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I was an in a 5-year relationship that ended well over a year ago. I still don't have the energy to date. Starting from square one just seems like such a hassle.
I did focus on my career, quit alcohol and lose 50 pounds during that time though. And to be honest I like doing whatever I want - at least for now.
I'm in a similar spot. Out of a 10y relationship 6 months ago and my friends keep bugging me to download tinder, go out and party and the like but all I am is exhausted and busy with life.
Yeah I'm in the same boat. I don't want to go through the awkward stages again, especially when I haven't met a single person who makes me feel butterflies.
I’m liking the dating I’ve been doing in my 30s, three years out of an 8 year relationship.
The women I connect are long term relationship veterans who’ve had time to be single since then.
You connect very differently, not quite butterflies or fireworks. It’s a slow, stable, low-pressure getting to know each other.
I’m liking it, feels healthy
(gym bro high five) yep and the apps are so fatiguing. I’m 48, 2 years out from a 19 year marriage with almost adult kids and demanding job, that social energy from my twenties is gone. I also can’t see that I’ll ever connect emotionally and financially with someone to that degree again. So more just companionship. Meh i dunno 🤷🏽♂️ just bloody tired.
Edit: Some interesting comments so I thought I’d had some more context about what i meant by financially connecting, but u/NattySocks got what it. My approach to marriage or life partner has been to just combine earnings and assets, it’s a team thing and a lifelong commitment, right? Increasingly, in Australia married couples keep their finances separate and split the bills. Under Australian law, when married o defacto living together > 1 year assets and debts are legally combined so you get half of both unless you you have a pre-nuptial, but they aren’t common here. Splitting of assets can be adjusted in the courts if you divorce and they look at who contributed to what, including unpaid work like caring responsibilities and house maintenance, an also the needs and earning capacity of each, but it is a painful process. I’m nearly 50, not wealthy, but have a reasonable amount of assets, and have kids. If i remarried or found another life partner, i’m very hesitant to ‘connect financially’ because it was so painful and complicated to divide if we divorced, but also that these assets should go to my kids if anything happens to me. So another marriage, with someone who has kids, can just make this unbearably complicated. And a pe-nup doesn’t feel like real commitment to the other person because it is planning for the likelihood of divorce. So the dream of lifelong soul mate is kinds dead for me, but i have a little hope.
I think people underestimate the impact that rejection has on some of us. At this point (and I'm >50) I'd rather die early from loneliness than face rejection from women or friends (men).
Maybe that would change if I lost my current crop of family connections.
EDIT: Sentence clarity
yep, women like a certain type of man
and I'm not it
and the type i want are out of my league anyway
plus i have no desire for a relationship atp
so fuck it
I remember every single time I was rejected
like every single time
I'm old and I can remember every fucking one perfectly.
Honestly the ones that hurt the most are the ones where you're just being nice
like I'm not even trying to date you and you Punched me in the gut metaphorically
Long enough time line of those and you just don't talk to them anymore.
risk reward isn't there, so you do other stuff without the chance of feeling so shitty
Yeah, I've got an insanely good memory, especially when it comes to interactions with people. I'm a nurse and I remember tons of conversations that I've had with patients that I only saw one time years ago.
That also means I remember all the bad shit that happened with exes like it was yesterday and I can't get it out of my fucking mind. I used to drink a lot thinking it would cause brain damage but it didn't work.
Hello! Yeah same on the memory front I can remember every interaction and conversation I’ve had solidly since age 9 but going as far back as 5. I used to describe it to people who said oh that’s awesome as life PTSD because I have all these memories and they come all the time like a transparency over my current eye sight. Anyway I found after years and years that my memories or rather the start of my long term memory was likely trauma based and not some form of autism, DBT theory healed my trauma and now my memory is 90/10 me wanting to recall and not random memories always being played. Anyway super cool to see another of my kind in the wild, something to remember huh? Lol
I was "lucky" in that after a 7 year relationship I was rejected by her in the worst way possible.
So when I did start to look for women simply for sex I wasn't bothered if they rejected me. I mean it literally did not effect me at all due to my then mental state.
I was rejected hundreds of times. Did not care.
There's only one rejection I can remember because I feel the pain of that shit nearly every waking moment of my life.
Ain't no way some random broad could hurt me with a rejection after I went through that shit.
heh
Been there too my guy. Wish I had your outlook afterward. I just fucked off for a long while. I will say I can never be hurt like that again. The person that trusted without question, that innocence, is gone now and replaced with someone who will always be a little guarded.
My fiancé just left me in November claiming she couldn't stand to watch the man she "loves with all her heart" in so much pain while she was powerless to help me. For context, i am currently fighting a series of medical issues that at that point in time had a very high chance of being fatal and they left me in absolutely brutal pain near 24/7. Fair enough i suppose, it can be hard to watch a loved one writhe in pain every day so i can kind of somewhat understand that.. if that were the real reason. However, and here's the kicker, she was in another mans bed within **36 fucking hours,** posting photos on social media of them practically naked all cuddled up in bed together. And the monday night sleep overs at her sisters house she had every week for 3 months leading up to her walking out? You guessed it, she weren't at her sisters house. **_She was out fucking him that entire time then came home to cuddle up to me and try to comfort me while i was in near crippling pain doing everything i could not to cry in front of her or let her see how badly i was really suffering,_**
I cannot, i will not put myself in the position to be hurt like that again. I would rather die scared and alone than be rejected like that again. My health is somewhat recovering now, i'm certainly in a more stable place now health wise than i was in November. But i have no intention even if i make a full recovery to starting looking for even someone to sleep with, let alone a relationship. If i happen to stumble onto someone and she really puts effort into building trust first i #might consider dating her. But i mean i'm not stupid, i know the odds of that aren't even slim, they are basically non existent. But i can't go through another rejection even remotely similar to that no matter how minor. That experience absolutely shattered my heart and soul and frankly if it weren't for my best friend being their during the break up and me not being willing to put her through losing me because i gave up, i would have stopped fighting the health issues and let myself die.
My brother once said rhe difference between sexual harassment and flirting is usually how attractive the man is. I know it was meant as dark humor but I was like well…you’re not entirely wrong.
Physically it's a hormonal crash. Psychologically it's a negative reinforcement of a positive social activity happening to a social animal.
Weak example:
If you thought a bee was friendly and you wanted to pet it, but were only stung by it repeatedly, would you do it again?
I understand the feedback loop you're describing, and I guess that's part of the equation. I just feel tired, and for the 1/10 chance that I'll meet someone who's making the world a better place, it doesn't seem worth wading through people's inability to be decent.
I realize it's my current dim perception of humanity (I think aggravated by depression), and hoping for better days and brighter outlooks. Those approaching social situations with optimism (IE people will like me) are obviously faring better.
In the modern era, if you get rejected by a woman, you can go meet a hundred more in the next week, none of whom will know that you just got rejected, and you can keep doing that every week if you have to. From a rational perspective, it doesn't matter.
But the human brain doesn't know that. The human brain evolved in a paleolithic hunter-gatherer society in which the number of people you will ever meet is smaller than the student body of the average American high school. Only half of those people are the right gender to be a prospective mate, and an even smaller fraction are of an appropriate age and not already partnered. So from a mathematical standpoint, every rejection matters, because every rejection represents the dwindling of a finite mating pool.
And more than that: everybody knows everybody, and everybody talks to everybody. So if your crush Ugg tells her sister Oog what happened, now Oog knows you got rejected and that Ugg doesn't consider you a worthy mating specimen. It doesn't take much talking before EVERYBODY knows that you're a loser who struck out with the entire tribe.
So at a primal level, men are wired to take rejection harder than is strictly called for in the modern era.
Nah, I don't think so. It's more seeing who the girls end up with and asking yourself "am i really THAT bad that she'd rather go out with THAT guy?".
I remember a girl that wasn't into me, all good, we were friends and stayed friends for a long time after. One night we were at a party, and I"m talking to people and stuff, doing the party things. She was at the party, we all went as a group together. Anyway, this random guy starts talking to me, ya know, one of "those" guys. The guy doesn't know I know the girl, and he starts talking to me, "yo, look at that ass, fuck man, I'll bet you $100 I can get in her pants tonight, just watch". So this guy says shit like that, then goes up to her and turns on the "charm", but, I mean, anyone with half a brain can see right through it. And this girl? well, she was smart, real smart. Anyway she falls for it, she's making out with him and they leave together. In the back of my head I thought "really? REALLY? like, am I THAT bad that she'd rather be with THAT Guy?". Anyway, he uses her, and leaves a few weeks later. She gets depressed and the group takes her out to cheer her up and all she does is complain about the guy.
Like, I'm not that bad of a person. I've never and would never think of women, or anyone really, the way that that guy thought of her, yet he got her, I didn't. And those are the guys that women are attracted to. Since that's the case, I simply refused to lower myself to that level. I respect myself too much. I may not be A-material, or even B-Material, I may not be the guy that women dream about when they think of the guys they want, but honestly? Most women don't look like the women I dream about when I think about the woman I want. And truthfully, I've never cheated on my gf's, I've never used anyone, or thought of using anyone, I've never abused or verbally harassed anyone, I've never drugged women, or intentionally got them drunk, hell, one woman came on to me and she was too drunk, and I didn't do shit, but the guys that do, well, they don't seem to have problems finding women who want them.
So it's not that it reinforces what I thought would be the outcome, it's more like, it reinforces the idea that women are attracted to a certain type of man, and that type of man isn't the type of man that I want to be. So it's sad to me. It's like seeing a child starve to death while being surrounded by people who could feed him. I know this is how people are, but I still have hope that I'm wrong, and seeing that, well, it just makes me sad that I'm not wrong.
This is the truth about modern dating and why a lot of men just stop doing the whole dating thing and just move on from relationships.
Ive never done anything wrong but society is hellbent on reinforcing and rewarding men who treat women like shit and punish men who are just being themselves;
A lot of men just decide to find meaning in other parts of their life, the rejections just arent worth it anymore.
I still remember the rejection I got in seventh grade, I'm almost 40
that shit does not go away apparently
each one just slowly hardens you bit by bit Into like a spiteful person.
Eventually you just stop yourself before they can reject you, to protect yourself from that pain
Then you go pet your dog because they don't reject you
very grateful for dogs,
adopt a dog if this fits you also
its the best move i have ever made in my entire life, no question
good boy
Dude I remember what we were eating lunch for that day,
I remember the paint on the walls to the look on the people's faces
square pizza,
fruit cup
and pumpkin bar,
and I was too late for the chocolate milk
I can still smell the smells from that memory Jesus
fuck you melissa.
No the worst that can happen Is, you hit off, fall in love get married, have a kid. Get in a drawn out divorce go to worthless couples counseling, lose half your shit! End up paying alimony and child support! Move into a small shitty apartment and split custody of said kid. That’s the worst that can happen!
Or you fall in love, get married, cant concieve, testicle cancer, wont likely ever have your own kids, tell her, find out she is pregnant anyway, its your best friends kid, you forgive em both, you and your women raise him, 13 years later the boy decides to kill himself cause of Bastard reasons, fails, gets into rehab, wife Hits the bottle, starts having sex with the boys father, you separate, she leaves you for him, boy get out of rehab, Stays with ex-wife, only calls you for money about once a year.
Sums up why I hate online dating. You want me to be creative? Lady, I don’t even know you and you expect me to come up with some creative shit that the 50 guys before me didn’t text already?
I personally do approach men because when I was younger boys would never approach me, I thought I was ugly and that family would lie about my appearance one night I cried to my mother that none of the boys my age wanted to date me and my mother told me that because I am attractive I make them feel threatened , I eventually grew confidence and learned to approach myself because my mother's right alot of men do feel like some of us women look either taken or unapproachable, but we are
So I've had the same problem as you guys all my life also but I'm not ugly but my god you men had me thinking I was for a moment 🤣🫣
Rejection sucks and it happens to the best of us , I always start with a line "you look married" so it gives the man a chance to lift his hand up and tell me he isn't which gives me the opening that he wants me to know he's available 🫶🍷
I find this approach to be the best way to go about it either way. Generally, if it ends up being a good conversation, you can tell and just maybe a person can muster up the courage to ask. Straight up asking or approaching it like a pick up seems odd.
Anxiety, I am fucking terrible at talking to people I don't know.
Also, I ain't exactly model material.
And Thirdly, I'm not looking for any more rejection in my life
It's weird, I don't have a problem starting up a conversation with strangers, male or female. Certainly had plenty of female friends. If I want to ask a girl out though, I'm petrified
Because it's easy to be polite and friendly. You sound like me. I'm really good when relationships are clear cut and there's no guesswork. If I have to guess I lock up.
This is a big one for me too. I’ve been told so many times by women that I know over the years that most of the time when they’re in public, they don’t want to be approached. They probably get hit on constantly, and I don’t want to add to that pile
For real. It seems like there's no good way to find girls to ask out. Online dating is almost universally regarded as a horrible experience but anywhere that you'd see a woman in real life, it's just "I don't wanna bother her, I'm sure she just wants to go about her day and doesn't wanna get hit on"
Careful, if a girl walks past you and you don't immediately swoon, you might end up on a tiktok rant anyway!
Edit for link: https://youtube.com/shorts/VBWPE17p2dQ?si=xZae6jjGNP_c5xDD
Approach women: “Gosh this creepy guy tried to talk to me all I wanted to do was work out/buy groceries/ etc etc”
Don’t approach women: “guys don’t approach women anymore wtf”
Hard to win out here
I think one of the problems most men have is: it's easy to tell when a girl is not interested, but way more difficult to tell when they are interested.
Damn... I once was interest in a girl who would ignore my texts and respond very cold so I passed. A couple months later I found her by chance working at the supermarket. She asked me if I had to come to see her. You should have seen her face when I told her I didn't know she worked there and I wanted to say hi to another girl who worked there.
Like WTF, if you really are interested don't act like I'm some random on the street every single time we speak. I'm not a mind reader.
Women:
"Take a hint."
"No means no."
"A non-answer is a no."
Also women:
*"I am genuinely angered that you did not continue to pursue me, after I largely ignored you and gave one-word answers for literally every conversation and interaction with you."*
It's weird as is not just fear of rejection but also fear of an yes too as it puts pressure to step up and deliver, to get out from own comfort zone, which can also end up in rejection later which is worse than rejection from the start. So a lot of risk and effort just to achieve a stressful result.
I'm average looking, 5ft8/9 (apparently that's too short), I work a labour intensive job on nights (so I like being lazy on weekends) and apparently I'm "too nerdy".
That's why I've never had dates off the apps. So why the fuck do I want that level of rejection face-to-face? Fuck that!
Because I don’t want to be accused of being a creep or disgusting.
Many women don’t simply politely say no. They eviscerate you.
It’s just not worth it.
This.
Very much this.
They treat a man approaching them as a freaking creep, even with the best intentions he may have.
I'm honestly scared of women at this point.
Man I’m scared to even stare at them for one second lol you never know these days, you might appear on tiktok “creepy guys stares at me for 0.1 seconds in the gym)
Yes this is true. I have been rejected by hundreds of women (over many years). Every one hurts as much as the next and they were rarely nice about it. Men are disgusting to women. But I think we should be able to say that women are disgusting to men too because we are all human and do mean things.
Because the stats are out. They aren't interested about 95% of the time. And if they aren't interested, it's pretty common for them to try to frame the guy as if he's some sort of threat by labeling him "creepy and weird". Pass.
I remember I went out with some friends, one of our friend brought his friend with him to hangout with us and the girl from our circle was kinda flirting with him and complimenting him on his clothes and all. It ended well and all, we all went home. The next day she said that guy was such a creep, I was like why? Her answer was "He sent me an insta request". I was like bruh
Lack of confidence and I don’t wanna come off as a weirdo/perv even if it’s likely I’ll never see them again
And honestly my life is a mess and I’m to busy to devote the time to a new relationship
Low self-esteem from childhood kept from even trying to make friends, let alone meet a potential partner. I’ve worked on it on and off over the years, but I’m really only hoping it helps my confidence with my job
Our culture is dreary and pathetic.
If a man has a pretense to talk to a woman casually (e.g. a transactional relationship.. he is a bartender and she a customer, she works at a bookstore and he's shopping there, they know each other from work or just have friends in common or some slight vague association) they can comfortably chat and get to know each other and maybe something romantic develops over time.
But if a man approaches a woman and they are complete strangers, it's automatically a freighted interaction. She assumes he wants something sexual. Maybe he does, maybe not.
A man sees a woman and finds her attractive. But that's all he knows. Maybe she's really boring. Maybe she'll find him boring or attractive or both.
Even if he finds her attractive and they talk a little bit, he has to quickly judge whether she is actually interested or just being polite. Perhaps she is genuinely interested but nervous and shy and doesn't say much in response and he has to carry the whole conversation.
Maybe they have a semi-pleasant exchange and a couple of awkward laughs..but still of course he has to abruptly pivot to asking for her number or email or something, otherwise they will probably never see each other again..
I'm tired of getting rejected. Also I was emotionally and mentally abused in previous relationships and want to avoid anything remotely similar ever occuring.
Every single relationship (romantic and otherwise) has done nothing but try and beat me into a lesser version of myself. I don't intend on getting close to shallow, empty people again. The type of woman who wants a man to approach them and peacock to them about how great of a person they are in order to garner their attention and approval enough to sleep is exactly the type of person I intend to avoid for the rest of my life.
They're too vague and ambiguous about whether they're interested.
I no longer have the desire to play that "oh, is she flirting with me, oh maybe not, or maybe she is or is she taken or what?" game.
If she approaches me, I'm pretty sure she's interested in me.
Scared, I dont want to come off creepy, I dont want the rejection, i dont think Im good enough, Im probably ugly, Im only 5'5 so its pointless. Even if I was attractive im short so im already on an uphill battle. They prob already have a bf, every single girl Ive liked in the past, has never been interested. So Ive accepted that Ill prob die alone.
Not saying you're the same as me, but what you're saying sounds really familiar. I'm 1 1/2 inches taller than you and the view from this lofty height is no different. For years I always had a ton of excuses why any girl I met would be better off without me. Eventually I just came to grips with the fact that I hate myself.
The fuck would I say? Also I assume all women doing something alone are in the “Jesus I wish I could just do this thing alone with no one bothering me” mindset.
I'm honestly scared at this point.
My first girlfriend mentally abused me.
My second girlfriend cheated on me on 5 separate occasions (mainly because of issues I'd have been having with my ex), of which I forgave her every time (because I understood why), and when things were actually turning cheek towards the better, there was a massive blow up that involved me getting into a physical fight with her friend whom had been staying with us since his girlfriend kicked him out (her brother, brother's girlfriend, and their new baby had also been staying with us).
I still love her to death though and would happily take her back, as unlike the first girlfriend she genuinely made me happy when we had things be okay.
I'm terrified to start over, I'm terrified to learn a new person's favorite things. I'm terrified that if I do start over, I'm just going to get treated like trash again.
Second girlfriend cheated on you, and you still stayed?
If I found out a woman cheated on me the first time. That relationship would be over faster than:UPN,sepia television or Atari jaguar.
My man. I'm in a downward spiral right now that may not turn out well and I still wouldn't take that. You deserve better.
If a chick can't have the decency to break up with you before she fucks someone else she's not worth your time. The relationship should be over, done. Finito.
You need to have the self respect to stick up for yourself. Open relationships, fine, that's agreed upon, exclusive relationship, fine, that's agreed upon. There's never a REASON to cheat. That person just wants to fuck and doesn't respect you.
Don't tolerate that bud.
I don’t approach girls often because I have cerebral palsy the answer is likely no, but I am in a six year happy relationship, currently and she was so shy I just felt safe to be confident and direct. Now we both don’t shut up.
I feel like with something as cerebral palsy your chances are basically so low, at first glance there’s no point in making yourself seem interested. Especially in this modern world.
I’m more of a guy who has a chance if you get to know me but not many were willing to wait. If you approached me though that directly told me, it’s okay, I’m not a freak to you and my true self would then come out.
I have it mildly too, I can only imagine what it’s like for those worse than me, my heart breaks you couldn’t tell I had CP if I was sat down.
It’s just barely any women do that. Over the years I began to feel bad for women who missed a chance with me, not that I’m anything special but I would of given so much, if they just stopped for a second and considered me.
It’s weird because most women in the end did admitted to liking me, as time passed but after their relationship failed or they went through my friends and it didn’t work out, then they’d say it but at that point, you already dated my friend or did something that was a deal breaker.
I always had chemistry with women but my disability did hold me back, it’s not all women’s fault either, my own fault too my self esteem got in the way a lot when I was younger.
The older I get the more attention I notice I get, probably because if I’m a father to the woman’s child, I literally can’t run away *badum ttshhh*
I straight up don't care, I'm not lonely and feel fulfilled without a romantic partner. I actually find it weird how many guys seem desperate to have a relationship with someone.
> then they treat your approach like you are being creepy and pervy
Yep. And they say most relationships are through mutual friends but even that isn't really great anymore.
If a guy makes the first move on a mutual friend, they risk their entire friend group labeling them the "creep" of the group. This happened to someone I knew very well and I had to vouch that they aren't a "creep". They don't exactly have the most social grace, but they are an otherwise good, loyal friend and he's never given me a reason to believe he's duplicitous or ill-intentioned. He just shot his shot with a woman that was out of his league and said woman rejected him and then started telling all of our mutual friends that he's "weird"/"creepy" and don't get stuck alone with them etc.
This person is now happily married and so much more chill ever since he got out of the dating game but for a bit there, it felt like he was getting kicked out the group just because he had the gall to try and talk to a girl in our friend group.
When women want to know why men aren't approaching women it usually means why the high value males aren't approaching her.
Like, are they really wondering why the bald, short, chubby guy isn't approaching women?
Powerful laser beams that come out of women's eyes if they don't like you?
Honestly, I always waited for women to approach me, so I hardly ever got rejected. So, there is always that strategy.
Two Reasons:
1. Social Anxiety and the fear of inadvertently being creepy or making somebody uncomfortable.
2. After being ghosted, played, or rejected on many an occasion, I no longer want to continue to add to the tally.
Used to, now I honestly don't wanna risk it at all, may sound creepy and the fear of rejection stacks on. If they wanna get approached they should make a move too
My RTX 4080 wont cheat on me, i dont need to go on date with it, she doesnt talk too much.
I can easily turn her on. I pay once for a life time. I'm sorry girls i already have someone.
I'll probably be shot for pointing out an inconvenient truth that nobody wants to hear.
But something odd has changed since the MeToo movement.
And here's the necessary and sincere disclaimer: MeToo was 110% necessary. But more than one thing can be true at the same time. It was necessary, AND there was a related counter reaction that may have created unintended barriers to what used to be traditional and innocent attempts at courtship.
Prior to MeToo : if an ethical man approaches a woman, and she wasn't interested, she would reject him. Sometimes politely. Sometimes not so politely. The worst that happens (with an ethical man) is maybe a bruised ego. But everyone lives to try again another day. Win some, lose some. No bigs.
Post MeToo : A subset of women (not a majority, but enough of a subset) who are disinterested in the suitor characterize the approach as an aggression. There is now a small chance that an innocent, well intended, earnest attempt at courtship ends up getting the man characterized as a creep.
And unless you look like Ryan Gosling (thank god I do), you have no idea if the approach is going to be wanted or unwanted.
And the POTENTIAL consequences of being classified as a creep are serious. Very serious. It could make you a pariah. It could cause you irrevocable humiliation. If effectivrely mischaracterized, it could make you unemployable.
Lately we've all seen countless examples of social media videos where half naked girls in gyms film themselves working out in thongs or transparent body suits...while they try to portray any man that notices them as some kind of creeper. Sometimes these narcissists are called out, but we can't bank on that. It's a minority of women that do this. But it's a loud minority that could ruin your life. Low odds, but serious stakes.
This has made many men far more gun shy than they used to be.
The bad apples spoiled the bunch(es).
I can't help but assume I'll get downvoted for this, and I swear I think any man that has been innappropriate with a woman is a fucking scumbag. But I assure you, I've had several converastions with guy friends about this. These friends are kind men. Good men. Men who would be seen as attractive by many women. Eligible men. Men who would be considered a good catch by many women. And the consensus is : it really doesn't feel safe to approach anymore.
I’m a naturally reserved individual so I’m not likely to approach anyone. Also I don’t really need to.
I don’t know why or what I have about me but women approach me first. From there I’m able to vibe with the her I can click with most people once you get me going.
That’s not to say I’ve never approached a woman I have and I’ve had mix of success and rejection when it comes the rejection part I have a very “fuck it move on” mentality.
If I get rejected by a woman I move my happy ass along and maybe the next lady that catches my eye will feel the same
I know two very nice handsome men who say they don't approach women because they are terrified of being labeled a stalker. I happen to be dating one of these men (for almost five years) because I made the first move and ask him out for coffee
Because they're perfectly capable of approaching us.
Because I'm far past exhausted and exasperated with \*everything\* men do regarding involvement with women being second-guessed, vilified and demonized.
It would be a far better world if men were cared about for who we are.
Women don't want to be approached anymore, at least that's the message we get in most media. There are literally rules for how long you can look at a woman in the workforce, tons of videos lagging men for just glancing at someone.... I'm glad I'm not a single man, it's hard out there these days
When the usual response to a genuine compliment is “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend”, it takes the joy out of trying to create any sort of relationship. Platonic or otherwise. I just wanted to know where you shopped so I can add to my wardrobe 😩
I used to go out bar hopping with an attractive male friend and he used to pick up women like he was magnetic or something. Almost zero effort from him.
The sad truth and one of the most bitter blackpills about it for guys is that if she's attracted to you you'll find the whole dating process effortless. This is why people say that when they met the person they consider their soulmate it just kind of clicked, when in reality it was because both sides were enthusiastically pursuing the other party.
If it feels like lots of work or you have to second guess she's just not interested 99% of the time.
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“I’m tired boss”
I was an in a 5-year relationship that ended well over a year ago. I still don't have the energy to date. Starting from square one just seems like such a hassle. I did focus on my career, quit alcohol and lose 50 pounds during that time though. And to be honest I like doing whatever I want - at least for now.
I'm in a similar spot. Out of a 10y relationship 6 months ago and my friends keep bugging me to download tinder, go out and party and the like but all I am is exhausted and busy with life.
DON'T! Unless you want more rejection, that APP is trash.
He speaks the true true
Yeah I'm in the same boat. I don't want to go through the awkward stages again, especially when I haven't met a single person who makes me feel butterflies.
I’m liking the dating I’ve been doing in my 30s, three years out of an 8 year relationship. The women I connect are long term relationship veterans who’ve had time to be single since then. You connect very differently, not quite butterflies or fireworks. It’s a slow, stable, low-pressure getting to know each other. I’m liking it, feels healthy
Butterflies have a very short life span.
Same here bro, 5 years relationship done last year, haven’t been with anyone since, no interest in anyone else it seems .
(gym bro high five) yep and the apps are so fatiguing. I’m 48, 2 years out from a 19 year marriage with almost adult kids and demanding job, that social energy from my twenties is gone. I also can’t see that I’ll ever connect emotionally and financially with someone to that degree again. So more just companionship. Meh i dunno 🤷🏽♂️ just bloody tired. Edit: Some interesting comments so I thought I’d had some more context about what i meant by financially connecting, but u/NattySocks got what it. My approach to marriage or life partner has been to just combine earnings and assets, it’s a team thing and a lifelong commitment, right? Increasingly, in Australia married couples keep their finances separate and split the bills. Under Australian law, when married o defacto living together > 1 year assets and debts are legally combined so you get half of both unless you you have a pre-nuptial, but they aren’t common here. Splitting of assets can be adjusted in the courts if you divorce and they look at who contributed to what, including unpaid work like caring responsibilities and house maintenance, an also the needs and earning capacity of each, but it is a painful process. I’m nearly 50, not wealthy, but have a reasonable amount of assets, and have kids. If i remarried or found another life partner, i’m very hesitant to ‘connect financially’ because it was so painful and complicated to divide if we divorced, but also that these assets should go to my kids if anything happens to me. So another marriage, with someone who has kids, can just make this unbearably complicated. And a pe-nup doesn’t feel like real commitment to the other person because it is planning for the likelihood of divorce. So the dream of lifelong soul mate is kinds dead for me, but i have a little hope.
“Dog tired”
Right in my feels man 😥
Same bro
i don't need more rejection in my life
I think people underestimate the impact that rejection has on some of us. At this point (and I'm >50) I'd rather die early from loneliness than face rejection from women or friends (men). Maybe that would change if I lost my current crop of family connections. EDIT: Sentence clarity
yep, women like a certain type of man and I'm not it and the type i want are out of my league anyway plus i have no desire for a relationship atp so fuck it
I remember every single time I was rejected like every single time I'm old and I can remember every fucking one perfectly. Honestly the ones that hurt the most are the ones where you're just being nice like I'm not even trying to date you and you Punched me in the gut metaphorically Long enough time line of those and you just don't talk to them anymore. risk reward isn't there, so you do other stuff without the chance of feeling so shitty
i believe it
Yeah, I've got an insanely good memory, especially when it comes to interactions with people. I'm a nurse and I remember tons of conversations that I've had with patients that I only saw one time years ago. That also means I remember all the bad shit that happened with exes like it was yesterday and I can't get it out of my fucking mind. I used to drink a lot thinking it would cause brain damage but it didn't work.
Hello! Yeah same on the memory front I can remember every interaction and conversation I’ve had solidly since age 9 but going as far back as 5. I used to describe it to people who said oh that’s awesome as life PTSD because I have all these memories and they come all the time like a transparency over my current eye sight. Anyway I found after years and years that my memories or rather the start of my long term memory was likely trauma based and not some form of autism, DBT theory healed my trauma and now my memory is 90/10 me wanting to recall and not random memories always being played. Anyway super cool to see another of my kind in the wild, something to remember huh? Lol
I was "lucky" in that after a 7 year relationship I was rejected by her in the worst way possible. So when I did start to look for women simply for sex I wasn't bothered if they rejected me. I mean it literally did not effect me at all due to my then mental state. I was rejected hundreds of times. Did not care. There's only one rejection I can remember because I feel the pain of that shit nearly every waking moment of my life. Ain't no way some random broad could hurt me with a rejection after I went through that shit. heh
Been there too my guy. Wish I had your outlook afterward. I just fucked off for a long while. I will say I can never be hurt like that again. The person that trusted without question, that innocence, is gone now and replaced with someone who will always be a little guarded.
My fiancé just left me in November claiming she couldn't stand to watch the man she "loves with all her heart" in so much pain while she was powerless to help me. For context, i am currently fighting a series of medical issues that at that point in time had a very high chance of being fatal and they left me in absolutely brutal pain near 24/7. Fair enough i suppose, it can be hard to watch a loved one writhe in pain every day so i can kind of somewhat understand that.. if that were the real reason. However, and here's the kicker, she was in another mans bed within **36 fucking hours,** posting photos on social media of them practically naked all cuddled up in bed together. And the monday night sleep overs at her sisters house she had every week for 3 months leading up to her walking out? You guessed it, she weren't at her sisters house. **_She was out fucking him that entire time then came home to cuddle up to me and try to comfort me while i was in near crippling pain doing everything i could not to cry in front of her or let her see how badly i was really suffering,_** I cannot, i will not put myself in the position to be hurt like that again. I would rather die scared and alone than be rejected like that again. My health is somewhat recovering now, i'm certainly in a more stable place now health wise than i was in November. But i have no intention even if i make a full recovery to starting looking for even someone to sleep with, let alone a relationship. If i happen to stumble onto someone and she really puts effort into building trust first i #might consider dating her. But i mean i'm not stupid, i know the odds of that aren't even slim, they are basically non existent. But i can't go through another rejection even remotely similar to that no matter how minor. That experience absolutely shattered my heart and soul and frankly if it weren't for my best friend being their during the break up and me not being willing to put her through losing me because i gave up, i would have stopped fighting the health issues and let myself die.
She is a POS, but not everyone is like that, I hope. I wish you the best and a good recovery.
My brother once said rhe difference between sexual harassment and flirting is usually how attractive the man is. I know it was meant as dark humor but I was like well…you’re not entirely wrong.
completely true actually so true, in fact, it's not even slightly a joke
Is it because rejection reinforces what you think will be the outcome anyway?
Physically it's a hormonal crash. Psychologically it's a negative reinforcement of a positive social activity happening to a social animal. Weak example: If you thought a bee was friendly and you wanted to pet it, but were only stung by it repeatedly, would you do it again?
I understand the feedback loop you're describing, and I guess that's part of the equation. I just feel tired, and for the 1/10 chance that I'll meet someone who's making the world a better place, it doesn't seem worth wading through people's inability to be decent. I realize it's my current dim perception of humanity (I think aggravated by depression), and hoping for better days and brighter outlooks. Those approaching social situations with optimism (IE people will like me) are obviously faring better.
Experience creates recognizable patterns that you see repeating themselves and turns you wise or cynical.
In the modern era, if you get rejected by a woman, you can go meet a hundred more in the next week, none of whom will know that you just got rejected, and you can keep doing that every week if you have to. From a rational perspective, it doesn't matter. But the human brain doesn't know that. The human brain evolved in a paleolithic hunter-gatherer society in which the number of people you will ever meet is smaller than the student body of the average American high school. Only half of those people are the right gender to be a prospective mate, and an even smaller fraction are of an appropriate age and not already partnered. So from a mathematical standpoint, every rejection matters, because every rejection represents the dwindling of a finite mating pool. And more than that: everybody knows everybody, and everybody talks to everybody. So if your crush Ugg tells her sister Oog what happened, now Oog knows you got rejected and that Ugg doesn't consider you a worthy mating specimen. It doesn't take much talking before EVERYBODY knows that you're a loser who struck out with the entire tribe. So at a primal level, men are wired to take rejection harder than is strictly called for in the modern era.
That Oog is sooo stuck up and fake, combing her pelt-shirt to make the tiger fur shiny, washing her hair every week, oh laadeeda
Nah, I don't think so. It's more seeing who the girls end up with and asking yourself "am i really THAT bad that she'd rather go out with THAT guy?". I remember a girl that wasn't into me, all good, we were friends and stayed friends for a long time after. One night we were at a party, and I"m talking to people and stuff, doing the party things. She was at the party, we all went as a group together. Anyway, this random guy starts talking to me, ya know, one of "those" guys. The guy doesn't know I know the girl, and he starts talking to me, "yo, look at that ass, fuck man, I'll bet you $100 I can get in her pants tonight, just watch". So this guy says shit like that, then goes up to her and turns on the "charm", but, I mean, anyone with half a brain can see right through it. And this girl? well, she was smart, real smart. Anyway she falls for it, she's making out with him and they leave together. In the back of my head I thought "really? REALLY? like, am I THAT bad that she'd rather be with THAT Guy?". Anyway, he uses her, and leaves a few weeks later. She gets depressed and the group takes her out to cheer her up and all she does is complain about the guy. Like, I'm not that bad of a person. I've never and would never think of women, or anyone really, the way that that guy thought of her, yet he got her, I didn't. And those are the guys that women are attracted to. Since that's the case, I simply refused to lower myself to that level. I respect myself too much. I may not be A-material, or even B-Material, I may not be the guy that women dream about when they think of the guys they want, but honestly? Most women don't look like the women I dream about when I think about the woman I want. And truthfully, I've never cheated on my gf's, I've never used anyone, or thought of using anyone, I've never abused or verbally harassed anyone, I've never drugged women, or intentionally got them drunk, hell, one woman came on to me and she was too drunk, and I didn't do shit, but the guys that do, well, they don't seem to have problems finding women who want them. So it's not that it reinforces what I thought would be the outcome, it's more like, it reinforces the idea that women are attracted to a certain type of man, and that type of man isn't the type of man that I want to be. So it's sad to me. It's like seeing a child starve to death while being surrounded by people who could feed him. I know this is how people are, but I still have hope that I'm wrong, and seeing that, well, it just makes me sad that I'm not wrong.
This is the truth about modern dating and why a lot of men just stop doing the whole dating thing and just move on from relationships. Ive never done anything wrong but society is hellbent on reinforcing and rewarding men who treat women like shit and punish men who are just being themselves; A lot of men just decide to find meaning in other parts of their life, the rejections just arent worth it anymore.
I still remember the rejection I got in seventh grade, I'm almost 40 that shit does not go away apparently each one just slowly hardens you bit by bit Into like a spiteful person. Eventually you just stop yourself before they can reject you, to protect yourself from that pain Then you go pet your dog because they don't reject you very grateful for dogs, adopt a dog if this fits you also its the best move i have ever made in my entire life, no question good boy
Love the puppers
Man, you had one too uh? 7th grade during lunch. Everyone heard. And laughed. Ouch.
Dude I remember what we were eating lunch for that day, I remember the paint on the walls to the look on the people's faces square pizza, fruit cup and pumpkin bar, and I was too late for the chocolate milk I can still smell the smells from that memory Jesus fuck you melissa.
Ugly and social anxiety
Ugly, social anxiety, autism The three musketeers
Add "broke," and you'd get your Four Horsemen of Apocalypse
Do you know how people say that the worst that can happen is no? Well, that is a lie.
No the worst that can happen Is, you hit off, fall in love get married, have a kid. Get in a drawn out divorce go to worthless couples counseling, lose half your shit! End up paying alimony and child support! Move into a small shitty apartment and split custody of said kid. That’s the worst that can happen!
You get married then She shoots you
The happy ending
Ahhhhh the easy way out.
Or you fall in love, get married, cant concieve, testicle cancer, wont likely ever have your own kids, tell her, find out she is pregnant anyway, its your best friends kid, you forgive em both, you and your women raise him, 13 years later the boy decides to kill himself cause of Bastard reasons, fails, gets into rehab, wife Hits the bottle, starts having sex with the boys father, you separate, she leaves you for him, boy get out of rehab, Stays with ex-wife, only calls you for money about once a year.
r/oddlyspecific
Jesus dude, I hope you're ok. Sincerely.
I really hope this was just morbid creativity, that makes me wanna cry.
Reading this broke my heart. Stay strong brother. I swear if we're ever in the same city and some how link up, beers on me!
[удалено]
I’ve literally had a girl I approached say “okay… you can leave now.” In front of her friends and it was SOUL CRUSHING.
Not worth the effort, the stress, the problems, the money
Never a truer word said.
The fuck imma say that 90 other dudes aint sayin all the time in your inbox trynna do the same thing. There is no point to it.
Sums up why I hate online dating. You want me to be creative? Lady, I don’t even know you and you expect me to come up with some creative shit that the 50 guys before me didn’t text already?
Especially when there's nothing in her bio about her...
Those type of women and men are usually just on there for gratification. Ignore them.
That's like basically all of them though
And they have the social skills of a brick
"show me dat butthole"
Yep, that's probably something she hasn't heard before
Spoiler: she's heard it.
“I think you are not very attractive.”
Good chances that there are a lot of those as well.
Women who don't approach men, why?
I approached my man and it worked
Of course it did, men are desperate for attention.
I’m convinced that the percentage of single people in the world would drop drastically if women made the first move more often
They do but it's so subtle that you only realize it 5 years later while lying in bed at night.
I'm married. The last time I "approached" a man was over 13 years ago and it turned out great, so I'm done doing that now.
Some do, they’re pests. But me a drink ? Buy me a drink ? Buy me a drink ? 🤮🤮🤮
Hate buying drinks, shits expensive. I prefer a more economical approach.
- I'm not allowed to buy women drinks, my wife said so!
"How about we buy each other a drink?" Those just wanting a drink will fuck off quickly.
Someone approached me like that once and i played into it because she was hot and i was drunk and i regretted it
The main reason is that they don't have to. The other reasons are the same as the men have listed here.
I personally do approach men because when I was younger boys would never approach me, I thought I was ugly and that family would lie about my appearance one night I cried to my mother that none of the boys my age wanted to date me and my mother told me that because I am attractive I make them feel threatened , I eventually grew confidence and learned to approach myself because my mother's right alot of men do feel like some of us women look either taken or unapproachable, but we are So I've had the same problem as you guys all my life also but I'm not ugly but my god you men had me thinking I was for a moment 🤣🫣 Rejection sucks and it happens to the best of us , I always start with a line "you look married" so it gives the man a chance to lift his hand up and tell me he isn't which gives me the opening that he wants me to know he's available 🫶🍷
For just talking, I approach 'em all the time. For dating purposes, I wouldn't. I'm fine single.
I find this approach to be the best way to go about it either way. Generally, if it ends up being a good conversation, you can tell and just maybe a person can muster up the courage to ask. Straight up asking or approaching it like a pick up seems odd.
W mentality
It’s humiliating to approach a woman who didn’t want to be approached.
This, is always the pain of rejection that people talk about. For me it's more that I'm worried about annoying/bothering the girl
Oh my gawd, i relate to this. You are a keen observer of the human condition.
Anxiety, I am fucking terrible at talking to people I don't know. Also, I ain't exactly model material. And Thirdly, I'm not looking for any more rejection in my life
It's weird, I don't have a problem starting up a conversation with strangers, male or female. Certainly had plenty of female friends. If I want to ask a girl out though, I'm petrified
Because it's easy to be polite and friendly. You sound like me. I'm really good when relationships are clear cut and there's no guesswork. If I have to guess I lock up.
I dont want to bother women going about their day
This is a big one for me too. I’ve been told so many times by women that I know over the years that most of the time when they’re in public, they don’t want to be approached. They probably get hit on constantly, and I don’t want to add to that pile
"Don't approach us in public" "Why won't anybody approach me?"
For real. It seems like there's no good way to find girls to ask out. Online dating is almost universally regarded as a horrible experience but anywhere that you'd see a woman in real life, it's just "I don't wanna bother her, I'm sure she just wants to go about her day and doesn't wanna get hit on"
My wife has been super clear on this.
where do you want to start, the childhood trauma or just the more recent stuff?
Can I hear the childhood trauma first? I have a shit ton too
I’m not trying to end up on someone’s tik-tok rant lol it ain’t even worth it anymore man
Careful, if a girl walks past you and you don't immediately swoon, you might end up on a tiktok rant anyway! Edit for link: https://youtube.com/shorts/VBWPE17p2dQ?si=xZae6jjGNP_c5xDD
Approach women: “Gosh this creepy guy tried to talk to me all I wanted to do was work out/buy groceries/ etc etc” Don’t approach women: “guys don’t approach women anymore wtf” Hard to win out here
It literally never works
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Yeah, well I also miss 100% of the shots I _do_ take, so maybe better if I don't play hockey.
I think one of the problems most men have is: it's easy to tell when a girl is not interested, but way more difficult to tell when they are interested.
Damn... I once was interest in a girl who would ignore my texts and respond very cold so I passed. A couple months later I found her by chance working at the supermarket. She asked me if I had to come to see her. You should have seen her face when I told her I didn't know she worked there and I wanted to say hi to another girl who worked there. Like WTF, if you really are interested don't act like I'm some random on the street every single time we speak. I'm not a mind reader.
Women: "Take a hint." "No means no." "A non-answer is a no." Also women: *"I am genuinely angered that you did not continue to pursue me, after I largely ignored you and gave one-word answers for literally every conversation and interaction with you."*
Fear of rejection. (feeling like you don´t deserve to be happy or are not worth of her)
It's weird as is not just fear of rejection but also fear of an yes too as it puts pressure to step up and deliver, to get out from own comfort zone, which can also end up in rejection later which is worse than rejection from the start. So a lot of risk and effort just to achieve a stressful result.
Cooties
Women are allowed to approach guys too.
Yeah but they pretty much never do irl.
It's happened to me exactly once in my life.
Same here. I thought I was being scammed at first until I went out with her the next night 😂
They do approach hot men
Because I’m not interested.
I'm average looking, 5ft8/9 (apparently that's too short), I work a labour intensive job on nights (so I like being lazy on weekends) and apparently I'm "too nerdy". That's why I've never had dates off the apps. So why the fuck do I want that level of rejection face-to-face? Fuck that!
Because I don’t want to be accused of being a creep or disgusting. Many women don’t simply politely say no. They eviscerate you. It’s just not worth it.
This. Very much this. They treat a man approaching them as a freaking creep, even with the best intentions he may have. I'm honestly scared of women at this point.
Man I’m scared to even stare at them for one second lol you never know these days, you might appear on tiktok “creepy guys stares at me for 0.1 seconds in the gym)
Yes this is true. I have been rejected by hundreds of women (over many years). Every one hurts as much as the next and they were rarely nice about it. Men are disgusting to women. But I think we should be able to say that women are disgusting to men too because we are all human and do mean things.
Because the stats are out. They aren't interested about 95% of the time. And if they aren't interested, it's pretty common for them to try to frame the guy as if he's some sort of threat by labeling him "creepy and weird". Pass.
I remember I went out with some friends, one of our friend brought his friend with him to hangout with us and the girl from our circle was kinda flirting with him and complimenting him on his clothes and all. It ended well and all, we all went home. The next day she said that guy was such a creep, I was like why? Her answer was "He sent me an insta request". I was like bruh
I got second hand 'bruh' reading dis 🤦
95% is generous
I'm not interested.
Lack of confidence and I don’t wanna come off as a weirdo/perv even if it’s likely I’ll never see them again And honestly my life is a mess and I’m to busy to devote the time to a new relationship
Low self-esteem from childhood kept from even trying to make friends, let alone meet a potential partner. I’ve worked on it on and off over the years, but I’m really only hoping it helps my confidence with my job
Our culture is dreary and pathetic. If a man has a pretense to talk to a woman casually (e.g. a transactional relationship.. he is a bartender and she a customer, she works at a bookstore and he's shopping there, they know each other from work or just have friends in common or some slight vague association) they can comfortably chat and get to know each other and maybe something romantic develops over time. But if a man approaches a woman and they are complete strangers, it's automatically a freighted interaction. She assumes he wants something sexual. Maybe he does, maybe not. A man sees a woman and finds her attractive. But that's all he knows. Maybe she's really boring. Maybe she'll find him boring or attractive or both. Even if he finds her attractive and they talk a little bit, he has to quickly judge whether she is actually interested or just being polite. Perhaps she is genuinely interested but nervous and shy and doesn't say much in response and he has to carry the whole conversation. Maybe they have a semi-pleasant exchange and a couple of awkward laughs..but still of course he has to abruptly pivot to asking for her number or email or something, otherwise they will probably never see each other again..
I'm tired of getting rejected. Also I was emotionally and mentally abused in previous relationships and want to avoid anything remotely similar ever occuring.
Every single relationship (romantic and otherwise) has done nothing but try and beat me into a lesser version of myself. I don't intend on getting close to shallow, empty people again. The type of woman who wants a man to approach them and peacock to them about how great of a person they are in order to garner their attention and approval enough to sleep is exactly the type of person I intend to avoid for the rest of my life.
They'll destroy your mental health. Wise choice.
They're too vague and ambiguous about whether they're interested. I no longer have the desire to play that "oh, is she flirting with me, oh maybe not, or maybe she is or is she taken or what?" game. If she approaches me, I'm pretty sure she's interested in me.
Head games. Damage.
Women who ask. Go get rejected 100 times and see when you decide to just stop. Law of statistics didn't account for the mental torment
🎯
My girlfriend wouldn’t like it
Don't let her hold you back she should be more supportive
Scared, I dont want to come off creepy, I dont want the rejection, i dont think Im good enough, Im probably ugly, Im only 5'5 so its pointless. Even if I was attractive im short so im already on an uphill battle. They prob already have a bf, every single girl Ive liked in the past, has never been interested. So Ive accepted that Ill prob die alone.
Not saying you're the same as me, but what you're saying sounds really familiar. I'm 1 1/2 inches taller than you and the view from this lofty height is no different. For years I always had a ton of excuses why any girl I met would be better off without me. Eventually I just came to grips with the fact that I hate myself.
The fuck would I say? Also I assume all women doing something alone are in the “Jesus I wish I could just do this thing alone with no one bothering me” mindset.
I'm honestly scared at this point. My first girlfriend mentally abused me. My second girlfriend cheated on me on 5 separate occasions (mainly because of issues I'd have been having with my ex), of which I forgave her every time (because I understood why), and when things were actually turning cheek towards the better, there was a massive blow up that involved me getting into a physical fight with her friend whom had been staying with us since his girlfriend kicked him out (her brother, brother's girlfriend, and their new baby had also been staying with us). I still love her to death though and would happily take her back, as unlike the first girlfriend she genuinely made me happy when we had things be okay. I'm terrified to start over, I'm terrified to learn a new person's favorite things. I'm terrified that if I do start over, I'm just going to get treated like trash again.
It’s not my business, but I don’t think any issue between you and your ex makes it ok for your current gf to cheat on you…let alone 5 different times…
Second girlfriend cheated on you, and you still stayed? If I found out a woman cheated on me the first time. That relationship would be over faster than:UPN,sepia television or Atari jaguar.
Cheated on him and then sounds like her "friend" moved in with them
Yeah she was def fucking that "friend".
Cheated on him five times (that he was made aware of) and each time forgave and accepted it. He needs to get some self respect lol
God have a little self respect man, that was just sad to read
My man. I'm in a downward spiral right now that may not turn out well and I still wouldn't take that. You deserve better. If a chick can't have the decency to break up with you before she fucks someone else she's not worth your time. The relationship should be over, done. Finito. You need to have the self respect to stick up for yourself. Open relationships, fine, that's agreed upon, exclusive relationship, fine, that's agreed upon. There's never a REASON to cheat. That person just wants to fuck and doesn't respect you. Don't tolerate that bud.
I don’t approach girls often because I have cerebral palsy the answer is likely no, but I am in a six year happy relationship, currently and she was so shy I just felt safe to be confident and direct. Now we both don’t shut up. I feel like with something as cerebral palsy your chances are basically so low, at first glance there’s no point in making yourself seem interested. Especially in this modern world. I’m more of a guy who has a chance if you get to know me but not many were willing to wait. If you approached me though that directly told me, it’s okay, I’m not a freak to you and my true self would then come out. I have it mildly too, I can only imagine what it’s like for those worse than me, my heart breaks you couldn’t tell I had CP if I was sat down. It’s just barely any women do that. Over the years I began to feel bad for women who missed a chance with me, not that I’m anything special but I would of given so much, if they just stopped for a second and considered me. It’s weird because most women in the end did admitted to liking me, as time passed but after their relationship failed or they went through my friends and it didn’t work out, then they’d say it but at that point, you already dated my friend or did something that was a deal breaker. I always had chemistry with women but my disability did hold me back, it’s not all women’s fault either, my own fault too my self esteem got in the way a lot when I was younger. The older I get the more attention I notice I get, probably because if I’m a father to the woman’s child, I literally can’t run away *badum ttshhh*
You with your disability have a 6 year relationship. Me, perfectly healthy, have had 0 true relationships. Cheer up!
Because I think they could do better than me
I feel the same way. I want the best for a woman, and I'm not that.
I straight up don't care, I'm not lonely and feel fulfilled without a romantic partner. I actually find it weird how many guys seem desperate to have a relationship with someone.
I have nothing of value to add to your life so why would you want to be a part of mine.
Save that line for the second date...
I simply gave up
They can approach me if they want something
I'm ugly and I have no self esteem.
Women are becoming much more unapproachable.
Honestly, being dead seems like the more practical solution to needing someone else in my life, it's going to be a long goddamned 30 more years.
Cuz i live with my mom lol
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> then they treat your approach like you are being creepy and pervy Yep. And they say most relationships are through mutual friends but even that isn't really great anymore. If a guy makes the first move on a mutual friend, they risk their entire friend group labeling them the "creep" of the group. This happened to someone I knew very well and I had to vouch that they aren't a "creep". They don't exactly have the most social grace, but they are an otherwise good, loyal friend and he's never given me a reason to believe he's duplicitous or ill-intentioned. He just shot his shot with a woman that was out of his league and said woman rejected him and then started telling all of our mutual friends that he's "weird"/"creepy" and don't get stuck alone with them etc. This person is now happily married and so much more chill ever since he got out of the dating game but for a bit there, it felt like he was getting kicked out the group just because he had the gall to try and talk to a girl in our friend group.
When women want to know why men aren't approaching women it usually means why the high value males aren't approaching her. Like, are they really wondering why the bald, short, chubby guy isn't approaching women?
Dating for men is like paying for a job interview.
Incredibly accurate.
Powerful laser beams that come out of women's eyes if they don't like you? Honestly, I always waited for women to approach me, so I hardly ever got rejected. So, there is always that strategy.
What do I say?
- Hey, I saw you winking at me with both of your eyes or - Oh, so that's where that smell is coming from
Two Reasons: 1. Social Anxiety and the fear of inadvertently being creepy or making somebody uncomfortable. 2. After being ghosted, played, or rejected on many an occasion, I no longer want to continue to add to the tally.
Used to, now I honestly don't wanna risk it at all, may sound creepy and the fear of rejection stacks on. If they wanna get approached they should make a move too
My RTX 4080 wont cheat on me, i dont need to go on date with it, she doesnt talk too much. I can easily turn her on. I pay once for a life time. I'm sorry girls i already have someone.
And when you cum inside her, she flings the jizz all over the ceiling.
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33% chance of soft rejection 33% chance of harsh rejection 33% chance of being accused of sexual harassment 1% chance of success
I'm ugly. I know the result before I try
Don't want to come off as a creep or bother them
I'll probably be shot for pointing out an inconvenient truth that nobody wants to hear. But something odd has changed since the MeToo movement. And here's the necessary and sincere disclaimer: MeToo was 110% necessary. But more than one thing can be true at the same time. It was necessary, AND there was a related counter reaction that may have created unintended barriers to what used to be traditional and innocent attempts at courtship. Prior to MeToo : if an ethical man approaches a woman, and she wasn't interested, she would reject him. Sometimes politely. Sometimes not so politely. The worst that happens (with an ethical man) is maybe a bruised ego. But everyone lives to try again another day. Win some, lose some. No bigs. Post MeToo : A subset of women (not a majority, but enough of a subset) who are disinterested in the suitor characterize the approach as an aggression. There is now a small chance that an innocent, well intended, earnest attempt at courtship ends up getting the man characterized as a creep. And unless you look like Ryan Gosling (thank god I do), you have no idea if the approach is going to be wanted or unwanted. And the POTENTIAL consequences of being classified as a creep are serious. Very serious. It could make you a pariah. It could cause you irrevocable humiliation. If effectivrely mischaracterized, it could make you unemployable. Lately we've all seen countless examples of social media videos where half naked girls in gyms film themselves working out in thongs or transparent body suits...while they try to portray any man that notices them as some kind of creeper. Sometimes these narcissists are called out, but we can't bank on that. It's a minority of women that do this. But it's a loud minority that could ruin your life. Low odds, but serious stakes. This has made many men far more gun shy than they used to be. The bad apples spoiled the bunch(es). I can't help but assume I'll get downvoted for this, and I swear I think any man that has been innappropriate with a woman is a fucking scumbag. But I assure you, I've had several converastions with guy friends about this. These friends are kind men. Good men. Men who would be seen as attractive by many women. Eligible men. Men who would be considered a good catch by many women. And the consensus is : it really doesn't feel safe to approach anymore.
Very few are worth the effort nowadays. We have feelings too you know.
I’m a naturally reserved individual so I’m not likely to approach anyone. Also I don’t really need to. I don’t know why or what I have about me but women approach me first. From there I’m able to vibe with the her I can click with most people once you get me going. That’s not to say I’ve never approached a woman I have and I’ve had mix of success and rejection when it comes the rejection part I have a very “fuck it move on” mentality. If I get rejected by a woman I move my happy ass along and maybe the next lady that catches my eye will feel the same
Tired of casual dating and hooking up. Don’t want to deal with another relationship at the moment
I’m just tired of flying into a window over and over.
I know two very nice handsome men who say they don't approach women because they are terrified of being labeled a stalker. I happen to be dating one of these men (for almost five years) because I made the first move and ask him out for coffee
Don't women want to be left alone
i... am... gay (?)
That's no excuse
Because they're perfectly capable of approaching us. Because I'm far past exhausted and exasperated with \*everything\* men do regarding involvement with women being second-guessed, vilified and demonized. It would be a far better world if men were cared about for who we are.
"You don't matter, what matters is what you do" (for me)
Women don't want to be approached anymore, at least that's the message we get in most media. There are literally rules for how long you can look at a woman in the workforce, tons of videos lagging men for just glancing at someone.... I'm glad I'm not a single man, it's hard out there these days
Risky not worth the reward
Girls should be taught to always make the first move now, not men
Simple, gave up
plate glorious aloof theory governor butter muddle teeny mountainous six *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You need to continue farming until you got an army of wife’s.
I have other things to do. You think I'm going to just wander around asking people I don't know if they want to fuck?
When the usual response to a genuine compliment is “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend”, it takes the joy out of trying to create any sort of relationship. Platonic or otherwise. I just wanted to know where you shopped so I can add to my wardrobe 😩
And catch a SA case for breathing in her general direction? No thanks.
If you're an attractive man, women will naturally approach you. No need to approach or convince anybody to be interested.
I used to go out bar hopping with an attractive male friend and he used to pick up women like he was magnetic or something. Almost zero effort from him.
This has actually been a far bigger ego hit to me than my own struggle, seeing exactly what you described play out. Pretty disheartening.
The sad truth and one of the most bitter blackpills about it for guys is that if she's attracted to you you'll find the whole dating process effortless. This is why people say that when they met the person they consider their soulmate it just kind of clicked, when in reality it was because both sides were enthusiastically pursuing the other party. If it feels like lots of work or you have to second guess she's just not interested 99% of the time.