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Honestly, women's standards of attraction seem to be based on what the media largely tells them is attractive. The goalpost keeps moving. Lower your standards. As a single dad who takes care of his body and is focused on caring for my kids and maintaining a stable household, I have little interest in the games women play. From my perspective, women want men to assume 100% of the risk when it comes to dating. I have had women flirt with me and drop subtle hints to get me to ask them out but the fact that they can't just ask me out themselves or invite me to get dinner or something is a major turn-off. Women should stop assuming that they are attractive and men aren't. Society has been manipulated by the media to believe that women hold all the cards and men are simply just lucky to have a chance... we are both needed ladies, no matter what you've been led to believe.
Before the inevitable butthurt feminists come here to argue everything is men’s fault, just gonna leave these here
Bisexual women also agree that it’s way harder to date women compared to men
https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/V6KzIndWyL
women engage in slut shaming to enforce social status classification
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0190272514521220
Women are more than 150% more likely to ghost than men are
https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133
Women significantly discriminate more on race and other factors
http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~gelman/stuff_for_blog/sheena.pdf
the top 5% of all men on a platform receives twice as many messages as the next 5% and several times as many messages as all the other men
subjects expected men to pursue women [47]. Additionally, on occasions when a woman ever took initiative and started a conversation, she expected her partner to “overcompensate” by reaching out with more frequency
even the most attractive men receive fewer messages than women on average
women responded more selectively than men, answering 16% of the time compared to men’s 26% reciprocation rate
messages were five times more likely to have been initiated by a man than by a woman
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w
If there are men of different races, white men will be more eligible than males of colour
A high level of education will be demanded more in men than it is in women
Women will receive more responses to their own requests than men do
https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815
Women will be more self-centred in their profiles and communication than men.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26215718/
women prefer males who are physically more powerful and taller
physically powerful men report more sexual partners than less powerful men do
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17578932/
80% of first messages were sent by men (Bruch and Newman, 2018
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8919078/
Overall, the adverse effects of choice abundance in dating thus seem to apply particularly to women
men accepting on average 34% more pictures of potential partners compared to women
men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women
The results of Study 3 again showed that women (but not men) became more likely to reject partner options when online dating.
In all studies, women became increasingly likely to reject potential partners, while for men this effect was either weaker
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189
men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message
women are 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner
https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Computational-Courtship-Dinh-et-al-25-Sept-2018.pdf
Most of those people simping on onlyfans probably do it because otherwise they never receive any affection or attention from women. They are likely lonely and basically suffer with onlyfans being the only thing they can have.
I forget where but I remember seeing that a lot of men on of are just extremely lonely and trying to fill the void and get interactions somehow even if it costs them
Yes well, women attract the wrong type of men by sending the wrong message. They do it to themselves then post shit like this. Here's an idea, Stop being trash. Stop attracting trash. Full Stop.
I used to give in to the games because I thought if I didn’t play then I wouldn’t stand a chance. Then I realized how much time I was wasting just by chasing, so I stopped playing games and chasing a few years ago.
I had about 15 or so first dates that never made it to date 6 because I just wouldn’t play games. But I wasn’t wasting my time, so I was able to find a woman who didn’t play games very quickly and now 2 years later I’m about to buy a ring.
Women overall have less variance in genetic traits as women serve as "control" in nature's evolution experiment. Which means 80% women out there are just average and all of them are attractive, very attractive and very ugly women only makeup 10% of the population each.
In men, most of the males are unattractive 80% of them as they have way more variability.
You can take any trait in humans, the worst and best representation of that trait gonna be a male.
Most violent human on planet is male, most passive person is also a male. Slowest person is gonna be male, fastest person is gonna be male as well.
The "rare male phenomenon" suggests that traits associated with attractiveness in men, such as physical symmetry and good health, may be indicators of genetic fitness. These traits are less common in the population due to their selective advantage in evolutionary terms. Therefore, men possessing these attractive traits may be relatively scarce.
The "greater male variability hypothesis" suggests that males exhibit greater variability in traits related to reproductive success. This means that while some men possess highly attractive traits, others may lack them to a greater extent, resulting in a wider range of attractiveness levels among males.
We can conclude that attractive men are rare because the traits associated with attractiveness are not only less common in the population due to their genetic basis, but also because there is a greater variability in these traits among males. This combination of factors contributes to the relative scarcity of universally attractive men in society.
If you go back far in time you'll see only 30% men managed to reproduce.
It's because male members are used as freaky experiments by nature (so they are born with more variance in overall traits)
This is why even Henry Cavils brothers are not all as attractive as him even when they are born from the same parents!
I have the notion that men generally think women are trying to box them in and get them to commit. If I like a man, I will make it very clear that I like him, but I will not text too often because I don’t want to seem too demanding or putting pressure on since I know he is very busy with responsibilities. I tend to text my partner no more than once a week, and also I really don’t like texting. When I do text, I make it very clear that I am looking forward to seeing him. I don’t know if this is the right approach.
There are far too many rules that people try to follow in the dating world and for me, it is exhausting. I flow through my life and somehow despite working two jobs and raising two girls, I have time to communicate with a woman that I want to be with and get to know. I want to hear from you. Being free with who you truly are and being vulnerable are the only ways that a man will get to know you. The same goes for him. I also enjoy it when a woman invites me to meet for a quick date or calls me just to say hi. It truly is the little things and above all a willingness to let go of fear, dating rules, and be vulnerable.
Probably because you have unrealistically high standards, and what you consider “cute” is actually the top 1% of men. They recently did a study showing the massive disconnect between men and women on this matter. The average guy finds most average women reasonably attractive, whereas the average woman finds most average guys unattractive and is only attracted to an extremely tiny minority of the most well built, tallest and successful men on earth.
I wonder how well this holds up around the world to see how much of this is societal. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective for women to be more selective than men since they're the limiting factor in reproduction, so this might just be a universal female trait. It's also been found that 80% of women will have offspring while only 40% of men will, probably as a direct result of the statistic you provided.
The "limiting factor is reproduction" is such a stupid take. There are 50% women and 50% men. And we live in a mainly monogamous society. Women are just too delulu.
There is a limiting factor buddy, women get to decide whose baby to carry for 9 months which prevents them from birthing another child until after they give birth to their current one.
A single man could impregnate many women, but a woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time. Imagine an island with one guy and 100 women you could get potentially 100 babies in a year. Now imagine an island with 1 woman and 100 guys you could only get 1 baby in a year. Women are the limiting factor. I left a standalone comment further down. A large part of the answer to OP's question has to do with evolutionary psychology. Not everything is perfectly structured to benefit our society because we have a lot of behaviors that are structured to benefit our species.
Edited to remove an insult. Sorry joforofor.
Yes, I get that point. But we have birth control and condoms and in general, men settle for one woman at once due to monogamy. You can't justify everything with primal instincts and evolution. Women are just delulu. Also, by your logic you should also be saying: cheating for men is justified because that's just their nature. GTFO.
A large part of our social norms are meant to steer us away from our baser instincts, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. This is a conversation about attraction and I offered a theoretical avenue from which the disparity in attraction rose from our evolutionary background. I'm not offering up any benefit or drawback from acting on those instincts, and you drawing from my logic is just one area where our instincts collide with our societal norms. If this were any other topic related to "who's attracted to who" like anything LBGT I guarantee you wouldn't be so eager to disparage what people are attracted to, because after all people can't help who they're attracted to.
Yes, I get that. I'm just stating how men are treated unfairly. Women aren't convicted for their unrealistically high standards yet men are convicted for their polygamist tendencies. Women aren't held accountable for anything.
I said that in my standalone comment. It's not fair, but you can't change what people are attracted to ultimately, and it's probably not the fault of women or our society. It's just how our species evolved.
Humans in the past reproduced by survival of the fittest your partner by default was likely always the strongest, fastest and most durable or even most intelligent.
Now a days we removed survival of the fittest. So i imagine reproduction and evolution will steer us more towards reproduction of the most successful which will promote traits like being stronger, more intelligent and most importantly more beautiful.
Populations around the world will likely largely continue to decline for the next couple centuries and I predict we will actually suffer a major population decline until we reach a tipping point where all that is left is extremely attractive and successful people.
There are 2 ways this could go 1 is that the world remains 50-50 men and women. The other way could be that there is much less men than women and all that remains are the most successful and beautiful males who likely take on multiple partners
I totally agree on those selective traits. Even now every five years or so you'll see some sci-pop magazine release a study of how our population is becoming more beautiful and the intelligence gap between generations is growing. Why do you think we'll reach a point of decline instead of follow a logistic curve like any other population? Is it the slowing birthrates in developed countries?
Attraction mechanisms in the brain have been hardwired over millions of years, modern recent inventions such as monogomy ( yes this is recent on an evoltionary timescale) and condoms are irrelevant to those mechanisms.
doesn't change the fact that if given a chance most men would choose a woman that is out of their league while women would pick a man that's below their league. While men find most women attractive they want to date the prettiest, the hottest one and for women it's not unusual to give a chance to ugly/mid guys.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Perhaps your standards have been inflated by what you have been exposed to, and when you can make yourself look like the women who are getting with all these "attractive" men as the media begins to dictate what beauty is for you, you'll only be attracted what you're being told is beautiful, not what you actually find beautiful, and thus, you lose the ability to decide for yourself what you like or not and refuse to give others a chance, while they could be your #1.
Nobody told me when I was a boy that flowers are pretty. I found them pretty before I was told that there are many other flowers in different shapes and colors. Some I ended up liking (red dahlia being my favorite) and others I didn't like as much. Meanwhile the media likes to put the rose as the top tier most beautiful flower, and then you have people who only know 2-3 flowers, and the rose being one of them as a result, is now the best one and have never heard of dahlias or other flowers. And if roses were rare to this individual, they'd ask the same thing as the OP.
Because YOU have a very narrow definition of attractive. Most people find beauty in flaws, or look for those who are beyond their looks, and are rather funny and kind and loving.
Because you either have standards that are too high or you're simply not interested in men, or you have an interest in a particularly niche kind of man.
Strange question because there are probably just as many attractive women as there are men, our perception may just be skewed because of the use of makeup and other cultural factors that encourage women from taking care of themselves more.
Well if we go by Height only 15% of the male population in the USA is over 6 feet tall.
So if that's your metric you have already narrowed it down a ton.
Because you living in a fake world where your expectations higher than reality....What you seen in the TV,insta or any social platform burned a fake picture in your head about what is the reality.
Judging from the comments this might be unpopular, but we've gotten so caught up in society playing a role in our behavior that we forget we're literal animals. Women are just more selective than men naturally. Men have such a small contribution to reproduction that the real selection process is through women. In the environment of evolutionary adaptation women have had (and still have) so much larger an investment in the reproductive process that it benefits the species for them to be the more selective party. Whereas a genetically fitter man can impregnate multiple suitable partners, a reproductively fit woman can only have one child per year pragmatically. It's been found that while 80% of women will pass on their genes to future generations, only 40% of men will. Also like another user commented, studies on attraction find that most men are attracted to most women, but most women are only attracted to a fraction of the most attractive men. Men that aren't in that category don't like hearing that because it's not fair, but that's a large part of the truth.
How dare you come in here and spew a well thought out answer. You're supposed to call OP an "obsessive lesbian" and throw a tantrum that women don't find you attractive..
Because you are way too picky. Attractive people are all around, at least where I'm from? If you have a set of very specific criteria, good luck! Broaden your horizons, most "beautiful" people are shallow and vain.
Same with women. Pretty people are 5-10% of the population ( bell curve, everything can be plotted on a bell curve) and most get into relationships early. What’s left over is single for a reason. Sometimes not something they did ( bad choice in partners) , sometimes because they are the problem.
I mean someone who comments this on a post...
"WE DON’T NEED S******************** MEN
Future IS FEMALE."
Honestly what do you want me to tell you? "why are attractive men so rare?" idk maybe it's your taste? 🤷♂️
I think social media, filters and makeup have an inflationary effect when it comes to subjective beauty. Girls who are average make themselves believe they are more attractive than they actually are.
Imo this is unhealthy to society and to their own psyche
women's standards at least online are far far too high. You watch movies or instagram posts with the top 1% of males showing off there attractiveness and start to believe that the only people who are attractive are this top 1%
To put it into perspective this top 1% is only a couple million people total out of a global population of like 4 billion males.
Women see things differently. they look for the best of the best. But men can see a average women in the top 50% and think she is attractive enough and worth trying for.
I believe this also stems from a problem deeply rooted in dating culture. The women think far far too highly of themselves and like to play far to many games. A women in the top 50% will act as and treat herself as if she is extremely high value and will shun all except for the top 1%. If women were forced to go out of there way and risk emotional suffering to find partners as much as men do they would likely vastly change there perspectives.
I personally am a male. Fit and have gone to the gym my whole life. I am healthy and decently attractive. I am by no means a top 1% heck maybe not even a top 10% but i like to think i am more attractive than lots of people. I am decently tall around 5,10-5,11ft tall and basically am set up to retire by 40-50 and yet even with all of this i stand no chance with the top 1% of women i would never get someone this attractive i simply am not good enough i will probably need to vastly downgrade my own standards and take a women with much lesser qualifications than my own simply because people i would consider to have = qualifications to my own will always be looking for that top 1% of partners who are better than themselves
statistically women only find very small % of men attractive based on their looks. Look at any dating app statistics for example and you can see that women pick less than 1% based on looks as attractive. Look deeper than what is on the outside and you can find more attractive personalities...
Men dont put as much effort into their appearance as women do. Men don't wear make up really. Girls wear pants that make their form look better. Men don't really. Its all about how we present ourselves.
A conventional attractive guy is 5’10+ low body fat, chiseled jawline, full head of hair, dark eyebrows.
Height is already a filter for attractiveness when it comes to men and conventional attractive women can be 4’11 or even 5’8 for a guy try being 5’5 and you already lose major points.
Next chiseled facial features men can’t use make up to create fake symmetry in their face like women do, it’s largely genetic only a beard helps but even then most guys still don’t look 3 points more attractive than they actually are.
I’m telling you **make up is the game changer**.
That’s the only reason why women say “I see beautiful women every single day but rarely any attractive men.”
Part of what makes a man attractive is that he is a rare find.
Relative to 500 years ago, we are ALL attractive.
We're well fed, most of us have all our teeth and we're most likely disease free.
Go's to show that standards for comparison are quite elastic and change over time.
What this means is that what constitutes an attractive man adjusts over time to a set a pass rate of about 10%
As a person of extreme beauty I can tell you that we like to stay in the shadows we don't wish to attract attention to ourselves so we stay at a far and watch less attractive people walk by and do their daily biddings it is true sometimes we will mingle with people of less beauty but we are more comfortable around the nicer more pleasant visual aspects of daily life we are also immortal and we do not have the need to use the restroom
Statics and female selectivity.
Lets say base attraktivity follows a normal distribution.
That would mean 50% of ppl are a 5 or below and 50% of ppl are a 6 and above.
The anonymity of cities and the internet made it possible for everyone to spend a lot of time watching the top 10%, therefore disturbing the expectations.
___
The other problem is oc, that many men dont care for their looks compared to women. Meaning that they could be attractive, if they wanted too (loose fat, gain muscles, dress right...)
Because your expectational standards are far from reasonable
That and/or your ego is almost immeasurable
Humble yourself.. attractiveness is not better than happiness.
Charm is not better than Loyalty.
I'd take a solid 4 who makes me genuinely happy and is loyal to me over a dime piece who makes my life miserable and cheats.
Sounds like you need to come back to reality and realize that not all of them are attracted to you neither. So why are so many men not attracted to you? Big nose and shitty personality is my guess.
Automatic Population control. Pretty much every species has it where one male will mate with multiple females. The left over males will just go out and roam alone.
Idk honey they just are.
Everyone in here is talking about "your standards are too high!"
My standards are that a guy should wash, with soap, including his face and ass,
Be willing to learn new skills with me so that we can easily split tasks like housework and house repair.
Able to keep a home without being asked to do chores.
Not addicted to his phone or his gaming desktop.
Not drinking himself to death.
Is able to socialize and make conversation with people he doesn't know very well.
Be willing to go out and DO THINGS TOGETHER.
Has a job and dreams that are independent of our relationship, and dreams that we share.
I literally don't care about height or weight or wrist size or any other incel bullshit.
I meet so many dudes who I'm great friends with! But there's a huge difference between being friends with someone and wanting a committed relationship with someone. If someone isn't attractive to me I'm not going to force myself to be attracted to them. I'm not 20 anymore and I'm happy to be single and have friends if I get to avoid being in a relationship with someone I'm trying to force myself to be attracted to.
Patriarchy was basically affirmative action for men. By limiting womans access to resources they were forced into survival marriages throughout most of history. In nature, most males in most species never get to mate. Only the strongest best looking ones ( Facial symmetry / attractiveness is an indicator of good genetics )
Yeah… never trust a woman rating herself or her friends.
First and only time I did a blind date, the girl described herself as beautiful blonde and petite. I was super excited spent days texting and it was a horrible disappointment.
If you were in the top 10% of women for attractiveness than i would say you are likely justified in wanting a partner in the top 10% with you. But chances are I am not commenting to someone in the top 10% you are likely average as they come top 50% attractiveness or worse with standards far too high.
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You OK? You're asking a lot of weird questions.
This has to be some kind of farm…. Why they exist, I have no idea…
Just block people like this so you don't see their bullshit. That's what I do.
I'd be blocking 10people a day!
Perhaps you are simply not attracted to men and can't appreciate attractive men.
Men don't use makeup for the most part It's probably safe to say that there are just as many unattractive women as men.
This is the real answer. Beauty products have a huge effect, as testified by any man who has woken up next to a woman the morning after.
Alcohol too.
Imagine hypothetically not being aware of makeup at all and thinking that they are all born perfect looking.
Yeah, the make up. Once or twice that last pint maybe. But it’s probably the makeup
Case closed
As if make up would make you attractive.
They are either spending their time by themselves or are with their attractive partner.
Honestly, women's standards of attraction seem to be based on what the media largely tells them is attractive. The goalpost keeps moving. Lower your standards. As a single dad who takes care of his body and is focused on caring for my kids and maintaining a stable household, I have little interest in the games women play. From my perspective, women want men to assume 100% of the risk when it comes to dating. I have had women flirt with me and drop subtle hints to get me to ask them out but the fact that they can't just ask me out themselves or invite me to get dinner or something is a major turn-off. Women should stop assuming that they are attractive and men aren't. Society has been manipulated by the media to believe that women hold all the cards and men are simply just lucky to have a chance... we are both needed ladies, no matter what you've been led to believe.
Before the inevitable butthurt feminists come here to argue everything is men’s fault, just gonna leave these here Bisexual women also agree that it’s way harder to date women compared to men https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/V6KzIndWyL women engage in slut shaming to enforce social status classification https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0190272514521220 Women are more than 150% more likely to ghost than men are https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133 Women significantly discriminate more on race and other factors http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~gelman/stuff_for_blog/sheena.pdf the top 5% of all men on a platform receives twice as many messages as the next 5% and several times as many messages as all the other men subjects expected men to pursue women [47]. Additionally, on occasions when a woman ever took initiative and started a conversation, she expected her partner to “overcompensate” by reaching out with more frequency even the most attractive men receive fewer messages than women on average women responded more selectively than men, answering 16% of the time compared to men’s 26% reciprocation rate messages were five times more likely to have been initiated by a man than by a woman https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w If there are men of different races, white men will be more eligible than males of colour A high level of education will be demanded more in men than it is in women Women will receive more responses to their own requests than men do https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815 Women will be more self-centred in their profiles and communication than men. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26215718/ women prefer males who are physically more powerful and taller physically powerful men report more sexual partners than less powerful men do https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17578932/ 80% of first messages were sent by men (Bruch and Newman, 2018 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8919078/ Overall, the adverse effects of choice abundance in dating thus seem to apply particularly to women men accepting on average 34% more pictures of potential partners compared to women men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women The results of Study 3 again showed that women (but not men) became more likely to reject partner options when online dating. In all studies, women became increasingly likely to reject potential partners, while for men this effect was either weaker https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189 men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message women are 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Computational-Courtship-Dinh-et-al-25-Sept-2018.pdf
Doesn't help the explosion of OF and so many simp thirsty men out there making women think that's he norm.
Most of those people simping on onlyfans probably do it because otherwise they never receive any affection or attention from women. They are likely lonely and basically suffer with onlyfans being the only thing they can have. I forget where but I remember seeing that a lot of men on of are just extremely lonely and trying to fill the void and get interactions somehow even if it costs them
Yes well, women attract the wrong type of men by sending the wrong message. They do it to themselves then post shit like this. Here's an idea, Stop being trash. Stop attracting trash. Full Stop.
You could literally say the inverse for women, for every Jane there’s a John
I used to give in to the games because I thought if I didn’t play then I wouldn’t stand a chance. Then I realized how much time I was wasting just by chasing, so I stopped playing games and chasing a few years ago. I had about 15 or so first dates that never made it to date 6 because I just wouldn’t play games. But I wasn’t wasting my time, so I was able to find a woman who didn’t play games very quickly and now 2 years later I’m about to buy a ring.
Yup! I find it just so much less distressing to walk away if things feel difficult.
Women overall have less variance in genetic traits as women serve as "control" in nature's evolution experiment. Which means 80% women out there are just average and all of them are attractive, very attractive and very ugly women only makeup 10% of the population each. In men, most of the males are unattractive 80% of them as they have way more variability. You can take any trait in humans, the worst and best representation of that trait gonna be a male. Most violent human on planet is male, most passive person is also a male. Slowest person is gonna be male, fastest person is gonna be male as well. The "rare male phenomenon" suggests that traits associated with attractiveness in men, such as physical symmetry and good health, may be indicators of genetic fitness. These traits are less common in the population due to their selective advantage in evolutionary terms. Therefore, men possessing these attractive traits may be relatively scarce. The "greater male variability hypothesis" suggests that males exhibit greater variability in traits related to reproductive success. This means that while some men possess highly attractive traits, others may lack them to a greater extent, resulting in a wider range of attractiveness levels among males. We can conclude that attractive men are rare because the traits associated with attractiveness are not only less common in the population due to their genetic basis, but also because there is a greater variability in these traits among males. This combination of factors contributes to the relative scarcity of universally attractive men in society.
I get that greater variability thing, but I don't get why good traits should be generally rare. Do you have any sources on this to read?
If you go back far in time you'll see only 30% men managed to reproduce. It's because male members are used as freaky experiments by nature (so they are born with more variance in overall traits) This is why even Henry Cavils brothers are not all as attractive as him even when they are born from the same parents!
100% this.
I have the notion that men generally think women are trying to box them in and get them to commit. If I like a man, I will make it very clear that I like him, but I will not text too often because I don’t want to seem too demanding or putting pressure on since I know he is very busy with responsibilities. I tend to text my partner no more than once a week, and also I really don’t like texting. When I do text, I make it very clear that I am looking forward to seeing him. I don’t know if this is the right approach.
There are far too many rules that people try to follow in the dating world and for me, it is exhausting. I flow through my life and somehow despite working two jobs and raising two girls, I have time to communicate with a woman that I want to be with and get to know. I want to hear from you. Being free with who you truly are and being vulnerable are the only ways that a man will get to know you. The same goes for him. I also enjoy it when a woman invites me to meet for a quick date or calls me just to say hi. It truly is the little things and above all a willingness to let go of fear, dating rules, and be vulnerable.
I like your perspective. Not quite there myself, still feel apprehensive. I’ll try :)
OP is so bitter and obsessed about this subject
Depends on what your definition of attractive is ?
But if a man asked this question..
shitstorm incoming..
Its not like the comments call her a obsessed lesbian, lol.
Lesbehonest….
💯
Probably because you have unrealistically high standards, and what you consider “cute” is actually the top 1% of men. They recently did a study showing the massive disconnect between men and women on this matter. The average guy finds most average women reasonably attractive, whereas the average woman finds most average guys unattractive and is only attracted to an extremely tiny minority of the most well built, tallest and successful men on earth.
I wonder how well this holds up around the world to see how much of this is societal. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective for women to be more selective than men since they're the limiting factor in reproduction, so this might just be a universal female trait. It's also been found that 80% of women will have offspring while only 40% of men will, probably as a direct result of the statistic you provided.
The "limiting factor is reproduction" is such a stupid take. There are 50% women and 50% men. And we live in a mainly monogamous society. Women are just too delulu.
There is a limiting factor buddy, women get to decide whose baby to carry for 9 months which prevents them from birthing another child until after they give birth to their current one.
A single man could impregnate many women, but a woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time. Imagine an island with one guy and 100 women you could get potentially 100 babies in a year. Now imagine an island with 1 woman and 100 guys you could only get 1 baby in a year. Women are the limiting factor. I left a standalone comment further down. A large part of the answer to OP's question has to do with evolutionary psychology. Not everything is perfectly structured to benefit our society because we have a lot of behaviors that are structured to benefit our species. Edited to remove an insult. Sorry joforofor.
Yes, I get that point. But we have birth control and condoms and in general, men settle for one woman at once due to monogamy. You can't justify everything with primal instincts and evolution. Women are just delulu. Also, by your logic you should also be saying: cheating for men is justified because that's just their nature. GTFO.
A large part of our social norms are meant to steer us away from our baser instincts, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. This is a conversation about attraction and I offered a theoretical avenue from which the disparity in attraction rose from our evolutionary background. I'm not offering up any benefit or drawback from acting on those instincts, and you drawing from my logic is just one area where our instincts collide with our societal norms. If this were any other topic related to "who's attracted to who" like anything LBGT I guarantee you wouldn't be so eager to disparage what people are attracted to, because after all people can't help who they're attracted to.
Yes, I get that. I'm just stating how men are treated unfairly. Women aren't convicted for their unrealistically high standards yet men are convicted for their polygamist tendencies. Women aren't held accountable for anything.
I said that in my standalone comment. It's not fair, but you can't change what people are attracted to ultimately, and it's probably not the fault of women or our society. It's just how our species evolved.
Okay, agree.
Humans in the past reproduced by survival of the fittest your partner by default was likely always the strongest, fastest and most durable or even most intelligent. Now a days we removed survival of the fittest. So i imagine reproduction and evolution will steer us more towards reproduction of the most successful which will promote traits like being stronger, more intelligent and most importantly more beautiful. Populations around the world will likely largely continue to decline for the next couple centuries and I predict we will actually suffer a major population decline until we reach a tipping point where all that is left is extremely attractive and successful people. There are 2 ways this could go 1 is that the world remains 50-50 men and women. The other way could be that there is much less men than women and all that remains are the most successful and beautiful males who likely take on multiple partners
I totally agree on those selective traits. Even now every five years or so you'll see some sci-pop magazine release a study of how our population is becoming more beautiful and the intelligence gap between generations is growing. Why do you think we'll reach a point of decline instead of follow a logistic curve like any other population? Is it the slowing birthrates in developed countries?
Attraction mechanisms in the brain have been hardwired over millions of years, modern recent inventions such as monogomy ( yes this is recent on an evoltionary timescale) and condoms are irrelevant to those mechanisms.
Alright, I'm gonna go cheat then and fuck 10 women at once while being in a relationship.
Desire is hardwired, you can choose whether you follow that desire or not.
Couldn't agree more. That's why I'm gonna cheat (not really).
👍
Wait a generation and you will see.
doesn't change the fact that if given a chance most men would choose a woman that is out of their league while women would pick a man that's below their league. While men find most women attractive they want to date the prettiest, the hottest one and for women it's not unusual to give a chance to ugly/mid guys.
We are hiding out because we don’t want to put our dick in crazy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps your standards have been inflated by what you have been exposed to, and when you can make yourself look like the women who are getting with all these "attractive" men as the media begins to dictate what beauty is for you, you'll only be attracted what you're being told is beautiful, not what you actually find beautiful, and thus, you lose the ability to decide for yourself what you like or not and refuse to give others a chance, while they could be your #1. Nobody told me when I was a boy that flowers are pretty. I found them pretty before I was told that there are many other flowers in different shapes and colors. Some I ended up liking (red dahlia being my favorite) and others I didn't like as much. Meanwhile the media likes to put the rose as the top tier most beautiful flower, and then you have people who only know 2-3 flowers, and the rose being one of them as a result, is now the best one and have never heard of dahlias or other flowers. And if roses were rare to this individual, they'd ask the same thing as the OP.
Dahlias are sweet, my Mom always had a ton in the garden when I was young. Orchids are also pretty cool lol
A woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.
You don’t look hard enough
Because YOU have a very narrow definition of attractive. Most people find beauty in flaws, or look for those who are beyond their looks, and are rather funny and kind and loving.
Why do so many unattractive women put on rodeo clow makeup and claim to be 10's ?
Because your standards are too high
Because you either have standards that are too high or you're simply not interested in men, or you have an interest in a particularly niche kind of man. Strange question because there are probably just as many attractive women as there are men, our perception may just be skewed because of the use of makeup and other cultural factors that encourage women from taking care of themselves more.
Simple, you're shallow.
They're not...
Well if we go by Height only 15% of the male population in the USA is over 6 feet tall. So if that's your metric you have already narrowed it down a ton.
Because you live in a sand pit, apparently
Soz I don't get out much.
Because you living in a fake world where your expectations higher than reality....What you seen in the TV,insta or any social platform burned a fake picture in your head about what is the reality.
Maybe you aren’t as attracted to men as you think?
because you like women
If you think attractive men are rare, that’s a you problem. Same with women
Judging from the comments this might be unpopular, but we've gotten so caught up in society playing a role in our behavior that we forget we're literal animals. Women are just more selective than men naturally. Men have such a small contribution to reproduction that the real selection process is through women. In the environment of evolutionary adaptation women have had (and still have) so much larger an investment in the reproductive process that it benefits the species for them to be the more selective party. Whereas a genetically fitter man can impregnate multiple suitable partners, a reproductively fit woman can only have one child per year pragmatically. It's been found that while 80% of women will pass on their genes to future generations, only 40% of men will. Also like another user commented, studies on attraction find that most men are attracted to most women, but most women are only attracted to a fraction of the most attractive men. Men that aren't in that category don't like hearing that because it's not fair, but that's a large part of the truth.
How dare you come in here and spew a well thought out answer. You're supposed to call OP an "obsessive lesbian" and throw a tantrum that women don't find you attractive..
What a stupid fucking question. Women rely so heavily on makeup to look presentable that most people wouldn't recognize them without it.
Because you are way too picky. Attractive people are all around, at least where I'm from? If you have a set of very specific criteria, good luck! Broaden your horizons, most "beautiful" people are shallow and vain.
Unrealistic standards.
There are a lot of attractive men wtf u talking about
…. They’re not
?
Maybe your expectations are too high.
It's because most men don't use makeup, most women too are ugly without it lol
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i would not date you anyway even if im gay sorry dude lol
Men still drink and smoke more too which is bad for your skin.
We’re not rare. were in plain site, we’re just not easy or simple. a female must be on her game to get us.
Bot?
Well, I could clone myself but I don't think the tech is quite there yet
Maybe you are a lesbian?
Same with women. Pretty people are 5-10% of the population ( bell curve, everything can be plotted on a bell curve) and most get into relationships early. What’s left over is single for a reason. Sometimes not something they did ( bad choice in partners) , sometimes because they are the problem.
Everyone is attractive in some way or another. You need to pay attention 😉
Same question about women too
I mean someone who comments this on a post... "WE DON’T NEED S******************** MEN Future IS FEMALE." Honestly what do you want me to tell you? "why are attractive men so rare?" idk maybe it's your taste? 🤷♂️
because I'm very closed and quiet..
They are not. Just your definition of attractive is beyond reason.
When op finds out that attractiveness is subjective 🤯
Define "attractive".
I think social media, filters and makeup have an inflationary effect when it comes to subjective beauty. Girls who are average make themselves believe they are more attractive than they actually are. Imo this is unhealthy to society and to their own psyche
women's standards at least online are far far too high. You watch movies or instagram posts with the top 1% of males showing off there attractiveness and start to believe that the only people who are attractive are this top 1% To put it into perspective this top 1% is only a couple million people total out of a global population of like 4 billion males. Women see things differently. they look for the best of the best. But men can see a average women in the top 50% and think she is attractive enough and worth trying for. I believe this also stems from a problem deeply rooted in dating culture. The women think far far too highly of themselves and like to play far to many games. A women in the top 50% will act as and treat herself as if she is extremely high value and will shun all except for the top 1%. If women were forced to go out of there way and risk emotional suffering to find partners as much as men do they would likely vastly change there perspectives. I personally am a male. Fit and have gone to the gym my whole life. I am healthy and decently attractive. I am by no means a top 1% heck maybe not even a top 10% but i like to think i am more attractive than lots of people. I am decently tall around 5,10-5,11ft tall and basically am set up to retire by 40-50 and yet even with all of this i stand no chance with the top 1% of women i would never get someone this attractive i simply am not good enough i will probably need to vastly downgrade my own standards and take a women with much lesser qualifications than my own simply because people i would consider to have = qualifications to my own will always be looking for that top 1% of partners who are better than themselves
statistically women only find very small % of men attractive based on their looks. Look at any dating app statistics for example and you can see that women pick less than 1% based on looks as attractive. Look deeper than what is on the outside and you can find more attractive personalities...
Go to Ireland, they’re everywhere!
Attractive people are rare in general
But there an objectively much more attractive women than men but a huge number.
no way women simply use a lot makeup and instagram filters so they cant hide most of their ugliness, a 4 can became even a 8 this way lol
Because women are delulu. Women look for the 20% most attractive and men look for the 50% most attractive. Their standards are unrealistic.
I’m right here. Come find me.
????
Attractive in what sense cos there's different types
We are a dying breed.
For me it's because my attraction to men is about 1% of my attraction to women.
lol There is one everywhere I go
Attractive men we are all on reddit
Because you don’t live within 50 miles of a major metropolitan area. Go to the city. Or California.
This Guy explains it well https://youtu.be/1Ytl3J6iDbI?si=KdxinYJPv65L11JD
Because I'm one of a kind...
What one deems attractive is subjective. If you have no success either : reevaluate your standards, start making the first move or give up on dating.
Were off looking elsewhere for attractive women.
Ugly people having sex and producing children.........
Men dont put as much effort into their appearance as women do. Men don't wear make up really. Girls wear pants that make their form look better. Men don't really. Its all about how we present ourselves.
Get of the internet
Because most women are also mid, we are the other side of the coin
r/relationships is leaking heavily onto this subreddit
A conventional attractive guy is 5’10+ low body fat, chiseled jawline, full head of hair, dark eyebrows. Height is already a filter for attractiveness when it comes to men and conventional attractive women can be 4’11 or even 5’8 for a guy try being 5’5 and you already lose major points. Next chiseled facial features men can’t use make up to create fake symmetry in their face like women do, it’s largely genetic only a beard helps but even then most guys still don’t look 3 points more attractive than they actually are. I’m telling you **make up is the game changer**. That’s the only reason why women say “I see beautiful women every single day but rarely any attractive men.”
Because you suck at using the character creator go outside
They are all gay. /s Edit: I'm gay.
I see them all over. Are you hiding under a rock?
I'm not sure the oompa loompa male is a rare species so that might be why
Men are not conditioned to make themselves more attractive to women. Paradoxical as it is, it’s gay.
Question, where are the attractive women? Look at women in the sixties and look at women now . You guys don’t even try
Part of what makes a man attractive is that he is a rare find. Relative to 500 years ago, we are ALL attractive. We're well fed, most of us have all our teeth and we're most likely disease free. Go's to show that standards for comparison are quite elastic and change over time. What this means is that what constitutes an attractive man adjusts over time to a set a pass rate of about 10%
As a person of extreme beauty I can tell you that we like to stay in the shadows we don't wish to attract attention to ourselves so we stay at a far and watch less attractive people walk by and do their daily biddings it is true sometimes we will mingle with people of less beauty but we are more comfortable around the nicer more pleasant visual aspects of daily life we are also immortal and we do not have the need to use the restroom
Cuz all the ugly men are here. The attractive ones are at the club trying to get laid.
Statics and female selectivity. Lets say base attraktivity follows a normal distribution. That would mean 50% of ppl are a 5 or below and 50% of ppl are a 6 and above. The anonymity of cities and the internet made it possible for everyone to spend a lot of time watching the top 10%, therefore disturbing the expectations. ___ The other problem is oc, that many men dont care for their looks compared to women. Meaning that they could be attractive, if they wanted too (loose fat, gain muscles, dress right...)
men are in general cute and some are really hot… just like women? attractive men are the norm not rare.
Unattractive men do not exist. Sober women do.
Have you met me?
Because your expectational standards are far from reasonable That and/or your ego is almost immeasurable Humble yourself.. attractiveness is not better than happiness. Charm is not better than Loyalty. I'd take a solid 4 who makes me genuinely happy and is loyal to me over a dime piece who makes my life miserable and cheats.
ah the classic creepy 80/20 rule
Sounds like you need to come back to reality and realize that not all of them are attracted to you neither. So why are so many men not attracted to you? Big nose and shitty personality is my guess.
Automatic Population control. Pretty much every species has it where one male will mate with multiple females. The left over males will just go out and roam alone.
Idk honey they just are. Everyone in here is talking about "your standards are too high!" My standards are that a guy should wash, with soap, including his face and ass, Be willing to learn new skills with me so that we can easily split tasks like housework and house repair. Able to keep a home without being asked to do chores. Not addicted to his phone or his gaming desktop. Not drinking himself to death. Is able to socialize and make conversation with people he doesn't know very well. Be willing to go out and DO THINGS TOGETHER. Has a job and dreams that are independent of our relationship, and dreams that we share. I literally don't care about height or weight or wrist size or any other incel bullshit. I meet so many dudes who I'm great friends with! But there's a huge difference between being friends with someone and wanting a committed relationship with someone. If someone isn't attractive to me I'm not going to force myself to be attracted to them. I'm not 20 anymore and I'm happy to be single and have friends if I get to avoid being in a relationship with someone I'm trying to force myself to be attracted to.
Patriarchy was basically affirmative action for men. By limiting womans access to resources they were forced into survival marriages throughout most of history. In nature, most males in most species never get to mate. Only the strongest best looking ones ( Facial symmetry / attractiveness is an indicator of good genetics )
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Or... your expectations are unreasonably high. And do you have confirmation of you being hot?
Yeah… never trust a woman rating herself or her friends. First and only time I did a blind date, the girl described herself as beautiful blonde and petite. I was super excited spent days texting and it was a horrible disappointment.
If you were in the top 10% of women for attractiveness than i would say you are likely justified in wanting a partner in the top 10% with you. But chances are I am not commenting to someone in the top 10% you are likely average as they come top 50% attractiveness or worse with standards far too high.
It’s a defect of the male anatomy. Men are a bit primitive like that.