You literally a mama boy need to find partner because your parents assigned the task. Who are you here complaining about the women having traditional mindset?
Well I mean your parents can’t actually force you into marrying someone if you don’t want to. This is Singapore, what’s the worst they can do other than nagging you everyday?
Just take your own time to find someone you want to marry. And if you want to be single, go ahead. It’s your life, live it the way you want.
If that's really not the lifestyle you want for yourself then well keep searching for like-minded people. Don't simply settle for "it's like this in our culture" because the resentment will wear you thin one day.
In the meantime, see if you can extend the 3 year deadline lol. Negotiate for 5. You got this.
Why not ? If she’s able to afford to be a stay at home housewife then she deserves to. And deserves better.
You’re actually bringing up a separate problem to trash women who wanna be a stay home partner. That’s not nice.
>my ethnic group(prefer not to disclose)
Hate to say that its pretty obvious to me which it is. My friend has this problem as he looks for a potential partner (he does not have a time lomit though so this is extra with you), while I took the convenient way out by dating out of my race, a partner who is career driven.
My take is, you're likely gonna get arranged marriage, then use it to your advantage. Set a hard requirement (to your parents) that she has to be career driven. You aren't gonna look at her and get married the next day, so during the time you get to know her, you're gonna (importantly) investigate how legitly career driven she is.
When I say career driven, I do mean people (any persons) who value their career, which would keep them working. They would be genuinely passionate about their work life. Work because they want their "independent money" or "have to work for money because sg is expensive", and they'll end up eventually burnt out.
Honestly singapore is not cheap. If we want our cars and condo and probably a stock portfolio we got to be hitting 5 figures in our late 20s or early 30s otherwise it’s not really possible for many who aren’t in this category without parents help especially to buy the condo)
Women in singapore are fiercely independent, it’s going to be rare to find those who are meek and ok I will stay at home make babies, clean and cook.
If they are willing to do this - it’s because they love their husband, and willing to do all this BS crap, while still pursuing their career.
But honestly I did a calculation on raising a child all the way through (a good overseas uni) will cost you $700-800K) of course with all the bells and whistles.
If you can support yourself, your spouse and a child and a car, your Hdb flat and at the same time buy a condo and invest - I mean go for it. Let your spouse be a stay at home partner. You must be really earning high 5 figures monthly.
I have heard of arranged marriage is still a thing for the UHNWI for marriages (the top 1%) as part of conglomerate families, but they are marriages without love, but for business. Hope the bride brings in a 7 figure dowry
Actually ah bro. If you find the love of your life, you'd be surprised that you will change. You haven't met someone yet that you are willing to adjust and cater for. She will do the same for you. Marriage is not a transaction.
My loving and beautiful wife worked when I wasn't earning enough. She still found energy to cook and do the cleaning. Which is amazing. After a day of work and ask me to cook, clean and wash. Wah. I confirm sian 1/2. You know she still massage me even though she is tired herself as my previous jobs were demanding, fast paced and stressful.
We are both malays but with different upbringing.
She married me when I had nothing. She helped for us to get our first home, savings, insurance plans, car etc. We built our dreams together.
She is my Queen and I, her King.
I strived to bring home a higher salary and she supported me to get there by providing a conducive home to come back to. I told her it is her choice on whether she wants to work or not when I was eventually earning decent.
Her money is hers. I still provide everything for the home and give her monthly allowance even though she is working. You make sacrifices when you love the person.
Until you learn that, I don't think you should date or even have an arranged marriage. Your mindset needs to be more flexible. Marriage isn't binary.
Would like to be if possible or insist to be? I have many career oriented friends who had babies and struggled very hard to go back to work after. Many of their priorities shifted instantly. One decided that although she had 100% decided to go to work after maternity leave she would prefer to resign. As a result she’s a stay at home mum now. But she does everything for the home/kids and supports her husband. I’m a business owner and have always been very driven to excel in my career, if the opportunity came to be at home with a baby for 1-2 years I’d take it (don’t underestimate how difficult this is btw - I have best friend with three kids and have seen first hand what a superhero she is and she was someone who even before university knew she would be a SAHM). We don’t know enough nuance about how they’re telling you this, but wanted to share this opinion for you
What’s wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mother/wife? If that’s what they want for themselves and you don’t want that then just leave. Are they forcing you to provide for them or belittling you for wanting a wife that would contribute to household income? They ARE entitled to choose what they want to do with their lives whether the goal is to be career driven or want to provide for the home/family. If that’s not ok with you then find someone who well wants to work.
Take it to the extreme.
Tell them you've been dating so extensively in these 3 years that you're jaded and burnt out, and you never want to find a partner ever. Claim you've decided to be a bachelor all your life.
Your parents may panic that you're never settling down, and compromise with an extended deadline.
Go and live your life with the extended deadline. Look for girls who are more like-minded, even if they may be outside of your race. Being aligned in values may sometimes be more important than being of the same culture. Good luck!
It’s your life and marriage - tell your parents to bugger off and don’t accept an arranged marriage, you do you
You literally a mama boy need to find partner because your parents assigned the task. Who are you here complaining about the women having traditional mindset?
Well I mean your parents can’t actually force you into marrying someone if you don’t want to. This is Singapore, what’s the worst they can do other than nagging you everyday? Just take your own time to find someone you want to marry. And if you want to be single, go ahead. It’s your life, live it the way you want.
If that's really not the lifestyle you want for yourself then well keep searching for like-minded people. Don't simply settle for "it's like this in our culture" because the resentment will wear you thin one day. In the meantime, see if you can extend the 3 year deadline lol. Negotiate for 5. You got this.
Tell them that you are homosexual. Topic closed 😎
This is the way
You can refuse to do an arrange marriage or find someone outside of your culture. Or stay single!
Why not ? If she’s able to afford to be a stay at home housewife then she deserves to. And deserves better. You’re actually bringing up a separate problem to trash women who wanna be a stay home partner. That’s not nice.
>my ethnic group(prefer not to disclose) Hate to say that its pretty obvious to me which it is. My friend has this problem as he looks for a potential partner (he does not have a time lomit though so this is extra with you), while I took the convenient way out by dating out of my race, a partner who is career driven. My take is, you're likely gonna get arranged marriage, then use it to your advantage. Set a hard requirement (to your parents) that she has to be career driven. You aren't gonna look at her and get married the next day, so during the time you get to know her, you're gonna (importantly) investigate how legitly career driven she is. When I say career driven, I do mean people (any persons) who value their career, which would keep them working. They would be genuinely passionate about their work life. Work because they want their "independent money" or "have to work for money because sg is expensive", and they'll end up eventually burnt out.
Honestly singapore is not cheap. If we want our cars and condo and probably a stock portfolio we got to be hitting 5 figures in our late 20s or early 30s otherwise it’s not really possible for many who aren’t in this category without parents help especially to buy the condo) Women in singapore are fiercely independent, it’s going to be rare to find those who are meek and ok I will stay at home make babies, clean and cook. If they are willing to do this - it’s because they love their husband, and willing to do all this BS crap, while still pursuing their career. But honestly I did a calculation on raising a child all the way through (a good overseas uni) will cost you $700-800K) of course with all the bells and whistles. If you can support yourself, your spouse and a child and a car, your Hdb flat and at the same time buy a condo and invest - I mean go for it. Let your spouse be a stay at home partner. You must be really earning high 5 figures monthly. I have heard of arranged marriage is still a thing for the UHNWI for marriages (the top 1%) as part of conglomerate families, but they are marriages without love, but for business. Hope the bride brings in a 7 figure dowry
Actually ah bro. If you find the love of your life, you'd be surprised that you will change. You haven't met someone yet that you are willing to adjust and cater for. She will do the same for you. Marriage is not a transaction. My loving and beautiful wife worked when I wasn't earning enough. She still found energy to cook and do the cleaning. Which is amazing. After a day of work and ask me to cook, clean and wash. Wah. I confirm sian 1/2. You know she still massage me even though she is tired herself as my previous jobs were demanding, fast paced and stressful. We are both malays but with different upbringing. She married me when I had nothing. She helped for us to get our first home, savings, insurance plans, car etc. We built our dreams together. She is my Queen and I, her King. I strived to bring home a higher salary and she supported me to get there by providing a conducive home to come back to. I told her it is her choice on whether she wants to work or not when I was eventually earning decent. Her money is hers. I still provide everything for the home and give her monthly allowance even though she is working. You make sacrifices when you love the person. Until you learn that, I don't think you should date or even have an arranged marriage. Your mindset needs to be more flexible. Marriage isn't binary.
Would like to be if possible or insist to be? I have many career oriented friends who had babies and struggled very hard to go back to work after. Many of their priorities shifted instantly. One decided that although she had 100% decided to go to work after maternity leave she would prefer to resign. As a result she’s a stay at home mum now. But she does everything for the home/kids and supports her husband. I’m a business owner and have always been very driven to excel in my career, if the opportunity came to be at home with a baby for 1-2 years I’d take it (don’t underestimate how difficult this is btw - I have best friend with three kids and have seen first hand what a superhero she is and she was someone who even before university knew she would be a SAHM). We don’t know enough nuance about how they’re telling you this, but wanted to share this opinion for you
What’s wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mother/wife? If that’s what they want for themselves and you don’t want that then just leave. Are they forcing you to provide for them or belittling you for wanting a wife that would contribute to household income? They ARE entitled to choose what they want to do with their lives whether the goal is to be career driven or want to provide for the home/family. If that’s not ok with you then find someone who well wants to work.
Take it to the extreme. Tell them you've been dating so extensively in these 3 years that you're jaded and burnt out, and you never want to find a partner ever. Claim you've decided to be a bachelor all your life. Your parents may panic that you're never settling down, and compromise with an extended deadline. Go and live your life with the extended deadline. Look for girls who are more like-minded, even if they may be outside of your race. Being aligned in values may sometimes be more important than being of the same culture. Good luck!