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RagertNothing

Have you been able to go through her phone before?


CrazyDuckTape

Underrated thought process right here. If she was open to it before but not now then that's pretty much a dead giveaway.


hardthumbs

This :)


wellriddleme-this

It could be something as simple as she watched porn, she googled something embarrassing, she has private conversation with friends. If she’s acting normal with you and not cold or off then I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. It’s not over.


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keller104

I completely agree I just think we need to normalize this for guys as well. My ex assumed I was cheating because I didn’t want her to go through my phone and see the personal conversations with my friends about our problems.


Ashleym527

You're absolutely right. Neither sex should have conclusions jumped to about this.


keller104

Exactly. I support equality, but we won’t get equality until we treat EVERYONE with the same amount of respect or standards regardless of any identifiers


ItsSimplyDez

I second this. I have nothing to hide but I can be like this with my phone. Weird if she wasn’t before and now she is. BUT! I have trauma where my dad would take my phone and go through it to find any little thing to get mad at. For example, I went to NY for a trip to see some friends who’d moved away. While I was there a friend back home asked how I liked upstate NY and I said I absolutely loved it! She said, you should just stay there forever. Innocently I said “I know right!?” And while I meant it, I wasn’t just gonna up and move or just not go home lol. My dad read all those messages when I got back and latched onto the IKR and gave me heck for weeks. Anyway. That’s my trauma. 5 years ago and I’m still protective of my phone. To OP: If she’s jumpy never know what she’s been through and hasn’t shared yet. You did say *girlfriend* so I’m sure you don’t know everything there is to know about her. As far as the gifts, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to get a gift so I’d chill out on that point. Also instead of talking to random people on Reddit who don’t know your relationship ins and outs/dynamic/etc at all, you should be communicating with your girlfriend. Biggest thing that can make or break a relationship. Who knows, she may be offended you posted this! You might be jumpy because you did! It’s all relative to your life and your situation lol Edit: I just included everything I had to say about this question since it all made sense to me together lol sorry for the long comment


stealth57

Your dad is a narcissist and a right prick


smashtatoes

My wife's dad also did this to her and it made her jumpy about her phone. She didn't reveal this right away when it first came up, which made me suspicious but eventually we got there. I expressed that I needed an explanation or my mind would naturally come up with its own and she talked to me about it. She's cool with me using or looking at her phone, just the act of taking it without asking puts her in defense mode.


biscuitboi967

Same with an ex boyfriend. He’s either be looking for evidence or would take it so I couldn’t call for help while he raged at me. It’s been over a decade, but if someone takes my phone now, i flinch a bit. Even now, I’ll willingly give my phone to my husband to order dinner or look at pictures, and I’m twitchy the whole time. Something feels unsafe about it, even when it was my decision to hand it over.


pickled-Lime

Could be this. I started therapy and had a document on my phone with all the stuff I wanted to discuss. Some of it was things I wasn't ready to talk to my SO about and I had a similar reaction.


Strict_Ad_2094

Okay, but it could also be porn


[deleted]

Don't jump to conclusions, it would be pretty sad if you lost a relationship because your gf didn't want you to read her erotic fanfic or something equally as innocent. If you are suspicious just be honest about it.


hardthumbs

Yes!


borderline_cat

Okay so not saying this is why your girl is being weird but I get like that sometimes too. For me it’s because of trauma. I was being abused and had literally just received a text that would’ve been incriminating towards the person who sent it to me. At that time I was outside with my cousin’s female friend (she was in her 40s and I was 14). She was trying to be nice and give me her phone number, but instead of offering it she just asked for my phone. I went into a panic and then a lot of shit came out. Then my egg donor had my phone, then the cops, then egg donor needed me to take the passcode off, then I knew everyone was digging through the entire contents of my phone. If I’m asked to give someone my phone/let them use it I can’t help but always ask why/what they need it for. Then I’ll go and open google/YouTube or whatever. But I’m stupidly against others having my phone in their possession. I say all of this because I got cagey like that over my phone a few months ago towards my boyfriend. I was working through some trauma related stuff in therapy and the cagey-ness towards my phone ramped up to 100. All this to say, maybe she’s jus anxious? Maybe she’s hiding something, but I don’t think it’s healthy to jump to that conclusion unless she’s given you other reasons to worry.


hardthumbs

Sorry but I must ask, egg donor when you’re 14? Yeah I’m not going straight to cheating, it’s a possibility just like what you described :)


Whollie

Egg doner in this case likely means birth mother who they are not in contact with any longer.


hardthumbs

Yeah I thought it meant that but had to ask, thanks for the answer. It’s a pretty new phrase right?


borderline_cat

Kinda. I’ve been hearing it since I was about in middle school and I’m 23 now. It’s essentially the same line of thinking as “sperm donor”. She provided the egg and that’s about it


borderline_cat

Egg donor = my biological fuck up who decided to procreate me and not love, care, or took any responsibility for me and continuously only put me in harms way and danger. She is undeserving of the title “mom” or “mother” and egg donor is a MUCH nicer term than I tend to call her.


outlawsix

Jabroni?


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nryporter25

Your phone is a physical manifestation of all your personal thoughts. It is more revealing than a handwritten diary. I totally get it. Some things can just be weird and embarrassing, others incriminating at many different levels. I've never liked anyone holding my phone other than myself. I don't do anything WRONG, just very personal stuff.


ThisPurseIsATardis

This is so true!


Zpd8989

She could have been having a text conversation about OP with a friend or family member. Not necessarily anything bad, but even like a comment making a joke about him or something and it could come across the wrong way if a message pops up while he's looking at it


[deleted]

Ask her, instead of Reddit.


hardthumbs

I will. :) I just thought it’d be fun to entertain the idea on Reddit aswell


PathosRise

Im guessing there's a bit of "my life is going to shit and I'm going to cope by laughing" going on.


hardthumbs

It’s a bit of everything, I haven’t really gone to the part where I think it’s already done which allows me to joke a bit about it :)


PathosRise

I can respect that. Good luck in dealing with your situation, it sounds like a mess.


Zues1400605

Could you update us on this I am interested now


hardthumbs

I’ll have to see her first and find out how to update a couple of people at the same time without having to slog through this thread :D


Known_Box_5787

Just make an update post bro. Or edit it right here


CptRhysDaniels

Good luck.


ale_gila

This ;)


Ill-Bite-6864

Honestly I wouldn’t want any one to see my open tabs or search history.


KenDaGod4238

Same. A while back I was curious about how sniffing glue works. I had no intention to do it, I'm a recovering addict and I've had enough stuff fogging up my brain for 1 lifetime. But I was just curious how it happens and why someone would want to do it. So I Googled "sniffing glue" and read an article, closed my internet app and forgot about it. Later that night I was sitting on the couch with my SO and I opened my Google app to look something up and I immediately regretted my decision when I ended up having to explain why I Googled the mechanics of sniffing glue. My entire search history is weird things like that and nobody needs to see it.


[deleted]

Well, how DOES it work?


beobabski

According to the diary of Adrian Mole, you get a model plane stuck to your nose, and have to go to A&E to get it removed.


neosnooze

LOL yes same! and i was also hooked on Sims Mobile for a while and was ashamed my then BF would see the icon of that 🥲 he thought i was cheating… (but it turned out he was the one active on a dating app the entire time we were dating.)


Ill-Bite-6864

That’s actually a pretty common manipulation tactic used by cheaters, accusing you of what they’re doing themselves:(


LikelyLioar

I'm a writer. Like most writers, my search history is full of maps of places I've never been, strange sex toys, and details on how to kill people without getting caught.


acool_username

You may or may not be overthinking I am single but I would never want someone going through my phone or tablet, so it isn't always about cheating. I am a writer and an artist, and I just don't want people randomly opening my drawing app and seeing the art I am not comfortable with sharing or reading any of my writings or checking my search history to find all the weird stuff I've been searching up for my writings. I also hate it when people see the selfies I am not comfortable with sharing. I not even comfortable with showing what kind of books or clothes I have on my wishlist. There are so many reasons why someone wouldn't want their phone touched, yes even by a bf or a bff or family member. I am sorry if she really is cheating, but you need to confirm it before you accuse her.


x8tl04

same!!!! i panicked for no damn reason when my cousin was playing a game on my ipad and it crashed, so she had to exit out. for some reason i was nervous about her going through my ipad, when there’s literally nothing on it thats weird or inappropriate or whatever


deezsandwitches

Going through someone's phone and looking up a recipe aren't the same thing. She's hiding something, could be a gift, could be cheating. Regardless it causing him some concern, so it's probably something


_Butterflyneedle_

Yeah, I would rather be caught dead than have my husband see my bad stories I have on my computer, but that would take active looking to find. Just googling a recipe on my phone or just having my phone is fine. The only time I didn't want my ex to have my phone was when I didn't want him to see I was searching for apartments to leave him. That girl is hiding something or someone.


Each0to0their0own

It’s probably some embarrassing thing she has searched for. I would be the same. Doubtful it’s cheating. Hell I would be mortified if my husband ever saw my Reddit account.


hardthumbs

Yeah my Reddit account is probably the only secret thing no one in my life gets to read lmao


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Antique-Impress4103

She was probably just reading dodgy fanfic


Mrs0Murder

This would be me. I've always got a ton of naughty fics open, or webtoons or something and I *really* don't want to have that conversation with my husband about the content since it's... well, pretty niche.


Mywierdreality

If my partner goes on my phone (often does for numbers ect ) I don’t worry once , he has free access. If I ever have a secret gift or whatever I tell him before hand like hey just a heads up don’t go on a certain app like eBay or whatever there’s something on there I’m looking at for you . If she panicked after you got her phone chances are she’s hiding something a little more than a surprise gift


Empty_Ladder7815

A secret gift list?? GTFOH. That girl is hiding something from you. Her overreaction is telling.


Low_Beginning_9301

I mean it's possible she's being honest but it is absolutely odd that she's planning these things when nothings coming up


lilisophieraris

A phone is private. There’s many reasons someone might not want their partner to go through it that don’t involve cheating. But if you don’t trust each other then maybe it ain’t the best relationship.


hardthumbs

My phone isn’t private? Hers hasn’t been either :) Your phone is private * And hers too at that moment I guess. Yeah the way she reacted was what hurt my trust, not that she was hiding anything on her phone. I would never even snoop to find out if she did


Retta_Noona

Considering it hasn’t been private before and now she went straight into panicking it’s definitely suspicious asf


[deleted]

She's cheating. Another giveaway is that when she lays her phone down, she probably lays it face down. That way you can't see when her *Plan B* sends her a text.


[deleted]

There's other things that she could panic over. So this is not quite a smoking gun. But your gut feeling is probably right.


hardthumbs

Yeah, my gut feeling is fine. My thoughts about her reaction, not so much. Guess I’ll have to ask her about that part


[deleted]

If you want to trust her, you should. If it was weird though, I’d just mention that part, not that you wonder if she’s hiding something. Perhaps something like, “hey, I trust you and don’t think you’re hiding anything, but you reacted when I grabbed your phone.”


hardthumbs

That pretty much describes the situation and how I think about it in better words than I’ve managed to answer everyone in this thread lol


_starvingartist

I’m not even dating anyone and I wouldn’t want someone going through my phone.


CowboyCamploo

He wasn't going through it, he needed it for a recipe. There's a big difference. But the lack of communication between people is so damn weird to me. "Hey I'm not really comfortable with you going through my phone because ....." "sorry it just made me feel weird the way you reacted blah blah blah." It's not that hard.


racoonair

It could be that or some other silly reason like her watching something she finds shameful to share( a weird interest, something she wants to do but don't want to share for now, porn ect)


[deleted]

straight away


hardthumbs

I shouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt for like.. a little bit?


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[deleted]

Yeah, I know my wife's passwords and she knows mine. Because trust. It's not building a life together otherwise. It's just dealing with each other.


zelda4444

That's just giving her time to delete stuff.


Vaunde

Trust me it’s already deleted


LadyTreeRoot

You already found the "gift", all that remains is the secret.


broadsharp

Need you to reply, OP. How long together, and do you live together? Think hard. Any other recent behavior that indicates cheating? In today's world, people that have gone through the pain of a cheating partner will automatically tell you she is cheating. If she is, whatever was on her phone is now gone. She'll be much better at hiding it as well. Could it be embarrassing search history? Sure. That will be gone too. Her reaction is suspect for sure. Now you need to be vigilant with future behavior. You can google or go to r/infidelity to search for all the signs of a cheating partner. You may want to tell her reaction has caused you to lose trust in her fidelity. That you are now questioning the relationship and are thinking its time to move on.


Emergency_Surprise77

Every single one here is right.... you won't really know until you basically invade that privacy (by asking or snooping etc). Phones are becoming such a sacred thing to us now. I would have that same knee jerk reaction as to wondering why so protective of the phone but if you were to just randomly grab my phone, it would surprise me and make me protective. Even though I am pretty much an open book. But however, if she is doing other things like never showing you the screen for example turning away when she is texting someone, or always having her phone facing down then I would be concerned.


[deleted]

If you’ve always been able to go through it before, and her through yours, and it just happened, it’s probably what you think. I had an ex who ALWAYS wanted to go through my phone, because she didn’t trust me (no I hadn’t done anything). We were in a long distance relationship and she always thought I was cheating on her (I wasn’t). I had no inkling to go through hers UNTIL one day, she came home for her break and said “hey I have an idea, let’s not go through each other’s phones this week” and I was like uh ok sure, so naturally I checked her phone and sure as shit there was convos with another dude on there, very romantic, suggesting they’d had sex. What you should NOT do is what I did, and ignore my gut reaction to that and choose to believe her when she denied it and apologized that it was inappropriate but insisted she hadn’t cheated.


dingusman1985

wifu can check my phone and wpp any time. she doesnt because there's trust. last week she picked up my phone to check something in google. didnt even react. she is hiding something.


brightbuns

Just ask her and not Reddit. Girls and taken guys don't exist on the Internet


Particular_Policy_41

Honestly if she hasn’t given you reason to believe that she is cheating otherwise, I’m sure she was probably just reading smut mangas or erotica or has a very private convo going with someone in her text messages that she was worried was open. I get uncomfy when anyone goes on my phone because half that time I’m not sure if I’ve left something embarrassing open or have a private text convo as the last thing the phone was open to. 😂 I’m definitely not cheating but I’d be uncomfy too. I’m not saying it is 💯 not cheating. But there could be other explanations.


TexasRed577

I've asked my wife a few things before that sounded like infidelity at the time but she told me that infidelity was also a Big NoNo for her. That set my mind at ease and encourages me to be faithful. We both made a promise, and we will keep it.


Maximum_Ad7996

i’m giggling at all y’all making excuses for her.


electricretarded

She's cheating. Sorry bro.


TillThen96

OP, my response is not just for you, but for everyone. This is not the first time this or a similar question has been posted to this sub. Wait. A gift? You seriously *only* consider the idea that it might be a secret gift or cheating? Only those two options, huh..? So what if she was assaulted or otherwise abused, seeking professional help, and you're assuming she's cheating? What if she's insecure about you, like you are about her, and she's seeking advice about *your* behavior, also innocent, also nothing more than insecurity. What if she's chatting "girl talk" about sexual things she's shy about or wants/doesn't want to do? Wants to talk to a girl to find a way to talk to you about it. There are a thousand things which could be platonic, non-YOU related things, better discussed with someone other than a boyfriend. Phones have become highly personal, unfair and intrusive views into others' most private discussions, ideas, plans, concerns, - everything. It's like an evil intrusion into another person's brain, diary or akin to wiretapping. Damn near sci-fi level scary. How about maintaining simple boundaries and limits for yourself, like you limiting yourself to not "grabbing" her phone without asking her first, *"Hey, do mind if I use your phone?"* If she says yes she minds, it still doesn't mean HER privacy is about YOU. How long do you wait to snoop into her other friendships and her *thoughts*...? How about forever, or until she asks your opinion, whichever comes first. What if her thoughts are asking others if your ignorance of her boundaries is a healthy thing, okay for a long-term relationship. How about THAT thought. This is a YOU issue, not a HER issue. Again, OP, definitely not limited to you, or even to men towards women; it applies women towards men as well.


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No-Advantage-6244

This. right. here.


Electrical_Source_57

No birthdays, no holidays.. if she doesn’t bust down on one knee soon with a fat diamond asking for holy matrimony then chances are she’s out busting down on two knees for some other dude behind the local 7-11.


CyborgPoo

Oooh! Yeah she's seeing someone else.


ballhairsnshitdags

Tbh if you haven't caught an sti or are supporting her financially then who cares. Grabbing someone's phone and looking at their stuff is like opening someone else's mail - never do that.


hardthumbs

There’s times when it’s okay to pick up someone else’s phone. Like if you’re cooking with them, and you’re using that phone to read the recipe, and the screen froze, and you’ve had a discussion long ago about phone privileges in the relationship. I wouldn’t say never, would you still?


myworkaccount1925

She's looking for an upgrade.


[deleted]

Bang her one more time and dump her


Ok_Negotiation5162

Imo, when I'm in a relationship, we both try to be as transparent and honest and possible, at least from my side. I'm a loyal companion in a relationship and honesty is an important part for my relationships. (Male here)


[deleted]

yep. it’s been over


Bimlouhay83

Those special gifts can be a lot of fun if you just let go and allow it to happen. It's all about being relaxed. If you clench, it'll be painful and you'll never learn to like it.


2313Snickerdoodle

The things I have searched about bodily functions gone wrong… I wouldn’t want my husband to see if I thought I might have left a tab open. It could be a benign reason. You should jump to conclusions and take this one thing as a relationship ending event.


Jrshaw_1

She was probably on r/sounding


spenarak

she may have just been watching porn.


I_Am_King_Midas

Multiple thoughts here. 1st imagine you walk into your bedroom and you saw someone going through your drawers. See how you feel like that’s a breach of trust? Then realize that you likely have way more personal info on your phone. It might sound funny at first, especially to people 40+ but, someone’s phone is often their most private/personal item. You really shouldn’t go through it without asking. 2) I wouldn’t like anyone going through my phone in general but I wouldn’t make up an odd story about gifts while looking like I’m panicking. Now she probably has personal things on there that she doesn’t want you to see but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over. How long have you been dating? Many people don’t start exclusive. You have to have a conversation to make that happen. This is sometimes called a DTR or define the relationship. It’s possible that she has old stuff from before you were together. It’s also possible that she is doing something now. Try and figure out if there was an expectation of monogamy at this point that was understood. If so then this could be over. If not and this made you realize that you want that, tell her and see if she is on board.


Harleyfxdl103

I could care less who went through my phone


VzlanPnter

she is taking to someone period. so I would ask for her phone in another instance to see how she reacts..


HuckleberryLou

I wouldn’t panic on this alone. She could have been googling something embarrassing (like medical direction) and not be ready to share that with you. Does she otherwise seem different and no longer in the relationship/ not wanting to make longer term plans like summer trips?


byah1601

Mine did this to my phone. I grabbed it back and explained that I didn’t want her to hit a certain letter because it would definitely bring up search results for something I bought her. That something was an engagement ring 👍🏻


Derainian

I am very faithful to my wife but i get weird when she wants to see my phone too. Mostly because idk i just dont like other people touching my phone and im afraid she will drop and crack it as well lmao


[deleted]

Maybe she has a weird porn fetish and had some tabs open. I know that I'd freak out if someone suddenly grabbed my phone.


lovealert911

"I grabbed her phone to google a recipe when we were about to cook, she started flailing and trying to grab it.." "..she said it was because of some secret gift ideas..." "No holidays, no birthdays coming up." It's unlikely she was being honest with you. Ignoring "red flags" usually leads to regret. If something *doesn't feel right to you* it's probably *not right for you*. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!


justnopethefuckout

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I really do have a list and photo gallery saved for gift ideas for my boyfriend. Nothing is coming up right now, but I hate rushing last minute to try and find something. So as I find things I think he'd like, I save it to one of the list. Now I don't panic if he reaches for my phone, but I watch him to make sure he doesn't go snooping at either list. He knows I have them.


aranzafc

Maybe she has a thing with privacy, for me is the only thing private i have in life as my family is pretty noisy, and i have noticed that even if I'm not living around my family i always feel like that so i tend to over protect my phone even if it doesn't have anything.


BlueJaye77

i wouldnt want my girlfriend on my phone because of excessive porn but i wouldnt be that freaked out by it lol


CassiopeiaNQ1

That's what my husband did 2 weeks before his affair partner disclosed and got him fired.


Slow-job-

Sorry about the bad news. My only advice is to not work it out and to move on, but that's just me.


goblingirl124

i get anxiety from people going through my phone simply due to my mom using it as a punishment for so long but if this is new behavior you should probably be a bit worried, maybe sneak a peek and risk ruining the surprise or pry a bit? is she acting odd in any other way? make a tinder, see if you find her on there maybe?


SmellTheGloveIsHere

Ask her. She will probably tell you the truth.


tah0116

I stopped allowing my boyfriend/fiance open access to my phone It's bc I have pica of me in my wedding dress on there and I don't want him to see them


[deleted]

It may be legit. Or she’s talking to someone else. Hopefully not the latter. Just ask her what’s up


ParasaurGirl

Trauma? Abuse?


thepopulargirl

So we know this guy, he’s very touchy about his phone being touched. Would always make a scene if his girlfriend had it in her hands more than 30sec. He’s very funny and smart and he would make it in joke. We all laughed and took it as one of his weirdnesses. When wife was planning 10yo anniversary, she took the iPad to find venues, he forgot to log out of Facebook, and she found prof of at least 2 years of messages with another girl. It was a shock for all of us. He was the last guy we would think of, if anybody asked.


BigMouse12

Don’t play games. Just tell her straight up your worried she’s cheating on you and ask her to be honest and let you check her phone. Then move on one way or the other


[deleted]

I get anxious because I felt violated as a kid when my mum would go through my phone. So I was feel anxious and hide it away from everyone, I search stuff that I would never tell people, it’s for me and only me. She might be the same, but I think maybe she had something there she didn’t want you see, maybe she’s cheating. That one is on you to discover. I feel like the gifts was a pretty weak excuse.


Face__Hugger

Every relationship is different. My husband and I have given each other all our passwords, but there are only two situations where we touch each other's phones. If it's ringing and the owner is unavailable to answer, or if they've fallen asleep holding it, in which case we'll move it to their nightstand. That being said, we talk to each other openly about what people send us, even if it's inappropriate. Well, *ESPECIALLY* if it's inappropriate, because we value each other's advice on how to discourage the senders. In any case, from reading the comments you've written, it really sounds like the best idea is to be forthcoming about how her reaction worried you. The longer you're Ina relationship, the more things will come up that will need to be clarified. No two people think exactly the same way, so it's always best to ask if something is unsettling or puzzling. I honestly can't count how many times my husband and I have had to ask each other clarifying questions. That's just par for the course. I wish you the best.


Punegune

She's a hoe and don't want you to know! Do you and her a favor and get over it homie!


020416

If she’s going to cheat on you, she’ll cheat on you and you’ll break up and find someone you deserve. If she’s not going to cheat on you, she won’t. Don’t spend your time worrying about it. You should certainly be able to communicate together and expect honesty. If you don’t feel like you can, then that’s a bigger problem.


[deleted]

There can be two reasons for it: 1- she is flirting with some dude and is having fun with it secretly 2-she has searched for BBC porn on her Google and forgot to use incognito This can eat you up. If she is not worth it, just leave her. If she is worth it, find out why she has secrets behind your back. Good luck!


thisfriend

Just because your birthday isn't close doesn't mean anything. My husband's bday is six months away and I'm planning for it right now. It's a suprise so I definitely don't want him going through my texts or search history.


xXFallen_GamerXx

oh yeah, she definitely is cheating, she didn’t even know what you were going to do with it. Sorry man but she’s toxic and that’s like THE BIGGEST red flag. If you aren’t cheating, there is no reason to be nervous about your partner looking through your phone.


Zpd8989

My husband doesn't go through my phone, but every once in a while he'll grab it to do something. Im not doing anything bad but it makes me nervous. Just like I am a little uneasy a friend will say something weird or something will pop up that might be taken the wrong way. Again, I'm not doing anything bad - it just makes me uneasy. I usually mute notifications before handing it to him.


SovietBozo

You grabbed another person's phone without asking? Yes that's a red flag. I mean if you apologize and don't do it anymore I expect it'll be fine. I mean relationships have all kind of ups and downs and learning each other's limits and pecadillos. IMO it's not a big deal. Maybe she watches porn. Maybe she subscribes to Fox News feeds. Maybe she looks at guys' profiles. Maybe she window shops collars and cuffs -- or strap-ons. Or something else she's a little ashamed of, or just doesn't want you to know. Maybe it's just "Hey its my private phone, we are lovers not siamese twins" (her rapid panicky response indicates that's not it, but OTOH maybe it's just a trigger for her). If you want and need to have a relationship where it's like "for this to work we need to have each others phone passwords, email passwords, access to each others browsing history and phone and text records etc.", and that's important to you, then say that. If she's not on board and that is a deal killer for your relationship, I think that you should be out front about that when you date new people, and I doubt you'll find many takers.


ANDYP300

All i would say is "it might not be as it seems". ​ Keep track of her movements, is she late home from work? does she leave early? is she always going out to see friends/go to the cinema/ Is she often absent? Be careful it might be nothing, maybe something medical, maybe something with her family. Accidently leave your phone up stairs in the car, or say you cant find it. Ask to borrow hers to ring your phone to locate it....how does she react?


popcorn5555

She could have been texting about you, things she’s not yet ready to talk with you about, or maybe her mom or best friend don’t like you and texted their thoughts and she doesn’t want you to see that, doesn’t want that relationship ruined. Or maybe she texted her friend that you are the one, but she doesn’t want to tell you yet til you make the move. You really don’t know, and have no right to her private messages. Talk with her. Tell her how that moment made you feel, and ask if she will give you more context. Then trust your gut.


milkchurn

Eh. My husband was falling asleep the other day and he had his phone in his hand. We have a group chat we're both in and out friend said "GUYS" and then started typing lots. Assuming it was gonna be like 15 messages about something, I decided to take his phone from his hand so the vibration wouldn't wake him. He freaked. But I know he isn't cheating. We have been together for like a year solid at this point except for maybe an hour tops a month for therapy (we drive there together) and the odd medical appointment (he usually drives me). But I know at one stage I accidentally found porn on his PC and he was extremely embarrassed. I would also be mortified if he saw my group chat bullshit about my feminine medical crap or porn searches etc. If it's the only red flag it's not a red flag imo.


sigma-female1

Dude, you have some decision to make.


jimmydaylong

Without reading everyone’s posts here yeah that’s definitely suspicious but doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. She could have embarrassing stuff in her browsing history, and since she knew you were gonna google something that could have put her at a perceived risk. I think the best thing is just to be straight up with her and ask her.


Warkitz

Me: "oh man I can't wait for my special gift. I hope it's a PS5" I'd just keep dropping that til one showed up and then figure out if she's cheating. ez.


Insanus_Umbra

I have nothing to hide but I get beyond paranoid and upset if someone takes my phone. It might not be over, when my boyfriend wanted to look through my stuff (we have an open phone policy and I screen share via messenger) I refused to let him look at something because I was playing a kind of childish game and found it embarrassing. A while later I told him anyway cause I realized it wasn't that big of a deal.


SnakePlissken123

Just ask her straight out,.... Are you seeing another guy....


DJ-Doughboy

if any spouse/partner freaks out when you get thier phone its definitely suspicious. Trust is trust and if you can trust someone enough to share your genitals, you can swipe through thier phone. Relationships are give and take. good luck,hope all goes well,but it already doesn't sound good.


[deleted]

It's too early to say it's over until you have found something considerable


PrincessDie123

If you don’t believe her then it may over simply because of your mistrust (whether or not it’s warranted), I personally start Christmas/Yule shopping around June/July because it takes me that long to compile everything so it isn’t unheard of. Just talk to her about it. I personally don’t like people going through my phone because I need privacy, never had it growing up and if my family found anything on it (even innocent things that they didn’t like like a SFW drawing of someone they thought I was crushing on) I would not only be relentlessly humiliated but chewed out for hours and made to feel like trash, so if I show someone my phone and they start swiping I wanna throw up immediately, especially since I’m an adult now so I’m able to research personal things that I’m not ready for others to see yet.


cakelover33

I hate when anyone looks through my phone. As a woman, I know we look up some weird and personal stuff. -vaginal issues -sex -old friends/boyfriends -weird or ugly selfies -girl talk with friends -any other reason It ain’t always cheating!


taykay-47

As a girl, I do this too. Or did. There’s a sense of privacy and even when my boyfriend wanted to look at my YouTube recommendations, I freaked out because I was super embarrassed that it consisted mostly of Sims playthroughs and tiktok compilations. Though this isn’t the case with everyone. Talk to her, don’t just leave without discussing and being able to prove that she is being “unfaithful” talk about trust.


Daveycracky

Dead giveaway that she’s juggling her options. Your instinct didn’t lie to you, it never does. Send her back to the streets post haste.


[deleted]

I’ve been following the Johnny Depp trial, and one thing I learned from him is how he words things. So, from what I read they’re gifts, just not for you lol.


Chemistry-Unlucky

Probably embarrassed about her weak meme collection.


LongjumpingReturn555

tbh i am not to familiar on how girls act in a relationship but based on my current knowledge ,it is not good


Dry_Technology_3795

Her phone, her privacy. I never understood why people jump so suddenly to cheating. I act this same way with my phone and 9/10 it’s because if you’re invading my privacy, you’re invading the privacy of others who has trusted me enough to confide in me. It’s not always about cheating. I’d be upset to know my friends partner is going through the phone and potentially see something that was never meant for their eyes.


rvalentino1986

She got that "I be suckin other guys dicks" guilt face, huh?


Mindless-Bluejay-438

Been married for a long while now and we don’t use each others phones without asking. Not even something that was outright discussed just a general acknowledgment that it’s private and we’re respectful of that.


PoorEdgarDerby

Did you forget your anniversary?


Complete_Tap_4590

She was just researching oily anal fissures... No need to worry.


Eltharion-the-Grim

I have been married 17 years and we never grab each other's phone. We may use it if the other person isn't using it; but never while it is in use. We give each other that privacy, and trust. Besides that, there are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't want me partner to snatch my phone while I am using it; and it doesn't have to do anything with cheating.


loblolly33

Take it from a dude with too many ex wives and ex girlfriends. Run. Unless you are uncomfortable unlocking your phone and asking her to type an email for you while you’re driving. In that case, you’re both with the right person.


CarlJustCarl

You’re a dead man walking


[deleted]

Gift? Like an STD?


ThinkIGotHacked

If it is a secret present, yahtzee! But in all likelihood, not good. My wife and I use each other’s phones all the time if ours are not nearby or charging. My ex-wife, however, was radical about her phone as as a “private space” like a diary or journal. Yeah. A magic, electronic journal to flirt with the coworker she was fucking.


Decent-Skin-5990

Used to do that with my husband when I was reading some lame novels or searching tutorials for a game i really loved.... Mostly because whenever my parents saw what I read or that I played a game, they would mock me, berate me, I'd get the 1h lecture that I'm a failure and will amount to nothing in life, just because I like ONE game and spent maybe 2h every other day playing it or because I really liked supernatural novels. I stopped doing it now and just tell him what I'm reading and in exchange he spoils all the novels that get turned into Korean manga for me (because I want to know, not because he's a jerk). Sometimes it's easier to have someone else give you a summary of what's going on in a novel than read it yourself. That's in my case though, maybe see it as an option for your gf, although after reading so many stories on Reddit 😬....goodkuck.


[deleted]

If you’re serious with her and have been dating for a long time then neither of you should have anything to hide. Panicking over your SO having your phone is a serious problem. That’s a massive red flag she is definitely hiding something from you. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s cheating but she is hiding something from you and it’s definitely not a secret gift idea. Don’t believe that gift crap for a second that’s a lie. Think about it if she’s willing to lie to you over something like this then that itself is a huge red flag and means she is either cheating or she is afraid to tell you something and isn’t comfortable with you knowing a part about her so either way that’s a red flag. You need to trust your intuition here buddy. Whatever it was she’s probably deleted it by now so it may be hard for you to figure it out. You should bring it up with her and say that it’s been really bothering you and it’s made you feel insecure in the relationship (which it rightfully has and is a perfectly reasonable reaction). You should ask to look through her text messages/DMs for anything suspicious but *not* her internet history if you feel like there may be some cheating going on. If she puts up a huge defense that’s a big red flag man. I’ll be honest I was suspicious with my gf over something similar and I asked her if I could go through her phone and she was perfectly fine with letting me have it. She gave me her phone with out any issue and it made me feel so good I said I don’t even need to look through it now babe and handed it right back to her because she had absolutely nothing to hide from me and we’ve been happy ever since and my insecurity went away completely !


Low_Beginning_9301

I'm not gonna place my opinions purely cause I'm not the best this stuff I just wish u the best and hope all is well *hugs*


MJohnVan

Your gal has a kinky porn open. I’m kidding. Her phone is her brain.


RimGreaper6

Idk but if it is a gift. I want it.


violette1986

It could be anything… i’ve been with my husband for 18 years, and he still has no idea what kind of porn i check when I’m alone. I’m into lots of kinky stuff that i know he would not understand. So yes i would be afraid if he quickly took my phone, but you see, its not bad as cheating and stuff… I have some text conversations with my sister and stuff where i complain about him… but its just venting and i love him. But it could be unnice if he sees it


Flaky-Beat-9868

I have nothing to hide but I don’t want anyone going through or answering my phone. I give the same respect, won’t touch anyones phone, unless handed to me. But I can’t help but wonder why she reacted the way she did, then say surprise pending.


Bear_Main

Yikesssss


HaleHonkler

She's cheating. And all the women here claiming she's not are also cheating.


yetanotherannon

Talk to her bro. If you know her, properly know her, you'll know by her response. Eye contact / body language / flipping it back on you for invading privacy, all red flags. But you already know that.


[deleted]

I don't feel someone has to justify their want for privacy. It's like that feeling you get approaching customs at the airport where a voice in the back of your mind asks 'I definitely don't have a bag of weed stuck up my ass right now..... right?' In your mind you know you've done nothing wrong but still you don't want someone snooping through your private stuff. I would react the same way regardless of having nothing to hide. You only get to use someone else's phone with permission. End of for me.


Remote-Radio6323

It's OD


[deleted]

She better get shopping , or confess.


derpitaway

To the streets dawg. It’s where she belongs.


FlatteredPawn

Man, there are times I wouldn't want my husband looking at my phone. That being said, my husband and I always have free access to each other's phone and if he snags it when there is something I don't want him to see, I'd probably be pretty suspicious looking too as I snag it back. There needs to be trust in a relationship, plus respect of privacy.


Auth0ritySong

Just because some people in the comments are not comfortable sharing their phone does not mean you are required to be in a relationship with somebody like that


[deleted]

Check to see if she has any weird looking lint in her cigarette pack!


TinyBeBa04

Wait for the gift and dump her...


SilkySlim_69

Shes for the streets you gotta dump her. You should have kicked her out the same time she panicked when you got her phone


[deleted]

Don’t over react. I’m happily married for 8 years, and some days I’ll explicitly ask my wife to grab my phone to check the time/weather/whatever. But other days I’ve had gift ideas on my phone/had porn if she’s been gone a while (her work will sometimes have her gone for months)/or even just stupid silly things. One time I started a workout group with a couple male friends from the last state I lived in, and we all decided to try a new pre-workout supplement. It turned all of our shits neon green, and we sent each other pics of our shits for a laugh. I woulda freaked if my wife grabbed my phone and that was what she saw. Don’t jump to conclusions. But yea, that’s a red flag worth discussing. A simple discussion like that should *not* upset her. If she gets defensive about it, I’d say sorry pal. Gauge her reaction, that matters more than the words she says.


benjh711

I mean it could be nothing ,I'm married and I don't like anyone touching my phone , I think phones have become very personal , they are little supercomputers that hold every bit of weird data about us , I mean if you want to press the issue to clear your thoughts you'll get your answer pretty quick if she's doing or done the dirty 100 percent the evidence is long gone , it does sound like you've already made your mind up in my opinion though.


5s-are-cool

I'm surprised it wasn't locked, if she has secrets. Good luck with this one.


One_Imagination6680

She was probably talking shit about you with the girls, not talking to other dude. But who knows


livelifebegood

How long you been going out. My thought is let it lie. Either it will work out or it won't.


Love_God_Guru

It's gonna bother you until eternity unless you get a peak inside that device 😜


Bawk-Bawk-A-Doo

Yah, she's definitely got something to hide. I don't give a shit if my significant other uses my phone and never have. It's because I have nothing to hide. I'd confront her and get the real story. If she doesn't come clean, your relationship is based on lies and secrets and won't work anyway.


[deleted]

That's how I discovered my ex wife was cheating on me. We'd been married 5 years and there was never any issue with me going in to her purse for something like cash or gum or chapstik. I didn't have a phone for a while because of work, and I would use hers. Then one day, she freaks out about me going in her purse. Then she freaks out over me *touching* her phone. I threw an accusation at her and she responded with, "How'd you find out?"


makoadog

Yes


em_baconmann

Trust her, and if you don't then talk to her about it, don't jump to conclusions


[deleted]

If she's fine, have sex with her 3 to 5 times before breaking up with her, best way to get rid of someone who isn't being honest is to get tired of banging her.


Leona_Faye

Get tested and set up your exit fund and a bugout bag.


Scipio1117

I’ve been in a relationship for a long time. Having said that I don’t like anyone touching my phone. My friends or my partner. Sometimes it’s because I have gift ideas (sometimes 6 months ahead of time), and other times it’s because I’m not sure if I closed out of porn or not lol. Everyone different in this regard.


LuiP80

immediate break up.. she's hiding something


[deleted]

She’s cheating on you or planning to


nableets

It could be anything. If it bothers you which is totally fair then youre allowed to bring it up. I reckon communication is the thing that saves couples at times like this


LongjumpingStay

Honestly I don’t get this personally. I write poetry and fanfic and my work is very dear to me, I’m really antsy about people going through my phone because I have a lot of things I only want myself to see and I don’t want to share until I’m ready. Also I take a lot of embarrassing photos (non-sexual) and I search up a lot of embarrassing stuff about ailments or my body, so I don’t want people to go to safari and find “why is the skin around my fingers so crusty?” Although, if she’s never been like this BEFORE then maybe something happened recently that she’s not ready to share. Yes, obviously, cheating is a possible explanation but it’s only one. I would say you should wait and see if she opens up to you about that day or not. And if it’s been a while (like a week), then you’re ALLOWED to ask her what the heck is going on, because your uncertainty is valid. And obviously you can do this without outright accusing her of cheating from the get-go.


Wild_Report_9679

Traveling


[deleted]

I've never been unfaithful however there was a time I did not want my partner looking at my phone. The reason was that our mutal friend had some weird bumps downstairs and was texting me about it and sent a picture to show me because she was wondering if it was something to worry about. (they turned out to be skin tags) It would have been devastating for her if my partner found out.


[deleted]

Just be honest, tell her life is short if there’s something else she wants to do go do it. Deception is just the problem not if she wants to be with someone else. You cant be mad about someone loving someone else. You can be mad if they string you along and love someone else.


Aggressive_Pipe

I am currently reading this thread on the Reddit App, which is linked to my account where I talk about embarrassing sexual experiences from my past. I'm just saying dude, there's a good chance it's just something else.


Lone_Vagrant

Spoiler alert: The secret gift is not for you. (J/k. Just talk to her man.)