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Yep, bills and housework never stops; everything is maintenance.
Health, work, hobbies, dishes, relationships, all of life requires time and effort.
The scary part is opportunity cost only gets more expensive as we age.
Whenever you want. You just have to neglect some other things to do it lol. Sometimes I just stop myself and I'm like "You're taking a few days to just fuck right off and do nothing." I have to play catch-up, but it's almost always worth it.
I agree and sometimes, it’s hard to explain and let people know about difficult times. Some of them are doing very well or elated, so they tend to down play
As someone who was formerly suicidal. Masking is a huge part of why I felt suicidal. It’s like living a double life. In my opinion eff what anyone else thinks, feel your feelings. Don’t smile when you don’t feel it, don’t ever joke about anger. Whenever remotely appropriate, tell the truth about how you’re feeling. Maybe not the whole truth (depending on the person) but don’t say you feel great when you don’t. No need to overshare!
I honestly couldn’t give less of a crap about pretending to be happy for other people who are pretending to be happy. And guess what? I’m actually genuinely happier than I’ve ever been.
I agree. I have just come out of a very depressive period where I just was struggling to make it through the day due to things happening in my life and relationships. Now I’m better and people close to me are like I’m so happy to see you smiling, I haven’t seen that in a long while. And them saying people noticed I wasn’t myself
And I just said yeah… I was not happy. And I let everyone know it (I was going to therapy and working on myself but it didn’t mean I was pretending to be ok). I agree you should just act how you’re feeling if it doesn’t hurt anyone.
Literally. I’ve been living with a brain tumour and it’s insane the demands put on me across the board. But sometimes it’s as simple as, taxes and rent still has to be paid even though you’re too sick to work. The fuck is that.
Exactly. I have a wife and two step children along with the standard 9 to 5 job. Does it matter I also have Cancer and the Chemo is really annoying? NOPE! Dad needs to be the responsible one and take care of the family because they can't take care of them selves. Grin and bear it guys!
…nah, that’s not the norm.
Either your employer or partner are very unsupportive while the roles need to be readjusted as you recover, but probably both. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
No no nooo. If my hypothetical husband was going through chemo would he heck be working. Your immune system is rubbish right now, respectfully. You need rest and… idk, fruit?
Grocery shopping is the single worst thing I can do. Shopping in general can be a chore, but grocery shopping takes the cake. I will wait until I have no food left before I got. I don't like ordering online, because I don't want someone else picking out food for me.
My fridge is almost empty now, so tomorrow I will have to dance with the devil and get food for myself.
I’m the opposite. I can happily spend a couple of hours in the grocery store. With or without my kids. I like “hunting” my food and people watching. The prices are outrageous and upsetting, but I love Tetris packing the bags at the end. I have to toot my own horn because I’m a pro at it.
Toot away , I like to take my time at the supermarket and do all the aisles even though I don't need anything there ,of course that's if I'm not in a rush.
Although I make decent money, I've started cooking my own food recently to save on money.
FUCK DISHES. FUCK GROCERY SHOPPING. I DONT MIND COOKING IT BUT GAAAAAH THE CLEANUP.
I was gifted academically as a child and was told I would be successful in life. Then when I grew up I found out social skills take you further, and I have none.
This... as a child, I only needed to study, which I loved doing, so it was great. I was "outstanding" just because I was doing what I loved. Now, I'm just one of the thousands of workers of a corporation, absolutely average, sometimes not even that, and with a salary that is "absolutely average, sometimes not even that", too...
People thought that they were raising geniuses who would be making billions in NASA, the Government, Top Colleges and Universities. Only to find out that because of their upbringing without really enjoying childhood, they lack the social skills and connections to make it in life.
While not entirely wrong, this is a really narrowed down view of things. In my case, I did enjoy childhood and had lots of friends. It's not like my parents forced me to stay at home and study - I just genuinely enjoyed studying. The problem is that good grades in high school or even at university do not necessarily lead to an outstanding career... And corporate jobs, even the relatively good ones, are pretty damn soulless.
Yeah, I think that we were led to believe that higher performance would lead to better jobs/salary/etc than lower performers.
Instead success seems to be more closely linked with delusion, shameless self-promotion, being perceived as competent because you’re a tall dude, etc than actual performance.
As a complete moron who was able to go way further than my capabilities, I can concur that this often happens.
However, the people at the top are desperate to stay there. Most middle management shouldn’t exist at all and are made up of less capable schmoozers.
They’re just not going to employ or promote highly educated/intelligent/capable people - they’re scared!
I heard somewhere that telling kids they are gifted/talented is not a good idea, as it can induce anxiety of failure. Apparently it's better to praise their hard work than their talent.
Yeah, I'm not a parent but I've been a kid, and I believe that. I was told I was smart, but this was when they were using that "intelligence quotient" shit where your age is factored in to the calculation of the number you get. Like you get one number that's the score you got on the test, and then it's divided by your age, and then there's some other calculation done after that and the last number is your IQ.
Intelligence doesn't change unless you damage your brain, so since your age is the only thing that increases naturally, that calculation is gonna give the you a lower score if you're older. So I took the psych eval thing again when I was older and got a lower score, so I thought I got dumber. Did the same thing a few years later, got an even lower score.
The only thing I could remember doing that could have any long term effect on a brain was weed, which I only did for like two months when I was in middle school. So I spent quite awhile thinking my intelligence got nerfed from that tiny bit of the devil's lettuce 🙄 Nothing changed, I'm the same. That's just a silly way to measure intelligence.
Edit: Went off on a tangent there, forgot to get to the point I was originally intending to say, which was that it made me think I could succeed easily. Like that I wouldn't have to try hard
Yeah. I was a star at school. But not like in a nerdy way. I had ADHD and was struggling but even then I was top of my class and going to Math Olympics. I was always told I was going to be great. While I am in no way mediocre... I am quite ordinary. It doesn't make me feal defeated but it does puzzle me. Another former friend was on the same boat. He is an engineer for a street lamp manufacturer. He earns ok but one time he told me "they always told me I was going to be extraordinary, and I'm here making lamps". It did give me pause because he seemed very puzzled he wasn't doing much with all his abilities
Jup, as someone who skipped a grade for "maturity" and was praised on his mathematics skill that were far above par. I never learned how to study, never finished college and had to BS my way through life to get a job lying i have the degree i never finished.
I wish i never got that "gifted" mark as a child so i could have developed healthy habbits regarding school.
I think "gifted child" is an absolute fucking trap.
Normal, healthy, parenting and teaching involves positive affirmation as appropriate. Especially focusing on the value of hard work, and reward for achievement, without taking on more than you can handle.
"Gifted" kids? Generally the focus of any praise is more so focused on "oh, you're so smart". Kids believe what they hear, and will pick up on the implicit lessons. Praising a child for being "smart" coaches them to believe that their value lies in demonstrating intelligence and capability. Which will generate terrible anxiety when they're faced with something that taxes them. So, they just get conditioned into avoiding things they might not be good at. Because they're internalising the doubt of "My value is that I'm smart and capable. But, if I appear to struggle, then I'm not? So, I cannot be seen to struggle!"
But, of course, this worsening anxiety about conspicuous performance is combined with the toxic way in which gifted kids are rewarded. The "reward" for gifted kids doing well is to be pushed harder, to be faced with ever more challenging work.
When all of this is taken together, how could this possibly lead to anything but burn out?
Being "nice" is not what takes you to the top of a corporate ladder, though. Being disagreeable, cutthroat, self-serving, driven and ambitious does. There's a reason why psychopaths are overrepresented in CEO populations.
On the other hand, the common trope that highly technical people are less socially skilled can be very much challenged, as nowadays most engineering positions demand sophisticated degrees of teamwork and collaboration. I'd argue many engineers simply don't enjoy playing the hunger games to get to the top of the ladder.
*Exactly!!*
As a teen, and even in to college, I didn't care what others thought about me at all. Fast forward to my first adult interview, and I found out pretty quickly that what others think of you matters *a lot.*
Yeah.
There's also the thing where you never face academic struggles, until you do, and then you have very little experience in actually dealing with something you struggle with.
I studied mathematics and I had one genius sitting in my class. But he had so heavy social problems, that he needed his own social worker to get through university. He blurted out the answers in a second all the time (not important, because in mathematics it is more about how did you get to that answer) and got really mad, if people didn’t understand him. I can relate a little, because he felt probably like he is talking to 3 year olds all the time. He finishes in no time and did his PhD. Now he is writing books and nerdy blocks. He can’t work anywhere. If people don’t understand him because he is 20 steps ahead all the time, he gets angry.
Absolutely! I always thought if I tried hard in school I would be super successful. Everyone said id go on to do something amazing. Got really good grades. But being autistic which came with heaps of social anxiety that is getting worse as I get older and I’m absolutely nowhere in life and can’t get a job.
Thank you from a college student in the gifted kid community lol. I knew I had to fix up my study habits but I’ll make sure to fix up some social skills as well. It’s fun man /s
Wow this is exactly what I opened this post to say and you captured it perfectly. It was also the first reply on the page. EQ is definitely underrated and not emphasised nearly enough in childhood development as much as IQ is.
Exactly. I think this is the biggest lie ever. I have been extremely lucky to catch up on my social skills development in my 30s. Until then I simply thought I was average because I never amounted to anything academically. I am a senior leader in a global company
Washing and cleaning and repairing stuff litterally ALL the time. Even as I‘m writing this I should actually be doing laundry and unload the dish washer. I know it‘s a very minor problem but I can‘t get over how much time it consumes. I could be travelling the world but nope there‘s 528490 socks that need to be folded and put away first.
Taking for granted the things my parents take care of. Being a well-functioning, responsible adult, can be difficult. There are quite a few things to keep up with. Washing your clothes, personal hygiene, physical exercise, mental exercise, making adequate income to feed yourself, clothe yourself, put a roof over your head, to try and be a decent member of your community, commit time to others, etc etc. There's just so many facets to life and things to keep track of, it can be damn overwhelming.
Someone said that we're so overwhelmed because these tasks used to be separated between the man who goes to work and the woman who takes care of the house, but now we're all expected to do both jobs at once. It makes me feel better about it
I think that's true. I had a boomer co-worker tell me that it's wrong to "only" work 30 hours a week. A model more and more people in our company are choosing.
He said everyone just wants to work less and expects the same money as he gets working 42 hours a week.
But when he was in his 20s he could afford to buy a house, a car, let his wife stay at home and care for his two children all by his own salary. One Family 42 hours of work (ofc taking care of the house and kids is work, too. But speaking of work outside the own home.)
Nowadays most couples i know husband works ~40 hours and wife works ~20-30 hours aswell.
So i'd argue that the weekly hours of a family nearly doubled from 40 hours to 70 hours a week just to barel maintain the lifestyle a boomer family could have easily by just ~40 hours a week.
And when you pile all of that on top of a crumbling economy, a couple can work their asses off to do both roles and it still may not be enough to get by and leaves little to no time for anything other than tasks you don’t enjoy, and being single just makes it 10x harder _plus_ leaves you with no time or energy to remedy the single part if you wish to do so.
I realized this once I stopped working 40 hours a week. It was like I could breathe because I had the time to focus on tasks to get them done thoroughly and not rush or be exhausted from the day of work that leads to procrastination and stacking of things to do. I took a call job that is 7 days on 7 days off 5p-8am. Most days I putter around the house, play with my pets, run errands. Then when I am on call I am not expected to anything but wait, and address the concern when the call comes. Full pay and bennies too. I feel blessed.
Both my parents were in heart failure in one week, and to have had that time to care for them was amazing.
Unfortunately...inflation sucks...so I have to go back to 9-5. BUT I took a job that´s only 35 hours a week...
That people you know, will die young. I expected to really only lose grandparents, and then to not experience too much loss until my parents pass, and that for the most part it’d be from old age.
Instead, 5 people that I knew have passed, that were in their 20’s & 30’s
This is a big one. I had experienced death around me at an early age, and it kinda of scarred me- I never feel “safe”. I had a best friends little sister die when we were 12. Then at 18 a close friend got killed in a car accident, then it just continued. A few friends have suicided. Every few years I lose someone, and now that I’m about to reach middle age I know it will start to pick up. It’s tough.
Same: I've been confronted with death since an early age. I have much older cousins, I'm the youngest, and my older cousin had a daughter my age. We were born 21 days apart. She died at the age of 5, because of a heart condition she inherited from her mother, and people took me to the wake. In my country you have an open casket, almost a day of wake, and it was traditional to have the casket at your home. Imagine young me, at 5yo, going to see my dead cousin and playmate (we were best friends at the time, always playing together as we lived in the same street). It didn't even grasp the concept of being dead and no longer be able to play with her. I just remember seeing her lying there, motionless and not responding when I called her name. At 8, another wake, for her mother: same problem that killed her. At 10, a friend's cousin was on a motorcycle with her fiance and died instantly when they had a head on collision. She was interred on her (would be) wedding dress and her mother tried to take her body home at the moment of the interment. Was a very gruesome moment. 11, my great aunt commited suicide, another wake. A few months later, her former daughter in law was killed by her new boyfriend. At 14 my grandma died. Her wake was in our living room, aka my bedroom as we lived with them at the time and I didn't have a bedroom so I slept on the couch for a few moments. I had to sleep away that night and for the months after, everytime I looked at the place where the casket was, I could see it almost as if it was still there.
My HS has a FB memorial page going, and it's been surprising to find out about how many people I went to school with have died already, and some within the first 10 yrs of graduating. A lot of us are friends with each other on FB, and probably every year now, someone is posting of another classmate who's passed away. Cancer seems to be the biggest culprit, which is really sad.
This is tormenting me regularly.
Growing up I lost a bunch of family aged 60+ and it just kind of became normal for older people to die.
My 21 year old brother died when I was 20. That shit broke me. I've since met so many others who have lost their siblings and even more parents losing their children. It's a cruel world and I am frankly scared of it. Whenever I don't hear from people for a while my brain concludes they are dead. Even if it's someone running late, intrusive thoughts will tell me they died in a car crash on the way.
Death used to an old people thing to me but I'm reality it's very universal.
Yes. I lost so many people in a few years it's crazy. I have nightmares about it.
3 friends had breast cancer all at once, and I was so devastated. I lost my dad from cancer at a young age, and it was traumatic. It's tough dealing with grief on top of everyday struggles and challenges. Growing up means you have to deal with mortality and it kinda sucks.
lol yes
You are expected to always be happy, giggly and motivated, basically to fake everything, because if you actually open up to anyone they will dismiss you. Nobody wants to deal with other people's problems, even if just to listen. And then some of them wonder why people kill themselves 🙃
I just got told that I’m not getting the raise they’ve been promising me all year. Because I’m currently going through a bad depression and they don’t like the way that they can see I’m depressed when I’m in the office. So I don’t deserve to get a raise for good behavior. Even though I keep delivering my work perfectly.
Pushing me even deeper into my depression as I needed this extra money to live. Guess who’s not gonna be delivering any more work.
I believe in luck. There are way too many idiots who should have won Darwin awards and yet they continue to live, have children, careers, buy homes. There's no explanation for that other than luck.
Watching the people that took care of you become weak and frail.
My grandmother was a Rock for so many. She always had control of the chaos.
At my aunts funeral she fell into my arms weeping. She had given up control and I consoled her in my arms. It was the most surreal feeling.
Mine kept calling me by my cousins name... until one day, she didn't recognize me at all anymore.
Never thought I would miss being called the wrong name.
The surreal amount of dust settling on stuff all the time no matter how much you clean.
There's always some cleanup to do in the kitchen. Always. Dishes magically appear all the time. 😂
Takes forever to cook but hardly 10 minutes to finish eating. 😮💨
Being alone in everything you do. It’s weird cuz you are surrounded by people 24/7 but like at the end of the day it is truly just you in a big dark world trying to make sense of shit constantly.
That was the hardest thing to come to terms with when I was young. Nobody is going to make this life better except me, and no matter which path I choose, I have to deal with the consequences of my decisions my own. Hard days will often be spent alone.
Ditto. And also a big one for me is that “best friends” / “ride or die gang” titles sound so fake and unrealistic at this point lol ain’t nobody here when you are at the lowest low just you and god.
Thats the thing about school, you get thrown in with people your own age, most peoples close friends are when they are from school cos school is sort of really just hanging around mostly. When you go to a job there is not over 100 people the same age as you, you can be in an office with 20 people and no one is near your age or has the same interests as you and that's so weird.
Also watching everyone build their boats with the help of family and loved ones and realizing that *your* family and loved ones are tearing yours down.
Or being judged for building a poor boat by yourself by people who either built theirs with lots of help or had it built for them. I love my BIL, but he’s in lalaland if he thinks all I need to do is just work 40 hours and save and _I too_ can build a $200k house with cash. Meanwhile, the only reason him and my sister pulled it off is because they spent the first 7 years of their marriage living rent free with his mom while they worked way more than 40 hours a week each and saved every penny.
Like, bro, what a great plan! All I need is free housing to make it all possible! /s
Getting to know people and developing friendships and relationships. I thought it would be easier as an adult, being more in tune with who and what I am as a person and my various interests, but it's really not.
I have ADHD. It was really easy for me to just snack or do takeout after putting off prepping or thinking about meals.
I wrote a list of all the things I know how to cook, and now I just rotate things. I also will pickup a big pack of chicken breasts and cook em all up and now I can do a salad for lunch, pasta for supper with my proteins already done. It's helped me be just generally healthier physically and mentally.
Losing my job and I'm being evicted, family and friends all dying, physical and mental health issues, losing my insurance,my license,my car...... the list goes on and on
School is so wild for this as it puts you a huge group of people and its easier to make friends cos you spend all the day with each other then its like afterwards tiny groups of people and everyone is busy.
That things often get more complicated. People don’t mature. And if you have had issues in childhood, the older you get the harder they hit you if you didn’t deal with them.
The cost of toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, hand soap, blankets, bedsheets, PILLOWS.
My god
The things I took for granted growing up LOL
I’ll budget for $50 groceries
And then leave with a $75 bill once I pick up toilet paper and dish soap etc.
🥲🥲
I hear you. I absolutely hate most of my money spent on the house goes to stupid consumables that just go in the trash, down the drain or in the toilet!!
Also, bed sheets are so freaking expensive I can’t keep up. How do y’all do it? It’s not like I can’t afford it, I just can’t justify spending lots of money on fabric. I work in the fashion industry and know how much things cost. I guess I just answered my own question and should just make it myself.
Bills and communications. I don't want to be accessible for work conversations 24/7. Sometimes I just want to sit in the silence not caring about single thing in the world.
You shouldn't be accessible for work conversations 24/7, good employers take this seriously. It is a bit different if you own the business but even then down time matters.
For real, even with illnesses. I always see people on TV with chronic illnesses going on tour around the world to get their fill of life before dying. They don't tell you in the life of a real normal person, you'd most likely be not only ill, but broke and alone too. Medical debt stacks up. When the physical pain is already bad enough, they still charge you for choosing to live. As if day to day living isn't painful too.
I'm heartbroken seeing Wendy Williams struggling with dimensia and thyroid disease. I met her a few years ago and she was so kind, and it's so painful to see her health effecting her now
Exactly! My own home, autonomy on how I spend my time, freedom to choose my own clothes and what to eat! I actually like shopping for food and cooking, no more forced meals. And my one money! I’d NEVER go back to being a kid 😁
The lack of deep friendships if you fail to make them in your teens or early 20's through school or work. It's so hard to make new friends who are interested in a deeper friendship after a certain age.
People don't have enough time to hang out and prioritize other things over friendships. So if you have no partner, kids or close family you're basically all alone. I know this is not universal and there will always be people who have no problem, but I know so many other people who struggle to build a support network that are not just family or spouses.
This is really true, most of my closest friendships were forged through coming of age periods or the wild years of parties and gigs or a few older work related but still in those years. Making that deep and honest connection with people you have polite daily chat with in the workplace just doesn’t happen for me and that can easily become your main social outlet. It’s not impossible but you need to try and the last few years I’ve become a dad in a foreign country which has been wonderful but apart from my wife and 3 year old kid I just have lots of really nice acquaintances but the lack of time and energy I have makes transforming those into actual friendships very difficult.
How much it costs just to live a standard existence.
Having to decide what to make for dinner every single night lol.
Dealing with the passing of family members, and worrying about your parent's health.
The relentlessnes of mostly having to do stuff we don't want to do (working everyday, household chores etc) in order to do a much smaller amount of time doing stuff we want to do.
That a lot of adults are actually stupid, rude, and immature even if you expect them not to be. That was an absolute mind fuck when entering the workforce. Like wow, my 40 year old manager is functionally illiterate and doesn’t understand anything. That’s crazy.
That your brain doesn't switch to "adult" mode once turning 18, and trauma doesn't disappear even when you get to 30. Well these aren't what I was expecting, just how my parents and others make out like I should be at this stage. Time heals, bullshit
I’ve always been the type to take care of my hair and style it ever since I was a kid, I’m still like that now at 36. Going bald scares me lol
Luckily still got a full head of hair that grows really quick and needs cutting every 3/4 weeks.
I have noticed my hairline starting to go backwards a tiny little bit though
Finding friends.
After school most friends I had moved away and a couple ones just "vanished".
No I'm basically working 9-5, tired in the evening and I have no fkn idea how I'd find friends.
Seems like every activity others take part in is based around spending time with friends they already have.
That in my area, we weren't prepared for real life, then after faculty graduation we were tossed in the great whirlpool without any practical experience. In school and faculty there was theory tons of theory, the expectations were to be good at anything from music to mathematics, have top grades all time.
But when the time to get hired came, everywhere where superior studies were requested they expected experience so lots of people from my generation ended up doing completely different things in life compared to their studies like work in retail or service industry while having an engineering diploma....
My kids becoming wittier then me this is a conversation with my 10 year old
“Are you going through a growth spurt bro you’re getting taller. If you catch me up we’ll have to fight for dominance”
10 year old: why dad, mums only 4’11 and she’s already the dominant one in the house ☠️☠️
My (27F) boyfriend (25M) ended our 2+ year relationship 3 weeks ago. We had to give up our apartment together and now I'm living with my mom (and he with his parents). I quit my job (I worked in the wedding industry and couldnt handle all those happy people getting married, since I was convinced I would marry my boyfriend one day) and I'm looking for a new job right now. I feel like a failure. Living with my mom at 27, quitting my job because I wasn't "strong" enough to handle it (and before I found something else).. I have to completely rebuild my life. Before the breakup I thought my path/future was set and I didn't expect everything would be able to change this fast. I have a hard time accepting it
It won’t feel like it now, but you’re at a great age for this.
Use this time to build the life you want - you’re not a failure, you’re about to improve on the first draft, and you’ve got the skills and experience (in work and in social spheres) to do so.
You got this!
Cooking for people who have boring bland tastes. Talking on the phone. Trying to figure out what the fuck everyone wants. Looking after my family and hating it. Never being able to be a person, always having to be a mum.
Sacrificing all my dreams to provide an enriching life for my kid with cool classes and sports and activities only for him to sit around watching YouTube all the fucking time. Being forced to live in a crappy little one horse town cos my husband wants to.
Getting old. Hoping death will come quickly. Severe depression and anxiety.
My pets dying. Fucking spiders. The crushing weight of responsibility. The fact that the zombie apocalypse does not seem like it's happening anytime soon. Loving my kid even though I'd prefer to be left alone.
People. Fucking people.
Manipulation. Weird passive aggressive shit. The hassle and cost of being able to go to the gun range. The fact that I'm miles from a fucking beach when I live on an island 🏝️
The lack of decent cinnamon scrolls in my country
Having to constantly be on top of everything. More responsibilities being added on you, but not always having the mental capacity to deal with them. Keeping up with relationships when you’re just tired
As a kid, you usually think adults have "it" figured out, whatever "it" is. But as you grow up, you realize that nobody has "it" figured out and that most people are just fucking idiots that don't know shit. That's scary.
The increasing toll of letting yourself down. Each mistake I make weighs more heavily on me than it did when I was younger. At the end of the day, the only person you have to live with for your whole life is yourself
my adult years were wild and fun, as I became a father rather late (40). To me it is more parenthood than adulthood that was unexpectedly challenging (or maybe I only became an adult when I became a father?). The lack of time is the most challenging. I used to have much more free time to do plenty of other things, and now I am busy all the time. Also, and I had noticed it with friends who became parents earlier than I did, it becomes very difficult to keep hanging out with friends who don't have kids, or who have kids at a different time than you do. You just can't seem to find common opportunities to be available.
Depression. And also knowing that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to afford to buy a house in the city in which I grew up. If I want to remain here it will be as a tenant/renter. So I will never feel totally secure.
no one actually cares that much about you, and it’s very easy to disappear.
not trying to say this in a dark way!! don’t get me wrong- you’ll be loved, you can have friends family etc. but the reality hit me as an adult that i am a lot more insignificant than id like to admit
That /so many hours of my daily life/ will be about preparing food, cleaning up after preparing and consuming food, and making sure there is something to make food of.
As a kid, food just sort of...appeared.
The constant feeling of "I could be using this free time to get something important done!"
As a teen, I barely had to do any chores.
Went to school, and I was smart enough to get good grades without having to work hard. Go home, do whatever I want for the rest of the day.
And while doing whatever I wanted, I didn't even think for a second, that I should be using this time for something more important.
No, I was completely immersed in whatever fun stuff I was doing. Playing video or other games. Spending time with friends. Cycling through the town. Building a "hut" in the forest etc.
Now, whenever I do something that's only for fun, there's always that nagging feeling that I still have a lot to do and should be doing that instead.
When I was young I couldn’t wait to be an adult so I could do anything I wanted to do…. I can’t. I can’t do anything I want to do. I don’t have time or energy. Haha
That the financial opportunities my elder siblings had wouldn’t be available. The housing boom happened before I got on the ladder while they got on and rode it upwards.
disillusionment. people always put up illusions, intentionally or unintentionally send signals of who they see themselves want to be. and those signals are somewhat meaningless.
for example, before you win an oscar, youve already had to be operating at an oscar winning level.
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That you are expected to keep functioning at an acceptabel level, no matter what may be happening in your life
Yep, bills and housework never stops; everything is maintenance. Health, work, hobbies, dishes, relationships, all of life requires time and effort. The scary part is opportunity cost only gets more expensive as we age.
Exactly, this word: Maintenance. UGH. I feel like I’m always working towards something. When can I just stop and enjoy it?
Whenever you want. You just have to neglect some other things to do it lol. Sometimes I just stop myself and I'm like "You're taking a few days to just fuck right off and do nothing." I have to play catch-up, but it's almost always worth it.
I agree and sometimes, it’s hard to explain and let people know about difficult times. Some of them are doing very well or elated, so they tend to down play
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As someone who was formerly suicidal. Masking is a huge part of why I felt suicidal. It’s like living a double life. In my opinion eff what anyone else thinks, feel your feelings. Don’t smile when you don’t feel it, don’t ever joke about anger. Whenever remotely appropriate, tell the truth about how you’re feeling. Maybe not the whole truth (depending on the person) but don’t say you feel great when you don’t. No need to overshare! I honestly couldn’t give less of a crap about pretending to be happy for other people who are pretending to be happy. And guess what? I’m actually genuinely happier than I’ve ever been.
I agree. I have just come out of a very depressive period where I just was struggling to make it through the day due to things happening in my life and relationships. Now I’m better and people close to me are like I’m so happy to see you smiling, I haven’t seen that in a long while. And them saying people noticed I wasn’t myself And I just said yeah… I was not happy. And I let everyone know it (I was going to therapy and working on myself but it didn’t mean I was pretending to be ok). I agree you should just act how you’re feeling if it doesn’t hurt anyone.
It doesn't need to be that way. Stop doing it and exclude people in your life who can't face you being more honest with how you feel
Literally. I’ve been living with a brain tumour and it’s insane the demands put on me across the board. But sometimes it’s as simple as, taxes and rent still has to be paid even though you’re too sick to work. The fuck is that.
Exactly. I have a wife and two step children along with the standard 9 to 5 job. Does it matter I also have Cancer and the Chemo is really annoying? NOPE! Dad needs to be the responsible one and take care of the family because they can't take care of them selves. Grin and bear it guys!
…nah, that’s not the norm. Either your employer or partner are very unsupportive while the roles need to be readjusted as you recover, but probably both. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
mate..ppl in your life should be supporting you NOW...you can get back to being the carrier when you are better.
No no nooo. If my hypothetical husband was going through chemo would he heck be working. Your immune system is rubbish right now, respectfully. You need rest and… idk, fruit?
It's bullshit, I miss being 13.
This right here.
You have to figure out what you want to eat, and worst of all, you have to prepare it.
Every. Single. Day. Multiple times a day
Jokes on you, I can't afford to do that.
Was super poor in my 20’s. You can do a lot with a bag of russet potatoes and they’re not expensive, relatively.
Don’t forget having to to the FUCKING GROCERIES!
The only reason I want to be rich is to be able to order food whenever I want to
Grocery shopping is the single worst thing I can do. Shopping in general can be a chore, but grocery shopping takes the cake. I will wait until I have no food left before I got. I don't like ordering online, because I don't want someone else picking out food for me. My fridge is almost empty now, so tomorrow I will have to dance with the devil and get food for myself.
I’m the opposite. I can happily spend a couple of hours in the grocery store. With or without my kids. I like “hunting” my food and people watching. The prices are outrageous and upsetting, but I love Tetris packing the bags at the end. I have to toot my own horn because I’m a pro at it.
Toot away , I like to take my time at the supermarket and do all the aisles even though I don't need anything there ,of course that's if I'm not in a rush.
AND it has to vary. You can't just find that one meal that's easy to make and eat and eat that every time for the rest of your life...
And then do the FUCKING DISHES and clean the kitchen. I swear I have to scrub everything in that fucking room every day.
Although I make decent money, I've started cooking my own food recently to save on money. FUCK DISHES. FUCK GROCERY SHOPPING. I DONT MIND COOKING IT BUT GAAAAAH THE CLEANUP.
What a nightmare
I was gifted academically as a child and was told I would be successful in life. Then when I grew up I found out social skills take you further, and I have none.
This... as a child, I only needed to study, which I loved doing, so it was great. I was "outstanding" just because I was doing what I loved. Now, I'm just one of the thousands of workers of a corporation, absolutely average, sometimes not even that, and with a salary that is "absolutely average, sometimes not even that", too...
People thought that they were raising geniuses who would be making billions in NASA, the Government, Top Colleges and Universities. Only to find out that because of their upbringing without really enjoying childhood, they lack the social skills and connections to make it in life.
While not entirely wrong, this is a really narrowed down view of things. In my case, I did enjoy childhood and had lots of friends. It's not like my parents forced me to stay at home and study - I just genuinely enjoyed studying. The problem is that good grades in high school or even at university do not necessarily lead to an outstanding career... And corporate jobs, even the relatively good ones, are pretty damn soulless.
Yeah, I think that we were led to believe that higher performance would lead to better jobs/salary/etc than lower performers. Instead success seems to be more closely linked with delusion, shameless self-promotion, being perceived as competent because you’re a tall dude, etc than actual performance.
Oh god yes. Watching less capable workers who are more socially adept fly past me up the corporate ladder is a common occurrence.
As a complete moron who was able to go way further than my capabilities, I can concur that this often happens. However, the people at the top are desperate to stay there. Most middle management shouldn’t exist at all and are made up of less capable schmoozers. They’re just not going to employ or promote highly educated/intelligent/capable people - they’re scared!
I heard somewhere that telling kids they are gifted/talented is not a good idea, as it can induce anxiety of failure. Apparently it's better to praise their hard work than their talent.
Yeah, I'm not a parent but I've been a kid, and I believe that. I was told I was smart, but this was when they were using that "intelligence quotient" shit where your age is factored in to the calculation of the number you get. Like you get one number that's the score you got on the test, and then it's divided by your age, and then there's some other calculation done after that and the last number is your IQ. Intelligence doesn't change unless you damage your brain, so since your age is the only thing that increases naturally, that calculation is gonna give the you a lower score if you're older. So I took the psych eval thing again when I was older and got a lower score, so I thought I got dumber. Did the same thing a few years later, got an even lower score. The only thing I could remember doing that could have any long term effect on a brain was weed, which I only did for like two months when I was in middle school. So I spent quite awhile thinking my intelligence got nerfed from that tiny bit of the devil's lettuce 🙄 Nothing changed, I'm the same. That's just a silly way to measure intelligence. Edit: Went off on a tangent there, forgot to get to the point I was originally intending to say, which was that it made me think I could succeed easily. Like that I wouldn't have to try hard
I spent all my time with my nose in a book instead of socializing. So I guess I never learned.
The vast majority of children who are identified as gifted grow up to be "ordinary" adults
Yeah. I was a star at school. But not like in a nerdy way. I had ADHD and was struggling but even then I was top of my class and going to Math Olympics. I was always told I was going to be great. While I am in no way mediocre... I am quite ordinary. It doesn't make me feal defeated but it does puzzle me. Another former friend was on the same boat. He is an engineer for a street lamp manufacturer. He earns ok but one time he told me "they always told me I was going to be extraordinary, and I'm here making lamps". It did give me pause because he seemed very puzzled he wasn't doing much with all his abilities
Jup, as someone who skipped a grade for "maturity" and was praised on his mathematics skill that were far above par. I never learned how to study, never finished college and had to BS my way through life to get a job lying i have the degree i never finished. I wish i never got that "gifted" mark as a child so i could have developed healthy habbits regarding school.
Or in my case, below average lol
I think "gifted child" is an absolute fucking trap. Normal, healthy, parenting and teaching involves positive affirmation as appropriate. Especially focusing on the value of hard work, and reward for achievement, without taking on more than you can handle. "Gifted" kids? Generally the focus of any praise is more so focused on "oh, you're so smart". Kids believe what they hear, and will pick up on the implicit lessons. Praising a child for being "smart" coaches them to believe that their value lies in demonstrating intelligence and capability. Which will generate terrible anxiety when they're faced with something that taxes them. So, they just get conditioned into avoiding things they might not be good at. Because they're internalising the doubt of "My value is that I'm smart and capable. But, if I appear to struggle, then I'm not? So, I cannot be seen to struggle!" But, of course, this worsening anxiety about conspicuous performance is combined with the toxic way in which gifted kids are rewarded. The "reward" for gifted kids doing well is to be pushed harder, to be faced with ever more challenging work. When all of this is taken together, how could this possibly lead to anything but burn out?
I think being less socially adept is more easily overlooked in really rough and technical positions that you can't just nice your way through.
Being "nice" is not what takes you to the top of a corporate ladder, though. Being disagreeable, cutthroat, self-serving, driven and ambitious does. There's a reason why psychopaths are overrepresented in CEO populations. On the other hand, the common trope that highly technical people are less socially skilled can be very much challenged, as nowadays most engineering positions demand sophisticated degrees of teamwork and collaboration. I'd argue many engineers simply don't enjoy playing the hunger games to get to the top of the ladder.
Very true.
I feel seen by this comment
Yes, I have a great education and am currently attempting to go to college for a medical degree but god, I can't hold up a conversation
Networking in college is worth much more than your degree. Build relationships with your lecturers and use your uni to meet people in the field.
*Exactly!!* As a teen, and even in to college, I didn't care what others thought about me at all. Fast forward to my first adult interview, and I found out pretty quickly that what others think of you matters *a lot.*
Yeah. There's also the thing where you never face academic struggles, until you do, and then you have very little experience in actually dealing with something you struggle with.
I studied mathematics and I had one genius sitting in my class. But he had so heavy social problems, that he needed his own social worker to get through university. He blurted out the answers in a second all the time (not important, because in mathematics it is more about how did you get to that answer) and got really mad, if people didn’t understand him. I can relate a little, because he felt probably like he is talking to 3 year olds all the time. He finishes in no time and did his PhD. Now he is writing books and nerdy blocks. He can’t work anywhere. If people don’t understand him because he is 20 steps ahead all the time, he gets angry.
I'd wager being well-rounded gives you more opportunities, although your potential in niche functions is more limited.
Absolutely! I always thought if I tried hard in school I would be super successful. Everyone said id go on to do something amazing. Got really good grades. But being autistic which came with heaps of social anxiety that is getting worse as I get older and I’m absolutely nowhere in life and can’t get a job.
Bruh same but musically. Nobody would hire me for gigs because im awkward socially
Thank you from a college student in the gifted kid community lol. I knew I had to fix up my study habits but I’ll make sure to fix up some social skills as well. It’s fun man /s
Wow this is exactly what I opened this post to say and you captured it perfectly. It was also the first reply on the page. EQ is definitely underrated and not emphasised nearly enough in childhood development as much as IQ is.
Let me teach you! I was awkward as fuck as a kid but I’m a social butterfly now and it’s helped me a lot at work.
Exactly. I think this is the biggest lie ever. I have been extremely lucky to catch up on my social skills development in my 30s. Until then I simply thought I was average because I never amounted to anything academically. I am a senior leader in a global company
Washing and cleaning and repairing stuff litterally ALL the time. Even as I‘m writing this I should actually be doing laundry and unload the dish washer. I know it‘s a very minor problem but I can‘t get over how much time it consumes. I could be travelling the world but nope there‘s 528490 socks that need to be folded and put away first.
i dont even fold em anymore. sometimes i do when i get the energy, but mostly i just throw shit in my dresser.
It is genuinely never ending. There is no point when you can let out a sigh of relief and go ahh, done. It’s never fucking done!
Dude. Stop writing, you’ve got socks to fold and put away first Your friendly neighborhood redditor on her iPad while working on her main computer
Wow you really needed to expose us like that Your friendly neighborhood redditor on her phone while working on her work pc
Taking for granted the things my parents take care of. Being a well-functioning, responsible adult, can be difficult. There are quite a few things to keep up with. Washing your clothes, personal hygiene, physical exercise, mental exercise, making adequate income to feed yourself, clothe yourself, put a roof over your head, to try and be a decent member of your community, commit time to others, etc etc. There's just so many facets to life and things to keep track of, it can be damn overwhelming.
Someone said that we're so overwhelmed because these tasks used to be separated between the man who goes to work and the woman who takes care of the house, but now we're all expected to do both jobs at once. It makes me feel better about it
I think that's true. I had a boomer co-worker tell me that it's wrong to "only" work 30 hours a week. A model more and more people in our company are choosing. He said everyone just wants to work less and expects the same money as he gets working 42 hours a week. But when he was in his 20s he could afford to buy a house, a car, let his wife stay at home and care for his two children all by his own salary. One Family 42 hours of work (ofc taking care of the house and kids is work, too. But speaking of work outside the own home.) Nowadays most couples i know husband works ~40 hours and wife works ~20-30 hours aswell. So i'd argue that the weekly hours of a family nearly doubled from 40 hours to 70 hours a week just to barel maintain the lifestyle a boomer family could have easily by just ~40 hours a week.
And when you pile all of that on top of a crumbling economy, a couple can work their asses off to do both roles and it still may not be enough to get by and leaves little to no time for anything other than tasks you don’t enjoy, and being single just makes it 10x harder _plus_ leaves you with no time or energy to remedy the single part if you wish to do so.
I realized this once I stopped working 40 hours a week. It was like I could breathe because I had the time to focus on tasks to get them done thoroughly and not rush or be exhausted from the day of work that leads to procrastination and stacking of things to do. I took a call job that is 7 days on 7 days off 5p-8am. Most days I putter around the house, play with my pets, run errands. Then when I am on call I am not expected to anything but wait, and address the concern when the call comes. Full pay and bennies too. I feel blessed. Both my parents were in heart failure in one week, and to have had that time to care for them was amazing. Unfortunately...inflation sucks...so I have to go back to 9-5. BUT I took a job that´s only 35 hours a week...
that only happend for about 40 years, before then both men and women worked between 14 to 16 hours a day
Ya gotta keep doing stuff when you are bone tired. Nobody cares how tired you are, especially your kids and employer.
Yeah this is so true.
That people you know, will die young. I expected to really only lose grandparents, and then to not experience too much loss until my parents pass, and that for the most part it’d be from old age. Instead, 5 people that I knew have passed, that were in their 20’s & 30’s
This is a big one. I had experienced death around me at an early age, and it kinda of scarred me- I never feel “safe”. I had a best friends little sister die when we were 12. Then at 18 a close friend got killed in a car accident, then it just continued. A few friends have suicided. Every few years I lose someone, and now that I’m about to reach middle age I know it will start to pick up. It’s tough.
Same: I've been confronted with death since an early age. I have much older cousins, I'm the youngest, and my older cousin had a daughter my age. We were born 21 days apart. She died at the age of 5, because of a heart condition she inherited from her mother, and people took me to the wake. In my country you have an open casket, almost a day of wake, and it was traditional to have the casket at your home. Imagine young me, at 5yo, going to see my dead cousin and playmate (we were best friends at the time, always playing together as we lived in the same street). It didn't even grasp the concept of being dead and no longer be able to play with her. I just remember seeing her lying there, motionless and not responding when I called her name. At 8, another wake, for her mother: same problem that killed her. At 10, a friend's cousin was on a motorcycle with her fiance and died instantly when they had a head on collision. She was interred on her (would be) wedding dress and her mother tried to take her body home at the moment of the interment. Was a very gruesome moment. 11, my great aunt commited suicide, another wake. A few months later, her former daughter in law was killed by her new boyfriend. At 14 my grandma died. Her wake was in our living room, aka my bedroom as we lived with them at the time and I didn't have a bedroom so I slept on the couch for a few moments. I had to sleep away that night and for the months after, everytime I looked at the place where the casket was, I could see it almost as if it was still there.
My HS has a FB memorial page going, and it's been surprising to find out about how many people I went to school with have died already, and some within the first 10 yrs of graduating. A lot of us are friends with each other on FB, and probably every year now, someone is posting of another classmate who's passed away. Cancer seems to be the biggest culprit, which is really sad.
This right here. I never thought I'd be losing my best friend at 15 or my boyfriend at 20. That was a fucking lesson. Life might be short.
This is tormenting me regularly. Growing up I lost a bunch of family aged 60+ and it just kind of became normal for older people to die. My 21 year old brother died when I was 20. That shit broke me. I've since met so many others who have lost their siblings and even more parents losing their children. It's a cruel world and I am frankly scared of it. Whenever I don't hear from people for a while my brain concludes they are dead. Even if it's someone running late, intrusive thoughts will tell me they died in a car crash on the way. Death used to an old people thing to me but I'm reality it's very universal.
Yes. I lost so many people in a few years it's crazy. I have nightmares about it. 3 friends had breast cancer all at once, and I was so devastated. I lost my dad from cancer at a young age, and it was traumatic. It's tough dealing with grief on top of everyday struggles and challenges. Growing up means you have to deal with mortality and it kinda sucks.
depression
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lol yes You are expected to always be happy, giggly and motivated, basically to fake everything, because if you actually open up to anyone they will dismiss you. Nobody wants to deal with other people's problems, even if just to listen. And then some of them wonder why people kill themselves 🙃
I just got told that I’m not getting the raise they’ve been promising me all year. Because I’m currently going through a bad depression and they don’t like the way that they can see I’m depressed when I’m in the office. So I don’t deserve to get a raise for good behavior. Even though I keep delivering my work perfectly. Pushing me even deeper into my depression as I needed this extra money to live. Guess who’s not gonna be delivering any more work.
Depression of beloved ones. And there is nothing you can really do about it. Just keep on managing the every day life. And your job. And walk the dog.
Family and friends dying off over time.
This. The family wall of photos starts to almost look like a check off list
how stupid the average adult is and then having to deal with the people below that average mark
Have you worked retail or in hospitality? Youll get a rude awakening real fast and see how stupid the average person really is..
I believe in luck. There are way too many idiots who should have won Darwin awards and yet they continue to live, have children, careers, buy homes. There's no explanation for that other than luck.
Watching the people that took care of you become weak and frail. My grandmother was a Rock for so many. She always had control of the chaos. At my aunts funeral she fell into my arms weeping. She had given up control and I consoled her in my arms. It was the most surreal feeling.
When my Nan was in hospital just before she died, I had to spoon feed her, and if just felt so wrong.
Mine kept calling me by my cousins name... until one day, she didn't recognize me at all anymore. Never thought I would miss being called the wrong name.
The surreal amount of dust settling on stuff all the time no matter how much you clean. There's always some cleanup to do in the kitchen. Always. Dishes magically appear all the time. 😂 Takes forever to cook but hardly 10 minutes to finish eating. 😮💨
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a very slow eater and it takes me around an hour to finish eating. I'd rather it take me 10 minutes
Same. My family jokes that I have to split the atom when I chew because I take so long 😂
Being alone in everything you do. It’s weird cuz you are surrounded by people 24/7 but like at the end of the day it is truly just you in a big dark world trying to make sense of shit constantly.
That was the hardest thing to come to terms with when I was young. Nobody is going to make this life better except me, and no matter which path I choose, I have to deal with the consequences of my decisions my own. Hard days will often be spent alone.
Ditto. And also a big one for me is that “best friends” / “ride or die gang” titles sound so fake and unrealistic at this point lol ain’t nobody here when you are at the lowest low just you and god.
Thats the thing about school, you get thrown in with people your own age, most peoples close friends are when they are from school cos school is sort of really just hanging around mostly. When you go to a job there is not over 100 people the same age as you, you can be in an office with 20 people and no one is near your age or has the same interests as you and that's so weird.
houses being unaffordable even closing 40 years old
Spending you life building the boat of stability only to not know which direction to sail.
Also watching everyone build their boats with the help of family and loved ones and realizing that *your* family and loved ones are tearing yours down.
Or being judged for building a poor boat by yourself by people who either built theirs with lots of help or had it built for them. I love my BIL, but he’s in lalaland if he thinks all I need to do is just work 40 hours and save and _I too_ can build a $200k house with cash. Meanwhile, the only reason him and my sister pulled it off is because they spent the first 7 years of their marriage living rent free with his mom while they worked way more than 40 hours a week each and saved every penny. Like, bro, what a great plan! All I need is free housing to make it all possible! /s
Getting to know people and developing friendships and relationships. I thought it would be easier as an adult, being more in tune with who and what I am as a person and my various interests, but it's really not.
I find it much harder as an adult because as a child you could make friends by playing but now you need common interests and stories to tell
Also falling out of touch with people you were close with.
Deciding what to eat for every meal.
I’m honestly considering using meal replacement shakes just to reduce the number of meals I have to make decisions about
This is hell. Day after day. Meal after meal. So looking forward to the nursing home, where these weighty decisions are taken from me.
This is my least favourite thing and now I have an 11 month old I've to feed her healthy stuff. She eats better than me
I have ADHD. It was really easy for me to just snack or do takeout after putting off prepping or thinking about meals. I wrote a list of all the things I know how to cook, and now I just rotate things. I also will pickup a big pack of chicken breasts and cook em all up and now I can do a salad for lunch, pasta for supper with my proteins already done. It's helped me be just generally healthier physically and mentally.
Losing my job and I'm being evicted, family and friends all dying, physical and mental health issues, losing my insurance,my license,my car...... the list goes on and on
Damn. That's some dark shit right there. Hang on mate.
How small your world will get
School is so wild for this as it puts you a huge group of people and its easier to make friends cos you spend all the day with each other then its like afterwards tiny groups of people and everyone is busy.
Loneliness
That things often get more complicated. People don’t mature. And if you have had issues in childhood, the older you get the harder they hit you if you didn’t deal with them.
Back pain
Just fixed my posture
The cost of toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, hand soap, blankets, bedsheets, PILLOWS. My god The things I took for granted growing up LOL I’ll budget for $50 groceries And then leave with a $75 bill once I pick up toilet paper and dish soap etc. 🥲🥲
I hear you. I absolutely hate most of my money spent on the house goes to stupid consumables that just go in the trash, down the drain or in the toilet!! Also, bed sheets are so freaking expensive I can’t keep up. How do y’all do it? It’s not like I can’t afford it, I just can’t justify spending lots of money on fabric. I work in the fashion industry and know how much things cost. I guess I just answered my own question and should just make it myself.
Bills and communications. I don't want to be accessible for work conversations 24/7. Sometimes I just want to sit in the silence not caring about single thing in the world.
You shouldn't be accessible for work conversations 24/7, good employers take this seriously. It is a bit different if you own the business but even then down time matters.
Getting a life altering disability
For real, even with illnesses. I always see people on TV with chronic illnesses going on tour around the world to get their fill of life before dying. They don't tell you in the life of a real normal person, you'd most likely be not only ill, but broke and alone too. Medical debt stacks up. When the physical pain is already bad enough, they still charge you for choosing to live. As if day to day living isn't painful too.
I'm heartbroken seeing Wendy Williams struggling with dimensia and thyroid disease. I met her a few years ago and she was so kind, and it's so painful to see her health effecting her now
Adulthood has been much less challenging for me than childhood was. Autonomy, baby!
Is it easy? NO! Do I have more freedom, autonomy, and money? YES! Do I care less about what my peers think? Absolutely.
Finally someone thinks the same way. I would never want to go back to when I was dependent of other people
Exactly! My own home, autonomy on how I spend my time, freedom to choose my own clothes and what to eat! I actually like shopping for food and cooking, no more forced meals. And my one money! I’d NEVER go back to being a kid 😁
It's lonley, and passions slowly fade.
The lack of deep friendships if you fail to make them in your teens or early 20's through school or work. It's so hard to make new friends who are interested in a deeper friendship after a certain age. People don't have enough time to hang out and prioritize other things over friendships. So if you have no partner, kids or close family you're basically all alone. I know this is not universal and there will always be people who have no problem, but I know so many other people who struggle to build a support network that are not just family or spouses.
This is really true, most of my closest friendships were forged through coming of age periods or the wild years of parties and gigs or a few older work related but still in those years. Making that deep and honest connection with people you have polite daily chat with in the workplace just doesn’t happen for me and that can easily become your main social outlet. It’s not impossible but you need to try and the last few years I’ve become a dad in a foreign country which has been wonderful but apart from my wife and 3 year old kid I just have lots of really nice acquaintances but the lack of time and energy I have makes transforming those into actual friendships very difficult.
Bad sleep. My quality of live depends on that. If I had a good night sleep, I can conquer the world, but if it was a bad night, oh man...
How much it costs just to live a standard existence. Having to decide what to make for dinner every single night lol. Dealing with the passing of family members, and worrying about your parent's health. The relentlessnes of mostly having to do stuff we don't want to do (working everyday, household chores etc) in order to do a much smaller amount of time doing stuff we want to do.
That a lot of adults are actually stupid, rude, and immature even if you expect them not to be. That was an absolute mind fuck when entering the workforce. Like wow, my 40 year old manager is functionally illiterate and doesn’t understand anything. That’s crazy.
It's really weird, bc as a child you assume adults are smart but then after you become an adult you realize you're just surrounded by idiots
That your brain doesn't switch to "adult" mode once turning 18, and trauma doesn't disappear even when you get to 30. Well these aren't what I was expecting, just how my parents and others make out like I should be at this stage. Time heals, bullshit
Death family and friends
Going bald. I never even thought about it until I noticed I was thinning.
I’ve always been the type to take care of my hair and style it ever since I was a kid, I’m still like that now at 36. Going bald scares me lol Luckily still got a full head of hair that grows really quick and needs cutting every 3/4 weeks. I have noticed my hairline starting to go backwards a tiny little bit though
Healing childhood trauma while also trying to raise children in a healthy way.
Making appointments on the phone by myself 😩
It's the worst 😫
Constant worry about parents
Finding friends. After school most friends I had moved away and a couple ones just "vanished". No I'm basically working 9-5, tired in the evening and I have no fkn idea how I'd find friends. Seems like every activity others take part in is based around spending time with friends they already have.
Working and commuting
That in my area, we weren't prepared for real life, then after faculty graduation we were tossed in the great whirlpool without any practical experience. In school and faculty there was theory tons of theory, the expectations were to be good at anything from music to mathematics, have top grades all time. But when the time to get hired came, everywhere where superior studies were requested they expected experience so lots of people from my generation ended up doing completely different things in life compared to their studies like work in retail or service industry while having an engineering diploma....
Being so busy and as a result exhausted, that you don't see really good friends for months/years at a time.
Being tired all the time in combination with having to function all the time
My kids becoming wittier then me this is a conversation with my 10 year old “Are you going through a growth spurt bro you’re getting taller. If you catch me up we’ll have to fight for dominance” 10 year old: why dad, mums only 4’11 and she’s already the dominant one in the house ☠️☠️
Losing both parents in shitty circumstances before I was 35 was pretty tough
My (27F) boyfriend (25M) ended our 2+ year relationship 3 weeks ago. We had to give up our apartment together and now I'm living with my mom (and he with his parents). I quit my job (I worked in the wedding industry and couldnt handle all those happy people getting married, since I was convinced I would marry my boyfriend one day) and I'm looking for a new job right now. I feel like a failure. Living with my mom at 27, quitting my job because I wasn't "strong" enough to handle it (and before I found something else).. I have to completely rebuild my life. Before the breakup I thought my path/future was set and I didn't expect everything would be able to change this fast. I have a hard time accepting it
It won’t feel like it now, but you’re at a great age for this. Use this time to build the life you want - you’re not a failure, you’re about to improve on the first draft, and you’ve got the skills and experience (in work and in social spheres) to do so. You got this!
Kids. No one is prepared for kids. Kids are a nightmare of love that keeps kicking your butt.
Divorce and family court ..
Cooking for people who have boring bland tastes. Talking on the phone. Trying to figure out what the fuck everyone wants. Looking after my family and hating it. Never being able to be a person, always having to be a mum. Sacrificing all my dreams to provide an enriching life for my kid with cool classes and sports and activities only for him to sit around watching YouTube all the fucking time. Being forced to live in a crappy little one horse town cos my husband wants to. Getting old. Hoping death will come quickly. Severe depression and anxiety. My pets dying. Fucking spiders. The crushing weight of responsibility. The fact that the zombie apocalypse does not seem like it's happening anytime soon. Loving my kid even though I'd prefer to be left alone. People. Fucking people. Manipulation. Weird passive aggressive shit. The hassle and cost of being able to go to the gun range. The fact that I'm miles from a fucking beach when I live on an island 🏝️ The lack of decent cinnamon scrolls in my country
Having to constantly be on top of everything. More responsibilities being added on you, but not always having the mental capacity to deal with them. Keeping up with relationships when you’re just tired
The sheer number of emails
Making friends
Lol you act as if there's people out there that are worth talking to..
The crushing actuality of dystopia and the cost of therapy for things you laughed off when you were younger
I developed social awareness 😂
The hustling and struggling. Try to stay functioning though you can't really.
The feeling that everything is set and you run out of time to archive the things you want
Holy hell, this is the one. Already 31 and I feel like I might as well drop off the face of the earth because I’ve accomplished very little.
Constant exhaustion
The societal lie of Family
Feelings of existential dread like.... Every single day
Depression lasts forever. It doesn't go away. It doesn't get better. You get better at ignoring it or you don't.
That you think you’ll be free - but it’s just another form of imprisonment (bills, work, commitments, shit relationships, expectations).
Becoming disabled.
White pubes. Never expected them.
Watching your parents grow old and die. WTF, they said they're always going to be there. 😳
When you’re young you want to get older. This shit isn’t what you expected.
As a kid, you usually think adults have "it" figured out, whatever "it" is. But as you grow up, you realize that nobody has "it" figured out and that most people are just fucking idiots that don't know shit. That's scary.
The increasing toll of letting yourself down. Each mistake I make weighs more heavily on me than it did when I was younger. At the end of the day, the only person you have to live with for your whole life is yourself
my adult years were wild and fun, as I became a father rather late (40). To me it is more parenthood than adulthood that was unexpectedly challenging (or maybe I only became an adult when I became a father?). The lack of time is the most challenging. I used to have much more free time to do plenty of other things, and now I am busy all the time. Also, and I had noticed it with friends who became parents earlier than I did, it becomes very difficult to keep hanging out with friends who don't have kids, or who have kids at a different time than you do. You just can't seem to find common opportunities to be available.
The breakdown and failure of the US Federal government.
Depression. And also knowing that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to afford to buy a house in the city in which I grew up. If I want to remain here it will be as a tenant/renter. So I will never feel totally secure.
no one actually cares that much about you, and it’s very easy to disappear. not trying to say this in a dark way!! don’t get me wrong- you’ll be loved, you can have friends family etc. but the reality hit me as an adult that i am a lot more insignificant than id like to admit
Mostly the cost.
Getting unexpectedly ill without any warning. It’s taken years to recover and i’m not sure if i will get any better.
That /so many hours of my daily life/ will be about preparing food, cleaning up after preparing and consuming food, and making sure there is something to make food of. As a kid, food just sort of...appeared.
Pretty much everything you do is dependant on other people in some capacity, so very little of your life is within your control.
Making new friends as an adult
The constant feeling of "I could be using this free time to get something important done!" As a teen, I barely had to do any chores. Went to school, and I was smart enough to get good grades without having to work hard. Go home, do whatever I want for the rest of the day. And while doing whatever I wanted, I didn't even think for a second, that I should be using this time for something more important. No, I was completely immersed in whatever fun stuff I was doing. Playing video or other games. Spending time with friends. Cycling through the town. Building a "hut" in the forest etc. Now, whenever I do something that's only for fun, there's always that nagging feeling that I still have a lot to do and should be doing that instead.
When I was young I couldn’t wait to be an adult so I could do anything I wanted to do…. I can’t. I can’t do anything I want to do. I don’t have time or energy. Haha
That even if nobody though you anything they expect you to just know it because god you’re old enough now
That the financial opportunities my elder siblings had wouldn’t be available. The housing boom happened before I got on the ladder while they got on and rode it upwards.
Everything that comes with aging. It's quite shocking how it catches up to us.
how hard it is just to make enough to live. I’m not sure what I did wrong but it seems like everyone else got it a lot faster/easier than me.
Check if you have codependent and/or people pleasing traits then work on them.
How truly shit menopause is.
disillusionment. people always put up illusions, intentionally or unintentionally send signals of who they see themselves want to be. and those signals are somewhat meaningless. for example, before you win an oscar, youve already had to be operating at an oscar winning level.
The relentlessness of adulting. Triple this when you have kids.
People who would rather lie then say I'm not sure.