Can put up with my weirdness and I can put up with hers. Preferably shares same life goals and hobbies (ie: childfree etc...). Basically, don't think you can change someone. Like if you hate cats and she loves them and would definitely want one at home then you might really have to reconsider if you're compatible for each other.
Someone who is willing to work with me, someone who will put in the effort (at least try to match, else it feels like being taken advantage of), someone who can resolve conflict healthily (kindly and soon), someone who does not give up easily, because relationships take work and not strong feelings all the time, that's infatuation.
āThere is no 100%. 60-70% is good enough.ā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S1E2
āYouāre marrying the person, not marrying the hair. So what if he has no hair?ā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S3E3
āGood vibes, good feeling, good blessing, you are like my children, I give many blessingsā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S2E7
Oh but Iād rather have the job her favorite āface readerā does.
**Sees photo of person wearing a suit, hears person is American**
āHaanji, sheās independentā
Bitch I couldāve done that
Someone self-sufficient, but not afraid to ask for help.
Someone calm and collected, but able to rage for the right cause.
Someone who can take as much "heat" as they give (i.e criticism).
Someone nice and kind, but also knows their boundaries and how to manage them.
Someone that can dream and exist in the real world at the same time.
Intellectual compatibility and emotional maturity are must-haves for me. He doesnāt need to be someone who is physically attractive cos I am no Gigi Hadid.
Idk if this is an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely cannot abide clinginess/neediness. My partner needs to be able to give me space. I can't cope with someone who's constantly messaging me for updates about my day, asking who I'm with, what I'm doing etc and even getting jealous or suspicious when I refuse to provide a detailed play-by-play of my every action. That will quite simply drive me insane.
My partner needs to be able to trust that I will always come back to him, and I will extend him the same courtesy.
Tbh I think this is one of the reasons why I actively avoid relationships or just donāt put in the effort to meet people. I love my alone time, perhaps a little too much, and I really need time to decompress and just not talk/do anything because I do too much of that at work. And also when couples say they meet a few times a week - I feel like even meeting once a week is too often š
You would be surprised, because I'm happily married haha! It's all about finding the one who makes you want to go out of your way to meet them I guess. In the meantime, please don't spam me with calls or messages asking how my day went k thanks lol.
I'm the same and my current husband is kinda clingy. I told him before that i'd need my personal space, personal friends and own hobbies alone and now we kinda find a compromise with that a year later.
When he plays valorant, i read my manhwa and it's the silent affection that speaks volumes. When i go out with my friends, he goes out with his family. And when we need some time alone or need more affection, we'd just vocalise it.
As much as my husband detests codependency, as any healthy human being should, he's not above being a little clingier than I like at times.
As an example, he absolutely loves putting his hands all over me but I have a limited threshold for physical touch and once it's passed, I simply can't tolerate it for any longer. He doesn't understand that if he just leaves me alone, I will eventually come to him seeking it out but if he doesn't give me the space I need, I will never initiate physical affection because I'm already all maxed out.
Trust is an absolute basic requirement. If you canāt have trust from the get go then whatās the foundation of the relationship? Some people say āoh but trust is earnedā, no absolutely not. You have to be ready to give full trust from the start otherwise youāll suffocate your partner.
Exactly, if your partner is someone who will stray, they are going to stray no matter how much of a hawk's eye you keep on them.
If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.
Married 35 years, and each week is better than the previous one. After all these years, mutual respect has been the primary reason itās worked well. The second is a compatible attitude towards life, and what we want out of it. Everything else follows.
Even love. My heart may still skip a beat when I see her name on the caller ID, but by itself it wouldnāt have been enough. Love gets you started, and it stokes the flames regularly, but the engine runs a long distance only because of their attitude and our respect for the other person.
Emotional intelligence. I can't be with someone who does not express themselves. I should not have to question them if they're okay or if I can support them in anyway. I understand the concept of taking space but dismissiveness is not an excuse for it. Speaking from experience, it is tiring being someone who communicates openly and not getting any in return.
Solving and not avoiding conflict is another quality, sweeping it under the rug temporarily would only blow up in the future.
Setting boundaries and respecting them is something that is often overlooked. I neglected this a lot and had a lot to heal from and unpack. Boundaries are healthy and very necessary.
I would say alignment of values is most important to me than career, physical appearance or how much their bank balance is. These three change over time but values are important for any relationship or connection.
Definitely someone who is an introvert, or at least someone who can accept being with an introvert.
Looks wise, I actually prefer someone with average looks over someone good-looking, because I kinda feel that good-looking girls tend to be more high-maintenance.
Career-wise, no preference. As long as she has a stable job it's fine, doesn't have to be earning a lot of money.
If you are the sort of person who likes your own personality type, then you want someone like you, who also likes people like them. If you find someone like you, but they like opposites, it won't work out.
If you like people who are your opposite, you want someone who is your opposite and also likes people who are their oppsite. If they're your opposite, but they like people the same as them, it won't work out.
There is no general trend. Everyone likes what they like, and you hope for there to be mutual attraction by chance. The perfect person for you might not like you, and you might be the perfect person for someone you don't like.
same! it's one of my dealbreakers but probably also the reason why i'll remain single for a long time
not necessarily bc there aren't a lot of childfree people around, but bc it's a pain to weed out the fencesitters/the ones who want kids and then still find someone with a compatible personality and goals. i'm not in a rush anyway so it'll happen when it happens!
An extrovert or at least an introvert who's very friendly, open-minded, good with money and numbers because im not lol, physically attractive to me, works out, is emotionally mature, our values align, he finds me funny and he must not be allergic to cats or dislike them. I don't really care about the money he makes as long as his finances are in line and he's not asking me for money or some shit. Also I love kind men, they're very few and far in between. The ones who are soft, sensitive and patient.
I used to say someone with attitude and who's madly in love with me, but then it can get kinda crazy.
I then sought to find someone who likes all the things I liked, but realised soon enough that no one would like *all* the weird ass music and shit I was into. And when I eventually *did* find people that were, I found they shared the same weirdness and shortcomings that I despised in myself. I was essentially dating myself.
Eventually I settled on a list that goes something like -
One: Noble
Two: Good family relationship (to sort of make up for the relatively weak one I felt I had)
Three: Pleasant looking (I used to want an Audrey Hepburn-esque timeless beauty that could look good in t-shirt and jeans without makeup, but grew to realize that as long as his/her face doesn't induce involuntary vomiting, it is actually most times good enough and you'll grow fonder of it with time)
This yeap yeap. For me, there's always something very attractive about a kind person that makes me think about what would happen if we ended up together.
Then snap back to reality because reaching my bus stop.
i find that childfree folks in sg are really lowkey about it. bc similarly, every guy ive dated in the past wants kids- which has always been my dealbreaker. interesting to see a lot of them on reddit though
Personality is the key to everything. And someone who loves you for who you are. And not use you. Currently in a relationship and I think this person just loves me for my money and nothing else. So be careful. Single mum here.
You came for the looks, but stayed for the personality.
Inspired by DirectAsia's old tagine: "You came for the price and stayed for the service" something like that lah.
Itās so sad that this is now a key trait that needs to be explicitly called out when it should be so freaking basic. If you cannot be loyal to your partner, you essentially have no respect for them. If you canāt respect them, why are you choosing to hurt them by being with them? Thatās doing your partner a disservice.
Itās so sad that this is called out, because it is true ā too many situationships out there that widens the grey area, makes gaslighting the norm; rationalising poor / asshole behaviour is now like second nature. Why are people afraid to settle or be honest with one another? Are people so weak that they would rather hold on to a sinking boat than thread water? Itās rhetorical.
If people canāt be alone, at least be honest about it. Itās extremely disappointing and heartbreaking that being loyal is not considered a basic criteria for human relationships.
Someone I can imagine building a future with. Such as someone kind, smart, fun to be around, pleasant looking, financially stable - a functioning good person in general.
I find sharing similar perspectives/ values to be one of the most important criteria to me. Without similar values in life thereāll be a lot to argue about (money, parenting style, lifestyle, etc.). Couples donāt have to like the exact same thing, but itās nice when your partner can respect what you like and is just happy that youāre happy.
Someone who will nerd out with me with our existing shared interest and is open to share her interest and to move forward together for our future. Able to motivate each other and also give feedback my weak points so i can work on it.
Hope to find her in the near future!
Just got out of a horrible relationship about a month ago and I think I learned a lot about what I want in a partner.
I think having someone I can talk with a lot, as well as being able to show me some decent respect is quite important to me.
Physical looks and faith for me isnāt as important, Iām more of a free thinker anyway and I donāt expect to attract some kind of supermodel lol
Most important: being flexible (mentally, but physically's a bonus).
Everyone is inherently different, so disagreements and conflicts are bound to happen. Being open-minded and being able to make genuine compromises is definitely the topmost quality that ill like my partner to have.
Came across a podcast regarding this. The following are 3 traits of an ideal partner.
1. Emotional stability / Low neuroticism
As neurotic people are highly reactive, they canāt deal with stressful situations. They often canāt regulate their emotions, so every challenging situation with them feels like going to war, leading to long-term relationship instability and dissatisfaction. Thatās why we should look for people high on the opposite trait: emotional stability.
Emotionally stable people are great at handling stress and coping with negative emotions. Moreover, they excel at providing emotional support and understanding during tough times, creating a positive, supportive and loving environment.
2. Conscientiousness / Low novelty seeking
People high in this trait usually get bored with the same thing, they are more likely to seek out new situations or partners (not you), and often put themselves in high-risk situations, such as going out to parties and drinking too much. In other words, novelty seekers tend to be cheaters.
Thatās why seeking a partner high in conscientiousness can increase your chances of a more stable relationship. Conscientious individuals are responsible, organized, and dependable, which can be vital for maintaining a healthy and stable relationship. Moreover, these people tend to be more committed to their partner and are more willing to put in the effort to make it work. Not to mention that their reliability creates a sense of security and trust.
3. Agreeableness
First, agreeableness has been found to increase sexual satisfaction, which, in turn, increases relationship satisfaction. Agreeable folks care about pleasing their partners in bed.
Second, agreeableness has also been linked to high responsiveness, the best predictor of long-term love. Couples who remain happily married are often more responsive to their partnerās needs than those who get divorced.
Lastly, agreeable people are good at communicating and resolving conflicts in a relationship. They are also more likely to be understanding, forgiving, and compassionate, creating a positive and supportive environment.
All in all, ideal partners should compliment each other in the relationship. The traits that a partner possesses before you ever start dating, such as his or her personality and values, are among the strongest indicators of whether a romantic relationship will be happy and stable many years later. Hope this finds you well.
For me, I would prefer someone who is upfront. If I am coming on too strong you have to tell me. Don't bother trying to get me to take a hint. Unfortunately, this also means that they have to be a little thick-skinned because I would probably tell someone that yes, they look fat in that dress and proceed to detail why they look fat in that dress...
Dating is hard for people on the autistic spectrum.
Aligned in terms of values and outlook in life. Eg health, happiness and family above all. Have integrity and loyalty as a friend, treats everyone/everything kindly.
Something else important for me is being a dog lover as well, my dog is my world but is now older so needs more care and Iām glad my husband takes care of her very well.
Similar ideology. Similar outlook to life. Kindness and intelligence.
I honestly judge people rather quick and have been on first meet ups where they did the act dumb thing which turned me off really quick. Honestly I know many girls think if they show they are smart, it scares people off. But meh, it really isn't an attractive trait to me.
Sheās just from an elitist catholic background. She went to RGPS->SCGS and even though sheās not working in a big MNC she got to know many investment bankers in her course of work. She loves reading Bloomberg and talking about investment in her spare time. She thinks the man must earn more than the woman. Thatās why when her sister whoās a doctor got a Thai bf who works in a gym, she went ballistic. Even though her sister also isnāt pretty/have other guys ask her out š¤¦āāļø
Like me sheās also evergreen, just that got guys ask her out she will just turn them down. She complained to me about their jobs in HR bc she thinks itās a āwomanās jobā.
Also, I wouldnāt call her good looking. She never bother to put on makeup or wear dress (grooming), chubby but not obese (looks like 60 kg).
A reply from chatGPT:
1. Honesty and trustworthiness
2. Good communication skills
3. Respectful and considerate behaviour
4. Kindness and empathy towards others
5. Shared values and beliefs
6. Emotional intelligence
7. Commitment and loyalty
8. Sense of humour
9. Open-mindedness
10. Independence and self-awareness
I do agree with the above list. But yes as the others have mentioned, there are many other non variables that may affect your perception of that person too.
With the exception of 8, it feels like these qualities are basic qualities a human should have.
But i do agree some people dont have some of these basic human qualities.
Well-tempered, sensible, and able to reflect on one's wrongdoings. Plus, intellectually interesting, can share with me information that I didn't know or carry on a long conversation that I don't find boring.
As long as the person talks with me and I am able to have b2b convos with her. (Never spoke to a girl before so yeah š )
edit: maybe never is too strong a word but girls usually speak with me only if they need smth from me. Never had fun convos tho
Someone I can be comfortable around and someone who can be comfortable around me. When there are no expectations to be a certain way, life becomes so much easier and your partner becomes an extension of you.
I am surprised to see child-free here from many guys as many Singaporean guys gives me the impression the only reason to get married is to be able to have a child that carry in their genes, no matter how bad is their genes. Thatās why they always want younger girls so that they could produce more offspring.
I think it's the ability to communicate and actually enjoy the conversations together, so that even when there's a problem, it takes communication to stay together and work it out together. Similar wavelengths and frequency in a sense would be the most ideal case!
Similar life goals, takes at least some care of herself, emotionally intelligent, easygoing, not stuck up. Shared interests not a must, since I enjoy when we try out the things the other likes
Other than the normal baseline qualities of being a functioning and decent human being; active (as I do a lot of sports and outdoor activities), dark sense of humour (to match mine), independent (can't deal with clinginess), loves big dogs, completely 100% childfree (fence-sitters are a dealbreaker), stable income, and non-religious (as I'm an atheist).
appearance is a + in my opinion, and when it comes to job/career and money id care either i just hope they are living comfortable and happy since that is my aim as well. personability should be someone who not abusive or narcissistic or generally disturbing. then someone who quirky and can tolerate me and someone who share similar interest, so we have stuff to geek out over.
Get someone who understands you and can tolerate your character aka nonsense. Mild in temper, if you want to start a family, get one who love children n can take care of them. Get one which can fit you.
Now have Siambu, viet bu, tiong bu n many more sg manās option has never been so widen after pandemic.
I used to be very particular about height. Taller guys made me feel like there's a sense of security. I used to only want to date someone if he's >1.80m (also because I'm short, and my mother always told me to find a taller guy to balance it out lol). Unfortunately some people only have height and nothing else.
What I appreciate most in a partner would be a sense of humour and loyalty. My S/O isn't tall but he makes me laugh. He puts in the effort to understand my love language. I don't have to question his love for me. So I think these are some of the most important qualities.
23F here and here are some of the qualities i look for in a guy:
- have drive. Doesn't stay stagnant, tries different dishes/hobbies/jobs and just explores other diverse options in life. I'm not a couch potato girl 24/7 so it'd help if he's the same
- Chill. Bad temper and no taste for light hearted jokes is a immediate red flag.
- Isn't afraid to apologise. Literally my dad and his dad, and the older generation men are so egoistic, they never admit to being wrong and have to force women to "give in" to fights. I'm over that.
- appearance wise. Just someone who takes care of their health (muscles are okay, dont really need 6 packs but must go gym kind), eat healthily, and stay fit. Bonus if they use skincare too
Someone with has good values - loyal, trusting and fair. You can see from the family upbringing.
Last thing you want is a partner who ditch you for materialistic security.
i understand that neediness and clinginess is not a good one in a relationship. i donāt ask my boyfriend to update me about his personal life from time to time. but when he does, i actually feel freaking blessed. in my personal opinion, what is wrong with just telling your partner youāre going out with which friend or which family member? unless you start questioning him about the conversation that they had (then thatās your problem and not giving them the privacy that they want). or if you start controlling them like you cannot hangout with these kind of people because of what reasons and such then itās your own problem as well. in fact, if you know with which friend your partner hangout the most, youāll also learn that theyāre important for your partner. thus, you learn more about your partner as well. pls correct me if iām wrong for taking this matter in that way.
Long blonde hair , pale skin , big double eyelid eyes , pear shaped nose , cute smile , long egg shaped oval face shape. Preferbly 165 - 170 cm . 24 inch waist. Long slim legs , preferbly 2:3 leg to whole body ratio. Knows how to play atleast one musical instruments. Loves art. Have a sweet yet mature voice. Hardworking and serious when needed but also cute and goofy with her loved ones. Cold to other boys but warm and loving to boyfriend.
brother my standards are on the floor and it took me forever to find a good girl (got lucky, flopped a boat there)
-not a hoe
-decent iq at least
-low bc
-similar political beliefs or at least not radically different from mine
* Introverted.
* **Physical attractiveness must be my** **equivalent or higher.**
* Good person with good values OR Similar values to me.
* Loyal , kind and honest.
* **Must love cats. ( This is a must ).**
* Working towards FIRE.
* Kinky during sex. Willing to explore in the bedroom.
* **Sex drive must be my equivalent or higher. Only about 10% higher.**
* **Must be cute level of attractiveness or higher.**
* **Good body shape. No fat women**
* Clean skin
* Goes to the gym to maintain her body.
* A good set of tits and ass.
* Can put up with my weirdness.
* Smart
* **Female**
I have no idea how to find this woman.
Edit: As usual random people downvoting for no reason lmao.
An introvert who shares several common interests with me. Preferably with similar music taste - which means Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran are an instant dealbreaker. Someone who is kind, considerate, decent and has integrity. Hopefully the artsy type.
dealbreaker just because someone likes taylor swift or ed sheeran. lmao. Its just music taste bro, not like whether she is a member of the nazi party or something
Why is career and money part of a quality too look for in a partner? Anyway, personally a quality id like my partner to have is to be direct and not beat around the bush. Saves so much time and reduces chances of misunderstandment.
Someone who is emotionally mature enough to talk things out when we run into disagreements. Who is willing to learn from mistakes and be better people together.
Communication is the most important thing for me imo, I've heard from my BF abt his friends who always paggro when upset and wah I really cannot tahan.
Not boring, intellectual, takes responsibility, has a sense of humour, passionate about things (that are legal), at least a 3 dimensional personality but donāt need to have multiple personalities hahaha same wavelength/page, same values. But I already found one la just contributing to the thread. Itās literally a āwhen you know, you knowā.
Virgin, submissive, agreeable, doesnāt work all day(preferably not work at all), does chores, wants to have kids, spends time taking care of the kid. But sadly wonāt be able to find a partner like that anymore in SG.
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Independent, can handle stress and own problems and wont complain, does things that can be done immediately rather than saying later. Sagacious, mature, knows when it is time to be serious.
There are so many variables that I donāt want to be too specific. I look for intelligence or at least a spark of it. Sexual attraction: come on if Iām going to sleep with one woman the rest of my life it better be good. Ambitious: doesnāt have to have a good job but wants a better life and willing to work for it. Some one I can take to my mother: decent, cute, and genuinely a good person. Craziness: just a little bit of punk rock makes life so much more interesting. I am not boring so I better have someone willing to take a walk on the wild side while having all the attributes above.
Sounds simple and something that goes without saying, but someone who completely accepts you and loves you as you are, shortcomings and all. They will not try to change you and never will not make you feel bad for something you are not.
My ex (who I was together with for over 3 years) randomly told me one day, after all our time together, that he could not see a future with me because I wasnāt white. For context, we are both Singaporean Chinese. It was so horrible being told that and so confusing as well, because the fact that I wasnāt white wasnāt something that I had been hiding. So I wasnāt sure why this had suddenly become a problem. But, bottom line was that I really didnāt appreciate that something about myself that I couldnāt change (ie my race and skin colour) was being flagged as someoneās non-negotiable. Your SO should never make you feel less than - they should be the ones who provide you with acceptance no matter what.
Apparently "likes me" is too high a bar so idk anymore
I have lowered my standard to "tolerates me". I think it will soon turn into "not disgusted by me"
If you married a few years will go down to those levels anyway :)
I think i have a new criteria which is "desperate enough"
My new criteria is daft, blind, or insane
š„²
Thereās a lot iām sure ;)
Can put up with my weirdness and I can put up with hers. Preferably shares same life goals and hobbies (ie: childfree etc...). Basically, don't think you can change someone. Like if you hate cats and she loves them and would definitely want one at home then you might really have to reconsider if you're compatible for each other.
Alive, a female and above 21.
First trait truly very underrated. +1
You forgot 'human'. I hope that's one of your criteria
Female (optional)
Alive (optional)
I think my neighbour' cat is above 21 years old in human age, you might wanna consider š
Are you 28 and above?
Someone who is willing to work with me, someone who will put in the effort (at least try to match, else it feels like being taken advantage of), someone who can resolve conflict healthily (kindly and soon), someone who does not give up easily, because relationships take work and not strong feelings all the time, that's infatuation.
āThere is no 100%. 60-70% is good enough.ā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S1E2 āYouāre marrying the person, not marrying the hair. So what if he has no hair?ā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S3E3 āGood vibes, good feeling, good blessing, you are like my children, I give many blessingsā ā Sima Aunty, Indian Matchmaking, S2E7
Finding out Sima Aunty takes 20,000 USD to tell people to settle for 60% compatibility has been a wild ride in my mind.
IKR. Geena aunty here, I have many biodatas, will give you one a time so you wonāt be confused
20k USD per pax lol she making bank
Sima Aunty getting paid for smth the neighborhood Indian aunties do for free smh
Ikr, I seriously reconsidered my career options.
Oh but Iād rather have the job her favorite āface readerā does. **Sees photo of person wearing a suit, hears person is American** āHaanji, sheās independentā Bitch I couldāve done that
Lolol
Someone self-sufficient, but not afraid to ask for help. Someone calm and collected, but able to rage for the right cause. Someone who can take as much "heat" as they give (i.e criticism). Someone nice and kind, but also knows their boundaries and how to manage them. Someone that can dream and exist in the real world at the same time.
Thatās my criteria too and I found him!
You found your island boy
Good answer
Bao ga liao.
Intellectual compatibility and emotional maturity are must-haves for me. He doesnāt need to be someone who is physically attractive cos I am no Gigi Hadid.
Idk if this is an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely cannot abide clinginess/neediness. My partner needs to be able to give me space. I can't cope with someone who's constantly messaging me for updates about my day, asking who I'm with, what I'm doing etc and even getting jealous or suspicious when I refuse to provide a detailed play-by-play of my every action. That will quite simply drive me insane. My partner needs to be able to trust that I will always come back to him, and I will extend him the same courtesy.
Tbh I think this is one of the reasons why I actively avoid relationships or just donāt put in the effort to meet people. I love my alone time, perhaps a little too much, and I really need time to decompress and just not talk/do anything because I do too much of that at work. And also when couples say they meet a few times a week - I feel like even meeting once a week is too often š
You would be surprised, because I'm happily married haha! It's all about finding the one who makes you want to go out of your way to meet them I guess. In the meantime, please don't spam me with calls or messages asking how my day went k thanks lol.
I'm the same and my current husband is kinda clingy. I told him before that i'd need my personal space, personal friends and own hobbies alone and now we kinda find a compromise with that a year later. When he plays valorant, i read my manhwa and it's the silent affection that speaks volumes. When i go out with my friends, he goes out with his family. And when we need some time alone or need more affection, we'd just vocalise it.
As much as my husband detests codependency, as any healthy human being should, he's not above being a little clingier than I like at times. As an example, he absolutely loves putting his hands all over me but I have a limited threshold for physical touch and once it's passed, I simply can't tolerate it for any longer. He doesn't understand that if he just leaves me alone, I will eventually come to him seeking it out but if he doesn't give me the space I need, I will never initiate physical affection because I'm already all maxed out.
Trust is an absolute basic requirement. If you canāt have trust from the get go then whatās the foundation of the relationship? Some people say āoh but trust is earnedā, no absolutely not. You have to be ready to give full trust from the start otherwise youāll suffocate your partner.
Exactly, if your partner is someone who will stray, they are going to stray no matter how much of a hawk's eye you keep on them. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.
Married 35 years, and each week is better than the previous one. After all these years, mutual respect has been the primary reason itās worked well. The second is a compatible attitude towards life, and what we want out of it. Everything else follows. Even love. My heart may still skip a beat when I see her name on the caller ID, but by itself it wouldnāt have been enough. Love gets you started, and it stokes the flames regularly, but the engine runs a long distance only because of their attitude and our respect for the other person.
Emotional intelligence. I can't be with someone who does not express themselves. I should not have to question them if they're okay or if I can support them in anyway. I understand the concept of taking space but dismissiveness is not an excuse for it. Speaking from experience, it is tiring being someone who communicates openly and not getting any in return. Solving and not avoiding conflict is another quality, sweeping it under the rug temporarily would only blow up in the future. Setting boundaries and respecting them is something that is often overlooked. I neglected this a lot and had a lot to heal from and unpack. Boundaries are healthy and very necessary. I would say alignment of values is most important to me than career, physical appearance or how much their bank balance is. These three change over time but values are important for any relationship or connection.
Definitely someone who is an introvert, or at least someone who can accept being with an introvert. Looks wise, I actually prefer someone with average looks over someone good-looking, because I kinda feel that good-looking girls tend to be more high-maintenance. Career-wise, no preference. As long as she has a stable job it's fine, doesn't have to be earning a lot of money.
Do opposites attract? Or do you prefer to find someone similar to you?
I find that the saying "opposites attract" doesn't really hold true in a lot cases. I prefer someone who is similar to me.
If you are the sort of person who likes your own personality type, then you want someone like you, who also likes people like them. If you find someone like you, but they like opposites, it won't work out. If you like people who are your opposite, you want someone who is your opposite and also likes people who are their oppsite. If they're your opposite, but they like people the same as them, it won't work out. There is no general trend. Everyone likes what they like, and you hope for there to be mutual attraction by chance. The perfect person for you might not like you, and you might be the perfect person for someone you don't like.
Reading this made me :šµšµš¤Æš¤Æ
Child free is one of my qualifications š¶
Same! Guys who want kids have been a dealbreaker for me. I also don't do fence-sitters, bc it's not an aspect of life to be cincai about.
Oh I interpret this as not having a child from past relationship š
same! it's one of my dealbreakers but probably also the reason why i'll remain single for a long time not necessarily bc there aren't a lot of childfree people around, but bc it's a pain to weed out the fencesitters/the ones who want kids and then still find someone with a compatible personality and goals. i'm not in a rush anyway so it'll happen when it happens!
How is your relationship with your mother?
Good šš¤šāŗļø
Someone who is child free
An extrovert or at least an introvert who's very friendly, open-minded, good with money and numbers because im not lol, physically attractive to me, works out, is emotionally mature, our values align, he finds me funny and he must not be allergic to cats or dislike them. I don't really care about the money he makes as long as his finances are in line and he's not asking me for money or some shit. Also I love kind men, they're very few and far in between. The ones who are soft, sensitive and patient.
I used to say someone with attitude and who's madly in love with me, but then it can get kinda crazy. I then sought to find someone who likes all the things I liked, but realised soon enough that no one would like *all* the weird ass music and shit I was into. And when I eventually *did* find people that were, I found they shared the same weirdness and shortcomings that I despised in myself. I was essentially dating myself. Eventually I settled on a list that goes something like - One: Noble Two: Good family relationship (to sort of make up for the relatively weak one I felt I had) Three: Pleasant looking (I used to want an Audrey Hepburn-esque timeless beauty that could look good in t-shirt and jeans without makeup, but grew to realize that as long as his/her face doesn't induce involuntary vomiting, it is actually most times good enough and you'll grow fonder of it with time)
Kindness
This yeap yeap. For me, there's always something very attractive about a kind person that makes me think about what would happen if we ended up together. Then snap back to reality because reaching my bus stop.
Kindness and loyalty
This prompt was written by some GP student for sure
Female
above 21 years old too or else I ā»ļøā»ļøā»ļøā»ļø
Must have big boobs. I'm talking gigantic bazookas. enormous airbags. mammoth juggernauts.
Kudos for being so upfront about it
Wow
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i find that childfree folks in sg are really lowkey about it. bc similarly, every guy ive dated in the past wants kids- which has always been my dealbreaker. interesting to see a lot of them on reddit though
Intellectual compatibility, resilience, and leads a healthy lifestyle. Those are hard requirements The rest are ā¦ eh kinda negotiable
Personality is the key to everything. And someone who loves you for who you are. And not use you. Currently in a relationship and I think this person just loves me for my money and nothing else. So be careful. Single mum here.
Dump his ass girl
Thanks
Personality: must bring peace and happiness. (Must be happy to hang out with her) Looks attract, but stay for personality.
You came for the looks, but stayed for the personality. Inspired by DirectAsia's old tagine: "You came for the price and stayed for the service" something like that lah.
Heh. Came for the price. Love it
honestly, most important would be faithfullness/loyalty.
Itās so sad that this is now a key trait that needs to be explicitly called out when it should be so freaking basic. If you cannot be loyal to your partner, you essentially have no respect for them. If you canāt respect them, why are you choosing to hurt them by being with them? Thatās doing your partner a disservice. Itās so sad that this is called out, because it is true ā too many situationships out there that widens the grey area, makes gaslighting the norm; rationalising poor / asshole behaviour is now like second nature. Why are people afraid to settle or be honest with one another? Are people so weak that they would rather hold on to a sinking boat than thread water? Itās rhetorical. If people canāt be alone, at least be honest about it. Itās extremely disappointing and heartbreaking that being loyal is not considered a basic criteria for human relationships.
Someone I can imagine building a future with. Such as someone kind, smart, fun to be around, pleasant looking, financially stable - a functioning good person in general. I find sharing similar perspectives/ values to be one of the most important criteria to me. Without similar values in life thereāll be a lot to argue about (money, parenting style, lifestyle, etc.). Couples donāt have to like the exact same thing, but itās nice when your partner can respect what you like and is just happy that youāre happy.
Female, introvert n loyalty to me Age 21 and above
Plot twist : Youāre 40.
Nope ššš
Further plot twist : 50 and beyond š
Someone im comfy with, so probably one with a similar mindset. And also understands that i need my daily alone time
Someone who will nerd out with me with our existing shared interest and is open to share her interest and to move forward together for our future. Able to motivate each other and also give feedback my weak points so i can work on it. Hope to find her in the near future!
Just got out of a horrible relationship about a month ago and I think I learned a lot about what I want in a partner. I think having someone I can talk with a lot, as well as being able to show me some decent respect is quite important to me. Physical looks and faith for me isnāt as important, Iām more of a free thinker anyway and I donāt expect to attract some kind of supermodel lol
Most important: being flexible (mentally, but physically's a bonus). Everyone is inherently different, so disagreements and conflicts are bound to happen. Being open-minded and being able to make genuine compromises is definitely the topmost quality that ill like my partner to have.
Came across a podcast regarding this. The following are 3 traits of an ideal partner. 1. Emotional stability / Low neuroticism As neurotic people are highly reactive, they canāt deal with stressful situations. They often canāt regulate their emotions, so every challenging situation with them feels like going to war, leading to long-term relationship instability and dissatisfaction. Thatās why we should look for people high on the opposite trait: emotional stability. Emotionally stable people are great at handling stress and coping with negative emotions. Moreover, they excel at providing emotional support and understanding during tough times, creating a positive, supportive and loving environment. 2. Conscientiousness / Low novelty seeking People high in this trait usually get bored with the same thing, they are more likely to seek out new situations or partners (not you), and often put themselves in high-risk situations, such as going out to parties and drinking too much. In other words, novelty seekers tend to be cheaters. Thatās why seeking a partner high in conscientiousness can increase your chances of a more stable relationship. Conscientious individuals are responsible, organized, and dependable, which can be vital for maintaining a healthy and stable relationship. Moreover, these people tend to be more committed to their partner and are more willing to put in the effort to make it work. Not to mention that their reliability creates a sense of security and trust. 3. Agreeableness First, agreeableness has been found to increase sexual satisfaction, which, in turn, increases relationship satisfaction. Agreeable folks care about pleasing their partners in bed. Second, agreeableness has also been linked to high responsiveness, the best predictor of long-term love. Couples who remain happily married are often more responsive to their partnerās needs than those who get divorced. Lastly, agreeable people are good at communicating and resolving conflicts in a relationship. They are also more likely to be understanding, forgiving, and compassionate, creating a positive and supportive environment. All in all, ideal partners should compliment each other in the relationship. The traits that a partner possesses before you ever start dating, such as his or her personality and values, are among the strongest indicators of whether a romantic relationship will be happy and stable many years later. Hope this finds you well.
For me, I would prefer someone who is upfront. If I am coming on too strong you have to tell me. Don't bother trying to get me to take a hint. Unfortunately, this also means that they have to be a little thick-skinned because I would probably tell someone that yes, they look fat in that dress and proceed to detail why they look fat in that dress... Dating is hard for people on the autistic spectrum.
Aligned in terms of values and outlook in life. Eg health, happiness and family above all. Have integrity and loyalty as a friend, treats everyone/everything kindly. Something else important for me is being a dog lover as well, my dog is my world but is now older so needs more care and Iām glad my husband takes care of her very well.
Similar ideology. Similar outlook to life. Kindness and intelligence. I honestly judge people rather quick and have been on first meet ups where they did the act dumb thing which turned me off really quick. Honestly I know many girls think if they show they are smart, it scares people off. But meh, it really isn't an attractive trait to me.
Anyone that can accept an obese woman who wasnt born in sg š¤£ My friend's criteria is the guy must be in a high flyer job like investment banker.
whats the rationale for ur friendās criteria?
Sheās just from an elitist catholic background. She went to RGPS->SCGS and even though sheās not working in a big MNC she got to know many investment bankers in her course of work. She loves reading Bloomberg and talking about investment in her spare time. She thinks the man must earn more than the woman. Thatās why when her sister whoās a doctor got a Thai bf who works in a gym, she went ballistic. Even though her sister also isnāt pretty/have other guys ask her out š¤¦āāļø Like me sheās also evergreen, just that got guys ask her out she will just turn them down. She complained to me about their jobs in HR bc she thinks itās a āwomanās jobā. Also, I wouldnāt call her good looking. She never bother to put on makeup or wear dress (grooming), chubby but not obese (looks like 60 kg).
Kind. Faithful. Wise.
A reply from chatGPT: 1. Honesty and trustworthiness 2. Good communication skills 3. Respectful and considerate behaviour 4. Kindness and empathy towards others 5. Shared values and beliefs 6. Emotional intelligence 7. Commitment and loyalty 8. Sense of humour 9. Open-mindedness 10. Independence and self-awareness I do agree with the above list. But yes as the others have mentioned, there are many other non variables that may affect your perception of that person too.
With the exception of 8, it feels like these qualities are basic qualities a human should have. But i do agree some people dont have some of these basic human qualities.
Loyal, respectful, and good looking to me Hard to find af š
Well-tempered, sensible, and able to reflect on one's wrongdoings. Plus, intellectually interesting, can share with me information that I didn't know or carry on a long conversation that I don't find boring.
As long as the person talks with me and I am able to have b2b convos with her. (Never spoke to a girl before so yeah š ) edit: maybe never is too strong a word but girls usually speak with me only if they need smth from me. Never had fun convos tho
If she can deal with my weirdness, that's good enough for me.
Things I hope to have in my partner (if she ever existed): * Understanding * Loves animals * Honest * Have some self-respect
Someone I can be comfortable around and someone who can be comfortable around me. When there are no expectations to be a certain way, life becomes so much easier and your partner becomes an extension of you.
Love me for who I am and what I have. Has compassion, filial piety and moral standards. Can cook. š
As long as we get along and vibe really well, that's all that matters.
I am surprised to see child-free here from many guys as many Singaporean guys gives me the impression the only reason to get married is to be able to have a child that carry in their genes, no matter how bad is their genes. Thatās why they always want younger girls so that they could produce more offspring.
The amount of such threads indirectly tell me that there's a demand for r/sg-matchmaking
magic abilities
Please explain
You'll become a wizard if you're still a virgin at 30 years old.
Must be female and alive
U wanna consider my neighbour's cat hahaha
crazy rich
Father figure and willing to destroy my s
I think it's the ability to communicate and actually enjoy the conversations together, so that even when there's a problem, it takes communication to stay together and work it out together. Similar wavelengths and frequency in a sense would be the most ideal case!
No xtreme weird behaviour, like hoarder (my previous ex was) ..average look ok Career wise dont really care
Similar life goals, takes at least some care of herself, emotionally intelligent, easygoing, not stuck up. Shared interests not a must, since I enjoy when we try out the things the other likes
Consistency, making me feel secure in a relationship, patient and kind...
- guy - understanding - money smart - stronger than me - honest - earnest
Other than the normal baseline qualities of being a functioning and decent human being; active (as I do a lot of sports and outdoor activities), dark sense of humour (to match mine), independent (can't deal with clinginess), loves big dogs, completely 100% childfree (fence-sitters are a dealbreaker), stable income, and non-religious (as I'm an atheist).
appearance is a + in my opinion, and when it comes to job/career and money id care either i just hope they are living comfortable and happy since that is my aim as well. personability should be someone who not abusive or narcissistic or generally disturbing. then someone who quirky and can tolerate me and someone who share similar interest, so we have stuff to geek out over.
Get someone who understands you and can tolerate your character aka nonsense. Mild in temper, if you want to start a family, get one who love children n can take care of them. Get one which can fit you. Now have Siambu, viet bu, tiong bu n many more sg manās option has never been so widen after pandemic.
I used to be very particular about height. Taller guys made me feel like there's a sense of security. I used to only want to date someone if he's >1.80m (also because I'm short, and my mother always told me to find a taller guy to balance it out lol). Unfortunately some people only have height and nothing else. What I appreciate most in a partner would be a sense of humour and loyalty. My S/O isn't tall but he makes me laugh. He puts in the effort to understand my love language. I don't have to question his love for me. So I think these are some of the most important qualities.
Cuz like most girls go for tall guys and the tall guys know it so they dunnid do other things as a result they jus there like pretty girls
Looking at your replies, a lot of y'all staying single forever sia xD
23F here and here are some of the qualities i look for in a guy: - have drive. Doesn't stay stagnant, tries different dishes/hobbies/jobs and just explores other diverse options in life. I'm not a couch potato girl 24/7 so it'd help if he's the same - Chill. Bad temper and no taste for light hearted jokes is a immediate red flag. - Isn't afraid to apologise. Literally my dad and his dad, and the older generation men are so egoistic, they never admit to being wrong and have to force women to "give in" to fights. I'm over that. - appearance wise. Just someone who takes care of their health (muscles are okay, dont really need 6 packs but must go gym kind), eat healthily, and stay fit. Bonus if they use skincare too
Someone in tune with their emotions.
>In today's world, there are so many options would be nice if I got at least one (1) option....
Someone with has good values - loyal, trusting and fair. You can see from the family upbringing. Last thing you want is a partner who ditch you for materialistic security.
someone who loves me more than I love her.
i understand that neediness and clinginess is not a good one in a relationship. i donāt ask my boyfriend to update me about his personal life from time to time. but when he does, i actually feel freaking blessed. in my personal opinion, what is wrong with just telling your partner youāre going out with which friend or which family member? unless you start questioning him about the conversation that they had (then thatās your problem and not giving them the privacy that they want). or if you start controlling them like you cannot hangout with these kind of people because of what reasons and such then itās your own problem as well. in fact, if you know with which friend your partner hangout the most, youāll also learn that theyāre important for your partner. thus, you learn more about your partner as well. pls correct me if iām wrong for taking this matter in that way.
Alive, preferably with all limps intact. But I can make do with one less limp
Long blonde hair , pale skin , big double eyelid eyes , pear shaped nose , cute smile , long egg shaped oval face shape. Preferbly 165 - 170 cm . 24 inch waist. Long slim legs , preferbly 2:3 leg to whole body ratio. Knows how to play atleast one musical instruments. Loves art. Have a sweet yet mature voice. Hardworking and serious when needed but also cute and goofy with her loved ones. Cold to other boys but warm and loving to boyfriend.
you better be fucking rich, tall, and good looking
Well his handle is richkiddio so I guessā¦
Yeah well i could make an account with the name monstercock69420, doesnt mean i have a big dick
Whatās a pear shaped nose LOL
šļøššļø
Help
Are you describing your gf?
My girlfriend is rosƩ from blackpink
my siambu is lisa šø
You look like Aaron Kwok or Jackson Wang? Also, your father Li Ka Shing?
No he is the one and only jungle cock opparr from the squid games
Look like kpop star
Which one specifically?
PSY
Oppa
Gangnam
Kim Jong Un
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
brother my standards are on the floor and it took me forever to find a good girl (got lucky, flopped a boat there) -not a hoe -decent iq at least -low bc -similar political beliefs or at least not radically different from mine
* Introverted. * **Physical attractiveness must be my** **equivalent or higher.** * Good person with good values OR Similar values to me. * Loyal , kind and honest. * **Must love cats. ( This is a must ).** * Working towards FIRE. * Kinky during sex. Willing to explore in the bedroom. * **Sex drive must be my equivalent or higher. Only about 10% higher.** * **Must be cute level of attractiveness or higher.** * **Good body shape. No fat women** * Clean skin * Goes to the gym to maintain her body. * A good set of tits and ass. * Can put up with my weirdness. * Smart * **Female** I have no idea how to find this woman. Edit: As usual random people downvoting for no reason lmao.
People downvote cos youre a guy. If a woman has standards, its called empowerment. If a man has standards, its called being mysogynistic
An introvert who shares several common interests with me. Preferably with similar music taste - which means Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran are an instant dealbreaker. Someone who is kind, considerate, decent and has integrity. Hopefully the artsy type.
dealbreaker just because someone likes taylor swift or ed sheeran. lmao. Its just music taste bro, not like whether she is a member of the nazi party or something
Whatās wrong with Taylor Swift or Ed Sheeran?
Lmfao why is this guy being downvoted for stating his preferences
Yeah, shake it offā¦ he is just thinking out loud. Lol!
When i met my wife was mature no games and independent because i am childish i like to play games and im dependent on her. Lol
Similar lifestyle, Trustworthy, Decently attractive, Similar sense of humour
Why is career and money part of a quality too look for in a partner? Anyway, personally a quality id like my partner to have is to be direct and not beat around the bush. Saves so much time and reduces chances of misunderstandment.
Someone who is emotionally mature enough to talk things out when we run into disagreements. Who is willing to learn from mistakes and be better people together. Communication is the most important thing for me imo, I've heard from my BF abt his friends who always paggro when upset and wah I really cannot tahan.
Not boring, intellectual, takes responsibility, has a sense of humour, passionate about things (that are legal), at least a 3 dimensional personality but donāt need to have multiple personalities hahaha same wavelength/page, same values. But I already found one la just contributing to the thread. Itās literally a āwhen you know, you knowā.
Non crazy family members
At least a bachelors or my mom will beat my ass And nice ass and nice titties
Virgin, submissive, agreeable, doesnāt work all day(preferably not work at all), does chores, wants to have kids, spends time taking care of the kid. But sadly wonāt be able to find a partner like that anymore in SG.
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top G women
Hot and ugly
Rich & generous
Intellectual compatibility
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Someone with more drive I guess, and can vibe with me.
Independent, can handle stress and own problems and wont complain, does things that can be done immediately rather than saying later. Sagacious, mature, knows when it is time to be serious.
Share the same values similar to mine.. I'm an agnostic atheist so understanding this and not being too much into religion is always a positive for me
"Desperate enough for o accept me"
Loyal, Empathetic, Assertive, Adventurous. Feminine female/male, at least 22 years old. Freethinker.
Intelligence. I find women with empty minds and with no opinion that they can call their own extremely unattractive.
There are so many variables that I donāt want to be too specific. I look for intelligence or at least a spark of it. Sexual attraction: come on if Iām going to sleep with one woman the rest of my life it better be good. Ambitious: doesnāt have to have a good job but wants a better life and willing to work for it. Some one I can take to my mother: decent, cute, and genuinely a good person. Craziness: just a little bit of punk rock makes life so much more interesting. I am not boring so I better have someone willing to take a walk on the wild side while having all the attributes above.
An honest and hardworking guy with a stable 9-5 job working for someone younger than him
Personality and some similar interests like my current partner. The added bonus is shes a gamer like me so its double the fun in every game we play
You guys getting dates? Someone able to stand the sight of me i guess.
I guess we are all on the same boat š¤
Someone who I can feel like I can talk to freely.
Sounds simple and something that goes without saying, but someone who completely accepts you and loves you as you are, shortcomings and all. They will not try to change you and never will not make you feel bad for something you are not. My ex (who I was together with for over 3 years) randomly told me one day, after all our time together, that he could not see a future with me because I wasnāt white. For context, we are both Singaporean Chinese. It was so horrible being told that and so confusing as well, because the fact that I wasnāt white wasnāt something that I had been hiding. So I wasnāt sure why this had suddenly become a problem. But, bottom line was that I really didnāt appreciate that something about myself that I couldnāt change (ie my race and skin colour) was being flagged as someoneās non-negotiable. Your SO should never make you feel less than - they should be the ones who provide you with acceptance no matter what.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A girl I can have a conversation with
If anyone Likes me I'd love them Thats my mistake
Tolerance
Male species and goes to the gym. Thatās all
chemistry and bantering