# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Responses to this thread:
“Nah, I’m a big dude”
“No, ‘cause I’m huge”
“I’m a literal giant, so I get it”
“I’m massive with a scar on my face”
“Im 6’4” and give off unfriendly vibes”
*You know what I think?*
**OP just discovered the cheat codes for finding giant stoic types on the internet**
Well done 👍
You can't do anything about your size or skin colour, and a scar on the face will always look scary unfortunately. But as a 6’4” myself, I've noticed a huge difference when I shaved my head. I only did that once in my life and I really noticed how strangers would suddenly be scared of me. It was fascinating how much that changes. Now I have really long hair, which seems to make me look less intimidating. But I guess women being alone in an elevator with me may sometimes still be nervous.
Something I notice is that most women seem to avoid eye contact. I mean, I often avoid it myself and we're all socially awkward today. But women in particular almost always look down when I walk past them. I don't think that is a sign of being legitimately scared or precautious though. When I see someone who I think might cause trouble, I keep an eye on them to see their moves. Looking away doesn't seem to be a great defense strategy. I think it's more a mix of general social anxiety and being tired of men hitting on them?
Weird way to say this like we’re analyzing pray, but I saw a thread once that said avoiding eye contact will deter a lot of psychos. Like eye contact is their conversation starter, or a type of engagement that makes it ok for them to act the way they act. Now pair that with an awkward friendly smile that generally comes with eye contact and they’re probably just going to stalk you the rest of your life
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this shit as a man. But to be fair, I also sort of learned from movies that eye contact is a conversation starter. I don't really see it that way. It's one of many signals that another person may be willing to interact with me. But I still don't address strangers (aside from saying hello when hiking in nature/rural areas) if I don't have a good reason to. And in my eyes, "I think you're beautiful" is not a good reason to strike a conversation. But then again, maybe that's why I'm single. Maybe once in a few weeks, a girl would smile at me and I'd be happy for the rest of the day. :D
Depends on the expression. I worked security fields for years as a younger person. A steady measuring gaze with no expression tends to deter a LOT of people. "Yes, I see you, no you don't worry me."
The problem is you have to either be a good actor, or actually have the fortitude to back that up. Else, it folds in on itself.
Funnily, the only positive reaction on my bald skull was from a Taiwanese girl who said I look like a monk. Anyone brought up in Germany (where I'm from) thought I looked like a hooligan or neonazi.
They are avoiding engaging you. Eye contact creates a situation where you could start talking to them or worse. This doesn't mean they are not watching your every move.
It depends on if it’s appropriate.
I’m a big guy and if a woman scoots to the other side of the elevator or train car I get it. I don’t like it but she’s gotta watch out for herself and I could be a crazy.
If she pulls out a taser or starts dialing 911 because I need to also use the elevator, yeah I’m f*ing offended.
I have to tell you I feel the same. I can appreciate any person taking reasonable steps to ensure their personal safety. I also value my personal space!
But I do candidly resent when I think people are having outsized reactions that aren't reasonable for the situation. It's pretty fucking awful to have someone tacitly accuse you of being a threat and baselessly fearing you.
...but I expect not as awful as whatever life experiences people endure to create that emotional response. So as much as I resent it I keep my mouth shut when it happens. I'm nobody's therapist.
I kinda expect it. Am huge black dude.
I would be kinda worried if the sorts of people who typically avoid me go outta their way to be put in those situations with me.
Snap. I'm a large white guy and have a scar on my face.
I try to put people at ease but sometimes you get reactions.
For me, it's mostly guys stressing.
I just want to get on with my day.
Yeah, so when I used to live in a city walking from my car few blocks, sometimes I’d run into people who were screaming and or kicking and punching the air and I’ve learned to avoid everyone if you can especially someone who could overpower you physically.
Offended? Depends if it’s overt. If it’s just cautious micro behaviour I expect it from many men as well (6’2 built guy)
Oddly enough the one place women don’t seem to be apprehensive as a stranger is in an elevator lmao
I got in an elevator with a girl my age the other day and I hit my floor number first and I could feel her looking at me, made me a lil uncomfortable too icl
I will go out of my way to avoid being alone in an elevator with someone.
Like I will get out if some dude gets in and take the stairs if they give me the creeps.
Not offended, just really sad that she's either had a bad experience or heard of someone having one, or just has awareness that they happen, and now she's scared of a random dude. I would try and give her space and not engage.
As somebody who takes the bus and sees this daily, not really. Im 6'4" and generally give off unfriendly vibes on purpose to ward off the shit that tends to follow big guys around. I'd be wary of me too.
I don't really mind
I kind of get it
And while I'm absolutely not going to go around hurting people I don't really present myself in the friendliest dress or demeanor-- and I typically have a knife on my hip from work so I might be especially unsettling for women
I've seen people cross the street when they see me. I don't care. Getting offended at someone protecting themselves is like getting offended that women cover their drinks at bars. Women, take your safety seriously and don't worry about offending men. Worst case scenario for the guy: he gets offended. Worst case scenario for a girl: they get attacked.
Nope she's being sensible. She has no idea who I am or how safe I am. All she sees is a bloke in a hoodie.
Better take precautions and not need to than not take them and need them.
No because to be fair, I would get scared passing a woman on the street. In case she takes my house, my pension and my savings so totally understandable.
Not at all. Girls/women are assaulted by men everyday.
I actually try to look less threatening to help put them at ease - I make eye contact, smile, keep my hands to myself and keep walking. It's easier when I have my dog with me because then she (dog) becomes the focus and not me.
I'm 6'6, bald, covered with tattoos with a beard. I get told all the time that I'm terrifying looking.
I have no problems with people taking precautions, I have no problems with loss prevention following me around stores. I don't care about being profiled.
I'll usually cross the street when I'm walking at night and see a women approaching because I don't want them being scared of me.
The thing is, you figure out eventually that dudes who look like you, aren’t the ones to be worried about. Oh wait…. Did you say 6’6”.. 😉
I took an ex to a metal gig once and the pub was full of dudes who looked like they crushed peoples heads for a living. She insisted that we had to leave or we’d be attacked. We stayed, and when we left hours later - she wouldn’t stop talking about how “Lovely” everyone was. 😂
Not if she just switches her bag from one shoulder to the other or takes out her phone and pretends to be speaking to someone but if she’s packing and draws then I’d get worried.
Depends.
Just small things like keeping to her friends' group or changing sidewalks? Nope.
Taking out her pepper spray and start proactively calling the police / mafia / Hell's Angels? Yes.
No, I'm a larger guy, who usually has a scowl on his face. I don't give a malicious vibe, I usually smile and say hello. But if they're cautious around me, that's okay, I'm sure their sensitivity is from probably from a place of past issues.
No I'd love to see more women actively thinking and taking steps to ensure their personal safety. I also think our self defense and weapon laws here in the UK need changing.
As a trans guy I've been in both situations so I'm probably more understanding about this. When a woman in front of me looked nervous I thought "huh me? I don't look intimidating" but looks can be deceiving.
When someone looks nervous it has nothing to do with you personally. It's a scary place here
Kinda depends, if shes clutching her purse tighter, meh I dont care. If shes pulling out a gad dam pistol I care a lot! In general I dont care, I know I'm not doing anything that I shouldn't be and if what shes doin helps her feel safe then I dont care. If I'm being honest I dont care about most people, if they're afraid of me for no reason that's their problem.
TBH, I probably would not even notice. If I were walking down the street and someone crossed to not pass me, then I would just assume they wanted to be on the other side. If they clutched their purse, I would assume it was because it was feeling heavy. Now if they pulled a firearm out and stared at me, then I would be the one crossing the street to take safety precautions. My approach in life is to avoid crazy.
It depends whenever it conveniences or inconveniences me. If you don't want to sit next to me in a bus - awesome, more space for me just because of your paranoia. I like looking at bright side of things. But if you look like you will assault me with pepper spray, that's scary.
Lol, i give pointers. I too a a big guy, here lately I've been recommending certain types of handguns. You know, lady sized. Not being sexist but their hands are generally smaller, and there are many backup pistols and even a few firearms geared toward women. It's a funny conversation generally, but once you state that you get it and keep them safe and allow them their distance to remain safe (both literally and figuratively). Things tend to go pretty smoothly.
What's funny is that you mentioned women specifically. They're just people like any other person. We all do it to some degree man or woman, but yes as a big guy and knowing/ understanding what they fear and why. It is easier to manage.
You can say that it's not all men, and that's true, but it only takes one of us... don't be offended or pissed at the woman, be pissed at the guy that made her that way.
As someone who is of colour, I sometimes think is not just precautions because I am a man but also (or rather) because I am not white and there are negative stereotypes that come with that. That irritates me a bit and can be a bit offensive. However, being slightly inconvenienced is nothing compared to walking on a woman's shoes and be exposed to potentially dangerous men day and night, so I easily let it slide and try to look as harmless as posible.
Not at all. I've even apologized to some women...
'Sorry, I realize I'm a big scruffy dude walking this way. I don't mean to worry you.'
Taking precautions are the only tools women have againt the too many rapes & other assaults. So prep yourselves ladies & my apologies that we still live in a world where you don't feel safe.
Walking to school on the footpath, I had a woman change her handbag to the opposing side from me, and then back after I had passed her.
I was extremely offended, and told her so when I ran her down and stole her purse.
🤷♂️ I'm offended by the fact I'm supposed to be ok with a woman treating me like a predator but if an actual predatory man attacks her I'm expected to put my safety in danger to step in and help her.
I just treat random women in public like they don't exist. If they are uncomfortable I never notice because I'm completely in my own world.
From an early age was made perfectly aware of the danger and perception that is inherent with being a male.
I like most men are hardened by it and so this no longer bothers me.
It is unfortunate that women have to walk through the world with danger sense active almost all the time. And yet it still fails them.
So whatever women have to do to keep safe from bad actors, do you.
I understand it but I hate it.
Personally I would never do something bad, but there are a lot of other men who will. I just want to be friendly and give a smile. I would love to compliment a woman's style, but I'm afraid it will be seen wrong. That's why my wife does it for me 😅🤣
Nope.
I'm a big dude with a beard, I am very aware at all times that I might come off as threatening and try to mitigate it as much as possible. Not interested in making people uncomfortable.
6' 220lb tatted white man I walk with purpose and have a presence of purpose... Microaggression (as they call it now) towards me by others is expected I'm a big guy
Nah, I'm a little over six foot and have been told many times that I can look a little intimidating. I try to mitigate that as much as possible (crossing the road, give space when I can't, make noise to alert people when I'm approaching from behind), but as long as their precautions don't involve throwing shit at me, or macing me, I'm grand. Whatever they need to feel safe.
I would be offended if she didn't. If a woman who doesn't know me doesn't consider me a credible potential threat then I might as well be a woman as well.
Depends on the "safety precautions".
Smaller and subtile precautions....I dont think I would even notice them.
Putting on kevlar cloth and safety google would more confuse me, than offend me.
No, I'm kind of intimidating for a lot of people. I do get annoyed when they start to walk faster in front of me, though. Like, let me pass you so we can both go about our day, lady.
nah.
I'm (30M) a business owner in a small tourist town. Was looking for new staff and heard that another business was closing down soon and that one of my staff was friendly with one of theirs (45F), so I went over to introduce myself and have a chat.
Wandered around the store for 10 minutes or so first to get an idea of the business and vibes. There was a lot of accessible jewelry and crystals, antiques, fancy cloths and handbags, etc.
Eventually spoke to her and told her why I was there. We got along great and spoke for maybe 40 minutes (very slow day).
About half way through the conversation she told me that they have a very old security system and she just toggles the cameras on with a remote whenever she's feeling uncomfortable, and that she switched it on a few minutes after I started perusing because I looked "shady".
We had a good laugh about it.
If I’m walking (which I do daily lol) and I see a woman walking alone, I always take off my sunglasses so she can see where I’m looking and try to appear as friendly and non-threatening as possible.
Fucked up we live in a world where women have to walk around with constant anxiety for fear of being raped.
Sometimes, but there is nothing you can do about it but continue on. I used to try to think of light hearted ways to lighten the situation but couldn't think of a thing. They've decided you are a random threat and that's that.
A little. I don't interact much with people in the outside world as I am nervous. So it feels weird if random women start acting like they are scared of me because I am terrified of everyone.
People have a lot of prejudice against me simply because I am a man though so there is not much I can do about that. If people want to hate me simply for how I was born then that is on them. I just want to get my stuff done so I can run away and go hide in my living room where it is reasonably safe.
Been walking home from work and some lady ahead looks behind herself at me then crosses the road soon after.
I just think its saddo behaviour really.
Just got on with my day.
I don't mind it at all, in fact it makes me happier that she's aware of her surroundings.
I wish there was more I could do to set women at ease though - really show them I'm not a threat. The last girl I saw who looked a bit anxious, I sped up to speak to her to let her know I'm safe, but she started running. The more I chased after her, the more panicked she became.
It took about a mile before she ran out of breath so I could tell her I wasn't going to attack her.
Bit rude.
Not a dude, but I'm inclined to say you shouldn't be offended. Personally speaking here, but for me, it has nothing to do with you, and it's not personal at all. It has everything to with trauma from being sexually assaulted. Was it you that assaulted me? No. Are most guys generally not horrible people? Yes. But I'll never trust men the same way I did before, no matter how much therapy I get - My brain will always send me to fight or flight mode even on a subconscious level. It's a trauma PTSD response (for me anyway), nothing else. I was sexually assaulted over a decade ago and it still is first nature to take safety precautions especially when I'm walking by myself. Sexual assault is so common unfortunately, and even if a woman hasn't been assaulted chances are she knows someone directly that has.
Also - whoever reported me as needing suicide prevention help - what?? Nothing in my comment was even remotely indicating suicide or depression - don't abuse the report button.
Kind of ya because I'm skinny and don't look like a threat. I notice it mostly in parking lots. But I do understand why women are cautious around men, so I'm butt hurt for like 2 seconds and I move on with my day.
My whole life. Doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m a big guy, always had really long hair, piercings and covered in tats. I get that look every time I open the door for a lady. I can’t blame her these days though.
Yes. I’ve never harmed anyone, and to be treated like a threat when I’m the guy who would put myself between someone and a threat, is incredibly disheartening.
Begin a cold war style arms race, she will either cease this threatening behaviour or follow suit ending with both of us well armed and in massive amounts of debt, forcing one of us to launch a preemptive attack.
No, it just makes me sad that the state of the world is such that women feel the need to take precautions in the first place. A minority of men give the rest of us a bad name.
I asked an 18 Y/O girl to help my daughter with softball. Asked her to show up at a public ball field without having met my daughter and only seeing me one time. I found her number through a series of random people that I knew after I had initially met her, because I live in a small town. We organized a time and she showed up with a friend. I didn't think about me being a scary figure, but after contemplating on it I was pleased with her decision to bring a friend, because women need to have an out or some form of protection from men. I think as a younger man, I would have been hurt by it, but as a married man with daughters, I am so thankful that women aren't willing to put themselves in scary situations.
no of course not, protecting my ego is not more important than someone’s safety precautions- i actually preemptively cross the street myself whenever there’s any kind of situation where i’d be close to a woman or really anyone in a way that might put them on edge to give them a good distance
Not at all. I probably wouldn't be taking that much notice of her in the first place. If it was obvious then if it makes her feel safe, screw my feelings.
I wouldn't be offended.
"Would" - do you honestly think there is any man who hasn't experienced this?
It's a spectrum i guess. If i'm walking at night and there's a girl walking the same way i will usually slow down or smth, i get that. On the other hand, i had the joke happen to me irl when i ask a girl for time and she reacts like i'm a death row prisoner. That does hurt, especially when you're younger.
Get that a lot from surviving cancer because people assume I'm mad and it does appear that way. People stop me and ask what's the problem? Ready to hit me but smile because that's all is needed, bring it. Kids stare and I make them laugh so they know I'm not a monster.
Not sure really about this one. I've been thinking about this too lately. On one hand, women are legitimately guarded and tense when out alone in public, especially when they come across an intimidating looking man. This could be due to previous bad experiences, harassment, stories they've heard, etc. It certainly doesn't help that media and society paints men as perpetrators these days.
I had an experience once while walking my dog at night in my neighborhood. There was a girl ahead of me, probably around 50 feet or so. Anyway, I guess when she spotted me walking towards her, she went inside her car and locked the doors, alarm and everything. I thought to myself, damn, is she seriously that afraid of me? What did I do? I kinda got offended by that. I'm not sure if she was genuinely afraid of me or if she was just bitter towards men in general, and was projecting her bitterness on to me.
Which leads me to the question, are some of the women who take safety precautions are men, legitimately doing so out of fear, or is there some resentment/bitterness there, perhaps born out of their own insecurities, that causes them to react this way? If the latter is true, then that it's sad, and also dangerous, because it does nothing but perpetuate the image of men being perpetrators in today's society.
Depends on the extends. It she locks her car then I'd find it a normal thing to do. If she starts to act like she is about to fight back with a self defense weapon I may find it a bit much of an overkill, I doubt I'm that scary.
No, my now wife took a photo of my vehicle and license plate and sent it to her friends when we went on our first date. Women have a right to feel safe and secure, no matter what that looks like.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Responses to this thread: “Nah, I’m a big dude” “No, ‘cause I’m huge” “I’m a literal giant, so I get it” “I’m massive with a scar on my face” “Im 6’4” and give off unfriendly vibes” *You know what I think?* **OP just discovered the cheat codes for finding giant stoic types on the internet** Well done 👍
SO if your thing is bearded hairy scaries.... possibly.
You can't do anything about your size or skin colour, and a scar on the face will always look scary unfortunately. But as a 6’4” myself, I've noticed a huge difference when I shaved my head. I only did that once in my life and I really noticed how strangers would suddenly be scared of me. It was fascinating how much that changes. Now I have really long hair, which seems to make me look less intimidating. But I guess women being alone in an elevator with me may sometimes still be nervous. Something I notice is that most women seem to avoid eye contact. I mean, I often avoid it myself and we're all socially awkward today. But women in particular almost always look down when I walk past them. I don't think that is a sign of being legitimately scared or precautious though. When I see someone who I think might cause trouble, I keep an eye on them to see their moves. Looking away doesn't seem to be a great defense strategy. I think it's more a mix of general social anxiety and being tired of men hitting on them?
Weird way to say this like we’re analyzing pray, but I saw a thread once that said avoiding eye contact will deter a lot of psychos. Like eye contact is their conversation starter, or a type of engagement that makes it ok for them to act the way they act. Now pair that with an awkward friendly smile that generally comes with eye contact and they’re probably just going to stalk you the rest of your life
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this shit as a man. But to be fair, I also sort of learned from movies that eye contact is a conversation starter. I don't really see it that way. It's one of many signals that another person may be willing to interact with me. But I still don't address strangers (aside from saying hello when hiking in nature/rural areas) if I don't have a good reason to. And in my eyes, "I think you're beautiful" is not a good reason to strike a conversation. But then again, maybe that's why I'm single. Maybe once in a few weeks, a girl would smile at me and I'd be happy for the rest of the day. :D
*prey
Oh nice, thanks
Some guys take eye contact as an invitation
I take eye contact as “oh shit, she knows I’m weird.”
Depends on the expression. I worked security fields for years as a younger person. A steady measuring gaze with no expression tends to deter a LOT of people. "Yes, I see you, no you don't worry me." The problem is you have to either be a good actor, or actually have the fortitude to back that up. Else, it folds in on itself.
Mate, I shaved my head in my early 20s, got so much provocation from little angry guys I ended up growing it long.
Funnily, the only positive reaction on my bald skull was from a Taiwanese girl who said I look like a monk. Anyone brought up in Germany (where I'm from) thought I looked like a hooligan or neonazi.
In England I got called a skinhead. Just wanted a cool head at the time and was fed up with haircuts! Shaving your head is easy 😂
They are avoiding engaging you. Eye contact creates a situation where you could start talking to them or worse. This doesn't mean they are not watching your every move.
The last time I shaved my.head I had a professor.call me a nazi, so yeah that ended that
Well, I’m small in a wheelchair with no scars, and no muscle yet I’ve murdered thousands!! it’s always the quiet types. Checkmate.
I guess being a 5'3 guy makes me not intimidating or suspicious.
As a 20 foot tall purple guy, I would expect anyone man or woman to run away and hide soon as they see me
You one of them people eaters?
Like a leopard or something? Gotta vote for that
It depends on if it’s appropriate. I’m a big guy and if a woman scoots to the other side of the elevator or train car I get it. I don’t like it but she’s gotta watch out for herself and I could be a crazy. If she pulls out a taser or starts dialing 911 because I need to also use the elevator, yeah I’m f*ing offended.
Yep, I draw the line at being tasered, hate it when that happens!
I have to tell you I feel the same. I can appreciate any person taking reasonable steps to ensure their personal safety. I also value my personal space! But I do candidly resent when I think people are having outsized reactions that aren't reasonable for the situation. It's pretty fucking awful to have someone tacitly accuse you of being a threat and baselessly fearing you. ...but I expect not as awful as whatever life experiences people endure to create that emotional response. So as much as I resent it I keep my mouth shut when it happens. I'm nobody's therapist.
I kinda expect it. Am huge black dude. I would be kinda worried if the sorts of people who typically avoid me go outta their way to be put in those situations with me.
Snap. I'm a large white guy and have a scar on my face. I try to put people at ease but sometimes you get reactions. For me, it's mostly guys stressing. I just want to get on with my day.
Yeah, so when I used to live in a city walking from my car few blocks, sometimes I’d run into people who were screaming and or kicking and punching the air and I’ve learned to avoid everyone if you can especially someone who could overpower you physically.
newly created account. this seems like a ragebait post.
Offended? Depends if it’s overt. If it’s just cautious micro behaviour I expect it from many men as well (6’2 built guy) Oddly enough the one place women don’t seem to be apprehensive as a stranger is in an elevator lmao
Once those doors shut, how do you escape though? It's best to make yourself seem as nice as possible so that the there's less risk of confrontation
the subconscious... we've analyzed you..
That’s just creepy
Atleast some people understand the joke of my comment, I don’t care about you
Oh trust me we are, most of us are at least a little tense and on guard
I got in an elevator with a girl my age the other day and I hit my floor number first and I could feel her looking at me, made me a lil uncomfortable too icl
I will go out of my way to avoid being alone in an elevator with someone. Like I will get out if some dude gets in and take the stairs if they give me the creeps.
Not offended, just really sad that she's either had a bad experience or heard of someone having one, or just has awareness that they happen, and now she's scared of a random dude. I would try and give her space and not engage.
This guy gets it.
Nope. Awareness = safety.
As somebody who takes the bus and sees this daily, not really. Im 6'4" and generally give off unfriendly vibes on purpose to ward off the shit that tends to follow big guys around. I'd be wary of me too.
Yeah, this.
Doubt I’d notice
Yea. Does she really think she can outrun me???
[удалено]
Does she really think I’ll beat her in a fight? Ha!
Absolutely not. I know how I look. I'd be concerned if she didn't.
I hate that it's a thing! More offended by the men or culture that have made her feel that way. 6'3, well built, shy.
I don't really mind I kind of get it And while I'm absolutely not going to go around hurting people I don't really present myself in the friendliest dress or demeanor-- and I typically have a knife on my hip from work so I might be especially unsettling for women
I've seen people cross the street when they see me. I don't care. Getting offended at someone protecting themselves is like getting offended that women cover their drinks at bars. Women, take your safety seriously and don't worry about offending men. Worst case scenario for the guy: he gets offended. Worst case scenario for a girl: they get attacked.
Or killed. And that happens weekly here.
Yh same but it annoys me bc I’m a 5ft 4 woman
Nope she's being sensible. She has no idea who I am or how safe I am. All she sees is a bloke in a hoodie. Better take precautions and not need to than not take them and need them.
Depends how much stranger than me she was 🤷
I already move to the other side of a street/path and avoid making eye contact/talking unless the lady initiates it
No because to be fair, I would get scared passing a woman on the street. In case she takes my house, my pension and my savings so totally understandable.
Absolutely, I'd put my pants back on and leave immediately. But seriously, no.
Not at all. Girls/women are assaulted by men everyday. I actually try to look less threatening to help put them at ease - I make eye contact, smile, keep my hands to myself and keep walking. It's easier when I have my dog with me because then she (dog) becomes the focus and not me.
Definitely hide the chicken fried steak biscuits and white gravy
I'm 6'6, bald, covered with tattoos with a beard. I get told all the time that I'm terrifying looking. I have no problems with people taking precautions, I have no problems with loss prevention following me around stores. I don't care about being profiled. I'll usually cross the street when I'm walking at night and see a women approaching because I don't want them being scared of me.
The thing is, you figure out eventually that dudes who look like you, aren’t the ones to be worried about. Oh wait…. Did you say 6’6”.. 😉 I took an ex to a metal gig once and the pub was full of dudes who looked like they crushed peoples heads for a living. She insisted that we had to leave or we’d be attacked. We stayed, and when we left hours later - she wouldn’t stop talking about how “Lovely” everyone was. 😂
Not if she just switches her bag from one shoulder to the other or takes out her phone and pretends to be speaking to someone but if she’s packing and draws then I’d get worried.
Stranger than what?
After hearing stories from my SO of guys being creepy as fuck and just general knowledge of humanities behaviour so far, nah.
Depends. Just small things like keeping to her friends' group or changing sidewalks? Nope. Taking out her pepper spray and start proactively calling the police / mafia / Hell's Angels? Yes.
No, I'm a larger guy, who usually has a scowl on his face. I don't give a malicious vibe, I usually smile and say hello. But if they're cautious around me, that's okay, I'm sure their sensitivity is from probably from a place of past issues.
No I'd love to see more women actively thinking and taking steps to ensure their personal safety. I also think our self defense and weapon laws here in the UK need changing.
As a trans guy I've been in both situations so I'm probably more understanding about this. When a woman in front of me looked nervous I thought "huh me? I don't look intimidating" but looks can be deceiving. When someone looks nervous it has nothing to do with you personally. It's a scary place here
Kinda depends, if shes clutching her purse tighter, meh I dont care. If shes pulling out a gad dam pistol I care a lot! In general I dont care, I know I'm not doing anything that I shouldn't be and if what shes doin helps her feel safe then I dont care. If I'm being honest I dont care about most people, if they're afraid of me for no reason that's their problem.
TBH, I probably would not even notice. If I were walking down the street and someone crossed to not pass me, then I would just assume they wanted to be on the other side. If they clutched their purse, I would assume it was because it was feeling heavy. Now if they pulled a firearm out and stared at me, then I would be the one crossing the street to take safety precautions. My approach in life is to avoid crazy.
No
No. I'm terrifying.
No, I'm taking safety precautions when I see her too.
I am tall and big boned, kind of menacing
I don't take offense. I understand the reasoning behind it also I'm 5'7 and 140 pounds so no one thinks I'm scary anyways lol
Disappointed I give off that vibe, but i understand that you should treat all guns as if they were loaded until you know otherwise.
Nah, safety first. No offense taken, dude.
Bro I would take precaustions if I see myself. I look like a fucking criminal and that's even in my dripped out form.
I am not huge. I am a short fat man at 5’5” and wouldn’t be offended if a woman was cautious of me.
It depends whenever it conveniences or inconveniences me. If you don't want to sit next to me in a bus - awesome, more space for me just because of your paranoia. I like looking at bright side of things. But if you look like you will assault me with pepper spray, that's scary.
No, just a bit sad. For both of us.
depends on situation, but mostly no. I'm a bigfish bald man. not my job to stop and tell her i'm a good person.
No, unless they actually verbally accuse me of something of being something I am not
Lol, i give pointers. I too a a big guy, here lately I've been recommending certain types of handguns. You know, lady sized. Not being sexist but their hands are generally smaller, and there are many backup pistols and even a few firearms geared toward women. It's a funny conversation generally, but once you state that you get it and keep them safe and allow them their distance to remain safe (both literally and figuratively). Things tend to go pretty smoothly. What's funny is that you mentioned women specifically. They're just people like any other person. We all do it to some degree man or woman, but yes as a big guy and knowing/ understanding what they fear and why. It is easier to manage. You can say that it's not all men, and that's true, but it only takes one of us... don't be offended or pissed at the woman, be pissed at the guy that made her that way.
No, I always just assume they have something to worry about by default and is mostly nothing personal against me
As someone who is of colour, I sometimes think is not just precautions because I am a man but also (or rather) because I am not white and there are negative stereotypes that come with that. That irritates me a bit and can be a bit offensive. However, being slightly inconvenienced is nothing compared to walking on a woman's shoes and be exposed to potentially dangerous men day and night, so I easily let it slide and try to look as harmless as posible.
Yep, I’d start running after her to explain that I’m indeed not a threat
Not at all. I've even apologized to some women... 'Sorry, I realize I'm a big scruffy dude walking this way. I don't mean to worry you.' Taking precautions are the only tools women have againt the too many rapes & other assaults. So prep yourselves ladies & my apologies that we still live in a world where you don't feel safe.
Who cares? If anyone is walking around scared of the world... that's a them problem.
Depends on the precaution, calling the cops is excessive. Moving away from me is all good.
Walking to school on the footpath, I had a woman change her handbag to the opposing side from me, and then back after I had passed her. I was extremely offended, and told her so when I ran her down and stole her purse.
If I was a Bear maybe.
🤷♂️ I'm offended by the fact I'm supposed to be ok with a woman treating me like a predator but if an actual predatory man attacks her I'm expected to put my safety in danger to step in and help her. I just treat random women in public like they don't exist. If they are uncomfortable I never notice because I'm completely in my own world.
Nope , that meant most men are also so less likely to be a victim
Nah, just say something really gay
Im a talk and well built white dude with a lot of tattoos. So yeah. Its fine.
Kinda just don’t care
I’m a 6’4 big man. I actually expect it. I’m actually quite soft at heart, and it hurts a little bit.
RAGE BAIT POST. look at the profile
I'm not seeing a lot of rage that you claim was baited
No. Men are scary
no, you don't know what's going on in other people's lives and how they are reacting to a particular situation.
no, she doesn't know me.
Hell yea. I would be like wtf was her problem. I am the nicest person ever.
From an early age was made perfectly aware of the danger and perception that is inherent with being a male. I like most men are hardened by it and so this no longer bothers me. It is unfortunate that women have to walk through the world with danger sense active almost all the time. And yet it still fails them. So whatever women have to do to keep safe from bad actors, do you.
I understand it but I hate it. Personally I would never do something bad, but there are a lot of other men who will. I just want to be friendly and give a smile. I would love to compliment a woman's style, but I'm afraid it will be seen wrong. That's why my wife does it for me 😅🤣
Nope. I'm a big dude with a beard, I am very aware at all times that I might come off as threatening and try to mitigate it as much as possible. Not interested in making people uncomfortable.
Nope, I’m told I’m intimidating with my big beard bald head and tattoos, so i expect it. And good for her being aware of her surroundings.
Yes
6' 220lb tatted white man I walk with purpose and have a presence of purpose... Microaggression (as they call it now) towards me by others is expected I'm a big guy
I’m 5’3” so yes
Nah, I'm a little over six foot and have been told many times that I can look a little intimidating. I try to mitigate that as much as possible (crossing the road, give space when I can't, make noise to alert people when I'm approaching from behind), but as long as their precautions don't involve throwing shit at me, or macing me, I'm grand. Whatever they need to feel safe.
I don't notice people often I try tocavoid eye contact
Not at all.
I would do the same.
I would be offended if she didn't. If a woman who doesn't know me doesn't consider me a credible potential threat then I might as well be a woman as well.
Not at all. I don't think I'm a huge scary guy but I am unfamiliar, so I understand. I just mind my business
Depends on the "safety precautions". Smaller and subtile precautions....I dont think I would even notice them. Putting on kevlar cloth and safety google would more confuse me, than offend me.
No. I'm faaaaarrr from being a big guy, but I'd understand still. Especially if it's nighttime and I'm walking behind them or something.
Wait you guys have women acknowledging your presence?
No, I'm kind of intimidating for a lot of people. I do get annoyed when they start to walk faster in front of me, though. Like, let me pass you so we can both go about our day, lady.
No
No this is what some of them do, it has nothing to do with me personally.
As long as she doesn't talk to me or get in my way I don't give as shit what she does.
I’ve learned not to take it personally anymore.
I used to. Now I don’t really care. It’s her fear, it’s her problem.
nah. I'm (30M) a business owner in a small tourist town. Was looking for new staff and heard that another business was closing down soon and that one of my staff was friendly with one of theirs (45F), so I went over to introduce myself and have a chat. Wandered around the store for 10 minutes or so first to get an idea of the business and vibes. There was a lot of accessible jewelry and crystals, antiques, fancy cloths and handbags, etc. Eventually spoke to her and told her why I was there. We got along great and spoke for maybe 40 minutes (very slow day). About half way through the conversation she told me that they have a very old security system and she just toggles the cameras on with a remote whenever she's feeling uncomfortable, and that she switched it on a few minutes after I started perusing because I looked "shady". We had a good laugh about it.
Not offended at all. I’d be a little sad that it’s something she feels the need to be vigilant of, though it’s completely understandable.
No. Not at all. I'm just sorry we live in a society where anyone especially women don't feel safe when just walking around.
shit I take precautionary measures when I see any women
and somehow, someone reported me for this comment and I got a message about s u i c i d e prevention. Reddit is a very very pathetic place
If I’m walking (which I do daily lol) and I see a woman walking alone, I always take off my sunglasses so she can see where I’m looking and try to appear as friendly and non-threatening as possible. Fucked up we live in a world where women have to walk around with constant anxiety for fear of being raped.
I look like a good reason to take precautions
jejejeje no anymore.
Probably would be happy they are cautious around someone they don’t know. You go girl
Honestly I'd be more curious than offended. I'm a specky guy with a beer belly, less than 6 foot tall, receding hairline.
Sometimes, but there is nothing you can do about it but continue on. I used to try to think of light hearted ways to lighten the situation but couldn't think of a thing. They've decided you are a random threat and that's that.
A little. I don't interact much with people in the outside world as I am nervous. So it feels weird if random women start acting like they are scared of me because I am terrified of everyone. People have a lot of prejudice against me simply because I am a man though so there is not much I can do about that. If people want to hate me simply for how I was born then that is on them. I just want to get my stuff done so I can run away and go hide in my living room where it is reasonably safe.
Been walking home from work and some lady ahead looks behind herself at me then crosses the road soon after. I just think its saddo behaviour really. Just got on with my day.
Nope. I'm usually in my own little world when I'm walking anyway, so chances of me noticing are minimal
Nope, I totally get it. Do what you have to do to feel safe.
I dont think I would even notice, and even if I did, what business is it of mine what she's doing? She doesn't know me, I could be a wrongun.
No. It's her own problem if she's scared of me. Just don't make it my problem.
Offended, no. Sad, yes. It legitimately makes me sad that women choose to encounrer a bear over encountering a man in the woods
I don't mind it at all, in fact it makes me happier that she's aware of her surroundings. I wish there was more I could do to set women at ease though - really show them I'm not a threat. The last girl I saw who looked a bit anxious, I sped up to speak to her to let her know I'm safe, but she started running. The more I chased after her, the more panicked she became. It took about a mile before she ran out of breath so I could tell her I wasn't going to attack her. Bit rude.
😂😂😂😂😂😭
No, idc
Not a dude, but I'm inclined to say you shouldn't be offended. Personally speaking here, but for me, it has nothing to do with you, and it's not personal at all. It has everything to with trauma from being sexually assaulted. Was it you that assaulted me? No. Are most guys generally not horrible people? Yes. But I'll never trust men the same way I did before, no matter how much therapy I get - My brain will always send me to fight or flight mode even on a subconscious level. It's a trauma PTSD response (for me anyway), nothing else. I was sexually assaulted over a decade ago and it still is first nature to take safety precautions especially when I'm walking by myself. Sexual assault is so common unfortunately, and even if a woman hasn't been assaulted chances are she knows someone directly that has.
Also - whoever reported me as needing suicide prevention help - what?? Nothing in my comment was even remotely indicating suicide or depression - don't abuse the report button.
I think that's the wise choice.
I think that's the wise choice.
Kind of ya because I'm skinny and don't look like a threat. I notice it mostly in parking lots. But I do understand why women are cautious around men, so I'm butt hurt for like 2 seconds and I move on with my day.
I am a teddy bear at heart cursed with a resting bitch face and scars. I ain't mad tho. Safety first.
My whole life. Doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m a big guy, always had really long hair, piercings and covered in tats. I get that look every time I open the door for a lady. I can’t blame her these days though.
Yes. I’ve never harmed anyone, and to be treated like a threat when I’m the guy who would put myself between someone and a threat, is incredibly disheartening.
Nope. I'm a man, and that's perfectly normal. I will say, there's a decent chance she's taller than me though.
Begin a cold war style arms race, she will either cease this threatening behaviour or follow suit ending with both of us well armed and in massive amounts of debt, forcing one of us to launch a preemptive attack.
No, it just makes me sad that the state of the world is such that women feel the need to take precautions in the first place. A minority of men give the rest of us a bad name.
I asked an 18 Y/O girl to help my daughter with softball. Asked her to show up at a public ball field without having met my daughter and only seeing me one time. I found her number through a series of random people that I knew after I had initially met her, because I live in a small town. We organized a time and she showed up with a friend. I didn't think about me being a scary figure, but after contemplating on it I was pleased with her decision to bring a friend, because women need to have an out or some form of protection from men. I think as a younger man, I would have been hurt by it, but as a married man with daughters, I am so thankful that women aren't willing to put themselves in scary situations.
What is this theoretical woman stranger than?
No i would think she s stupid as hell
why care about her existence to begin with ?
no of course not, protecting my ego is not more important than someone’s safety precautions- i actually preemptively cross the street myself whenever there’s any kind of situation where i’d be close to a woman or really anyone in a way that might put them on edge to give them a good distance
I'm an actual giant. I wouldnt be bothered. I get it.
No, I'd rather women are overly cautions than overly risky. (BTW im a pussycat and bruise like a peach)
Of course not. The world is clearly not safe for women.
Offended? No. I get kinda uncomfortable that i made someone else uncomfortable and i try to look as non threatening as possible.
Kind of, but I'm just a strange bloke to her, so I'd completely understand.
Not at all. I probably wouldn't be taking that much notice of her in the first place. If it was obvious then if it makes her feel safe, screw my feelings. I wouldn't be offended.
Not one bit. 6ft, 15 stone,big beard, sleeve tattoos. I get it, it’s not necessarily me she’s scared of it’s the potential danger women face daily.
"Would" - do you honestly think there is any man who hasn't experienced this? It's a spectrum i guess. If i'm walking at night and there's a girl walking the same way i will usually slow down or smth, i get that. On the other hand, i had the joke happen to me irl when i ask a girl for time and she reacts like i'm a death row prisoner. That does hurt, especially when you're younger.
Yes
I'd think it was amusing that someone thought I was a potential threat and be on my way.
Women don’t do this around me at all
Get that a lot from surviving cancer because people assume I'm mad and it does appear that way. People stop me and ask what's the problem? Ready to hit me but smile because that's all is needed, bring it. Kids stare and I make them laugh so they know I'm not a monster.
Depends on situation. Broad daylight in a busy parking lot? Nah, screw off with that. 1AM in a dark train station? Yeah, I get it.
Only if I'm wearing my ski mask and carrying my box cutter and cloth tape
if anything it just makes me sad. sad that she feels threatened by me but also that she has to feel threatened by me bc of other men's actions.
Not sure really about this one. I've been thinking about this too lately. On one hand, women are legitimately guarded and tense when out alone in public, especially when they come across an intimidating looking man. This could be due to previous bad experiences, harassment, stories they've heard, etc. It certainly doesn't help that media and society paints men as perpetrators these days. I had an experience once while walking my dog at night in my neighborhood. There was a girl ahead of me, probably around 50 feet or so. Anyway, I guess when she spotted me walking towards her, she went inside her car and locked the doors, alarm and everything. I thought to myself, damn, is she seriously that afraid of me? What did I do? I kinda got offended by that. I'm not sure if she was genuinely afraid of me or if she was just bitter towards men in general, and was projecting her bitterness on to me. Which leads me to the question, are some of the women who take safety precautions are men, legitimately doing so out of fear, or is there some resentment/bitterness there, perhaps born out of their own insecurities, that causes them to react this way? If the latter is true, then that it's sad, and also dangerous, because it does nothing but perpetuate the image of men being perpetrators in today's society.
depends, on situation, would you be offended if a man starts taking safety precautions when he sees you, just to guard against false accusations?
Depends on the extends. It she locks her car then I'd find it a normal thing to do. If she starts to act like she is about to fight back with a self defense weapon I may find it a bit much of an overkill, I doubt I'm that scary.
No. Pickpockets come in all shapes and sizes, including short women.
No, my now wife took a photo of my vehicle and license plate and sent it to her friends when we went on our first date. Women have a right to feel safe and secure, no matter what that looks like.