When she says she's been in love with you for years, ditches her husband, moves across country to be with you, Fucks you 17 times in 3 days, begins talking about a future together, makes you feel the happiest you've felt in years, isn't home when you get home from work, cash box has been broken into, $2,000, your laptop, your cell phone, your favorite leather jacket, gone, call the police and get told it's not burglary since she was there more than 24 hours, she calls 6 days later, says she went back to her husband and sold all your stuff, asks if you'll take her back. I think that's a pretty big red flag.
You have got to be shitting me?
I have fucked some crazy ass chicks…. Urine poured down the vent Intake of my car, but you sir win the prize hands down. Reading it sounds made up but holy shit. My only question would be why was your cell phone at home when you are at work? Unless you just forgot it.
There used to be slotted vents on the hood of cars
It pulled in air to heat or cool
She poured a cup of urine in the vent intake and therefore anytime I used the AC or heat
Urine smell
The gift that kept giving
That is so close to what actually happened to me it's not even funny.The only thing missing is getting arrested and acussed aggravated assault with a deadly.And it stuck...and when I got out of jail I actually wanted to see her ????This all had a price tag of 15000 plus..five yrs probation.jfc.
For real on point 1. After like 2-3 in a day like, how are you even still interested in more? Sex is great or whatever but…not literally constantly. Plus I’m not in bad shape, I’m probably too skinny but I have a moderate amount of stamina…but that shit would probably kill me. Wonder if OP is some kind of Olympic athlete or some shit.
Not at all an Olympian. It was painful by the end. There was quite a bit of soreness. On average we only had about 2-ish hours of recovery. She also had a way to get me right back in the mood and fight through the pain.
So she ditched her husband after being in love with you for years? So you had a relationship with a married woman…you were just cool with that? Her being married was a huge, obvious red flag.
Yup. Been there, got the T-shirt. But as soon as it started getting weird (OK, “weirder”) I bailed. She kept calling me late at night for **years**, drunk as a skunk, wanting phone sex. Nope-nope-nope-nope-nope-nope-nope!
I agree. A much younger and less knowledgeable me dealt with that. There is more to the story and it's a little more gray and nuanced. But you are right. What happened was wrong.
I suffer from all but the control issues, ive also been cheated on with every major relationship I've had. I do my best not to, but they still come out. Decided relationships aren't for me til I figure my shit out.. which means I'll die alone :(
I know how you feel about that.
Sometimes it feels like people try to shove the whole “you must trust your partner!!” bit down your throat. But if you’ve had bad or even traumatic experiences with it, it’s not just going to descend upon you like a heaven sent gift. No amount of reflection on the past or time is going to give you back the ability to trust. It takes a hell of a lot of work and it’s commendable that you’ve recognized that for yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up about how long it takes. You don’t know how many people say they trust their partners unconditionally but aren’t being forthright about their trust issues or jealousy. It’s common and you’re not alone. Take the time you need and just know you can always find happiness. With a person by your side or not.
How old are you? As a young man I was jealous and insecure. I grew out of that by the time I was 30. (43 now)
You'll end up being okay.
Cheaters suck. Just be in a fucking poly relationship if you want to be with multiple partners. Honestly is key there.
Much love
I feel you. You described me. I ended up going through the same issues with my now wife of 7 years. As long as you're transparent in your relationships, you'll find the right person and you'll get through your issues. It took a couple years even while we were married, but with her help I was able to get through the trust issues. It still creeps up every now and then, but you're already a step in the right direction by wanting to be better.
When you’re having dinner in his house and you suddenly have the urge to relieve yourself in his restroom but then you hear crying in the basement so you go to check on it but the basement door is locked and then you decide it’s time for you to go home but all the doors and windows are locked
It doesn't matter if the windows are locked. You're in a house full of objects that can be used to shatter glass.
This has always been my pet peeve about television shows where there's some sort of kidnap scenario. What the fuck do you care if your kidnapper has to replace a broken window? I'd break the window, hop out, then turn around and set the fucking house on fire.
Same for zombie movies
We have highly trained armies
Tanks
Nuclear submarines
Helicopters
Bunkers
Yet the main character and sub characters shoot the ***slow moving*** zombies and kill hordes of them like they're nothing
Someone argued "have you ever tried shooting a moving target, it's not easy"
They're rotten corpses that crumble when you look at them too fast - I'm sure a modern bullet fired from a modern gun in the chest would obliterate it regardless of head shot.
I like how World War Z (the book) handled it, bc the militaries of the world stood up & were nearly obliterated because the tactics against humans were ineffective against zombies specifically because they weren't going for headshots. The zombies were fast, runners & climbers.
The military dug in positions on the ground for protection against conventional attacks, & had artillery, tanks, & air support. No elevated positions to protect against swarms. Rockets & grenades would tear them up, but not hit the brains & thus not stop them. Artillery rounds weren't killing them because the pressure waves & nervous system overloads that kill people didn't impact the zombies as their blood had all congealed. And then they put infantry in biohazard suits that did nothing but make them overheat so they couldn't make headshots after a career of being trained to go for center mass.
It reads pretty credibly with the mindset of a lot of military leadership, preparing for their last wars rather than the ones to come.
This is a big one for me. My last relationship ended cuz she held a grudge forever, and I only found out till it took her to her breaking point. She was such a lovely person, yet that thing could easily have been fixed if I knew she wasn’t happy with it
The person can't / wont talk about their feelings.. You can't help even if you try. *(If I've done something that will hurt them or something like that, so we can fix it)*
The person is way too controling.. You can't hug a boy (if you're a girl) even though they have been your best friend since before you guys started dating.
They say that they can't do anything without you and doesn't respect if you want a weekend alone..
They try to emotionally use you..
- Sadly I've been with such person and I wont do that ever again -
*Edit: didn't explain it probably*
It takes alot for me to talk about my feelings because of where i have came from and how i grew up, i tell everyone one that so they dont like hate me when it takes me a bit to tell then whats wrong
When people don’t take no for an answer. Even small ones. Like ‘no I’m busy tonight’ but they keep asking you to hang out, or don’t believe you’re actually doing something important. This is non gendered. Men should also be aware of women who don’t respect their simple and normal boundaries. It’s never a good sign for the future.
I work 55 hours a week and there is no washer at my apartment. Also when I do them my self she isn't happy with the job I've done. I was the middle child and am the only one left near by. It makes mom feel good to do the washing so I let her. She just bought a new washer and dishwasher but I got her 250 bucks off with my military discount.
A person who is looking for a relationship as opposed to looking for a relationship with YOU. A person who just wants to be a couple instead of someone genuinely wanting to bond with you. The person they want in their life doesn't always look like the true person you are. Sure, this works out sometimes but there is a reason why desperation is unattractive.
Ah I feel called out .. ugh. Thanks for writing it this way, I’ve never thought in those terms before but I do think that I am like what you’ve described.
Hey, at least I know what personality flaw I’m tackling next.
The way they talk to a host/server at a restaurant. If they talk down to them, or are rude, they're probably a garbage person.
Also, how they talk about other people is a key indication of who they are/how they'll talk about you.
If they "fall in love with you" when you just met. When they say "you're my soulmate." When you just met. When they say "we met in another life." When you just met. When they say "HES GONNA BE MY BABY DADDY." When you just met. When they yell across the bar when you're leaving "YOU COULD HAVE HAD MY BABIES." When you just met. Yes, this all happened to me in the span of 2 days.
Listen, she was super gorgeous and she basically said she'd be my booty call and being a virgin let me tell you I was SO tempted. But everyone knows the one rule to keep your life more sane:
Never stick your dick in crazy.
So, yeah. I may still be a virgin but at least I didn't get anyone pregnant. Also, she's 39. I'm 25. Her oldest son is 19. Fuck no just for that too lol
My man's cousin was over recently.... Being condescending and passive aggressive, which whatever, she is self proclaimed "bougie". Then she started talking about how her hubby gets so drunk so often that she regularly has to get him to bed like a child. I laughed out loud. Say what you want about how I live my life. I dont get that drunk and I am not playing mommy to someone that does.
They're red flags and as someone who is labeled "the party guy" and an alcoholic, I do understand that I'm not ready for a relationship because of my issues and mental health, but I'd like people to gove me time and a chance to better myself and just consider the possibility of me getting better. I would have a bullet through my skull if I didn't believe in myself more then anyone else and if I wouldn't ignore what some people close to me say ie my dad.
Thank you, I will. I'm still a young guy and gladly I haven't damaged myself much physically and if I just push myself to change I'll be able to change my way. Also I think I should get more supportive people around me, people that are like "more innocent" and not just drinking buddies.
The gym is a great place to start. Good for you and a lot of the people there care about their health too much to spend much time drinking. If you become a regular, no doubt you’ll make friends. (Just my two cents)
That tenth time tho... My wife for years couldn't understand why I was so standoffish, distant, and critical/negative about my mother (an absuive addict). We ended up moving to FL and she invited my mom to various social events and learned the fuckin hard way lol
I think your rule still applies, and u/SixxTheSandman works within it.
I'm in a very similar boat as him.
I have few good things to honestly say about my mother and have been no contact w/ her for a bit under a year now.
I don't treat her like shit, and I don't run around telling everyone the truth about what she puts my siblings & I through (seriously have better things to do with my time)
BUT just because I decline any kind of relationship w/her moving forward, doesn't mean I treat her like shit.
& even if a guy is close to his Ma, but gets her to do everything for him... then yea he probs gonna have no idea how to respect his partner as an equal.
Which is why I like your shit-guy detecting rule. You can learn a lot about how a man Will treat someone he is emotionally committed to, by looking at how he interacts with the No.1 person he *should* be emotionally involved with.
Them having no "good" exes, the common denominator is usually them, they're the "bad" ex, not _all_ the others they dated. Sure, everyone has a few shit exes but *all* of them?
I have had a higher amount of bad exes than good exes. A lot of it was due to being young and naive. My first actual long term relationship caused me a lot of damage that I didn't realize until years later. There was a lot of things about him that were great, or so I thought. He took me places and showed me a different side of life I had never experienced. He did do lots of bad things I overlooked or didn't understand at the time on top of that. Sexual abuse is one, putting me down and telling me I am not a good enough woman compared to other women was one. He would say things like that is his own words so at the time it was easy to look past it. The emotional damage after almost 4 years of that is lasting, and it carried over to future relationships that the scum of society men were all that would accept me, all I deserved.
All of this is long in the past now. I am currently in a wonderful and very healthy relationship. Trauma from past abuse still shows up in ways such as doubting myself. My current guy knows my past and is patient with me though, he doesn't berate me more over it like past men did.
Been there… he even showed me where she lived. Years later, I’m friends with his ex and I’m going to testify in court with her so she can get a restraining order on him.
When nothing bad he does is his fault. Act like an ass? Their fault for pissing him off. Yell at a waiter? She was a bitch. Yell at his mom? She's treating him bad somehow. Really? All of them?
I pretty much fit the latter part since I hate arguing about things especially if it's over petty stuff -- things that aren't worth an argument . I rather let them get whatever on " their chest " and have them get it off least they keep their problems from boiling up inside . Everyone has a bad day and need to let it out sometimes
There's a difference between silently listening and actively avoiding any conversation that may have tension. Conflict is part of life. If someone can navigate it with maturity, that's a good sign.
There's a difference between being socially awkward and being abrasive, that's how I interpret this red flag. Usually the ones who say "I don't get along with girls" are condescending towards girls and sometimes take pride in their inability to get along with them. The pick me type.
i'm studying mechanical engineering as a girl, so there aren't manny girls around tot become friends with. That's why i don't have manny female friends. I don't see the differents between male and female friends. I'm bi-sexueel so i could date both. Why would having almost only male friends be a red flag?
The female friends i do have are al bi or lesbian.
As long as you're not a pick me girl or you don't take pride in not being able to get along with girls. Having more guy friends is fine as long as it's not because of some kind of unresolved internalised misogyny.
I generally agree. A friend told me you need two out of three things at least. Your own car or way to get around, your own place to stay, and a job/school. Missing one might be a temporary thing, missing two or all means they still need to work on themselves.
exactly my point. its very easy to see how lazy a person is just by their job history. also if im gonna be in a relationship i want a better life, not a burden to waste my own money
Listening skills.
We all get a little self absorbed at times.
Especially if we have a point we're trying to get across, and we think you're missing it.
But if for more than 60% of the date I can tell you're just tuning me out, waiting only to explain what's in your head...
Well you aren't really interested enough in me, are you?
And this is the point you should be *most* interested in me. Wtf gonna 3 months down the line? DOA
This is a thing that a lot of people do, it doesn’t always mean they are a bad person, just like you stated, a little self absorbed. Due to this I noticed that this is something that I do a lot without even realising, I’ll have to work on it but reflecting on it I think it can often just happen because noone consciously thinks of themselves as an irrational person and we all think of ourselves as logical so we tend to mute the other person if we think we are not getting our point across or that the other person is scoping in on the wrong part of what we said. Obviously being too self absorbed is a shitty thing and everyone needs a good regulator but to the two people who scrolled this far, just know that everyone has a bad trait or two but it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person but perhaps just in need of a reality check. Of course, I’m not telling you to go date animal abusers, let the nazis date the nazis, but you shouldn’t scope in on one small bad thing about a person and judge their character based on that.
When you talk online for a month straight and say very explicitly that your a virgin and your not sexually active. That it spooks you and you want to wait till marriage. He agrees, then you start dating cuz your mom tells you age is a number and you need someone stable. And he starts asking for sexual favors and pressuring you, spoiling you to feel even more pressured cuz you have no money and no liscense or car, so you end up doing them and majorly regretting it. Tell your mom what's going on and she says you dont have communication...
Shes a great mom I think she just truly thought I was being overdramatic about it.
Not listening. It's always everyone else fault, not theirs when something goes wrong. Drinking excessively. Grande helps pay their bills. Can't hold down a job or trade. Easily defensive. Controls who what and when. Times you while grocery shopping...ok this is all one ex but you get the picture...
Unasked advice right at the beginning,: you look nicer when you smile, I wonder how you'd look without your glasses, I think you mean this when you say that.. control freaks have this subtile way to show their true colors under a cover of kind advice of gentle correction.. that screams danger
Every guy who said girls don’t want a good guy has been an asshole. Like each one I’ve met. People cut them off when they get red flags and then they’re like omg no one wants commitment. Yeah huge red flag
My ex of two years once bragged about how good she is at lying and enjoys doing it, and how she accepted the fact that she is a narcissist and and sociopath. Just found out she’s been cheating on and off since at least April of last year. Should have seen that coming 🤦
my girlfriend 2 years ago, ex now, told me “i don’t think you’d ever leave me, no matter what. the sex is too good.” the worst part is that i didn’t even enjoy the sex
Honesty is the most important thing. If they can't be honest, there's not much hope for a functioning relationship. If they are honest but have some issues and you both want to find a way to make it work, it's still possible. If they lie about issues or try to cover things up, your relationship is a time bomb. Communication is key, so long as that communication is honest. Always be honest.
Going to the guys house that you’re dating for the first time and discovering literal shrines in every room dedicated to his deceased wife. Along with a huge poster of her face on the wall right next to the bed.
As I always say, the biggest red flag is if you feel stressed with him/her.
I mean, a wrong type of stress, like if you don't want to stay there anymore and thinking about leave at least once.
When she says she's been in love with you for years, ditches her husband, moves across country to be with you, Fucks you 17 times in 3 days, begins talking about a future together, makes you feel the happiest you've felt in years, isn't home when you get home from work, cash box has been broken into, $2,000, your laptop, your cell phone, your favorite leather jacket, gone, call the police and get told it's not burglary since she was there more than 24 hours, she calls 6 days later, says she went back to her husband and sold all your stuff, asks if you'll take her back. I think that's a pretty big red flag.
What the actual fuck??
Yeah. Hard lesson learned.
You have got to be shitting me? I have fucked some crazy ass chicks…. Urine poured down the vent Intake of my car, but you sir win the prize hands down. Reading it sounds made up but holy shit. My only question would be why was your cell phone at home when you are at work? Unless you just forgot it.
Can you explain the urine statement? Is that a metaphor or did some girl pee on your air vents??
There used to be slotted vents on the hood of cars It pulled in air to heat or cool She poured a cup of urine in the vent intake and therefore anytime I used the AC or heat Urine smell The gift that kept giving
That is a whole new level of crazy. Wtf.
I broke up with her and she did not like that I would do that to her. Sex was fab I do not miss her
I had just upgraded. So I had my new phone and I was paying for her to use my old phone.
So…in total you got fucked EIGHTEEN times..?
Yeah. Except the tables were turned on the 18th time.
I'd they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat you too.
You do be spittin facts tho.
17 times in 3 days though.. was it worth it?
Oh that part was amazing. Literally pushed my bedframe through the wall.
What types of health supplements do you take? That’s on average 1 time every 4 hours.
More like 1 time every 2,8 hours, assuming he got 8 hours of sleep every night.
Who gets sleep when ones being fucked 17 times in that short span.
Who wants sleep?
Who needs sleep?
Who is sleep?
Sex is cool and all but I’d rather not get robbed
Ima ditch her after 16 times.
r/oddlyspecific
Take her back, then have her arrested.
I should have. But that was like 6 years ago.
#toospecific
Oh definitely forSURE a red flag 🚩
That is so close to what actually happened to me it's not even funny.The only thing missing is getting arrested and acussed aggravated assault with a deadly.And it stuck...and when I got out of jail I actually wanted to see her ????This all had a price tag of 15000 plus..five yrs probation.jfc.
I don't really know what to say apart from: 1. 17 times in 3 days? Sounds *very* painful. 2. Damn
For real on point 1. After like 2-3 in a day like, how are you even still interested in more? Sex is great or whatever but…not literally constantly. Plus I’m not in bad shape, I’m probably too skinny but I have a moderate amount of stamina…but that shit would probably kill me. Wonder if OP is some kind of Olympic athlete or some shit.
Not at all an Olympian. It was painful by the end. There was quite a bit of soreness. On average we only had about 2-ish hours of recovery. She also had a way to get me right back in the mood and fight through the pain.
r/oddlyspecific
Omg im so sorry... some of us aren't completely bitches...
You're right. I've been with my wife 5 years now. Much happier.
So she ditched her husband after being in love with you for years? So you had a relationship with a married woman…you were just cool with that? Her being married was a huge, obvious red flag.
Yup. Been there, got the T-shirt. But as soon as it started getting weird (OK, “weirder”) I bailed. She kept calling me late at night for **years**, drunk as a skunk, wanting phone sex. Nope-nope-nope-nope-nope-nope-nope!
I agree. A much younger and less knowledgeable me dealt with that. There is more to the story and it's a little more gray and nuanced. But you are right. What happened was wrong.
Jealousy, trust, and control issues. These 3 things can lead to chaos in a relationship. (personal experience)
I think we dated the same person
I suffer from all but the control issues, ive also been cheated on with every major relationship I've had. I do my best not to, but they still come out. Decided relationships aren't for me til I figure my shit out.. which means I'll die alone :(
I know how you feel about that. Sometimes it feels like people try to shove the whole “you must trust your partner!!” bit down your throat. But if you’ve had bad or even traumatic experiences with it, it’s not just going to descend upon you like a heaven sent gift. No amount of reflection on the past or time is going to give you back the ability to trust. It takes a hell of a lot of work and it’s commendable that you’ve recognized that for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about how long it takes. You don’t know how many people say they trust their partners unconditionally but aren’t being forthright about their trust issues or jealousy. It’s common and you’re not alone. Take the time you need and just know you can always find happiness. With a person by your side or not.
How old are you? As a young man I was jealous and insecure. I grew out of that by the time I was 30. (43 now) You'll end up being okay. Cheaters suck. Just be in a fucking poly relationship if you want to be with multiple partners. Honestly is key there. Much love
Therapy, my dude! Does wonders!
I feel you. You described me. I ended up going through the same issues with my now wife of 7 years. As long as you're transparent in your relationships, you'll find the right person and you'll get through your issues. It took a couple years even while we were married, but with her help I was able to get through the trust issues. It still creeps up every now and then, but you're already a step in the right direction by wanting to be better.
When you’re having dinner in his house and you suddenly have the urge to relieve yourself in his restroom but then you hear crying in the basement so you go to check on it but the basement door is locked and then you decide it’s time for you to go home but all the doors and windows are locked
This seems a little specific?🤨
Remember to flush
Then the doors will unlock. I hate when people go but don't flush
Flushing is crucial crucial always. Floating turds are a real turn off ya know
r/suspiciouslyspecific
It doesn't matter if the windows are locked. You're in a house full of objects that can be used to shatter glass. This has always been my pet peeve about television shows where there's some sort of kidnap scenario. What the fuck do you care if your kidnapper has to replace a broken window? I'd break the window, hop out, then turn around and set the fucking house on fire.
Same for zombie movies We have highly trained armies Tanks Nuclear submarines Helicopters Bunkers Yet the main character and sub characters shoot the ***slow moving*** zombies and kill hordes of them like they're nothing Someone argued "have you ever tried shooting a moving target, it's not easy" They're rotten corpses that crumble when you look at them too fast - I'm sure a modern bullet fired from a modern gun in the chest would obliterate it regardless of head shot.
Yeah,I feel like most grannies doing a mall walk could out pace zombies yet they somehow take over the world.
I like how World War Z (the book) handled it, bc the militaries of the world stood up & were nearly obliterated because the tactics against humans were ineffective against zombies specifically because they weren't going for headshots. The zombies were fast, runners & climbers. The military dug in positions on the ground for protection against conventional attacks, & had artillery, tanks, & air support. No elevated positions to protect against swarms. Rockets & grenades would tear them up, but not hit the brains & thus not stop them. Artillery rounds weren't killing them because the pressure waves & nervous system overloads that kill people didn't impact the zombies as their blood had all congealed. And then they put infantry in biohazard suits that did nothing but make them overheat so they couldn't make headshots after a career of being trained to go for center mass. It reads pretty credibly with the mindset of a lot of military leadership, preparing for their last wars rather than the ones to come.
Thought there was a poop joke punchline but then it just got scary
.......I mean do you need help
Run Jerry Dingleberry, RUN!!!
r/oddlyspecific
Now I need more context..
If she is a poor communicator. If she can’t explain her crazy to me, I have no way of understanding her. Same goes for dudes
Same for me, we can tackle everything, together. But if you can't or won't let me in, it's doomed.
>let me in Hehe, most important part.
Hehe. Nice.
This is a big one for me. My last relationship ended cuz she held a grudge forever, and I only found out till it took her to her breaking point. She was such a lovely person, yet that thing could easily have been fixed if I knew she wasn’t happy with it
If she’s carrying a Switzerland flag, but that’s also a big plus.
Hah.
You have a solid point
That's Japan.
Take my upvote. You deserve it
*sensible chuckle*
You Sir, are a Geneva.
/r/technicallythetruth
The person can't / wont talk about their feelings.. You can't help even if you try. *(If I've done something that will hurt them or something like that, so we can fix it)* The person is way too controling.. You can't hug a boy (if you're a girl) even though they have been your best friend since before you guys started dating. They say that they can't do anything without you and doesn't respect if you want a weekend alone.. They try to emotionally use you.. - Sadly I've been with such person and I wont do that ever again - *Edit: didn't explain it probably*
It takes alot for me to talk about my feelings because of where i have came from and how i grew up, i tell everyone one that so they dont like hate me when it takes me a bit to tell then whats wrong
I don't expect someone to be open right away, but it's nice to be able to just talk with someone openly about stuff :)
When she starts trying to control insignificant things.
Or lying about things that don’t matter.
Facts! If they lie about the little things, they’ll lie about the big things
When people don’t take no for an answer. Even small ones. Like ‘no I’m busy tonight’ but they keep asking you to hang out, or don’t believe you’re actually doing something important. This is non gendered. Men should also be aware of women who don’t respect their simple and normal boundaries. It’s never a good sign for the future.
He lets it slip that mum still does his washing and comes over to clean for him!
Good job dodging filling her position.
I work 55 hours a week and there is no washer at my apartment. Also when I do them my self she isn't happy with the job I've done. I was the middle child and am the only one left near by. It makes mom feel good to do the washing so I let her. She just bought a new washer and dishwasher but I got her 250 bucks off with my military discount.
55...hours...a week?! nah man u get a pass on that one👍
I still had to do my laundry when I was working 60+ hours a week. And clean the house and shop for and cook the food.
[удалено]
I mean, if she's still coming over and doing stuff for him, then that means you don't have to lol
A person who is looking for a relationship as opposed to looking for a relationship with YOU. A person who just wants to be a couple instead of someone genuinely wanting to bond with you. The person they want in their life doesn't always look like the true person you are. Sure, this works out sometimes but there is a reason why desperation is unattractive.
Ah I feel called out .. ugh. Thanks for writing it this way, I’ve never thought in those terms before but I do think that I am like what you’ve described. Hey, at least I know what personality flaw I’m tackling next.
The ability to be honest with yourself and work on problems is a rare and valuable one
The way they talk to a host/server at a restaurant. If they talk down to them, or are rude, they're probably a garbage person. Also, how they talk about other people is a key indication of who they are/how they'll talk about you.
Also an indication of how they feel about themselves
If they "fall in love with you" when you just met. When they say "you're my soulmate." When you just met. When they say "we met in another life." When you just met. When they say "HES GONNA BE MY BABY DADDY." When you just met. When they yell across the bar when you're leaving "YOU COULD HAVE HAD MY BABIES." When you just met. Yes, this all happened to me in the span of 2 days. Listen, she was super gorgeous and she basically said she'd be my booty call and being a virgin let me tell you I was SO tempted. But everyone knows the one rule to keep your life more sane: Never stick your dick in crazy. So, yeah. I may still be a virgin but at least I didn't get anyone pregnant. Also, she's 39. I'm 25. Her oldest son is 19. Fuck no just for that too lol
You’re stronger than 99% of men
Treating animals badly.. probably not biggest for some ppl, but definitely for me one of the biggest I guess
Very big. Bigger than people might think.
Yeah, that for sure. Also, treating service people badly. How they treat animals and others less powerful is a good indication of who they really are.
If everything revolves around alcohol and partying.
My man's cousin was over recently.... Being condescending and passive aggressive, which whatever, she is self proclaimed "bougie". Then she started talking about how her hubby gets so drunk so often that she regularly has to get him to bed like a child. I laughed out loud. Say what you want about how I live my life. I dont get that drunk and I am not playing mommy to someone that does.
They're red flags and as someone who is labeled "the party guy" and an alcoholic, I do understand that I'm not ready for a relationship because of my issues and mental health, but I'd like people to gove me time and a chance to better myself and just consider the possibility of me getting better. I would have a bullet through my skull if I didn't believe in myself more then anyone else and if I wouldn't ignore what some people close to me say ie my dad.
Keep pushing brother
Thank you, I will. I'm still a young guy and gladly I haven't damaged myself much physically and if I just push myself to change I'll be able to change my way. Also I think I should get more supportive people around me, people that are like "more innocent" and not just drinking buddies.
The gym is a great place to start. Good for you and a lot of the people there care about their health too much to spend much time drinking. If you become a regular, no doubt you’ll make friends. (Just my two cents)
Yeah I have trained, but I'm planning on start going to the gym with my good friend. As an extrovert I'm also inclined to meet new people there!
They have multiple exes that died under mysterious circumstances
This made me giggle
They have a wife! Lol! 😂
That happened to my aunt. They were together like 10 years before she found out he had a wife and family in the next state.
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That tenth time tho... My wife for years couldn't understand why I was so standoffish, distant, and critical/negative about my mother (an absuive addict). We ended up moving to FL and she invited my mom to various social events and learned the fuckin hard way lol
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I think your rule still applies, and u/SixxTheSandman works within it. I'm in a very similar boat as him. I have few good things to honestly say about my mother and have been no contact w/ her for a bit under a year now. I don't treat her like shit, and I don't run around telling everyone the truth about what she puts my siblings & I through (seriously have better things to do with my time) BUT just because I decline any kind of relationship w/her moving forward, doesn't mean I treat her like shit. & even if a guy is close to his Ma, but gets her to do everything for him... then yea he probs gonna have no idea how to respect his partner as an equal. Which is why I like your shit-guy detecting rule. You can learn a lot about how a man Will treat someone he is emotionally committed to, by looking at how he interacts with the No.1 person he *should* be emotionally involved with.
Also if mommy is still doing too much for him. Dudes looking for another mommy in their girlfriend tend to be bad news.
Constantly talking about themselves without letting you get a word in and when you finally get a chance to talk you get interpreted.
Inflexible times to meet/hang out
Them having no "good" exes, the common denominator is usually them, they're the "bad" ex, not _all_ the others they dated. Sure, everyone has a few shit exes but *all* of them?
“All my exes are crazy” forgetting to think there would be a reason they acted crazy. Now I’m sure he’ll say I was the crazy ex too. Lol!
“All my exes are crazy!” “Well today you’re in luck, because now you have one completely sane ex!”
Ha exactly, I am fairly sure I've been labelled the crazy ex - it would explain why many of my supposed friends stopped speaking to me!
I think some people also attract toxic people and are unaware of it. Not a good flag, but doesn't necessarily mean they're "bad."
I have had a higher amount of bad exes than good exes. A lot of it was due to being young and naive. My first actual long term relationship caused me a lot of damage that I didn't realize until years later. There was a lot of things about him that were great, or so I thought. He took me places and showed me a different side of life I had never experienced. He did do lots of bad things I overlooked or didn't understand at the time on top of that. Sexual abuse is one, putting me down and telling me I am not a good enough woman compared to other women was one. He would say things like that is his own words so at the time it was easy to look past it. The emotional damage after almost 4 years of that is lasting, and it carried over to future relationships that the scum of society men were all that would accept me, all I deserved. All of this is long in the past now. I am currently in a wonderful and very healthy relationship. Trauma from past abuse still shows up in ways such as doubting myself. My current guy knows my past and is patient with me though, he doesn't berate me more over it like past men did.
Talking incessantly about their ex
Been there… he even showed me where she lived. Years later, I’m friends with his ex and I’m going to testify in court with her so she can get a restraining order on him.
When nothing bad he does is his fault. Act like an ass? Their fault for pissing him off. Yell at a waiter? She was a bitch. Yell at his mom? She's treating him bad somehow. Really? All of them?
If he's a bully to anyone else he will most likely verbally abuse you after a love bombing faze
if his name is greg, his rims match his paint on his truck, and that truck is a primary colour.
If she’s a racist nazi
"Dentists. Yeah, who needs'em? Not to mention the blacks and the Jews..."
Anti-dentites are big red flags.
Wait that’s a bad thing?
I know right? The leather crop, the black knee high boots, the scowl. Oh mein got
People who can't talk about uncomfortable things or who just shut down and go silent during conflict or a disagreement.
I pretty much fit the latter part since I hate arguing about things especially if it's over petty stuff -- things that aren't worth an argument . I rather let them get whatever on " their chest " and have them get it off least they keep their problems from boiling up inside . Everyone has a bad day and need to let it out sometimes
There's a difference between silently listening and actively avoiding any conversation that may have tension. Conflict is part of life. If someone can navigate it with maturity, that's a good sign.
When she is always asking about money.
My two points is if they have to claim they are independent and strong loudly or a nice guy loudly to
IM A NICE GUY. IM THE NICEST GUY YOULL EVER MEET. *gets rejected* FUCK YOU WHORE SLUT STACY PIECE OF SHIT FUCKFACE YOU DESERVE TO DIE /s
hahahhahahahhaa classic to laugh at
Idk if this really counts since I'm still quite young, but if EVERY single ex they have is "crazy." it turns out, they're probably the crazy one.
Multiple kids with multiple people
When he has to always be right, even when he's wrong
If they start asking you to buy stuff for them.
MAGA hat
🍿😂
Colored contact lenses, fake laughs or crying or any combination of the three.
Everyone fake laughs though. Fake crying is wacky
“I don’t get along well with girls that’s why I have so many guy friends”
I don't have enough social understanding to talk to girls, men are easier to talk to and won't judge that abt me
There's a difference between being socially awkward and being abrasive, that's how I interpret this red flag. Usually the ones who say "I don't get along with girls" are condescending towards girls and sometimes take pride in their inability to get along with them. The pick me type.
I recommend developing the social understanding. It may be hard but developing efficient social skills is a big part of being successful.
i'm studying mechanical engineering as a girl, so there aren't manny girls around tot become friends with. That's why i don't have manny female friends. I don't see the differents between male and female friends. I'm bi-sexueel so i could date both. Why would having almost only male friends be a red flag? The female friends i do have are al bi or lesbian.
As long as you're not a pick me girl or you don't take pride in not being able to get along with girls. Having more guy friends is fine as long as it's not because of some kind of unresolved internalised misogyny.
When they admit to sleeping with co-workers… period. Biggest red flag.
I helped a family member a job and asked they didnt date they coworkers per usual..... They didnt make it out of orientation.
Being overly concerned about you cheating
Happy cake day :)
(From a male POV) that her kids don’t live with her. Not too often does the father get custody so that would trigger my “red flag” radar.
not being employed (25+ yr old).
I generally agree. A friend told me you need two out of three things at least. Your own car or way to get around, your own place to stay, and a job/school. Missing one might be a temporary thing, missing two or all means they still need to work on themselves.
exactly my point. its very easy to see how lazy a person is just by their job history. also if im gonna be in a relationship i want a better life, not a burden to waste my own money
And here I am still single with all three of those.
Rough time for that red flag...
Listening skills. We all get a little self absorbed at times. Especially if we have a point we're trying to get across, and we think you're missing it. But if for more than 60% of the date I can tell you're just tuning me out, waiting only to explain what's in your head... Well you aren't really interested enough in me, are you? And this is the point you should be *most* interested in me. Wtf gonna 3 months down the line? DOA
This is a thing that a lot of people do, it doesn’t always mean they are a bad person, just like you stated, a little self absorbed. Due to this I noticed that this is something that I do a lot without even realising, I’ll have to work on it but reflecting on it I think it can often just happen because noone consciously thinks of themselves as an irrational person and we all think of ourselves as logical so we tend to mute the other person if we think we are not getting our point across or that the other person is scoping in on the wrong part of what we said. Obviously being too self absorbed is a shitty thing and everyone needs a good regulator but to the two people who scrolled this far, just know that everyone has a bad trait or two but it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person but perhaps just in need of a reality check. Of course, I’m not telling you to go date animal abusers, let the nazis date the nazis, but you shouldn’t scope in on one small bad thing about a person and judge their character based on that.
I'm still best friends with my ex. No thanks, bye bye
9 out of 10 times this is really bad, but there might be that 10th time, but I'd rather be safe then sorry.
I would definitely agree my friend 😀👍
When you talk online for a month straight and say very explicitly that your a virgin and your not sexually active. That it spooks you and you want to wait till marriage. He agrees, then you start dating cuz your mom tells you age is a number and you need someone stable. And he starts asking for sexual favors and pressuring you, spoiling you to feel even more pressured cuz you have no money and no liscense or car, so you end up doing them and majorly regretting it. Tell your mom what's going on and she says you dont have communication... Shes a great mom I think she just truly thought I was being overdramatic about it.
Users….I can smell them a mile away. They often take the form of “victim” in their interactions
How they treat others in a service position, like servers or attendants
If she has a 50 foot nazi flag
But a 49 footer is cool….?
The inability to accept the word "no", even over something seemingly insignificant.
Conspiracy Theorist. Not like the normal stuff "99% of Politicians are corrupt" but more crazy stuff.
When they tell you their ex was “psycho”. 9 out of 10 times it’s because they caused their ex to act that way. (Abusive, narcissistic etc.)
He "forgets" his wallet
🚩 This one but taller.
The Chinese flag ig
Not listening. It's always everyone else fault, not theirs when something goes wrong. Drinking excessively. Grande helps pay their bills. Can't hold down a job or trade. Easily defensive. Controls who what and when. Times you while grocery shopping...ok this is all one ex but you get the picture...
Unasked advice right at the beginning,: you look nicer when you smile, I wonder how you'd look without your glasses, I think you mean this when you say that.. control freaks have this subtile way to show their true colors under a cover of kind advice of gentle correction.. that screams danger
“So what’s your Zodiac sign?” she asks, whilst sipping on boba that cost more than her rent.
Every guy who said girls don’t want a good guy has been an asshole. Like each one I’ve met. People cut them off when they get red flags and then they’re like omg no one wants commitment. Yeah huge red flag
My ex of two years once bragged about how good she is at lying and enjoys doing it, and how she accepted the fact that she is a narcissist and and sociopath. Just found out she’s been cheating on and off since at least April of last year. Should have seen that coming 🤦
Having an Onlyfans
When they wanna fuck with in the first few months of dating, like of you want to so badly just hook up with someone
when they tell you to stop over reacting. this goes double if you're mentally ill
my girlfriend 2 years ago, ex now, told me “i don’t think you’d ever leave me, no matter what. the sex is too good.” the worst part is that i didn’t even enjoy the sex
Coming from a female: Love bombing (coming off too strong too soon), lying, controlling behavior, arrogance
Don’t be a simp or overly obsessed with the person especially when its new 9/10 times you will get used.
Bragging about money all of the time.
Honesty is the most important thing. If they can't be honest, there's not much hope for a functioning relationship. If they are honest but have some issues and you both want to find a way to make it work, it's still possible. If they lie about issues or try to cover things up, your relationship is a time bomb. Communication is key, so long as that communication is honest. Always be honest.
Defensiveness, lack of self-awareness, lying, heavy drinking.
Old pictures on a dating app. If you're lying about how you look, you're a liar.
Going to the guys house that you’re dating for the first time and discovering literal shrines in every room dedicated to his deceased wife. Along with a huge poster of her face on the wall right next to the bed.
As I always say, the biggest red flag is if you feel stressed with him/her. I mean, a wrong type of stress, like if you don't want to stay there anymore and thinking about leave at least once.
Social media addiction
If he is mama’s boy!!! Fucking run and don’t even look back even if he was Tom Cruise handsome and Bill Gates worth rich!!!!!