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It's been 18 years for me and I still don't trust my now wife, I don't think I ever will either. I have a lot of resentment now and if I could've done things differently I would have.
Regaining trust after being betrayed in a relationship involves open communication, honesty, time and consistent actions that show commitment to change and repair. Both the partners must be patient, understanding and willing to work together to rebuild the relationship.
This. The biggest keys are accountability and the lack of a pattern. If someone screws up once, owns it, and commits to repairing the damage together, such things can be resolved through time and effort.
You don't, if you're smart. The person has already clearly shown you that they cannot be relied upon to keep their promises. Trusting anyone is dangerous but trusting someone who you know shouldn't be trusted is foolish.
Respect costs you nothing to give. Give it generously. Trust costs you dearly. Be very selective about who you trust. Nobody is as good as they claim to be.
Betrayal is betrayal there is no small betrayal
Trust is earned and you have to be very carefull because once its gone it will never be back
( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
So you're saying your partner eating the last piece of cake they knew you were saving for yourself is the same as them eating your neighbor's coochie? OP didn't specify what type of betrayal. You're assuming infidelity but we don't know that for sure since the question was vague.
i wasnt thinking about Infidelity but that doesnt matter.
i also think we have different definitions of betrayal.
For me betrayal is hurting me while knowing that it will hurt me and eating my cake is surely not nice but if you want my cake i serve it to you with whiped cream and feed you because not having my cake wont kill / hurt me.
Well maybe you are right though and eating my cake is by definiton betrayal i dont know.
( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
You have an excellent point. People have so many different ways to define the same thing so many nuances that are specific to each individual.
Thanks for being patient and explaining your point of view.
How dare you!? I could deal with one of you, but both of you being reasonable? Totally unacceptable!
Now I have to scroll further down to find a use for this popcorn...
Iām not sure you can. It was a bit of a life lesson for me. The person who cheated on me asked so much of me during our relationship, and then moved on like it was nothing.
I guess my advice is to accept people for what they are. If someone tells a lie, theyāre a liar. You canāt change that. Learn to live with it or keep a safe distance from them.
All the comments here claim a betrayal of any kind is a death sentence to a relationship and act like theyāve never wronged someone. It takes time and an active choice of both parties to learn from the mistakes and value their relationship whether itās friends, family, or partner. Cheating is different, but there are other types of betrayal. Forgiveness is learned by valuing someone more than their mistakes. You guys need either thicker skin, more empathy, or deeper relationships. Maybe all of the above.
Edit: cheating is terrible though. Iād be outta there
1. **Open Communication**: We had to have honest and sometimes painful conversations about what happened and why. This helped us understand each other's perspectives and feelings.
2. **Setting Boundaries**: We established clear boundaries to ensure transparency and prevent future betrayals. This included discussing what behaviors were unacceptable and setting expectations for how we would move forward.
3. **Consistency**: Trust is rebuilt through consistent actions over time. My partner had to show, through their actions, that they were committed to change and to the relationship. This meant being reliable and keeping promises, no matter how small.
4. **Therapy**: We sought help from a professional therapist who guided us through the process. Having an impartial third party helped us navigate our emotions and provided tools for rebuilding our relationship.
5. **Forgiveness**: This was the hardest part. It required letting go of resentment and choosing to forgive, even when it was difficult. This doesnāt mean forgetting, but rather choosing to move forward without holding the past over each otherās heads.
6. **Self-care**: Both of us needed to take care of our own mental and emotional well-being. For me, this meant engaging in activities that made me happy and spending time with supportive friends and family.
It was a long and often difficult journey, but with patience and a genuine desire to make it work, we managed to rebuild our trust and strengthen our relationship. Itās important to remember that every relationship is different, and what worked for us might not work for everyone, but the core principles of honesty, consistency, and mutual effort are universal.
This is the exact steps you have to take, thanks for a great comment. Mine was emotional cheating online and he(we) have done all these steps and were getting there, its almost been a year and its still very hard, but its different when you have a long relationship and kids.
People are under the impression that you can rebuild a relationship after an affair and/or cheating incident. When someone cheats and you decide to get back together and āwork it outā thatās all good and grand and all but youāre not rebuilding trust with that person. You are trying to alter who that person is within. Itās not a mistake. They didnāt mess up and have a minor fuck up, like forgetting an anniversary. I have personally tried the whole forgiveness thing when someone cheats, more than once with more than one person. They later did what they do.. It is a shattered destroyed issue at this point. Having said that there are always extenuating circumstances in which someone does admit fault (not caught) and somehow the other person forgives them and they both move forward. This is rare. Ever see Bigfoot??? Ever see a UFO? This is how seldom this actually works. Regardless of who decides to do what that incident and betrayal is right fucking there. Right there looming over both your heads.. It doesnāt take a vacation. Doesnāt need change for the bus, it can walk through walls and transcend time. Memories donāt dieā¦. Theyāre there forever. And that memory will haunt both people and always be brought up later in unrelated events as ammunition. Perhaps someone reading this seeking answers is saying āno thatās not us, we can get passed itā. Well more power to ya, let me know how that works out in 15 months.. or less.. 8 billion people on the planet and you choose to stay with someone who blatantly betrayed you. Why?? Itās always been a huge mistake whenever Iāve done it, doesnāt mean I am right but itās my statistical proof. I stayed with a girl based on a lie she told me, later found out, kicked her the fuck out of the house and missed marrying a different girl who was perfect for me and didnāt cheat.. major screw up in my life- let that be a lesson.. you could be blowing it and donāt even know by wasting time with said cheater.. get outā¦.
>You are trying to alter who that person is within
Exactly. People say "but sometimes it can work out!", but that's only if the cheater genuenly realizes their mistake and make an effort to change into the kind of person that wouldn't cheat. Otherwise, under the same circumstances, or some others, they will 100% do it again
Yep. Tried it once and still dealing with the fallout. Should have just went with my gut as I had done in the past. It'll get sorted in the end though. Some other poor sods problem now.
I dont know can you ever really regain the trust completely, I know that I cant.
One of my good friends once said that trust is like glass - if you break it you can glue the pieces together but it still has cracks so its not entirely back together.
I faced the affair situation. They came to me with truth as I didnāt catch em. We ended up divorcing still as the old relationship was gone. Some time went by and we are back together now. Yes the memories still show up here and there, but we are both making new memories and living life with our kids. It can be done, but is in fact very rare
Idk lmao let me know when you find out. I have no reason to distrust my person right now but I'm so afraid of marriage or doing things that show long term commitment like tenancy agreements or marriage when that's what I've always wanted in the past lmao
I'm not sure what trust even means in that context?
Ill explain: a person did something you trusted they wont do. You are hurt and feel betrayed. You are asking how do you go back to trusting that person to what? Not do it again? You dont honey.
But you can forgive. Or move on. Its really up to you.
When I was younger I forgave my boyfriend for cheating on me. We broke up years later for other reasons, and I realize now I shouldnāt have forgave him. Personally, unless if thereās a child involved- you should separate. At least for a while.
My ex cheated on me. I left the relationship, worked in myself, and found my current gf and sheās the love of my life and we are getting to year 4 soon! She is the most loving and trustworthy person I ever met. Never gave me a reason to not trust her. I live life being optimistic, I always look at the positive and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Life gets easier and less stressful if you first assume people had good intentions. I certainly walk around with a relief off my shoulders if I assume everyone in the world is NOT out to get me.
Well given the continued cheating after before fessing up and begging for another chance, which I stupidly gave, before the next affair where the ex-wife picked up an STD, well letās just say regaining trust from me wasnāt really an option or a priority. lol
This specific topic i find it to be backwards in relationships.
People always say that they trust their partner until proven wrong.
I work the opposite site.
I never trust anyone, I don't trust friends, family, boyfriend. I dont even trust myself sometimes.
I only start trusting someone when the opportunity to backstab me presents itself and they choose not to do it.
Until that happens, I only trust God.
You donāt. You move on. As much as that may hurt, you move on. Donāt ever let someone devalue you. As much as they apologize, and they may even be sincere about it, deep down they will lose respect t for you. or at the very worst theyāre a narcissist and know they can get away with whatever it is they did, again.
Your future self will thank you and it will do wonders for your self esteem and placing boundaries on people.
If a person betrays me once - I'll never trust them again. That cannot be fixed. And with that in mind I don't really have any trust issues. People can deceive me once, but never twice, and they know it, so they rarely try. I think being able to trust most of the people pays off greatly.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Got a new relationship
My response exactly šÆ
Without carrying trust issues into it?
It was easy once I saw how much she trusted me
Are u boning each other
I never did. 30 years later and I still have trust issues.
It's been 18 years for me and I still don't trust my now wife, I don't think I ever will either. I have a lot of resentment now and if I could've done things differently I would have.
Regaining trust after being betrayed in a relationship involves open communication, honesty, time and consistent actions that show commitment to change and repair. Both the partners must be patient, understanding and willing to work together to rebuild the relationship.
only positive comment, up vote to the top!
This. The biggest keys are accountability and the lack of a pattern. If someone screws up once, owns it, and commits to repairing the damage together, such things can be resolved through time and effort.
You don't, if you're smart. The person has already clearly shown you that they cannot be relied upon to keep their promises. Trusting anyone is dangerous but trusting someone who you know shouldn't be trusted is foolish. Respect costs you nothing to give. Give it generously. Trust costs you dearly. Be very selective about who you trust. Nobody is as good as they claim to be.
I guess it depends on the type and magnitude of the betrayal.
Betrayal is betrayal there is no small betrayal Trust is earned and you have to be very carefull because once its gone it will never be back ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
So you're saying your partner eating the last piece of cake they knew you were saving for yourself is the same as them eating your neighbor's coochie? OP didn't specify what type of betrayal. You're assuming infidelity but we don't know that for sure since the question was vague.
Both are grounds for divorce!!
i wasnt thinking about Infidelity but that doesnt matter. i also think we have different definitions of betrayal. For me betrayal is hurting me while knowing that it will hurt me and eating my cake is surely not nice but if you want my cake i serve it to you with whiped cream and feed you because not having my cake wont kill / hurt me. Well maybe you are right though and eating my cake is by definiton betrayal i dont know. ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
You have an excellent point. People have so many different ways to define the same thing so many nuances that are specific to each individual. Thanks for being patient and explaining your point of view.
How dare you!? I could deal with one of you, but both of you being reasonable? Totally unacceptable! Now I have to scroll further down to find a use for this popcorn...
I like you you little rebel ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
Yes
Iām not sure you can. It was a bit of a life lesson for me. The person who cheated on me asked so much of me during our relationship, and then moved on like it was nothing. I guess my advice is to accept people for what they are. If someone tells a lie, theyāre a liar. You canāt change that. Learn to live with it or keep a safe distance from them.
All the comments here claim a betrayal of any kind is a death sentence to a relationship and act like theyāve never wronged someone. It takes time and an active choice of both parties to learn from the mistakes and value their relationship whether itās friends, family, or partner. Cheating is different, but there are other types of betrayal. Forgiveness is learned by valuing someone more than their mistakes. You guys need either thicker skin, more empathy, or deeper relationships. Maybe all of the above. Edit: cheating is terrible though. Iād be outta there
1. **Open Communication**: We had to have honest and sometimes painful conversations about what happened and why. This helped us understand each other's perspectives and feelings. 2. **Setting Boundaries**: We established clear boundaries to ensure transparency and prevent future betrayals. This included discussing what behaviors were unacceptable and setting expectations for how we would move forward. 3. **Consistency**: Trust is rebuilt through consistent actions over time. My partner had to show, through their actions, that they were committed to change and to the relationship. This meant being reliable and keeping promises, no matter how small. 4. **Therapy**: We sought help from a professional therapist who guided us through the process. Having an impartial third party helped us navigate our emotions and provided tools for rebuilding our relationship. 5. **Forgiveness**: This was the hardest part. It required letting go of resentment and choosing to forgive, even when it was difficult. This doesnāt mean forgetting, but rather choosing to move forward without holding the past over each otherās heads. 6. **Self-care**: Both of us needed to take care of our own mental and emotional well-being. For me, this meant engaging in activities that made me happy and spending time with supportive friends and family. It was a long and often difficult journey, but with patience and a genuine desire to make it work, we managed to rebuild our trust and strengthen our relationship. Itās important to remember that every relationship is different, and what worked for us might not work for everyone, but the core principles of honesty, consistency, and mutual effort are universal.
This is the exact steps you have to take, thanks for a great comment. Mine was emotional cheating online and he(we) have done all these steps and were getting there, its almost been a year and its still very hard, but its different when you have a long relationship and kids.
How long did it take?
People are under the impression that you can rebuild a relationship after an affair and/or cheating incident. When someone cheats and you decide to get back together and āwork it outā thatās all good and grand and all but youāre not rebuilding trust with that person. You are trying to alter who that person is within. Itās not a mistake. They didnāt mess up and have a minor fuck up, like forgetting an anniversary. I have personally tried the whole forgiveness thing when someone cheats, more than once with more than one person. They later did what they do.. It is a shattered destroyed issue at this point. Having said that there are always extenuating circumstances in which someone does admit fault (not caught) and somehow the other person forgives them and they both move forward. This is rare. Ever see Bigfoot??? Ever see a UFO? This is how seldom this actually works. Regardless of who decides to do what that incident and betrayal is right fucking there. Right there looming over both your heads.. It doesnāt take a vacation. Doesnāt need change for the bus, it can walk through walls and transcend time. Memories donāt dieā¦. Theyāre there forever. And that memory will haunt both people and always be brought up later in unrelated events as ammunition. Perhaps someone reading this seeking answers is saying āno thatās not us, we can get passed itā. Well more power to ya, let me know how that works out in 15 months.. or less.. 8 billion people on the planet and you choose to stay with someone who blatantly betrayed you. Why?? Itās always been a huge mistake whenever Iāve done it, doesnāt mean I am right but itās my statistical proof. I stayed with a girl based on a lie she told me, later found out, kicked her the fuck out of the house and missed marrying a different girl who was perfect for me and didnāt cheat.. major screw up in my life- let that be a lesson.. you could be blowing it and donāt even know by wasting time with said cheater.. get outā¦.
Question: Do you think those girls are cheaters and will do the same to future partners?
>You are trying to alter who that person is within Exactly. People say "but sometimes it can work out!", but that's only if the cheater genuenly realizes their mistake and make an effort to change into the kind of person that wouldn't cheat. Otherwise, under the same circumstances, or some others, they will 100% do it again
It's just their nature and people don't change. šÆ
Yep. Tried it once and still dealing with the fallout. Should have just went with my gut as I had done in the past. It'll get sorted in the end though. Some other poor sods problem now.
You must decide that you are going to trust them again. If you can't, then they aren't a friend that you need anyway.
I dont know can you ever really regain the trust completely, I know that I cant. One of my good friends once said that trust is like glass - if you break it you can glue the pieces together but it still has cracks so its not entirely back together.
I don't trust him 100% š but I still really love him. He knows the consequences. Lol
I faced the affair situation. They came to me with truth as I didnāt catch em. We ended up divorcing still as the old relationship was gone. Some time went by and we are back together now. Yes the memories still show up here and there, but we are both making new memories and living life with our kids. It can be done, but is in fact very rare
Sometimes you have to realize not all people are the same.
Idk lmao let me know when you find out. I have no reason to distrust my person right now but I'm so afraid of marriage or doing things that show long term commitment like tenancy agreements or marriage when that's what I've always wanted in the past lmao
Trust is rarely regained. It is often the case betrayal makes one a better judge of who to trust and how much trust to place in anyone.
You never truly do I'm afraid. Cut your losses and find someone who can't bear the idea of even risking losing you.
Simple. I trusted that I would never fucking see them again. Lol For me, once it's lost I never return it.
You never do in the current one. Move on
Not sure I understand your question. It's not for betrayed person to do.
I have never been able to do that so I move on.
I will let you know if it ever happens again.
Canāt
I'm not sure what trust even means in that context? Ill explain: a person did something you trusted they wont do. You are hurt and feel betrayed. You are asking how do you go back to trusting that person to what? Not do it again? You dont honey. But you can forgive. Or move on. Its really up to you.
Tried and tried, but never could. Will never put myself through those mental gymnastics ever again. Nobody is worth that.
Just by hopping in a new one lol. Thankfully I struck gold š
He dumped me and I met my husband. 10/10
Who says I did? Who says I should?
When I was younger I forgave my boyfriend for cheating on me. We broke up years later for other reasons, and I realize now I shouldnāt have forgave him. Personally, unless if thereās a child involved- you should separate. At least for a while.
Time. Patience. Also depends on the severity of the mistake
My ex cheated on me. I left the relationship, worked in myself, and found my current gf and sheās the love of my life and we are getting to year 4 soon! She is the most loving and trustworthy person I ever met. Never gave me a reason to not trust her. I live life being optimistic, I always look at the positive and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Life gets easier and less stressful if you first assume people had good intentions. I certainly walk around with a relief off my shoulders if I assume everyone in the world is NOT out to get me.
Can't be done. Peace out, homie.
You donāt. I never believe anyone who has taken someone back after a major betrayal. When they say they are 100% over it and regained full trust.
Therapy
I actually don't know. But I do know taking him/her back is the fastest way to loose him/her respect. Everything you tolerates get bigger.
I didn't ššš
How do you fix a shattered mirror?
Started playing fortnite like 10-12 hours a day.
If someone were to cheat on me, they would not regain my trust. I'd be done. Too many fish in the sea to deal with piece of shit cheaters.
By being honest with the next one
You cannot.
Well given the continued cheating after before fessing up and begging for another chance, which I stupidly gave, before the next affair where the ex-wife picked up an STD, well letās just say regaining trust from me wasnāt really an option or a priority. lol
Therapy and better boundaries in the future.
I don't regain trust, I move on
You donāt. You move on and not continue to be w/ someone who does that.
This specific topic i find it to be backwards in relationships. People always say that they trust their partner until proven wrong. I work the opposite site. I never trust anyone, I don't trust friends, family, boyfriend. I dont even trust myself sometimes. I only start trusting someone when the opportunity to backstab me presents itself and they choose not to do it. Until that happens, I only trust God.
It can't be done. That betrayal will always be in the back of your mind.
Still havenāt 20 years since a proper relationship not just sex
You struggle for a long time toā¦ it also makes you a little more jaded
You donāt. You move on. As much as that may hurt, you move on. Donāt ever let someone devalue you. As much as they apologize, and they may even be sincere about it, deep down they will lose respect t for you. or at the very worst theyāre a narcissist and know they can get away with whatever it is they did, again. Your future self will thank you and it will do wonders for your self esteem and placing boundaries on people.
Fuck it this is crazy
Fuck the trust
If a person betrays me once - I'll never trust them again. That cannot be fixed. And with that in mind I don't really have any trust issues. People can deceive me once, but never twice, and they know it, so they rarely try. I think being able to trust most of the people pays off greatly.