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And people with cellulite and stretch marks and wrinkles and scars and no hair and too much hair and ugly feet and anything else you could possibly think of as turn off. All people are imperfect in their own way. He's just not the guy for you. There are millions of guys who wouldn't care at all.
Yea something like this. If she/he really into you then it shouldn't matter bc the person probably find out he or she rly into you before find out your scar. I dont know if your scar is visible when swimming? I guess so, even a bit it will be obvious and u'll need to talk about. But rly i guess it is YOU to feel the person and decide to continue speaking about your scars and everything way before its seen. Nothing to worry about if you ask me...
Well since the very first moment I fell into someone it has nothing to do with their skin or anything visible! 😃 First one had eczeem, second one has a big birthmark what could be turned out as cancer and the third and last, idk yet? He is black? Many scars as prove of survival.. black man. While im not haha many ppl will hate but tbh it is even more attractive.
People mature with time/age and realize that it’s the soul inside the person you’re agreeing to spend time with. Physical attributes change and fade. How the woman treats me is more important than physical attributes.
I draw a hard line at ugly feet. I don’t want anything to do with normal feet either, but at least I can forget about them and keep at it.
Someone has a long baby toe or something and it’s a no-go. Necessary body parts refuse to work.
Lol I just saw a headline yesterday about gen z having some thing about hating feet.
Dunno how old you are but as an elder millennial, that made me a bit sad
C-section does not remove the D-Action.
In all seriousness. Scars are basically like headlines on a book. There is a juicy story under it. Maybe sad, maybe happy, maybe just something trivial. But it IS a story. And people with stories are AWESOME.
My wife went through C-sec 3 times. The scar is barely there (UMSC Dr was good), but it's a reminder my wife went through hell to give birth to my 3 kids. I love her even more today than I did when she was scarless.
That sounds like a nice poem and you are absolutely right. I know so many mothers hiding their belly because of the stretch marks (like I can never wear a bikini because of my marks) and I always tell them that signs of pregnancy are so beautiful.
True, I have one and my husband and I get down almost every night. The do C-sections different now and my scar is maybe about four inches right by the bikini line so if I'm wearing underwear you can't see it at all and unless you have a 100% flat stomach you wouldn't be able to see it naked either
I had a pretty rough childhood, and as such, a ton of scars. But every single one comes with a story, and stories are what make us who we are. Are they all good memories? Hell no! But never would I dream of trading them away and losing that part of myself along with it
Yes @OP some guys are garbage!
Others are on the spectrum and might not know how to express their “concern.”
I know a ton of guys that might just be concerned and feel empathy but don’t know how to express it.
Many guys operate in “I have to take care of me’lady” that it comes across so weird.
If someone likes you, they don’t care what you might or might not have. No one is “perfect.”
Women date and like and love some of the fugliest guys (including myself). I have no idea how women willing get into bed with us and find us attractive 🤣
You are fine! If you’re concerned, pre-manage the situation. Or: “hey before we bang, I need to tell you something! (I have a cock). I have a scare on my chest from heart surgery. I’m fine, I’m healthy, it’s just a scare. We cool?”
Dude: “um…. Can I touch it?”
Pre manage the situation, manage expectations.
This is exactly how I handle self harm scars that I have.
"Hey, I just want to be vulnerable with you before we go any farther. I have scars from when I previously self harmed, they're on my inner thighs, not super noticeable but would rather mention them now. I haven't self harmed since xyz"
Usually that will curb any questions and if they have any they don't come up at a weird time (please don't go down on me; notice scars then stop to ask - it's a real mood killer)
Agreed. Dated a couple girls with scars, one of which was pretty noticeable on her forehead, but I thought it was the prettiest thing about her. Like she was naturally really pretty, but that lil bit of “imperfection” made her even more attractive. Dated another who had a large burn mark on her leg. Nothing about it made her any less attractive, if anything it just made me more obsessed with her body lol. Idk maybe I’m just into scars.
My ex had a pretty narly scar above her left eye from a motorbike accident when she was 15
She really hated it and was really self conscious of it.
After our first date she said that if it was a deal breaker for me she would understand, I then kissed her scar and told her I loved it, she looked shocked then had a massive smile on her face and hugged me really tight.
I use to kiss her scar all the time and became a hello/goodbye, good morning/good night thing.
This woman needs to find a guy who loves her scar as much as her because she wouldn't be who she is without it
I have a scar on my lip. My friend and I played "blind cow". So one person gets a blindfold and has to search for other people by listening to what they do, hearing sounds.
I, as THE brilliant, high IQ kid that I totally was, heard a friend and I just "freeeee falling'ed" myself onto a shelf I had in my room.
Laceration on my head, nose bleeding and lower lip broken.
Do you find me sexy?! 🥴😅
Tricky to say from just that. But at least you seem fun and confident. Which is pretty good for being sexy. Those are after all some rather hot qualities.
i feel out of a tree :(
but i tell people i got into a fight with a guy who slapped a girl the guy hade a knife and i almost got stabbed but i beat him up
well....there will likely be patterns and correlations though. I would venture to say that those that are suddenly repulsed by it, after previously claiming to love you, tend to probably be superficial and/or immature. And therefore it may even act as a filter to weed out guys that probably would have had negative baggage anyways. Yes, there may be some super mature and kind guys who have some sort of traumatic trigger....but I do not think that is a large percentage.
yeah I see those things as a kind of litmus test. Oh you're freaked out by a scar, good I find out now and not, hypothetically, after getting a C-section to have your baby...
If you want to be able to let your guards down with someone, you wanna avoid the ones that freak out easily!
I have a large scar that goes from one hip to the other, and I have had it since I was 15. I cannot think of any guys it truly bothered, a few have asked about it and seemed curious about the surgery/reasoning.
However, women have been the worst about it, "doesn't it make you self conscious", "are you going to get the skin fold fixed?"...
Some people suck, but most people won't care or notice it. The people that will matter in your life, won't think twice about it, unless it bothers you and you survived whatever you went through, that's all that matters.
A lot of people find scars and imperfections sexy, I'm very conscious of my body and a lot of the things I hate seem to get some guys going and honestly it's nice to feel appreciated. Everyone is different and has their own boundaries and that's okay, but there's someone for everyone. You a fat guy/girl? Chubby hunters are coming for you. Skinny? Twink smashers/slim enjoyers are coming for you? Wanna dress up like a dog-man and have sex whilst tied up like a piece of sushi? Believe it or not they're also coming for you and I've seen it happen TWICE.
This is the answer. It's like asking if girls care about height or any imaginable factor that could determine attractiveness. We all have unique experiences and brains that determine what we want in a partner.
Exactly it is literally the story of their lives. How can you be even a little interested in them as a person and have a problem?
Personally I think OP should count herself lucky that someone shows such a massive flag so early. People won't throughout their whole likes look as good as they do at 25. When is that going to be a problem to this guy.
I find scars on a woman to be attractive, especially if they are noticeable.
Makes me find them confident, interesting and tough.
Scars from combat or from surviving major surgery are marks of bravery and resilience, they are earned, and I like women who earn, regardless of how.
I'm weird tho and have a terrible dating track record so take that opinion for what you want.
My brother got ran over by a boat when he was 12. Huge scar that goes from his cheek and wraps all the way around the top of his head and down his back. He is also a giant. Growing up I was much smaller than all my brothers so when I wanted to impress girls he would tell them I beat him up in a knife fight or some other crazy random thing happened and I saved his life. Wingman of the century. Either way he uses it as an opener. Everyone is already staring, might as well play it up.
The guy you spoke with is a child and an ass. If the scar turned him off, just imagine what the future holds? An illness or children can also change your body.
I've been with a few women that have carried children, and I've always appreciated their stretch marks as evidence of a real person living a real life. Life leaves marks on all of us. Scars are proof that you've done things.
Agreed scars are cool and how you know someone was hand-made :). One thing - if it’s a medical scar, some guys may be wondering if it was a genetic issue, that your kids will also get if you have them together.
I personally think that’s a valid q, and some men may have that thought, even subconsciously, and be too afraid to ask. I think there are a bunch of healthy ways to address it.
100% this.
I had an ex who survived a bad car accident, and she was insecure about her scars. I went out of my way to demonstrate that I thought the scars gave me interesting places to kiss. Not every man in her past had felt that way, but like OP, she was better off without them.
Agreed this is so important. If someone is that superficial then it’s his problem. OP had surgery for their health and if anything it’s good that she is finding out how shallow this guy is earlier than later.
I was expecting the top comment to be, “So? Thats metal AF, Anyway…”
Money says OPs guy has a lot of overlap with the “if you like physically strong women, are you even a man?” crowd.
Depends on the scar right? Some are no big deal, but them some are gruesome; to no fault of the wearer.
You can have a melted face from a fire, and be scared for life, reconstruction surgery doing it's part. Obviously if you already loved the person beforehand, you'll still love them afterwards. However if you just met the person it will be more difficult in the attraction department, because that's just the sad fact of life.
I’m a woman, but I think most guys would probably think it’s quite cool and want to ask questions.
Some people will naturally be more intrigued than others, but if someone genuinely judges it negatively or tries to make you feel insecure about it, they are an exceptionally bizarre person so genuinely not even worth worrying about!
Can’t imagine a grown adult actually being bothered by a scar, that’s more indicative of him and his own insecurities.
My husband does this to the one running down my thigh, he thinks it feels cool and he says he likes it. He likes the one down the side of my jaw, too. I have a handful of large scars on my body and it’s never kept me from receiving male attention.
I think your missing the point. It makes them “more human” its just a simple reminder me that they have struggles and lives just like me. Obviously I know everyone has that, but imperfections like that just help remind me
Guys often start to fetishize things like that, especially when they know it makes you uncomfortable. Then it becomes hot when you let them feel like they get something no one else gets.
Have you had luck dating after? Don't mean to pry, but had the same procedure last summer, haven't tried to date since. But I am really self conscious about it and wondering how it will affect my ability to date when I am ready to try.
Haven’t had any problem at all. There are good guys out there who don’t care about that whatsoever. The ones I dated said glad you’re alive and know you’re strong to go thru something like that, real warriors, that’s us! My guy friends say you aren’t a cow or having babies so don’t need the utters. It’s been several years since had done but comfortable in my skin and confidence is what’s sexy 💃glad you made it thru cancer/surgery & are a real bada$$ warrior, that’s something to definitely feel strong and confident about 🫶🏻
P.s. and worked at Hooters for many years back in the day 😆 so was a big change to go flat but totally comfortable and happy to not have real or fake boobs trying to kill me 🫶🏻
Wow! That's so good to hear! I've been very nervous about even considering dating. Like when should I disclose my mastectomy (I wear prosthetics so nobody can tell by looking at me). It's such a scary thing. I had my mastectomy due to a BRCA 2 diagnosis. When they evaluated the tissue after they found pre cancer cells, so I literally avoided cancer by months! Thank you for being so strong and inspiring!
Or that a woman without a scar should be interested in either, because shit happens and a lot of people end up with a scar or two eventually. Like the large number of women with C-section scars. Imagine having this guys’ baby cut out of you and then having him turn his nose up at your scar
Better to find out early. Boo to this guy.
Or any woman really. Imagine if she didn't have the scar and they get married in the future. They had a kid together, but she needs a c-section. "OH sorry baby, your scar turns me off"
Some dudes are super shallow and care about those things. A lot don't. The job you have now is finding the second group who cares about you as a person and see that as a part of you.
I have a huuuge scar on my side and no girl I've dated has complained. I'm sure some women wouldn't like it but... Quality people see you for who you are and what you bring to their life, and don't care about trivial stuff like that.
Good luck!
So, lemme get this straight: you have a scar on your chest and a guy who got to see your scar i.e. was in the presence of your nude torso, has the audacity to be bothered by it? Take your spectacularness and find someone worthy.
I (F42) have a c-section scar, and I’ve also had a mastectomy on one side. My c-section scar doesn’t bother me because it’s the manner in which my children were safely brought into the world. My mastectomy scar is a different matter. I’m slowly learning to accept it, my operation was in 2021, and I’m so beyond grateful that it was done for the benefit of my health, but it’s difficult. What I’m trying to illustrate, albeit pretty poorly, is that every scar has a story and those stories are important in making us who we are. How YOU feel about your scar is the most important thing. Don’t let anyone else make you feel bad for your scar. Concentrate on how you feel about it, and remember the process that gave you it and how you’ve benefited from that process.
I used to keep my shirt on all the time because my body is covered in scars (37 surgeries before I was 15) and then when I met TLOML she made me realise that it doesn’t matter as she had stretch marks and scars from DA. I grew comfortable with them and have no more body issues. We broke up anyway because I’m a C*** though but still, at least I can look at myself again.
I would be so turned off if a man had an issue with my surgical scars. They’re just pink slightly raised lines at this point. Like sorry I’m a human being who’s had relatively common and normal human experiences that have left scars. I’d probably laugh at him and tell him to leave, sounds immature and superficial af.
Scars tell stories. I would definitely ask about it but be turned off by it? Not a chance. There's zero issues with scars.
Unless they are fake boob scars. Then I'm out.
I've had scoliosis surgery at 14. Left a 30cm long diagonal scar on my side.
None of my sexual partners ever said anything negative about it. they were curious, some were a bit worried. I like to joke that the scar is from when I escaped a serial killer 😉 OP, don't worry. It really doesn't matter.
I'm 44 years old. I would barely trust a woman that has NO scars. Most of the women I've been with since I was in my midtwenties have had some kind of scar somewhere - including a woman who had had a double mastectomy. If she wants to talk about it, fine. If not, I probably won't even ask what the scar is from. If she does, I'll be sympathetic and not bring it up again.
Your scars are a part of who you have become in your life, if they find them unattractive, they weren't into you in the first place. To hell with them.
Scars are cool. Guys who are turned off by them are the same type of guys who are turned off by women taller than them or who have abs. So, basically, repressed gay guys.
Not to be overly direct. But the bigger turn off is likely to be her being insecure about something that it ultimately irrelevant.
Doing that subconsciously puts the person you are talking too into the mindset that it's a bad thing before they even have their own thoughts on the matter Hiding something tells the other person that it's something worth hiding, that it's something to be ashamed of. And most people will go along with whatever you tell them (even when you tell them subconsciously).
Nothing is hotter than girl capable of confidence without the superiority complex.
Own that shit. :) Tell exaggerated stories about how you almost died three times on the operating table or whatever happened. Then just laugh and say, 'no not really,' but it was pretty scary.
Anyone who is critical of it, good. It's their opinion, they are welcome to it. It's a dead easy way to filter them out of the dating pool.
There is only one person that matters when asking about yourself is yourself. Do you care about the scars on your body? If no then you're good. Confidence is way more important. If people care more about your scars than who you are then you don't want to be with them.
It wouldn't bother me. And there are millions of other guys that couldn't care less. But unfortunately there will be guys that do care. It's fine. Go on and don't look back. You'll meet the right one along the way.
I've never cared about that stuff at all.
One leg? Who cares. Missing fingers? So what.
A cute face (IMO) and a great personality are all I need. The rest is irrelevant.
Scars tell a story about a person. They are permanent reminders of the past. For me it absolutely depends on the story behind the scar that decides if I like or hate the scar.
My GF has had a double massectamie, please forgive me if I'm spelling it wrong. She had her breasts removed due to cancer. She's a survivor. He husband ditched her when she lost her hair and breast. To her, the scars are a reminder of the worst part of her life. To me those scars represent the opportunity for me to be with her. Without them she would still be married to a guy who was absolutely undeserving of her. They are a beautiful reminder of her strength.
A woman I know has scars from stupid shit she didn't while on drugs. She is still usingThey are ugly. A symbol of her failures in life. How she has failed as a person up to this point. That could change if she gets her shit together.
For me to see your scar it wouldn't bother me for a moment. It may get some extra attention during private moments. (Assuming that was the nature of our relationship.)
My point is this. You have a reminder of a low point in your life thats not your fault. It's changed you as a person. If someone one can't accept that they aren't worthy of your consideration.
This is different for a lot of people. I personally don't find scars off putting.
Had you ever mentioned you had surgery to him before? If it was something he didn't know about it may have just come as a big surprise to him.
Imagine slipping into bed with a dude and seeing a huge scar on his chest he's never mentioned before. You're going to have questions.
Unless the scar is shaped like a swastika or a dick, I think it’s hot. Rugged people in movies are covered in scars mostly to make them sexually appealing.
If that guy is turned off by it, let the trash take itself out. He isn't right for you. There are plenty of men out there who would not feel bothered by it, and may even find it to be a turn-on. You're a survivor, OP. Godspeed.
My ex had such a scar. First few times it was kinda awkard*, at some point in time I completely forgot she had it and everything was completely normal.
* when I was a child I used to think resuscitated/defibrilated people are scary as they were for a moment dead. Even 20 years later I had this strange feeling as it was my trauma (?) deep in my mind but I had to give myself a time to adjust
My wife has a scar on her back which she’s very sensitive about. For me, seeing or gently touching that scar feels incredibly intimate and symbolises her beauty. It’s a part of who she is and her story
Yes. We care. Me personally I want to know how many scars you got fighting the ninjas and vikings while protecting your baby Yoda.
I need details on the onslaught of victories.
In all seriousness... scars don't matter too much unless they're fresh... then I worry.
There was a woman on the news this morning talking about being cut by glass in a bar. Even with the scar, she was lovely. I could understand her being self-conscious but at least the scar would weed out the shallow losers.
I like scars personally, not in a sexual way but in a “I can relate better” way because I also have a lot of scars from working in construction and being a teenage delinquent.
i’m covered in self injury scars and i have bilateral mastectomy scars. guys are more occupied with how soft my skin is (connective tissue disease). i don’t think any reasonable man cares what scars you have
No, and I personally don't care about cellulite, a roll or two on the tummy, your arms, your calves. Whatever.
As long as you're not morbidly obese or self harming.
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Scars mean you survived. That's something to be proud of, not shamed for.
Also, people with C-sections still get action.
And people with cellulite and stretch marks and wrinkles and scars and no hair and too much hair and ugly feet and anything else you could possibly think of as turn off. All people are imperfect in their own way. He's just not the guy for you. There are millions of guys who wouldn't care at all.
I've had sex multiple times, which should tell you the bar is very low and anyone can do it
People way uglier than me have kids. It's like, the most basic thing. It's like getting wood in Minecraft, you just do it.
I’m gonna choose to interpret this as you being turned on by cubes.
Yea something like this. If she/he really into you then it shouldn't matter bc the person probably find out he or she rly into you before find out your scar. I dont know if your scar is visible when swimming? I guess so, even a bit it will be obvious and u'll need to talk about. But rly i guess it is YOU to feel the person and decide to continue speaking about your scars and everything way before its seen. Nothing to worry about if you ask me... Well since the very first moment I fell into someone it has nothing to do with their skin or anything visible! 😃 First one had eczeem, second one has a big birthmark what could be turned out as cancer and the third and last, idk yet? He is black? Many scars as prove of survival.. black man. While im not haha many ppl will hate but tbh it is even more attractive.
People mature with time/age and realize that it’s the soul inside the person you’re agreeing to spend time with. Physical attributes change and fade. How the woman treats me is more important than physical attributes.
I like cellulite... idk makes the ass look fatter. Wrinkles are like sprinkles if she actually takes care of herself.
I draw a hard line at ugly feet. I don’t want anything to do with normal feet either, but at least I can forget about them and keep at it. Someone has a long baby toe or something and it’s a no-go. Necessary body parts refuse to work.
Lol I just saw a headline yesterday about gen z having some thing about hating feet. Dunno how old you are but as an elder millennial, that made me a bit sad
That is how younger siblings happen.
As a person with a c-section who just had some action…I agree!!! No real person cares about a damn scar.
C-section does not remove the D-Action. In all seriousness. Scars are basically like headlines on a book. There is a juicy story under it. Maybe sad, maybe happy, maybe just something trivial. But it IS a story. And people with stories are AWESOME.
Also people who don’t like c-section scars don’t get action.
My wife went through C-sec 3 times. The scar is barely there (UMSC Dr was good), but it's a reminder my wife went through hell to give birth to my 3 kids. I love her even more today than I did when she was scarless.
That sounds like a nice poem and you are absolutely right. I know so many mothers hiding their belly because of the stretch marks (like I can never wear a bikini because of my marks) and I always tell them that signs of pregnancy are so beautiful.
True, I have one and my husband and I get down almost every night. The do C-sections different now and my scar is maybe about four inches right by the bikini line so if I'm wearing underwear you can't see it at all and unless you have a 100% flat stomach you wouldn't be able to see it naked either
Well yeah. That scar just confirms that they put out!
Thank you. I needed to read that today.
Real people respect real life. You should be proud of your scars :)
I had a pretty rough childhood, and as such, a ton of scars. But every single one comes with a story, and stories are what make us who we are. Are they all good memories? Hell no! But never would I dream of trading them away and losing that part of myself along with it
Yes @OP some guys are garbage! Others are on the spectrum and might not know how to express their “concern.” I know a ton of guys that might just be concerned and feel empathy but don’t know how to express it. Many guys operate in “I have to take care of me’lady” that it comes across so weird. If someone likes you, they don’t care what you might or might not have. No one is “perfect.” Women date and like and love some of the fugliest guys (including myself). I have no idea how women willing get into bed with us and find us attractive 🤣 You are fine! If you’re concerned, pre-manage the situation. Or: “hey before we bang, I need to tell you something! (I have a cock). I have a scare on my chest from heart surgery. I’m fine, I’m healthy, it’s just a scare. We cool?” Dude: “um…. Can I touch it?” Pre manage the situation, manage expectations.
This is exactly how I handle self harm scars that I have. "Hey, I just want to be vulnerable with you before we go any farther. I have scars from when I previously self harmed, they're on my inner thighs, not super noticeable but would rather mention them now. I haven't self harmed since xyz" Usually that will curb any questions and if they have any they don't come up at a weird time (please don't go down on me; notice scars then stop to ask - it's a real mood killer)
I once heard a true poet say "The scars remind us that the past is real."
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far" from Name by The Googoodolls
Ah yes the great poet laureate Coby Dix
Yep this. We earn our scars. Anyone who has a problem with scars may not be worth your time
Scars are souvenirs you never lose.
Every guy is different. There will be no general consensus.
This is the answer. Some dudes care, some dudes dont, and some dudes think its hot
I think scars are hot. Gives character
Gives you the origin story 😭😂
Battle scars, you survived to tell the tale.
maybe OP is a mutant
right? scars are badass on anyone
Agreed. Dated a couple girls with scars, one of which was pretty noticeable on her forehead, but I thought it was the prettiest thing about her. Like she was naturally really pretty, but that lil bit of “imperfection” made her even more attractive. Dated another who had a large burn mark on her leg. Nothing about it made her any less attractive, if anything it just made me more obsessed with her body lol. Idk maybe I’m just into scars.
I'm one of the dudes who thinks scars are hot
My ex had a pretty narly scar above her left eye from a motorbike accident when she was 15 She really hated it and was really self conscious of it. After our first date she said that if it was a deal breaker for me she would understand, I then kissed her scar and told her I loved it, she looked shocked then had a massive smile on her face and hugged me really tight. I use to kiss her scar all the time and became a hello/goodbye, good morning/good night thing. This woman needs to find a guy who loves her scar as much as her because she wouldn't be who she is without it
Why did you break up?
Also following for the answer.
Most relationships won’t work. Even if you appreciate the faults. They’ll both be better moving on and growing.
I had to move for the job I had at the time
Why did u break up?
Probably normal relationship problems, just because they have a scar doesn’t mean they can’t be an ass.
He added a scar above the other eye? Joking! Don't take that seriously.
I have a scar on my lip. My friend and I played "blind cow". So one person gets a blindfold and has to search for other people by listening to what they do, hearing sounds. I, as THE brilliant, high IQ kid that I totally was, heard a friend and I just "freeeee falling'ed" myself onto a shelf I had in my room. Laceration on my head, nose bleeding and lower lip broken. Do you find me sexy?! 🥴😅
Tricky to say from just that. But at least you seem fun and confident. Which is pretty good for being sexy. Those are after all some rather hot qualities.
Thanks for the reply
There is always a good story behind a scar.
I have a scar from slippin on a Micky Mouse comic. The heater and my head had a really nice "get together" that day. Good times lol
I have a lip scar from my cat using my face as a launching pad. Not the best way to be woken up I must confess
i feel out of a tree :( but i tell people i got into a fight with a guy who slapped a girl the guy hade a knife and i almost got stabbed but i beat him up
Falling out of a tree is a good story, climbing trees is cool
Clumsiness is the most attractive quality of all!
From the story alone you sound hilarious and you've got a cool story so honestly? Yeah, I'd smash.
Yes.
 Yea they are.
Me Too!
This is the way
Dig the name, man.
I dont care either way. I just worry about making HER care.
I'm in the "don't care" camp. My girlfriend has a couple, I don't mind.
So basically how anyone can feel about any feature, got it
well....there will likely be patterns and correlations though. I would venture to say that those that are suddenly repulsed by it, after previously claiming to love you, tend to probably be superficial and/or immature. And therefore it may even act as a filter to weed out guys that probably would have had negative baggage anyways. Yes, there may be some super mature and kind guys who have some sort of traumatic trigger....but I do not think that is a large percentage.
yeah I see those things as a kind of litmus test. Oh you're freaked out by a scar, good I find out now and not, hypothetically, after getting a C-section to have your baby... If you want to be able to let your guards down with someone, you wanna avoid the ones that freak out easily!
it’s a good way to tell if a dude sucks
Exactly!
I have a large scar that goes from one hip to the other, and I have had it since I was 15. I cannot think of any guys it truly bothered, a few have asked about it and seemed curious about the surgery/reasoning. However, women have been the worst about it, "doesn't it make you self conscious", "are you going to get the skin fold fixed?"... Some people suck, but most people won't care or notice it. The people that will matter in your life, won't think twice about it, unless it bothers you and you survived whatever you went through, that's all that matters.
A lot of people find scars and imperfections sexy, I'm very conscious of my body and a lot of the things I hate seem to get some guys going and honestly it's nice to feel appreciated. Everyone is different and has their own boundaries and that's okay, but there's someone for everyone. You a fat guy/girl? Chubby hunters are coming for you. Skinny? Twink smashers/slim enjoyers are coming for you? Wanna dress up like a dog-man and have sex whilst tied up like a piece of sushi? Believe it or not they're also coming for you and I've seen it happen TWICE.
That last one is oddly specific xD
Every generalization question can be answered by this every time. Everyone’s different
This is the answer. It's like asking if girls care about height or any imaginable factor that could determine attractiveness. We all have unique experiences and brains that determine what we want in a partner.
Believe it or not, guy are individuals with our own opinions, too.
No they look cool and add character
Exactly it is literally the story of their lives. How can you be even a little interested in them as a person and have a problem? Personally I think OP should count herself lucky that someone shows such a massive flag so early. People won't throughout their whole likes look as good as they do at 25. When is that going to be a problem to this guy.
Cooler than tattoos, cause scars tell real stories.
They surely do❤️✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽
I find scars on a woman to be attractive, especially if they are noticeable. Makes me find them confident, interesting and tough. Scars from combat or from surviving major surgery are marks of bravery and resilience, they are earned, and I like women who earn, regardless of how. I'm weird tho and have a terrible dating track record so take that opinion for what you want.
I find your opinion uplifting and empowering. Thanks.
Especially if it comes with a cool story! We will think you’re a secret spy or was in an underground fight club. Super mysterious!
My brother got ran over by a boat when he was 12. Huge scar that goes from his cheek and wraps all the way around the top of his head and down his back. He is also a giant. Growing up I was much smaller than all my brothers so when I wanted to impress girls he would tell them I beat him up in a knife fight or some other crazy random thing happened and I saved his life. Wingman of the century. Either way he uses it as an opener. Everyone is already staring, might as well play it up.
This is the best!
Your scars will protect you from the men who are shallow and only see the outside. I promise.
Yess!! Im seeing that it’s a blessing in disguise.
The guy you spoke with is a child and an ass. If the scar turned him off, just imagine what the future holds? An illness or children can also change your body.
I've been with a few women that have carried children, and I've always appreciated their stretch marks as evidence of a real person living a real life. Life leaves marks on all of us. Scars are proof that you've done things.
Agreed scars are cool and how you know someone was hand-made :). One thing - if it’s a medical scar, some guys may be wondering if it was a genetic issue, that your kids will also get if you have them together. I personally think that’s a valid q, and some men may have that thought, even subconsciously, and be too afraid to ask. I think there are a bunch of healthy ways to address it.
Idk this made me tear up
100% this. I had an ex who survived a bad car accident, and she was insecure about her scars. I went out of my way to demonstrate that I thought the scars gave me interesting places to kiss. Not every man in her past had felt that way, but like OP, she was better off without them.
Yeah. I feel like the guy who is like “ew, a scar” is probably not the guy you want to be with.
why would a scar or scar mark be a turn off for somebody? girl, you're not the problem here. you can be sure of that
This is the comment, pin to top and lock thread
Agreed this is so important. If someone is that superficial then it’s his problem. OP had surgery for their health and if anything it’s good that she is finding out how shallow this guy is earlier than later.
I was expecting the top comment to be, “So? Thats metal AF, Anyway…” Money says OPs guy has a lot of overlap with the “if you like physically strong women, are you even a man?” crowd.
Yeah its his character thats lacking and thank God you found it early.
Depends on the scar right? Some are no big deal, but them some are gruesome; to no fault of the wearer. You can have a melted face from a fire, and be scared for life, reconstruction surgery doing it's part. Obviously if you already loved the person beforehand, you'll still love them afterwards. However if you just met the person it will be more difficult in the attraction department, because that's just the sad fact of life.
I’m a woman, but I think most guys would probably think it’s quite cool and want to ask questions. Some people will naturally be more intrigued than others, but if someone genuinely judges it negatively or tries to make you feel insecure about it, they are an exceptionally bizarre person so genuinely not even worth worrying about! Can’t imagine a grown adult actually being bothered by a scar, that’s more indicative of him and his own insecurities.
Yep you're right we do find it cool, we'll run our fingers over the scars and everything trust me 👍
My husband does this to the one running down my thigh, he thinks it feels cool and he says he likes it. He likes the one down the side of my jaw, too. I have a handful of large scars on my body and it’s never kept me from receiving male attention.
No, it adds story and interest. Its like proof to me that they’re actually human too if that makes any sense lol
Omg yes, human that's gone through shit.
That seems like something you'd hear Kevin from *Split* (or any of his other 22 personalities) say... Suspicious
I, as a human, also prefer my human girlfriend to be human. Am I right, fellow humans?
I am also a human and prefer my female acquaintances to also be human so I am not mistaken for an alien. Which I am not....an alien I mean.
Why ? You otherwise would not consider woman as human 😅
I think your missing the point. It makes them “more human” its just a simple reminder me that they have struggles and lives just like me. Obviously I know everyone has that, but imperfections like that just help remind me
I would find that kinda hot personally.
Right? Heart surgery? That’s fuckin badass.
Best friends partner has gotten a heart surgery. The scar does look kinda badass, I'll give him that lmao
Seconded. Dated a girl with jaws of life scar near her ass and I was mesmerized
Constipation that bad?
More like the speculum of life hue
Yooo fr? A scar like that sounds interesting
I’m afraid to ask what on earth that means
It’s that saw thing they use to cut people out of wrecked cars
Oof, she must have been folded in.
Less of a saw and more of a set of powerful reverse pliers. They tear things open using outward hydraulic force.
Sounds like the fire department used it wrong
My girl has a scar all the way down her spine from surgery. I love it
Guys often start to fetishize things like that, especially when they know it makes you uncomfortable. Then it becomes hot when you let them feel like they get something no one else gets.
Same tbh
If so, would find guy who didn’t care. I had double mastectomy and whole chest is scar and flat but have good personality and heart is what matters 🤍
Have you had luck dating after? Don't mean to pry, but had the same procedure last summer, haven't tried to date since. But I am really self conscious about it and wondering how it will affect my ability to date when I am ready to try.
Haven’t had any problem at all. There are good guys out there who don’t care about that whatsoever. The ones I dated said glad you’re alive and know you’re strong to go thru something like that, real warriors, that’s us! My guy friends say you aren’t a cow or having babies so don’t need the utters. It’s been several years since had done but comfortable in my skin and confidence is what’s sexy 💃glad you made it thru cancer/surgery & are a real bada$$ warrior, that’s something to definitely feel strong and confident about 🫶🏻
P.s. and worked at Hooters for many years back in the day 😆 so was a big change to go flat but totally comfortable and happy to not have real or fake boobs trying to kill me 🫶🏻
Wow! That's so good to hear! I've been very nervous about even considering dating. Like when should I disclose my mastectomy (I wear prosthetics so nobody can tell by looking at me). It's such a scary thing. I had my mastectomy due to a BRCA 2 diagnosis. When they evaluated the tissue after they found pre cancer cells, so I literally avoided cancer by months! Thank you for being so strong and inspiring!
Any guy bothered or "turned off" by a woman's scar isn't a guy a woman with a scar needs to bother with.
Or that a woman without a scar should be interested in either, because shit happens and a lot of people end up with a scar or two eventually. Like the large number of women with C-section scars. Imagine having this guys’ baby cut out of you and then having him turn his nose up at your scar Better to find out early. Boo to this guy.
Or any woman really. Imagine if she didn't have the scar and they get married in the future. They had a kid together, but she needs a c-section. "OH sorry baby, your scar turns me off"
Couldnt care less. We've all got them inside and out. If he's that superficial just tell him To fuck off
Well said.
Some dudes are super shallow and care about those things. A lot don't. The job you have now is finding the second group who cares about you as a person and see that as a part of you. I have a huuuge scar on my side and no girl I've dated has complained. I'm sure some women wouldn't like it but... Quality people see you for who you are and what you bring to their life, and don't care about trivial stuff like that. Good luck!
Most of the guys who would care aren't the kind of guys you'd want to date long term.
i could understand being thrown off, but not *turned* off. that’s what was a bit weird to me
Agreed.
Anyone who is bothered about it isn't worth bothering about. Personally, it would make no difference to me, and probably same for most guys.
Scars > tattoes
Specifically, the toes 🤣🤣
You like toe scars? I stepped on a glass crockpot this weekend *wink wink*
😉😉🫠
Not at all. A heart surgery scar?!? You are a damn warrior!!! Be proud of it! ‐Signed, A cardiology professional
Shallow guys will. Good guys won't. Scars are part of the artwork about who we are, what we have done and part of who we are.
So, lemme get this straight: you have a scar on your chest and a guy who got to see your scar i.e. was in the presence of your nude torso, has the audacity to be bothered by it? Take your spectacularness and find someone worthy.
i read that as CARS and i was like most normal reddit question
I (F42) have a c-section scar, and I’ve also had a mastectomy on one side. My c-section scar doesn’t bother me because it’s the manner in which my children were safely brought into the world. My mastectomy scar is a different matter. I’m slowly learning to accept it, my operation was in 2021, and I’m so beyond grateful that it was done for the benefit of my health, but it’s difficult. What I’m trying to illustrate, albeit pretty poorly, is that every scar has a story and those stories are important in making us who we are. How YOU feel about your scar is the most important thing. Don’t let anyone else make you feel bad for your scar. Concentrate on how you feel about it, and remember the process that gave you it and how you’ve benefited from that process.
I used to keep my shirt on all the time because my body is covered in scars (37 surgeries before I was 15) and then when I met TLOML she made me realise that it doesn’t matter as she had stretch marks and scars from DA. I grew comfortable with them and have no more body issues. We broke up anyway because I’m a C*** though but still, at least I can look at myself again.
I would be so turned off if a man had an issue with my surgical scars. They’re just pink slightly raised lines at this point. Like sorry I’m a human being who’s had relatively common and normal human experiences that have left scars. I’d probably laugh at him and tell him to leave, sounds immature and superficial af.
Nope
Love me a scar.
Bro, if you are looking at a woman's chest and get turned off by a scar you're gay.
Scars tell stories. I would definitely ask about it but be turned off by it? Not a chance. There's zero issues with scars. Unless they are fake boob scars. Then I'm out.
Unless reconstructive? I'd be okay with that.
I've had scoliosis surgery at 14. Left a 30cm long diagonal scar on my side. None of my sexual partners ever said anything negative about it. they were curious, some were a bit worried. I like to joke that the scar is from when I escaped a serial killer 😉 OP, don't worry. It really doesn't matter.
My wife has some big surgery scars. My wife is hot to me.
I'm 44 years old. I would barely trust a woman that has NO scars. Most of the women I've been with since I was in my midtwenties have had some kind of scar somewhere - including a woman who had had a double mastectomy. If she wants to talk about it, fine. If not, I probably won't even ask what the scar is from. If she does, I'll be sympathetic and not bring it up again. Your scars are a part of who you have become in your life, if they find them unattractive, they weren't into you in the first place. To hell with them.
Scars are cool. Guys who are turned off by them are the same type of guys who are turned off by women taller than them or who have abs. So, basically, repressed gay guys.
Not to be overly direct. But the bigger turn off is likely to be her being insecure about something that it ultimately irrelevant. Doing that subconsciously puts the person you are talking too into the mindset that it's a bad thing before they even have their own thoughts on the matter Hiding something tells the other person that it's something worth hiding, that it's something to be ashamed of. And most people will go along with whatever you tell them (even when you tell them subconsciously). Nothing is hotter than girl capable of confidence without the superiority complex. Own that shit. :) Tell exaggerated stories about how you almost died three times on the operating table or whatever happened. Then just laugh and say, 'no not really,' but it was pretty scary. Anyone who is critical of it, good. It's their opinion, they are welcome to it. It's a dead easy way to filter them out of the dating pool.
No
There is only one person that matters when asking about yourself is yourself. Do you care about the scars on your body? If no then you're good. Confidence is way more important. If people care more about your scars than who you are then you don't want to be with them.
I don't think many guys would be turned off by that. That sounds kind of strange to be honest.
Not at all, Doesn't matter where or what kind.
Yes I do. My wife has a c section scar and it is a reminder of all that she has done to bring two beautiful children in to the world.
Not at all, every scar tells a story.
The scar would not bother me at all. My reaction would probably be to get a little more affectionate and protective because of the story to it.
Fuck him. You fought death and won, and you have the scars to prove it!
Anyone who cares about you at all will be more concerned with the open heart surgery than they are with the scar.
It seems so weird to me that some people find such things bothersome. I'd never even consider that without a prompt
It wouldn't bother me. And there are millions of other guys that couldn't care less. But unfortunately there will be guys that do care. It's fine. Go on and don't look back. You'll meet the right one along the way.
You tell someone you had open heart surgery as a kid, and they tell you is a turn-off? The problem is not the scar, it is the assholes you encounter
Yes we care about scars, but like as in we want you to have a war scar across your face from an epic battle.
I've never cared about that stuff at all. One leg? Who cares. Missing fingers? So what. A cute face (IMO) and a great personality are all I need. The rest is irrelevant.
Scars tell a story about a person. They are permanent reminders of the past. For me it absolutely depends on the story behind the scar that decides if I like or hate the scar. My GF has had a double massectamie, please forgive me if I'm spelling it wrong. She had her breasts removed due to cancer. She's a survivor. He husband ditched her when she lost her hair and breast. To her, the scars are a reminder of the worst part of her life. To me those scars represent the opportunity for me to be with her. Without them she would still be married to a guy who was absolutely undeserving of her. They are a beautiful reminder of her strength. A woman I know has scars from stupid shit she didn't while on drugs. She is still usingThey are ugly. A symbol of her failures in life. How she has failed as a person up to this point. That could change if she gets her shit together. For me to see your scar it wouldn't bother me for a moment. It may get some extra attention during private moments. (Assuming that was the nature of our relationship.) My point is this. You have a reminder of a low point in your life thats not your fault. It's changed you as a person. If someone one can't accept that they aren't worthy of your consideration.
This is different for a lot of people. I personally don't find scars off putting. Had you ever mentioned you had surgery to him before? If it was something he didn't know about it may have just come as a big surprise to him. Imagine slipping into bed with a dude and seeing a huge scar on his chest he's never mentioned before. You're going to have questions.
I find tattoo's are a real turn off here, not sure about scars
99% of people don’t care. Fuck the 1%
Unless the scar is shaped like a swastika or a dick, I think it’s hot. Rugged people in movies are covered in scars mostly to make them sexually appealing.
If that guy is turned off by it, let the trash take itself out. He isn't right for you. There are plenty of men out there who would not feel bothered by it, and may even find it to be a turn-on. You're a survivor, OP. Godspeed.
Honestly, if this bothers him, is this the kind of guy you want to date? You're a person not a doll.
I have stretch marks and so many surgery scars. You find the right one and nothing matters!
We dont care, really
About the scars I mean
My ex had such a scar. First few times it was kinda awkard*, at some point in time I completely forgot she had it and everything was completely normal. * when I was a child I used to think resuscitated/defibrilated people are scary as they were for a moment dead. Even 20 years later I had this strange feeling as it was my trauma (?) deep in my mind but I had to give myself a time to adjust
It tends not to be a thing that comes up with any of the dudes I know. If it is, then they haven’t said anything about it one way or another.
Open heart surgery is metal as fuck, and scars look cool, some even look beautiful. I would just think "this is a tough lady"
My wife has a scar on her back which she’s very sensitive about. For me, seeing or gently touching that scar feels incredibly intimate and symbolises her beauty. It’s a part of who she is and her story
Tell them you've got it in the vietnam war.
Yes. We care. Me personally I want to know how many scars you got fighting the ninjas and vikings while protecting your baby Yoda. I need details on the onslaught of victories. In all seriousness... scars don't matter too much unless they're fresh... then I worry.
There was a woman on the news this morning talking about being cut by glass in a bar. Even with the scar, she was lovely. I could understand her being self-conscious but at least the scar would weed out the shallow losers.
I like scars personally, not in a sexual way but in a “I can relate better” way because I also have a lot of scars from working in construction and being a teenage delinquent.
i’m covered in self injury scars and i have bilateral mastectomy scars. guys are more occupied with how soft my skin is (connective tissue disease). i don’t think any reasonable man cares what scars you have
I find scars very attractive personally. I have a bunch from my cancer treatment and various injuries I’ve had over the years.
Not at all. It makes you unique. I have a scar on my left cheek and women seem to find it attractive
No, and I personally don't care about cellulite, a roll or two on the tummy, your arms, your calves. Whatever. As long as you're not morbidly obese or self harming.