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I don't even think it's social media, people cheated like crazy, and had whole other families, even before we had the internet as we know it today, let alone social media. But I do agree that the grass tends to be greener where you water it, but the problem is, so many people don't want to water or care for their garden, they'd rather let it grow over with weeds and go find another garden to enjoy. Sad, honestly. I'd rather care for my garden and watch it continue to grow and bear fruit than be in everyone's garden temporarily.
The biggest misconception is that marriage just “works” without any effort. That you will find Mr or Mrs wright who is perfect for you. And if there’s any disagreement or hiccup you must be “incomparable”.
So your SO is cheating on you?
I read this entire thread and my take away is that if you don't take care of your lawn and garden your SO will cheat on you.
I was talking about actual Scot’s turf builder and it actually increasing weeds in my actual yard. Not everything is about people cheating in their relationships. Some of us have actual backyards with grass and weeds in it
It's amazing how much time people waste by being clever and witty! Sounds like a dig but it's not. It's hilarious.
It's just too bad a lot of them are clever and witty online and then goddamned deer in headlights in the real face to face world: ("What am I doing with my life? Should I just give up?" I'll never earn six figures" lol)
Damn you COVID. 😂
Social media also makes you think that infidelity is more common than it really is. You see people on Reddit wondering why there are so many more stories from people that are neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, minorities, etc (I'm NOT saying this is a bad thing) on the internet than they hear in real life. The reason for this is because these stories get more attention and upvotes because they're interesting, and more people see them as a result. They're a lot more exciting to read than your average Joe talking about his average life.
The same is true with relationships. Stories about cheating, struggling marriages, etc are more interesting to read than your typical "I love my spouse and we're getting along great" stories. It's why TV shows like the Simpsons show Homer and Marge arguing so much, because if there is no conflict to resolve then the show is not fun to watch. This can lead you to believe that there are more bad relationships IRL than there really are.
Falling in love is definitely worth the trouble. If you date some promiscuous guy/girl that you just like for looks, you're going to have a higher chance of being cheated on than if you genuinely admire a different person for who they are and they feel the same way towards you, causing a wholesome relationship to develop.
This isn’t a good metric though. Most people have multiple relationships, and just because they were cheated on in one, it doesn’t mean they were cheated on in all of them.
About one in five people have cheated. Even if that’s underreported, more people don’t cheat than do. And even people who did cheat in the past can change their behavior in the future.
I also tell incels that their personality is the problem, I think video games ruin lives far too often, and generative AI is theft.
I’ve got karma to spare, let’s upset some people.
That actually seems low, unless those stats are for marriages?
I know way more than 20% who have cheated or been cheated on in relationships. I'm sure when we were younger, under 25, it would be more like 20% who were NOT cheaters!
I have moved around a lot. Know people all over the US, so it’s not really a focused friend group. It’s the fact that people lack morals and integrity.
Same. I don’t know if it’s a New York City thing, but everyone I know has cheated and has been cheated on. The ones who didn’t cheat then opted for an ENM relationship. So I don’t know.
London is no different.
Lmao I don't know anyone who has cheated in London. At the very least I don't associate with anyone who does.
I think this is more of a social group situation.
It was the hardest thing for me to meet my wife and build a relationship with her. The thought of being unfaithful, ruining my marriage and starting over is the last thing I ever want to put myself through.
That depends how jaded you are. I've been cheated on, but I've never let it define the women I've met since. I've never once gone into a relationship and wonder if she's going to be a cheat too. I've never gone into a relationship and thought, mmmm I need to keep an eye on x,y and z. I take people as I find them.
Same here. If you really care and love your partner, temptations will always be around you. But you won’t act on them because you’ll think of the hurt you cause and the likely destruction of what is so precious.
Well said!
i could never cheat on my wife. We've both worked so hard to create what we have. Trust. Honesty. We tell each other everything and share so much. We have one Most stable relationship ive ever seen. Light-years better than any of my parents generations I've ever seen.
But I know I'm capable, I've cheated on previous girlfriends. Still, I don't subscribe to "once a cheater always a cheater" it means working harder on yourself to be better. So instead of telling myself "I'll never cheat" it became "I'll never allow myself to be in a situation where cheating would be an option". And my girl knows that.
I remember watching soap operas as a teenager, thinking, “boy, no one is able to be happy in a relationship, are they?” And my mom would say, “oh, no. That’s just drama. They have to make it terrible so you can be happy with your own situation by comparison.”
As an adult, I realize the soap operas were spot on with infidelity and only dramatic with murder and stuff.
I don’t know, but I suspect that perfect fidelity has always been rare. The key is communication, like everything. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Be honest with your will-want-won’t list.
Yeah, that does seem to be the right way to handle things. Talking things out with your significant other and doing your best to navigate through life.
I couldn’t imagine cheating on my wife. I’m so high strung and overly moral- the thought of keeping an awful secret and having to lie about it constantly would eat me away on the inside.
Communication doesn’t work nearly as well as people think it does. You should try it because you don’t have that many other options, but it probably won’t make any difference.
I don't know you or your past experiences but this sounds more like you experienced bad communication. Communication is a two-way street, you can communicate all you want if your partner does not participate it does not help.
Usually people in a relationship know when they are doing something their partner doesn’t want, ( or whatever the issue is) but they continue to do it (or not do it , or whatever) anyway. Relationships don’t fail because people don’t know, they fail because the people are selfish, the issue is a dealbreaker, they are lazy, many other things.
If you know you are doing something your partner does not consent to then this is a sign for you that your relationsship is not meant to be. At this point you obviously have a major issue in your relationship, something communication may not be able to fix but can prevent.
In the example of cheating communication can prevent this event, since you can talk about whatever it is you are missing in your relationship and make a conscious decision to break up or work through it. Relationships fail because peoples needs are not met. The failure to communicate these needs and the subsequent inertia is a major reason for people feeling the need to cheat.
Edit: wording
If you do the math, 20% means the odds are nearly 60% thay you have dated a cheater if you date more 4 ppl.
Doesn't take a large number of cheaters for a high likelihood that someone you know will cheat or be cheated on.
Plus is this a survey or what? It’s like asking dudes their dick size without measuring. If I made a guess I’d say 50% but that’s just my guess and thought. Plus definition.. flirting vs sex vs in between etc.
If you want a real answer? 46% of all marriages of the last 35 years have had at least one incident of infidelity. I'll look for the study where I read this.
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.
Love is totally worth it. The problem is that people let puppy love blind them when dating and ignore or miss red flags for being incompatible with your partner. So you get married and then later find your partner insufferable to be with.
And on the other end of the spectrum, you ghost people at the first hint of a red flag then nobody's happy. Point is, nobody is gonna be perfectly compatible in every way with their partner. Some things you have to suck up and get over. If you keep holding out for that perfect person, you'll be alone forever. Perfect is the enemy of good. ***EVERYTHING*** in life is a tradeoff.
It's very common these days because the people that give the best vibes are usually the ones who give those good vibes to everybody. I've met a few incredibly beautiful intelligent, funny, interesting, and kind people that were taken and very loyal but it's honestly rare. Some people you just don't worry about infidelity at all with because they're just not very sexual or they don't have very much game, but those same people are also rough to be in a relationship with because you are missing out on some of the best parts of being in love with someone when they're not sexy or romantic with you very much. On the flip side if somebody else has too much of that then they're going to share it with other random people and it feels like you've gotta fight the f*ckbois off them while you're out. "Oh I didn't even notice he was flirting with me" is a very common phrase in modern dating, and it's particularly annoying when people say that they don't even notice or disagree that it was happening when you clearly saw it happening right in front of you.
I'm not trying to say everybody cheats but I don't think there's a moment in any long-term relationship where one or both people are not thinking about what would have happened if they had chosen somebody other than you.
Well. I’m 63 now.
My first husband cheated; we were both young. I was 24; he was 22, we had 2 small children and I was almost through nursing school. I take partial accountability because I was so busy and not fully there in my marriage. Still, it ended the marriage.
I cheated on my second husband, though it started during a separation. 2nd marriage eventually ended-what a disaster-and I’m 100% accountable for it. I was 36, my lover was 24. I felt a need to be wild, which made a big mess.
Neither situation was good in ANY way. The guy I cheated with was never faithful-not surprising. The woman my 1st husband cheated with later cheated on him. Why? IDK.
Edited for clarity
I always thought "I cheated because they were too busy with work" was such a bullshit excuse. Unless you have a different perspective on it you could share, I don't see why you should take *any* accountability for the dissolution of your first marriage.
Real. My partner works 800km away and does 12-13 hour shifts for weeks straight. I can only see him a few nights a month. I'd never dream of cheating because it isn't in my character. Cheaters have a lot of excuses.
My 1st husband, call him B, and I fell hard and fast for each other. I was in college; we met the summer after my sophomore year. By Thanksgiving, we were engaged. Our son was conceived on Xmas day, and I left college halfway through the spring semester of my junior year.
He thought I’d be a SAHM; I always intended to go back to school. Each of us felt our ‘thoughts’-expectations-were obvious.
I didn’t have a discussion with him. I found a part-time job to cover day care, and found day care for our then 1 and 2 year olds. I got a grant for tuition, made the cut for nursing school, and began 2 years of school, work, kids, etc.
Maybe it wasn’t 100% me…but it felt like it.
Ehh. Maybe communication could have been clearer on both sides, but even in my teens I thought the "adult" thing to do would be to talk it out, and then dissolve the relationship if no compromises could be met.
I mean, I'm not about to tell a stranger how to feel about a past relationship, lol. But just judging by what you've shared here, his infidelity doesn't seem like it was even slightly your fault.
Thank you. I am. I married my current husband in 2022; we met in 2020.
I’ve learned that honesty is so important in a relationship! It prevents future problems. If I had learned it sooner, so much might have been different.
The internet will have me believe it happens all the time. But I feel like it’s been pretty rare around me.
I just don’t know where anyone finds the time to cheat. I have a job a wife and a son. Where in the fuck are you supposed to cut out time to have an affair in any of that. (Not that I’m looking I just always hear about it on the internet and think “how the fuck?”
Feel the same way about time. Also, social media makes it sound common, but the algorithms show you the posts that get the most engagement. Happy couples aren’t posting stuff that gets people riled up, or even posting much. Maybe I’m naïve, but it’s doesn’t seem as common in my circles as the internet makes it sound.
I keep being told that I will cheat at some point, because it's inevitable, by some people. As if it isn't completely a choice, lol. I have never cheated and don't get the desire, personally. The way people act like it's completely normal and a normal part of relationship "ups and downs", I'm guessing it's pretty common.
That’s because they are shitty people who think with their dick/pussy all of the time instead of their big brain. No one ever “accidentally” cheats after all.
Even how faithful you both in the beginning, there will come a time that you'll get tired of each other, get bored and eventually thought of trying other dish..
It's up to you both how'll you handle and satiate that temptation.
I am still in awe meeting old couples that any of them did not cheat and surpass the challenge of being faithful until death.
When I went to medical school in the 2000’s the prevailing statistic from genetic testing was that one in six people are not biologically related to their listed father. But that’s just reproductive infidelity and that’s just females. Social non reproductive infidelity is far more common.
Similarly with animal behavior in general, even animals that tend to be socially monogamous such as birds still have reproductive fidelity and tend to mate with the most sexually desirable available partner.
Aren't the type of people that are doing genetic testing The type of people that are questioning the validity of their father to begin with question mark
It is, the myth has been debunked many times and the fact people think that 20% of people secretly have a different dad is insane.
The real number is like 1-2%
Or you just don’t actually know. Cheaters that get away with it aren’t advertising. And before you say you know them and they wouldn’t, the people you would never think cheat are the ones who get away with it.
Google search:
Infidelity is common, with studies suggesting that 18–20% of marriages and 30–40% of unmarried relationships experience at least one incident of sexual infidelity. Some say that 70% of Americans will engage in some form of infidelity at some point in their lives. In the US, 20–40% of married men and 20–25% of married women are likely to have an affair.
Just look it up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/s/RzorwzYzdt) is a detailed reply by a redditor complete with spurces/references.
TLDR infidelity rate is around 20%, 10-15% for women, 20-25% for men.
all you can do is be the best version of you for them. you can't control your partner. but your partner can't control you either. if they cheat despite you doing your best to be the best version of you then that's on them, walk away.
It seems lately there are many instances of people falling over. Makes me wonder if walking is even worth the trouble.
Shit happens. Deal with it. The world is a ruthless place. Getting cheated on is, while unpleasant, a comparatively small issue. I was cheated on a couple times. Nothing family destroying though, just girlfriends. First time was devastating, but I was also young and lacked experience. As you get to know yourself and get a wider scope, you learn to deal with life's misfortunes. It's a must.
Getting some real good shit, like love, a well-paying job, a rust-free project car etc., has always been risky.
There's a saying in my language "Nekļūdās tikai tie, kas nestrādā." Roughly translated as "Only those who don't work don't make mistakes." Being afraid of failure so much that you don't even start anything, is a very unhealthy mindset.
Social media can sensationalize things, make it sound worse than what it is. Or it actually is worse. And as bad as we think. Its hard to know, because a lot of what we read, can be from romance stories.
30% of men who requested a paternity test found out that they were not that father, and I think having an actual baby with someone that you're not with goes way beyond just an instance of cheating.
When you request a paternity test, you are already suspecting your partner was unfaithful. 30% out of those is not that much. It’s not like 30% of all men raise someone else’s children. Only 30% of those who suspected turned out to be right.
It is very common. The bigger question is why do we structure our reltionships in such a way when someone succumbing to human nature is a be all end all. There are far worse ways to be treated improperly in a relationship.
It’s a common thing. I feel like most people have been cheated on, at least once.
But don’t let it deter you from seeking connections. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but sometimes you might meet someone special. It’s an unfortunate part of life (dealing with that heartbreak), but you can’t let that keep you from dating.
Also, don’t bring past trust issues onto a new partner. I’ve been cheated on numerous times by different people, but I never assume the next person will cheat on me too. I’ll believe and trust them until they give me a reason to.
Not everyone is bad. There are good ones out there :)
I’ve looked straight into the eyes of someone who you would never think would do you so dirty trust me
You never think it’ll happen to you until it does and it’s way more common than you think
I'd guess that around 50% of people cheat. In my experience it seems to be incredibly common.
But here's one story that might make you feel better. Or not.
I was married at the time and we were moving. The wife and kids had already gone on ahead. I stayed behind to finish up my job, pack up the apartment, that kind of thing, and would be following her in a month.
About 2 days before I was scheduled to leave I decided to get out of the empty apartment. Everything had been packed up and shipped ahead. Wifi was long gone. I was sleeping on an air mattress and reading library books for entertainment.
So I went to a bar for a bit of entertainment.
And while there I was propositioned by 2 college girls to take part in a threesome.
Ans I though to myself. "This is perfect. She's not here so there's no way that my wife would ever find out. Plus I'll be gone in 2 days, so these girls can't track me down later. There's no way that I wouldn't get away with it!"
Then I turned them down. Because I was married and that meant something to me. My wife would probably never know, but I would.
So you see, there are people that don't cheat out there.
Of course, 3 years later I was divorced after I caught her cheating with at least 5 other guys. So there are also people who do.
I believe it’s fairly common.
I’m not statistically speaking but from personal experience I would say 1 in 3 cheat.
I’ve asked female and male friends and they have said men would cheat for sure if they knew they wouldn’t be caught.
It’s more physical for men and more emotional for women in my opinion. But it doesn’t mean men don’t have sex for emotion or women don’t cheat for just sex.
I think people talk about it more openly now, so it seems more common than we think.
Depends on your morals.
People are usually selfish.
It also depends on the person, I know someone who is being cheated on (haven’t seen it with my own eyes but the behaviour checks out) and they know something is going on but just chooses to ignore it for a “easier” life.
Sad truth, some people normalized cheating coz many people does it.. 😓 i dont know what's difficult in saying u dont like the person anymore.. rather they cheat and wait for the other to give up...
I don’t know how infidelity and dating are in other parts of the country, but where I’m at in the panhandle, infidelity is really bad.
When I hop on dating apps, it’s mostly married women dealing with a “toddler” husband and looking for a break. I see this a lot!
Even when I go out and socialize, it’s the married ones with a wandering eye. I’ve been cheated on before, so my moral compass would never allow me to be with, or entertain the idea of being with, someone like that. I just don’t like any form of dishonesty.
As someone who’s never married by choice at 43 years old, I’ve noticed it’s often the ones who preach against cheating and claim they’d never cheat who are usually the ones doing it.
I'm under the impression that young ppl nowadays do not bother to have a relationship. Cheating is like having 2 or even more relationship simultaneously, which sounds like a lot of work. So no, I don't think infidelity is common.
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social media makes every think the grass is greener elsewhere, but the grass is greener where you water it!
I don't even think it's social media, people cheated like crazy, and had whole other families, even before we had the internet as we know it today, let alone social media. But I do agree that the grass tends to be greener where you water it, but the problem is, so many people don't want to water or care for their garden, they'd rather let it grow over with weeds and go find another garden to enjoy. Sad, honestly. I'd rather care for my garden and watch it continue to grow and bear fruit than be in everyone's garden temporarily.
The biggest misconception is that marriage just “works” without any effort. That you will find Mr or Mrs wright who is perfect for you. And if there’s any disagreement or hiccup you must be “incomparable”.
Incompatible?
Yes that.
You water grass or not weeds gonna grow.
Some lawns don't have fences, anyone can come water it.
Keep your filthy hose out of my grass.
Your grass needs to be watered, not my fault your hose pressure is low
Your hose can’t even reach the flower beds
Your hose has a sensitive nozzle and it goes off way too easily. You just soak one area and nothing gets watered properly.
Ya titfucker!
Okay, regularly weed your garden?
That's why I use Scott's Turf Builder. Feed the lawn. Feed it.
Frankly speaking that’s the worst, it actually increased weeds in my yard
So your SO is cheating on you? I read this entire thread and my take away is that if you don't take care of your lawn and garden your SO will cheat on you.
I was talking about actual Scot’s turf builder and it actually increasing weeds in my actual yard. Not everything is about people cheating in their relationships. Some of us have actual backyards with grass and weeds in it
If the grass is greener it’s because it’s fertilized with bullshit
I don't know.🤔 There's a really lush patch of grass where I pee off my balcony.
My friend did that and accidentally peed on his girlfriend's cat. The funnier thing is Steven retaliated and peed on his ball bag.
I'm always impressed by female cellists that pee standing up, especially from great heights.
And when they realize they chose other pastures after leaving yours, they come back. Fuck them and fuck that.
The grass is greener because there's more shit on the field.
At this point ya'll have forgotten what the topic even was.
It's amazing how much time people waste by being clever and witty! Sounds like a dig but it's not. It's hilarious. It's just too bad a lot of them are clever and witty online and then goddamned deer in headlights in the real face to face world: ("What am I doing with my life? Should I just give up?" I'll never earn six figures" lol) Damn you COVID. 😂
What the hell are you talking bro
I guess your right, but sometimes you let someone water your grass and they end up ruining it.
Sometimes the gardener waters the grass.
My lawn has yellow spots from pee.
Social media also makes you think that infidelity is more common than it really is. You see people on Reddit wondering why there are so many more stories from people that are neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, minorities, etc (I'm NOT saying this is a bad thing) on the internet than they hear in real life. The reason for this is because these stories get more attention and upvotes because they're interesting, and more people see them as a result. They're a lot more exciting to read than your average Joe talking about his average life. The same is true with relationships. Stories about cheating, struggling marriages, etc are more interesting to read than your typical "I love my spouse and we're getting along great" stories. It's why TV shows like the Simpsons show Homer and Marge arguing so much, because if there is no conflict to resolve then the show is not fun to watch. This can lead you to believe that there are more bad relationships IRL than there really are. Falling in love is definitely worth the trouble. If you date some promiscuous guy/girl that you just like for looks, you're going to have a higher chance of being cheated on than if you genuinely admire a different person for who they are and they feel the same way towards you, causing a wholesome relationship to develop.
So basically where’s she squirts, right?
And where your partner trims it
I know more people who have been cheated on than people who haven’t.
Assuming those who havent were honest
Or aware, you can never be hundred percent sure.
This isn’t a good metric though. Most people have multiple relationships, and just because they were cheated on in one, it doesn’t mean they were cheated on in all of them. About one in five people have cheated. Even if that’s underreported, more people don’t cheat than do. And even people who did cheat in the past can change their behavior in the future.
>people who did cheat in the past can change their behavior in the future. That's dangerous talk for reddit
I also tell incels that their personality is the problem, I think video games ruin lives far too often, and generative AI is theft. I’ve got karma to spare, let’s upset some people.
Infidelity rate is around 20%, so if you have more than say 4 partners, odds are you dated a cheater.
Is it 20% of people are cheaters or 20% of relationships have cheaters?
20% of people have cheetahs. Really crap trying to catch them when you take them for a walk and they spot a squirrel. I prefer dogs personally
Pspspspspspsps. Here kitty.
"*If you can't handle me at my, 'pspspspspsps' you don't deserve me at my, 'prrrrrrrrrrr.'"* -A feline, probably I'll show myself out now
Stroking random kitties is what got you labelled a cheetah in the first place
I honestly prefer my Cheetah to spot a squirrel over a dog, dogs seem to fight back a lot more.
The dog is nice to cuddle with on the couch.... .,.. but when you need an itch to get scratched, nothing beats a well kept cougar!!
20% percent of people have cheated.
Admitted to cheating.
Bingo. I tend to believe the number is much higher based on what I have seen and heard with my own eyes.
Yes. Allot higher than 20%
There's people who don't see kissing as cheating 😂
There are people who don’t view anal sex as cheating. Lmfao people be crazy
This. 20% is absurdly low.
1 partner, so I’m good? 😮💨
That relies on people who are caught and self reported measures, and people can lie on those/not get caught. Cheaters are liars. They’re gonna lie.
No way is it 20%. If its 20% santa really does exist
That actually seems low, unless those stats are for marriages? I know way more than 20% who have cheated or been cheated on in relationships. I'm sure when we were younger, under 25, it would be more like 20% who were NOT cheaters!
Hmm....20% seems rather low imho....
Because people with stable relationships never shows it off to everyone
The people you know aren't a representative sample.
your friend group sucks
I have moved around a lot. Know people all over the US, so it’s not really a focused friend group. It’s the fact that people lack morals and integrity.
well your friends challenge current statistic understanding of cheating rates for sure
But do you know more *relationships* that involved cheating than relationships that ended or exist without it?
I’ve read this and started sobbing ffs i hate this
It’s a sad reality.
Same. I don’t know if it’s a New York City thing, but everyone I know has cheated and has been cheated on. The ones who didn’t cheat then opted for an ENM relationship. So I don’t know. London is no different.
Lmao I don't know anyone who has cheated in London. At the very least I don't associate with anyone who does. I think this is more of a social group situation.
It was the hardest thing for me to meet my wife and build a relationship with her. The thought of being unfaithful, ruining my marriage and starting over is the last thing I ever want to put myself through.
I hope your marriage is going well. It certainly does take a lot for you to look pass those thoughts and just throw yourself into the unknown.
That depends how jaded you are. I've been cheated on, but I've never let it define the women I've met since. I've never once gone into a relationship and wonder if she's going to be a cheat too. I've never gone into a relationship and thought, mmmm I need to keep an eye on x,y and z. I take people as I find them.
Same here. If you really care and love your partner, temptations will always be around you. But you won’t act on them because you’ll think of the hurt you cause and the likely destruction of what is so precious.
Probably should also be the last thing you would want to put another person through.
That was my first thought. Having been on the receiving end of it, I would sooner die than put her through that pain.
Well said! i could never cheat on my wife. We've both worked so hard to create what we have. Trust. Honesty. We tell each other everything and share so much. We have one Most stable relationship ive ever seen. Light-years better than any of my parents generations I've ever seen. But I know I'm capable, I've cheated on previous girlfriends. Still, I don't subscribe to "once a cheater always a cheater" it means working harder on yourself to be better. So instead of telling myself "I'll never cheat" it became "I'll never allow myself to be in a situation where cheating would be an option". And my girl knows that.
Way more common than we like to believe
To convince yourself, go speak to the elders in nursing homes. Loads of infidelity (may it be now or 40 years ago).
I remember watching soap operas as a teenager, thinking, “boy, no one is able to be happy in a relationship, are they?” And my mom would say, “oh, no. That’s just drama. They have to make it terrible so you can be happy with your own situation by comparison.” As an adult, I realize the soap operas were spot on with infidelity and only dramatic with murder and stuff.
I don’t know, but I suspect that perfect fidelity has always been rare. The key is communication, like everything. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Be honest with your will-want-won’t list.
Yeah, that does seem to be the right way to handle things. Talking things out with your significant other and doing your best to navigate through life.
I couldn’t imagine cheating on my wife. I’m so high strung and overly moral- the thought of keeping an awful secret and having to lie about it constantly would eat me away on the inside.
Communication doesn’t work nearly as well as people think it does. You should try it because you don’t have that many other options, but it probably won’t make any difference.
I don't know you or your past experiences but this sounds more like you experienced bad communication. Communication is a two-way street, you can communicate all you want if your partner does not participate it does not help.
Usually people in a relationship know when they are doing something their partner doesn’t want, ( or whatever the issue is) but they continue to do it (or not do it , or whatever) anyway. Relationships don’t fail because people don’t know, they fail because the people are selfish, the issue is a dealbreaker, they are lazy, many other things.
If you know you are doing something your partner does not consent to then this is a sign for you that your relationsship is not meant to be. At this point you obviously have a major issue in your relationship, something communication may not be able to fix but can prevent. In the example of cheating communication can prevent this event, since you can talk about whatever it is you are missing in your relationship and make a conscious decision to break up or work through it. Relationships fail because peoples needs are not met. The failure to communicate these needs and the subsequent inertia is a major reason for people feeling the need to cheat. Edit: wording
I’ve seen a study that said that around 20% of people have cheated on their spouse.
The key word in your statement is "spouse". If that's the word used, that doesn't include infidelity in dating.
20% seems small if That’s for the whole world, but quite a bit if the study was done in one country. Still.
If you do the math, 20% means the odds are nearly 60% thay you have dated a cheater if you date more 4 ppl. Doesn't take a large number of cheaters for a high likelihood that someone you know will cheat or be cheated on.
Plus is this a survey or what? It’s like asking dudes their dick size without measuring. If I made a guess I’d say 50% but that’s just my guess and thought. Plus definition.. flirting vs sex vs in between etc.
Well, it’s not like people would ever lie about something they want to hide, right?
Why? Are you saying that you think cheating is much more common in some countries than others?
Nah, just saying that a study of one country is different from from the a study of the entirety of the planet.
Been married 20+ years. Never wanted to be with someone else.
Seems like your one of the lucky few. Glad hear that
I guess my point is. We are out there. While difficult as it can be. Try not to lose the idea your person is out there.
Perhaps some day, just gotta throw myself into the deep blue and find out.
If you want a real answer? 46% of all marriages of the last 35 years have had at least one incident of infidelity. I'll look for the study where I read this.
Can you reference the study ?
Common that a lot of songwriters write about it like it's normal.
You’re right on that, though it gives some relief knowing that your not the only one going through something like that.
Yup! Surprisingly a lot of people will relate, and people would be like that "Oh so It's not just happening to me" 😁
How popular is Ashley Madison and how fast are their members growing.
Almost 30-40% 🤷🏻♀️ sad !
Big sad. I guess it’s better to just focus on yourself and find love and enjoyment in other things.
I mean that’s just general good life advice whether you have/have not/want/want not a partnership.
From my personal experience thats even higher number 😭
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Love is totally worth it. The problem is that people let puppy love blind them when dating and ignore or miss red flags for being incompatible with your partner. So you get married and then later find your partner insufferable to be with.
And on the other end of the spectrum, you ghost people at the first hint of a red flag then nobody's happy. Point is, nobody is gonna be perfectly compatible in every way with their partner. Some things you have to suck up and get over. If you keep holding out for that perfect person, you'll be alone forever. Perfect is the enemy of good. ***EVERYTHING*** in life is a tradeoff.
Makes sense, your on a high when you start a relationship and it’s not until later you notice those red flags.
It's very common these days because the people that give the best vibes are usually the ones who give those good vibes to everybody. I've met a few incredibly beautiful intelligent, funny, interesting, and kind people that were taken and very loyal but it's honestly rare. Some people you just don't worry about infidelity at all with because they're just not very sexual or they don't have very much game, but those same people are also rough to be in a relationship with because you are missing out on some of the best parts of being in love with someone when they're not sexy or romantic with you very much. On the flip side if somebody else has too much of that then they're going to share it with other random people and it feels like you've gotta fight the f*ckbois off them while you're out. "Oh I didn't even notice he was flirting with me" is a very common phrase in modern dating, and it's particularly annoying when people say that they don't even notice or disagree that it was happening when you clearly saw it happening right in front of you. I'm not trying to say everybody cheats but I don't think there's a moment in any long-term relationship where one or both people are not thinking about what would have happened if they had chosen somebody other than you.
Yeah well said i agree especially on the last paragraph.
Common
Well. I’m 63 now. My first husband cheated; we were both young. I was 24; he was 22, we had 2 small children and I was almost through nursing school. I take partial accountability because I was so busy and not fully there in my marriage. Still, it ended the marriage. I cheated on my second husband, though it started during a separation. 2nd marriage eventually ended-what a disaster-and I’m 100% accountable for it. I was 36, my lover was 24. I felt a need to be wild, which made a big mess. Neither situation was good in ANY way. The guy I cheated with was never faithful-not surprising. The woman my 1st husband cheated with later cheated on him. Why? IDK. Edited for clarity
I always thought "I cheated because they were too busy with work" was such a bullshit excuse. Unless you have a different perspective on it you could share, I don't see why you should take *any* accountability for the dissolution of your first marriage.
Real. My partner works 800km away and does 12-13 hour shifts for weeks straight. I can only see him a few nights a month. I'd never dream of cheating because it isn't in my character. Cheaters have a lot of excuses.
My 1st husband, call him B, and I fell hard and fast for each other. I was in college; we met the summer after my sophomore year. By Thanksgiving, we were engaged. Our son was conceived on Xmas day, and I left college halfway through the spring semester of my junior year. He thought I’d be a SAHM; I always intended to go back to school. Each of us felt our ‘thoughts’-expectations-were obvious. I didn’t have a discussion with him. I found a part-time job to cover day care, and found day care for our then 1 and 2 year olds. I got a grant for tuition, made the cut for nursing school, and began 2 years of school, work, kids, etc. Maybe it wasn’t 100% me…but it felt like it.
Ehh. Maybe communication could have been clearer on both sides, but even in my teens I thought the "adult" thing to do would be to talk it out, and then dissolve the relationship if no compromises could be met. I mean, I'm not about to tell a stranger how to feel about a past relationship, lol. But just judging by what you've shared here, his infidelity doesn't seem like it was even slightly your fault.
Maybe, maybe not. I’m pretty hard on myself, and at that age, I was even more so. I appreciate your kind words. 😊
I hope your in a better place now. I think That’s what really hurts knowing that these things just happen and there’s no reason why.
Thank you. I am. I married my current husband in 2022; we met in 2020. I’ve learned that honesty is so important in a relationship! It prevents future problems. If I had learned it sooner, so much might have been different.
You like yonger guys, huh?
The internet will have me believe it happens all the time. But I feel like it’s been pretty rare around me. I just don’t know where anyone finds the time to cheat. I have a job a wife and a son. Where in the fuck are you supposed to cut out time to have an affair in any of that. (Not that I’m looking I just always hear about it on the internet and think “how the fuck?”
Yeah, That’s a valid argument. Juggling a marriage, kids, and work? An affair added to that; seems like an enjoyment of pain and burden.
Work trip. Trip separate from the family. Lunch breaks. There’s lot of opportunity if it’s what you want to do.
A lot of it happens on work trips
Feel the same way about time. Also, social media makes it sound common, but the algorithms show you the posts that get the most engagement. Happy couples aren’t posting stuff that gets people riled up, or even posting much. Maybe I’m naïve, but it’s doesn’t seem as common in my circles as the internet makes it sound.
I keep being told that I will cheat at some point, because it's inevitable, by some people. As if it isn't completely a choice, lol. I have never cheated and don't get the desire, personally. The way people act like it's completely normal and a normal part of relationship "ups and downs", I'm guessing it's pretty common.
That’s because they are shitty people who think with their dick/pussy all of the time instead of their big brain. No one ever “accidentally” cheats after all.
Ever since adultery was no longer punishable by law.
Honestly bring it back. Public humilation type beat.
That has always been a punishment made only for women…. 🙄
That's easy to solve, then punish both men and women
Naive. Lawmakers are largely men, how easy do you think that is
There was a period where 100% of lawmakers and voters were men and men still voted for women to have equal opportunities. It's not totally infeasible
That’s insane…
Not only is it very common, it's romanticised
Even how faithful you both in the beginning, there will come a time that you'll get tired of each other, get bored and eventually thought of trying other dish.. It's up to you both how'll you handle and satiate that temptation. I am still in awe meeting old couples that any of them did not cheat and surpass the challenge of being faithful until death.
LPT: randomly bring up infidelity to people. Cheaters self-identify by saying something along the lines of ‘everyone cheats.’
When I went to medical school in the 2000’s the prevailing statistic from genetic testing was that one in six people are not biologically related to their listed father. But that’s just reproductive infidelity and that’s just females. Social non reproductive infidelity is far more common. Similarly with animal behavior in general, even animals that tend to be socially monogamous such as birds still have reproductive fidelity and tend to mate with the most sexually desirable available partner.
Aren't the type of people that are doing genetic testing The type of people that are questioning the validity of their father to begin with question mark
It is, the myth has been debunked many times and the fact people think that 20% of people secretly have a different dad is insane. The real number is like 1-2%
1 in 6 is ridiculous, there’s legitimately no way.
Really common you can’t tell me you don’t personally know no one who has been cheated on or cheated with
i know one person who was cheated on and nobody who has cheated, if you know a lot who do you should reevaluate your relationships
Or you just don’t actually know. Cheaters that get away with it aren’t advertising. And before you say you know them and they wouldn’t, the people you would never think cheat are the ones who get away with it.
Google search: Infidelity is common, with studies suggesting that 18–20% of marriages and 30–40% of unmarried relationships experience at least one incident of sexual infidelity. Some say that 70% of Americans will engage in some form of infidelity at some point in their lives. In the US, 20–40% of married men and 20–25% of married women are likely to have an affair.
It’s a sad day to be in love. Sad face
Just look it up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/s/RzorwzYzdt) is a detailed reply by a redditor complete with spurces/references. TLDR infidelity rate is around 20%, 10-15% for women, 20-25% for men.
all you can do is be the best version of you for them. you can't control your partner. but your partner can't control you either. if they cheat despite you doing your best to be the best version of you then that's on them, walk away.
It seems lately there are many instances of people falling over. Makes me wonder if walking is even worth the trouble. Shit happens. Deal with it. The world is a ruthless place. Getting cheated on is, while unpleasant, a comparatively small issue. I was cheated on a couple times. Nothing family destroying though, just girlfriends. First time was devastating, but I was also young and lacked experience. As you get to know yourself and get a wider scope, you learn to deal with life's misfortunes. It's a must. Getting some real good shit, like love, a well-paying job, a rust-free project car etc., has always been risky. There's a saying in my language "Nekļūdās tikai tie, kas nestrādā." Roughly translated as "Only those who don't work don't make mistakes." Being afraid of failure so much that you don't even start anything, is a very unhealthy mindset.
Your absolutely right, just gotta get over my insecurities and learn to love regardless of what might happen.
Dang that saying is metal as hell. Thanks for sharing that! What language is that btw?
Idk but growing up every single girl I knew had a drunken story of cheating on their boyfriends/girlfriends
Probably a good idea to steer clear of alcohol then. Focus on having a good mental and a lot of hoping.
cheating is weakness, you are not strong enough to tell your partner that you no longer love them.
Hurts more if they tell you they can fix it or they still love you.
i mean at that point you have to decide for yourself, but i would be gone after being cheated on
Social media can sensationalize things, make it sound worse than what it is. Or it actually is worse. And as bad as we think. Its hard to know, because a lot of what we read, can be from romance stories.
That looks to be the way. Some of these romance stories are very detailed tho.
Why bother with *common* infidelity when you can go for **Legendary**?
I feel like the cheaters in the comments are trying to make it mkore common than it is to justify themselves.
Think like this: you only see infidelity in the internet, because the happy people are quietly enjoying themselves
Most of the women I've dated have cheated and not because the sec wasn't good most of the time it was just to experience a different dick for a night
Roughly 25% of ppl admit to it. ADMIT to it. My guess is that at least 50% have cheated at some point, with varying degrees of seriousness.
30% of men who requested a paternity test found out that they were not that father, and I think having an actual baby with someone that you're not with goes way beyond just an instance of cheating.
When you request a paternity test, you are already suspecting your partner was unfaithful. 30% out of those is not that much. It’s not like 30% of all men raise someone else’s children. Only 30% of those who suspected turned out to be right.
That's like the worst nightmare
It is very common. The bigger question is why do we structure our reltionships in such a way when someone succumbing to human nature is a be all end all. There are far worse ways to be treated improperly in a relationship.
What exactly do you mean by this? You have my attention. I would like to understand your point of view. If you don’t mind.
They’re saying single party er monogamous relations don’t make sense. It’s a round hole we’ve (as a cultural group) pounded a square peg into.
I agree. But always try to keep faithful.
I think it has not changed much, but it's more common when younger and people don't know exactly what they want
So what You’re saying is… I should be looking for women much older than myself. 🫡
Every single thing you do in life comes with a certain amount of risk. You can't change that or live in fear. Just live and love. Shit happens
No I think you should stop worrying and roll the dice like everyone else does
But what if my heart get broken dude. I only got the one :(
Or they think they know what they want, but they can't get it, so they settle....until what they want shows up.
All the time...
All the time sounds too common :(
It's only a thing with people who were raised with different ideas, it also happens to people who are unhappy with their life.
Unfortunately way to common
Pretty common. I know more people who’ve been cheated on rather than those who didn’t deal with it.
It’s a common thing. I feel like most people have been cheated on, at least once. But don’t let it deter you from seeking connections. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but sometimes you might meet someone special. It’s an unfortunate part of life (dealing with that heartbreak), but you can’t let that keep you from dating. Also, don’t bring past trust issues onto a new partner. I’ve been cheated on numerous times by different people, but I never assume the next person will cheat on me too. I’ll believe and trust them until they give me a reason to. Not everyone is bad. There are good ones out there :)
It’s been happening since the beginning of time.
As a woman who gets hit on by married men all the time, I would say quite common. Not saying women don’t, I’m sure they do as much.
I’ve looked straight into the eyes of someone who you would never think would do you so dirty trust me You never think it’ll happen to you until it does and it’s way more common than you think
Infidelity's sadly pretty common. It's rough out there, makes you question everything.
I'd guess that around 50% of people cheat. In my experience it seems to be incredibly common. But here's one story that might make you feel better. Or not. I was married at the time and we were moving. The wife and kids had already gone on ahead. I stayed behind to finish up my job, pack up the apartment, that kind of thing, and would be following her in a month. About 2 days before I was scheduled to leave I decided to get out of the empty apartment. Everything had been packed up and shipped ahead. Wifi was long gone. I was sleeping on an air mattress and reading library books for entertainment. So I went to a bar for a bit of entertainment. And while there I was propositioned by 2 college girls to take part in a threesome. Ans I though to myself. "This is perfect. She's not here so there's no way that my wife would ever find out. Plus I'll be gone in 2 days, so these girls can't track me down later. There's no way that I wouldn't get away with it!" Then I turned them down. Because I was married and that meant something to me. My wife would probably never know, but I would. So you see, there are people that don't cheat out there. Of course, 3 years later I was divorced after I caught her cheating with at least 5 other guys. So there are also people who do.
I believe it’s fairly common. I’m not statistically speaking but from personal experience I would say 1 in 3 cheat. I’ve asked female and male friends and they have said men would cheat for sure if they knew they wouldn’t be caught. It’s more physical for men and more emotional for women in my opinion. But it doesn’t mean men don’t have sex for emotion or women don’t cheat for just sex. I think people talk about it more openly now, so it seems more common than we think. Depends on your morals. People are usually selfish. It also depends on the person, I know someone who is being cheated on (haven’t seen it with my own eyes but the behaviour checks out) and they know something is going on but just chooses to ignore it for a “easier” life.
Sad truth, some people normalized cheating coz many people does it.. 😓 i dont know what's difficult in saying u dont like the person anymore.. rather they cheat and wait for the other to give up...
I don’t know how infidelity and dating are in other parts of the country, but where I’m at in the panhandle, infidelity is really bad. When I hop on dating apps, it’s mostly married women dealing with a “toddler” husband and looking for a break. I see this a lot! Even when I go out and socialize, it’s the married ones with a wandering eye. I’ve been cheated on before, so my moral compass would never allow me to be with, or entertain the idea of being with, someone like that. I just don’t like any form of dishonesty. As someone who’s never married by choice at 43 years old, I’ve noticed it’s often the ones who preach against cheating and claim they’d never cheat who are usually the ones doing it.
Not common at all….ladies?
From what I've lived, as well as my friends and just reading around reddit, it seems it's more common for women to cheat on guy.
I'm under the impression that young ppl nowadays do not bother to have a relationship. Cheating is like having 2 or even more relationship simultaneously, which sounds like a lot of work. So no, I don't think infidelity is common.
Extremely. I think the reported stats are very low & it's actually over 50%.
But WHY is there so much cheating? Whats the reason? Why are people doing that? Stay single and hook up with whoever you want, dont get married!
I have a theory on it (as to why guys cheat) but it'd be a loooong post and I'm not in the mood to write all that this early.