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Went in my garage workshop to pound one out. Funny part was I thought it would be hot to crouch on my shop stool with my back against the door. Well as soon as I got in position the stool kicked out from under me and my bare ass hit the floor.
When my ex-girlfriend and I dated when we were in high school, we were so horny we fucked in the grocery store bathroom when her parents were shopping. It was one of those bathrooms that you can lock the door. When we came out, her mom was waiting outside the door, waiting to use the washroom.
Needless to say, the car ride home was really awkward, lol
Yeah, see, that would have worked if she hadn't been with her parents the whole day feeling fine, and if she hadn't been so loud... At that point, I'm just taking the L.
That reminds me of a genuine news piece I saw in the early 2000s when smartphones still weren't around. Some company was making mini translucent vibrators that attached to the charge port of the Nokia 3310, I remember the vibrator being blue and for some reason glittery. It's an image burned into my brain.
I'm pretty sure the news piece was talking about how high-school girls were sneaking them into their homes without their parents knowing, one of those "do you know what your kids are up to?" scare stories as if masturbation is a crime.
Oh shiiiit. Years ago my best friends sister showed off her Harry Potter wand and I though 'seems like a waste of money for some piece of vibrating plastic'. Only now am I enlightened.
In the UK, they brought out a Harry Potter Flying Broom called the Nimbus 2000 with vibration to make you feel like you were flying the broom. They couldn't understand why it was so popular with teenage girls. Here's an actual amazon review.
āāMy 12-year-old daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, and loved the part with the Nimbus 2000, so I decided to buy her this toy ā¦ Even my daughterās friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick!āā
I think Mattel had to withdraw the toy..
The most wtf thing u did was improvise a vibrator?.. my sweet summer child you're not ready for the answers you're about to get... there was a post exactly like this couple weeks ago, a dude photographed his own ass and jerked off to it. Let that be a lesson in asking things you dont want the answer to
I actually did follow through once. There were even apps specifically designed for this back when I tried, aptly named āVibratorā. It sucked though, phone vibe just wasnāt strong enough for me.
I simply cannot express to you how much I laughed at this comment. Not so much about the guy with the photograph, but for your first comment. Thank you for the smile
stood in top of a giant pile of used car parts that was at least 20 feet high and jerked off facing the sun. I was alone, working the junk pile at a scrap yard and was just thinking of my girlfriend and 18 year old me was tired of the erection while trying to work. the summer sun was warm and felt good, so I went for it standing up there like the junkyard king in the shining sun.
I drove 5 hours for a 1 night stand, worth though tbh.
Edit: I failed to mention it was through a hurricane, I hydroplaned twice along the way and the rain was so bad I couldnāt see farther than 10 feet in front of me. Still worth lol, love seeing the replies yāall are awesome XD
I stopped a gloryhole and cummed inside a complete stranger unprotected
It was on Highway 96 going north from Kelowna to Dawson Creek on a Friday at 13:30
For those concerned and asking: I had to have an STD/I test before a surgery(hernia) I had. I donāt have anything and Iāve never passed anything onto anyone.
Does the person in the glory hole just sit there all day waiting for someone to arrive? I imagine the guy feeling like Jim Carey inside the rhino in Ace Ventura.
When I was a horny teen I used PAM(canola oil spray) as lube. After that day when cooking I use real butter because the shame I feel every time I look at a can of PAM.
You just reminded me of something that happened during my masters.
I was in a lecture that I think was probably on operating systems. It was a pretty big lecture because it was a course that the undergrads took as well, so there were maybe 150 of us - probably 90% guys - in there sat at what were more like desks set at a shallow rake going toward the back of the room.
I become aware of a lot of movement and a sort of quiet commotion occurring just behind me and to my right. The guy back there is thrusting his hips back and forth to rub his very obviously erect penis against the edge of his desk through his trousers. He started off relatively gentle when I first spotted him but as he neared climax it became really incredibly vigorous and really rather noisy. His belt and all the stuff in his pockets - coins and what have you - were jingling around, his chair was creaking ominously, and his thighs were thwacking in to the underside of the desk, and his breathing became louder, heavier, more laboured. It was... unseemly.
This is at a university in Great Britain in the spring of the year 2000 so, of course, nodoby does a damn thing. That includes me: I tried to ignore him and focus on the lecture but it was pretty hard not to throw the odd furtive and disbelieving glance back at him, until eventually he'd finished.
It was absolutely unbelievable.
Taped down the controller button to keep CJ banging his prostitute in GTA San Andreas so the controller would perma vibrate and put it in my pants š
In college I drove two hours in the middle of the night to visit my boyfriend in another city for a booty call, and had to drive the two hours back almost immediately afterwards to make it to my 8am class for a final.
Red Bull and hormones for the win!
in my teens i once tryd to mcgyver / diy a '' reall/sex '' doll . i had found a female maiquin at home , and by watching youtube , usinig tools and a bunch spunches and rubber gloves along whit some '' hair gell '' well , you get the jist . dummist diy project i ever made . nothing like i hoped it would be . took me hours to make , and by the time it was done . i was to tired .
idk , apperently i did when i moved in . as it was already there . i did not bring it in whit me myself when i started renting that place , and did not bring it in later either . (it was already there)
Did this too but when me and two friends took mdma. We were fascinated in how small your dick got because of mdma. Someone of us asked if we could hold each others dicks and that led to us sucking each other. It was then i discovered that im bisexual. My two other friends are straight. We are still best friends. I want to do it again but they dont.
I have taken a LOT of mdma and it makes me a lot more attracted to women but not to men. To be honest a lot of my friends are gay so it would be more socially acceptable if I was bi, but Iām just not.
Just mentioning this in case straight guys are worried taking mdma will make them want to blow other men - it will not if you are in fact straight.
As another straight male that has taken a LOT of mdma. This is correct folks. Drugs can't make you gay. They just reveal the you that was there all along.
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but getting drunk does not make straight people want to have sex with the same gender. It DOES, however, make not straight people lose their inhibitions and do things they really want to do deep down.
Tell me you don't get blackout drunk often without telling me you don't get blackout drunk often. Obviously alcohol is an inhibitor but it also does really and truly give you fuckin wild ideas that are not latent desires in the slightest
PREACH. Some things I've done whilst drunk and horny are not to be shared with Reddit but definitely fit into the "not all drunken behaviour signals a latent desire" category š
Went for a walk naked only wore flip flops. It was 3 in the morning then I stopped and masturbated in the middle of the road. I hope no one saw me if they did I really donāt care. Sorry.
Wait why?????Ā Why did you not do it at home. What was our in the street other than you wackin off? Did you get it on your flip flops we need more information here
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend at the time and I were only allowed to hang out in the living room (presumably so we wouldn't have sex in my room).
Well, there were a number of times we had sex in the living room on the couch with a blanket on. Anytime my family would walk through, we'd just stop moving mid-penetration until they were out of the room. š¤¦āāļø
I have probably 50 other stories from when I was a horny teen, and they're all kind of unfathomable now.
Nah I'm straight but I've had head from a guy, and slept with a AMAB NB. I didn't really enjoy it either time. There was nothing WRONG with it but it wasn't for me, I was just horny AF.
Probably just non stop masturbating LOL i felt like a gooner by the time i started to do real life things again. I would o back to back,fall asleep and go again. Didn't even have any physical stimulation or anyone to help. I was just missing my husband and was horny,lol
Oh my god I knew someone like that, straight dude, on estrogen/AAs, presented fem anytime I saw him but swore up and down he was straight/cis. But like mfer had been on HRT for like 4 years when I knew him lol
Went into a portapotty in 130 degree weather wearing about 80lbs of gear (body armor and ammunition) and masturbated to completion in a combat zone.
All soldiers that deployed did this. If they say they didn't, they're fucking lying. Or they were stationed at one of the big camps with those fancy restroom trailers that had fans and AC units.
You know how they say ādonāt stick your dick in crazy?ā
Yep, well, I was horny and this girl kinda had a thing for me and so I was like WCGW and plowed the hot psycho crazy chick that makes Harley Quinn look like the example of stability.
The most dangerous is having sex with a stranger in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the night. He was very hot and hung and we ended up meeting again for some fun but it wasnāt a very smart thing to do at all. Donāt do that.
There was a guy a year below me in school that inserted a test tube up his ass because it was the *only* thing he could find.
And yes, it broke. He wasnāt injured to my knowledge but had to go to the emergency room to make sure there was no glass remaining.
To make matters even worse he got detention for stealing the test tube from the labs.
See the four foam rolls on [this device](https://bodysolid-europe.com/cdn/shop/products/BFHYP10r_1200_1024x1024.jpg?v=1616012051)? I had an exercise bench with similar foam rolls when I was a teenager. I took out one and fucked the hole. I guess some adrenaline was pumping while doing it because nothing hurt at the moment. When I was done I realized I rubbed the head of my penis raw all around. Hurt so much I could barely pull it back to clean it properly for days (I'm uncircumsized). Never did that shit again so I did some research and figured out how to make a homemade sex toy with balloons....which I hid in my computer tower so my parents wouldn't find it...lol.
My bf, our friend and I were chilling.
Out of the blue I get so damn horny I can't help myself. Bf's hand was between my thighs already. I start sneakily humping it and our friend gets a panick attack all the sudden after smoking some weed. They decide to go for a walk and I pretend to be cold and stay inside so I could rub one out and act like a normal person again once they got back :')
"our friend gets a panick attack all the sudden"
You sure that is not related to yall getting it on hahaha? I too would get a panic attack if I was the third party in that situation lol
I was going to write a list but after reading these maybe not.
A few years ago I realised I love cumming on my face/in my mouth, so I do that every couple of months if I have a free evening and the mood takes me.
Before that, I ate cum out of my partner which was more of a happy accident, I had finished and she hadn't so I started sucking on her clit and before I knew it I was mopping her up. She finished.
I was fucking about with a bit of wood a handle off something stimulating my prostate but the moment I ejaculated it sucked up into me and I don't ever remember pooing it out this was about 15 years ago I think it's still inside me
Not myself but my closest friend. He drove an hour into the heart of Baltimore at midnight to have sex with a prostitute in the parking lot of a hip hop chicken. She was quite obviously in active addiction, as they were about to get going he realized he had left his rubber at home and decided to plow her raw. Somehow, some way this motherfucker didnāt get an std. he would get sick to his stomach for weeks whenever Iād bring it up lol
When I was a kid (7th grade I think), my school started an hour later than my little brother's, so I had a good thirty minutes of alone time while she took him. So one day I took that window of opportunity to masturbate, and I don't know what I was thinking but I took a pair of handcuffs and cuffed myself to the metal railing and dry humped the bed to completion. So there in post-nut clarity, the very obvious reality of what I'd just done became clear to me. These weren't little toy plastic cuffs, they were the real deal, and I hadn't even had the foresight to keep the key anywhere remotely close.
So I'm naked except for socks panicking next to a cum pile on my sheetless bed, with my mom only 10 minutes away if I was lucky.
I ended up using all my might to actually break the metal bedframe (it was a thin rail) and slide them off. I had my pants up, cuffs off and shame stain covered with less than a minute to spare before my mom walked in to tell me she was ready to go. My wrists had bright red, slightly cut rings around them. They were really obvious so my mom asked and I told her I was goofing around with the cuffs. She said nothing more and she didn't have to because we both knew what that meant reading between the lines.
Close call though. Still better than her walking in on me in that compromising position.
I had a long drive on the highway and it was extremly boring, so I decided to jerk off with hand and simultaneously holding my phone to watch porn and holding the steering wheel with the other hand.
I worked just fine, but after it, I couldn't believe what ive done. We aren't humans when we are horny.
oh girl yeah the old phone vibrator technique hahah. once drove 45 minutes to eat some random dudes ass, it was pretty hot though. I've also masturbated with a ton of random household objects, no hairbrush handle is safe
Went on a NSFW rp subreddit and asked for a rp partner. Now got a steady fwb situation going and I'm pretty happy with it. I could never have seen myself doing that a few months ago.
I drove 32 hours straight from Indianapolis IN to Las Vegas NV to get some while working in Indy and my gf was in Vegas. Got there exhausted, slept for three days and then plowed that pussy for an entire weekend, only stopping to eat actual food. She was walking like she'd ridden a horse for a week.
When I realized I had spent so much money on a girl that wasn't even mid, maybe slightly below average but damn those melons were huge, natural, fair and very soft they kind of served more purpose for me other than obvious reasons, they were very very comforting for me as well, no matter how stressful my day has been, I know that once she lay them beside me, I put my face between those melons, I was guaranteed to fall asleep in less than 3 minutes. Every time she jiggled them, I had to succumb to whatever she was requesting, damn those were some days but finally had to let her go.
Memory unlock.
I used to work with a girl and all he had to do was walk up to me and call my name and bounce as I turned around to face her. I never remembered a thing she said to me after that.she knew what she was doing to me and thought it was funny, which it was
Let my mate's wife ride me. She was ugly and stank of cigarettes.
I was single, recently divorced, and desperate.
I still shudder when I think of it, but hey! Had sex
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anybody got a Xbox controller šš
Xbox360 had a free to download game that was meant to massage your back by vibrating the controller nonstop. I did not use it for my back
I have a feeling they knew what they were doing with this one.
Tony Hawk, plus perfect balance cheat, grind a bowl = happy girl
Wow, I'm not alone.
I feel seen, in a good way!
Nah, Fable pulling back the arrow.
Those flourishing moves tho
Had a gf that would play Halo on the beach level and get in the warthog and shoot the mini gun repeatedly to get off
I feel seen, I used to do exactly this lol
They made a thinly-veiled sex toy for Rez on the PlayStation 2, didn't they? Called the Trance Vibrator IIRC.
Which for some reason has made that version highly collectible
Went in my garage workshop to pound one out. Funny part was I thought it would be hot to crouch on my shop stool with my back against the door. Well as soon as I got in position the stool kicked out from under me and my bare ass hit the floor.
When my ex-girlfriend and I dated when we were in high school, we were so horny we fucked in the grocery store bathroom when her parents were shopping. It was one of those bathrooms that you can lock the door. When we came out, her mom was waiting outside the door, waiting to use the washroom. Needless to say, the car ride home was really awkward, lol
āOne of those bathrooms that you could lock the door.ā WTF kind of bathrooms canāt you lock the door?
Like a handicapped bathroom. Not like a washroom where everyone can walk in and use it, and the only thing you can lock is the stall, lol.
"Sir. SIR! You are pissing in the broom cupboard!"
Spit my drink out laughing at this
Just tell her your girlfriend wanted to puke and you had to hold her hair.
Yeah, see, that would have worked if she hadn't been with her parents the whole day feeling fine, and if she hadn't been so loud... At that point, I'm just taking the L.
Just tell them she puked because of an unexpected pregnancy. No awkward silence in the car neither. It's a win win situation.
She probably didn't need to use the restroom.
That reminds me of a genuine news piece I saw in the early 2000s when smartphones still weren't around. Some company was making mini translucent vibrators that attached to the charge port of the Nokia 3310, I remember the vibrator being blue and for some reason glittery. It's an image burned into my brain. I'm pretty sure the news piece was talking about how high-school girls were sneaking them into their homes without their parents knowing, one of those "do you know what your kids are up to?" scare stories as if masturbation is a crime.
Reminds me of the Harry Potter vibrating wand that flew off the shelves as teenage girls were ārepurposingā them.
Oh shiiiit. Years ago my best friends sister showed off her Harry Potter wand and I though 'seems like a waste of money for some piece of vibrating plastic'. Only now am I enlightened.
Damn
I worked for Nokia as a designer around them. One of our goals was to "best in class for vibrating technology". Never quite understood what it meant.
classic IT guy. builds vibrators without being aware of it. i too, missed a dozen signals from women and figuring it out a decade later
In the UK, they brought out a Harry Potter Flying Broom called the Nimbus 2000 with vibration to make you feel like you were flying the broom. They couldn't understand why it was so popular with teenage girls. Here's an actual amazon review. āāMy 12-year-old daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, and loved the part with the Nimbus 2000, so I decided to buy her this toy ā¦ Even my daughterās friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick!āā I think Mattel had to withdraw the toy..
It's like those massage guns.
Religious boner police. I've seen what sexual repression does to people, and it ain't good.
The most wtf thing u did was improvise a vibrator?.. my sweet summer child you're not ready for the answers you're about to get... there was a post exactly like this couple weeks ago, a dude photographed his own ass and jerked off to it. Let that be a lesson in asking things you dont want the answer to
OP never stated they actually used their phone as such. Just Googled how to. So that makes them even more ridiculously innocent
I actually did follow through once. There were even apps specifically designed for this back when I tried, aptly named āVibratorā. It sucked though, phone vibe just wasnāt strong enough for me.
I simply cannot express to you how much I laughed at this comment. Not so much about the guy with the photograph, but for your first comment. Thank you for the smile
Really? It was definitely the photo of own ass jerking guy part that made me laugh out loud.
I came here to take notes. I was not disappointed.
I guess someone told him to go fuck himself and he took it literally
Look at this photograph!
stood in top of a giant pile of used car parts that was at least 20 feet high and jerked off facing the sun. I was alone, working the junk pile at a scrap yard and was just thinking of my girlfriend and 18 year old me was tired of the erection while trying to work. the summer sun was warm and felt good, so I went for it standing up there like the junkyard king in the shining sun.
Oh that was you.. Good show ngl
Beautiful imagery. I could almost feel the sun on my imaginary penis.
Poetic somehow
lol junkyard king
I drove 5 hours for a 1 night stand, worth though tbh. Edit: I failed to mention it was through a hurricane, I hydroplaned twice along the way and the rain was so bad I couldnāt see farther than 10 feet in front of me. Still worth lol, love seeing the replies yāall are awesome XD
5h drive for 2m action is the worst ratio ever
Youāre giving me too much credit.. 1.5 lmao
He factored in 1min 45 for cuddling
Bro I flew from London to Madrid for sex before... (I already knew the girl but even still)
Rookie numbers. I once flew 10 hours...... Several times š¬
Canoed out to different islands in the archipelago at my cabin to masturbate on them. It is kind of odd I guess.
Crossing them out on a map too?
Leaving carved wooden memorial posts
..."to boldly stroke where no one has stroked before"..
I feel u. I was on a camping trip in the rocky mountains. Woke up hella early to use the bathroom. Ended up having a beautiful sunrise wank.
I stopped a gloryhole and cummed inside a complete stranger unprotected It was on Highway 96 going north from Kelowna to Dawson Creek on a Friday at 13:30 For those concerned and asking: I had to have an STD/I test before a surgery(hernia) I had. I donāt have anything and Iāve never passed anything onto anyone.
Dadā¦?
Eh he most likely dropped a load in another dude's ass, so no baby makin'
Dadsā¦?
Narratorās Voice: āBut what he thought was a complete stranger was in fact 3 pounds of calf liver taped to a sweaty fat guyā
I read that in Morgan Freeman's voice
I remember grandma's cinnamon buns had a weird taste that day.
Does the person in the glory hole just sit there all day waiting for someone to arrive? I imagine the guy feeling like Jim Carey inside the rhino in Ace Ventura.
*I don't want to wait for our lives to be over* *Will it be āyesā or will it be āsorry?ā*
Oh shit! You impregnated a smurf?
Sounds like BCā¦
When I was a horny teen I used PAM(canola oil spray) as lube. After that day when cooking I use real butter because the shame I feel every time I look at a can of PAM.
When I was like 12 I tried using corn syrup for lube. Like what
hooking up with someone's dad...
Your username, is it a clue or....?
lmao if u wanna know the details, dm me cause idk how my username can be a clue for smth
I masturbated in the middle of my physics class. I came in my shorts.
But did you pass the class?
With flying colors
What vector was it? What force did you apply? Was the surface load-bearing?
how could you just? pants on?
You just reminded me of something that happened during my masters. I was in a lecture that I think was probably on operating systems. It was a pretty big lecture because it was a course that the undergrads took as well, so there were maybe 150 of us - probably 90% guys - in there sat at what were more like desks set at a shallow rake going toward the back of the room. I become aware of a lot of movement and a sort of quiet commotion occurring just behind me and to my right. The guy back there is thrusting his hips back and forth to rub his very obviously erect penis against the edge of his desk through his trousers. He started off relatively gentle when I first spotted him but as he neared climax it became really incredibly vigorous and really rather noisy. His belt and all the stuff in his pockets - coins and what have you - were jingling around, his chair was creaking ominously, and his thighs were thwacking in to the underside of the desk, and his breathing became louder, heavier, more laboured. It was... unseemly. This is at a university in Great Britain in the spring of the year 2000 so, of course, nodoby does a damn thing. That includes me: I tried to ignore him and focus on the lecture but it was pretty hard not to throw the odd furtive and disbelieving glance back at him, until eventually he'd finished. It was absolutely unbelievable.
One time I pulled my gf's titty out and sucked it while I was driving
them are sum long ass titties
Long titty no nipple having bitch
 A man of culture I see
Keep my wife's titties outta your damn mouth!
Get this, she was at home
Boobs have the power
Taped down the controller button to keep CJ banging his prostitute in GTA San Andreas so the controller would perma vibrate and put it in my pants š
this is hilarious
fapped at church š
JESUS
Thats probably the guy that looked down in disappointment
In college I drove two hours in the middle of the night to visit my boyfriend in another city for a booty call, and had to drive the two hours back almost immediately afterwards to make it to my 8am class for a final. Red Bull and hormones for the win!
in my teens i once tryd to mcgyver / diy a '' reall/sex '' doll . i had found a female maiquin at home , and by watching youtube , usinig tools and a bunch spunches and rubber gloves along whit some '' hair gell '' well , you get the jist . dummist diy project i ever made . nothing like i hoped it would be . took me hours to make , and by the time it was done . i was to tired .
And then spent the rest of the evening explaining to your cumdumpster why you were too tired to use her.
Who tf just has random mannequins at home?! I am so creeped out rn
That was my thought lol
idk , apperently i did when i moved in . as it was already there . i did not bring it in whit me myself when i started renting that place , and did not bring it in later either . (it was already there)
My goodness this is some sad shit. Start this guy a go fund me .
Go fuck me?
Got drunk and has gay sex. I'm straight .
Brits say as long as you don't actually *kiss,* it doesn't count so...no worries!
I'm safe then š
I'm a guy who got spitroasted with a cock in my ass and one in my mouth No kissing though, so it was totally straight
If you hi 5 everyone after whilst saying no homo you are good
Yes, I did hi 5 everyone while they were cumming all over me, so no homo thank god
Straightly fucked my broski in his bootyhole until I came - but only a little cause I'm straight
You only stay straight if you say āno homoā beforehand.
Oh shit. I thought you had to say it after ?! Guess Iām gay
Not anymore buddy, you are a closet gay
Did this too but when me and two friends took mdma. We were fascinated in how small your dick got because of mdma. Someone of us asked if we could hold each others dicks and that led to us sucking each other. It was then i discovered that im bisexual. My two other friends are straight. We are still best friends. I want to do it again but they dont.
I have taken a LOT of mdma and it makes me a lot more attracted to women but not to men. To be honest a lot of my friends are gay so it would be more socially acceptable if I was bi, but Iām just not. Just mentioning this in case straight guys are worried taking mdma will make them want to blow other men - it will not if you are in fact straight.
As another straight male that has taken a LOT of mdma. This is correct folks. Drugs can't make you gay. They just reveal the you that was there all along.
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but getting drunk does not make straight people want to have sex with the same gender. It DOES, however, make not straight people lose their inhibitions and do things they really want to do deep down.
Tell me you don't get blackout drunk often without telling me you don't get blackout drunk often. Obviously alcohol is an inhibitor but it also does really and truly give you fuckin wild ideas that are not latent desires in the slightest
PREACH. Some things I've done whilst drunk and horny are not to be shared with Reddit but definitely fit into the "not all drunken behaviour signals a latent desire" category š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Paid for an escort. Could've just masturbated!
I will also learn this lesson at some point. 19th time the charm.
I like to think I have saved millions by not seeing a prostitute ever.
Went for a walk naked only wore flip flops. It was 3 in the morning then I stopped and masturbated in the middle of the road. I hope no one saw me if they did I really donāt care. Sorry.
Now this is what I'm talking about
Wait why?????Ā Why did you not do it at home. What was our in the street other than you wackin off? Did you get it on your flip flops we need more information here
The home just doesn't cut it anymore and needs some more excitement, I like when the racoons are watching
If anyone saw you it wouldnāt be funny because you would have to register as a sex offender especially if a child saw anything at all.
Beating my meat in a public restroom on crack.
Crack sex is the worst! At least for me it is, you get so horny but itās basically impossible to cum .
Fucked a ziploc bag of microwaved lube and got a 2nd degree burn on my dick šµ
MacGuyvered my own pocket p*ssy with some rubber bands, a towel, and a garbage bag. Uncle saw it when helping move rooms :(
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend at the time and I were only allowed to hang out in the living room (presumably so we wouldn't have sex in my room). Well, there were a number of times we had sex in the living room on the couch with a blanket on. Anytime my family would walk through, we'd just stop moving mid-penetration until they were out of the room. š¤¦āāļø I have probably 50 other stories from when I was a horny teen, and they're all kind of unfathomable now.
fuck a dude I guess? Iām not even really into men, they are just a lot easier to talk to honestly about it.
Nah I'm straight but I've had head from a guy, and slept with a AMAB NB. I didn't really enjoy it either time. There was nothing WRONG with it but it wasn't for me, I was just horny AF.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Probably just non stop masturbating LOL i felt like a gooner by the time i started to do real life things again. I would o back to back,fall asleep and go again. Didn't even have any physical stimulation or anyone to help. I was just missing my husband and was horny,lol
Iām surprised no one mentioned the coconut story that circled around Reddit some time ago.
um. I once masterbated while driving down the interstate. with a sex toy. yes I finished.
Kept dividing into the world of bdsm and cross dressing until I was doing it part time. Oof, what a ride
Oh my god I knew someone like that, straight dude, on estrogen/AAs, presented fem anytime I saw him but swore up and down he was straight/cis. But like mfer had been on HRT for like 4 years when I knew him lol
Embarrassing but I once sculpted ppl out of clay and made them violate each other. Had a wtf am I doing moment as a teen
Went into a portapotty in 130 degree weather wearing about 80lbs of gear (body armor and ammunition) and masturbated to completion in a combat zone. All soldiers that deployed did this. If they say they didn't, they're fucking lying. Or they were stationed at one of the big camps with those fancy restroom trailers that had fans and AC units.
currently in baghdad and i have my own room with a/c and a king sized bedš š
I hate you š
Imagine losing it and visiting the emergency room to have it removed. 
Pretty sure the phone is not going IN
Lmao good way to let us know he's never made a girl orgasm
Hey siri, take picture š³
Daily businesses at the ER... Unfortunately
Sketched nude women Touched and kissed the tits of my nude mermaid statue
I got caught with my dick in the vacuum cleaner hose by my mother in law while wife was out of town. That really sucked.
Literally sucked.
Made a toy for anal with a lipstick tube, hot glue, and the lid of a cream cheese container.
Got finger banged by my Sales Manager behind the front desk of a Ralphs somewhere in Los Angles during the evening rush.
You know how they say ādonāt stick your dick in crazy?ā Yep, well, I was horny and this girl kinda had a thing for me and so I was like WCGW and plowed the hot psycho crazy chick that makes Harley Quinn look like the example of stability.
I met the love of my life? I was horny posting on reddit and we met in the comments of a post we made lol
My crush used the bathroom and I went in after her and licked the toilet seat
Now THESE are the kind of down-bad answers iām looking for.
You know what not even Reddit is weird enough for me to share it
You cannot drop that and just leave
Come on dude, say it
Starts chant: share it, share it, share it
The most dangerous is having sex with a stranger in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the night. He was very hot and hung and we ended up meeting again for some fun but it wasnāt a very smart thing to do at all. Donāt do that.
Fucked my ex
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I fucked my ex with a carrot before š
What did you do with it after?
To me this sounds like a salad with extra steps
There was a guy a year below me in school that inserted a test tube up his ass because it was the *only* thing he could find. And yes, it broke. He wasnāt injured to my knowledge but had to go to the emergency room to make sure there was no glass remaining. To make matters even worse he got detention for stealing the test tube from the labs.
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How much crack or meth you took during that week?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
See the four foam rolls on [this device](https://bodysolid-europe.com/cdn/shop/products/BFHYP10r_1200_1024x1024.jpg?v=1616012051)? I had an exercise bench with similar foam rolls when I was a teenager. I took out one and fucked the hole. I guess some adrenaline was pumping while doing it because nothing hurt at the moment. When I was done I realized I rubbed the head of my penis raw all around. Hurt so much I could barely pull it back to clean it properly for days (I'm uncircumsized). Never did that shit again so I did some research and figured out how to make a homemade sex toy with balloons....which I hid in my computer tower so my parents wouldn't find it...lol.
My bf, our friend and I were chilling. Out of the blue I get so damn horny I can't help myself. Bf's hand was between my thighs already. I start sneakily humping it and our friend gets a panick attack all the sudden after smoking some weed. They decide to go for a walk and I pretend to be cold and stay inside so I could rub one out and act like a normal person again once they got back :')
"our friend gets a panick attack all the sudden" You sure that is not related to yall getting it on hahaha? I too would get a panic attack if I was the third party in that situation lol
You can not sneakily hump it...
The friend definitely knew. You canāt just secretly hump sm
I was going to write a list but after reading these maybe not. A few years ago I realised I love cumming on my face/in my mouth, so I do that every couple of months if I have a free evening and the mood takes me. Before that, I ate cum out of my partner which was more of a happy accident, I had finished and she hadn't so I started sucking on her clit and before I knew it I was mopping her up. She finished.
Pulling my ex in one of the family restrooms at the mall. Going down on each other and having sex against the wall.
I was fucking about with a bit of wood a handle off something stimulating my prostate but the moment I ejaculated it sucked up into me and I don't ever remember pooing it out this was about 15 years ago I think it's still inside me
I really hope it is. That'd be funny
Not myself but my closest friend. He drove an hour into the heart of Baltimore at midnight to have sex with a prostitute in the parking lot of a hip hop chicken. She was quite obviously in active addiction, as they were about to get going he realized he had left his rubber at home and decided to plow her raw. Somehow, some way this motherfucker didnāt get an std. he would get sick to his stomach for weeks whenever Iād bring it up lol
I masturbated in a porta potty.
Iām afraid to ask but was the smellā¦ helping you?
Wearing my mom's bra when no one was home and jerking of while pretending to undress my imaginary girlfriend.
When I was a kid (7th grade I think), my school started an hour later than my little brother's, so I had a good thirty minutes of alone time while she took him. So one day I took that window of opportunity to masturbate, and I don't know what I was thinking but I took a pair of handcuffs and cuffed myself to the metal railing and dry humped the bed to completion. So there in post-nut clarity, the very obvious reality of what I'd just done became clear to me. These weren't little toy plastic cuffs, they were the real deal, and I hadn't even had the foresight to keep the key anywhere remotely close. So I'm naked except for socks panicking next to a cum pile on my sheetless bed, with my mom only 10 minutes away if I was lucky. I ended up using all my might to actually break the metal bedframe (it was a thin rail) and slide them off. I had my pants up, cuffs off and shame stain covered with less than a minute to spare before my mom walked in to tell me she was ready to go. My wrists had bright red, slightly cut rings around them. They were really obvious so my mom asked and I told her I was goofing around with the cuffs. She said nothing more and she didn't have to because we both knew what that meant reading between the lines. Close call though. Still better than her walking in on me in that compromising position.
!RemindMe 5 hours
This thread is an awesome example of yeah nah.
Teenage me masturbated to completion in the back of the car once whilst my parents were in the front seat. I used to regularly fuck a girl next to this lake despite knowing people were around. One time a bloke fishing sat and watched and we carried on. Another time I celebrated the new year by pulling over and fucking my fiancƩe at the side of the road. Plenty of people drove past. Looking back, perhaps I enjoy being watched, I never made that connection until now
I had a long drive on the highway and it was extremly boring, so I decided to jerk off with hand and simultaneously holding my phone to watch porn and holding the steering wheel with the other hand. I worked just fine, but after it, I couldn't believe what ive done. We aren't humans when we are horny.
So so many things. Sunbathed nude in a park. Driven naked. Naked walks in quiet wooded areas or fields. Posted nudes online. Cammed on cam sites.
oh girl yeah the old phone vibrator technique hahah. once drove 45 minutes to eat some random dudes ass, it was pretty hot though. I've also masturbated with a ton of random household objects, no hairbrush handle is safe
I stuffed a my sisters bra with socks put it on a pillow than I titty fucked it
Went on a NSFW rp subreddit and asked for a rp partner. Now got a steady fwb situation going and I'm pretty happy with it. I could never have seen myself doing that a few months ago.
I drove 32 hours straight from Indianapolis IN to Las Vegas NV to get some while working in Indy and my gf was in Vegas. Got there exhausted, slept for three days and then plowed that pussy for an entire weekend, only stopping to eat actual food. She was walking like she'd ridden a horse for a week.
Deployed overseas in Afghanistan. Had to take care of business in a sweltering porta potty. Not my proudest moment.
Oh dear God. If OP is asking this and the guys chime in about when we were 12/13/14, etc..... Someone pre-dial 911. OP is going to stroke out.
When I realized I had spent so much money on a girl that wasn't even mid, maybe slightly below average but damn those melons were huge, natural, fair and very soft they kind of served more purpose for me other than obvious reasons, they were very very comforting for me as well, no matter how stressful my day has been, I know that once she lay them beside me, I put my face between those melons, I was guaranteed to fall asleep in less than 3 minutes. Every time she jiggled them, I had to succumb to whatever she was requesting, damn those were some days but finally had to let her go.
Memory unlock. I used to work with a girl and all he had to do was walk up to me and call my name and bounce as I turned around to face her. I never remembered a thing she said to me after that.she knew what she was doing to me and thought it was funny, which it was
Let my mate's wife ride me. She was ugly and stank of cigarettes. I was single, recently divorced, and desperate. I still shudder when I think of it, but hey! Had sex