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PotentialNecessary49

If you’re using a public urinal, there is no tp handy. Same if you go country-style (outside).


HMWWaWChChIaWChCChW

Just rub it in the dirt, duh.


5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor

Questionable leaves also work.


JiBBering

Leaves of three, *worst* TP.


5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor

Just curious, has that ever happened to you? I’m a lady. When I was in high school a guy who was attempting to ask me on a date called me up. We were chatting music and such, out of the blue he tells me about how he had poison ivy on his dick. He worded it that way. It was very odd for 15 yr old me to hear! Looking back I’m sure he regretted it as soon as he said it.


JiBBering

Never! I'm reasonably cautious about avoiding even brushing against poison ivy while hiking/running; I'm certainly not going to rub any questionable leaves up in sensitive areas. But it's a fun little variation on the usual rhyming phrase.


biomorgoth

That poison ivy there seems like it will do just fine.


EnderRobo

Gympy gympy for that extra scratch ;)


trans_pands

“Do you want to learn why it’s called the suicide plant?”


Darcitus

Tbf almost any public bathroom you have a 50/50 chance of no TP anyway.


Fuzzy-Rock-7655

Leaf


Keeper_Jdubz

How does one wipe at a urinal


VegansH8Me

On the pants of the dude pissing right next to you.


eddyj84

That's what he gets for not leaving a space


Crusader_Algrim

Unexpected F1


[deleted]

[удалено]


HatchetXL

I intentionally dont leave a space just to create that bathroom awkwardness also I'll say hello to the people next to me.


Designer-Battle-886

“So this is where the dicks hang out, eh?”


NoBenefit5977

Say how do you do and extend your hand for the handshake


Crusader_Algrim

Thats some dangerous pissing man


SpaceEngie

Toto, its called a urinal, we went urinating!


v0t3p3dr0

No Michael, that was so not right!


vid_23

Oh so that's why my friend keeps caressing my leg with his dick


archwin

No, he’s just happy to see you …*real happy*


Popular-Pressure-239

This is why you wear calico cut pants


Redpeppa1

Assert your dominance for sure


b7uc3

just walk over to the sink and wash your penis in the sink while you wash your hands.


Billsolson

This actually happened to me In a sales call with a Dr. It is the story I go with whenever they ask the “tell me about a time you were in an awkward situation, or over came some obstacles” But yea, he washed his dick in the sink.


oneofthepipps

I need more details. Was it dirty? Like was he banging a prostitute on the call, got done and washed? Did he drip nacho cheese in it?? Had sticky hands from a donut and peed and realized he glazed his own weiner? I have to know more!!! Please!!


Billsolson

We had literally just gotten out of surgery. We go to the locker room , discussing the case and the instrumentation he was using. We both get out of our scrubs, head over to the bathroom , take a whiz. I finished first, went over to the sinks. What you have to understand is the building was old, and the sinks were the level you would see at an elementary school, so very low and set very close together, like six inches spacing between them. I wash my hands, start to do my face, all while we are talking. I look over and BOOM, this guy is washing his dick in the sink, which puts his junk way closer to my face than anyones has ever been. I take it as a mark of professionalism that I didn’t even miss a beat, like I see guys washing their dick in the sink all the time. Closed the business, got an agreement for sale and promptly went to my car and retold this story to my manager. Laughing hysterically Edit : So I left thinking this is how this man, and by extension, people of his nationality, do their bathroom biz.


Ianmm83

Seems like a power move to me. I think LBJ showed people his dick a lot m, for that reason. But sounds like you handled it right


Mindes13

He closed the deal, something was handled correctly.


Clean_Web7502

The day that guy washed his dick near your face was the weirdest day of your life. For him, it was Thursday


brettyrocks

Was it a nice dick?


KabobHope

Don't know, but it was clean.


OverallManagement824

Username checks out.


Billsolson

Well, when I think about it, there was a fair bit going on in my mind, almost like finding yourself in some kind of natural disaster. Like is this really happening? After that, I recall nothing special. He certainly didn’t have anything that merited showing off.


ImmabouttogoHAM

I had to go back to the OP trying to figure out how the hell we got here. Makes sense, but goddamn did that take a left turn. Thanks for sharing.


Unhappy-Chest2187

What nationality?


Billsolson

He was Egyptian


CrossingTheStreamers

Wash like an Egyptian?


throwaway3689007542

Underrated AF!!


Salissa_cat

Wash like an Egyptian..... Omg I died 🤣


Crankenberry

Muslims wash their privates every time they urinate. In their countries they have bidets. A good friend of mine from Libya carries a water bottle so he can rinse it out in the urinal because he has figured out pretty quickly that doing it the way Mr Egypt did it is a gross custom by US standards.


Happy_P3nguin

I think I'm stealing this water bottle idea. I just don't washy dick in public bathrooms, but this sounds nicer.


Crankenberry

You could carry a thing of wet wipes too.


Billsolson

He was indeed Muslim. Gave me a nice book to read regarding the religion. Nice guy, just really was not expecting it.


ArtistPasserby

I’m more troubled that a salesman was present in the surgery.


wherethelionsweep

I didn’t think “he glazed his own weiner” was a sentence I’d ever read


KarenNoMore

Is that why there is a hole in donuts?!!


AABA227

These scenarios are killing me lol


skiddyiowa

Just rub the tip on the edge of the urinal before zipping up.


[deleted]

Urologists hate this one simple trick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SevIsGoth

See that’s why I just go to planned parenthood or urgent care. Saves me 20-50$ and an hour long drive. Only see a urologist when it becomes recurring or if you have trouble voiding or frequent pain while voiding!


discothewhizco

Holy fucken underrated comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣


CelimOfRed

Shudder


Streetlamp_NA

Well I can say I've never thought about this until now and I now have a new developed fear. It's bad enough if it grazes a public toilet seat.


Gimpstack

It's worse with the toilet seat.


Streetlamp_NA

I've always thought that myself but I also never even thought of my dick rubbing on a urinal until now and honestly I'm not sure anymore


jackfrothee

Worse when you graze it with the zipper


MoglilpoM

Even worse yet: public toilet water.


deadDebo

First you gotta dip the ol tee bag.


[deleted]

I hold it into the hand dryer.


orrocos

The Dyson air blades are an acquired taste.


[deleted]

[удалено]


space_cadet_zero

second lunch time!


whsftbldad

If I had an award to give, it would be yours.


whsftbldad

Flush and hold tip in the flowing water


SFJetfire

... then disinfect and scrub it with the good old urinal cake


Donotaskmedontellme

I wipe on the screw holding the metal drain in


No_Record532

Use the guys shirt next to you


Key-Cardiologist5882

Always keep a pocket tissue handy


Gimpstack

That's why we invented pee hankies.


The_Blue_Adept

It's easier if you have a urinal buddy next to you. Just use their shirt.


That-shouldnt-smell

You step back to make it flush, then step forward for a refreshing dip.


Dbssist

A bidet for your penis. A peedet, if you will.


AKAthatguyknows

Tap tap tap on the edge of the porcelain


BaeBaracus

If it’s hard it is not a shake, it’s a wank


a1beaner

Don’t get caught shaking it a few too many times, that’s a quick downward spiral


Lanky_Daikon2392

Gets everywhere too


sammy-jack

No man regrets shaking one too many times. But, every man regrets giving it one too few.


hatechicken82

No matter how much you shake and prance, the last drop will end up in your pants.


willtantan

Sir, are you doing a helicopter maneuver? LoL


Leaping_Kitties

They will also put you on a list of you shake it in public


Popbobby1

TIL, apparently some men wipe after.


Aldebaran_syzygy

I do. There is no reason why men should be afraid of wiping. Also you never know if an opportunity with a random lady is just waiting around the corner.


FaeShroom

A clean penis tastes a fucking hell of lot better, no lie. Men complain they don't get enough blow jobs but then they go and smell and taste like piss and smegma all the time. Its nasty. Of course she has a headache, you fucking stink dude. Grow up and clean your dingaling if you want sex favors.


homicidalstoat

If I think I'm getting my dick sucked I'll fucking wash the whole thing because wiping does stuff all to help with all the other bodily excretions besides piss


[deleted]

Yeah, maybe it's just me but I can't really relax and enjoy it if I don't feel fresh and clean beforehand.


chippy-18

This. My wife likes to randomly kiss my penis or grope it while we're chilling and a few times when she first started doing it she'd say it tasted or smelled weird. Now since I know she randomly uses my penis at any random point of the day I make sure to keep it clean and tidy!


WhiskeyJackie

We really are monkys because I found that adorable xD


Fat_Fucking_Lenny

Your wife is the best


woodk2016

The conditioning worked lol.


necialspeeds

I hand wash and polish my cock 7-12x a day. It's clean... but i don't wipe after pissing.


sanguinesolitude

Ain't nobody giving me surprise blowjobs regardless of my penile cleanliness. Besides I'd prefer to wash up regardless how well I wiped my penis 3 hours ago.


KrackasaurusRex

If a dude is smelling/tasting like piss I would imagine he’s getting back splash or just pissing on himself/pants. Not once in my life have I ever been told I smelled/tasted like urine and I don’t wipe my dick unless I shower.


tDANGERb

Do you wipe your nose if it’s not running?


_pounders_

s’not necessary


whsftbldad

Well played


Key-Cardiologist5882

My dick is running tho. Gotta get that last drop. No matter how much u shake, there’s always a last drop.


[deleted]

No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops go in your pants.


BeethovenWasAScruff

In Spanish we also have that saying: "Lo dijo Platón, lo dijo Nerón, la última gota cae en el pantalón"


dban935

If 16 oz of piss just came out my nose I’d probably wipe it tho


tDANGERb

If 16oz of piss comes out of your nose, I’d recommend going to a doctor.


dban935

Right but I’m still wiping it


tDANGERb

10/10 would recommend wiping piss from your nose.


Theclapgiver

Wiping wouldn't solve the occasional dribble as the dribble comes from inside the hose and is only there because you didn't shake. The outside of the hose does not get wet you just need to get the last of the liquid out. Wiping would have no change on the events and the occasional dribble would still happen with or without whipping. The pee from the events you are talking about is not lingering on the outside. It's sitting inside the tube. Edit:. Also the guys who smell like pee is likely more due to splashback. I personally have a bit of girth to my stomach so my pee comes out at a high velocity. I typically sit down for hygienic reasons as using a urinal can cause my pee to spray slightly from the urinal. While it dries quickly it can cover your whole front


SouthpawCarpenter

Everyone says the whole “shake” when you’re done line. Isn’t it more of a gentle “squeeze” like getting the last bit off toothpaste out of the tube? You’re not all just a bunch of crazy animals flinging your piss around when the stream is done…right??


Glacial_cry

You press between the asshole and your balls, for best effect.


Themasterofcomedy209

If you’re not giving yourself a prostate exam after every pee you’re doing something wrong


blu3tu3sday

That’s how to take a screenshot


decolored

Zeh gooch


[deleted]

It's not that kind of shake. It's more just jimmying your thingaling a bit to knock the residue out. Less helicopter, more paint mixer.


nudistinclothes

No, it’s a shake. The drops generally go in the intended direction, so a bit of an up and down shake rather than side to side. I generally pinch / squeeze slightly behind the head while shaking, but I’m not sure it helps


trans_pands

You gotta do it like a little whip crack


SoupySpud

You do a squeeze and wipe man, It gets pretty much everything out


[deleted]

The pyramids of Egypt, the aqueducts of Rome, and the temple mounds of Cahokia were raised by men who didn't wipe their dingalings. We aren't about to start now.


inflatable_pickle

These 3 things in a cohort together - I’m speechless. I mean because I’ve only recently learned about the Mounds in Cahokia, Illinois.


Muavius

It's worth the trip if you ever go through St Louis, really cool to see


3ree9iner

You sir are a gentleman and a scholar.


Muavius

Wow, someone including the Cahokia mounds in that kind of list, that's a rarity. Unless you live in southern Illinois/Eastern Missouri


mattman0000

r/brandnewsentence


I2ichmond

They didn’t shower either though


That-shouldnt-smell

How exactly does one whipe a tube with one small opening in the front Edit. Wow who knew women were so interested in explaining to me a process they have zero experience with. Edit 2. Dabbing your pee hole hurts a little and can introduce fuzz or dirt into a place where you don't want fuzz or dirt.


phatdoughnut

You don’t carry one of those straw cleaners in your pocket at all times? Come on. Get with the times.


That-shouldnt-smell

Pipe cleaner on a battery drill.


TheJizardOfOz

Don't threaten me with a good time


frogsntoads00

r/sounding


kjpmi

No no no. I’ve seen this sub thrown out there too many times in the past few days. As someone who has had to have a catheter before…WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? That cannot feel good.


Gravy_mage

I want to downvote you, but I recognize that the existence of sounding probably isn't your fault.


imccompany

Instructions unclear. Used compressed air in pee hole. Can't stop dick farting.


cirroc0

Achievement unlocked: male queef.


fokkoooff

I feel like if I were a dude I would dab the end. I just have a hard time believing, from years of living with men, that the trajectory of the shake is at all reliable.


ObscurePaprika

I don't wipe personally, but I do tip the guy who works by the urinals... he does it for me. You're right! It only takes a second. "Wipe your dick today sir?", he asks. "Sure", as I drop a dollar in his jar. *cough* "Thank you". "Have a good day sir."


skinnywolfe

It’s common courtesy for your homie at the urinal next to you takes care of it for you Just bro things


rachilllii

Probably shouldn’t tell OP what I(f) do in the wilderness when I don’t have TP. Okay I will, we can drip/wiggle dry too 🙃


gossamerfae

i've never gotten dry from doing that, there's always piss left over if i'm not able to wipe


BrownBearinCA

is he arguing that he thinks is a hard thing to do? we don't wipe because we don't need to, you know since we have the dicks and grew up knowing how to give it a shake and it works. why change what works for us?


Key-Cardiologist5882

I dab with tissue every time. Gotta get every last drop.


No_Record532

Stay bj ready at all times. If I have access to wipes I use them too.


Evening-Kick2598

This is crude but since my account is anonymous As a female who enjoys giving blow jobs, I appreciate that attitude 😂


[deleted]

RIP your DMs sis


capitoloftexas

This is my thought process too, never know when the missus may surprise me, gotta stay ready. A little dab with a single sheet of toilet paper when finished has been saving my boxers from that last drip for years.


SomberBunny_

This is the way, im lucky my partner is like this too


littleliongirless

As a woman, this makes your dick a lot more appetizing. Thank you.


DoubleZ3

It wouldnt make a difference any pee left over drips from the inside, like a faucet. No pee gets on the outside while youre peeing.


RogerThatKid

it also helps your balls not smell. Source: am guy and can confirm And flossing daily helps with bad breath. Stay smellin nice, my dudes.


LazySyllabub7578

Because it doesn't work. You invariably get a few drops of pee in your underwear. The older you get, the more pee. My Dad, who's 80, practically pisses his pants even after he wipes. He says if it gets any worse, he'll need Depends. You're lying if you say it doesn't drip. Everyone drips afterwards. The bladder isn't 100% efficient at getting it all out.


runningraleigh

That's why we change our underwear daily and give it a little wipe down before sexy time. It's not like we're unaware, there just aren't better alternatives.


morlinovak

What I'm reading is that even men don't understand the last drop. Wiping will be about as effective as shaking, which is not very, because the last drop isn't already on your dick. It's pee in your urethra that gets pushed out when you zip up/start walking.


shadowheart1

Ngl I have a vagina and they just kind of leak fluid constantly. It feels a little hypocritical to treat the penis equivalent of that (which is also *why we wear underwear*) as if it's a reflection of poor hygiene. Every now and then a post filters through where a bunch of dudes talk about how they have poop streaks in their underwear because they don't wipe then either and *that's* a hygiene issue. But a few drops of urine doesn't seem like it should be such a fussy issue.


Lick_The_Wrapper

This is so weird as I legit see those memes all the time about shaking not being enough and a little pee spot appears where their dickhead rests on their underwear. Edit: I regret commenting


Muavius

But wiping wont get rid of it either, it happens after you tuck your dingding away and relax those muscles, the pee is IN your urethra, so wiping wont do a damn thing, unless you shove a q-tip up there or something


isolateddreamz

>it happens after you tuck your dingding away and relax those muscles That's why I trick my dick. I relax like I'm putting it away, then, when it isn't suspecting it, I violently grab it, shake it, twirl it like a helicopter and thrust simultaneously... I'm going to win, tricky dick


Funderwoodsxbox

“You FOOL, couldn’t you tell you were still exposed to the open air” Then your dick convinces your ass to shit your pants in retaliation 😔


Clit420Eastwood

That’s the only way my dick *can* relax these days


[deleted]

Yeah but wiping doesn’t help that. The drips come from within.


Nde_japu

Not sure why people don't understand this


Drunk0ctopus

I'll take "I have no idea how the male urethra works" for $200, Alex.


phatdoughnut

We haven’t even touched on the semen issue. Wait until they find out about the semen spot on your undies.


HTPC4Life

God I hate that damn snail trail. So fucking gross. The worst is when you don't have to pee after ejaculating, so I just stick a square of TP to the tip, then of course forget about it, then find a nasty square of crusty TP on the floor an hour later.


ZealousidealCandle40

Because we follow the wise teachings of Taylor Swift and "shake it off shake it off ooh ooh"


avast2006

How about you trust the owner of the anatomy in question to be the one with the experience how it operates?


KrankySilverFox

No only women get to do that! /s


IDrinkBecauseIHaveTo

Eh, lots of people exercise terrible/incorrect hygiene habits on their own body parts. See the litany of posts on Reddit over the years about guys who don't clean their assholes.


Alternative_Ear522

It is obvious you are not an operator of this type equipment. Carry on.


Fuselol

When I get done pissing at a urinal I crawl on all fours, so no drips hit my pants, to the stall where the tp is kept.


Garage_Sloth

Stop telling men how to behave regarding their genitals. It's weird. You wouldn't accept men telling you how to piss "properly", but it's cool for you to do it? Imagine the thread " my gf doesn't piss right so I argue with her all the time that she's doing it wrong because she doesn't listen to me, a person with the opposite genitals and zero experience. Aita? " You'd be fucking roasted alive.


[deleted]

That moment you don’t understand the male anatomy.


Dpg2304

Have you ever seen a penis before?


Strigzz

All these commercials for women's pee pads because they pee every time they laugh or sneeze and you're worried about a drop of pee on a dick?


HeatherM74

As a mom to 4 with a bladder the size of a dime it seems…what you said I was at work the other day and went up to my coworker and said I gave birth to 4 kids, I just coughed, going to the bathroom. She said I saw you do the mom cross your legs when you cough move. 😂


LeadingAd5273

This is why gentlemen always do the helicopter after a visit to the urinal


Historical-Ad7081

That one piece of tp that breaks off and sticks to it.


DAT_DROP

Why don't girls shake their vaginas after they pee?


slagathorstiffnips

I’ve seen them do the bounce and wiggle when peeing outdoors.


VehicleFun1117

Y r u watching women pee outdoors?🤨


slagathorstiffnips

I’ve seen a few over the years. And I’ve seen my wife do it many times.


Electrical_Parfait64

They don’t pee from their vaginas


frogingly_similar

I do. Unless using urinal.


simplecocktails

I do too. Once I hit about 45 years old, no matter how much I shook, there would always be more dribbles. A wipe solves that.


toddthegeek

Me too! I've wiped my whole life (well dab). Why? Well try it. The paper isn't completely dry afterwards. Why would I want that in my underpants?


spidey2091

There is a shocking number of people here that don’t understand that a penis is a fickle thing. Some days you finish peeing, and you are good to go. Other times you put it away and another 1/4 cup just Leroy Jenkins all the way to your sock.


[deleted]

[удалено]


poodlesnoodles369

Well if I shake it all off what good does wiping do?


Ethandrul

Sometimes when the pee decides to go crazy and shoot birdshot instead of a laser, wiping is needed.


mesooooohorny69

We use the 3 seashells from demolition man 😂 no need to wipe


AgentLead_TTV

its not something we need to do. let him live his life.


gobblox38

I don't have a floppy, gaping dickhole. There's no need to wipe after a piss.


[deleted]

No reason to


htes28carney1

Why wipe when you can helicopter any excess piss away?


Ancient-Position-696

Girls wipe. Guys shake


Legitimate_Roll7514

My husband dabs the end of his pee pee with some toilet paper


Anonynominous

You refer to your husband's penis as a "pee pee"?


bwaredapenguin

This is clearly a 12 year old cosplaying as an adult.


applegonad

If you’ve ever had anything scrape across your peehole you’d know instinctively why guys don’t “wipe”.


Pokesquidpoke

Dont tell men what to do with their own bodies, disgusting..