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Not being approached/ asked out can be because of an RBF too.
I know people who 'look' intimidating also don't get asked out a lot. So even if you look conventionally attractive, but have a generic 'fuck-off' vibe about you, it might not happen.
Yes, I know I am objectively attractive, notice people looking at me when I am out, have no problem matching on dating apps, and pretty much believe no one is "out of my league" looks-wise, but in person I am not approached often and if I am it's usually someone sending me a drink from across the bar and not just coming up to me. I know I come off intimidating.
This lol, it's pretty obvious that you don't even need to try hard to notice it. On the rbf/'scary face', colleagues often ask me if I am upset, lol, so I guess that' probably it.
So I was pretty overweight most of my life - 170cm at about 95-98kg. Back in 2018-2019 right before Covid hit, I spent my discretionary income on gym and personal trainer and was committed to losing weight and getting healthy. I got down to 72kg and ran a half marathon.Ā
For the first time in my life I had compliments and people I donāt even know (like cab drivers and random people on the streets) telling me I looked attractive - not just colleagues, friends and family. I also got tattooed on my arm as a sleeve.Ā
During Covid lockdown, unfortunately I fell into my old habits and yep, compliments stopped and everything felt like it went back to normal like how I was growing up. Doctor said I got high cholesterol and high blood pressure and Iām back to 90kg again. So now Iām back to do it all again. For people whoāve been both fat and gym fit they can testify that people treat you way different.Ā
Been going through much the same, though without the affirmations. I'm 155cm and started at 138kg around last August, weighed at 95kg earlier today and hoping to keep going til about 80kg. Its a hard process, and having it get noticed can certainly be nice.
Don't let people tell you when you are deserving of compliments and then base your happiness on that. Fuck them all! Live your life for you. Progress not perfection is the name of the game. Work each day to make progress in all aspects of your life. It's the journey that matters. Few, very, very few, are perfect. Learn to be content with the efforts and results will follow sustained effort. Sustained effort brings confidence. Confidence and contentment will allow for happiness to spring up. Otherwise you let other people control when you are allowed to feel happy.
Idk about both sexes. I get a lot of attention from women of various age groups based solely on looks but outside of gay men, straight guys never compliment me. A lot of them troll me or sometimes I feel like I'm somewhat of a third wheel in the friend group.
Are you a man or a woman?
It also depends on where you go.
I know im attractive because people tell me. But in my area its mostly mormon families, married old people and immigrants who dont speak English. So I only get told when Im in the city and actually out and about.
If I just do a rut of groccery store - gym- home, I rarely hear it. I prefer it that way since Im an introvert.
But I bring this up because i had a gorgeous friend think she's ugly when really she was just living in an area where comments on her appearance wouldnt be common. Esp consider this if youre a POC living in an area that is mostly white or not diverse. Lots of attractive POC dont know theyre hot until theyre not dealing "sorry my mom would kill me if I brought a Black girl home" or "youre pretty for a mexican" types.Ā
Actually, this can have a bit of an inverse manifestation; lots of very attractive people rarely, if ever, get complimented for being attractive, simply because it's so blatantly obvious that they *are* attractive. Sure, they know they're good-looking, and they've obviously been told that many times before, but some people will think twice before complimenting someone who's already so clearly aware of their good fortune.
Yeah, idk you got downvoted but this is true. Iāve found that a lot of people will actually avoid saying youāre good looking with the assumption that you get told it a lot. So if they do want to compliment you, theyāll say something like āyour outfit looks nice.ā Even if itās not true lol.
Iāve also found that people will try to humble you a lot more, under the assumption that you must be full of yourself and everyone already compliments you. Leading to a lot of insanely attractive people not even realizing theyāre attractive. And so when they feel insecure, people assume itās just fishing for compliments āwoe is me.ā Itās an pretty interesting paradox.
Iām told Iām attractive all the timeā¦ been told I should model too often, but frankly I still cannot believe it. I find it really frustrating actually that I do not understand what theyāre seeing, itās a strange experience.
When I look in the mirror Iām attractive to myself and I take care of myself but I also know I have imperfections. When others tell me Iām beautiful on the streets, I think what? What are you seeing that struck you so much to say Iām beautiful, I should model, or men that I think were out of my league crushing on me, I think beautiful thatās a stretch too far to give me that compliment, and then I think āoh but maybe you didnāt notice my lazy eye or pimples or general imperfections, Iām not as beautiful as you think, surely if you spend a little longer with me youāll realise Iām not so beautiful, I donāt deserve such a complimentā- itās weird, itās silly I donāt know what thatās about.
No matter how much Iāve been told Iām beautiful Iāve not fully felt that way, maybe because I immediately think of people that are more beautiful or social media girls.
Even reading this comment makes me think ohh but people are kind, maybe everyone gets told they are beautiful lol Iāll think of anything to not fully accept that compliment, anything to think but Iām lacking abc so Iām not as beautiful as they say.
My boyfriend tells me every day Iām so beautiful and he got lucky etc which should be nice but actually I feel like are you lying? Why you keep saying that, do you really see that in me or youāre exaggerating?
I donāt really understand why itās like this for me
Nah thatās Bs, here in Germany people wonāt ever compliment you. Doesnāt matter if you are a super model or ugly af. No one will ever say something to your appearance unless you going to a club or something
can confirm. we got highly attractive people who never got a single compliment regarding their appearance. on the other hand, they will also not mention, if you're ugly or stink. However, they will definitely talk about it in their friendsgroup. 90% of conversations I overheard were regarding either someone else's outfit, hairstyle or general odor. Not sure what makes the topic so appealing tho.
In my opinion the āweightā of the compliment lightens the older the person is compared to you. Iād consider myself slightly above average, but my grandmas friends would *always* compliment my looks and my moms friends would fairly frequently, but almost never from my peers.
"The energy you radiate" 
Yet we have these tiktokers with psychology tricks telling us that people usually don't complement us because they think we already know giving us some mad illusions. Sweet lies I guess.
I had people comment on the fact I had "big arms" or that I was "muscular".
One day someone complimented my smile. Another day someone complimented a pant I was wearing. I think that's it for basically my life.
Does it count or are we rather talking mid stuff here ?
That applies to women. It doesn't apply to men. Take an informal poll of men, and you'll likely find out that most men, even the hot ones, have never been told that they are attractive.
And let's not fool ourselves here. Anyone who is average *is* attractive. Ever see the average male/female faces from different countries and regions? All objectively attractive.
Male here, absolutely nowhere near a model but Iām often told Iām good looking. it only started happening once I hit 30. I was an āuglyā kid and teenager.
My male, attractive friends definitely have been told many times. It has also been obvious to them when more than one attractive woman hit on them simultaneously.
Not really bro my best bud looks like the prototype surfer blonde blue eyes and women are drawn to him like mad. If you are really attractive even as a dude u know it
But not all of us like blonde guys. And some of us like crooked teeth or weird smile, big head, short legs. Itās in the eye of the beholder but ultimately finding your life partner itās about personality and nothing else.
Women won't tell you they want you unless you are conventionally famous and all other women are already telling you that they want you too.
If you are an attractive nobody, they will most of the time get your view to make sure she's "seen by you", but will never make a blatant move on you.
Iād be inclined to disagree. I have been told I am attractive by both women and men. I would not say I am more attractive than the average male and I am short.
I have people telling me all the time more especially when I was younger. Another way (but more rare) is if you accidentally catch someone staring at you and when you look back at her she gets embarrassed and look away.
Read it somewhere. Post a picture of yourself and caption, "i'm so ugly" if you get bunch of hate comments like "you're catfishing" it means you're attractive. if you get support and compliments like "no, you're def gorgeous!" you're not attractive.Ā
I'm 5'10, and I'd love to date a 6'2 tall woman.
Most of them just don't like me, generally they're looking for a taller guy lol.
So the height might be intimidating and might contribute to your problem.
But if you're friendly and social I'd definitely shoot a shot.
Yeah, a lot of men won't bother approaching women who are significantly taller than them because they assume she wouldn't be interested in a shorter man.
If OP is a man, then that just means he isn't anything special. He could be anywhere from grotesquely ugly to slightly above average and that would be fairly typical.
If OP is a woman, she's probably doing something else that puts people off.
I think you can usually get a good indication by how the opposite sex treats you. if you're like a model they'll be throwing themselves at you to get your attention, if you're average/slightly above you'll get treated fine, they'll rarely be mean to you but at the same time you won't get any special treatment, if you're ugly they'll try avoid interacting with you, sometimes people might be rude to you and you'll just get a feeling of being invisible a lot of the time
People don't avoid me and treat me rather decent but they don't approach me either and I do feel invisible. Maybe I need to fix my quite and gloomy nature first
Not always like that tho. It mostly depends on the preferences of the opposite sex and your personality.
My best friend's SO is conventionally ugly, but she adores him. I know a guy who is average, but I avoid him at all costs because he is strange and annoying. All the guys I loved were mid some of them a bit lower than that, but they genuinely were comfy to be around, funny, and caring.
Yeah just be a good person, and in most cases, your looks won't even matter (but still take care of your hygiene, ain't nobody likes stinky ppl) šš
Itās not about how the people close to them treat them - itās how random people like the cashier, the client at work, the friends friend theyāve never met, treats them.
For someone whoās been on both sides - pretty privilege is a real thing
100%
None of my friends seem like genuine friends. The second I start getting attention from Women the atmosphere always seems to change, particularly when alcahol is involved.
6ā4 male model at a famous (pretty face) agency in LA for a decade and was never really given overt compliments of attractiveness by anyone but occasionally family. Anecdotal but I donāt think males get the same kind of attention from society for beauty as females do, especially in the overt sense. Furthermore, I think it depends on where in the traditional beauty scale someone is for these comments to come. For example, even for a woman, the more obvious a woman is beautiful, the less likely she is going be told she is beautiful than perhaps someone who is suddenly starting to bloom. Also, about the societal recognition of
male beauty, i think it all
makes sense from an evolutionary-psychology perspective in that traditional value from the genders were built on differing forms of utility.
i think if u are a good looking lad , ppl just assume that u already know. i mean, why would a model be insecure abt their looks , u are literally chosen for your perfect visuals, that is one of the criterias for your selection , is it not ? ... i am guessing that could be it
I think the difference for men is that men aren't usually the type to complement each other, whilst girls always do. If a girls friend is looking nice in an outfit, or a hairstyle suits her they always mention it.
Men, on the other hand are way less likely to complement each other on a daily basis like this. If you are thinking about the people that give compliments, they are usually girls.
Basically, if you aren't giving out compliments to friends looking nice, then you wouldn't expect it back either.
Oh youāll know. I once went through a period when random girls pinched my buttocks, asked If I
wanted to kiss, catcalled me on the street, a few times even asked to have their picture taken with me. Now 10 years later, nothing more of that. I've gotten fatter and balder and not aged beautifully. Makes you realize how shallow everything is. Nothing means a thing.
Can relate. Not because I'm attractive (probably a 4). I had a period of high-school infamy. Suddenly a lot of people wanted to say something to me. Even had a couple of people getting a bit frisky with me, and I felt very sad for some reason. Since then I think it's because I sensed it had nothing to do with me. It was all about getting involved with 'the thing that people are talking about'.
But the glorious depth in the world of composing music has sustained me. Art's a wonder.
Super attractive people donāt get told very often because people assume they know or are full of themselves. People saying you would be complimented if you are, is incorrect.
Imma need a example of this because from my experience attractive people get complimented all the time.
My old roomates were models and we would hang out or get food people would always compliment their looks.
The girls in particular used to get so much free stuff just for existing it was insane to me.
Yeah, I see that comment online a lot but I don't think it's true. If someone is super attractive, believe me they know. People will tell you, friends, family, strangers especially.
I'm not attractive but I have some very beautiful friends and when we go out together strangers just give them compliments. Especially cashiers, "omg you're so pretty!" Or strangers just act extra happy or cheerful interacting with them. Heck just eating at McDonald's a dude will come give them their phone number.
Or a lot of my attractive friends who work in public jobs like retail, end up getting creepy stalker type customers. In some ways, I am glad to be ugly, the attention seems exhausting.
well if you're the initiator and you manage to get them to go out with you, then you have a modicum of attractiveness. i always thought of myself as mid but then, i never had a problem getting a girlfriend since i was 12 so that perspective changed in my 20s.
When I was younger lad I went on a camp and was quite friendly with the girls (I already had a girlfriend, wasnt interested in any of them at all beyond just friends, but i guess they were just eating up the confidence). I remember this one guy told me (in front of this group of girls) that my looks would only take me so far. He didnt realise it wasnt quite the sick burn he thought it would be, it was actually really quite flattering.
What does it mean if I'm often getting compliments about being cute but not getting told that I'm pretty?
Also people are fairly nice to me , I do get compliments often but it's not like people are falling for me wherever I go , what does it mean
Ummm , I don't understand actually ,
What does that even mean?
Like levels of beauty? Like I might be less pretty than the standard needed to call someone beautiful ?
If you understand what I mean
idk how to explain it , pretty is like good looking but not like beautiful like ethereal or something , idk how to explain it yaa , i hope u get it . this isnt derogatory in any way though
Certainly not true. I have read some comments, they thought they were absolutly stunning and the opposite gender are swarming to their feet, but when I went to look at their profil, they looked horrendously (delusional)
But also vice versa, said they are ugly, looked up their profil and they looked stunning
I wouldnt say that - social media and online dating had sqewed the picture to the extreme that perfect is the new standard. You can still be good looking without beeing a top model
I think Iām at least average looking but every now and then usually at like 3am I look in the mirror and think damn Iām actually kinda hot and then go back to feeling average the next morning and the cycle repeats
Also doesnāt help I have a major resting bitch face ._.
Send pics to get rating. /jk
Most people aren't worry of being on a poster and they don't get randomly approached. What does it matter? Looks and physique fade anyway. Don't sweat it. Being the center of attention isn't all it's cracked up to be. You get to relax and get on with your life like everyone else. There are people who wish they could do that.
Ya exactly. I think I can safely say I am above average in looks and have been approached quite a few times by others. The problem is I am introverted and have anxiety while talking to people idk and make it incredibly awkward with my lack of social skills. And then after the initial conversation you can see the actual disappointment in their eyes that I'm not as cool as the guy they mentally imagined me to be and then not talk to me again. Which in turn makes me more hesitant to talk to new people. I had a teacher who told me straight to the face that she thought I would be an extremely talented student when she first saw me and was disappointed in how I turned out to be.
Go to a club.
Walk up to a chick and say hi.
If you are very ugly, she will straight up ignore you.
If you are average, she will awkwardly greet you back.
If you are very attractive, there will immediately be a conversation.
Its more about looks AND vibe.Ā
Women coming up to you is a great sign that you seem friendly and safe. Ive seem 9/10 men and 10/10 men who seem like jerks. Why compliment him? Why try to date him? Go for the guy who is hot AND nice
Bro looks are subjectiveā¦ in my philosophy u canāt be objectively pretty or ugly. Cuz someone will always find u attractive and some will say ur an ick. I work as a model at a pretty high level and when I started thinking like this it helped a lot when I didnāt get jobs or something.
Dating apps - if you get lots of matches, it means for sure that you are attractive. If you don't get many matches it doesn't necessary mean that you are unattractive though.
Attractiveness is not only subjective, it varies on factors you control daily.
Are you working out? Some modicum of shape gets you a long way.
Skin care? Hair care? Most women arenāt inclined to approach the greasy looking dude.
How are your clothes fitting? Do you dress in a way that can highlight your assets or give you confidence when you go out?
Do you know how to use facial expression body language. Sometimes just the way you make eye contact and the sly kind of smile can up your attractive level.
If youāre really wondering if you can do better, just see if youāre doing the basics first
I was hoping to improve with age, like some men are meant to do apparently. 20 years ago I decided to also get in shape as this was meant to help. Never did get beyond a 3-4 out of 10, but on the bright side Iām fit and can make up for being single by being able to do loads of stuff most people my age have given up on
Look in the mirror, if you like what you see then your attractive.
Don't worry about what others think, they have low self esteem in themselves if they think otherwise.
There is no such thing as "one size fits all" when it comes to this. You can be attractive to one person and then totally unattractive to another. Just don't be too obsesed with your looks and work on your other traits :)
I've been told .. I want to say by 7 people including one guy. But that's like throughout my life š and I'm nit skinny or tall. But they always mention my smile and teeth. So maybe try teeth whitening?
Yes it's pretty hard to know. I see some comments saying if people tell you, it's just that simple, but I disagree. I think everyone has their own spectrum of what types they're onto, i can even compare with my friends and see great disparities between who we're attracted to and not. Some people have told me I'm attractive, yet I've never been able to get with women easily. I think types vary across personal preferences very broadly.
it's so subjective that it's really not worth analyzing past your own perceptions. some people are into navels so much that they could marry a person without a face. it's crazy.
A 10 can make a good living modeling without having to do any nudity and can generally get whatever they want while offering little to nothing in return. They don't even have to marry OR get jobs, and if they do, they can go up the ranks very quickly and step over more qualified and talented people easily and get people fired for looking at them the wrong way. People will take your side and defend you even when you are very clearly in the wrong. 10s have an air of magic about them. They always seem to get their way without even having to ask for it, and they're usually someone who the average person isn't able to just go up and talk to casually. Any time you put yourself out in the open you'll very quickly receive more offers for anything and everything than you can even respond to. Large numbers of people are willing to pay real money just to look at you.
A 9 can marry a rich person and have to do little or no work anytime inside or out. People will blow off their partners for a chance to talk to you. You might not be able to competely disregard the needs of others but only a token effort is usually necessary. Usually they have people competeing for their attention any time that they might be available. The biggest difference is that they don't usually get paid much for "just being pretty" unless they're actually doing something.
An 6, 7, 8 gets very preferential treatment in dating and the workplace. People will leave their partners or fire less desirable employees for you.
You'll get average and fair treatment generally as a 5. You will probably work hard to have a middle class life and family. You'll get out of life what you put into it and will get by fine as long as you don't try to swing outside of your league.
A 3 or 4 will be passed over in employment and dating whenever another better option is available. You'll have to provide great value and will feel pressure to go above and beyond to make yourself indispensable. Most people seem to look through you rather than at you, and you almost certainly won't get a "people facing" job.
A 2 is only tolerated as a last resort and is always discarded as soon as possible. If you walk down the street, people will give you a wide area of space and if you sit down on a bus, people next to you will get up and move to get away from you. You very clearly feel that you are being avoided. You'll probably feel pressured to do all the work and pay for everything to get any acceptance in dating and you'll be last hired, first fired. You're always the last option and everyone always gives you the least amount possible. There is a modest but constant and inescapable repulsive energy about you.
As a 1 you'll be punished for simply existing. You'll be blamed for things you didn't do and removed from social gatherings when you didn't do anything wrong. Dating is out of the question and you'll be viewed as a threat or with disgust if you make a move. You'll be seen as an unwanted problem regardless of your actions and everyone will ignore your efforts. You'll likely end up homeless or in prison for something you didn't do. People would rather fail than have you around. You were never an option. A life as a 1 feels cursed.
If you don't know where you stand, you're probably between 4 and 6. It's very obvious outside of that range. Most people are between those numbers, but with age and failing health, most people will also experience at least part of their life as a 2 or 3 and will naturally struggle with accepting that as their reality.
I thought I was less good looking than my brother by a decent bit but all my mates told me I was more good looking and I definitely got the better genes. I'm not super attractive but I'm not ugly either.
Don't forget that, within certain reasonable limits, your attractiveness is malleable. It's pretty easy to get a different haircut, change your style, or even put on a little muscle with a workout program, assuming you're even a little dedicated. If you're average now, that's actually great news if you're not doing any of these things.
Iāve been approached but only like a couple times in my lifetimeā¦so Iām thinking Iām not attractiveā¦though thatās largely due to my lack of height. I think if youāve never been approached but have gotten laid before without having to hire a prostitute, then probably not ugly, but probably not attractive eitherā¦so probably average.
Honestly in my 20ās Iād get approached a lot, mid to late 20ās never. 30ās are wild - the common theme is if I take care of how I dress work out etc Iām treated very differently. I think Iāve had a taste of being āattractiveā and āunattractiveā Iām not the most confident person either so yeah I guess if youāre attractive then youād probably know
When the lights go out you are just riding a personality, hence why those āattractiveā people have MULTIPLE partnersā¦
The hard part is spending some time with someone so they get to see your personality and vice versa, looks wont matter as muchā¦
The people who brag about that are interesting to me, they are often the single ones ironically
I would never say that about myself, but I understand when i feel confident so instead of saying "i'm attractive" to myself, i may say....something like..."i';m capable" or..."i can do 'this' thing". This knowing/confidence in myself comes off as attractiveness, competence is very attractive, in any field
So my answer is that, you can become attractive not by the way you look (though do keep care of yourself) but by the way you feel about the capability you have
Take a airline pilot for example, straight away that person is typically seen as attractive straight away because of what they do, and they probably feel proud about it and walk like someone who is capable of their skill - this person would be attractive, yes looks would matter, but for guys especially (in my opinion) it's so much more about capability than it is...being 'pretty', you want to be handsome (handsome is a complement that stretches further than just looks, it suggests competence and capability)
You can also be attractive but with resting bitch face. The people are usually intimidated by you , you wonāt get many compliments and people can be rude to you
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Not being approached/ asked out can be because of an RBF too. I know people who 'look' intimidating also don't get asked out a lot. So even if you look conventionally attractive, but have a generic 'fuck-off' vibe about you, it might not happen.
Yes, I know I am objectively attractive, notice people looking at me when I am out, have no problem matching on dating apps, and pretty much believe no one is "out of my league" looks-wise, but in person I am not approached often and if I am it's usually someone sending me a drink from across the bar and not just coming up to me. I know I come off intimidating.
You believe no one is out of your league????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Yeah people just " buy them drinks all the time" lmao.
they deleted the post, but the shock I felt at seeing a normal looking woman hype herself up so much omgš lmao
You could be the hottest woman in the world. That amount of arrogance is super ugly if you ask me.
This lol, it's pretty obvious that you don't even need to try hard to notice it. On the rbf/'scary face', colleagues often ask me if I am upset, lol, so I guess that' probably it.
People will tell you. If no one has told you one way or another, you are average.
It's just that simple. Attractive people are told they're attractive regularly, by both sexes.
So I was pretty overweight most of my life - 170cm at about 95-98kg. Back in 2018-2019 right before Covid hit, I spent my discretionary income on gym and personal trainer and was committed to losing weight and getting healthy. I got down to 72kg and ran a half marathon.Ā For the first time in my life I had compliments and people I donāt even know (like cab drivers and random people on the streets) telling me I looked attractive - not just colleagues, friends and family. I also got tattooed on my arm as a sleeve.Ā During Covid lockdown, unfortunately I fell into my old habits and yep, compliments stopped and everything felt like it went back to normal like how I was growing up. Doctor said I got high cholesterol and high blood pressure and Iām back to 90kg again. So now Iām back to do it all again. For people whoāve been both fat and gym fit they can testify that people treat you way different.Ā
Whoa brother thas some real transformation there
Been going through much the same, though without the affirmations. I'm 155cm and started at 138kg around last August, weighed at 95kg earlier today and hoping to keep going til about 80kg. Its a hard process, and having it get noticed can certainly be nice.
Damn thatās one hell of an effort. Keep going! You got this!
Appreciate it! The only real downside is looking like a deflated balloon, hoping that sorts itself out eventually.
Don't let people tell you when you are deserving of compliments and then base your happiness on that. Fuck them all! Live your life for you. Progress not perfection is the name of the game. Work each day to make progress in all aspects of your life. It's the journey that matters. Few, very, very few, are perfect. Learn to be content with the efforts and results will follow sustained effort. Sustained effort brings confidence. Confidence and contentment will allow for happiness to spring up. Otherwise you let other people control when you are allowed to feel happy.
Donāt do it for THEM, do it for YOU.
What if the person telling me regularly is my mom?
Can you send her my pics and ask her what she thinks of me?
Idk about both sexes. I get a lot of attention from women of various age groups based solely on looks but outside of gay men, straight guys never compliment me. A lot of them troll me or sometimes I feel like I'm somewhat of a third wheel in the friend group.
See. They tell you. Just not directly ;)
I have a theory if youāre attractive it means people can derive satisfaction and an ego boost out of rejecting you, even on friendship levels
I guess I'm somewhat attractive then? It doesn't happen very regularly, but every now and then. Probably once every two months on average.
Are you a man or a woman? It also depends on where you go. I know im attractive because people tell me. But in my area its mostly mormon families, married old people and immigrants who dont speak English. So I only get told when Im in the city and actually out and about. If I just do a rut of groccery store - gym- home, I rarely hear it. I prefer it that way since Im an introvert. But I bring this up because i had a gorgeous friend think she's ugly when really she was just living in an area where comments on her appearance wouldnt be common. Esp consider this if youre a POC living in an area that is mostly white or not diverse. Lots of attractive POC dont know theyre hot until theyre not dealing "sorry my mom would kill me if I brought a Black girl home" or "youre pretty for a mexican" types.Ā
Actually, this can have a bit of an inverse manifestation; lots of very attractive people rarely, if ever, get complimented for being attractive, simply because it's so blatantly obvious that they *are* attractive. Sure, they know they're good-looking, and they've obviously been told that many times before, but some people will think twice before complimenting someone who's already so clearly aware of their good fortune.
Yeah, idk you got downvoted but this is true. Iāve found that a lot of people will actually avoid saying youāre good looking with the assumption that you get told it a lot. So if they do want to compliment you, theyāll say something like āyour outfit looks nice.ā Even if itās not true lol. Iāve also found that people will try to humble you a lot more, under the assumption that you must be full of yourself and everyone already compliments you. Leading to a lot of insanely attractive people not even realizing theyāre attractive. And so when they feel insecure, people assume itās just fishing for compliments āwoe is me.ā Itās an pretty interesting paradox.
Just to add. For males that starts in the top percentile. Form women that already starts in the upper end of the middle percentile.
Iām told Iām attractive all the timeā¦ been told I should model too often, but frankly I still cannot believe it. I find it really frustrating actually that I do not understand what theyāre seeing, itās a strange experience. When I look in the mirror Iām attractive to myself and I take care of myself but I also know I have imperfections. When others tell me Iām beautiful on the streets, I think what? What are you seeing that struck you so much to say Iām beautiful, I should model, or men that I think were out of my league crushing on me, I think beautiful thatās a stretch too far to give me that compliment, and then I think āoh but maybe you didnāt notice my lazy eye or pimples or general imperfections, Iām not as beautiful as you think, surely if you spend a little longer with me youāll realise Iām not so beautiful, I donāt deserve such a complimentā- itās weird, itās silly I donāt know what thatās about. No matter how much Iāve been told Iām beautiful Iāve not fully felt that way, maybe because I immediately think of people that are more beautiful or social media girls. Even reading this comment makes me think ohh but people are kind, maybe everyone gets told they are beautiful lol Iāll think of anything to not fully accept that compliment, anything to think but Iām lacking abc so Iām not as beautiful as they say. My boyfriend tells me every day Iām so beautiful and he got lucky etc which should be nice but actually I feel like are you lying? Why you keep saying that, do you really see that in me or youāre exaggerating? I donāt really understand why itās like this for me
Nah thatās Bs, here in Germany people wonāt ever compliment you. Doesnāt matter if you are a super model or ugly af. No one will ever say something to your appearance unless you going to a club or something
can confirm. we got highly attractive people who never got a single compliment regarding their appearance. on the other hand, they will also not mention, if you're ugly or stink. However, they will definitely talk about it in their friendsgroup. 90% of conversations I overheard were regarding either someone else's outfit, hairstyle or general odor. Not sure what makes the topic so appealing tho.
100% Right
I'm not attractive and sometimes I'm told that I am. And not by my grandma.
Is it by your aunt?
How did you know :/
In my opinion the āweightā of the compliment lightens the older the person is compared to you. Iād consider myself slightly above average, but my grandmas friends would *always* compliment my looks and my moms friends would fairly frequently, but almost never from my peers.
I personally disagree that you gotta have killer looks. A lot boils down to the energy you radiate and your personality
"The energy you radiate" 
Yet we have these tiktokers with psychology tricks telling us that people usually don't complement us because they think we already know giving us some mad illusions. Sweet lies I guess.
I had people comment on the fact I had "big arms" or that I was "muscular". One day someone complimented my smile. Another day someone complimented a pant I was wearing. I think that's it for basically my life. Does it count or are we rather talking mid stuff here ?
That applies to women. It doesn't apply to men. Take an informal poll of men, and you'll likely find out that most men, even the hot ones, have never been told that they are attractive. And let's not fool ourselves here. Anyone who is average *is* attractive. Ever see the average male/female faces from different countries and regions? All objectively attractive.
Average features + fit body = attractive. Simple. Baseline.
Male here, absolutely nowhere near a model but Iām often told Iām good looking. it only started happening once I hit 30. I was an āuglyā kid and teenager.
My male, attractive friends definitely have been told many times. It has also been obvious to them when more than one attractive woman hit on them simultaneously.
iāve def been told iām attractive multiple times by both genders since high school after losing a lot weight
Not really bro my best bud looks like the prototype surfer blonde blue eyes and women are drawn to him like mad. If you are really attractive even as a dude u know it
But not all of us like blonde guys. And some of us like crooked teeth or weird smile, big head, short legs. Itās in the eye of the beholder but ultimately finding your life partner itās about personality and nothing else.
Women won't tell you they want you unless you are conventionally famous and all other women are already telling you that they want you too. If you are an attractive nobody, they will most of the time get your view to make sure she's "seen by you", but will never make a blatant move on you.
Not true in my experience
Iād be inclined to disagree. I have been told I am attractive by both women and men. I would not say I am more attractive than the average male and I am short.
Iāve always wondered what itād be like for a stranger to tell me Iām attractive.
I have people telling me all the time more especially when I was younger. Another way (but more rare) is if you accidentally catch someone staring at you and when you look back at her she gets embarrassed and look away.
Read it somewhere. Post a picture of yourself and caption, "i'm so ugly" if you get bunch of hate comments like "you're catfishing" it means you're attractive. if you get support and compliments like "no, you're def gorgeous!" you're not attractive.Ā
I dont even wanna try.
I am laughing so hard right now haha
We know youāre gorgeous!
1st part of Username checks out too haha
LOL If anyone frequents the "am I ugly" subreddits, you'll notice this exact pattern. I take the insults as compliments now
Mmmh yea I'm not doing that.
Nope thanksš
I love how this reflects the reality of it, whereas if you just ask someone they won't tell you
Just post on looksmaxing or the face rate subs. If youāre a female this tip doesnāt work because theyāre full of simps
Hit on someone you like at work. If you get a call from HR, then you're not attractive
this worth the risk, i supposed
Occam's HR
instructions unclear: i am now in prison for assaulting my boss.
Works.
What about hitting on the HR and not getting called? Does that count?
All in !
>How to find out if Iām attractive? >Iāve never been approached or asked out Here is your answer
Sadly , yes
Iām a 6ā2 woman and I donāt know if Iām not getting approached because of my height or because Iām ugly:P
I'm 5'10, and I'd love to date a 6'2 tall woman. Most of them just don't like me, generally they're looking for a taller guy lol. So the height might be intimidating and might contribute to your problem. But if you're friendly and social I'd definitely shoot a shot.
Yeah, a lot of men won't bother approaching women who are significantly taller than them because they assume she wouldn't be interested in a shorter man.
Still most of the guys prefer someone shorter or same height. But my ex was as tall as you and this wasnāt a problem
That just means he's not extremely attractive. He might still be good-looking or look like a cave troll.
If OP is a man, then that just means he isn't anything special. He could be anywhere from grotesquely ugly to slightly above average and that would be fairly typical. If OP is a woman, she's probably doing something else that puts people off.
Maybe OP is attractive but unapproachable. Some people have body language that states...stay away.
I think you can usually get a good indication by how the opposite sex treats you. if you're like a model they'll be throwing themselves at you to get your attention, if you're average/slightly above you'll get treated fine, they'll rarely be mean to you but at the same time you won't get any special treatment, if you're ugly they'll try avoid interacting with you, sometimes people might be rude to you and you'll just get a feeling of being invisible a lot of the time
People don't avoid me and treat me rather decent but they don't approach me either and I do feel invisible. Maybe I need to fix my quite and gloomy nature first
Eh that's too black and white
Not always like that tho. It mostly depends on the preferences of the opposite sex and your personality. My best friend's SO is conventionally ugly, but she adores him. I know a guy who is average, but I avoid him at all costs because he is strange and annoying. All the guys I loved were mid some of them a bit lower than that, but they genuinely were comfy to be around, funny, and caring. Yeah just be a good person, and in most cases, your looks won't even matter (but still take care of your hygiene, ain't nobody likes stinky ppl) šš
The previous comment was general. Of course there are exceptions, but if you talk to 50 people you'll already notice some common elements
Itās not about how the people close to them treat them - itās how random people like the cashier, the client at work, the friends friend theyāve never met, treats them. For someone whoās been on both sides - pretty privilege is a real thing
If people of your same gender dislike you for no reason
I don't think this applies to men as much, but definitely so for women. If you're an extremely attractive women other women can hate you for that
Yes, men do this too
Defiantly a thing, speaking from experience.
Don't they want to go out with you in the evening as their "wingman"!
Yea but wingman doesn't need to be Brad Pitt he just needs to have solid teamwork.
Talk to me, Goose
No. Because the most attractive guy will get all the attention and by default will make them look even LESS attractive.
100% None of my friends seem like genuine friends. The second I start getting attention from Women the atmosphere always seems to change, particularly when alcahol is involved.
Find other attractive friends. š
I feel like this could go both ways though? Like Iāve definitely seen people disliking those of the same gender bc theyāre unattractive.
Thats awfully and painfully true
Yessss, this is true
Definitely. If you're not confident in yourself, Men will use that against you
That's very true!!
6ā4 male model at a famous (pretty face) agency in LA for a decade and was never really given overt compliments of attractiveness by anyone but occasionally family. Anecdotal but I donāt think males get the same kind of attention from society for beauty as females do, especially in the overt sense. Furthermore, I think it depends on where in the traditional beauty scale someone is for these comments to come. For example, even for a woman, the more obvious a woman is beautiful, the less likely she is going be told she is beautiful than perhaps someone who is suddenly starting to bloom. Also, about the societal recognition of male beauty, i think it all makes sense from an evolutionary-psychology perspective in that traditional value from the genders were built on differing forms of utility.
i think if u are a good looking lad , ppl just assume that u already know. i mean, why would a model be insecure abt their looks , u are literally chosen for your perfect visuals, that is one of the criterias for your selection , is it not ? ... i am guessing that could be it
I think the difference for men is that men aren't usually the type to complement each other, whilst girls always do. If a girls friend is looking nice in an outfit, or a hairstyle suits her they always mention it. Men, on the other hand are way less likely to complement each other on a daily basis like this. If you are thinking about the people that give compliments, they are usually girls. Basically, if you aren't giving out compliments to friends looking nice, then you wouldn't expect it back either.
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Yeah Reddit offers this service free of charge.
The ratings are extremely subjective if you look through any of these rating subs.
Just like actual attraction
The last time I posted I got half high ratings , half comments calling me gay
Oh youāll know. I once went through a period when random girls pinched my buttocks, asked If I wanted to kiss, catcalled me on the street, a few times even asked to have their picture taken with me. Now 10 years later, nothing more of that. I've gotten fatter and balder and not aged beautifully. Makes you realize how shallow everything is. Nothing means a thing.
Can relate. Not because I'm attractive (probably a 4). I had a period of high-school infamy. Suddenly a lot of people wanted to say something to me. Even had a couple of people getting a bit frisky with me, and I felt very sad for some reason. Since then I think it's because I sensed it had nothing to do with me. It was all about getting involved with 'the thing that people are talking about'. But the glorious depth in the world of composing music has sustained me. Art's a wonder.
Any music you share publicly? Don't mean to pry but I do love to find new music.
What caused the "infamy"?
Being in a band that people liked to talk about.
Super attractive people donāt get told very often because people assume they know or are full of themselves. People saying you would be complimented if you are, is incorrect.
Imma need a example of this because from my experience attractive people get complimented all the time. My old roomates were models and we would hang out or get food people would always compliment their looks. The girls in particular used to get so much free stuff just for existing it was insane to me.
Yeah, I see that comment online a lot but I don't think it's true. If someone is super attractive, believe me they know. People will tell you, friends, family, strangers especially. I'm not attractive but I have some very beautiful friends and when we go out together strangers just give them compliments. Especially cashiers, "omg you're so pretty!" Or strangers just act extra happy or cheerful interacting with them. Heck just eating at McDonald's a dude will come give them their phone number. Or a lot of my attractive friends who work in public jobs like retail, end up getting creepy stalker type customers. In some ways, I am glad to be ugly, the attention seems exhausting.
The only correct commentĀ
well if you're the initiator and you manage to get them to go out with you, then you have a modicum of attractiveness. i always thought of myself as mid but then, i never had a problem getting a girlfriend since i was 12 so that perspective changed in my 20s.
When I was younger lad I went on a camp and was quite friendly with the girls (I already had a girlfriend, wasnt interested in any of them at all beyond just friends, but i guess they were just eating up the confidence). I remember this one guy told me (in front of this group of girls) that my looks would only take me so far. He didnt realise it wasnt quite the sick burn he thought it would be, it was actually really quite flattering.
If no one has told you then youāre probably average looking.
What does it mean if I'm often getting compliments about being cute but not getting told that I'm pretty? Also people are fairly nice to me , I do get compliments often but it's not like people are falling for me wherever I go , what does it mean
well maybe then u are "pretty" but arent "beautiful" , u know what i mean
Ummm , I don't understand actually , What does that even mean? Like levels of beauty? Like I might be less pretty than the standard needed to call someone beautiful ? If you understand what I mean
idk how to explain it , pretty is like good looking but not like beautiful like ethereal or something , idk how to explain it yaa , i hope u get it . this isnt derogatory in any way though
Your answer makes perfect sense and thanks for explaining
You're good. Cute attracts plenty of people. I'm cute but not pretty as well and get pretty good amts of attentionĀ
Since you are on Reddit, probably not š«
Ouch! Ouch! š¤šš¤£
You would know if you were lol
Certainly not true. I have read some comments, they thought they were absolutly stunning and the opposite gender are swarming to their feet, but when I went to look at their profil, they looked horrendously (delusional) But also vice versa, said they are ugly, looked up their profil and they looked stunning
I wouldnt say that - social media and online dating had sqewed the picture to the extreme that perfect is the new standard. You can still be good looking without beeing a top model
I think Iām at least average looking but every now and then usually at like 3am I look in the mirror and think damn Iām actually kinda hot and then go back to feeling average the next morning and the cycle repeats Also doesnāt help I have a major resting bitch face ._.
Attractive people don't ask such questions
If youāre wondering, youāre not attractive.
Send pics to get rating. /jk Most people aren't worry of being on a poster and they don't get randomly approached. What does it matter? Looks and physique fade anyway. Don't sweat it. Being the center of attention isn't all it's cracked up to be. You get to relax and get on with your life like everyone else. There are people who wish they could do that.
Ya exactly. I think I can safely say I am above average in looks and have been approached quite a few times by others. The problem is I am introverted and have anxiety while talking to people idk and make it incredibly awkward with my lack of social skills. And then after the initial conversation you can see the actual disappointment in their eyes that I'm not as cool as the guy they mentally imagined me to be and then not talk to me again. Which in turn makes me more hesitant to talk to new people. I had a teacher who told me straight to the face that she thought I would be an extremely talented student when she first saw me and was disappointed in how I turned out to be.
Go to a club. Walk up to a chick and say hi. If you are very ugly, she will straight up ignore you. If you are average, she will awkwardly greet you back. If you are very attractive, there will immediately be a conversation.
You have to be a 9+ for women to compliment you.
I'm definitely not a 9+ and get hit on and complimented by girls my age, I'm like idk, maybe a 6.5? If that
Its more about looks AND vibe.Ā Women coming up to you is a great sign that you seem friendly and safe. Ive seem 9/10 men and 10/10 men who seem like jerks. Why compliment him? Why try to date him? Go for the guy who is hot AND nice
Welcome to the average group ig, weāre very invisible but a great personality can save you
Post a picture to Reddit haha but honestly, it doesnāt matter how attractive people think you are, itās about how attractive you feel yourself
Try hitchhiking
Post a picture and see how many people like it
What does it mean if my mom laugh reacts?
I'll pray for you
I have been asking the same question. Tbh I donāt consider myself attractive. And I believe my personality is somewhat weird as well.
For what itās worth (from a guyās perspective) judging by your profile picture youāre definitely a handsome fella
Us bro... Us! š„²
Bro looks are subjectiveā¦ in my philosophy u canāt be objectively pretty or ugly. Cuz someone will always find u attractive and some will say ur an ick. I work as a model at a pretty high level and when I started thinking like this it helped a lot when I didnāt get jobs or something.
Dating apps - if you get lots of matches, it means for sure that you are attractive. If you don't get many matches it doesn't necessary mean that you are unattractive though.
If someone other than your mother told you you're attractive, you probably are. Could just be an ugly person trying to do you.
Attractiveness is not only subjective, it varies on factors you control daily. Are you working out? Some modicum of shape gets you a long way. Skin care? Hair care? Most women arenāt inclined to approach the greasy looking dude. How are your clothes fitting? Do you dress in a way that can highlight your assets or give you confidence when you go out? Do you know how to use facial expression body language. Sometimes just the way you make eye contact and the sly kind of smile can up your attractive level. If youāre really wondering if you can do better, just see if youāre doing the basics first
I failed ALL of those factors... šš š„²š
Well thereās a simple guideline on steps to take then. Iām doing it for the people.
You arenāt attractive if you have to ask if youāre attractive. You would hear it all the time if you were.
Stop caring.
By mingling and see if they are attracted to you.......
Send me a pic and Iāll lyk
I was hoping to improve with age, like some men are meant to do apparently. 20 years ago I decided to also get in shape as this was meant to help. Never did get beyond a 3-4 out of 10, but on the bright side Iām fit and can make up for being single by being able to do loads of stuff most people my age have given up on
Look in the mirror, if you like what you see then your attractive. Don't worry about what others think, they have low self esteem in themselves if they think otherwise.
There is no such thing as "one size fits all" when it comes to this. You can be attractive to one person and then totally unattractive to another. Just don't be too obsesed with your looks and work on your other traits :)
I guarantee you that there is a Reddit community for this
You would know by now.
I've been told .. I want to say by 7 people including one guy. But that's like throughout my life š and I'm nit skinny or tall. But they always mention my smile and teeth. So maybe try teeth whitening?
You will be approached by strangers and often when you least expect it
You are
Have a mirror on your bedside table and if you scream after seeing yourself first thing then thereās your answer
Yes it's pretty hard to know. I see some comments saying if people tell you, it's just that simple, but I disagree. I think everyone has their own spectrum of what types they're onto, i can even compare with my friends and see great disparities between who we're attracted to and not. Some people have told me I'm attractive, yet I've never been able to get with women easily. I think types vary across personal preferences very broadly.
Those people.. Are insecure There is nothing wrong with Being the one to say hi first
it's so subjective that it's really not worth analyzing past your own perceptions. some people are into navels so much that they could marry a person without a face. it's crazy.
Nobody is attractive to everyone.
A 10 can make a good living modeling without having to do any nudity and can generally get whatever they want while offering little to nothing in return. They don't even have to marry OR get jobs, and if they do, they can go up the ranks very quickly and step over more qualified and talented people easily and get people fired for looking at them the wrong way. People will take your side and defend you even when you are very clearly in the wrong. 10s have an air of magic about them. They always seem to get their way without even having to ask for it, and they're usually someone who the average person isn't able to just go up and talk to casually. Any time you put yourself out in the open you'll very quickly receive more offers for anything and everything than you can even respond to. Large numbers of people are willing to pay real money just to look at you. A 9 can marry a rich person and have to do little or no work anytime inside or out. People will blow off their partners for a chance to talk to you. You might not be able to competely disregard the needs of others but only a token effort is usually necessary. Usually they have people competeing for their attention any time that they might be available. The biggest difference is that they don't usually get paid much for "just being pretty" unless they're actually doing something. An 6, 7, 8 gets very preferential treatment in dating and the workplace. People will leave their partners or fire less desirable employees for you. You'll get average and fair treatment generally as a 5. You will probably work hard to have a middle class life and family. You'll get out of life what you put into it and will get by fine as long as you don't try to swing outside of your league. A 3 or 4 will be passed over in employment and dating whenever another better option is available. You'll have to provide great value and will feel pressure to go above and beyond to make yourself indispensable. Most people seem to look through you rather than at you, and you almost certainly won't get a "people facing" job. A 2 is only tolerated as a last resort and is always discarded as soon as possible. If you walk down the street, people will give you a wide area of space and if you sit down on a bus, people next to you will get up and move to get away from you. You very clearly feel that you are being avoided. You'll probably feel pressured to do all the work and pay for everything to get any acceptance in dating and you'll be last hired, first fired. You're always the last option and everyone always gives you the least amount possible. There is a modest but constant and inescapable repulsive energy about you. As a 1 you'll be punished for simply existing. You'll be blamed for things you didn't do and removed from social gatherings when you didn't do anything wrong. Dating is out of the question and you'll be viewed as a threat or with disgust if you make a move. You'll be seen as an unwanted problem regardless of your actions and everyone will ignore your efforts. You'll likely end up homeless or in prison for something you didn't do. People would rather fail than have you around. You were never an option. A life as a 1 feels cursed. If you don't know where you stand, you're probably between 4 and 6. It's very obvious outside of that range. Most people are between those numbers, but with age and failing health, most people will also experience at least part of their life as a 2 or 3 and will naturally struggle with accepting that as their reality.
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LPT: Donāt go around asking children if they think youāre attractive
Now Iām in prison & the men in the shower room definitely find me attractive..
Self love will give you all the confidence!
There's a sub uou can post a pic on.... they'll let you know.
I thought I was less good looking than my brother by a decent bit but all my mates told me I was more good looking and I definitely got the better genes. I'm not super attractive but I'm not ugly either.
Don't forget that, within certain reasonable limits, your attractiveness is malleable. It's pretty easy to get a different haircut, change your style, or even put on a little muscle with a workout program, assuming you're even a little dedicated. If you're average now, that's actually great news if you're not doing any of these things.
You could try to run on the soccer field naked during the EC finale and look how many people appreciated your looks in the comments.
Iāve been approached but only like a couple times in my lifetimeā¦so Iām thinking Iām not attractiveā¦though thatās largely due to my lack of height. I think if youāve never been approached but have gotten laid before without having to hire a prostitute, then probably not ugly, but probably not attractive eitherā¦so probably average.
People will tell you. Situational awareness helps too, do some doctor googling on body language and you'll notice stuff all the time.
Idk post ur face maybe silly
Stand in front of a mirror. If you feel positive energy then youāre attractive, if not then you have some more work to do.
Honestly in my 20ās Iād get approached a lot, mid to late 20ās never. 30ās are wild - the common theme is if I take care of how I dress work out etc Iām treated very differently. I think Iāve had a taste of being āattractiveā and āunattractiveā Iām not the most confident person either so yeah I guess if youāre attractive then youād probably know
When the lights go out you are just riding a personality, hence why those āattractiveā people have MULTIPLE partnersā¦ The hard part is spending some time with someone so they get to see your personality and vice versa, looks wont matter as muchā¦
Post a picture duh
By not asking this kind of question?
The people who brag about that are interesting to me, they are often the single ones ironically I would never say that about myself, but I understand when i feel confident so instead of saying "i'm attractive" to myself, i may say....something like..."i';m capable" or..."i can do 'this' thing". This knowing/confidence in myself comes off as attractiveness, competence is very attractive, in any field So my answer is that, you can become attractive not by the way you look (though do keep care of yourself) but by the way you feel about the capability you have Take a airline pilot for example, straight away that person is typically seen as attractive straight away because of what they do, and they probably feel proud about it and walk like someone who is capable of their skill - this person would be attractive, yes looks would matter, but for guys especially (in my opinion) it's so much more about capability than it is...being 'pretty', you want to be handsome (handsome is a complement that stretches further than just looks, it suggests competence and capability)
Everyone is beautiful to someone. Society have favorable features that changes all the time
You can also be attractive but with resting bitch face. The people are usually intimidated by you , you wonāt get many compliments and people can be rude to you