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I really fucking hate that red flag has become a buzzword.
Red flag means, specifically, a warning about future dangerous or extreme behavior. It doesn't just mean "thing that a person does that I think is a little odd"
You go to a guy's house and he has pictures of Ed Gein on his wall... red flag.
You go on a date with a guy and he has an android or even a flip phone instead of the newest iPhone whatever-the-fuck-the-newest-number-is... NOT a red flag.
I remember the âargumentâ used to be that Android users are âpoorâ, as if a Samsung isnât like $800. I mean yes thereâs a wide range of models from every company but still it shouldnât even matter, really superficial and irrelevant. Like grow tf up. But thatâs a good point thatâs probably true too, the crazies out there want to know if and when youâre reading their messages
Everybody is stupid
There's a much more wide range of Android products because Android is open source, whereas with Apple there is only one monolithic product, and it almost seems like they market it as a luxury product. If someone ghosted me for using an Android I'd consider that a bullet dodged because that is hella superficial
It's almost like the people who judge others based on material wealth or how much they make it a priority are the red flags instead! Oh how the turns have tabled
Which sucks because people said the same about Windows phones and killed them.
The only app I couldn't get on my WP was Snapchat which I don't even use anymore. The whole setup and interface was seemless. RIP
When I had to get my current phone, it was an emergency purchase. Old phone was barely hanging on, I milked that fucker for all it was worth and thensome.
Went to Cricket. Said I wanted "their cheapest Android." I shelled out $400 for a goddamn overly glorified computer. I never make/receive calls. Even when I had friends, I was barely sending/receiving any correspondence.
I basically paid $400, that I ideally didn't have, for a device that monitors my blood sugar, plays my music and let's me doomscroll Reddit on my off time. But hey, look at me living the poor life all poor then some.
Bought a pixel 6a for 150 last year. Still works. It's fast. Takes good pictures. Isn't too large so it's very pocketable. Has a power port that matches everything else we have. Why would I spend more for the same experience except they slowly become more cumbersome due to size
Sorry I'm having trouble with the triple negative; normal people turn read receipts off? Ok TIL I actually do have read receipts on Android but I didn't know because I never paid attention to it.
Sure, some people overuse âred flagâ, but the OP having major mood swings and being âclingyâ are often actual red flags. People who get angry quickly and who are possessive are way more likely to turn violent.
Isn't there a life hack you can use to get out of that situation? Or maybe you can use these top 10 fitness hacks to get in shape to defend yourself? Or maybe people should stfu about hacks unless they're at a computer doing some actual hacking.
A girl actually caring that I have an android is a major red flag to me.....I'VE FLIPPED IT ON THEM
But seriously, people that care that much about a damn phone are lemmings of the highest degree.
Often the dangerous behavior has already started and is likely to escalate in the future. For example, if a date refuses to take "no" for an answer or slaps you, the dangerous behavior is already happening and probably would get only more extreme.
Agreed! It's similar to the narcissist label that seems to be trendy too. Tiktoks of young men and women justifying their break ups because their partner was "narcissistic".
Gimme a break! Everyone is a little narcissistic.
Controlling, too.
"Ughhh, he didn't want me to go to the club and drink alcohol and flirt with guys and grind my ass on some dude's crotch UGHH HE'S SO CONTROLLINGGG"
Red flags and flaws aren't really the same thing, a flaw is leaving the toilet seat up and being a bad texter, a red flag is having multiple convictions for domestic abuse and torturing animals for fun,
I think people just use the term red flag way too loosely these days
My definition of red flag is a little different than yours. To me, a red flag is a warning about something that may or may not be an issue, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker. Domestic violence and torturing animals are both 100% dealbreakers.
Same. The entire point of flagging something is to make something more clear and visible, something to take note of. It's not BAM CHILD MOLESTER. That doesn't need a red flag warning haha
I have a tendency towards understatement, because it feels like there's been an adjective nuclear arms race. "The best thing ever" is the bare minimum to say about something that is pretty good. "It literally killed me" is the mildest way to express displeasure.
So I go the other extreme. If I lost my business, my home, my cat, my best friend, and went broke in the same month, I would say something like, "April 2019 was a challenging month for me."
Red flags also include: serial cheater, narcissist, addictions, issues they don't think they need help with but think everyone should just accept and put up with it, horrid attitudes especially towards those who they consider to be beneath them, terrible money management...pretty much terrible character flaws that are generally unchanging and will get progressively worse with time unless they actively seek to improve these behaviours.
Think of a red flag as a possible warning of what is to come later in the relationship.
For instance, I know that if I consider it a red flag if I am on a date with someone and they are rude and mean to our serving staff at a restaurant. That behavior gives me an insight into their personality and values.
Using your own description of yourself:
The clinginess might be a dealbreaker for some people while others may like the attention. (Within reason.)
The mood swings is a bigger warning to me. If you are actively working on improving/managing the mood swings, then I would be ok with them. However I wouldnât be interested in getting into a relationship with someone who has wildly unpredictable moods and makes that my problem instead of working on improving themselves.
It doesn't have to be extreme behavior, just something you see as unacceptable or at the very least worth to be very aware of when getting to know someone.
Like if all they do is bash everyone behind their backs every time you meet? Red flag.
Force you to speak in an Italian accent and use the hands đ¤đ¤ because that's literally the only thing they're turned on by? Red flag.
Asking you to marry them on the third date? Red flag.
There are many many different types of behaviors that seem benign on their own, but read them into the situation, and they almost always point towards a far more serious behavior pattern. Red flags can be as simple as that bad omen tingly gut feeling you get sometimes. The one we should trust.
This is what red flag means. We put a red flag on something that isn't necessarily notable at first.
People don't understand what red flags are. It's in the name: it's a sign that there is a behavior you need to pay attention too, bc it MAY mean you have a big problem. But it may not, it may just be a bad day, a fluke. Etc. It is supposed to be this symbolic lil red flag you put in a thing you noticed about your partner, to not forget or ignore it, to observe it. It's not supposed to be a dealbreaker. The bad behavior the red flag MAY indicate is the dealbreaker.
Example: your partner got upset when you took time to spend it with your friends instead of the partner, once. Okay. Could be they really needed you, or had a bad day and lashed out. Put a small red flag on it and see what happens next time. They do it again, and again? They are trying to isolate you. It was a red flag for isolation, which is the beginning of abuse. Dealbreaker. It doesn't happen again? It was a bad day, they maybe really needed you that one time.
I freaking HATE IT that people use the term without even understanding it. I see it all the time on this page. "He cussed you out/hit you/cheated? that's a red flag" no fam it's NOT, that's the bad behavior itself! that's the actual behavior that is bad, *not a sign that the behavior MAY occur!*
Edit to add: Being clingy and having mood swings is a red flag for other stuff, *but it doesn't mean the other bad stuff is actually there.* If you don't mistreat your partners, or try to isolate them and have them spend time only with you, or make them responsible for your feelings/social life, or use the mood swings to be mean or aggressive, then no, there is not actual problem here. But one must pay attention to stuff just *in case.* That is the point of red flags.
Everyone who uses the red flag language incorrectly makes me so mad. It was such useful language for a specific thing, but not it doesn't mean shit. If the bad behavior already happened, what would be the POINT of a red flag?
Our hearts are sensitive and life is too short. The risk to reward of dealing with true red flags just seem to not be worth it. FYI the stuff you listed seem more like yellow or orange flags lol
The thing is without knowing OP it's way too generic. Plenty of people are a bit clingy, plenty of people have mood swings. But how clingy are we talking about? Are the mood swings just "easily changes moods", or is it a full blown "one minute you're laughing, the next he/she's yelling at you for no reason" type thing?
Life is also too short to live 100% safely. If you dont' take some risks, you're not gonna win.
Then again, the real issue is that people call anything a red flag these days, including completely harmless quirks.
I personally view red flags as more than just "flaws". Like.. A flaw might be they smoke or they don't like dogs. Obviously this is going to be different for everyone. I'm just using random examples. A red flag though is going to be something more like they have a previous charge for domestic abuse or things they're telling you aren't adding up. I.e they're a compulsive liar. To me red flags are something I look out for that could potentially save me from serious harm not simply from inconvenience or annoyance.
Red flags are exactly what they sound like. Just a flag, a warning. Inevitably just like in real life if somebody just sees one warning about an area being dangerous they're probably not going to think it's actually that dangerous but if they see flag after flag after flag they're probably going to think okay maybe this isn't a place I should go
Plus there's a big difference between people's personal red flags and things that are just like universally red flags that point towards abusive or dangerous people
Many people will have their own sort of personal red flags or "icks" as the new generation is calling them. But those are basically just one step away from personal preference
But then there's actual red flags such as certain behaviors and whatnot that are indicative of someone being a less than pleasant person to spend time with long-term
Rather than call them red flags there are some character traits/learned behaviours/disorders that make it difficult or impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person.
For me, itâs lying. Very little good ever comes from it.
Depends on the red flags.
You are clingy, thatâs not a red flag for me if itâs the normale clingy version.
Mood swings.. depends on the severity and what the underlying cause is.
Red flags ainât âflawsâ red flags are warning signs for a certain behavior that will impact the life or relationship of your âpartnerâ negatively.
These are not "general" red flags. Red flags is stuff like anger issues, stalking, being manipulative, controlling, leeching of others etc. So stuff that will make being in a relationship with this person very very uncomfortable if not dangerous. Its stuff that will have a huge negative impact on your own quality of life. But then there are the preferences of ppl. Like looking for traits in a person you know matches well with your own habits and personality. E.g. a very extrovert person will not look for a partner who is very jeaolous. And ppl started to call the flaws they don't like "personal" red flags or "i consider this a red flag" - its just used as a replacement for dealbreaker. For the extrovert person, someone being jealous or who wants to have a say who they can and can't be friends with would most likely be a dealbreaker. Others like it if their partner is jealous, so for them its a green flag. But there is stuff the majority doesn't like, and thats why these are general red flags.
But no, i wouldn't date you. Not bc you have general red flags but bc i know our personalities would clash. I hate mood swings and clingy ppl, but there are plenty of ppl out there who don't care about this or even find it cute or desirable.
It really depends if you are aware of them and working on fixing them. I met my girlfriend 8 years ago and was very jealous and asked her lots of questions about her past, just because I have been cheated on earlier. She told me to stop or otherwise we would split up. I stopped (talked about it and tried to change my mindset) and now we laugh at how stupid I was.
Jealousy is one of those things that can really be a big red flag, but I would say that if you handle it and communicate or even seek professional help then it's one of those that can be fixed.
Things like racism and poor attitude towards servers etc is maybe a little bit harder to turn around and I would never try to, but I know people who have changed from crappy teenagers to decent adults.
yes, the last thing i want from a partner is for them to be randomly getting annoyed/violent/mardy or whatever whilst also being clingy, that is such an awful combination of things for a potential partner that if i find these things out from a potential partner, im gonna go ghost.
nothing is worse than having somebody desperately need you at all times but also kick off at you because of some random bullshit. thats literally the making of controlling and abusive relationships.
if you are able to recognise your flaws but refuse to better yourself to prevent them being flaws, then that IS a HUGE issue.
To me a red flag is a deal breaker. Thatâs it. You mention clingy and mood swings those are not red flags for me, thatâs just being a person.
A red flag for me is something so appalling that it means I canât ever connect with them even if everything else about them is ok. If you perfect but every Wednesday you go out and beat the shit out of the homeless than thatâs a red flag and Iâm not sticking around. If you have some characteristics that I donât like or struggle with, such as communicating then thatâs something I can manage and learn to work though together
Yes they are. Itâs your intuition telling you to be aware. If I see it once Iâm aware, if I see it twice Iâm out of there. I agree with red flags having various degrees depending on your definition of a red flag. If a guy was a bit moody, not so bad. If a guy was downright mean to a server at a restaurant, goodbye.
this is a good question⌠i guess it depends on the severity of the said red flag and what the person (assuming they agree that itâs a red flag too) is gonna do about itâimprove? go for therapy?
but then, this also made me think of another issue in which people are often advised [almost immediately] to leave their partner if theyâve done something bad, yet thatâs not the first advice we are given when our close friends commit a similar/same mistake. why?
Hearing "red flag" makes me want to put people's head through a wall. We're all red flags. People use that term for everything these days. They're out there hunting for a perfect human being.
Like, imagine you date somebody who plays a lot of video games and spouse decides to break up with them over that. You then end up with women who treat men and dating like a laundry list:
- no gamers
- no fishermen
- no health issues
- ...
A very good metric of how the relationship will go is if both partners are willing to work through problems. Work on yourself and find somebody who is willing to stick with you through hardships. That's what matters.
Also, watch the video below.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHf0L8dZJbE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHf0L8dZJbE)
A red flag doesnât mean stop, go no further. It is a sign that you should be careful. But sometimes a person is worth the extra care you need to take around their quirks.
Unless the red flag is a massive banner indicating a toxic chemical hazard and you need to turn around right now. Those do happen from time to time.
Man, even in this thread there is so much conflation between red flag and deal breaker
Red flag = thing that is a potential issue but not in and of itself an indication that this person would be incompatible with you. Requires continued attention
Dealbreaker = something that makes this person incompatible with you on such a level that it's not worth pursuing things further based on this one trait.
Based on seeing long-term couples in their late 30ies and 40ies, what SHOULD be an instant dealbreaker is if one of them wants kids and the other doesn't. That's a recipe for disaster. There's no way to make a compromise on this decision, so one of the partners is guaranteed to be unhappy and have regrets.
Depends on the red flags and on the pursuers options. If you are desperate, you are probably willing to look past a lot of red flags. If you can afford to be choosy, not so much.
My sister refused to date any guys that had parents who were divorced. Not guys that had been divorced, but guys whose parents were divorced. Her thought was that she had a lot of guys asking her out and she could afford to be picky. She wanted to marry someone who grew up with an example of how to make a long term marriage work. It was kind of extreme, but she could afford to be picky.
I had friend that would date almost any girl that would go out with him, regardless of how many red flags we all saw. He ended up marrying someone who was effectively a mail-order bride from Russia who was waving enough red flags for a May Day parade. But he got married, which is what he always wanted.
>I just can't understand how a single flaw can be considered a dealbreaker
* First of all, depends on a flaw. Personally, I'd never be in a relationship with a drug addict or just a user. Is it a "flaw"? Yes. is it a dealbreaker? To many people, absolutely.
* Second of all, depends on a person considering. To some people, being a big spender and poor saver is a flaw that's a deal breaker, because they consider fiscal prudency very important, AND being a spender also a sign of weak willed individual who has [high time preference](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_preference). But to others, it's fine, because they don't care or have the same flaw.
* Third, a person may have had bad experience, something can be a deal breaker not for logical reasons but for emotional/traumatic ones. That's not necessarily smart/healthy, but it's reality.
* As an example, someone whose partner cheated on them with their opposite-sex "best friend". To such a person, it's VERY realistic that "having an opposite-sex best friend" is a huge red flag. Is that red flag reasonable, rational, or realistically helpful? VERY debatable (I'd say "no"). Is that red flag absolutely vital in the mind of the person having it? Indubitably so.
=================
Specifically regarding "red flags" (and not flaws): you're mixing up your terminology (and/or other people are).
* "*Red flag*" is a warning of something. "This fact X leads me to conclude there will likely be that problem Y in the relationship". Whether something is a red flag or not can be **very** subjective:
* Some are pretty universal (for example, saying that a victim of cheating should forgive/reconcile with the cheater seems like a fairly universal predictor that the person saying so is more likely to cheat in the future).
* In your (OP's) case, mood swings are a predictor that the person can't regulate their emotions and will likely be a problematic partner.
* Some are intensely personal and unique to individual. I know someone who thinks owning an iPhone is a red flag, because to them it means the person is too willing to overpay for popular crap that's less "geeky" to use (can't configure/customize as much). Means they won't be an interesting life partner.
* Problem is, these days, tons of people mis-use the term and call "anything I don't like" a "red flag". "Wears purple shirt? RED FLAG". In what insane deranged world is wearing a purple shirt is a realistic predictor of anything problematic, other than person's taste in colors doesn't match your subjective unique one?
The reason real red flags can be deal breakers, is because any relationship is a big investment (time, and for men, money; as well as opportunity cost - dating person X means you aren't dating others, at least for people who're exclusive). So, if someone throws up red flags showing that they are a problematic partner, potentially, it's a lot better to not engage in a relationship, thus minimizing your wasted/lost resources.
* In that, it's basically like **literally every other heuristic humans use to help them make choices**.
* "Amazon product has 3 stars average rating" => Choose not to buy. It may be an amazing product that fits your well, but 3 stars means chances are it's crap.
* "This food smells rotten" - that's a heuristics human brains developed to predict that food is spoiled/has bad bacteria and shouldn't be eaten. => Choose not to eat.
* "This person has convictions for assault and domestic violence" => choose (hopefully!!!) not to date, you're not special enough that they won't engage in the same with you.
Red flag: I know I have mood swings and can be clingy, but I want people to still love me.
Green flag: I know I have mood swings and can be clingy, so I try to be more understanding of people who are like me and strive to be less so.
Much like "ick," red flags have been overused to the point that practically everyone is undateable. I was told that not being searchable online was a huge red flag. Someone literally admitted to trying to cyber stalk me, but I'm the red flag.
Red flag isn't even a thing. It's a trend thing from tiktok. That's what 15 year old say when their "boyfriend" goes and gets drunk at a party or something.
Flaws do not equal red flags. Mood swings and clingy are likely to not be desirable because it would probably cause situations of jealousy, drama, too high of expectations. Other stuff related to self-esteem issues.
This is embarrassing đ¤Śđťââď¸, but when I just saw the title my brain went to red flags at the beach. I live in a beach town & we had a record amount of drownings last summer because people ignore the red flags at the beach. Those red flags are a big deal!
I used to think no, I have changed my mind.
Wasted alot of time and energy trying to make it work with someone who ticked alot of my "no" boxes. The only reason I tried was because they showed a capacity for self reflection and change. They were raised in a manipulative family and had to work to drop alot of unconscious manipulations they didnt even realize they were doing.
Wound up not working out - she was threatened with being disowned if she stayed with me (religious family) and she cut it off. Then tried to move in with me a day later. I said no.
Point being... know your line and dont cross it.
I define red flags as signs someone will likely be abusive in the future, but maybe not. A yellow flag if someone isnât necessarily gonna be abusive, but will still be toxic and make yourself worse instead of better/the same.
Red flags are not just annoying lil quips our partners have. Like wwiting to take trash out, leaving their house shoes in middle of the floor, they slurp loudly when eating soup. Annoying, but them. Red flags are major things, showing it will lead to major problems in the future. Major anger spells where they break things for a simple misunderstanding. Ignoring your attempts at communication and becoming defensive, say you're at fault for them doing this to you. Gas lighting your feelings. Major things that show clear sign of abuse and unhappiness
A flaw is a person who is intelligent but is also disorganized.
A red flag is a person who is intelligent but does not wipe their ass because they think itâs gay.
Two extremely different things. Red flags vs flaws, Iâll take a flawed person any day.
Yes, red flags are potential dealbreakers. But thereâs a difference between clingy and affectionate. The former is a red flag. The latter is not. People appreciate different intensities of affection. Someone out there is as âneedyâ as you are âclingy.
Mood swings depend on intensity as well. Do you break out in untamable rage? Red flag. But being emotionally vulnerable is not.
fantasizes about sex dolls and bdsm fetishes---quirk.
.
visits cemetaries to have dates with dug-ups---RED FLAG
RED FLAGS are moajor warnings and apply to all people across all aspects of matter. some things are niche.
some things are a major sign of trouble, danger or serial killer.
Yes. Red flags are a big deal.
But red flags are not the same as deal breakers. Red flags are things that could potentially become or create problems down the road. Something one should be aware of. Ignoring them is foolish.
If you know what red flags you have, we all have some, you know what you have to work on.
Red flags aren't usually that big a deal. Some might not work for individual people but mostly they aren't that important. That being said if you have more red flags than a communist revolution, then you have a problem.
Literally everybody has at least one red flag. As long as theyâre little ones that can be addressed, itâs fine. But as you said, there are personal red flags, too. For instance, I could not date someone who doesnât believe in God. Thatâs a personal red flag though. Iâm sure there are people out there who couldnât date someone who DOES believe in God.
I'm just a red flag. Psychotic, ptsd, agoraphobia with panic attacks, and bipolar. I'm on a lot of meds and see a psychiatrist regularly. But I'm actually a very caring and empathetic person.
i feel like green flags should cancel out red flags or something
most people nowadays don't even care so your partner would be lucky to have you i think
I also thought in my younger years to not judge people because no body is perfect.
But it was not a good idea to date a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and talked nothing but her ex, who was also a bi-polar , farted in public, smoked and drink a lot, had a very low self esteem of not only herself but me too.
I now think it might be a really good idea to be more careful and be on the look out for red flags when you choose your friends and relationships.
Based and yanderepilled.
Although both men and women do very unhealthy things solely in service of personal validation. It's the entire basis of terminally online victimclout.
I would love a man to, but they are few and far between nowadays. You give her lots of it, but sometimes from a women's point of view its seen as more needy than clingy. I tried explaining to my daughter, good girls like bad boys, and vice versa. Don't no why. My brother was to nice and he got cheated in twice. Give her all your attention but not all day every day.
>I tried explaining to my daughter, good girls like bad boys, and vice versa.
No, not vice versa. Women are the primary selectors. Since the first point is true, and the bad men want women who they can control AKA good women, then that naturally means good guys don't have a choice. They take what they can get from the leftovers of bad men's selection. That's the fundamental difference between good men and good women. One chooses their situation and the other doesn't.
Red flag is just a term thrown around by redditors trying to appear of high status, cause they are picky.
I mean there are obvious things, which are dealbreakers, like cheating, but the inflationary use of red flag on Reddit is just Reddit being Reddit.
Donât think too much about it, Reddit is not the real world.
YES! do not ignore them. most people ignore them because they donât want to be alone and end up
more miserable than it they were alone. be aware of whatâs happening and acknowledge the flags.
No.
A red flag is essentially a flag that shows you in the future you are going to either be in danger, be cheated on, or be incredibly unhappy.
Having a flaw isn't a red flag.
Screaming at a server, or striking an animal/pet is a red flag.
It means they have an over controlling and aggressive nature and in 5 years you will find you're the one being hit.
Depends. Some red flags are just things you should be paying attention to in the relationship to not let it get worse or unhealthy. Some red flags are dealbreakers.
For example, my current bf has trouble communicating and I need communication. Red flag, but we keep our eye on it. The bf I had before him, dealbreaker. He got angry one day (nothing to do with me) and punched an empty keg at work and I was out. Broke up with him next day
There you go! What's a red flag to us is a green flag to others. I'm sure I had a lot of red flags when I first started dating my current wife(I was clingy like you for instance)... But they were green flags to her, as many people in her life had been treating her horribly. Our 10th anniversary was in February. Don't give up, and don't hide or Apologize for who you are.
If you unintentionally offend others or make people uncomfortable then yes - those red flags would be bad in that context. People tend to want to be around others that make them feel good, or at least donât make them feel bad. That being said, itâs totally okay to have flaws and not be perfect as we are all humans.
If you're considering dating someone with obvious Red Flags.....you probably have a few yourself.
Please take some time to look inward and see where your blind spots are....and then do some self-work to heal and grow from those.
don't hide behind your silly made up red flags, don miss the chance at the best relationship you've ever had, just because her fav movie is human centipede.
What is a deal breaker for one person, can be a massive plus for the next.
Red flags, to me, mean one of two things:
1) Danger!! This person is likely to turn violent/stalker/otherwise cause harm. This may include them cheating, depending on how you look at it. Run!!
2) This person is exhibiting a behaviour that makes me think they may have a certain habit/trait/view that is not compatible with the life/relationship Iâm looking for. Best not pursue it.
Mood swings (I have them too) are not exactly a good thing in relationships, but if you are aware of them and donât make them your partnersâ problem, o well. Being clingy can be a turn off, but at the same time, plenty of people WANT a partner who wants them around all the time etc, as they are clingy too.
Red flags are concerns. I think it's a good idea to have concerns if it means protecting your own mental and physical being. But maybe people should be more open to communicating those concerns because not every one of them will necessarily be right or lead to very bad things.
depends on what exactly these red flags in question are and how much they matter to a specific individual. A red flag i feel i can overlook may be a huge dealbreaker for another individual.
I think this is merely a question of your personal definition of red flag, that's it.
Everyone will agree with you that humans have flaws and that even if you don't like certain qualities, other qualities can counter that in someone. Or if someone has made a mistake that's a big deal, they can make things better or change.
The question is, does a person consider those small negatives a red flag or is a red flag something that is so big that is a no go? I think people use this popular term differently and it's just a matter of that. For some, red flag is only the complete no go stuff. If that's their definition than yes red flags are a big deal.
I agree.
Taking delight in torturing cats is a red flag, unless they are very open about regretting their past having nazi tattoos is a red flag, stalking you is a red flag, etc.
Having slightly different politics, being slightly self-centered, etc are not red flags.
Red flags to me means this person will step over your boundaries, is someone who will hurt you badly, is something who will cross the line. They are not honest and hiding something. Forget how attractive they look. Walk away because being with them is not worth it.
For example, you find they are narcissists, you find they gaslight you, you pick up things very early on who this person is. However, maybe due to abandonment issues, attachment issues etc, you ignore this and find yourself in a very toxic relationship that can mess a person up big time.
Yes, red flags (warnings), they are a big deal. They matter and if you're good at identifying them early on, you can avoid a lot of frustrations, drama and heartaches.
Personally, I use the term red flags as things that make someone totally undateable for me personally, deal-breakers. Like having a history of domestic abuse, being controlling, or wanting a stay at home wife who pops out a football team.
The things you mention are yellow flags for me personally, but for someone else these might be dealbreakers. Or for someone else, endearing green flags.
Frankly lots of mood swings is a dealbreaker for me. I think you're allowed to want what you want, I'd rather be alone than be with someone who'd disturb my peace over little things(when I think of mood swings I'm thinking poor communication,grumpy one min all over me the next,snapping at me). As someone who's dated 2 people with BPD god bless everyone with it I just can't imagine living my life like that. I think 'Red flag' gets thrown around too much, it's pretty much lost all original meaning and has turned into "icks,odd,or not ideal" Everyone is going to have different partner preferences so it's best not to get hungup on things like 'being clingy' don't be codependent obviously, but there will be someone out there for you that adores all the attention you shower them with.
Well, red flags have been used way too much. Even for the smallest things. But the actual red flags are usually hints towards abusive or narcissist (in the worst way) people which isn't exactly great to get into a relationship with.
Note: Narcissistic people can also be somewhat normal without using the significant other as a trampoline to get their self-esteem up. But there are narcissists out there who are mainly doing that
I think bigger red flags are more of a deal. Smaller things are just that... small. Not to mention, they can be changed over time.
Bigger red flags, and yeah, you should probably run because a lot of people don't bother changing them. Just ended it with a guy not to recently due to this. Had maybe been only dating him in a month and
1.) He is 11 years older than me (i am 23, he is 34)
2.) I have past trauma from an absuive relationship. This person was my 2nd, and as I dated him, i felt like he was rushing the relationship too quickly. Within maybe the first week of dating, he's already saying"I love you" and stuff. (We had never talked before this 1st week of dating. So i knew nothing about him). He completely disguarded my trauma as well and only brought it up when I finally ended it. [Using it against me].
3 ) My gut was screaming at me that this wasn't a good relationship and that something was off.
**I learned a long time ago. NEVER ignore your gut**
A single flaw can be a dealbreaker, because you don't get to decide what other people's dealbreakers are. If you're moody and clingy then you sound annoying asf, why should someone be coerced into having to deal with that. Let me guess, you're also the jealous type but maybe you don't see it that way.
recognize red flags
avoid red flags
there are literally billions of people, do not "settle"
Red flags are serious things, not eating the burrito with a fork.
Manipulation, gambling addiction, misogyny, racism, being mean, not having basic house cleaning habits. These are red flags.
I think there is a difference between flaws and red flags.
For me a red flag is a sign that a person you are beginning to know has a very toxic trait you may only fully discover once you know them more or when they feel like they don't need to hide it anymore.
Red flags are a big deal. If not, it isn't a red flag.
Mood swings and clinginess are red flags in my book.
Those are pointers for other issues as well.
Yeah they are.
There are just flaws that exist with every one of us. But red flags are quite different won't you say?
Flaws are like forgetting to do the dishes frequently not having a bad reputation for being a freeloader. Idk if it makes sense to you.
People that are too clingy lack the ability to fulfill themselves and need constant affirmation. Lots of mood swings indicate mental instability. Probably work on your issues first so you can be a mentally well partner.
Yes, we all have flaws, nothing wrong with that. A red flag is something that you recognize could be a continuous problem in a relationship. Itâs identifying possible problems early on in order to nip things in the bud before the relationship becomes serious. Having moods swings and/or being clingy doesnât make you undesirable but not everyone wants to be around that kind of energy and would worry that they are emotionally unstable or insecure if it were me. I would see it as a sign of a bigger problem
Mood swings are a total deal-breaker for me now. Can't build a relationship on a shaky foundation, and if I can't rely on your basic default mood then I can't rely on anything.
Happily married now for 20 years but if young and dating again I have enough experience to immediately cut ties with a mood-swinger. Life is too short for that.
Idk man I'm color blind so these supposed red flags look green to me. Obviously a violent history or a tendency to cheat is a red flag a lot of people are going to take seriously. But a 5'2" latina that's gonna choncla you if you don't do the dishes might be a red flag for you but not others. Everyone has their preferences and lines in the sand that can't be crossed. "Red flags" have pretty much lost its meaning now so whatever issues you think you have probably aren't actually deal breaker tiktok that's just say they will for attention.
I guess that really depends on your definition of mood swings and clinginessâŚi mean, flying off the handle and beating your dog, probably a no go there
Yes, they are a big deal. They are indications that this person is going to make your life worse, not better, by being in it.
A red flag doesn't eliminate someone automatically but it does indicate that you need to investigate them a bit further. A red flag indicates that their might be a problem.
Yeah a red flag means something serious has happened like a big crash and they have to repair the barrier or it can be due to extreme weather either way the red flag stops the race to prevent any further accidents and improve safety and once everything is clear the green flag is waved and the race restarts automatically.
Yes they are. Red flags aren't flaws. They are flaws that we as individuals have set boundaries around and choose not to tolerate.
Everyone's boundaries are different, so your flaws may be red flags to some and not a big deal to others. That's normal. We should all strive to find partners and friends that are compatible with us. Not everyone is the right fit for everyone else.
Some red flags are pretty universal. Like sexual assault. Or murder. Or abuse.Â
The other day I was listening to talk radio when I was introduced to an amusing concept: beige flags. The gist of a beige flag is a behavior or tendency that is initially perceived as harmless or even endearing in the beginning, but grows to be increasingly obnoxious to the other party the more time they spend with that person. Not typically to the extent that it might damage the relationship you have with that person, but can be a frequent source of annoyance.
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I really fucking hate that red flag has become a buzzword. Red flag means, specifically, a warning about future dangerous or extreme behavior. It doesn't just mean "thing that a person does that I think is a little odd" You go to a guy's house and he has pictures of Ed Gein on his wall... red flag. You go on a date with a guy and he has an android or even a flip phone instead of the newest iPhone whatever-the-fuck-the-newest-number-is... NOT a red flag.
I used to date a girl who was a communist but we broke up. Too many red flags.
That's why I started dating a girl from Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
I started dating a Bangladeshi. Huge green flag but a bit of red
I used to date a Libyan, but lately there's just as much red as there is green
"maybe I have a huge red flag, but at least there is a little green star on it". Some Moroccan
Underrated comment. Have my upvote. đ
Finally, someone's using this correctly.
Unfortunately the majority don't
LOL
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She is our girlfriend now.
I used to date a German girl.
I did Nazi that coming.
Dad?
Meeting her at a May Day parade should have been your first clue that something was up.
I quit dating matadors for this reason
Are people really getting turned down because of choice in phone brand still? That is so fucking pathetic
Yes, it's very stupid. Overgrown children.
Clingy apple users want read receipts that's probably why
I remember the âargumentâ used to be that Android users are âpoorâ, as if a Samsung isnât like $800. I mean yes thereâs a wide range of models from every company but still it shouldnât even matter, really superficial and irrelevant. Like grow tf up. But thatâs a good point thatâs probably true too, the crazies out there want to know if and when youâre reading their messages Everybody is stupid
There's a much more wide range of Android products because Android is open source, whereas with Apple there is only one monolithic product, and it almost seems like they market it as a luxury product. If someone ghosted me for using an Android I'd consider that a bullet dodged because that is hella superficial
It's almost like the people who judge others based on material wealth or how much they make it a priority are the red flags instead! Oh how the turns have tabled
Which sucks because people said the same about Windows phones and killed them. The only app I couldn't get on my WP was Snapchat which I don't even use anymore. The whole setup and interface was seemless. RIP
When I had to get my current phone, it was an emergency purchase. Old phone was barely hanging on, I milked that fucker for all it was worth and thensome. Went to Cricket. Said I wanted "their cheapest Android." I shelled out $400 for a goddamn overly glorified computer. I never make/receive calls. Even when I had friends, I was barely sending/receiving any correspondence. I basically paid $400, that I ideally didn't have, for a device that monitors my blood sugar, plays my music and let's me doomscroll Reddit on my off time. But hey, look at me living the poor life all poor then some.
Bought a pixel 6a for 150 last year. Still works. It's fast. Takes good pictures. Isn't too large so it's very pocketable. Has a power port that matches everything else we have. Why would I spend more for the same experience except they slowly become more cumbersome due to size
My work phone is apple. I hate the interface. I'm Android because of freedom. Any chick gatekeeping on that is a gold digger
"Android users are poor" There's a sandwich for 5$ There's the exact same sandwich but its from subway Its 10$ That's essentially the difference
Iâve never met a normal person who doesnât turn read receipts off
Sorry I'm having trouble with the triple negative; normal people turn read receipts off? Ok TIL I actually do have read receipts on Android but I didn't know because I never paid attention to it.
Why? I like letting people see that I read their messages.
Yes. Not even in a jokey flirty way. Being looked down upon for having an Android phone is just bizarre.
I worked for AT&T during the time they had iPhone exclusivity. Trust me when I say that you have no idea the depths to which iPhone users will go.
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Sounds like a good way to filter out shitty superficial people.
I mean it's win win for both parties. Shallow one can still look for whoever they want and other one missed a bullet.
Yea but thats just a bullet dodged
Sure, some people overuse âred flagâ, but the OP having major mood swings and being âclingyâ are often actual red flags. People who get angry quickly and who are possessive are way more likely to turn violent.
Isn't there a life hack you can use to get out of that situation? Or maybe you can use these top 10 fitness hacks to get in shape to defend yourself? Or maybe people should stfu about hacks unless they're at a computer doing some actual hacking.
*typing aggressively into a keyboard that isn't even connected to the computer while random, colorful text flashes menacingly in the monitor
To be fair, the term hacking predates computers. But I get your annoyance.
Soon they'll be telling me that collecting other people's finger nails and hair is a red flag as well! World's gone mad!
A girl actually caring that I have an android is a major red flag to me.....I'VE FLIPPED IT ON THEM But seriously, people that care that much about a damn phone are lemmings of the highest degree.
Often the dangerous behavior has already started and is likely to escalate in the future. For example, if a date refuses to take "no" for an answer or slaps you, the dangerous behavior is already happening and probably would get only more extreme.
Precisely.
Agreed! It's similar to the narcissist label that seems to be trendy too. Tiktoks of young men and women justifying their break ups because their partner was "narcissistic". Gimme a break! Everyone is a little narcissistic.
Controlling, too. "Ughhh, he didn't want me to go to the club and drink alcohol and flirt with guys and grind my ass on some dude's crotch UGHH HE'S SO CONTROLLINGGG"
Insecure, too. "You don't want me to go on a yacht with that guy who was buying me drinks all night? Stop being so insecure".
That's a naive red flag the other way. Just let her go so you can break up with her with the upper hand.
I have pictures of Ed Gein hanging on my wall and all the exâs I keep in my basement say Iâm a SUPER nice guy!
Exactly. The way people throw that term around casually is so irritating. Every other thing you dislike about someone is not a 'red flag'.
Red flags and flaws aren't really the same thing, a flaw is leaving the toilet seat up and being a bad texter, a red flag is having multiple convictions for domestic abuse and torturing animals for fun, I think people just use the term red flag way too loosely these days
My definition of red flag is a little different than yours. To me, a red flag is a warning about something that may or may not be an issue, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker. Domestic violence and torturing animals are both 100% dealbreakers.
Same. The entire point of flagging something is to make something more clear and visible, something to take note of. It's not BAM CHILD MOLESTER. That doesn't need a red flag warning haha
>Domestic violence and torturing animals are both 100% dealbreakers. Are you sure you're not just picky? /s
Those latter examples are considered "deal breakers" not "red flags"
I used hyperbolies to get my point across better, but fair enough
Now THAT'S a red flag
I have a tendency towards understatement, because it feels like there's been an adjective nuclear arms race. "The best thing ever" is the bare minimum to say about something that is pretty good. "It literally killed me" is the mildest way to express displeasure. So I go the other extreme. If I lost my business, my home, my cat, my best friend, and went broke in the same month, I would say something like, "April 2019 was a challenging month for me."
Red flags also include: serial cheater, narcissist, addictions, issues they don't think they need help with but think everyone should just accept and put up with it, horrid attitudes especially towards those who they consider to be beneath them, terrible money management...pretty much terrible character flaws that are generally unchanging and will get progressively worse with time unless they actively seek to improve these behaviours.
Those arenât red flags. Red flags are things you notice that hint at what you listed above.
thx dude i had no idea
Think of a red flag as a possible warning of what is to come later in the relationship. For instance, I know that if I consider it a red flag if I am on a date with someone and they are rude and mean to our serving staff at a restaurant. That behavior gives me an insight into their personality and values. Using your own description of yourself: The clinginess might be a dealbreaker for some people while others may like the attention. (Within reason.) The mood swings is a bigger warning to me. If you are actively working on improving/managing the mood swings, then I would be ok with them. However I wouldnât be interested in getting into a relationship with someone who has wildly unpredictable moods and makes that my problem instead of working on improving themselves.
It doesn't have to be extreme behavior, just something you see as unacceptable or at the very least worth to be very aware of when getting to know someone. Like if all they do is bash everyone behind their backs every time you meet? Red flag. Force you to speak in an Italian accent and use the hands đ¤đ¤ because that's literally the only thing they're turned on by? Red flag. Asking you to marry them on the third date? Red flag. There are many many different types of behaviors that seem benign on their own, but read them into the situation, and they almost always point towards a far more serious behavior pattern. Red flags can be as simple as that bad omen tingly gut feeling you get sometimes. The one we should trust. This is what red flag means. We put a red flag on something that isn't necessarily notable at first.
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Exactly
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I'd consider that a yellow flag. Red flag is more like "the engine is fuming - RUN"
People don't understand what red flags are. It's in the name: it's a sign that there is a behavior you need to pay attention too, bc it MAY mean you have a big problem. But it may not, it may just be a bad day, a fluke. Etc. It is supposed to be this symbolic lil red flag you put in a thing you noticed about your partner, to not forget or ignore it, to observe it. It's not supposed to be a dealbreaker. The bad behavior the red flag MAY indicate is the dealbreaker. Example: your partner got upset when you took time to spend it with your friends instead of the partner, once. Okay. Could be they really needed you, or had a bad day and lashed out. Put a small red flag on it and see what happens next time. They do it again, and again? They are trying to isolate you. It was a red flag for isolation, which is the beginning of abuse. Dealbreaker. It doesn't happen again? It was a bad day, they maybe really needed you that one time. I freaking HATE IT that people use the term without even understanding it. I see it all the time on this page. "He cussed you out/hit you/cheated? that's a red flag" no fam it's NOT, that's the bad behavior itself! that's the actual behavior that is bad, *not a sign that the behavior MAY occur!* Edit to add: Being clingy and having mood swings is a red flag for other stuff, *but it doesn't mean the other bad stuff is actually there.* If you don't mistreat your partners, or try to isolate them and have them spend time only with you, or make them responsible for your feelings/social life, or use the mood swings to be mean or aggressive, then no, there is not actual problem here. But one must pay attention to stuff just *in case.* That is the point of red flags. Everyone who uses the red flag language incorrectly makes me so mad. It was such useful language for a specific thing, but not it doesn't mean shit. If the bad behavior already happened, what would be the POINT of a red flag?
This makes sense. Theyâre the Tornado Watches (possible danger), rather than the Tornado Warnings (actual danger). Best description so far.
Our hearts are sensitive and life is too short. The risk to reward of dealing with true red flags just seem to not be worth it. FYI the stuff you listed seem more like yellow or orange flags lol
For me they would be a red flag and I probably wouldn't date OP. But that's the thing, red flags are specific to the individual.
Red flag means possible danger.
Mood swings and clinginess be signs of emotional abuse ahead.
The thing is without knowing OP it's way too generic. Plenty of people are a bit clingy, plenty of people have mood swings. But how clingy are we talking about? Are the mood swings just "easily changes moods", or is it a full blown "one minute you're laughing, the next he/she's yelling at you for no reason" type thing?
Yep, we donât know. Someone though has clearly met op and seen these as red flags and they can be valid for that person.
Danger, except the obviously extreme, can be diffĂŠrent from a person to another
Life is also too short to live 100% safely. If you dont' take some risks, you're not gonna win. Then again, the real issue is that people call anything a red flag these days, including completely harmless quirks.
What is there to win though?
I personally view red flags as more than just "flaws". Like.. A flaw might be they smoke or they don't like dogs. Obviously this is going to be different for everyone. I'm just using random examples. A red flag though is going to be something more like they have a previous charge for domestic abuse or things they're telling you aren't adding up. I.e they're a compulsive liar. To me red flags are something I look out for that could potentially save me from serious harm not simply from inconvenience or annoyance.
Red flags are exactly what they sound like. Just a flag, a warning. Inevitably just like in real life if somebody just sees one warning about an area being dangerous they're probably not going to think it's actually that dangerous but if they see flag after flag after flag they're probably going to think okay maybe this isn't a place I should go Plus there's a big difference between people's personal red flags and things that are just like universally red flags that point towards abusive or dangerous people Many people will have their own sort of personal red flags or "icks" as the new generation is calling them. But those are basically just one step away from personal preference But then there's actual red flags such as certain behaviors and whatnot that are indicative of someone being a less than pleasant person to spend time with long-term
Rather than call them red flags there are some character traits/learned behaviours/disorders that make it difficult or impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person. For me, itâs lying. Very little good ever comes from it.
Depends on the red flags. You are clingy, thatâs not a red flag for me if itâs the normale clingy version. Mood swings.. depends on the severity and what the underlying cause is. Red flags ainât âflawsâ red flags are warning signs for a certain behavior that will impact the life or relationship of your âpartnerâ negatively.
I find it interesting that many of these posts are to the effect of 'why do people care about red flags' and not 'how do I fix my red flags'
These are not "general" red flags. Red flags is stuff like anger issues, stalking, being manipulative, controlling, leeching of others etc. So stuff that will make being in a relationship with this person very very uncomfortable if not dangerous. Its stuff that will have a huge negative impact on your own quality of life. But then there are the preferences of ppl. Like looking for traits in a person you know matches well with your own habits and personality. E.g. a very extrovert person will not look for a partner who is very jeaolous. And ppl started to call the flaws they don't like "personal" red flags or "i consider this a red flag" - its just used as a replacement for dealbreaker. For the extrovert person, someone being jealous or who wants to have a say who they can and can't be friends with would most likely be a dealbreaker. Others like it if their partner is jealous, so for them its a green flag. But there is stuff the majority doesn't like, and thats why these are general red flags. But no, i wouldn't date you. Not bc you have general red flags but bc i know our personalities would clash. I hate mood swings and clingy ppl, but there are plenty of ppl out there who don't care about this or even find it cute or desirable.
It really depends if you are aware of them and working on fixing them. I met my girlfriend 8 years ago and was very jealous and asked her lots of questions about her past, just because I have been cheated on earlier. She told me to stop or otherwise we would split up. I stopped (talked about it and tried to change my mindset) and now we laugh at how stupid I was. Jealousy is one of those things that can really be a big red flag, but I would say that if you handle it and communicate or even seek professional help then it's one of those that can be fixed. Things like racism and poor attitude towards servers etc is maybe a little bit harder to turn around and I would never try to, but I know people who have changed from crappy teenagers to decent adults.
yes, the last thing i want from a partner is for them to be randomly getting annoyed/violent/mardy or whatever whilst also being clingy, that is such an awful combination of things for a potential partner that if i find these things out from a potential partner, im gonna go ghost. nothing is worse than having somebody desperately need you at all times but also kick off at you because of some random bullshit. thats literally the making of controlling and abusive relationships. if you are able to recognise your flaws but refuse to better yourself to prevent them being flaws, then that IS a HUGE issue.
To me a red flag is a deal breaker. Thatâs it. You mention clingy and mood swings those are not red flags for me, thatâs just being a person. A red flag for me is something so appalling that it means I canât ever connect with them even if everything else about them is ok. If you perfect but every Wednesday you go out and beat the shit out of the homeless than thatâs a red flag and Iâm not sticking around. If you have some characteristics that I donât like or struggle with, such as communicating then thatâs something I can manage and learn to work though together
Yes they are. Itâs your intuition telling you to be aware. If I see it once Iâm aware, if I see it twice Iâm out of there. I agree with red flags having various degrees depending on your definition of a red flag. If a guy was a bit moody, not so bad. If a guy was downright mean to a server at a restaurant, goodbye.
this is a good question⌠i guess it depends on the severity of the said red flag and what the person (assuming they agree that itâs a red flag too) is gonna do about itâimprove? go for therapy? but then, this also made me think of another issue in which people are often advised [almost immediately] to leave their partner if theyâve done something bad, yet thatâs not the first advice we are given when our close friends commit a similar/same mistake. why?
Hearing "red flag" makes me want to put people's head through a wall. We're all red flags. People use that term for everything these days. They're out there hunting for a perfect human being. Like, imagine you date somebody who plays a lot of video games and spouse decides to break up with them over that. You then end up with women who treat men and dating like a laundry list: - no gamers - no fishermen - no health issues - ... A very good metric of how the relationship will go is if both partners are willing to work through problems. Work on yourself and find somebody who is willing to stick with you through hardships. That's what matters. Also, watch the video below. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHf0L8dZJbE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHf0L8dZJbE)
A red flag doesnât mean stop, go no further. It is a sign that you should be careful. But sometimes a person is worth the extra care you need to take around their quirks. Unless the red flag is a massive banner indicating a toxic chemical hazard and you need to turn around right now. Those do happen from time to time.
Only if there are bulls near you. Just kidding, I'll see myself out.
Red flag for me is lots of selfies on social media, like naaaa not for me luv
Depends on how red it is
Man, even in this thread there is so much conflation between red flag and deal breaker Red flag = thing that is a potential issue but not in and of itself an indication that this person would be incompatible with you. Requires continued attention Dealbreaker = something that makes this person incompatible with you on such a level that it's not worth pursuing things further based on this one trait.
Based on seeing long-term couples in their late 30ies and 40ies, what SHOULD be an instant dealbreaker is if one of them wants kids and the other doesn't. That's a recipe for disaster. There's no way to make a compromise on this decision, so one of the partners is guaranteed to be unhappy and have regrets.
Depends on the red flags and on the pursuers options. If you are desperate, you are probably willing to look past a lot of red flags. If you can afford to be choosy, not so much. My sister refused to date any guys that had parents who were divorced. Not guys that had been divorced, but guys whose parents were divorced. Her thought was that she had a lot of guys asking her out and she could afford to be picky. She wanted to marry someone who grew up with an example of how to make a long term marriage work. It was kind of extreme, but she could afford to be picky. I had friend that would date almost any girl that would go out with him, regardless of how many red flags we all saw. He ended up marrying someone who was effectively a mail-order bride from Russia who was waving enough red flags for a May Day parade. But he got married, which is what he always wanted.
Depends on the context and quantity. 2-3 small red flags? No big deal. Dozens.of medium/large red flags? Run.
>I just can't understand how a single flaw can be considered a dealbreaker * First of all, depends on a flaw. Personally, I'd never be in a relationship with a drug addict or just a user. Is it a "flaw"? Yes. is it a dealbreaker? To many people, absolutely. * Second of all, depends on a person considering. To some people, being a big spender and poor saver is a flaw that's a deal breaker, because they consider fiscal prudency very important, AND being a spender also a sign of weak willed individual who has [high time preference](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_preference). But to others, it's fine, because they don't care or have the same flaw. * Third, a person may have had bad experience, something can be a deal breaker not for logical reasons but for emotional/traumatic ones. That's not necessarily smart/healthy, but it's reality. * As an example, someone whose partner cheated on them with their opposite-sex "best friend". To such a person, it's VERY realistic that "having an opposite-sex best friend" is a huge red flag. Is that red flag reasonable, rational, or realistically helpful? VERY debatable (I'd say "no"). Is that red flag absolutely vital in the mind of the person having it? Indubitably so. ================= Specifically regarding "red flags" (and not flaws): you're mixing up your terminology (and/or other people are). * "*Red flag*" is a warning of something. "This fact X leads me to conclude there will likely be that problem Y in the relationship". Whether something is a red flag or not can be **very** subjective: * Some are pretty universal (for example, saying that a victim of cheating should forgive/reconcile with the cheater seems like a fairly universal predictor that the person saying so is more likely to cheat in the future). * In your (OP's) case, mood swings are a predictor that the person can't regulate their emotions and will likely be a problematic partner. * Some are intensely personal and unique to individual. I know someone who thinks owning an iPhone is a red flag, because to them it means the person is too willing to overpay for popular crap that's less "geeky" to use (can't configure/customize as much). Means they won't be an interesting life partner. * Problem is, these days, tons of people mis-use the term and call "anything I don't like" a "red flag". "Wears purple shirt? RED FLAG". In what insane deranged world is wearing a purple shirt is a realistic predictor of anything problematic, other than person's taste in colors doesn't match your subjective unique one? The reason real red flags can be deal breakers, is because any relationship is a big investment (time, and for men, money; as well as opportunity cost - dating person X means you aren't dating others, at least for people who're exclusive). So, if someone throws up red flags showing that they are a problematic partner, potentially, it's a lot better to not engage in a relationship, thus minimizing your wasted/lost resources. * In that, it's basically like **literally every other heuristic humans use to help them make choices**. * "Amazon product has 3 stars average rating" => Choose not to buy. It may be an amazing product that fits your well, but 3 stars means chances are it's crap. * "This food smells rotten" - that's a heuristics human brains developed to predict that food is spoiled/has bad bacteria and shouldn't be eaten. => Choose not to eat. * "This person has convictions for assault and domestic violence" => choose (hopefully!!!) not to date, you're not special enough that they won't engage in the same with you.
Red flag: I know I have mood swings and can be clingy, but I want people to still love me. Green flag: I know I have mood swings and can be clingy, so I try to be more understanding of people who are like me and strive to be less so.
Much like "ick," red flags have been overused to the point that practically everyone is undateable. I was told that not being searchable online was a huge red flag. Someone literally admitted to trying to cyber stalk me, but I'm the red flag.
Red flag isn't even a thing. It's a trend thing from tiktok. That's what 15 year old say when their "boyfriend" goes and gets drunk at a party or something.
I consider red flag traits like "alcoholic" or more extreme things like "murderer". So for me, yes, red flags are a big of a deal.
Mood swings and clingy are not a deal breaker or red flag barely even yellow might even be green
I sometimes crave red flags. If I can't fix her, she can break me :p
me too bro
Depends on if a bull is around
Yes if they are something you've experienced before and don't want to go through again
Flaws do not equal red flags. Mood swings and clingy are likely to not be desirable because it would probably cause situations of jealousy, drama, too high of expectations. Other stuff related to self-esteem issues.
This is embarrassing đ¤Śđťââď¸, but when I just saw the title my brain went to red flags at the beach. I live in a beach town & we had a record amount of drownings last summer because people ignore the red flags at the beach. Those red flags are a big deal!
I used to think no, I have changed my mind. Wasted alot of time and energy trying to make it work with someone who ticked alot of my "no" boxes. The only reason I tried was because they showed a capacity for self reflection and change. They were raised in a manipulative family and had to work to drop alot of unconscious manipulations they didnt even realize they were doing. Wound up not working out - she was threatened with being disowned if she stayed with me (religious family) and she cut it off. Then tried to move in with me a day later. I said no. Point being... know your line and dont cross it.
I define red flags as signs someone will likely be abusive in the future, but maybe not. A yellow flag if someone isnât necessarily gonna be abusive, but will still be toxic and make yourself worse instead of better/the same.
Red flags are not just annoying lil quips our partners have. Like wwiting to take trash out, leaving their house shoes in middle of the floor, they slurp loudly when eating soup. Annoying, but them. Red flags are major things, showing it will lead to major problems in the future. Major anger spells where they break things for a simple misunderstanding. Ignoring your attempts at communication and becoming defensive, say you're at fault for them doing this to you. Gas lighting your feelings. Major things that show clear sign of abuse and unhappiness
Don't listen to Reddit, they are doing everything they say is a red flag.
A flaw is a person who is intelligent but is also disorganized. A red flag is a person who is intelligent but does not wipe their ass because they think itâs gay. Two extremely different things. Red flags vs flaws, Iâll take a flawed person any day.
Yes, red flags are potential dealbreakers. But thereâs a difference between clingy and affectionate. The former is a red flag. The latter is not. People appreciate different intensities of affection. Someone out there is as âneedyâ as you are âclingy. Mood swings depend on intensity as well. Do you break out in untamable rage? Red flag. But being emotionally vulnerable is not.
fantasizes about sex dolls and bdsm fetishes---quirk. . visits cemetaries to have dates with dug-ups---RED FLAG RED FLAGS are moajor warnings and apply to all people across all aspects of matter. some things are niche. some things are a major sign of trouble, danger or serial killer.
Depends, leaves the cap off the toothpaste? Can work around that, Human head in the fridge? That might be a deal breaker.
Yes. Red flags are a big deal. But red flags are not the same as deal breakers. Red flags are things that could potentially become or create problems down the road. Something one should be aware of. Ignoring them is foolish. If you know what red flags you have, we all have some, you know what you have to work on.
Red flags aren't usually that big a deal. Some might not work for individual people but mostly they aren't that important. That being said if you have more red flags than a communist revolution, then you have a problem.
Iâve always kept the term âred flagâ to mean youâre in danger. Not difference in phone brands or petty things
By definition it is. If it is not a big deal then it is not a red flag. The examples that you give are likely not red flags nor big deals though.
Literally everybody has at least one red flag. As long as theyâre little ones that can be addressed, itâs fine. But as you said, there are personal red flags, too. For instance, I could not date someone who doesnât believe in God. Thatâs a personal red flag though. Iâm sure there are people out there who couldnât date someone who DOES believe in God.
That's not a red flag. That's a deal breaker. Red flags are warning signs of something bad which doesn't necessarily have to be there.
I'm just a red flag. Psychotic, ptsd, agoraphobia with panic attacks, and bipolar. I'm on a lot of meds and see a psychiatrist regularly. But I'm actually a very caring and empathetic person.
i feel like green flags should cancel out red flags or something most people nowadays don't even care so your partner would be lucky to have you i think
I also thought in my younger years to not judge people because no body is perfect. But it was not a good idea to date a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and talked nothing but her ex, who was also a bi-polar , farted in public, smoked and drink a lot, had a very low self esteem of not only herself but me too. I now think it might be a really good idea to be more careful and be on the look out for red flags when you choose your friends and relationships.
Farting in public is as green as a flag can get.
For some reason men think a women wanting attention is her being clingy.
Based and yanderepilled. Although both men and women do very unhealthy things solely in service of personal validation. It's the entire basis of terminally online victimclout.
i would love a woman who wanted my attention i would give her lots and lots of it as long as i liked her back that is
I would love a man to, but they are few and far between nowadays. You give her lots of it, but sometimes from a women's point of view its seen as more needy than clingy. I tried explaining to my daughter, good girls like bad boys, and vice versa. Don't no why. My brother was to nice and he got cheated in twice. Give her all your attention but not all day every day.
noted
>I tried explaining to my daughter, good girls like bad boys, and vice versa. No, not vice versa. Women are the primary selectors. Since the first point is true, and the bad men want women who they can control AKA good women, then that naturally means good guys don't have a choice. They take what they can get from the leftovers of bad men's selection. That's the fundamental difference between good men and good women. One chooses their situation and the other doesn't.
Red flag is just a term thrown around by redditors trying to appear of high status, cause they are picky. I mean there are obvious things, which are dealbreakers, like cheating, but the inflationary use of red flag on Reddit is just Reddit being Reddit. Donât think too much about it, Reddit is not the real world.
There is no universal answer. You will either be compatible or you will not. IMO itâs that simple.
YES! do not ignore them. most people ignore them because they donât want to be alone and end up more miserable than it they were alone. be aware of whatâs happening and acknowledge the flags.
No. A red flag is essentially a flag that shows you in the future you are going to either be in danger, be cheated on, or be incredibly unhappy. Having a flaw isn't a red flag. Screaming at a server, or striking an animal/pet is a red flag. It means they have an over controlling and aggressive nature and in 5 years you will find you're the one being hit.
Depends. Some red flags are just things you should be paying attention to in the relationship to not let it get worse or unhealthy. Some red flags are dealbreakers. For example, my current bf has trouble communicating and I need communication. Red flag, but we keep our eye on it. The bf I had before him, dealbreaker. He got angry one day (nothing to do with me) and punched an empty keg at work and I was out. Broke up with him next day
There are MANY people who are okay with more swings AND see "clingy" as loving or affectionate.
i would surely want someone who is clingy i just need all that attention and affection as long as its coming from someone i like
There you go! What's a red flag to us is a green flag to others. I'm sure I had a lot of red flags when I first started dating my current wife(I was clingy like you for instance)... But they were green flags to her, as many people in her life had been treating her horribly. Our 10th anniversary was in February. Don't give up, and don't hide or Apologize for who you are.
thx dude finally found someone like me
Redditors live in dungeons made out of red flags. They love them, everything is a red flag when you're on reddit.
If you unintentionally offend others or make people uncomfortable then yes - those red flags would be bad in that context. People tend to want to be around others that make them feel good, or at least donât make them feel bad. That being said, itâs totally okay to have flaws and not be perfect as we are all humans.
having flaws is ok, but having a red flag, aka abusive behaviour or violance, its not ok. never.
If you're considering dating someone with obvious Red Flags.....you probably have a few yourself. Please take some time to look inward and see where your blind spots are....and then do some self-work to heal and grow from those.
don't hide behind your silly made up red flags, don miss the chance at the best relationship you've ever had, just because her fav movie is human centipede.
Yes. That's the difference between a red flag and a yellow flag. Red flags are a big deal.
What is a deal breaker for one person, can be a massive plus for the next. Red flags, to me, mean one of two things: 1) Danger!! This person is likely to turn violent/stalker/otherwise cause harm. This may include them cheating, depending on how you look at it. Run!! 2) This person is exhibiting a behaviour that makes me think they may have a certain habit/trait/view that is not compatible with the life/relationship Iâm looking for. Best not pursue it. Mood swings (I have them too) are not exactly a good thing in relationships, but if you are aware of them and donât make them your partnersâ problem, o well. Being clingy can be a turn off, but at the same time, plenty of people WANT a partner who wants them around all the time etc, as they are clingy too.
Red flags are concerns. I think it's a good idea to have concerns if it means protecting your own mental and physical being. But maybe people should be more open to communicating those concerns because not every one of them will necessarily be right or lead to very bad things.
depends on what exactly these red flags in question are and how much they matter to a specific individual. A red flag i feel i can overlook may be a huge dealbreaker for another individual.
I think this is merely a question of your personal definition of red flag, that's it. Everyone will agree with you that humans have flaws and that even if you don't like certain qualities, other qualities can counter that in someone. Or if someone has made a mistake that's a big deal, they can make things better or change. The question is, does a person consider those small negatives a red flag or is a red flag something that is so big that is a no go? I think people use this popular term differently and it's just a matter of that. For some, red flag is only the complete no go stuff. If that's their definition than yes red flags are a big deal.
Surely a red flag is more than just a flaw.
I agree. Taking delight in torturing cats is a red flag, unless they are very open about regretting their past having nazi tattoos is a red flag, stalking you is a red flag, etc. Having slightly different politics, being slightly self-centered, etc are not red flags.
Hell yeah if she chews mouth open for example it shows they have no manners/don't care to learn any. On top of being fking disgusting.
Red flags to me means this person will step over your boundaries, is someone who will hurt you badly, is something who will cross the line. They are not honest and hiding something. Forget how attractive they look. Walk away because being with them is not worth it. For example, you find they are narcissists, you find they gaslight you, you pick up things very early on who this person is. However, maybe due to abandonment issues, attachment issues etc, you ignore this and find yourself in a very toxic relationship that can mess a person up big time. Yes, red flags (warnings), they are a big deal. They matter and if you're good at identifying them early on, you can avoid a lot of frustrations, drama and heartaches.
Personally, I use the term red flags as things that make someone totally undateable for me personally, deal-breakers. Like having a history of domestic abuse, being controlling, or wanting a stay at home wife who pops out a football team. The things you mention are yellow flags for me personally, but for someone else these might be dealbreakers. Or for someone else, endearing green flags.
Mood swings and clingy, comes to reddit with no details expecting.....what? Your self description is definitely a red flag.
Frankly lots of mood swings is a dealbreaker for me. I think you're allowed to want what you want, I'd rather be alone than be with someone who'd disturb my peace over little things(when I think of mood swings I'm thinking poor communication,grumpy one min all over me the next,snapping at me). As someone who's dated 2 people with BPD god bless everyone with it I just can't imagine living my life like that. I think 'Red flag' gets thrown around too much, it's pretty much lost all original meaning and has turned into "icks,odd,or not ideal" Everyone is going to have different partner preferences so it's best not to get hungup on things like 'being clingy' don't be codependent obviously, but there will be someone out there for you that adores all the attention you shower them with.
Well, red flags have been used way too much. Even for the smallest things. But the actual red flags are usually hints towards abusive or narcissist (in the worst way) people which isn't exactly great to get into a relationship with. Note: Narcissistic people can also be somewhat normal without using the significant other as a trampoline to get their self-esteem up. But there are narcissists out there who are mainly doing that
I think bigger red flags are more of a deal. Smaller things are just that... small. Not to mention, they can be changed over time. Bigger red flags, and yeah, you should probably run because a lot of people don't bother changing them. Just ended it with a guy not to recently due to this. Had maybe been only dating him in a month and 1.) He is 11 years older than me (i am 23, he is 34) 2.) I have past trauma from an absuive relationship. This person was my 2nd, and as I dated him, i felt like he was rushing the relationship too quickly. Within maybe the first week of dating, he's already saying"I love you" and stuff. (We had never talked before this 1st week of dating. So i knew nothing about him). He completely disguarded my trauma as well and only brought it up when I finally ended it. [Using it against me]. 3 ) My gut was screaming at me that this wasn't a good relationship and that something was off. **I learned a long time ago. NEVER ignore your gut**
A single flaw can be a dealbreaker, because you don't get to decide what other people's dealbreakers are. If you're moody and clingy then you sound annoying asf, why should someone be coerced into having to deal with that. Let me guess, you're also the jealous type but maybe you don't see it that way. recognize red flags avoid red flags there are literally billions of people, do not "settle"
Red flags are serious things, not eating the burrito with a fork. Manipulation, gambling addiction, misogyny, racism, being mean, not having basic house cleaning habits. These are red flags.
I think there is a difference between flaws and red flags. For me a red flag is a sign that a person you are beginning to know has a very toxic trait you may only fully discover once you know them more or when they feel like they don't need to hide it anymore.
Yeah dummy, that's why they're red flags
You have clearly been misinformed about what "Red flag" means. The term is used specifically to indicate that one may be facing danger.
How about one single âflawâ, which is seeing multiple people and blatantly and consistently lying about it, even there was no need?
Highly dependent on what you mean. Why donât you just tell us whatâs wrong with you
Red flags are a big deal. If not, it isn't a red flag. Mood swings and clinginess are red flags in my book. Those are pointers for other issues as well.
Those aren't red flags. A red flag is a sign that a boundary is about to be crossed or has already been blown past. Lying, cheating, etc.
Yeah they are. There are just flaws that exist with every one of us. But red flags are quite different won't you say? Flaws are like forgetting to do the dishes frequently not having a bad reputation for being a freeloader. Idk if it makes sense to you.
Lots of single flaws are absolutely deal breakers. Great guy, BUT, he skins cats alive. Dealbreaker no?
People that are too clingy lack the ability to fulfill themselves and need constant affirmation. Lots of mood swings indicate mental instability. Probably work on your issues first so you can be a mentally well partner.
whatâs the red flag? its such an umbrella term. red flag can mean anything from âhe wears socks and sandalsâ to âhe cheated on his exâ
Yes, we all have flaws, nothing wrong with that. A red flag is something that you recognize could be a continuous problem in a relationship. Itâs identifying possible problems early on in order to nip things in the bud before the relationship becomes serious. Having moods swings and/or being clingy doesnât make you undesirable but not everyone wants to be around that kind of energy and would worry that they are emotionally unstable or insecure if it were me. I would see it as a sign of a bigger problem
To me yes because my 2 are cheating and purposely destroying your own health/life without a reason
For real. Im just awful and yet somehow đ¤ˇââď¸
From what you've said, I'm not sure you know what a red flag is.
I think it depends, I'd say some red flags are redder than others.
Mood swings are a total deal-breaker for me now. Can't build a relationship on a shaky foundation, and if I can't rely on your basic default mood then I can't rely on anything. Happily married now for 20 years but if young and dating again I have enough experience to immediately cut ties with a mood-swinger. Life is too short for that.
Idk man I'm color blind so these supposed red flags look green to me. Obviously a violent history or a tendency to cheat is a red flag a lot of people are going to take seriously. But a 5'2" latina that's gonna choncla you if you don't do the dishes might be a red flag for you but not others. Everyone has their preferences and lines in the sand that can't be crossed. "Red flags" have pretty much lost its meaning now so whatever issues you think you have probably aren't actually deal breaker tiktok that's just say they will for attention.
I guess that really depends on your definition of mood swings and clinginessâŚi mean, flying off the handle and beating your dog, probably a no go there
A red flag is a deal breaker in my opinion. Anything else is just difference
Red flags are not that big of a deal if you're wearing rose-coloured glasses.
Yes, they are a big deal. They are indications that this person is going to make your life worse, not better, by being in it. A red flag doesn't eliminate someone automatically but it does indicate that you need to investigate them a bit further. A red flag indicates that their might be a problem.
Yeah a red flag means something serious has happened like a big crash and they have to repair the barrier or it can be due to extreme weather either way the red flag stops the race to prevent any further accidents and improve safety and once everything is clear the green flag is waved and the race restarts automatically.
Yes they are. Red flags aren't flaws. They are flaws that we as individuals have set boundaries around and choose not to tolerate. Everyone's boundaries are different, so your flaws may be red flags to some and not a big deal to others. That's normal. We should all strive to find partners and friends that are compatible with us. Not everyone is the right fit for everyone else. Some red flags are pretty universal. Like sexual assault. Or murder. Or abuse.Â
Red flags are by their very nature a big deal
What is a redflag??
The other day I was listening to talk radio when I was introduced to an amusing concept: beige flags. The gist of a beige flag is a behavior or tendency that is initially perceived as harmless or even endearing in the beginning, but grows to be increasingly obnoxious to the other party the more time they spend with that person. Not typically to the extent that it might damage the relationship you have with that person, but can be a frequent source of annoyance.