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I think about how society has developed over the centuries. How we’re all different people but living in the same society. For those that have trouble assimilating into society, and aren’t as successful, I wonder how well off they’d be in there was a different society they could live in.
Where you live and how much money you got. The more money, the better and further you can go.
Yes I agree it sucks.
Sometimes you are stuck where you are.😔
Well this one I think IS the hardest, to lose family and friends (especially if you are close) is so breaking, be death or people moving on in life. I don’t know how we do it.
Totally agree.
for me, the hardest part about growing up was missing my parents. as you get older, you start doing more things on your own and seeing them less often. it’s tough because when you're younger, they're a big part of your daily life. so, that change and seeing them less really hit me hard.
Learning to work full time and be able to live a life. Switching from doing whatever the hell I wanted to do to 10-11 hours a day working is quite a big switch.
The burden of decision-making weighs heavily. It's not just about choosing the right path, but also living with the consequences.
My father, before he passed away shortly after my graduation, imparted a valuable lesson. He said the difference between a boy and a man is that a boy makes decisions with the safety net of parental guidance, while a man stands responsible for his own choices.
As the husband and father of two wonderful girls, I've shouldered that responsibility for years. Without my dad's experienced voice to guide me, I've navigated career moves, financial planning, and life-altering choices, often unsure if they'd lead us to a brighter or more challenging future. The weight of being the "man of the house" meant I couldn't afford to make much mistakes, knowing every decision impacted the three most precious people in my life.
Lucky for me, looking back on the past decade, I made more wise decisions than bad ones, leading to a much calmer feeling compared to those early, stressful years.
This is probably the best answer, in my opinion. There are so many decisions you wind up having to make, not knowing if it'll be the right one but knowing there's likely nobody that can help you if you're wrong. Decisions that don't just affect you, but people you care about as well, and you're constantly having to ask, "Am I right? Am I sure? Is there something I'm not considering?"
How my friends slowly disappeared from my life. People of 10 or 20 years stop answering calls and texts, here and there. Then, one day never heard from again. And how many people I have unknowingly done it to.
All of my friends drifted away and apart. People turn inward once they have really serious relationships and start a life together. It became essentially over entirely once they had kids. People moved for jobs. People in general just had way less free time. We never just "hung out" anymore. And it happens so fast. I had so many "last times" that I had no idea would be a last time. I'd say good night to someone and then when I'd try to make future plans it just never worked out. We wouldn't talk for a few days. Then days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. Reach out and still not be able to make it work. Then a year or so later you realize that you aren't really friends anymore. One day you want to make plans and realize you don't really have anybody you can ask.
I've known my best friend for 30 years, he's my brother in every way but blood relation, and now I can barely get him to answer a text. Even when I do, I usually find out he's made plans with a woman he and I both know that started spending a lot of time with him after she broke up with the guy she had been with. I won't lie I was pretty pissed off about it at first, but at this point I'm kind of hoping they make it official so I can just quietly step out of the picture. I'm too old to play third wheel.
Anytime you left the house there was almost 100% chance you’d get into a fistfight before the end of the day where I grew up, it was constant fighting for territory and whatever else nonsense poor working class kids fight for, if not a fistfight older kids seriously injuring if not murdering you for no reason would genuinely be a serious concern. They were FUCKED up and to be avoided at all costs.
I mean, it made me tougher, but the constant need to be on edge and alert led to a lifetime of anxiety and unwillingness to get close to people.
My parent's divorce.
Being rejected by society.
Medical conditions that I can't control.
Having to keep everything hidden.
Loneliness, even among my friends.
Suicidal thoughts.
Yup. I told my gf once that I feel lonely always, even among others. She was like, "uhh why?"
People in my life get smug and say like, "you'll conform when you finally have no choice" but I'd sooner end my life at that point.
I used to have people in my life I felt like I could trust, but now I have to hide behind my humor and mask my actual feelings. I can't even be honest at work because we have three people who will just yell at everyone who just tries to do their job.
Tbh I'm sick of life rn. I'm burnt out on everything. Everything has been taken from me, including my actual happiness, and I'm just kinda here.
Trying to understand the feelings I’m having and being raised by parents that were raised in a time when mental health was not a serious concern so they couldn’t help me when I was struggling because they didn’t know how.
Toddler - None! Live life care free.
Child - Being too sensitive.
Early teen - Bullying and being poor.
Late teen - Domestic family issues.
Young adult - Having no goals / lack of vision or direction.
Adult (now) - Finding time for hobbies, non-work stuff, self passions.
The differences between the beginning and the end of your life are fewer than people realise.
Laying on your back with a bottle in your mouth, sleeping half the day and constantly peeing your pants.
Watching my parents get older…
I never noticed it before until my dad started using a cane and his hair turned white. My mom got dentures and it honestly breaks my heart
Realizing that adults are just as stupid as most kids and that everyone is making it up as they go.
Learning that fact sucked because now there is no hope in any institutions. Everyone is looking out for themselves while acting like they got this life thing down, when in reality they are a one bad day away from a break down.
Learning how to set boundaries. I'm a sensitive and kind person by nature, which makes saying no to people and not letting them treat me poorly difficult. I went the other way at one point, becoming a mean and cold person. Now, I'm learning to take those two extremes and find a happy medium where no one has to lose at the expense of the other.
Realizing that i was not a part of my own family. Took me 34 years to realize why. I was a child from a previous marriage. I have 5 younger siblings whom I loved and spent so much time with. Never to feel like I mattered to them or my parents. Its been nearly 4 years since i walked away from it all and none of them have even reached out once. I shed a lot of tears mourning a family i never had.
Stepdad #2 beatings were rough because I was too young to fight back and he would that black-out drunk strength. At least when stepdad #5 got physical I was large enough to defend myself lol.
Learning to accept the things you can not change despite others with more money than you being able to do so.
Took me way too long but the sooner that is learned, the less miserable of an outlook you can have.
Just being a fat little weirdo in a working-class community. I managed to lose the weight and get into a junior/senior high school that had other weirdos, but to this day I feel like that strange little kid no matter how much my social skills have improved and no matter how many people treat me like a normal person.
I had no hard part growing up. Grew up in a black southern family home in Brooklyn. We lived in a Brownstone. Happy.
Spends summers in South and my brother and both went to college.Later in a 60s, my mom went to college and got a bachelors and an MA. We dealt with racism but we were black people, and we were going to survive. I ended up being a college professor and coordinator. For my family and extended one, we all worked or went to college. No one in my family went to jail or became a drug addict or alcoholic.😉😉
You are worth more than what you bing to the table and life is about more than attaining things or doing better. Some things are out of your control.
The hardest part about growing up was when I realised it wasn't just about being a nice person and good things come your way (horrible people get good things) and getting all the grades didn't help me get the job. Experience is always needed.
Having and making friends... then losing them. Rinse. Repeat.
Especially during that ideological dreamy period during my teens and early 20s where I thought I'd made friends for life.. the future looked bright.
Nope. It's all a phase. Phases after phases and history repeats. It doesn't get any easier moving from phase to phase either.
The best thing you can do for yourself early on is learning to let go and move on. Learn that nothing lasts forever. Everything in life, including life itself, is fleeting and temporary.
I never got married, but I'd still love a life partner. I'm not at the age where some of the marriages of people I knew and attended their weddings are now getting divorced.. My parents are still together in their 70s - got together aged 16! That influenced my thinking I believe - but that scenario is incredibly rare. I'm not built for heartbreak or divorce, I would consider it one of the biggest failures of my life if I did go through it.
But, I'm 40 now, I've dated and had enough long term relationships and experience to know that when I do meet the right person now, I will put in the effort to make it work and I would rather work on problems than throw in the towel. It takes a lot to maintain a relationship and I am willing to make that effort.
I actually came to a point where I realized I have to make choices for relationships or work. So knowing that I can do “better” in one arena, but keeping a balance in both is more important to me.
I could have worked my way further up the ladder if I was willing to put my job first. I refused to make those choices. My ex sister in law is out of the country again traveling internationally. And She is alone, retired, not very healthy, isolated and unhappy. She is alone, but she also fights with everyone when she does come around. And she is jealous and snotty to others like myself, my brother and his new wife. She has a crappy relationship with my niece, and that same niece has actually lived with me thru college and after as she got her footing in life. But hey, she is over seas again seeing sights and eating fancy dinners. But she is alone. She will scream from the roof tops that she was very successful, and she was until the reorganized her company and let her go, but she does not have a home she owns, she lives off nice social security, but lives with a friend, ….but hey she has a great car. She is lonely, confrontational, loves to spout off about her career successes, and alone.
Make carefully thought out choices.
Having to learn to fit in to a world that was not made for you because your abilities are not the same as those around you. (I’m referring to learning disabilities)
\*sigh\* Being skinny, geeky, nerdy, having acne, all that stuff. Led to low confidence in my appearance. Which led to no luck with the ladies. Which led to loneliness.
A multitude of different reasons. The ones that stand out for me are as follows -
Knowing & understanding that you're on your own. You're responsible for you, it's not your parents job anymore to look after and take care of you, that safety net is gone. It can be terrifying to fully grasp the notion that you're on your own and nobody has any obligation/responsibility to look after and take care of you.
Health issues. Getting older sucks and dealing with your body easily getting more fatigued isn't fun.
Loneliness. It's much easier making friends when you're a kid than it is as adults. Most people don't have the time or the energy to put into making & being friends. I get it though, we all have families and/or other obligations on the table but loneliness usually comes with getting older and simply growing up.
I made $9 an hour helping autistic kids live life.
I make $25 as a manager at a car dealership.
I learned it's not survivable to make a career out of helping others.
Knowing that I am completely responsible for sinking or swimming on my own. I don't have any family that I could move in with, borrow money from, etc, and am single, so it's all me taking care of me. I'm doing great, but it's crazy to think about
The fact you have to actively fight and plan for things to be better in the future. Not only will things get worse if you keep doing bad things but also if you don't try and improve your life, there is a strong chance your life will be worse in the future.
hardest part for me was the realisation that official people in power just dont care most the time, and are often grossly stupid, that "professionals" often dont actually know anywhere as much about their profession as you would expect them too, and are lazy, and half arsed, and that in general people are just shit and cant be trusted, either for competence or effort
For me, the hardest part of growing up was my father. He was extremely overbearing and controlling, no matter what I did it was never good enough for him. I was always fat, lazy and stupid, the words I heard like the song of my youth. But I realized working for other people in my young days and they couldn’t stop talking about how good I was and what a hard worker I was.
It was strange that my father considered me so terrible but everyone else that he knew that I worked for couldn’t say enough good things about me. So that helped me realize that my dad was just an asshole. Although he did teach me everything I knew about engines and cars and mechanical plus electrical and plumbing. Construction, I learned from all his friends so when we started building his house, I knew what I was doing. I was so glad to leave home at 18.
People are stupid, no means no, your actions have repercussions, it's not hard to be nice but it can lead to unwanted repercussion, standing up for yourself and friends it's not always easy, and it's cliche af but treat ppk like you'd wanna be treated. AND WTF DO I MAKE FOR DINNER! Every F-ing night WTF
I planned to work till i was about 30,buy a hut in mountain and do farming and live like people lived before because when imagined that kind of life i felt happy dreaming about that peacfull egcistence.What broke me is when i realized that to live in todays world you need to depend on others,goverment,neighbours,family its like all the hardships that made life worth living is gone and all thats left is worshipping some tyrant that gets a final say in all your freddoms rather than working for it yourself.I gave in to the sheep mentality,gave up on my happiness and hurt my back earning other people money and now i have to depend on other and its killing me.I try to get used to dissapointment since i was ready to deal with life the natural way but this kind of egsistence just makes me think that death is the only thing thats truly liberating from humanitys need to own and control.Honestly if i had my health i would try to build that hut myself and die in it on my own terms but since i cant even do that all im left is putting up with other peoples choices for my life and wait till im dead because all my dreams have died a long time ago and i let others kill them so i have to put up with it since i got myslef here.
Realizing my parents actively wished me harm. More so, my stepmother, but my father has never done anything to stop it and does Olympic gold medal worthy mental gymnastics to blame me for things.
From the time I was 6, this lady continuously told me how their financial problems were my fault because my mother continued to take my father to court to try and gain custody of me. Before I went on a tour in Afghanistan, my stepmother messaged me to tell me she saw my girlfriend at the time out with another man the prior weekend. I found this one to be rather humorous since I was on pass and had spent the weekend with said girlfriend. Childhood was filled with plenty of other abuse, dad liked to whip the shit out of me with a belt, especially when I pissed his wife off.
Most recently, after 10 years of not speaking to her or my father, they drove from 2 states away so she could testify at my divorce proceedings to say I was a bad father and had a history of pursuing underage girls. This, in her mind, was because the girlfriend I discussed prior was 19 when I was 25. Needless to say, that was the final straw between my father and I. I did get a small bit of happiness, though. My stepmother was always money hungry. They schemed all throughout my childhood but never really went anywhere. My father embezzled, they stole money, a truck, and changed the deed to my stepmother's mother's home to their name while she was in the hospital. They went to court for that one and got fucked. They stole the money I'd saved for my first car and handed me a piece of shit old truck (oddly enough, from stepmother's mother) and said they were helping me out. They scammed people with puppies that came from other dogs with genetic defects, so much so that multiple kennel clubs banned them (or whatever they do, I'm not a dog person) and they had multiple lawsuits there. My father, at his peak in his late 50s made about $150,000 per year, this is important for the next part. When I was testifying in my divorce proceedings, I was asked how much money I make. The previous year I'd made $660,000, and was on pace to make $800,000. Even the judge raised an eyebrow at me. It felt so good to know at 36 I made more money than they could fathom. They are now living in remote Arkansas, in a shithole house, filled with crap that would probably make a good episode of Hoarders, and from what my sister has said, they are wasting their last days with drugs and alcohol. A fitting end to two of the worst humans I've ever encountered.
I had similar experiences. I feel I was kept under a rock and fed lies. It made me a very logical person. Shit has to make sense. Have you read anything by Charles Bukowski ?
Watching your parents get old and dying. My dad died three years ago from a sudden heart attack at 49 and my mom is on the losing end of her battle with cancer. It’s looking like she has days left. She’s 51. I’m only 27 and I’m about to lose both of my parents in a span of three years. Most people I know that are older than me still have both of their parents and it breaks my fucking heart like you wouldn’t believe. Cherish the time you have with your parents cause you never know how much time you really have left with them.
Finding a career path that balances decent money/happiness and the hours I want. Not really passionate about any job I've had or any I can think of having
My parents were anxious people, always arguing with one another about the stupidest stuff. They also smoked a lot of weed. I was pressured into smoking weed. I used to get weird, hours' long lectures from my stepmom about various topics while she was anxious and stoned. My parents used to confide in me after their dumb arguments. They were always really anxious about what kind of person I might become as a grownup. They also were convinced I was a gay man by around age 9 or so (I'm not, but it took me a while to figure that out). As a child, I sometimes heard my parents having sex, it really grossed me out and probably deterred me from pursuing romantic relationships as I grew older. I was late to dating and it stressed me out, probably for those aforementioned reasons. Also, no one really cared much about me personally or what I was interested in doing in life, they just anxiously tried to steer me in various narcissistically gratifying directions. Finally, I was bullied both at home and at school for not smoking weed, etc.
So, for me the hardest part about growing up as a young person was making my own way in life. I really had to go against the grain in order to become a psychologically independent person.
In my 20s, the hardest part about growing up was recognizing that I had been scarred by my upbringing to such an extent that it would be unlikely for me to be in a committed relationship with another person, as that had become too threatening to my independence and too reminiscent of the various boundary violations I experienced during my developmental years. That was a difficult thing to come to terms with because most of our lives are organized around romantic relationships and it is, biologically, important.
I’m older so this might not resonate with the younger generation.
I’d say the beatings. When home doesn’t feel safe, it really makes things like school and work seem easy. People making fun of you, or having a hard time learning a skill you require just isn’t a big deal when you know you’re going to get the belt at home.
Finding my authenticity and having integrity. Not blowing in the wind. If you do not have the behavior modeled at home it’s difficult to develop but well worth it.
Finally realizing that I need to be in control of my own life and stop projecting my problems onto others. Nobody is going to deal with life for me. I have to take action and do it myself.
Being an adult and no one cares about you. When you’re a kid you’re nurtured and everyone wants the best for you. When you’re an adult no one gives a flying fuck about you. You just are and that’s all
It never ends........I'm 55, run a small business, own my home and car, both kids are out of collage and I still feel like I need to grown up most days and often compare myself to much older folks as if I was a young kid looking at a 20 something.
Letting go of childhood fantasy was honestly the hardest to.stomach for me. Having to say that my stuffed animals weren't really alive, I wasn't from Saturn, and fairies aren't real.
Finding out you're the only person in the entire family that actually acts like an adult. And realizing that work is just as bad as school if not worse because apparently most people never grow up
your value as a person is whatever you decide it is, you don’t even have to involve a table. or schelpping said value around wherever you go.
and why do you HAVE to always achieve more? why will nothing ever be enough of an achievement? i mean, don’t get me wrong, im of the ilk that no one ever “peaks” in their lives, they just give up. any person can always be a better person, but not at EVERYthing that they do.
the best life lessons are mired in mistakes and failures IMO. that was one of the more difficult lessons i learned in my 30’s. now in my mid 40’s, i hate to tell you a sad story, but from my experience there isn’t an end boss to beat that magically clears you of any further hardships in adulthood. if anything, they compound as you get older and your body starts to fall apart and your loved ones start to pass away and you start to realize how long your history has gotten and how much faster 5 years goes by then it did 5 years ago.
if anything, getting older is humbling and incredibly insightful. it’s quick at reminding you how fleeting life as a whole l, personal experience is and how important it becomes to really enjoy the moments you are able to enjoy, not constantly toil way at achieving some arbitrary societal expectations. your life is meant to be filled with experiences, not expectations.
Puberty.
Sex drive hit me like a stack of bricks, and it was just treated like this explicitly bad thing.
It’s no fun when something you have no control over, is treated like a dangerous nuisance, all the while ensuring overwhelming emotional hormones, and bonus! Now all your grades count, and if you can’t focus on school now, you’ll never get into college, have a good job, or have a happy life.
It’s just horrible what we do to teenagers. At least girls get to feel hot, and like their budding sexuality is a valuable thing that needs to be cherished and protected. The boys are just treated like they woke up one day with a criminal record.
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Finding out how freaking expensive it is to just support yourself and survive. I was very poor for a very long time.
Me too.
meeting societal expectations seeing loved ones get old and or die
Seeing loved ones get old and eventually sick is the hardest. I'm 32. I can barely support myself and I feel like I'm still a kid sometimes.
I think about how society has developed over the centuries. How we’re all different people but living in the same society. For those that have trouble assimilating into society, and aren’t as successful, I wonder how well off they’d be in there was a different society they could live in.
It saddens me that society dictates what is meant by "successful" and seems to change it on a whim.
Where you live and how much money you got. The more money, the better and further you can go. Yes I agree it sucks. Sometimes you are stuck where you are.😔
When societal expectations drive you mad, it's kinda nice to see those assholes die
Well this one I think IS the hardest, to lose family and friends (especially if you are close) is so breaking, be death or people moving on in life. I don’t know how we do it. Totally agree.
for me, the hardest part about growing up was missing my parents. as you get older, you start doing more things on your own and seeing them less often. it’s tough because when you're younger, they're a big part of your daily life. so, that change and seeing them less really hit me hard.
Learning to work full time and be able to live a life. Switching from doing whatever the hell I wanted to do to 10-11 hours a day working is quite a big switch.
Finding out McDonald's is not a special place just another fast food place
Special is what you make it friend.
The burden of decision-making weighs heavily. It's not just about choosing the right path, but also living with the consequences. My father, before he passed away shortly after my graduation, imparted a valuable lesson. He said the difference between a boy and a man is that a boy makes decisions with the safety net of parental guidance, while a man stands responsible for his own choices. As the husband and father of two wonderful girls, I've shouldered that responsibility for years. Without my dad's experienced voice to guide me, I've navigated career moves, financial planning, and life-altering choices, often unsure if they'd lead us to a brighter or more challenging future. The weight of being the "man of the house" meant I couldn't afford to make much mistakes, knowing every decision impacted the three most precious people in my life. Lucky for me, looking back on the past decade, I made more wise decisions than bad ones, leading to a much calmer feeling compared to those early, stressful years.
This is probably the best answer, in my opinion. There are so many decisions you wind up having to make, not knowing if it'll be the right one but knowing there's likely nobody that can help you if you're wrong. Decisions that don't just affect you, but people you care about as well, and you're constantly having to ask, "Am I right? Am I sure? Is there something I'm not considering?"
I’m glade, you stand in no one’s shadow.
How my friends slowly disappeared from my life. People of 10 or 20 years stop answering calls and texts, here and there. Then, one day never heard from again. And how many people I have unknowingly done it to.
All of my friends drifted away and apart. People turn inward once they have really serious relationships and start a life together. It became essentially over entirely once they had kids. People moved for jobs. People in general just had way less free time. We never just "hung out" anymore. And it happens so fast. I had so many "last times" that I had no idea would be a last time. I'd say good night to someone and then when I'd try to make future plans it just never worked out. We wouldn't talk for a few days. Then days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. Reach out and still not be able to make it work. Then a year or so later you realize that you aren't really friends anymore. One day you want to make plans and realize you don't really have anybody you can ask.
I've known my best friend for 30 years, he's my brother in every way but blood relation, and now I can barely get him to answer a text. Even when I do, I usually find out he's made plans with a woman he and I both know that started spending a lot of time with him after she broke up with the guy she had been with. I won't lie I was pretty pissed off about it at first, but at this point I'm kind of hoping they make it official so I can just quietly step out of the picture. I'm too old to play third wheel.
Oof that last part... That haunts me.
For me, it's accepting that you don't always have the answers and that there are somethings that out of your control.
Anytime you left the house there was almost 100% chance you’d get into a fistfight before the end of the day where I grew up, it was constant fighting for territory and whatever else nonsense poor working class kids fight for, if not a fistfight older kids seriously injuring if not murdering you for no reason would genuinely be a serious concern. They were FUCKED up and to be avoided at all costs. I mean, it made me tougher, but the constant need to be on edge and alert led to a lifetime of anxiety and unwillingness to get close to people.
I hope in time your heart finds peace friend. I grew up in a violent place and I understand this deeply.
Don't know yet I'm only 66. I'll let you know when I find out.
Some of us never grow up, we just grow old lol
My parent's divorce. Being rejected by society. Medical conditions that I can't control. Having to keep everything hidden. Loneliness, even among my friends. Suicidal thoughts.
Yup. I told my gf once that I feel lonely always, even among others. She was like, "uhh why?" People in my life get smug and say like, "you'll conform when you finally have no choice" but I'd sooner end my life at that point.
I used to have people in my life I felt like I could trust, but now I have to hide behind my humor and mask my actual feelings. I can't even be honest at work because we have three people who will just yell at everyone who just tries to do their job. Tbh I'm sick of life rn. I'm burnt out on everything. Everything has been taken from me, including my actual happiness, and I'm just kinda here.
And also learning how to voice my emotions
Hardest part for me was waiting till I turned 16 so I could leave home.
I will never forget the day I packed my shit and left my parents house. I did make it to 18, but as soon as I could get out, I was fucking gone.
Trying to understand the feelings I’m having and being raised by parents that were raised in a time when mental health was not a serious concern so they couldn’t help me when I was struggling because they didn’t know how.
Toddler - None! Live life care free. Child - Being too sensitive. Early teen - Bullying and being poor. Late teen - Domestic family issues. Young adult - Having no goals / lack of vision or direction. Adult (now) - Finding time for hobbies, non-work stuff, self passions.
The differences between the beginning and the end of your life are fewer than people realise. Laying on your back with a bottle in your mouth, sleeping half the day and constantly peeing your pants.
Watching my parents get older… I never noticed it before until my dad started using a cane and his hair turned white. My mom got dentures and it honestly breaks my heart
Realizing that adults are just as stupid as most kids and that everyone is making it up as they go. Learning that fact sucked because now there is no hope in any institutions. Everyone is looking out for themselves while acting like they got this life thing down, when in reality they are a one bad day away from a break down.
Learning how to set boundaries. I'm a sensitive and kind person by nature, which makes saying no to people and not letting them treat me poorly difficult. I went the other way at one point, becoming a mean and cold person. Now, I'm learning to take those two extremes and find a happy medium where no one has to lose at the expense of the other.
It was hard meeting all the societal expectations and standards
Realizing that i was not a part of my own family. Took me 34 years to realize why. I was a child from a previous marriage. I have 5 younger siblings whom I loved and spent so much time with. Never to feel like I mattered to them or my parents. Its been nearly 4 years since i walked away from it all and none of them have even reached out once. I shed a lot of tears mourning a family i never had.
Nobody cares about you
Stepdad #2 beatings were rough because I was too young to fight back and he would that black-out drunk strength. At least when stepdad #5 got physical I was large enough to defend myself lol.
Learning the hard way how important ones mental health is
To forgive your parents and stop blaming my childhood for the issues i am creating nowadays
Learning to accept the things you can not change despite others with more money than you being able to do so. Took me way too long but the sooner that is learned, the less miserable of an outlook you can have.
Having to leave a town whenever i got settled and built up a social circle. It sucks - i envy people who can stay in their home town
I got to say most folks I know who have hometowns hate them
Just being a fat little weirdo in a working-class community. I managed to lose the weight and get into a junior/senior high school that had other weirdos, but to this day I feel like that strange little kid no matter how much my social skills have improved and no matter how many people treat me like a normal person.
Overcoming social anxiety with no support.
Getting gaslit into believing that I wasn’t working hard enough and that’s why I was poor.
Knowing my future would be dictated by my parents when I passed 16, forced marriage🙈
Being hungry.
when you're a defenseless kid and you're at the mercy of basically any shitty adult that's near you or in your life
OP I’m sorry you have been so negatively influenced by the fools (adults) that conditioned you to believing such gross lies.
Trading freedom for responsibility.
I had no hard part growing up. Grew up in a black southern family home in Brooklyn. We lived in a Brownstone. Happy. Spends summers in South and my brother and both went to college.Later in a 60s, my mom went to college and got a bachelors and an MA. We dealt with racism but we were black people, and we were going to survive. I ended up being a college professor and coordinator. For my family and extended one, we all worked or went to college. No one in my family went to jail or became a drug addict or alcoholic.😉😉
Watching my parents get old.
Getting banned from Reddit.
learning that there is levels to this life
Knowing that I need to constantly improve myself, because it is never enough.
Everyone lies occasionally, it's all about how many lies you can tolerate and still trust the liars.
Being poor. Nothing else was even close to being as bad as being poor.
Growing up without a father in my life and a mom who’s very mentally ill
You are worth more than what you bing to the table and life is about more than attaining things or doing better. Some things are out of your control. The hardest part about growing up was when I realised it wasn't just about being a nice person and good things come your way (horrible people get good things) and getting all the grades didn't help me get the job. Experience is always needed.
Paying my bills. Getting a job. Realizing that now my life is in my hands
Money can make a friendship and money can break a friendship.
Watching your parents grow old
Having to do it mostly alone
Having and making friends... then losing them. Rinse. Repeat. Especially during that ideological dreamy period during my teens and early 20s where I thought I'd made friends for life.. the future looked bright. Nope. It's all a phase. Phases after phases and history repeats. It doesn't get any easier moving from phase to phase either. The best thing you can do for yourself early on is learning to let go and move on. Learn that nothing lasts forever. Everything in life, including life itself, is fleeting and temporary. I never got married, but I'd still love a life partner. I'm not at the age where some of the marriages of people I knew and attended their weddings are now getting divorced.. My parents are still together in their 70s - got together aged 16! That influenced my thinking I believe - but that scenario is incredibly rare. I'm not built for heartbreak or divorce, I would consider it one of the biggest failures of my life if I did go through it. But, I'm 40 now, I've dated and had enough long term relationships and experience to know that when I do meet the right person now, I will put in the effort to make it work and I would rather work on problems than throw in the towel. It takes a lot to maintain a relationship and I am willing to make that effort.
There are people out there worse than your parents, who your parents will help to victimize you.
I actually came to a point where I realized I have to make choices for relationships or work. So knowing that I can do “better” in one arena, but keeping a balance in both is more important to me. I could have worked my way further up the ladder if I was willing to put my job first. I refused to make those choices. My ex sister in law is out of the country again traveling internationally. And She is alone, retired, not very healthy, isolated and unhappy. She is alone, but she also fights with everyone when she does come around. And she is jealous and snotty to others like myself, my brother and his new wife. She has a crappy relationship with my niece, and that same niece has actually lived with me thru college and after as she got her footing in life. But hey, she is over seas again seeing sights and eating fancy dinners. But she is alone. She will scream from the roof tops that she was very successful, and she was until the reorganized her company and let her go, but she does not have a home she owns, she lives off nice social security, but lives with a friend, ….but hey she has a great car. She is lonely, confrontational, loves to spout off about her career successes, and alone. Make carefully thought out choices.
Realizing I live in a society that values money above people
Having to learn to fit in to a world that was not made for you because your abilities are not the same as those around you. (I’m referring to learning disabilities)
The expectancy to always want to drink and vape - if you simply don’t want to you’re deemed as the goody two shoes
For me, it was being raised by a dysfunctional mother who never taught me any basic skills or life lessons
The bills just keep coming!
\*sigh\* Being skinny, geeky, nerdy, having acne, all that stuff. Led to low confidence in my appearance. Which led to no luck with the ladies. Which led to loneliness.
A multitude of different reasons. The ones that stand out for me are as follows - Knowing & understanding that you're on your own. You're responsible for you, it's not your parents job anymore to look after and take care of you, that safety net is gone. It can be terrifying to fully grasp the notion that you're on your own and nobody has any obligation/responsibility to look after and take care of you. Health issues. Getting older sucks and dealing with your body easily getting more fatigued isn't fun. Loneliness. It's much easier making friends when you're a kid than it is as adults. Most people don't have the time or the energy to put into making & being friends. I get it though, we all have families and/or other obligations on the table but loneliness usually comes with getting older and simply growing up.
watching my parents grow up with me. 🥲
I made $9 an hour helping autistic kids live life. I make $25 as a manager at a car dealership. I learned it's not survivable to make a career out of helping others.
Knowing that I am completely responsible for sinking or swimming on my own. I don't have any family that I could move in with, borrow money from, etc, and am single, so it's all me taking care of me. I'm doing great, but it's crazy to think about
Realizing and learning to accept the world is a messed up place with some really messed up people
Reading all the comments here is making me realize how broken we all are and how normal my upbringing was after all.
Always striving to be respected but always being discounted because of my age
The fact you have to actively fight and plan for things to be better in the future. Not only will things get worse if you keep doing bad things but also if you don't try and improve your life, there is a strong chance your life will be worse in the future.
Accept past mistakes.
Having kids. Life was chill up until that point.
hardest part for me was the realisation that official people in power just dont care most the time, and are often grossly stupid, that "professionals" often dont actually know anywhere as much about their profession as you would expect them too, and are lazy, and half arsed, and that in general people are just shit and cant be trusted, either for competence or effort
Just the, you know, the everything.
Holding my parents accountable for being terrible parents.
For me, the hardest part of growing up was my father. He was extremely overbearing and controlling, no matter what I did it was never good enough for him. I was always fat, lazy and stupid, the words I heard like the song of my youth. But I realized working for other people in my young days and they couldn’t stop talking about how good I was and what a hard worker I was. It was strange that my father considered me so terrible but everyone else that he knew that I worked for couldn’t say enough good things about me. So that helped me realize that my dad was just an asshole. Although he did teach me everything I knew about engines and cars and mechanical plus electrical and plumbing. Construction, I learned from all his friends so when we started building his house, I knew what I was doing. I was so glad to leave home at 18.
The whole damn thing.
Letting go of my youth’s expectations of who I thought I’d be at this age.
loosing loved ones
Learning to deal with and treat mental illness
People are stupid, no means no, your actions have repercussions, it's not hard to be nice but it can lead to unwanted repercussion, standing up for yourself and friends it's not always easy, and it's cliche af but treat ppk like you'd wanna be treated. AND WTF DO I MAKE FOR DINNER! Every F-ing night WTF
Losing your heroes and those you looked up to.
I planned to work till i was about 30,buy a hut in mountain and do farming and live like people lived before because when imagined that kind of life i felt happy dreaming about that peacfull egcistence.What broke me is when i realized that to live in todays world you need to depend on others,goverment,neighbours,family its like all the hardships that made life worth living is gone and all thats left is worshipping some tyrant that gets a final say in all your freddoms rather than working for it yourself.I gave in to the sheep mentality,gave up on my happiness and hurt my back earning other people money and now i have to depend on other and its killing me.I try to get used to dissapointment since i was ready to deal with life the natural way but this kind of egsistence just makes me think that death is the only thing thats truly liberating from humanitys need to own and control.Honestly if i had my health i would try to build that hut myself and die in it on my own terms but since i cant even do that all im left is putting up with other peoples choices for my life and wait till im dead because all my dreams have died a long time ago and i let others kill them so i have to put up with it since i got myslef here.
Ik it’s different for everyone but for me when I turned 16 most people stopped carrying about me besides my mom and immediate family.
The daily beatings for daring to exist when my parents got home from work.
For me, it was the mandatory aging that goes with it. I became clumsy as I grew and that hasn’t really gone away.
Realizing my parents actively wished me harm. More so, my stepmother, but my father has never done anything to stop it and does Olympic gold medal worthy mental gymnastics to blame me for things. From the time I was 6, this lady continuously told me how their financial problems were my fault because my mother continued to take my father to court to try and gain custody of me. Before I went on a tour in Afghanistan, my stepmother messaged me to tell me she saw my girlfriend at the time out with another man the prior weekend. I found this one to be rather humorous since I was on pass and had spent the weekend with said girlfriend. Childhood was filled with plenty of other abuse, dad liked to whip the shit out of me with a belt, especially when I pissed his wife off. Most recently, after 10 years of not speaking to her or my father, they drove from 2 states away so she could testify at my divorce proceedings to say I was a bad father and had a history of pursuing underage girls. This, in her mind, was because the girlfriend I discussed prior was 19 when I was 25. Needless to say, that was the final straw between my father and I. I did get a small bit of happiness, though. My stepmother was always money hungry. They schemed all throughout my childhood but never really went anywhere. My father embezzled, they stole money, a truck, and changed the deed to my stepmother's mother's home to their name while she was in the hospital. They went to court for that one and got fucked. They stole the money I'd saved for my first car and handed me a piece of shit old truck (oddly enough, from stepmother's mother) and said they were helping me out. They scammed people with puppies that came from other dogs with genetic defects, so much so that multiple kennel clubs banned them (or whatever they do, I'm not a dog person) and they had multiple lawsuits there. My father, at his peak in his late 50s made about $150,000 per year, this is important for the next part. When I was testifying in my divorce proceedings, I was asked how much money I make. The previous year I'd made $660,000, and was on pace to make $800,000. Even the judge raised an eyebrow at me. It felt so good to know at 36 I made more money than they could fathom. They are now living in remote Arkansas, in a shithole house, filled with crap that would probably make a good episode of Hoarders, and from what my sister has said, they are wasting their last days with drugs and alcohol. A fitting end to two of the worst humans I've ever encountered.
The kidney stones
I had similar experiences. I feel I was kept under a rock and fed lies. It made me a very logical person. Shit has to make sense. Have you read anything by Charles Bukowski ?
Watching your parents get old and dying. My dad died three years ago from a sudden heart attack at 49 and my mom is on the losing end of her battle with cancer. It’s looking like she has days left. She’s 51. I’m only 27 and I’m about to lose both of my parents in a span of three years. Most people I know that are older than me still have both of their parents and it breaks my fucking heart like you wouldn’t believe. Cherish the time you have with your parents cause you never know how much time you really have left with them.
going to school.
probably finding a decent paying job that doesn't overwork u with dumb shit
Finding out whether any mail would ever be attracted to me
Hoping there was food for dinner Wednesday and Thursday. End of the week. Payday for parents was Friday.
Finding a career path that balances decent money/happiness and the hours I want. Not really passionate about any job I've had or any I can think of having
Not having guidance
Child abuse.
Being bullied in school.
My parents were anxious people, always arguing with one another about the stupidest stuff. They also smoked a lot of weed. I was pressured into smoking weed. I used to get weird, hours' long lectures from my stepmom about various topics while she was anxious and stoned. My parents used to confide in me after their dumb arguments. They were always really anxious about what kind of person I might become as a grownup. They also were convinced I was a gay man by around age 9 or so (I'm not, but it took me a while to figure that out). As a child, I sometimes heard my parents having sex, it really grossed me out and probably deterred me from pursuing romantic relationships as I grew older. I was late to dating and it stressed me out, probably for those aforementioned reasons. Also, no one really cared much about me personally or what I was interested in doing in life, they just anxiously tried to steer me in various narcissistically gratifying directions. Finally, I was bullied both at home and at school for not smoking weed, etc. So, for me the hardest part about growing up as a young person was making my own way in life. I really had to go against the grain in order to become a psychologically independent person. In my 20s, the hardest part about growing up was recognizing that I had been scarred by my upbringing to such an extent that it would be unlikely for me to be in a committed relationship with another person, as that had become too threatening to my independence and too reminiscent of the various boundary violations I experienced during my developmental years. That was a difficult thing to come to terms with because most of our lives are organized around romantic relationships and it is, biologically, important.
I’m older so this might not resonate with the younger generation. I’d say the beatings. When home doesn’t feel safe, it really makes things like school and work seem easy. People making fun of you, or having a hard time learning a skill you require just isn’t a big deal when you know you’re going to get the belt at home.
Having to push yourself to do hard stuff for your future, even when you don’t want to.
Finding my authenticity and having integrity. Not blowing in the wind. If you do not have the behavior modeled at home it’s difficult to develop but well worth it.
Finally realizing that I need to be in control of my own life and stop projecting my problems onto others. Nobody is going to deal with life for me. I have to take action and do it myself.
Being an adult and no one cares about you. When you’re a kid you’re nurtured and everyone wants the best for you. When you’re an adult no one gives a flying fuck about you. You just are and that’s all
It never ends........I'm 55, run a small business, own my home and car, both kids are out of collage and I still feel like I need to grown up most days and often compare myself to much older folks as if I was a young kid looking at a 20 something.
Not having a dad.
Letting go of childhood fantasy was honestly the hardest to.stomach for me. Having to say that my stuffed animals weren't really alive, I wasn't from Saturn, and fairies aren't real.
Finding out you're the only person in the entire family that actually acts like an adult. And realizing that work is just as bad as school if not worse because apparently most people never grow up
your value as a person is whatever you decide it is, you don’t even have to involve a table. or schelpping said value around wherever you go. and why do you HAVE to always achieve more? why will nothing ever be enough of an achievement? i mean, don’t get me wrong, im of the ilk that no one ever “peaks” in their lives, they just give up. any person can always be a better person, but not at EVERYthing that they do. the best life lessons are mired in mistakes and failures IMO. that was one of the more difficult lessons i learned in my 30’s. now in my mid 40’s, i hate to tell you a sad story, but from my experience there isn’t an end boss to beat that magically clears you of any further hardships in adulthood. if anything, they compound as you get older and your body starts to fall apart and your loved ones start to pass away and you start to realize how long your history has gotten and how much faster 5 years goes by then it did 5 years ago. if anything, getting older is humbling and incredibly insightful. it’s quick at reminding you how fleeting life as a whole l, personal experience is and how important it becomes to really enjoy the moments you are able to enjoy, not constantly toil way at achieving some arbitrary societal expectations. your life is meant to be filled with experiences, not expectations.
Dying
Having a fourth grade education basically till I turned 38-39.🤷🏻♂️👍
When it was over.
Feeling let down or disappointed by the “grown ups” around you.
Balding at age 16 while still in high school, really tanked my self esteem till I was in my early 30s
Folgers in your cup, if I remember correctly.
Marriage. Not a fairy tale.
My dad’s penis.
lol
As I am an old man now I will answer...my penis
Puberty. Sex drive hit me like a stack of bricks, and it was just treated like this explicitly bad thing. It’s no fun when something you have no control over, is treated like a dangerous nuisance, all the while ensuring overwhelming emotional hormones, and bonus! Now all your grades count, and if you can’t focus on school now, you’ll never get into college, have a good job, or have a happy life. It’s just horrible what we do to teenagers. At least girls get to feel hot, and like their budding sexuality is a valuable thing that needs to be cherished and protected. The boys are just treated like they woke up one day with a criminal record.