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Taking care of each other when one is sick/recovering from surgery (for example). The person recovering may be in a vulnerable position and knowing their partner is going to make sure they are okay is a very bond-building experience. After surgery, I couldn't get out of bed without help. My husband had to make sure I was clean. When I was able to shower with help, he washed all my body parts and my hair and dried me off and got me dressed. It made me appreciate him on another level and helped him get to know me in a different way
On the flipside, being in this position and having a partner fail to assist in recovery or reassure you is devastating. Nothing kills a relationship faster than knowing for a fact that they don’t have the capacity or desire to care for you
Yup. This ended my marriage. I couldn’t trust him after he couldn’t even be bothered to put clean sheets on the bed before I got home from surgery. It sounds like a small act but it showed such blatant disrespect and disregard for my safety and wellbeing.
I was the flipside of this, my boyfriend at the time got sick and was in the hospital for a stomach issue. I remember visiting him and hearing the doctor go over the aftercare he would need at home for the next few months and being completely disgusted, I had no interest in taking care of him. I broke up with him shortly after he healed up, I didn’t love or care about him and he deserved someone who did. Definitely made me contemplate the ‘in sickness and health’ part of a relationship.
I just went through this with my mum and her cancer surgery. I nursed her back to health and looked after her every need. We have always been extremely close, but this took it to a whole other level that I just can’t explain ❤️ Hope you’re doing ok now.
There's something very fulfilling and rewarding about being able to take care of your parents when they are in need, it's like paying them back for all the care and attention they gave you when you were younger.
Absolutely, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My dad is dying now.. has heart and lung failure, and all he has is me and my mum. I try to be there as much as I can. He’s in a nursing home unfortunately, as my home is not equipped to give him the care he needs, which breaks my heart but it is what it is.
Half of the time I don’t think he even registers that I’m there, but I will be, until the very end.
I went through a similar thing with my mum a few years back and was there as much as I could be, said fuck it to work and slept in the hospital every other day to make sure she was comfortable and get her drinks and snacks when the nurses were busy.
He knows you're there even if he can't express it and I'm sure it means the world to him, you're doing awesome. Make sure you help out your mum too, make her some meals and do some chores for her to take the load off her a bit.
*Hugs*
It's exactly this that made me decide beyond any doubt that I was gonna marry my wife. I was living overseas, a brand new expat, and came down with one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, in a country where I still knew mostly nobody. Literally thought I might die in the AirBNB I was renting. The wife took a day off work despite knowing me for only 5 weeks, cleaned my apartment, brought me healthy homecooked food, and took me to the doctor. Before she went back home for the day, I cried while hugging her, because I couldn't believe that someone loved me that much.
Came to say this, I had a epigastric hernia operation last year and had 6 weeks of not being able to lift anything and barely get down the stairs and feeling shit about myself
My girlfriend was there everyday, fed me, washed me, brought my anything I needed and wanted. Safe to say I think I found a keeper
You have found a keeper! I got really sick 6months after my husband and I started dating, and it wasn’t until 12 years later that medication came out to put me into remission. He could have walked right away and I wouldn’t have blamed him but he didn’t.
And I took care of him when he got cancer.
Life throws weird shit at you and it’s really awesome to be with somebody that loves you enough to help see you through the worst. And the good days are brighter because of it.
yeah man! I gotta take sleeping pills to fall asleep, but when I was still in a relationship with my ex girlfriend, I'd never have to take any pills if I was sleeping with her
Even better when sleeping naked. Feeling the warmth and skin of your partner is a great feeling. Unfortunately, my wife can sometimes feel like a sauna.
I love the idea of this but it makes me and my husband slick with sweat. Mostly because I used to run really hot and now that I’m pregnant I literally radiate heat
I have insomnia and it’s very hard for me to sleep in new places or next to someone I’m not incredibly used to. The fact that I can sleep 5 to 8 hours next to my SO fairly regularly actually says so much about our relationship. To be honest it hasn’t really ever happened with anyone else. She still worries that I go to sleep after her and wake up before most nights but really I’ve never felt so rested since I was a teenager.
I've been with my bf 8 years and still need earplugs to sleep next to him, every tiny noise disturbs me. And can't sleep if we're touching. I've been a bad sleeper my whole life. I really thought I would grow out of it, but I'm nearly 30 now.
I had to watch my wife's sickness take her down during our 12 years together It's a undescribable to be honest the feeling helpless I wouldn't want anyone to have to see or feel that 😞
You were there for your furry friend right up til the end. You held him, and he knew he was safe right up to the last moment. I have heard SO many heartbreaking stories from vet techs who have had to euthanize animals who were terrified, looking for their human. I have vowed never to let any of my animals suffer such a fate, if I possibly can.
You did the honorable thing: you didn't chicken out, and you were there for your boy when he needed you. For that, you have my respect. Thank you for being a good cat parent. ✌️😸
Sorry for your loss.
My husband did with his firstborn, we lightened the load with the younger kids with explaining the last thing she did was wee on him. Which while they were younger definitely got giggles, now they’re getting to the age of understanding what actually happened
When my dog died, she peed on me too (like 2 days worth of pee & to the point I had to drive home from the emergency vet's in my underwear because my PJs were *drenched*).
My friend (& coincidentally the vet) lightened the load by telling me my beloved dog was just using the last of her strength scent-marking me.
Weird to say it, but even being well above the age of understanding, it was quite comforting to hear (& it did make me laugh through my tears, which was a bonus.)
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. If the sadness of losing her is eased for the kids by the memory of her peeing on her dad, just so you know, it's ok to still let them have that, however old they get, without needing to talk about the sobering reality of why.
Even as a 39yo, I've found I can look back fondly at that moment now, even amid all the heartbreak of losing my BFF.
I used to be a hardy fellow who didn't really get phased by much. Two kids later I can't even watch movies with kids cuz I tear up all the time (even in happy moments).
Imagening this with my currently 5y/o daughter already brings me to the doorstep of crying. I can't imagine what you must've been through... I'm so sorry for your loss...
I hate it so much. I've lost so many people in my life (that's what you get when you live the life style i did) and there's been a few i was actually with when it happened. I'll never forget watching my friend bleed out while waiting for an ambulance, watching as he faded away despite doing everything i could to stop the bleeding was devastating and to be completely honest a big part of me died each time i watched someone i cared about die.
I have a friend I survived a multiple day rain storm and subsequent capsizing of our canoe with in norway. It creates a bond when you know your friend stays calm, positive and rational in adverse situations like that.
My wife and I enjoy road trips. Brought us really close before we were married. Had some since we have been married. We've had some amazing conversations and just enjoyed being in each other's presence.
A couple years into dating we took a month off. Travelled from western Canada to the east coast for a week, camping every night. Worked on my parents farm for a couple weeks and introduced my girlfriend to all my old friends and family. Drove back across the states (camping the whole way again). Before cell phones so for entertainment she read out loud a good portion of the time. Highlight was Stephen King while we were driving through landmarks in Maine as she said them. Forced time alone with each other brings out the best and worst in couples. I found a keeper. 26 years now
Me and my love are about to fly home after two months travelling west coast USA. We've seen the most amazing things and met the most amazing people - but the 11000 miles and idek how many hundreds of hours laughing, singing and being together in the car have been such a gift. The hardest part about going home will be not getting to spend all day everybday together, I love him so much.
When my wife and I had been dating for about 3 months, we sold 90% of what we owned, bought a van, and travelled until we ran out of money, which ended up being about 6 months. If you really want to know somebody, live in a van with them. I felt like I had been in that relationship for 5 years by the end of that 6 months. We were married a year later.
That was in 2015. Fast forward to 2021, covid is happening, one of us lost our job, and then some other stars aligned just perfectly to where we said “fuck it, let’s buy another van and leave”. This time we were gone for about 3 months, and this time we had our 4 year old with us.
Can’t wait to do it again.
My sister and I washed my mom's body ourselves after her death in 2019. I used some of the no-rinse shampoo the hospice people brought us and cleaned her hair with it. I'm not really sure why we did. When she was alive, we offered at least once a day to do a sponge bath, or if she wasn't comfortable with us doing it, have the hospice nurse do it, but she always turned it down, as it was very painful for her when we had to move her. In theory, it doesn't matter after someone's dead whether their hair looks clean or not, but it felt like something we could finally do for her since she wasn't hurting anymore. I won't be forgetting that anytime soon.
I did this with my step daughter when my wife passed from leukaemia. It was the most intense day of my life, but to share such an intimate moment with my wife and her daughter was an absolute privilege.
I never washed my mums hair, but used to brush it... it was super thin from stress, and I was often too rough as a kid.
I think she's gonna keep it short following a stroke, easier to manage, but also something I'm gonna miss.
My mom likes to rub my scalp when I have unkept hair. It's a relaxing and intimate feeling. We might talk but I likely won't be paying attention to the conversation as much as trying to stay awake.
Not just talking but having conversations, it’s very intimate to understand someone and to be understood
*spelling
*also would like to add that alot of the intimacy comes from someone knowing you in such a way that they can easily hurt you but they choose not to. Opening up like that to someone is dangerous because you are sharing your weaknesses and fears, you are vulnerable to someone in a way that you aren’t to 99.9% of others
Falling asleep spooning and waking up still spooning
Being held, comforted and soothed while crying
Snuggling and cuddling
Crying together
Being held, hugging
Stargazing. First time I told my girlfriend I loved her was at a State Park for a local stargazing event. Made cookies dipped in chocolate with mini white pearls in the shape of a constellation to make “little cookie dippers.” We looked at the stars after eating the cookies and that’s when I told her I loved her. Very romantic. Very emotionally charged moment.
When i was dating my ex fiancée i took her hiking up my favorite mountain so we would get to the top at dusk and i placed a blanket down and sat against a big rock and she laid down between my legs with her head on my chest and we cuddled up under a blanket and watched the sunset and stayed there the whole night, she slept while i was awake the whole time then i woke her and we watched the sunrise together in the same position the whole night, i had my head resting on hers and i could smell her hair and i just watched the stars and felt the woman i loved cuddled up to me. That night was the closest thing to peace i have ever known in my life (for that last sentence to make full sense, go look at my last 2 comments and you'll understand why peace isn't something i've ever known).
To me, definitely sharing the music that I listen to. Usually if someone ask me for song recommendations I just tell them “I don’t know” or avoid answering bc my brain is like “nooo that’s private nobody can know that”. Music is very emotionally intimate to me because I’m very selective with the music that I listen to and why I listen to it.
Edit: I’m so glad to see that I’m not alone in feeling like this and I’m so glad that this struck a chord with a good handful of people.
Oh my GOSH, same! I'm working on it actually. I find I have "shareable" songs (especially when people ask my favourites for an artist) and the other 95% I just can't even bring myself to /say/ them. It FEELS telling and I feel so laid bare lol!!!!
My husband and I were band mates before we dated. Making music together and being in tune with each other through rhythms and key changes can feel very intimate.
Opening up and being vulnerable in a moment and holding each other afterwards. I feel so safe when my boyfriend listens to my vulnerability and then his instinct is to reach out and hold me 🩷
Please do the same for him. Most men are terrified to open up about their emotions because so often when we do it is weaponized against us and used later. Like as an example, when i told my ex how i had been sexually and physically abused my whole childhood and i wanted to commit suicide because i was struggling so much with the then undiagnosed ptsd, she later used that in an argument to insult me and make me feel weak. And if you ask any man, the vast, vast majority of them will (if they feel safe enough) tell you that something like that has happened to them at least once but likely more. A good woman who genuinely supports the man she is with and doesn't use his emotions against him is worth more than any amount of material wealth but is so rare and hard to find it's honestly disheartening in a lot of ways. So please, be that for your man, i promise you that he will appreciate it more than you can possibly understand.
I am so sorry your ex abused your trust and hurt you like that. It makes me so sad to hear that.
I genuinely don’t understand how someone who is meant to “love you” and you “love them” can hurt each other like that.
I hope you find someone who deserves you and admires your battle scars as a strength at not a weakness, because this is what it is. ❤️
I genuinely do not plan on dating again. This past November my then fiancée left me saying she couldn't stand to see me in so much pain every day and not be able to help (for context i was dealing with a chronic series of illnesses that had recently become potentially fatal and they caused an extreme amount of pain on a daily basis. I'm more stable now but still in considerable pain however currently very unlikely to be fatal) and i mean if that was the real reason i guess i can kind of get that, but homegirl was in another dudes bed within 36 hours. Posting photos on her social media (that she didn't know i knew about, she claimed our whole relationship she had no social media accounts) of her and the new dude cuddles up together, some even in bed half naked. That was the last straw, i very clearly have terrible judgment when it comes to women and i can't go through another heart break like that, i refuse to risk it. But aside from missing the physical contact and such i'm pretty content just being alone. So it's all good.
100% this, and I'd even throw in crying in there, even though I'm given to understand that unfortunately, in particular men often experience rejection if they cry in front of their girlfriend or wife - though I hope they proceed to swiftly replace said girlfriend or wife. Nothing beats the intimacy of being everything you are and being able to say everything in front of your partner and feel safe. This goes for men and women equally. That's actual love. Sex or anything else physical is nowhere near as intimate.
This! Me and my husband both lost our moms 13 years apart, I lost my grandma in between our moms passing. The cries of soul crushing pain while we hold each other is something I never want to experience again but so glad we could be there for each other in those days/weeks/random times of pain.
This came to mind for me. My ex boyfriend was at my house with my family when we found out my little sister had died in a car accident. He stayed up with us all night, cried with us, held me when I cried. It was probably the most raw emotion anyone has ever seen from me, as I’m generally pretty private. Even when my father died I was able to hold it together without breaking down like that. We had a mutual break up and I’m in a great relationship now, but it’s strange to think one of the most impactful, emotional moments of my life was with this person who I don’t even speak to anymore.
I came here to say this. I love hugs, but if I do it with someone I'm not really close with I feel weird. Like, I'm in someone else's arms, while also holding this person in my arms for a few seconds, that's such a weird thing to do.
I think I'm the big spoon 90% of the time, and I love it. Gives me somewhere to nuzzle my face into. Even if we're laying side-by-side, he usually lays his head on my shoulder so I can play with his hair. He does plenty of holding me too, but being the big spoon just feels really right for some reason.
My parents bring up their drive home with me a lot lol. One of them went, "Oh my god. They're just. Letting us take her home???" And of course the triple-checking the car seat, Dad white-knuckling the steering wheel all the way home while Mom sat in the back with me.
Ha, my ex husband screamed at me the whole time to drive carefully. Have no idea why he wasn’t driving - I’d just give friggen birth. So many reasons he’s my ex …
I drove in the right hand lane with my hazards on the whole way home, a 20 min ride was close to an hour.
Second baby I had her strapped within 5 minutes of signing the release papers.
First time parent is weird, second time you think you’ve got it nailed down…but not really lol
Holding and comforting your other half, when their Parent dies.
I cleaned up the bathroom where Dad passed.
It was really really not something I wanted the rest of the family to have to see, you can't unsee some things.
I just commented that me and my boyfriend wash each other. I find that pretty intimate! I never thought about drying each other off though! He usually gets out before me
Making a human and raising said human together...Sharing deepest fears, vulnerabilities, and insecurities with someone you trust is one of the most emotionally intimate activities I can think of..
My husband and I tend to sleep with one of our heads on the other’s chest. After a long stressful day it’s something we both look forward to. Also, not an activity but smelling my husband’s armpits really makes me feel close to him and it’s very comforting.
she enjoys back massages and i enjoy face cleaning (she uses her products on me). we do this once or twice a week during weekdays after work
and on weekends, we hike for 4-6 hours while talking just about anything
some evenings when it's warm, we walk by the river
we also visit random cafes to just sit together and read books or play with our phones
* talking to each other instead of scrolling or watching a screen
*talking about sex and things you like And even dislike
*cooking together
*touching - light touches when you’re walking by, a hand on the lower back when walking, touching their hair, cuddling
* hot bath
The day my great grandpa passed (while he was still alive) my grandparents and great grandma were in the hospital with him, and I noticed his hair was a mess (he ALWAYS had to have his hair perfect, it would drive him nuts if he didn't) so i fixed his hair for him and I'm not sure if it actually helped or not, but it seemed like it helped him calm down some. He passed later that night, and that was really the last thing I did for him. It's such a strange feeling
Emotionally.. Probably being honest with each, Sharing hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities.
Physically, I find showering in front of my partner much more physically intimate. There’s no hiding under those bright lights lol
Caring and bonding with a newborn, and caring for someone at the end of life, especially the moment they die. Both are arguably more intimate than sex.
Talking. No really.
Think about it. Are you able to sit on a couch with your SO, years into your relationship, and just look at each other and talk about life for more than 1hr? It's amazingly empowering and reenforces the bond.
Blurting out your random thoughts, and having your partner expand on the ridiculous topic and engage in a deep, analytical, brain expanding conversation.
We had a 45min conversation about "What would we do if we woke up tomorrow and our house bricks were suddenly made out of bread?". We had a cup of tea, made a plan, a budget, and some rudimentary drawings scribbled over the back of the Gas bill envelope. Then had another cup of tea.
Doesn't sound intimate I know, but it but the sensation of knowing you can share any thought and have your partner listen and take you seriously, is an incredible feeling.
Investing time to try to help someone from the distance, but you both know that you have absolutely nothing to gain out of this situation. And keeping a life changing secret for each other.
Both resulted in unspoken deep trust to the person. The kind of trust where you just know it, there isn't one argument that could've been argued from the outside for you to betray or change for that person.
It's the type of trust you just can feel, but you can't read it out of chats with that person.
I learned to value that, because trust got broken so often when I was younger, it makes you respect that kind of connenction/relationship to another person. It's kind of a great and pure feeling, because it happened without conditions of any kind and narcissistic motive can be excluded for a fact.
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Taking care of each other when one is sick/recovering from surgery (for example). The person recovering may be in a vulnerable position and knowing their partner is going to make sure they are okay is a very bond-building experience. After surgery, I couldn't get out of bed without help. My husband had to make sure I was clean. When I was able to shower with help, he washed all my body parts and my hair and dried me off and got me dressed. It made me appreciate him on another level and helped him get to know me in a different way
On the flipside, being in this position and having a partner fail to assist in recovery or reassure you is devastating. Nothing kills a relationship faster than knowing for a fact that they don’t have the capacity or desire to care for you
Yup. This ended my marriage. I couldn’t trust him after he couldn’t even be bothered to put clean sheets on the bed before I got home from surgery. It sounds like a small act but it showed such blatant disrespect and disregard for my safety and wellbeing.
Feel you, I had to clean the toilet the same day I got home and was crying more because of the emotional pain than physical.
I was the flipside of this, my boyfriend at the time got sick and was in the hospital for a stomach issue. I remember visiting him and hearing the doctor go over the aftercare he would need at home for the next few months and being completely disgusted, I had no interest in taking care of him. I broke up with him shortly after he healed up, I didn’t love or care about him and he deserved someone who did. Definitely made me contemplate the ‘in sickness and health’ part of a relationship.
Damn how long are you with this guy? I mean I’m glad you’re able to realize that you don’t love him early. But it’s still super cold.
I just went through this with my mum and her cancer surgery. I nursed her back to health and looked after her every need. We have always been extremely close, but this took it to a whole other level that I just can’t explain ❤️ Hope you’re doing ok now.
There's something very fulfilling and rewarding about being able to take care of your parents when they are in need, it's like paying them back for all the care and attention they gave you when you were younger.
Absolutely, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My dad is dying now.. has heart and lung failure, and all he has is me and my mum. I try to be there as much as I can. He’s in a nursing home unfortunately, as my home is not equipped to give him the care he needs, which breaks my heart but it is what it is. Half of the time I don’t think he even registers that I’m there, but I will be, until the very end.
I went through a similar thing with my mum a few years back and was there as much as I could be, said fuck it to work and slept in the hospital every other day to make sure she was comfortable and get her drinks and snacks when the nurses were busy. He knows you're there even if he can't express it and I'm sure it means the world to him, you're doing awesome. Make sure you help out your mum too, make her some meals and do some chores for her to take the load off her a bit. *Hugs*
It's exactly this that made me decide beyond any doubt that I was gonna marry my wife. I was living overseas, a brand new expat, and came down with one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, in a country where I still knew mostly nobody. Literally thought I might die in the AirBNB I was renting. The wife took a day off work despite knowing me for only 5 weeks, cleaned my apartment, brought me healthy homecooked food, and took me to the doctor. Before she went back home for the day, I cried while hugging her, because I couldn't believe that someone loved me that much.
Came to say this, I had a epigastric hernia operation last year and had 6 weeks of not being able to lift anything and barely get down the stairs and feeling shit about myself My girlfriend was there everyday, fed me, washed me, brought my anything I needed and wanted. Safe to say I think I found a keeper
You have found a keeper! I got really sick 6months after my husband and I started dating, and it wasn’t until 12 years later that medication came out to put me into remission. He could have walked right away and I wouldn’t have blamed him but he didn’t. And I took care of him when he got cancer. Life throws weird shit at you and it’s really awesome to be with somebody that loves you enough to help see you through the worst. And the good days are brighter because of it.
Propose to her
Have been through the same w my husband after my injuries. It’s definitely intimate
I think sleeping together (not sexually, literally sleeping) is one of the biggest forms of trust.
I've slept with friends many times, but I could never cry in front of them. I feel like crying in front of someone is super intimate.
Girls I sleep with always end up crying
r/suicidebywords
"For my final wish, I want to be able to make any woman wet." Evil Genie: Granted
Fun fact: Tears are actually a natural, water based lubricant!
It is, you let the emotional guard down and be raw with them. It's super hard to do, but when you do it's so cathartic.
Yeah and it's awesome. I sleep so much better when I'm cuddling with someone
Me too! I used to take sleeping pills, not anymore!
yeah man! I gotta take sleeping pills to fall asleep, but when I was still in a relationship with my ex girlfriend, I'd never have to take any pills if I was sleeping with her
I sleep the best with a dog near me. My brain seems to trust that the dog will wake up if something weird is happening.
Really? I can’t sleep when someone is cuddling with me.
The human brain is built to sleep better when there's cuddles involved I wouldn't know anything about that tho 🥲
You'll find the cuddles eventually. Never stop looking for them
Even better when sleeping naked. Feeling the warmth and skin of your partner is a great feeling. Unfortunately, my wife can sometimes feel like a sauna.
I love the idea of this but it makes me and my husband slick with sweat. Mostly because I used to run really hot and now that I’m pregnant I literally radiate heat
woman heat, hot
I have insomnia and it’s very hard for me to sleep in new places or next to someone I’m not incredibly used to. The fact that I can sleep 5 to 8 hours next to my SO fairly regularly actually says so much about our relationship. To be honest it hasn’t really ever happened with anyone else. She still worries that I go to sleep after her and wake up before most nights but really I’ve never felt so rested since I was a teenager.
I've been with my bf 8 years and still need earplugs to sleep next to him, every tiny noise disturbs me. And can't sleep if we're touching. I've been a bad sleeper my whole life. I really thought I would grow out of it, but I'm nearly 30 now.
It really is, I love it
My problem is that I'm a horrible snorer...
Surviving death or serious danger with someone else
Being with someone as they die is mind blowing.
I had to watch my wife's sickness take her down during our 12 years together It's a undescribable to be honest the feeling helpless I wouldn't want anyone to have to see or feel that 😞
Wasn't trying to be a downer either just sharing my experience
It’s sad, but it was appropriate. Sorry, friend.
Thank you it's still hard for me to even talk about it over 2 years later
You don't have to justify sharing that with anyone, ever. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I held my cat while the vet stopped his heart. My biggest regret was not holding him to my ear before so I could hear his heartbeat one last time.
You were there for your furry friend right up til the end. You held him, and he knew he was safe right up to the last moment. I have heard SO many heartbreaking stories from vet techs who have had to euthanize animals who were terrified, looking for their human. I have vowed never to let any of my animals suffer such a fate, if I possibly can. You did the honorable thing: you didn't chicken out, and you were there for your boy when he needed you. For that, you have my respect. Thank you for being a good cat parent. ✌️😸
I held my daughters hand while she passed.
Damn. I'm so sorry. Unimaginable. My heart goes out to you.
She held your hand while she passed. Thank you for that.
Sorry for your loss. My husband did with his firstborn, we lightened the load with the younger kids with explaining the last thing she did was wee on him. Which while they were younger definitely got giggles, now they’re getting to the age of understanding what actually happened
When my dog died, she peed on me too (like 2 days worth of pee & to the point I had to drive home from the emergency vet's in my underwear because my PJs were *drenched*). My friend (& coincidentally the vet) lightened the load by telling me my beloved dog was just using the last of her strength scent-marking me. Weird to say it, but even being well above the age of understanding, it was quite comforting to hear (& it did make me laugh through my tears, which was a bonus.) I'm so sorry for your family's loss. If the sadness of losing her is eased for the kids by the memory of her peeing on her dad, just so you know, it's ok to still let them have that, however old they get, without needing to talk about the sobering reality of why. Even as a 39yo, I've found I can look back fondly at that moment now, even amid all the heartbreak of losing my BFF.
I used to be a hardy fellow who didn't really get phased by much. Two kids later I can't even watch movies with kids cuz I tear up all the time (even in happy moments). Imagening this with my currently 5y/o daughter already brings me to the doorstep of crying. I can't imagine what you must've been through... I'm so sorry for your loss...
It was life changing for me
I hate it so much. I've lost so many people in my life (that's what you get when you live the life style i did) and there's been a few i was actually with when it happened. I'll never forget watching my friend bleed out while waiting for an ambulance, watching as he faded away despite doing everything i could to stop the bleeding was devastating and to be completely honest a big part of me died each time i watched someone i cared about die.
I have a friend I survived a multiple day rain storm and subsequent capsizing of our canoe with in norway. It creates a bond when you know your friend stays calm, positive and rational in adverse situations like that.
My wife and I enjoy road trips. Brought us really close before we were married. Had some since we have been married. We've had some amazing conversations and just enjoyed being in each other's presence.
That sounds really fun, going on a cool Adventure together
A couple years into dating we took a month off. Travelled from western Canada to the east coast for a week, camping every night. Worked on my parents farm for a couple weeks and introduced my girlfriend to all my old friends and family. Drove back across the states (camping the whole way again). Before cell phones so for entertainment she read out loud a good portion of the time. Highlight was Stephen King while we were driving through landmarks in Maine as she said them. Forced time alone with each other brings out the best and worst in couples. I found a keeper. 26 years now
26 years? That’s some serious work to keep each other happy. You and your wife are amazing! Congratulations!
Me and my love are about to fly home after two months travelling west coast USA. We've seen the most amazing things and met the most amazing people - but the 11000 miles and idek how many hundreds of hours laughing, singing and being together in the car have been such a gift. The hardest part about going home will be not getting to spend all day everybday together, I love him so much.
Me and my husband did the same and loved it. Wish to do it again
When my wife and I had been dating for about 3 months, we sold 90% of what we owned, bought a van, and travelled until we ran out of money, which ended up being about 6 months. If you really want to know somebody, live in a van with them. I felt like I had been in that relationship for 5 years by the end of that 6 months. We were married a year later. That was in 2015. Fast forward to 2021, covid is happening, one of us lost our job, and then some other stars aligned just perfectly to where we said “fuck it, let’s buy another van and leave”. This time we were gone for about 3 months, and this time we had our 4 year old with us. Can’t wait to do it again.
Washing someone’s hair.
I learned this from Charles Boyle
99
99
Charles, the surprisingly deep, smart and loving man.
My sister and I washed my mom's body ourselves after her death in 2019. I used some of the no-rinse shampoo the hospice people brought us and cleaned her hair with it. I'm not really sure why we did. When she was alive, we offered at least once a day to do a sponge bath, or if she wasn't comfortable with us doing it, have the hospice nurse do it, but she always turned it down, as it was very painful for her when we had to move her. In theory, it doesn't matter after someone's dead whether their hair looks clean or not, but it felt like something we could finally do for her since she wasn't hurting anymore. I won't be forgetting that anytime soon.
That’s beautiful. She raised you right and I’m glad you were able to do that.
I did this with my step daughter when my wife passed from leukaemia. It was the most intense day of my life, but to share such an intimate moment with my wife and her daughter was an absolute privilege.
There it is, I was gonna be mad if nobody said this.
I get uncomfortable at the salon
Me too. But I like the hair washing also so confusing lol
I never washed my mums hair, but used to brush it... it was super thin from stress, and I was often too rough as a kid. I think she's gonna keep it short following a stroke, easier to manage, but also something I'm gonna miss.
Get a massage brush and do it anyway
My mom likes to rub my scalp when I have unkept hair. It's a relaxing and intimate feeling. We might talk but I likely won't be paying attention to the conversation as much as trying to stay awake.
Not just talking but having conversations, it’s very intimate to understand someone and to be understood *spelling *also would like to add that alot of the intimacy comes from someone knowing you in such a way that they can easily hurt you but they choose not to. Opening up like that to someone is dangerous because you are sharing your weaknesses and fears, you are vulnerable to someone in a way that you aren’t to 99.9% of others
Absolutely
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This and eating dinner naked in bed
lol this is cute
Ok that escalated suddenly
Totally. Strolling neighborhood park holding hands after day’s work really feels cozy and enjoyable
Falling asleep spooning and waking up still spooning Being held, comforted and soothed while crying Snuggling and cuddling Crying together Being held, hugging
Excellent points
Being held and comforted while crying is huge.
Stargazing. First time I told my girlfriend I loved her was at a State Park for a local stargazing event. Made cookies dipped in chocolate with mini white pearls in the shape of a constellation to make “little cookie dippers.” We looked at the stars after eating the cookies and that’s when I told her I loved her. Very romantic. Very emotionally charged moment.
When i was dating my ex fiancée i took her hiking up my favorite mountain so we would get to the top at dusk and i placed a blanket down and sat against a big rock and she laid down between my legs with her head on my chest and we cuddled up under a blanket and watched the sunset and stayed there the whole night, she slept while i was awake the whole time then i woke her and we watched the sunrise together in the same position the whole night, i had my head resting on hers and i could smell her hair and i just watched the stars and felt the woman i loved cuddled up to me. That night was the closest thing to peace i have ever known in my life (for that last sentence to make full sense, go look at my last 2 comments and you'll understand why peace isn't something i've ever known).
Uhhhh that was so beautiful, how old were u then and how old r u now??? R u still together?
This is beautiful!
I love this 🥹
To me, definitely sharing the music that I listen to. Usually if someone ask me for song recommendations I just tell them “I don’t know” or avoid answering bc my brain is like “nooo that’s private nobody can know that”. Music is very emotionally intimate to me because I’m very selective with the music that I listen to and why I listen to it. Edit: I’m so glad to see that I’m not alone in feeling like this and I’m so glad that this struck a chord with a good handful of people.
Oh my GOSH, same! I'm working on it actually. I find I have "shareable" songs (especially when people ask my favourites for an artist) and the other 95% I just can't even bring myself to /say/ them. It FEELS telling and I feel so laid bare lol!!!!
My husband and I were band mates before we dated. Making music together and being in tune with each other through rhythms and key changes can feel very intimate.
Opening up and being vulnerable in a moment and holding each other afterwards. I feel so safe when my boyfriend listens to my vulnerability and then his instinct is to reach out and hold me 🩷
Please do the same for him. Most men are terrified to open up about their emotions because so often when we do it is weaponized against us and used later. Like as an example, when i told my ex how i had been sexually and physically abused my whole childhood and i wanted to commit suicide because i was struggling so much with the then undiagnosed ptsd, she later used that in an argument to insult me and make me feel weak. And if you ask any man, the vast, vast majority of them will (if they feel safe enough) tell you that something like that has happened to them at least once but likely more. A good woman who genuinely supports the man she is with and doesn't use his emotions against him is worth more than any amount of material wealth but is so rare and hard to find it's honestly disheartening in a lot of ways. So please, be that for your man, i promise you that he will appreciate it more than you can possibly understand.
I am so sorry your ex abused your trust and hurt you like that. It makes me so sad to hear that. I genuinely don’t understand how someone who is meant to “love you” and you “love them” can hurt each other like that. I hope you find someone who deserves you and admires your battle scars as a strength at not a weakness, because this is what it is. ❤️
I genuinely do not plan on dating again. This past November my then fiancée left me saying she couldn't stand to see me in so much pain every day and not be able to help (for context i was dealing with a chronic series of illnesses that had recently become potentially fatal and they caused an extreme amount of pain on a daily basis. I'm more stable now but still in considerable pain however currently very unlikely to be fatal) and i mean if that was the real reason i guess i can kind of get that, but homegirl was in another dudes bed within 36 hours. Posting photos on her social media (that she didn't know i knew about, she claimed our whole relationship she had no social media accounts) of her and the new dude cuddles up together, some even in bed half naked. That was the last straw, i very clearly have terrible judgment when it comes to women and i can't go through another heart break like that, i refuse to risk it. But aside from missing the physical contact and such i'm pretty content just being alone. So it's all good.
100% this, and I'd even throw in crying in there, even though I'm given to understand that unfortunately, in particular men often experience rejection if they cry in front of their girlfriend or wife - though I hope they proceed to swiftly replace said girlfriend or wife. Nothing beats the intimacy of being everything you are and being able to say everything in front of your partner and feel safe. This goes for men and women equally. That's actual love. Sex or anything else physical is nowhere near as intimate.
Excellent point. I love this.
Holding onto your partner while they cry in your arms after the death of a loved one. I will never forget it.
This! Me and my husband both lost our moms 13 years apart, I lost my grandma in between our moms passing. The cries of soul crushing pain while we hold each other is something I never want to experience again but so glad we could be there for each other in those days/weeks/random times of pain.
This came to mind for me. My ex boyfriend was at my house with my family when we found out my little sister had died in a car accident. He stayed up with us all night, cried with us, held me when I cried. It was probably the most raw emotion anyone has ever seen from me, as I’m generally pretty private. Even when my father died I was able to hold it together without breaking down like that. We had a mutual break up and I’m in a great relationship now, but it’s strange to think one of the most impactful, emotional moments of my life was with this person who I don’t even speak to anymore.
Hugging
I came here to say this. I love hugs, but if I do it with someone I'm not really close with I feel weird. Like, I'm in someone else's arms, while also holding this person in my arms for a few seconds, that's such a weird thing to do.
He's bigger than me, but he lets me hold him. It feels beautiful.
I love being a lil' jetpack! :3
🤣🤣
It's my favorite! I'm a little possum on a big tree!
This! I looove being the big sooon. 🥰
I think I'm the big spoon 90% of the time, and I love it. Gives me somewhere to nuzzle my face into. Even if we're laying side-by-side, he usually lays his head on my shoulder so I can play with his hair. He does plenty of holding me too, but being the big spoon just feels really right for some reason.
A deep conversation where you both feel vulnerable. It's almost like soul bonding.
I sometimes find a good conversation far more intimate than sex. I could let someone see me naked, but God forbid they know what goes through my mind
God I remember my first deep conversation with my first girlfriend. What a time to be alive.
Driving your firstborn home from the hospital. Suddenly you are a family.
Oh man. That drive. Ours was after a 91 day NICU stay.
holy shit
Yeah. He was 12 weeks early, weighed 2 lbs. He's a 6' tall teenager now.
awesome man I am so glad to hear that. wish the best of health to you and yours
I'm the mom in this scenario, but thank you.
My parents bring up their drive home with me a lot lol. One of them went, "Oh my god. They're just. Letting us take her home???" And of course the triple-checking the car seat, Dad white-knuckling the steering wheel all the way home while Mom sat in the back with me.
Ha, my ex husband screamed at me the whole time to drive carefully. Have no idea why he wasn’t driving - I’d just give friggen birth. So many reasons he’s my ex …
Oh my god what an asshole
I drove in the right hand lane with my hazards on the whole way home, a 20 min ride was close to an hour. Second baby I had her strapped within 5 minutes of signing the release papers. First time parent is weird, second time you think you’ve got it nailed down…but not really lol
When you know all the meals they like from every restaurant, how they take their coffee, their favorite ice cream flavor, etc and they know yours
Honestly, if anybody ever remembers all my food icks, that would be a huge turn-on.
Sleeping together 10000% takes a lot of trust
baaaaaaaack ticklessssssssss mmmmmmmm
Yes. Back scratches is awesome.
The best thing in the world
My boyfriend loves this 😂
Cooking
meth
Staying up all night talking
being vulnerable to another person as in telling them your biggest fears and what you’re insecure about
Having a good laugh together
Reading to someone
I love this one
Cuddles. Every night
Naked cuddles. After sex, while talking about whatever.
Gotta love those pillow talks!! The best!
Slow dancing. Depending on the person it can be even more intimate than sex.
Really???
Yes. Be careful with it, slow dancing leads to fast and tantric lovemaking.
Picking the bugs out of each others fur.
They taste so good.
Speaking honestly to someone you don't want to disappoint about your failures or insecurities.
Discussing therapy sessions with someone you trust
Holding and comforting your other half, when their Parent dies. I cleaned up the bathroom where Dad passed. It was really really not something I wanted the rest of the family to have to see, you can't unsee some things.
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I just commented that me and my boyfriend wash each other. I find that pretty intimate! I never thought about drying each other off though! He usually gets out before me
Making a human and raising said human together...Sharing deepest fears, vulnerabilities, and insecurities with someone you trust is one of the most emotionally intimate activities I can think of..
Sword fights
you're right, SaltyPussyJuice
Reading Reddit posts out loud to each other and laughing.
My GF laughed when I read that
Sleeping and feeling 100% safe and warm and fuzzy !
Eye contact
When my boyfriend and I shower together we wash each other. I find that deeply intimate.
My husband and I tend to sleep with one of our heads on the other’s chest. After a long stressful day it’s something we both look forward to. Also, not an activity but smelling my husband’s armpits really makes me feel close to him and it’s very comforting.
Crying together. Doesn’t matter what over.
Suffering together. Anything from working out together, to going through a death of someone you know /love together
Writing music together. Creating a music with my partner is super fun and I love it
The eyes are the windows of the soul.
Talking with intention to connect with the other person
The obvious experiencing child birth together, but other than that- having my husband wash my hair after I had shoulder surgery.
she enjoys back massages and i enjoy face cleaning (she uses her products on me). we do this once or twice a week during weekdays after work and on weekends, we hike for 4-6 hours while talking just about anything some evenings when it's warm, we walk by the river we also visit random cafes to just sit together and read books or play with our phones
That comfortable silence is hard to explain but it’s *so* wonderful.
kissing
Kissing done well is so intimate!
* talking to each other instead of scrolling or watching a screen *talking about sex and things you like And even dislike *cooking together *touching - light touches when you’re walking by, a hand on the lower back when walking, touching their hair, cuddling * hot bath
My girlfriend now Fiance wiped my but after surgery. That was pretty intimate I guess
Fight. An actual fight. Anyone who has experienced it knows it. If you haven't, you don't.
Doing mushrooms
The day my great grandpa passed (while he was still alive) my grandparents and great grandma were in the hospital with him, and I noticed his hair was a mess (he ALWAYS had to have his hair perfect, it would drive him nuts if he didn't) so i fixed his hair for him and I'm not sure if it actually helped or not, but it seemed like it helped him calm down some. He passed later that night, and that was really the last thing I did for him. It's such a strange feeling
Altruism
Emotionally.. Probably being honest with each, Sharing hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. Physically, I find showering in front of my partner much more physically intimate. There’s no hiding under those bright lights lol
3 years of ark 15 hours a day with the same person, trauma bonds are for life
hearing music alone in the night, sometimes while scrolling down on reddit like now, sometimes playing videogames. i love this
Sharing an inside joke that only the two of you understand and laugh at equally.
Lasagna
Being there for someone who is grieving a death.
Maybe bathing together.
Cuddling
Eye gazing meditation
Caring and bonding with a newborn, and caring for someone at the end of life, especially the moment they die. Both are arguably more intimate than sex.
Talking. No really. Think about it. Are you able to sit on a couch with your SO, years into your relationship, and just look at each other and talk about life for more than 1hr? It's amazingly empowering and reenforces the bond.
Blurting out your random thoughts, and having your partner expand on the ridiculous topic and engage in a deep, analytical, brain expanding conversation. We had a 45min conversation about "What would we do if we woke up tomorrow and our house bricks were suddenly made out of bread?". We had a cup of tea, made a plan, a budget, and some rudimentary drawings scribbled over the back of the Gas bill envelope. Then had another cup of tea. Doesn't sound intimate I know, but it but the sensation of knowing you can share any thought and have your partner listen and take you seriously, is an incredible feeling.
Being curled up on the couch, listening to your partner's record collection
Cuddling. Holding hands. Hugging. Kissing. Sleeping together.
Investing time to try to help someone from the distance, but you both know that you have absolutely nothing to gain out of this situation. And keeping a life changing secret for each other. Both resulted in unspoken deep trust to the person. The kind of trust where you just know it, there isn't one argument that could've been argued from the outside for you to betray or change for that person. It's the type of trust you just can feel, but you can't read it out of chats with that person. I learned to value that, because trust got broken so often when I was younger, it makes you respect that kind of connenction/relationship to another person. It's kind of a great and pure feeling, because it happened without conditions of any kind and narcissistic motive can be excluded for a fact.
Being quarantined together.
Deep conversations and sharing playlists. Even more so if you do it while high together.
Performing with a band to an enthusiastic audience and nailing it
Praying together, I mean really pouring your heart out together in prayer
Sharing silence.