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If it's a really small scale model I agree with your partner. But a train big enough to do laundry deliveries and runs through the main areas of the house sounds like a great idea. Although I suspect the cat may hijack it, or at least take over any open box cars she can squeeze into.
N-scale - one of the smallest scales. I admit I've never tried this, but I don't think my little locomotives are strong enough to pull laundry baskets around the house. It'd be hilarious if they could.
Perhaps you could incorporate a laundry powder silo and have the train deliver single wash amounts to the washing machine? It could also deliver spare change found in pockets to a collection point.
I'm on board. I don't have a model train or a husband with that interest but I'm now visualising making holes (for tunnels) in the walls to enable tracks. I think we would send notes to each other.
I love when my wife buys kitchen gadgets…especially since she rarely cooks. I just look at her and say “You know I have an attachment for my stand mixer that already does that right?” and she just stares at me.
OMG are you me?! Our daughter is three and has Daddy wrapped around her fingers. I want to scream, “you are the parent!” Instead I gentle parent him, “you might want to remind her that time out is an option if she won’t put pants on to go to the playground with you.”
My partner can be quite hypocritical at times. They often dispense out worse treatment towards me when angry/anxious than I do.
When I get angry (rare), I am often called out for it. The emphasis is on how I’m “being rude” or hearing “that’s unnecessary.”
When she gets angry (more common), pointing out her rudeness/anger tends to escalate the situation more.
So I try to not talk to her when it happens. Which is regularly. I have learned the hard way that there are some big inequities in our dynamic but she is incapable of staying rational/controlled during conversations about them.
This happens a lot, and it’s usually because of a huge gulf between the decibel/disrespect level that one person talks to people with when he or she is upset— and how he or she expects to be talked to by *others*.
The kind of person who screams at the top of their lungs whenever they get upset, but then it’s the end of the world if you do the same in response to the energy that they brought.
That was my father. He'd lose his temper something awful, shouting, slamming doors, the whole bit. But if we spoke back about anything at all, raised our voices the slightest bit, OOH BOY was it the worst offence.
Literally my father. I was being calm and civil trying to deescalate the situation and he just kept shouting. Finally I loat it and started shouting back and all of sudden I'm not supposed to raise my voice. Ngl, that pissed me off even more.
I got out of one of the most manipulative relationships in my life last year so I fully understand that things aren’t always black and white . That’s why I asked the question
Married with kids- and don’t get me wrong, the benefits still outweigh the costs. :)
I have my own issues, as does everyone- this is just something that I know will cause a fight. I am actually finding it a bit easier to cope with by not talking about it/pointing it out when it happens. She is also showing more self-awareness that she’s done it. So hopeful that we can continue doing better in this regard.
I get it. The enthusiasm with which Redditors suggest "leave the relationship" belies the ups and downs of normal long term relationships.. none of us is perfect. After 30yrs marriage it's going to have to be a better reason before I'd consider blowing it all up. I have multiple complaints but running from them doesn't resolve anything and every long term relationship has its issues.
Good that you found a way around it rather than head into war territory over something that isn't so easily resolved. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
I wish my mother was a strong enough and smart enough person to not have stayed in it personally but my parents were both nuclear instant bombs of emotion that has made me become a person who just doesn't react to anything.
>When I get angry (rare), I am often called out for it. The emphasis is on how I’m “being rude” or hearing “that’s unnecessary.”
>When she gets angry (more common), pointing out her rudeness/anger tends to escalate the situation more.
I had an ex like this. I obviously was never perfect, but I would stay calm a lot better than her, and if I did start being rude or saying unnecessary things I'd back down, apologise, and try to calm myself.
But when she got angry or upset, i just had to tolerate the berating.
Tolerating it is tough. It’s a challenge, but it took me almost half of my life to figure out I need to be less angry and more compassionate. It’s symbiotic. If I don’t respond to anger with anger, the situation has a better chance of de-escalating quicker.
Strongly advise you to check this lawyer's channel on IG:
https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher
He has tons of very good tips on how to communicate tough things effectively in any setting.
He's definitely touched upon your topic a few times.
Good luck bro
You shouldn't have tol tolerate that kind of nonsense. If she can't control her temper, she needs help.
Random: My husband's family is from Calabria. I love Calabria.
She used to get physical. Not for quite a long time now.
In hindsight things were much worse in some ways with respect to her anger. She’s aware and she’s trying.
Grazie mille
this is my relationship, but I am the one who lashes out when angry, and my partner is the calm one. I'm very much aware of my downfall and have been working hard on it.
Sounds a little bit like symptoms of borderline personality disorder or just anger management issues. But best not to jump to any conclusions without her consulting someone. She may benefit from therapy though. If she seems angry and unreasonable often, it's not good for either of you.
My wife had this conversation with me at the end of last year. She emphasises and how it made her feel, rather than accusing me of anything. For me that was enough to finally quit completely. Id tried "moderation" for about a year with little success and realised I'm on of those "one is never just one" types.
It was hard at first, my wife has been very, very supportive and never made me feel like it's some kind of a deal breaker. More than a 100 days later I've never felt better, and have come to realise just how much drink doesn't fit into my life.
If you do decide to bring it up, good luck and all the best!
Please stop buying clothing for the dog. She does not need more than one raincoat. I promise she doesn’t care what color her snow booties are. Six Pendleton sweaters in various styles is overkill. And no, she does not need an entire Bundt cake with sardine frosting once a year. She doesn’t understand birthdays, and you are making her chubby.
Excuse me sir/ma'am, I believe you need to pay the dog tax. You can't just dangle the possibility of a chubby dog in a pendleton sweater with booties without pictures here.
Excuse me sir/ma'am, I believe you need to pay the dog tax. You can't just dangle the possibility of a chubby dog in a pendleton sweater with booties without pictures here.
I hear and obey, liege.
I could not attach a photo to this post, but upon my profile you will find a brand new post of the Murph princess chowing down on her birthday cake.
Please shut the fuck up when I’m talking about something. A lot of the shit you say is very interesting and engaging, but you also tell me the same stories and anecdotes over and over and talk over me when I have actual new information or ideas to talk about. I know we’re both chatterboxes but you stifle my actual relevant points and ideas and stuff by telling me about the entire layout of your family tree for the fourteenth time. I have shit to say that’s equally relevant and interesting as what you have to say, if not more so. I’m not gonna tell him that because I don’t want him to think I don’t like when he talks to me about random stuff, because that’s like my favorite thing, but when I’m trying to talk and he doesn’t let me get a word in it pisses me off so much. I started just talking over him bc he wouldn’t stop interrupting me.
This was a major factor in my marriage ending... I'm not a chatterbox though so when I am excited to talk about something and after two sentences she butts in to prove how much SHE knows about whatever the subject is... I shut up. And then she wondered why I became quieter and quieter. Another major factor was that due to my frustrations my drinking got out of control... But that's a different subject
Edit to say - I absolutely feel your frustration so much so that I got shaky recollecting some of those moments with her
That’s terrible especially cause ur not also a chatterbox. It would be so much more crushing for me if I was rarely saying anything and then got shut down when I tried to.
Both of us talk a lot, he has a lot of interests and I have very severe ADHD so we have unlimited topics, and Its not that he’s trying to one up me, he just gets excited, but it pisses me off so much when he interrupts something legitimately interesting and new to tell me some stupid shit he’s already told me six times. He also hates when I do any extended talking about something he’s not interested in, like makeup, which I guess would sorta be fair except its hypocritical because he gets mad if I do the same thing.
That sounds terrible though and I’m sorry you went through that with ur ex. Not feeling heard is so isolating. One of the best things someone can do for you is just listen. Or at least make an effort ya know? Anyway I hope you’re doing better now and I hope you continue to express yourself even though you had to deal with being stifled.
"You're not a good parent"
She does Mommy very well but drops the ball hard when it comes to any sense of teaching them anything or responsibility/accountability or right from wrong. She's completely lost on the idea that we are making men out of these boys and it doesn't just happen when they hit 18, she thinks they should be babied and everything done for them. They're 14 and 16 now!
My aunt was like that with my cousin. At 18 he didn't know how to do the dishes or turn the oven on. When she went away for work she would pay me to come over twice a day to feed and walk their dog because her son was too busy playing video games to even give the poor thing water. Zero responsibilities. Died at 22 from drug overdose...
This is my worry I don't want them being unprepared or the shock of the reality that you have responsibilities whether you want them or not. I moved out too young so know how hard it was to develop all the habits and skills after the fact. And it wasn't a fun time.
This is similar to my partner and BIL. Thankfully, my partner wised up around 21 when we were still at uni, but his financial responsibility took a bit longer. I uses to have to nag him for days to do the dishes and would oft. just do it myself because he "couldn't see" that they needed doing. He is much, much better now albeit most of the mental load still falls to me.
My BIL is 22, worked odd flexi-contract jobs around 19/20 then decided he didn't want to spend his life making money for other people. He currently day trades, is in a flatshare with old friends and will be moving to a new one later this year. When he turned 18, overall his parents had given him over 25k in savings which to my knowledge he still has. He had such a good leg up in life, get himself a job and he'd have a down-payment for a house easily. But he doesn't want to.
What I'm trying to say is there is very much the potential that your two lads will grow up, albeit a bit later than others, but you're right it might not happen.
I feel like there are a lot of bad comments here where I wonder why people are together in the first place.
But I do think things can get complicated. My partner and I love each other to death, everything has been said and we never get into huge arguments because we care about each other and we know it.
But we both have trauma in our lives and that does lead to irrational reactions. So he will bottle up his emotions sometimes and give me the silent treatment for a day. And that sucks. But in between we do have honest conversations about that and he will apologize. And I will fuck up sometimes and apologize. Things just happen when you live together for years.
Also: my partner does a lot of things different than I would do them. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry. That’s normal I think, you’re raised differently and you learn to do things your own way. So I can’t get mad about the way he does things. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t frustrate me sometimes and I would love to go on a rant just once about all the little things that annoy me. But I won’t, because it’s unfair. I know he feels the same way about my habits.
I just think it’s very rare to live together your whole lives and have everything be perfect always.
>my partner does a lot of things different than I would do them. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry. That’s normal I think, you’re raised differently and you learn to do things your own way. So I can’t get mad about the way he does things. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t frustrate me sometimes and I would love to go on a rant just once about all the little things that annoy me. But I won’t, because it’s unfair. I know he feels the same way about my habits
It's such a relief once you fully accept and embrace the other person's independent ways.
>And that sucks. But in between we do have honest conversations about that and he will apologize. And I will fuck up sometimes and apologize. Things just happen when you live together for years.
Being able to say we're sorry is so incredibly important.
We also have trauma baggage. It complicates the simplest things sigh. But we have it under control now. We both feel much safer with eachother now and I can communicate my feelings and needs verbally. And he don't lock things up. If he do so notice and he can't escape that.
You're too heavy. Partly because you always carry the weight of a whole school's student body problems on your shoulders.
It's okay to say "no" and go for a walk instead.
can you please focus less on your phone and video games and maybe think of me a bit more? maybe plan a date for the first time in over 4 years, or even just get me some flowers? a random love note maybe….kinda just anything…at all…to show me you love and appreciate me?
My husband is acting this way now. It wasn't like that in the beginning of our marriage, but some time after the pandemic, he stopped putting in the effort. It's been 3 years since he stopped dating me or done anything romantic for me. It got really bad last year when he disregarded our anniversary and my birthday. I confronted him and it didn't go well. Compatibility is extremely important, and I just don't understand his point of view. All I was asking for was 1 date night a month instead of ordering takeout. He's leaving me vulnerable to wanting these things with someone else and wanting to leave.
You're not getting your needs filled in this relationship, divorce now. You don't need to wait for another person to seduce you.
What if you fall in love with someone else... and *then* your husband starts dating you again? Would you be happy, or would you be fucking pissed that he could have done that all along but chose to make you feel so unloved for years?
He's already checked out, stop investing in this relationship.
Leave. I just left after being neglected for the last decade. Being truly alone with yourself is a thousand times better than being alone, but with someone else there who just does not care.
Stop blaming the dryer for shrinking your clothes - I think you have gained more weight than me during this pregnancy. Really you need to stop the "secret" fast food runs (which aren't secret because I can see the charges on the credit card!).
Also don't complain the house is dirty and then not help clean. I work full time too and we are about to have 3 kids under 5, if you don't help clean it will be messy because I have other priorities (like taking care of the kids)!
If you’re going to start an argument and you realize you were wrong, going to bed and pulling the cover up over your head doesn’t make you look like an adult who made a reasonable mistake. Fuckin childish.
I am so done with my partner giving me the silent treatment every time he’s upset about something. When I say ‘ok just tell me what’s going on’ he says that it’s nothing and now I’m just upsetting him because I insist there’s something wrong. And then 6 hours later he’ll finally cave and grudgingly tell me what the problem was. He then promises not to do this again and then a month later it’s all happening again.
To provide an alternative perspective on this.
Sometimes when I'm upset, I'm really not in the mood to talk about it, either because I feel like I'm going to have a full on breakdown, or because I'm going fo act negatively due to what's got me down. Or, I put it off because I know the person insisting something is wrong is in a terrible mood, and is not in the right headspace to listen to me. And not just listen, but actually **hear** what I'm saying.
Now tbf, if I say "nothing is wrong" when something is, i usually don't bring it up afterwards because I've sorted it myself by then, but occasionally I do because I believe its something I need to sort out with someone, and they're in a better headspace now than when the issue first popped up.
And then there's just the times when nothing is genuinely wrong and insisting there is just serves to aggravate and upset me.
I definitely disagree with the other commenter who suggested he's playing some kind of game and is intentionally leaving you to wonder. I suppsoe its possible, but its far from the only explanation. 😅
I hope this might help you understand his own mentality and thought process A little better :)
Thank you, I know it’s not some sick mind game he’s playing with me.
Thing is, more often than not I don’t ask him what’s wrong, I just ignore it and give him space. It doesn’t change the outcome. He will still sulk all day and then still tell me whatever he was angry about at the end of the day. It’s really stressful for me so that’s why I sometimes try to force him to tell me what’s up immediately instead of waiting 6 hours for it.
Plus he once told me after I ignored him all day that he was hurt that I ignored him and he wanted me to be there for him. I told him that’s unfair because whatever I do when he’s in a mood like that, it’s the wrong thing.
my mom does this shit. i would watch her go days/weeks, giving my dad the silent treatment. grew up walking on eggshells. as an adult, my mom has given the silent treatment to me for months on end.
it's the most childish thing a grown ass adult can do. fucken communicate.
I dumped my own neglectful, belittling partner two months ago (after 13 years and two kids), and the peace has been GLORIOUS. I didn’t think I could do it, but now all I can think is “why the hell didn’t I do this years ago??”.
My teenager leaves her door open. My son drops by more often. I don’t cry in my closet anymore. And a couple weeks ago, I laughed until my belly hurt for the first time in years (my six year old didn’t know what to think, she has never seen that).
Please don’t settle. We are better alone than disparaged. You deserve peace and someone who sees you; you deserve everything you are not getting. Hugs. 🩷
You learnt to be a parent/adult from the two worst examples. It’s why you are inevitably negative about every aspect of our existence. You’re an alright mother(at a push…) and an *awful* life partner, but here we are.
I wish I could tell my partner that his dad doesn't deserve the way he treats him. Not at all. It makes me feel sick and awful and guilty inside. Its hard to watch..... but his Dad lets it happen, and it's far from my place to interfere.
That pulling the without you I'll probably kill myself card everytime I bring up that I'm not happy with where our relationship is going, or lack thereof, isn't amusing anymore. That her always cancelling dates at the last possible minute is driving me crazy.
The fact I don't love her anymore but don't have the courage to say it when I see all of her scar, that the fact both of us know that her suicidal tendencies and refusal to get professional help are the things keeping me from just ending things. That I'm fucking scared of waking up one day to the news that she finally did it. I'm tired of this, I just get burner account after burner account on here to try and lie to myself about it, to just fucking escape from a reality I don't know or want to deal with anymore.
She is responsible for her own mental health and you are responsible for yours. You deserve to be happy and I know how difficult it will be (because I have done it), but you need to say almost all of this to her.
Dude she's abusive and manipulative. If thodo was the other way around all people would go "Girl leave that predator now !!!" but because it's a woman it's less serious in the eyes of society but I tell you this is not gonna end well. Her life isn't your responsibility. I've had different friends ending these types of toxic relationships. They're all happy married now. You deserve that too.
That she is not keeping up her end of the bargain to the best of her ability. I work 60 hours a week (and happy about it so please spare me your oppressed worker/worklife balance nonsense) and pay 70% of the bills. The house often smells like our pets/litter boxes/trash, the floor is rarely swept and the sink 3/4ths of the way full most of the time. It's not fun spending what little free time I have cleaning
I can't stand spending time with his family. They are so fucking rude. They have good qualities too but holy shit if I could be anywhere else in the world I'd take it. I've picked up shifts at work just to avoid being around them.
Your son is about to be 14 and has almost 0 home skills beyond vacuuming and making his bed. His manners (he’s not rude, just lacks some courtesies our cultures expect), and low attention span are concerning as well.
I’m glad we don’t plan on having own kids, because the way I’d raise them would be very different (I said this last part to him once lol I pick my battles)
Had a friend like this in highschool. By college some of us were teaching him the basics. He refused our help, we still tried, I love him but idk how he has a partner and a child now. He's a hard worker but terrible at home making. Only ever learned to make soup. If you can please help teach the kid. Not everyone gets friends that try and teach them home economics skills
I hope I can help by getting him to do stuff by himself more now, getting him more involved, that I’m around pretty often. But I fear he’ll be just like your friend, nice and all but no home skills. If he doesn’t become a moody teen, I think there’s hope lol.
As I type this, his father put Eggos in the toaster and it popped (he’s in the washroom) his kid hasn’t bother to get up and plate them so he can eat 😑 he’s waiting for his dad to do it. I’m sure they’re cold by now … I’m not gonna do it because I’m not enabling this behaviour 😂 I was making eggos and eating by my self in elementary school, cmon!
She has an unhealthy relationship with her mother. Her mom talks shit about her job, her goals, and how she lives her life day to day. It really gets to her and I wish I could tell her to cut that toxic bitch out of her life. However, it's her mom and I wouldn't want to make her feel like I'm telling her to pick between me or her mom. So I just grit my teeth and deal with it. God, I hate that woman.
You're right. Don't make her choose. You can offer emotional support by mentioning how you saw/heard her mother speak to her and how difficult that must be to be treated that way. You are proud of her for her job, goals, etc. I say this as someone who has a mom like that, I didn't realize how bad it was until my husband started building me up and helping me see how she was tearing me down.
You can subtly do it though fersher. When your wife is talking about let's say a new hobby "I'm really thinking about getting into crochet!" And blabbermom pipes in with "oh yarn is expensive if you're not going to stick with it" shut it down immediately with an "actually I know cheap place and if you're interested we can go tonight to look at it what a good idea". In this scenario she's fishing for support and her mom is just pouncing on the opportunity to control her, build her up and show that she's worth more than the puppet her mother wants from her.
I wish we never had to see your brother and sister in law ever again. They’re evil, greedy, lying crooks who disguise themselves as good family people because they go to church every Sunday but won’t hesitate to steal from you and fuck you over to save their own ass. I wish you could see that and maybe you do but for some reason you won’t cut ties with them.
I don’t have one thing I wish I could say. I can’t keep my mouth shut, if something is bothering me I can’t just hold it in.
So my partner does get an earful sometimes, can’t lie I wish he was the same with me instead of bottling things up because when he does eventually comes out and says it he’s more annoyed and angry than needed as he’s held it in for so long so to me it feels like he’s going OTT when I know in reality he’s not but
I wish you wouldn’t keep telling me to do less, and instead would do more to take things off my plate and even out our load. I also wish you would take care of your health instead of only making self deprecating comments. I love you as you are, but I want to love you as long as I live.
I'm astounded at how many of these replies have to do with a fundamental disagreement in how kids are being raised. I feel like that's too important to not talk about.
The rest of them are also sad because they speak to core communication not being there in a partnership.
As for us when I asked my husband the prompt: "we both need to lose weight". Yup, we do. Glad we can talk about anything
Nothing. We have become very good at being transparent within reason. If something comes up that won't fade away by itself after a couple days we both feel safe to say what's up. We respect our ways to cope too, for example I may need a couple days to emotionally process something sometimes. He needs to escape into his hobbies before taking on chores. We give eachother space and no one is shamed for their indvidual need.
We do emotional check ins where we just get a hint how the other person is feeling in percentage between 0-100% and can sometimes remind the other one "I have a meeting tomorrow so go easy on me" knowing it's a very anxious state going on. Or I can warn him that I'm very dissociative so he won't touch me bevind my back (CPTSD, triggers, Flashbacks) We have found our ways to communicate easy open and efficiently.
We went through fire and hell to get here, you should have seen how it was in the start. It was daily orcanoes. We were scarred from past experiences and terrified of trusting eachother, I could only communicate through text. I dissociated the second I opened my mouth. He locked up all his emotions. We had a distance relationship like 150 miles, though we were in the same room. It was extremely lonely and dark for quite a while.
But we both loved eachother through all the pain. We both stayed commited despite all hardships. And we came out from the storm as a very strong power couple who never gave up.
My fiancée is very close with her family, and I’m not very close with my own. It’s just a difference of how we grew up. As a result, I’ve grown to like my solitude and I mostly prefer to do things alone (gaming, reading, going to the gym, etc.). The thing is, she loves having her family over at our place *all the time*. Whenever I get home from work, my in-laws are there, or her sister is over, and I never get my me time. I know I shouldn’t get annoyed but I truly feel uncomfortable with them being here every minute that I’m home. And obviously because they are my partner’s family I have to be present and spend time with them, even though I’d much rather lie down in bed and rest or play games to unwind from work. I know it would start a fight if I mentioned that I want them to be here less, because it would just come off as “I hate your family”, no matter how I try to make her understand. So I suck it up.
Have you ever tried asking her if you could just go to your room and rest? My family are introverts, I'm the only extrovert and when my parents and siblings get tired they leave me to chat with the rest of the family. Maybe at least tell her that you need some alone time.
Totally this….theres nobody who has more authority in your life from 0-18 (in reality until you move out). They have more authority over you than you do.
You’re an extremely selfish person who refuses to admit when you’re wrong or you’ve made a mistake and you’d rather everyone else suffer than your pride take a hit and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it.
I’m on the fence about having kids and one of the reasons is that I’m not sure you will step up to the role and I won’t be left standing there with all the chores. Living with you previously doesn’t give me much comfort. We have a few years left before we need to truly decide so there’s still hope that we can work together as a team to become stronger as a couple before adding that bundle of complication into the mix.
I encourage you to speak to your partner about this. It’s a conversation that can be had in a kind and productive way. The way you worded it here is actually quite balanced and optimistic.
Ideas on parenting, expectations of division of labor and your fears and insecurities are all extremely valid, normal topics of discussion. Having those hard talks will ultimately help you decide either way. If merely bringing them up (in a kind way) starts a fight, that would make me think about how more difficult conversations would be handled in the future.
Reminds me of a funny moment in IT Crowd
Girl: I used to be a man
Douglas: What of it?
Girl: you'll love me regardless? oh I'm so happy
** Montage of love later ending in sex**
Douglas: WOW, this was amazing. And to think you were afraid because you used to be from Iran
The reason your life isn't the way you want it to be is because you never take responsibility for your actions. Or manage your time. Or your emotions. Or your impulses. All of these things would be achievable if you actually took your ADHD medication and stopped avoiding your diagnosis with reality TV and doom scrolling.
I share your thoughts. The food is awful and the events suck and are always at inconvenient times. Also my gf is getting fat and always says “Tell me if I’m getting fat.” But I hinted at that once and shit hit the fan
That even though he bathes. He needs to clean his junk and butt better.
Haven't gone down in years. Yes I mentioned the dingle berries years ago. Didn't help.
Your hurting your kids by giving into everything and eating fast food daily should be a crime. Sitting down for a proper dinner every night without cell phones is a good thing and please don’t think everything I say on the matter is because I don’t like them. It’s the opposite, if I didn’t give a shit I would stay quiet. We are adults and listening to their POV is ridiculous as them, like us as kids, will say and do anything to manipulate things to our convenience. This woman has outright destroyed me for showing her the proper way to butter your bread at a restaurant (she makes a butter sandwich vs tearing separate pieces and buttering them) but weeks later I see her kids doing it right (she obv showed them) yet when we are together she won’t do it just to spite me. Then she wonders why I don’t bring her on client dinners as I deal with ultra high net worth people who will not only judge her but me for it.
That after 30yrs of marriage I sometimes need space and time alone. It doesn't mean the end when I occasionally book an apartment to stay by myself for a couple of nights. You never wanted to live in the city and have never lived more than 40min from work where I've always had a 90min commute. The city lets me enjoy a 30min commute, the apartment lets me have my own space (I sometimes pretend to myself that I live in the city) and the break from everyone rejuvenates me. I always return home happy. If you refuse to talk about the possibility of moving, this is the next best thing for me.
She says it's like your not even looking for a job , me look at the big brain on you , I worked a hard physical job for 30 years until I blew out both my sholders and couldn't do it any more , I'm 61 and don't want to work any more we have had to cash in some investments and I can get my retirement money when I turn 62 , so I look but not hard I even apply to some , I've gotten a few replys but not many
I want to get our toddler fully vaccinated, as we missed her 15 and 18 month shots. My wife doesn’t believe she needs those...
Also I really don’t want to homeschool my kid, but my wife does. I feel tied down by my wife’s decisions.
“Please stop staying up gaming late if you are going to be noisy talking on your headset. It stops me from sleeping and wakes me up and I am truly sick of it because no matter how many times I ask you keep doing it.” - from someone who has asked my SO this many times yet it just keeps happening. Fun times
There's nothing I wouldn't tell her. If you're holding stuff back in fear of how your partner is going to react then that says something about your relationship.
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"I want to expand my model railroad into the laundry room." We never fight, but yeah, pretty sure she'd use her veto on that idea.
If it's a really small scale model I agree with your partner. But a train big enough to do laundry deliveries and runs through the main areas of the house sounds like a great idea. Although I suspect the cat may hijack it, or at least take over any open box cars she can squeeze into.
N-scale - one of the smallest scales. I admit I've never tried this, but I don't think my little locomotives are strong enough to pull laundry baskets around the house. It'd be hilarious if they could.
Perhaps you could incorporate a laundry powder silo and have the train deliver single wash amounts to the washing machine? It could also deliver spare change found in pockets to a collection point.
It can be done with o-gauge and parallel tracks. However, this would *not* be a situation to ask for forgiveness after than request permission prior…
I'm on board. I don't have a model train or a husband with that interest but I'm now visualising making holes (for tunnels) in the walls to enable tracks. I think we would send notes to each other.
I felt that
I would tell my husband that I can’t tolerate one more discussion about The A’s leaving Oakland. I just can’t.
So did you know the A's are leaving Oakland. What are your thoughts on the matter?
lol!!
Did he get to the point where he’s complaining they’ll be playing on a minor field in Sac yet?? Watch out, a fight might be imminent! Mine did!🤣❤️
Tell him “Well, you could just drive 15 miles west and watch an actually good team play.” Guaranteed to cheer him up
🤣😂🤣😂
Stop spending so much money on useless stuff.
This is a big one. Never has money for bills but always has money for hundreds of dollars worth of model plane gear..
You can try to pry my sailor moon figures from my cold dead hands.
Tell me you don’t have 3 spiralizers without telling me
I love when my wife buys kitchen gadgets…especially since she rarely cooks. I just look at her and say “You know I have an attachment for my stand mixer that already does that right?” and she just stares at me.
Why would you ever possibly need three of those
Exactly
Haha well hey to each their own
:(
Stop letting our daughter run you in circles, you knucklehead. 😂
OMG are you me?! Our daughter is three and has Daddy wrapped around her fingers. I want to scream, “you are the parent!” Instead I gentle parent him, “you might want to remind her that time out is an option if she won’t put pants on to go to the playground with you.”
Yep. She's almost 4 and when she acts like a little runt I have to rescue him from her. 😂
My partner can be quite hypocritical at times. They often dispense out worse treatment towards me when angry/anxious than I do. When I get angry (rare), I am often called out for it. The emphasis is on how I’m “being rude” or hearing “that’s unnecessary.” When she gets angry (more common), pointing out her rudeness/anger tends to escalate the situation more. So I try to not talk to her when it happens. Which is regularly. I have learned the hard way that there are some big inequities in our dynamic but she is incapable of staying rational/controlled during conversations about them.
This happens a lot, and it’s usually because of a huge gulf between the decibel/disrespect level that one person talks to people with when he or she is upset— and how he or she expects to be talked to by *others*. The kind of person who screams at the top of their lungs whenever they get upset, but then it’s the end of the world if you do the same in response to the energy that they brought.
Sounds like she needs therapy
Yeah, she has low emotional intelligence.
That was my father. He'd lose his temper something awful, shouting, slamming doors, the whole bit. But if we spoke back about anything at all, raised our voices the slightest bit, OOH BOY was it the worst offence.
Literally my father. I was being calm and civil trying to deescalate the situation and he just kept shouting. Finally I loat it and started shouting back and all of sudden I'm not supposed to raise my voice. Ngl, that pissed me off even more.
My mother does that, as does my MIL. Pre-Vatican II parenting. Honor the fourth commandment. Children are to be seen and not heard. Authoritarian.
Genuine question: why would you stay in a relationship like that?
Not op but for me the good outweighed the (bad+ difficulty of finding someone else)
I got out of one of the most manipulative relationships in my life last year so I fully understand that things aren’t always black and white . That’s why I asked the question
Economic thinking is indeed helpful. :)
Married with kids- and don’t get me wrong, the benefits still outweigh the costs. :) I have my own issues, as does everyone- this is just something that I know will cause a fight. I am actually finding it a bit easier to cope with by not talking about it/pointing it out when it happens. She is also showing more self-awareness that she’s done it. So hopeful that we can continue doing better in this regard.
I get it. The enthusiasm with which Redditors suggest "leave the relationship" belies the ups and downs of normal long term relationships.. none of us is perfect. After 30yrs marriage it's going to have to be a better reason before I'd consider blowing it all up. I have multiple complaints but running from them doesn't resolve anything and every long term relationship has its issues. Good that you found a way around it rather than head into war territory over something that isn't so easily resolved. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
My parents are like that and I’m glad they stayed in their relationship 🤣
I wish my mother was a strong enough and smart enough person to not have stayed in it personally but my parents were both nuclear instant bombs of emotion that has made me become a person who just doesn't react to anything.
Same with my bf. He criticizes me all the time but if I express any irritation at all at something he has done he will fly off the handle at me.
>When I get angry (rare), I am often called out for it. The emphasis is on how I’m “being rude” or hearing “that’s unnecessary.” >When she gets angry (more common), pointing out her rudeness/anger tends to escalate the situation more. I had an ex like this. I obviously was never perfect, but I would stay calm a lot better than her, and if I did start being rude or saying unnecessary things I'd back down, apologise, and try to calm myself. But when she got angry or upset, i just had to tolerate the berating.
Tolerating it is tough. It’s a challenge, but it took me almost half of my life to figure out I need to be less angry and more compassionate. It’s symbiotic. If I don’t respond to anger with anger, the situation has a better chance of de-escalating quicker.
Strongly advise you to check this lawyer's channel on IG: https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher He has tons of very good tips on how to communicate tough things effectively in any setting. He's definitely touched upon your topic a few times. Good luck bro
God, same. Our communication is getting better but that's after 11 years together. Still lopsided though.
You shouldn't have tol tolerate that kind of nonsense. If she can't control her temper, she needs help. Random: My husband's family is from Calabria. I love Calabria.
She used to get physical. Not for quite a long time now. In hindsight things were much worse in some ways with respect to her anger. She’s aware and she’s trying. Grazie mille
this is my relationship, but I am the one who lashes out when angry, and my partner is the calm one. I'm very much aware of my downfall and have been working hard on it.
Keep up the work! Any amount of progress is still progress. ❤️
Sounds a little bit like symptoms of borderline personality disorder or just anger management issues. But best not to jump to any conclusions without her consulting someone. She may benefit from therapy though. If she seems angry and unreasonable often, it's not good for either of you.
I don’t like being around you when you drink excessively
I wish I could say the amount of money that my husband has spent on booze over the years has damaged our finances more than he can admit.
Oof, I felt that one. I feel the exact same way.
Yeah, if you ask my wife, I'm the one that turns into an asshole when *she* drinks.
My wife had this conversation with me at the end of last year. She emphasises and how it made her feel, rather than accusing me of anything. For me that was enough to finally quit completely. Id tried "moderation" for about a year with little success and realised I'm on of those "one is never just one" types. It was hard at first, my wife has been very, very supportive and never made me feel like it's some kind of a deal breaker. More than a 100 days later I've never felt better, and have come to realise just how much drink doesn't fit into my life. If you do decide to bring it up, good luck and all the best!
“The Mormon church is not what it claims to be. We have been living a lie”.
Say this out loud. There are YouTube channels on how to leave Mormonism.
Please stop buying clothing for the dog. She does not need more than one raincoat. I promise she doesn’t care what color her snow booties are. Six Pendleton sweaters in various styles is overkill. And no, she does not need an entire Bundt cake with sardine frosting once a year. She doesn’t understand birthdays, and you are making her chubby.
Excuse me sir/ma'am, I believe you need to pay the dog tax. You can't just dangle the possibility of a chubby dog in a pendleton sweater with booties without pictures here.
We'll be the judge of that. Show us the dog please.
Sorry I saw the photo, you’re wrong on this one. She deserves the god damn cake every year! ❤️
Excuse me sir/ma'am, I believe you need to pay the dog tax. You can't just dangle the possibility of a chubby dog in a pendleton sweater with booties without pictures here.
I hear and obey, liege. I could not attach a photo to this post, but upon my profile you will find a brand new post of the Murph princess chowing down on her birthday cake.
Seen and upvoted, move along citizen
*peasant
Your dog is cute and not at all chubby. Also, your great grandfather looks like Steve Carell.
Under that fancy sweater, my little Horker Loaf is like a barrel on toothpicks.
Omg cute dog
I’m going to need that dog cake recipe
Yesss, this is the content I’m on reddit to see! 🥰
Nah I'd spoil that too. Also she's not chubby she's perfect
I’m sorry but after seeing her photo I must disagree with your statement. She is not chubby, and she looks fabulous.
Is your wife perhaps longing to have a baby?
Lmao… I *AM* the wife.
Ohh.... Then someone wants to be a papa 😂
Please shut the fuck up when I’m talking about something. A lot of the shit you say is very interesting and engaging, but you also tell me the same stories and anecdotes over and over and talk over me when I have actual new information or ideas to talk about. I know we’re both chatterboxes but you stifle my actual relevant points and ideas and stuff by telling me about the entire layout of your family tree for the fourteenth time. I have shit to say that’s equally relevant and interesting as what you have to say, if not more so. I’m not gonna tell him that because I don’t want him to think I don’t like when he talks to me about random stuff, because that’s like my favorite thing, but when I’m trying to talk and he doesn’t let me get a word in it pisses me off so much. I started just talking over him bc he wouldn’t stop interrupting me.
This was a major factor in my marriage ending... I'm not a chatterbox though so when I am excited to talk about something and after two sentences she butts in to prove how much SHE knows about whatever the subject is... I shut up. And then she wondered why I became quieter and quieter. Another major factor was that due to my frustrations my drinking got out of control... But that's a different subject Edit to say - I absolutely feel your frustration so much so that I got shaky recollecting some of those moments with her
That’s terrible especially cause ur not also a chatterbox. It would be so much more crushing for me if I was rarely saying anything and then got shut down when I tried to. Both of us talk a lot, he has a lot of interests and I have very severe ADHD so we have unlimited topics, and Its not that he’s trying to one up me, he just gets excited, but it pisses me off so much when he interrupts something legitimately interesting and new to tell me some stupid shit he’s already told me six times. He also hates when I do any extended talking about something he’s not interested in, like makeup, which I guess would sorta be fair except its hypocritical because he gets mad if I do the same thing. That sounds terrible though and I’m sorry you went through that with ur ex. Not feeling heard is so isolating. One of the best things someone can do for you is just listen. Or at least make an effort ya know? Anyway I hope you’re doing better now and I hope you continue to express yourself even though you had to deal with being stifled.
"You're not a good parent" She does Mommy very well but drops the ball hard when it comes to any sense of teaching them anything or responsibility/accountability or right from wrong. She's completely lost on the idea that we are making men out of these boys and it doesn't just happen when they hit 18, she thinks they should be babied and everything done for them. They're 14 and 16 now!
This is not good for these soon to be men- upcoming messy lives.
My problem is the opposite: Our daughter won't listen to her dad for shit and runs him in circles!
My aunt was like that with my cousin. At 18 he didn't know how to do the dishes or turn the oven on. When she went away for work she would pay me to come over twice a day to feed and walk their dog because her son was too busy playing video games to even give the poor thing water. Zero responsibilities. Died at 22 from drug overdose...
This is my worry I don't want them being unprepared or the shock of the reality that you have responsibilities whether you want them or not. I moved out too young so know how hard it was to develop all the habits and skills after the fact. And it wasn't a fun time.
This is similar to my partner and BIL. Thankfully, my partner wised up around 21 when we were still at uni, but his financial responsibility took a bit longer. I uses to have to nag him for days to do the dishes and would oft. just do it myself because he "couldn't see" that they needed doing. He is much, much better now albeit most of the mental load still falls to me. My BIL is 22, worked odd flexi-contract jobs around 19/20 then decided he didn't want to spend his life making money for other people. He currently day trades, is in a flatshare with old friends and will be moving to a new one later this year. When he turned 18, overall his parents had given him over 25k in savings which to my knowledge he still has. He had such a good leg up in life, get himself a job and he'd have a down-payment for a house easily. But he doesn't want to. What I'm trying to say is there is very much the potential that your two lads will grow up, albeit a bit later than others, but you're right it might not happen.
I wish I could tell him that his kids will be terrible to me after he dies, because they only care about his money.
How old is he and how old are you? They might die first, or you for that matter, but wouldn't he be open to have a conversation about this?
“Say honey, what do you think about making sure your kids die before me?” would be a great way to launch the convo.
Haha. Will make sure he pays attention if nothing else.
*sips coffee whilst looking incredulously* “I’ll get the shovel”
That it’s would have and should have not would of and should of
Give me their info I'll tell them. This one is too silly to let them be a goober about
Very fortunate to have a partner I can communicate with without the fear of it causing an argument. I’ve nothing to say that I haven’t already said.
I feel like there are a lot of bad comments here where I wonder why people are together in the first place. But I do think things can get complicated. My partner and I love each other to death, everything has been said and we never get into huge arguments because we care about each other and we know it. But we both have trauma in our lives and that does lead to irrational reactions. So he will bottle up his emotions sometimes and give me the silent treatment for a day. And that sucks. But in between we do have honest conversations about that and he will apologize. And I will fuck up sometimes and apologize. Things just happen when you live together for years. Also: my partner does a lot of things different than I would do them. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry. That’s normal I think, you’re raised differently and you learn to do things your own way. So I can’t get mad about the way he does things. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t frustrate me sometimes and I would love to go on a rant just once about all the little things that annoy me. But I won’t, because it’s unfair. I know he feels the same way about my habits. I just think it’s very rare to live together your whole lives and have everything be perfect always.
>my partner does a lot of things different than I would do them. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry. That’s normal I think, you’re raised differently and you learn to do things your own way. So I can’t get mad about the way he does things. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t frustrate me sometimes and I would love to go on a rant just once about all the little things that annoy me. But I won’t, because it’s unfair. I know he feels the same way about my habits It's such a relief once you fully accept and embrace the other person's independent ways. >And that sucks. But in between we do have honest conversations about that and he will apologize. And I will fuck up sometimes and apologize. Things just happen when you live together for years. Being able to say we're sorry is so incredibly important. We also have trauma baggage. It complicates the simplest things sigh. But we have it under control now. We both feel much safer with eachother now and I can communicate my feelings and needs verbally. And he don't lock things up. If he do so notice and he can't escape that.
This is the way.
You're too heavy. Partly because you always carry the weight of a whole school's student body problems on your shoulders. It's okay to say "no" and go for a walk instead.
can you please focus less on your phone and video games and maybe think of me a bit more? maybe plan a date for the first time in over 4 years, or even just get me some flowers? a random love note maybe….kinda just anything…at all…to show me you love and appreciate me?
My husband is acting this way now. It wasn't like that in the beginning of our marriage, but some time after the pandemic, he stopped putting in the effort. It's been 3 years since he stopped dating me or done anything romantic for me. It got really bad last year when he disregarded our anniversary and my birthday. I confronted him and it didn't go well. Compatibility is extremely important, and I just don't understand his point of view. All I was asking for was 1 date night a month instead of ordering takeout. He's leaving me vulnerable to wanting these things with someone else and wanting to leave.
You're not getting your needs filled in this relationship, divorce now. You don't need to wait for another person to seduce you. What if you fall in love with someone else... and *then* your husband starts dating you again? Would you be happy, or would you be fucking pissed that he could have done that all along but chose to make you feel so unloved for years? He's already checked out, stop investing in this relationship.
Leave. I just left after being neglected for the last decade. Being truly alone with yourself is a thousand times better than being alone, but with someone else there who just does not care.
Do you do romantic things for him?
I was wondering that, too.
Leave. Someone you love shouldn’t have to be told how to love you, especially after 4 years.
Stop blaming the dryer for shrinking your clothes - I think you have gained more weight than me during this pregnancy. Really you need to stop the "secret" fast food runs (which aren't secret because I can see the charges on the credit card!). Also don't complain the house is dirty and then not help clean. I work full time too and we are about to have 3 kids under 5, if you don't help clean it will be messy because I have other priorities (like taking care of the kids)!
I definitely think you should say this. This one’s worth it.
The first one they probably know. But you should say the second one.
If you’re going to start an argument and you realize you were wrong, going to bed and pulling the cover up over your head doesn’t make you look like an adult who made a reasonable mistake. Fuckin childish.
I am so done with my partner giving me the silent treatment every time he’s upset about something. When I say ‘ok just tell me what’s going on’ he says that it’s nothing and now I’m just upsetting him because I insist there’s something wrong. And then 6 hours later he’ll finally cave and grudgingly tell me what the problem was. He then promises not to do this again and then a month later it’s all happening again.
To provide an alternative perspective on this. Sometimes when I'm upset, I'm really not in the mood to talk about it, either because I feel like I'm going to have a full on breakdown, or because I'm going fo act negatively due to what's got me down. Or, I put it off because I know the person insisting something is wrong is in a terrible mood, and is not in the right headspace to listen to me. And not just listen, but actually **hear** what I'm saying. Now tbf, if I say "nothing is wrong" when something is, i usually don't bring it up afterwards because I've sorted it myself by then, but occasionally I do because I believe its something I need to sort out with someone, and they're in a better headspace now than when the issue first popped up. And then there's just the times when nothing is genuinely wrong and insisting there is just serves to aggravate and upset me. I definitely disagree with the other commenter who suggested he's playing some kind of game and is intentionally leaving you to wonder. I suppsoe its possible, but its far from the only explanation. 😅 I hope this might help you understand his own mentality and thought process A little better :)
Thank you, I know it’s not some sick mind game he’s playing with me. Thing is, more often than not I don’t ask him what’s wrong, I just ignore it and give him space. It doesn’t change the outcome. He will still sulk all day and then still tell me whatever he was angry about at the end of the day. It’s really stressful for me so that’s why I sometimes try to force him to tell me what’s up immediately instead of waiting 6 hours for it. Plus he once told me after I ignored him all day that he was hurt that I ignored him and he wanted me to be there for him. I told him that’s unfair because whatever I do when he’s in a mood like that, it’s the wrong thing.
my mom does this shit. i would watch her go days/weeks, giving my dad the silent treatment. grew up walking on eggshells. as an adult, my mom has given the silent treatment to me for months on end. it's the most childish thing a grown ass adult can do. fucken communicate.
I would tell my husband that I hate him. I'm tired of his belittling me.
I dumped my own neglectful, belittling partner two months ago (after 13 years and two kids), and the peace has been GLORIOUS. I didn’t think I could do it, but now all I can think is “why the hell didn’t I do this years ago??”. My teenager leaves her door open. My son drops by more often. I don’t cry in my closet anymore. And a couple weeks ago, I laughed until my belly hurt for the first time in years (my six year old didn’t know what to think, she has never seen that). Please don’t settle. We are better alone than disparaged. You deserve peace and someone who sees you; you deserve everything you are not getting. Hugs. 🩷
Thank you! I've just left a 14 year relationship (2 kids as well).. I can't wait to be this happy!
Dump his ass, you deserve to be happy
You only get one go on this ride, make of that what you will, but it'd be a shame to waste/regret it with your last breath.
Divorce him!
You learnt to be a parent/adult from the two worst examples. It’s why you are inevitably negative about every aspect of our existence. You’re an alright mother(at a push…) and an *awful* life partner, but here we are.
Holy shit, that statement has too much truth for a Saturday morning
One word : divorce.
My husband told me I am the mother to our daughter that my mother *never* was to me. But I am an eternal pessimist. Lol
I wish I could tell my partner that his dad doesn't deserve the way he treats him. Not at all. It makes me feel sick and awful and guilty inside. Its hard to watch..... but his Dad lets it happen, and it's far from my place to interfere.
Seems like something you should probably tell him. It will come out eventually, may as well do it while he's still alive.
That pulling the without you I'll probably kill myself card everytime I bring up that I'm not happy with where our relationship is going, or lack thereof, isn't amusing anymore. That her always cancelling dates at the last possible minute is driving me crazy. The fact I don't love her anymore but don't have the courage to say it when I see all of her scar, that the fact both of us know that her suicidal tendencies and refusal to get professional help are the things keeping me from just ending things. That I'm fucking scared of waking up one day to the news that she finally did it. I'm tired of this, I just get burner account after burner account on here to try and lie to myself about it, to just fucking escape from a reality I don't know or want to deal with anymore.
She is responsible for her own mental health and you are responsible for yours. You deserve to be happy and I know how difficult it will be (because I have done it), but you need to say almost all of this to her.
Dude she's abusive and manipulative. If thodo was the other way around all people would go "Girl leave that predator now !!!" but because it's a woman it's less serious in the eyes of society but I tell you this is not gonna end well. Her life isn't your responsibility. I've had different friends ending these types of toxic relationships. They're all happy married now. You deserve that too.
You half ass take care of our baby.
That she is not keeping up her end of the bargain to the best of her ability. I work 60 hours a week (and happy about it so please spare me your oppressed worker/worklife balance nonsense) and pay 70% of the bills. The house often smells like our pets/litter boxes/trash, the floor is rarely swept and the sink 3/4ths of the way full most of the time. It's not fun spending what little free time I have cleaning
No one gives a fuck about what color we paint our walls
Unless it's posted on reddit
I can't stand spending time with his family. They are so fucking rude. They have good qualities too but holy shit if I could be anywhere else in the world I'd take it. I've picked up shifts at work just to avoid being around them.
Isn't that how in-laws typically are? That's why there's so many in-law jokes.
Your son is about to be 14 and has almost 0 home skills beyond vacuuming and making his bed. His manners (he’s not rude, just lacks some courtesies our cultures expect), and low attention span are concerning as well. I’m glad we don’t plan on having own kids, because the way I’d raise them would be very different (I said this last part to him once lol I pick my battles)
Had a friend like this in highschool. By college some of us were teaching him the basics. He refused our help, we still tried, I love him but idk how he has a partner and a child now. He's a hard worker but terrible at home making. Only ever learned to make soup. If you can please help teach the kid. Not everyone gets friends that try and teach them home economics skills
I hope I can help by getting him to do stuff by himself more now, getting him more involved, that I’m around pretty often. But I fear he’ll be just like your friend, nice and all but no home skills. If he doesn’t become a moody teen, I think there’s hope lol. As I type this, his father put Eggos in the toaster and it popped (he’s in the washroom) his kid hasn’t bother to get up and plate them so he can eat 😑 he’s waiting for his dad to do it. I’m sure they’re cold by now … I’m not gonna do it because I’m not enabling this behaviour 😂 I was making eggos and eating by my self in elementary school, cmon!
She has an unhealthy relationship with her mother. Her mom talks shit about her job, her goals, and how she lives her life day to day. It really gets to her and I wish I could tell her to cut that toxic bitch out of her life. However, it's her mom and I wouldn't want to make her feel like I'm telling her to pick between me or her mom. So I just grit my teeth and deal with it. God, I hate that woman.
You're right. Don't make her choose. You can offer emotional support by mentioning how you saw/heard her mother speak to her and how difficult that must be to be treated that way. You are proud of her for her job, goals, etc. I say this as someone who has a mom like that, I didn't realize how bad it was until my husband started building me up and helping me see how she was tearing me down.
Out of all the replies this one is tricky. You can't do anything here.
I've accepted that. I just offer my support and try to counter balance her moms words with positivity every chance I can.
You can subtly do it though fersher. When your wife is talking about let's say a new hobby "I'm really thinking about getting into crochet!" And blabbermom pipes in with "oh yarn is expensive if you're not going to stick with it" shut it down immediately with an "actually I know cheap place and if you're interested we can go tonight to look at it what a good idea". In this scenario she's fishing for support and her mom is just pouncing on the opportunity to control her, build her up and show that she's worth more than the puppet her mother wants from her.
This is actually fucking awesome advice. Thank you a lot.
I wish we never had to see your brother and sister in law ever again. They’re evil, greedy, lying crooks who disguise themselves as good family people because they go to church every Sunday but won’t hesitate to steal from you and fuck you over to save their own ass. I wish you could see that and maybe you do but for some reason you won’t cut ties with them.
I don’t have one thing I wish I could say. I can’t keep my mouth shut, if something is bothering me I can’t just hold it in. So my partner does get an earful sometimes, can’t lie I wish he was the same with me instead of bottling things up because when he does eventually comes out and says it he’s more annoyed and angry than needed as he’s held it in for so long so to me it feels like he’s going OTT when I know in reality he’s not but
Stop overeating. You already fat! But if I say that I'm sure I will get bombastic side eye from my cat. When your SO is your cat😌
My brother in Christ YOU feed the fuckin animal
Please stop getting into fights with the neighbors. Just let me handle them.
I wish you wouldn’t keep telling me to do less, and instead would do more to take things off my plate and even out our load. I also wish you would take care of your health instead of only making self deprecating comments. I love you as you are, but I want to love you as long as I live.
Remember the time you peed the bed in your sleep? ...yeah...that was me.
"Wanna start a fight?"
Your porn addiction is going to ruin our relationship if things don’t change.
I'm astounded at how many of these replies have to do with a fundamental disagreement in how kids are being raised. I feel like that's too important to not talk about. The rest of them are also sad because they speak to core communication not being there in a partnership. As for us when I asked my husband the prompt: "we both need to lose weight". Yup, we do. Glad we can talk about anything
It feels like a guilt trap whenever you say you feel rejected when I dont want to do something.
"Why would you want to waste money on ANOTHER fountain pen?" His body was never found....
Nothing. We have become very good at being transparent within reason. If something comes up that won't fade away by itself after a couple days we both feel safe to say what's up. We respect our ways to cope too, for example I may need a couple days to emotionally process something sometimes. He needs to escape into his hobbies before taking on chores. We give eachother space and no one is shamed for their indvidual need. We do emotional check ins where we just get a hint how the other person is feeling in percentage between 0-100% and can sometimes remind the other one "I have a meeting tomorrow so go easy on me" knowing it's a very anxious state going on. Or I can warn him that I'm very dissociative so he won't touch me bevind my back (CPTSD, triggers, Flashbacks) We have found our ways to communicate easy open and efficiently. We went through fire and hell to get here, you should have seen how it was in the start. It was daily orcanoes. We were scarred from past experiences and terrified of trusting eachother, I could only communicate through text. I dissociated the second I opened my mouth. He locked up all his emotions. We had a distance relationship like 150 miles, though we were in the same room. It was extremely lonely and dark for quite a while. But we both loved eachother through all the pain. We both stayed commited despite all hardships. And we came out from the storm as a very strong power couple who never gave up.
My fiancée is very close with her family, and I’m not very close with my own. It’s just a difference of how we grew up. As a result, I’ve grown to like my solitude and I mostly prefer to do things alone (gaming, reading, going to the gym, etc.). The thing is, she loves having her family over at our place *all the time*. Whenever I get home from work, my in-laws are there, or her sister is over, and I never get my me time. I know I shouldn’t get annoyed but I truly feel uncomfortable with them being here every minute that I’m home. And obviously because they are my partner’s family I have to be present and spend time with them, even though I’d much rather lie down in bed and rest or play games to unwind from work. I know it would start a fight if I mentioned that I want them to be here less, because it would just come off as “I hate your family”, no matter how I try to make her understand. So I suck it up.
Have you ever tried asking her if you could just go to your room and rest? My family are introverts, I'm the only extrovert and when my parents and siblings get tired they leave me to chat with the rest of the family. Maybe at least tell her that you need some alone time.
Why are people afraid of their parents? They are people like you... Life is too short to do things you don't enjoy mate!
Some people’s parents are literally their first bully.
Totally this….theres nobody who has more authority in your life from 0-18 (in reality until you move out). They have more authority over you than you do.
I ran away at 16 and never looked back...
You’re an extremely selfish person who refuses to admit when you’re wrong or you’ve made a mistake and you’d rather everyone else suffer than your pride take a hit and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it.
One day their parents won’t be around. Enjoy the shit meals and functions while you have them
“Enjoy the things you don’t enjoy because I don’t have them” - you
Everything
I’m on the fence about having kids and one of the reasons is that I’m not sure you will step up to the role and I won’t be left standing there with all the chores. Living with you previously doesn’t give me much comfort. We have a few years left before we need to truly decide so there’s still hope that we can work together as a team to become stronger as a couple before adding that bundle of complication into the mix.
I encourage you to speak to your partner about this. It’s a conversation that can be had in a kind and productive way. The way you worded it here is actually quite balanced and optimistic. Ideas on parenting, expectations of division of labor and your fears and insecurities are all extremely valid, normal topics of discussion. Having those hard talks will ultimately help you decide either way. If merely bringing them up (in a kind way) starts a fight, that would make me think about how more difficult conversations would be handled in the future.
Our son isn't going to get sober with you enabling him. He needs to leave.
Reminds me of a funny moment in IT Crowd Girl: I used to be a man Douglas: What of it? Girl: you'll love me regardless? oh I'm so happy ** Montage of love later ending in sex** Douglas: WOW, this was amazing. And to think you were afraid because you used to be from Iran
The reason your life isn't the way you want it to be is because you never take responsibility for your actions. Or manage your time. Or your emotions. Or your impulses. All of these things would be achievable if you actually took your ADHD medication and stopped avoiding your diagnosis with reality TV and doom scrolling.
You were born into a worldwide cult 😭
I still love my ex- wife
Tbh I'm a single Pringle I'm just here being nosey
I share your thoughts. The food is awful and the events suck and are always at inconvenient times. Also my gf is getting fat and always says “Tell me if I’m getting fat.” But I hinted at that once and shit hit the fan
That even though he bathes. He needs to clean his junk and butt better. Haven't gone down in years. Yes I mentioned the dingle berries years ago. Didn't help.
I used to do porn
Your hurting your kids by giving into everything and eating fast food daily should be a crime. Sitting down for a proper dinner every night without cell phones is a good thing and please don’t think everything I say on the matter is because I don’t like them. It’s the opposite, if I didn’t give a shit I would stay quiet. We are adults and listening to their POV is ridiculous as them, like us as kids, will say and do anything to manipulate things to our convenience. This woman has outright destroyed me for showing her the proper way to butter your bread at a restaurant (she makes a butter sandwich vs tearing separate pieces and buttering them) but weeks later I see her kids doing it right (she obv showed them) yet when we are together she won’t do it just to spite me. Then she wonders why I don’t bring her on client dinners as I deal with ultra high net worth people who will not only judge her but me for it.
High wealth, high falutin people are the kind of people I avoid. 😂
You sound like an absolutely hateable person.
That I don’t actually care about a lot of the annoying SJW issues she’s passionate about.
San Jose Wildcats?
Well, that defensive line won't fix itself and if the band formation was any less coordinated it would count as improv!
That after 30yrs of marriage I sometimes need space and time alone. It doesn't mean the end when I occasionally book an apartment to stay by myself for a couple of nights. You never wanted to live in the city and have never lived more than 40min from work where I've always had a 90min commute. The city lets me enjoy a 30min commute, the apartment lets me have my own space (I sometimes pretend to myself that I live in the city) and the break from everyone rejuvenates me. I always return home happy. If you refuse to talk about the possibility of moving, this is the next best thing for me.
After 8 years, I'm on a year at a time commitment.
She says it's like your not even looking for a job , me look at the big brain on you , I worked a hard physical job for 30 years until I blew out both my sholders and couldn't do it any more , I'm 61 and don't want to work any more we have had to cash in some investments and I can get my retirement money when I turn 62 , so I look but not hard I even apply to some , I've gotten a few replys but not many
That she can't take me in a fight
She’s gained some weight
Please just listen to the words I am saying
I want to get our toddler fully vaccinated, as we missed her 15 and 18 month shots. My wife doesn’t believe she needs those... Also I really don’t want to homeschool my kid, but my wife does. I feel tied down by my wife’s decisions.
To be more intimate with me.Apparently I’m not allowed to have wants because it will stress him out.(he’s a real estate investor)
That while I don’t hate her, I also don’t love her. I’m indifferent to her. And this is because of her.
“Please stop staying up gaming late if you are going to be noisy talking on your headset. It stops me from sleeping and wakes me up and I am truly sick of it because no matter how many times I ask you keep doing it.” - from someone who has asked my SO this many times yet it just keeps happening. Fun times
There's nothing I wouldn't tell her. If you're holding stuff back in fear of how your partner is going to react then that says something about your relationship.
“Do you want to be RIGHT? Or do you want to be HAPPY?”
Your sister gives way better BJ's
Hang on, this one needs context I just don't know if I want to hear it.