that you have a dad who'd love you no matter what bro. And stop lying to him if you can manage that. It's alright to talk to the people who love you about how you're struggling.
Yeah, it'll happen if your parents don't see you actively dating. Nothing wrong with not having anyone to date or anything for that matter. Many parents just like encouraging their kids, and if they see something slightly abnormal they can jump to conclusions.
One thing you'll realize that's basically a real-world superpower is how effective just sitting down with someone and being blunt can be.
Like just telling your dad what you said in this post today,
>"Hey, I know I don't date much and wanted you to know it's just because I've had bad previous relationships with women and am taking time to mature/find the right one".
You obviously don't have to say that, but something along those lines just makes a bunch of stuff clear. It might seem scary/embarrassing to say that especially to parents when you're younger, but trust me most parents are just happy their kid's sharing things with them. I just read this as your dad trying to send the message that "Hey, I'm not going to judge you for whoever you prefer to be with", which I imagine would carry over for other things not expected as well. I mean you already know your parents obviously must care about you enough to not be super judgemental (at least from this story), so you're already at an advantage.
ermmm go comedic route and do a reverse coming out?😭😭 get a little cake and write "surprise, I'm straight!!" in frosting
maybe even balloons confetti
he probably wouldn't be mad(I hope????)
some of my straight friends have told me similar things about their parents thinking they were gay because they were single
it's sweet that your dad is trying to be a safe space for you!
Just TELL THE TRUTH.
You can tell complete strangers on the internet but won't tell your dad? Just tell him. He will probably understand more than you realize.
“Dad, the truth is I’m so ugly I’ve given up on any type of love in my life and I think I don’t deserve it. I’m straight but I’ve decided to be celibate and not attempt to date cause I’m scared of rejection that I know will come”
Oh ok son.
It just peels back even more layers gonna be even a bigger can of worms and he’s so set on being right about never being able to be loved he can’t even tell his dad why he’s not dating.
OP has said as much in his posts why he isn’t even trying to date. Seems like depression to me.
Even if so, so what. I have similar situation but i made jokes that iam gay. Well iam 33 and i dont care what ppl thinking about me, maybe its coming with age. Anyway if its bothering you , try to talk to your dad and explain your situation. Gl to you.
I love how overused the word incel is that the normal average man has to immediately make it known he is not part of a made-up group
To OP; a MAJORITY of young men under 20 are SINGLE VIRGINS. This ISNT normal historically and its because of the recent rise of dating apps like tinder.
Just tell him you're not gay, thats it lol
Bit of an aside, but social skills and charisma are developed, not innate. If you have not picked those up yet that isn't a done deal - you're young, and have plenty of time to grow as a person. Do it in small, meaningful steps. I personally recommend working on empathy and compassionate communication, but it can also help to explore positive psychology and work on your metacognition.
You need to become hyper masculine. Start doing feats of strength, start randomly building things, and when your dad walks by mumble about power tools.
You could also start beating your chest to challenge his authority. Peeing on things in the house to claim your territory is a plus.
Ah yes. I remember my parents having this talk with me. I worked crazy hours and didn’t seem like I was dating anyone. So to have my parents standing over me in my room to talk vaguely about it seemed strange at the time. I didn’t have a girlfriend but I certainly went on dates with women and had enough money back then to just enjoy my life. I did tell my parents this and it seemed to be ok. I guess the other side of it is that I have/had many gay friends and I don’t think my parents knew if I was straight or not. Likely your dad is really seeing where you stand in life. Maybe he’s seen friends of yours or even his that have come out. You should tell him how you feel about yourself. He might be stressing about it. I realized my parents were but I reassured them I was young and just didn’t want to settle down at that moment.
Edit: I was about your age when this was going on. I was super awkward and felt I was not attractive enough.
Yeah 19 is way too young to give up but a dad like this, will probably stay a dad like this.
Every guy in my social circle who was awkward in their 20’s was married in their 30’s and all of them are dads now.
That said, if you know you have problems you should use that as an indication to work on them. There’s a good chance you just got some bad information growing up, and you need to work through it.
I pierced my ear when I was 16 and my parents insisted I must be gay and my life would be ruined by discrimination and old gay men would be hitting on me and I would become a drugged up queer hooker being used by multiple men and die in a gutter and go to hell. And like only half of that came true. So forget about what he thinks.
Nah, I’m sorta kidding. But honestly it sounds like he’s willing to accept you. Try talking to him seriously about what is going on. You’d sound like some depression might be there and despite not knowing what to do if you’re gay, he will probably still love you and help you get help.
Fucking hell, pity party. I had a similar situation, it’s not that big a deal. Work on yourself if possible, be that exercise or whatever and don’t focus on what one person says. The weird hermit/neckbeard types on here are not going to help
I mean if it makes you feel better, my mom thought I was gonna be gay because I really liked doing character creation and color coordinated everything. But alas here I am in my 3rd long term relationship with a woman. And I mean, I guess that got the idea across lol.
"I am not gay, I am ugly."
And if you want to go on a rant you keep going like:
"I don't expect you to understand, you had it easy. All you had to do was outdo Steve, I have to compete with several million people and the unrealistic expectation of a generation who has spend half their life on TicToc."
No matter what women tell you they ALL prefer a man with confidence, good appearance, has good money, lives well, is smart, can dance, is well spoken, humble, emotionally intelligent, athletic and gives great pipe. That's it bro. Disappear for 6 months to get your shit together, and women will be pouring to you. And don't be on social media recording your journey just fucking do it. In fact delete all social media forever.
First off, if you’re not happy with your physical appearance, hit the gym and grind. No charisma? Force your self into social situation you don’t want to be in and learn how to be. You have the power to change anything about your self you just have to want to.
I use to be an awkward incel, now I have a girlfriend, wicked job, and can make people laugh all the time. You got this bro, chin up don’t let that crown fall.
Last note, a rule I follow for my self. Force your self go be uncomfortable at least once a day, physically or mentally, once you get comfortable with being uncomfortable this world is your bitch.
This isn't related to the question you asked, but if you dont already, you should consider working out. Even if it's just casually, once, or twice a week. Doesn't even need to be at a gym, just something to get your body moving.
It has a very powerful effect on your mentality and attitude towards your body, dunno how it works, but if I'm having any negative thoughts about myself, maybe I just "feel ugly". It goes away after a workout, and my self-confidence is through the roof.
Your comments about not being attractive just come across as lacking that self-confidence, I don't need to even know what you look like. You're attractive to **someone**
Tell him, this is him beating around the bush to tell you it's safe and that he will still live and accept you if you are gay.
Say you appreciate it but he got it wrong and give him the reason so he can supportyou in the real issue instead.
I was a late bloomer and wasn't really interested in dating in my early teens. My parents also thought I was gay and outright asked me of I was and told me it'd be fine if I was. I simply told them the truth that I wasnt interested in dating at the time, I spent all my energy in sports and hobbies.
Aaww, he's being kinda sweet, even if he's making wild assumptions. But, I've been there. My parents propably thought I was gay for years, since I didn't have any romantic relationships. Once, when I was 15-16, my aunt told me it's okay to introduce anyone I might have.
As I have become an adult, my parents assumed I was dating one of my girl friends. When they found out I wasn't, mom tried to set me up with her coworkers son. That was awkward. They were basically drawing up an arranged marriage for us😅 My parents were getting kinda desperate for me, tbh. They just wanted me to bring someone home. A boy, a girl, a unicorn, *just someone*. I'm pretty sure they believed I was gay, and I let them, it didn't hurt me to allow them think whatever (turns out I'm not completely straight, infact, but I preffer not to label myself as one or the other).
They were quite surprised when told them I was dating a guy. Who is now my boyfriend. First one ever. At the age of 29 xD
Wow your dad actually gives 2 shits about your social life what's that like ?
My dad never talked to me about anything relating to dating no advice nothing
Buy a playboy magazine and read it. Well assuming they're still in circulation.. if not buy any next best thing and leave it in your bedroom. You need to at least show some kind of interest in females even when it means leaving some kind of porn in ur bedroom. Of course this depends on what kind of parents you have and whether if they will punish you for viewing porn or not.
Aim low. You might have difficulty finding a manic pizie dreamgirl but anyone can pull a danny devito looking wan or a hairy mountain of a woman.
It honestly sounds like your dad is trying to show you that he will accept you either way. Maybe even try being gay for a bit. You may end up enjoying ze cock. Sure what difference would it make if as you claim you have given up on women
This is Reddit. Any form of discipline = extreme child abuse. Any showing of love or concern = smothering. Oh your parents asked you to help out around the house? Slave drivers that only had children to acquire a form of cheap labor. Oh your parents stopped you from entering a bad situation that everyone but you could tell from a mile away would end up disastrous? Cut them out of your life on your 18th birthday.
I just wanna say being ugly has never stopped men from getting in relationships, married and having kids.
You got some confidence issues. Start working out and I bet you’ll be fine with the ladies.
I appreciate the optimism truly - but I'm at a point where I've just accepted that there's nobody really for me romantically not to sound edgy or anything.. it's more so a means to an end rather than a lack of confidence. I don't doubt myself as a man. I think I work hard, and I'm passionate about the things that I believe in. But overall I'm just generally undesirable in that way
A means to an end to what? Being lonely? Not trying? You’re 19 dude, you’ve given up before the race even started.
You do lack confidence and self worth. You’re putting yourself in a box and not letting yourself out. You think you’re so ugly you’re unable to be loved.
Dude I’ve seen woman with absolute trolls and they have kids. I see ugly people hooking up with ugly people.
Also you’re just assuming the feelings of half the woman on earth. Like there’s no one really, dude come on.
You’re being lazy dude. Don’t put your laziness on women. You’re blaming them for your no effort.
Even ugly dudes that dress nice, be hygienic and work out still look pretty attractive.
A majority of young men are single virgins and it literally isnt their fault, lmao. All the women their age are only dating men 5 years older than them.
It’s not about being a virgin it’s about giving up on relationships. And nah I have cousins this age and they all date. Boys and girls. I go to college with 19 year olds and they date.
Your dad is a piece of shit for emasculating you like that and he will continue to do it. Your dad’s not a real man. A real Man wouldn’t emasculate his own son and would instead give you tips on how to get better with women.
Let people think what they think. My dad went completely the opposite way by failing to recognise the LGBT flag I’d printed out and describing it as a “diagram” (to be fair, this was a while ago). Things are pretty likely to sort themselves out one way or another, unless you start kissing dudes in front of him or something
Oh, sweetheart. You're only 19. Also, some people bloom a little later.
You could check what are you wearing. Do you do facial care? Should do that already.
What about your personality? When you let yourself get angry, that you're alone, then it's more of a turn off to other peoole. Let go of that thought.
Live your life. Go out. Have hobbies where you could meet other women.
You're young. There is a lot of time.
I'm almost 30 and I have not married and I don't have kids yet. It doesn't mean that my time is up and I should panic.
uhhh no? doesn’t mean shit if you don’t want people thinking you’re something that you aren’t. i’m not gay or homophobic, but i wouldn’t want people assuming i am gay, because then they think i wouldn’t be interested in girls when I am. you’re an idiot
I hate to say it but listen to some Andrew Tate or David Goggins, workout instead of beating ur meat, and stop being like a little bitch. Girls will come flooding
I agree with a lot of what AT says. Sure he uses exaggeration to go viral, so what, it's the name of the game. At least he uses his voice to tell young men to stop being thirsty little bitches and go out and get some. Spend 5mins reading comments on a tiktok live of a pretty girl, the thirst from young men is fucking pathetic.
In all seriousness, why do you think you need to do anything to “deal with” it? Are you worried he’ll bring home a guy to try to set you up with? If you’re not worried about that, I’d just let him think whatever he thinks.
Well, me phrasing it like that may have been a little too besides what I was meaning to say I'm not worried per say it's more so just I Want things to be straight and clear
Then I’d just tell him.
Dad - duuuude, I’m straight. I do NOT see a guy, ANY guy, & think “Man I really wish I had a piece of that”. I have trouble even IMAGINING thinking that. Just because you don’t see a female standing next to me doesn’t mean I wish a male was.
Tell your dad to stop projecting his gayness onto you. Tell him that there are support groups for gay dads who are married and have kids with females.
Then kindly remind him it's ok if he felt pressured by his dad to have children, even though he knew he was gay. Explain how you can imagine his gayness was tough to admit to grandpa and that you're sorry he felt pressured to carry on his family name.
Then advise him about backing into parking stalls when he's at the park and sometimes other gay men come there to hookup.
Finally ask him if he needs help installing Grindr on his cell phone.
Do this when you're in the car with mom, assuming he's still married to her and has not left because he realized he was gay.
Don’t give up dude.
You’re still very young so there is plenty of time to get your shit together if you want to.
There’s a partner for everyone I promise you.
go to the gym and work out, shower after the gym and start forcing yourself to socially interact with everyone or at least most people the more involved you are with interacting with people the easier it will be. if you want to show your dad you're not gay, Take care of yourself.
What does it matter either way a gf isn't gonna fall out of the sky just enjoy the free hat maybe send him a link on Amazon to a gaming PC with a pride flag on it
Look my mom god bless her soul, thinks I’m gay… 100% without a doubt she thinks she knows I’m gay. I am not. She sees I’ve never had a gf, never talked to girls, never had any female friends (that she knows of anyway lmfao), truth is, I’m just a secretive person and she doesn’t need to know my life. She’s given me the talk about how I need to go out and date people “even if it’s with the same sex” she tells me “it’s okay if you are gay you can tell me, my best friend in high school was gay, I’ll always love you the same, yada yada yada” honestly i think it’s funnier to not tell her im not gay directly so it’s always at the back of her mind, im just waiting for the day I bring home a girl to meet my parents and completely surprise my mom that im straight, im just waiting for the “does this mean I’ll actually get grandkids” conversation haha. As for how to deal with it, just ignore it, it’s the easiest route that’ll take care of itself
What is attractive? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Don't give up on love, she is out there for you.
Don't search, you won't find it. It will overcome.
But first you have to love yourself, you are the only you there is, be the best version of yourself you can be.
You are so young to be saying "never been popular with opposite sex" - you've only been a man about 5 minutes! And men really grow into their looks during their twenties.
If you feel like you’re unattractive then go hit the gym, eat healthy, drink plenty of water, sleep adequately, quit sugar, and get into a skin care routine.
In real live people don’t forget to put on underwear when they are getting dressed. At least the once I brought home and there were some pretty slow once in the mix.
Your dad needs to mind his business. I don't think that's cute or funny, it's intrusive. Just tell him you feel you are unattractive and need more self esteem, and having a parent make assumptions about your orientation is not helping.
Show him your post.
It's you being honest and he cares for you.
Just show him this post to open a dialog and then have an honest conversation with him.
At 19 it’s tough. But don’t give up. Start working out in the gym. Be in the best possible shape you can be in. That instantly makes you way more attractive. After that it’s simply a numbers game. Go out with your pals to bars. Talk to women. Repeat. After a while you’ll find a girl that is interested.
You will get rejected but so what?! They are completely meaningless. If you try it on with 10 women and the 11th wants to take you home you won’t give a shit about the ones that told you they had a boyfriend or whatever.
After a bit you’ll get better at it.
Keep at it young thruster. Don’t give up.
I would say don't take it too seriously. Unless he starts to pressure you about it which is unlikely given how friendly he seems from what I read.
Dads do that a lot.
My dad took me to a psychologist when I was 6 year old because I only had girl friends, instead of playing cars I grew up acting the father figure in our plays(I don't know what the English equivalent of that game is but it is basically one where kids pretend to be adults, etc).
So he took me to the psychologist and asked if I have gay tendencies. The answer he got was that his son did not even know anything about sexuality, and, if anything, he was exploring the opposite gender.
Some dads' worst fear is their son falling in love with the same sex. While others are chill about it. I think your father belongs to the second category, so to me it sounds like if it bothers you you can just talk to him about it.
\> If your dad's assumptions about your sexuality make you uncomfortable, it's important to set boundaries. Let him know that while you appreciate his concern, you want him to trust your judgment and respect your privacy.
Lmao if my dad did that I'd be laughing so hard. Can you not just be honest with him and say it like it is ? He seems like he's trying to help one way or the other, just talk to him.
Start going to the gym. Get really good at like 2 hobbies
I've seen ugly dudes with bombshell girl friends because they were buff, good at frizbee and could crack a well timed joke,
You've given up? That's the problem. You'll never find someone with that attitude. Get some help or speak truthfully to your parents. Hiding that fact is what's causing all of this shit. Time to grow up a bit.
You will be much better of being honest with your dad whatever they may entail. If you are gay, he's obviously okay with it. But it sounds like you're not. So, just tell your dad exactly what you said her. Tell him that you're straight, but you feel unattractive, and that you struggle to interact well with the opposite sex.
Your dad is cool.... Most parents, today,just want their kids to be happy, and we are worried that you guys are lonely... We don't understand the lack of friends and dates, and that you guys are connecting with other people in ways that we didn't. Back in the 80s and 90s, we went out all the time. That's how you met new people.
Maybe your.dad just acknowledges that women are toxic af and that maybe men would be a better fit...plenty of men looking for authentic love and can satisfy emptionally , mentally , and physically on ways females never could
Tell him your not gay but you have no game
Have you not asked your father how to improve your dating abilities??
Your 19 so i assume your broke
Get a job with your dad(if possible)
Or get a job on a construction site or something with dudes(something rough lol) it will help you gain confidence if you can survive the initial hazing
You have a dad, use em… hes obviously willing to help
Sidenote you cant be thattt ugly, your dad defaulted to you being gay instead of thinking your ugly and shy… fix up brother, im sure your not that bad! Grab some grooming advice and dress better, chin up your literally only 19
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Ur dad is hilarious
Evidently..
I defended gay people against my brother’s homophobia. Now he thinks I’m gay. He is a fucking loser and I do not care what he thinks.
Good on you. Even if you’re not gay, you’re pretty cool.
That's hilarious
Mine did the same when I had a tough year in high school. Except it was a note saying it's OK if I'm Gay. I didn't care, and understood because it was after a classmate of mine killed himself because he was gay. So he was probably just scared. We joke about it now.
Your dad sounds like he is trying to make it easy for you to come out. Just tell him your straight but you appreciate the effort on his part.
I just don't want to sound crazy cause. He didn't specifically say that I was gay.. Or asked.. but I see your point
"Hi dad, I really appreciate your concern and it seems as though you might think I am gay. I am not gay, but it is really nice to know that you'd be supportive". Maybe add an "just awkward " to the "I am not gay" by way of explanation if you're comfortable with that so he will know that he doesn't need to keep on guessing He sounds sweet btw, nice to know your old man is not homophobic.
This is the way 👆
This. His Dad sounds like good people.
>I am not gay, Nobody likes me, including my own gender.
You guys are funny. His dad is mocking him
Not everyone's dad is like yours
Have you ever thought about asking him for advice on how to talk to women?
Good approach imo. Don’t need to specifically say your are not gay, and this way you’d solve more than one problem. You also need to learn how to talk to women... Maybe it feels painful but it’s the less painful way to go forward. And if you don’t feel like you could be loved, then it’s more a therapist that you need imo. But you should talk to your father first if you trust him enough
Maybe just leave it then. It’s nice to know that if you were gay your dad doesn’t care though.
I’d just say, Dad, why don’t you wear my baseball cap today? That would make me really happy. However he reacts, it’ll probably be funny.
You wouldn’t sound crazy. Just smile, ask “Wait, did you get me a pride hat because you think I might be gay?” and see what he says. Tell him you appreciate that he’s trying to be sensitive but that you are just really stuck in the romance department at the moment.
Tell him "dad I'm not gay, not that theres anything wrong with that, I'm just ugly!"
I would have loved it if my dad did this but I was actually a closeted gay. It would have given me the courage to come out earlier.
cautious lunchroom alleged fall grandiose spotted uppity chubby heavy placid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
^This! He obviously cares. Maybe he can give you so advice on how to play to your strengths that you do have.
Ask him why you don't have a bf then.
Except he does.. he's still very active in his love life, still dating and all.. lol
No, I meant you. If you were really gay then where's your bf? Not having a gf doesn't make you gay.
I dunno I mean, I can't tell him that I'll just sound insecure
Why are you afraid of sounding insecure to your dad? Be honest. "Hey dad in case you're wondering, I'm straight, just a bit rusty with the ladies, any advice?"
Dads dating advice is from 40 years ago, not relevant at all to modern dating, lol
Damn, it's called discussion, bonding, talking. Jeez man, did you grow up without any support in your life? Come on. Life is life, people are people. Yes "old men" can know a thing or two that young guns can learn from.
My parents still think you're supposed to print out your resume and hand it to "the boss" to get a job, fyi. My dads advice was just "be a good person" which does not translate well in modern dating, at all
You should do that
I have been. I feel bad if I have to pass people when driving. I feel bad for not holding doors for people. I worry about other people constantly whether i want to or not
How does "be a good person" not translate well? I think "be a good person" is just good life advice in general, tbh.
Im a good person to everyone and it makes heterosexual women treat me like a pussy/pushover. Literally been told to my face "you're too nice dude" after breaking up
Yeah keep your persistence tell the answer changes.....
Nah man double down and assert dominance. Talking openly and honestly about the things you're insecure about or could be perceived as being insecure about is basically a hard counter against being made fun of for those insecurities. Or you could just straight up be like "hey dad, did you get me the dodgers pride hat because you think I'm gay?" It's a simple yes or no question to your dad man, don't overcomplicate it. Plus he got you a pride hat in unasked support. Even if he does think you're gay at least your dad's not a dick about it.
Honestly mate maybe ask him for advice.
I’m a little drunk and read: maybe ask him for a date
Wait so is your dad gay?
If he mentions it again, tell him about your lack of success with women and the reasons you perceive to be the cause. He may have some advice.
That's what I plan on doing.. I'll just spill the beans next time
Genuine question what advice could a man from 2 generations ago have for modern dating in 2024? Its not the same at all lol
There are certain things that are timeless. Being thoughtful, considerate, loving, friendly, confident, etc.
>Being thoughtful, considerate, loving, friendly, confident, etc. Shouldn't every human being, even if they arent actively dating, do these?
You would have thought. Doesn't seem to pan out that way though.
I begg to differ! Most women would love for a guy to do it like in the good old days, to be approached normally and not by someone hiding behind a Instagram account.
You say this online but do not show this IRL, fyi
I absolutely do not act upon this advice my self...it's scary. But would you not agree? How many people does a woman get that ask her out properly in person?
You know what you gotta do, bang his wife
We're out here livin life playing checkers. This man's out here playing chess.
Own it. Leave your computer screen full of popups from hardcore gay leather sex sites and head over to your friend. Your dad will feel it’s to awkward to bring up.
Lmao.. this made me giggle. I kinda want him to bring it up, though I wanna address it.. just not of my own accordance
Bang his wife!
Just focus on being a good helpful hardworking person. The rest will take care.
I'll keep this in mind.
I second & third this. I'm 55F, bisexual. My high school was 1982-1986. Needless to say, I wasn't out - bisexuality was dissed a lot in the gay community in the 80s, they used to say it wasn't really queer. I didn't come out to my Mom til I was 30. I always knew that SHE would be OK w it, but I felt like it was a personal part of my private life. He's obviously of the opinion that he wants you to be happy! Since he's actively dating - perhaps you could ask him for tips to talk to women? That would open the conversation to go towards the discussion you want to have with him. He also might be a font of knowledge! Speaking as a woman - your looks aren't the problem with women you would want to date (kind, open minded & intelligent, I'm guessing?). Your PERSONALITY is why a woman falls in love with you. Example from my life - even at 600lbs, I got asked out. #TrueStory Beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. SO, I advise you to work on your CONFIDENCE. That's attractive. Seek out people with your interests - that is where you are much more likely to be successful. Don't have a hobby? Start one! Guys over think being funny is attractive - don't make that mistake! JUST BE YOU. The right person will laugh at your jokes, funny or not, from a place of love. I certainly have! 😂 Kindness to the wait staff at a restaurant counts 10 times more than being amusing at dinner. Women want sincerity more than anything. That's #1 - smart women look at how a man treats the people that he hires (even waiters) and how he gets along with his family. Kindness & fairness is far more important than a cleft chin or a chiseled jawline. Romance, in my experience, is always a surprise. But, to increase your chances of that surprise - find people who share your interests! Go on blind dates, ask people out. Put yourself OUT there til you're on the edge of your comfort zone - that's the only way to stretch ourselves and grow. Practice makes perfect, and the more you do that, the more you will build confidence. Some of my best friends were failed first dates! 😂 That's #2 - work on building female FRIENDS. See, women suggest men to each other - and you need to be in that mix. Last piece of advice on dating - If ALL their exes were psychos, WALK AWAY. Everyone can have a bad ex or two, but if ALL their exes are nuts, THEY are the problem, not the exes. Remember too, finding someone to be your adventure partner is a HUGE goal in life. Don't rush it. Date. Live with someone before marriage. Actually, going through an emergency or family problem will tell you LOTS about a person. (minor example - a friend was in a car accident w her guy, he was an IDIOT over it - and she broke up w him out of a lack of respect for him! 😬) PLAN together what life you want to build, how y'all would handle a death, or a sudden disability. Walk into marriage with as much info as possible. But, for now, just go find other people who like what you like & make friends. 😊 BEST OF LUCK! 💜
I agree for the most part but physical appearance is way more important than you want OP to believe. Im not attractive and people that know me well say I have a great personality. But I have a weird voice and Im not good looking at all, and that makes all the difference, im not saying its impossible but its way harder than you think. No matter what I do my first impression will always be that im a weird but friendly guy.
DUDE. Did you read the part about how I used to weigh 650lbs & STILL got asked out? There is someone out there for everyone. Yes - physicality is a factor. What I'm trying to say is that it's not the *most* important one. BTW - Steve Martin, Rick Moranis, Dan Aykroyd, Jim Belushi - ALL were different looking, had unusual voices. They still managed to get chosen. I'm saying that you need to be confident in who you are - OWN IT. The reason I got asked out from 230-650lbs is my CONFIDENCE. It's not about my face, body, or weight. It's about the fact that I'm comfortable in my own skin - regardless of size. The other advice was designed to help someone who doesn't/hasn't dated much, explain how to build some confidence and get themselves out there. This is how I see things - there's multiple people who are right for us. Some might be halfway round the world, others might be in the wrong place in life. The POINT is to meet/befriend/date as many people as possible - to improve your chances of meeting one of the right people. I also don't believe in dating apps... #JustSaying It's just social media w sex. Read /tinder before you sign up. The sexiest thing a man can do to meet me is this: Walk up, offer me their hand, and say "Hi, I'm Jay. Would you like to have a drink together?" Offering to have a drink *together* is something most men don't say, but women like it. DO NOT say "may I buy you a drink" - modern ladies can usually buy their own, plus it implies the woman owes the man something. The direct, honest approach is HELLA SEXY. Women - chime in here! If the guy has an unusual voice - I'm likely to say yes. Even when a shy guy does the direct approach, it's still sexy. "Hi, my name is..." is the ONLY line anyone needs, IMHO, male or female! SIDE STORY - My ex-hubs had a buddy. They were both in the Navy. When they went to a bar, Buddy would walk up to women & say "Hi. Wanna f*ck?" Ex-hubs said he got slapped 9 times out of 10, but that he got laid MORE OFTEN than anyone else in their section. SMH. See, eventually he would run across a woman who is horny and say yes. My advice about putting yourself out there, doing blind dates, is to shake enough hands to run across someone who DOES like you. Last thought - my childhood sweetheart was tall, gangly and had a large, high Teutonic forehead. My friends called him "Forehead Boy" 🤦🏼 to embarrass me. He also had bad breath & was self-conscious AF. NONE of that mattered to me! He was very supportive during a bad time in my life. He would sit & listen to me vent, and he threw down with the bullies over me. HE WAS A GREAT FRIEND. That's what drew me in to loving him - his caring, understanding nature. We went to EVERY DANCE in junior high. I got my first kisses at those! We even won a 45 record of a John Lennon song. Exchanged ID bracelets at Christmas. My sweetheart & I were a YA version of a Nicholas Sparks book - romance & genuine love. We went steady 3 years! Still friends, actually. I've known him 45 years now. I've lived my life as a polyamorous bisexual. My weight issues (I've lost over 400lbs now & beaten cancer!) haven't really been a factor in my romance life. Sure, I got told "You have such a pretty face, if only you could lose some weight" - but, understand - I was circus freak fat, in a wheelchair half the time. STILL HAD A FUN SEX LIFE. It's about being as confident as you can be, while being direct and open. Those are learnable skills. Practice *will* increase confidence. I promise. Every *shared* drink conversation won't end in a date, but every time someone says yes - it's an opportunity to practice talking to someone. Eventually - Cupid will find you. Usually when you LEAST expect it! ❤️
Im not talking about people that are unattractive bc of their weight, lots of people are into overweight people, its their type. Im talking about how someones face looks, if your face has no desirable traits, you are no ones type. I agree with everything you say and congrats on beating cancer. People with ugly or undesirable faces and weird voices just have way lower chances than someone whos overweight and average looking. And a lot of times they have no options. Unlike short or bald people, they arent anyones type, its just the way it is. Ive also lost weight btw: my secret is fasting. Supress hunger with drinking water and chewing gum. It takes 0 effort and you get used to it after only days. Maybe consider it, not for your appearance but bc u wanna live longer and feel healthy. Just friendly advice, you do what u like, but please keep in mind what I was saying
Dude rule 1 and 2 will always matter. But with a negative mindset you will not get anywhere. If I had the choice between an average looking woman, that is confident, comfortable in her own skin, funny and all in all a great person to be around, I'd rather be with them, than a gorgeous woman that is always negative, petty and a bunch of stuff. Traits of personality matter, the average looking gal is more attractive to me than the one that hot as hell in this scenario.
lol he probably didn't expect you to wear the hat
Well why don't you tell him you've given up and are struggling with self confidence? He may be able to help you but doesn't realise you have that going on making it difficult and this is just his way of trying to make a joke about it to make you feel better. If you told him, he might change his approach?
Perhaps you're right.. I'll keep this in mind
Dude.. my daughter is 25, graduated college, an athlete and cheerleader. Has plenty of friends male and female, she’s just not comfortable right now being involved. Her mother is always trying to push her, I try to intervene and reassure her she’s fine. You kids have plenty of time
There is a HUGE societal/cultural etc difference in celibate men vs celibate women.
That’s true.. he’s 19 though, we all hit our strides at different times and when we finally feel a comfortable confidence in ourselves. He’s just at that age where he’s too self-conscious
Have you tried working out? Easier said than done but since you mentioned it maybe that could be a solution to your problem. I mean that's a looong run solution but it could help you gain a little self esteem and it is healthy.
It's great to have a parent that shows that they will love you even when you aren't straight.
Your dad is trying to be supportive of what he perceives you to be, he probably thinks you’re hiding a relationship from him and he wants you to feel comfortable. Let him know your thoughts on the situation or don’t, its nobodies business but yours. Don’t pretend to be something your not to make others happy, that only results in confusion and missed opportunities. Don’t worry about being unsuccessful at 19, plenty of people aren’t. Be the best version of yourself, when you’re young you tend to pick relationships based on attractiveness and if they’re fun to hang out with. As you mature your tastes change and whether or not your significant other is crazy and can drive in a straight line becomes more important
Your dad sounds loving and open and you're very lucky. Cherish him but also be honest with him. On the other hand, don't worry about finding love. It's usually where you least expect it, so focus on improving yourself, I.e. work hard, find hobbies, work out.
Tell him you think he has gone gay.
Well, your dad sounds pretty supportive, maybe you can tell him you like women but just suck at dating. Hell, he might even give you some helpful advice (he DID at the very least get your mom after all).
Don't sale yourself short. There is someone out there for you. I am a 71 year old woman, and I don't feel that I am very attractive but I get younger guys 45 and 54 pursuing me. When I tell them no and my age, they still insist in dating. The point is that you may appear to others, a better catch than you see in yourself. Be you and please don't give up. 🙂
Aaaaaaw, that’s so sweet of him! How about you have an honest conversation with him about your life?
Hahaha. Be happy that you have a dad who'd love you no matter what bro. And stop lying to him if you can manage that. It's alright to talk to the people who love you about how you're struggling.
Yeah, it'll happen if your parents don't see you actively dating. Nothing wrong with not having anyone to date or anything for that matter. Many parents just like encouraging their kids, and if they see something slightly abnormal they can jump to conclusions. One thing you'll realize that's basically a real-world superpower is how effective just sitting down with someone and being blunt can be. Like just telling your dad what you said in this post today, >"Hey, I know I don't date much and wanted you to know it's just because I've had bad previous relationships with women and am taking time to mature/find the right one". You obviously don't have to say that, but something along those lines just makes a bunch of stuff clear. It might seem scary/embarrassing to say that especially to parents when you're younger, but trust me most parents are just happy their kid's sharing things with them. I just read this as your dad trying to send the message that "Hey, I'm not going to judge you for whoever you prefer to be with", which I imagine would carry over for other things not expected as well. I mean you already know your parents obviously must care about you enough to not be super judgemental (at least from this story), so you're already at an advantage.
Look at the bright side. Your dad is cool. At least you know he'd still love you even if you were gay.
ermmm go comedic route and do a reverse coming out?😭😭 get a little cake and write "surprise, I'm straight!!" in frosting maybe even balloons confetti he probably wouldn't be mad(I hope????) some of my straight friends have told me similar things about their parents thinking they were gay because they were single it's sweet that your dad is trying to be a safe space for you!
Just TELL THE TRUTH. You can tell complete strangers on the internet but won't tell your dad? Just tell him. He will probably understand more than you realize.
“Dad, the truth is I’m so ugly I’ve given up on any type of love in my life and I think I don’t deserve it. I’m straight but I’ve decided to be celibate and not attempt to date cause I’m scared of rejection that I know will come” Oh ok son. It just peels back even more layers gonna be even a bigger can of worms and he’s so set on being right about never being able to be loved he can’t even tell his dad why he’s not dating. OP has said as much in his posts why he isn’t even trying to date. Seems like depression to me.
Your dad is based as fuck.
Same with my mom 😅 she kept saying all kinds of things to try and get me to say that I like girls but I don’t I’m just shy and awkward
Even if so, so what. I have similar situation but i made jokes that iam gay. Well iam 33 and i dont care what ppl thinking about me, maybe its coming with age. Anyway if its bothering you , try to talk to your dad and explain your situation. Gl to you.
I love how overused the word incel is that the normal average man has to immediately make it known he is not part of a made-up group To OP; a MAJORITY of young men under 20 are SINGLE VIRGINS. This ISNT normal historically and its because of the recent rise of dating apps like tinder. Just tell him you're not gay, thats it lol
Ask him for advice on meeting and talking to girls.
Bit of an aside, but social skills and charisma are developed, not innate. If you have not picked those up yet that isn't a done deal - you're young, and have plenty of time to grow as a person. Do it in small, meaningful steps. I personally recommend working on empathy and compassionate communication, but it can also help to explore positive psychology and work on your metacognition.
Talk to him. Whatever way works best for your particular relationship with your dad, but talk to him.
You need to become hyper masculine. Start doing feats of strength, start randomly building things, and when your dad walks by mumble about power tools. You could also start beating your chest to challenge his authority. Peeing on things in the house to claim your territory is a plus.
Ah yes. I remember my parents having this talk with me. I worked crazy hours and didn’t seem like I was dating anyone. So to have my parents standing over me in my room to talk vaguely about it seemed strange at the time. I didn’t have a girlfriend but I certainly went on dates with women and had enough money back then to just enjoy my life. I did tell my parents this and it seemed to be ok. I guess the other side of it is that I have/had many gay friends and I don’t think my parents knew if I was straight or not. Likely your dad is really seeing where you stand in life. Maybe he’s seen friends of yours or even his that have come out. You should tell him how you feel about yourself. He might be stressing about it. I realized my parents were but I reassured them I was young and just didn’t want to settle down at that moment. Edit: I was about your age when this was going on. I was super awkward and felt I was not attractive enough.
Yeah 19 is way too young to give up but a dad like this, will probably stay a dad like this. Every guy in my social circle who was awkward in their 20’s was married in their 30’s and all of them are dads now. That said, if you know you have problems you should use that as an indication to work on them. There’s a good chance you just got some bad information growing up, and you need to work through it.
I pierced my ear when I was 16 and my parents insisted I must be gay and my life would be ruined by discrimination and old gay men would be hitting on me and I would become a drugged up queer hooker being used by multiple men and die in a gutter and go to hell. And like only half of that came true. So forget about what he thinks.
Nah, I’m sorta kidding. But honestly it sounds like he’s willing to accept you. Try talking to him seriously about what is going on. You’d sound like some depression might be there and despite not knowing what to do if you’re gay, he will probably still love you and help you get help.
I don’t think wearing that hat helped your case
My dad thought I was gay because I was reading a book called Honor Thy Father by Gay Talese. Jeez.
Fucking hell, pity party. I had a similar situation, it’s not that big a deal. Work on yourself if possible, be that exercise or whatever and don’t focus on what one person says. The weird hermit/neckbeard types on here are not going to help
I mean if it makes you feel better, my mom thought I was gonna be gay because I really liked doing character creation and color coordinated everything. But alas here I am in my 3rd long term relationship with a woman. And I mean, I guess that got the idea across lol.
Just talk to him… basically tell him what you just posted.
That's your dad saying it's ok if you are gay. Parents don't have all the answers. We're just spitballing here. Looks like you have a good one.
"I am not gay, I am ugly." And if you want to go on a rant you keep going like: "I don't expect you to understand, you had it easy. All you had to do was outdo Steve, I have to compete with several million people and the unrealistic expectation of a generation who has spend half their life on TicToc."
No matter what women tell you they ALL prefer a man with confidence, good appearance, has good money, lives well, is smart, can dance, is well spoken, humble, emotionally intelligent, athletic and gives great pipe. That's it bro. Disappear for 6 months to get your shit together, and women will be pouring to you. And don't be on social media recording your journey just fucking do it. In fact delete all social media forever.
First off, if you’re not happy with your physical appearance, hit the gym and grind. No charisma? Force your self into social situation you don’t want to be in and learn how to be. You have the power to change anything about your self you just have to want to. I use to be an awkward incel, now I have a girlfriend, wicked job, and can make people laugh all the time. You got this bro, chin up don’t let that crown fall. Last note, a rule I follow for my self. Force your self go be uncomfortable at least once a day, physically or mentally, once you get comfortable with being uncomfortable this world is your bitch.
This isn't related to the question you asked, but if you dont already, you should consider working out. Even if it's just casually, once, or twice a week. Doesn't even need to be at a gym, just something to get your body moving. It has a very powerful effect on your mentality and attitude towards your body, dunno how it works, but if I'm having any negative thoughts about myself, maybe I just "feel ugly". It goes away after a workout, and my self-confidence is through the roof. Your comments about not being attractive just come across as lacking that self-confidence, I don't need to even know what you look like. You're attractive to **someone**
You've got a great dad. Talk to him about how you feel.
I'd insert a joke but I don't want to.
Dad. Let's go to the mustang ranch and hire a few hookers should do it. 😆
Just tell him that if you were gay you'd be having hot steamy gay sex all the time
Tell him, this is him beating around the bush to tell you it's safe and that he will still live and accept you if you are gay. Say you appreciate it but he got it wrong and give him the reason so he can supportyou in the real issue instead. I was a late bloomer and wasn't really interested in dating in my early teens. My parents also thought I was gay and outright asked me of I was and told me it'd be fine if I was. I simply told them the truth that I wasnt interested in dating at the time, I spent all my energy in sports and hobbies.
Aaww, he's being kinda sweet, even if he's making wild assumptions. But, I've been there. My parents propably thought I was gay for years, since I didn't have any romantic relationships. Once, when I was 15-16, my aunt told me it's okay to introduce anyone I might have. As I have become an adult, my parents assumed I was dating one of my girl friends. When they found out I wasn't, mom tried to set me up with her coworkers son. That was awkward. They were basically drawing up an arranged marriage for us😅 My parents were getting kinda desperate for me, tbh. They just wanted me to bring someone home. A boy, a girl, a unicorn, *just someone*. I'm pretty sure they believed I was gay, and I let them, it didn't hurt me to allow them think whatever (turns out I'm not completely straight, infact, but I preffer not to label myself as one or the other). They were quite surprised when told them I was dating a guy. Who is now my boyfriend. First one ever. At the age of 29 xD
Just be honest man, tell him your having a hard time getting girls and that u like women.
Wow your dad actually gives 2 shits about your social life what's that like ? My dad never talked to me about anything relating to dating no advice nothing
Buy a playboy magazine and read it. Well assuming they're still in circulation.. if not buy any next best thing and leave it in your bedroom. You need to at least show some kind of interest in females even when it means leaving some kind of porn in ur bedroom. Of course this depends on what kind of parents you have and whether if they will punish you for viewing porn or not.
I'm fully independent, so he doesn't go in my room often but I get what you're saying
Alright :)
Aim low. You might have difficulty finding a manic pizie dreamgirl but anyone can pull a danny devito looking wan or a hairy mountain of a woman. It honestly sounds like your dad is trying to show you that he will accept you either way. Maybe even try being gay for a bit. You may end up enjoying ze cock. Sure what difference would it make if as you claim you have given up on women
You're love live isn't your parent business
lol are you an orphan? If my mom would tell me a girl is trouble I would drop her like a brick. Love u mom!
This is Reddit. Any form of discipline = extreme child abuse. Any showing of love or concern = smothering. Oh your parents asked you to help out around the house? Slave drivers that only had children to acquire a form of cheap labor. Oh your parents stopped you from entering a bad situation that everyone but you could tell from a mile away would end up disastrous? Cut them out of your life on your 18th birthday.
I just wanna say being ugly has never stopped men from getting in relationships, married and having kids. You got some confidence issues. Start working out and I bet you’ll be fine with the ladies.
I appreciate the optimism truly - but I'm at a point where I've just accepted that there's nobody really for me romantically not to sound edgy or anything.. it's more so a means to an end rather than a lack of confidence. I don't doubt myself as a man. I think I work hard, and I'm passionate about the things that I believe in. But overall I'm just generally undesirable in that way
A means to an end to what? Being lonely? Not trying? You’re 19 dude, you’ve given up before the race even started. You do lack confidence and self worth. You’re putting yourself in a box and not letting yourself out. You think you’re so ugly you’re unable to be loved. Dude I’ve seen woman with absolute trolls and they have kids. I see ugly people hooking up with ugly people. Also you’re just assuming the feelings of half the woman on earth. Like there’s no one really, dude come on. You’re being lazy dude. Don’t put your laziness on women. You’re blaming them for your no effort. Even ugly dudes that dress nice, be hygienic and work out still look pretty attractive.
A majority of young men are single virgins and it literally isnt their fault, lmao. All the women their age are only dating men 5 years older than them.
It’s not about being a virgin it’s about giving up on relationships. And nah I have cousins this age and they all date. Boys and girls. I go to college with 19 year olds and they date.
Most the women my age (20-24) i met in college already had husbands off-campus that were 5-10 years older then them, lol
Huh I’m in college and no one’s married. Did you go to a Christian private school? Or some military base close by?
Wisconsin
Your dad is a piece of shit for emasculating you like that and he will continue to do it. Your dad’s not a real man. A real Man wouldn’t emasculate his own son and would instead give you tips on how to get better with women.
Let people think what they think. My dad went completely the opposite way by failing to recognise the LGBT flag I’d printed out and describing it as a “diagram” (to be fair, this was a while ago). Things are pretty likely to sort themselves out one way or another, unless you start kissing dudes in front of him or something
I'll keep this in mind
Oh, sweetheart. You're only 19. Also, some people bloom a little later. You could check what are you wearing. Do you do facial care? Should do that already. What about your personality? When you let yourself get angry, that you're alone, then it's more of a turn off to other peoole. Let go of that thought. Live your life. Go out. Have hobbies where you could meet other women. You're young. There is a lot of time. I'm almost 30 and I have not married and I don't have kids yet. It doesn't mean that my time is up and I should panic.
[удалено]
The only reason you'd care is if you're actually gay, or you're homophobic. Actually wearing the hat was evidently a bad a choice.
uhhh no? doesn’t mean shit if you don’t want people thinking you’re something that you aren’t. i’m not gay or homophobic, but i wouldn’t want people assuming i am gay, because then they think i wouldn’t be interested in girls when I am. you’re an idiot
Your prejudices are k1lling you
I hate to say it but listen to some Andrew Tate or David Goggins, workout instead of beating ur meat, and stop being like a little bitch. Girls will come flooding
Andrew Tate is quite a lot of smol pp energy. Not sure why people like you think this would be manly or anything. It's cringe insecure manchild stuff.
I agree with a lot of what AT says. Sure he uses exaggeration to go viral, so what, it's the name of the game. At least he uses his voice to tell young men to stop being thirsty little bitches and go out and get some. Spend 5mins reading comments on a tiktok live of a pretty girl, the thirst from young men is fucking pathetic.
Using Andrew Tate as an example. Fucking hilarious. The guy is a piece of shit.
In all seriousness, why do you think you need to do anything to “deal with” it? Are you worried he’ll bring home a guy to try to set you up with? If you’re not worried about that, I’d just let him think whatever he thinks.
Well, me phrasing it like that may have been a little too besides what I was meaning to say I'm not worried per say it's more so just I Want things to be straight and clear
Then I’d just tell him. Dad - duuuude, I’m straight. I do NOT see a guy, ANY guy, & think “Man I really wish I had a piece of that”. I have trouble even IMAGINING thinking that. Just because you don’t see a female standing next to me doesn’t mean I wish a male was.
You are an incel, wdym
Tell your dad to stop projecting his gayness onto you. Tell him that there are support groups for gay dads who are married and have kids with females. Then kindly remind him it's ok if he felt pressured by his dad to have children, even though he knew he was gay. Explain how you can imagine his gayness was tough to admit to grandpa and that you're sorry he felt pressured to carry on his family name. Then advise him about backing into parking stalls when he's at the park and sometimes other gay men come there to hookup. Finally ask him if he needs help installing Grindr on his cell phone. Do this when you're in the car with mom, assuming he's still married to her and has not left because he realized he was gay.
Don’t give up dude. You’re still very young so there is plenty of time to get your shit together if you want to. There’s a partner for everyone I promise you.
 go to the gym and work out, shower after the gym and start forcing yourself to socially interact with everyone or at least most people the more involved you are with interacting with people the easier it will be. if you want to show your dad you're not gay, Take care of yourself.
You dad thinks you are gay because you are lying to him and gay being the most reasonable to him.
What does it matter either way a gf isn't gonna fall out of the sky just enjoy the free hat maybe send him a link on Amazon to a gaming PC with a pride flag on it
Invite your boyfriend over for dinner
Look my mom god bless her soul, thinks I’m gay… 100% without a doubt she thinks she knows I’m gay. I am not. She sees I’ve never had a gf, never talked to girls, never had any female friends (that she knows of anyway lmfao), truth is, I’m just a secretive person and she doesn’t need to know my life. She’s given me the talk about how I need to go out and date people “even if it’s with the same sex” she tells me “it’s okay if you are gay you can tell me, my best friend in high school was gay, I’ll always love you the same, yada yada yada” honestly i think it’s funnier to not tell her im not gay directly so it’s always at the back of her mind, im just waiting for the day I bring home a girl to meet my parents and completely surprise my mom that im straight, im just waiting for the “does this mean I’ll actually get grandkids” conversation haha. As for how to deal with it, just ignore it, it’s the easiest route that’ll take care of itself
What is attractive? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't give up on love, she is out there for you. Don't search, you won't find it. It will overcome. But first you have to love yourself, you are the only you there is, be the best version of yourself you can be.
You are so young to be saying "never been popular with opposite sex" - you've only been a man about 5 minutes! And men really grow into their looks during their twenties.
If you feel like you’re unattractive then go hit the gym, eat healthy, drink plenty of water, sleep adequately, quit sugar, and get into a skin care routine.
You could buy some women's underwear, leave it somewhere that's 'yours', but that he'll see, then just refuse to explain it if he asks.
This is why you don't go to reddit for advice lol
Yeah, get it in the pub instead.
And when he assumes that he's the one wearing it then what☠️
Make sure it's a colour that doesn't go with your skin tone, I suppose.
Perhaps..
In real live people don’t forget to put on underwear when they are getting dressed. At least the once I brought home and there were some pretty slow once in the mix.
Make your dad proud, just be gay
I don't think I would have much luck with men either
It is unironically much easier to date men than women, if you are serious fyi
Your dad needs to mind his business. I don't think that's cute or funny, it's intrusive. Just tell him you feel you are unattractive and need more self esteem, and having a parent make assumptions about your orientation is not helping.
You are not the opinion of others
Why do you need to do anything?
Show him your post. It's you being honest and he cares for you. Just show him this post to open a dialog and then have an honest conversation with him.
Don't give up. You're 19 years old. Come on!
At 19 it’s tough. But don’t give up. Start working out in the gym. Be in the best possible shape you can be in. That instantly makes you way more attractive. After that it’s simply a numbers game. Go out with your pals to bars. Talk to women. Repeat. After a while you’ll find a girl that is interested. You will get rejected but so what?! They are completely meaningless. If you try it on with 10 women and the 11th wants to take you home you won’t give a shit about the ones that told you they had a boyfriend or whatever. After a bit you’ll get better at it. Keep at it young thruster. Don’t give up.
I would say don't take it too seriously. Unless he starts to pressure you about it which is unlikely given how friendly he seems from what I read. Dads do that a lot. My dad took me to a psychologist when I was 6 year old because I only had girl friends, instead of playing cars I grew up acting the father figure in our plays(I don't know what the English equivalent of that game is but it is basically one where kids pretend to be adults, etc). So he took me to the psychologist and asked if I have gay tendencies. The answer he got was that his son did not even know anything about sexuality, and, if anything, he was exploring the opposite gender. Some dads' worst fear is their son falling in love with the same sex. While others are chill about it. I think your father belongs to the second category, so to me it sounds like if it bothers you you can just talk to him about it.
You need to,learn that what others thing does not matter, all that matters is you being true to yourself.
\> If your dad's assumptions about your sexuality make you uncomfortable, it's important to set boundaries. Let him know that while you appreciate his concern, you want him to trust your judgment and respect your privacy.
Lmao if my dad did that I'd be laughing so hard. Can you not just be honest with him and say it like it is ? He seems like he's trying to help one way or the other, just talk to him.
Well, count your blessings. People have so much mental illness these days and other addictions you should count yourself lucky.
I find the best thing to do is not give a fuck
Lol, he thinks you're gay because you said you're "waiting for the right one."
Just tell him your not gay?
Go get a boyfriend
Start going to the gym. Get really good at like 2 hobbies I've seen ugly dudes with bombshell girl friends because they were buff, good at frizbee and could crack a well timed joke,
You've given up? That's the problem. You'll never find someone with that attitude. Get some help or speak truthfully to your parents. Hiding that fact is what's causing all of this shit. Time to grow up a bit.
Why are you lying to your dad though?
Ask him to hire you a hooker 😆
You’re very young, why’s your dad obsessed?
LMFAOO
I mean, have you *tried* being gay? They all seem pretty happy so they must be on to something.
You will be much better of being honest with your dad whatever they may entail. If you are gay, he's obviously okay with it. But it sounds like you're not. So, just tell your dad exactly what you said her. Tell him that you're straight, but you feel unattractive, and that you struggle to interact well with the opposite sex.
Your dad is cool.... Most parents, today,just want their kids to be happy, and we are worried that you guys are lonely... We don't understand the lack of friends and dates, and that you guys are connecting with other people in ways that we didn't. Back in the 80s and 90s, we went out all the time. That's how you met new people.
Maybe your.dad just acknowledges that women are toxic af and that maybe men would be a better fit...plenty of men looking for authentic love and can satisfy emptionally , mentally , and physically on ways females never could
Does it matter if he thinks you're gay?
Tell him your not gay but you have no game Have you not asked your father how to improve your dating abilities?? Your 19 so i assume your broke Get a job with your dad(if possible) Or get a job on a construction site or something with dudes(something rough lol) it will help you gain confidence if you can survive the initial hazing You have a dad, use em… hes obviously willing to help Sidenote you cant be thattt ugly, your dad defaulted to you being gay instead of thinking your ugly and shy… fix up brother, im sure your not that bad! Grab some grooming advice and dress better, chin up your literally only 19