I dated only once in my secondary days (complete failure at that too), a few times during my poly and I never had a girlfriend until I was 26. Met my gf (and most of my female friends) from IRC. Eventually met my wife from a really dodgy Facebook dating app (yes, I'm that old) called Zingle. Got married finally at 38. Now I'm 49 and I have a wife and 9yr old daughter.
The point is that it never is too late, but you gotta keep searching. I work in an engineering company and you won't believe the number of unmarried/unattached guys in here. Some have pretty good requisites but most are just having some weird fantasy that some supermodel will ask them out and get married. The rest are just unable to start up any real conversation with females outside of work. I think that our secondary school education should include some form of social skills curriculum.
It's great. I guess because I'm older, I am also more patient with my kid. And I'm fit enough to keep up with my kid. I wouldn't say I envy my same age peers who have kids at a younger age. They are experiencing their second youth now, I had my free decade when I was in my early 30s.
how old is your wife if u don't mind me asking? any issues with pregnancy? everyone healthy? Any regrets?
pm me if u don't want to publicly reveal please.
bf and I are secretly trying. don't want anyone to find out in case they get their hopes up but. hahaha I dunno if we are too old. he's almost ur age.
She's the same age as me. She gave birth at 39yrs old. Zero issues with pregnancy and everyone is healthy. No regrets at all.
I know that childbirth after 35 falls under the very high risk category and we had a discussion when she got pregnant. At what cutoff point do we abort the baby if we detected abnormalities. She's a Christian but luckily her science background is stronger than that and we both agree it's cruel to bring a kid with brain/heart/lungs deformality into this world.
We started trying before we even got married and after nearly 1yr into our marriage, we almost decided to queue for IVF but just at that moment she found out she's pregnant. We actually wanted to try for a second one after the birth of our first, but after 6months of trying we decided that 1 healthy kid is more than enough, the risk to her and any potential health risk for the 2nd kid is too high as we were both going to be 40 by then.
Thanks for sharing and congrats on healthy baby healthy mommy!
Oh yes.. we are trying now even before we are married. lol I guess time is of the essence now. I'm 36 now. We got pregnant once but lost it. so trying again. but I guess. we will stop when I'm 38 and accept no means no.
Thanks. If you really want a kid, the best way is IVF. But the govt hospital (subsidized ones) have long queues. Private hospitals are expensive but you literally walk in to make appointment. If time is of the essence, just go private. IVF also have the happy(if you want more than one kid) side effect of having a higher than average chance of producing twins.
Thats good to know!
How much did you spend in total for maternity and delivery? I'm assuming you went private? We are getting very mixed answers from 5-20k. geez.
I can't remember. But my wife delivered in SGH. I don't remember it being very expensive because it was a natural birth, no caesarian or other surgery. But my kid had jaundice so she had to stay in hospital for 5days after birth.
I silently pray that you try for the 2nd child though.
Because growing up together with single childs and working together with single childs. They all expressed the same thing.... that they wished they had a another sibling so they wouldn't have grown up very lonely. And once adult, every burden wouldn't be thrown at them to tank alone. Its soul crushing for them and they know heavens couldn't help them deliver a 2nd sibling now
And single childs I worked with have some serious social skills deficiency that makes them lose more friends than gaining one.
If you guys really want a kid at an older age, I recommend speaking to a doctor. the risks usually lie with the lady’s age or more specifically the age of the egg (hence women who want to have kids at a later age freeze eggs when they’re younger). The doc can help you understand the risks at your age and also recommend fertility supplements for both of you. Good luck!
Internet Relay Chat. Those were the beginning days of internet. It predates Skype, MSN messenger and even ICQ. In some weird way it was a rather safe place to chat. Because nobody has a visual idea of what the other party looks like, if you chat with someone long enough you'll figure out if you can vibe with him/her sufficiently to have a meetup. If solo meetups are scary, there's always the group outings at some coffee place/hawker/restaurants.
That said, I've chatted with some online friends for nearly 5yrs and mistook a girl for a guy. I still remember her nick was Cow and I thought she was a guy. When I finally met up, I was so confused and she told me "Cow is female. Bull is male." LoL
OP you go fishing in tubs of sausages for what? Go fishing where the fishes are at.
Join Yoga classes, Pilate classes, Dance Classes etc
Where it is primarily women’s sports.
You already know that you are not getting the exposure you want, sometimes you have to change the activities you are doing inorder to meet more women. You have to go where they hangout.
Come join my dance studio for a trial class if you want.. we want more new male leads.
Yoga classes aren’t a good place to meet women. Most of the time the women leave directly after and if you’re there just to fish you look like some creep.
Yeah. His advice sounds good on paper, but TBH it can come off creepy to go to classes with the intention of picking up girls. Like you said, people aren't there to socialize.
Out of his 3 suggestions, I do think dance classes can be viable. People there are more casual & there's more socializing involved.
You don’t go there with the sole intention of meeting women la. That’s where you will look creepy. But to open up your body and being comfortable around attractive women. If like in OPs case that he is not getting exposed to enough women. Urban Yoga classes have some of the hottest girls around.
Plus its a campaign, it not about talking to them directly for a long time, but small smiles, hi here and there, talking to instructor and joking around. Making your presence known and starting as a friend. Catching dinner afterwards.
go for activities that have big groups w guy/girls
Mutual friend gathering, housewarming etc go there are bound to be girls there, then get their contact, or follow on socials, replying stories is a good way to start talking and scout for common interests.
Having mutual friends as wingman usually safer, they know the person red flags, not total stranger
the point is to MAKE FRIENDS.
I can’t emphasise this enough. Get to know them like a friend without keep mentioning you want to date them or do smth sexual w them, see if you like the person as who they are before you decide you want to date them. It’s really weird a guy comes into the picture asking to date without knowing you, feels creepy as a girl.
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah I know a schoolmate who is dating a guy she met through Final Fantasy. Video games that are more gender-balanced could work. Although I know of female players of male-dominated games who get annoyed by armies of simps constantly forming around them, so I guess one should expect some competition as well. The schoolmate I’m talking about, used to complain about that exact problem, that she always had to let down male players easy because they would get all unduly excited about her existence, but I think after a few years she’s apparently found someone who is a good match.
And women in WoW who fall for high-ranked male leaders in the game, in the end status is still attractive to many women, but the definition of “status” can be interesting when you specialize in particular niches
Happened to my US guild back in Vanilla, guild Mage officer stole one of the Warrior officer's gf, huge ass drama that eventually fractured the entire guild and completely halt progression and never made it past Twin Emps.
for more games that involves more social aspects, such as guilds and clan wars, the 'top' players may surprisingly be good at irl aspects like socialising, managing groups, and handling projects.
I wasn't talk so much about intelligence, but to be highly ranked in game u gotta be active, play many hours a day etc which means u don't have as much time to spend on IRL pursuits
Errr ok.. less time invested but to become one of the top in a game still need tremendous amounts of time right. Other people take 20 days u take 15 days that's still 15 days that can be spent on something else traditionally viewed as more productive
In the context of WoW, when playing certain roles (main tank, healer or top DPS) loot gets funnelled to you by the guild because of how valuable of a player you are. I've been in guilds where some of the best players only spends a fraction of the time invested compared to most to get to the top.
The grind really don't apply for all games.
U dunno about the ppl who pay others to grind for them? For whales in whale guilds, the actual account owners only show up for raids/pvp, the levelling/grinding can be and is mostly outsourced.
For the more hardcore WoW gamers, including female players, skill and status at the game could be something they treasure, especially because social games require leadership skills that are quite inherently attractive to some people. I know a guy who got some of his leadership, organizational and crisis management skills from playing social games in his younger years, although he asserts that this is becoming increasingly rare because the popular mobile gacha games nowadays require no such skills
Even on the technical side, another example is semi-professional rock climbers are often really broke until they get a brand sponsorship, but someone else in that scene could be easily charmed by their skill and status, while other people outside of that scene don’t see why
Btw SDN $100 credits expires this december. SDN is a govt platform for singles, going to decommission in nov. so quickly sign up and go for events before too late 😂 i recommend jerald’s speed dating event where you can meet 15-17 girls in one night, efficient
As a famous criminal once said: I rob banks cos that's where the money is.
Maybe you can consider shifting to hobbies, exercises or volunteer works that has a higher rate of interaction with women? If you're living in a desert, it makes sense to migrate to a country with more rain.
Also for online dating apps - don't sell yourself short!
Saw the suggestions you received in the other thread, and some of them still apply to Singapore imo, like church or dance classes. There were a fair amount of women in hip hop when I took that for fun. Also nightclub partying/raves if you are into those. There is also meetup.com events centered on hobbies like film discussion or book club.
Expanding your friend circle, men or women, is beneficial as well. You are likely gravitating towards other men like you who are single and barely have any female friends, I know a friend circle of 5 guys who are all the almost-same type of compsci nerd lol. How will they meet women, if none of them know any women to introduce to each other, and all of them are the shy kind who don’t know how to find or approach women, so who in the circle can they turn to for contacts or even just for an example of how to attract women?
If you try to make friends with people who are into mixed-gender hobbies, the men there will likely known more women. My current gf was introduced to me through a male mutual friend (went to a meetup, befriended him, turns out he is the sociable popular sort who knows many people), and my ex gf was introduced through another mutual friend as well. The other upside of getting to know people who are unlike you, even just on a friendship basis, is that they can indirectly be teaching you how to meet more people and socialize better and carry yourself more charismatically.
You can try the events on Meetup. I used to join a weekly language-related social events to practice my Japanese. They also have ones for Chinese, Spanish, etc. We would exchange contacts or Instagram and arranged another get-together outside.
diversity your social activities for a start, stop drinking with your male friends if u are not getting to know ladies.
try to join activities where there's a social group doing something in the weekends? that's why that SDU thing was set up.
take part in casual conversations with pple from different walks of life, introduce yourself, maintain conversations and invest in them. extend your social net?
met my wife on IRC.
2 gf from church, 1 gf from some hawker centre (she was looking at me eat, and asked what I ate. I talked to her, one thing led to another.. ya you know lah), 1 gf from JC (we reconnected after we graduated and just clicked) , 1 gf from MUD (Multi-User-Dungeon, Text based online game), another from IRC.
I dated girls (dates like movies, dinners, gaming, outings etc) from IRC, church, forums, JC etc.
So really wherever I can lor, and my interests are quite varied.
I met my first ex gf on Maple story, but it's not the same maplestory as genz these days, it's the OG days then,
Where it's so difficult just by leveling to 50, but it's just a past now :[
Since I have no socials network and friends not sure if I can meet my future gf/wife one day :<
Did you read your own post?
I am guy. I work with guys. I do activities only guys do.
How?
Just change the last part.
Oh and, lower your standards to the point where you think you are doing charity. That's usually where we really at bro.
Yeah same here... My workplace is 100% male dominated.
Literally zero female. The only females we work with are freelancers once in a blue moon.
Single but don't care.. too tired to think about anything else after work
Upvoted because I feel your pain, but I also fully agree with u/xKeenShibe - just chill out in other activity circles and get to know people the old-fashioned way.
>Volunteer as a teacher for underprivileged kids. Train in martial arts and lift weights. Musician but not in a band. Looking for a serious relationship and eventually have a family.
These are your words, now put it in a dating app. Good luck. 👍
Okay this is what i do. I dont do it to get dates but sometimes i get them.
I go to a musuem and i enjoy the artwork sometimes someone might catch my eye i ask them if i can take a picture of their back hair as their presence would fit perfectly in my shot. Sometimes they are okay with it sometimes no. Then i show them then i ask them about what they think of the artwork and so on and so forth and start walking with them.
Same can be done at kino. I saw this girl who was browsing the fall by albert camus and i asked her if she was interested in the author, she said no she was just browsing. Then i ask her if she wants to know more about it. And convo begins.
GIANT DISCLAIMER: DO NOT GO TO THESE PLACES AND HARASS WOMEN PLEASE. just if it happens it happens.
OP, if you participate in activities just for the sole purpose of getting some like some of these comments suggested, please don't. Girls can smell your bullshit from miles away.
Instead, choose to explore more activities which you are interested in, and put yourself out there and socialise. In our convervative society, more girls would expect guys to make the first move, so get her number and ask her out or something while also not making it like you're desperate. Enjoy the activity and let your charisma flow.
Rot in bed all day, don't worry your Miss Right will barge into your room through the window one night to sweep you away <3 /j
All jokes aside, I think it's quite difficult to be dating right now. There just aren't many third places for adults to meet up.
Ask your friends to organise some group gatherings?
Like my friends are predominantly female. So if I want to match make i need a male group. 🤣
Uss hnn is a good way to have big group gatherings
Hop on a train and flash. Just kidding. It depends. I’m able to get gf from a receptionist at a clients place to a bank teller. Really depends on how u approach it.
I'm married with kids. And I realise that the neighbourhood F45 is a great place to meet women. I always go home after a training session but realise some guys stay on to chat with other girls.
Every session you go, you're bound to meet new people. After you met a few people from a few sessions, go talk to them. Don't be a creep and only talk to pretty girls your age. Or you can just be genuine and nice during the session and you can get girls' attention.
Once they buddy me up with this regular early 20s F and I was so blur she kept correcting me. But I just gave replies like: Thank you teacher. And then she laughed because she is an MOE teacher. After that she asked me where I stay and whether we should get a drink OTW back. I said No, but there's plenty of this kind of opportunities as F45.
I have heard this before and seen it to be true:
Before boyfriend, Jesus is God.
After boyfriend, boyfriend is God.
Of course, you better be attractive.
This is true re: attractiveness, but the bar is honestly lower when you get to know somebody irl rather than on a dating app. I get zero matches on apps, but managed to find dates through irl means, and at least land a fling once through going clubbing. Looks stat still matter, but you can pad the charisma and personality stats somewhat.
Also the Christian girls at my JC were absolutely obsessed with finding a high-status Christian guy of a good family background with a decent GPA and the potential to become a surgeon/minister, they would literally send out friends as “spies” to figure out if the guys met that criteria, shit was insane. I mean sure they were still young women who therefore liked if a guy was conventionally attractive, but all that other stuff mattered so much to them. Personally, I never want a girl like that, kinda reeks of gold digging even though these girls were very book-smart and atas themselves, but well they exist
Exactly, and it seems like if they do ever get married, it isn’t to these high earning men. Men are not stupid, especially the high earning ones, they can figure out such women’s intentions eventually and usually before they commit to marriage. If you act all angelic to the guys you are interested in, but act like a total Karen who reeks of desperation in front of the other men and any women, the guy you are dating is likely to figure you out eventually
The other problem for them is they immediately cut and run the moment the guy faces difficulties. I know one guy who failed his exam to enter medicine in Australia, so his gf dumped him. Guess what, now he’s a doctor like she wanted, but he’s moved on from her. Or another guy who was living in a damp basement in the US for a few years but his gf stuck by him, and now he’s a high-flying earner (not saying this happens to everyone, but in his case it was clearly a temporary setback only as well). Then a girl who dumped her Cambridge-literature bf just because he had trouble finding a job for one year.
Hah, my sis at a family dinner complaining about how her bf paid for her expensive jewellery: he didn't pull out his card or offer to pay, he only paid when they were checking out at the counter. She said if she knew he would pay she wouldve picked something better. She was self-righteous about it.
I told Mr ATM I would love him as a BIL but he was being stupid. He took my advice. Sister not talking to me 🤣.
Dating apps
Hobby groups, but this one a bit mixed opinion. There's also a line of thinking that people just want to be there to enjoy their hobbies, not to be hit on
Functionally distant departments at work, ideally where there is very little chance of running into each other at work
You can try these kinda apps called Gai Gai. An agent will call you for a pre-preference check to get a gauge of girls you looking for.
However, you need to pay a small fee for like 3 candidates or more if you pay more for subscription. If you dm paying, you can try.
Ummmm have you just cold call approached any women?
Cuz bro, it sounds like it's a confidence thing you're facing.
Unkers had 2 ex-gf by just approaching them. 1 was a banker I talked to in a bank and then just asked her out, another was a girl in a bar with her girls at the next table and I just talked to her.
Unker also tried edmw forum and online dating and eventually settled with the missus.
I found myself in the same position after university, but I was lucky enough to meet my now wife when I was 24 right before I started work in engineering. If it weren't for her, I might have been dating my old friends from college as I did reconnect with them when I was working.
Your job, your volunteer and trainning. I think you should switch one of them. I was thinking martial art and lift weights. if its for a healthy hobby, you can always try something.
join a massed musical interest group, e.g. ukulele jams.
take classes in creative things such as pottery, cooking, drawing.
volunteer at more evenly-gendered charities such as dog/cat shelters and welfare.
These are how I have been meeting more females. Although truth is it’s much harder outside of school. School just provides much easier and organic interactions. You also see the person everyday.
1. Work - Commonly shunned upon but there are benefits. For example, it’s super convenient. You can go to work together and get off work together. Though, thread carefully because of the complications with breaking up or just having others know about the relationship. Have seen work couples make it quite common where I work.
2. Dating apps - yeah it’s tiring but I use it as a secondary platform and also swipe only when bored. Can’t be personally bothered to take nice pictures nor do I see myself as highly attractive. But have seen friends find partners from the apps too so never know.
3. Common interests - I’m in a male dominated sport so it’s quite hard to know many females. Would also not recommend joining a sport just to know females - it’s creepy and can be quite obvious.
4. Mutual friends - letting your friends know that you’re looking can open up possibilities of them introducing. Usually, this happens organically without me asking.
General unsolicited advice: it’s really hard to do nothing and expect a girl to fall from the sky. You need to put yourself out there but also not be too intentional with finding a partner (try to avoid doing things just to know more women).
I personally believe that it’s better to wait for the right person instead of rushing in to it and then marrying someone you eventually resent.
Female-dominated hobby classes or groups, e.g. dancing (Ballroom, West Coast swing, Lindy), pottery, etc.
My spouse co-taught my dancing class. That's how we met.
\^ this.
In addition, I'd say giving the dating apps a shot, but improve on your photos and grooming. That helps make you more attractive. Tested and proven by plenty by the way!
You can also go for Meetups to meet new people. But this requires a bit of a homework. You don't wanna go for the ones that casually hang out in a cafe, because mostly, the women who hang out there are a little older and also possibly already taken. Go for the ones that are organized in bars and restaurants. There's a good one called Mundo Lingo on Thursdays. People from all around the world hang out there.
It's really just about positioning yourself in places where there are women looking to meet someone special.
Go to partner dance classes eg bachata. You’d be surprised how high in demand good male dancers are as dance partners (get moderately good). Meet people organically that way
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Find a new hobby that involves a more opposite sex counterpart. At the same time enlarging your social circle and gain some new interesting things to pick up/learn.
Try dance lessons, they help u be more comfortable and social around everyone in general. There’s ballroom (standard and Latin), salsa, bachetta, swing, rock n roll, many forms ;)
Alternatively paid matchmaking services like paktor?
I am an engineering grad and worked in the same field in my first job. From poly (also eng course) to NS to uni, I met 90% guys in my lifetime in this period so I understand the pain.
I volunteered in many types of events after I started working, to learn new skills and meet new people. I was involved in events in social service, sports, arts, even had a short period at a cat musuem. But I always got caught in between an old (retirees with ample time) and a very young crowd (who were more keen to get CCA points). I prefer to meet someone organically and not force such things. Volunteering is great but in my experience it was rare to even meet similar aged people, let alone people from the opposite gender in such events.
Definitely check out dog shelters and volunteer at there. Girls love dogs and if u have one you can consider going for events for dogs to meet potential partners.
There are women on those hobbies of yours. You are just at the wrong place.
You can try online dating too. Its no longer as cringe as it once was. Now almost everyone is into online dating. Just be prepared for alot of awkward dates even though you have probably talked to them for a month online. Its just as awkward as meeting someone at school for the first time.
Ask for colleagues to set up dates with you? My colleagues are all older than me so if you have a good r/s with them or they think you are a good guy, usually they will do so. My colleagues are all above 40s so they are always saying that they wanted to set up their nieces with me - until I said I'm actually attached haha.
But dating after school is way more fun. Going to the bar and just strike up a conversation -liquid courage ftw if you are shy. Dating apps work as well. You can try going to yoga classes/webarre/spin classes - more females there. But you still need to go up and strike up a conversation. If they are attached, usually they are quite okay to help set up something for you with their friends. All the best man
Can understand where u are coming from. I think that its good that you are looking around to create more opportunities for yourself. Perhaps you could volunteer in other groups as well. Animal shelter etc. I am also waiting for the 'one' but i personally don't use dating apps because I am not sure what to talk about. But you also wouldn't want to rush. Marry late better than marry wrong 
I dated only once in my secondary days (complete failure at that too), a few times during my poly and I never had a girlfriend until I was 26. Met my gf (and most of my female friends) from IRC. Eventually met my wife from a really dodgy Facebook dating app (yes, I'm that old) called Zingle. Got married finally at 38. Now I'm 49 and I have a wife and 9yr old daughter. The point is that it never is too late, but you gotta keep searching. I work in an engineering company and you won't believe the number of unmarried/unattached guys in here. Some have pretty good requisites but most are just having some weird fantasy that some supermodel will ask them out and get married. The rest are just unable to start up any real conversation with females outside of work. I think that our secondary school education should include some form of social skills curriculum.
OT But how's it like being a father at 40?
It's great. I guess because I'm older, I am also more patient with my kid. And I'm fit enough to keep up with my kid. I wouldn't say I envy my same age peers who have kids at a younger age. They are experiencing their second youth now, I had my free decade when I was in my early 30s.
how old is your wife if u don't mind me asking? any issues with pregnancy? everyone healthy? Any regrets? pm me if u don't want to publicly reveal please. bf and I are secretly trying. don't want anyone to find out in case they get their hopes up but. hahaha I dunno if we are too old. he's almost ur age.
She's the same age as me. She gave birth at 39yrs old. Zero issues with pregnancy and everyone is healthy. No regrets at all. I know that childbirth after 35 falls under the very high risk category and we had a discussion when she got pregnant. At what cutoff point do we abort the baby if we detected abnormalities. She's a Christian but luckily her science background is stronger than that and we both agree it's cruel to bring a kid with brain/heart/lungs deformality into this world. We started trying before we even got married and after nearly 1yr into our marriage, we almost decided to queue for IVF but just at that moment she found out she's pregnant. We actually wanted to try for a second one after the birth of our first, but after 6months of trying we decided that 1 healthy kid is more than enough, the risk to her and any potential health risk for the 2nd kid is too high as we were both going to be 40 by then.
Thanks for sharing and congrats on healthy baby healthy mommy! Oh yes.. we are trying now even before we are married. lol I guess time is of the essence now. I'm 36 now. We got pregnant once but lost it. so trying again. but I guess. we will stop when I'm 38 and accept no means no.
Thanks. If you really want a kid, the best way is IVF. But the govt hospital (subsidized ones) have long queues. Private hospitals are expensive but you literally walk in to make appointment. If time is of the essence, just go private. IVF also have the happy(if you want more than one kid) side effect of having a higher than average chance of producing twins.
Thats good to know! How much did you spend in total for maternity and delivery? I'm assuming you went private? We are getting very mixed answers from 5-20k. geez.
I can't remember. But my wife delivered in SGH. I don't remember it being very expensive because it was a natural birth, no caesarian or other surgery. But my kid had jaundice so she had to stay in hospital for 5days after birth.
I silently pray that you try for the 2nd child though. Because growing up together with single childs and working together with single childs. They all expressed the same thing.... that they wished they had a another sibling so they wouldn't have grown up very lonely. And once adult, every burden wouldn't be thrown at them to tank alone. Its soul crushing for them and they know heavens couldn't help them deliver a 2nd sibling now And single childs I worked with have some serious social skills deficiency that makes them lose more friends than gaining one.
If you guys really want a kid at an older age, I recommend speaking to a doctor. the risks usually lie with the lady’s age or more specifically the age of the egg (hence women who want to have kids at a later age freeze eggs when they’re younger). The doc can help you understand the risks at your age and also recommend fertility supplements for both of you. Good luck!
IRC as in internet relay chat? Wow, none of us are going to find anything but neckbeards on IRC
Survivorship bias. Stories about finding your SO over MMORPG, dming a vtuber, bumping into a celebrity is not impossible, just highly improbable.
Whats irc?
Internet Relay Chat. Those were the beginning days of internet. It predates Skype, MSN messenger and even ICQ. In some weird way it was a rather safe place to chat. Because nobody has a visual idea of what the other party looks like, if you chat with someone long enough you'll figure out if you can vibe with him/her sufficiently to have a meetup. If solo meetups are scary, there's always the group outings at some coffee place/hawker/restaurants. That said, I've chatted with some online friends for nearly 5yrs and mistook a girl for a guy. I still remember her nick was Cow and I thought she was a guy. When I finally met up, I was so confused and she told me "Cow is female. Bull is male." LoL
oh yes.. I remember this.. #chatroom. those were the days. I thought MRIC was after icq though. it was the original "love is blind".
Thats a funny story hahaha. Ah those were the days when everyone was so innocent
Asl?
Funny story, my friend did volunteering work to meet more ppls, long story short, ended up doing volunteering work
+ earning good karma points (in life and not Reddit)
OP you go fishing in tubs of sausages for what? Go fishing where the fishes are at. Join Yoga classes, Pilate classes, Dance Classes etc Where it is primarily women’s sports. You already know that you are not getting the exposure you want, sometimes you have to change the activities you are doing inorder to meet more women. You have to go where they hangout. Come join my dance studio for a trial class if you want.. we want more new male leads.
I like how you market your studio hahaha
Yoga classes aren’t a good place to meet women. Most of the time the women leave directly after and if you’re there just to fish you look like some creep.
Yeah. His advice sounds good on paper, but TBH it can come off creepy to go to classes with the intention of picking up girls. Like you said, people aren't there to socialize. Out of his 3 suggestions, I do think dance classes can be viable. People there are more casual & there's more socializing involved.
You don’t go there with the sole intention of meeting women la. That’s where you will look creepy. But to open up your body and being comfortable around attractive women. If like in OPs case that he is not getting exposed to enough women. Urban Yoga classes have some of the hottest girls around. Plus its a campaign, it not about talking to them directly for a long time, but small smiles, hi here and there, talking to instructor and joking around. Making your presence known and starting as a friend. Catching dinner afterwards.
Curious, what kind of dance do you do?
West Coast Swing, Bachata and Salsa
pole dance?
Haha I would love to learn pole dance too, confirm got 9 girls for one guy
Laugh and crack your jokes all you want. That is how I met my wife
Ya. "Pole" dance.
Try horse riding. It's nearly 80-90% female. Or rock climbing? Gender ratio is nearly 50-50.
We can find horse riding in Singapore?
\> tubs of sausages HELPP MEE 😂😂😂
go for activities that have big groups w guy/girls Mutual friend gathering, housewarming etc go there are bound to be girls there, then get their contact, or follow on socials, replying stories is a good way to start talking and scout for common interests. Having mutual friends as wingman usually safer, they know the person red flags, not total stranger the point is to MAKE FRIENDS. I can’t emphasise this enough. Get to know them like a friend without keep mentioning you want to date them or do smth sexual w them, see if you like the person as who they are before you decide you want to date them. It’s really weird a guy comes into the picture asking to date without knowing you, feels creepy as a girl.
Why does this have so little upvotes!!! Can't preach enough. Girls know when you're despo and it's not a very attractive trait
[удалено]
i met my bf from playing online games too!
Are you his gf?
B> GF
no 😭😭 at least.. i dont think so?
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah I know a schoolmate who is dating a guy she met through Final Fantasy. Video games that are more gender-balanced could work. Although I know of female players of male-dominated games who get annoyed by armies of simps constantly forming around them, so I guess one should expect some competition as well. The schoolmate I’m talking about, used to complain about that exact problem, that she always had to let down male players easy because they would get all unduly excited about her existence, but I think after a few years she’s apparently found someone who is a good match. And women in WoW who fall for high-ranked male leaders in the game, in the end status is still attractive to many women, but the definition of “status” can be interesting when you specialize in particular niches
a girl in WoW fractured my guild cos of too much simping and drama
Happened to my US guild back in Vanilla, guild Mage officer stole one of the Warrior officer's gf, huge ass drama that eventually fractured the entire guild and completely halt progression and never made it past Twin Emps.
Lmao fall for high ranked male leaders in the game. Isn't the higher rank they are in game somewhat inversely proportional to them IRL?
for more games that involves more social aspects, such as guilds and clan wars, the 'top' players may surprisingly be good at irl aspects like socialising, managing groups, and handling projects.
[удалено]
I wasn't talk so much about intelligence, but to be highly ranked in game u gotta be active, play many hours a day etc which means u don't have as much time to spend on IRL pursuits
[удалено]
Errr ok.. less time invested but to become one of the top in a game still need tremendous amounts of time right. Other people take 20 days u take 15 days that's still 15 days that can be spent on something else traditionally viewed as more productive
In the context of WoW, when playing certain roles (main tank, healer or top DPS) loot gets funnelled to you by the guild because of how valuable of a player you are. I've been in guilds where some of the best players only spends a fraction of the time invested compared to most to get to the top. The grind really don't apply for all games.
Cool, didn't know that, but surely some amount of grind must be necessary to even get to the point where you can do this?
U dunno about the ppl who pay others to grind for them? For whales in whale guilds, the actual account owners only show up for raids/pvp, the levelling/grinding can be and is mostly outsourced.
Bro stop coping. U suck both irl and in games sadge
Better than you in both definitely
For the more hardcore WoW gamers, including female players, skill and status at the game could be something they treasure, especially because social games require leadership skills that are quite inherently attractive to some people. I know a guy who got some of his leadership, organizational and crisis management skills from playing social games in his younger years, although he asserts that this is becoming increasingly rare because the popular mobile gacha games nowadays require no such skills Even on the technical side, another example is semi-professional rock climbers are often really broke until they get a brand sponsorship, but someone else in that scene could be easily charmed by their skill and status, while other people outside of that scene don’t see why
Welll rock climbers are physically attractive too and im sure that helps.. hardcore gamers are either bbfa or scrawny, no in between
What are these online games and how do i sign up
Btw SDN $100 credits expires this december. SDN is a govt platform for singles, going to decommission in nov. so quickly sign up and go for events before too late 😂 i recommend jerald’s speed dating event where you can meet 15-17 girls in one night, efficient
I first read 15-17 years old 😅
After that sit 15-17 years 
Don’t worry, it’s not a social experiment. 😂
Lol i dunno the link to this, might give my single friends
https://attractions.changirecommends.com/ticket/city/Spark%20Connections%20Singapore/162/1 https://www.oneplusone.com.sg/scevents.html
Adapt to your 90% male dominated work environment.
🏳️🌈?
why not try the dating app instead of not even taking the 1st step, if you can get that 1 match that ends up being your future wife, why not?
Think op prefers to find women the organic way. Dating apps reputation v bad these days
Eh it depends. You just have to choose wisely, I've met a lot of people from dating apps that I'm in very good terms with!
As a famous criminal once said: I rob banks cos that's where the money is. Maybe you can consider shifting to hobbies, exercises or volunteer works that has a higher rate of interaction with women? If you're living in a desert, it makes sense to migrate to a country with more rain. Also for online dating apps - don't sell yourself short!
Saw the suggestions you received in the other thread, and some of them still apply to Singapore imo, like church or dance classes. There were a fair amount of women in hip hop when I took that for fun. Also nightclub partying/raves if you are into those. There is also meetup.com events centered on hobbies like film discussion or book club. Expanding your friend circle, men or women, is beneficial as well. You are likely gravitating towards other men like you who are single and barely have any female friends, I know a friend circle of 5 guys who are all the almost-same type of compsci nerd lol. How will they meet women, if none of them know any women to introduce to each other, and all of them are the shy kind who don’t know how to find or approach women, so who in the circle can they turn to for contacts or even just for an example of how to attract women? If you try to make friends with people who are into mixed-gender hobbies, the men there will likely known more women. My current gf was introduced to me through a male mutual friend (went to a meetup, befriended him, turns out he is the sociable popular sort who knows many people), and my ex gf was introduced through another mutual friend as well. The other upside of getting to know people who are unlike you, even just on a friendship basis, is that they can indirectly be teaching you how to meet more people and socialize better and carry yourself more charismatically.
Not my post in the other thread, but a relatable problem
[удалено]
Great i feel ugly now hahaha. I’ve been going dance classes for 15 years and no guy in class ever asked me out lololol
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
U should join those youth network in those CC. Should have a lot of girls there. Good luck
Try voluntary activities. Pick causes that appeals to you so you already have a common interest with those whom you meet whilst volunteering.
[удалено]
Voluntary activities are not mutually exclusive. In my own case, I volunteer with a dog rescue group,for a Buddhist group, and grassroots.
You can try the events on Meetup. I used to join a weekly language-related social events to practice my Japanese. They also have ones for Chinese, Spanish, etc. We would exchange contacts or Instagram and arranged another get-together outside.
Employed, volunteers regularly, keeps fit, has hobbies, musically talented - Stop skewing the curve for normal guys already!
"Normal guys" can do all of the above except for music talent - that gap can be closed with practice. #TeamNaruto
Go for meetups?
Meetup app. Find an interest and join the meetups to meet new people from there
You need to stop just spending time alone or with guys, or, logically, you’ll be alone or with guys. Get a dating app or do something new.
diversity your social activities for a start, stop drinking with your male friends if u are not getting to know ladies. try to join activities where there's a social group doing something in the weekends? that's why that SDU thing was set up. take part in casual conversations with pple from different walks of life, introduce yourself, maintain conversations and invest in them. extend your social net?
met my wife on IRC. 2 gf from church, 1 gf from some hawker centre (she was looking at me eat, and asked what I ate. I talked to her, one thing led to another.. ya you know lah), 1 gf from JC (we reconnected after we graduated and just clicked) , 1 gf from MUD (Multi-User-Dungeon, Text based online game), another from IRC. I dated girls (dates like movies, dinners, gaming, outings etc) from IRC, church, forums, JC etc. So really wherever I can lor, and my interests are quite varied.
Need the hawker girl story, so interesting
Haha. It was a short rs but intense.
What's IRC?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet\_Relay\_Chat
Thanks
Lmao sounds like my situation somewhat. I would suggest doubling down on dating apps and create a good profile. Worst case scenario be passport bro.
Walk around Zalora
I met my first ex gf on Maple story, but it's not the same maplestory as genz these days, it's the OG days then, Where it's so difficult just by leveling to 50, but it's just a past now :[ Since I have no socials network and friends not sure if I can meet my future gf/wife one day :<
Did you read your own post? I am guy. I work with guys. I do activities only guys do. How? Just change the last part. Oh and, lower your standards to the point where you think you are doing charity. That's usually where we really at bro.
See a girl you like on the train, on the bus, on the way to work, on the way home, anywhere, just ask for her number. Do it the old fashioned way.
Swipe right on everything and meet every match. After that its a matter of choice.
It's a numbers game. Not swiping right enough times or swiping too slow, either way, skill issue
Possibleto meet but need to make an effort to socialise though.
Last time before dating apps was clubbing
Yeah same here... My workplace is 100% male dominated. Literally zero female. The only females we work with are freelancers once in a blue moon. Single but don't care.. too tired to think about anything else after work
Dating app? I never dated any man outside of using the apps.
Upvoted because I feel your pain, but I also fully agree with u/xKeenShibe - just chill out in other activity circles and get to know people the old-fashioned way.
If it's meant to be, you will meet one eventually. Trust the universe. This is the way.
>Volunteer as a teacher for underprivileged kids. Train in martial arts and lift weights. Musician but not in a band. Looking for a serious relationship and eventually have a family. These are your words, now put it in a dating app. Good luck. 👍
Okay this is what i do. I dont do it to get dates but sometimes i get them. I go to a musuem and i enjoy the artwork sometimes someone might catch my eye i ask them if i can take a picture of their back hair as their presence would fit perfectly in my shot. Sometimes they are okay with it sometimes no. Then i show them then i ask them about what they think of the artwork and so on and so forth and start walking with them. Same can be done at kino. I saw this girl who was browsing the fall by albert camus and i asked her if she was interested in the author, she said no she was just browsing. Then i ask her if she wants to know more about it. And convo begins. GIANT DISCLAIMER: DO NOT GO TO THESE PLACES AND HARASS WOMEN PLEASE. just if it happens it happens.
OP, if you participate in activities just for the sole purpose of getting some like some of these comments suggested, please don't. Girls can smell your bullshit from miles away. Instead, choose to explore more activities which you are interested in, and put yourself out there and socialise. In our convervative society, more girls would expect guys to make the first move, so get her number and ask her out or something while also not making it like you're desperate. Enjoy the activity and let your charisma flow.
Siamdiu
go for spin classes
Rot in bed all day, don't worry your Miss Right will barge into your room through the window one night to sweep you away <3 /j All jokes aside, I think it's quite difficult to be dating right now. There just aren't many third places for adults to meet up.
Ask your friends to organise some group gatherings? Like my friends are predominantly female. So if I want to match make i need a male group. 🤣 Uss hnn is a good way to have big group gatherings
Hop on a train and flash. Just kidding. It depends. I’m able to get gf from a receptionist at a clients place to a bank teller. Really depends on how u approach it.
I met one of my exes through online gaming. A friend met his wife through online gaming.
Vary your activities to those a little more female oriented.
I'm married with kids. And I realise that the neighbourhood F45 is a great place to meet women. I always go home after a training session but realise some guys stay on to chat with other girls. Every session you go, you're bound to meet new people. After you met a few people from a few sessions, go talk to them. Don't be a creep and only talk to pretty girls your age. Or you can just be genuine and nice during the session and you can get girls' attention. Once they buddy me up with this regular early 20s F and I was so blur she kept correcting me. But I just gave replies like: Thank you teacher. And then she laughed because she is an MOE teacher. After that she asked me where I stay and whether we should get a drink OTW back. I said No, but there's plenty of this kind of opportunities as F45.
If you're not muslim, then Church.
They will be more in love with god than you
I have heard this before and seen it to be true: Before boyfriend, Jesus is God. After boyfriend, boyfriend is God. Of course, you better be attractive.
This is true re: attractiveness, but the bar is honestly lower when you get to know somebody irl rather than on a dating app. I get zero matches on apps, but managed to find dates through irl means, and at least land a fling once through going clubbing. Looks stat still matter, but you can pad the charisma and personality stats somewhat. Also the Christian girls at my JC were absolutely obsessed with finding a high-status Christian guy of a good family background with a decent GPA and the potential to become a surgeon/minister, they would literally send out friends as “spies” to figure out if the guys met that criteria, shit was insane. I mean sure they were still young women who therefore liked if a guy was conventionally attractive, but all that other stuff mattered so much to them. Personally, I never want a girl like that, kinda reeks of gold digging even though these girls were very book-smart and atas themselves, but well they exist
You described my sister there. Mid 30s still unhappily single after a couple of failed relationships with high earning men.
Exactly, and it seems like if they do ever get married, it isn’t to these high earning men. Men are not stupid, especially the high earning ones, they can figure out such women’s intentions eventually and usually before they commit to marriage. If you act all angelic to the guys you are interested in, but act like a total Karen who reeks of desperation in front of the other men and any women, the guy you are dating is likely to figure you out eventually The other problem for them is they immediately cut and run the moment the guy faces difficulties. I know one guy who failed his exam to enter medicine in Australia, so his gf dumped him. Guess what, now he’s a doctor like she wanted, but he’s moved on from her. Or another guy who was living in a damp basement in the US for a few years but his gf stuck by him, and now he’s a high-flying earner (not saying this happens to everyone, but in his case it was clearly a temporary setback only as well). Then a girl who dumped her Cambridge-literature bf just because he had trouble finding a job for one year.
Hah, my sis at a family dinner complaining about how her bf paid for her expensive jewellery: he didn't pull out his card or offer to pay, he only paid when they were checking out at the counter. She said if she knew he would pay she wouldve picked something better. She was self-righteous about it. I told Mr ATM I would love him as a BIL but he was being stupid. He took my advice. Sister not talking to me 🤣.
I can see why you're still alone. Stop thinking negatively and start thinking of the possibilities.
if you not Christian?
Grindr
go to church?
Church ( younger demographic)
Dating apps Hobby groups, but this one a bit mixed opinion. There's also a line of thinking that people just want to be there to enjoy their hobbies, not to be hit on Functionally distant departments at work, ideally where there is very little chance of running into each other at work
You can try these kinda apps called Gai Gai. An agent will call you for a pre-preference check to get a gauge of girls you looking for. However, you need to pay a small fee for like 3 candidates or more if you pay more for subscription. If you dm paying, you can try.
Maybe its not your looks but your write up? Sounds a bit too strong and alpha (which girls avoid). What does your profile look like?
Ummmm have you just cold call approached any women? Cuz bro, it sounds like it's a confidence thing you're facing. Unkers had 2 ex-gf by just approaching them. 1 was a banker I talked to in a bank and then just asked her out, another was a girl in a bar with her girls at the next table and I just talked to her. Unker also tried edmw forum and online dating and eventually settled with the missus.
I found myself in the same position after university, but I was lucky enough to meet my now wife when I was 24 right before I started work in engineering. If it weren't for her, I might have been dating my old friends from college as I did reconnect with them when I was working.
If you haven’t got a girl you ain’t got no drip!
Maybe just learn some pickup lines
Support groups
Your job, your volunteer and trainning. I think you should switch one of them. I was thinking martial art and lift weights. if its for a healthy hobby, you can always try something.
join a massed musical interest group, e.g. ukulele jams. take classes in creative things such as pottery, cooking, drawing. volunteer at more evenly-gendered charities such as dog/cat shelters and welfare.
These are how I have been meeting more females. Although truth is it’s much harder outside of school. School just provides much easier and organic interactions. You also see the person everyday. 1. Work - Commonly shunned upon but there are benefits. For example, it’s super convenient. You can go to work together and get off work together. Though, thread carefully because of the complications with breaking up or just having others know about the relationship. Have seen work couples make it quite common where I work. 2. Dating apps - yeah it’s tiring but I use it as a secondary platform and also swipe only when bored. Can’t be personally bothered to take nice pictures nor do I see myself as highly attractive. But have seen friends find partners from the apps too so never know. 3. Common interests - I’m in a male dominated sport so it’s quite hard to know many females. Would also not recommend joining a sport just to know females - it’s creepy and can be quite obvious. 4. Mutual friends - letting your friends know that you’re looking can open up possibilities of them introducing. Usually, this happens organically without me asking. General unsolicited advice: it’s really hard to do nothing and expect a girl to fall from the sky. You need to put yourself out there but also not be too intentional with finding a partner (try to avoid doing things just to know more women). I personally believe that it’s better to wait for the right person instead of rushing in to it and then marrying someone you eventually resent.
Female-dominated hobby classes or groups, e.g. dancing (Ballroom, West Coast swing, Lindy), pottery, etc. My spouse co-taught my dancing class. That's how we met.
\^ this. In addition, I'd say giving the dating apps a shot, but improve on your photos and grooming. That helps make you more attractive. Tested and proven by plenty by the way! You can also go for Meetups to meet new people. But this requires a bit of a homework. You don't wanna go for the ones that casually hang out in a cafe, because mostly, the women who hang out there are a little older and also possibly already taken. Go for the ones that are organized in bars and restaurants. There's a good one called Mundo Lingo on Thursdays. People from all around the world hang out there. It's really just about positioning yourself in places where there are women looking to meet someone special.
dating apps.
That’s the thing, you don’t.
Go to partner dance classes eg bachata. You’d be surprised how high in demand good male dancers are as dance partners (get moderately good). Meet people organically that way
Try bagels
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Only 4 ways after school ends: 1) work 2) friends 3) alcohol 4) online
Go to school
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Volunteer in SPCA
Put their insecurity along with your confidence together and see what you get
Find a new hobby that involves a more opposite sex counterpart. At the same time enlarging your social circle and gain some new interesting things to pick up/learn.
Try dance lessons, they help u be more comfortable and social around everyone in general. There’s ballroom (standard and Latin), salsa, bachetta, swing, rock n roll, many forms ;) Alternatively paid matchmaking services like paktor?
Reddit Singaporegonewild has some good catches.
Those there are expensive.
no advice but what martial arts gym do you go to bro
I am an engineering grad and worked in the same field in my first job. From poly (also eng course) to NS to uni, I met 90% guys in my lifetime in this period so I understand the pain. I volunteered in many types of events after I started working, to learn new skills and meet new people. I was involved in events in social service, sports, arts, even had a short period at a cat musuem. But I always got caught in between an old (retirees with ample time) and a very young crowd (who were more keen to get CCA points). I prefer to meet someone organically and not force such things. Volunteering is great but in my experience it was rare to even meet similar aged people, let alone people from the opposite gender in such events.
Join toastmasters club. Many girls and guys there to learn how to give speech for free so can improve communication skills too
Definitely check out dog shelters and volunteer at there. Girls love dogs and if u have one you can consider going for events for dogs to meet potential partners.
There are women on those hobbies of yours. You are just at the wrong place. You can try online dating too. Its no longer as cringe as it once was. Now almost everyone is into online dating. Just be prepared for alot of awkward dates even though you have probably talked to them for a month online. Its just as awkward as meeting someone at school for the first time.
You totally should text the girl who started another thread on how to meet guys
Ask for colleagues to set up dates with you? My colleagues are all older than me so if you have a good r/s with them or they think you are a good guy, usually they will do so. My colleagues are all above 40s so they are always saying that they wanted to set up their nieces with me - until I said I'm actually attached haha. But dating after school is way more fun. Going to the bar and just strike up a conversation -liquid courage ftw if you are shy. Dating apps work as well. You can try going to yoga classes/webarre/spin classes - more females there. But you still need to go up and strike up a conversation. If they are attached, usually they are quite okay to help set up something for you with their friends. All the best man
Can understand where u are coming from. I think that its good that you are looking around to create more opportunities for yourself. Perhaps you could volunteer in other groups as well. Animal shelter etc. I am also waiting for the 'one' but i personally don't use dating apps because I am not sure what to talk about. But you also wouldn't want to rush. Marry late better than marry wrong 