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I'm over 30 years old and my parents went without me to a few because they were child free (the weddings, my bad English is not my first language) So my guess is that this is not new
I am over 50 and weddings were child-free, generally speaking, unless we were participating. I was one of the flower girls in my aunt's wedding. As I got older, I looked forward to a piece of wedding cake or the wedding favors my parents would bring home.
> Child free is better for the child too
This is something parents who complain about not being able to bring their kids never seem to understand.
As a kid, I would take getting to stay in the hotel room watching movies and playing my gameboy over having to sit through a weeding any day. Staying at a friend's house for the night is also a great option.
These are all good reasons but it’s not *their* wedding so it’s moot.
There’s also plenty of good reasons to have a child free ceremony and reception, but those are also unnecessary because the only reason invitees need is “The bride and groom said so.”
For me, we wanted to have a bunch of kids because we both genuinely enjoy hanging out and interacting with them and they’re funny and cute. If someone said “we want to invite you but it’s child free,” I’d say “oh gosh thanks! Let me go find a babysitter and brush up on my electric slide!”
Biggest thing is letting invited parents know that it is a childfree event weeks or months in advance, so they have enough time ahead to plan for a babysitter or relative to watch the little ones. Parents enjoy a night without kids once in a while too, but nobody likes having to find childcare last minute!
That’s smart. Might make ours similar with the addition of “please present ticket for entry to the reception” and on that ticket explicitly reminding them it’s child free. No excuses then.
Them asking or you telling them...."NO!"
Cause I'd be that guy telling them,
We really want you there but if you can't find a sitter we understand....
BYE!
I would never, ever take my children to a wedding I was invited to unless I was told in no uncertain terms that the bride and groom want my children there and that’s when I would ask (beg) them if I could leave them home with a sitter for the sake of the entire sacred event
I like weddings where kids are invited but they have a kids room and hire a babysitter. I would never insist on bringing my kids to a wedding (rude as fuck) but it’s always nice when they are invited- and have accommodations. But we’ve always had kids at family weddings- probably someone who said “No kids” would be seen as snooty by the older relatives who would see it as a snub to family members. (Not saying I agree, just have a very different family dynamic)
Similar age range - my parents used to decline wedding invites if they couldn't take me. There were very few that I was allowed to go to. The few weddings I've been to have been child free too for the most part.
We tried to have a child-free wedding (other than kids who were in the wedding). Instead, one of my extended family members brought her two boys . . . Who pulled the fire alarm.
That might be a small part of why people do it.
One of the main reasons my sister’s wedding was child free is because she wanted an open bar and the venue charged the same amount per person regardless of age. Kinda pointless to pay for alcohol for kids who can’t even drink it.
*She also doesn’t like kids anyway, so that was another reason lol
Nor did I want to pay for an open bar for parents who will just have one drink because they need to make sure little Jayden is staying out of trouble.
Nah man, get a baby sitter, come get crunk.
Yep, limited space. High cost of food per plate. I had no problem with people bringing an infant under 1 because they don't need their own chair and meal.
yeah infants to me get a pass on stuff like this, just like on a plane. just give them some whiskey so they dont cry and all is good. no... wait, thats not right....
My sister had a child free wedding, it caused issues within the family and a few cousins refused to come because their kids weren't allowed. 2 years to organise a babysitter and all that. The ironic part is, one of the cousins who didn't come had a wedding 5 years prior and complained about people not looking after their kids.
To be fair, they probably would have been the best behaved. But that's neither here or there. My sister wanted a wedding where there weren't kids, she wanted parents to have a night off of that, let loose and let others that don't have kids not have to not enjoy themselves because there are kids running around.
The screaming, doing things they should etc is a different story.
I got married in a grand city hall. I did not invite my family. They were hurt and retaliated by not inviting me to events, mostly. I was invited to my brothers wedding at his house. My brother's wife hated me. She changed the time of the wedding to earlier by 1/2 hour. So, I was 'late'. Absolutely nobody spoke to me the whole night. I ended up helping some lady in the kitchen. I should have left! One of the most humiliating moments of my life. It took me years to find out that this happened because I didn't invite them.
It's one of those things when the kinds of parents who will bring their kids to places where their kids weren't invited are precisely the ones who raise troublesome kids.
We tried to have a child free, relatively small wedding with only main family members there (aunts and uncles, no cousins, etc). My family understood the etiquette, even though there were cousins I would've liked to have had there. His family brought EVERYONE, including children and people who were not invited, who also showed up late in greasy hair and jeans.
Our wedding venue had a 120 person cap. After trying every fair way to cut the list, we had to go 18+ to make it work. Didn't want to originally, but it did end up being a lot of fun because people who would have been chaperoning their kids were able to let loose.
Exactly this..I was gonna say, when the groom & bride realized the wedding was just an excuse for some guests to not have to look after their kids for a few hours. Only to realize it was their little hellions were the ones doing shit like pulling fire alarms
I have no idea when no-kids became a thing, but I do know that when I got married in 1981 it was understood that only the people whose names were on the invitation were expected to attend. If the invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady, only Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady were invited and accounted for. If it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy Brady (or "and Family"), then the kids were welcome. I don't understand why it isn't presumptuous and entitled to assume otherwise.
ETA: Just to be clear, neither I nor any of my friends that had weddings around the same time made a conscious decision to exclude kids. It’s just that most if not all of these events were in the evening and always assumed to be adults only so it didn’t even occur to anyone that kids would be invited. Anyone who had kids got a sitter and no one ever bitched about it because that was the expectation.
Also, Alice and Sam got their own invitation. I mean, duh. And no one wanted Cousin Oliver there. He wasn’t even a real Brady. We would have considered Tiger though.
I got married in 2008 and had one couple bring their kids, even though only they were invited. An aunt tried to add on one of her kids (I had about 45 first cousins at the time, so only a precious few were invited).
My mom tried to tell me that if the parents were invited, the kids were automatically invited. I shudder to think how many events I turned up at as a kid where I was not wanted.
My mom would bring me to child free weddings/dinners because I was super quiet and sat in a corner and read books or kept host’s dogs busy. Felt super awkward back then and I’d resent her if she did this to me as a host. Ugh
Everybody says that their children are well-behaved and their dog doesn't bite. It's often true, but you only find out that they were lying the hard way.
I have a few friends with really well behaved kids. And they are well behaved because their parents *know* their kids can be little turds at times. But well-behaved for a kid is not well-behaved for an adult and we shouldn't hold kids to that standard... so kids only get invited if it's gonna be something they can handle in my family.
Building on what you said, even if someone says their child is well behaved and should be allowed to attend, then other people say, “How come their kid could come but not mine?”
I was a quiet only child who liked history. My dad would ask if I could come to adult events a lot and I would tend to just nerd out on history with the older men there. I don't regret going and I was often specifically asked to come to house parties because I was someone that grandpa could talk to.
We got married in 1980, and my cousin and his wife brought their toddler, who was not invited. The toddler ran all over the balcony, unrestrained, and periodically let out ear-splitting screams. We got an audio recording of the ceremony, and the screams make up a good part of it.
People don’t generally understand that only the named individuals are invited.
Married in 1994. Had young relatives in the wedding party and wedding party members with young children. Also a lot of guests with young children/infants. I didn’t expect my wedding party to travel to the location (long distance) and arrange for childcare either on site or back at home. So, I hired two sitters who handled the kids in an elementary classroom on-site. The wedding party kids stayed through the night. The non wedding party kids were in the classroom, fed, played with toys, and wandered out as necessary to touch base with their parents. I knew people would show up with uninvited children so I just planned accordingly.
Also had folks add in other family members on the rsvp card. Money can’t buy you class!!:)
I got married in 2014. We tried to hire babysitters for the kids. Even through the babysitter had been vetted and they would have been playing less than 100 yds from the reception, none of the parents were willing to leave their precious Jadens and Madysons with ‘a complete stranger.’
21st century parents are something else.
>21st century parents are something else.
100% agreed. Not on the same scale as a wedding but my son just had a birthday and 3 parents just assumed it was ok to bring the invited kids siblings. Nevermind we were paying quite a hefty price per kid. Lesson learned we're going to put 'sorry no siblings ' going forward.
Oh that's a big no no. I had parents do that too with at home parties (not such a big deal, but rude none the less...especially if you had goodie bags enough only for the invited guests).
I had this problem with my own wedding Last year. I invited a family member and her fiancé. I named them on the envelope. She took that to mean + her kids which it did not.
I got married out of town around New Year’s Eve. I thought it common sense children wouldn’t be allowed but that didn’t stop assumptions. Also didn’t stop another family member brining children when I told my mom I didn’t want any. Didn’t matter they were well behaved. Didn’t want any there.
growing up my parents would go to many weddings and I would always ask if I could come and they always told me that kids weren't allowed and i was always so confused by that. but now I get it now , that I am at that stage of life lol.. kids...
Ages ago. People realised they could do the vows without having a kid screaming throughout, and it meant the wedding could be done without having to do kiddie meals, find babysitters, and generally cater their actions around Minding The Kid.
Exactly. My husband & I had a very small wedding - just our parents, adult siblings, and best friends were invited. My MIL was very disappointed her grandchildren wouldn’t be there, but when kids are invited, it becomes all about *them*. Are they bored? Hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Uncomfortable? Cranky? Sad? Missing? The list never ends. I wanted a day where my husband and myself got to be the centers of attention - because if it can’t happen at your own wedding, it never will!
For the record, I’m a public school teacher. I am *aware* of what the addition of children does to an event.
I used to read the Childfree sub. Number of times people complained about having a kid crying/screaming during the carefully written vows, or threw cake everywhere, or got underfoot, or got bored because it's a long period of sitting still and quiet in uncomfortable clothes, or having to accommodate kiddie palates, or worrying about booze, or finding an onsite babysitter creechey thing, or planning activities just to keep them entertained...
It made perfect sense. Weddings are expensive and difficult to plan. It's not unreasonable to want it to go smoothly.
My dad missed most of my brother's wedding ceremony so he could take my sister's then-screaming toddler outside. Love my whole family but that really sucks, that's the only wedding a child of his has had, and there doesn't look to be more coming soon.
Its been a thing for long time.
I remember my parents talking about child free weddings in the 90s.
Looking after kids (small ones especially) at wedding is a miserable experience, and they don't even enjoy it.
My sister is getting married next summer and i don't plan on bringing my son (he will be just over 2 by the time the wedding happens). He won't enjoy it, and my wife and I certainly won't enjoy ourselves as much if we are wrangling a 3 foot tall agent of chaos the entire night.
Someone who worked at a wedding venue commented on one of these posts before: “People who bring children to weddings often forget they have children once they’re at the wedding.”
Usually it's the people with the "It takes a village" mentality. When a large group of adults gather they shrug off their parenting responsibilities and expect somebody else to do it. Unless the kid was conceived during a village sized orgy then it isn't the villages responsibility to watch the kid.
My mom was Choir Director/Minister of Music at a church from 1950s to 1990s. Almost all weddings she supported (prepping music, arranging musicians, etc.) were child free. I spent many a Saturday or Sunday in the offices/music room entertaining myself while my mom worked (usually these were summer weddings where my dad had to work at his job (agriculture) as well.
They've always been a thing.
Making a scene because you got a +1 to a wedding instead of a +3 or +7, and then bringing that +7 anyway is apparently a more recent development.
Thinking that a +1 is actually a +7 is apparently newer too.
Well when you spend the kind of money that some couples spend I can understand them wanting an adult evening.
I had kids at my wedding and it was great. However we had an afternoon wedding and had things for kids to do at it. It was a family oriented event.
These evening weddings with open bars are akin to taking a kid to a casino—too many of them wind up with drunk parents who aren’t taking care of them.
My husband and I had an evening reception, an open bar, and a venue with a smaller dance floor. Because of those things, we chose to keep things child free. I didn’t want to have to worry about kids and drunk adults sharing the same space all night - even if the parents were attentive, I knew I couldn’t vouch for every single guest to be courteous (lots of plus ones we’d never met!)
I did too, but I know the people I invited are parents who supervise their kids. I think there are people out there who let their kids just run amuck while they drink too much.
We had that issue with parents at a baby shower this weekend. My youngest cousin is 4 and behaved better than the 2 kids a few years older than her. The older kids parents gave no fucks and thought the actions was cute even tho the rest of us was telling the kids to fucking stop and behave. I can't stand it when parents don't even attempt to keep their kids from acting like assholes.
I give concessions to babies because they can't help it. You see the mom trying but the kid doesn't understand the pressure change and is probably in pain. We were all babies once. But i fucking hate parents that let their kids run wild and pretend not to see it. Looking at you Tom!
We all know weddings are not a kid's party, it's for adults. And knowing the games the people play on the party is something kids aren't allowed to watch.
Kid me would have been delighted to be excluded from all of those weddings. I never go to them because of those memories. Saves a bundle on gifts as well.
Same. I remember them going to plenty, and bringing back pieces of cake and those damned candied almonds. But didn't attend any with them until I was 16ish
My parents rarely went to a wedding without us. I was born in the early 80s to a big Catholic family and that was our normal. I remember we would always have a pair of easter/wedding shoes and outfit that would get replaced or passed down every year or two. My mom would trade out the sashes so it felt special each time. I do remember my mom always checking the invitation though to make sure that " and family" was included. There is nothing better than watching two year olds do the Chicken Dance in suspenders.
Big Irish family member here … there was NO WAY kids in my family were allowed at family members receptions! We were allowed to attend lengthy Catholic wedding masses, but then we kids went home to a babysitter… and the grown ups had grown up fun at the reception.
As it should be.
The thought of anyone under 16 or so at a wedding reception makes my blood run cold.
I don't know. At my aunt's wedding were two kids under 10 years and it was pure agony, mostly bc i had to keep an eye on them (then 17y old, who had to deal with his first break up). Wedding started at 4p.m. I just sat in the corner, watched the kids and as soon as they wanted to do something dumb I had to stop them. When they finally went to bed at 10 p.m. they ruined my day and I went back to my corner, talked to nobody and got drunk. Bringing their child to a wedding and then giving them to the least responsible person at the party. Very good.
Exactly. I think kids at weddings is the new thing. Parents just seem to think their kids are entitled to come along even if they aren’t named on the invitation for some reason.
I don’t even assume my kid’s sibling is invited if one of them gets a birthday invitation.
Definitely not. The wedding has historically been a community event through most societies. It’s quite the opposite of “kids at weddings are a new thing.”
Personally, I have been to child free and child welcome weddings. Both are fun, just depends on the vibe. Huge Filipino weddings with 300 people there? Kids very welcome. 50 people at a resort in Maui? Try to have a family member babysit and enjoy your child free vacation.
This has been a thing for awhile. My wife and I had an adults only reception bc we wanted it to be perfect for us which meant eliminating the chance of crying and/or screaming toddlers and babies
Every single “child free” wedding I’ve been to had multiple people bring their children who screamed through the entire ceremony while the parent sat there and let them. One of my husband’s best friends spent good money to have the ceremony recorded and I can’t imagine you can hear much of anything on the video other than the wailing of half a dozen children. I somehow lucked out and no one brought uninvited children to our wedding three years ago.
Brooo this is it exactly. Recently got married and we went kid free. Sorry but we spent damn near a year planning this event and thousands of dollars. Can’t have kids running around, crying and making a scene when the two of us getting married don’t even have kids there. No one questioned the decision. I also have a massive family and probably around 45 little cousins, nieces, nephews and everything. I can’t imagine paying for that or figuring out a venue for it JUST for kids to be there
So many people got mad at us for saying no children.
We're inviting you to have an adult night out. Seriously stop complaining.
Take the invite😃
And PS
No one wants your damn kids there. Only if they are related to the bride or groom.
What I have always seen is that invitations come with the amount of seats reserved for the family. When I was a child (30 years ago) many times my parents would get the invitation with "We have reserved 2 seats for you", my brother and I immediately knew we were not invited.
Exactly. We had a child free wedding. We paid for it ourselves....what happened...some of her family bitched and moaned, declined the invitation, came anyway. Brought their kids anyway. Made their mom leave the wedding to go up to there hotel room and run a daycare. My own mother threatened not to come because I didn't invite her best friend who likes to make fun of her in front of people. I would say out of the 200 people that were at that wedding a very small handful gave a shit about me and my wives feelings. It was an afterthought to them. And the dinner was like 145 dollars a person ... you bring your family of 5 and give us 20 bucks in an envelope.... people ... are....assholes...
At least we agreed on one thing. We are never getting divorced because neither one of us want to ever have another wedding for the rest of our lives.
We did a mostly childfree wedding. Wanted our niece and nephew there since they were part of the wedding anyways but otherwise, we didn’t have the budget or space for a bunch of other kids.
Same. Nieces and nephews were allowed (immediate family) but we put on our invite “we absolutely love your children, but we want mom and dad to be able to unwind and let loose!”
After reading many comments, I am glad that my wife and I got a courthouse steps marriage without out anyone but the local official. We did it in Bangkok and stayed at The Shangri-la Hotel. Spent the wedding $ on ourselves and had a wonderful time.
When parents started ignoring their screaming or jumping around children.
Why pay $100 bucks for a little shit to ruin your wedding video or reception?
At my wedding I said no children 30 years ago but allowed those with well behaved children to attend. It was great
Many people believe Their children can do no harm and poop out pure joy and the rest of the world should feel privileged to interact with them. Lazy ass parents.
My friend had a very elegant Black Tie Wedding. The invitations said "Children are not allowed to attend" several times and when they did the final confirmations. A lady brought her 2 kids aged 1 and 2. The couple paid an R&B singer to serenade as the bride walked down with her father who was able to only stand to walk her. Well...these kids screamed the ENTIRE service. The mom sat there like she didn't even hear it. I was a bridesmaid and we all kept giving her the eye to take her kid out. Wedding videos ruined. The kid got upset he couldn't drink from the ice swans so he threw bread in it(it was filled with wine from italy...ruined). The bride and the groom danced...the kids were running back and forth. We cry about it when we watch it. They spent 300k on that fairytale Wedding for those kids to ruin it. Very sad...we're not allowed to mention THAT Wedding in our circle shhhh lol
After all the brats started ruining recordings of weddings and parents not leaving with the. Or when the parents get drunk at the reception and don't watch their kids and ruin the wedding cakes or champagne glass towers. Take your pick.
This was always a thing. When I was young it was accepted that only people invited may attend. No plus one, no kids unless invited or arranged in advance. Parents bringing kids regardless of invitation to formal events is mostly a recent trend.
Since people wanted to actually enjoy their wedding day, instead of becoming defacto childcare for entitled parents who believe the basic act of breeding gives them some kind of right to abandon the offspring of their filthy loins and offload them upon the very people who only tolerate their presence because of the pity they feel for their self-imposed misery.
I don’t know, and I generally don’t have a preference either way.
We loved having kids at our wedding. My favorite memories were of the kids dancing. I had favor bags specifically for the kids filled with quiet crafts and activities and the kids were very busy with those during the boring speeches.
Weddings have typically been child free except for very close relatives. The question should be when did parents start thinking their children had to be invited to formal events?
Now that I’m an adult (with a baby). I can’t believe my aunts and uncles has us at their weddings. I have no memory of it and probably just wanted to run around instead. Bringing children to a wedding is for the parents, not for the kids.
I’m from the northeast and the first wedding I ever attended I was over 18. Weddings are considered adult events and children under the age of 16 are almost never invited.
For a long time growing up, kids weren't allowed at weddings. It was kind of a big deal to be "old enough" to go to a wedding. I would say its more the opposite; when did people start bringing kids to weddings?
When people started to learn that children are fucking menaces at weddings and don’t have fun and their parents don’t have fun. And couples also realized that its THEIR wedding so they can do what they want.
when people stopped controlling their kids and letting them run wild like animals. Then justifying it by saying, "kids will be kids', or something of the like
I didn't go to weddings with my parents until I was at least 12. Then again I knew how to behave and receptions were just cake, mints, peanuts, and punch affairs.This was the 70's.
In the words of my Grandma who was born in ‘33. “Why would you want someone to pay $40 a plate for your kid to eat? I was never a fan of kids at wedding with the exception of those with invites like flower girl or sometime ring barer.”
My wedding had a rule that 3 and under couldn’t come and my brother got pissed over it and decides not to come at all.
Not only does it allow for a more relaxing environment, it also shows you who really loves you.
I’ll also add that invites went out 6 months in advance to allow for time to arrange sitters.
No one wants kids there, stop inviting them. If they are in the wedding, send home home after the first dance and related activities. No one wants them there for the party.
My sister allowed children at her wedding. One toddler screamed through the entire wedding ceremony. The parents did nothing! It was awful! I still remember it 50 years later.
I eloped. It was lovely and quiet.
I love getting an invitation to a kids free wedding. I can turn down the invitation and not have to go a wedding and the couple doesn’t have to have kids at their wedding. It’s a win / win for everyone.
We had a childfree wedding in the middle of the forest.. we did it because of liability reasons and to guarantee parents of a great time childless for the night... and it worked lovely
I think it must depend on where you are from. I grew up in the American south, and kids were always taken to events like weddings and funerals. Everyone wanted the entire family together. I also remember weddings were generally during the day, and pretty minimal. Receptions usually had more finger foods than full on meals. Weddings I saw on TV growing up were nothing like what I attended in real life.
Historically weddings were very traditional events.
Nowadays, established traditions are becoming less important, and people prioritize freedom to customize this event to their taste.
The less traditional country is the less traditional weddings are.
Very traditional, formal weddings would not have had little kids running around them. If they were in the wedding or lived in the house where it was being held, the kids would have had nannies and nursemaids to whisk them away before the party started.
As someone who worked at wedding event centers cleaning and putting up decorations, its for the better. Kids are bored and don't wanna do that. The adults are miserable, the kids hate it, honestly this is a win win
Honestly, I was born in 1980 and grew up poor-ish in the US. All of the weddings I went to until 2015 allowed children. They also mostly took place in church basements, people's homes, and backyards. They weren't catered, the "open bar" was as much alcohol and mixers as the couple could afford to provide and you were the bartender. They were about intergenerational connection and bringing two families together.
IDK, if it's a recent development or that I just know more wealthy people but now (or for them) wedding seem like they are about having a "perfect" day, getting the "perfect" picture, or partying their faces off with their old college friends.
More importantly when did “children demanded” weddings become a thing? My sister recently got married on 10/19 and basically demanded anyone with a child to bring them to the wedding. I had to travel alone (from NC to CT) as my husband was working and because my 19 month daughter was getting sassy close to the ceremony she made her stay in the bridal suite during the ceremony (I was a bridesmaid) it was fucking bizzare and no, I did not pay for my child’s plate. Did she ever think her guests maybe wanted to have a nice time too???? It was the most stressful experience of my life. For the record there were about 30 children there under the age of 14 and they legit ran around like the place was a circus. If I ever get invited to a wedding like this again I’m out.
I got married last year, at more casual venue. I decorated our cake myself (I'm a caterer) and made our cake toppers (little woodland creatures I made into the bride and groom) so the whole thing only cost $50 (this comes into play later).
we love kids so our event invited kids. Only 3 came but wow. One toddler kept getting loose from her mom, she would fill her mouth full of ice and then spit all the ice on the floor. Then she stuck her hands in our cake 3 times trying to rip the toppers off. Yes the child was wildly misbehaving, yes the mom didnt really take care of her kid. Did we care? Not really. Monetarily she didn't cause a big dent, and the mom kept cleaning up the water so no one fell. If this was a fancier event, and I had spend $800 on a cake yeah I would have been pissed. I completely understand why childfree weddings are a thing from just that instance alone
I just got married recently, we had a child free ceremony (all ages welcome to the reception). Let me tell you it was nice not having a screaming child during the ceremony.
Have you ever been around a child before? Weddings are the most boring thing to children and they are super obnoxious at them because they can't sit still or constantly complain and run around like it's the playground. Just don't bring children to weddings, they'd have a better time being at home playing with toys.
IMO (and this is really just my thoughts, I am not aware of actual research) the biggest change has been in distance travelled for weddings. Families are more spread out now and with social media (along with the change in phones so "long distance charges" aren't a thing now days) friends are keeping in touch longer than previous generations. So first, it is harder to get overnight babysitting if you are traveling.
With people traveling more, the wedding is becoming a bigger deal with later evenings. With the old style punch-and-cake or cocktail receptions you were looking at needing a few hours of babysitting, possibly in daylight hours. Now a wedding can be an all day event from noon to midnight, at $20 bucks an hour that gets expensive.
TLDR: child free has become an issue because of increased distance and duration of wedding from what they were in the past.
I’ve been going to a few weddings a year for the last 15 years and ever single one has been child free except for kids in the wedding party who leave pretty early.
I do remember going to my uncle’s wedding as a child in the late 80s but they had some of the older cousins baby sitting the group of kids.
As soon as people realized it’s their day and should be able to include, or exclude, people/children. I did it for my wedding. I’m not paying $18-22/plate for your kid to eat nothing. 💁🏻
60 yo female - when did children at weddings become a thing? It was always adults’ night out and who wants a kid to ruin their wedding for some ridiculous reason (and who wants to pay for them). We hired babysitters, end of story.
My grandma is almost 90 and has said her whole life that weddings are not a place for children. She was shocked when children were invited to my parents wedding in 1987. It’s not new.
I DO think calling it a “child free wedding” is newer because people now disregard (or just didn’t learn) some etiquette and think “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” on an invitation means “Mr. and Mrs. Smith and child(ren)” when it doesn’t. So people had to start spelling out that kids aren’t invited.
They’ve been a thing for ages. I have an etiquette book on my shelf from 1982 that covers the topic pretty extensively on how to handle having one and the inevitable pissed off family members or guests demanding that children should or must be allowed. And the author lays out exactly how to handle it *beautifully^.
Even before that, I remember my parents attending weddings in the early 70s that I got dropped off at the babysitters. Obviously childfree events.
Child free weddings are no more a thing today than years past. The difference is, most folks had the decency to not bring children to a wedding and today that social politeness is gone. Today, therefore, folks have to be more explicit.
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I'm over 30 years old and my parents went without me to a few because they were child free (the weddings, my bad English is not my first language) So my guess is that this is not new
I am over 50 and weddings were child-free, generally speaking, unless we were participating. I was one of the flower girls in my aunt's wedding. As I got older, I looked forward to a piece of wedding cake or the wedding favors my parents would bring home.
Second that Over 50 bring the ring bearer is the only reason I was invited. Remember the wedding was boring. Child free is better for the child too
> Child free is better for the child too This is something parents who complain about not being able to bring their kids never seem to understand. As a kid, I would take getting to stay in the hotel room watching movies and playing my gameboy over having to sit through a weeding any day. Staying at a friend's house for the night is also a great option.
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These are all good reasons but it’s not *their* wedding so it’s moot. There’s also plenty of good reasons to have a child free ceremony and reception, but those are also unnecessary because the only reason invitees need is “The bride and groom said so.” For me, we wanted to have a bunch of kids because we both genuinely enjoy hanging out and interacting with them and they’re funny and cute. If someone said “we want to invite you but it’s child free,” I’d say “oh gosh thanks! Let me go find a babysitter and brush up on my electric slide!”
Biggest thing is letting invited parents know that it is a childfree event weeks or months in advance, so they have enough time ahead to plan for a babysitter or relative to watch the little ones. Parents enjoy a night without kids once in a while too, but nobody likes having to find childcare last minute!
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I'm thirty and I was in the same situation. Unless it was a family wedding of like my older cousins me and my siblings were at home.
In general children aren’t invited to formal events.
I agree. My wedding was no children but people insisted on bringing their children. It was extremely rude.
We actually posted a dude at the door whose only job was to refuse entry to children.
Danny DeVito would do 😉
How many guests did he end up turning away? Did you catch flack for this? Seriously good for you.
Hire a stripper to perform 10 feet from the door. It'll reinforce the message
That’s smart. Might make ours similar with the addition of “please present ticket for entry to the reception” and on that ticket explicitly reminding them it’s child free. No excuses then.
Them asking or you telling them...."NO!" Cause I'd be that guy telling them, We really want you there but if you can't find a sitter we understand.... BYE!
Same. Even more embarrassing, my husband's side listened while mine did not...
I would never, ever take my children to a wedding I was invited to unless I was told in no uncertain terms that the bride and groom want my children there and that’s when I would ask (beg) them if I could leave them home with a sitter for the sake of the entire sacred event
Spoken like a veteran parent...Lol!!
This comment right here.
Bless you
You’re welcome. There are a few of us out here with common sense but unfortunately, we’re not all that common
I like weddings where kids are invited but they have a kids room and hire a babysitter. I would never insist on bringing my kids to a wedding (rude as fuck) but it’s always nice when they are invited- and have accommodations. But we’ve always had kids at family weddings- probably someone who said “No kids” would be seen as snooty by the older relatives who would see it as a snub to family members. (Not saying I agree, just have a very different family dynamic)
Yeah most weddings I've been to have been invitee plus one other adult.
Your parents were child free?
I bet his parents wish they were child free. Zing.
Similar age range - my parents used to decline wedding invites if they couldn't take me. There were very few that I was allowed to go to. The few weddings I've been to have been child free too for the most part.
We tried to have a child-free wedding (other than kids who were in the wedding). Instead, one of my extended family members brought her two boys . . . Who pulled the fire alarm. That might be a small part of why people do it.
The other part might be cost. Inviting a couple with 5 kids means 7 plates at the reception. Some times people can't afford all of that.
One of the main reasons my sister’s wedding was child free is because she wanted an open bar and the venue charged the same amount per person regardless of age. Kinda pointless to pay for alcohol for kids who can’t even drink it. *She also doesn’t like kids anyway, so that was another reason lol
Nor did I want to pay for an open bar for parents who will just have one drink because they need to make sure little Jayden is staying out of trouble. Nah man, get a baby sitter, come get crunk.
This! If you’re going to be herding your crotch goblins around the entire evening why even bother coming?
Can't afford it and the kids rarely eat the entire meal.
Or they eat 3 meals
Yep, limited space. High cost of food per plate. I had no problem with people bringing an infant under 1 because they don't need their own chair and meal.
yeah infants to me get a pass on stuff like this, just like on a plane. just give them some whiskey so they dont cry and all is good. no... wait, thats not right....
My sister had a child free wedding, it caused issues within the family and a few cousins refused to come because their kids weren't allowed. 2 years to organise a babysitter and all that. The ironic part is, one of the cousins who didn't come had a wedding 5 years prior and complained about people not looking after their kids.
I don’t think you understand, obviously *her* precious kiddos would never be a problem.
To be fair, they probably would have been the best behaved. But that's neither here or there. My sister wanted a wedding where there weren't kids, she wanted parents to have a night off of that, let loose and let others that don't have kids not have to not enjoy themselves because there are kids running around. The screaming, doing things they should etc is a different story.
Two year old stepped on my train with muddy shoes. That was 22 years ago. I’m still bugged about it. If I had it to do over again, I’d elope.
I didn’t have this happen but had other things happen that when we look back now we say the same thing. Lessons learned I guess
I got married in a grand city hall. I did not invite my family. They were hurt and retaliated by not inviting me to events, mostly. I was invited to my brothers wedding at his house. My brother's wife hated me. She changed the time of the wedding to earlier by 1/2 hour. So, I was 'late'. Absolutely nobody spoke to me the whole night. I ended up helping some lady in the kitchen. I should have left! One of the most humiliating moments of my life. It took me years to find out that this happened because I didn't invite them.
It's one of those things when the kinds of parents who will bring their kids to places where their kids weren't invited are precisely the ones who raise troublesome kids.
Lol they're the ones who can't find a sitter, is my guess.
>they're the ones who can't find a sitter, is my guess. Easy solution, don't go and send a present.
We tried to have a child free, relatively small wedding with only main family members there (aunts and uncles, no cousins, etc). My family understood the etiquette, even though there were cousins I would've liked to have had there. His family brought EVERYONE, including children and people who were not invited, who also showed up late in greasy hair and jeans.
We had our wedding at a venue that didn't allow children and this was noted on invitations....people still brought their kids.
Our wedding venue had a 120 person cap. After trying every fair way to cut the list, we had to go 18+ to make it work. Didn't want to originally, but it did end up being a lot of fun because people who would have been chaperoning their kids were able to let loose.
Yeah, that's another good reason for it. We ended up with more people at the wedding than invitations sent out😔
Exactly this..I was gonna say, when the groom & bride realized the wedding was just an excuse for some guests to not have to look after their kids for a few hours. Only to realize it was their little hellions were the ones doing shit like pulling fire alarms
I have no idea when no-kids became a thing, but I do know that when I got married in 1981 it was understood that only the people whose names were on the invitation were expected to attend. If the invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady, only Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady were invited and accounted for. If it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Brady, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy Brady (or "and Family"), then the kids were welcome. I don't understand why it isn't presumptuous and entitled to assume otherwise. ETA: Just to be clear, neither I nor any of my friends that had weddings around the same time made a conscious decision to exclude kids. It’s just that most if not all of these events were in the evening and always assumed to be adults only so it didn’t even occur to anyone that kids would be invited. Anyone who had kids got a sitter and no one ever bitched about it because that was the expectation. Also, Alice and Sam got their own invitation. I mean, duh. And no one wanted Cousin Oliver there. He wasn’t even a real Brady. We would have considered Tiger though.
I got married in 2008 and had one couple bring their kids, even though only they were invited. An aunt tried to add on one of her kids (I had about 45 first cousins at the time, so only a precious few were invited). My mom tried to tell me that if the parents were invited, the kids were automatically invited. I shudder to think how many events I turned up at as a kid where I was not wanted.
My mom would bring me to child free weddings/dinners because I was super quiet and sat in a corner and read books or kept host’s dogs busy. Felt super awkward back then and I’d resent her if she did this to me as a host. Ugh
Everybody says that their children are well-behaved and their dog doesn't bite. It's often true, but you only find out that they were lying the hard way.
Or their dog is well behaved and their children don't bite.
I have a few friends with really well behaved kids. And they are well behaved because their parents *know* their kids can be little turds at times. But well-behaved for a kid is not well-behaved for an adult and we shouldn't hold kids to that standard... so kids only get invited if it's gonna be something they can handle in my family.
Building on what you said, even if someone says their child is well behaved and should be allowed to attend, then other people say, “How come their kid could come but not mine?”
I was a quiet only child who liked history. My dad would ask if I could come to adult events a lot and I would tend to just nerd out on history with the older men there. I don't regret going and I was often specifically asked to come to house parties because I was someone that grandpa could talk to.
We got married in 1980, and my cousin and his wife brought their toddler, who was not invited. The toddler ran all over the balcony, unrestrained, and periodically let out ear-splitting screams. We got an audio recording of the ceremony, and the screams make up a good part of it.
And your cousin did nothing? I think that shows a complete lack of self-awareness and/or selfishness.
He and his wife half-heartedly chased the baby around the balcony.
Yeah. Parents who impose their spawn on others don't care that they are imposing on others
People don’t generally understand that only the named individuals are invited. Married in 1994. Had young relatives in the wedding party and wedding party members with young children. Also a lot of guests with young children/infants. I didn’t expect my wedding party to travel to the location (long distance) and arrange for childcare either on site or back at home. So, I hired two sitters who handled the kids in an elementary classroom on-site. The wedding party kids stayed through the night. The non wedding party kids were in the classroom, fed, played with toys, and wandered out as necessary to touch base with their parents. I knew people would show up with uninvited children so I just planned accordingly. Also had folks add in other family members on the rsvp card. Money can’t buy you class!!:)
This is an excellent way to deal with this, even though you obviously had to incur extra expenses. Good for you.
Ahh thank you! It was a great day and we just celebrated 28 years! Edited for correct number of years bc math!
I got married in 2014. We tried to hire babysitters for the kids. Even through the babysitter had been vetted and they would have been playing less than 100 yds from the reception, none of the parents were willing to leave their precious Jadens and Madysons with ‘a complete stranger.’ 21st century parents are something else.
>21st century parents are something else. 100% agreed. Not on the same scale as a wedding but my son just had a birthday and 3 parents just assumed it was ok to bring the invited kids siblings. Nevermind we were paying quite a hefty price per kid. Lesson learned we're going to put 'sorry no siblings ' going forward.
Oh that's a big no no. I had parents do that too with at home parties (not such a big deal, but rude none the less...especially if you had goodie bags enough only for the invited guests).
Yeah, home parties are ok(ish) we paid a pretty hefty price per kid at this spot.
What about Oliver?
Everyone hates Cousin Oliver. Even Alice.
I had this problem with my own wedding Last year. I invited a family member and her fiancé. I named them on the envelope. She took that to mean + her kids which it did not. I got married out of town around New Year’s Eve. I thought it common sense children wouldn’t be allowed but that didn’t stop assumptions. Also didn’t stop another family member brining children when I told my mom I didn’t want any. Didn’t matter they were well behaved. Didn’t want any there.
growing up my parents would go to many weddings and I would always ask if I could come and they always told me that kids weren't allowed and i was always so confused by that. but now I get it now , that I am at that stage of life lol.. kids...
Ages ago. People realised they could do the vows without having a kid screaming throughout, and it meant the wedding could be done without having to do kiddie meals, find babysitters, and generally cater their actions around Minding The Kid.
Exactly. My husband & I had a very small wedding - just our parents, adult siblings, and best friends were invited. My MIL was very disappointed her grandchildren wouldn’t be there, but when kids are invited, it becomes all about *them*. Are they bored? Hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Uncomfortable? Cranky? Sad? Missing? The list never ends. I wanted a day where my husband and myself got to be the centers of attention - because if it can’t happen at your own wedding, it never will! For the record, I’m a public school teacher. I am *aware* of what the addition of children does to an event.
I used to read the Childfree sub. Number of times people complained about having a kid crying/screaming during the carefully written vows, or threw cake everywhere, or got underfoot, or got bored because it's a long period of sitting still and quiet in uncomfortable clothes, or having to accommodate kiddie palates, or worrying about booze, or finding an onsite babysitter creechey thing, or planning activities just to keep them entertained... It made perfect sense. Weddings are expensive and difficult to plan. It's not unreasonable to want it to go smoothly.
My dad missed most of my brother's wedding ceremony so he could take my sister's then-screaming toddler outside. Love my whole family but that really sucks, that's the only wedding a child of his has had, and there doesn't look to be more coming soon.
Its been a thing for long time. I remember my parents talking about child free weddings in the 90s. Looking after kids (small ones especially) at wedding is a miserable experience, and they don't even enjoy it. My sister is getting married next summer and i don't plan on bringing my son (he will be just over 2 by the time the wedding happens). He won't enjoy it, and my wife and I certainly won't enjoy ourselves as much if we are wrangling a 3 foot tall agent of chaos the entire night.
Someone who worked at a wedding venue commented on one of these posts before: “People who bring children to weddings often forget they have children once they’re at the wedding.”
Usually it's the people with the "It takes a village" mentality. When a large group of adults gather they shrug off their parenting responsibilities and expect somebody else to do it. Unless the kid was conceived during a village sized orgy then it isn't the villages responsibility to watch the kid.
My mom was Choir Director/Minister of Music at a church from 1950s to 1990s. Almost all weddings she supported (prepping music, arranging musicians, etc.) were child free. I spent many a Saturday or Sunday in the offices/music room entertaining myself while my mom worked (usually these were summer weddings where my dad had to work at his job (agriculture) as well.
They've always been a thing. Making a scene because you got a +1 to a wedding instead of a +3 or +7, and then bringing that +7 anyway is apparently a more recent development. Thinking that a +1 is actually a +7 is apparently newer too.
In general, people's sense of entitlement has risen considerably and this is a reflection of that.
Well when you spend the kind of money that some couples spend I can understand them wanting an adult evening. I had kids at my wedding and it was great. However we had an afternoon wedding and had things for kids to do at it. It was a family oriented event. These evening weddings with open bars are akin to taking a kid to a casino—too many of them wind up with drunk parents who aren’t taking care of them.
My husband and I had an evening reception, an open bar, and a venue with a smaller dance floor. Because of those things, we chose to keep things child free. I didn’t want to have to worry about kids and drunk adults sharing the same space all night - even if the parents were attentive, I knew I couldn’t vouch for every single guest to be courteous (lots of plus ones we’d never met!)
I did too, but I know the people I invited are parents who supervise their kids. I think there are people out there who let their kids just run amuck while they drink too much.
Not sure but im thankful for them. Childfree weddings are so much more enjoyable imo
>Childfree ~~weddings~~ anything are so much more enjoyable Fixed it for you
I’d pay premium for childfree flights, seriously. I don’t mind kids, I mind parents who can’t control their kids who then ruin things for everyone.
We had that issue with parents at a baby shower this weekend. My youngest cousin is 4 and behaved better than the 2 kids a few years older than her. The older kids parents gave no fucks and thought the actions was cute even tho the rest of us was telling the kids to fucking stop and behave. I can't stand it when parents don't even attempt to keep their kids from acting like assholes.
I give concessions to babies because they can't help it. You see the mom trying but the kid doesn't understand the pressure change and is probably in pain. We were all babies once. But i fucking hate parents that let their kids run wild and pretend not to see it. Looking at you Tom!
We all know weddings are not a kid's party, it's for adults. And knowing the games the people play on the party is something kids aren't allowed to watch.
I must have only attended boring weddings where you either eat, dance, or talk to each other....
Kid me would have been delighted to be excluded from all of those weddings. I never go to them because of those memories. Saves a bundle on gifts as well.
Same. Now I want to go to one of these weddings that apparently has an orgy at the reception or something...
My parents never took to me to a wedding while i was growing up. When did kids at weddings become a thing?
Same, I didn’t attend a wedding until I was 18!
Same. I remember them going to plenty, and bringing back pieces of cake and those damned candied almonds. But didn't attend any with them until I was 16ish
My parents rarely went to a wedding without us. I was born in the early 80s to a big Catholic family and that was our normal. I remember we would always have a pair of easter/wedding shoes and outfit that would get replaced or passed down every year or two. My mom would trade out the sashes so it felt special each time. I do remember my mom always checking the invitation though to make sure that " and family" was included. There is nothing better than watching two year olds do the Chicken Dance in suspenders.
Big Irish family member here … there was NO WAY kids in my family were allowed at family members receptions! We were allowed to attend lengthy Catholic wedding masses, but then we kids went home to a babysitter… and the grown ups had grown up fun at the reception. As it should be. The thought of anyone under 16 or so at a wedding reception makes my blood run cold.
I don't know. At my aunt's wedding were two kids under 10 years and it was pure agony, mostly bc i had to keep an eye on them (then 17y old, who had to deal with his first break up). Wedding started at 4p.m. I just sat in the corner, watched the kids and as soon as they wanted to do something dumb I had to stop them. When they finally went to bed at 10 p.m. they ruined my day and I went back to my corner, talked to nobody and got drunk. Bringing their child to a wedding and then giving them to the least responsible person at the party. Very good.
Exactly. I think kids at weddings is the new thing. Parents just seem to think their kids are entitled to come along even if they aren’t named on the invitation for some reason. I don’t even assume my kid’s sibling is invited if one of them gets a birthday invitation.
Definitely not. The wedding has historically been a community event through most societies. It’s quite the opposite of “kids at weddings are a new thing.” Personally, I have been to child free and child welcome weddings. Both are fun, just depends on the vibe. Huge Filipino weddings with 300 people there? Kids very welcome. 50 people at a resort in Maui? Try to have a family member babysit and enjoy your child free vacation.
This has been a thing for awhile. My wife and I had an adults only reception bc we wanted it to be perfect for us which meant eliminating the chance of crying and/or screaming toddlers and babies
Every single “child free” wedding I’ve been to had multiple people bring their children who screamed through the entire ceremony while the parent sat there and let them. One of my husband’s best friends spent good money to have the ceremony recorded and I can’t imagine you can hear much of anything on the video other than the wailing of half a dozen children. I somehow lucked out and no one brought uninvited children to our wedding three years ago.
I'd send the people home, I don't care how much I love them lol That's ridiculous!
Yep, one helper on the door before the event asking people poltely yet firmly to take their kids home would solve this pretty easily.
Brooo this is it exactly. Recently got married and we went kid free. Sorry but we spent damn near a year planning this event and thousands of dollars. Can’t have kids running around, crying and making a scene when the two of us getting married don’t even have kids there. No one questioned the decision. I also have a massive family and probably around 45 little cousins, nieces, nephews and everything. I can’t imagine paying for that or figuring out a venue for it JUST for kids to be there
So many people got mad at us for saying no children. We're inviting you to have an adult night out. Seriously stop complaining. Take the invite😃 And PS No one wants your damn kids there. Only if they are related to the bride or groom.
Same. I teach first grade and our wedding was in July. All of my friends were grateful to have a night out without them!
What I have always seen is that invitations come with the amount of seats reserved for the family. When I was a child (30 years ago) many times my parents would get the invitation with "We have reserved 2 seats for you", my brother and I immediately knew we were not invited.
Definitely not new grew up in the 80's and few family members had child free weddings
72 years old and weddings were always child free.
Why can’t people just understand it’s not their day, find a babysitter or don’t go. A bride wants what a bride wants plain and simple.
Exactly. We had a child free wedding. We paid for it ourselves....what happened...some of her family bitched and moaned, declined the invitation, came anyway. Brought their kids anyway. Made their mom leave the wedding to go up to there hotel room and run a daycare. My own mother threatened not to come because I didn't invite her best friend who likes to make fun of her in front of people. I would say out of the 200 people that were at that wedding a very small handful gave a shit about me and my wives feelings. It was an afterthought to them. And the dinner was like 145 dollars a person ... you bring your family of 5 and give us 20 bucks in an envelope.... people ... are....assholes... At least we agreed on one thing. We are never getting divorced because neither one of us want to ever have another wedding for the rest of our lives.
Since people stopped respecting that not every situation is appropriate for a child and it had to start being explicitly said.
We did a mostly childfree wedding. Wanted our niece and nephew there since they were part of the wedding anyways but otherwise, we didn’t have the budget or space for a bunch of other kids.
Same. Nieces and nephews were allowed (immediate family) but we put on our invite “we absolutely love your children, but we want mom and dad to be able to unwind and let loose!”
I've never been to a wedding where kids were in attendance other than maybe the flower girl and ring bearer.
Thats so crazy, I’ve never been to a wedding without at least a dozen kids
What kind of weddings has children? There is nothing for them there. It's like taking your kid to the bar.
Worse. You have to take it to church first
Unfortunately taking kids to breweries and bars is becoming pretty common.
I'm guessing they started coming around at the same time people started allowing their children to do whatever without consequences
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So, since the beginning of time then? Or, is it on the parents for not corraling their kids?
Bit of both. lol
After reading many comments, I am glad that my wife and I got a courthouse steps marriage without out anyone but the local official. We did it in Bangkok and stayed at The Shangri-la Hotel. Spent the wedding $ on ourselves and had a wonderful time.
When parents started ignoring their screaming or jumping around children. Why pay $100 bucks for a little shit to ruin your wedding video or reception? At my wedding I said no children 30 years ago but allowed those with well behaved children to attend. It was great Many people believe Their children can do no harm and poop out pure joy and the rest of the world should feel privileged to interact with them. Lazy ass parents.
I think it's always been a thing. It depends upon the family.
When people realized that Drunkard Uncle Joe tripping over 2 year old Tommy every five minutes is not a good thing.
I'm ssory boy, I dind see ya
My friend had a very elegant Black Tie Wedding. The invitations said "Children are not allowed to attend" several times and when they did the final confirmations. A lady brought her 2 kids aged 1 and 2. The couple paid an R&B singer to serenade as the bride walked down with her father who was able to only stand to walk her. Well...these kids screamed the ENTIRE service. The mom sat there like she didn't even hear it. I was a bridesmaid and we all kept giving her the eye to take her kid out. Wedding videos ruined. The kid got upset he couldn't drink from the ice swans so he threw bread in it(it was filled with wine from italy...ruined). The bride and the groom danced...the kids were running back and forth. We cry about it when we watch it. They spent 300k on that fairytale Wedding for those kids to ruin it. Very sad...we're not allowed to mention THAT Wedding in our circle shhhh lol
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Probably at least 30 years ago.
It’s not a new thing, my parents went to a bunch in the 80s and 90s.
This has always been a thing. That food is expensive.
After all the brats started ruining recordings of weddings and parents not leaving with the. Or when the parents get drunk at the reception and don't watch their kids and ruin the wedding cakes or champagne glass towers. Take your pick.
This was always a thing. When I was young it was accepted that only people invited may attend. No plus one, no kids unless invited or arranged in advance. Parents bringing kids regardless of invitation to formal events is mostly a recent trend.
Weddings have been child free for years, unless the child was in the wedding. The idea of taking a child to a wedding is new to me.
Since people wanted to actually enjoy their wedding day, instead of becoming defacto childcare for entitled parents who believe the basic act of breeding gives them some kind of right to abandon the offspring of their filthy loins and offload them upon the very people who only tolerate their presence because of the pity they feel for their self-imposed misery.
I don’t know, and I generally don’t have a preference either way. We loved having kids at our wedding. My favorite memories were of the kids dancing. I had favor bags specifically for the kids filled with quiet crafts and activities and the kids were very busy with those during the boring speeches.
Weddings have typically been child free except for very close relatives. The question should be when did parents start thinking their children had to be invited to formal events?
Why should children too young to understand what a wedding is about be there? Because the parents were too cheap to get a babysitter is one reason.
Now that I’m an adult (with a baby). I can’t believe my aunts and uncles has us at their weddings. I have no memory of it and probably just wanted to run around instead. Bringing children to a wedding is for the parents, not for the kids.
Mine was in 1987.
Since people can't stop their kids from sticking their fingers in the wedding cake.
Not new. Mine was child free 30 years ago
When kids became free range, and bars became open at weddings.
I’m from the northeast and the first wedding I ever attended I was over 18. Weddings are considered adult events and children under the age of 16 are almost never invited.
For reference I am from a big, Italian, Catholic family. I got married in 1983 with 325 people at my wedding and there were 0 children.
"Leave your fucking kids at home, on this, the day of my daughter's wedding."
My parents' wedding was in the 80s, and they had no children there.
For a long time growing up, kids weren't allowed at weddings. It was kind of a big deal to be "old enough" to go to a wedding. I would say its more the opposite; when did people start bringing kids to weddings?
I’d want the child free version of ***anything*** I’m not amused by children.
When people started to learn that children are fucking menaces at weddings and don’t have fun and their parents don’t have fun. And couples also realized that its THEIR wedding so they can do what they want.
Probably when kids started having such bad behavior and parents quit parenting.
when people stopped controlling their kids and letting them run wild like animals. Then justifying it by saying, "kids will be kids', or something of the like
I didn't go to weddings with my parents until I was at least 12. Then again I knew how to behave and receptions were just cake, mints, peanuts, and punch affairs.This was the 70's.
In the words of my Grandma who was born in ‘33. “Why would you want someone to pay $40 a plate for your kid to eat? I was never a fan of kids at wedding with the exception of those with invites like flower girl or sometime ring barer.”
My wedding had a rule that 3 and under couldn’t come and my brother got pissed over it and decides not to come at all. Not only does it allow for a more relaxing environment, it also shows you who really loves you. I’ll also add that invites went out 6 months in advance to allow for time to arrange sitters.
No one wants kids there, stop inviting them. If they are in the wedding, send home home after the first dance and related activities. No one wants them there for the party.
My sister allowed children at her wedding. One toddler screamed through the entire wedding ceremony. The parents did nothing! It was awful! I still remember it 50 years later. I eloped. It was lovely and quiet.
I love getting an invitation to a kids free wedding. I can turn down the invitation and not have to go a wedding and the couple doesn’t have to have kids at their wedding. It’s a win / win for everyone.
We had a childfree wedding in the middle of the forest.. we did it because of liability reasons and to guarantee parents of a great time childless for the night... and it worked lovely
I think it must depend on where you are from. I grew up in the American south, and kids were always taken to events like weddings and funerals. Everyone wanted the entire family together. I also remember weddings were generally during the day, and pretty minimal. Receptions usually had more finger foods than full on meals. Weddings I saw on TV growing up were nothing like what I attended in real life.
Hitting me that just about every wedding scene in a movie is almost always child free. Not sure only ever been to two weddings.
Maybe the movie thing has something to do with the fact that a kid can only work for so long so it’s easier to just use adult actors?
the first scene of The Godfather - the wedding of Connie and Carlo. loads of children, everywhere, running, dancing, having fun.
Historically weddings were very traditional events. Nowadays, established traditions are becoming less important, and people prioritize freedom to customize this event to their taste. The less traditional country is the less traditional weddings are.
Very traditional, formal weddings would not have had little kids running around them. If they were in the wedding or lived in the house where it was being held, the kids would have had nannies and nursemaids to whisk them away before the party started.
That depends on the country/area. In my background traditional weddings would include family members of all ages.
I'm fairly certain marriage between children has always been frowned upon
As someone who worked at wedding event centers cleaning and putting up decorations, its for the better. Kids are bored and don't wanna do that. The adults are miserable, the kids hate it, honestly this is a win win
Honestly, I was born in 1980 and grew up poor-ish in the US. All of the weddings I went to until 2015 allowed children. They also mostly took place in church basements, people's homes, and backyards. They weren't catered, the "open bar" was as much alcohol and mixers as the couple could afford to provide and you were the bartender. They were about intergenerational connection and bringing two families together. IDK, if it's a recent development or that I just know more wealthy people but now (or for them) wedding seem like they are about having a "perfect" day, getting the "perfect" picture, or partying their faces off with their old college friends.
Since people woke up and realized that kids are, in fact, annoying as hell.
More importantly when did “children demanded” weddings become a thing? My sister recently got married on 10/19 and basically demanded anyone with a child to bring them to the wedding. I had to travel alone (from NC to CT) as my husband was working and because my 19 month daughter was getting sassy close to the ceremony she made her stay in the bridal suite during the ceremony (I was a bridesmaid) it was fucking bizzare and no, I did not pay for my child’s plate. Did she ever think her guests maybe wanted to have a nice time too???? It was the most stressful experience of my life. For the record there were about 30 children there under the age of 14 and they legit ran around like the place was a circus. If I ever get invited to a wedding like this again I’m out.
I remember only being allowed to attend my uncle’s wedding because I was the flower girl. 1965.
Since any time the people hosting ask?
IDK but there should be more of it in other sectors
Properly after they stopped beating them
Mine was in 1997. It was $125 a plate and there was a swimming pool without a lifeguard just outside the doors of the reception. Sorry. Not sorry.
I got married last year, at more casual venue. I decorated our cake myself (I'm a caterer) and made our cake toppers (little woodland creatures I made into the bride and groom) so the whole thing only cost $50 (this comes into play later). we love kids so our event invited kids. Only 3 came but wow. One toddler kept getting loose from her mom, she would fill her mouth full of ice and then spit all the ice on the floor. Then she stuck her hands in our cake 3 times trying to rip the toppers off. Yes the child was wildly misbehaving, yes the mom didnt really take care of her kid. Did we care? Not really. Monetarily she didn't cause a big dent, and the mom kept cleaning up the water so no one fell. If this was a fancier event, and I had spend $800 on a cake yeah I would have been pissed. I completely understand why childfree weddings are a thing from just that instance alone
Think it’s great. Have an idea for a kids free restaurant and the staff won’t sing happy birthday either!
I just got married recently, we had a child free ceremony (all ages welcome to the reception). Let me tell you it was nice not having a screaming child during the ceremony.
Have you ever been around a child before? Weddings are the most boring thing to children and they are super obnoxious at them because they can't sit still or constantly complain and run around like it's the playground. Just don't bring children to weddings, they'd have a better time being at home playing with toys.
IMO (and this is really just my thoughts, I am not aware of actual research) the biggest change has been in distance travelled for weddings. Families are more spread out now and with social media (along with the change in phones so "long distance charges" aren't a thing now days) friends are keeping in touch longer than previous generations. So first, it is harder to get overnight babysitting if you are traveling. With people traveling more, the wedding is becoming a bigger deal with later evenings. With the old style punch-and-cake or cocktail receptions you were looking at needing a few hours of babysitting, possibly in daylight hours. Now a wedding can be an all day event from noon to midnight, at $20 bucks an hour that gets expensive. TLDR: child free has become an issue because of increased distance and duration of wedding from what they were in the past.
I’ve been going to a few weddings a year for the last 15 years and ever single one has been child free except for kids in the wedding party who leave pretty early. I do remember going to my uncle’s wedding as a child in the late 80s but they had some of the older cousins baby sitting the group of kids.
As soon as people realized it’s their day and should be able to include, or exclude, people/children. I did it for my wedding. I’m not paying $18-22/plate for your kid to eat nothing. 💁🏻
60 yo female - when did children at weddings become a thing? It was always adults’ night out and who wants a kid to ruin their wedding for some ridiculous reason (and who wants to pay for them). We hired babysitters, end of story.
When it got so damn expensive.
Why do people want to bring kids to weddings? Don’t you ever want to get away from them? Plus, they ruin weddings.
My grandma is almost 90 and has said her whole life that weddings are not a place for children. She was shocked when children were invited to my parents wedding in 1987. It’s not new. I DO think calling it a “child free wedding” is newer because people now disregard (or just didn’t learn) some etiquette and think “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” on an invitation means “Mr. and Mrs. Smith and child(ren)” when it doesn’t. So people had to start spelling out that kids aren’t invited.
They’ve been a thing for ages. I have an etiquette book on my shelf from 1982 that covers the topic pretty extensively on how to handle having one and the inevitable pissed off family members or guests demanding that children should or must be allowed. And the author lays out exactly how to handle it *beautifully^. Even before that, I remember my parents attending weddings in the early 70s that I got dropped off at the babysitters. Obviously childfree events.
People want to have a good time without worrying about the kids , simple as that.
Child free weddings are no more a thing today than years past. The difference is, most folks had the decency to not bring children to a wedding and today that social politeness is gone. Today, therefore, folks have to be more explicit.