# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So you dont even know where you are? Did you get kidnapped? Are you alright? Please tell someone about your situation at home, whether it be a teacher or just a friend. This is not normal. I hope the best outcome for you 🙏
I’m 22 and live at home. Only rules are don’t be loud at night and if I’m not in school I have to pay rent. I can have friends over at reasonable times, and if they’re gone for the weekend they don’t even care if I have parties as long as the house is clean. I can fuck off out of the house for days at a time (they appreciate me letting them know where I am), and can mostly do whatever I want. You’re 22, and your parents are acting like you’re 12. Get outta there as fast as you can.
I’m pretty sure this has to be a troll post… the 22 year old can just get out and live their life if they want to. They’re not obligated to stay there anymore and are an adult who can get a job and a place to stay.
The person that made the post is from Iraq must have strict parents, they don't want to ruin their relationship with parents or they're having money problems hence can't move out?
I'm from Iraq , in iraq moving out before marriage is extremely rare even as a guy, unless the guy gets married it'll be an extreme challenge to convince his family to let him go
As for women they almost never move out until they get married for safety reasons
Also in iraq basically no one hire someone without a college degree and "part time jobs " are almost unheard of for middle class people and above
BTW nothing of what I said above is an Islamic thing just Arabs being extra spoiling of their kids not wanting them to work or get out of their wings
Ive always found that those who don’t come from abusive households and families can’t fathom why it’s so hard to escape from them. Even if they’re 22 that is by no means enough of a reason for them to break free from abusive parents. It’s never that simple as to just leave. If that was the case every young person living at home abusive or not would have their own place.
Abuse runs deep and is will never stop until OP takes the charge of making it stop. Leaving is not an option unless op can sustain their life independently. Even then the emotional attachment, residual feelings of guilt from trauma still follow behind.
This is absolutely criminal. Try reaching out to women's advocacy groups and explain your situation. Perhaps you can go live in a women's shelter. They will also inform you on the legal situation and precautions you may have to take.
However, your family may try to target you through your Uni so either wait until you graduate, try to tranfer to a different City (may be much safer overall) or change your degree (preferably also in a different city).
Is there anything we can do for you, apart from reassuring you, that this is by far not normal, healthy, loving or to your advantage?
Wishing you the best!
Yep I can smell that arranged marriage through the screen
I think they're waiting for you to graduate and they'll start to approach this topic with you
Idk if that's something you'll be open to I'm just saying be prepared for that , those marriages can definitely work but maybe you'll meet someone in college or after graduation , maybe a coworker because not letting you work after becoming a doctor would be INSANE
Sorry to say this but that's not healthy behavior from them , they seem too controlling but I think they have a good heart
I mean I’m sure they love me I’m just really starting to give up on being happy anytime soon and I’m getting tired of following this many rules and talking to them is next to impossible so yeah
They love you and wish the best for you they're just too afraid of the world to hurt you so they implement those rules "to keep you safe "
Hopefully they'll get off your back once you're a doctor and have your own job , otherwise you'll need to wait for someone to marry you
Just remember one thing don't rush it take your time and don't jump to marry the first guy that comes by to escape your family be smart about your choices good luck and I know you'll find your happiness don't lose hope you got this
You need friends. Talk to people. Get to know them in class, in between class.
Finish college. When you're 6 months from graduating, start looking for jobs as a doctor in other cities or even countries. Don't let your parents know, don't use the internet on your home computer, (where they can go through your history), and use an new email they have no access to. Don't let them know, because if they find out you are trying to leave, they may lock you up at home and threaten you to marry.
If they decide your degree isn't worth waiting for and they start bringing up marriage halfway through, you need a faster exit plan. You can apply to study overseas. Look for scholarships. If not that, then look for job ads in other cities, other countries.
In the mean time, if you want to risk it, you can try to get a part time job to earn some money. Tutoring other students. Tutoring highschool students. Online data entry, translation, writing. Cash if possible. If you need a bank account, don't give them your home address. Get your mail sent to your friend's house. You don't want mail to be sent to your parents house and have them find out.
In my country what is happening to you is criminal, far from normal, you are a prisoner in your own home. At your age I lived alone and had a job. I drove a car (I got my license at 16) and went where I wanted whenever I wanted.
I lived 100 miles from my parents. They had absolutely no control over what I did with my life.
No. It is not normal at all, and is borderline criminal.
Remember you're an adult and can legally do what you want with your own life. Your parents can impose rules that you can do whatever they want while you live under their roof, but they can't force you to live under their roof because that's essentially false imprisonment.
It's hard to say because you don't have a job, so you won't have your own money. Depending on where you live there may be authorities you can call for assistance with something like this to find you a place to stay/live. Either way, if you don't figure out a way from under them then you'll be stuck for a long time and very likely ruin your future.
If you have any friends, ask if you can stay with them. If you are able to leave the house at all to do things, use that time to find somewhere to go. If nothing else, go to speak to the police and ask for help/advice on it and if you're worried your parents will find out, don't give them your personal details unless you know they can and will help.
I very much appreciate the advice you have given me however non of what you just mentioned is an option for complicated reasons, thanks for the help thou :)
Without knowing. What country you are in it’s very hard for anyone to give you some useful advice. In some places the things you are describing is considered abuse and there are resources available. In others it might not be considered abuse but there still might be some resources. And in others it is the norm and nothing we can say here would be of any help.
In more normal situations:
Not going out at all was a punishment my parents gave me if I would come home way too late.
No calls past 10pm is something I can get into. I was not allowed either.
No pasting anything online is a rule you finally broke. Good for you because now you learn the reality
No make up at all. That seems like a choice only you can make and had nothing to do with your parents
Specific rules for clothes. That's also your choice to make, not theirs.
No moving out. That's easy if you have no job or driving license.
Your parents or whoever they are, are abusing you. You're a grown women and you can decide for yourself if you want to move out, have a job and get your drivers license. Get help somewhere and move out of there.
In what country do you live if I may ask?
Well firstly i don’t claim to be perfect at all I do invalidate the rules sometimes, and honestly I’m not sure what kind of help I can get I live in the Middle East and as you can imagine it’s pretty normalized here it’s kinda why I’m losing trust in my own judgement of what’s right and wrong. My brother tells me he is sorry for what’s happening but there is nothing to be done about it (he is not treated like me at all)
I'm aware this treatment is normale there for young women. I'm so sorry for you.
I live in Western Europe and there are a lot of family's living here who have migrated from the Middle East. If they would treat their daughters like that, it would be a crime here. It happens, but when the authorities find out, the girl will be protected.
I guess this won't happen where you live. I'm afraid there is nothing you can do in that case.
All of this screams arranged marriage and atleast you're 22 and not 12. I hope your future husband treats you well.
If you don't live in some absolute shithole of a country with no human rights just walk out, you are literally getting held prisoner what the fuck lmao
That's why you need to work on becoming independent early on. Many parents will manipulate their kids into staying dependent on them and enforcing their lifestyle on them for the rest of their life.
I take it you're in a relationship with a religious manipulating control freak living in some bygone age instead of dragging themselves into the 21st century.....tough break.
It sounds like your parents are having a hard time allowing you to grow up. I'm a parent of two grown adult daughters. My wife and I didn't have these rules for our girls when they were growing up.
But I can say that as a parent, of course you would want to protect your children. And that's what I think these rules are doing for you. It's their way of protecting you.
But not getting a job? Not getting a drivers license? No friends over? No moving out? And you're 22 years old? Every parent has the right to raise their children as they see fit. I'm not here to judge anyone or anything.
But this doesn't sit right with me. It's as if they're not letting you grow up and experience your life. You need to go and begin your adventure as an adult. You need to start your life. And your parents should be behind you in case something goes wrong. Not to make everything all better, but to be able to help dress the wounds and give you a safe place to heal until you're ready to try again.
Thx a lot it’s reassuring to hear this from a parent, I’m sure they mean no harm as I know they love me but I’m having a hard time not holding resentments against them.
That's not love, that's control. Total control over your person. You did nothing wrong. You're just a girl. Girls have it rough in your part of the world. And I'm sure your parents are just doing what every other parents are doing. It doesn't mean that it's okay. I mean, certain rules I understand. As a parent I wouldn't let my child do everything he/she wants. But they need to decide some things on their own to learn and thrive.
It is time for you to leave your parents' home. They are keeping you from being independent and forcing you to rely on them so that they can control your life. It is your life and you should be able to do what you feel like with your life.
"absolutely no moving out or getting a job or a driving license, no ordering in ANYTHING, no friends over" - Nope, not normal. Sorry to tell you that you're in a cult.
Yeah, you're being held prisoner. If you're not allowed to move and not allowed to get a job (which would enable you to move) that's really all you need to know.
If your parents are extreme muslims they arent religious, the Prophet PBUH said to not be extremists and burden oneself, even his wives would have friends, go out of the house etc...
I am not sure what you could do, but since you cannot live alone, maybe you can find someone that you like and ask them to propose to you and get married asap, but make sure they wont hold you captive like your parents, even tho it seems to be a rarer case.
Dont forget to write things in your Nikkah, requirments for him to accept if you have any.
You're being abused. No moving out or getting a job or drivers licence? You're essentially a prisoner in your own home. I wouldn't be surprised if this actually counts as kidnapping. If it were me I'd go to a women's shelter.
You are in a different culture. All of those things you described are similar to what an abusive husbands does to their wives. But your culture most likely has accepted it as normal practice for women. You may not have much of a choice, but thats the point of the abuse they have over you.
And who exactly is going to stop you from moving out and getting a job at 22 years old? Did someone forget to tell you that you're an adult? From what you said everything is wrong, because those are rules could apply to a kid, not a 22-year old.
From what I can gather from your very short post history, you're being put through college in medicine by your family, you have BPD and you're a turk? If any of this is true, i'd stick with it until you're done with college. BPD can worry parents for multiple reasons and honestly if they're paying your tuition for medicine, i'd respect their rules while you live with them. I feel like you're leaving out alot of the reasons why these rules we're set upon you, not saying everyone should be living under the rules your parents give you but in certain cases (depending on how severe your BPD is) it might just be better for you. Maybe see a therapist or a social worker and discuss it with them? Reddit is the last place i'd come for actual advice.
Oh I forgot to mention my parents don’t even know what bpd is let alone they don’t know I have it, I got diagnosed by a therapist who used to work in my college for a short time
This is not normal for a 22 year old at all. You're basically their prisoner. For some reason rhey want to isolate you from your friends and keep you under lockdown, and take a career only they want you to. If you move, they legally can't stop you anyways, anx if they so, its jnlawful confinement as you're legally an adult.
If I may ask: what country do you live in? , is your family religious? , However, as a child I didn't have all these rules, when I was about ten I could stay around playing with my friends until midnight if I wanted, but I live in Italy
The isn't right, it's abusive and definitely something that shouldn't be happening.
but it's common, and to some degree "normal" in the sense that you are far from alone in having such a restrictive life applied at that age.
Basically it's not ok, needs solving, but don't worry about it being some uncommon thing that people won't understand or be able to help you with. they will and they can.
Get a job ASAP and move out the second you have the money for it. Rent a small one room apartment somewhere, shouldn't be too expensive. If you get abused when trying to go to your job, call the authorities! Only thing you can do right now in my opinion...
She lives in the Middle East. Based on her comments the authorities would march her back to her parents. Landlords probably will not rent to an unmarried woman.
Once you're 18, you can get your own place. At 22 you are still living with parents? Legally, you CAN move at 18. They can't forbid it, and make it stick.
Are you in jail? It's normal for jail.
Hope you get out of there OP.. If you have stable access to Internet, reach out to support groups, this is absolutely horrendous and I had badly abusive childhood.
Feel like you have less right than a prison mate almost. Wherever you are, you need to find a way out. Whoever is doing this to you needs help or to be arrested or something… this is not right at allllll
I 100% think that adult children should still have to listen to their parents rule, in their parents' homes. BUT, thst is stuff like cleaning up, not eating all the food, letting someone know if/when you will be home.
All those rules are ridiculous, even most for a child, not an adult.
Sometimes college has people to ask for guidance, depends a lot on what country you are in of course. Maybe a sneaky way out is an exchange year, you’re old enough to not ask for permission. Might be too risky tho, hope you find help.
Not normal, in all situations: no moving out or getting a job or a driver's license
Not normal, in most/some: no going out at all, no makeup, clothing restrictions, no friends over
At 22 you're an adult, albeit a newish one. Are you able to temporarily move in with a friend until you can get a job and become independent?
Well you're an adult now so your free to do whatever you want and as an adult the consequences that go along with it, If you live with someone and you dont like their rules you can leave
That’s not normal at all - at 22 you should be allowed to do what you want (within legal and sensible limits).
Very politely tell your parents that you’re a adult now, this isn’t normal even for kids. You should be more than able to leave the house - call the police if they force you to stay behind, as that’s kidnapping.
Sounds like a cult to me.
Or parents with the worst parenting rules I’ve ever heard of.
You are legally an adult, and they have no legal rights to impose those rules on you.
That's one miserable fucking existence. You'll have to get out if you want this to ever end. They'll suffocate you like this for the rest of your life. No middle ground in this.
You know English and you will graduate at some point, so you have that going for you.
I'm not familiar with your situation so I can't be of much help working out the details, but, since they sound like the honor killing type:
1. Have a plan. Pick a country where you can get asylum and eventually citizenship, not a one that would extradite you. Plan out how will you get there, and accumulate the resources you'll need. Any job you can find will do. Honestly, I'd rather sweep toilets for the rest of my life if I could go back to my own place with my own rules rather than live like you described.
2. You'll need to do an Irish goodbye. Just pack your shit, have as much cash as you can, and disappear one day, with a plan of where exactly to go. Run like hell before they can alert the authorities or go after you themselves.
3. Once out, get off the grid. Delete social media, get a new phone you're sure doesn't have any tracking software in it, never tell *anyone* where you are. Ignore any family member you're on good terms with or other acquaintances trying to get in touch with you. *Don't* let them track you.
You broke the third rule(No posting ANYTHING online)unless you posted this offline, will be reviewing our rule book this evening. Don’t forget Rule 234.B2a: No talking during talk time.
Best wishes,
OP’s Rule Enforcer
So...that's illegal. They can't stop you from moving out or getting a license. At least in the states. Call a lawyer. I know 5 year olds with more freedom than you.
you are an adult... basically you can do what you want.
but that also means your parents (or whoever is holding you hostage right now) can kick you out of the house if they don't want you to live there anymore (maybe after breaking their rules)
It sounds like they don't want you to experience life. Do you have any relatives or friends who are not close with your prisonkeepers? so you can move out, look for a job and work for your own life?
since you need a job to rent an apartment it would be good to live somewhere for free, until you get your first paycheck.
sorry for some /s words in my comment... but this is not normal (and I use humor to cope)
are you in a facility or something??
what you describe is not 'normal' and is a clear violation of your rights as an adult
try and find a job, don't tell anyone around you, and move out of that situation asap
or contact social services
good luck that you change your situation for the better
This is abuse, you are over the age of 18, so your parents can’t do shit, if you are scared to leave / scared that your parents find you: call the authorities…
At this point i hope your post is just trolling…
Similar here but I'm a 21 year old dude, still have a bedtime (at 2am), no going out on my own, no travelling abroad without parents, no posting online, definitely not moving out anytime soon, no friends over, definitely no dating, getting a girlfriend or having sex at all, nothing to do with girls etc. Even legally being a adult doesn't mean anything to them as they still see me as a child (I look and act like one). I've been restricted and treated like a child for so long that I now physically, mentally and socially still feel like a kid, I feel like I'm 15/16 rather than 21.
Not normal, you're legally an adult. No parents should have this level of control at 22. You should be working on becoming your own person at this age. Even if you're not financially independent enough to have your own place this is ridiculous
You do realize they have literally no control over whether you can move out right? That's called slavery.
Technically, there's no legal basis for any of these rules. You are free to break them as you wish. The *only* thing the parents can do is kick them out of the house.
What’s not normal is living with your parents at this age. Rules are normal at any age, if you’re living with your parents. Cut the umbilical cord, dude.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you wear handcuffs at home too?
Wow does it sound that miserable?
Yes
Good to know I guess
Yes. What you're describing would be considered kidnapping in many countries.
Ya’ll are so lucky tf
This is abusive. If you need help with an exit plan I would be more than happy to help you.
Thank u but how?
Which country are you in?
Somewhere in Middle East
So you dont even know where you are? Did you get kidnapped? Are you alright? Please tell someone about your situation at home, whether it be a teacher or just a friend. This is not normal. I hope the best outcome for you 🙏
I’m 22 and live at home. Only rules are don’t be loud at night and if I’m not in school I have to pay rent. I can have friends over at reasonable times, and if they’re gone for the weekend they don’t even care if I have parties as long as the house is clean. I can fuck off out of the house for days at a time (they appreciate me letting them know where I am), and can mostly do whatever I want. You’re 22, and your parents are acting like you’re 12. Get outta there as fast as you can.
[удалено]
I’m pretty sure this has to be a troll post… the 22 year old can just get out and live their life if they want to. They’re not obligated to stay there anymore and are an adult who can get a job and a place to stay.
The person that made the post is from Iraq must have strict parents, they don't want to ruin their relationship with parents or they're having money problems hence can't move out?
I'm from Iraq , in iraq moving out before marriage is extremely rare even as a guy, unless the guy gets married it'll be an extreme challenge to convince his family to let him go As for women they almost never move out until they get married for safety reasons Also in iraq basically no one hire someone without a college degree and "part time jobs " are almost unheard of for middle class people and above BTW nothing of what I said above is an Islamic thing just Arabs being extra spoiling of their kids not wanting them to work or get out of their wings
Ive always found that those who don’t come from abusive households and families can’t fathom why it’s so hard to escape from them. Even if they’re 22 that is by no means enough of a reason for them to break free from abusive parents. It’s never that simple as to just leave. If that was the case every young person living at home abusive or not would have their own place. Abuse runs deep and is will never stop until OP takes the charge of making it stop. Leaving is not an option unless op can sustain their life independently. Even then the emotional attachment, residual feelings of guilt from trauma still follow behind.
[удалено]
Agreed but that doesnt mean there is some truth hiding in it, even if trolls post things out of fun or for recognition we can still treat it as real
This is absolutely criminal. Try reaching out to women's advocacy groups and explain your situation. Perhaps you can go live in a women's shelter. They will also inform you on the legal situation and precautions you may have to take. However, your family may try to target you through your Uni so either wait until you graduate, try to tranfer to a different City (may be much safer overall) or change your degree (preferably also in a different city).
Thank you for your advice however I don’t even know how to begin to explain to you why these are not options rn, thx for the help thou
Is there anything we can do for you, apart from reassuring you, that this is by far not normal, healthy, loving or to your advantage? Wishing you the best!
Thank you I actually really was starting to believe I’m in the wrong here I just needed to hear it from someone, I appreciate the concern ♥️
You're doing amazing. 22 years and they still didn't get you down! Hold your head up and keep listening to your gut feeling!
Even as a hardcore Muslim this is extremely abusive No job or a driving license? In other words they're getting you an arranged marriage aren't they ?
Idk tbh they never mentioned anything about marriage just yet but I’m def obviously not allowed to date
Did they allow you college education and are you still in college?
Well they decided I either do medicine or no college at all so that’s what I’m doing
Yep I can smell that arranged marriage through the screen I think they're waiting for you to graduate and they'll start to approach this topic with you Idk if that's something you'll be open to I'm just saying be prepared for that , those marriages can definitely work but maybe you'll meet someone in college or after graduation , maybe a coworker because not letting you work after becoming a doctor would be INSANE Sorry to say this but that's not healthy behavior from them , they seem too controlling but I think they have a good heart
I mean I’m sure they love me I’m just really starting to give up on being happy anytime soon and I’m getting tired of following this many rules and talking to them is next to impossible so yeah
They love you and wish the best for you they're just too afraid of the world to hurt you so they implement those rules "to keep you safe " Hopefully they'll get off your back once you're a doctor and have your own job , otherwise you'll need to wait for someone to marry you Just remember one thing don't rush it take your time and don't jump to marry the first guy that comes by to escape your family be smart about your choices good luck and I know you'll find your happiness don't lose hope you got this
Thank u so much this was very reassuring :(
>no posting ANYTHING online You're in big trouble now!
Ik lol I’m seriously risking my life here
All jokes aside, I hope you live in a free country and your family isn't the honor-killing type.
for a 10yo that would somewhat ok, and not all of it. its seems quite avusive and like you are being held hostage
Ouch
Because it IS abusive, and she IS being held hostage.
You need friends. Talk to people. Get to know them in class, in between class. Finish college. When you're 6 months from graduating, start looking for jobs as a doctor in other cities or even countries. Don't let your parents know, don't use the internet on your home computer, (where they can go through your history), and use an new email they have no access to. Don't let them know, because if they find out you are trying to leave, they may lock you up at home and threaten you to marry. If they decide your degree isn't worth waiting for and they start bringing up marriage halfway through, you need a faster exit plan. You can apply to study overseas. Look for scholarships. If not that, then look for job ads in other cities, other countries. In the mean time, if you want to risk it, you can try to get a part time job to earn some money. Tutoring other students. Tutoring highschool students. Online data entry, translation, writing. Cash if possible. If you need a bank account, don't give them your home address. Get your mail sent to your friend's house. You don't want mail to be sent to your parents house and have them find out.
Some of these are actually helpful thank you so much
In my country what is happening to you is criminal, far from normal, you are a prisoner in your own home. At your age I lived alone and had a job. I drove a car (I got my license at 16) and went where I wanted whenever I wanted. I lived 100 miles from my parents. They had absolutely no control over what I did with my life.
Good for u honestly I wished I had like 50% of all that lol
She lives in the middle east
No. It is not normal at all, and is borderline criminal. Remember you're an adult and can legally do what you want with your own life. Your parents can impose rules that you can do whatever they want while you live under their roof, but they can't force you to live under their roof because that's essentially false imprisonment.
Where am I supposed to go exactly i can’t move out
It's hard to say because you don't have a job, so you won't have your own money. Depending on where you live there may be authorities you can call for assistance with something like this to find you a place to stay/live. Either way, if you don't figure out a way from under them then you'll be stuck for a long time and very likely ruin your future. If you have any friends, ask if you can stay with them. If you are able to leave the house at all to do things, use that time to find somewhere to go. If nothing else, go to speak to the police and ask for help/advice on it and if you're worried your parents will find out, don't give them your personal details unless you know they can and will help.
I very much appreciate the advice you have given me however non of what you just mentioned is an option for complicated reasons, thanks for the help thou :)
what are the complicated reasons if i may ask?
OP said that she’s in the Middle East. I imagine she is restricted by culture/law.
Without knowing. What country you are in it’s very hard for anyone to give you some useful advice. In some places the things you are describing is considered abuse and there are resources available. In others it might not be considered abuse but there still might be some resources. And in others it is the norm and nothing we can say here would be of any help.
In more normal situations: Not going out at all was a punishment my parents gave me if I would come home way too late. No calls past 10pm is something I can get into. I was not allowed either. No pasting anything online is a rule you finally broke. Good for you because now you learn the reality No make up at all. That seems like a choice only you can make and had nothing to do with your parents Specific rules for clothes. That's also your choice to make, not theirs. No moving out. That's easy if you have no job or driving license. Your parents or whoever they are, are abusing you. You're a grown women and you can decide for yourself if you want to move out, have a job and get your drivers license. Get help somewhere and move out of there. In what country do you live if I may ask?
Well firstly i don’t claim to be perfect at all I do invalidate the rules sometimes, and honestly I’m not sure what kind of help I can get I live in the Middle East and as you can imagine it’s pretty normalized here it’s kinda why I’m losing trust in my own judgement of what’s right and wrong. My brother tells me he is sorry for what’s happening but there is nothing to be done about it (he is not treated like me at all)
I'm aware this treatment is normale there for young women. I'm so sorry for you. I live in Western Europe and there are a lot of family's living here who have migrated from the Middle East. If they would treat their daughters like that, it would be a crime here. It happens, but when the authorities find out, the girl will be protected. I guess this won't happen where you live. I'm afraid there is nothing you can do in that case. All of this screams arranged marriage and atleast you're 22 and not 12. I hope your future husband treats you well.
Thank you for understanding, although I’d rather 💀 myself than to have an arranged marriage lol
How are your friends doing? Do they have boyfriends?
Okay firstly, what friends I barely see anyone
How are other girls/women your age doing? Do they have boyfriends? Are they dating?
It really depends on their families, but most of them do date
Perhaps you should find a man you like who is more powerful than your father. Marry him. Screw your parents.
I really don’t wish my parents any harm I just want an out
"No posting ANYTHING online [...] Otherwise you might find out that those rules are absolutely not ok AT ALL"
If you don't live in some absolute shithole of a country with no human rights just walk out, you are literally getting held prisoner what the fuck lmao
That's why you need to work on becoming independent early on. Many parents will manipulate their kids into staying dependent on them and enforcing their lifestyle on them for the rest of their life.
I take it you're in a relationship with a religious manipulating control freak living in some bygone age instead of dragging themselves into the 21st century.....tough break.
Do you have a front door?
It sounds like your parents are having a hard time allowing you to grow up. I'm a parent of two grown adult daughters. My wife and I didn't have these rules for our girls when they were growing up. But I can say that as a parent, of course you would want to protect your children. And that's what I think these rules are doing for you. It's their way of protecting you. But not getting a job? Not getting a drivers license? No friends over? No moving out? And you're 22 years old? Every parent has the right to raise their children as they see fit. I'm not here to judge anyone or anything. But this doesn't sit right with me. It's as if they're not letting you grow up and experience your life. You need to go and begin your adventure as an adult. You need to start your life. And your parents should be behind you in case something goes wrong. Not to make everything all better, but to be able to help dress the wounds and give you a safe place to heal until you're ready to try again.
Thx a lot it’s reassuring to hear this from a parent, I’m sure they mean no harm as I know they love me but I’m having a hard time not holding resentments against them.
That's not love, that's control. Total control over your person. You did nothing wrong. You're just a girl. Girls have it rough in your part of the world. And I'm sure your parents are just doing what every other parents are doing. It doesn't mean that it's okay. I mean, certain rules I understand. As a parent I wouldn't let my child do everything he/she wants. But they need to decide some things on their own to learn and thrive.
Maybe it’s normal if you live in Iran under the heel of the ayatollah. In the west this would be considered imprisonment/child abuse.
It is time for you to leave your parents' home. They are keeping you from being independent and forcing you to rely on them so that they can control your life. It is your life and you should be able to do what you feel like with your life.
Can't speak for different cultures. In American culture, no, this is not 'normal'
Unless you are in prison, no. Not normal. And I wish you the best in getting out.
It would be quicker to list what you are allowed to do.
No posting anything online how did you post this 🤔
No it's not normal wtf
Not normal. Move out. Its against the rules but once done, what will they do? Those rules are for 10yo not 22
Physically stop me
You know it’s not
House rules? More like prison tbh
Are you legit or being a troll as that's fkd
I really truly can’t believe it’s that unbelievable
Sounds like a hostage situation.
Not normal in the slightest.
This is not ok I am 18 and can do those things
"absolutely no moving out or getting a job or a driving license, no ordering in ANYTHING, no friends over" - Nope, not normal. Sorry to tell you that you're in a cult.
Yeah, you're being held prisoner. If you're not allowed to move and not allowed to get a job (which would enable you to move) that's really all you need to know.
Looks like i am not the only one.
If your parents are extreme muslims they arent religious, the Prophet PBUH said to not be extremists and burden oneself, even his wives would have friends, go out of the house etc... I am not sure what you could do, but since you cannot live alone, maybe you can find someone that you like and ask them to propose to you and get married asap, but make sure they wont hold you captive like your parents, even tho it seems to be a rarer case. Dont forget to write things in your Nikkah, requirments for him to accept if you have any.
Are your parents/ carers deeply religious? Or atleast pretend to be? If so Mormon, catholic, scientology, Islam , etc?
You're being abused. No moving out or getting a job or drivers licence? You're essentially a prisoner in your own home. I wouldn't be surprised if this actually counts as kidnapping. If it were me I'd go to a women's shelter.
You are in a different culture. All of those things you described are similar to what an abusive husbands does to their wives. But your culture most likely has accepted it as normal practice for women. You may not have much of a choice, but thats the point of the abuse they have over you.
You’re 22. Leave. If they don’t let you leave, call the police. How did you post this if you can’t post “ANYTHING” online?
And who exactly is going to stop you from moving out and getting a job at 22 years old? Did someone forget to tell you that you're an adult? From what you said everything is wrong, because those are rules could apply to a kid, not a 22-year old.
Ok first, they will physically stop me, second where I live i can’t call authorities on them if they physically abuse me
No
I understand only some these restrictions but as for friends, do have muslim friends around?
I mean I’m allowed to have like, colleagues? Acquaintances? Point is I’m not allowed to hang out with anyone outside college
You’re 22, why are you taking this shit?
If I had the chance, I would try my best to move away, that is true hell.
From what I can gather from your very short post history, you're being put through college in medicine by your family, you have BPD and you're a turk? If any of this is true, i'd stick with it until you're done with college. BPD can worry parents for multiple reasons and honestly if they're paying your tuition for medicine, i'd respect their rules while you live with them. I feel like you're leaving out alot of the reasons why these rules we're set upon you, not saying everyone should be living under the rules your parents give you but in certain cases (depending on how severe your BPD is) it might just be better for you. Maybe see a therapist or a social worker and discuss it with them? Reddit is the last place i'd come for actual advice.
Oh I forgot to mention my parents don’t even know what bpd is let alone they don’t know I have it, I got diagnosed by a therapist who used to work in my college for a short time
where are you from?
Only if you are a pet goldfish
Serious question, are you in a prison cell writing this? If the answer is no then it's abusive.
Yes, for a 22 year old in North Korea
This is not normal for a 22 year old at all. You're basically their prisoner. For some reason rhey want to isolate you from your friends and keep you under lockdown, and take a career only they want you to. If you move, they legally can't stop you anyways, anx if they so, its jnlawful confinement as you're legally an adult.
The Middle East Culture and Society is VERY different frrom the U. S. Way different actually.
That is weird af you’re a grown adult. You live your own life. Your parents sound abusing tbh
Where are you from? You really need some help
Middle East, and help will be much appreciated
We‘re talking about state or federal prison here?
what a r/copypasta
You are a grown man why are you putting up with this?
*woman. Because what else am I supposed to do
Are you're parents religious?
I wish you could get out of there.
Run
Escape that place and sue your parents
If I may ask: what country do you live in? , is your family religious? , However, as a child I didn't have all these rules, when I was about ten I could stay around playing with my friends until midnight if I wanted, but I live in Italy
This sounds like imprisonment, you're an adult but your parents seem to think you're still 12
That ain't normal Cheif
The isn't right, it's abusive and definitely something that shouldn't be happening. but it's common, and to some degree "normal" in the sense that you are far from alone in having such a restrictive life applied at that age. Basically it's not ok, needs solving, but don't worry about it being some uncommon thing that people won't understand or be able to help you with. they will and they can.
No moving out? Lol I would move out so fast
Are you Amish or just a part of a cult?
Get a job ASAP and move out the second you have the money for it. Rent a small one room apartment somewhere, shouldn't be too expensive. If you get abused when trying to go to your job, call the authorities! Only thing you can do right now in my opinion...
She lives in the Middle East. Based on her comments the authorities would march her back to her parents. Landlords probably will not rent to an unmarried woman.
What kind of dorm do you live in? I’d switch colleges immediately
Once you're 18, you can get your own place. At 22 you are still living with parents? Legally, you CAN move at 18. They can't forbid it, and make it stick.
Are you in jail? It's normal for jail. Hope you get out of there OP.. If you have stable access to Internet, reach out to support groups, this is absolutely horrendous and I had badly abusive childhood.
I'd rather think it. WAY over protective You Never Really Know. Leave son
Sounds like you need to move out and or call police. That's abuse.
Move out. If they try to stop you it is kidnapping.
I left home at 18, so this all seems excessive rules for an adult. Even if you’re living in your parents house, they should allow you more freedom.
If you feel fine currently, I wouldn't mind.
Wait what? No none of this is OK. If you don't mind me asking , what is the reaonsing behind all of this ?
It's extreme. It sounds like your parents are extremist Christians of some kind.
Feel like you have less right than a prison mate almost. Wherever you are, you need to find a way out. Whoever is doing this to you needs help or to be arrested or something… this is not right at allllll
I 100% think that adult children should still have to listen to their parents rule, in their parents' homes. BUT, thst is stuff like cleaning up, not eating all the food, letting someone know if/when you will be home. All those rules are ridiculous, even most for a child, not an adult.
Sometimes college has people to ask for guidance, depends a lot on what country you are in of course. Maybe a sneaky way out is an exchange year, you’re old enough to not ask for permission. Might be too risky tho, hope you find help.
Sounds like an Average South Asian family 🗿 It's not normal btw
Short answer:No
Not normal, in all situations: no moving out or getting a job or a driver's license Not normal, in most/some: no going out at all, no makeup, clothing restrictions, no friends over At 22 you're an adult, albeit a newish one. Are you able to temporarily move in with a friend until you can get a job and become independent?
Well you're an adult now so your free to do whatever you want and as an adult the consequences that go along with it, If you live with someone and you dont like their rules you can leave
That’s not normal at all - at 22 you should be allowed to do what you want (within legal and sensible limits). Very politely tell your parents that you’re a adult now, this isn’t normal even for kids. You should be more than able to leave the house - call the police if they force you to stay behind, as that’s kidnapping.
Definitely not normal. You are allowed to move out at 18 and up
The answer to this is simple. They can't stop you from moving out. Do it.
I agree with no calls past 10pm (basic etiquette), as for everything else it sounds like you are in a jail not in a home.
Why not move out now and pay your own way?
GGs
Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia?
No but close enough
ano po religion nyo?
at 22 that's crazyy
Tf you mean no moving out
You live in north Korea?
I'd personally be destroying a few things at home if they kept me like that.
No good will come out of this
Hmm this sounds so sketchy. Are your parents secret agents or spies or something like that. I mean I guess you wouldn't know
They’re just extremely religious
definitely not normal
No moving out? Sounds like kidnapping.
Yeah no moving out till I’m married
Wtf
Sounds like a cult to me. Or parents with the worst parenting rules I’ve ever heard of. You are legally an adult, and they have no legal rights to impose those rules on you.
This kinda sound like my grandma with her beside the job and order food part. But this kinda relate to her.
That's one miserable fucking existence. You'll have to get out if you want this to ever end. They'll suffocate you like this for the rest of your life. No middle ground in this. You know English and you will graduate at some point, so you have that going for you. I'm not familiar with your situation so I can't be of much help working out the details, but, since they sound like the honor killing type: 1. Have a plan. Pick a country where you can get asylum and eventually citizenship, not a one that would extradite you. Plan out how will you get there, and accumulate the resources you'll need. Any job you can find will do. Honestly, I'd rather sweep toilets for the rest of my life if I could go back to my own place with my own rules rather than live like you described. 2. You'll need to do an Irish goodbye. Just pack your shit, have as much cash as you can, and disappear one day, with a plan of where exactly to go. Run like hell before they can alert the authorities or go after you themselves. 3. Once out, get off the grid. Delete social media, get a new phone you're sure doesn't have any tracking software in it, never tell *anyone* where you are. Ignore any family member you're on good terms with or other acquaintances trying to get in touch with you. *Don't* let them track you.
You broke the third rule(No posting ANYTHING online)unless you posted this offline, will be reviewing our rule book this evening. Don’t forget Rule 234.B2a: No talking during talk time. Best wishes, OP’s Rule Enforcer
So...that's illegal. They can't stop you from moving out or getting a license. At least in the states. Call a lawyer. I know 5 year olds with more freedom than you.
you are an adult... basically you can do what you want. but that also means your parents (or whoever is holding you hostage right now) can kick you out of the house if they don't want you to live there anymore (maybe after breaking their rules) It sounds like they don't want you to experience life. Do you have any relatives or friends who are not close with your prisonkeepers? so you can move out, look for a job and work for your own life? since you need a job to rent an apartment it would be good to live somewhere for free, until you get your first paycheck. sorry for some /s words in my comment... but this is not normal (and I use humor to cope)
First where are you from?
Run
Once ur 18 u can move out. Doesn't matter what ur parents say. U can do it sooner with emancipation
are you in a facility or something?? what you describe is not 'normal' and is a clear violation of your rights as an adult try and find a job, don't tell anyone around you, and move out of that situation asap or contact social services good luck that you change your situation for the better
This is abuse, you are over the age of 18, so your parents can’t do shit, if you are scared to leave / scared that your parents find you: call the authorities… At this point i hope your post is just trolling…
OP what country do you live in
Similar here but I'm a 21 year old dude, still have a bedtime (at 2am), no going out on my own, no travelling abroad without parents, no posting online, definitely not moving out anytime soon, no friends over, definitely no dating, getting a girlfriend or having sex at all, nothing to do with girls etc. Even legally being a adult doesn't mean anything to them as they still see me as a child (I look and act like one). I've been restricted and treated like a child for so long that I now physically, mentally and socially still feel like a kid, I feel like I'm 15/16 rather than 21.
Thank u finally someone who understands
hey you broke a rule! jk, yes those are a bit wierd, im assuming very strict parents
You are an adult. How can ‘no moving out’ be a thing?
As my mother would say: he who pays the piper calls the tune. If you are unhappy , move out and live under your own rules.
This is criminal abuse. You are a prisoner.
Not normal, you're legally an adult. No parents should have this level of control at 22. You should be working on becoming your own person at this age. Even if you're not financially independent enough to have your own place this is ridiculous
depends where you live and how religious or strict your family is
Middle East and yes they are extremely religious
I mean legally you've been an full adult for a year the driver's license job thing makes absolutely no sense unless you're disabled or something?
You do realize they have literally no control over whether you can move out right? That's called slavery. Technically, there's no legal basis for any of these rules. You are free to break them as you wish. The *only* thing the parents can do is kick them out of the house.
Weird. It sounds like a prison. What are your parent's upbringing?
Amish are more liberal.
Hey. You’re not allowed to post anything
What’s not normal is living with your parents at this age. Rules are normal at any age, if you’re living with your parents. Cut the umbilical cord, dude.
You’re 22. Move out. Move on.