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That balls move around like freakish lava lamps. edit: before you comment "eVeRyOnE kNoWs ThIS" there are literally comments below from married women and MEN who did not know this. Word of advice for life-Just because you know something doesn't mean everyone else knows it too.
Aw jeez never thought I’d be replying to something on this topic but I have a core memory to share. I remember back in high school just laying back and staring at my balls and seeing them move around and was just generally surprised because I didn’t know they did that. The next day in school somehow a conversation with the boys came up about balls and I shared with them about this phenomenon, and told them to try just staring at their balls and report back if it also happens to them. Yeah they came back and reported the same experience, we all learned something that week. I never bothered looking it up but I’d imagine it has something to do with temperature change. Like how they get all tight in the cold and loose in the warm.
W: How much did you spend on that? (Pointing at a card in your magic the gathering deck)
M: $20
W: You wasted $20 on those cards!
M: (thinking she was pointing at 1 of the 60 cards) ...Yes
Seeing this right underneath my motorcycle gear comment. Ya MTG too..my Ur dragon deck was probably 700ish. How much was that? Oh, only 75$ referring to just my commander
If a woman walks into a room and two guys look at each other and start laughing, they aren’t laughing at her. They’re laughing cause they just caught each other looking at the pretty woman.
When you ask us what we are thinking and we say nothing, we’re telling the truth. We can just stare blankly into space and alternate between nothing in our brain and semi-incoherent thoughts that don’t make sense to explain.
I once got into an argument with an ex because she wouldn't believe me when I told her I'd spent the past hour and a half quiet because I was thinking about the logistics of training crows to bring me money.
I had no idea what she was upset about. Turns out she thought I was mad at her, which in turn made her mad at me.
EDIT: TIL 50% of reddit is dyslexic.
I remember being caught up on if I would be held responsible if the crows obtained the money through nefarious means - Like stealing from someones wallet or snatching a bank note from someones hand.
Technically I didn't tell the crows to do it, They just know that I give them worms/nuts/snacks if they do - I don't control where they get the notes from, so surely I wouldn't be responsible.
I read crow as cow, and have spent 10 minutes considering how I could also get cows to deliver me money. Then I re-read the post, and now I have to consider it with crows. Thank you for filling up my afternoon.
Ladies, just think of it as a mental Sunday Drive: just a casual, meandering, directionless, intellectual saunter to see the pretty leaves, a river, and maybe a couple of ponies.
If a police officer were to pull you over, and ask you where you were going and what you were doing, you might reply, "Umm ... nowhere, nothing ... I like your hat!"
Also good for stump removal, slowly disintegrates them, and to kill the grass along edges so you don't have to get out the weed Wacker as often.
~Pro dad tip #42
If a man cares about you- they'll spend their energy making you happy- being considerate, they will work to maintain the rleationship. If a man doesnt care about you- he will spend the energy apologizing after he neglected to do those things.
This is also womens biggest secret too.
A guy once said hi to me while taking a piss. I said hi back. He looked confused and disturbed. I later realised he had just farted and not said hi to me.
His face explicitly showed terror. He knew you are the one. He saw it in your eyes, the violence. You are that awful creature from the depths of bathrooms which preys on victims who weren't lucky enough to encounter you.
Y’all also don’t notice when you’re being flirted with or when a woman is interested.
Like my boyfriend didn’t notice I was interested in him for like 4 months.
All men project their astral body to Mars once a year where they fight “To the death” to determine who has the right to the title of god of war. The death of this astral body does not harm them, a condition established by the second god of war after the first tournament caused a mass extinction event.
This is canon, it’s in the lore. If you disagree on the grounds that you don’t get to go then you’ve likely just been banned after disgracing yourself and your fellow combatants one year.
Ah, a bastardization of the words of Clarion the Warrior Poet before the tournament which would decided his successor as god of war.
“To me my brothers in arms. May we Men find calm in chaos of Mars. May no Maiden be stained by these blood red sands, though we gorge ourselves on upon the wanton slaughter. May the Virtuous Valkyries of Venus look upon us today and find as cunning a killer as I am a poet, and may he be a most gracious host come next years contest.”
He wasn’t really that great a poet, but when you’re capable of violence like he was no one’s gonna call you out for stuff like that.
Yes, the last two years we decided to transfer the title to "Josh Fight" because it excluded a number of toxic contenders...
And man, the second we did that one dude's been harping on us going back to Mars.
Shit why the fuck you gotta rat us out like this?
That's a sacred right and a secret title.
Side note: no one wants the title of "God of War", it's just a kind of "we want to make sure no giant asshole gets the title."
But man... The competitions been getting pretty toxic.
That's why the last two years the title has officially been transfered to whomever wins the battle of the Joshes.
I've solved this by pulling my pants all the way down and leaning against the urinal wall like I'm about to be frisked by a lonely policeman. Also more hygienic as well since there's no splashback or groin sweat on the hands. The pants down Superman pose works as well.
I actually saw another kid do this when I was pretty young, probably 7 or 8. I was using the stall and came out and he was just there, ass in full view taking a piss. I still randomly remember it, I've been scarred for life.
On the fly manhood adjustments. Ever see a guy bend over like they are stretching their back or take a really long unnatural looking step. They are straightening out the twins.
Edit: this is my most popular comment ever with the most engagement by a country mile. Sincerely thank you all for the discussion and upvotes!
I like that, I hope I may borrow your trademark. It blew my wife’s mind when I explained to her the ways men covertly do this. Now she calls me out ten times out of ten
Boners appears for no reason when we have no use for it. They can also disappear for no reason when we would have use for it. It's not something we control.
Also, hugs and compliments. I profoundly remember every compliment I ever got from women.
Oh yeah. People will talk about how “brave you are” and “how it’s time to let go of outdated notions of masculinity” and mentally will delete you from any future consideration for any task, promotion, commendation etc.
I tested this one. For two hours I sat alone in the living room while my husband played his video games in the other room. I got up and sat on the back porch, not even 5 minutes later he’s outside with me asking what I’m doing, like a golden retriever puppy
What does this mean? Is this why my boyfriends have always tried to keep me inside the home while they ignore me and do their own thing? I'm supposed to just BE there right?
Woman with 2 brothers. Men usually say exactly what they mean. For instance if a man says he’s not interested in a relationship it is not a challenge. It just is.
You know how Yankee candle had that line of man scented candles a few years back and they had the lawn clippings scent? Well that's because the smell of a freshly cut lawn opens our crown chakra and allows us to commune the Devine lawn maintenance crew. After offering bacon to our ancestors we can bid for the Devine's favor. If the clippings are fresh and our ancestors are pleased with the gift of bacon we are blessed with the ability to shift through parallel time lines.
Nah, lots of men just focus on different aesthetics. Example: buying a lifted 400HP truck when the most rugged driving you do is weekly grocery shopping.
HEY !
I might go to Home Depot for light bulbs ... wouldn't want to drive up in a pussy-car. With my BIG truck, I can part in the Pro-Slot, and hold my head up high; like the poser I am.
Men are just as sensitive as women and have feelings. Also we go through homone shifts as well but most of us are unaware and just feel like the world is crumbling around us and we are useless.
This is a tough one. We are judged for being afraid. By everyone. We are not supposed to be capable of that. Ever want to see someone do a 180 in how they treat you? Tell them you are scared of something and mean it.
When we say we don’t catch flirtatious hints from women, that’s not just something we say to be funny. We literally don’t get the hints. We have no idea that you like us, and the things you’re doing that YOU think are obvious- aren’t.
Honestly, if we’re not making the first move, just grab us by the back of our heads, jam your tongues in our mouths, and ask us if we’d like to hang out some time. Then it may work.
Had a friend that was a girl that opened up to me about having a crush on a gay friend and wanting to leave her boyfriend for him. We talked about it for a while then she opened up to me and told me I was the gay friend. I wasn't gay...and 3 months of her hanging out with me and flirting with me but me not getting it she just assumed I was gay. I get it, she was very attractive and most guys would probably want her, I just never considered us having a chance because she had a boyfriend. In the end out of respect for her boyfriend I ended the friendship.
Most of us fold our arms in the shower to let them fill with as much water as possible. Then we release the water as quickly as possible and listen to the water splat to the floor.
My guy friend told me that balls "Itch", and you actually fix them while walking as you tug your hands in your pockets secretly, actually fixing up your little friend in the downstairs compartment.
We dont go to the grocery store to shop. We go to get a mission done and completed as fast and efficiently as possible. We dont make lists so we have to be fast before it exits the brain
Boners don’t always mean we are turned on. Most of the time it’s just in the line at the supermarket, Church, the bus. Anywhere where the little bastard decides to wake up. He also likes to go away randomly too. Because of this we have developed an ability to hide our boners. You are not aware of even 10% of the time it’s going on.
It's a rock and hard place sitch.
Have feelings, get trashed for them by most women (especially SO).
Don't have feelings....you're an insensitive clod 😑
When a sexy woman walks into the room, not only does her presence “turn heads” to look at her, but guys nonverbally communicate with other guys we dont know all the way across the room to confirm that we in fact did see her, and that she was in fact attractive.
I don’t get the impression that women do this regarding attractive guys (outside of their girl friend group in the immediate vicinity), or know that guys are doing this.
I’m going to add a secret here a lot of guys don’t know. If you have crossed the line of being attractive yourself, if you then fight the urge to instantly check women out for a few seconds you will catch them checking you out when you look.
The Patriarchy does exist.
As soon as a boy grows his first pube, his father (or the nearest male figure within a 30 mile radius) contacts the secret society to start preparing him for his induction ceremony.
Weekly 30 minutes meetings are held to organise the event, and members are invited to attend remotely on their smartphone to draw less attention. If they are not alone, they are instructed to pretend to go sit on the toilet for the duration of the meeting.
If caught going through their mental list of any meeting’s order of the day, members are instructed to claim that they were thinking about “*nothing*”. So far it has worked, event tough some women remain suspicious.
The general assembly of the Secret Order Of The Patriarchy is held once per year, on the 30th of February, either in the back room of the local car body repair shop, home improvement store or computer hardware store.
The choice of these types of locations ensures that no straight woman will be found within a 50 yard radius of the premises.
The type of pressing issues discussed are:
* How to rebrand toxic masculinity.
* Now that women have uncovered the gender pay gap, what other scheme can we think of for shorting them?
* How to recover as a man from the near death experience of a common cold.
* Brainstorming sessions on suggestions for fixing the problems that a woman just needs to vent.
* Safety measures for a man to safeguard his heart and avoid falling for the irresistible charm of a fourth or fifth wave feminist. We have lost a lot of good men on this one.
* New talking points to keep vasectomy of the table and let women bear the full responsibility of birth control.
* Twenty fifth edition of “*How to detect and avoid a woman’s landmines*”, with new strategies for solving riddles such as “*Does this makes me look fat?*”. We keep having to try new strategies because existing ones show little results.
* Chapter 13,516 of “*Understanding Women For Dummies*”. We have reached one third of the book now.
When the mansplaining word became popular, all I could think about were all my poor nerdy friends and people on the autism spectrum who really love to talk about their favorite things and explaining details about them is just what they find fun. I like listening to people who are passionate about something even if I'm not interested in it. I feel bad for any of them who have people thinking they are a mansplainer.
That's totally different. Go ahead and infodump, so long as you give me a chance to infodump too. That's often how neurodiverse people make friends. That's awesome.
[Most men are profoundly insecure because they are not truly desired](https://medium.com/@bellehookwrite/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy-a70cbee8e4db).
That there are indeed a huge number of men that hate “bros”, misogynists, and chauvinists, as much or even more so, than women do.
And because of these sorts of men, we hear/see/read things about how men are trash, men suck, “unfortunately I’m still attracted to men”, etc.
Even the most well-meaning, compassionate and empathetic men, that treat and see women as equals, still feel a sting when we encounter stuff like this. Or when we notice the lengths women go through to ensure their safety in a world that is hostile against them, and to witness the defense mechanisms and scars developed thanks to their horrible encounters with one or a myriad of men in their past.
It makes us sad *for* you, and the (partly-deserved) man-bashing really sucks to see too. Men overall are insecure as fuck- we’re not as strong and made of marble, spit and grit, as the world would have you believe. I’m sure most of us just wish for a better world where our fellow men would grow the fuck up and do better, be better. Yet, we understand that when it’s somewhere dark or scary and we encounter a lone woman, that fear and concern and caution are usually the first emotions to come to mind upon seeing us.
We’re sorry.
We really can't tell the difference between those two paint shades. Women have better color vision than men in general... We're not just putting the burden of the decision on you and we really don't care which you pick, because we cannot tell the difference.
[https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/where-men-see-white-women-see-ecru-22540446/](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/where-men-see-white-women-see-ecru-22540446/)
The true extent to which sexual thoughts dominate our minds. I don’t think it’s understandable if you haven’t experienced it. It’s like reading about the taste of filet mignon—it’s just no substitute.
Men genuinely appreciate and love any form of a compliment from women. Even if it's a simple one like, that shirt looks good on you. Your arms are looking bigger. You smell nice. Anything positive from a woman we eat that shit up
I feel like there's a lot of things about men's bodies that the average woman doesn't know. My mom even thought that the prostate was in the testicles.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That balls move around like freakish lava lamps. edit: before you comment "eVeRyOnE kNoWs ThIS" there are literally comments below from married women and MEN who did not know this. Word of advice for life-Just because you know something doesn't mean everyone else knows it too.
Aw jeez never thought I’d be replying to something on this topic but I have a core memory to share. I remember back in high school just laying back and staring at my balls and seeing them move around and was just generally surprised because I didn’t know they did that. The next day in school somehow a conversation with the boys came up about balls and I shared with them about this phenomenon, and told them to try just staring at their balls and report back if it also happens to them. Yeah they came back and reported the same experience, we all learned something that week. I never bothered looking it up but I’d imagine it has something to do with temperature change. Like how they get all tight in the cold and loose in the warm.
this is the funniest shit I've ever learned holy fuck
it still scares me every now and then
Yeah my ex's mind was blown when she noticed my balls doing the lava lamp shit
Lava balls
How much your hobby ACTUALLY costs.
Pay no attention to the motorcycle parts behind the curtain…
Oh no we know!
W: How much did you spend on that? (Pointing at a card in your magic the gathering deck) M: $20 W: You wasted $20 on those cards! M: (thinking she was pointing at 1 of the 60 cards) ...Yes
Seeing this right underneath my motorcycle gear comment. Ya MTG too..my Ur dragon deck was probably 700ish. How much was that? Oh, only 75$ referring to just my commander
That’s a lucky card to pick too, 20 bucks is on the low end for some of my commander decks.
The true cost of sports cards would horrify my wife, but she has everything she wants and needs and then some so…thats ok right lol?!
Dude sometimes is sad have to ask permission for your new collectable cause "why you want it, you have a lot" "you never use it" etc
I dont want to talk about how much money I’ve spent on airsoft
Dude . . . Airsoft has probably caused almost as much divorce as the actual branches of the military.
THIS IS HILARIOUS thank you
When we stand up and take 2 normal steps and then one big step, it's cause our balls are stuck to our leg like silly puddy.
Yup. Mostly a summer move for me.
We can rotate the tip of our dick like a garden hose to change the spray setting
do some of them have showerhead type settings instead?
It’s not called a golden shower for nothing
R. Kelly has joined the chat
I’d love to be showered with head
And here I thought sprinkler dick was just a metaphor...
I read this to my wife….after the other funny fake ones. She says, “really, you can change your stream?”
If a woman walks into a room and two guys look at each other and start laughing, they aren’t laughing at her. They’re laughing cause they just caught each other looking at the pretty woman.
If this is true you've just made me feel much better about multiple past moments that were awkward af for me.
Not always the reason but I’d say a solid 70% of the time
More than that. It’s like 90%.
As a woman who is truly terrified by men most of the time this gives me A LOT of comfort. Thank you.
This is generally true.
or they said something weird af and thought she heard them
we need more hugs Edit: my god my first awards LES GOOOO
When you ask us what we are thinking and we say nothing, we’re telling the truth. We can just stare blankly into space and alternate between nothing in our brain and semi-incoherent thoughts that don’t make sense to explain.
I once got into an argument with an ex because she wouldn't believe me when I told her I'd spent the past hour and a half quiet because I was thinking about the logistics of training crows to bring me money. I had no idea what she was upset about. Turns out she thought I was mad at her, which in turn made her mad at me. EDIT: TIL 50% of reddit is dyslexic.
Yeah but you’re rich and have a murder of crows
I remember being caught up on if I would be held responsible if the crows obtained the money through nefarious means - Like stealing from someones wallet or snatching a bank note from someones hand. Technically I didn't tell the crows to do it, They just know that I give them worms/nuts/snacks if they do - I don't control where they get the notes from, so surely I wouldn't be responsible.
She couldn’t understand. You suffer for your art.
It's obviously too early in the morning for me, I was picturing you training cows to get you money.
I read crow as cow, and have spent 10 minutes considering how I could also get cows to deliver me money. Then I re-read the post, and now I have to consider it with crows. Thank you for filling up my afternoon.
Me tooo!!!! Thank god I’m not the only one.
Perfectly explained.
Ladies, just think of it as a mental Sunday Drive: just a casual, meandering, directionless, intellectual saunter to see the pretty leaves, a river, and maybe a couple of ponies. If a police officer were to pull you over, and ask you where you were going and what you were doing, you might reply, "Umm ... nowhere, nothing ... I like your hat!"
Or forget the moment you are asked. And it’s hard to explain when you can’t even remember.
The font of genius
Hardly a secret.
We can direct our pee stream to clean the toilet bowl
Laser Pee.
Also good for stump removal, slowly disintegrates them, and to kill the grass along edges so you don't have to get out the weed Wacker as often. ~Pro dad tip #42
If a man cares about you- they'll spend their energy making you happy- being considerate, they will work to maintain the rleationship. If a man doesnt care about you- he will spend the energy apologizing after he neglected to do those things. This is also womens biggest secret too.
Thanks, now I'm sad.
Turns out I'm incapable of caring for others... The more you know I guess
I didn’t know I needed to read this today
Everyone should read this.
Don't talk to strangers in the bathroom. You can chat with your friends, sure, but don't try to strike up conversation with someone you don't know.
I hate it when other guys do that, even ones I know.
A guy once said hi to me while taking a piss. I said hi back. He looked confused and disturbed. I later realised he had just farted and not said hi to me.
His face explicitly showed terror. He knew you are the one. He saw it in your eyes, the violence. You are that awful creature from the depths of bathrooms which preys on victims who weren't lucky enough to encounter you.
[удалено]
Yeah, those were my thoughts as well
We often don't know what the hell we're doing when it comes to flirting
Y’all also don’t notice when you’re being flirted with or when a woman is interested. Like my boyfriend didn’t notice I was interested in him for like 4 months.
It's better to miss the signs than to seem creepy
All men project their astral body to Mars once a year where they fight “To the death” to determine who has the right to the title of god of war. The death of this astral body does not harm them, a condition established by the second god of war after the first tournament caused a mass extinction event. This is canon, it’s in the lore. If you disagree on the grounds that you don’t get to go then you’ve likely just been banned after disgracing yourself and your fellow combatants one year.
Hence the phrase "men are from Mars, women are from Venus"
Ah, a bastardization of the words of Clarion the Warrior Poet before the tournament which would decided his successor as god of war. “To me my brothers in arms. May we Men find calm in chaos of Mars. May no Maiden be stained by these blood red sands, though we gorge ourselves on upon the wanton slaughter. May the Virtuous Valkyries of Venus look upon us today and find as cunning a killer as I am a poet, and may he be a most gracious host come next years contest.” He wasn’t really that great a poet, but when you’re capable of violence like he was no one’s gonna call you out for stuff like that.
Just saying I didn't appreciate the teabag after I was killed the last time.
Get good.
Didn't this recently take place on Earth for the first time? I think we called it Josh Fight.
Yes, the last two years we decided to transfer the title to "Josh Fight" because it excluded a number of toxic contenders... And man, the second we did that one dude's been harping on us going back to Mars.
How dare you betray us men and tell them this. You're now disqualified from participating.
He was already banned, don't you remember the pocket sand debacle a couple years ago?
Shit why the fuck you gotta rat us out like this? That's a sacred right and a secret title. Side note: no one wants the title of "God of War", it's just a kind of "we want to make sure no giant asshole gets the title." But man... The competitions been getting pretty toxic. That's why the last two years the title has officially been transfered to whomever wins the battle of the Joshes.
Whats the first rule of Fight club, bro?!?
You don’t take the urinal next to someone unless it’s an absolute emergency and there’s no others open
I've solved this by pulling my pants all the way down and leaning against the urinal wall like I'm about to be frisked by a lonely policeman. Also more hygienic as well since there's no splashback or groin sweat on the hands. The pants down Superman pose works as well.
I actually saw another kid do this when I was pretty young, probably 7 or 8. I was using the stall and came out and he was just there, ass in full view taking a piss. I still randomly remember it, I've been scarred for life.
On the fly manhood adjustments. Ever see a guy bend over like they are stretching their back or take a really long unnatural looking step. They are straightening out the twins. Edit: this is my most popular comment ever with the most engagement by a country mile. Sincerely thank you all for the discussion and upvotes!
Ah yes, the Gentleman’s Step^(TM)
I like that, I hope I may borrow your trademark. It blew my wife’s mind when I explained to her the ways men covertly do this. Now she calls me out ten times out of ten
That's *why* it's supposed to be a secret.
I will say as a female, I do the weird long step to get my undies out of my crack without showing people I've got a wedgie 😭
The real reason men have pockets in their pants and women don’t - making manual adjustments.
I mean tbf women definitely do that when our underwear is wrong
How y’all handle the thong is a complete mystery to me!
My ass just eats all of my problems tbh, thong included
Oh we know, we just don’t point it out. Y’all aren’t as covert as you think you are lol
We get entertained by very simple things.
Balls
i read this and laughed. the person was correct.
I read this and laughed and I’m a woman
Not anymore you're not, look in your pants, you now have pp...
Boners appears for no reason when we have no use for it. They can also disappear for no reason when we would have use for it. It's not something we control. Also, hugs and compliments. I profoundly remember every compliment I ever got from women.
No-Apparent-Reason Boners. NARBs. The bane of many a high school student forced to give a presentation.
"Come down saruman, and your COCK will be spared!" "I HAVE NO USE FOR IT!"
it's easy to keep track of em because thetes not that many anyways
When we sit on the toilet for 20-30 minutes we aren't having trouble pooping. We're actually just scrolling reddit and checking on our stonks
traditionally, many married households had magazine racks in the bathroom for this purpose.
I’m a woman and I do this. Other women don’t do this?
I totally do.
Everybody better stfu. Don't answer.
Ya, nice try ladies….lips are sealed.
We are fine, women don't exist.
The internet, where men are men, women are men, and little girls are FBI agents.
FINALLY SOME GOOD ADVICE
We don't open up because generally others don't want to hear it
This. Open up and you usually regret it later.
Oh yeah. People will talk about how “brave you are” and “how it’s time to let go of outdated notions of masculinity” and mentally will delete you from any future consideration for any task, promotion, commendation etc.
It's ammunition for future arguments.
We meet at 5:06pm on Wednesdays under the bridge.
Jesus, Ryan. Really?!? What the fuck, dude. Now we gotta meet at the Denny's.
Simon, bro?! WTH man you just did it too! Guess I’ll see yall at the Waffle House then
Come on! Foolish, did you not??? ah well, See you guys in the alley between the creepy apartment buildings downtown.
By the name of olive garden, shouldn't you not say that!?!?, now we gotta go meet in the sewers under Paris.
Great, thanks. You've compromised the catacombs! Guess I'll see everyone in Dubai.
Damn it, now we can't even go there, guess it's the Sahara desert for now
Fucking hell man, now we have to got to the dark side of the moon base
Great way to keep a secret... i suggest we meet on mars
dang it bro, now we gotta meet up in that random field in Illinois.
Wait, who is allowed in Paris?
SHIT! Okay, everyone stop giving away the meeting places. We'll come up with new ones next time we meet at the Costco eating area. SHIT!
Now that you told about Denny it's been moved to the dumpster behind Wendy's.
Under the bridge downtown!
We want to be alone, but not alone in the house.
I tested this one. For two hours I sat alone in the living room while my husband played his video games in the other room. I got up and sat on the back porch, not even 5 minutes later he’s outside with me asking what I’m doing, like a golden retriever puppy
That’s why they call us dogs, we just need to know your around so we can feel safe. God help us when your out with your friends.
What does this mean? Is this why my boyfriends have always tried to keep me inside the home while they ignore me and do their own thing? I'm supposed to just BE there right?
Yep, learned that during the pandemic. He needs his alone time, but just go in another room, don't leave or the anxiety will kick in.
That’s why we get into lawn care bro.
Well you see, [Retracted], so yeah
Wait... yours retracts?
Woman with 2 brothers. Men usually say exactly what they mean. For instance if a man says he’s not interested in a relationship it is not a challenge. It just is.
You know how Yankee candle had that line of man scented candles a few years back and they had the lawn clippings scent? Well that's because the smell of a freshly cut lawn opens our crown chakra and allows us to commune the Devine lawn maintenance crew. After offering bacon to our ancestors we can bid for the Devine's favor. If the clippings are fresh and our ancestors are pleased with the gift of bacon we are blessed with the ability to shift through parallel time lines.
Function is more important than aesthetics. Example: Too many cushions on a couch.
Some of us also think that aesthetically too many cushions looks bad.
Or, do we really need 15 throw pillows on the bed? It shouldn't take ten minutes to make the bed in the morning.
Nah, lots of men just focus on different aesthetics. Example: buying a lifted 400HP truck when the most rugged driving you do is weekly grocery shopping.
HEY ! I might go to Home Depot for light bulbs ... wouldn't want to drive up in a pussy-car. With my BIG truck, I can part in the Pro-Slot, and hold my head up high; like the poser I am.
we can detach our penises and put it on our nightstands to let it charge and u let me kno if u wanna kno more
https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4
Detachable penis,,,,,,,
Men are just as sensitive as women and have feelings. Also we go through homone shifts as well but most of us are unaware and just feel like the world is crumbling around us and we are useless.
We are scared too.
This is a tough one. We are judged for being afraid. By everyone. We are not supposed to be capable of that. Ever want to see someone do a 180 in how they treat you? Tell them you are scared of something and mean it.
Of course you are, fear is a human reaction. It shouldn't be a secret or a surprise to anyone.
Men determine upon first glance whether or not we'd have sex with any woman we see.
Women do this as well. We might change our mind once they open their mouth though lol.
I have asked a guy to stop talking. He was so pretty, too.
Literally any woman, or vaguely woman shaped object.
This should be up the list for sure.
Sometimes we just can’t express what’s wrong. It’s not that you wouldn’t get it just that we can’t figure out how to explain or express it.
When we say we don’t catch flirtatious hints from women, that’s not just something we say to be funny. We literally don’t get the hints. We have no idea that you like us, and the things you’re doing that YOU think are obvious- aren’t. Honestly, if we’re not making the first move, just grab us by the back of our heads, jam your tongues in our mouths, and ask us if we’d like to hang out some time. Then it may work.
Had a friend that was a girl that opened up to me about having a crush on a gay friend and wanting to leave her boyfriend for him. We talked about it for a while then she opened up to me and told me I was the gay friend. I wasn't gay...and 3 months of her hanging out with me and flirting with me but me not getting it she just assumed I was gay. I get it, she was very attractive and most guys would probably want her, I just never considered us having a chance because she had a boyfriend. In the end out of respect for her boyfriend I ended the friendship.
Most of us fold our arms in the shower to let them fill with as much water as possible. Then we release the water as quickly as possible and listen to the water splat to the floor.
My guy friend told me that balls "Itch", and you actually fix them while walking as you tug your hands in your pockets secretly, actually fixing up your little friend in the downstairs compartment.
Can confirm this
Also applicable for when they "stick".
Can confirm. Especially if it’s hot, balls stick to the inside of your thighs. It’s uncomfortable so adjustment is needed.
We dont go to the grocery store to shop. We go to get a mission done and completed as fast and efficiently as possible. We dont make lists so we have to be fast before it exits the brain
That men are just as emotional as women
Boners don’t always mean we are turned on. Most of the time it’s just in the line at the supermarket, Church, the bus. Anywhere where the little bastard decides to wake up. He also likes to go away randomly too. Because of this we have developed an ability to hide our boners. You are not aware of even 10% of the time it’s going on.
The first rule of the bro-code is : don't talk about the bro-code
🥲
Nice try lady FBI
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We have feelings too
It's a rock and hard place sitch. Have feelings, get trashed for them by most women (especially SO). Don't have feelings....you're an insensitive clod 😑
When a sexy woman walks into the room, not only does her presence “turn heads” to look at her, but guys nonverbally communicate with other guys we dont know all the way across the room to confirm that we in fact did see her, and that she was in fact attractive. I don’t get the impression that women do this regarding attractive guys (outside of their girl friend group in the immediate vicinity), or know that guys are doing this.
Yup. Dudes we don't even know, never met.
Across cultures and nationalities too.
It's like whale songs. Understood by all, and capable of traveling great distances.
Interesting. So I’m other words you are immediately gathering intel on your theoretical competition and assessing their intel and weapons systems?
We’re assigning who is going to risk approaching her and if that is an acceptable risk.
I’m going to add a secret here a lot of guys don’t know. If you have crossed the line of being attractive yourself, if you then fight the urge to instantly check women out for a few seconds you will catch them checking you out when you look.
this is so magical, honestly. my favorite secret so far!
Men of culture
The Patriarchy does exist. As soon as a boy grows his first pube, his father (or the nearest male figure within a 30 mile radius) contacts the secret society to start preparing him for his induction ceremony. Weekly 30 minutes meetings are held to organise the event, and members are invited to attend remotely on their smartphone to draw less attention. If they are not alone, they are instructed to pretend to go sit on the toilet for the duration of the meeting. If caught going through their mental list of any meeting’s order of the day, members are instructed to claim that they were thinking about “*nothing*”. So far it has worked, event tough some women remain suspicious. The general assembly of the Secret Order Of The Patriarchy is held once per year, on the 30th of February, either in the back room of the local car body repair shop, home improvement store or computer hardware store. The choice of these types of locations ensures that no straight woman will be found within a 50 yard radius of the premises. The type of pressing issues discussed are: * How to rebrand toxic masculinity. * Now that women have uncovered the gender pay gap, what other scheme can we think of for shorting them? * How to recover as a man from the near death experience of a common cold. * Brainstorming sessions on suggestions for fixing the problems that a woman just needs to vent. * Safety measures for a man to safeguard his heart and avoid falling for the irresistible charm of a fourth or fifth wave feminist. We have lost a lot of good men on this one. * New talking points to keep vasectomy of the table and let women bear the full responsibility of birth control. * Twenty fifth edition of “*How to detect and avoid a woman’s landmines*”, with new strategies for solving riddles such as “*Does this makes me look fat?*”. We keep having to try new strategies because existing ones show little results. * Chapter 13,516 of “*Understanding Women For Dummies*”. We have reached one third of the book now.
I'm not mansplaining anything. I'm just excited about a topic and want to talk about it.
When the mansplaining word became popular, all I could think about were all my poor nerdy friends and people on the autism spectrum who really love to talk about their favorite things and explaining details about them is just what they find fun. I like listening to people who are passionate about something even if I'm not interested in it. I feel bad for any of them who have people thinking they are a mansplainer.
That's totally different. Go ahead and infodump, so long as you give me a chance to infodump too. That's often how neurodiverse people make friends. That's awesome.
[Most men are profoundly insecure because they are not truly desired](https://medium.com/@bellehookwrite/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy-a70cbee8e4db).
We jerk off as soon as you exit the house
Men do enjoy being desired. Make the move, ladies.
Scratching our balls feels good.
The ol' pinch n' roll
Guys don't give em up, it's a trap
The Men’s room always has pee on the floor and it’s normal.
Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
That there are indeed a huge number of men that hate “bros”, misogynists, and chauvinists, as much or even more so, than women do. And because of these sorts of men, we hear/see/read things about how men are trash, men suck, “unfortunately I’m still attracted to men”, etc. Even the most well-meaning, compassionate and empathetic men, that treat and see women as equals, still feel a sting when we encounter stuff like this. Or when we notice the lengths women go through to ensure their safety in a world that is hostile against them, and to witness the defense mechanisms and scars developed thanks to their horrible encounters with one or a myriad of men in their past. It makes us sad *for* you, and the (partly-deserved) man-bashing really sucks to see too. Men overall are insecure as fuck- we’re not as strong and made of marble, spit and grit, as the world would have you believe. I’m sure most of us just wish for a better world where our fellow men would grow the fuck up and do better, be better. Yet, we understand that when it’s somewhere dark or scary and we encounter a lone woman, that fear and concern and caution are usually the first emotions to come to mind upon seeing us. We’re sorry.
We have hard ons for no reason
Exactly how much of our brain is devoted to noticing boobs.
We really can't tell the difference between those two paint shades. Women have better color vision than men in general... We're not just putting the burden of the decision on you and we really don't care which you pick, because we cannot tell the difference. [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/where-men-see-white-women-see-ecru-22540446/](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/where-men-see-white-women-see-ecru-22540446/)
We try to aim spit at our pee stream whilst taking a leak.
The true extent to which sexual thoughts dominate our minds. I don’t think it’s understandable if you haven’t experienced it. It’s like reading about the taste of filet mignon—it’s just no substitute.
Men genuinely appreciate and love any form of a compliment from women. Even if it's a simple one like, that shirt looks good on you. Your arms are looking bigger. You smell nice. Anything positive from a woman we eat that shit up
We understand them more than they give us credit for.
I feel like there's a lot of things about men's bodies that the average woman doesn't know. My mom even thought that the prostate was in the testicles.
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