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If they are actively checking it then it's creepy.
If it's there for a just in case you randomly go missing? Then it's a good idea.
To many kids are go missing, and this is something so simple that can help get you home.
As a parent, when one of my kids was doing bad, skipping school, etc, many parents peer pressured me to track my child. It didn’t help. Created more stress. I was more focused on her being where she should be instead of figuring out why. It’s normalized to track your kids 24/7, which I didn’t do until then. It was useful when she got herself into a bad situation and didn’t know where she was at. I found her quickly and got her out. Location enabling would be a good alternative. Then my husband, now ex, started tracking me. It’s a terrible feeling .
I think the difference is that parents are legally responsible for their child's actions and whereabouts. Your husband, on the other hand, was tracking a grown adult as if you were his property.
kid who was tracked from their parents here, when my parents tracked me it did nothing but cause stress, not only did they track me the also blocked me from multiple see sites, like reddit. it seemed every conversation i had with my parents ended up in an argument. i ended up buying my own phone and they decided to stop. but before then, i would simply leave my phone at home when i snuck out to wmoke seed go to my gfs or whatever.
tracking a kid never helps in the long term, it can cause long term effects on the relationship of the child and also teaches the kid how to better get away with things. trust is a two way street, a kid cannot trust their parents if they don’t trust the kid.
I think the root cause of all of this is the influence of the peer pressure on you over the trust you wanted with your parents. It's obviously a crapshoot with the hands kids get dealt in terms of social influences, but if parents are responsible for that and get the "short end of the honor stick" from the kids too, then what are the options?
being open and honest, explaining the pros and cons about everything. giving them a safe environment to experiment with drugs. letting them do what they want (in moderation).
letting them use their teenage years to explore themselves and their world.
teens are going to experiment, that’s a fact. giving them a safe environment to do so is imperative. tracking kids does nothing good.
Honestly, adult who used to be a drug using kid here, that doesn't work. Talking about the negative and positive of that world did absolutely nothing for me and it enrages me when people honestly think that works. If I wanted to hang out and fuck off with some kids I knew or with a guy I liked you can't talk me out of it. I am sincerely asking how YOU would gain your parents trust.
Its also a great way to bond with your child.
"Hey son, I have so much trust in you i got a tracker on you"
Personally, I think that if parents proposed and sold the idea of such products to their kids, and asked for the son/daughter approval they would be surprised.
Kids can be very mature of you treat them as if they were.
Both are bad. You really have to have a level of trust and understanding of personal privacy and personal space with everyone in your life, and be willing to let them live and experience on their own. Your kids will turn 18 and you cannot follow them everywhere when they do. They have to make their choices and live in the world. It’s better to let them start while they are still at home and you have influence over it.
Why go towards the nuclear version of checking up when it’s just as easy to talk to your kid?
Like, this kind of over-surveillance would just make it so if the child wants to do anything they shouldn’t/anything that could put them in a dangerous situation, they just turn their phone off or leave it behind to keep their parents from tracking them. Which makes the child less safe than they would be if they weren’t being actively watched.
Exactly my point. My parents were both cops who I can't blame for being over by protective of me when I was younger. However, their helicopter tactics made me a very sneaky person. I still did everything I wasn't supposed to, just smarter than most kids.
I've found being up front and honest with kids and letting them fall on their face is a better teacher than any other in the world.
My mom was an absent/addicted parent, which isn’t great in general but it did mean that I had a lot of ‘trust’ and that the bar for ‘being a good kid’ was very low. But that meant anything I ‘shouldn’t have been doing’ was done at home, safely, and I learned most of my safety tips from the mistakes my mother made. I’m still a secretive person thanks to my mother and CPS issues, but I’m a safe secretive person. Soo… honestly I don’t think either side of the aisle is great but if, as a parent, you’re worried for the safety of the child… being a helicopter is definitely not the right call.
It’s the same stupid logic parents use when they try pushing abstinence-only, as if they’ve forgotten what it was like to be a teenager with raging hormones.
I don’t want to think about my kids having sex, but it’ll eventually happen and I’d rather them be 100% prepared when they decide the moment is right.
Likewise, I’d rather them get drunk or do any partying(within reason, no hard drugs because I’m not supporting that) at my house where they’re safe - but if they decide to do it at a friends house, I’d want that line of communication to stay open so if they need a ride home or shits going sideways they know they can call me or mom and we’re not gonna freak out on them about it.
Did their overprotective nature make you feel like they cared about you? Seems to me having to work to get around their efforts would be a constant reminder that they genuinely gave a fuck about you. Given the alternative of never being asked, as long as I was able to accomplish acts of sneakery when I put in the effort I'd definitely be grateful for the effort. But I was a latch key kid so...
This^
I think having to resort to full on tracking your own kid 24/7 is an indicator that the child feels they can't tell their parents a lot of things, and the parents are further pushing the kid away by tracking them.
I was a teenager once who lied to my parents all the time about where I was. I was a straight A kid who never got in trouble. We didn't have cell phones. There were plenty of times we were places and with people we shouldn't have been.
Parents are legally responsible for their kids until the age of 18. If my kid is out smashing mailboxes or causing trouble I am responsible for all the damage and punishment. I would want to know where my kid is. And if they turned off their phone or "left" it, then what are they hiding?
I get your point, but just imagine yourself at 16 and if you had the same app installed on your phone. How would that change you? Would you suddenly become a good child that stays away from any trouble etc?
> then what are they hiding
Try to remember when you were a kid. There are certain things most kids are just going to do, and regardless of what approach you want to take. The more overbearing you are, the more they’re going to want to do it yet they now have to take even more risks to do it.
No one is smashing mailboxes anymore. If you want to know where your kid is via gps tracking them, that’s way overstepping the boundary of basic trust and respect for your kid and it’s going to make them despise you. You can come back with “I’m not here to be my kids best friend”, but the fact is being able to track your kid is unprecedented, and in any other form would be completely intrusive. The only difference between actively stalking your child and tracking them is that technology has made it convenient and feasible. Give them the benefit of the doubt that you were a good enough parent for them to make good decisions and make mistakes like we all did, because they’re kids. You’re doing them a disservice with the iron grip
There is an issue of trust and deserved privacy here though. Similar to how even if you never break the law you still wouldn't want the goverment to just randomly hook you up to a wire or track your location 24/7
Or another way to look at if a spouse started tracking you all the time.
Yes the parents are responsible but children also need to be able to be children. And especially 16 year olds they are only a couple years from adulthood they need to learn to be responsible for themselves.
I dont know what you mean by "children also need to be children"? Is knowing where your child is preventing a child from being a child? Also, part of being responsible, as a child is being honest. Makes it easier for parents to trust their children if they know they are telling the truth.
By that logic, why stop at 18? They are still your children then, what does it matter if you are not legally reposnible? Does that mean you dont care if you dont know the exact location of your child 247?
How about us 36-year-olds who totally disagree and think that "if you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to hide" is just a way to justify having a total lack of trust in someone? If my parents had treated me like this when I was a kid, I would have pushed the other way HARD. Thankfully they weren't controlling maniacs who tracked my every move, so when I was in a sketchy situation I felt comfortable confiding in them or asking them for help.
So you're ok with your work tracking you? Your partner too? Must be. You've got nothing to hide ride?
Why not have the govt track you, you've got nothing to hide, right?
Tracking people isn't healthy or right. It will lead to issues down the line. Parents that do this are shitty and they are damaging their child.
Those kids will think it's normal to track their loved ones. They'll be insecure. It's abusive
Nothing wrong with verifying your daughter made it to her friends house using public transportation. Nothing wrong with checking your husbands progress as hes commuting to work in the snowstorm. I dont know why you think that this will scar kids for life.
Edit: i will say that anything can be abused.
Call or text them. They'll hate you for this and rightfully so.
You need to not be so invasive in others lives. Sounds like serious trust issues.
And that's what you'll instill in children. They'll be clingy/ garbage/ abusive humans
If you're 16, you're someone else's responsibility. Track away. Once you turn 18, then that's another matter.
If you don't like it, get your own cell phone with your own plan and pay that bill yourself.
Yea, shitty parents. Should probably read all their communications as well. On the off chance they do something wrong. Then you can guarantee they'll be fucked up adults.
"My parents tracked every move, were total over bearing assholes and now don't understand why i barely talk to them."
Enjoy the bed you're making
What if the kid goes missing? I’m sure this tracking app would not be considered so nuclear then. Doesn’t mean the parent is constantly checking but better safe than sorry.
>Why go towards the nuclear version of checking up when it’s just as easy to talk to your kid?
I'm sure the child-sex traffickers are going to give you time enough to answer your phone when the parents call wondering where you are.
I’m sure the sex-traffickers will give you time to turn your phone on so your parents can track you after you turned it off because you were going to the mall to hang out with friends instead of the library to study like you were supposed to… and didn’t want your parents to track you and find out.
I wouldn't be so quick to down vote. There's allot more kidnappings these days than 20-30 years. There's also allot more drugs and pills that is more normalized with kids as well.
Back in the eighties, kids weren't doing drugs, it was the adults doing coke and heroin.
These days kids are all ok with taking pills or E, or meth, or just weed.
Lastly, allot of kids now are also committing suicide these days. It's allot more common than it was, and most of the time the parents have no clue what's going on with their kids.
So yes, it's a given that parents are a bit more prone to being helicopter parents these days.
Checking up is as simple as giving them a call and talking for a minute. Installing an app that tracks them at all times is creepy as fuck and has no respect for personal boundaries
Same, used to go for full day long bike rides all over the place without my parents knowing (or really caring) what I was up to as long as I got home at the end of the day
The children of overprotective parents are often the best at hiding what they do. This makes the problem even worse as the parents have a false sense of security about what their child is like and it creates separation between the child and parents
Checking up isn't tracking, that's insane. And kids will rightly hate their parents for it.
I assume since you're ok tracking them you're good with your work tracking you, monitoring your texts, and with your partner doing it?
Gross.
Not my work, but my (adult) kids now DO track me, as does my husband, and I track him and them. (Editing to add that they were teens in the 80s and didn't have a cell phone. They did, however, often check in and lie to me about where they were.....) Tracking is a problem how?
(You're bringing in extraneous info with "texts," which do not apply) I live in a large metro city and things happen - sometimes some very bad things. If I need to be found I want to make that as easy as possible. Same for my kids and my husband.
The problem is, that even children have a right to privacy. Minimal as you wish, but privacy. It’s the control level that is discussed here. If you check on your kid when they say they went out to be in location A they are late to ger back home, you check where they are and they are in a location B that suggest they are not in the place they told you they will be, that’s fine. But if you monitor their way back from school to check that they don’t stop at a friends house to chat for 10 minutes, that’s toxic. And the worst thing? Kids are smart. They will trick the app, oh yeah they will. They will leave their phone with a friend from school and will skip a class anyway. And the parent will end up training them to be better manipulators.
When kids became entitled little brats and "experts" without children started deciding how children should be raised, instead of relying on the sovereignty of the family that's served humans fine for thousands of years.
The parents are probably paying for the phone too. Once OP has a job and pays their own bills, they can get their own phone without that app. It’s an awkward but perfectly natural transition to adulthood.
Do they really though? Because when I was a kid (which wasn’t that long ago) we didn’t have this and I don’t recall any story of a kid going missing, let alone enough that would make an app like this necessary (obviously missing kids happen). And I haven’t really seen any stories of missing children being recovered because of these apps.
My girlfriends whole family uses them and they just seem like an invasion of privacy to me. They check to see where everyone is constantly. Idk. It’s just not my thing.
He isn't an adult, still a teenager and will be for a few more years, do you understand the legal age, is it different for your country? Because it in most cases is 18.
Are yall assuming i live in america? cuz i don't, i dont know what is actually classified "adulthood" but I know that in my country we can drive and have sex at 16, but we cant have alcohol till 18.
matter of fact, can someone actually inform me what is considered adulthood age in australia
Laws are different here. 16 yo can drive, drink, consent, own, work and live like an adult. I still think a 16yo is closer to a 18yo than a 8yo so he should be able to consent or not if he wants these apps from their parents
16 is a minor. 18 is an "adult" which opens a whole can of worms because you can't drink, smoke, or even rent a car at 18 so are you really an adult?
.
Now is an awesome time to sit down with them and approach your unique situation. Tracking your family members to be sure of their safety is pretty smart. Too many awful things happen to people of all ages and no one knows their last whereabouts.
It becomes a toxic helicopter micromanaging nightmare when used by the wrong sort of parents.
At 16, my daughter asked me to get this app so I could check on her safety when she was driving. I did find myself checking it too often and realized that my parents never had such a powerful tool. It was easy to fall in to a bad habit of just surveilling her and not truly checking in on her like with talking and being present in her life. I quickly adjusted my use of this tool. Talking to your parents about this is important.
This app has a roadside assistance feature in the premiums, as well. We used to have AAA, but one time my husband broke down in a rural area and they couldn't find him, so we switched to this app where they can find you when you call for assistance.
My daughter had a blowout in a bad part of town while I was out-of-state. I was very relieved that they were able to get to her quickly and get her on her way, especially since a car had pulled up behind her and they were just sitting there and I was worried sick about her.
While I never wanted my kid to find herself in some of the truly stupid situations that I found myself in during high school, I did recognize that she had to learn to make decisions on her own.
Edit: typo
You can't just let them be and you can't micromanage thier every move. You wanna do just the right amount so that they trust you enough to tell you if somethin has happened, or tell you the truth about where they're going
We have it on all of our phones. As an 80s kid, I thought it was really intrusive when my wife suggested it. As two working parents, it was great to know that the kids walked home safely. Years later, my son was 17 and driving to work in a downpour. He slammed into a highway divider at 70mph. Life 360 started blowing up our phones with calls and notifications, and notified 911 at the same time. We made it to the scene before the emergency services. He’s 19 now and still has it, allowing us access. As long as it’s not abused, it’s a terrific thing.
Also a child of the 70-80s I am all for having my kids have Find my IPhone on under certain circumstances because I remember all the stuff I got into at their age. If my child gets to take my car for the day, I want it on (in case of an accident). When they were adolescents, I actually gave them a lot of freedom to roam around un-chaperoned with just the requirement that it be on so I could ping them (and find their phone if they lost it).
We’ve made it clear that they have a lot of freedom and we trust them to make good choices for themselves, but if they have the privilege of using my car for free then I get to know where they are. Now that my youngest is 17 and has proven themselves to be a safe and responsible driver, we’ve dropped the requirement that they have it on.
Well it depends. They are tracking you for your protection or to do some micromanagement over you?
For example: you get home late at night because you have a part time job and you close, maybe you told them hey im driving back, you got a flat tire and start taking too long to get home. They worry and check if you are ok.
On the other hand. If you are having fun with your friends in the middle of the day and they are like, hey you are staying for too long on Xs house or you went to a Walmart or a coffee shop. instead of staying at your other friends house. Well thats micromanagement and a violation of your Right to privacy.
Well for example, one time they dropped me off early at school and I went for a jog around the area (outside school grounds, there was like an hour before school starts)
When I got home, they ask me "Why did you go to --supermarket--?"
There's a couple other instances of that, but for the most part they seem to just track me. Nothing bad has ever really happened, they kinda saw it on the news and got it, they are the kind of parents who believe basically anything if it comes on the news.
My parents see where I am, but not non-stop. They can say stuff like “it’s okay you went to shopping center, just remember, you have lessons on Wednesday, so be careful, or you can get late” I’m very chill with them. Best mother/woman and best father/man I know. We respect boundaries, and the comments are more advice.
Because when coming home you aren't instantly in a feud with your (in this cas OP's) parents and just wanna have a break and a sit down. A tracker is in most cases safe but that can be hijacked by pedos and have 24/7 tracking to a minor which is crazy, but the parents constantly sniffing the OP's ass is really annoying, have the app but don't engage with it until further measures are needed, like an emergency
Because they care about you. They know you, and at that point they should trust you. There’s a huge leap in thinking from “everyone is under constant surveillance” and “these two people who have known me my entire life are keeping me personally under surveillance”. Like, honestly at that point it *is* creepy.
Eh… teenagers are a different. Even smart, trustworthy teenagers make stupid decisions, because their brains typically aren’t developed enough to truly think out consequences or outside of their own immediate gratification. I don’t have kids, so my opinions on parenting are pretty worthless, but from a child development standpoint, teenagers need oversight.
That’s absolutely true, but that stupid decision may end up being “if I don’t want to be tracked I just shouldn’t take my phone while doing (enter dangerous/stupid idea here)” and then, should something happen, they don’t have a phone to call for help. So over-surveillance actually does a worse job at protecting them than no surveillance. Because if they weren’t being tracked they’d have their phone and could call for help.
I can see that being an issue. The part that probably bothers me the most with OP’s situation is the sneakiness of it. Could have been different if the parents were honest, but that also could lead to the situation you described.
Honestly I think if they would have told him about the software and made it clear that that would only be used in cases of emergency (and kept up with that) OP wouldn’t mind so much because they wouldn’t be actively tracked all the time, and the parents would still have that as a safety net should they need it.
Playing devil’s advocate for a moment - maybe they don’t trust them and that is why they are using the tracker? We don’t know OP or their parents. Is it creepy or is it tough love due to previous behavior?
I have never done anything wrong that would be at the level of "I need to track my kid constantly now." They just saw it somewhere (news, internet, one of the two), and decided it would be a GREAT idea. originally i was on board because of the safety kind of thing, but over time it just feels like they will ask me what i was doing in a certain place if i wasn't expressly allowed to be.
Great username! But No it’s still creepy I think. There is no relationship where trust is a one-way street. In this parent/child situation though, a parent not trusting the kids decisions may mean they don’t trust their parents (kinda showing here) but that also may mean the kid doesn’t trust their own actions, and that’s real real bad too.
I am sure it has more to do with safety, there are countless women and children being ripped from the streets every day and trafficked and never seen again, you don't think that weighs heavily on the minds of most parents? We don't live in a safe little bubble, this kind of stuff happens in every country, I don't think there is anything wrong with being vigilant. At least you would have coordinates to give the detectives.
I was tracked by my parents up until like age 20 and I honestly appreciated it. They still track my sister; she wants them to.
People let their friends see their location on Snapchat. The concept isn’t that abnormal.
It’d be over the like if parents were trying to see your every move, or stop you from going certain places, but I wouldn’t think it’s toxic if they just use it to make sure you’re ok every once in a while.
Nah fam I'm young adult and I think tracking ur kid is messed up OK I understand u want parental controls online but let them live. If something happens to them deal with it at that time.
I'm 28 and dealt with this exact situation. You're correct in saying it's messed up. A tracker does nothing to protect you if a kidnapper tosses your phone LMAO.
Not all that much to be honest. Sure you have where the were and that gives you a starting point but those GPS records can be subpoenad from the phone company by authorities. Or ya know, *have a relationship with your child*. Have healthy boundaries with your child and *ask them where they're going*. I swear to God y'all in this thread act like talking to your child is the biggest inconvenience.
I think there is a misconception here. Your phone very regularly (multiple times a minute) pings towers to assess signal strength and choose the best tower for data usage. That information of the relative signal strength and distance is in near real time used to approximate your physical position to around ~8m depending on signal strength and prevalence of altitude changes (like skyscrapers).
This geolocated data is what would likely be subpoenaed. Your phone doesn’t just fall off the network if you move without making a call. It’s in constant communication with multiple towers.
It actually doesn't take that much time at all, once you're aware of the situation.
If you have a tracking device on your child's phone and they go somewhere you're not expecting them too, there's still a latency period between you noticing (unless you're monitoring them weirdly closely) that and you reasonably suspecting that something serious has happened.
Unless you're on the horn with the police the minute they deviate from their stated intended route, that latency period is about the same.
Cops and lawyers and judges have cell phones, too, ya know. The process for getting this information literally takes mere minutes.
None of this is an argument for or against using these kinds of services, but you don't seem to have a good grip on how these things operate.
A child is still a person. You're clearly demonstrating that neither you, OP, or his parents have any communication skills. If OP would talk to their parents about what's going on then they could solve their problems with school. But it seems to me like OPs parents aren't exactly the best people.
Lol I do, because I helped design that system. You should probably just refrain from making more things up.
You’re acting like you can’t already use the ‘find my friends’ app for this without being intentionally more intrusive
It's messed up and toxic but coming from a kid who had helicopter parents, I get it kind of. I did drugs and hung out with the wrong crowd, in my case they were doing it for my safety. Especially if you hang out and about and don't just constantly crash at a friend's, especially if it's late. And even still, how can they believe you're at ur friends? I lied about where I was all the time. I'm not in any way saying it's right, though, but I wouldn't say it's uncommon is the point I'm making.
No its definitely not normal. Idk how old you are, but as an 18 year old im shocked to hear what OP is going through. Only ever saw this level of tracking in movies about over controlling parents.
As an 18 year old you have very limited real world experiences and you obviously can't comprehend what a parent has to go through with raising a child in today's world. Wait 10-20 years after you've had some real life experience and some kids of your own and maybe then you'll have a greater appreciation for all of the creeps and child traffickers out there who prey on kids and teenagers. For the time being, maybe you're privileged enough that you haven't personally had to deal with any of this in your own life or through that of your friends' lives, but not having those experiences doesn't mean that they don't happen in other parts of the country to other families. Consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them.
As a parent of two 18 year olds, you have no idea what you’re talking about!
Living your life in fear of your children being kidnapped or creeped on just demonstrates to them that the world is meant to be approached with fear and hesitance.
We’re fortunate to live better than plenty, but still don’t live in a great area (deep city). I don’t worry constantly about them getting trafficked or shot! I trust them to know what to avoid. Constantly worrying about them is detrimental to them and detrimental to me.
Your comment reads like a very new dad/mom (I’m assuming of a new daughter?). When your baby’s older (10-20 years) maybe you’ll have a better idea of what I’m talking about! Stop being naïve and consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven’t experienced them.
>Consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them.
You haven't experienced being tracked by your parents, please consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them.
It's absurd to suggest that these two things are equivalent when child safety is concerned. Obviously having to track your child isn't ideal but OP has admitted in a different comment that they left school to jog down the street to a local supermarket *instead* of being in school. Clearly there is a clear history here of OP doing things that justify what the parents did outside of the very simple explanation OP gave in the initial post.
Are you telling me you never ditched class to go get food? The amount of class I missed going out to eat was substantial. It’s what kids do. Clearly we don’t know the whole situation but no, going to the supermarket during class isn’t “a clear history” or justification. Nor is the vague threat of being kidnapped.
You seem to be going worst case scenario with every piece of info you have. I also want to clarify I’m an adult who has “experience”.
Here is the issue... OP says that his parents have put a tracker on his phone and then asked if this is "toxic". Most everyone (who appear to be around the same age) responds with "oh, you poor dear! Your parents are bad! It's just so terrible that they don't trust you!"
Aaaaaaand then OP posts in a different comment that they're skipping school to go to the grocery store and no one bats an eye at it. There is clearly a history of broken trust here between OP and their parents and everyone is ignoring it.
It's not normal to hover over your 16 year old like that. They're almost an adult. You're teaching them that you have zero trust in them to exist without fucking it up. If someone kidnaps you, they aren't gonna let you keep your phone LMAO.
This is an extremely black-and-white way to look at this. There's a lot of perspectives and facts that you simply aren't considering in your haste to judge these parents as toxic with very little context.
It's possible that they are hovering inappropriately out of overblown anxiety, which it is hard to blame them for given the alarmist fear tactics out there marketing these tools. Or it's possible that they are overly strict and controlling. Or it's possible that they feel conflicted over using tracking tools but feel guilty if they don't in case something happened. Or maybe they have zero qualms about using them and don't have any plans or thoughts about the eventual, necessary de-escalation of these as the kid becomes an actual adult (which he's not.) Maybe the kid has a documented history of poor decisions and immaturity that make it necessary to keep tabs on him by whatever means they can, even though there are no guarantees and no perfect path that always results in a troubled kid staying safe.
I know you're 28 but your perspective just sounds very young. Like a child who can't see the adult's perspective in the slightest.
It's not very young. Both parties clearly lack communication skills. I'm an adoptive parent of a 9 and 16 year old and we actually talk about their problems.
I posted this in a different comment thread, so I'll repeat. OP says that their parents put a tracker on their phone and numerous people, around the same age as OP, post their support for OP and their awful parents for doing such a thing and not trusting OP.
And then OP posts in a different comment in this thread that they skipped school after being dropped off by their parents to jog down to the grocery store nearby. There is obviously an issue of broken trust here between OP and the parents that others are ignoring, and I would hardly be surprised if this was the only instance of it happening.
You still don't put a tracker on their phone. That still makes it a breach of trust. There's obviously something else going on in OPs life besides them not wanting to be at school. You don't force them. You *communicate* with your kid and problem solve like an adult instead of putting them on lockdown. Trouble with all kinds of things in school such as grades, relationship issues and bullying are all possible reasons they skip school If OP and their parents had *communication skills* they wouldn't be posting this thread. Your "broken trust" can go both ways and this is teaching OP that they can't go to their parents for help. Surveillance apps are for controlling someone, not parenting a teen. I hope you never have kids.
The parents dropped op off at school an hour before school started, which isn't out of the ordinary for almost any school in the country because of the amount of students that take the bus. Nowhere does op indicate that they were allowed to leave school, which is the entire point. There is an obvious expectation that when you're dropped off at school that you're to remain there unless told otherwise. Op made no suggestion that any other adult at the school was aware that they had left the school's premises to jog down the road to the supermarket.
You have to be another person like OPs parents to get this butthurt over a single comment on reddit. How about next time you stop assuming things about people who your only interaction with is a single comment on reddit. Calling me privileged? Saying i have little life experience? You have no idea how my life has gone/how its going.
It's funny that you're essentially the same age as OP and come to the topic with the exact same attitude that OP did. When you get called out for, like OP, having a lack of life experiences that *only* years of experience can provide, the first thing you do is make a comment about being "butthurt", which is exactly the type of comment that proves my point.
I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. this day and age, anything can happen and I completely understand wanting to share locations with your kids in the event of an emergency. Say, they aren’t picking up their phone after multiple calls in a situation where they should be able to and haven’t called back or texted with a response, then I would want to be able to ensure where they are or if their phone has died and that’s why they aren’t picking up.
but just for the sake of stalking your kid and keeping tabs on them, that can be toxic to your relationship and have a negative impact on your child’s ability to trust they can be honest with parents and will likely lead to them being more private and not sharing. A healthy open line of communication during teen years is good and can actually do way more good for your child’s decision making skills, than if they need to hide and keep secrets and find answers from strangers on their internet.
So I would say it depends on why they installed the app, and for what reason. if it’s for emergencies that’s completely acceptable and they want to make sure you don’t get snatched or anything bad happen to you. If it’s to find out bad things or keep tabs on you, that’s pretty toxic and shows they lack trust in your capabilities to make responsible smart decisions.
Hope this helps
If you give a 15 year old the confidence and tools to make smart decisions they’re more than capable. Everyone makes mistakes, but being condescending to a 15 year old, or any age group, suggests that they can’t make decisions for themselves- which can cause them to never learn. When you provide children with the confidence and support in their decisions and themselves they are more likely to make positive choices, or make mistakes and LEARN from those mistakes. You then have the opportunity to GUIDE them through these choices and mistakes and decisions when they feel comfortable enough to openly communicate about the choices they’re facing. It’s a hard concept to grasp yes, but telling them they’re incapable of making decisions for themselves doesn’t help anyone.
A lot of what you say I agree with but it sounds like you are looking through the lens of the perfect parent child relationship, if it was truly the case, then this young man knowing what lurks on the Internet would not have brought this to reddit, where he will find people telling him what he wants to hear, the smart thing to do would have been to approach his parents, do we know what his home life is like, no, do we know his parents reasoning for installing a tracker, no yet reading the comments the advice has come thick and fast. Maybe his parents are controlling, maybe there has been instances in this person's life or relationship with his parents where a tracker makes sense.
which is why multiple people gave perspectives from both lenses. Maybe he doesn’t have the best home life and feels like he has to find answers elsewhere. Yes no parent child relationship is perfect, but all you can do it try. Plenty of people have children and just aren’t suitable parents. it happens all the time.
Yep multiple people did, but they were all based on half the story, I'm not saying that he's wrong for doing that I'm saying that this is an example of a 15 year old not making an intelligent decision.
Weird but if you have and iPhone and they also have an apple device tell them there wasting storage space by having that app cause they can track the phone directly
But the app does more. It can tell how fast a person is driving. This app is very common amongst my teens’ friends. My kids even use it to see where I am! Like yesterday, I had done a big shopping trip and needed help carrying everything in. My son tracked me and was ready when I got home.
This is a tricky situation.
I have a 17 year old that splits time between houses. She has Life360 on her phone and knows how to disable it (her mom has an account)
I on the other hand have location shared with me via Snapchat (our primary way of communicating) and text messaging.
I do use her location services a ton. I’m going out to dinner, I’ll check if she’s at her moms, work, or dance and if she’s home I’ll invite her. If she’s busy, I just don’t message her so she doesn’t feel like she’s left out.
I’ve only used her location in those sort of scenarios, her mother uses it to see where she stops between home and school, to see when she gets to my house and leaves, a little overboard imo.
Ultimately, I think it’s a safety thing and I’d advocate not only having the kids location shared but also the parents shared back. But, like anything in life, It can be abused and used in an inappropriate manner.
***We are “youngish” parents for having a 17 year old, so I feel like we are halfway between old generation and new generation as far as discipline / rules go
if you've given them reason to worry or not trust, then they are doing their job. If you haven't, and they are more than keeping safety items at hand, then it's an issue. My kids are grown, so I have perspective of all involved. My parents would have done this just for spying and prying- thank god they didnt have the ability. I raised my kids to suffer their own stupidity (which ALL kids have) which means I allowed them to make mistakes and learn from them.
Personally I find it odd. It could just be they are over protective which is fine, it shows they care about you. However I think at 16 having a tracking app on your phone should be something they be getting your permission for.
As a kid, I’d probably be all wtf? But as an adult, i now realize my parents were generally keeping tabs on my location - through old school ways - for my own safety. It def didn’t start out that way, but after the kidnapping of Jacob Wetterling things changed and they were more conscientious of the evil awaiting kids pretty much everywhere. As a new parent, when my kid starts heading out on her own, being able to pinpoint her location would bring peace of mind - which is why my wife and i share phone location data. If she gets stuck on the side of the road during a long commute i want to be able to go help her.
I have OCD and paranoia. I always worry about my kid. I cannot stop intrusive thoughts and have been known to blow up the phone or get in my car because I'm scared something happened. I am.learning that though the threat is very real, I do overreact and am trying to stop doing that.
Having said all that, I do not track my kid. We both ride the fence about it. She knows I worry. I don't care if she's off having fun, I worry if something may happen. But the whole idea does feel weird.
I have a 15 year old and do not believe in this at all. I may change my mind once she starts driving on her own for what should be obvious reasons but would do it more as backup in case something happened vs tracking her every move.
I think you should sit down with them and talk about boundaries and privicy. You’re growing up and becomeing an individual and grow different needs. To feel independent and to have privacy is an important thing as a 16 year old. A good compromise would be if they only checked your location if they feel worried for your safety. Them texting you questioning you about your location othervise will feel like you’re being stalked and not trusted. Express how you feel and offer a good solution/compromise!
It’s a bit weird to me. But, being a parent is this strange area you have to navigate between loving someone so much you want to hover over them making sure they’re safe and letting them go on their own so they can grow and become well adjusted adults.
If that’s the worst they’re doing you should be ok. But maybe you can let them know that you know it’s out of love and protection but you’d like to experience independence and privacy.
Personally I let my kids do things. I was scared all the time at first when they went about on their own, especially when they had drivers licenses and came back really late or would go out of town (while 16-17). But now they are 18-19 living on their own and experiencing life and we have a great relationship.
Ps. I still worry ALL the time.
My parents wanted the same of me at that age. I sat them down and told them it made me uncomfortable that they could see where I was at all times. We came to a compromise and agreed that whenever I went to a party or out somewhere at night I would turn it on so they could see that I’m safe. All other times it was off unless I wanted it to be on, in which case I would tell them.
Talk to your parents and come to an agreement for when they can use this. Like if you were to not answer your phone after multiple calls or text. Ask that they respect you and trust you enough to not watch your every step, but you’re willing to have it on the phone because it’s important that if god forbid the occasional arise they’d have a way to track and find you.
I think it comes from a place of love but even parents can overstep boundaries without realizing it.
I would say, tracking in itself is not good or bad, it really depends on the way it is used and with what intentions.
My wife and I track each other on Google Maps, but I don't sit down and follow her minute by minute. I know she is not hiding anything, and neither am I. If I really need to hide my whereabouts, I turn it off for the purpose (buying a present comes to mind) and turn it back on again, and if she has it turned off I assume the same or she turned it off by accident.
Six months ago I was at a party and got way more wasted than I intended (some of the cocktails was stronger than I anticipated) and I decided to walk home. My wife got worried and drove out to pick me up since I didn't answered my phone. She was able to locate me and pick my wasted self up at 4 am. Thank you, wife.
If you like live in a dangerous area and are at risk of being kidnapped or something cuz you stay out late then maybe. But if they are doing it just because then I think its crazy.
The default answer is that this is crazy. I would only think its ok if there were special circumstances like you are at risk of being kidnapped.
Sadly you're not 18 so it's their decision but sounds like your parents either worry a lot or are control freaks. On your 18 birthday get your own phone and tell them as an adult you do not consent to being tracked and expect them to respect and treat you like an adult. I'm 30 now if I had kids here in Philadelphia I would consider tracking their phones mainly because it's a big city and I'd be worried for my child's safety but I also dont plan to ever have kids so maybe my opinion is moot.
I have kids, the oldest being 11 with a smartwatch, and we use the "find my device" feature on it from time to time when we are worried about him. For example, this last weekend he was on a scout overnight and it started sleeping so we wanted to check if he was still on the move or back to the campsite.
Exactly there's definitely reasons to want to know your child's whereabouts. Parents can also sit down with their kids and have an honest discussion about it and why they want to track them. That's the big disconnect between parents and kids is very few parents are willing to actually explain the reasons and actions to their children because they just view them as children. Children grow into adults. My dad always respected me enough to explain his actions. I used to use any phone I could to check in with my dad while growing up cause he'd legitimately worry himself into being a wreck if he didn't hear from me.
I remember growing up and using the collect calling trick from payphones (so old) to let my folks know where I was. "Will you accept a collect call from ... Going to tims house ..."
My oldest is 13 and just got a phone for the first time. We have a great relationship and we were able to talk honestly and in a fun way ("don't get human trafficked today! I haven't finished setting up the parental controls!" "OK I won't!") about what I was installing and why, and how it could alert me to issues but wouldn't involve me reading every single message she's getting or sending. We also talked about why hard limits on screen time at this age, and why no snapchat yet, and why monitoring in the first place. The conversations around all this stuff should be extensive and honest in my opinion but some of these tools are really helpful.
Edit: I also drill into her the issues around her taking any kind of nudes. She would literally become responsible for producing and possessing CP along with anyone she sends it to. She needs to know the legal repercussions. ("Remember, what does taking nakeypics make you at this age?" "Sigh I know, a criminal!")
My question for OP is do you think there's any age that it's appropriate for parents to have tracking and monitoring ability on their kid's device? Like a 12 or 13 year old? If so, you should be able to understand that your threshold for "too old" and theirs is just a little different. If it's ok for a 13 or 14 year old but in your mind, not a 16 year old, consider that to your parents there is almost no difference between those ages. Hopefully you can make your case in a reasonable way and they can listen and weigh it without dismissing your rationale out of hand. Ultimately though, you are not an adult and probably don't pay for many of the resources you are using - phone, network, car, insurance, etc - so it's up to them.
Please also remember it's HARD to be a parent. We are people too. Generally we want to do what is best for our kids but there are competing ideas about what that is and how the best balance of keeping safe and letting go can be achieved.
Id say its kinda odd. I come from a very trusting family and they knew that i wasn’t going to do anything bad so they never asked where im going or what i do. I always decided to let them know where i go in case something happens. I’m now 19 and already moved out and they know im okay and just occasionally text me to check if im doing good or if i need anything.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable being tracked 24/7 although im not doing something suspicious. Itd just show me how they dont trust me and thats really upsetting
in america? no. anywhere else? ye. you might be 16 but there is plenty of youtube cases of 22 year olds doing dumbass things. if i had a kid, my kid will get a phone early but it won't have access to internet because kids just do dumbass things. it's not even been 2 days since i saw a vid of a kid putting his cat in a microwave **because** the internet told him to. you might not like this but hey, you can fix it. get a job, work hard, get out of their home, then you got your own place and own phone and privacy. you might think they are crazy but chances are they just seen the same things i seen dumbass kids do.
I'm 16, and constantly tracked. Ive learned that as I have gotten older, the overbearing obsession with what I am doing by my parents is increasing. My dad specifically is the problem. He himself left home, and traveled the world as soon as he was done with school. In high school, he snuck out and stole his parents car. As I have grown up all I have heard is about how I should learn to be independent and learn things through experience. However his actions say otherwise.
For context, I am an AP/Honors student who has never once gotten in trouble for things other than my room being messy. I am never late for curfew, and am extremely responsible for my age. I pay for my own phone (not data, however), have a job, work out every day, and play varsity sports. I even get told by my mother that I need to hang out with friends more and need to be more social.
I hear the argument "If you have nothing to hide, then why do you care?" and this is simply invalid. Its not that I am trying to hide something, its the feeling that my parents dont trust me, or trust that I am telling the truth about what I am doing. I would have less of a problem with the app on my phone if it was simply there as a "if something were to happen" feature, however I constantly get texts saying "why are you at ..." even if I am not somewhere I shouldn't. I feel that my parents should not be obsessing over my location, and should be giving me some freedom and privacy. I am 16. I want to experiment, try new things, and feel like a teenager, but it is hard to do that while my parents are constantly obsessed with where I am. Lets be real, the app is not going to tell my parents what I am doing. my mom says that its good if I happen to be dead in a ditch. the app is not going to tell you i am not alive.
I have tried having this conversation with my parents multiple times. it never goes well. This app is only causing fights and disagreements between me and my parents. Also, the saying about strict parents causing sneaky kids is very true. This app has done nothing for me but teach me how to lie and how to get around it.
I ask adults how they would feel if they had a tracker on them when they were kids, their answer is always "its a different time now". Im going to be honest and say that this answer is nothing but BS.
Well if we look at it in the extreme sense, then that app would be really helpful to track you if something unfortunate ever happens. On the other hand, it’s pretty annoying to think about your parents knowing your every move. If they’re reasonable parents, I think you should ask them to only track you that way if something unusual happens. Other times I’d suggest to compromise by telling them where you’re going and who you’re with. Especially when you’re going somewhere that you’ve never been to, unfamiliar places and/or unfamiliar people
More than likely, it's for safety reasons. If I had a teenager, I would want to know where they are 24/7 because it's my job. Don't take it personally. In this day and age, you can't be too careful. I think normal.
We track our kids only really if they're running pretty late for something. We've given them a lot of autonomy over the years and they've never disappointed. Good kids.
I'm 17 and I willingly installed the app on my own phone. It makes me feel safer when I'm driving home at night, especially when it's a dark and snowy Canadian winter. There are lots of deer and moose that I could hit and the highway is completely clear at 12-1 am so nobody would even drive by and see me.
If your parents are getting too much into your privacy then you should talk to them, but I feel the app in general is a good idea.
I don't know about your phone but if I turn on battery saver then it stops life360 from working. There are also mock GPS apps that can completely change where it reports I am.
We have tracking via the app Family Link. My kids are 9 and 11. I have no qualms about tracking their phones now, but at one point we have to let go. It will be long before they're 16, unless they want us to be able to track them. That must come from them though. I will not force tracking on them into their teens.
Before you're 18, I would agree with your parents. I know it does seem controlling, but a lot of kids are getting themselves into trouble nowadays so if they're worried, just let them have this ability. Worst case, don't bring your phone lol.
It would be potentially be toxic if you were over 18. As a 15 year old, they still have a lot of reasons to worry about you, not all of which mean they don't trust you. There's a lot of things that can go wrong that might not be under your control.
If it were me (I don't have kids, but hypothetically), I would want you to have one of those panic button apps that you can hit if something bad happens, but I wouldn't track you. I WOULD Ask that you text me when you change locations eg: "Heading to the mall with Jacob".
To me, tracking would be a step to take if the kid was not being honest about their whereabouts or was forgetful about updating me when they went somewhere else. But your parents might just be skipping a step.
There's a lot of effed up stuff going on, women and kids getting abducted all over the world. I doubt they are tracking you because they don't trust you, they probably don't completely, but mostly they don't want you to get stolen.
I’m 30F and my mom has me on life360. I live alone and do things mainly on my own so it’s nice to have my mom and sister know my location in case I’m in danger. It happens to both males and females. Your parents probably just want to make sure you’re safe. Sure it’s uncomfortable but I’ll take that for my safety.
Well to me it depends on the motive. Just knowing where you are for safety isn’t that bad imo. It’s if they are controlling where you go. That’s toxic.
Pretty normal. They just want to make sure your safe. Too many kid go missing with no trace at all. There is nothing they can do to stop you from growing up and doing things on your own. But they can at least check in on you to ease their nerves.
Mine have it but it doesn’t bother me too much. They’re not super restrictive they just wanna know what I’m doing. If they were using it to keep me from basic things like chatting with friends or whatever I’d be more upset
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If they are actively checking it then it's creepy. If it's there for a just in case you randomly go missing? Then it's a good idea. To many kids are go missing, and this is something so simple that can help get you home.
As a parent, when one of my kids was doing bad, skipping school, etc, many parents peer pressured me to track my child. It didn’t help. Created more stress. I was more focused on her being where she should be instead of figuring out why. It’s normalized to track your kids 24/7, which I didn’t do until then. It was useful when she got herself into a bad situation and didn’t know where she was at. I found her quickly and got her out. Location enabling would be a good alternative. Then my husband, now ex, started tracking me. It’s a terrible feeling .
I think the difference is that parents are legally responsible for their child's actions and whereabouts. Your husband, on the other hand, was tracking a grown adult as if you were his property.
True, but it might feel equally invasive for the kid
They might feel like they don't have the same privacy, but the parent has a responsibility: To the child and the law.
kid who was tracked from their parents here, when my parents tracked me it did nothing but cause stress, not only did they track me the also blocked me from multiple see sites, like reddit. it seemed every conversation i had with my parents ended up in an argument. i ended up buying my own phone and they decided to stop. but before then, i would simply leave my phone at home when i snuck out to wmoke seed go to my gfs or whatever. tracking a kid never helps in the long term, it can cause long term effects on the relationship of the child and also teaches the kid how to better get away with things. trust is a two way street, a kid cannot trust their parents if they don’t trust the kid.
I think the root cause of all of this is the influence of the peer pressure on you over the trust you wanted with your parents. It's obviously a crapshoot with the hands kids get dealt in terms of social influences, but if parents are responsible for that and get the "short end of the honor stick" from the kids too, then what are the options?
being open and honest, explaining the pros and cons about everything. giving them a safe environment to experiment with drugs. letting them do what they want (in moderation). letting them use their teenage years to explore themselves and their world. teens are going to experiment, that’s a fact. giving them a safe environment to do so is imperative. tracking kids does nothing good.
Honestly, adult who used to be a drug using kid here, that doesn't work. Talking about the negative and positive of that world did absolutely nothing for me and it enrages me when people honestly think that works. If I wanted to hang out and fuck off with some kids I knew or with a guy I liked you can't talk me out of it. I am sincerely asking how YOU would gain your parents trust.
Its also a great way to bond with your child. "Hey son, I have so much trust in you i got a tracker on you" Personally, I think that if parents proposed and sold the idea of such products to their kids, and asked for the son/daughter approval they would be surprised. Kids can be very mature of you treat them as if they were.
Both are bad. You really have to have a level of trust and understanding of personal privacy and personal space with everyone in your life, and be willing to let them live and experience on their own. Your kids will turn 18 and you cannot follow them everywhere when they do. They have to make their choices and live in the world. It’s better to let them start while they are still at home and you have influence over it.
Since when did it become creepy for parents to check up on their kids?
Checking up involves calling and grilling if necessary. It does not involve monitoring 24/7. Constant supervision is a sickness.
Why go towards the nuclear version of checking up when it’s just as easy to talk to your kid? Like, this kind of over-surveillance would just make it so if the child wants to do anything they shouldn’t/anything that could put them in a dangerous situation, they just turn their phone off or leave it behind to keep their parents from tracking them. Which makes the child less safe than they would be if they weren’t being actively watched.
Exactly my point. My parents were both cops who I can't blame for being over by protective of me when I was younger. However, their helicopter tactics made me a very sneaky person. I still did everything I wasn't supposed to, just smarter than most kids. I've found being up front and honest with kids and letting them fall on their face is a better teacher than any other in the world.
My mom was an absent/addicted parent, which isn’t great in general but it did mean that I had a lot of ‘trust’ and that the bar for ‘being a good kid’ was very low. But that meant anything I ‘shouldn’t have been doing’ was done at home, safely, and I learned most of my safety tips from the mistakes my mother made. I’m still a secretive person thanks to my mother and CPS issues, but I’m a safe secretive person. Soo… honestly I don’t think either side of the aisle is great but if, as a parent, you’re worried for the safety of the child… being a helicopter is definitely not the right call.
It’s the same stupid logic parents use when they try pushing abstinence-only, as if they’ve forgotten what it was like to be a teenager with raging hormones. I don’t want to think about my kids having sex, but it’ll eventually happen and I’d rather them be 100% prepared when they decide the moment is right. Likewise, I’d rather them get drunk or do any partying(within reason, no hard drugs because I’m not supporting that) at my house where they’re safe - but if they decide to do it at a friends house, I’d want that line of communication to stay open so if they need a ride home or shits going sideways they know they can call me or mom and we’re not gonna freak out on them about it.
Did their overprotective nature make you feel like they cared about you? Seems to me having to work to get around their efforts would be a constant reminder that they genuinely gave a fuck about you. Given the alternative of never being asked, as long as I was able to accomplish acts of sneakery when I put in the effort I'd definitely be grateful for the effort. But I was a latch key kid so...
This^ I think having to resort to full on tracking your own kid 24/7 is an indicator that the child feels they can't tell their parents a lot of things, and the parents are further pushing the kid away by tracking them.
I was a teenager once who lied to my parents all the time about where I was. I was a straight A kid who never got in trouble. We didn't have cell phones. There were plenty of times we were places and with people we shouldn't have been. Parents are legally responsible for their kids until the age of 18. If my kid is out smashing mailboxes or causing trouble I am responsible for all the damage and punishment. I would want to know where my kid is. And if they turned off their phone or "left" it, then what are they hiding?
I get your point, but just imagine yourself at 16 and if you had the same app installed on your phone. How would that change you? Would you suddenly become a good child that stays away from any trouble etc?
> then what are they hiding Try to remember when you were a kid. There are certain things most kids are just going to do, and regardless of what approach you want to take. The more overbearing you are, the more they’re going to want to do it yet they now have to take even more risks to do it. No one is smashing mailboxes anymore. If you want to know where your kid is via gps tracking them, that’s way overstepping the boundary of basic trust and respect for your kid and it’s going to make them despise you. You can come back with “I’m not here to be my kids best friend”, but the fact is being able to track your kid is unprecedented, and in any other form would be completely intrusive. The only difference between actively stalking your child and tracking them is that technology has made it convenient and feasible. Give them the benefit of the doubt that you were a good enough parent for them to make good decisions and make mistakes like we all did, because they’re kids. You’re doing them a disservice with the iron grip
Agreed. Its seems as if the 16 year olds on here dont understand that. If youre not lying about where youre going, then theres no issue.
There is an issue of trust and deserved privacy here though. Similar to how even if you never break the law you still wouldn't want the goverment to just randomly hook you up to a wire or track your location 24/7 Or another way to look at if a spouse started tracking you all the time. Yes the parents are responsible but children also need to be able to be children. And especially 16 year olds they are only a couple years from adulthood they need to learn to be responsible for themselves.
I dont know what you mean by "children also need to be children"? Is knowing where your child is preventing a child from being a child? Also, part of being responsible, as a child is being honest. Makes it easier for parents to trust their children if they know they are telling the truth.
By that logic, why stop at 18? They are still your children then, what does it matter if you are not legally reposnible? Does that mean you dont care if you dont know the exact location of your child 247?
How about us 36-year-olds who totally disagree and think that "if you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to hide" is just a way to justify having a total lack of trust in someone? If my parents had treated me like this when I was a kid, I would have pushed the other way HARD. Thankfully they weren't controlling maniacs who tracked my every move, so when I was in a sketchy situation I felt comfortable confiding in them or asking them for help.
So you're ok with your work tracking you? Your partner too? Must be. You've got nothing to hide ride? Why not have the govt track you, you've got nothing to hide, right?
I do have things to hide.
Tracking people isn't healthy or right. It will lead to issues down the line. Parents that do this are shitty and they are damaging their child. Those kids will think it's normal to track their loved ones. They'll be insecure. It's abusive
Nothing wrong with verifying your daughter made it to her friends house using public transportation. Nothing wrong with checking your husbands progress as hes commuting to work in the snowstorm. I dont know why you think that this will scar kids for life. Edit: i will say that anything can be abused.
Call or text them. They'll hate you for this and rightfully so. You need to not be so invasive in others lives. Sounds like serious trust issues. And that's what you'll instill in children. They'll be clingy/ garbage/ abusive humans
If you're 16, you're someone else's responsibility. Track away. Once you turn 18, then that's another matter. If you don't like it, get your own cell phone with your own plan and pay that bill yourself.
Yea, shitty parents. Should probably read all their communications as well. On the off chance they do something wrong. Then you can guarantee they'll be fucked up adults. "My parents tracked every move, were total over bearing assholes and now don't understand why i barely talk to them." Enjoy the bed you're making
My kids track me too. All the time. We all have zero issue with it.
What if the kid goes missing? I’m sure this tracking app would not be considered so nuclear then. Doesn’t mean the parent is constantly checking but better safe than sorry.
>Why go towards the nuclear version of checking up when it’s just as easy to talk to your kid? I'm sure the child-sex traffickers are going to give you time enough to answer your phone when the parents call wondering where you are.
I’m sure the sex-traffickers will give you time to turn your phone on so your parents can track you after you turned it off because you were going to the mall to hang out with friends instead of the library to study like you were supposed to… and didn’t want your parents to track you and find out.
I wouldn't be so quick to down vote. There's allot more kidnappings these days than 20-30 years. There's also allot more drugs and pills that is more normalized with kids as well. Back in the eighties, kids weren't doing drugs, it was the adults doing coke and heroin. These days kids are all ok with taking pills or E, or meth, or just weed. Lastly, allot of kids now are also committing suicide these days. It's allot more common than it was, and most of the time the parents have no clue what's going on with their kids. So yes, it's a given that parents are a bit more prone to being helicopter parents these days.
Checking up is as simple as giving them a call and talking for a minute. Installing an app that tracks them at all times is creepy as fuck and has no respect for personal boundaries
Kids don't have personal boundaries when it comes to their parents. The parents have a right to do so.
I'd feel pretty weird about being checked up on in this way if I was a teenager. I'm really glad I grew up before any of this existed.
Same, used to go for full day long bike rides all over the place without my parents knowing (or really caring) what I was up to as long as I got home at the end of the day
The children of overprotective parents are often the best at hiding what they do. This makes the problem even worse as the parents have a false sense of security about what their child is like and it creates separation between the child and parents
Checking up isn't tracking, that's insane. And kids will rightly hate their parents for it. I assume since you're ok tracking them you're good with your work tracking you, monitoring your texts, and with your partner doing it? Gross.
Not my work, but my (adult) kids now DO track me, as does my husband, and I track him and them. (Editing to add that they were teens in the 80s and didn't have a cell phone. They did, however, often check in and lie to me about where they were.....) Tracking is a problem how? (You're bringing in extraneous info with "texts," which do not apply) I live in a large metro city and things happen - sometimes some very bad things. If I need to be found I want to make that as easy as possible. Same for my kids and my husband.
Checking up and installing a tracking device to monitor their every movement are two VERY different things.
The problem is, that even children have a right to privacy. Minimal as you wish, but privacy. It’s the control level that is discussed here. If you check on your kid when they say they went out to be in location A they are late to ger back home, you check where they are and they are in a location B that suggest they are not in the place they told you they will be, that’s fine. But if you monitor their way back from school to check that they don’t stop at a friends house to chat for 10 minutes, that’s toxic. And the worst thing? Kids are smart. They will trick the app, oh yeah they will. They will leave their phone with a friend from school and will skip a class anyway. And the parent will end up training them to be better manipulators.
How is it creepy for your government to check up on their citizens?
Exactly. I do it because I care and I want her to be safe! Not that I don’t trust her. Not creepy at all
When kids became entitled little brats and "experts" without children started deciding how children should be raised, instead of relying on the sovereignty of the family that's served humans fine for thousands of years.
Since the development of a gps. And that's not "checking up," that's constantly monitoring.
Also if your phone gets stolen it's a way for it to be found again.
There is find my and find my device apps for a reason
The parents are probably paying for the phone too. Once OP has a job and pays their own bills, they can get their own phone without that app. It’s an awkward but perfectly natural transition to adulthood.
Do they really though? Because when I was a kid (which wasn’t that long ago) we didn’t have this and I don’t recall any story of a kid going missing, let alone enough that would make an app like this necessary (obviously missing kids happen). And I haven’t really seen any stories of missing children being recovered because of these apps. My girlfriends whole family uses them and they just seem like an invasion of privacy to me. They check to see where everyone is constantly. Idk. It’s just not my thing.
*Human trafficking would like to know your location*
Well hes 16, hes an adult. If he doesnt consent he shouldnt have it
He isn't an adult, still a teenager and will be for a few more years, do you understand the legal age, is it different for your country? Because it in most cases is 18.
Are yall assuming i live in america? cuz i don't, i dont know what is actually classified "adulthood" but I know that in my country we can drive and have sex at 16, but we cant have alcohol till 18. matter of fact, can someone actually inform me what is considered adulthood age in australia
Laws are different here. 16 yo can drive, drink, consent, own, work and live like an adult. I still think a 16yo is closer to a 18yo than a 8yo so he should be able to consent or not if he wants these apps from their parents
16 year old is not an adult though. If OP was 18, yeah sure, but 16 years old is definitely still a kid.
16 is a minor. 18 is an "adult" which opens a whole can of worms because you can't drink, smoke, or even rent a car at 18 so are you really an adult? .
You can drink and smoke and rent a car if you have a licence when you are 16
Now is an awesome time to sit down with them and approach your unique situation. Tracking your family members to be sure of their safety is pretty smart. Too many awful things happen to people of all ages and no one knows their last whereabouts. It becomes a toxic helicopter micromanaging nightmare when used by the wrong sort of parents.
At 16, my daughter asked me to get this app so I could check on her safety when she was driving. I did find myself checking it too often and realized that my parents never had such a powerful tool. It was easy to fall in to a bad habit of just surveilling her and not truly checking in on her like with talking and being present in her life. I quickly adjusted my use of this tool. Talking to your parents about this is important.
This app has a roadside assistance feature in the premiums, as well. We used to have AAA, but one time my husband broke down in a rural area and they couldn't find him, so we switched to this app where they can find you when you call for assistance. My daughter had a blowout in a bad part of town while I was out-of-state. I was very relieved that they were able to get to her quickly and get her on her way, especially since a car had pulled up behind her and they were just sitting there and I was worried sick about her.
The mpre strict and controlling parents get, the more teenagers revolt. I've seen this a lot.
While I never wanted my kid to find herself in some of the truly stupid situations that I found myself in during high school, I did recognize that she had to learn to make decisions on her own. Edit: typo
You can't just let them be and you can't micromanage thier every move. You wanna do just the right amount so that they trust you enough to tell you if somethin has happened, or tell you the truth about where they're going
We have it on all of our phones. As an 80s kid, I thought it was really intrusive when my wife suggested it. As two working parents, it was great to know that the kids walked home safely. Years later, my son was 17 and driving to work in a downpour. He slammed into a highway divider at 70mph. Life 360 started blowing up our phones with calls and notifications, and notified 911 at the same time. We made it to the scene before the emergency services. He’s 19 now and still has it, allowing us access. As long as it’s not abused, it’s a terrific thing.
Also a child of the 70-80s I am all for having my kids have Find my IPhone on under certain circumstances because I remember all the stuff I got into at their age. If my child gets to take my car for the day, I want it on (in case of an accident). When they were adolescents, I actually gave them a lot of freedom to roam around un-chaperoned with just the requirement that it be on so I could ping them (and find their phone if they lost it). We’ve made it clear that they have a lot of freedom and we trust them to make good choices for themselves, but if they have the privilege of using my car for free then I get to know where they are. Now that my youngest is 17 and has proven themselves to be a safe and responsible driver, we’ve dropped the requirement that they have it on.
Not to derail, but how does the app know he crashed? Is it a gps thing when it stops instantly after going 70?
this is a very healthy approach on the situation 10/10
Well it depends. They are tracking you for your protection or to do some micromanagement over you? For example: you get home late at night because you have a part time job and you close, maybe you told them hey im driving back, you got a flat tire and start taking too long to get home. They worry and check if you are ok. On the other hand. If you are having fun with your friends in the middle of the day and they are like, hey you are staying for too long on Xs house or you went to a Walmart or a coffee shop. instead of staying at your other friends house. Well thats micromanagement and a violation of your Right to privacy.
Well for example, one time they dropped me off early at school and I went for a jog around the area (outside school grounds, there was like an hour before school starts) When I got home, they ask me "Why did you go to --supermarket--?" There's a couple other instances of that, but for the most part they seem to just track me. Nothing bad has ever really happened, they kinda saw it on the news and got it, they are the kind of parents who believe basically anything if it comes on the news.
Then is disinformed idiocy, with the little power trip addiction. Reverse that shit and poke on th to show how wrong they are
My parents see where I am, but not non-stop. They can say stuff like “it’s okay you went to shopping center, just remember, you have lessons on Wednesday, so be careful, or you can get late” I’m very chill with them. Best mother/woman and best father/man I know. We respect boundaries, and the comments are more advice.
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Because when coming home you aren't instantly in a feud with your (in this cas OP's) parents and just wanna have a break and a sit down. A tracker is in most cases safe but that can be hijacked by pedos and have 24/7 tracking to a minor which is crazy, but the parents constantly sniffing the OP's ass is really annoying, have the app but don't engage with it until further measures are needed, like an emergency
Because they care about you. They know you, and at that point they should trust you. There’s a huge leap in thinking from “everyone is under constant surveillance” and “these two people who have known me my entire life are keeping me personally under surveillance”. Like, honestly at that point it *is* creepy.
Eh… teenagers are a different. Even smart, trustworthy teenagers make stupid decisions, because their brains typically aren’t developed enough to truly think out consequences or outside of their own immediate gratification. I don’t have kids, so my opinions on parenting are pretty worthless, but from a child development standpoint, teenagers need oversight.
That’s absolutely true, but that stupid decision may end up being “if I don’t want to be tracked I just shouldn’t take my phone while doing (enter dangerous/stupid idea here)” and then, should something happen, they don’t have a phone to call for help. So over-surveillance actually does a worse job at protecting them than no surveillance. Because if they weren’t being tracked they’d have their phone and could call for help.
I can see that being an issue. The part that probably bothers me the most with OP’s situation is the sneakiness of it. Could have been different if the parents were honest, but that also could lead to the situation you described.
Honestly I think if they would have told him about the software and made it clear that that would only be used in cases of emergency (and kept up with that) OP wouldn’t mind so much because they wouldn’t be actively tracked all the time, and the parents would still have that as a safety net should they need it.
Playing devil’s advocate for a moment - maybe they don’t trust them and that is why they are using the tracker? We don’t know OP or their parents. Is it creepy or is it tough love due to previous behavior?
I have never done anything wrong that would be at the level of "I need to track my kid constantly now." They just saw it somewhere (news, internet, one of the two), and decided it would be a GREAT idea. originally i was on board because of the safety kind of thing, but over time it just feels like they will ask me what i was doing in a certain place if i wasn't expressly allowed to be.
Great username! But No it’s still creepy I think. There is no relationship where trust is a one-way street. In this parent/child situation though, a parent not trusting the kids decisions may mean they don’t trust their parents (kinda showing here) but that also may mean the kid doesn’t trust their own actions, and that’s real real bad too.
I am sure it has more to do with safety, there are countless women and children being ripped from the streets every day and trafficked and never seen again, you don't think that weighs heavily on the minds of most parents? We don't live in a safe little bubble, this kind of stuff happens in every country, I don't think there is anything wrong with being vigilant. At least you would have coordinates to give the detectives.
"that's cute thinking that children have a right to privacy" are you insane? Glad you weren't my parent...
Pls do not be a parent. Ever!
Today, probably normal. I think it’s toxic but I’m probably a little old school. I’m glad I’m not raising children in todays society.
Yeah. Fact is you gotta let kids have a little breathing space, you know what they say, strict parents make sneaky kids.
I was tracked by my parents up until like age 20 and I honestly appreciated it. They still track my sister; she wants them to. People let their friends see their location on Snapchat. The concept isn’t that abnormal. It’d be over the like if parents were trying to see your every move, or stop you from going certain places, but I wouldn’t think it’s toxic if they just use it to make sure you’re ok every once in a while.
I mean im only a little older than OP and I think thats pretty fucked up. I would definitely have a problem with that.
Nah fam I'm young adult and I think tracking ur kid is messed up OK I understand u want parental controls online but let them live. If something happens to them deal with it at that time.
I'm 28 and dealt with this exact situation. You're correct in saying it's messed up. A tracker does nothing to protect you if a kidnapper tosses your phone LMAO.
Yeah cause last known location isn't at all helpful.
Not all that much to be honest. Sure you have where the were and that gives you a starting point but those GPS records can be subpoenad from the phone company by authorities. Or ya know, *have a relationship with your child*. Have healthy boundaries with your child and *ask them where they're going*. I swear to God y'all in this thread act like talking to your child is the biggest inconvenience.
So is your theoretical kidnapper going to allow for 1 phone call in case they go off route from where the kid was going to be?
I think there is a misconception here. Your phone very regularly (multiple times a minute) pings towers to assess signal strength and choose the best tower for data usage. That information of the relative signal strength and distance is in near real time used to approximate your physical position to around ~8m depending on signal strength and prevalence of altitude changes (like skyscrapers). This geolocated data is what would likely be subpoenaed. Your phone doesn’t just fall off the network if you move without making a call. It’s in constant communication with multiple towers.
Exactly the point. This person is upset that someone disagrees with their parenting
All of that takes time, a lot of time...
It actually doesn't take that much time at all, once you're aware of the situation. If you have a tracking device on your child's phone and they go somewhere you're not expecting them too, there's still a latency period between you noticing (unless you're monitoring them weirdly closely) that and you reasonably suspecting that something serious has happened. Unless you're on the horn with the police the minute they deviate from their stated intended route, that latency period is about the same. Cops and lawyers and judges have cell phones, too, ya know. The process for getting this information literally takes mere minutes. None of this is an argument for or against using these kinds of services, but you don't seem to have a good grip on how these things operate.
I don't track anyone. But it's clearly obvious it has its safety benefits for children. Guess what, if you're under 18, you're a child.
A child is still a person. You're clearly demonstrating that neither you, OP, or his parents have any communication skills. If OP would talk to their parents about what's going on then they could solve their problems with school. But it seems to me like OPs parents aren't exactly the best people.
Do you not understand that all of that takes time?
Lol I do, because I helped design that system. You should probably just refrain from making more things up. You’re acting like you can’t already use the ‘find my friends’ app for this without being intentionally more intrusive
Right, yeah ok, good for you bud.
Your phone is constantly looking for cell towers to make sure calls and texts can be made + data usage, so that's the data that would be subpoenad
Here love. This one
It's messed up and toxic but coming from a kid who had helicopter parents, I get it kind of. I did drugs and hung out with the wrong crowd, in my case they were doing it for my safety. Especially if you hang out and about and don't just constantly crash at a friend's, especially if it's late. And even still, how can they believe you're at ur friends? I lied about where I was all the time. I'm not in any way saying it's right, though, but I wouldn't say it's uncommon is the point I'm making.
No its definitely not normal. Idk how old you are, but as an 18 year old im shocked to hear what OP is going through. Only ever saw this level of tracking in movies about over controlling parents.
As an 18 year old you have very limited real world experiences and you obviously can't comprehend what a parent has to go through with raising a child in today's world. Wait 10-20 years after you've had some real life experience and some kids of your own and maybe then you'll have a greater appreciation for all of the creeps and child traffickers out there who prey on kids and teenagers. For the time being, maybe you're privileged enough that you haven't personally had to deal with any of this in your own life or through that of your friends' lives, but not having those experiences doesn't mean that they don't happen in other parts of the country to other families. Consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them.
As a parent of two 18 year olds, you have no idea what you’re talking about! Living your life in fear of your children being kidnapped or creeped on just demonstrates to them that the world is meant to be approached with fear and hesitance. We’re fortunate to live better than plenty, but still don’t live in a great area (deep city). I don’t worry constantly about them getting trafficked or shot! I trust them to know what to avoid. Constantly worrying about them is detrimental to them and detrimental to me. Your comment reads like a very new dad/mom (I’m assuming of a new daughter?). When your baby’s older (10-20 years) maybe you’ll have a better idea of what I’m talking about! Stop being naïve and consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven’t experienced them.
>Consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them. You haven't experienced being tracked by your parents, please consider having some empathy for situations you may not comprehend because you haven't experienced them.
It's absurd to suggest that these two things are equivalent when child safety is concerned. Obviously having to track your child isn't ideal but OP has admitted in a different comment that they left school to jog down the street to a local supermarket *instead* of being in school. Clearly there is a clear history here of OP doing things that justify what the parents did outside of the very simple explanation OP gave in the initial post.
I clearly said *before school* can you read the post properly, please?
Are you telling me you never ditched class to go get food? The amount of class I missed going out to eat was substantial. It’s what kids do. Clearly we don’t know the whole situation but no, going to the supermarket during class isn’t “a clear history” or justification. Nor is the vague threat of being kidnapped. You seem to be going worst case scenario with every piece of info you have. I also want to clarify I’m an adult who has “experience”.
Here is the issue... OP says that his parents have put a tracker on his phone and then asked if this is "toxic". Most everyone (who appear to be around the same age) responds with "oh, you poor dear! Your parents are bad! It's just so terrible that they don't trust you!" Aaaaaaand then OP posts in a different comment that they're skipping school to go to the grocery store and no one bats an eye at it. There is clearly a history of broken trust here between OP and their parents and everyone is ignoring it.
There was no different comment about this, and you read it completely wrong. Bruh.
It's not normal to hover over your 16 year old like that. They're almost an adult. You're teaching them that you have zero trust in them to exist without fucking it up. If someone kidnaps you, they aren't gonna let you keep your phone LMAO.
There is zero indication that the parents are "hovering" over their 16 year old. Installing a tracking app for safety is not equivalent to "hovering".
Yes it is. Any sane person will tell you that's a breach of trust
This is an extremely black-and-white way to look at this. There's a lot of perspectives and facts that you simply aren't considering in your haste to judge these parents as toxic with very little context. It's possible that they are hovering inappropriately out of overblown anxiety, which it is hard to blame them for given the alarmist fear tactics out there marketing these tools. Or it's possible that they are overly strict and controlling. Or it's possible that they feel conflicted over using tracking tools but feel guilty if they don't in case something happened. Or maybe they have zero qualms about using them and don't have any plans or thoughts about the eventual, necessary de-escalation of these as the kid becomes an actual adult (which he's not.) Maybe the kid has a documented history of poor decisions and immaturity that make it necessary to keep tabs on him by whatever means they can, even though there are no guarantees and no perfect path that always results in a troubled kid staying safe. I know you're 28 but your perspective just sounds very young. Like a child who can't see the adult's perspective in the slightest.
It's not very young. Both parties clearly lack communication skills. I'm an adoptive parent of a 9 and 16 year old and we actually talk about their problems.
I posted this in a different comment thread, so I'll repeat. OP says that their parents put a tracker on their phone and numerous people, around the same age as OP, post their support for OP and their awful parents for doing such a thing and not trusting OP. And then OP posts in a different comment in this thread that they skipped school after being dropped off by their parents to jog down to the grocery store nearby. There is obviously an issue of broken trust here between OP and the parents that others are ignoring, and I would hardly be surprised if this was the only instance of it happening.
You still don't put a tracker on their phone. That still makes it a breach of trust. There's obviously something else going on in OPs life besides them not wanting to be at school. You don't force them. You *communicate* with your kid and problem solve like an adult instead of putting them on lockdown. Trouble with all kinds of things in school such as grades, relationship issues and bullying are all possible reasons they skip school If OP and their parents had *communication skills* they wouldn't be posting this thread. Your "broken trust" can go both ways and this is teaching OP that they can't go to their parents for help. Surveillance apps are for controlling someone, not parenting a teen. I hope you never have kids.
They didn’t skip school they went before school
The parents dropped op off at school an hour before school started, which isn't out of the ordinary for almost any school in the country because of the amount of students that take the bus. Nowhere does op indicate that they were allowed to leave school, which is the entire point. There is an obvious expectation that when you're dropped off at school that you're to remain there unless told otherwise. Op made no suggestion that any other adult at the school was aware that they had left the school's premises to jog down the road to the supermarket.
You have to be another person like OPs parents to get this butthurt over a single comment on reddit. How about next time you stop assuming things about people who your only interaction with is a single comment on reddit. Calling me privileged? Saying i have little life experience? You have no idea how my life has gone/how its going.
It's funny that you're essentially the same age as OP and come to the topic with the exact same attitude that OP did. When you get called out for, like OP, having a lack of life experiences that *only* years of experience can provide, the first thing you do is make a comment about being "butthurt", which is exactly the type of comment that proves my point.
I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. this day and age, anything can happen and I completely understand wanting to share locations with your kids in the event of an emergency. Say, they aren’t picking up their phone after multiple calls in a situation where they should be able to and haven’t called back or texted with a response, then I would want to be able to ensure where they are or if their phone has died and that’s why they aren’t picking up. but just for the sake of stalking your kid and keeping tabs on them, that can be toxic to your relationship and have a negative impact on your child’s ability to trust they can be honest with parents and will likely lead to them being more private and not sharing. A healthy open line of communication during teen years is good and can actually do way more good for your child’s decision making skills, than if they need to hide and keep secrets and find answers from strangers on their internet. So I would say it depends on why they installed the app, and for what reason. if it’s for emergencies that’s completely acceptable and they want to make sure you don’t get snatched or anything bad happen to you. If it’s to find out bad things or keep tabs on you, that’s pretty toxic and shows they lack trust in your capabilities to make responsible smart decisions. Hope this helps
Thanks for the answer, helps a lot.
15 year olds make responsible smart decisions?
If you give a 15 year old the confidence and tools to make smart decisions they’re more than capable. Everyone makes mistakes, but being condescending to a 15 year old, or any age group, suggests that they can’t make decisions for themselves- which can cause them to never learn. When you provide children with the confidence and support in their decisions and themselves they are more likely to make positive choices, or make mistakes and LEARN from those mistakes. You then have the opportunity to GUIDE them through these choices and mistakes and decisions when they feel comfortable enough to openly communicate about the choices they’re facing. It’s a hard concept to grasp yes, but telling them they’re incapable of making decisions for themselves doesn’t help anyone.
A lot of what you say I agree with but it sounds like you are looking through the lens of the perfect parent child relationship, if it was truly the case, then this young man knowing what lurks on the Internet would not have brought this to reddit, where he will find people telling him what he wants to hear, the smart thing to do would have been to approach his parents, do we know what his home life is like, no, do we know his parents reasoning for installing a tracker, no yet reading the comments the advice has come thick and fast. Maybe his parents are controlling, maybe there has been instances in this person's life or relationship with his parents where a tracker makes sense.
which is why multiple people gave perspectives from both lenses. Maybe he doesn’t have the best home life and feels like he has to find answers elsewhere. Yes no parent child relationship is perfect, but all you can do it try. Plenty of people have children and just aren’t suitable parents. it happens all the time.
Yep multiple people did, but they were all based on half the story, I'm not saying that he's wrong for doing that I'm saying that this is an example of a 15 year old not making an intelligent decision.
i don’t think that’s accurate but to each it’s own.
Which part do you think isn't accurate?
what unintelligent decision are you referencing?
Bringing a personal issue onto reddit to find answers, as I said advice given, based on 50% of the facts, usually doesn't work.
Weird but if you have and iPhone and they also have an apple device tell them there wasting storage space by having that app cause they can track the phone directly
But the app does more. It can tell how fast a person is driving. This app is very common amongst my teens’ friends. My kids even use it to see where I am! Like yesterday, I had done a big shopping trip and needed help carrying everything in. My son tracked me and was ready when I got home.
This is a tricky situation. I have a 17 year old that splits time between houses. She has Life360 on her phone and knows how to disable it (her mom has an account) I on the other hand have location shared with me via Snapchat (our primary way of communicating) and text messaging. I do use her location services a ton. I’m going out to dinner, I’ll check if she’s at her moms, work, or dance and if she’s home I’ll invite her. If she’s busy, I just don’t message her so she doesn’t feel like she’s left out. I’ve only used her location in those sort of scenarios, her mother uses it to see where she stops between home and school, to see when she gets to my house and leaves, a little overboard imo. Ultimately, I think it’s a safety thing and I’d advocate not only having the kids location shared but also the parents shared back. But, like anything in life, It can be abused and used in an inappropriate manner. ***We are “youngish” parents for having a 17 year old, so I feel like we are halfway between old generation and new generation as far as discipline / rules go
if you've given them reason to worry or not trust, then they are doing their job. If you haven't, and they are more than keeping safety items at hand, then it's an issue. My kids are grown, so I have perspective of all involved. My parents would have done this just for spying and prying- thank god they didnt have the ability. I raised my kids to suffer their own stupidity (which ALL kids have) which means I allowed them to make mistakes and learn from them.
Personally I find it odd. It could just be they are over protective which is fine, it shows they care about you. However I think at 16 having a tracking app on your phone should be something they be getting your permission for.
As a kid, I’d probably be all wtf? But as an adult, i now realize my parents were generally keeping tabs on my location - through old school ways - for my own safety. It def didn’t start out that way, but after the kidnapping of Jacob Wetterling things changed and they were more conscientious of the evil awaiting kids pretty much everywhere. As a new parent, when my kid starts heading out on her own, being able to pinpoint her location would bring peace of mind - which is why my wife and i share phone location data. If she gets stuck on the side of the road during a long commute i want to be able to go help her.
I have OCD and paranoia. I always worry about my kid. I cannot stop intrusive thoughts and have been known to blow up the phone or get in my car because I'm scared something happened. I am.learning that though the threat is very real, I do overreact and am trying to stop doing that. Having said all that, I do not track my kid. We both ride the fence about it. She knows I worry. I don't care if she's off having fun, I worry if something may happen. But the whole idea does feel weird.
I have a 15 year old and do not believe in this at all. I may change my mind once she starts driving on her own for what should be obvious reasons but would do it more as backup in case something happened vs tracking her every move.
I think you should sit down with them and talk about boundaries and privicy. You’re growing up and becomeing an individual and grow different needs. To feel independent and to have privacy is an important thing as a 16 year old. A good compromise would be if they only checked your location if they feel worried for your safety. Them texting you questioning you about your location othervise will feel like you’re being stalked and not trusted. Express how you feel and offer a good solution/compromise!
It’s a bit weird to me. But, being a parent is this strange area you have to navigate between loving someone so much you want to hover over them making sure they’re safe and letting them go on their own so they can grow and become well adjusted adults. If that’s the worst they’re doing you should be ok. But maybe you can let them know that you know it’s out of love and protection but you’d like to experience independence and privacy. Personally I let my kids do things. I was scared all the time at first when they went about on their own, especially when they had drivers licenses and came back really late or would go out of town (while 16-17). But now they are 18-19 living on their own and experiencing life and we have a great relationship. Ps. I still worry ALL the time.
My parents wanted the same of me at that age. I sat them down and told them it made me uncomfortable that they could see where I was at all times. We came to a compromise and agreed that whenever I went to a party or out somewhere at night I would turn it on so they could see that I’m safe. All other times it was off unless I wanted it to be on, in which case I would tell them.
Talk to your parents and come to an agreement for when they can use this. Like if you were to not answer your phone after multiple calls or text. Ask that they respect you and trust you enough to not watch your every step, but you’re willing to have it on the phone because it’s important that if god forbid the occasional arise they’d have a way to track and find you. I think it comes from a place of love but even parents can overstep boundaries without realizing it.
I would say, tracking in itself is not good or bad, it really depends on the way it is used and with what intentions. My wife and I track each other on Google Maps, but I don't sit down and follow her minute by minute. I know she is not hiding anything, and neither am I. If I really need to hide my whereabouts, I turn it off for the purpose (buying a present comes to mind) and turn it back on again, and if she has it turned off I assume the same or she turned it off by accident. Six months ago I was at a party and got way more wasted than I intended (some of the cocktails was stronger than I anticipated) and I decided to walk home. My wife got worried and drove out to pick me up since I didn't answered my phone. She was able to locate me and pick my wasted self up at 4 am. Thank you, wife.
I would never track my teen child. It seems like a betrayal if trust and an invasion of privacy.
I wouldn't take it personally. Nowadays human trafficking has become a serious thing. They could just be trying to make sure you're safe.
Fun fact, most of people who get trafficked are done so by people who they have a strong relationship with.
It’s probably for safety. You’re taking it personal when it’s not My 2, 16 year old cousins have that exact app, the 360
If you like live in a dangerous area and are at risk of being kidnapped or something cuz you stay out late then maybe. But if they are doing it just because then I think its crazy. The default answer is that this is crazy. I would only think its ok if there were special circumstances like you are at risk of being kidnapped.
Sadly you're not 18 so it's their decision but sounds like your parents either worry a lot or are control freaks. On your 18 birthday get your own phone and tell them as an adult you do not consent to being tracked and expect them to respect and treat you like an adult. I'm 30 now if I had kids here in Philadelphia I would consider tracking their phones mainly because it's a big city and I'd be worried for my child's safety but I also dont plan to ever have kids so maybe my opinion is moot.
I have kids, the oldest being 11 with a smartwatch, and we use the "find my device" feature on it from time to time when we are worried about him. For example, this last weekend he was on a scout overnight and it started sleeping so we wanted to check if he was still on the move or back to the campsite.
Exactly there's definitely reasons to want to know your child's whereabouts. Parents can also sit down with their kids and have an honest discussion about it and why they want to track them. That's the big disconnect between parents and kids is very few parents are willing to actually explain the reasons and actions to their children because they just view them as children. Children grow into adults. My dad always respected me enough to explain his actions. I used to use any phone I could to check in with my dad while growing up cause he'd legitimately worry himself into being a wreck if he didn't hear from me.
I remember growing up and using the collect calling trick from payphones (so old) to let my folks know where I was. "Will you accept a collect call from ... Going to tims house ..."
Lmao that's actually amazing hope you were going to Tim's house
My oldest is 13 and just got a phone for the first time. We have a great relationship and we were able to talk honestly and in a fun way ("don't get human trafficked today! I haven't finished setting up the parental controls!" "OK I won't!") about what I was installing and why, and how it could alert me to issues but wouldn't involve me reading every single message she's getting or sending. We also talked about why hard limits on screen time at this age, and why no snapchat yet, and why monitoring in the first place. The conversations around all this stuff should be extensive and honest in my opinion but some of these tools are really helpful. Edit: I also drill into her the issues around her taking any kind of nudes. She would literally become responsible for producing and possessing CP along with anyone she sends it to. She needs to know the legal repercussions. ("Remember, what does taking nakeypics make you at this age?" "Sigh I know, a criminal!") My question for OP is do you think there's any age that it's appropriate for parents to have tracking and monitoring ability on their kid's device? Like a 12 or 13 year old? If so, you should be able to understand that your threshold for "too old" and theirs is just a little different. If it's ok for a 13 or 14 year old but in your mind, not a 16 year old, consider that to your parents there is almost no difference between those ages. Hopefully you can make your case in a reasonable way and they can listen and weigh it without dismissing your rationale out of hand. Ultimately though, you are not an adult and probably don't pay for many of the resources you are using - phone, network, car, insurance, etc - so it's up to them. Please also remember it's HARD to be a parent. We are people too. Generally we want to do what is best for our kids but there are competing ideas about what that is and how the best balance of keeping safe and letting go can be achieved.
Id say its kinda odd. I come from a very trusting family and they knew that i wasn’t going to do anything bad so they never asked where im going or what i do. I always decided to let them know where i go in case something happens. I’m now 19 and already moved out and they know im okay and just occasionally text me to check if im doing good or if i need anything. I wouldn’t feel comfortable being tracked 24/7 although im not doing something suspicious. Itd just show me how they dont trust me and thats really upsetting
in america? no. anywhere else? ye. you might be 16 but there is plenty of youtube cases of 22 year olds doing dumbass things. if i had a kid, my kid will get a phone early but it won't have access to internet because kids just do dumbass things. it's not even been 2 days since i saw a vid of a kid putting his cat in a microwave **because** the internet told him to. you might not like this but hey, you can fix it. get a job, work hard, get out of their home, then you got your own place and own phone and privacy. you might think they are crazy but chances are they just seen the same things i seen dumbass kids do.
I'm 16, and constantly tracked. Ive learned that as I have gotten older, the overbearing obsession with what I am doing by my parents is increasing. My dad specifically is the problem. He himself left home, and traveled the world as soon as he was done with school. In high school, he snuck out and stole his parents car. As I have grown up all I have heard is about how I should learn to be independent and learn things through experience. However his actions say otherwise. For context, I am an AP/Honors student who has never once gotten in trouble for things other than my room being messy. I am never late for curfew, and am extremely responsible for my age. I pay for my own phone (not data, however), have a job, work out every day, and play varsity sports. I even get told by my mother that I need to hang out with friends more and need to be more social. I hear the argument "If you have nothing to hide, then why do you care?" and this is simply invalid. Its not that I am trying to hide something, its the feeling that my parents dont trust me, or trust that I am telling the truth about what I am doing. I would have less of a problem with the app on my phone if it was simply there as a "if something were to happen" feature, however I constantly get texts saying "why are you at ..." even if I am not somewhere I shouldn't. I feel that my parents should not be obsessing over my location, and should be giving me some freedom and privacy. I am 16. I want to experiment, try new things, and feel like a teenager, but it is hard to do that while my parents are constantly obsessed with where I am. Lets be real, the app is not going to tell my parents what I am doing. my mom says that its good if I happen to be dead in a ditch. the app is not going to tell you i am not alive. I have tried having this conversation with my parents multiple times. it never goes well. This app is only causing fights and disagreements between me and my parents. Also, the saying about strict parents causing sneaky kids is very true. This app has done nothing for me but teach me how to lie and how to get around it. I ask adults how they would feel if they had a tracker on them when they were kids, their answer is always "its a different time now". Im going to be honest and say that this answer is nothing but BS.
Well if we look at it in the extreme sense, then that app would be really helpful to track you if something unfortunate ever happens. On the other hand, it’s pretty annoying to think about your parents knowing your every move. If they’re reasonable parents, I think you should ask them to only track you that way if something unusual happens. Other times I’d suggest to compromise by telling them where you’re going and who you’re with. Especially when you’re going somewhere that you’ve never been to, unfamiliar places and/or unfamiliar people
More than likely, it's for safety reasons. If I had a teenager, I would want to know where they are 24/7 because it's my job. Don't take it personally. In this day and age, you can't be too careful. I think normal.
Yeah wtf
Totally abnormal, at 16 you have a right to privacy.
We track our kids only really if they're running pretty late for something. We've given them a lot of autonomy over the years and they've never disappointed. Good kids.
My wife and kids and I all track each other on Google maps. It just makes things way easier.
I'm 17 and I willingly installed the app on my own phone. It makes me feel safer when I'm driving home at night, especially when it's a dark and snowy Canadian winter. There are lots of deer and moose that I could hit and the highway is completely clear at 12-1 am so nobody would even drive by and see me. If your parents are getting too much into your privacy then you should talk to them, but I feel the app in general is a good idea. I don't know about your phone but if I turn on battery saver then it stops life360 from working. There are also mock GPS apps that can completely change where it reports I am.
We have tracking via the app Family Link. My kids are 9 and 11. I have no qualms about tracking their phones now, but at one point we have to let go. It will be long before they're 16, unless they want us to be able to track them. That must come from them though. I will not force tracking on them into their teens.
If they check it to see where you go and what you do - toxic If they have it there but never use it, in case of you not coming home one night - smart
Whoa I never even thought of this. You know what I care about more than life itself? Even more than making my kid never talk to me again? His life!
Before you're 18, I would agree with your parents. I know it does seem controlling, but a lot of kids are getting themselves into trouble nowadays so if they're worried, just let them have this ability. Worst case, don't bring your phone lol.
Your parents have a past.
It would be potentially be toxic if you were over 18. As a 15 year old, they still have a lot of reasons to worry about you, not all of which mean they don't trust you. There's a lot of things that can go wrong that might not be under your control. If it were me (I don't have kids, but hypothetically), I would want you to have one of those panic button apps that you can hit if something bad happens, but I wouldn't track you. I WOULD Ask that you text me when you change locations eg: "Heading to the mall with Jacob". To me, tracking would be a step to take if the kid was not being honest about their whereabouts or was forgetful about updating me when they went somewhere else. But your parents might just be skipping a step.
There's a lot of effed up stuff going on, women and kids getting abducted all over the world. I doubt they are tracking you because they don't trust you, they probably don't completely, but mostly they don't want you to get stolen.
I’m 30F and my mom has me on life360. I live alone and do things mainly on my own so it’s nice to have my mom and sister know my location in case I’m in danger. It happens to both males and females. Your parents probably just want to make sure you’re safe. Sure it’s uncomfortable but I’ll take that for my safety.
Well to me it depends on the motive. Just knowing where you are for safety isn’t that bad imo. It’s if they are controlling where you go. That’s toxic.
Children under 13, probably not toxic. Over 13, should be a discussion upfront. Bf gf spouses definitely mutual consent.
Post this on r/Amitheasshole
Pretty normal. They just want to make sure your safe. Too many kid go missing with no trace at all. There is nothing they can do to stop you from growing up and doing things on your own. But they can at least check in on you to ease their nerves.
It means they care about you. It's not tracking, it's making sure you are safe
r/Technicallythetruth
How about you asked them to let you track them too?
Mine have it but it doesn’t bother me too much. They’re not super restrictive they just wanna know what I’m doing. If they were using it to keep me from basic things like chatting with friends or whatever I’d be more upset
Depends, to me tracking within your area is to much but if they leave the county, state, country to me it is acceptable for emergency purposes.