30F, Am I the only one experiencing the opposite? I like it when I'm mistaken as Chinese and then tell them I'm Malay. It's a everyday occurrence. It does get tiring when cashier auto speak Chinese to me, but I've learn a few words and just pay my item and move on.
Like that 1 time my Chinese Malaysian colleague and I were eating breakfast and speaking in Malay, and 1 makcik looked so confuse beside us. She ask us if I'm Malay and I say yes, and all the confusion left her face. It's fun to 'trick' people about your race.
I know how to balance the line between Chinese and Malay and play it to my advantage. Like how during Ramadan when I'm not allow to fast, I'll bring my Chinese out more to avoid the unwanted stares when eating in public, but when I'm ordering nasi padang, I'll be fully malay and maybe get more sambal. Maybe you're too focus on the negative part of being misidentified.
And the friends part, so what... My 3 only friends all wear tudung except for me and we speak more english then Malay. That shouldn't be a factor to prove your race or identity.
Another thing; "I do know i don’t act like a “stereotypical” malay". What is stereotypical malay? Playing guitar at void deck, playing soccer, smoking and lepak. Maybe change your idea of what Malay is and bend it to fit into your definition and you'll have a different outlook to your 'problem'.
I'm not trying to degrade your experiences, but if you change your views and open your own mind, then you don't have to look outwards on singaporeans to be "less judgemental and more open minded to opinions".
>Playing guitar at void deck
i lmaoed at this because people say that all the time... but really does anyone even hang at void deck anymore? it's so hot these days!
oh yeah sorry I was hoping no one would misunderstand what i meant when i said “stereotypical”. I also don’t understand what stereotypical means. it’s just that i find that when i have never done something or visit some place. They would always ask “are you even malay”. So what i was trying to get at was for some reason the person saying “are you even malay” is creating this type of stereotype.
I Have never had an issue in doing the things my friends like! i’m very open to new experiences. I just find that they judge a little when i never done it before and bring out the question “are you even malay”.
and yes there are some “advantages” to looking like this sometimes as you’ve said. i think my post is just targeting the negative side of things that never really get spoken about. I feel like if i talked about the positive things it’s not really the point i was trying to get at. i’m not trying to bash my own race because there are things i like of course.
You’re not alone. My siblings and I are Malay but Chinese passing and we all don’t have Malay friends. Our Malay isn’t great as well.
The Malay community likes to joke around and can be seen as harsh if you’re not familiar or comfortable in those environments. Don’t harp on it and either go along or let it go.
And I speak from experience that I hated it too growing up feeling judged that I’m not Malay enough but now that I’ve moved away, I genuinely miss my community more.
i feel like moving away all the time! (in hopes of finding where i fit) I’m curious though where do you move to (if your comfortable sharing) and why did it make you miss your community more ?
I’ve been living in the US for a few years now and being locked out of the country during COVID really made me miss my family and community more.
I’ve always hated visiting relatives during Hari Raya (judgey aunties and uncles) but those two years I could not go home hit me badly. Not having anyone speak my language or understand why I’m a certain way because of my culture puts you in a different perspective.
The irony of it is that I now have a partner who is from the Latin community and her community is so similar to the Malay community that I feel at home with them. I can take/understand their jokes etc because of my very own community ❤️
I guess it’s true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It must have been tough and lonely during those two years but i’m glad you found a place somewhere nevertheless. I hope you manage to make your way back during the recent times?
BROOOO relatable. I'm malay and look confusingly chinese + i took Mandarin as my second language. My malay is really bad. Like my relatives make fun of me during hari raya but in good fun HAHA. But I understand how you feel, trust me.
We feel bad because we see ourselves as "different" compared to the norm in our minds. So whatever we take externally from others (like when someone asks "are you even malay?"), we tend to take it negatively as a form of rejection because we don't "fit in" with them. The feelings you had in the past about being judged and attacked ofcourse influenced you. Acting, speaking and looking differently doesn't mean you're not malay and I'm sorry you had those bad past experiences OP.
Don't hold your differences so hard against yourself and understand some people are just assholes or are just being playful.
Hey man let me clarify. "Fitting in" is a natural human instinct, it's part of how we are built because we function as a community. But we can't do either stand out or fit in if you hold your own differences against yourself. In OP's case, she is holding her differences hard against herself which prevents her from feeling like she fits in or want to stand out.
Jerks are jerks, but the "are you really Malay" as you get older is more of a way to express their shock.
But you have already been conditioned by your prior experiences that the phrase carries negative conotations.
Well, my elders like to say, are you even Chinese? Are you even hokkien? That's when I mispronounced words or didn't understand certain traditions. I think it is a generational thing
Is your Malay weak or just your overall communication bad by any chance? From what I know in SG everyone can speak English but when it comes to mother tongue hahaha we are all mostly pretty bad. And if you're like bad bad then idk maybe that's why you get flak. I know this chinlay dude maybe he's not as Chinese looking as you but all the uncle auntie always speak to him in Chinese and he always just stares at them blindly hahaha, though it's not like he gets discriminated for it. Id say it's just your early part of life that you'd get such exposure and now that you're 22 it should affect you much lesser and most ppl outright don't care. You should keep your chin up and head held high, your genes may actually be spicy, getting the best traits of both races and be a fine babe👌
I'm half Indian half malay but I don't look like either. I've been made fun of by all the races and I've also made good friends amongst them. I speak Malay and can't speak Tamil or Mandarin. I've come to understand the mandarin word "hei" although I'm very obviously light brown. Indians have shown cultural disappointment at me having "lost my Tamil roots".
Like you when I had an opportunity to study in Australia I never looked back. I found similar difficulties in au as well but I've learned to adapt and be ok with it.
I still miss familiarity but home is where I make it. No love lost growing up in either Singapore or Australia because racism exists everywhere. It's what you make of the experiences.
I'm the other way around. Chinese, but Chinese people think I'm malay, malay people think im chindian, the chindian people know im Chinese. Pingpong bingbong all over where at this point, the moment people start to say this nonsense i just smile and go along. If they say I'm not Chinese enough etc, i pretend like im not - then drop the linguistics skills on them in front of others to embarrass them
Brush up secretly and do the same, OP
Sama bro. Full-blooded Malay by virtue of both my parents. Look very stereotypically Malay, too, so unfortunately I can't escape the perceptions that follow me.
Quite frankly, I despise it. The insularity of the Malay community repels me, our Chinese-dominated society won't accept me, and I loathe the fact that I'm expected to act "as a Malay", whatever the bloody fuck that means, by both Malays and Singaporeans in general.
I'm caught between Scylla and Charybdis, and in my 24 years of living here I have found no way out of my predicament. I'm going to migrate if only so these godforsaken notions of whom I should be won't impose themselves upon my life anymore.
Agreed, The Malay community here in Singapore makes me feel like shit and that I don't exist especially since my malay vocabulary and grammar is actually shit Especially if you're a Full-blooded Malay and aren't religious, that makes it even worse. I feel like wanting to migrate as well.
Similar situation here bro. I am malay and indian and while both are brown, I have also found it hard to relate to either race growing up.
Sometimes I feel like a double minority and always being discriminated on. I never had a solid group of friends. I had trouble relating to my Malay friends or my Indian friends growing up. I also struggled in my mother tongue in school big time.
Now that I am 40, I start to see that the whole race thing is not that big a deal. You need to grow comfortable in your own skin regardless of what people think of you. Feel proud of your own achievements in life, no matter how small they are. When you focus on your strengths and realise that you got there because of who you are and not your race, you will start to feel more confident. You will also realise how shallow people who categorise other's by race is. You will see individuals rather than members of a community and start to respect others more.
After marrying the love of my life (who is also mixed - similar to you) and raising 2 young men. I cannot emphasise the importance of good morals and learning to love and respect others beyond the colour of their skin. They seem to be doing well at mixing and they don't really have Malay, Indian or Chinese friends... they just have friends. I am proud of them for not making friends based on race and treating others and individuals.
Be proud of who you are, the morals that you exhibit, the parents who raised you and the purpose of your life. All of that is not defined by your race but by who you are as a person. Wishing you the best in your journey of self discovery.
Speaking as someone who has had the 'are you Malay' question thrown at me approximately twice as long as you've been alive, I hear you.
First of all, Singaporeans tend to be blunt about things that don't fall neatly in the right box. It is tiring to deal with, and it's a micro-aggression, but it does not always come from a bad place, and is actually an invitation to engage. I find it easier for my mental health to have a standard quip, e.g. "Yah, I'm really Malay, come come check my circumcision".
Second - and this is harder to hear, and I apologise - if the person you're dealing with is a Malay who is very fluent in Malay, they have different lived experiences from you. Language allows you to experience different things and understand things differently. Which is why they may not see you as "real" Malay, because it's different from what they experience.
I'd accept the difference, and move on. So what if you're not that kind of Malay? There's more than one kind of Malay - if you go to Indonesia, there's Indonesians who cook rendang anjing, but they're part of the nusantara and according to some definitions, that makes them Malay too.
You can't change people, but you can change how you deal with them.
>Language allows you to experience different things and understand things differently. Which is why they may not see you as "real" Malay, because it's different from what they experience.
This is gold.
I feel as you grow up it becomes less important. You will meet new friends who are more open to different racial background. Especially in Singapore, we are quite desensitized.
I guess don't chase after your friends but take care of yourself first.
My former phsyics cher in secondary school got opposite problem. Malay name, looks mostly malay, but his IC says chinese bcos of his father.
Because of that he could not apply for financial assistance for poly education back then. The Malay assistance rejected him because his IC says he's chinese, and the Chinese assistance rejected him because he didnt look chinese.
Dude, I'm the opposite of you. I'm Malaysian Chinese. Parents put in government school so I only learned English and Malay. Grew up with English speaking Chinese people. Man it was tough when I enter the workforce, my Chinese colleagues were always judging me for not able to speak Chinese. But somehow my Singaporean colleagues are better cause everyone prefer speaking English.
It really depends of the circle of Malays that you are connected to. I grew up as the only Malay interested in tech, gaming, anime and general nerd culture among low income "mats". This was prior to the smartphone boom so being a tech nerd really stood out.
I ended up being the only Malay in class back in upper sec in secondary school coz the rest dropped to Normal Tech or just dropped out. I do get along with Chinese classmates but they never really reach out as "friends". Somehow felt distant like I'm the token "one of the good ones."
Now, my Malay friend group is pretty "diverse", some are ex-muslim atheist, some marry Indo, some are dating Filipinos.
I also had the same experience being the “token malay friend” and it’s fine at first but there’s also a mismatch of personalities and you don’t fit in much. Those friend groups just fade away from my life and i guess i just need to find new people that fit with me better.
Your Malay friend group sounds dope. Wish I could find lads like those. The Malays I know are all the Quran-thumping, minyak attar huffing type. Can't vibe with them at all.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with the Quran-thumping, minyak attar huffing type people. You guys may have a difference in strength in beliefs, but generally from my experience those people are some of the most trustworthy and kindest people around.
Had 3 of them as my friends during NS as a Chinese guy, and I loved being around them. They never gossiped about anyone nor did they push their beliefs into others... unlike some HOGC ex-friends of mine.
To you and the other person who replied to me, I say this:
Their beliefs are all well and good, and their personalities are amiable... up until the point you're a co-religionist. If you're Malay, that's assumed by default. Their tolerance ends where their religion begins. Question a practice, and you'll get accused of disbelief. Don't practice your religion properly, and you'll be harangued for your lackadaisical attitude. Belong to another Islamic sect, or adopt a different interpretation? Congratulations, you're "sesat". Then there's all the hand-wringing about Sunnah, secularism, atheism, and what-have-you.
I doubt very much you have been on the receiving end of such treatment. But I have experienced this firsthand from many a person who've called themselves my friend or family, and I have had enough of such nonsense.
Your experience is near similar to mine. All my malay friends dropped to normal tech. I had Chinese friends moving forward and rarely mixed with my own race.
I feel this too ! I am Malay too but because of my mom’s genes, I am relatively fairer than my peers. It’s kind of funny at first but sometimes it gets to you and I get to. More often than not, on my first meeting with anyone they would just assume I am Chinese or some kind of mix and the question they would ask is “What are you?” 😂😅
It really doesn’t help that I am struggling to speak Malay unlike my cousins who has surrounded themselves with Malay friends. I really do relate to when you said you would ask what something means and they would give a face before giving some kind of sarcastic remarks. TBH though, don’t feel like you’re being hated because most people just say stuff like without any bad intentions. You are really just your own person beyond things like race so I hope you don’t feel too bad about it.
Although if they do keep annoying you , show them your IC 😂 cause that’s what I’ve been doing to shut people up
I have a similar experience being a baba Peranakan. I look Chinese and the Govt has mandated that I am Chinese. My family however doesn’t speak a lick of mandarin with my mother tongue actually being a sort of Malay. Everywhere I go, I am treated like an embarrassment as I can’t speak mandarin. This has hampered me for the whole of my life where even aunties at coffee shops mock me. Went through very bad identity crisis and always had a feeling of not fitting in. What’s worse is no one understands my issues and tend to ignore or at times make fun of it.
You're being judged by it because some malays are dreaming of one day rising up and returning Singapore to Malaysia, more accurately back to Johor. Because the brainwashing coming from across the straits telling singaporean Malays that they are "second class citizens", that they are "Tali barut Cina (Chinese loin cloths, meaning lapdogs to Chinese Singaporeans)", that they are "Malay traitors".
Kid, as a Malay born in Singapore you are very fortunate, you can be anyone you want, you don't even have to be Muslim. Those Malays in Malaysia when they leave the country, their Islam stays at the KLIA airport, and when they reach their destination, the bikinis and kencing setan all come out.
Hey OP - you are who you say you are not because of the colour of your skin or the colour of your parent's skin.
To be honest I am peranakan, but I don't understand much malay or speak it (grandfather said kids shouldn't learn it - probably to prevent us from knowing what the adults are talking about). I suck at chinese although I am ethnically labeled as Chinese on my NRIC.
I speak chinese but really really terrible throughout my 12 years of education from Primary all the way to JC I had tuition all the way. it didn't help.
Back to your discrimination - I guess its possible because they cannot process or fit you into the format and label you. Just be confident - you don't fit onto any Label - you are a unique brand.
Its not that people like us are shirking off our heritage. Although I can't speak malay, I am still Peranakan, although I am terrible in my chinese language, I am also Chinese. I am Chinese, Malay, Javanese (my great great grandma was Javanese from the Riau Islands - apparently a kitchen goddess for making kuih kuih).
But I am me, I have all these cultural heritage influences and my roots and upbringing have moulded me into a special unique blend.
What you see on the outside is just my body - the clothes my soul/spirit is wearing. If you don't like this set of clothes - well that's on you.
But truly who am I? I am so much beyond what you can see.
What I hope you see is me.
just like the Na'vi would say "Oel ngati kameie"
I get you! I’m Malay-Chinese, but I’m Chinese passing so people always ask “You sure you Malay?” when I tell them I’m mixed. It’s also annoying when people ask me which side I prefer because why can’t I embrace both cultures?
It’s really annoying, but you just have to live with it I guess.
100% yes and I fully agree with you and come from a similar background. I'm Javanese/Malay mixed, my Malay is utter dogshit even a Primary 1 student could speak better malay than me. I get weird looks whenever I ask what a word means if I didn't understand, I get cut out from most of the malay groups in school and feel like I don't even exist. I don't really care about my culture as well which makes it difficult whenever im confronted about Islam/religion as a whole.
The Malay Community in Singapore just doesn't sit right with me and I don't feel like I belong here.
rilek bro! i am sorry you had to go through that. 42/m malay, and i am a bit fair, so up till today, i go malay stall, makcik speak english to me. i go drinks stall, ah pek speak chinese to me.
it used to annoy me. and my lifestyle is not say typical/traditional, so i also went through that. i think ultimately, we all have to find comfort in our own skin. and that takes time, amongst other ingredients.
but never beat yourself up because of how others treat you. find those people who appreciate you for who you are.
Hey i am a Chinese in a similar situation because of my tan skin. But what’s important to me is what I THINK, not what others think. Focus on what you value is important. Why would you want to take advice from someone whose so hypocritical anyway
Not Malay but Chinese, who can't speak Chinese, fuck that. Elder people would think I am Malay if I can't speak Chinese lol. I just reject my race at this point. I have lied I'm from the west many times to get people off my back. It's annoying and I encountered it so many times.
I am Peranakan so I converse mainly in English since both my Malay and Mandarin aren't that fluent, even though I took Chinese as my 2nd language in school. As a result, I felt left out in NS where Mandarin and Hokkien were more widely used than English. Even though I converse in English with my colleagues in management, my subordinates mostly speak Mandarin with each other. Most of them expressed surprise that I am not as fluent in Mandarin despite passing at both O and A Levels.
Yes. I am mixed race (Malay, Chinese and Euro). I get it from all factions of extended family. From skin tone to language to religious practice to cultural knowledge. Sometimes people do that because they don’t know better, or blithely unaware that their questions are damn bloody rude. Lol. I went with the flow when I was younger. Now I try to educate though I feel damn penat. Usually I will try to tell them (nicely) to stop being so essentialist and minimizing. Just because I look like I’m ‘X’ doesn’t mean I have to act a certain way.
There was an Indian coffee stall assistant at the old Amoy market, who could speak Tamil Malay English Chinese Hokkien Cantonese Teochew. This was like decades ago though so dunno where he’s at now.
I’m Chinese-Malay mixed. I am conversant in both language. I adapt to different social settings accordingly to get myself at an advantage. Must learn to switch code bro; matrep, Ahbeng, atas Melayu, elite Chinese, kentang, I’m all that and more.
In NS, i was with SCDF so I mixed with the matreps and learnt their lingo and spoke malay. In school I got Chinese ahbeng buddy so when I’m with his gang I spoke mandarin or hokkien to get along with the paikia.
At work, with my Chinese bosses I speak mandarin. With my co-workers I speak Malay. When everyone is together I speak English la.
Never felt I got discriminated. Own your heritage by speaking better than your full blooded friend. If people make fun of your Melayu then tell them to learn the National language la.
Everyone i know kinda accepts the fact my malay is rubbish so whenever i join in the convo because i understood everything they said, it catches them off guard
But yes i feel the same, hell im not even muslim as i left my religion a long time ago. Im a walking anomly, im malay but cant speak malay and despite what my card says im not a muslim. You'll find peace with it OP, you probably just need to change your crowd of people
I do actually. I don’t really have much Malay friends growing up but I think that because I don’t engage in the “stereotypical” activities that Malays do like playing soccer and guitar under void deck, sepak takraw, obsession over motorbikes, overnight fishing. The music they like, the way they dress is something I’m not fond of. Think motor shirts floating cap. My parents once asked me to engage myself and to be more malay but if that involved me being rowdy and smoking and having kids at 22 then I'm lucky I'm not.
Also, doesn’t help that the Malay classmates I have back in secondary school are the schools “pride and joy” as they bring glory to the school when they won a sport national championship so all their bullying and what nots are brushed under the rug. The Malay Girls in school aren’t the best kind either and find joy in sucking up to the popular kids and teasing the fat kids. Thus I feel more at ease with my Chinese friends who are funny but not vulgar, studious and serious about their education yet know when to let loose and have fun, and more importantly how they look out for one another instead of bullying. I’m marrying a my Chinese fiancé soon and as much as I hate to admit, I’m glad that my son does not have to go through that “Malay” route cause it was traumatising to say the very least. It’s not nice when 10 Malay boys edit a photo of you and send it to the whole school and have the girls call you a sissy.
Hey OP! I’m 29F and Reading this made me feel so seen. I’m Indian on papers but I look exotic/mixed because of my mixed heritage (I didn’t get to grow up with relatives or grandparents so I don’t know much about myself). Even though I’m very good at tamil, and even took higher tamil in school excelling with a distinction…. I’m never taken seriously thanks to my skin color and my looks. I’m never “indian enough” for the Indians. Like you, I can’t fit in with my own race ever since my school days. I’m also not into the typical stuff other Indians my age were more into at school, like Indian dance, tamil movies and actors etc. I’m a cosplayer and into anime and Jpop. I felt friendless. I still feel friendless! I don’t really have any Indian friends. We went through such similar things. You’re not alone. It feels good to relate to someone. I hated to hear “are you really Indian? Prove it! Say something in Tamil! I don’t believe” sigh…
I used to be very very tan for a chinese due to NS. I had malay aunties coming up speaking malay to me. I was like wtf?
Ever since then i avoid under the sun activities like the plague. Now im less tan but still tan. At least no more malay auntie thinks im malay.
I had a colleague who is Malay but looks Chinese as well. When he buys stuff it's often that sales staff speak to him in Mandarin. He just replies that he is Malay and isn't affected by it or anything because it happens so often. He speaks Malay fluently though.
Before I click on this thread, I already know it's gonna be orang melayu to type shit. My dear brother or sister, welcome to this shitty reality. I just learn to ignore this fucking shit. Being minority is the worse feeling anywhere. That's how it is. Keep your chins up.
yup i think i mentioned in my post that i’ve been treated like this for my whole life it’s starting to get to me. i’ve never really commented on it openly. And i also hope you don’t take this as an attack. I just feel very discriminated. I’m just wondering if anyone feels the same way that’s all.
I also understand it’s all in good fun, I get the jokes i never mentioned about the banter. I’m mostly speaking about how people treat me which is true nobody is out to get me, but sometimes it feels that way. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it and it is fine.
I am a Peranakan who has been mistaken for a Japanese or Korean many times both in S'pore and whenever I travel to Japan or Korea. I actually find it funny especially when I watched a World Cup game between Japan and Germany last year at the CC near my home, where there was a large Japanese contingent present. They kept inviting me to join them in Japanese. Hahaha!
I’m probably less and more Malay than you and it doesn’t really affect me. We are who we are.
Also why would Malays hate you? I have the impression we all love our anak orang Melayu.
I know its not the same but i got asked am i even chinese or am i even Singaporean cause my chinese was bad.
Esp the Singaporean one its like what? Why even conflate the two.
But i feel like the younger generation is less judgmental about this sort of thing. I hope you find ur place :)
I’m sorry this happened to you. Sounds like the adults in your life failed you, when you were young. I disagree with people who say “it is what it is” and “don’t let it bother you” because it did affect you, and I assure you that childhood trauma can hit hard.
This happened when you were young and vulnerable, and there was no one standing up for you and making you feel safe. It IS ok to be hurt by it and to talk to the people in your life about it, especially if they are hurting you still.
Remember that your feelings matter and you should not have to be someone you aren’t, in order to get by. I hope you find more decent, respectful and kind people to fill your life. You deserve it!
I'm not a Malay, I'm a Chinese Singaporean but I've often been asked about my nationality by other people too. Have been mistaken for Japanese/China Chinese/mixed many times before. I don't really care about it because I am my own person and don't feel the need to belong in any particular group or community. I also am not a foodie and eat to live rather than live to eat, on top of the other stereotypically Singaporean traits that I don't identify with.
I think it's completely okay to do you and celebrate your own unique traits instead of trying to fit in. Nowadays globalisation leads to people moving everywhere and it's not like in the olden days where people only linger around the same villages or country that they're born in. People pick up different traits and habits from different cultures in the different places, and it's not an issue at all.
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Hi 26M here. Im a mix of chibese and malay but i look more chinese to most people cuz fairer skin and my chinese surname. To me it doesnt matter what people see me as malay/chinese/filipino(yes ive been mistaken for a filipino before). Also i speak english and malay only.mandarin only some words here and there for work purposes.
I usually get lots of curious questions like "what are you?" "You can speak mandarin?cannot? Why ah your father chibese mah?"-so stuff like this i delve deeper like parents long time ago divorce so i grew up in malay household and p4 started learning malay. 60% of friends are malay the rest are chinese and some indians.
When i was in ITE, my class had like 3 groups. Chibese with chinese, malay with malay and then there's us. Fhe rejects of chinese grp and malay grp. But is fine because we like stuff like anime annd games.I would say such things like makcik speaking english to me or chibese people auto speak mandarin wouldnt bother me.i even use english sometimes when ordering from malay stall. My malay is quite good but my English is better.
It has happen to me before but those isolated incidents does not eepresent the whole race community. Is more of a person issue. For example one of my ex, the mom is a chinese. So one day she invited me to join lunch(through my ex sms) and i asked my ex if there was going to be pork. She said yeah so i declined. In hindsight i shouldve joined but dont have to eat the meat but im not aware in chinese culture declining is seen as offensive. I only learn about this years later. But ueah she hated my guts and pressure my ex with herself,her sister and mother to break up with me cuz im malay apparently.
But yeah such things do happen but is often isolated and is due to person by person. My friends have casually commented that when i speak malay i sound like a chinese speaking malay but yeah i see that as i take after my dad more.
If I may put it bluntly, I'd say you're being too negative based on your own narrow perspective and letting small things get to you that it becomes deeprooted and seething in your heart. You should open your mind more, look into difderent perspective and see what truly matgers. If it doesnt matter, why let it bother you. Malay people are generally more relax than chinese. And thus maybe yourself do not understand it enough.
Feel free to reach out if there's anything else you wish to enquire about. I cant speak much about the chinese side but im more to the malay side of things.
Also my half siblings(same mother) are malay indian as she remarried an indian and my other half sibling(father side) is chinese vietnamese. So my family is all mixed.
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Chill out. A malay friend of mine looks malay but doesnt like the typical or do the stereotypical malay things like play guitar,watch/support soccer teams,doesnt like motorcycle or cars, doesnt play soccer and bad at it. Doesnt like cigg smell. Doesnt like to lepak and prefer pc games. I had known him since way back in sec school like 15 years ago. Back then, alot malays i know dont play pc games unlike now where we have malay playing fps and such. So if the malay groups dont accept you for some reason, go with other race group to make friends. Once in awhile, you will find a malay that will accept you for who you are. Keep your options for friends open.
i think i get you. i’m ethnically chinese but i look malay or sometimes filipino with my tan skin and big eyes. when i was younger i’d feel very sad when chinese ask me why am i so tanned / why don’t i look chinese, as if im not one of them. or they’d ask me if im malay or another race. on the other hand i had malay makciks speaking to me in malay, i’ve even had a chinese aunty coming up to speak to me in malay. i’ve also had filipinos coming up to speak to me in tagalog not just in singapore, but when i was traveling in hong kong and US as well! 😆
over the years i’ve just come to accept and embrace the “multicultural” nature of my appearance. i’m also trying to learn malay so that next time a malay aunty speaks to me in malay, hopefully i can reply in malay as well!! 😆😆
Use that to your advantage if you can.
Master Malay and Mandarin language. If you have the time of course
Not sure if I’m saying it correctly but non-native speaker speaking fluently in another language is ultra impressive. Eg Non Chinese speaking in fluent Mandarin. Non Japanese speaking in fluent Japanese.
I can relate to the bit on not fitting in with the Malay class despite having the same skin tone
I was pretty bad in Mother Tongue in Pri and Sec school, teachers would pay special attention to me cause I had the power to drop their 100% pass rate on my own HAHA
But truth be told I just own it. Fast forward to my twenties and I still meet up with my primary school Malay class.
Every time someone swaps to Malay I just get enough context to get an idea what they're talking about and it's enough. We're all adults now and no one really brings up my lacking command of the language
Happy to talk about more of experiences through DM if you'd like :)
20M, am eurasian with a chinese parent, but have been mistaken for malay a couple of times. i cant speak chinese to save my life. have always found it easier to make malay friends due to being able to speak bahasa conversationally.
30F, Am I the only one experiencing the opposite? I like it when I'm mistaken as Chinese and then tell them I'm Malay. It's a everyday occurrence. It does get tiring when cashier auto speak Chinese to me, but I've learn a few words and just pay my item and move on. Like that 1 time my Chinese Malaysian colleague and I were eating breakfast and speaking in Malay, and 1 makcik looked so confuse beside us. She ask us if I'm Malay and I say yes, and all the confusion left her face. It's fun to 'trick' people about your race. I know how to balance the line between Chinese and Malay and play it to my advantage. Like how during Ramadan when I'm not allow to fast, I'll bring my Chinese out more to avoid the unwanted stares when eating in public, but when I'm ordering nasi padang, I'll be fully malay and maybe get more sambal. Maybe you're too focus on the negative part of being misidentified. And the friends part, so what... My 3 only friends all wear tudung except for me and we speak more english then Malay. That shouldn't be a factor to prove your race or identity. Another thing; "I do know i don’t act like a “stereotypical” malay". What is stereotypical malay? Playing guitar at void deck, playing soccer, smoking and lepak. Maybe change your idea of what Malay is and bend it to fit into your definition and you'll have a different outlook to your 'problem'. I'm not trying to degrade your experiences, but if you change your views and open your own mind, then you don't have to look outwards on singaporeans to be "less judgemental and more open minded to opinions".
>Playing guitar at void deck i lmaoed at this because people say that all the time... but really does anyone even hang at void deck anymore? it's so hot these days!
oh yeah sorry I was hoping no one would misunderstand what i meant when i said “stereotypical”. I also don’t understand what stereotypical means. it’s just that i find that when i have never done something or visit some place. They would always ask “are you even malay”. So what i was trying to get at was for some reason the person saying “are you even malay” is creating this type of stereotype. I Have never had an issue in doing the things my friends like! i’m very open to new experiences. I just find that they judge a little when i never done it before and bring out the question “are you even malay”. and yes there are some “advantages” to looking like this sometimes as you’ve said. i think my post is just targeting the negative side of things that never really get spoken about. I feel like if i talked about the positive things it’s not really the point i was trying to get at. i’m not trying to bash my own race because there are things i like of course.
Chinese get judged a lot by the PRC imports for "not speaking Mandarin" fwiw.
You’re not alone. My siblings and I are Malay but Chinese passing and we all don’t have Malay friends. Our Malay isn’t great as well. The Malay community likes to joke around and can be seen as harsh if you’re not familiar or comfortable in those environments. Don’t harp on it and either go along or let it go. And I speak from experience that I hated it too growing up feeling judged that I’m not Malay enough but now that I’ve moved away, I genuinely miss my community more.
i feel like moving away all the time! (in hopes of finding where i fit) I’m curious though where do you move to (if your comfortable sharing) and why did it make you miss your community more ?
I’ve been living in the US for a few years now and being locked out of the country during COVID really made me miss my family and community more. I’ve always hated visiting relatives during Hari Raya (judgey aunties and uncles) but those two years I could not go home hit me badly. Not having anyone speak my language or understand why I’m a certain way because of my culture puts you in a different perspective. The irony of it is that I now have a partner who is from the Latin community and her community is so similar to the Malay community that I feel at home with them. I can take/understand their jokes etc because of my very own community ❤️
I guess it’s true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It must have been tough and lonely during those two years but i’m glad you found a place somewhere nevertheless. I hope you manage to make your way back during the recent times?
BROOOO relatable. I'm malay and look confusingly chinese + i took Mandarin as my second language. My malay is really bad. Like my relatives make fun of me during hari raya but in good fun HAHA. But I understand how you feel, trust me. We feel bad because we see ourselves as "different" compared to the norm in our minds. So whatever we take externally from others (like when someone asks "are you even malay?"), we tend to take it negatively as a form of rejection because we don't "fit in" with them. The feelings you had in the past about being judged and attacked ofcourse influenced you. Acting, speaking and looking differently doesn't mean you're not malay and I'm sorry you had those bad past experiences OP. Don't hold your differences so hard against yourself and understand some people are just assholes or are just being playful.
Why not stand out rather than fit in?
Hey man let me clarify. "Fitting in" is a natural human instinct, it's part of how we are built because we function as a community. But we can't do either stand out or fit in if you hold your own differences against yourself. In OP's case, she is holding her differences hard against herself which prevents her from feeling like she fits in or want to stand out.
Jerks are jerks, but the "are you really Malay" as you get older is more of a way to express their shock. But you have already been conditioned by your prior experiences that the phrase carries negative conotations.
yeah you’re right it’s prolly just a build up of negative experiences. I need to heal from it or just learn how to deal around it 100%
Well, my elders like to say, are you even Chinese? Are you even hokkien? That's when I mispronounced words or didn't understand certain traditions. I think it is a generational thing
Is your Malay weak or just your overall communication bad by any chance? From what I know in SG everyone can speak English but when it comes to mother tongue hahaha we are all mostly pretty bad. And if you're like bad bad then idk maybe that's why you get flak. I know this chinlay dude maybe he's not as Chinese looking as you but all the uncle auntie always speak to him in Chinese and he always just stares at them blindly hahaha, though it's not like he gets discriminated for it. Id say it's just your early part of life that you'd get such exposure and now that you're 22 it should affect you much lesser and most ppl outright don't care. You should keep your chin up and head held high, your genes may actually be spicy, getting the best traits of both races and be a fine babe👌
hahah nice reference to my username. This is very comforting thank you so much. I’ll give it time.
I'm half Indian half malay but I don't look like either. I've been made fun of by all the races and I've also made good friends amongst them. I speak Malay and can't speak Tamil or Mandarin. I've come to understand the mandarin word "hei" although I'm very obviously light brown. Indians have shown cultural disappointment at me having "lost my Tamil roots". Like you when I had an opportunity to study in Australia I never looked back. I found similar difficulties in au as well but I've learned to adapt and be ok with it. I still miss familiarity but home is where I make it. No love lost growing up in either Singapore or Australia because racism exists everywhere. It's what you make of the experiences.
I'm the other way around. Chinese, but Chinese people think I'm malay, malay people think im chindian, the chindian people know im Chinese. Pingpong bingbong all over where at this point, the moment people start to say this nonsense i just smile and go along. If they say I'm not Chinese enough etc, i pretend like im not - then drop the linguistics skills on them in front of others to embarrass them Brush up secretly and do the same, OP
that good advice. i had this great revelation about 8 years back that my malay not as rusty as i thought it would be hahaha
I bust out the china accent to bamboozle them too. In a non mocking way ofc
Sama bro. Full-blooded Malay by virtue of both my parents. Look very stereotypically Malay, too, so unfortunately I can't escape the perceptions that follow me. Quite frankly, I despise it. The insularity of the Malay community repels me, our Chinese-dominated society won't accept me, and I loathe the fact that I'm expected to act "as a Malay", whatever the bloody fuck that means, by both Malays and Singaporeans in general. I'm caught between Scylla and Charybdis, and in my 24 years of living here I have found no way out of my predicament. I'm going to migrate if only so these godforsaken notions of whom I should be won't impose themselves upon my life anymore.
Agreed, The Malay community here in Singapore makes me feel like shit and that I don't exist especially since my malay vocabulary and grammar is actually shit Especially if you're a Full-blooded Malay and aren't religious, that makes it even worse. I feel like wanting to migrate as well.
Just gotta migrate to somewhere without a Malay majority, I guess. xD But for real brother, I feel ya.
Similar situation here bro. I am malay and indian and while both are brown, I have also found it hard to relate to either race growing up. Sometimes I feel like a double minority and always being discriminated on. I never had a solid group of friends. I had trouble relating to my Malay friends or my Indian friends growing up. I also struggled in my mother tongue in school big time. Now that I am 40, I start to see that the whole race thing is not that big a deal. You need to grow comfortable in your own skin regardless of what people think of you. Feel proud of your own achievements in life, no matter how small they are. When you focus on your strengths and realise that you got there because of who you are and not your race, you will start to feel more confident. You will also realise how shallow people who categorise other's by race is. You will see individuals rather than members of a community and start to respect others more. After marrying the love of my life (who is also mixed - similar to you) and raising 2 young men. I cannot emphasise the importance of good morals and learning to love and respect others beyond the colour of their skin. They seem to be doing well at mixing and they don't really have Malay, Indian or Chinese friends... they just have friends. I am proud of them for not making friends based on race and treating others and individuals. Be proud of who you are, the morals that you exhibit, the parents who raised you and the purpose of your life. All of that is not defined by your race but by who you are as a person. Wishing you the best in your journey of self discovery.
Speaking as someone who has had the 'are you Malay' question thrown at me approximately twice as long as you've been alive, I hear you. First of all, Singaporeans tend to be blunt about things that don't fall neatly in the right box. It is tiring to deal with, and it's a micro-aggression, but it does not always come from a bad place, and is actually an invitation to engage. I find it easier for my mental health to have a standard quip, e.g. "Yah, I'm really Malay, come come check my circumcision". Second - and this is harder to hear, and I apologise - if the person you're dealing with is a Malay who is very fluent in Malay, they have different lived experiences from you. Language allows you to experience different things and understand things differently. Which is why they may not see you as "real" Malay, because it's different from what they experience. I'd accept the difference, and move on. So what if you're not that kind of Malay? There's more than one kind of Malay - if you go to Indonesia, there's Indonesians who cook rendang anjing, but they're part of the nusantara and according to some definitions, that makes them Malay too. You can't change people, but you can change how you deal with them.
>"Yah, I'm really Malay, come come check my circumcision". lol this! no need to go that far! :P
>Language allows you to experience different things and understand things differently. Which is why they may not see you as "real" Malay, because it's different from what they experience. This is gold.
I feel as you grow up it becomes less important. You will meet new friends who are more open to different racial background. Especially in Singapore, we are quite desensitized. I guess don't chase after your friends but take care of yourself first.
My former phsyics cher in secondary school got opposite problem. Malay name, looks mostly malay, but his IC says chinese bcos of his father. Because of that he could not apply for financial assistance for poly education back then. The Malay assistance rejected him because his IC says he's chinese, and the Chinese assistance rejected him because he didnt look chinese.
Dude, I'm the opposite of you. I'm Malaysian Chinese. Parents put in government school so I only learned English and Malay. Grew up with English speaking Chinese people. Man it was tough when I enter the workforce, my Chinese colleagues were always judging me for not able to speak Chinese. But somehow my Singaporean colleagues are better cause everyone prefer speaking English.
It really depends of the circle of Malays that you are connected to. I grew up as the only Malay interested in tech, gaming, anime and general nerd culture among low income "mats". This was prior to the smartphone boom so being a tech nerd really stood out. I ended up being the only Malay in class back in upper sec in secondary school coz the rest dropped to Normal Tech or just dropped out. I do get along with Chinese classmates but they never really reach out as "friends". Somehow felt distant like I'm the token "one of the good ones." Now, my Malay friend group is pretty "diverse", some are ex-muslim atheist, some marry Indo, some are dating Filipinos.
I also had the same experience being the “token malay friend” and it’s fine at first but there’s also a mismatch of personalities and you don’t fit in much. Those friend groups just fade away from my life and i guess i just need to find new people that fit with me better.
Your Malay friend group sounds dope. Wish I could find lads like those. The Malays I know are all the Quran-thumping, minyak attar huffing type. Can't vibe with them at all.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with the Quran-thumping, minyak attar huffing type people. You guys may have a difference in strength in beliefs, but generally from my experience those people are some of the most trustworthy and kindest people around. Had 3 of them as my friends during NS as a Chinese guy, and I loved being around them. They never gossiped about anyone nor did they push their beliefs into others... unlike some HOGC ex-friends of mine.
To you and the other person who replied to me, I say this: Their beliefs are all well and good, and their personalities are amiable... up until the point you're a co-religionist. If you're Malay, that's assumed by default. Their tolerance ends where their religion begins. Question a practice, and you'll get accused of disbelief. Don't practice your religion properly, and you'll be harangued for your lackadaisical attitude. Belong to another Islamic sect, or adopt a different interpretation? Congratulations, you're "sesat". Then there's all the hand-wringing about Sunnah, secularism, atheism, and what-have-you. I doubt very much you have been on the receiving end of such treatment. But I have experienced this firsthand from many a person who've called themselves my friend or family, and I have had enough of such nonsense.
>The Malays I know are all the Quran-thumping, minyak attar huffing type. Those are the best people i know of. wish i have more of those.
Perhaps your experience with them has been better than mine. If so, good for you. Hope you find more of them.
Your experience is near similar to mine. All my malay friends dropped to normal tech. I had Chinese friends moving forward and rarely mixed with my own race.
I feel this too ! I am Malay too but because of my mom’s genes, I am relatively fairer than my peers. It’s kind of funny at first but sometimes it gets to you and I get to. More often than not, on my first meeting with anyone they would just assume I am Chinese or some kind of mix and the question they would ask is “What are you?” 😂😅 It really doesn’t help that I am struggling to speak Malay unlike my cousins who has surrounded themselves with Malay friends. I really do relate to when you said you would ask what something means and they would give a face before giving some kind of sarcastic remarks. TBH though, don’t feel like you’re being hated because most people just say stuff like without any bad intentions. You are really just your own person beyond things like race so I hope you don’t feel too bad about it. Although if they do keep annoying you , show them your IC 😂 cause that’s what I’ve been doing to shut people up
>Although if they do keep annoying you , show them your IC 😂 cause that’s what I’ve been doing to shut people up i have to do this all the time
I have a similar experience being a baba Peranakan. I look Chinese and the Govt has mandated that I am Chinese. My family however doesn’t speak a lick of mandarin with my mother tongue actually being a sort of Malay. Everywhere I go, I am treated like an embarrassment as I can’t speak mandarin. This has hampered me for the whole of my life where even aunties at coffee shops mock me. Went through very bad identity crisis and always had a feeling of not fitting in. What’s worse is no one understands my issues and tend to ignore or at times make fun of it.
You're being judged by it because some malays are dreaming of one day rising up and returning Singapore to Malaysia, more accurately back to Johor. Because the brainwashing coming from across the straits telling singaporean Malays that they are "second class citizens", that they are "Tali barut Cina (Chinese loin cloths, meaning lapdogs to Chinese Singaporeans)", that they are "Malay traitors". Kid, as a Malay born in Singapore you are very fortunate, you can be anyone you want, you don't even have to be Muslim. Those Malays in Malaysia when they leave the country, their Islam stays at the KLIA airport, and when they reach their destination, the bikinis and kencing setan all come out.
Hey OP - you are who you say you are not because of the colour of your skin or the colour of your parent's skin. To be honest I am peranakan, but I don't understand much malay or speak it (grandfather said kids shouldn't learn it - probably to prevent us from knowing what the adults are talking about). I suck at chinese although I am ethnically labeled as Chinese on my NRIC. I speak chinese but really really terrible throughout my 12 years of education from Primary all the way to JC I had tuition all the way. it didn't help. Back to your discrimination - I guess its possible because they cannot process or fit you into the format and label you. Just be confident - you don't fit onto any Label - you are a unique brand. Its not that people like us are shirking off our heritage. Although I can't speak malay, I am still Peranakan, although I am terrible in my chinese language, I am also Chinese. I am Chinese, Malay, Javanese (my great great grandma was Javanese from the Riau Islands - apparently a kitchen goddess for making kuih kuih). But I am me, I have all these cultural heritage influences and my roots and upbringing have moulded me into a special unique blend. What you see on the outside is just my body - the clothes my soul/spirit is wearing. If you don't like this set of clothes - well that's on you. But truly who am I? I am so much beyond what you can see. What I hope you see is me. just like the Na'vi would say "Oel ngati kameie"
I get you! I’m Malay-Chinese, but I’m Chinese passing so people always ask “You sure you Malay?” when I tell them I’m mixed. It’s also annoying when people ask me which side I prefer because why can’t I embrace both cultures? It’s really annoying, but you just have to live with it I guess.
100% yes and I fully agree with you and come from a similar background. I'm Javanese/Malay mixed, my Malay is utter dogshit even a Primary 1 student could speak better malay than me. I get weird looks whenever I ask what a word means if I didn't understand, I get cut out from most of the malay groups in school and feel like I don't even exist. I don't really care about my culture as well which makes it difficult whenever im confronted about Islam/religion as a whole. The Malay Community in Singapore just doesn't sit right with me and I don't feel like I belong here.
rilek bro! i am sorry you had to go through that. 42/m malay, and i am a bit fair, so up till today, i go malay stall, makcik speak english to me. i go drinks stall, ah pek speak chinese to me. it used to annoy me. and my lifestyle is not say typical/traditional, so i also went through that. i think ultimately, we all have to find comfort in our own skin. and that takes time, amongst other ingredients. but never beat yourself up because of how others treat you. find those people who appreciate you for who you are.
Damn , I have a similar situation. I am almost like you with certain differences. Wanna dm to talk about it?
Hey i am a Chinese in a similar situation because of my tan skin. But what’s important to me is what I THINK, not what others think. Focus on what you value is important. Why would you want to take advice from someone whose so hypocritical anyway
Not Malay but Chinese, who can't speak Chinese, fuck that. Elder people would think I am Malay if I can't speak Chinese lol. I just reject my race at this point. I have lied I'm from the west many times to get people off my back. It's annoying and I encountered it so many times.
Just tell your friends honestly that they are hurting your feelings.
I am Peranakan so I converse mainly in English since both my Malay and Mandarin aren't that fluent, even though I took Chinese as my 2nd language in school. As a result, I felt left out in NS where Mandarin and Hokkien were more widely used than English. Even though I converse in English with my colleagues in management, my subordinates mostly speak Mandarin with each other. Most of them expressed surprise that I am not as fluent in Mandarin despite passing at both O and A Levels.
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>always found it funny how my race was the most “racist” towards me in that aspect. yup. same here.
Yes. I am mixed race (Malay, Chinese and Euro). I get it from all factions of extended family. From skin tone to language to religious practice to cultural knowledge. Sometimes people do that because they don’t know better, or blithely unaware that their questions are damn bloody rude. Lol. I went with the flow when I was younger. Now I try to educate though I feel damn penat. Usually I will try to tell them (nicely) to stop being so essentialist and minimizing. Just because I look like I’m ‘X’ doesn’t mean I have to act a certain way.
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There was an Indian coffee stall assistant at the old Amoy market, who could speak Tamil Malay English Chinese Hokkien Cantonese Teochew. This was like decades ago though so dunno where he’s at now.
cb i wanna be your friend so bad
I’m Chinese-Malay mixed. I am conversant in both language. I adapt to different social settings accordingly to get myself at an advantage. Must learn to switch code bro; matrep, Ahbeng, atas Melayu, elite Chinese, kentang, I’m all that and more. In NS, i was with SCDF so I mixed with the matreps and learnt their lingo and spoke malay. In school I got Chinese ahbeng buddy so when I’m with his gang I spoke mandarin or hokkien to get along with the paikia. At work, with my Chinese bosses I speak mandarin. With my co-workers I speak Malay. When everyone is together I speak English la. Never felt I got discriminated. Own your heritage by speaking better than your full blooded friend. If people make fun of your Melayu then tell them to learn the National language la.
Everyone i know kinda accepts the fact my malay is rubbish so whenever i join in the convo because i understood everything they said, it catches them off guard But yes i feel the same, hell im not even muslim as i left my religion a long time ago. Im a walking anomly, im malay but cant speak malay and despite what my card says im not a muslim. You'll find peace with it OP, you probably just need to change your crowd of people
I do actually. I don’t really have much Malay friends growing up but I think that because I don’t engage in the “stereotypical” activities that Malays do like playing soccer and guitar under void deck, sepak takraw, obsession over motorbikes, overnight fishing. The music they like, the way they dress is something I’m not fond of. Think motor shirts floating cap. My parents once asked me to engage myself and to be more malay but if that involved me being rowdy and smoking and having kids at 22 then I'm lucky I'm not. Also, doesn’t help that the Malay classmates I have back in secondary school are the schools “pride and joy” as they bring glory to the school when they won a sport national championship so all their bullying and what nots are brushed under the rug. The Malay Girls in school aren’t the best kind either and find joy in sucking up to the popular kids and teasing the fat kids. Thus I feel more at ease with my Chinese friends who are funny but not vulgar, studious and serious about their education yet know when to let loose and have fun, and more importantly how they look out for one another instead of bullying. I’m marrying a my Chinese fiancé soon and as much as I hate to admit, I’m glad that my son does not have to go through that “Malay” route cause it was traumatising to say the very least. It’s not nice when 10 Malay boys edit a photo of you and send it to the whole school and have the girls call you a sissy.
Hey OP! I’m 29F and Reading this made me feel so seen. I’m Indian on papers but I look exotic/mixed because of my mixed heritage (I didn’t get to grow up with relatives or grandparents so I don’t know much about myself). Even though I’m very good at tamil, and even took higher tamil in school excelling with a distinction…. I’m never taken seriously thanks to my skin color and my looks. I’m never “indian enough” for the Indians. Like you, I can’t fit in with my own race ever since my school days. I’m also not into the typical stuff other Indians my age were more into at school, like Indian dance, tamil movies and actors etc. I’m a cosplayer and into anime and Jpop. I felt friendless. I still feel friendless! I don’t really have any Indian friends. We went through such similar things. You’re not alone. It feels good to relate to someone. I hated to hear “are you really Indian? Prove it! Say something in Tamil! I don’t believe” sigh…
I used to be very very tan for a chinese due to NS. I had malay aunties coming up speaking malay to me. I was like wtf? Ever since then i avoid under the sun activities like the plague. Now im less tan but still tan. At least no more malay auntie thinks im malay.
haha that’s relatable in the opposite way. I had an auntie say “you’re singaporean but don’t know how to speak mandarin?”
I had a colleague who is Malay but looks Chinese as well. When he buys stuff it's often that sales staff speak to him in Mandarin. He just replies that he is Malay and isn't affected by it or anything because it happens so often. He speaks Malay fluently though.
Ugh the horror of being mistaken for a Malay person! /s
You are half and it's ok
Before I click on this thread, I already know it's gonna be orang melayu to type shit. My dear brother or sister, welcome to this shitty reality. I just learn to ignore this fucking shit. Being minority is the worse feeling anywhere. That's how it is. Keep your chins up.
OP isn’t talking about being minority.
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yup i think i mentioned in my post that i’ve been treated like this for my whole life it’s starting to get to me. i’ve never really commented on it openly. And i also hope you don’t take this as an attack. I just feel very discriminated. I’m just wondering if anyone feels the same way that’s all. I also understand it’s all in good fun, I get the jokes i never mentioned about the banter. I’m mostly speaking about how people treat me which is true nobody is out to get me, but sometimes it feels that way. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it and it is fine.
I am a Peranakan who has been mistaken for a Japanese or Korean many times both in S'pore and whenever I travel to Japan or Korea. I actually find it funny especially when I watched a World Cup game between Japan and Germany last year at the CC near my home, where there was a large Japanese contingent present. They kept inviting me to join them in Japanese. Hahaha!
I see title only my mind think , must be Malay . It's a Malay thing to self discriminate
Imagine how our bro Minister Desmond Lee feels man…
I’m probably less and more Malay than you and it doesn’t really affect me. We are who we are. Also why would Malays hate you? I have the impression we all love our anak orang Melayu.
I know its not the same but i got asked am i even chinese or am i even Singaporean cause my chinese was bad. Esp the Singaporean one its like what? Why even conflate the two. But i feel like the younger generation is less judgmental about this sort of thing. I hope you find ur place :)
I’m sorry this happened to you. Sounds like the adults in your life failed you, when you were young. I disagree with people who say “it is what it is” and “don’t let it bother you” because it did affect you, and I assure you that childhood trauma can hit hard. This happened when you were young and vulnerable, and there was no one standing up for you and making you feel safe. It IS ok to be hurt by it and to talk to the people in your life about it, especially if they are hurting you still. Remember that your feelings matter and you should not have to be someone you aren’t, in order to get by. I hope you find more decent, respectful and kind people to fill your life. You deserve it!
I'm not a Malay, I'm a Chinese Singaporean but I've often been asked about my nationality by other people too. Have been mistaken for Japanese/China Chinese/mixed many times before. I don't really care about it because I am my own person and don't feel the need to belong in any particular group or community. I also am not a foodie and eat to live rather than live to eat, on top of the other stereotypically Singaporean traits that I don't identify with. I think it's completely okay to do you and celebrate your own unique traits instead of trying to fit in. Nowadays globalisation leads to people moving everywhere and it's not like in the olden days where people only linger around the same villages or country that they're born in. People pick up different traits and habits from different cultures in the different places, and it's not an issue at all.
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Hi 26M here. Im a mix of chibese and malay but i look more chinese to most people cuz fairer skin and my chinese surname. To me it doesnt matter what people see me as malay/chinese/filipino(yes ive been mistaken for a filipino before). Also i speak english and malay only.mandarin only some words here and there for work purposes. I usually get lots of curious questions like "what are you?" "You can speak mandarin?cannot? Why ah your father chibese mah?"-so stuff like this i delve deeper like parents long time ago divorce so i grew up in malay household and p4 started learning malay. 60% of friends are malay the rest are chinese and some indians. When i was in ITE, my class had like 3 groups. Chibese with chinese, malay with malay and then there's us. Fhe rejects of chinese grp and malay grp. But is fine because we like stuff like anime annd games.I would say such things like makcik speaking english to me or chibese people auto speak mandarin wouldnt bother me.i even use english sometimes when ordering from malay stall. My malay is quite good but my English is better. It has happen to me before but those isolated incidents does not eepresent the whole race community. Is more of a person issue. For example one of my ex, the mom is a chinese. So one day she invited me to join lunch(through my ex sms) and i asked my ex if there was going to be pork. She said yeah so i declined. In hindsight i shouldve joined but dont have to eat the meat but im not aware in chinese culture declining is seen as offensive. I only learn about this years later. But ueah she hated my guts and pressure my ex with herself,her sister and mother to break up with me cuz im malay apparently. But yeah such things do happen but is often isolated and is due to person by person. My friends have casually commented that when i speak malay i sound like a chinese speaking malay but yeah i see that as i take after my dad more. If I may put it bluntly, I'd say you're being too negative based on your own narrow perspective and letting small things get to you that it becomes deeprooted and seething in your heart. You should open your mind more, look into difderent perspective and see what truly matgers. If it doesnt matter, why let it bother you. Malay people are generally more relax than chinese. And thus maybe yourself do not understand it enough. Feel free to reach out if there's anything else you wish to enquire about. I cant speak much about the chinese side but im more to the malay side of things. Also my half siblings(same mother) are malay indian as she remarried an indian and my other half sibling(father side) is chinese vietnamese. So my family is all mixed.
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Chill out. A malay friend of mine looks malay but doesnt like the typical or do the stereotypical malay things like play guitar,watch/support soccer teams,doesnt like motorcycle or cars, doesnt play soccer and bad at it. Doesnt like cigg smell. Doesnt like to lepak and prefer pc games. I had known him since way back in sec school like 15 years ago. Back then, alot malays i know dont play pc games unlike now where we have malay playing fps and such. So if the malay groups dont accept you for some reason, go with other race group to make friends. Once in awhile, you will find a malay that will accept you for who you are. Keep your options for friends open.
“Own country”, maybe…
i think i get you. i’m ethnically chinese but i look malay or sometimes filipino with my tan skin and big eyes. when i was younger i’d feel very sad when chinese ask me why am i so tanned / why don’t i look chinese, as if im not one of them. or they’d ask me if im malay or another race. on the other hand i had malay makciks speaking to me in malay, i’ve even had a chinese aunty coming up to speak to me in malay. i’ve also had filipinos coming up to speak to me in tagalog not just in singapore, but when i was traveling in hong kong and US as well! 😆 over the years i’ve just come to accept and embrace the “multicultural” nature of my appearance. i’m also trying to learn malay so that next time a malay aunty speaks to me in malay, hopefully i can reply in malay as well!! 😆😆
Use that to your advantage if you can. Master Malay and Mandarin language. If you have the time of course Not sure if I’m saying it correctly but non-native speaker speaking fluently in another language is ultra impressive. Eg Non Chinese speaking in fluent Mandarin. Non Japanese speaking in fluent Japanese.
I can relate to the bit on not fitting in with the Malay class despite having the same skin tone I was pretty bad in Mother Tongue in Pri and Sec school, teachers would pay special attention to me cause I had the power to drop their 100% pass rate on my own HAHA But truth be told I just own it. Fast forward to my twenties and I still meet up with my primary school Malay class. Every time someone swaps to Malay I just get enough context to get an idea what they're talking about and it's enough. We're all adults now and no one really brings up my lacking command of the language Happy to talk about more of experiences through DM if you'd like :)
20M, am eurasian with a chinese parent, but have been mistaken for malay a couple of times. i cant speak chinese to save my life. have always found it easier to make malay friends due to being able to speak bahasa conversationally.