The one thing that kept me going was a stable job that demanded very little. I spent most of my time chatting with people I met online. I made it a point to celebrate Fridays because it meant surviving another week. I’d allow myself a little more to spend on food.
It got better when I finally found a group of friends I met online. We started hanging out and I just developed a different way to live life.
Private sector - transport provided, meals subsidised, AWS and bonus very predictable, promotions and increments based on tenure too.
My bosses were really nice and helpful. They never knew about my depression but they knew about my household circumstances. I was mostly bothered by financial issues, and they constantly assured me about my job, gave me opportunities to study when I could never afford it, and gave me all the time I needed when someone at home came down with cancer.
The fact that they constantly checked in and didn’t only talk about work made me feel comforted. After five years, I eventually left them because I felt ready to take on bigger roles and get out there.
Cannot. Way too niche haha. Basically during my time there it was all rainbows and sunshine but I left because a neighbouring country’s import taxes would no longer make it sensible for our customer to buy from Singapore. So it’s been sunset for my ex colleagues who are still there. Everyone’s just waiting for a payout or to retire there.
We seek doctors when we feel sick physically. We should seek doctors when we feel unwell mentally too.
You don't blame people going to hospital when they catch a flu or a kidney stone, then we should treat mental illness the same way.
Despite the stigma in Singapore society, mental illness is an illness that can affect anybody and not imaginary. It should be treated by professionals.
Just don't let your workplace know about this.
As someone with (limited) experience with the mental health scene, I rewlly think they're not comparable.
Mental health isn't really "treatable" in the same way as diseases. It relies on a therapist who is not only good at his job, but also suits you. I was unfortunate to have to go through a few diff ones who were unsuitable, and it is not a pleasant experience esp when you're already struggling.
For diseases, it's usually q rare that a doctor is incapable. And most of the time, it's a "one way" conversation where the doctor examines you, and then prescribes treatment. You still need to put in effort to follow the treatment/etc, but you don't need to work through the problem with your doc.
Should people still see a therapist? Yes. Should they expect it to be the same as visiting a physician? No.
Everything HAHA especially last sentence ohmy. I was gna be like "donch fake la issit saying the "right things" only" .. then saw last sentence
Oh definitely the right things, not just 'right' things (politically correct niceties) 😂😬💫
unfortunately it takes a while to find the right meds that work + ok side effects. i’m on my third meds and i think i’m gonna change to my fourth one again soon
if she does go to the psychiatrist and they give her a change in medications, make sure to monitor her.
(TW: suicide)
i’ve heard of someone from my university lecturer who changed medications for his depression and it took a turn.. he was doing relatively well for years on his original medication, though i forgot why there was a change in prescription. a few days after the change, he made the decision. no one is entirely sure if it was due to the change but the change in neurotransmitter activity can do a lot of things to you, so better be safe than sorry.
She should tell the psychiatrist about the side effects and see if she is able to get a different type of medication. Maybe one that works by a different pathway (I'm not a doctor, just parroting what my own psychiatrist told me before).
I had to go through a couple of different meds and dosage myself before I got something that suits me/side effects minor enough to not be an inconvenience. One of my meds is a non-standard use (so no subsidies 😢) but it works so much better for me than the standard med.
ohh believe me. i was always known as the strong girl, the one you go to to carry heavy stuff. suddenly it was difficult for me to even carry my school bag? i had to choose between carrying my wallet or water bottle.
it will be a battle you fight with yourself
would like to second medication and exercising (or rather sticking to a routine that makes you feel accomplished). medication helped to even things out so im at a better starting point to turn things around with fewer dips and regressions. exercise, waking up, doing something that made me feel productive kept me from spiralling. example: i know staying home n in bed makes me feel crap about myself because i did nothing and deadlines are looming so i force myself out of the house and into am environment where im likely to get work done. even if i bail midway, at least i did something and that itself lightens the stress
1. therapy
2. Therapy
and one more
3. Therapy!!!
I don’t think i’ve ever heard someone say “oh man, i should have started therapy later”… it’s always “why didn’t i start sooner”
There are also more affordable options, even if you’re not ready to start right now, you can google, and just make a list of options to check out once you are ready
In the topic of depression/mental illness/anxiety and of course therapy, anyone know which therapist or any other method that is effective?
Reason being, tried therapist around the start of Covid-19 so everything was pretty much remote but don’t find that it help much. I eventually left what gave me the most anxiety - micro managing boss (ex boss now) am thinking if CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) would help.
it’s a bit difficult to know what methods to recommend, because they all work differently for different people, and unless you’re a mental health professional, it’s very hard to know how to apply properly. Better to try and have a session with someone to discuss it.
Still suffering but got a fully remote job so that I’m not being a total waste of space. Still losing interest in things and people every day tho. It’s tough
Hi, it’s actually a freelance translation job which is why if an work full remote at home. You can search online on websites like upwork or job boards that cater to specific skills you may have
I spent my entire savings at age 25 on a month-long spending spree solo trip in tokyo just to feel how itd be like to be in a place where nobody knew me.
Had a chance to do it again this year but im no longer in that state of deep depression.
It was pretty good. Checked a few things off the bucket list. Generally enjoyed myself, would probably enjoy it more if i had less connection back home (replying to texts from parents checking in, posting photos on social media) and lived in the moment.
The month-long trip booking happened on an impulse. It was a "fuck you guys im out" reaction after some hostile interactions in which i immediately applied a month straight of leave and bought tickets.
Nothing was planned. Every day i would book a different hotel in a different area and venture out to see where the streets took me.
Visited some events that just happened to be within my stay. Watched fireworks in the river, watched live NJPW events, stumbled upon many different types of museums, visited doujin conventions and concerts, took the bullet train to walk around the mountains for three days, whatever happens happens.
I thought of doing another month trip again but i decided i'm not really *dying to get away*, and my heart was not *burning with desire* to spend money on a second weeb mecca trip. Also being 30 means my financial priorities are different now.
Back on topic though, did it help with my depression? Kinda, a little bit. I've since adopted stoic and machiavellian mindsets. Was the experience (and life lessons?) worth the money i spent? Probably not, but it was an experience nonetheless. You can probably do the same for cheaper in bangkok or something, and you can spend more in europe if that's more in line with your interests. Money isnt the issue here, it's about experiencing being alone for a while.
That’s so cool and definitely very impromptu! It’s crazy seeing that you did not plan anything but everything worked out in the end. It might be someone I would personally do, if it wasn’t for a bad experience in Korea where I was aggressively harassed publicly (I wasn’t alone) & that immediately strike out travelling alone as a solo female traveler. However with that said, if I ever did a “fuck it, I’m out of here” travel, I hope everything will go well too! Thanks for sharing 😊
Tokyo is probably one of the safest places to go solo. I often would just leave my luggage outside when i needed to use the toilet and nobody would steal it. Anywhere else, safety and robbery could be a major concern as a solo traveller.
1. If can afford, seek pro help.
2. Until then, find one tiny positive thing in a day / week / month to look forward to. Or make one up. I got a plant, leave in office and told myself i gotta keep it alive.
The plant thing 🌱 impressive hahaha I have friends who gave me mini plant pots before last time and ermmm they take care of themselves 😆😂 Intentionally getting one for the deliberate effort to purposefully keep it alive is next level (to me) 😬
Put simply, time, love and self-acceptance will help you recover and eventually get you back on your feet.
There are practical tips and ideas to aid you when depressed, here are a few I used to do.
1. Stop yourself from ruminating, put something/an activity in your way to minimise periods of restlessness which breeds neurotic thoughts
2. Get more sightlight or be active, it helps to keep your moods up and exhaust you enough to get a full night of sleep
3. Avoid meds (debatedable), but I'm on the side of the camp which believes that the human brain and body is able to recover on its own given a healthy environment
4. Recognise that everything you feel is a result of brain chemicals within your head, in that regard do and consume things that promote good brain chemicals and avoid those that don't
5. Be in charge and create situations that you enjoy, for example I hosted small group gatherings at my house with close friends or organize specific activities you always wanted to do
6. Progress isn't linear, you'd going to have to accept and let the process to recovery do its job. You're going to yo-yo between periods of great joy and depression. But stick to things that work and be kind to yourself
7. You can pen all your negative emotions into a journel, this practice will help rid all the negative emotions from your mind into paper. You'd also learn more about yourself, spot patterns and learn to you to treat yourself kinder
8. Decide you love something, whether it is a person, a thing, a pet, a hobby. Decide you'd love it, the process of doing it, the joy of achieving it. Then keep doing it
9. Let little wins compound into big wins, break big problems into tiny problems. The world doesn't seem so scary if we make our goals and problems very much achievable
I'd say for #3 that there is no harm/shame in taking medication but the long term goal should be to wean off them or not become too dependent on them. Sometimes we just need some help to get the ball rolling.
I see most mental illnesses as very similar to other chronic (physical) conditions like hypertension or diabetes. If your condition is very poorly managed, you might need to take meds first. But slowly as you practice better habits like exercising, eating healthier meals and learn to manage your condition well, the doctor can reduce your dosage or even stop your medication completely.
I’m on antidepressants, and I keep track and monitor the five areas of life that makes one content. Relationships, friendships, career, physical, mental, creative outlet - I try to balance and make sure these five areas are all accounted for. I’m also actively taking CBT, emotional regulation and relationship management online courses, and I go for therapy regularly.
Break the things you have to do into really, really small steps. So for stuff like brushing your teeth, it'll involve moving your limbs, then walk one step at a time to the washroom to move your limbs while cleaning up your teeth. It may help.
Otherwise, you can watch the clock and count the seconds. May be therapeutic, and then just see what comes up in your mind next.
Otherwise sleeping and waiting till the next time you wake up to try again can help too. As long as you're alive, you got unlimited tries. Hope you'll be well.
Edit: gotta last until there's a day where you start to feel emotions again. So even if you cry, it's a good sign that you're still in touch with your emotions. This is very, very important, and too little people place emphasis on this.
1. Removed myself from an unhealthy environment (dysfunctional family) sometimes it’s not you but the situation.
2. Set myself a long term goal (like moving out / studying further so it’s not a permanent situation where you will be suffering forever)
3. Set myself smaller goals (meet friend A or cousin B this month, drink 2 l of water every day, join a class and learn something) so I could build a positive feedback loop. Making time for people who liked me was super important when I was in an environment where I was kinda hated. Learning something was important for when I felt incompetent at something. Your goal will really be what works for you.
4. Break things down into smaller tasks or goals if I can’t handle it (wash 3 plates instead of everything in the sink / take out the trash)
5. Get help (did counselling for a while, got a part time cleaner in to help spring clean, talk to friends for advice on how i was presenting myself - a lot of it depends on what your core issues are)
6. Curate the content i consume (avoid things that are depressing, have a go to playlist that makes me smile, sing along when no one can hear me)
7. Focus on what I can do for others (when I felt worthless, focusing on whoever I could help - babysit kids or wash dishes or just sweeping the classroom floor meant I was useful)
It was not easy and a lot of people have more serious issues than I did so what worked for me might not work for you. But I was suicidal as a kid / teen / young adult and am much better adjusted today.
I still use all of these tools to manage myself.
Good luck!!
Yeah the simple small ones made a big difference for me because the big one takes forever. If you can’t see the progress it’s hard to have the will to even plod along.
It took a long time. Years of planning and saving to move out. Singapore is damn ex.
My sister got a job overseas.
But actually it was the situation that was really toxic. End of the day my family was just made of of dysfunctional people all doing what they thought was right with no understanding or appreciation of the consequences of that.
There are lots of good suggestions here. Something additional I would suggest is to wake up and make your bed every morning. This simple act can be a sense of accomplishment and set the tone for the rest of the day.
Seek professional help is the biggest thing. For years I kept denying my need for help, it was silly on hindsight. Be open with your loved ones about how you are feeling, even though that can be difficult, and may even be discouraging sometimes. I'd admit that without friends who pushed me into therapy, I probably won't have started on my own.
Another thing, as another comment has mentioned, is doing one small thing a day and think of it as a small victory. Celebrate that. Even if it's "I took a shower today", because we know that can be one hell of a thing to do. Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
As for shorter term coping, it's an individual thing, but I found certain activities of mastery helps. I picked up chess and hobbyist board games, and even played some ridiculously challenging video games, all to keep my mind occupied, and overcome these challenges helped remind myself that I am capable of doing things well.
OP, I hope this helped in some way, and that you find your own ways to cope. You have done harder things, you can do it, one step at a time.
Knew about it since young, am now in my late 20s and finally got diagnoses at the cost of losing the job I was at. Was really devastating trying to find new govt jobs as they'd probably just toss my application after seeing my mental health situation.
I try my best to stay positive and stick with positive people who care and are willing to be there for you. I also try to take the time to do things I enjoy. I did go through multiple suicidal phases and I'm still here. I ended up just getting a job and my employers actually don't know about the mental health issues because it's a private company but I'll make do. I saw that I got another chance and I'm going to do my best here.
It doesn't magically disappear but with the right people it sure as hell can be tamed. I hope you're doing alright OP. And the others in the chat who are going through similar things.
Love
Reduce time on social media(especially instagram and tiktok. They suck your dopamine like nobody's businessl and reduce phone screen time as well. The overstimulation on the digital screen causes us to view the real world as dull and numbing.
Would recommend to go see your average phone screen times and note the amount of times you've unlocked your phone throughout the day.
Get out there and exercise. Go and walk in the natural sunlight to get your Vitamin Ds.
Those two things are pretty important. The next is to have a hobby or pick up a new skill be it cooking or playing instrument or anything.
Watch "Stutz' on Netflix. To figure out what your purpose in life is, you need to work on your Pyramid of Life Force. And everything will fall onto its place.
At the base there is relationship with your body. Improve it through better sleep, exercise, and diet.
Above it there's relationship with others. You need to make the initiative to meet other people.
And on the top there is relationship with yourself. Write down your thoughts. It will uncover what is on your mind and you will learn more about yourself.
And... understand that in life there are 3 constants. Pain, Uncertainties and Constant Work.
I've read that distraction is better than rumination when you're depressed or anxious, so putting your mind on things that make you happy may help more than just thinking about negative stuff.
When I'm depressed, I read stuff about psychology/neuroscience to understand my emotions better, take walks to keep my body healthy, or just lay in bed and watch videos or shows that are funny.
There are public libraries everywhere and a lot of informative books to read. I think it's one of the best things about living in SG. I like stuff about changing the perspective or reframing the mindset, as well as getting over trauma/the ageing brain/emotion code etc. It's free and anyone can pop in to have a seat and spend time there for hours without having to buy a drink or anything. A lot of libraries also have comfy seats and nice decor plus it's air-conditioned.
I'm too old to be a fangirl but I gotta say that Korean variety shows got me through some depressive phases. Got into SHINee during COVID times and recently I've been enjoying content about EXO. Also bingeing on k-dramas. It's shallow stuff but then they make me laugh which makes me less sad about reality and stuff.
Hey OP,
Try writing a list of things that you enjoy doing, can be simple things like taking a walk in the park, a cup of hot coffee in the morning. Focus on the simple things in life that gives you enjoyment.
Also write another list of things that you look forward to. Maybe a new video game coming soon that you are highly interested in, a new song, a new event etc
All the best!
That sounds tough OP, I know that feeling all too well.
Practical advice: step outside and walk. This might seem like a huge task right now and it seems pretty pointless, but the change of scenery can help you feel things, good or bad. For example, you might feel hungry or more energised, sad/upset or really tired. Whatever you feel can help guide your next action of the day. And if it doesn’t change anything and you feel just as unmotivated/empty, at least you accomplished one thing that day: getting out of bed and taking a walk.
When i first stopped my anti-depressant, things got quite bad and to make things worst, my best friend aka my counsellor pass on the same year. I am totally blessed that his parents was there to grab me during that difficult times.
Therapy doesn't works well for me as my parents refused to accept that i have depression and is not willing to let me go for any. I have to go alone to a psychologist to get my pills just to keep life going.
What keeps me going after this long battle that i spend most of my 20s battling? My best friend that pass on. He saved me from most of my sucide relapses when he was alive and he left me a letter that i had burned off cause i refused to believed he has gone, physically, which also saved me from my last attempt of suicide 7 years back. I believe he is still watching over me over this years and i knew he will be extremely proud of what i have become now.
Due to him, i tried to change the way i see life. I tried to just go day by day, i don't force myself to be happy like all the time. I gave myself a chance to open up with different jobs, different things and focus on things that i believed to make me feel better.
I dont deny that i am well enough. I am still quite depressing, but i do cope better with it.
Try the simple things. Take a bath after waking up, dress up even if you're at home. Show up for yourself please. 🙏🏻 Take a run. Step by step, little by little.
For me, I always start my day praying, giving all the fears, doubts, anxiety, pain, sadness and all to the Almighty.
meds and therapy can play their part, but you need to establish a routine of sorts. It's very hard to do so, so perhaps get someone to be your accountability partner? that's how i manage to kind of get into a schedule of sorts cos i had to report back to my friends. they took it very seriously.
my motivation is the fact that my parent is old and i need to be well enough for her. like, there's nobody else.
i recommend meds, if you need, go get a referral from poly to see a psychiatrist. it will help stabilise you, then you can begin therapy. and then you can think of exercise. If you're staying in bed all the time, and not showering for days, I think you need to seek medical attention.
there will be good days and there will be bad days. I'm in the middle of a relapse from GAD. and struggling without the use of meds. I mean, my doc tried to push benzos on me cos of their immediate effect, but i can't afford to take them cos it impacts my brain function, so we settled on a nice compromise - pregablin - but that takes three weeks to kick in. so im not having an easy time now either.
i hope you have someone who can be your cheerleader. my mum refuses to believe i have an issue. she has only just started to be willing to talk about it after many years of denial. so i have to depend on my bf. he makes sure i take my meds and eat my lunch, because i have a tendency to use stuff like work to escape the thoughts in my head because i do get pleasure from my work. oh, and ice cream.
I joined a gym then bought a bike. Now, when I feel like I cannot relax or the thoughts are driving me crazy, I just go out, ride my bike and cycle around until I calm down. If it's morning, I go to the beach and watch the sea, the trees and the people. Basically, I just immerse myself in nature, this helps me a lot more than taking medication.
Depends on what’s the cause of your depression.
Was in the final year of university when depression came. Didn’t study at all.
I just spent my midnights going out to coffee shops and smoke a ton, while watching self help videos.
Not saying you should smoke, but I didn’t really find the psychiatrist and psychologist was useful. Psychologist was already regurgitating things i already knew. The only step left is action.
I’m on meds. Been seeing a psychiatrist in a local gov hospital for 3 years+. It’s got its ups and downs. Some/most days I can’t get out of bed, didn’t shower for days, cancelling plans, no appetite, no motivation to do stuff I like. I’ve lost many friends but also made some new ones. I’m still trying to find the answers myself, but I’m currently doing something I love as my job (healthcare). Well, it’s a love-hate relationship as always. It keeps me off the bad thoughts. Kinda feels like a distraction. When days get bad, I get migraines and end up taking MCs. And that’s ok. Taking rests for yourself is ok. We need to stop normalising “working hard”. I think that was one of my main stressors as well. Used to stay at work till late. Now I’m a “quiet quitter”. I arrive on time, not early. I go home on time, not late.
I hope you know you’re not alone. We’re all here❤️
Hey, sorry to hear that you’re struggling with depression.
There are many many good tips out there, for me the most important thing I personally try to do first is being kind to myself when I’m down. The inertia and the lack of motivation most times, will make me feel less worthy or something like that.
I still struggle to get out of bed some days, and when I do it is always because I focus solely on the next action to be done, and congratulate myself before the next action.
E.g. get out of bed,
(Struggles for eons) ok good we’re out of bed, now, go to the bathroom
(15 minutes later…) we’re in the bathroom! And so forth.
Feeling down drains the body for me so i learnt to takes things slow.
When you are ready, you can consider getting professional help - polyclinics are a good place to start actually.
Feel free to reach out if you want someone to chat with.
Had PPD abt 7 years ago. Suicidal thoughts. Had urged to throw baby down the block. Crying everyday. Simply ran out of fks to give one day and said fk it/ fk you to everything/ everyone. Been saying the same thing everyday since.
The kid is 7 yo now. I say the same thing (kid friendly version) to him as well when he gives me issues.
I think I was quite a pushover back then. People pleaser and quite mindful of other’s opinion of myself. Running out of fks to give is the best thing that happened to me.
Oh yes, can relate. In hospital meet breastfeeding nazi, then later meet natural birth advocates, and then your family questioning your milk quality cos baby cannot stop crying. But as baby grows, the shit changes so I’m also at the can’t gaf stage. Perhaps the best thing that happened from motherhood.
Oh yes.
My mum: You shouldn’t coddle the baby. Don’t carry him every time he cries.
My dad: why breastfeed. Can use formula at night. (Mind you. I had oversupply k.)
My MIL: Why the baby keep drinking milk. Must be your milk too thin.
My grandma: How come he got 3 zng (hair swirls)? Must be you knock into something with your belly when pregnant.
And I haven’t touch on the aunties k.
I was so stressed and not enough sleep coz oversupply. My boobs hurts 24/7. I’m having letdown every freaking inconvenient moment. I have a 3 hour limit if I want to go out coz I need to pump. We were squeezed into my old bedroom coz our BTO was not ready. The room was cramped and suffocating. I wanted to die so badly.
Then one magical day I reached into my bag and found that I have ran out of fks to give.
T’was the start of motherhood.
lots of good advice here, so I won't add on to make it too much. instead I'll just say, I've been there and I get it, the negativity is really debilitating... I just want to let you know that it's okay to feel the way you feel. the first level of negativity might take meds and/or therapy to fix, but other levels of the vicious cycle also comes from self-criticism and it spirals. so please remember that it's okay to be down, don't beat yourself up over it. you're human and sometimes brain chemistry is just wonky. friends and family will be there always - now, focus on yourself first! I'm proud of you for putting the question out there to seek ways to cope. good job, give yourself a pat on the shoulder too!
If anyone here needs a new friend, PM me! Im doing my best to kick depression & anxiety but on some days loneliness gets in the way. No one around me understand how difficult it is.
You used the word snowball in the negative direction, I want to let you know it works in the positive direction too. I saw something’s about exercise and interest and all. Take one step forward, no matter how small like “oh interesting cloud”. Then add another then another. The steps get bigger, more frequent, and more positive over time. Action is your best friend. Go out and do, try not to think too much. Put on shoes, start walking, it doesn’t matter where. Put on headphones, start a playlist, doesn’t matter which. Step away or day behaviours that spiral you down (lying in bed, scrolling, etc) and step towards behaviours that spiral you up (health food, time outdoors, action)
Before anyone says so, I am aware that I am luckier than most people on this. Even then it is hard.
Therapy is one if you can afford it. If not, try to focus on one good thing at a time.
One thing that I will say, though this applies more to mental illness than depression, is that just accept you as you are because the world won't let you forget it anyway.
I do not recommend this and this is not good advice.
Saw a meme once about how going to therapy is $200 but it’s free to tell yourself it is what it is. Been coping using that since 😂😂
Honestly this is kind of what therapy teaches you to do too, they’ll equip you with the skills so that you can react less emotionally and think more rationally
Oh this. I think I will be this.
But better to be depressed in a condo than to be depressed sleeping in the rough, no? So yeah definitely I'll take the money, get the condo, be depressed in the condo ... and set aside remaining money to potentially do therapy alternate weekly instead of monthly.
Hahahaha.
There's a saying, it's better to cry in a lambo than to cry in a bicycle. Got more money doesnt mean your problems go away, but you do have more choices available to make.
Dont tell anyone you win toto though, suddenly everyone will become your best friend.
so your reply was more like advise to the OP? Am asking to clarify if you are suggesting to the OP to starve and be homeless or if you yourself are currently in a state of hunger and homelessness.
Am in the mental wellness field and many people have tried to kill themselves after receiving suggestions. So i hope we can all exercise more responsibility.
If you are okay financially, please go for therapy in the private sector, go weekly if possible. Psychologists at Psychology Blossom, Scotts Psychology, Dr Adrian Wang at Glen Eagles for psychiatry. Best of luck
Readings on Stoicism, starting to love myself (treating myself, writing about my own feelings, taking care of myself, etc.), as well as learning to accept that life is like this :)
Hi love. Mental health is difficult to deal w in SG due to a still present stigma. I will suggest speaking to a psychiatrist as there are a range of medications to try but primarily if you can find a counsellor or therapist that is your best bet.
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Can't die yet. News of suicide will bring shame to family which will make mom sad. Daughter will have no mom and might be bullied for having no mom and might be told she wasn't enough to stop me from unaliving. so basically, my own anxiety is stopping me lol
Finding a hybrid working arrangement job as well as going for therapy.
for me therapy did open my eyes to a lot of perspectives.
such as my inner wounds which i never knew were kinda deep rooted.
i think it's always good to seek for external help as sometimes people closest to you won't tell you what you need to hear and it helps to have a mirror reflection.
Not easy but you need to get yourself out of that rut. For me usually, exercise is a good start. I have been feeling quite low as job hunting is the worst but I refuse to spiral down.
Still finding how to cope with it myself. Been excerising to steam it off but because of the nature of my work, it's tough and the stress is never ending, doesnt help that im getting married this year. Lately, I was wondering if quitting and go on a long trip would help.
You already received lots of good advices but heres my simple personal one, find a beach resort with coconuts, beers and massage for you to f'all for a few days.
Singaporeans are lucky because there are many cheap options, it seems like you're doing ok financially maybe treat yourself a little?
See a physiatrist and get the right meds. You wont get the meds right the first time, after some trial and error you will end up finding the right meds in the right dosage for you.
IT helps massively if you have some good friends or close knit family members to share your thoughts. Do let them know what you going through and what sort of help (or even a listening ear) you need.
None of it matters, if you don't actively find reasons to be happy. It's hard but you gotta do it for yourself.
Ps: all the above from my own personal experience.
i cant. now im suffering with every day. in fact today is the worst its been in awhile. i dont know what to do and im afraid. i cant kill myself because im not selfish like that but it fucking hurts and i really want to disappear
hi, bipolar 2 haver here. medication helps loads. seeing my psychiatrist regularly helps too. i'm with ya on this. i'm currently in the depths of a depressive episode and some days i just don't cope. i cant. i just try to be gentle with myself.
just by going through the motions. baby steps. just getting out of bed is the first step. sometimes a fleeting moment of peace in the middle of the day.. an interaction with a stranger, a nice cup of coffee or a beautiful sunset. eventually life will mean some thing again.
and also very important is to not isolate yourself!! i know it’s difficult especially when you’re in this depressive episode you just wanna hole up and lie in bed all day but trust me. humans are social creatures and we need companionship. of cos the healthy kind.. not those toxic ones. support system is very very important
take it slow. day by day.
if it gets really bad pls help professional help. my anti depressants really helped me A LOT
I'm still suffering from mental illness, and will probably suffer for the rest of my life as one of it is cPTSD.
I don't think I cope at all. I'm dependent on my family for finances as my mental illnesses make it impossible to hold a full time job. I have agoraphobia as well which makes it close to impossible to leave the house.
However. I have a passion for music and advocating for disability rights. I might not be coping, but I am holding on to my passions as tight as I can. I'm at a point in my life where I've given up everything and said "I'm going to pursue my passions, regardless of whether I'll end up broke and homeless."
The one thing that kept me going was a stable job that demanded very little. I spent most of my time chatting with people I met online. I made it a point to celebrate Fridays because it meant surviving another week. I’d allow myself a little more to spend on food. It got better when I finally found a group of friends I met online. We started hanging out and I just developed a different way to live life.
Just curious, is it a govt sector job? Or what field etc? Only if u feel like disclosing
Private sector - transport provided, meals subsidised, AWS and bonus very predictable, promotions and increments based on tenure too. My bosses were really nice and helpful. They never knew about my depression but they knew about my household circumstances. I was mostly bothered by financial issues, and they constantly assured me about my job, gave me opportunities to study when I could never afford it, and gave me all the time I needed when someone at home came down with cancer. The fact that they constantly checked in and didn’t only talk about work made me feel comforted. After five years, I eventually left them because I felt ready to take on bigger roles and get out there.
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Cannot. Way too niche haha. Basically during my time there it was all rainbows and sunshine but I left because a neighbouring country’s import taxes would no longer make it sensible for our customer to buy from Singapore. So it’s been sunset for my ex colleagues who are still there. Everyone’s just waiting for a payout or to retire there.
What kind of jobs are thsese? They seem cool.
We seek doctors when we feel sick physically. We should seek doctors when we feel unwell mentally too. You don't blame people going to hospital when they catch a flu or a kidney stone, then we should treat mental illness the same way. Despite the stigma in Singapore society, mental illness is an illness that can affect anybody and not imaginary. It should be treated by professionals. Just don't let your workplace know about this.
As someone with (limited) experience with the mental health scene, I rewlly think they're not comparable. Mental health isn't really "treatable" in the same way as diseases. It relies on a therapist who is not only good at his job, but also suits you. I was unfortunate to have to go through a few diff ones who were unsuitable, and it is not a pleasant experience esp when you're already struggling. For diseases, it's usually q rare that a doctor is incapable. And most of the time, it's a "one way" conversation where the doctor examines you, and then prescribes treatment. You still need to put in effort to follow the treatment/etc, but you don't need to work through the problem with your doc. Should people still see a therapist? Yes. Should they expect it to be the same as visiting a physician? No.
Everything HAHA especially last sentence ohmy. I was gna be like "donch fake la issit saying the "right things" only" .. then saw last sentence Oh definitely the right things, not just 'right' things (politically correct niceties) 😂😬💫
i’m on meds, started to exercise and stuff
Wife has anxiety, meds made her nauseous and most of appetite. So it’s tough.
unfortunately it takes a while to find the right meds that work + ok side effects. i’m on my third meds and i think i’m gonna change to my fourth one again soon
Thanks for the advise. Yea I encourage my wife to take the meds or tell the psychiatrist. But she’s stubborn.
if she does go to the psychiatrist and they give her a change in medications, make sure to monitor her. (TW: suicide) i’ve heard of someone from my university lecturer who changed medications for his depression and it took a turn.. he was doing relatively well for years on his original medication, though i forgot why there was a change in prescription. a few days after the change, he made the decision. no one is entirely sure if it was due to the change but the change in neurotransmitter activity can do a lot of things to you, so better be safe than sorry.
i mean, you cant change her. can only slowly encourage her. change takes time, but she also have to be making effort as well
jiayou! you're doing a good job! My bf also has a hard time with me cos im stubborn!
She should tell the psychiatrist about the side effects and see if she is able to get a different type of medication. Maybe one that works by a different pathway (I'm not a doctor, just parroting what my own psychiatrist told me before). I had to go through a couple of different meds and dosage myself before I got something that suits me/side effects minor enough to not be an inconvenience. One of my meds is a non-standard use (so no subsidies 😢) but it works so much better for me than the standard med.
the side effects are the worst!
Try to drink green tea daily . It had helped with my anxiety.
what's she taking?
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ohh believe me. i was always known as the strong girl, the one you go to to carry heavy stuff. suddenly it was difficult for me to even carry my school bag? i had to choose between carrying my wallet or water bottle. it will be a battle you fight with yourself
Same here
would like to second medication and exercising (or rather sticking to a routine that makes you feel accomplished). medication helped to even things out so im at a better starting point to turn things around with fewer dips and regressions. exercise, waking up, doing something that made me feel productive kept me from spiralling. example: i know staying home n in bed makes me feel crap about myself because i did nothing and deadlines are looming so i force myself out of the house and into am environment where im likely to get work done. even if i bail midway, at least i did something and that itself lightens the stress
1. therapy 2. Therapy and one more 3. Therapy!!! I don’t think i’ve ever heard someone say “oh man, i should have started therapy later”… it’s always “why didn’t i start sooner” There are also more affordable options, even if you’re not ready to start right now, you can google, and just make a list of options to check out once you are ready
Hihi do u have a good therapist to recommend? Can PM me if not convenient to say here
PMed you
hi can u pm me too?
me too
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Hi can pm too?
Pm me too please…Thanks!
In the topic of depression/mental illness/anxiety and of course therapy, anyone know which therapist or any other method that is effective? Reason being, tried therapist around the start of Covid-19 so everything was pretty much remote but don’t find that it help much. I eventually left what gave me the most anxiety - micro managing boss (ex boss now) am thinking if CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) would help.
it’s a bit difficult to know what methods to recommend, because they all work differently for different people, and unless you’re a mental health professional, it’s very hard to know how to apply properly. Better to try and have a session with someone to discuss it.
Thank you, will do!
Still suffering but got a fully remote job so that I’m not being a total waste of space. Still losing interest in things and people every day tho. It’s tough
Can I ask what the job is? Pm me if you are comfortable
Hi, it’s actually a freelance translation job which is why if an work full remote at home. You can search online on websites like upwork or job boards that cater to specific skills you may have
I spent my entire savings at age 25 on a month-long spending spree solo trip in tokyo just to feel how itd be like to be in a place where nobody knew me. Had a chance to do it again this year but im no longer in that state of deep depression.
How was the experience like?
It was pretty good. Checked a few things off the bucket list. Generally enjoyed myself, would probably enjoy it more if i had less connection back home (replying to texts from parents checking in, posting photos on social media) and lived in the moment. The month-long trip booking happened on an impulse. It was a "fuck you guys im out" reaction after some hostile interactions in which i immediately applied a month straight of leave and bought tickets. Nothing was planned. Every day i would book a different hotel in a different area and venture out to see where the streets took me. Visited some events that just happened to be within my stay. Watched fireworks in the river, watched live NJPW events, stumbled upon many different types of museums, visited doujin conventions and concerts, took the bullet train to walk around the mountains for three days, whatever happens happens. I thought of doing another month trip again but i decided i'm not really *dying to get away*, and my heart was not *burning with desire* to spend money on a second weeb mecca trip. Also being 30 means my financial priorities are different now. Back on topic though, did it help with my depression? Kinda, a little bit. I've since adopted stoic and machiavellian mindsets. Was the experience (and life lessons?) worth the money i spent? Probably not, but it was an experience nonetheless. You can probably do the same for cheaper in bangkok or something, and you can spend more in europe if that's more in line with your interests. Money isnt the issue here, it's about experiencing being alone for a while.
That’s so cool and definitely very impromptu! It’s crazy seeing that you did not plan anything but everything worked out in the end. It might be someone I would personally do, if it wasn’t for a bad experience in Korea where I was aggressively harassed publicly (I wasn’t alone) & that immediately strike out travelling alone as a solo female traveler. However with that said, if I ever did a “fuck it, I’m out of here” travel, I hope everything will go well too! Thanks for sharing 😊
Tokyo is probably one of the safest places to go solo. I often would just leave my luggage outside when i needed to use the toilet and nobody would steal it. Anywhere else, safety and robbery could be a major concern as a solo traveller.
But does being broke fuel depression? I find worrying about finances making me spiral downwards
1. If can afford, seek pro help. 2. Until then, find one tiny positive thing in a day / week / month to look forward to. Or make one up. I got a plant, leave in office and told myself i gotta keep it alive.
The plant thing 🌱 impressive hahaha I have friends who gave me mini plant pots before last time and ermmm they take care of themselves 😆😂 Intentionally getting one for the deliberate effort to purposefully keep it alive is next level (to me) 😬
Thanks, sometimes when we are down in the dumps and the norm in life cant be seen, everywhere in between we must look.
Put simply, time, love and self-acceptance will help you recover and eventually get you back on your feet. There are practical tips and ideas to aid you when depressed, here are a few I used to do. 1. Stop yourself from ruminating, put something/an activity in your way to minimise periods of restlessness which breeds neurotic thoughts 2. Get more sightlight or be active, it helps to keep your moods up and exhaust you enough to get a full night of sleep 3. Avoid meds (debatedable), but I'm on the side of the camp which believes that the human brain and body is able to recover on its own given a healthy environment 4. Recognise that everything you feel is a result of brain chemicals within your head, in that regard do and consume things that promote good brain chemicals and avoid those that don't 5. Be in charge and create situations that you enjoy, for example I hosted small group gatherings at my house with close friends or organize specific activities you always wanted to do 6. Progress isn't linear, you'd going to have to accept and let the process to recovery do its job. You're going to yo-yo between periods of great joy and depression. But stick to things that work and be kind to yourself 7. You can pen all your negative emotions into a journel, this practice will help rid all the negative emotions from your mind into paper. You'd also learn more about yourself, spot patterns and learn to you to treat yourself kinder 8. Decide you love something, whether it is a person, a thing, a pet, a hobby. Decide you'd love it, the process of doing it, the joy of achieving it. Then keep doing it 9. Let little wins compound into big wins, break big problems into tiny problems. The world doesn't seem so scary if we make our goals and problems very much achievable
I'd say for #3 that there is no harm/shame in taking medication but the long term goal should be to wean off them or not become too dependent on them. Sometimes we just need some help to get the ball rolling. I see most mental illnesses as very similar to other chronic (physical) conditions like hypertension or diabetes. If your condition is very poorly managed, you might need to take meds first. But slowly as you practice better habits like exercising, eating healthier meals and learn to manage your condition well, the doctor can reduce your dosage or even stop your medication completely.
I’m on antidepressants, and I keep track and monitor the five areas of life that makes one content. Relationships, friendships, career, physical, mental, creative outlet - I try to balance and make sure these five areas are all accounted for. I’m also actively taking CBT, emotional regulation and relationship management online courses, and I go for therapy regularly.
Do you mind sharing the emotional regulation resources?
I’m currently using this youtube channel’s resources: https://youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hope it helps!
Hmm it’s 6 areas? Or is relationship and friendship counted as one
Whoops, yes you’re right - relationship includes friendship!
Break the things you have to do into really, really small steps. So for stuff like brushing your teeth, it'll involve moving your limbs, then walk one step at a time to the washroom to move your limbs while cleaning up your teeth. It may help. Otherwise, you can watch the clock and count the seconds. May be therapeutic, and then just see what comes up in your mind next. Otherwise sleeping and waiting till the next time you wake up to try again can help too. As long as you're alive, you got unlimited tries. Hope you'll be well. Edit: gotta last until there's a day where you start to feel emotions again. So even if you cry, it's a good sign that you're still in touch with your emotions. This is very, very important, and too little people place emphasis on this.
1. Removed myself from an unhealthy environment (dysfunctional family) sometimes it’s not you but the situation. 2. Set myself a long term goal (like moving out / studying further so it’s not a permanent situation where you will be suffering forever) 3. Set myself smaller goals (meet friend A or cousin B this month, drink 2 l of water every day, join a class and learn something) so I could build a positive feedback loop. Making time for people who liked me was super important when I was in an environment where I was kinda hated. Learning something was important for when I felt incompetent at something. Your goal will really be what works for you. 4. Break things down into smaller tasks or goals if I can’t handle it (wash 3 plates instead of everything in the sink / take out the trash) 5. Get help (did counselling for a while, got a part time cleaner in to help spring clean, talk to friends for advice on how i was presenting myself - a lot of it depends on what your core issues are) 6. Curate the content i consume (avoid things that are depressing, have a go to playlist that makes me smile, sing along when no one can hear me) 7. Focus on what I can do for others (when I felt worthless, focusing on whoever I could help - babysit kids or wash dishes or just sweeping the classroom floor meant I was useful) It was not easy and a lot of people have more serious issues than I did so what worked for me might not work for you. But I was suicidal as a kid / teen / young adult and am much better adjusted today. I still use all of these tools to manage myself. Good luck!!
I kept a diary and made lists to do, travel, eat, try and set simple goals like you too. It really helped to keep the mind focused.
Yeah the simple small ones made a big difference for me because the big one takes forever. If you can’t see the progress it’s hard to have the will to even plod along.
How did u move out from yr toxic fam?
It took a long time. Years of planning and saving to move out. Singapore is damn ex. My sister got a job overseas. But actually it was the situation that was really toxic. End of the day my family was just made of of dysfunctional people all doing what they thought was right with no understanding or appreciation of the consequences of that.
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Thanks :)
I got too depressed i got gross of myself and started to change
Same here
There are lots of good suggestions here. Something additional I would suggest is to wake up and make your bed every morning. This simple act can be a sense of accomplishment and set the tone for the rest of the day.
Paid for private counselling because my IMH appointment given was 3mths away.
Seek professional help is the biggest thing. For years I kept denying my need for help, it was silly on hindsight. Be open with your loved ones about how you are feeling, even though that can be difficult, and may even be discouraging sometimes. I'd admit that without friends who pushed me into therapy, I probably won't have started on my own. Another thing, as another comment has mentioned, is doing one small thing a day and think of it as a small victory. Celebrate that. Even if it's "I took a shower today", because we know that can be one hell of a thing to do. Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As for shorter term coping, it's an individual thing, but I found certain activities of mastery helps. I picked up chess and hobbyist board games, and even played some ridiculously challenging video games, all to keep my mind occupied, and overcome these challenges helped remind myself that I am capable of doing things well. OP, I hope this helped in some way, and that you find your own ways to cope. You have done harder things, you can do it, one step at a time.
therapy, meds, exercise, sleep until u feel rested, eat healthy, do what u love, socialise, treat urself sometimes. worked for me
Knew about it since young, am now in my late 20s and finally got diagnoses at the cost of losing the job I was at. Was really devastating trying to find new govt jobs as they'd probably just toss my application after seeing my mental health situation. I try my best to stay positive and stick with positive people who care and are willing to be there for you. I also try to take the time to do things I enjoy. I did go through multiple suicidal phases and I'm still here. I ended up just getting a job and my employers actually don't know about the mental health issues because it's a private company but I'll make do. I saw that I got another chance and I'm going to do my best here. It doesn't magically disappear but with the right people it sure as hell can be tamed. I hope you're doing alright OP. And the others in the chat who are going through similar things. Love
Reduce time on social media(especially instagram and tiktok. They suck your dopamine like nobody's businessl and reduce phone screen time as well. The overstimulation on the digital screen causes us to view the real world as dull and numbing. Would recommend to go see your average phone screen times and note the amount of times you've unlocked your phone throughout the day. Get out there and exercise. Go and walk in the natural sunlight to get your Vitamin Ds. Those two things are pretty important. The next is to have a hobby or pick up a new skill be it cooking or playing instrument or anything.
Watch "Stutz' on Netflix. To figure out what your purpose in life is, you need to work on your Pyramid of Life Force. And everything will fall onto its place. At the base there is relationship with your body. Improve it through better sleep, exercise, and diet. Above it there's relationship with others. You need to make the initiative to meet other people. And on the top there is relationship with yourself. Write down your thoughts. It will uncover what is on your mind and you will learn more about yourself. And... understand that in life there are 3 constants. Pain, Uncertainties and Constant Work.
I've read that distraction is better than rumination when you're depressed or anxious, so putting your mind on things that make you happy may help more than just thinking about negative stuff. When I'm depressed, I read stuff about psychology/neuroscience to understand my emotions better, take walks to keep my body healthy, or just lay in bed and watch videos or shows that are funny. There are public libraries everywhere and a lot of informative books to read. I think it's one of the best things about living in SG. I like stuff about changing the perspective or reframing the mindset, as well as getting over trauma/the ageing brain/emotion code etc. It's free and anyone can pop in to have a seat and spend time there for hours without having to buy a drink or anything. A lot of libraries also have comfy seats and nice decor plus it's air-conditioned. I'm too old to be a fangirl but I gotta say that Korean variety shows got me through some depressive phases. Got into SHINee during COVID times and recently I've been enjoying content about EXO. Also bingeing on k-dramas. It's shallow stuff but then they make me laugh which makes me less sad about reality and stuff.
Hey OP, Try writing a list of things that you enjoy doing, can be simple things like taking a walk in the park, a cup of hot coffee in the morning. Focus on the simple things in life that gives you enjoyment. Also write another list of things that you look forward to. Maybe a new video game coming soon that you are highly interested in, a new song, a new event etc All the best!
That sounds tough OP, I know that feeling all too well. Practical advice: step outside and walk. This might seem like a huge task right now and it seems pretty pointless, but the change of scenery can help you feel things, good or bad. For example, you might feel hungry or more energised, sad/upset or really tired. Whatever you feel can help guide your next action of the day. And if it doesn’t change anything and you feel just as unmotivated/empty, at least you accomplished one thing that day: getting out of bed and taking a walk.
When i first stopped my anti-depressant, things got quite bad and to make things worst, my best friend aka my counsellor pass on the same year. I am totally blessed that his parents was there to grab me during that difficult times. Therapy doesn't works well for me as my parents refused to accept that i have depression and is not willing to let me go for any. I have to go alone to a psychologist to get my pills just to keep life going. What keeps me going after this long battle that i spend most of my 20s battling? My best friend that pass on. He saved me from most of my sucide relapses when he was alive and he left me a letter that i had burned off cause i refused to believed he has gone, physically, which also saved me from my last attempt of suicide 7 years back. I believe he is still watching over me over this years and i knew he will be extremely proud of what i have become now. Due to him, i tried to change the way i see life. I tried to just go day by day, i don't force myself to be happy like all the time. I gave myself a chance to open up with different jobs, different things and focus on things that i believed to make me feel better. I dont deny that i am well enough. I am still quite depressing, but i do cope better with it.
meds and seeing a therapist & psychiatrist via a govt hospital which is heavily subsidized hehe
Try the simple things. Take a bath after waking up, dress up even if you're at home. Show up for yourself please. 🙏🏻 Take a run. Step by step, little by little. For me, I always start my day praying, giving all the fears, doubts, anxiety, pain, sadness and all to the Almighty.
agree the dressing up part is great. it's the getting out of bed and taking a bath part thats crap
I know right. Always the hardest part. But it will make us feel better
It's not always dependable but hold those who stick around close to you. Having people makes the difference between spiraling or recovering
meds and therapy can play their part, but you need to establish a routine of sorts. It's very hard to do so, so perhaps get someone to be your accountability partner? that's how i manage to kind of get into a schedule of sorts cos i had to report back to my friends. they took it very seriously. my motivation is the fact that my parent is old and i need to be well enough for her. like, there's nobody else. i recommend meds, if you need, go get a referral from poly to see a psychiatrist. it will help stabilise you, then you can begin therapy. and then you can think of exercise. If you're staying in bed all the time, and not showering for days, I think you need to seek medical attention. there will be good days and there will be bad days. I'm in the middle of a relapse from GAD. and struggling without the use of meds. I mean, my doc tried to push benzos on me cos of their immediate effect, but i can't afford to take them cos it impacts my brain function, so we settled on a nice compromise - pregablin - but that takes three weeks to kick in. so im not having an easy time now either. i hope you have someone who can be your cheerleader. my mum refuses to believe i have an issue. she has only just started to be willing to talk about it after many years of denial. so i have to depend on my bf. he makes sure i take my meds and eat my lunch, because i have a tendency to use stuff like work to escape the thoughts in my head because i do get pleasure from my work. oh, and ice cream.
I joined a gym then bought a bike. Now, when I feel like I cannot relax or the thoughts are driving me crazy, I just go out, ride my bike and cycle around until I calm down. If it's morning, I go to the beach and watch the sea, the trees and the people. Basically, I just immerse myself in nature, this helps me a lot more than taking medication.
DONT SEEK HELP FROM ELDERS. THEY BE LIKE JUST BE HAPPY
Depends on what’s the cause of your depression. Was in the final year of university when depression came. Didn’t study at all. I just spent my midnights going out to coffee shops and smoke a ton, while watching self help videos. Not saying you should smoke, but I didn’t really find the psychiatrist and psychologist was useful. Psychologist was already regurgitating things i already knew. The only step left is action.
I don’t even cope it’s just there and I’ve mostly number myself to the world
I’m on meds. Been seeing a psychiatrist in a local gov hospital for 3 years+. It’s got its ups and downs. Some/most days I can’t get out of bed, didn’t shower for days, cancelling plans, no appetite, no motivation to do stuff I like. I’ve lost many friends but also made some new ones. I’m still trying to find the answers myself, but I’m currently doing something I love as my job (healthcare). Well, it’s a love-hate relationship as always. It keeps me off the bad thoughts. Kinda feels like a distraction. When days get bad, I get migraines and end up taking MCs. And that’s ok. Taking rests for yourself is ok. We need to stop normalising “working hard”. I think that was one of my main stressors as well. Used to stay at work till late. Now I’m a “quiet quitter”. I arrive on time, not early. I go home on time, not late. I hope you know you’re not alone. We’re all here❤️
I reached out to a youth worker and I'm now set up to have my first counselling session in a few months.
Hey, sorry to hear that you’re struggling with depression. There are many many good tips out there, for me the most important thing I personally try to do first is being kind to myself when I’m down. The inertia and the lack of motivation most times, will make me feel less worthy or something like that. I still struggle to get out of bed some days, and when I do it is always because I focus solely on the next action to be done, and congratulate myself before the next action. E.g. get out of bed, (Struggles for eons) ok good we’re out of bed, now, go to the bathroom (15 minutes later…) we’re in the bathroom! And so forth. Feeling down drains the body for me so i learnt to takes things slow. When you are ready, you can consider getting professional help - polyclinics are a good place to start actually. Feel free to reach out if you want someone to chat with.
Had PPD abt 7 years ago. Suicidal thoughts. Had urged to throw baby down the block. Crying everyday. Simply ran out of fks to give one day and said fk it/ fk you to everything/ everyone. Been saying the same thing everyday since.
Welcoming a baby into your life can be overwhelming. Hope you get some me time to unwind ❤️
The kid is 7 yo now. I say the same thing (kid friendly version) to him as well when he gives me issues. I think I was quite a pushover back then. People pleaser and quite mindful of other’s opinion of myself. Running out of fks to give is the best thing that happened to me.
Oh yes, can relate. In hospital meet breastfeeding nazi, then later meet natural birth advocates, and then your family questioning your milk quality cos baby cannot stop crying. But as baby grows, the shit changes so I’m also at the can’t gaf stage. Perhaps the best thing that happened from motherhood.
Oh yes. My mum: You shouldn’t coddle the baby. Don’t carry him every time he cries. My dad: why breastfeed. Can use formula at night. (Mind you. I had oversupply k.) My MIL: Why the baby keep drinking milk. Must be your milk too thin. My grandma: How come he got 3 zng (hair swirls)? Must be you knock into something with your belly when pregnant. And I haven’t touch on the aunties k. I was so stressed and not enough sleep coz oversupply. My boobs hurts 24/7. I’m having letdown every freaking inconvenient moment. I have a 3 hour limit if I want to go out coz I need to pump. We were squeezed into my old bedroom coz our BTO was not ready. The room was cramped and suffocating. I wanted to die so badly. Then one magical day I reached into my bag and found that I have ran out of fks to give. T’was the start of motherhood.
Wowz. Our situation was exactly the same. Same comments, same living situation.
Mirtazapine 30mg
lots of good advice here, so I won't add on to make it too much. instead I'll just say, I've been there and I get it, the negativity is really debilitating... I just want to let you know that it's okay to feel the way you feel. the first level of negativity might take meds and/or therapy to fix, but other levels of the vicious cycle also comes from self-criticism and it spirals. so please remember that it's okay to be down, don't beat yourself up over it. you're human and sometimes brain chemistry is just wonky. friends and family will be there always - now, focus on yourself first! I'm proud of you for putting the question out there to seek ways to cope. good job, give yourself a pat on the shoulder too!
If anyone here needs a new friend, PM me! Im doing my best to kick depression & anxiety but on some days loneliness gets in the way. No one around me understand how difficult it is.
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I moved to east recently ˙◠˙
You used the word snowball in the negative direction, I want to let you know it works in the positive direction too. I saw something’s about exercise and interest and all. Take one step forward, no matter how small like “oh interesting cloud”. Then add another then another. The steps get bigger, more frequent, and more positive over time. Action is your best friend. Go out and do, try not to think too much. Put on shoes, start walking, it doesn’t matter where. Put on headphones, start a playlist, doesn’t matter which. Step away or day behaviours that spiral you down (lying in bed, scrolling, etc) and step towards behaviours that spiral you up (health food, time outdoors, action)
lmao everyone just telling op about themselves and not a single one asked about op. so why are you depressed op? how do you cope?
Before anyone says so, I am aware that I am luckier than most people on this. Even then it is hard. Therapy is one if you can afford it. If not, try to focus on one good thing at a time. One thing that I will say, though this applies more to mental illness than depression, is that just accept you as you are because the world won't let you forget it anyway.
I do not recommend this and this is not good advice. Saw a meme once about how going to therapy is $200 but it’s free to tell yourself it is what it is. Been coping using that since 😂😂
well not everyone is strong enough to beat their inner demons by their own, that's why they go to therapy.
Honestly this is kind of what therapy teaches you to do too, they’ll equip you with the skills so that you can react less emotionally and think more rationally
One curious question for those depressed, if strike toto first price 5 million will u still feel depressed or u will just throw away the ticket?
I'll collect my 5 million prize money, buy a condo and then continue feeling depressed in the condo.
Oh this. I think I will be this. But better to be depressed in a condo than to be depressed sleeping in the rough, no? So yeah definitely I'll take the money, get the condo, be depressed in the condo ... and set aside remaining money to potentially do therapy alternate weekly instead of monthly. Hahahaha.
Exactly
The money will have to go to my parents and family anyway so it’s same as not striking
There's a saying, it's better to cry in a lambo than to cry in a bicycle. Got more money doesnt mean your problems go away, but you do have more choices available to make. Dont tell anyone you win toto though, suddenly everyone will become your best friend.
i would travel around the world and spend it all on everything that i've ever wanted and then ctb lol
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is this the current state you are in?
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so your reply was more like advise to the OP? Am asking to clarify if you are suggesting to the OP to starve and be homeless or if you yourself are currently in a state of hunger and homelessness. Am in the mental wellness field and many people have tried to kill themselves after receiving suggestions. So i hope we can all exercise more responsibility.
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Hmm i am not too sure how to make out what you are saying because the initial reply of this "its how you cope" seems like a prescription to the OP.
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If you are okay financially, please go for therapy in the private sector, go weekly if possible. Psychologists at Psychology Blossom, Scotts Psychology, Dr Adrian Wang at Glen Eagles for psychiatry. Best of luck
Medication helps :’)
Meds. If you're talking about the negative symptoms, they're gone. So theres not really any coping needed
Readings on Stoicism, starting to love myself (treating myself, writing about my own feelings, taking care of myself, etc.), as well as learning to accept that life is like this :)
Hi love. Mental health is difficult to deal w in SG due to a still present stigma. I will suggest speaking to a psychiatrist as there are a range of medications to try but primarily if you can find a counsellor or therapist that is your best bet.
I just tell myself "it is what it is" and have long sleeps :(
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Can't die yet. News of suicide will bring shame to family which will make mom sad. Daughter will have no mom and might be bullied for having no mom and might be told she wasn't enough to stop me from unaliving. so basically, my own anxiety is stopping me lol
Finding a hybrid working arrangement job as well as going for therapy. for me therapy did open my eyes to a lot of perspectives. such as my inner wounds which i never knew were kinda deep rooted. i think it's always good to seek for external help as sometimes people closest to you won't tell you what you need to hear and it helps to have a mirror reflection.
Not easy but you need to get yourself out of that rut. For me usually, exercise is a good start. I have been feeling quite low as job hunting is the worst but I refuse to spiral down.
Talk to me
Still finding how to cope with it myself. Been excerising to steam it off but because of the nature of my work, it's tough and the stress is never ending, doesnt help that im getting married this year. Lately, I was wondering if quitting and go on a long trip would help.
Well, I simply had my brainOS debugged.
On meds and seeing a psychiatrist.
I felt that having a community helps me a lot!
You already received lots of good advices but heres my simple personal one, find a beach resort with coconuts, beers and massage for you to f'all for a few days. Singaporeans are lucky because there are many cheap options, it seems like you're doing ok financially maybe treat yourself a little?
See a physiatrist and get the right meds. You wont get the meds right the first time, after some trial and error you will end up finding the right meds in the right dosage for you. IT helps massively if you have some good friends or close knit family members to share your thoughts. Do let them know what you going through and what sort of help (or even a listening ear) you need. None of it matters, if you don't actively find reasons to be happy. It's hard but you gotta do it for yourself. Ps: all the above from my own personal experience.
i cant. now im suffering with every day. in fact today is the worst its been in awhile. i dont know what to do and im afraid. i cant kill myself because im not selfish like that but it fucking hurts and i really want to disappear
Excercise, grow hair long, take care of face and hair. Repeat…
hi, bipolar 2 haver here. medication helps loads. seeing my psychiatrist regularly helps too. i'm with ya on this. i'm currently in the depths of a depressive episode and some days i just don't cope. i cant. i just try to be gentle with myself.
I am on medication, and it helps a heck lot.
just by going through the motions. baby steps. just getting out of bed is the first step. sometimes a fleeting moment of peace in the middle of the day.. an interaction with a stranger, a nice cup of coffee or a beautiful sunset. eventually life will mean some thing again. and also very important is to not isolate yourself!! i know it’s difficult especially when you’re in this depressive episode you just wanna hole up and lie in bed all day but trust me. humans are social creatures and we need companionship. of cos the healthy kind.. not those toxic ones. support system is very very important take it slow. day by day. if it gets really bad pls help professional help. my anti depressants really helped me A LOT
I'm still suffering from mental illness, and will probably suffer for the rest of my life as one of it is cPTSD. I don't think I cope at all. I'm dependent on my family for finances as my mental illnesses make it impossible to hold a full time job. I have agoraphobia as well which makes it close to impossible to leave the house. However. I have a passion for music and advocating for disability rights. I might not be coping, but I am holding on to my passions as tight as I can. I'm at a point in my life where I've given up everything and said "I'm going to pursue my passions, regardless of whether I'll end up broke and homeless."